N.06 / V.46
Backyard inventor or corporate innovator? Find fame and fortune, in the Fieldays Innovation Competition. With a range of categories in which to enter, Fieldays Innovations has an award structure that supports and recognises Kiwi ingenuity, from grass roots inventions to international exported agri technology. Applications are now open for the agri focused Fieldays Innovation Awards. Entries close 3 May 2014.
Find out more at fieldays.co.nz/innovations
KingSt12379_Nexus_A
PARTNER
fieldays.co.nz | 11-14 June 2014
Innovations
nexus magazine
EDITOR RACHAEL ELLIOTT EDITOR@NEXUSMAG.CO.NZ DESIGN HAYLIE GRAY MANAGING EDITOR JAMES RAFFAN
CONTENTS —
CONTRIBUTORS
_03
Editorial
_05
News
_08
News from the University
_09
Sport
_10
Ridiculist & Vox Pops
_11
Reviews
_14
Honest Matt
_15
Horoscopes & Playlist
_16
Auteur
_17
Arts and Stuff
_18
Overseas Experience
_19
Awesome Dead Person
KARL GUETHERT
_20
Hamiltron: A History of our Future
PHOTOGRAPHY
_24
World Famous in Hamilton
_26
Shine Bright like a Diamond: The
End of an Era
SARA LEMME ANARU WARREN SPORTS GUY DR RICHARD SWAINSON HP GABRIEL BANKIER-PERRY MIKE BILODEAU JULES CRAFT MATT HICKS BEATS BY J PETER DORNAUF TEE-SHIP LOUISE HUTT AUNTY SLUT MELODY WILKINSON MARK SAVAGE ZAC LYON AARON LETCHER TONY STEVENS CARL UNTERNAHRER ONYX LILY ALIX HIGBY JESSICA WILSON LAUREN HEGINBOTHAM AMBER CARDALE LAURENCE MCLEAN CATHERINE MONKTON RYAN WOOD ADAM VINCENT EDWARDS BLAIR MUNRO
ANDRE KONG ASHLEIGH MATTHEWS DESIGN INTERNS ELLIE BROOKS OLIVIA PARIS ROSE ROGERS PRINT FUSION PRINT ADVERTISING
_28 Columns _37
Blind Date
_38
Waikato Students' Union
_39
Advice
ADS@NEXUSMAG.CO.NZ OFFICES GROUND FLOOR, STUDENT UNION BUILDING
_40 Notices
GATE ONE, UNIVERSITY OF WAIKATO KNIGHTON ROAD, HAMILTON
_41 Recipe
ONLINE NEXUSMAG.CO.NZ FACEBOOK.COM/NEXUSNZ @NEXUSMAG SPOTIFY: NEXUSMAGAZINE
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_42 Puzzles
nexus magazine
EDITORIAL RACHAEL ELLIOTT
—
I
ve finally figured it out: Hamilton is the remora of NZ cities; a fish
sure, our creative scene isn’t getting a lot of funding, but we’re still out
that someone stopped on on its way to somewhere better.
there doing it- we produce some pretty amazing stuff. And now that the
Remora attach themselves to things way more awesome than
Meteor Theatre has been gifted by the council to a trust set up exclusively
they are, like sharks and manta rays. They eat their leftovers: they
to benefit the arts we’re going to be seeing plenty more awesome shit in
basically latch onto the cool guy at the party, drink the backwash-y dregs of
Hamilton. (Two thumbs all the way up HCC, good decision! Now if you can
their drinks, pick the flakes of pastry off their lap and pretend they’re cool
sort the CBD out, we’ll be onto a winner.)
by association. The host to which it attaches doesn’t really gain anything
I love that I can live surrounded by farmland and still be only 5 minutes’
by the association, but doesn’t lose much either. That’s pretty much what
drive from fast-food, supermarkets and petrol stations. I love that we’re
Hamilton does- to other cities and to people. I don’t think I’ve lost anything
passionate about our sport, even if it’s mainly rugby. I love that Hamilton is
by making Hamilton my home, but have I gained anything?
car friendly and unless I’m going into the CBD, parking is free and plentiful.
Hamilton is often advertised as the city that’s close to cooler stuff. Only
I love that we have a university campus bordered by a farm (that’s fucking
40mins from Raglan! Only an hour or so from Auckland! Only 3 hours to
rad, not going to lie). But most of all I love the people. I grew up in a small
Ruapehu! Only an hour and a bit to the Mount! Come here- when you get
town where everyone knew everything about everyone- and Hamilton is
sick of us don’t worry! We’re close to lots of stuff better than we are! And
a bit like that. It’s not 6 degrees of separation, it’s more like 2. And while
many people would argue that Hamilton remora-s itself onto cooler stuff
that annoys me to no end sometimes, it’s also nice that we’ve retained a
because it’s not that cool itself. When I tell someone I’m from Hamilton
bit of our grassroots style.
they either laugh, or pat my arm sympathetically. I spent many years itching
So while some people think the remora is a freeloader, I think it’s smart.
to graduate so I could finally escape. But then something funny happened.
It’s got cheap accommodation, cheap meals, and good mates. And it’s
While the slogan ‘Hamilton- just wait, it’ll grow on you’ is probably not
standing out from the crowd with its weird head. (Weird is in this year.) So
being picked up by the council anytime soon, there’s something to be said
if you don’t like it here, wait it out. And while you’re waiting, go check out
for it. When I first moved here it took me all of a month to want to get the
some of the awesome stuff we have going on- because if you look, there’s
hell out. But now I kind of love the place. Sure, it’s damp and foggy in the
plenty going for us here in Hamilton.
winter and a humid cesspool in the summer- but it’s kind of pretty. And
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LETTUCE
nexus magazine
Too Diverse for Labels. LOVE FROM A NEXUS FAN
acquiring Oculus Rift (virtual reality headset). ART POLITICS RELIGION PETER DORNAUF (NEXUS N. 03/V. 46)
Dear Nexus. I loved that in your last edition that there felt like a big push to improve student culture. While I do agree that Waikato university really needs something special that defines us, I refuse to be told that there is no culture at all. Especially by two guys who have a popular Facebook page, how ironic is that. People would rather go and do shit in order to put pictures up on Facebook of it then do something for the sake of doing it. I mean he literally wrote a whole page long article about how he put a fucking couch on the roof and got on the piss. Shit son, people have been doing that well before you. Where's the story about the guy who got too pissed and fell off the roof couch, and broke the washing line on the way down doing the same thing? you won't find that tale on some shitty Facebook group or in some lame ass magazine article. That's because the people doing it don't make a point of boasting about it in one way or another, they just fucking do it. There's two kinds of people when it comes to "student culture". There's those who sit and bitch about the lack of it; and there's those who know where to look for it or they go out and define it. Those who sit and bitch about the lack of it expect "student culture" to
I've been waiting for this thing to come out for ages. Literally from the first day it was announced. Being a fat acne ridden teenager who does not get laid often enough, i wanted the oculus rift to enhance my fleshlight with virtual reality add ons. Developers were already working on a software that you can hook up to a special fleshlight and it guaranteed to make you cum under a minute or your money back. it had built in vibrators and electric motors to tighten and relax the rubber bits. Now that facebook has acquired it my dreams have been crushed. I can just imagine it. try to get funky with my virtual gf. forces me to log in with facebook. facebook updates my status "fat basement dweller is playing virtual simulated sex with mature black midget woman" Before the fun starts i get bombarded with ads. half way through facebook makes me like pages.just about to cum facebook requires qr code from a kit kat bar. put pants on go to gas station, get a kit kat and scan the qr code so i can resume. am i the only one that is pissed off about this?
be wrapped up in one big package that defines us. Those who know where to look or go out and define it, realise that Hamilton is actually made up of a heap of awesome sub-cultures and so you can't define us as one big culture. I mean just last week Hamilton played host to one of, if not the largest, hardcore showcase annual festivals in the north
Rap to the Editor PART 3
island, and fuck me they did a sick job of it. What about the skating culture in and around us, you are only 40-50 minutes away from the best clover bowl in New Zealand
So many paths to choose but your flame is quickly fading,
over in Raglan, that shit has an ocean side view people.
don't depart the earth until your trail is blazing.
For those who love to climb shit, You have three of New
Rappers to programmers, ballerinas to graphic artists,
DISCLAIMER:
Zealands most beautiful nature walks at your door step,
set ablaze the f#%ks you give and just try your hardest.
Letters published contain the opinion of
there's Karioi, Pirongia and Te Aroha all unique in their own
the writer and the writer alone. Nexus
way. You like markets and stuff? why not try the Tamahere
publications take no responsibility for the
or Frankton night market. Do you like to drink and partake
content or opinions so expressed. By sub-
in the consumption of illicit substances? well why don't you
mitting your letter you give consent to its
get hammered and try ANY of the above. Just don't be that
publication in Nexus and subsequent pub-
guy who has to stop the fun every 5 minutes so he can get
lic scrutiny. Letters are the authors own
a few pics for Facebook.
work and Nexus will not edit to compensate for lack of intelligence or coherency. Nexus reserves the right to edit or refuse to publish any letter which breaches any law, is defamatory to any person, or contains threats of violence or hate speech.
Here is my view on Facebook
To All the White Legged Ladies on Campus NEVER THOUGHT SHE'D ACTUALLY ENVY STEVIE WONDER...
Now I am all for females wearing what they want, when they want, how they want. I am a woman myself who
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enjoys the freedom that comes with choosing what I want
NEWS
to wear. I am also in my sixth year of university and have studied throughout my time here such feminist authors as Olive Schreiner, Kate Chopin and Jane Mander. I also grew up on a steady diet of Buffy as a child, so I am all for women empowerment. You go ladies! (Whoop whoop!) But can somebody please let a sister know next time all the reeeeeally pale skinned women are going to come out all at once, wearing short shorts or short skirts or short dresses etc. because after back to back meetings and lectures and then coming outside to the sun reflecting off of all of THAT is dangerous! The glare off of all those pasty legs almost made me drop my books and fall down the stairs outside of S block. Stay fab my pale sisters and keep wearing what you want to wear but please let the rest of us know beforehand that we need to bring our sunglasses to uni as I am far to busy right now to nurse a broken ankle because your almost translucent legs blinded me. #Ain'tNobodyGotTimeForAllOfThat - oh yeah, I hash tagged again, WHAT?!
Got something to say? Email editor@nexusmag.co.nz
A SEMI-FREE MAN AFTER 21 YEARS BEHIND BARS. SARA LEMME
— Teina Pora has been released on parole after 12 hear-
The case for his conviction, which was based around
for the rape and murder of 39 year-old Susan Burdett
his original confession, was also debated as a lie when
in 1992; he was 17 at the time of the crime. Pora was
he was diagnosed with a condition on the foetal alcohol
a Mongrel Mob prospect and when arrested he con-
spectrum by a psychologist and a psychiatrist.
fessed. He appealed his conviction but in 2000 was found guilty again.
WAITING ON THE CURB, THE NEW THANG.
the scene of the crime.
ings and 21 years in prison. Pora was convicted in 1994
Conditions of parole for Pora include, but are not limited to: undertaking alcohol and drug counselling,
Doubts began to arise about Pora’s guilt when
not talking to the media, not contacting any victim of
Malcolm Rewa, a serial rapist, was convicted of rap-
his offending unless with approval and staying at his
“PORA WAS A MONGREL MOB PROSPECT AND WHEN ARRESTED HE CONFESSED. HE APPEALED HIS CONVICTION BUT IN 2000 WAS FOUND GUILTY AGAIN.”
SARA LEMME
—
ing Ms Burdett when his DNA was found at the scene.
specified address between the hours of 9pm and 5am.
The Crown at re-trial argued that the two had acted
The Maori Party have also expressed their support
Many students might find themselves waiting on the curbs of
together, despite being from rival gangs and the fact
for Pora and his release. “We are very pleased for Teina
Victoria and Hood Streets while their friends party it up inside
that Rewa had erectile dysfunction making it unlikely
Pora and his whanau. It’s not the end of his journey to
bars if a new provision by the Hamilton City Council makes it
he’d take someone along to commit the crime. Pora’s
seek justice, but it is positive news and a small step
into the Local Alcohol Policy. This comprises the ‘one-way door’
initial statements, which were supplied for a reward
in the right direction.” Said Maori Party Co-Leader Te
idea which essentially means from a certain time you cannot
for information on the crime and in the hope of get-
Ururoa Flavell.
re-enter a bar after you have left it.
ting off lesser charges, were also inconsistent. He was
Council will meet to begin development of its policy on Friday
unable to find the correct street and when taken to the
April 11 after the last of the submissions were heard March 28 th.
street was also unable to point out which house was
Pora is currently waiting for his case to be heard by the Privy Council later in the year.
