r-2017-03-30

Newspaper decides against publishing annual April Fools’ Day issue because satire is dead WEEKLY WORLD

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Reno businesses get hella high

LocaL troLL misspeLLs

‘snowfLake’! RENo’s NEws & ENtERtaiNmENt wEEkly

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VolumE 23, issuE 7

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maRch 30 – apRil 5, 2017

EMAil lEttERS to RENolEttERS@NEwSREviEw.CoM.

Words, words, words Welcome to this week’s Reno News & Review. The trolls find plenty to eat without us feeding them. For example, after some of our recent cover stories, about gay Nevadans and resisting Trump, we’ve seen an uptick in trolling. The trolls have baited us with emails, phone calls and social media messages. Some of them have even taken to harassing our advertisers and the places that carry our paper—most of which are small, locally owned businesses. That harassment has not amounted to much. The vast majority of those businesses support our right to free speech—even if they don’t always agree with our stances. I’ve said it before and will say it again: Thank you to all those local businesses. We take pride in being a community paper and have eternal gratitude to the Northern Nevadans who make it possible for us to do what we do. We saw a lot of trolling on Facebook. There was a rash of one-star ratings, accompanied by bitter, hostile invective. The heartwarming thing was the surge of five-star ratings in response, which quickly overwhelmed the one-star ratings. Again: thanks, folks. The five-star ratings were written by a diverse group—all sorts of ages and ethnicities. The negative reviews, for the most part, were written by white folks over 45. But here’s the biggest difference: The five-star reviews had proper punctuation, spelling and grammar. The one-star reviews did not. It was a remarkably consistent pattern. When our supporters called out the trolls for their bad grammar, they defended it like it was a point of personal pride that they don’t care about grammar. That was one inspiration for this week’s satiric cover. We believe that words matter. With all due respect to visual art, music, TV, binary code, and the movies, language is the best form of communication ever devised. When used with care, it can be an instrument of fine precision, carving out nuanced arguments or conveying the subtlest, finest points. Of course, it can also be a blunt object.

—Brad Bynum bradb@ ne ws r ev i ew . com

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03.30.17

MARCH, 30, 2017 | VOL. 23, IssuE 7

The stakes

Bruce splits the vote

The Republican health care plan eviscerates Medicaid and will kill my son. My son has HIV (AIDS). With medical care, HIV is a chronic disease. Denied medication, his HIV is a death sentence. Still, Republicans play politics and kowtow to billionaires and Russian spies. Amodei and Heller seem to forget we sent them to Washington to represent Nevada’s best interests, not their own ambitions. Janet Marriott Reno

It’s time to put Bruce Van Dyke out to pasture along with the dead horse he keeps beating. Bruce is still stuck in the delusion that voting for either party makes a difference. It does not. Both parties only work for their corporate masters and their agenda, which is to destroy the working class once and for all. All Bruce does with his endless ranting is keep people divided instead of coming together to realize once and for all who our real enemy is. Meanwhile, the oligarchs are all gathered together in their protective enclaves laughing their a$$e$ off all the way to their banks while the foolish citizens keep on pointing fingers at each other. Come on, Bruce, wake up and grow a pair of eyeballs to actually see what is going on. In the meantime you are simply playing the part of an idiot parroting propaganda on behalf of those who only hold you in contempt. Alan Banfield Carson City

We all know ACA only made medical care affordable for the poor yet raised premiums for the middle class. Most of the millions of previously uninsured were young people who didn’t want or need insurance and regardless of what the spun polls tell us is not a popular program. Trumpcare, had it passed, is even less palatable to the public at large. It is my belief that the only truly “popular” health care system would be a single payer or socialized one. I don’t lean towards the left or the right but rather am in search of honesty and pragmatism in our society. I think health and welfare is the government’s purview—police, fire, health care. The corporate run system we currently have has no place for people in it, only profits. It’s one of the giant elephants in the room that nobody wants to mention except to keep it groomed and fed. This must change! John Bogle Reno

You’re so right, Bruce, we cannot glaze over! If ever we all needed to band together against this crazy, insane Republican Party, it is now. Keep it up out there! Miss listening to you on the X! Peace. Kathy Randolph Anchorage

ERIK HOLLAND

Demon(strate) President Trump actually said the news media “is the enemy of the American people.” This is a direct attack on the first amendment of our Constitution. It’s a craven threat to our free press and to journalists everywhere. It cannot be tolerated. To counter such inflammatory, un-American rhetoric, I suggest we turn to our first amendment remedies: Support journalists, support facts, stand up, speak out, write letters, send emails, make phone calls, assemble peaceably—and persistently tell our elected officials to stand up for our constitutional rights to a free press, freedom of speech, and the freedom to disagree with our public servants. If President Trump insists on on demonizing our free press, he is not upholding his sworn duty “to preserve, protect, and defend the Constitution of the United States.” And in that case, how can we consider him fit for duty? Carl Sharp Reno

Our Mission: To publish great newspapers that are successful and enduring. To create a quality work environment that encourages employees to grow professionally while respecting personal welfare. To have a positive impact on our communities and make them better places to live. Editor Brad Bynum News Editor Dennis Myers Special Projects Editor Jeri Chadwell-Singley Arts Editor Kris Vagner Calendar Editor Kelley Lang Contributors Amy Alkon, Megan Berner, Matt Bieker, Kelsey

Fitzgerald, Bob Grimm, Anna Hart, Ashley Hennefer, Shelia Leslie, Josie Luciano, Eric Marks, Tim Prentiss, Jessica Santina, Todd South, Marc Tiar, Brendan Trainor, Bruce Van Dyke, Allison Young Design Manager Lindsay Trop Creative Director Serene Lusano Art Director Margaret Larkin Marketing/Publications Designer Sarah Hansel Production Coordinator Skyler Smith Designer Kyle Shine Sales Manager Emily Litt RN&R Rainmaker Gina Odegard Advertising Consultants Brit Johnson, Myranda Keeley

Distribution Director Greg Erwin Distribution Manager/Operations Coordinator Kelly Miller Distribution Assistant and Driver Marty Lane Distribution Drivers Alex Barskyy, Bob Christensen, Debbie Frenzi, Gary White, Jennifer Gangestad, Lori Ashley, Lori DeAndreis, Marty Troye, Patrick L’Angelle, Rosie Martinez, Tracy Breeden, Vicki Jewell President/CEO Jeff VonKaenel Director of Nuts & Bolts Deborah Redmond Executive Coordinator Carlyn Asuncion Project Coordinator Natasha VonKaenel Director of People & Culture David Stogner

Director of Dollars & Sense Nicole Jackson Payroll/AP Wizard Miranda Dargitz Sweetdeals Coordinator Courtney DeShields Developers John Bisignano, Jonathan Schultz System Support Specialist Kalin Jenkins N&R Publications Editor Michelle Carl N&R Publications Associate Editor Kate Gonzales N&R Publications Writer Anne Stokes Cover Design: Serene Lusano

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By JERI CHADWELL-SINGLEY

Is fake news a real problem? askeD aT sunDance Books anD music, 121 caliFornia ave. Te al Fr ancis Artist

I think it’s a problem because it puts what’s real—real facts and real news—into question. … So then there’s all this incorrect knowledge that’s perpetuated, and it makes the divide even wider, because we can’t even agree on what the facts are, let alone create solutions. Win Fr ancis Lawyer

The starting place, really, is I’m not sure what fake news is. I think it’s kind of a fuzzy term, and it seems like people just use it for something they don’t like. I don’t understand it exactly, so that’s, I guess, my starting place.

caT Temple Summer camp director

Repeal mandatory seat belts The introduction of Senate Bill 288 at this year’s Nevada Legislature prompts us to reprint this March 2009 editorial: One of the exasperating features of the legislative process is the unwillingness of some lawmakers and lobbyists to accept defeat of some proposals, with the result that legislation is brought back time and again, forcing members of the public to repeatedly make the same fight over and over, until finally the everyday citizen loses by being outlasted. The best example in this year’s Nevada Legislature is the proposal to change Nevada’s traffic laws to make failure to wear a seat belt a primary instead of a secondary offense. A secondary offense is one that can be cited only in tandem with a first offense. For years, insurance companies and police have gotten legislators to keep introducing bills to accomplish this. Each time, small community groups and private citizens write letters and go to the capital to oppose public agencies and corporate lobbyists on the issue. Such measures were defeated in 1997 (Assembly Bill 181), 2003 (Senate Bill 480), and 2007 (S.B. 42). Unwilling to accept such judgments, insurance lobbyists now have two bills (S.B. 116 and S.B. 145) to make failure to wear seat belts a primary offense. It’s easy for contract lobbyists paid by insurance companies and Highway Patrol lobbyists funded by the taxpayers to get to Carson City for long periods to shepherd bills through the process. For private citizens, it means taking time off from work and taking private time to lobby.

It’s useful to remember how Nevada got its seat belt law—not through concern for safety but as the result of a tawdry political/corporate deal. On July 11, 1984, U.S. Transportation Secretary Elizabeth Dole, under heavy pressure from car makers who did not want to install airbags, caved in to their lobbyists and agreed that if “states representing twothirds of the United States population enact mandatory seat belt usage laws by April 1, 1989,” the car manufacturers would not have to install airbags. Auto executives fanned out across the land like locusts, hiring local contract lobbyists to lean on state legislators. In Nevada they set up a Detroit front group, “Traffic Safety Now.” Soon, seat belt laws were being enacted, though the smell of the political deal offended some locals. That’s why some states made their laws secondary enforcement. The Nevada public didn’t like the law and has successfully resisted its expansion. ... A lobby group called the Nevada Seat Belt Coalition is now being run by the Highway Patrol and University of Nevada, Las Vegas, putting two tax-funded agencies into a hot political issue. Whether it too has Detroit corporate funding is not known, but there is something unseemly about dragging this same proposal out again and again instead of accepting its multiple defeats. A far better use of legislative time would be repealing the mandatory seat belt law altogether instead of expanding it to primary enforcement. It’s over the line of government intrusion in our lives. Ω

It’s a fine line between freedom of speech and agenda. Anybody can say whatever they want to sway people toward believing what they believe, which is a good thing. At the same time, I guess when you’re in a leadership role doing that ... it’s immoral, and it’s wrong.

Donovan aDams Anthropology student

I think it exists both purposefully and sometimes unintentionally. ... And I think part of the issue comes if the people reading or watching fake news aren’t informing themselves about the background of it. Is it an issue to the degree in which particular people want us to believe? No, absolutely not. Bay roussel Family studies student

If people say the government put out a certain story to cover something up. I guess not everyone can handle it. ... But it is kind of wrong, because they should give that option to us—whether we choose to handle it, how we choose to handle it, really.

03.30.17    |   RN&R   |   3

by Sheila leSlie

Billions for the military, cuts elsewhere we would prefer to waste billions of dollars trying to wall ourselves off from the misery and suffering of the world at the expense of our own most vulnerable citizens? And who but a military contractor really thinks that adding $54 billion to a military budget that is already more than the next eight biggest spending countries combined is going to guarantee our safety in a world of uncertainty and chaos? Not likely, especially after we cut 29 percent from the diplomats at the State Department. The America First budget from the Office of Management and Budget was presented to the nation last week. It’s full of misinformation such as this gem regarding the $1.2 billion cut in after-school and summer programs for elementary students: “The programs lacks [sic] strong evidence of meeting its objectives, such as improving student achievement.” Budget Director Mick Mulvaney says these programs don’t improve academic performance. But according to multiple studies, that just isn’t true. Besides, common sense should tell

anyone that students who are productively occupied are also much less likely to get into unsupervised trouble. There’s a particular insult to Nevada hidden in the Trump budget in the form of $120 million to restart the licensing process for the Yucca Mountain nuclear waste dump in Nye County, just 90 miles from Las Vegas. Nevada’s congressional delegation has long been united against storing high-level radioactive waste in our earthquake-prone desert far too close to our largest population center, especially since none of the waste is generated in Nevada. Even U.S. Senator Dean Heller slapped that part of the proposed budget down, saying “Yucca is dead, and their reckless proposal will not revive it.” But in this Alice in Wonderland budget nightmare, it’s been resurrected. The Nevada Assembly heard Assembly Joint Resolution 10 last week, expressing opposition to the repository, which will undoubtedly be completely ignored in Washington. But make no mistake. One

accident could scare off tourists forever and turn Las Vegas into a ghost town. Transportation issues should be of concern to everyone living on the designated route since the waste would travel by railway or trucks, incredibly rich terrorism targets capable of destroying any community unlucky enough to lie in its path. It’s tempting to shrug off the new worries of some Trump voters that this budget and the repeal of the Affordable Care Act may leave them significantly worse off than they are today even as others refuse to budge from their blind support of the President, despite his narcissistic bold-faced lies about virtually everything. Our elected representatives must unite in their resistance to the immorality of spending billions on an offensive, useless wall and more weapons of destruction while our seniors and children are hungry and neglected. Who will save us from this madman if not ourselves? Ω

get more, spend less.

