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CHAMBER NOW RUN BY SUGAR HOUSE COMMUNITY COUNCIL By Daniel Smith | d.smith@mycityjournals.com

n 2020, the Sugar House Community Council took on the responsibilities of the Sugar House Chamber. In a statement on the Council’s website, Council Chair Landon Clark wrote: “The Mission of the Sugar House Community Council is to involve citizens in identifying issues, plans, and projects that enhance the beauty, safety, vibrancy, and human-scale character of Sugar House neighborhoods, and its businesses, historical, and natural resources.” Clark said that one of the Community Council’s primary objectives is to maintain Sugar House’s longstanding commitment to keeping things local. Not only have recent housing developments threatened to shoulder out small, local businesses, but the COVID-19 pandemic forced many of these businesses to temporarily close, and, upon reopening, to drastically alter their business models. Sugar House has consequently seen a decline in the number of local businesses. “They’re still around,” Clark said, “but we would really hate to lose more of them.” Although the Community Council only recently assumed the responsibilities of the Chamber, they have already taken action to mitigate the losses suffered by small businesses over the course of the last year. One such action is an ongoing series of videos titled, “The Sugar House Strong Video Stories,” which highlights businesses in the Sugar House area. This video series is part of what Clark said is Continued page 5

A mural in Sugar House depicts the area in the mid-20th century. (Daniel Smith/City Journals)

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Local author finalist for PEN American Award By Daniel Smith | d.smith@mycityjournals.com

“I

believe that every human being has an artistic talent, and indeed that is what makes us human.” Coming from poet, essayist, food writer, and professor Natasha Sajé, such a proclamation is heartening. The author of three books of poetry, a book of criticism, and a memoir, “Terroir: Love, Out of Place,” Sajé is no stranger to her own artistic talent. “Terroir,” her latest work, has been nominated for the PEN American Award. Sajé is a German-born American who grew up in New York City and, as her memoir attests, has called many places her home. Her long and varied journey to Salt Lake City could be said to have begun when she discovered her love of poetry as a child. “I knew I was a poet. I knew I wanted to play with language when I was around 4 or 5.” However, there was no poetry in her household. Although her Slovenian father, whose own culture valued poetry, would often write short, informal poems for Sajé’s mother, it wasn’t until Sajé was in the sixth grade that she was introduced to poetry through the works of Edgar Allan Poe. Subsequently, a friend of hers who was living abroad in England sent her a copy of Sylvia Plath’s “Ariel.” Sajé’s devotion to poetry was solidified. In Plath’s work, she found something that had “all the good stuff Poe had, but it’s contemporary, and it’s a woman. She was speaking to me,” Sajé said. Yet, after earning a bachelor’s degree in English from the University of Virginia and a two-year stint working and traveling in Europe, Sajé found herself pursuing a master’s degree in law. This lasted only a semester. Upon returning to school, she attended Johns Hopkins one-year master’s program in writing. It was only then that her family took any notice of her interest in poetry and literature. Their opinions of her pursuits were less than favorable. “I got a lot of grief. . .they asked me, ‘How are you going to make a living with that?’” Despite her family’s somewhat dismissive response to her career choice, Sajé completed her master’s degree and went on to receive a Ph.D. from the University of Maryland. She now teaches at both Westminster and Vermont College, living in Salt Lake City with her wife, Laura. Some of the watershed episodes of Sajé’s life are documented with admirable honesty in “Terroir: Love, Out of Place.” For this project, Sajé undertook the task of “self-scouring,” employing her aptitude for recalling events from her past—she has what is called “superior autobiographical memory,” a knack for remembering events from her life in vivid detail, which she

Journals

Natasha Sajé as a child. (Photo courtesy natashasaje.com/)

half-jokingly refers to as a “brain condition”—to weave memories together with reflection, observation, and analysis, sculpting each of the eight essays from material provided to her by her own life. But she was not content to simply retell events from her past. Each essay presents an argument on a certain topic. “When I write prose,” Sajé said, “I always have an argument. . .I made a discovery in each chapter. When you make an argument, you don’t know what it is in the beginning. You start with a question.” For instance, the book’s first essay, an account of her time waitressing in Switzerland, raises questions about “self-love,” “identity” and “nationality.” And the essay concerning her late husband Tyrone’s struggle with