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LAKE BUTTERMILK ANARU WARREN
— Waikato Regional Council has imposed warnings of breaches to the Resource Management Act after a curdling investigation into the mysterious emergence of 5 million litres of buttermilk near primary industry epicentre, Atiamuri, South Waikato. “...This initially appeared to be a relatively serious environmental incident, however, now that we have looked into all of the relevant factors and surrounding circumstances we are confident that it looked far worse than it was", council investigations manager Patrick Lynch said in a statement. “The discharge was a very large volume and its discharge into the storage pond was unlawful; however, taking into account the lack of adverse environmental effect and the positive response by the parties involved we have decided to issue formal warnings…”
DOLPHINS SCHOOLED AS MINE DETECTIVES ANARU WARREN
— The NZ Navy and renowned Kiwi tourism operator Black Cat Cruises are collaborating to train Hector's dolphins as search animals for the remnants of WWII mines believed to be located just off the Canterbury Coast. Hector's dolphins are highly intelligent and were proving very easy to train to locate potentially dangerous underwater mines
tacting the US Navy, the NZ Navy decided training the dolphins
STUDENTS’ INTELLECTUAL FREEDOM THREATENED?
was the best solution to locating the mines. “Our local Hector’s
GABRIEL BANKIER-PERRYT
dolphins have done us proud. They have picked things up way
—
left over from World War II, said a spokesperson for the Navy. The US Navy has worked with Hector’s dolphins and after con-
faster than expected and a number of mines have already been found.” Black Cat Cruises director Phil Bingham said.
The Government has introduced legislation into parliament that will reduce the size of university councils and increase the proportion of government representation within them. Waikato University currently has a governing council of 18 members—in line with other NZ universities—but the new legislation would strip it back to 8-12 members. Furthermore, the proportion of representatives appointed by the Minister of Education would increase from 20-25% to 33-40%. Combined with the smaller sizes, this would hugely increase Government influence in our universities and effectively shut out other groups from representation.
“HECTOR'S DOLPHINS ARE HIGHLY INTELLIGENT AND WERE PROVING VERY EASY TO TRAIN TO LOCATE POTENTIALLY DANGEROUS UNDERWATER MINES LEFT OVER FROM WORLD WAR II...”
Minister of Education Hekia Parata suggested the changes would make universities more efficient and business-like, as corporations also tend to have smaller governing boards. Vice-chancellor of Auckland University Stuart McCutcheon objected to the proposal, saying, “No society that values its intellectual freedom should allow a situation where a government has so much control it can influence who is hired and what is taught.” He believes 40% government appointees will bring us to the very brink of this. “It is this diversity of interests that ensures councils hold the universities in trust for future generations as strong, accountable but independent institutions. As a democracy, we abandon that at our peril.”
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UGANDAN PREZ CELEBRATES ANTI-GAY LAW LIKE IT’S 1999 NEW TEKAUMARUA ADVISORY BOARD INCLUDES TWO WAIKATO STAFF. SARA LEMME
— Waikato’s Professor Pou Temara and Senior Lecturer Te
ANARU WARREN
— Ugandan President, Yoweri Museveni, is Livin' la Vida
Parliament reacted with sanctions against Uganda,
Loca, leading a rally to celebrate the passing of new
saying the country had violated human rights and
anti-gay legislation and stating that "homosexuality
democratic principles.
creates grave health problems” with the affirmation
"When you hear these Europeans saying they are
that "gays have always been regarded as abnormal
going to cut aid ... we don't need aid in the first place,"
by Africans." The law strengthens penalties against
Museveni said at the rally. "A country like Uganda is
homosexual people, which has drawn sharp dissen-
one of the richest on earth." Uganda upholds harsh
tion from Western donors who have acted by halting
codes; though it is only one of 37 African nations to
or re-directing approximately $118m worth of aid
officially outlaw homosexuality.
after Museveni signed the bill into law. The European
Kahautu Maxwell have been appointed to the re-established and now nationalised advisory board to the current Maori King, Tuheitia. The Tekaumarua advisory board to the Kingitanga was established under the second Maori king, Tawhiao, in an effort to
“WIT IS A WAY TO SHOW EXTERNAL IWI THAT YOU ARE PART OF THE KINGITANGA MOVEMENT. IT WILL BE VISIBLE TO MY PEOPLE THAT THEY ARE PART OF IT...”
maintain Maori independence; it ceased to run when Queen Te Atairangikaahu succeeded her father. Traditionally the twelve
ARCHENEMIES, GOOD AND MICROSOFT, PLAY NICE FOR WAIKATO STUDENTS. MARK SAVAGE
—
members of the King’s council were selective from the membership of Waikato-Tainui, however King Tuheitia wanted tribes
Last week the recently founded Computer Science
nationwide to be able to participate in discussions around major
Students Society (CS3) held a tech panel with three
questions about the engineers’ experiences as a student thrown in. About 50 students turned up and there
issues affecting Maori, including economic, cultural and politi-
engineers from Google, Microsoft and Atlassian. There
was plenty of time for them to ask all the questions
cal development.
were a few nerves before the Wednesday panel, with
that they wanted. While there was little benefit in
Professor Temara, honoured by his appointment, said that
some anticipating that it would descend into a “mine
post-graduate study generally, Microsoft offered more
Tekaumarua will “[take] the Kingitanga to the people.” He
is bigger than yours” argument between global rivals
incentives to focus on Masters or Ph.D. students. They
believes it will get people thinking about the Kingitanga.
Google and Microsoft.
Senior lecturer Te Kahautu Maxwell echoed the sentiment
However, for the hour-long duration of the panel
went through the layout of their offices. All companies confirmed that it was easy to travel while working for
saying, “It is a way to show external iwi that you are part of the
the topics stayed focused on whether it was worth
them. If you would like to be notified of other events
Kingitanga movement. It will be visible to my people that they
studying past an undergraduate degree and techni-
like this, please sign-up to CS3 at cs3.org.nz/signup.
are part of it,” he says.
cal questions related to computer science, with some
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TROUBLE FINDING A PARK?
NEWS FROM THE UNIVERSITY
—
Want to save petrol costs and get access to the best parking spots on campus? Register for RideLink to find other students and staff who live in your area so you can car pool and use the University’s preferential parking areas. You can advertise and search for rides at www.ridelink.waikato.ac.nz. Register at Security to get your RideLink permit
GRADUATION CEREMONIES — A reminder that the April graduation ceremonies are happening: Wednesday 9 April at the Marae Friday 11 April at Holy Trinity, Tauranga Monday 14, Tuesday 15 and Wednesday 16 April at Claudelands Events Centre For more details, including times and the full breakdown of faculties/qualifications involved in each ceremony, visit www.waikato.ac.nz/sasd/graduation/2014ceremonies.shtml
COUNSELLING AVAILABLE — The University’s counselling team has added a new service that will enable students to directly email a counsellor and receive an initial consultation and response within 24 hours (Monday to Friday). If you have any concerns or issues you would like to discuss with a counsellor, and to set up a face-to-face consultation, please email counselling@waikato. ac.nz. All correspondence is totally confidential.
CAREERS FESTIVAL PRIZE WINNER —
UNICASH TO REPLACE EPAY KIOSKS — The University is adopting an online system which will allow students to load money onto their printing/photocopying account from anywhere. Waikato
Congratulations to Rohan Tuteja who won a Samsung Galaxy Tab 3 at last month’s Careers Festival, simply
Management School’s Unicash system, which has been in operation for several
for talking to employers. The device should come in handy as Rohan completes his Masters in Electronic
years, is being rolled-out for all University students, and the ePay Kiosks will be
Commerce. The Careers team would like to thank all students and employers who participated in the 2014
closed on 29 April. Students can now load money onto their Unicash account
Careers Festival.
online using a credit or debit card, or by internet bank transfer. Information on how you can access your Unicash account will be posted on iWaikato/landing page noticeboards in mid-April.
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SPORTS GUY’S SPORT TIPS. SPORTS GUY
— Rather than saying who’s going to beat who this week, I’ve got a few pointers for the NRL; specifically, who are good players to put money on to score a try. We’re a few weeks in now, and some players are looking like way more of a threat than others, so here are three players (a forward, a half and a back) who would be worth looking at. Firstly, Matt Gillett of the Brisbane Broncos. As it stands, Matt Gillett has 3 tries in 4 matches. He is first equal in most tries at the club with halfback Ben Hunt. Gillett is a good option to look
THE IMPORTANCE OF A GOOD LANDING SPORTS GUY - OPINION
—
to because he runs a good, aggressive line and can muscle his way over the line from short dis-
I’m all about NRL this week because I’m just
tance. He also is capable of showing a bit of toe
that stoked that it’s back. However, there is a bit
McKinnon suffered a fractured neck and will
if necessary. Being a second rower, he’d normally
of a hot topic at the moment that I think needs
never play again because of the injuries he
pay somewhere around $4 to dot, but given his
to be highlighted – the importance of making
received. But it raises the question – how much
recent form, he’ll be more around the $3 mark in
sure you land well when you are being tackled.
responsibility does the tackled player have of
Something I will never understand is why
landing safely? This is a bit of an ‘each to their
the coming rounds.
and landed on his head.
In the halves, my pick of the bunch is Gold
some players put themselves into dangerous
own’ kind of topic, but in my opinion, the tack-
Coast Titans halfback Albert Kelly, who has scored
positions when they are being tackled to try
led player has their part to play in making sure
4 tries in 3 matches. Kelly impresses with both his
and win their team a penalty. Yes, penalties help
they are not injured. Trying to barrel roll out of a
speed and his footwork. He has been able to split
immensely for field position and points, but what
strong tackle is one thing not to do. Players need
defences open as he pleases so far this season
if you get yourself in a position that leads to an
to realise that their safety and wellbeing is more
with his explosive step and well waited dummies.
injury?
important than winning a call for your team.
When close to the line late in the count, Kelly
Well, this topic was sparked by just that. In
My advice to get it to stop, strange as it
becomes more of a chance to score because he
a game between the Melbourne Storm and the
sounds, is for refs to penalise players who put themselves in dangerous positions. This would
has a great kicking game too. The defences rush
Newcastle Knights, Newcastle forward Alex
to shut down his kick, leaving gaps for him to bust
McKinnon was being tackled. Two Storm play-
put an immediate stop to players contorting
through. Halves generally pay in the $3 region.
ers had his arms wrapped up, and one had him
their bodies to win the favour of the whistle-
Finally, you can’t look past Parramatta Eels flyer
by the legs. McKinnon was already going to get
blowers and would prevent any players suffering
Semi Radradra as the back to tip to score. The
the penalty because he was lifted (very slightly)
as Alex McKinnon did in the future.
current competition leader in tries, he has scored
beyond the horizontal. However, he didn’t go
Here’s wishing Alex McKinnon a speedy
7 tries in 4 matches which is a strike rate to inter-
down under the weight of the tacklers and land
recovery. Hopefully we’ll see him back on the
est anyone. Radradra has garnered the nickname
safely – he seemed to try to roll his way out of it
paddock in the future.
‘semi-trailer’ with the Parramatta faithful as, not only is he lightening fast, but for a winger, he does not lack bulk. He has shown on numerous occasions that he is capable of bundling his way over defenders to get to the line when he needs to. When Parramatta are not favourites, the SemiTrailer generally pays $2.10 to dot which is great money for somewhat with such a strike rate. So there are my pointers for the week. Betting on someone to score a try is more of a higher riskhigher reward kind of situation. Good luck out there kids.
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RIDICULIST
VOX POPS
Hamilton Edition.
Vox populi is a Latin phrase that literally means voice of the people.
1 The Wintec Wall Big, grey ugly thing the HCC seems determined to keep big, grey and ugly.
Shannon, Teaching & English. What's the dodgiest part of Hamilton and why? Frankton. I hear bad things about that place. Even the name is dodgy- 'Frankton.' Where is the best place to meet up with friends in Hamilton? The foodcourt at Chartwell. If you could change something about our city, what would it be? It's nick-
2 The River Could be the beating heart and flowing life blood of the city. Instead, only used by high school rowing teams and people evading the police.
3
name as the STI capital of NZ. Zoe, Teaching & English. What's the dodgiest part of Hamilton and why? Fairfield- good old underage drinking. Where is the best place to meet up with friends in Hamilton? The butter chicken place at the foodcourt. If you could change something about our city, what would it be? I'd make it so we don't have a lake at uni.