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Goodbye Big Bird and Cookie Monster. Kids today don’t need to learn how to read. And everyone knows Sesame Street is just liberal goofiness. Who needs clean air and safe drinking water? We definitely don’t want all those business-killing regulations from the Environmental Protection Agency, so off with their head, or at least 31 percent of their budget. We’re going to charge you senior citizens thousands more for your health care coverage. And we know you don’t really need those Meals on Wheels. Let’s get rid of energy assistance for the poor while we’re at it. Time for all of you to learn personal responsibility. Instead we’re going to spend our money building a useless multi-billion dollar wall on our border with Mexico, whose citizens are never going to reimburse us, believe me. A budget is an expression of our priorities as a nation, reflecting our values and our dreams. What does it say about us that

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4  295359_4.9_x_5.4.indd  |   RN&R   |1   03.30.17

3/23/17 9:47 AM

by Brendan Trainor

More on sex workers When I do a doobie, or vape some THC, I do not dream progressive dreams. The belief that you should be able to ingest any substance—even, in fact, poison—because you own your own body is a profoundly libertarian, not progressive, idea. Only libertarians start the discussion with self ownership. It was the progressives who gave us alcohol prohibition in the first place. Progressivism as actually practiced has also produced eugenics, wars to end all war, class warfare, depressions and recessions, an overpriced, mediocre public education system, and a justice system skewed against the poor. Because most politicians are authoritarian progressives, people got so fed up they elected Donald Trump president. At least he is an authoritarian populist. When I talk of progressivism, I include most Republicans—hence the Tea Party, and the emergence of the Congressional Freedom Caucus. Progressivism is the belief that good things come from

government—from laws and regulations and central planning and generals and spies and bureaucrats, from declarations and debates and endless struggle to get hold of the levers of government and the commanding heights of society, all to reward your friends and punish your enemies. No thanks. The progressive institutions are rotting out. The termites are winning. The Federal Reserve Bank was supposed to end the business cycle. Instead we had a 10 year depression and a six year recession and booms and busts galore. The Food and Drug Administration keeps life-saving drugs off the market so gays had to create the Dallas Buyers Club. The civil service has degenerated into public unions that keep killer cops in blue. Bad teachers are warehoused instead of fired. March 3 was International Sex Workers Rights day. In Carson City, it was make-life-harder-for sex-workers day. Assembly Bill 217, which threatens

hotels and motels with loss of their business licenses if some women are making a living providing a service that men will pay for in their establishment, passed its first hearing with virtually no opposition. As a libertarian, I say it is none of the state’s business whether you buy sex with flowers and dinner, or with marriage and mortgage, or with cold hard cash on the dresser. Driving these marginal sex workers—who frequent lower class hotels and motels—into the street by threatening their support system is cruel but so very progressive. Do you really think the big corporate hotels on the Strip will ever lose their licenses because of hookers? A business owner should be able to sell his product the way he sees fit, including rooms by the hour to sex workers and their clients. Progressives hardly ever stand up for the rights of business owners. They never ask why we have business licenses at all.

The law enforcement agencies who testified in favor of AB 217 complained about the presence of pimps. While exploitive pimps are simply not that common in reality, they would more likely be present in the lower rungs of sex work. But even if that is true, the best solution is still decriminalization, not more repression. As virtually any sex worker will tell you, they fear the police more than pimps. The civil rights victory of the near future will be led by heroes with Twitter handles like @mistressmatisse, @ avannahSly, and @Maggie_McNeill. The new Stonewall riots will erupt from a police raid on a brothel instead of a Mafia gay bar. Organized sex workers were only grudgingly allowed to participate in the Women’s March in Washington in January. The feminist establishment will soon be forced to accept women’s dominion over body parts besides the womb. Ω

03.30.17    |   RN&R   |   5

by Dennis Myers

GOP SCRAPS PRivACy RuleS

In 1966, Interstate 80 was under construction in Sparks.

In a March 23 party-line vote, the U.S. Senate acted  to scuttle Federal Communications Commission rules  protecting members of the public from having their  data shared or sold by internet service providers,  cable and cellphone companies. The House followed  suit this week. Nevada’s Sen. Dean Heller joined with all voting Republicans to block the FCC rules, and Sen.  Catherine Cortez Masto voted with all Democrats to  retain them. The vote on Senate Joint Resolution 34  was 50-48. GOP Sens. John Isakson and Ron Paul did  not vote. The rules adopted by the FCC last year by the  panel’s Democratic majority would have required  internet service providers to obtain affirmative  “opt-in” approval from customers before they could  share information. The rule would have forbidden  corporations from sharing information about customers’ “browsing” habits. Then on March 28, the U.S. House, too, voted 215 to  205 to kill the rules. At press time we were unable to  learn if the House voted on party lines, but the Nevada delegation did. Republican Mark Amodei voted  to kill the FCC rules while Democrats Dina Titus,  Jacky Rosen and Ruben Kihuen supported them.

TAx RAid GOeS fORwARd NFL team owners voted on March 27 to allow the  Raiders to move from Oakland to Las Vegas, where  a $2 billion domed stadium is planned for the 2020  season. It’s the third team to abandon its city recently— the Rams and Chargers left St. Louis and San Diego,  both for Los Angeles. And it’s the third move for the  Raiders, which moved to Los Angeles in 1982, then  back to Oakland in 1995, and now to Las Vegas. The change will more than double the distance  Truckee Meadows residents must travel to see a  Raiders game in person. The move was facilitated by two cave-ins, one by  Democrats at an October special session of the Nevada  Legislature, the other by owners this week. Democrats initially said they were skeptical of $750 million in  welfare for the Las Vegas stadium, but in the end there  was no major effort to stop the tax subsidy. And when  the legislators approved the deal, owners were reported ready to vote it down, but their stance eroded  over the months since. The New York Times suggested  the reason was that there is evidence that with naming rights, sponsorships and other revenue-generating  gimmicks, “moving a team often reaps a financial reward” even in a time when the audience for football is  in decline—“ratings for every one of the league’s major  television partners declined this season.” The Raiders will depart the number 6 television  market in the nation for the 40th, with a concomitant loss of income Right up to the last minute, Oakland and its supporters worked on a possible deal to keep the team,  but in the latest permutation, the venture capital  firm Fortress would have been involved in ownership,  and team owner Mark Davis has insisted on not taking on new partners. The vote of the owners was 31 to one, with the  Miami Dolphins the lone dissenter. —Dennis Myers

6   |   RN&R   |   03.30.17

Highway department turns 100 Roads, routes, politics, probes during the 1917 Nevada legislature, two newspaper reporters arrived in Carson City on Feb. 5 with a message for Nevada Gov. Emmet Boyle from California Governor Hiram Johnson. Boyle received it while observing a joint session of the Nevada Assembly and Senate and immediately informed the legislators that the message called for construction of an all-weather California/ Nevada highway and asked for Nevada’s assistance in lobbying the feds for funding. We don’t really know whether this incident had a role in Nevada creating a highway department, but it’s true that just 46 days later, the Nevada Department of Highways was established. So what is now known by the more bureaucratic term of Nevada Department of Transportation is marking its centennial.

“We’ve been helping keep Nevada safe and connected for 100 years,” NDOT publicist Sean Sever said in a prepared statement. “Nevada has a rich transportation history, from the dirt paths of a century ago to today’s interstates carrying as many as 300,000 vehicles every day. What we do is about connecting Nevadans, and we want to hear from fellow residents their memories of Nevada’s transportation history, particularly from the first half of the twentieth century.” There were cars and highways in Nevada before the department existed. For that matter, there were highways in the state before there were cars. But formation of the Highway Department gave a focus to roadbuilding, though in more recent decades things have become confused again. This newspaper once made an inquiry to local and

state agencies trying to find out which was responsible for a transportation issue. That was in 2004. We are still waiting for a final determination. Like highway departments everywhere, Nevada’s has had its ups and downs. Some of the issues it deals with never go away. In the 1930s, the department was working on highway beautification—trees that lined the roads—and removing billboards whenever they appeared. The department could act quickly when called upon—and when given the resources—but that was not always the norm. In 1931 paving of the Boulder Highway between Boulder City and Las Vegas, in preparation for construction of Boulder Dam, got underway. But in 1960 California had the new interstate highway to the Squaw Valley Olympics finished when the games began, and Nevada did not. Incrementalism was always a part of the work, necessitated by a Nevada Legislature that was often behind the curve. In 1918, the department received word that the federal government had approved $54,230 for construction of a concrete or asphalt road from Reno to Huffakers, to link up with the already approved highway from Huffakers to Washoe Valley. The money, however, would not be available until the world war was over. In August 1925, a highway between Incline Village and Glenbook was completed on the east side of Lake Tahoe, closing the last gap in a road around the lake. Political disputes were common. At least two investigations of the department have occurred, in 1939 and 1966. That is a chronic problem in state highway departments. One of the disputes, in 1966, was both political and investigative. It involved the lieutenant governor taking advantage of the absence of the governor from the state to call a grand jury into session to investigate the department. It was no coincidence that the lieutenant governor, Paul Laxalt, was running against the governor, Grant Sawyer. Political pressures were, and are, common. In the early days, national and local groups of businesspeople kept beating the drums for more and faster construction of highways to facilitate commerce. There are battles over routes and priorities.

A couple of decades ago, rural leaders wanted the highway between Fernley and Fallon widened and started telling tales of traffic accidents caused by people passing on the two-lane road. As the “highway of death” notion grew, department officials felt the pressure but said the accident rate was not notably higher and there was no reason to boost it on the priority list. It moved up on the list, anyway. When the first Carson/Reno highway was built, route was at issue. In Jan. 1920 the Nevada Highway Board decided to put it on the east side of Washoe Lake, where it could also hook up with the Jumbo Grade to Virginia City. Gov. Emmet Boyle fired the chair of the three-person board and replaced him to change the margin from a two-to-one vote for the east side into a two-to-one vote for the west side. Gov. Richard Bryan, who spent a lot of time traveling by car between Carson City and the Reno airport, was very unhappy with the condition of the roads, and they got taken care of before their time. Dwight Eisenhower as a young military officer traveled in a military convoy through Nevada and filed a report on “230 road accidents, that is, instances of road failure and vehicles sticking in quicksand or mud,

running off the road or embankments, overturning, or other mishaps due entirely to the unfavorable and at times appalling traffic conditions that were encountered.” As president, after seeing the German autobahn highway system, he signed the Federal Aid Highway Act of 1956, creating the interstate highway system. In Reno as in other communities, it caused sharp divisions over where the interstates should go and resulted in ugly, soulless structures. It also shifted power over local issues to D.C. Nevada, which until 1973 had no highway speed limit, fought a long battle against the 55-mile-an-hour limit imposed by a federal agency after the 1973 Arab oil embargo. Highways also became tourist bait, as with Nevada’s “loneliest road” (U.S. 50) and “extraterrestrial highway” (State Route 375). The department, now NDOT, plugs away. In western Nevada, currently, it is overseeing the latest increment of the freeway through Carson City, from Fairview Drive to South Carson Street; changes along State Route 28 on the east side of Lake Tahoe; and the politically sensitive USA Parkway through Storey County, which accommodates Tesla and the Tahoe-Reno Industrial Center. Ω

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03.30.17    |   RN&R   |   7 JOB #: HRT-10039 AD TITLE: AUGGIE SMITH

Newspaper decides agaiNst pubLishiNg aNNuaL apriL FooLs’ day issue because satire is dead by mary B. BunD

RENO, Nev.—The Weekly World News & Review, a newsweekly based in Northern Nevada, has announced that it will not publish its annual April Fools’ Day issue this year because satire is dead. In previous years, the WWN&R has published satirical pieces for April Fools’ Day annually, often lampooning local politicians. For more than a decade, the April Fools’ Day issue has been a reader favorite, with goofy stories about raccoons running for mayor, Fraggles infesting Yucca Mountain, and Tahoe Tessie moving to Pyramid Lake. “We just couldn’t bring ourselves to do it,” said WWN&R Editor Dan Brumby. “The idea with satire is to use comic exaggeration to make a critical point about a topical issue. But the current administration can’t be exaggerated. For example, the Secretary of Education doesn’t believe in public education—and she thinks schools should have guns in case they get attacked by bears. The head of the EPA wants to do away with the EPA. The other day, Trump’s nominee for Supreme Court had a judicial decision unanimously overturned by the Supreme Court at the exact same time as his confirmation hearing. How the hell do you satirize that stuff? It’s already exaggerated to the point of ridiculousness. Besides, people already think all of our stories are fake. Just imagine how confused they’ll get if we publish actual fake stories.” 8   |   RN&R   |   03.30.17

Olaf Snaggletooth, a local mountain troll, wrote a 50-page essay titled “Screw You Guys,” in which he praised Trump and attacked the media.

Local troll misspells ‘snowflake’! VIRGINIA FOOTHILLS, Nev.—Olaf Snaggletooth, a 255-year-old mountain troll who lives in a cave near Virginia Foothills, recently wrote a 50-page essay praising Donald Trump, mocking immigrants, and criticizing the media. Throughout his essay, titled “Screw You Guys,” Snaggletooth repeatedly attacked the “lamestream media,” which he described as “a bunch of libtard snueflawcks.” According to Gordon Bachs, a University of Nevada, Reno linguist fluent in Trollish, “snueflawcks” is most likely a spelling variation of the English word “snowflake.”

It’s unclear whether this new spelling was intentional are not. “Trolls like Mr. Snaggletooth are often intoxicated on what they call ‘MAGA juice,’ a mix of gin, chicken blood and fentanyl,” said Bachs. “The line between intentional and accidental is not always clear with trolls.” Considering that the essay is rife with other spelling mistakes, like “propuganda” and “Newada,” grammatical problems, and homophone errors, it’s likely the spelling was a mistake. Snaggletooth faxed copies of his essay to media outlets around Northern Nevada. In an

by Dan BrumBy

attached statement, Snaggletooth claimed that “the fax machine is the most pureblood” form of communication. Reached via fax, Snaggletooth refused to be interviewed, explaining that he does not own a phone and would not head into Reno city limits because he said the city was “full of trannies, hipsters and Mexicans.” He also would not consent to allowing a reporter to visit him at his home. He refused to respond to an inquiry if this was because he considered his home a “safe space.”

