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If I must go to heaven's end Climbing the ages like a stair, Be near me and forever bend With the same eyes above me there; Time will fly past us like leaves flying, We shall not heed, for we shall be Beyond living, beyond dying, Knowing and known unchangeably.
Program Notes
I started sketching this piece in 2015; having recently moved into a house with 6 other students, I was living away from my parents for the first time, and started grappling with my mortality in a way that I never had before. I had been Catholic growing up, and had been losing my faith for several years by this time. It was in 2015, though, that I realized that without a religious faith, I had lost all concept of an afterlife. I became deeply interested in poetry discussing death, including this poem by Sara Teasdale.
“If I Must Go” at its heart, is a love song. Teasdale asks that if she must die, as we all must, she may spend eternity with the recipient of the poem, knowing them and being known. Her hope after death is simply for one other person with whom to watch eternity pass by, again touching on the inherent loneliness in the concept of death. Her instructions are simple: “be near me” and are stated in the piece with three different emphases: hoping for the person’s continued existence (be), the longing for proximity (near), and the pleading for some sort of self after death (me).
I finally finished this piece in 2023 (8 years after I began) for the Voces8 composition competition. With their ensemble in mind, I scored it for double choir, taking special care to balance polychords in interesting ways, let individual timbres rise out of the texture, and above all else, communicate the meaning of the text. Though I did not win the competition, it gave me the motivation I needed to finally get this piece out into the world.
Composer Bio
Mickey McGroarty is an emerging composer based in Akron, Ohio, where he lives with his fiancée Anneliese and two cats, Twilight and Piper. McGroarty earned his Master of Music degree in Choral Conducting from the University of Akron under Marie Bucoy-Calavan after obtaining his Bachelor of Arts degree in Music from the same institution. He currently teaches piano, organ, voice, choir, and fundamentals of music at Hiram College and plays piano and organ for both Church of Our Savior Episcopal in Akron and Temple Israel in Fairlawn. McGroarty’s music has been performed all over the world, from L.A. to Munich, Germany and has been commissioned by such ensembles as Cleveland Chamber Choir and Choral Arts Initiative.
Text
This score is not licensed for performance. Please visit MusicSpoke.com to purchase performance copies.
Sara Teasdale (1884-1933)
If I Must Go
Mickey McGroarty (1996)
5 Soprano 1 S. 1 A. 1 Alto 1 Tenor 1 T. 1 Bass 1 B. 1 S. 2 Soprano 2 Alto 2 A. 2 T. 2 Tenor 2 B. 2 Bass 2 cresc. cresc. cresc. cresc. cresc. cresc. cresc. cresc. If must I me go near go to be must hea me I near be ven'send near must I be me ven'send hea If go to go I must must me near be If Imust go I go go must If I ven's must go near near me me be to hea I must I end If go If to me hea ven's must I near go go be must end I I be If go me Imust near go must If Imustgo Gently ( = 63.5) This score is not licensed for performance. Please visit MusicSpoke.com to purchase performance copies.
18 10 S. 1 S. 1 A. 1 A. 1 T. 1 T. 1 B. 1 B. 1 S. 2 S. 2 A. 2 A. 2 T. 2 T. 2 B. 2 B. 2 me the ing me I near and If be be like ev es hea near be climb ven's me for stair a near go ag must er edge to be near near me like ing edge er If must and ag es ven's for me near hea the I stair me to be climb a go be ev Imust er If eslike me near tohea and me near be be ven's climb ag edge near ing for me the be ev stair a go be ing be ag near near be to like climb me es a me stair near ev ven'sedge me er hea the and for for and me near goImust If me near be be me near be er ev me and for If ev near be go me me near er near be be Imust er go me me be near and I be for must If me near ev be near must If me be be me and for er near near ev near me I be go A tempo rit. rit. rit. rit. rit. rit. rit. rit. 2 This score is not licensed for performance. Please visit MusicSpoke.com to purchase performance copies.
49 53 S. 1 S. 1 A. 1 A. 1 T. 1 T. 1 B. 1 B. 1 S. 2 S. 2 A. 2 A. 2 T. 2 T. 2 B. 2 B. 2 cresc. cresc. cresc. cresc. cresc. cresc. cresc. cresc. known known and known and Knowing and known andknown knowing known known known and know Knowing ing known known known known known and known and known and known known known and and know known knowing known known ing known known know and known ing known bly and ing known Know un and known known known known and change un know a ing known known ing change and a bly un know Knowing un and andknown known known and and known un change a un and known knowing bly knowing un change known a un and bly 5 This score is not licensed for performance. Please visit MusicSpoke.com to purchase performance copies.
59 S. 1 A. 1 T. 1 B. 1 S. 2 A. 2 T. 2 B. 2 bly a known un known known change known un change known bly a known known un a known change bly known known bly un a known known change change bly known a change a known bly change known bly a change known a bly 6 This score is not licensed for performance. Please visit MusicSpoke.com to purchase performance copies.