Parking Cowboys Lurk in their shady looking hats and ticket you for being a
Darryl, not a student, teaches in Abudhabi.
minute late or for not having a WOF or Rego. Sometimes
What's the dodgiest part of Hamilton and why? Rototuna- people think it's
they’ll even put notices on your car telling you that your
nice but shady things happen behind the pretty doors. Where is the best
rego is due soon. Fucking parking cowboys and their
place to meet up with friends in Hamilton? Te Awa, at the foodcourt. If you
smarmy ways…
could change something about our city, what would it be? Better, more
4 Street Performers We get it already, you’re a statue, Fuck off.
integrated use of the river. Zoe, Psychology. What's the dodgiest part of Hamilton and why? Fairfield- because I live there. Where is the best place to meet up with friends in Hamilton? The
5
Lake. If you could change something about our city, what would it be? Free parking in the CBD.
Thugs Teenagers trying to be tough by stepping people out who are just trying to do their job, run a business, or get drunk in the evenings. When did Hamilton turn into a ghetto?
Ollie, Bio technology. What's the dodgiest part of Hamilton and why? Poet's Corner (in Enderly
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where many of the streets are named after famous poets like Tennyson,
Old people in Cafés
Where is the best place to meet up with friends in Hamilton? The Cafe
If you’re not a smoker don’t sit on the chairs outside,
Milk & Honey, which is on top of a building in the CBD near the council
Granddad.
buildings in Garden Place. If you could change something about our city,
7
Wordworth, Eliot etc) because of the ruffians. Those council house ruffians.
what would it be? The layout of the city, it's so sprawling you need a car. I'd condense the attractions.
Garden Place That high pitched noise you hear supposedly deters teenagers, but they’ve all got their phone music up so loud they don’t notice it. This headache proves people over the age of 19 can hear it.
8 Lake Joggers You’re not better than me, buy a fucking treadmill and move on.
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HAVE YOU TRAVELED? WOULD YOU LIKE TO WRITE ABOUT YOUR EXPERIENCE AND SHARE ADVICE WITH OTHER STUDENTS? EMAIL EDITOR@NEXUSMAG.CO.NZ.
nexus magazine
Noah
The Monuments Men
FILM REVIEW BY DR RICHARD SWAINSON
FILM REVIEW BY DR RICHARD SWAINSON
Noah is to the biblical epic what Black Swan was to cute ballet stories: a
If, like myself, you were weaned on World War II movies, The Monuments
dark variation that digs a lot deeper than audiences are accustomed to,
Men is a hard film to dislike. Based very loosely on a true story, top-heavy
revealing shadings and nuances even as its drama works in bold brush
with stars and executed with wit and visual panache, it is an entertaining,
strokes. Any cursory look at the family Bible will confirm that co-writer and
old-fashioned yarn for the uncritical or those prone to easy sentiment and
director Darren Aronofsky brings poetic license to a familiar story. It's less
emotional button pushing. Who can resist George Clooney in a period part
Cecil B. DeMille than Peter Jackson, with giant fallen angels in the form of
or the thought of seasoned pros like Bill Murray and John Goodman as
CGI rock men assisting our titular hero as he looks to do the Lord's bidding.
geriatric soldiers taking it to Hitler?
Aronofsky's Noah, unlike the figure of scripture, has no direct line of
The aforementioned, along with Matt Damon, Bob Balaban, The Artist's
communication with God. He interprets divine will through dreams and
Jean Dujardin and Brit. Hugh Bonneville collectively play the title group,
visions and in consultation with his ancient grandfather, Methuselah. There
a unit of aging art experts put together to save and recover paintings,
is room for confusion. Does 'the Creator' intend a wholesale genocide or
frescoes and sculptures from theft and destruction during the liberation
are Noah's own family to be spared? Once on the Ark decisions take on
of Europe. Bookended by a couple of stilted scenes in which Clooney's
the dimensions of Abraham. Must Noah kill his own? And where is the
character reports directly to Franklin Roosevelt, the plot, such as it is,
justice in smiting the innocent? Avoiding the usual pieties, Aronofsky uses the legend to examine wider
involves the boys criss-crossing the continent either side of the front line, wise-cracking, sermonising and patting themselves on the back as they
issues of faith, evolution, environmental despoilment, sin and redemption.
go. Some art is recovered, some Nazis are arrested and the Holocaust is
The figure who opposes Noah is an existential man, prone to judging God
mentioned in passing.
and His silence. Whilst clearly tainted by the crimes of Cain, as played
What is lacking amidst all the fun is historical accuracy, any depth to the
by Ray Winstone, he makes for a fascinating adversary, the physical and
characterisation or sustained tension. Even the action scenes are botched.
acting match of Russell Crowe's Noah. Jennifer Connelly also impresses
Rather than just coast on his and his cast's undeniable charisma, could not
as Noah's wife, especially in scenes where she challenges his right
director/co-writer Clooney have attempted something a little closer to what
to slaughter.
actually happened? It's a lost opportunity, too safe and commercial by half.
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nexus magazine
A Sea of Spilt Peas
Everyday Robots
ALBUM REVIEW BY HP
ALBUM REVIEW BY JAMES RAFFAN
Australian singer-songwriter, Courtney Barnett’s “Double E.P.” is a swelling
Damon Albarn and I have had a love hate relationship for the better part of
of drawling vocals, prickly guitar and lethargic drums. The real force of
two decades now. I loved him and he hated living up to my expectations.
Barnett is her marriage of punchy lyrics and apathetic delivery. She glides
The Blur and Gorillaz frontman came into my musical lexicon at a time
over lines like “I may not be 100% happy but at least I’m not with you” when I was still wearing my Kurt Cobain shirt and mourning. Whether it like they’re smooth pebbles, not shards of glass. On this album, the lyrical
was the aggressive Britpop anthem “Song 2 (woo hoo)” or the infectiously
shards are equal parts broken bottles and precious gems.
catchy park life Albarn and Blur couldn’t do wrong in my eyes. Then just like
The first and brilliant single, Avant Gardener, is full of wit and wry sto-
a bass player on the back of an animated milk bottle they went missing and
rylines. Here, Barnett is just as cautious that her neighbours think they
he took part of my youth with him. When he resurfaced as the animated
run a meth lab as she is about growing tomatoes on the front steps. The
Gorillaz frontman 2D something felt right. I loved Gorillaz, a lot more than
album picks up in pace and energy on History Eraser and David with the
the actual music warranted. Then as was his pattern he disappeared again
drumming pushes Barnett’s voice to the brink. She rises to the occasion
and I waited. There were rumours of Blur reunions and even a Big Day Out
and pumps out sing-along pop stunners.
promise but nothing ever eventuated.
Some of the lyrics might put off the faint hearted. I’m thinking of lines
The last year I heard about his solo album “Everyday Robots” and I
like “I masturbated to the songs you wrote”, but these confessions and
allowed myself to hope. So when the opportunity came to get an advanced
obsessions make this album feel honest. The music surrounding Barnett’s
copy I was stoked. Then I listened to it. The title track is at best stumbling
often stark words continues to convey a message that she is trying to
mediocrity and musical cliché. The first song “Lonely press play” sounds
figure it out more than being the one with the answers. It’s a search for
like the consequence of a B grade Portishead and a lounge act having a
good outcomes and good intentions and all the barriers that might hinder
dirty one night stand. The album is shite and I really wanted it to be better.
that search. Ultimately, that’s the reason to give Barnett your time and ears;
It says something about the rose-coloured glasses you view your youth
a choice I couldn’t recommend more highly.
with. Looking back I now realise Alex James was the cool one from Blur because he retired from music to become a cheese maker.
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nexus magazine
Death
Dead Space 3
COMIC REVIEW BY BLAIR MUNRO
GAME REVIEW BY KARL GUETHERT
Neil Gaiman’s The Sandman followed Dream on a journey through impris-
I hadn't played this particular game in the series until just recently. I picked
onment, freedom, and a conflict that ultimately ended in annihilation. It’s
it up partly because I was asked for my opinion on it and partly because
critically acclaimed, has countless advocates for its consumption, and has
I'd heard something about Dead Space 4 rumours. Kinda looks like there's
cemented Gaiman as one of the premier voices in modern storytelling.
not even going to be a fourth instalment, and from my playthrough of DS3,
More than that, it introduced us to his Dream’s older sister, Death.
I can understand why.
Death collects the two mini-series Death: The High Cost of Living, and
Isaac Clarke is once again the protagonist thrown in to fight undead
Death: The Time of Your Life, as well as other works by Gaiman involving
Necromorphs and the Unitarians. Nothing new there. The game also tries
the character. The first of the two main stories (and arguably the better),
to be both an homage to John Carpenter's The Thing and a horror game
follows Death through the one day each century when she must cast off
based on the ice planet Hoth. Since EA subsequently worked on a Star
her immortality and spend the day human, lest she lose sight of the value
Wars game, the latter is an apt description.
of the lives she takes.
DS3 is very similar to the first two outings. New additions include
The set-up lends itself very heavily towards philosophical discussion as
weaponry built from scavenged and salvaged components (fun if you like
to the nature and perception of death, but while the tale is a sad one, the
micro-transactions - not so fun if you just want to play the damned game),
writing is clever and poetic, and handles the topic only as sensitively as it
and abseiling sequences. Neither of these really add to the experience.
ever needs to. The illustrations are flawless, helping shape the tone of the
Some of the horror is still pretty good. The first encounter with Feeder
story, the world in which it is told, and the deeply sympathetic characters
Necromorphs was hectic and full on - I had to turn off my Xbox for a few
that inhabit it.
minutes afterwards. These guys were as creepy as the Boneys from the
The character of Death has been portrayed often in media, but never has
movie Warm Bodies, but swarm like crazed meth-heads. Unfortunately the
she been painted as such a joy to meet and know. If you haven’t read any
massed rush fights get boring and easy to control later on. Overall, it's fine
graphic novels by Neil Gaiman, Death is a good place to start. But hey,
as is, but if DS4 never gets the green light, DS3 ends the series with an
there’s no need to hurry. Take your time, maybe read The Sandman, put
unfortunate whimper rather than a confident roar.
her off for a little bit if you have to. She won’t mind. She comes to us all in the end.
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nexus magazine
HØNEST MATT MEETS SIMON SWEETMAN Honest Matt Matt Hicks
How did your career in music journalism/blogging start? Well, it’s
I hate something I’ll explain why I hate it, how I’ve arrived at that feeling,
never been a career – more a bloody-minded decision to follow through
if I love something I’ll praise it. I really quite liked the second Fat Freddy’s
on a hobby. I’ve scrounged some coins here and there for what I do but
album – but no one seems to remember that. I wrote a positive review
I’ve always worked a full time job. But I knew I wanted to write about
and all, it seems to have ‘disappeared’ but everyone remembers the time
music from the age of about 16. Maybe earlier. People shouldn’t think this
I called them out for being a boring live band. Which they were – on the
is a job as much as an occasionally paid hobby. What attributes do you
night that I saw them. Have you ever been hit up/abused by any NZ
think make a good music journalist/critic/blogger? You need to know
bands not happy with your criticisms? Yeah, it comes with the territory.
your stuff, be prepared to work full-time elsewhere/make next to no money
It’s more likely that I’ll get fans rather than band members having a go.
from writing and have a thick skin. Online writing means comments, which
Though some bands have written to me, or approached me in a bar at a gig
means people are sure that everyone’s entitled to their opinion – and all of
and told me they were not impressed. Fair enough, they’re allowed to be
this is fine. But you’ll cop a lot of abuse if you are going to be honest. If you
unimpressed by what I’ve written – I understand how it could be upsetting.
just want to be boring and rewrite press-releases then anonymity and men-
I didn’t get into this to make friends – which probably makes me a rarity in
dacity will be close friends. You’ve been critical towards some of our
writing about music in NZ. The manager of Fat Freddy’s Drop rang me and
countries most beloved bands (Fat Freddy’s Drop, Six60, Autozamn
shrieked, “You’re playing with people’s lives here!” What do you think of
etc etc). Do you ever fear public backlash or does it not faze you in the
people who accuse you of just being provocative to get hits? What do
slightest? I feel more sad that those are the bands – the ones you named
you say to these naysayers? I don’t really have to say anything to them
– that the public of NZ considers beloved. I don’t fear public backlash at all. I’m not trying to stir, I’m just trying to say what I think and what I feel and my main goal is honesty. I’ll never ever lie in a review or write-up. If
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as they’ve probably made their mind up and don’t care to have it changed. More at sounzgood.co.nz.