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and eventual death from lymphoma and the budding of her relationship with Laura formulates a kaleidoscopic definition of guilt. The book initially started out as a “foodoir,” a retelling of Sajé’s life through food. She is, by her own admission, a “good cook.” It was by shifting the focus of the text that Sajé decided upon the book’s unifying theme: “As soon as I knew it wasn’t going to be a foodoir anymore, I knew it was going to be about identity.” The book grew into an investigation into the formation of who Sajé is today, one which does not spare the author any pains. Whether it be her strained relationship with Tyrone’s son Adrian as the three of them struggled to find peace in their Baltimore house, the ways in which she coped with Tyrone’s slow death, or how quickly she fell in love with Laura upon her beloved husband’s death, there are plenty of moments in this text where Sajé places her own psyche on the examination table and displays for the reader her findings. “It had to cost me something. . .You have to risk something, you have to feel like you paid. It has to psychically cost you something to write it.” Regarding the picture of Sajé with which the reader is presented, she says: “It’s a version of myself that I wanted to put out there. A lot of friends have read it and they think it’s pretty accurate. It’s hard for me to say what aspect of myself is not in it, not visible. But it is a construction. The battle. . .was to admit when I was wrong. The human tendency is to always make ourselves look better than we are.” It seems that Sajé has emerged from this battle victorious, for her memoir has been nominated for the prestigious 2021 PEN/Diamonstein-Spielvogel Award for the Art of the Essay. She is among the 55 finalists whose works have been selected as representatives of excellency in the art essay writing. A panel of judges will select 11 winners from among the finalists, each winner representing a different category. The panel’s decision will be announced on April 8 at the PEN American Literary Awards Ceremony, which will be held virtually. For more information, and to view Sajé’s food blog, biography and work, visit natashasaje.com/. For more information on the PEN American Award, visit pen.org. There are signed copies of “Terroir” available at King’s English Bookshop. Visit kingsenglish.com or call 801-484-9100. l

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Continued from front page the Council’s attempt to bring about a “new direction, new vision for how to help these businesses.” Spearheaded by local realtor, writer, Community Council Trustee, and Chamber Co-Chair, Erika Wiggins, the videos provide a platform for local business owners to showcase their businesses, let the public know how they were impacted by the pandemic, and what measures they took to ensure their customers’ safety. In taking on the responsibilities of the Chamber, the Community Council has set a new course of involvement in Sugar House’s local community. Clark’s vision for the Council includes working with new developers in a novel way to ensure that local businesses are represented. The details of this plan will soon be announced by the Community Council. The Council’s efforts to help the Sugar House community recover from the pandemic extend beyond local businesses. “[The Community Council is] also looking to bring back events, the sort of community building stuff that was taken away from us because of COVID, such as the arts festival,” Clark said. The Council also has plans to expand their operation in the upcoming months. Currently composed of a group of volunteers, the Council hopes to transition to a

Know WHERE to look!

Landon Clark is the council chair for the Sugar House Community Council. (Photo courtesy Sugar House Community Council)

different pay structure by early 2022 to include paid members. “We know we can’t rely on volunteers forever,” Clark said. For more information concerning the Sugar House Community Council’s efforts and to watch the “Sugar House Strong Video Stories,” visit sugarhousecouncil.org. l