Reno businesses get hella high Local businesses cater to stoners RENO, Nev.—After Nevadans voted in 2016 to legalize recreational marijuana, dispensaries throughout the state were expected to begin selling to the public in July 2017, but after Gov. Brian Sandoval signed an executive order March 25 in an effort to boost innovative boosterism, businesses that cross-brand marijuana and other needed products or services have gotten the green light to launch pot sales on April 1. The WWN&R dropped in on a few of these businesses to get a sense of what local merchants have in store.

blümlaut Dispensary & Copy edüting sürvices For writers, the old adage used to be, “Write drunk. Edit sober.” At Blümlaut, midtown’s largest dispensary, the new adage is, “Don’t worry. Be happy. And especially don’t worry about spelling. That’s for uptight, geriatric jerks.” “It’s all about the look,” said lead budtender Buddie Sales as she put down her mason jar of kombucha on an artisan coaster made of free-range buffalo hide and resumed the knitting project she carries everywhere. “People don’t really read anymore. They mostly just look at stuff. Our clients grew up on Tumblr and Snapchat, not the freakin’ MerriamWebster app.” As is often the case, ironic ennui was the mother of invention. During Blümlaut’s brand-development phase, a bored marketing intern started doodling assorted letters and flourishes on the mission statement. “We loved the way it looked,” said Sales. “And those exotic, Euro-trash dots really resonated with our beta testers. So we decided to roll with it. Get it? Roll? Pun totally intended. Haha. Anyway, we adopted extraneous umlauts as a marketing strategy, and now we’re the

by Krass Wagoneer

busiest pot shop in town. If you come in to buy a joint or a pot-laced lemon bar, we’ll also take a look at your term paper or slick memes or whatever you’re writing. We’ll make some great-looking dots on it for you.” Have any clients had term papers marked down for “creative” spelling? “We’re very serious about our change-the-world attitude, so we took care of that,” said Sales. “We launched a campaign to encourage students to inundate Rate My Professor with demands that UNR no longer grade for traditional spelling. We had T-shirts and buttons and booty shorts that said, ‘Don’t Be-Rate Me.’ You’ve probably seen them around a lot.” “I have to tell you one more thing that makes Blümlaut amazing,” Sales added. “Our corporate motto is ‘We should kick ass really, really hard.’ So what we do to ensure that we kick ass really, really hard is—we give every client a handcrafted origami box made of recycled, locally sourced, organic rolling papers, and we fill it with our favorite stoner treat, an oversized cookie from Höma’ge.”

to procure a joint and a blow job at the same place.” She saw the governor’s order on Twitter and, within about 15 minutes, had the Kitten Ranch’s website updated to include the Blow this Joint combo deal. “Ask anyone,” Huff said. “That is a better, safer, smarter combination than a firearm and crappy, astringent whiskey that burns your throat. I’m resolutely confident that my combo deal will lead to fewer violent crimes than Walmart’s combo deal. Actually, I’ll bet you it’ll be zero. I’ll bet you a hundo right now.” She offered a hundred dollar bill from a roll that she keeps in her jacket pocket and an eager, firm handshake to signify that she was serious about the bet. Huff said she’s not legally allowed to quote prices but clarified that the Blow this Joint combo deal is cheaper than bail. She added that in the short three days the combo deal has been on the menu, clients have flown in from as far away as Florida and Rhode Island, and she’s had to purchase a queue system ticket dispenser like the ones at the DMV or the butcher shop.

starlite Kitten Ranch

Chip garcia’s Quik galleria

Business has been steady at the Starlite Kitten Ranch since it opened in 1955, and more than brisk since the now-famous Nevada brothel became the setting for HBO’s Meowhaüs series. That’s because proprietor Denise Huff knows how to smell opportunity—and since Gov. Sandoval’s March executive order, opportunity has smelled like an herbaceous, skunky waft. “You can buy a Glock 22 and a bottle of Jack Daniel’s Sour Mash in the same store,” said Huff, gently taking a perfectly rolled spliff from a custom Waterford crystal case with a gesture that was half Grace Kelly and half John Wayne. “There’s no reason you shouldn’t be able

“No! I am not an ice cream flavor from Vermont!” bellowed midtown convenience store owner Chip Garcia. “That is my bona fide, actual, really for real, god-given name. I swear I’m not bullshitting you.” He often uses that line, punctuated with a guffaw or two, to introduce himself to customers when they even so much as glance at his nametag. Garcia, like all Nevada convenience store proprietors, is planning to stock a range of pot products near the cash register. So far, however, his is the only store in town to have applied for a Disco Floor Permit. “Because like 90 percent of my customers are stoned,” Garcia explained. “They say

the funniest stuff. And they mix it up, you know? One minute some dork is whistling the tune to the Grateful Dead lyric that’s on his Tinder profile, then the next minute this lady comes in and asks me if I can see her words hanging in the air like thin rails of fog. It’s sort of stupid and sort of poetic. It’s all really funny. But the funniest thing that happens in here—and it happens, I swear to god, like 56 times a day—is when someone comes in too stoned to find the ice cream freezer.” Garcia said that during a full moon it might happen more like 92 times a day, and that it has him in chuckles every single time. (At Garcia’s last medical check-up, in 2015, his doctor told him that anyone who laughs that much will probably live to be 110.) “This has been happening like clockwork ever since I bought this franchise in 2005,” he said. “So, as soon as that Measure 2 passed, I had the greatest epiphany of my life.” He decided to install 14 three-foot-long, blinking, green arrows in the floor tiles that point the way to the ice cream freezer. “Sorry, I hate to do this, but I have to toot my own horn for a second here,” said Garcia. “I’m not usually a big bragger, but you have to admit this is a genius maneuver. Even if stoned shoppers are so disoriented they forget what they came in here looking for, the green lights will distract them, and they’ll follow the arrows to the ice cream no matter what. I might have to get ice cream deliveries twice a day come summer.” Garcia has also asked Gov. Sandoval to consider an executive order that would allow the store’s security camera footage to be aired as reality television. “You say we’re a business-friendly state, man,” he said, grinning into a webcam near the ceiling. “How about it, Gov?”

niCKelbaCK anD CRoCs banneD in nevaDa Bipartisan proposals snowball in state legislature

by Jerry CaldWell

CARSON CITY, Nev.—A bipartisan spirit seems to be catching in the Nevada Legislature this session. Several across-the-aisle proposals have made headway and headlines in the Silver State already, including a joint resolution opposing any future plans to license Yucca Mountain as a dump for high-level nuclear waste, and a bill that would bring the state’s electoral college delegates in line with the presidential candidate who wins the most votes nationwide. Now, it seems the collaborative esprit is growing. In the last two weeks, three new bills have been introduced with bipartisan backing. Assembly Bill 477, introduced by Las Vegas legislator Elliot Anderson, had its first hearing in front of the Assembly Committee on Commerce and Labor on March 20. The measure, co-sponsored by Republican assemblymember John Ellison of Elko County, would prohibit “the purchase, sale or possession with intent to sell of any item in this State that a person knows or should know to be identified with the Canadian rock band Nickelback.” Democratic assemblymember Heidi Swank, of Las Vegas—who is not a member of the Commerce Committee—made an appearance during the first committee meeting to express her opposition to the bill. “I kind of like that one song,” she said, “How does it go? ‘And in the air the fireflies/Our only light in paradise/ We’ll show the world they were wrong/And teach them all to sing along.’” But it seems Nevada’s legislators are banding together more out of their mutual distaste for things than a desire to create harmony. The two other bipartisan bills that have been introduced are also aimed at imposing bans. Assembly Bill 483 would make Nevada the first state to ban the sale and consumption of the vegetarian turkey substitute Tofurky. And Senate Bill 439—co-sponsored by Clark County Republican Pete Goicoechea and Democrat Aaron Ford—would place a ban on the buying, selling or wearing of Crocs in Nevada. After the bill was introduced in front of the full Assembly on March 16, Ford told a gathering of reporters that its purpose is simple. “Crocs are intolerably ugly,” he said. In response to Ford’s explanation of the bill, the Nevada Nurses Association released a fiery statement, which said in part, “We think Aaron Ford’s stupid bowties are ugly.”

weekly world reno fake news & review continued on page 10 03.30.17    |   RN&R   |   9

weekly world reno fake news & review continued from page 9

democrats fail to get wild GOP yearns for extremist 2015 agenda

SparkS SueS reno for Slander by Rick O’Shea

by DentiSt MyaSS

CARSON CITY, Nev.—Republicans in the Nevada Legislature are beginning to taunt their Democratic counterparts for being unable to successfully market extremism. “In 2015, when we had the majority in both houses, you didn’t see us pussyfooting around passing sensible legislation,” said Senate Republican leader Michael Roberson. “We enacted an uncooked ridesharing statute, passed a George Zimmerman law, brought wages down to subsistence levels, killed marriage equality, and created $5,000 grants for parents who took their children out of public school. We were fanatical before Trump made it cool.” The GOP caucus in the Assembly engaged in a wide-ranging discussion this week of the “pablum”—as one legislator called it—that Democrats are pushing—health care, school funding, alternative energy measures, correcting the 2015 ridesharing law, preventing nuclear waste storage. “In the state of Cliven Bundy and Sharron Angle, the Democrats are never going to get voters to the polls by focusing on the roads we drive on, the houses we live in, the schools our children attend, the health care we get,” said Assembly GOP leader Paul Anderson. “The record shows we know lunacy best.”

15

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SPARKS, Nev.—The City of Sparks has filed a defamation lawsuit against the City of Reno. The suit, filed Monday, claims that city officials and longtime residents of the Biggest Little City are slandering and perpetuating a stereotype against Sparks through their insistence on repeating the old joke: “Reno’s so close to hell, you can see Sparks.” “It wasn’t a funny joke 50 years ago, and it isn’t funny now,” said Sparks Mayor Geno Martini. “It’s putting people off from coming to Sparks, and it needs to stop.” But proving criminal intent in a slander case like this is difficult. There’s a good chance Sparks’ lawsuit will fail—and some believe that could prompt the city to readopt its original name—Harriman, after the Southern Pacific Railroad tycoon. Ω April Fools! The stories in this week’s feature package contain satire, exaggeration and outright misinformation … or do they?

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n ancient Greece, a bronze giant named Talos, a gift from Zeus to Europa, is said to have kept watch over the island of Crete, traveling three times daily around its shores and hurling boulders at intruding ships. Talos, an early example of an automaton, or self-operating machine, bears little resemblance to the autonomous robots of today, which are more likely to take on the form of drones, selfdriving cars or Roombas—but it does go to show that our desire for mechanized helpers is not so very new. “It’s a very exciting field—people have envisioned these things for many, many years,” said Dr. Kostas Alexis, head of the Autonomous Robots Lab at the University of Nevada, Reno. Alexis, who also hails from the Greek island of Crete, came to Reno in August of 2015 to work as an assistant professor for UNR’s Department of Computer Science and Engineering. Here, he began putting the pieces in place for the Autonomous Robots Lab, which is soon to celebrate a successful first year.

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Autonomous Robots Lab celebrates one year by Kelsey Fitzgerald

Robots at work The lab, which is housed in UNR’s Applied Research Facility, consists of a large workspace with work tables and computers where students can construct and program robots, and an Autonomous Robots Arena where students can conduct test-flights. Here, Alexis and a team of eight post-docs, graduate students and undergraduate researchers are working to develop intelligent robotic systems that are capable of operating in unknown environments without direction from humans. For the most part, the lab members work with aerial robots, which they are programming to complete complex tasks such as 3-D mapping of unfamiliar areas under conditions of darkness. Potential uses for this technology are many. Among other projects, the lab is working with researchers from the Robotics Institute of Carnegie Mellon University to develop robots that can be used to inspect nuclear facilities, such as those of the Manhattan Project, where radioactive waste would pose a threat to human inspectors.

In the Autonomous Robot Arena at the University of Nevada, Reno, graduate student Shehryar Khattak and Dr. Kostas Alexis conduct a test-flight with an aerial robot. PHOTO/KELSEY FITZGERALD

“The nuclear project has insane challenges,” Alexis said. “The environments are completely unknown. We read documents of the 1960s to understand historically what we are expecting to see. It’s radioactive, so the robots are supposed to be affected also. We want to fuse robotic sensing with radiation sensing, which is the first time somebody is trying to do that.” Members of the lab are also working to develop robots that can be used to map infrastructure such as tunnels and mines, detecting small changes—such as cracks in the walls—that might appear between visits. An autonomous robot can be programmed to multiple levels of autonomy, Alexis explained. For a robot to complete advanced tasks like 3-D mapping, it first must be able to assess its surroundings—to determine where it is and what the environment looks like. Second, it must be able to navigate from one point to the next, controlling its own propellers and/or wheels without help from a human. Third, it must be able to make its own decisions about where to go and what to do in order to achieve a goal.

To map in conditions like mines and tunnels, robots must be able to operate in darkness, without the use of GPS technology for location (GPS is a satellite-based system, so not reliable in areas without a clear line-of-sight to the sky). Instead, the robots use a laser-based measurement system called Lidar and a set of two camera “eyes” to measure distances and capture images from the environment, creating detailed 3-D maps as they move. As a robot explores a new environment, it selects its own path. But, how does the robot know where to begin? “What we provide to the robot is a bounding box of the area we want it to explore,” Alexis said. “This bounding box becomes the mission of the robot. The robot knows that it has a certain workspace it’s supposed to operate in.”

test flight In the Autonomous Robots Arena, graduate student Shehryar Khattak removed his shoes, walked across a checkerboard floor of pink, gray and beige mattresses, and set a small UAV—a

“Now that it’s evident that robots will become a reality, people ask, ‘Are the robots going to get our positions? Are we going to still be employed?’” Dr. Kostas Alexis, head of UNR’s Autonomous Robots Lab

hexicopter, with six propellers—on top of a cardboard Home Depot box. “He will fly it manually—this is a prototype,” said Alexis. Stepping back, Khattak flicked a switch on his remote-control, and this not-so-autonomous robot whirred to life with a roaring buzz. It lifted into the air and flew toward a moveable cardboard wall of taped-together boxes, completing a wide circle before descending back down to the floor of mattresses. The arena, Alexis explained, is used as a testing-ground for the lab’s aerial robots. Ten infrared cameras track the positions of the robots with sub-millimeter and sub-degree accuracy, allowing researchers to test the ability of each robot to self-locate. Moveable barriers, made up of cardboard boxes, can be rearranged to create new environments for the robots to explore. All over the room, Star Wars and NASA posters hang on the walls. “They’re part of the motivation,” said Alexis. The posters also serve as landmarks for the robots as they explore the controlled environment of the arena. In later tests, they move on to more challenging environments, such as a concrete tunnel that runs under McCarran Boulevard. “The arena environment is easier, for example, than the tunnel,” Alexis said. “The tunnel is without a lot of features. Here, it’s in a way much easier compared to real life. It’s good for initial testing, and then we go outside and do more fancy testing.”