Six weeks down, sixty weeks to go and then you are qualified. Whoever told you that University was hard was a liar. For the most part you have been in a holding pattern somewhere between drunk and sober and you have still managed to learn something.
Cancer (June 21 - July 22)
I think, if you look back, the answer you are looking for is obvious. You did love them and in their own way they loved you but never enough, you deserve more. Someone who truly appreciates you. To help remember this life lesson perhaps you should get a tattoo.
Gemini (May 21 - June 20)
As time marches on there seems to be only one inevitable, universal truth. The things we do have an effect. Our actions change people’s lives and our relationships change us and leave an indelible mark on who we are and the people we want to become. In short you need to get a tattoo.
Taurus (April 20 - May 20)
With a week to go it’s time to reflect on your life and your choices. There have been mistakes, triumphs and some things that even shots of penicillin haven’t been able to fix. Looking back at this first six weeks will help you realise the importance of remembering your past. In short you need to get a tattoo.
Aries (March 21 - April 19)
HOROSCOPES
Jen, these last six weeks have been the happiest of my life. I know we haven’t spoken about the future yet but I knew ever since we were put into the same tutorial that you were the one for me. Do you want to move in with me? Also I could really use some help paying rent.
Scorpio (October 23 - November 21)
This week you will be overcome by the realisation of how truly short life is. In the words of Ringo Starr “we’re all just molecules bouncing around” or for a more modern take Kanye West once said “I won’t go into a big spiel about reincarnation, but the first time I was in the Gucci store in Chicago was the closest I’ve ever felt to home.”
Libra (September 23 - October 22)
Loving yourself is one of the hardest things we do as humans. Making love to yourself is cool too provided you stop doing it in those toilets next to Momento. People are starting to notice the grunting.
Virgo (August 23 - September 22)
Sometimes the only course of action we can take is allowing ourselves to be forgiven for our mistakes. This is not one of those times. It’s really hard to forgive yourself when your mistake is already awake, making coffee and introducing herself to your flatmates as your new girlfriend.
Leo (July 23 - August 22)
Legally no one here can tell you to spend your next two weeks off at a beach surfing, drinking and smoking weed. That would be irresponsible of us. However if your stars were to tell you then surely it is a bit of a legal grey area, right?
Pisces (February 19 - March 20)
This is it. The last week before a break. It’s time to make your move, time to be bold and decisive. Remember no one ever got laid by not putting themselves out there. No one ever found true happiness by being timid. Of course the counter argument is that those people never got laughed out of a room and then had people talk shit about them on Facebook so the choice is yours really.
Aquarius (January 20 - February 18)
As Easter draws near it is time to think about your virtue. Have you really lead a good life? What is good? Are we defined by our thoughts, words and deeds or is it more about the way you love and are loved in return? Perhaps the real truth can only lie in our relationship with the Lord? Or… it’s time to get bigger pants and just gorge on chocolate bunnies and eggs. It’s probably the chocolate.
Capricorn (December 22 - January 19)
What is up with all these people getting tattoos?
Sagittarius (November 22 - December 21)
nexus magazine
Those Moves Doe! BEATS BY J
Nae Nae (Hold Up, Show Nuff) N8
Crank That (Soulja Boy) Soulja Boy Tell'em
Lil Jon / Youngbloodz / Sean Paul / E40
Snap Yo Fingers
Harlem Shake Baauer
Pop, Lock & Drop It Huey
Gangnam Style PSY
The 99 Percent
Yike In It
Sage The Gemini / IamSu
Gas Pedal
Digital Underground / Sex Packets
The Humpty Dance
Dem Franchize Boyz / Peenut / Charlay Lean Wit It, Rock Wit It
The Hit Crew / Drew's Famous Party Music Vol. 5 Jump On It
MC Hammer / Please Hammer Don't Hurt 'Em U Can't Touch This
Beyoncé / I AM... SASHA FIERCE Single Ladies (Put a Ring on It)
Michael Jackson / Michael Jackson's This Is It Thriller
Cali Swag District / The Kickback
Teach Me How to Dougie
Terror Squad / True Story
Lean Back
Village People
YMCA
Follow nexusmagazine on Spotifiy.
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QUALITY OVER QUANTITY Auteur Dr Richard Swainson
16
Maverick American director Terence Malick has three films currently
location shooting. Grim but profound.
in post-production. It's a remarkable achievement for a 71 year old man,
6. Stanley Kubrick - 13 films, 1953-99. Kubrick was relatively prolific early
still more so if you consider that Malick has made only 6 features to date
in his career but from Dr Strangelove onwards the gaps between films
in 41 years.
grew longer to the point where 12 years separated Full Metal Jacket from
The following list catalogues other filmmakers whose huge reputations
Eyes Wide Shut.
rest on comparatively little work. The maxim of quality over quantity applies
5. Orson Welles - 13 films, 1941-1973. If Kubrick's low output is off-set by
in all cases.
the consistent quality of his art and knowledge that he controlled every
10. David Lean - 16 films, 1942-84. Lean took an extended hiatus between
aspect of his productions, the same cannot be said of Welles. The tragedy
completing Ryan's Daughter in 1970 and making A Passage to India in
of this ultimate cinematic genius is that he made so few films and retained
1984. Overall the pace of his career slowed in its second half, with the
creative control on even fewer.
epics like Lawrence of Arabia taking much longer to make than, say, his
4 & 3. Charles Chaplin - 11 films, 1921-1967 & Buster Keaton 8 films, 1923-
1940s literary adaptations.
26. These equally great silent masters of course made many more movies
9. Sam Peckinpah - 14 films, 1961-84. After a problematic start when proj-
that this: the bulk of their directing work was in shorts. However, both
ects like Major Dundee were butchered by studio interference, the fiery
were capable of so much more as feature filmmakers. Chaplin's creativity
Peckinpah hit his straps with The Wild Bunch (1969), making a further 6
slowed to a crawl in the sound era whereas Keaton lost control of his
distinctive, bloodily idiosyncratic films between 1970 and 1974. Cocaine
career and became an alcoholic.
took over after that.
2. Jean Vigo - 2 films, 1933-34. Vigo died aged just 29. Zero de Conduite
8. Carl Theodor Dreyer - 14 films, 1919-64. This Danish maestro had no
and L'Atalante, his two feature films, set the standard for poetic cinema,
shortage of ideas or ambition but perpetually struggled for financing. Still,
influencing the New Wave a quarter of a century later.
with a filmography that includes The Passion of Joan of Arc (1928), Vampyr
1. Charles Laughton - 1 film, 1955. A brilliant actor, Laughton poured his
(1932) and Ordet (1955) his importance is beyond doubt.
artistic soul into The Night of the Hunter, drawing inspiration from fairy
7. Robert Bresson - 13 films, 1942-83. France's cerebral exponent of spiri-
tales, German Expressionism and the melodramas of DW Griffith. After
tual transcendence worked at his own speed, abandoning the production
Hunter was coolly received by both critics and the public, Laughton never
values of the studio after his debut feature in favour of non-actors and
directed again.
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nexus magazine
THE ART OF RELIGIOUS SPEAK Arts & Stuff Peter Dornauf
Empirical science does not tell us everything, but it does tell us that
about God and his relationship with us and about the son of God, Jesus
the universe is not the one pictured in the New Testament upon
Christ and his words and deeds. Christ Almighty, make up your minds.
which is predicated the whole construction of the miraculous and
Show a little consistency here. You don’t want walking on water but you
the system of metaphysics which is rooted to it, touching directly on
do want the gods and their deeds of some kind. Can someone explain?
religious teaching, on people’s hopes, dreams and beliefs.
Let me try. The liberal Church wants to look and sound modern. So they
The current liberal trick is to demythologize all of the embarrassing
do a little striptease job. They jettison anything that might look embarrass-
mythological stuff. Bultmann and his buddies did it a long while back. But
ingly medieval and pre-scientific but in the process they need to hang on to
what presses my buttons about this ploy is the following.
something that would make their stuff more than simply Humanism with
The first is that science that has forced a considerable reinterpretation
hymns. It has to be minimal but still to do with the gods, however not so
here (a redaction, a massage of the material) to save modern peoples
much as to frighten the horses. It’s a PR job in other words. And so they
blushes, which obviously makes science the driver of theology. In other
play the “it points to something” game, which is suitably vague enough
words, religious thinkers are making it up as they go along with one eye
to drive a truck through. That particular “something” might be anything
firmly on empirical science. The other thing that twists my tights is that
from a homily on ethics to talk about gods or mystical matters in the most
there’s an element of wanting to keep your cake and eating it in this dance
nebulous of ways.
of the seven veils. It plays itself out something like this. The liberal frater-
In the mix is the “artistic language” bit, the recognition that the biblical
nity in one breath are saying, well of course we don’t believe in all that
text is a collage of different genres, which is fair enough. But here’s the
supernatural stuff - ascensions into heaven, descents into hell and the like.
rub. What’s interpreted as literal or symbolic becomes a movable feast
That would be just too childish, too literal and unsubtle, like wanting the
often according to what particular time and camp a theologian happens
story of Jack and the Beanstalk or Darren Aronofsky’s apocalyptic Noah to
to be living in.
be really real. Oh no, we’re much too sophisticated for that kind of thing.
Where does the art stop and the literal take over and who decides?
But in the next breath they’re back inside the paranormal arena with talk
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MY BIG FAT CRETE HOLIDAY Overseas Experience Onyx Lily
The hardest thing about travelling to Greece is deciding which bit you
You must: hike the Samaria Gorge – we did it with a tour group but
gardens, or being accosted by maimed beggars, I’d suggest staying away
you can just catch the bus up and go it alone. Wear good shoes, and be
from Athens. Like most, we decided to head for the islands, and preferring
prepared for any weather. Definitely take togs – the beach at the end of
culture and sightseeing to 24-hour drinking and hanging out with obnoxious
the trek is gorgeous. You can only get out by ferry or by walking back up
“Brits Abroad”, we decided our first stop would be Crete. “We” was my mum and me, and being intrepid types travelling just offseason, we decided not to book anywhere and just risk it. Armed with folded down pages in our Lonely Planet guide, we got off the ferry in early
the gorge, so get your timings right. Also make sure you visit a Cretan winery and an olive farm. Don’t: expect a sleep in on Sundays. Greek Orthodox churches like bells. A lot.
evening and taxied into Chania Old Town. It was love at first sight. Cobbled
Eat: everything you can get your hands on. Greece is also surprisingly
streets and white and blue plaster doorways stretched away before us,
good for vegans – learn how to say “I’m fasting” in Greek and you’ll be
and little shops, still bustling at 10pm, offered all kinds of knickknacks, art,
away. And definitely try the homemade raki. Just not the night before
and even homemade raki. We found accommodation at our number one
church… antisemantic.blogspot.co.nz.
option – a two bedroom upstairs apartment overlooking a cobbled street,
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cafes and restaurant for 50 euros a night.
want to see. Unless you enjoy being flashed by an old creep in the public
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nexus magazine
THUG LIFE Awesome Dead Person Mike Bilodeau
LOVE BITE Awesome Dead Person Mike Bilodeau
In the modern age of hip-hop, it is hard to reconcile the vast
Bela Lugosi, an exotic lover and eccentric man of the arts, is the
discrepancy between what rappers say and what rappers do.
reason why the educated of you out there think that Twilight is
For example, while Kanye can spit tough about his violent, take-
the biggest mockery of pop culture to date.
no-bullshit tendencies, we all know him to be significantly more akin
Bela Ferenc Dezco Blasko as he was born on October 20, 1882,
to a petulant child, prone to throwing socially awkward tantrums on
adopted the last name Lugosi after the name of his birth place Lugos,
television while, at the same time, likening himself to a mixture of Da
in Hungary. He had little interest in schooling and bailed out twice:
Vinci, Nelson Mandela and Jesus Christ.
first to run away and be a vagabond across the countryside, then the
But before studio gangsters, there was Tupac Amaru Shakur.
second time to join a travelling theatre company.
Now, to be honest, I could write two different articles here. One
Very much the rebel, he fought in WWI in Russia, started an Actor's
talking about all the amazing things he did for his community and
Union, fought on the wrong side of the Hungarian Revolution and ran
people (which was, in all honesty, a huge amount of charity and inspi-
away, again, this time to Vienna, then on to America.
rational work) or one about his numerous arrests and asshole-y nature.