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ugar House is undoubtedly a vibrant area. Although it was named for the sugar beets which Mormon settlers grew in this area, it is now more known for its local businesses, variety of restaurants, and plethora of breweries and bars. However, this vibrancy comes with a Judi Short is the longest-serving council price. Over the past member on the community council. (Photo several decades, Sugar courtesy Sugar House Community CounHouse has been subject cil website) to rampant expansion. Residents who have been around for as long as Sugar House Community Councilwoman Judi Short can attest to the scope and rate of this expansion, and some are worried about what it might lead to. Short is distinguished for serving the longest continuous term on the Community Council. Her involvement began when Gene Davis—now a Utah senator—was campaigning door-to-door. “He knocked on my door trying to get my vote and he ended up telling me about the council. I went to the next meeting and I’ve been going ever since. I hate to say it, but that was in 1988,” she said. Throughout her 32-year (and counting) term on the council, Short has witnessed the transformation of Sugar House from a hidden gem to the bustling community that it is today. Around the time when Short joined the council, Sugar House was known as the place to go for furniture and local goods. “We had furniture stores up and down Highland Drive. And then a lot of little stores. We had no chain stores that I’m aware of,” she said. As Sugar House grew and more businesses and residents moved in, population and traffic increased. Chain stores began to appear where locally owned shops once stood. While Short says that the council has tried to keep things local, she acknowledges that “we don’t own the property,” and that it is the property owners who ultimately decide what sort of businesses and residences to sell space to. This is a problem with which Short is closely involved. As the Land Use and Zoning Committee Chair, Short meets with business and property owners to discuss plans for new developments. “I think in Sugar House that we have a pretty strong reputation. The city will often say, ‘Hey, you better go talk to Judi Short before you get too far with this.’” Short and her committee share a close relationship with developers. “We sit and talk with them about what they’re planning,” Short said. The committee provides feedback and suggestions, stating what they like or dislike about the project, and works with developers and property owners to come up with plans that satisfy both the developers and the committee. “We’ll do this three or four times before [the developers] actually submit a project to the city.” Short consults Sugar House’s master plan when guiding such meetings. The plan consists of a series of codified guidelines regarding what sort of developments should go in which areas of the city. Though this master plan “hasn’t been updated since 2005” the committee will often consult it when talking

A page from Sugar House’s Master Plan. (Photo courtesy Sugar House Community Council website)

through proposals. And there have been no shortage of proposals for the committee to discuss. As of March 5, there had already been roughly “200 petitions for big projects” in Sugar House and the surrounding Salt Lake City area. Short worries that Sugar House’s already expensive land will continue to rise in price as rapid growth continues. Moreover, few residential proposals involve the building of single-family homes. In the past couple of decades, Short says that only about two dozen single-family homes have been approved. The rest are high-rise apartment buildings. This, she said, is making it more difficult to raise a family here. Exacerbating the issues surrounding the rising cost of living and the increase in population is a lack of updates in infrastructure and public transit. More people in Sugar House means more traffic, more cars, and an ever-increasing demand for parking spaces. Short sees bolstering Utah’s public transit system as the most viable way to manage these issues. Although she is concerned with the rate at which Sugar House is growing, Short has hope for the future. “I think it will all settle down eventually. Right now we have a lot of people saying ‘This isn’t the kind of Sugar House I wanted it to be when I bought my house here.’” For her part, Short is working with those who hold the city’s future in the balance to help bring about the kind of Sugar House she believes residents want. For information and to view the master plans and the Land Use and Zoning Committee’s past and upcoming agenda, visit sugarhousecouncil.org.l

Sugar House City Journal

Bookstores help bring Sugar House community to life says longtime business owner By Daniel Smith | d.smith@mycityjournals.com