For a schedule and more details on Robotics Day, visit: www.autonomousrobotslab.com/robotics-days.html.

The future of robots There is some level of public distrust when it comes to robots, said Alexis. “If you go to modern literature, people always have this question, are the robots going to destroy us, or are the robots going to help us?” he said. “Now that it’s evident that robots will become a reality, people ask, ‘Are the robots going to get our positions? Are we going to still be employed?’ It’s a very exciting field, not only the technical aspects, but also the social implications.” Alexis is interested in exploring new ways to use robots, including collaborations and partnerships with those in other fields. He has spoken at a search and rescue symposium about potential uses for UAVs in search and rescue operations and is working with UNR on an autonomous transportation initiative. Last year, his lab partnered with Dr. Sudeep Chandra from the Department of Biology to design a marine robot with an underwater camera, which they used to search for algae beds in Lake Tahoe. When society is ready, Alexis hopes that all will benefit from the work of robots. “Hopefully we’re going to work less, and have the robots do most of the work,” he said.

Open house On March 31, the Autonomous Robots Lab will celebrate its successful first year with Robotics Day, an open house featuring presentations and live demos. Presentations are aimed at students and those with some robotics knowledge, but the public may enjoy seeing the live robot demo from noon1:30pm in the Autonomous Robots Arena and a series of talks held in the Knowledge Center from 2-4 p.m. Ω

03.30.17    |   RN&R   |   13

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k ri s v @ne w s re v i e w . c o m

These students graduated in 1890 from the Normal School at the Nevada State University, which was renamed University of Nevada in 1906.

The graduates History of Women at Nevada Marjorie Carr was a geology student at the University of Nevada in the late 1940s. “She was in this building,” said Natasha Majewski, a researcher for UNR Libraries, sitting in a tiny study room with a very high ceiling and wavy glass windows in the Mackay Mines Building, which dates back to 1908. In Carr’s time, the geology program wasn’t particularly inclusive to women. According to Majewski, Carr had to walk to the education building to use a restroom, as there weren’t any for women in the mines building. And, even though acquiring expertise in her field required on-site observation and training, Carr wasn’t allowed on field trips. “She told me that her professor would bring her back rock samples,” said Majewski, who interviewed Carr in 2016. “It’s really fascinating. This lady, she’s learning a field that women are not really in, and also not getting to really learn the field—and she’s still sticking it out. Some of her stories were about men who would help her, and then men who would haze her, essentially.” In an audio recording Majewski made of their interview, Carr says in a calm, measured voice, “It was a different life, and I accepted it because that’s the way it was. … I didn’t know that you might object, because in those days you did not object. … They’d say, ‘Goodbye. If you don’t like it here, you can go elsewhere.’” In 1951, Carr became the third woman ever to graduate from the Mackay School of Mines. Her story is one of many that Majewski and a few other researchers fished out of UNR Libraries’ huge archive, “maybe 14,000 images,” Majewski estimated, and

PHOTO/COURTESY UNR SPECIAL COLLECTIONS

assembled into a “story map” called History of Women at Nevada. It’s a scrollable collection of photos, short audio recordings, interactive maps, and other resources available to the public, that tell the stories of women at UNR through the years. The collection showcases many women of achievement and milestones to be proud of, but it does not gloss over injustices. There was Stella Mason, class of 1952, UNR’s first female African American student, who “had to have special arrangements made for her to finish her teacher training in a public school during a time when segregation was strictly enforced.” Then there were women cast in roles that were downright infantilizing. In a photo from the 1920s of a ladies’ PE class, about a dozen grown women are shown wearing dresses that look like vintage Brownie Girl Scouts uniforms, engaged in a “sport” that looks a lot like “Ring Around the Rosie.” Majewski, a trained geographer, said she used GIS (geographic information system) mapping “to add a level of interactive storytelling.” The entire collection reads something like a clickable, long-form magazine article. It’s concise and well organized enough so that readers can soak in some substantial stories in not much time. And each photo or other document links to its original source, which means that if you’re the type to jump into a research hole, there’s a network of pre-dug tunnels to wander in. (The 1914 yearbook alone is a half familiar/half foreign world unto itself, available to flip through on screen with no appointment and no white gloves.) History of Women of Nevada is one of several collections that UNR researchers have made easily accessible. Others include maps, Basque history, and an online exhibit of Reno’s divorce history. Ω

History of Women at Nevada is online at womenshistory.unr.edu.

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b g ri m m @ne w s re v i e w . c o m

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“oh, shit. my nose itches.”

Unsafe space

The momentum gets interrupted by one genuinely dumb death scene that makes no sense and a few talky scenes that go on a little too long. While these scenes don’t derail the film, they do Life, the new sci-fi-horror film starring Jake take it down a couple of notches and qualify as Gyllenhaal and Ryan Reynolds, is an inconsistent genuine flaws. Without them, Espinosa was on but overall sturdy genre pic that looks great his way to a very good sci-fi offering instead of a and ultimately delivers the goods despite a few passably good one. slow patches and a couple of remarkably dumb Gyllenhaal, playing what is essentially the moments. male lead, is his usual reliable self, giving his Credit director Daniel Espinosa for setting a character a few quirks to make him original. grim tone and sticking with it through the very Reynolds gives the movie a few laughs before end. Too many big-budget films wimp out with the alien’s dinner bell gets rung, and Rebecca their visions, but Life isn’t afraid to go to the dark Ferguson (Mission: Impossible - Rogue Nation) is place and stick around until the credits roll. good as the ship’s voice of reason. Gyllenhaal and Reynolds play astronauts pullWhile it can be said that the film borrows ing a long haul on an international space station. from other genre standbys like Alien and Event Gyllenhaal’s David Jordan is actually about to Horizon, its central monster has plenty of original break the record for consecutive qualities, and its method of killing days in space, and generally people from the inside is terrifyprefers life in the stars to life back ing. There were enough original on our miserable planet. moments to distinguish the film as The crew is awaiting a space more than an Alien rip-off. (I’ve capsule containing samples from seen a few complaints branding the Mars, and these samples will put film as such.) Director: Daniel Espinosa forth an amazing discovery: life The movie gets high marks for Starring: Jake Gyllenhaal, Ryan  beyond our planet. Ship scientist its technical achievements, includReynolds, Rebecca Ferguson Hugh Derry (Ariyon Bakare) ing some nice camerawork and discovers a cell, wakes it up, and mostly solid editing. The musical marvels at its ability to grow at a rapid pace. He score gets a little sleepy at times, and distracting eventually finds himself marveling at the little at others. It’s not bad, but when you notice the guy’s ability to grab on to his glove and basically score too much during dialogue scenes, somemulch the hand within it. thing is usually a little off. So, as the viewer quickly discovers, life on If you’re thinking this is Deadpool in Space, Mars was probably a total shit show, because don’t go. Reynolds, although very good in the this globular nasty—a distant cousin of Steve film, has a supporting role. This is basically McQueen’s The Blob—digs on killing everything Gyllenhaal’s film, so if you are looking for in its path. The expedition goes from a triumphant Donnie Darko in Space, or Jarhead in Space, you discovery to ultra protective mode in a matter should be OK. of seconds. If this thing gets to Earth, the Blue The movie leaves itself open to a sequel, but Planet will look like the Orange Planet virtually it’s doubtful that will happen. It’s not making overnight. the big bucks, and the setup would call for a film The movie hums along nicely for a while as with an enormous budget. Life is one of those the organism picks off crewmembers in grisly movies that entertains, for sure, but probably fashion. Some of those death scenes will impress won’t stick in your mind for long after viewing those of you who like your movie deaths yucky, it. It’s on its way to minor cult status, but not and Life does good things with weightless much more. Ω blood-splattering.

Life

12345

16   |   RN&R   |  03.30.17

Beauty and the Beast

This live-action take on the classic Disney animated musical isn’t a  shot-for-shot remake of the original like, say,  Gus Van Sant’s time-wasting Psycho effort.  However, it does follow a lot of the same plot  points and incorporates enough of the musical  numbers to give you that sense of déja vu while  watching it. Thankfully, Emma Watson makes it  worthwhile. Hermione makes for a strong Belle.  Since director Bill Condon retains the music  from the original animated movie, Watson is  asked to sing, and it’s pretty evident that AutoTune is her friend. She has a Kanye West thing  going. As the Beast, Dan Stevens gives a decent  enough performance through motion-capture.  The original intent was to have Stevens wearing  prosthetics only, but he probably looked like  Mr. Snuffleupagus in dailies, so they called  upon the help of beloved computers. Like King  Kong, the CGI creation blends in nicely with his  totally human, organic cast member. The cast  and crew labor to make musical numbers like  “Gaston” and “Be Our Guest” pop with the creative energy of the animated version, but they  don’t quite reach those heights. They are nicely  rendered, for sure, but not on the masterpiece  level that was the 1991 film. As for the romance  between Belle and the Beast, it has a nice  emotional payoff. In a way, the movie is a sweet  tribute to the animated movie, rather than  being a movie that stands on its own.

3

The Belko Experiment

3

The Devil’s Candy

If this schlocky horror offering suffers  from anything, it’s that it thinks it is  deeper and cleverer than it actually is. Penned  by James Gunn, this silly movie pits a bunch of  office staff workers against one another after  a voice comes over their intercom telling them  to start killing each other off or everybody  dies. The building is sealed, the “experiment” is  put into motion, and the likes of Tony Goldwyn  and John C. McGingley start acting like real  homicidal assholes. Directed by Greg McLean,  the film is fun on a very base level. (If you like  movies where lots of heads blow up, this one’s  for you!) There’s a definite terror involved in  not knowing whose head is going to blow up  next, and the folks handling the gore factor  do a pretty good job. It’s when the big reveal  comes at the end, a big reveal that offers absolutely nothing in the surprise category, that the  movie loses a few points. John Gallagher, Jr. (10  Cloverfield Lane) is good as the protagonist, a  guy who does his darndest to not join in on the  inter-office carnage. You could look at this as  deep satire, or a resonating meditation on the  current state of mind control when it comes to  government and employers in an increasingly  paranoid society. I like to look at it as a film  where brains go flying in a fairly convincing,  somewhat entertaining manner.

Writer-director Sean Byrne follows up  his very good horror debut, 2012’s The  Loved Ones, with this piece of heavy metal  nastiness. Jesse (an unrecognizable Ethan  Embry), a starving artist, and wife Astrid (Shiri  Appleby) are moving into a new house with  daughter Zooey (Kiara Glasco). Shortly before  buying that house for a dirt-cheap price, they  find out that the couple that lived there before  died in some sort of accident. After moving  in, a super creepy guy (Pruitt Taylor Vince)  and former inhabitant of the house shows  up on the doorstep looking to move back in.  Naturally, Jesse says no and, naturally, creepy  guy doesn’t stop. Byrne sets his story to heavy  metal music, with Jesse’s family being devout  followers of Metallica, and Vince’s creepy guy  needing to play metal at night on his guitar to  drown out the voice of the devil. If devil movies  give you the heebie jeebies (like, for instance,  last year’s The Witch), you will probably find  plenty to like in this one. Byrne is proving to be  quite capable of cinematic freak-outs, and he  has able partners in Embry and Vince. Place  Mr. Byrne along the names of Ti West, Robert  Eggers and Ted Geoghegan when making a list  of current horror directors to watch. (Available for rent on iTunes, Amazon.com and On  Demand during limited theatrical release.)

4

Get Out

3

Kong: Skull Island

5

Logan

Chris (Daniel Kaluuya), a young AfricanAmerican man, is a little nervous. He’s  going to visit the parents of Rose Armitage  (Allison Williams), his white girlfriend. Rose is  relaxed about the trip, but Chris is anxious. His  anxiety proves justified shortly into the trip.  Upon arrival at her large estate, her parents  like Chris. They really, really like Chris. Actually,  parents Missy and Dean (Catherine Keener  and Bradley Whitford) like Chris at a level  that’s a bit unsettling. Chris shrugs it off at  first, as does Allison, but strange things start  happening. Writer-director Jordan Peele, the  comedic performer from TV’s Key & Peele, and  the adorable, funny cat movie Keanu, delivers a  huge cinematic surprise with Get Out, a twisted,  darkly satiric, nasty little horror film that pulls  no punches when it comes to race relations and  dating. Peele has cited Night of the Living Dead  and The Stepford Wives as inspiration for this  journey to the dark side of his creative soul.  Those films’ influences are detectable, and I’d  say you could throw in a pinch of Rosemary’s  Baby with a side of Being John Malkovich as  well. Two of the hardest things to accomplish  with a movie are to make people laugh and get  them legitimately scared. Get Out manages to  do both for its entire running time.