In 1927, Lugosi made his debut as Dracula. His alluring and hand-
I’m choosing to write about the latter because‌ fuck the poor (just
some features, combined with the hauntingly entrancing Hungarian
kidding, but seriously, who reads a Tupac piece to hear about him
accent blew all previous Dracula's out of the water and replaced them
visiting sick kids in hospital?)
with the image of the enticing yet dangerous vampire we all call to
Between being involved in shootouts in Marin City in 1992 to the
mind today. Bela Lugosi's rendition of Dracula has had a timeless
attacking of fellow rapper Chauncey Wynn with a baseball bat in
influence on pop culture portrayals of vampires and required nurses
Michigan State in 1993, he is surely no spring daisy. Possibly his most famous altercation was in Atlanta in 1993 when
and physicians to be on hand at his shows, for unlike anything Twilight, Lugosi's performances were so believable that people flaked out.
he came across two drunk, off-duty police officers carrying stolen
Still wearing his cape, Lugosi was buried on August 16, 1956, leav-
pistols. Though accounts vary as to the cause of the incident, the
ing behind wife number 5, and becoming the inspiration for Bauhaus
result is always very much the same. The 22 year old rapper shot both
to write a gothic rock ode called 'Bela Lugosi's Dead' in 1979. One
men, wounding them in the leg and buttocks. Not deterred following
of Lugosi's five wives, Woodruff Weeks, was only so for three days.
the miraculous dismissal of these charges, he was still very actively
And on the note of Lugosi's notorious love life, I leave you with a few
participating in dubious behaviour after this, attacking movie directors,
dating tips from the man himself:
being shot 5 times and going to jail. Perhaps unsurprisingly, his life was ended on September 7, 1996 when a late-model Cadillac pulled up next to a car carrying himself and
"To win a woman, take her to Dracula." "The love-bite, it is the beginning. You will be irresistible." "I never play without my cape..."
Death Row records CEO Suge Knight and he was shot several times with a fully automatic weapon. On September 13, 1996 at the young age of 25, Tupac Shakur was pronounced dead, leaving behind a vast legacy of music and artistry.
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Hamiltron: A History of our Future CARL 'COLD-BLOOD' UNTERNAHRER
In the year 2214, our fair city of Hamiltron sits on the top of the world. We live in a glistening utopia of flying cars, hover-boards and spectacles that automatically adjust their tint to match the surrounding light-level. The city fully embodies its glorious slogan. Hamiltron: City of the Future. Ours is a history of peace, of plenty, of prosperity. A golden saga for a golden metropolis. Or at least, that's what they want us to believe.
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nexus magazine
Because in truth our beloved home has an ignoble past
an officer who had recently been killed in the service of duty
featuring blood, mud and betrayal. So let us embark on an
at the Battle of Gate Pa in Tauranga. The settlement's name
adventure through time to discover the Truth about the Tron.
would not evolve from 'ton' to 'tron' until much later.
Popular historians teach us that Hamiltron was founded by a
Life was difficult for Hamilton's initial settlers. There were, in
commune of peace-loving nudists intent on taking 'full advan-
fact, no rolling candy-floss fields, no groves of bacon trees and
tage' of the region's temperate climate. This was not so.
no wild chicken nugget bushes – just as there were no nudists to frolic in them. Much of the land gifted to the colonial sol-
Recent archaeological evidence suggests that our fair city
diers turned out to be either trapped under mud or submerged
was originally a militia settlement built on land illegally con-
underwater. Our fair city was founded, quite literally, inside a
fiscated from an endemic tribal people. During the 1860s a
soggy hole. The swamps were gradually cleared though, and
colonial power referred to as 'the British' launched a military
with the construction of the Union Bridge in 1879, Hamilton
campaign against the native 'Maori' in the greater Waikato
developed into a 1200 person town.
“LIFE WAS DIFFICULT FOR HAMILTON'S INITIAL SETTLERS. THERE WERE, IN FACT, NO ROLLING CANDY-FLOSS FIELDS, NO GROVES OF BACON TREES AND NO WILD CHICKEN NUGGET BUSHES – JUST AS THERE WERE NO NUDISTS TO FROLIC IN THEM.”
area. Unfortunately for the British though, the Maori had a
Popular history teaches us that Hamilton's growth was expo-
secret weapon with which to counter their foe's technologi-
nential. It is said that people flocked to the nudist community,
cally superior arsenal. That secret weapon was... Dirt. Cunning
shedding their prejudices and hatred along with their cloth-
deployment of earthwork fortifications effectively neutralised
ing. Unshackled by the restraints of pettiness and greed, the
the British force's superior fire-power. Despite being unable
citizens pooled their supple young minds together in order to
to achieve a decisive victory over an army of part-time warriors
propel Hamilton into a technological renaissance. As our town
less than one third of its size, logistical advantages meant that
blossomed into a city it leapt both ahead and apart from the
attrition favoured the Brits. The Maori were inevitably forced
rest of the world, developing a sophisticated (yet somewhat
southwards, out of the Waikato and out of their homes. The area that would eventually develop into our beloved Hamiltron was originally occupied by several Maori villages
ironic) cloaking technology in order to shield it from the covetous gaze of other cities. Again the history books deceive us.
(all abandoned as a result of the Waikato Campaign). The militia
Hamilton's growth was not a result of peace, but of war.
settlement itself was founded in 1864, with segments of the
During the years of WWI and WWII, Hamilton served as a
surrounding land being gifted to soldiers in reward for their ser-
transport hub for the surrounding regions and its popula-
vices. It was named after Captain John Fane Charles Hamilton,
tion began to swell. This continued further into the post-war
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baby-boom years. In 1917 Hamilton absorbed the nearby
it has roamed the skies, ensuring peace and stability across
town of Frankton and, like the mould on your bathroom
the globe.
ceiling, it continued to spread out across the surrounding
The official records are only partially correct though.
country-side. Beerescourt. Melville. Fairfield. Hillcrest.
In the early 21st century a watershed for Hamilton indeed
Enderley. Te Rapa. Pukete. Silverdale. All of them sprung up
occurred, but one that was slightly less well-intentioned. In
out of the ground during the 1940s through to the 60s. Also
2015 Hamilton's population of shape-changing lizard-men
during the 1960's, the University of Waikato was officially
unveiled themselves and used their advanced psionic abili-
opened. It comprised initially of a School of Humanities and
ties to take the world by storm. The campaign was short
a School of Social Sciences but added further departments
but bloody. Even the combined might of the United Human
as it grew over the subsequent decades. Around the same
Alliance had no way to counter an enemy that could invade
time, the beautiful Hamilton Gardens were developed on
their very minds, turning friend into unwitting foe in a mat-
a 58 hectare plot that was previously the site of a landfill.
ter of moments. A few brief years later the last vestiges of
Official records teach us that the turn of the millennium
humanity were either quashed or mentally compelled into
“IN 1917 HAMILTON ABSORBED THE NEARBY TOWN OF FRANKTON AND, LIKE THE MOULD ON YOUR BATHROOM CEILING, IT CONTINUED TO SPREAD OUT ACROSS THE SURROUNDING COUNTRY-SIDE.”
brought about a watershed moment in Hamilton's history.
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servitude. The lizard-men then used their highly evolved
As the rest of the world degenerated into senselessly
brains and a ready supply of slave labour to construct the
warring factions squabbling to strip the Earth of its natural
anti-gravity generators that would launch their home into
resources, the good citizens of Hamilton felt compelled
the sky. The city's name changed to 'Hamiltron' and for the
to step in and use their technological prowess to 'pacify'
last two centuries it has roamed the skies, ensuring 'peace'
the less enlightened members of humanity. By isolating
and 'stability' across the globe.
the various faction's leaders and 're-educating' them in
But the time has come for us to act. A growing portion
specially designed 'correctional-institutes', Hamilton was
of the human population is developing a resistance to the
able to settle disputes across the globe and secure the
lizard-men's psionic powers. Rise with me my sisters and
safety of its most valuable natural resource deposits – all
brothers! Rise with me to overthrow the mantle of our scaly
with a minimum of bloodshed. With its victory complete,
oppressors! The time is- [This material has been deemed
Hamilton then shed its earthly anchors, using anti-gravity
treasonous and is ordered to be immediately destroyed.
field generators to elevate itself into the sky. The city's
Any individuals reading or distributing it shall be subject to
name changed to 'Hamiltron' and for the last two centuries
a summary execution via cerebral de-construction.]
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World Famous In Hamilton ADAM VINCENT EDWARDS AND SARA LEMME
Nexus takes you on a visual tour of some of the best kept secrets of our favourite place, the city we love: Hamilton. Starting with Tills Lookout – Day, dusk, night, or sunrise, you can see pretty much all of Hamilton and in the opposite direction you’re looking toward Raglan and the windmill farm. Ya do have to bust your balls up a relatively steep incline, but it’s worth it. facebook.com/adamvincentedwardsphotography.
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L – R: Mem Drive Flat – Mem Drive is Hamilton’s oldest running flat. Established 60+ years ago, it has been housing creative and open minds ever since. You’ll be surprised how many people have been there, or don’t remember that they’ve been there. Currently it houses 2 Waikato students and 2 recent Wintec music graduates amongst the many occupants. Tauhara Park Walk Bridge – If you fancy walking over paddocks of horses and nature smack bam in the middle of Hamilton’s suburban area, this walk bridge is all you need. It’s a long way across and a long way down. The Valley Walk and Turtle Lake Waterfall – The Hamilton Gardens are a must see, though the masses of visitors and overpriced ice blocks can put you off. So for a place that is almost always deserted, even on a busy day at the Gardens, The Valley Walk is where it is at. Also accessible during the night through an entrance from the top car park off Cobham Drive. And if you’re feeling ‘studenty’, the top of Turtle Lake’s waterfall is a scramble through the bush and a fence beyond the Valley Walk toward the main lower car park.
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T – B: Hammond Park Riverbank (Malcom St entrance) – Though Wellington St Beach gets all the credit in Hamilton for being the best place to swim, we can’t forget Hammond Park’s riverbank. In the narrower part of the river, surrounded by cliff faces covered in deep green trees and bush, this place doesn’t feel like part of Hamilton at all - but it is part of Hamilton and no one can take that away from us! THAT intersection (Grey St to Bridge St corner) – Technically you’re doing a left turn from one street to another street and in all other cases you should indicate, but here it’s the only fucking way you can go anyway. Some people indicate, others don’t. It’s generally a mental coin flip decision and probably induces mild bouts of anxiety in those prone to it.
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T – B: Riff Raff – While tourists believe this is famous as it represents the infamous character from The Rocky Horror Picture Show, Hamiltonians will probably associate it with Hamilton’s homeless population, which our council tries to ignore and hide with giant Christmas trees and Cricket World Cup countdown balls; and the government allows to slip through the cracks of social welfare. Outback Inn Tunnel – You can usually still smell the first year sexual tension wafting days after a town night has passed. As you progress through life you’ll find your willingness and stamina to walk around and down Hood St to get to Alexandra St increases significantly. Beef Eaters (the sidewalk) – The wafting, throat drying and wonderful aroma that emanates from the Beef Eaters sidewalk area on a ‘town night’ is almost enough to distract you from the vomit on the pavement. “I don’t smoke cigarettes, they’re bad for you”, he/she says whilst smoking from the shisha pipe. Underground Railway Station – Every Hamiltonian knows someone who has done something illegal down there- like just being down there in the first place. The Station was accessible once through an entrance in the CBD but was closed on July 1, 1994. Train drivers will call the police on anyone seen there according to the town-talk. It was looked at being reopened for the Rugby World Cup in 2011; however, the cost of restoring it was high, especially since they had since built the Warehouse on top of the entrance (nice one).
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PORN GLORIOUS PORN Aunty Slut
the man. They are presented as available to any man watching. It’s icky. And the
Hi Aunty Slut, I like porn. A lot. I think it’s sexy but my girlfriend is really anti it. I’d like to watch it together and maybe have a sexy time, but she’s just not keen. How can I tell
message it perpetuates is actually fucking dangerous. If the part where she doesn’t have much of a say in what’s going on doesn’t
her it’s harmless?
bother her, perhaps it’s the fact that she’s worrying that you expect her to look,
Screen Addict
sound or act like the girls in the videos you watch. Science yo- men who watch
Dear Screen Addict,
porn rate their partners as less attractive than men who don’t. Women are already
I’m not exactly a porn connoisseur, but I think I can take an educated guess as
busting themselves to live up to unrealistic expectations out and about- why would
to why your girl isn’t all that keen on porn. It might be because on the whole porn
they want to look at a bunch of make-up covered, perfectly lit, shaved, tanned and
treats chicks like shit. I know I’m making a generalisation here, but there's a reason
surgically altered women leaping about on the end of disembodied cocks? So they
why porn made specifically for couples or women is described as ‘female friendly’.
can worry about living up to unrealistic expectations in bed?