am Pedersen has been the owner of Central Book Exchange since 2005. When she took over the store, she knew she would have to drastically change the business model, the inventory, and practically everything about the store, save the name. As her store changed and grew, so did Sugar House, and after 15 years of watching the expansion from her storefront, Pedersen is worried for Sugar House’s future. Central Book Exchange has been in the same location—on 1100 East and just shy of 2100 South—for 52 years. Originally, it was a paperback book exchange, with a mail-order service which specialized in delivering romance novels across the country. While the service did expand to include mystery novels, thrillers and the like, it was still primarily a mail-order exchange when Pedersen walked in and offered to buy the store in 2005. Pedersen had wanted to own a bookstore ever since she was a child, and she had read an interview with the store’s original owner in a local paper and got the sense that he was fed up with running the store. “He was bemoaning the past and how so many people used to come in,” Pedersen said. “Reading between the lines, you could tell he was done.” She made him an offer and he accepted. “It was a lucky happenstance.” New ownership brought new life to the store. “The old model didn’t have enough money coming in to run a business,” Pedersen said, “and it was very cash poor. I quickly realized that. . .there had to be a new model that was more modern, where people could get books that they needed and still pay a lot less, but keep the business a business.” She started carrying hardcover books, shifted focus away from the outdated mail-order service—which declined in popularity around the late 1980s—and toward the storefront, and revamped the business model. Roughly 15 years later, Central Book Exchange is one of several shops in the area, a fact which Pedersen welcomes. “That’s what my dream always was when we were the only ones here. To have that feel is so precious to me. I can’t tell you how fun that is. . .I love how many people are walking around now.” Back in 2005, there was little more to see than Central Book Exchange, the Soup Kitchen, and what Pedersen refers to as “The Pit,” a pit of rubble and gravel nearby. But she acknowledged that the increased foot traffic has come at a cost. “It’s like you're in a freight train heading toward a wall when you look at what’s happening here.” Pedersen lamented the many high-rise apartment buildings cropping up in Sugar House in recent years. “I think that they should stop building high-rise apartments. There’s no way that there are going to be more people wanting to live in expensive high-rise apartments.” She noted that updates in infrastructure have not kept pace with the increase in

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Pam Pedersen talks about how she came to own Central Book Exchange, how her store and Sugar House have both changed over time, and her worries, hopes and ideas for the future of Sugar House. (Photo courtesy of Pam Pedersen)

population and traffic, the shortage of parking, and the apparent lack of planning, which she said might be the most distressing part of it all. “Our city does not have a planning division, that’s what I think,” she said. “In Salt Lake, we cycle through one bad decision after another.” For instance, Pedersen said that the city tried to start construction on the road in front of her store just as businesses were reopening after the initial COVID-19 lockdown. Luckily, and through no small effort of local business owners such as herself, the construction was postponed. But it is these sorts of decisions that prompts Pedersen to ask, “Where is the master plan?” Sugar House does have a master plan, but it has not been updated since Pedersen became the owner of Central Book Exchange in 2005. Pedersen thinks there are a few commonsense measures the city could take to help local businesses and prevent Sugar House from becoming too populous. “I think there should always be all the things you need to live within a walking distance,” she said. “So when they rip down the corner over there with the laundromat, it should be a rule that a laundromat gets to be in the bottom [of the high-rise apartment].” Pedersen also said that well-timed improvement of the infrastructure and public transportation could help ease up the wear on the roads and the rising demand for more parking. And then there is the importance of bookstores in the community. “Books change the world. They keep people sane,” Pedersen said. “A city without a bookstore is dead… That’s how [people] judge the city—by the

bookstores,” she said, adding, “By the book- cal business community as it moves forward stores, by where you can walk around, by the into an uncertain future. people you meet.” Pedersen hopes that Sugar For more information, visit cenHouse can retain its bookstores and lively lo- tral-bookexchange.com l

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Mental health therapist Machiel Klerk helps bring Carl Jung’s theories to Utah By Sona Schmidt-Harris | s.schmidtharris@mycityjournals.com