The King Kong cinematic machine gets  cranking again with Kong: Skull Island,  an entertaining enough new take on the big  ape that delivers the gorilla action but lags a  bit when he isn’t on screen smashing things.  Among Kong incarnations, this one has the  most in common with the 1976 take on the classic story, basically because it’s set just a few  years earlier in ’73. While there is a beautiful  girl the big guy does get a small crush on (Brie  Larson as a photographer), the story eschews  the usual “beauty and the beast” Kong angle  for more straight-up monster vs. monster  action. Unlike the past American Kong films,  this one never makes it overseas to Manhattan, opting to stay on Kong’s island—thus, the  title of the film. Kong himself is portrayed by  motion-capture CGI, and he’s a badass. He’s  also tall enough to be a formidable foe for  Godzilla, a mash-up already announced for  2020. In the few scenes where he interacts with  humans, Kong plays like an organic creature  rather than a bunch of gigabytes. He blends  well with his human counterparts. That’s right,  there hasn’t been much mention of those  human counterparts yet. That’s because, with  the exception of John C. Reilly as a fighter pilot  stranded on the island during World War II,  most of the humans are bland. Tom Hiddleston  might make a decent James Bond someday, and  he’s a lot of fun as Loki, but he just doesn’t play  here as a rugged tracker/action hero. Reilly,  on the other hand, gives the film the bursts of  humor it needs.

Hugh Jackman—allegedly—says  goodbye to Wolverine with Logan, a total  shocker of a superhero movie that lays waste  to the X-Men and standalone Wolverine movies  that came before it. Director James Mangold,  who piloted the decent The Wolverine, revamps  the character’s mythos, and pulls along  Charles Xavier (Patrick Stewart) for the gritty,  bloody, nasty, awesome ride. It’s the future,  and the X-Men are gone. A mutant hasn’t been  born in a quarter of a century, and Logan isn’t  looking too hot. He’s driving a limo to make  ends meet, coughing up blood, and basically not  aging well. He’s doing a lot better than Xavier,  the mutant formally known as Professor X,  who’s prone to seizures and suffering from  some sort of degenerative brain disease. In  short, the days of X-Men glory are way, way  over, with Logan and Xavier having a shit time  in their autumn years. Just when it seems as if  the pair will waste away in their miserable existence, along comes Laura (a dynamite Dafne  Keen). She’s a genetically engineered mutant  equipped with the same retractable claws and  viciously bad temper as Logan. When her life  becomes endangered, Logan throws her and  Xavier in the back of his vehicle, and they are  off on one wild, dark road trip.

Drink. PeDal. rePeat.

by Marc Tiar

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EvEnt p r o m ot E r

po st Ev En fr EE of ch ts ar gE !

s:

Head flagship, always available and well made. You can also usually expect to find their India Pale Lager—IPL, the hoppy lager version of the IPA—and the black Pigeon Head Brewery is one of those lager, challenging the idea that dark beers places I like but always forget about. The are heavy, strong and robust. small brewery, a former SPCA shelter on One reason I think Pigeon Head has an all-but-abandoned stretch of East Fifth remained somewhat under the radar is Street, literally under the Wells Avenue their lack of packaged beer. Draft-only overpass, is just enough off the beaten path limits a brewery’s reach, so I was happy to that you don’t just happen upon it—you see recent news that bottling and canning have to be going there. Pigeon Head’s beer has begun. To be honest, my interest was isn’t found everywhere. I don’t think it’s piqued by a sale on IPL six packs (in a major nightlife spot, and I’ve never seen 16-ounce cans!) to launch the new packagany advertising. Despite all this, the operaing, so decided I was overdue for a visit. tion is going on three years and is filling a Bottling thus far was a single limited run of unique spot in Reno brewing. 22-ounce double IPL. Although I think the word “unique” is I’ve never asked about the name, overused, as Reno’s only lager brewery, I Pigeon Head, but there’s a big painting of think Pigeon Head has earned it. You know a creepy pigeon-headed guy looming over there are different styles of beer, like stouts, the bar—you won’t forget where you are. IPAs and brown ales. On a broader scale, Industrial is the theme, from the chain link though, virtually all beers are either ales or fence separating you from the brewhouse to lagers, based on the yeast that fermented the rusty metal signage. You can look out it. Generally, ale yeast onto the somewhat works at slightly seedy neighborhood warmer conditions from picnic benches 840 E. Fifth St., 276-6766 (think room temperaout front when For more information, visit ture), with the yeast weather permits. This www.pigeonheadbrewery.com. floating at the top of the day, the chalkboard beer. Lager yeast thrives listing over the in much cooler temperatures, often near beer faucets included several of the usual freezing, and settles at the bottom of the beers and a couple of specialties—a red tank, slowly fermenting away over a longer wine oaked black lager and a cherrywood period than ales. Lagers end up with a smoked porter. I enjoyed the former while characteristic crisp, clean flavor, while ales chatting with friends then made off with my are full of “fruity” notes from the esters discounted six pack before continuing my produced during that warmer fermentation. day. I regretted not buying more of the IPL While they offer the occasional ale just when I drank one later with dinner. as others do lagers, Pigeon Head Brewery Time will tell if packaging will take is the only one in our area that primarily Pigeon Head to the next level, with focuses on lager brewing, putting them in supermarket and liquor store availability. a small niche in the world of craft brewing The beer is good, and making it availwhere ales rule. Not everyone makes a able to a wider audience is a good step pilsner, the light, straw-colored, Czech/ toward proving that not all lagers are German model for most of the beer drunk mass-produced swill and not all craft in the world, but I consider it a Pigeon beers are ales. Ω

CheCk out rN&r’s braNd New oNliNe CaleNdar

Rule of lager

Photo/Eric Marks

Newsreview.Com/reNo/CaleNdar

Brewmaster Bryan Holloway stands in front of a fermenter at Pigeon Head Brewery.

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By Todd SouTh

Siu Korean BBQ offers all-you-can-eat meals you grill for yourself.

Fire it up

PHOTO/ALLISON YOUNG

grilled it. The flavor was terrific. The quality of the squid was great, and I really liked it with the salt and pepper sesame oil. My wife—who is usually up for a just a bite The centerpiece of Korean barbecue is or two of squid—agreed that next time we prepared meats and veggies grilled at the should order two of these. table by the diners themselves, and the folks Somewhat similar to its skewered Thai at Siu Korean BBQ are doing a bang-up job cousin, a plate of chicken sate consisted with their take on this fun and tasty dining of marinated breast meat that had been culture. Meals are all-you-can eat, lunch for pounded flat, which we then cut into little $17.99 and dinner for $26.99. pieces with the provided scissors. It had Our recent visit started with a really good flavor with a nice hint of spicy heat. good kimchi tofu—semi-firm cubes of tofu, Lemongrass pork was similarly prepared, thin-sliced veg, Korean soy paste, seaweed with a delicate flavor that went well with and just enough fermented spicy cabbage to the house vinegar sweet sauce. Perhaps the give a kick to the back of the throat without only non-marinated meat we tasted was overpowering the broth. This dish would be chardol—incredibly thin strips of brisket a great stand-alone meal. that cook and shrink in a moment. They’re Orders of popcorn chicken and pork also good dunked in dumplings came next. the chili salt. The chicken was We ordered most crunchy and tasted of the available 754 N. McCarran Blvd., Sparks, 502-3222 fine in its sticky-sweet Siu Korean BBQ is open Sunday through Thursday vegetables, including dipping sauce, but was from 11 a.m. to 9 p.m. and Friday and Saturday white onion, green probably the least interfrom 11 a.m. to 9:30 p.m. bell pepper and esting thing we tried. slices of giant oyster The potstickers were mushroom. The latter was meaty in texture crispy, lightly seasoned and served with a with a nice ’shroomy pungency. I love me scallion soy sauce. My wife—a big fan of some good fungi. Large leaves of lettuce this appetizer—said these were among the were available to make wraps, but we found best she’s had. them to be a distraction from the flavors on The selection of banchan—side dishes the plate. My wife ordered brown rice and that accompany a meal of Korean barbethrew pretty much everything in, making cue—included thin strips of rice cake, red for one hell of a custom rice bowl. potato cubes with sesame seeds, pickled Rounding things out was a serving of carrot and daikon, kimchi and bean sprouts. Hawaiian steak, essentially a piece of flat A couple of housemade sauces and a dose iron beef with a pair of half moon slices of chili salt were available for dipping, and of tropical fruit. The marinated beef would all were quite good. have been fine on its own, but paired with Bulgogi—“fire meat”—refers to the grilled pineapple it’s something special— style of marination as much as the thinreminiscent of teriyaki but without the salty sliced meat itself. We tasted calamari, soy element. tri-tip and chicken bulgogi. The poultry We ended with a scoop of green tea had a nice bit of salt and tang. The tri-tip ice cream and very full bellies. The place was tender and just a bit sweet, and the also sports a full liquor bar and even larger calamari was downright perfect, if I do say bubble tea bar. I’m definitely looking so myself—seeing as how I’m the one who forward to our next visit. Ω

Siu Korean BBQ

by KrIS VAgnEr

Alternate egos Todd Snider In the music business, there’s a thing called a radius clause. It dictates that if you play a show, then you can’t play another show shortly afterward within a certain radius. To get around that, Todd Snider created an alter-ego, Elmo Buzz, who fronts a band called the Eastside Bulldogs. The band only plays East Nashville, Snider’s home turf, and refuses to take money. Fictional front man Buzz “hates me, of course, and he’s angry that I’m profiting off his poems,” Snider said in a phone interview, his tone suggesting that he enjoys the heck out of the life that this lavish fib has taken on. The ruse worked. Buzz helped Snider around that radius clause and kept him entrenched in his local music scene. Snider, who’s 50, said he’s grateful to be thought of as something of a “dad” of that scene. He spoke passionately about its up-and-comers. “Jason Isbell and Sturgill Simpson, they’re not just good artists—they’re good men,” he said. “And I think that’s going to bode well for the people that they replace and the people that they’re paving the way for. It’s exciting. I feel like Willie and Waylon are in town again.” Snider put in a couple of decades building his reputation as the rare performer who used a straight-up country folk twang to voice his sharply leftist, don’t-fence-me-in politics, such as in the 2004 anthem, “Conservative Christian, Right Wing, Republican, Straight, White, American Male.” His latest album, 2016’s Eastside Bulldog—named after Buzz’s band but recorded as Todd Snider—is something entirely different, a tight combination of early ’60s dance-party

k ri s v @ne w s re v i e w . c o m

In a solo show, Todd Snider might play his own songs, some by his alter ago Elmo Buzz, and maybe a few by his band Hard Working Americans.

rock, a flip of the bird to the music industry, and a clarion call to shut up and party. The first track, “Hey Pretty Boy,” sets the tone: “Nobody cares about the music business/ Nobody sounds like they’re telling the truth/ … I don’t want to talk about it/ I like to talk about chicks, and cars, and partying hard.” “I spent this 20 years of really working at this thing that meant a lot to me, and then I just spent one night dismissing it completely,” Snider said. “We went to the session with no songs, a case of wine, like a pound of weed and a ton of mushrooms.” He said the album was recorded in under an hour. Snider’s current tour will bring him to Sparks in April, and he said he’s likely to play his own songs, Elmo Buzz songs, and some tracks from yet another band he’s in, the psychedelic/blues rock group Hard Working Americans. “You just get out there and see what everybody wants and, within reason, I’ll give it to ’em,” he said. “Well, shoot, if somebody yells, ‘Freebird,’ I’ll do it.” Snider is known for being a skilled storyteller, so of course he has a story about Reno. He once fell asleep on a rock near the Truckee River. A young pastor approached and woke him up to announce that a free lunch was being served by the church. “I started to tell him I wasn’t homeless” Snider said. “But then there was other guys sitting there listening, and I was embarrassed. We were all sleeping on the rocks, and now I was the big shot? I didn’t want to be that. So I walk in a small line with all these other guys over to the homeless shelter, and it was one of the funnest afternoons of my life. I’ll never forget it. I was so glad I got that lunch. It was just a sandwich and a banana. But I felt like part of something. I really felt connected to that town that day.” Ω

Todd Snider plays The Nugget, 1100 Nugget Ave., Sparks at 8 p.m. April 22. For tickets, $30-40, visit http://nuggetcasinoresort.tix.com.

03.30.17    |   RN&R   |   19

THURSDAY 3/30 1up

3rd Street Bar

The Frank Perry Combo, 8pm, no cover

5 Star Saloon

Karaoke, 9pm, no cover

132 West St., (775) 329-2878

Nightowls

Bar of america

10042 Donner Pass Rd., Truckee; (530) 587-2626

the BlueBird nightcluB March 31, 10 p.m.  555 E. Fourth St., (775) 499-5549 1up  cargo at Whitney peak hotel 214 W. Commercial Row  255 N. Virginia St., (775) 398-5400 329-9444 ceol iriSh puB 538 S. Virginia St., (775) 329-5558

SATURDAY 4/01

SUNDAY 4/02

March Reno/Tahoe Producers Social, 6pm, no cover

DG Kicks Big Band Jazz Orchestra, 8pm, Tu, no cover Dance Party, 10pm, $5

Dance Party, 10pm, $5

Jo Mama, 9pm, no cover

Jo Mama, 9pm, no cover

Sunday Takeover, 8pm, no cover

Duffrey Album Release Party, 10pm, $5-$10 The Floyd, 8pm, $10-$30

Pub Quiz Trivia Night, 8pm, no cover

Skyler Lutes, 9pm, no cover

Liam Kyle Cahill, 9pm, no cover

Traditional Irish music, 7pm, Tu, no cover

3rd Street Bar, 125 W. Third St., (775) 323-5005: Open Mic Comedy Competition with host Pat Shillito, W, 9pm, no cover The Improv at Harveys, 18 Highway 50, Stateline, (775) 588-6611: Greg Warren, Mat Edgar, Th-F, Su, 9pm, $25, Sa, 9pm, $30; Kivi Rogers, Ken Garr, W, 9pm, $25 Pioneer Underground, 100 S. Virginia St., (775) 322-5233: Geechy Guy, Th, 8pm, $10-$15; 3/31, 9pm, $14-$19; Sa, 6:30pm, 9:30pm, $14-$19 Silver Legacy Resort Casino, 407 N. Virginia St.: Greg Morton, Th, 7:30pm, $20, F, 7:30pm, 9:30pm, $25; Sa, 9pm, 30; Sue Costello, Tu-W, 7:30pm, $20 The Waterfall, 134 W. Second St., Ste. A, (775) 322-7373: Open Mic Comedy Night with Jim Flemming, Su, 8pm, no cover