It infers that most porn isn’t female friendly, and as a rule, it isn’t.
Porn stars are actors- they do this for a living. They are paid to smile and scream
Most porn is marketed to men, so it makes its money by presenting sex as
and ‘enjoy’ things, even if they don’t. Porn presents women that are up for any-
something done TO women BY men. Kind of a, “have penis will conquer” attitude
thing- and any half-arsed internet search brings up some freaky looking shit. I’m
that quite frankly turns me right off. I’m not sure your girl wants sex to be some-
pretty kinky, but most porn is so proudly misogynistic that I just can’t go there.
thing done TO her either- she probably wants it to be something that’s done WITH
I actually sat down once to hunt out something that I liked but the titles were
her. You know- sexy time where two people’s desires are being fulfilled, not just
enough to make my flesh crawl- “Rapers of the Lost Arse” (sex without consent=
one? Because 90% of the things you see happening to women in porn DON’T
rape. Rape= not funny, fun or nice in any way whatsoever), “Your Quim is My
FEEL NICE. The cunnilingus is perfunctory and terrible, the ‘jack-hammer’ (while it
Gym” (reduces women to things to be played with by some guy) and my personal
has its place) isn’t going to get a girl off on its own and there is nothing sexy about
favourite “Horny Slut Gets a Gang Bang and a Cum Filled Arse”.That’s just dripping
getting cum in your eye. Seriously.
in love and trust and pleasure for both parties isn’t it?
In porn, men are often reduced to disembodied cocks so that the average guy
Screen Idiot- you have a real live woman who, for reasons far, far, far beyond my
watching can project themselves into a scene. While I’m definitely not okay with
comprehension, actually wants to have the sex with you. A warm, nice smelling,
the reduction of humans to disembodied genitalia, this sort of ‘point-of-view’ porn
nice tasting human being. And you want to watch a screen instead? For the love
looks where the man looks, and as a result, women are often presented as objects
of orgasms turn off the screen and turn on your woman! If you can. Good luck!
without desires or feelings of their own. I’m even less okay with that than I am
Send your sexy sex questions to auntyslut@nexusmag.co.nz
with disembodied cocks. The women in porn are there to cater to the whim of
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I CONFESS, PROTEST IS SIMPLY THE BEST. Give a Shit Tee-Ship
If we lived in a country where people gave a shit about the
had a crazy look in his eyes… a rapey look.
fucked up things that our government does (beyond repost-
Like “Hey Sergeant, I’m going to arrest this guy.”
ing Facebook posts from the Greenpeace page) we would
“Sure no problem Constable, but might I ask why?”
probably be inclined to take to the streets in protest. Peaceful protest of course, whereupon thousands of us would march on
“Of course Sergeant, because I just really believe in my heart of hearts that he is about to set some shit off.”
Parliament chanting something along the lines of “If our leader is
“Fair enough, smash his skull in.”
Key, we’ll never be free!” Like that! (Just made that up then.) And
…I’m just assuming that’s how it’ll go. But anyway this is a worry.
if we were so inclined to do that due to it being our democratic
Peaceful protest in democratic society is, as far as I’m concerned,
right to speak up when we know our government is acting like a
the one thing that separates us from being a fascist dictatorship.
bunch of assholes, we would be able to do so in an undisturbed
And in what is seemingly becoming a trend, New Zealand’s won-
way with no police harassment and very few if any skulls being
derful National government—who everybody I talk now seems
cracked. This is the backbone of democracy and this is our funda-
to oppose… but when the last election was being held all voted
mental human right.
for John Key because he was “charismatic” or “I just voted for
But all is not quiet on the Australasian front my friends. On the
him because my parents did” or “because…the economy and
11th of March the Victorian State government passed a controversial
stuff”—has been following suit with such corporate ass kissing
bill allowing police far-reaching power in dispersing protesters. The
as the Anadarko Amendment (banning oil protest at sea) and the
Summary Offences and Sentencing Amendment Bill (aka the anti-
change submitted late last month through Supplementary Order
protest law) gives police the legal right to move on, fine or arrest
Paper (a nice way of bypassing a parliamentary select committee
protesters if they believe demonstrators are “causing or likely to
to introduce law changes) that allows applications by oil companies
cause” obstructions to businesses, the movement of people or
to go through the Environmental Protection Agency with “non-
traffic, or people they believe may become violent. The bill directly
notified” status which prevents members of the public lodging
states that an officer is able to arrest a protester if he “reason-
formal protest.
ably believes that the detention is necessary.” I’m sorry but… Reasonably believes…? That sounds like the legal equivalent to he
The damage has already been done, but seriously I beg of you, have a good look at who you’re voting for this coming election.
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SPRING BREAK IN <500 WORDS Alix Abroad Alix Higby
As far as spring break goes, it’s a week you really just want to sleep
but paid a pretty penny for organic food and frequent trips to the ice-cream
through. After one quarter at UCLA I was fucking tired; I’d spent 10 weeks
parlour. In true commune style, personal boundaries were entirely mal-
battling insomnia and roommates who kept odd hours. But who’s lame
leable. On our last day I walked out of an unlockable park bathroom to
enough to sleep through spring break? I’ll admit I did try.
catch a bare chested River hugging the others goodbye. We camped in a
I thought about catching up on sleep at a friend of a friend’s grandma’s
trailer decorated with fairy lights and layers of obscure pinned pictures. I
house next to a lake in a gated community - where everyone rode around
chased a raccoon out of the communal kitchen. But I did not sleep. The
on golf carts like they were actual vehicles. We drank beer on the bal-
vision of the commune’s faceless mannequin “guardians” out in the dark
cony, read, listened to the guys play guitar, and talked shit on top of
kept me awake till dawn.
the motorhome under the stars. Tranquil, you could say. Peaceful. Not
Our final destination was Berkeley. We stayed with more friends of
entirely… After 3am when the booze ran dry, the Scot had passed out and
friends and day-tripped into San Francisco over the weekend. Married
the Americans were sound asleep in the motorhome I was the silent party
grad students at UCB with a working modern shower, a fridge full of local
in a one-way conversation with the grandmother’s tropical bird. Strike one.
beer, and Netflix? We were in spring break heaven! We made plans in the
We moved on to Santa Cruz, a beachy little town up the coast from LA.
dark slumber party style and laughed about the Scot’s drunken rants and
We weren’t sure where we were staying, as this friend of a friend was a
River’s double D’s. The next day, after breakfast in the city, I was going to
little hazy on the details. Turns out there’s an unofficial trailer park on the
drag my spring break survivors to the location they used for exterior shots
UC Santa Cruz campus run by a bunch of 20-something hippies. When we
in Full House. AND THEN WE WOULD GO HOME TO LA. It was too much
cooked dinner the second night the campers really came out of the wood-
excitement. I didn’t sleep.
work. River, Moss, and Forest, to be precise. They were hairy and shoeless,
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UNLIKE TOM CRUISE, FASHION ISN’T CONFINED TO THE CLOSET. A Fashionable Lifestyle Jessica Wilson
Fanny Packs. Fanny packs are essential for a night on the town for two
Diet Fads. Diet fads are essential for keeping you submissive to the
key reasons: one, they provide extra protection from that dude who grinds
white supremacist capitalist patriarchy. Breatharianism is the hot new diet
against everyone like he’s hot shit, and two, they are the perfect size to
craze celebrities, such as Madonna and Michelle Pfeiffer, are raving about.
carry ramen for the next day’s breakfast. Beardstyles. Drop your Computer Science student beard and get ready
Put simply, you’re allowed as much sunlight and air as you like, but no food or water. I put the diet to the test recently. I weighed myself, drunk half a
for the fashion-forward Gandalf beard. The fashion-forward Gandalf beard
litre of calorie-ridden water, then weighed myself again. To my utter shock,
is both thick and voluminous, however what sets it apart is the way it’s
I gained half a kilo. Of fat, probably.
styled. Beard ponytails, beard pigtails, even beard cornrows; it’s up to you. Take it to the next level with ombre or dip dying. Goat Simulator. “Arguably the next Facebook.” – Times Magazine Queer Rappers. Breaking the homophobic mold of rap has been on the rise since Macklemore decided queer people were trending. Stop being a pussy and listen to actual queer rappers, I recommend Le1f, Mykki Blanco, Zebra Katz, Angel Haze and Cakes Da Killa.
Lego. Google tells me this is trending. I’m not quite sure what Lego is, perhaps it’s some sort of prosthetic leg company. Plants. You’ll be the coolest kid out if you have brightly coloured macramé plant hangers and Martinique wallpaper in your flat. If you’re the crafty sort, try DIY-ing your own macramé plant hangers. Internet Famous Activism. Don’t get me wrong, your no-makeup selfie was great, your cheekbones are to die for, but it would have been far
Google Glass. Google Glass is the next Ray-Ban Wayfarers; in fact,
superior with several thousand friends and followers. Ahmed Angel, the
soon you’ll be able to get Glass Wayfarers and look like even more of a
king of Internet famous activism, states, “My Beauty put me in battles but
pretentious d-bag.
humility and mind and good morality are my sword and my shield.”
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16 AGAIN The Foreign Invasion Melody Wilkinson
THE MYTH OF DOLE BLUDGERS Louise vs the World Louise Hutt
Is it just me or does anyone else have moments where they turn into an insecure teenager again? I had to drop by my lecturer’s office to pick up a film. I said, “Thanks.” He said, “Sure, enjoy!” or something to that effect then said, “So, we are all set for Thursday?” I said, “Yep, all good.” Then there was a VERY slight pause, so then I said all weird and twitchy in a really low voice, “SO have a… good… … … … .. …. You know…. Uh……. couple of days...” and then proceeded to flee the office. Like actually flee. I nearly ran into the door because I whipped around so fast. My only explanation is that I am a geek and professors are my personal version of a celebrity. I have always taken pride in the fact that I am not a
Last Christmas, I spent time with some family friends in Cambridge. They’re the typical Cambridge stereotype; wealthy, white and into horses more than people. Their world is pretty different to mine; living paycheck to paycheck, hoping like hell I’ll get a job at the end of this, because the reality of being poor for the rest of my life is incredibly bleak. Nonetheless, being a student is an acceptable reason for being poor, so it didn’t have the same awkward effect that my mother experienced. When asked, as she’d been forced to quit her job, what she was doing now, she simply replied, “Oh, I’m on the dole”. You could have heard a pin drop. My mother is an intelligent, hard working and incredibly capable person, and it was obvious that she didn’t fit into the box they had created for people in need of government support. After a few moments of silence, someone eventually voiced what everyone had
“...FILMS BUT NOT FILMS THAT I WATCH, LIKE FUN WITH DICK AND JANE BUT FILMS LIKE MELANCHOLIA AND RESERVOIR DOGS.”
obviously been thinking; “So, how much do you actually get each week?” “$206” “and how much is your rent?” “$175” “So that’s $31 left to cover food, power, internet, phone and petrol. She’s also expected to assist myself and my brother at university” was my contribution to the conversation. I could slowly hear the cogs turning in their heads, “...that’s not very much”. No. It’s not. To believe that people choose
huge celebrity fantasy person (although inexplicably I had a crush on Kirk Cameron for 6 months when I was like, 16.) While celebrities draw me to the movies, I am quite sure if I ever met one I would be able to keep my sense of self and others intact and not go all screaming and ask to have my picture taken with them. Just as I would not walk up to a perfect stranger all wide mouth smiling, crazy or crying for an autograph. Lecturers on the other hand... After careful analysis of the above scene (with a precision only a geek would apply) I have come to the conclusion that it doesn’t happen all at once. I enter the office okay and am still myself. I start the conversation, ask pertinent questions and then... disaster. I start sweating and laughing REALLY loud and saying “excellent” again and again. Or going on and on about how cute another professor’s dresses are (they are very stylish but seriously, “I love your dresses!?”) I’ve decided it’s the books. The walls covered in books but not books I read, like the Hunger Games but books like Ulysses and Atlas Shrugged and films but not films that I watch, like Fun with Dick and Jane but films like Melancholia and Reservoir Dogs. I begin to ponder the knowledge stored in those shelves and in the mind sitting across from me and I promptly freak out and start giggling and snivelling, just one step away from asking for a selfie or smacking my face into the door on the way out. maydaydownunder.blogspot.co.nz.