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t was a dark and foggy night (literally) when Machiel Klerk first arrived in the Salt Lake Valley in January 2004. He didn’t know then that Utah would become his home. He had just come back from a year of walking through Asia with a backpack and wanted to try what he called “an interesting six months in corporate America.” He is still here 17 years later. Born in South Africa, Klerk spent a lot of his childhood in Holland. He is comfortable on camera where he often appears on Jung Platform (jungplatform.com), which he founded in 2011. He created Jung Platform based on a dream he had wherein he saw Carl Jung working on a platform near a lake. Klerk, a dream specialist, took it as a sign, and the “platform” was born. Previously, Klerk founded the Jung Society of Utah in 2009 from which he has now stepped away as president. The theories of Jung resonated with Klerk, so much so that he studied at the Jung Institute in Zurich, Switzerland. “I feel this deep gratitude towards the world of dreams and its inhabitants, and I want to provide ways to think about dreams and really practical ways of being with the dream that can help people to live more soulfully and meaningfully,” he said. Klerk is devoted to helping people access their dreams and learn about the theories of Jung, one of which is synchronicity. “Listen to synchronicity—these meaningful coincidences—whether you think about your friend, and there the phone goes…,” he said. “It doesn’t always mean something, but it allows one to ponder—be deeper in touch with one’s own self.” Klerk hopes that dreams become more important in the West. “We don’t give it the power we used to, and there are several explanations for that,” he said. “The development of the intellect, which is such a helpful tool, might have squeezed out the world of imagination.” He further stated, “The church does not talk a lot about it despite that in the Bible there are some big dreamers like Joseph and Daniel and people that had prophetic dreams or big dreams.” Still, Klerk is hopeful. He believes that if people start writing down their dreams, they will soon see that they have helpful dreams that will inform, warn about danger and offer suggestions. “And if there were enough people that think it works, we might start asking at the breakfast table and families about dreams,” he said. In addition to being a Jungian expert and dream specialist, Klerk is also a licensed therapist. He lives in the Sugar House/South Salt Lake area where he has been since 2015. A world traveler and globally educated,

Machiel Klerk addresses a crowd at a Jung Platform event. Klerk is the founder of Jung Platform. (Photo courtesy of Matthias Busche)

Klerk has studied approaches to psychology and dreams in many cultures. He noted differences between belief systems regarding why people go to the psychologist. “For example, if I look at the more indigenous cultures in Africa where I have been, especially in the South, their people have a higher tendency to go for more spiritual problems or knowing what the ancestors say or connecting with spirit guides or getting rid of something.” “Getting rid” of trauma is something we seek here in the West, and Klerk practices “Embodied Imagination” techniques to help his clients do this. “More and more you see that the trauma cannot really be fixed by talking only,” Klerk said. “The trauma is really something that has manifested in the body, and to deal with trauma and engage with the trauma, the whole body goes into fight and flight response, and you have to learn ways of self-soothing, make sure the body can feel safe again.” For instance, Klerk asserts that anxiety is often felt in the stomach area. By engaging with the body where these emotions are located, he believes that people can work through trauma in remarkable ways. If you would like to learn more about the Jung Society of Utah, Jung Platform, or Klerk’s work as a therapist, visit his website at: www. machielklerk.com. l

Sugar House City Journal

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Doctors share their experience of vaccinating Utahns against Covid-19 By Drew Crawford | d.crawford@mycityjournals.com

n a March 18 press conference, Gov. Spencer Cox announced that all Utahns 16 years or older of age would be eligible for receiving a Covid-19 vaccination on March 24. During the last several months, medical personnel and local residents have volunteered their personal time to ensure that anyone falling within these age groups can get vaccinated. This community effort has led to the full vaccination of 450,128 people living in The Beehive State at the time of this writing. “The Governor made a call for volunteers, and you can sign up with Utah Responds to be a volunteer,” Dr. Sarah Woolsey, the division director for the Division of Family Health and Preparedness with the Utah Department of Health, said. “Utah Responds is a website, so you put in all your credentials and then you’re sent to volunteer opportunities with the counties.” Woolsey, who has volunteered with the Medical Reserve Corps since April 2020, is passionate about the opportunities available to volunteer and help end Covid-19. She recommends that those who wants to help work with the Corps use the tools found on the Utah Responds website to start volunteering. On a typical day Woolsey sets up her Utah doctors share their time and talents to ensure vaccination of all eligible Utahns. (Photo courtesy Lisa Ferdinando/Flickr) table with the proper equipment and gives