CW and Dr. Spitmore, 11:30am, Tu, no cover

312 S. Carson St., Carson City; (775) 883-2662

cottonWood reStaurant

Todd Wees, 7pm, no cover

Lisa Marie Johnston, 7pm, no cover

davidSon’S diStillery

Death metal show, 9pm, no cover

Hellbound Glory, 9pm, no cover

elBoW room Bar

Jack Di Carlo, 7pm, no cover

10142 Rue Hilltop, Truckee; (530) 587-5711

275 E. Fourth St., (775) 324-1917

2002 Victorian Ave., Sparks; (775) 358-6700

Karaoke with Nightsong Productions, 9pm, Tu, no cover

VooDoo Dogz, 9pm, no cover Karaoke with C.J. Tirone, 7pm, no cover

fine vineS

hangar Bar

Karaoke Kat, 9pm, no cover

10603 Stead Blvd., Stead; (775) 677-7088 3372 S. McCarran Blvd., (775) 825-1988

Josh Budro Band, 8pm, no cover

Canyon Jam with Canyon White, 8pm, no cover

Lady an the Tramps, 8pm, no cover

himmel hauS

Open Mic Night, 9pm, M, no cover Trivia Night, 9pm, W, no cover

3819 Saddle Rd., South Lake Tahoe; (530) 314-7665

JuB JuB’S thirSt parlor

1) Despised Icon, Carnifex, Fallujah, Rings of Saturn, Lorna Shore, 6:30pm, $17

71 S. Wells Ave., (775) 384-1652 1) Showroom 2) Bar Room

the Jungle

246 W. First St., (775) 329-4484

2) PENNY MSML, Mizere, Raw B, Scorpion, J Duce, 9pm, $5

Jams at The Jungle with Kelly Proud, 8pm, no cover

Outspoken: Open Mic Night, 7pm, M, no cover

April 1st Despised Icon,

Carnifex, Fallujah, 5LQJV RI 6DWXUQ /RUQD 6KRUH

April 2nd

3(11< 060/ 7285 0L]HUH 5DZ % 6FRUSLRQ J Duce & More

April 6th

The Kegels, Bossâ&#x20AC;&#x2122; Daughter THESE THESE & Bucket Flesh

DONâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;T DONâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;T

April 8th MIX MIX The Shames, Year of the Fist, Machine Gun Vendetta & Uncle Angry

Think you know your limits? Think again. If you drink, donâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;t drive. Period.

20â&#x20AC;&#x192; â&#x20AC;&#x192;|â&#x20AC;&#x192; â&#x20AC;&#x192;RN&R â&#x20AC;&#x192; |â&#x20AC;&#x192; â&#x20AC;&#x192;03.30.17

Adrianâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s Open Mic Jam Slam, 8pm, Tu, no cover Open Mic With Lenny El Bajo, 7pm, Tu, no cover

6300 Mae Anne Ave., (775) 787-6300

hellfire Saloon

Karaoke, 9pm, Tu, W, no cover

Post shows online by registerin g at www.newsrev iew.com/ren o. Deadline is th e Friday before public ation.

comma coffee

Comedy

MON-WED 4/03-4/05

Nightowls, 10pm, $15-$20

214 W. Commercial Row, (775) 329-9444 125 W. Third St., (775) 323-5005

FRIDAY 3/31

Jub Jubâ&#x20AC;&#x2122; s Thirst Parlor For more info call 384-1652 www.jubjubsthirstparlor.com 6RXWK :HOOV $YHQXH Â&#x2021; 5HQR

THURSDAY 3/30

FRIDAY 3/31

SATURDAY 4/01

SUNDAY 4/02

MON-WED 4/03-4/05

Laughing PLanet Cafe

Jazz Jam Session Wednesdays, 7:30pm, W, no cover

941 N. Virginia St., (775) 870-9633

the Loft theatre-Lounge-Dining

Magic Fusion, 7pm, 9pm, $19-$37

the Loving CuP

Live jazz, 8pm, no cover

MiDtown winebar

DJ Trivia, 6:30pm, no cover

1021 Heavenly Village Way, South Lake Tahoe; (530) 523-8024

188 California Ave., (775) 322-2480 1527 S. Virginia St., (775) 800-1960

MiLLenniuM nightCLub

MooDy’s bistro bar & beats

Jenni Charles & Jesse Dunn, 8pm, no cover

PaDDy & irene’s irish Pub

Acoustic Wonderland Singer-Songwriter Showcase, 8pm, no cover

906-A Victorian Ave., Sparks; (775) 358-5484

Magic Fusion, 7pm, 9pm, $19-$37

Magic Fusion, 4:30pm, 7pm, $19-$37

T-N-Keys, 4:30pm, Tu, 7:30pm, W, no cover

The Coney Dogs, 8pm, no cover

George Souza Trio, 8:30pm, no cover

George Souza Trio, 8:30pm, no cover U Play Wednesday (Open Mic Jam), 8pm, W, no cover

PigniC Pub & Patio PoLo Lounge the saint

Rigorous Proof, Travis Hayes, People With Bodies, Chris Scott, 8pm, $5

shea’s tavern

In The Whale, The Lost Ones, The Grimtones, 9pm, $5

sParks Lounge

Tony G’s Blues Etc. Jam!, 8:30pm, no cover

st. JaMes infirMary

445 California Ave., (775) 657-8484

Chandler P, Jared Dean, DJ Skills, Clumzy Stonerz, 8pm, no cover

stuDio on 4th

The Hubcap Stealers, 9pm, $7

1237 Baring Blvd., Sparks; (775) 409-3340

432 E. Fourth St., (775) 737-9776

whiskey DiCk’s saLoon

2660 Lake Tahoe Blvd., South Lake Tahoe; (530) 544-3425

March 31, 9 p.m.  Studio on 4th  432 E. Fourth St.  737-9776

Karaoke with Bobby Dee, 8pm, Tu, no cover

Gemini, 9pm, no cover

1559 S. Virginia St., (775) 322-8864

715 S. Virginia St., (775) 786-4774

Mucca Pazza

Open Spike Night, 7pm, Tu, no cover

235 Flint St., (775) 376-1948

761 S. Virginia St., (775) 221-7451

Magic Fusion, 7:30pm, M, Tu, W, $19-$37

Liberación, Los Caminantes, Los Diablos, 9:30pm, $30-$35

2100 Victorian Ave., Sparks; (775) 772-6637 10007 Bridge St., Truckee; (530) 587-8688

Magic Fusion, 7pm, 9pm, $19-$37

The Electric, Valentine Rodeo, Crook & The Bluff, 9pm, no cover

Killer Whale Album Release Show, 9pm, no cover

Bob Log III, Alphabet Cult, 8pm, $5

Ty Alex, Django Soulo, 8pm, M, no cover Live blues, 8pm, W, no cover

Tavern Trivia Night, 9pm, no cover

Krashkarma, Vajra, American Slacker Society, 9pm, M, $6 One Man Jam, 5:30pm, M, no cover Jazz Jam w/First Take, 7pm, Tu, no cover

Saturday Dance Party, 9pm, no cover Mucca Pazza, 9pm, $12

Ritual (goth, industrial) w/DJs David Darkness, Rusty, Jon Potter, 9pm, $3-$5

Music Industry Night, 9pm, W, no cover Reno Unplugged 5, 7pm, no cover

The Good Samaritans, Zephyr, Galactica, 9pm, no cover

A ? R O F IGHT G ? P N I N O K LOO TRIVIA ORKSH FUN ITING W IVAL? T R S W E F A S T R AN A EVENT PROMOTERS: POST EVENTS FREE OF CHARGE!

Phutureprimitive April 1, 10 p.m.  MontBleu Resort  55 Highway 50  Stateline  (800) 648-3353

CHECK OUT RN&R’S BRAND NEW ONLINE CALENDAR A COMPREHENSIVE LIST OF WHAT’S HAPPENING EVERY DAY IN RENO.

NEWSREVIEW.COM/RENO/CALENDAR 03.30.17    |   RN&R   |   21

AtlAntis CAsino ResoRt spA 3800 S. Virginia St., (775) 825-4700 1) Grand Ballroom Stage 2) Cabaret

Boomtown CAsino Hotel

2100 Garson Rd., Verdi; (775) 345-6000 1) Event Center 2) Guitar Bar

THURSDAY 3/30

FRIDAY 3/31

SATURDAY 4/01

SUNDAY 4/02

MON-WED 4/03-4/05

2) EVR, 8pm, no cover

2) EVR, 4pm, no cover Cook Book, 10pm, no cover

2) EVR, 4pm, no cover Cook Book, 10pm, no cover

2) Cook Book, 10pm, no cover

2) The Vegas Road Show, 8pm, M, Tu, W, no cover

2) The Robeys, 6pm, no cover

2) The Look, 5pm, no cover Rebekah Chase, 9pm, no cover

2) The Look, 5pm, no cover Rebekah Chase, 9pm, no cover 2) Steve Lord, 6pm, no cover

2) Steve Lord, 6pm, M, no cover 2) Hans Eberbach, 6pm, Tu, W, no cover

CARson VAlley inn

Davy Knowles March 31, 10 p.m.  Crystal Bay Club  14 Highway 28  Crystal Bay  833-6333

Karaoke O’Cleary’s Irish Pub, 1330 Scheels Drive, Ste. 250, Sparks, (775) 359-1209: Bobby Dee Karaoke/Dance Party, Th, 6pm, no cover The Point, 1601 S. Virginia St., (775) 3223001: Karaoke, Th-Sa, 7pm, no cover Spiro’s Sports Bar & Grille, 1475 E. Prater Way, Ste. 103, Sparks, (775) 356-6000: Karaoke, F-Sa, 9pm, no cover West Second Street Bar, 118 W. Second St.: Karaoke, Daily, 8pm, no cover

2) The Novelists, 7pm, no cover 1627 Hwy. 395, Minden; (775) 782-9711 1) Valley Ballroom 2) Cabaret Lounge 3) TJ’s Corral

CRystAl BAy CluB

14 Hwy. 28, Crystal Bay; (775) 833-6333 1) Crown Room 2) Red Room

eldoRAdo ResoRt CAsino 345 N. Virginia St., (775) 786-5700 1) Theater 2) Brew Brothers 3) NoVi

2) The Wiz Kid, 10:30pm, no cover

GRAnd sieRRA ResoRt

1) Drake White & The Big Fire,

Drew Baldridge, Brandon Lay, 2500 E. Second St., (775) 789-2000 1) Grand Theater 2) Lex Nightclub 3) Sports Book 6:30pm, $15.60-$41.28

HARd RoCk Hotel & CAsino 50 Hwy. 50, Stateline; (844) 588-7625 1) Vinyl 2) Center Bar

HARRAH’s Reno

219 N. Center St., (775) 788-2900 1) Sammy’s Showroom 2) The Zone 3) Sapphire Lounge 4) Plaza 5) Convention Center

1) The Rat Pack Is Back, 7:30pm, $27.06-$37.15

1) Alyssa Micaela, Buck Ford, 8:30pm, $15 2) The Novelists, 8pm, no cover 2) The Novelists, 8pm, no cover 2) Davy Knowles, 10pm, no cover

2) Hunter & The Dirty Jacks, 10pm, no cover

2) The Wiz Kid, 10:30pm, no cover 3) DJ Roni V, 9pm, no cover Privileged, 10:30pm, $27.95

The Wiz Kid, 10:30pm, no cover 3) DJ Roni V, 9pm Privileged, 10:30pm, $27.95

2) DJ Earwaxxx, 10pm, $15 3) Grand Country Nights with DJ Colt Ainsworth, 10pm, no cover

3) Grand Country Nights with DJ Colt Ainsworth, 10pm, no cover

1) Live Band Karaoke, 9pm, no cover

1) Auggie Smith, 8pm, 10pm, $10

1) The Rat Pack Is Back, 7:30pm, $27.06-$37.15

1) The Rat Pack Is Back, 7:30pm, $27.06-$37.15

montBleu ResoRt

2707 S. Virginia St., (775) 826-2121 1) Tuscany Ballroom 2) Terrace Lounge 3) Edge

2) Drinking with Clowns, 7pm, no cover

2) Drinking with Clowns, 8pm, no cover 3) Latin Dance Social, 7:30pm, $10-$20

sAnds ReGenCy CAsino Hotel silVeR leGACy ResoRt CAsino

22   |   RN&R   |   03.30.17

2) Drinking with Clowns, 8pm, no cover 3) DJ Spryte, 10pm, $20

4) DJ Punktematrix, 9pm, no cover

2) Night Fever, DJ Kronik, 9pm, no cover 3) Fashion Fridays, 9pm, no cover 4) Soundwave, 9pm, no cover

2) Night Fever, DJ Kronik, 9pm, no cover 3) Seduction Saturdays, 9pm, $5 4) Soundwave, 9pm, no cover

2) Live Band Karaoke, 10pm, M, no cover Left Of Centre, 10:30pm, W, no cover

1) Banff Mountain Film Festival, 7pm, M, Tu, $17-$20

2) Kyle Williams, 6pm, no cover

The Utility Players: April Fools, 8pm, $15

345 N Arlington Ave., (775) 348-2200

407 N. Virginia St., (775) 325-7401 1) Grand Exposition Hall 2) Rum Bullions Island Bar 3) Aura Ultra Lounge 4) Silver Baron Lounge

2) The Wiz Kid, 10:30pm, no cover

2) Phutureprimitive, Love and Light, 10pm, $20-$25

55 Hwy. 50, Stateline; (800) 648-3353 1) Showroom 2) HQ Center Bar 3) Opal Ultra Lounge 4) Blu

peppeRmill ResoRt spA CAsino

2) The Werks, Brothers Gow, 9pm, W, no cover

4) DJ Kronik, 9pm, no cover 3) Sunday Funday Industry Night, 10pm, no cover

2) Kyle Williams, 6pm, M, Tu, W, no cover

FOR THE WEEK OF MARCH 30, 2017 For a complete listing of this week’s events or to post events to our online calendar, visit www.newsreview.com. COLIN O’BRYAN ART RECEPTION: O’Bryan  brings his sculpture creations to the  Potentialist gallery.  3/30, 7pm. Free. The  Potentialist Workshop, 836 E. Second St.,  (775) 686-8201.