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to be unemployed and live happily off that is ignorant beyond words. I made the mistake last week of reading the comments in a stuff article about Sarah Wilson, who is on the sickness benefit and was forced to go through an “anxiety-inducing, dehumanising and debilitating” rigmarole so she could get enough money to live. People were commenting about how if she can run a twitter account and a blog she can surely get a job, how nice her hair looked in the photo supplied of her (and how expensive that would have been to get cut and styled). If you haven’t been in the situation to need to go to Work and Income, you should consider whether your opinion is from living through it or making assumptions about people you’ve probably never met and situations you’ve never been in. Driving home on Christmas Day, I’d like to think some opinions about “dole bludgers” were changed, even if it was uncomfortable and awkward. The more people meet people outside their little demographic, the more they realise that not everyone experiences things the same as them.
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DOUBLE DENIM DANGER Carnage Jules Craft
Kia Ora Whanau how are we today? I’m feeling a little dazed and con-
party coming up then do some research. Maybe find 4 or 5 peer reviewed
fused but also fucking awesome. Why is this you might ask? Well it’s
articles so that you can conduct a literature review on your future theme.
because this last weekend I participated in the most spectacular dress up
Only the most irresponsible dress up party participants go in with no core
party ever. Yeah, that’s right, a dress up party. Don’t look at me like I’m a
knowledge of what the theme truly means.
weirdo! Dress up parties are the business! The theme was double denim
Responsibility of the host: The host must enforce the dress code. It’s not
and the results were dangerous.
only their responsibility but their inherent right. The host has just wel-
I feel that an ethical guideline to all dress up parties is in order. Feel free
comed you into their home to enjoy a lovely night full of same dressed
to refer to the following academically viable piece of writing for any of your
shenanigans. It’s their house, their party, and if the theme happens to be
next costume wearing adventures.
tinsel dancing fairies I don’t give a fuck who you are, you’re going to that
Ethical Guidelines:
party dressed in tinsel with your best tutu wielding a plastic wand like an
Professionalism: Dress up isn’t a joke. It’s a fully viable idea for an amazing
emblem of glory.
night. At all times you must show respect to the theme, yourself, and other
Responsibility to others: Dressing up is a team effort. Once you’re all in
participants. There shall be no such thing as “aw fuck we all look like tools
theme, like or not you have formed an unearthly bond that will last you
dressed up in blue jeans and blue vests.” Comments must always refer
until you come in your half ripped costume and lay your face to rest on your
to how fucking epic everyone looks i.e: “Damn we be killing this shit, we
pillow. Your brothers in double denim or tinsel tutus live and die with you
could be the new face of Levi jeans marketing campaign, styley mother
in the trenches of the night. For that one night you’re looking out for your
fuckers that we are!”
crew. You’re a pack of devilishly well-dressed human beings and you’re all
Responsibility to research subject: If you’re going to a dress up party
going to rock the theme of the night together. Be it buying one of the bros
with no idea of the true meaning behind the theme then you’re doing it
a drink, or making sure the highly intoxicated one of the group navigates
wrong. A clear knowledge and understanding must be reached about the
their way around town safely, it’s all about looking out for the bradas and
theme before it can truly be enjoyed. If you know you have a dress up
the sistas people.
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THE INTERNET PARTY, NONVOTERS, AND YOU Politics Ryan Wood
The newest feature to emerge on New Zealand’s political
But we don’t, and so, they won’t.
landscape is the Internet Party, the brainchild of stranded
Finally, the issue I have with the Internet Party is that my
millionaire Kim Dotcom. It has been given an absurd amount
peers and I are supposedly the disenfranchised youth who
of media attention, particularly after talks of an alliance with
would support such a movement. And that, quite frankly,
Mana was mooted. But is the Internet Party a threat to
offends my intellectual sensibilities. Being young does not
National’s hegemony? Commentators suggest that, while swing voters are unlikely to support it, the Internet Party may mobilise some of the hundreds of thousands who chose not to vote in 2011’s election. They point to the Internet Party’s rapid accumulation of new members through their online app as evidence of this potential. The problem with this theory is that it takes a fair amount of apathy not to vote. And it is apathy, not disillusionment, which characterises non-voters in New Zealand. If a protest
“IF WE WERE ABLE TO VOTE IN ELECTIONS ONLINE, FROM THE COMFORT OF OUR BEDS, THEN YES, THE INTERNET PARTY WOULD ROMP IN WITH EIGHT OR NINE MPS. BUT WE DON’T, AND SO, THEY WON’T.”
vote is what you want to cast, then there are countless singleissue/joke parties to choose from. The Internet Party is just one more to slot alongside Legalise Cannabis or Liberterianz.
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equate to being stupid. This university is brimming with
Of course, the advantage the Internet Party has is extensive
students who want to engage with the economic and
media coverage and novelty value. But is that enough to trans-
social issues facing New Zealand, and who, as a result, sup-
fer into meaningful votes? I find it unlikely. If we were able to
port a wide range of political parties with a focus on more
vote in elections online, from the comfort of our beds, then
than just sticking it to the government. This column is for
yes, the Internet Party would romp in with eight or nine MPs.
those students.
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STEADY ON, TRYING TO PUT IN THE HARD YARDS Road to Fitness Lauren Heginbotham
In anticipation of the first ‘fun run’ on my list –the campus one– I took up this week’s challenge. The fun run has a distance of 5km. My Personal Best is 3.8km.
accomplish 6 minute kilometres meant I knew I was behind the goal line after 1km. Yet I persisted and altered the speed up and down when I felt I could push it a bit more.
I thought it would be a great opportunity to see a bit of campus
Did I feel the pain? Yes. Am I glad I tested myself? Yes. Would I do it
and also get the mental barrier of seeing 5km as a humongous effort
again? Kind of… with a little help from my future self who would say:
out of my head. Preparation required actually knowing I could go the distance. I needed to know that I would push through the pain and reach the
“...MY BODY TO SHUT DOWN AFTERWARDS (I
elusive 5km finish line. After all, I wouldn’t want to embarrass myself
WILL DISPUTE THE CLAIM THAT I WHINGED
with all those people around… (Seriously). So, taking on a ‘blow out the cobwebs’ attitude, I took myself to
ALL AFTERNOON).”
UniRec, keen to get on a treadmill and see what could be achieved in 30 minutes. No consultation with an expert required, just ‘charge on in’. If you’re reading between the lines that’s code for; no warm up, no cool down. What I noticed first was the sweat. Loads of it. It started with faint
Seek advice. Push your limits but don’t break yourself in the process. Stats: New PB of 4.3km. 5m incline gained over the total distance. Calories: 306. Median speed: 8.9.
dew and quickly turned into a torrent to be reckoned with… Perhaps
Aftermath: Lactic acid is not my friend. I got schooled by James, PT
I’m exaggerating, but as a steady stream starting dripping off my
at UniRec on going out too hard which forced my body to shut down
elbow, it got me thinking of the Bikram yoga class I’d done and not
afterwards (I will dispute the claim that I whinged all afternoon). He’s
returned to… (The droplets from my chin that had run into my nostrils
going to give me a few more clues before I embark on this zero to
and ears during downward dog put a swift stop to that.) The mental barrier of knowing that to run this thing I needed to
hero running 5km thing so I don’t seize up, give up and remain in pain for four days straight.
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SHANNON'S NOT THE ONLY GIRL ON THE BOARD ANYMORE! CATHERINE MONKTON
— After competing in a Hunger Games-esque nomination/
competition, with Aaron Letcher as one of the targets.
interview and trial process, I’m the brand spanking new
Actually, screw giving away prizes for that joyous honour,
WSU Director.
let’s just do it for fun.
Things you should know about me? I’m an Honours Law
My favourite shows include Girls, Jono and Ben at Ten,
student, and a sometime Business/Management student.
60 Minutes and my new obsession, Step Dave, which with
I enjoy looking at street style blogs and I’m addicted to
quality fast paced and witty dialogue is at the forefront of
online shopping. I enjoy listening to music, with what some describe as eclectic taste. I enjoy cooking and I have an unhealthy
I have a vision for Waikato University that one day this
MAC lipstick obsession/ all-round make up addiction. I like
place will no longer be the butt of other tertiary institu-
a good social drink and a night out on the town with my
tions jokes.
mates. I’m gluten free, and I want to push for more gluten and dairy free culinary options on campus.
36
accurately reflecting contemporary New Zealand/Auckland society.
I’m looking forward to rising to this challenging role. I see great potential within Waikato. We have the numbers, we
Another vision I have is helping to facilitate the growth
have the space. Together, with your help we can make this
of Waikato student culture. My ideas include a series of
university a truly great institution. And maybe (with your
weekly challenges to be held in the village green pub-
support) throw edible items at WSU members for the sake
lic arena. This could potentially include a pie throwing
of “Building Student Culture”.
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THE BANK
Blind Dat�
BROUGHT TO YOU BY THE BANK AND 97.8 THE EDGE. EACH WEEK NEXUS ATTEMPTS TO MAKE A LOVE/ SEXUAL CONNECTION. IF YOU'RE KEEN FOR A DATE ON US EMAIL EDITOR@NEXUSMAG.CO.NZ
XX
XY
THE LADY'S EXPERIENCE
THE GENTLEMAN'S EXPERIENCE
So I was a little shocked to say the least when I got a call from the Edge to
To be honest I was a bit nervous as blind dates are new to me. I made an
say I had been picked to go on the blind date, probably because I did not
attempt to show up 15 minutes early to get a drink in me but by the time
even apply! However putting all nerves aside I thought why not it’s a good
I’d picked up my glass, my date had arrived. To my relief she was cute,
excuse to get free alcohol. When I arrived at The Bank I thought 'oh God'
and really friendly too. We sat down and I feel like we hit it off straight
please don’t be a first year, that is much too young or some kind of cruel
away, we didn’t even realize it was time to order since we’d been chatting
April fool’s joke. But to my surprise when the waiter introduced me to my
since she had arrived. We were getting along really well during dinner,
date I was instantly relieved knowing that he was going to be easy to talk
even through the awkward questions from the staff, which only seemed
to. However as he had worked at the Bank before everyone knew him,
to free up the conversation even more. As the evening went on, the drinks
making the experience a little more awkward, especially when our lovely
kept flowing and I felt far more at ease. From The Bank we moved on to
waiter came over and gave us two awkward questions about being drunk
cocktails, followed by another few rounds at Shenanigans. I honestly wish
and naked to answer which made things a little interesting and diminishing
I could write something more awkward or entertaining for the readers but
my preconceived ideas about my date maybe being “innocent” with him
put simply, this ended up being a really nice blind date with a really nice
jumping in to tell me his stories. We ended up talking the whole time and
girl. Nothing too exciting to end on but I will say that I did get her number
having maybe a few too many drinks and then continuing the night drinking
and I’m definitely going to take her out again (If she wants to of course).
at other bars. So I have a feeling I will be seeing him again.
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PHOTOGRAPH: ASHLEIGH MATTHEWS
nexus magazine
HAMILTON - THE CITY OF STUDENTS STUDENTS' UNION PRESIDENT AARON LETCHER
— Dear Hamilton,
0.67 jobs somewhere else in the country – probably in Government depart-
I’m still trying to make up my mind as to whether we truly are the ‘city
ments – and contributed $474 million to New Zealand’s GDP. Every dollar
of the future’ or just another cow town that has outgrown that status. It
spent by the University, or its students, generates another $1.31 for New
is undeniable that we have strong rural connections, and often this is a
Zealand businesses with 99 cents of that being in the Waikato.
brush we are all tarred with. You may remember this experience from that
With statistics like that it’s undeniable that the University is a real con-
one time you caught up with your “corporate” friends from Auckland or
tributor to our local economy. Students give a lot to this city, and I think
your “cool” hipster friends from Wellington. Questions such as “Where
it’s about time we put the question to our politically confused local Mayor
are your gumboots?” or “Does Waikato even give out degrees?” are all
and part-time ‘Briscoes Lady’ Julie Hardaker - what does this city have
too common, but does it even matter? I personally think that we should
to offer students? A debt crisis that will cripple the city for a generation,
be embracing our history and heritage, not hiding from it. The reality is that
failing public transport, and a 3.8% rates increase that is making this city
we come from the economic power-house of the New Zealand economy
unaffordable for students are not acceptable answers. Neither is draconian
and should be proud of it.
liquor ban legislation, full price bus tickets, and an increasing amount of
An Economic Impact Report recently released by the University of “in fill” high density housing that is quickly turning the areas surrounding Waikato shows that the University contributed $938 million to the New
Cities such as Palmerston North and Otago are often hailed as student
may only amount to 0.3% of the national economy, or 3% of our regional
destinations because they choose to look after their student population. I
economy, it’s quite an achievement for an educational institution compet-
think it’s about time the local body politicians of Hamilton started doing the
ing against corporate giants such as Fonterra. We created 5200 jobs, with
same before we start voting with our feet.
every job created having a flow-on effect creating 0.57 jobs regionally and
38
the University into slums that send a shiver down most parent’s spines.