vaccines nonstop during the entire time that she is there. Last weekend, Woolsey gave 56 vaccines over the course of four hours. “Although you have to have a medical credential to administer a vaccination, anyone can help. We help schedule appointments for people, we help organize the crowds, we help move supplies around,” Woolsey explained, giving an example of how lay volunteers can help the older population with iPad technology. “I call this the happiest place on Earth because everybody is happy to be there, because they’re thrilled to be in a place where they’re going to get that protection from Covid-19,” she said. Dr. Michael Rubin, an infectious diseases doctor that works with the VA, and the husband of Woolsey, feels that the highlight of his volunteer experience has been hearing the stories that people tell about what they will do once vaccinated. “When people show up, I like asking if they’re excited, because everyone has some story to tell about what they’re hoping to do when they’re immune,” he said. “It’s a large operation with a lot of volunteers, and the organization is really sharp and very smooth, so that people are able to be guided through the entire process from when

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Sugar House City Journal

they walk through the door to when they walk out,” Rubin said. “There are volunteers there to greet them, and to check them in, and get them the information they need, and to guide them through to where the vaccines are and then once the vaccine is delivered, they’re guided to where the observation area is,” Rubin said. “The mood of the whole situation is one of hope and excitement,” he said. “You can just tell that people are really happy to be there.” As long as the current trajectory continues Woolsey feels that the number of fully vaccinated people will soon be much higher. “Utah’s doing a good job administering

all of the vaccines we’re given, which makes us eligible to continue to get those supplies. It’s the volunteers, it’s the people willing to get the vaccines, it’s the medical community and the public health community that are making this happen,” Woolsey said. “We are seeing the declines in cases and deaths,” she said, “so we’re seeing evidence that this is working.” Volunteers who want to help with the vaccination process can visit www.utahresponds.org to sign up for opportunities in the community. Candidates who are eligible for vaccination can find answers to common questions at coronavirus.utah.gov/. l

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April 2021| Page 13

BUSINESS SPOTLIGHT

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Business Spotlights are a service offered to our advertisers to help them inform our readers about their businesses. For information on scheduling a Spotlight, please call us at 801-254-5974 or email us at ryan.c@thecityjournals.com

Are you looking for a new favorite Chinese and Vietnamese restaurant? Pan Wok is a local business in the Canyon Rim area on 3300 South that’s the epitome of family-run. It’s recommended by hundreds in online reviews, and is a place you can feel good supporting. “We see a lot of regular customers,” said owner Mei. “We have a lot of new dishes, delicious and fresh foods. All at a people-friendly price.” When you call them at 801.486.8199, you’ll probably get Mei. She runs the business with the help of her family. “My husband Janh is a very good chef. My sister Linh is a very good server, and my son Johnny is a very good helper,” Mei said. Pan Wok is located at 2955 E. 3300 South and is easy to get to. It’s open for lunch and dinner every day at 11:00 AM, except Sunday, when it’s open 4:00 – 9:00 PM for dinner. They are open for dine in, carry out and delivery. Pan Wok serves Chinese and Vietnamese cuisine. Mei said customers love the Pon Pon Chicken, Orange Chicken, Lettuce Wraps and Vietnamese salad noodle bowl. “Those are some of our most popular dishes.” Conrad S. praised their food in an on-

line review. “[They have] excellent local Chinese and Vietnamese food. [The] bun noodle bowl and the sesame chicken are both excellent. Pho is really good as well.” Classic appetizers are a great way to start, and are generous. Butterfly shrimp comes four to an order, pot stickers come six to an order, and don’t forget the cream cheese wontons – with eight in an order you won’t have to fight over who gets the last one. Or just get the combo platter appetizer and share family style. It includes cream cheese wontons, egg rolls, paper wrapped chicken, butterfly shrimp and BBQ pork with sesame seeds for $11.95. There are five starter soups to choose from, or for something more filling get an oriental noodle soup with your choice of meat and lo mien or rice noodles. Entrees are listed by fried, stir-fried or vegetarian, so you can find just what you’re hungry for. Spicy dishes are clearly marked on the menu. And all entrees – whether it’s Strawberry Chicken, Stir-fried Beef and Broccoli or Pon Pon Tofu – come with your choice of steamed or ham fried rice. For online orders, visit their website, pan-wok.business.site. In addition to pictures of their clean and homey dine-in area,

you’ll find pictures of some of their most popular dishes – steaming plates of fresh noodles and fried rice, and a bowl of lightly fried orange chicken. Online ordering is easy, but Mei loves it when people call in to their restaurant at 801.486.8199. “I like my customers to call me, so I can hear their familiar voice. It’s easy for me to get the right dish they want,” Mei said. That’s true for customers like Alison