EVERY IMAGE HAS A STORY: Dotty  Molt’s work is largely focused on an  exploratory journey she underwent  starting early last year, traveling  across the country in her car and  solely focusing on her art. The set  of photographs being shown are  representative of immersing one’s self  in the world, surrounding oneself with  wilderness, and being tested to find  one’s true self.  3/30-4/05, 10am. Free.  McKinley Arts & Culture Center, 925  Riverside Drive, (775) 334-2417.

FROM THE GROUND UP: The Capital City Arts

Winter WonderGrass Tahoe

3/31:

The three-day festival combines beer tastings and live  bluegrass/acoustic roots acts performing on four stages  against the backdrop of snow-covered peaks at Squaw Valley Resort. This  year’s musical lineup features Greensky Bluegrass, Yonder Mountain String  Band, Leftover Salmon, The Infamous Stringdusters, Sam Bush Band, Peter  Rowan, Fruition, Hot Buttered Rum, Mandolin Orange and Dead Winter  Carpenters, among other bands. More than 15 California craft breweries will  serve tastings of their signature craft beers in three heated tents from 2  p.m. to 5 p.m., March 31-April 2. The family-friendly event will also feature a  kids’ zone with face painting, hula hooping and craft activities. Festival gates  are open from 2 p.m. to 10 p.m., from Friday, March 31, through Sunday, April  2, at Squaw Valley Resort, 1960 Squaw Valley Road, Olympic Valley. Tickets  range from $79 to $499. Visit www.winterwondergrasstahoe.com.

EvEnTs FIBS, FAKES AND FALSEHOODS—MISTAKEN TAHOE: Presenter David C. Antonucci  discusses some of the “facts” about  Lake Tahoe that arose from word-ofmouth, myth and exaggeration.  4/01, 2pm. Free. Galena Creek Visitor Center,  18250 Mount Rose Highway, (775) 8494948, www.galenacreekvisitorcenter.org.

FRIDAY NIGHT BALLROOM DANCING: The  Senior Dance Club of Reno presents live  music, refreshments and three hours  of dancing. Singles and beginners are  welcome.  3/31, 8pm. $7-$10. Washoe  County Senior Center, Building E, 1155 E.  Ninth St., (775) 343-8138.

LADY LUCK TATTOO ARTS & HISTORY EXPO: The event offers three days of  tattooing from an international lineup  of tattooers. There will also be contests,  an art gallery, seminars, afterparties  and more.  3/31, 2-10pm; 4/01 noon-10pm, 4/02, noon-7pm. $15-$35, free admission  for children age 14 and younger. Circus  Circus, 500 N. Sierra St., (412) 531-5319,  www.tattoopgh.com/ladyluck.html

MAYNARD DIXON AND THE GREAT DEPRESSION:  American art scholar John Ott links the  artistic, social, historical and geographic  themes in the artwork of Maynard  Dixon.  3/30. $8-$12. Nevada Museum  of Art, 160 W. Liberty St., (775) 329-3333,  www.nevadaart.org.

SATURDAY NIGHT STAR PARTY: The Jack  C. Davis Observatory hosts free star  parties every Saturday night year  round, starting at sunset (except when  there is snow on the roads). The evening  starts with a lecture on one of numerous  topics and then concludes with guided  star viewing by one of the observatory’s  astronomers.  4/01, 6pm. Free. Jack C.  Davis Observatory, 2699 Van Patten  Drive, Carson City, (775) 857-3033.

SPARKS MUSEUM’S FIRST SATURDAY LECTURE SERIES: Adam Michalski presents  “Northern Nevada’s Railroads,” as  part of the First Saturday lecture  series.  4/01. Free. Sparks Museum  & Cultural Center, 814 Victorian Ave.,  Sparks, (775) 355-1144.

WINE WALK: Participants can stroll to more  than 35 locations pouring wine, providing  entertainment and offering special deals  for wine walkers.  4/01, 1pm. $10-$15.  Downtown Carson City, 100 W. Telegraph  St., (775) 443-0655.

ART 2017 SCHOLASTIC ART EXHIBIT: Nevada  Museum of Art and the Holland  Project Gallery hosts this showcase of  Northern Nevada’s up-and-coming teen  artists and Scholastic Art Gold-Key  recipients.  3/30-3/31, 3-6pm. Free. The  Holland Project, 140 Vesta St., (775) 7421858, www.hollandreno.org.

Initiative (CCAI) presents artwork by  Gil Martin.  3/30-4/05, 8am. Free. CCAI  Courthouse Gallery, 885 E. Musser St.,  Carson City, www.arts-initiative.org.

GREAT BASIN NATIVE ARTISTS: Featured  artists are Ben Aleck, Topaz Jones,  Jack Malotte, Melissa Melero-Moose  and Topah Spoonhunter.  3/30-4/05, 9am-4pm. Free. Carson City Visitors  Bureau, 716 N. Carson St., Carson City,  (775) 687-7410.

MIROSLAV ANTIC AND ROGER BERRY: Miroslav  Antic’s large-scale paintings and  installations aim to make the most  fleeting and nostalgic parts of American  culture tangible. Roger Berry creates  metal sculptures with arching shapes,  evoking loosely intertwined knots.  3/304/05. Free. Stremmel Gallery, 1400 S.  Virginia St., (775) 786-0558.

MOUNTAIN PICASSOS—BASQUE ARBORGLYPHS OF THE GREAT BASIN: The Folklife Program  of the Nevada Arts Council and the  Nevada Historical Society present a  traveling exhibition of the canvases of  Basque tree carvings, or arborglyphs,  from the collection of Jean and Phillip  Earl.  3/30-4/05, 9am. Free. Western  Nevada College Gallery, 2201 West College  Parkway, Carson City, (775) 445-3000.

NATURE IN BLACK & WHITE: Barbie Crawford,  a professional photographer residing in  the Lake Tahoe area, creates detailed  macro-photography portraits of the  natural world around her.  3/30-4/05, 8am-5pm. Free. McKinley Arts & Culture  Center, 925 Riverside Drive, (775) 334-2417.

NOT HERE, NOR THERE: Quynh Tran’s series  of multi-room installations incorporate  printed wallpapers, sculptural  structures, light and sound effects to  transform viewers’ experiences as  they transition in between the gallery.  The opening reception starts at 6pm on  March 30.  3/30-4/05, noon-4pm. Free.  Student Galleries South, Jot Travis  Building, University of Nevada Reno, 1164  N. Virginia St., www.unr.edu/arts.

PAINT & METAL: Using abstract imagery,  two works of art by Mahsan Ghazianzad  and Grant Miller deal with ideas of truth  and exploration of emotions.  3/30-4/05, 8am. Free. Metro Gallery, Reno City Hall,  1 E. First St., (775) 334-4636.

FILM

PARALLEL LIVES: Restless Artists Theatre  presents Mo Gaffney and Kathy Najimy’s  comedy, which asks whether everything  would be better if women were in charge  instead of men.  3/31-4/01, 7:30pm; 4/02, 2pm. $12-$20. Restless Artists Theatre  Company, 295 20th St., Sparks, (775) 5253074, www.rattheatre.org.

MUSCLE SHOALS: Artemisia MovieHouse  presents Greg “Freddy” Camilier’s  2013 documentary film about the  landmark Alabama recording studio as  told by Aretha Franklin,  Etta James,  Mick Jagger, Keith Richards and Steve  Winwood, among others.  4/02, 6pm. $5$7. Artemisia MovieHouse at Good Luck  Macbeth Theater, 713 S. Virginia St.,  http://artemisiamovies.weebly.com.

THE WORD BEGINS: Merry War Theatre

MUsIC ANOUSHKA SHANKAR: The Grammy Awardnominated sitar player and composer is  a singular figure in the Indian classical  and progressive world music scenes  and has created a body of work with a  roster of artists such as Sting, M.I.A,  Herbie Hancock, Pepe Habichuela, Karsh  Kale, Rodrigo y Gabriela and Joshua Bell.  She performs as part of the University  of Nevada, Reno’s Performing Arts  Series.  3/30, 7:30pm. $5-$30. Nightingale  Concert Hall,  Church Fine Arts Building,  University of Nevada, Reno, 1335 N.  Virginia St., (775) 784-4278.

PIPES ON THE RIVER: A free 30-minute  organ concert open to the public. Brown  bag lunch is welcome.  3/31, noon. Free.  Trinity Episcopal Church, 200 Island Ave.,  (775) 329-4279.

Group presents this journey of two men  discovering the power of words to define  love, faith, race and humanity in America.  Mashing up spoken word, comedy and  hip hop, this satire written by Steve  Connell and Sekou Andrews examines the  current American cultural landscape as  it appears to a young white man and a  young black man.  3/29-31, 7:30pm. $10$14. The Potentialist Workshop, 836 E.  Second St., www.merrywar.com.

sPORTs & FITnEss GUIDED HIKE: Enjoy a guided hike through  Galena Creek Park with a local specialist.  Please bring appropriate clothing and  plenty of water. If there’s enough snow,  this will be a snowshoe hike. There will  be a few pairs of snowshoes at the  visitor center available for rent. The  hike intensity varies, depending on the  audience.  4/01, 10am. Free. Galena Creek  Visitor Center, 18250 Mount Rose Highway,  www.galenacreekvisitorcenter.org.

RENO 1868 FC: Reno’s professional soccer

SPIRITURAL MASTERWORKS—MOURNINGHEALING: The Reno Chamber Orchestra  collaborates with the University of  Nevada, Reno Symphonic Choir and  Chamber Singers in a presentation titled  “Spiritual Masterworks: MourningHealing.” The Stabat Mater by Czech  master Antonín Dvorák, a meditation  on loss, acceptance and hope for  the future, is the centerpiece of this  concert. The RCO will also perform  Haydn’s Symphony No. 44 in E minor  “Trauer.”  4/01, 7:30pm, 4/02, 2pm. $5$50. Nightingale Concert Hall, Church  Fine Arts Building, University of Nevada,  Reno, 1335 N. Virginia St., (775) 348-9413,  www.renochamberorchestra.org.

OnsTAGE

club takes on the Vancouver Whitecaps  FC.  4/01, 7pm. $11-$26. Greater Nevada  Field, 250 Evans Ave., (775) 334-7000,  http://www.reno1868fc.com.

RENO ACES VS. NEVADA WOLF PACK: The minor  league baseball team plays their annual  exhibition game against the University  of Nevada, Reno Wolf Pack. 4/04, 6:05pm.  $7-$14.  Greater Nevada Field, 250 Evans

Ave., (775) 334-7000.

RENO BIGHORNS: The NBA development  league takes on the Northern Arizona  Suns, 4/01, 7pm.  $10-$50. Reno Events  Center, 400 N. Center St., (775) 853-8220,  http://reno.dleague.nba.com.

CLAssEs

HAND TO GOD: Good Luck Macbeth Theatre

CONVERSATIONAL SPANISH PRACTICE:

Company presents Robert Askins’ dark  comedy which explores the fragile  nature of faith, morality and the ties  that bind us.  3/31-4/01, 7:30pm; 4/02, 2pm. $15. Good Luck Macbeth Theatre  Company, 713 S. Virginia St., (775) 3223716, www.goodluckmacbeth.org.

Practice Spanish and improve language  skills. Meet other travelers and  professionals who are interested in  Spanish language and culture.  4/01, 11:30am. $10. Training Connexion, 4600  Kietzke Lane, (775) 384-9036.

LET IT BE—A CELEBRATION OF THE MUSIC OF THE BEATLES: Broadway Comes to Reno’s  2016-2017 series continues with the  international hit show. The first half of  the theatrical performance is comprised  of favorites from The Beatles’ career and  the second half imagines a world in which  The Beatles reunited 10 years after their  1970 breakup.  3/30, 7:30pm. $39-$85.  Pioneer Center for the Performing Arts,  100 S. Virginia St., (775) 686-6600.

WATERCOLOR PAINTERS OPEN GROUP: This  is a group of watercolor painters who  paint together and learn from each  other.  3/31, 9am. $5. Nevada Fine Arts,  1301 S. Virginia St., (775) 786-1128.

Red Meat and Advice Goddess continued on page 24

03.30.17    |   RN&R   |   23

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Nobody expects a free meal from a restaurant. So what’s with wedding guests who think it’s acceptable to give no gift or just $100 from two people? My understanding is that you are supposed to “cover your plate”—the cost of your meal (at least $100 per person). If you can’t, you shouldn’t attend. I’m planning my wedding and considering not inviting four couples who gave no gift at my two siblings’ weddings. Upsettingly, most are family members (and aren’t poor). I’d hate to cut out family, but if they won’t contribute, what else can I do? The truth is, this “cover your plate” thing is not a rule. It’s just an ugly idea that’s gained traction in parts of the country—those where bridezillas have transformed getting married into a fierce social deathmatch, the wedding spendathalon. What gets lost in this struggle to out-lavish the competition is the point of the wedding—publicly joining two people in marriage, not separating their friends and relatives from as much cash as possible. And though it’s customary for guests to give gifts, The Oxford English Dictionary defines “gift” as “a thing given willingly”—as opposed to “a mandatory cover charge to help fund the rented chocolate waterfall, complete with white mocha rapids and four-story slide manned by Mick Jagger and Jon Bon Jovi.” But because you—incorrectly—believe that guests owe you (more than their company), you’ve awakened your ancient inner accountant, the human cheater-detection system. Evolutionary psychologists Leda Cosmides and John Tooby describe this as a specialized module the human brain evolved for detecting cheaters—“people who have intentionally taken the benefit specified in a social exchange rule without satisfying the requirement.” Identifying and punishing freeloading slackers was especially vital in an ancestral environment, where there weren’t always enough grubs to go around. These days, however, maybe you have the luxury to refuse to let a few (apparent) Stingy McMingies shape who you are—which is created through how you behave. Instead of grinding down into tit for tat, you can decide to be generous. It’s a thematically nice way to start a marriage—in which

50/50 can sometimes be 95/“Hey, don’t I at least get your 5 percent?” It also makes for a far less cluttered invitation than “RSVP … with the price of the gift you’re getting us—so we know whether to serve you the Cornish game hen at the table or the bowl of water on the floor. Thanks!”