Zealand economy in 2013, a 10% increase on the previous year. While that
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nexus magazine
I QUIT! TONY STEVENS FROM YWRC
— So you’re moving on to greener pastures. You’ve handed in your four weeks’ notice and are counting down the hours when dusting bottles of Shingle Peak sauvignon blanc are PHOTOGRAPH: ANDRE KONG
just a speck in your rear view mirror (if you work in a liquor store, that is). Then your boss decides that if you’re leaving, then you might as well bugger off now. But hang on – you were counting on getting paid until the end of the notice date. Good news is, even if your employer wants to move you on sooner than expected they still
PARKING PROBLEMS
have to pay you until the end of the agreed notice period. How long that period is depends on the
AMBER CARDALE
—
agreement between you and your boss. When you signed your contract you also agreed to the employer’s desired notice period – unless they left that clause out, in which case you can negotiate with the chief as to what an appropriate length of time is. There is no set notice period in New Zealand law. What if you just decide: bugger it, this place makes me vomit in my mouth just thinking about it, so I think I’ll skip the notice period. It doesn’t take an experimental physicist to see that abandoning your job with little warning might get the boss’ temple veins bulging. But if you feel that doing a runner is really your only option, rest assured your boss can not penalise you by deducting your wages, unless there is a forfeiture of wages clause
It doesn’t take a brain surgeon to figure out that parking at university ahh… sucks. There is nothing worse than having to park in Gate One car park when you actually have class over in PWC. Been there, done that. Now I can’t solve the parking problem here but I can advise you on some ways around this situation. Carpool. Did you know that the university actually has a carpooling system in place for students? Go to the Waikato website and search ‘Ridelink’. Don’t park on the streets for longer than two hours. There is a time limit on the roads around the university. Don’t get a parking ticket or, even worse, a greater fine for having an illegal car. Get your walk on. If you're trying to get healthier or fit this year, then walk to university. Move closer to university. There are always rooms available in flats around the university. Why not check them out?
in your contract. It is illegal for an employer to pinch money out of your piggy bank unless you say so but if your contract contains a forfeiture clause they can deduct wages in lieu of notice. So read your employment agreement carefully – with a magnifying glass, or better yet a monocle – they are cooler. Got any employment questions for the YWRC or topics for future articles? Fire them through to Tony.
FREE LEGAL ADVICE LAURENCE MCLEAN
— Have you been arrested? Is your landlord overcharging you in rent? Did you buy a laptop but now it won’t work? Is your boss trying to fire you without a reason? The student law clinic is your chance to sit down with a lawyer and talk through these issues and any other legal problems you may come across. It’s free, it’s confidential and it’s a great place to go to find what the law says about your problem. This service is available every Thursday from 11-1pm at the WSU offices, lawyers will be available to discuss any legal issues or questions you might have and point you in the right direction. Book an appointment today at the WSU office in the SUB building.
Contact: 0800 AT YWRC, ywrc@xtra.co.nz.
Contact: advocacy@wsu.org.nz or 027 2065 011. Or make an appointment at wsu.org.nz
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NOTICES
University Challenge
Free Thought Society
COMING SOON
WEDNESDAYS, 1-2PM, AMPITHEATRE
Are you a fan of old TV from the 70s? Have you
The Free Thought Society are starting weekly
seen the movie “Starter for ten” and thought
sessions at the Ampitheatre (grassy area near
I want to join a Uni quiz team. Well boy do we
Pita Pit) during cultural hour 1pm-2pm every
have good news for you…. University Challenge
Wednesday. Engage in stimulating conversation
is starting up again soon. Stay tuned for your
and debate.
chance to be on a televised quiz show.
Pilot Gallery EXHIBITIONS & EVENTS
Powerlifting Champs RAJAH1981@HOTMAIL.COM
delight with solo and chamber instrumental works and a variety of vocal repertoire. Entry is free if you have a valid student id otherwise $5.
Free Electronic Recycling Hamilton & Waikato Areas RECYCLEIT.CO.NZ
We are dedicated to recycling IT equipment in an environmentally responsible way, with free recycling services and a dedication to privacy. We recycle commercial and domestic related
Pilot Gallery has opened at 5 Ward Street and are open Thursday-Friday 11.30am - 5pm and Saturday 11.30am - 4pm. The space offers artists a chance to host exhibitions and events.
computer and electronic equipment. Come see the regions lifters at Waikato Bay of Plenty Powerlifting Champs starting at 11am. When: April 12th 2014. Where: Uni Rec Centre, Basketball Courts, Gate 1, Knighton Road, Hillcrest, Hamilton.
Fijian Club FIJIANCLUB.WAIKATO@OUTLOOK.COM
The Fijian Club is BACK! For those wanting to get
Gold Coin Donation on entry.
We accept anything related to computer equipment regardless of condition. Faulty, working, complete or parts only. We also accept cell phones and related gear, stereos, CRT & LCD Monitors & TV's, DVD Players, VCR's, cables, cords, etc. Please check this site out http://recycleit.co.nz/
Free Concert
Also checkout and like our facebook page, facebook.com/pages/RecycleIT/235371476664800
WEDNESDAYS 9TH APRIL
involved, please contact Margaret on fijanclub. waikato@outlook.com First event is coming soon so register now!
Student Concert this Wednesday at 1pm in the Gallagher Performing Arts Centre. Top Conservatorium of Music students inspire and
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Send any notices to editor@nexusmag.co.nz
nexus magazine
CARAMEL SLICE Cooking for Students Zac Lyon
To those d-bags that thought it would be cool to break into my house and steal my laptop, camera, hard drives… and my sunglasses, I salute you with my middle finger. You stole not just a laptop but my memories and most importantly recipes from the last 4 years of my life. Fuck you. I decided to eat my sorrows, and this is the recipe I went for.
Ingredients Base: 1 cup flour 1/2 cup shredded coconut 1/2 cup brown sugar 125g melted butter Filling: 400g condensed milk 60g butter 2 Tbs golden syrup Topping: 200g milk chocolate melted 50g white chocolate melted
Directions 01_ Throw together the flour, coconut and sugar in large bowl. Pour in melted butter and mix it thoroughly. 02_ Press this mixture into a greased baking dish (30x15 cm) and bake this bad boy for around 15-20 mins at 180°C. 03_ For the filling, grab a large saucepan, and melt the butter, add condensed milk and golden syrup. Heat for roughly 8 mins until it bubbles. It should thicken and change to a caramel colour. 04_ Pour over baked base, ensuring you have saved enough to eat out of the saucepan. 05_ Now you want to re-bake the slice for 12 mins, it will golden and firm up. Don’t burn the thing guys, keep an eye on it – remove from oven and allow to cool completely. 06_ Melt chocolate (you can just use one colour of chocolate) but for the fancy peeps, melt each separately and lather it on top of your cooled slice. You can mix the two chocolates to create spacey as designs. 07_ Last step, demolish that sucker. Share with friends, unless they are the ones that stole my stuff, then they get nothing.
It's not too hard to get it perfect, so give it a whirl. If you still scratching your head, head over to Cooking4Students facebook page or youtube channel to see how it is done!
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Codewords
Each letter in this puzzle is represented by a number 1-26. Crack the code to solve the crossword.
KenKen
Sequence
The bolded groups of squares are called “cages.” In the
What shape comes next?
upper-left corner of each cage, there is a “target number” and a math operation. Fill in each square of a cage with a number between 1-9. The numbers in a cage must combine—in any order, using only that cage’s math operation—to form that cage’s target number. You may not repeat a number in any row or column but you can repeat a number within a cage. Example: Your target number is 5, your operation is addition, you’re using the numbers 1–9, and the cage is made up of two squares. You could fill in 2 and 3 (because 2 + 3 = 5) or 1 and 4 (1 + 4 = 5)
Syllabic
1. Letter finish line: 2. A motive:
From the following syllables and clues, form ten words of a least two syllables.
3. State: 4. Metallic Element:
a - bel - cad - cal - chis - co - cu - do - ed
5. Adorn:
- em - har - if - is - lat - law - lish - lo - ma mi - mo - or - out - ra - ri - sa - ser - sin - te - ter - ul - um
6. Desert: 7. Evil: 8. Estimated: 9. Criminal: 10. Manliness:
Enter numbers into the blank spaces so that each row,
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HARD
MEDUIM
column and 3x3 box contains the numbers 1-9.
EASY
Sudoku
Draw your answer here.
nexus magazine
Target How many four (or more) letter words can you make from the letters in the square without using proper nouns? Each word must contain the centre letter.
9 letter word peignoirs 8 letter words peignoir reposing spongier 7 letter words inspire perigon pigeons poising porgies prising prosing ripieno serpigo spinier sponger sporing springe 6 letter words gripes gropes opines orpine person pieing pigeon pinier pirogi ponies poring posing prions prison prongs ripens riping roping sniper sponge spring 5 letter words genip gipon gripe grips grope nopes opens opine oping peins penis peons piers piing pines pings pions pirog poise pones pongs pores poser pries
Crossword
Solve the clues and fill in the words.
prigs prion prise prone
Answers for this crossword are in the online magazine at nexusmag.co.nz.
prong prose ripen ripes
Across
36. Big (5)
71. Skilful (5)
10. Antelope (7)
48. Athletic performer (7)
1. Japanese art of paper
38. Claw (5)
72. Enduring strength and
11. Curved bone (3)
49. Movable barriers (5)
folding (7)
40. Found in a book (5)
energy (7)
12. Height (7)
51. Present (4)
5. Highly involved (9)
41. Reading desk (7)
74. Main artery (5)
15. Go forward (7)
54. Cancel (5)
9. Numbers (7)
42. Step by step (9)
76. Quick (5)
19. Happen (5)
57. Hide (7)
13. Move from one position
43. Tales (5)
77. Softly glowing (7)
22. Transport illegally (7)
58. Estimate (5)
to another (5)
45. Administrator (9)
79. Angry (5)
24. Below (5)
59. Hunch (9)
14. Cure-all (7)
47. Navigational heading (7)
80. Flightless bird (7)
27. Throw out (5)
60. Aromatic herb (7)
16. Despised (5)
50. Lawful (5)
81. Soaked (9)
29. Male deer (4)
61. Large percussion instru-
17. African equine (5)
52. Beginning (5)
82. Gave (7)
30. Not readable (9)
ment (7)
18. Skilled artist (7)
53. Dodge (5)
Down
31. Tally (5)
63. Aquatic creature (7)
20. Symptom of infection(5)
55. Sincerely (9)
1. See (7)
32. Irritate (5)
65. Try (7)
21. Conundrums (7)
56. Aspect (5)
2. Dialect (5)
33. Replies (7)
66. Began (7)
23. Compares (7)
58. Slopes (9)
3. Veritable (9)
34. Hermit (7)
67. Decided with
25. Nest of ants (6)
60. Path of an object around
4. Driving force (7)
35. Mindless (9)
authority(7)
26. Surface boundary (4)
another (5)
5. Lodge (3)
37. Learned (7)
68. Armed thief (6)
28. Elicit (5)
62. Halt (4)
6. Diplomatic (7)
39. Allegiance (7)
70. Planet (5)
30. Pointer (9)
64. Convict (6)
7. Stick (6)
40. Danger (5)
73. Separate (5)
32. Prevent from happening(5)
66. Resolved (7)
8. Went in (7)
44. Brief (5)
75. Rodent (3)
33. Edible plant shoots (9)
69. Storm (7)
9. Waned (5)
46. Additional (5)
78. Conclusion (3)
ropes snipe spier spine spire spore sprig sprog 4 letter words epos gips gorp grip nips nope open opes pegs pein peng pens peon peri peso pier pies pigs pine ping pins pion pirn piso pone pong pons pore porn pose prig pros reps ripe rips rope snip spin
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