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M., a long-time customer who posted a review online. “I absolutely love this place! I’ve been going since I was a little kid. The family is always nice and the food is always amazing and portions are good!” Pan Wok delivers to offices and caters business lunches and family events. They have rotating specials, and “lots of coupons for Pan Wok’s customers!” Mei said. Feed your next craving for Chinese and Vietnamese food at Pan Wok, and become part of the family.

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Sugar House City Journal

Highland soccer turns things around Photo by Travis Barton

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LEARN MORE: After three consecutive winless seasons (and going 1-1 in the 2020 shortened season), the Highland boys soccer team is already off to a 3-2 start (at press deadline). Highland defeated region rival Murray on the road in a shootout. The Rams went into halftime down 1-0 despite creating the better chances, only to tie the game up in the second half before securing the victory in a shootout.

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Sugar House City Journal

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Teaching yoga at Kearns Oquirrh Park Fitness Center means I need to stay certified in CPR and first aid. After completing my recent CPR class, the only thing I know for sure is, “Hi, I’m Peri Kinder and I’m certified in CPR” is not the same as “Hi, I’m Peri Kinder and I can save your life.” My previous medical training was years of watching M*A*S*H episodes, specifically the one where Father Mulcahy performs a tracheotomy on a wounded soldier by slicing open the man’s throat and sticking a pen down his windpipe. We didn’t learn how to do that. Theoretically, we learned how to identify serious injuries, how to administer aid and how to use an AED (not to be confused with an IED or an IUD). We were taught the signs of shock, which include being irritable and restless, and I realized I’ve been in shock for a half-century. If someone is in shock, you should cover them with a blanket. I do that after work. I wrap up in a blanket and tell my family, “Stay away. I’m in shock.” Another technique we covered was how to make small talk with people who are injured. We’re supposed to put them at ease until emergency personnel show up. But I’m terrible at small talk. Someone could have a bone sticking out of their thigh and I’d say, “So, do you like to eat food? Have

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you always had legs?” Then I’d throw up. And pass out. Concussions are all the rage, so we studied how to recognize signs of a brain injury. (After banging my head against the wall for the last year, I’m permanently concussed.) The concussion lecture reminded me of a time when I was 12 and running with a friend. I jogged backwards so I could talk to her, then turned and ran smack into a telephone pole. I saw stars and birds circling my head, just like in the cartoons. My

friend didn’t warn me I was going to hit the pole. She wasn’t a particularly good friend. Anyway. We learned about the signs of a stroke. The instructor said if you think someone is having a stroke, ask them to smile. But here’s the rub--you should never ask a woman to smile, even if it could save her life. Because if she isn’t having a stroke, she’ll murder you. Did you know a wound from nuclear radiation is considered a critical burn? Here’s my idea of a critical burn: “Your hair is so ratty it squeaks when you walk.” Anaphylaxis (a.k.a. severe allergic reaction) is pretty nasty, too. If you have an epi-pen, I hope you’re conscious enough to use it because needles make me faint. And don’t you think anaphylaxis sounds like the name of a Jane Austen character? “Anna Phalaxis was prone to consumption and frailty.” During the class, I expressed concern that I wouldn’t be able to remember all this info if there was an actual emergency, but the instructors were truly kind. They said, “Don’t overthink it. Let your training kick in.” So, if you’re in my yoga class and have a medical emergency, I’m trained to get someone else to help. You can thank me later.

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