Hello hath no fury Though my boyfriend is loving and attentive, he’s bad at responding to my texts. He’s especially bad while traveling, which he does often for his work. Granted, half my texts are silly memes. I know these things aren’t important, so why do I feel so hurt when he doesn’t reply? Consider that, in the chase phase, some men text like crazy, hoping to banter a woman into bed. But once there’s a relationship, men (disproportionately) use texting as a logistical tool—“b there in 5”—while women continue using it as a tool for emotional connection. That’s probably why you feel so bad. Feeling ignored is also not ideal for a relationship. In research psychologist John Gottman did on newly married couples, the newlyweds who were still together six years down the line were those who were responsive toward their partner’s “bids for connection”—consistently meeting them with love, encouragement, support or just attention. Explain this “bids for connection” thing to your boyfriend. However, especially when he’s traveling, a little reasonableness from you in what counts as a reply should go a long way. Maybe tell him you’d be happy with “Ha!,” “LOL” or an emoji. You’d just like to see more than your own blinking cursor— looking like Morse code for “If he loved you, he’d at least text you that smiling swirl of poo.” Ω

Got a problem? Write Amy Alkon, 171 Pier Ave., No. 280, Santa Monica, CA 90405, or email AdviceAmy@aol.com (www.advicegoddess.com).

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FRee will astRology

ARIES (March 21-April 19): The dragon that

stole your treasure will return it. Tulips and snapdragons will blossom in a field you thought was a wasteland. Gargoyles from the abyss will crawl into view, but then meekly lick your hand and reveal secrets you can really use. The dour troll that guards the bridge to the Next Big Thing will let you pass even though you don’t have the password. April fool! Everything I just described is only metaphorically true, not literally.

TAURUS (April 20-May 20): According to

legend, Buddha had to face daunting tests to achieve enlightenment. A diabolical adversary tempted him with sensual excesses and assailed him with vortexes of blistering mud, flaming ice and howling rocks. Happily, Buddha glided into a state of wise calm and triumphed over the mayhem. He converted his nemesis’ vortexes into bouquets of flowers and celestial ointments. What does this have to do with you? In accordance with current astrological omens, I hope you will emulate Buddha as you deal with your own initiatory tests. April fool! I wasn’t completely honest. It’s true you’ll face initiatory tests that could prod you to a higher level of wisdom. But they’ll most likely come from allies and inner prompts rather than a diabolical adversary.

GEMINI (May 21-June 20): Since I expect you’ll

soon be tempted to indulge in too much debauched fun and riotous release, I’ll offer you a good hangover remedy. Throw these ingredients into a blender, then drink up: a thousand-year-old quail egg from China, seaweed from Antarctica, milk from an Iraqi donkey, lemon juice imported from Kazakhstan and a dab of Argentinian toothpaste on which the moon has shone for an hour. April fool! I deceived you. You won’t have to get crazy drunk or stoned to enjoy extreme pleasure and cathartic abandon. It will come to you quite naturally—especially if you expand your mind through travel, big ideas or healthy experiments.

CANCER (June 21-July 22): Hire a promoter to

create gold plaques listing your accomplishments and hang them up in public places. Or pay someone to make a thousand bobblehead dolls in your likeness, each wearing a royal crown, and give them away to everyone you know. Or enlist a pilot to fly a small plane over a sporting event while trailing a banner that reads, “[Your name] is a gorgeous genius worthy of worshipful reverence.” April fool! What I just advised was a distorted interpretation of the cosmic omens. Here’s the truth: The best way to celebrate your surging power is not by reveling in frivolous displays of pride, but rather by making a bold move that will render a fantastic dream ten percent more possible for you to accomplish.

LEO (July 23-Aug. 22): Endangered species:

black rhino, Bornean orangutan, hawksbill turtle, South China tiger, Sumatran elephant and the Leo messiah complex. You may not be able to do much to preserve the first five on that list, but please get to work on saving the last. It’s time for a massive eruption of your megalomania. April fool! I was exaggerating for effect. There’s no need to go overboard in reclaiming your messiah complex. But please do take strong action to stoke your self-respect, self-esteem and confidence.

in four minutes and 24 seconds of intimate talk per day. April fool! I lied. A 10 percent increase isn’t nearly enough. Given the current astrological indicators, you must seek out longer and deeper exchanges with the people you love. Can you manage 20 minutes per day?

SCORPIO (Oct. 23-Nov. 21): In a way, it’s too

bad you’re about to lose your mind. The chaos that ensues will be a big chore to clean up. But in another sense, losing your mind may be a lucky development. The process of reassembling it will be entertaining and informative. And as a result, your problems will become more fascinating than usual, and your sins will be especially original. April fool! I lied, sort of. You won’t really lose your mind. But this much is true: Your problems will be more fascinating than usual, and your sins will be especially original. That’s a good thing! It may even help you recover a rogue part of your mind that you lost a while back.

SAGITTARIUS (Nov. 22-Dec. 21): You say that

some of the healthiest foods don’t taste good? And that some of your pleasurable diversions seem to bother people you care about? You say it’s too much hassle to arrange for a certain adventure that you know would be exciting and meaningful? Here’s what I have to say about all that: Stop whining. April fool! I lied. The truth is, there will soon be far fewer reasons for you to whine. The discrepancies between what you have to do and what you want to do will at least partially dissolve. So will the gaps between what’s good for you and what feels good, and between what pleases others and what pleases you.

CAPRICORN (Dec. 22-Jan. 19): You should begin

work on a book with one of the following titles, and you should finish writing it no later than April 28: “The Totally Intense Four Weeks of My Life When I Came All the Way Home”… “The Wildly Productive Four Weeks of My Life when I Discovered the Ultimate Secrets of Domestic Bliss” … “The Crazily Meaningful Four Weeks When I Permanently Anchored Myself in the Nourishing Depths.” April fool! I lied. There’s no need to actually write a book like that. But I do hope you seek out and generate experiences that would enable you to write books with those titles.

AQUARIUS (Jan. 20-Feb. 18): If you were a

passenger on a plane full of your favorite celebrities, and the pilot had to make an emergency landing on a remote snowbound mountain, and you had to eat one of the celebrities in order to stay alive until rescuers found you, which celebrity would you want to eat first? April fool! That was a really stupid and pointless question. I can’t believe I asked it. I hope you didn’t waste a nanosecond thinking about what your reply might be. Here’s the truth, Aquarius: You’re in a phase of your astrological cycle when the single most important thing you can do is ask and answer really good questions.

PISCES (Feb. 19-March 20): You now have

VIRGO (Aug. 23-Sept. 22): Race through your

an elevated chance of finding a crumpled $1 bill on a sidewalk. There’s also an increased likelihood you’ll get a coupon for a 5 percent discount from a carpet shampoo company, or win enough money in the lottery to buy a new sweatshirt. To enhance these possibilities, all you have to do is sit on your ass and wish really hard that good economic luck will come your way. April fool! What I just said was kind of true, but also useless. Here’s more interesting news: The odds are better than average that you’ll score tips on how to improve your finances. You may also be invited to collaborate on a potentially lucrative project, or receive an offer of practical help for a bread-and-butter dilemma. To encourage these outcomes, all you have to do is develop a long-term plan for improved money management.

LIBRA (Sept. 23-Oct. 22): Research shows that

You can call Rob Brezsny for your Expanded Weekly Horoscope: (900) 950-7700. $1.99 per minute. Must be 18+. Touchtone phone required. Customer service (612) 373-9785. And don’t forget to check out Rob’s website at www.realastrology.com.

yoga routine so you have more time to surf the internet. Inhale doughnuts and vodka in the car as you race to the health food store. Get into a screaming fight with a loved one about how you desperately need more peace and tenderness. April fool! A little bit of self-contradiction would be cute, but not that much. And yet I do worry that you are close to expressing that much. The problem may be that you haven’t been giving your inner rebel any high-quality mischief to attend to. As a result, it’s bogged down in trivial insurrections. So please give your inner rebel more important work to do.

a typical working couple devotes an average of four minutes per day in meaningful conversations. I suggest you boost that output by at least 10 percent. Try to engage your best companion

26   |   RN&R   |   03.30.17

by ROb bRezsny

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Party!

is not afraid of looking ridiculous we will get along. It’s OK if your hair gets messed up if you are having a good time. If you are too cool to dance or sweat or smile at fun music you might want to go see some other more boring band. … I am making fun of sexuality in music. My songs are not about looking good—they are about embracing the ridiculousness of rock and roll, and smiling so much your face hurts. I did not invent sexuality in music, I’m just trying to take it places most musicians wouldn’t. It’s a party.

Bob Log III Every once in a while, there’s a band  with the kind of live show that hits  the rarefied air of do-not-miss. Bob  Log III is a do-not-miss one-man  band. He plays fantastic slide guitar  with his hands while playing percussion with his feet and singing into the  telephone microphone built into his  helmet. His live shows are raucous,  debauched occasions. He comes  through The Saint, 761 S. Virginia St.,  on April 2 at 8 p.m. Alphabet Cult  opens. $5.

What are the advantages and disadvantages of performing as a solo artist? Advantages are this—firstly, as a one man band I get to become the complete master of time. I am completely addicted to controlling time and all of its aspects. Most of the day I have to do what time tells me to do—get to the club for sound check, leave on time in the morning, be ready for the show at a specific time. … But once I am on stage and playing drums and guitar—time has to do what I say. No matter what I say. I can turn time into a floppy rubber band. I can feed it cake. I can let time think it’s moving smoothly, but then suddenly I can push time into the swimming pool and make it wet, anytime I want. I think some piano players might experience

this as well, but it is something you can do to time and music only when you play alone. One other advantage is I get all the beer. A disadvantage is I have to carry everything.

Many of your best known songs, like “Clap your Tits,” are celebrations of late-night debauchery. What are some of the reactions, positive and negative, you’ve encountered to that over the years? I enjoy chaos in musical form. When people in the crowd join me in the chaos, all kind of fun can happen. There are people who have gotten upset when a nice lady claps her tits together, but they are also usually the first to laugh when a fat man in a wheel chair does it. My songs are for everybody to dance to, men, women and animals. If a person

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Your stage show often involves audience participation. What are the best and worst complications that you’ve ever had with that? Have you ever been unable to get anyone from the crowd to volunteer to come up on stage? Absolutely anything you can think of has happened to me onstage. I have been bit, tackled, tickled, groped, massaged, hugged, kissed and probably pooped on. Not my fault! OK, it’s my fault. When I play a party song, whatever happens to the party is my own fault, and I have one rule—I am not allowed to stop the party whatever is happening. It becomes its own beast. Occasionally nobody comes on stage, and just like the above, if it’s that kind of party, it’s that kind of party. Nothing scares me, even a lonely stage, as long as I am playing guitar the way I like. Ω

To read a longer version of this interview, visit www.newsreview.com.

By BRUCE VAN DYKE

We did it One thing that’s very tricky about  a weekly column here in the Twitler  Zone is simply writing something that will still retain some  kind of current relevance a few  days later. I write the column on  Monday, the paper comes out on  Thursday, and I just can’t help but  notice that very often, what seems  like hot and lively stuff at the first  of the week will be a big bowl of  cold oatmeal by the end, because  of all the crazy outrageous shit  that goes down on Tuesday and  Wednesday! It certainly keeps a  columnist on his proverbial toes.  That said ... How outrageously ironic it truly  is that the heroes who made last  week’s bellyflop of the American  Health Care Act possible were,  of all people, the House Freedom  Caucus. A bigger bunch of nasty,  twisted, infuriating dipshits you  would truly be hard-pressed to

find, but god bless ’em, I guess the  AHCA just wasn’t cruel enough  for these insane jerks, which led  to the delightful conclusion of  the HFC telling Trump and Eddie  Munster Ryan to piss off. We live in  truly bizarre times, where I—who  resides on the political spectrum  just a shade to the left of Wavy  Gravy—found myself siding with  the always detestable HFC, and  man, that was just flat-out weird! A truly crummy bill, the AHCA  was hated by just about everybody (only 17 percent support). It  was also Paul Ryan’s shit sandwich, and he really shouldn’t have  been all that surprised that folks  didn’t line up to take a bite. One  tweeter I saw pretty much nailed  it when he posted a pic of Ryan,  midwestern baby blues flashing,  with a spot-on caption provided  by none other than Pete Townshend—“No one knows what it’s

like to be the bad man, to be the  sad man, behind blue eyes. No one  knows what it’s like to be hated, to  be fated, to telling only lies.” Commonly expected back in  January and February to fly  through a Republican Congress,  something got in the way of this  execrable dreck. And that something was us, as in We the People,  who took every chance we had  to tell Repub congressmembers that this bill sucked bad  bongwater through a straw, and  we weren’t happy about it. If we  hadn’t stood up and shrieked like  banshees about this ridiculous  tax break for the one percent  that was dishonestly disguised as  a pitiful excuse for health care,  it would still be alive. But we did,  and the AHCA is now floating in  the sewers of D.C., heading to  Chesapeake Bay. Good riddance.  And good for us.                               Ω

03.30.17    |   RN&R   |   27

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