PERABUMULIH, SUMATRA, INDONESIA 1962
Maybehewaslucky Hewastheonechildtohaveemergedfromhismother’swomband survived.Twoofhisyoungersiblingsneversurvivedthebirth,anotherdiedafterthreedays.
Hismother,ofnoblelineage,wasafigurethatcouldn’talwaysbeunderstoodthroughthe intellect.Sheoftenseemedasifshewasn’treallyintheplacewhereshewas,orratherthatshe wasoffsomeplacethatdidn’texist.Attimeslikethoseitwasdifficulttogethertotalk,because shedidn’tseemtorealizepeoplearoundherweresayinganything.Sometimeshersilences wouldendwithherwanderingoffsomewherenooneknewabout.Maybenowhereatall:avoid. Butifshewaspresentintheplacewhereshewas,thenshewasanincrediblywarmwomanwho couldfillaroomwithherloveinawaythatbaffledherhusbandandtheothersshehad previouslyneglected.Inbedshewouldlistentoherhusbandrestinghisheadsoftlyonherchest, talkingtoherinawaythatsoundedalmostasifhewasmutteringinhissleep.Inthemornings shewouldsingafolksongaboutoriolestoheryoungson,Wis,andalsototheneighborkids,the birds,andotherwildlifearoundthehouse.Wiswouldcurlupinherlaplikeabreastfeeding kitten.Ifshewascurrentlyintheplacewhereshewas,intheplacewhereyoucouldseeher,she waslikethesun.Planetsrotatedaroundher.That’sthewayWisremembershismother.
Hisfatherdidnothavenobleblood,andchosethecommonnameSudoyowhenhe reachedadulthood.HecamefromMuntilan,Java,andwasstrictlyreligious,quiteincontrastto hiswifewho,eventhoughshewenttotheCatholicchapeleverySunday,alsoheldtighttoher Keris (a Javenese dagger believed to have mystical powers in Indonesian Folklore) andother ancientobjectswithsincerity.Sudoyowasthesonofaparamedic,hebecameaclerkatthe IndonesianCitizen’sBankinYogyakartaatthesametimehestartedstudyingeconomicsat GadjahMadahUniversity.That’swhereWiswasborn.Whenhewasfouryearsoldhisfather movedhimtoPerabumilih,atownacrossthewaterwithamainroadonlyabout2mileslong.
Perabumulihwasstillanoiltown,inthemiddleofSouthSumatrawhichwasquite desolateatthattime.Therewasonlyonemovietheater,sopeopleusuallyjustbroughttheir childrenonexcursionstotheoilrigsoutsideofthetowntoseethegiantoilpumpsnoddingup anddownlikedinosaurs.Anotherexcitingformofentertainmentinvolvedthesudden appearanceofgibbonsorsilver-leafmonkeysfromtheforest.Thebankhadn’tbeentherelong. Hisfatherbecametheheadofthebranch.Theyoccupiedtheupperfloorofadecentlylarge woodenhouseonthesideofKerinciroad,thetown’smainroute.Thelowerfloorofthehouse functionedasanoffice.Otherthanafewemployeeswhowouldcomethroughouttheworkday, therewasayoungmanwholivedthere.SomiriswhatWis’sfathercalledhim.
Behindthehousewasagardenandaforestthatgrewthickerthedeeperitgot.Wis’s fatherforbadehimfromplayingtoofarin.Heaskedifitwasbecausethereareghostsinthere. No,saidhisfather.Therearethingsmuchscarierthanghosts,therearesnakescoiledup everywhere.TheDevil.Lucifer.Beelzebub.Leviathan,allofthemslitheringsnakes.Coiledup
snakes.AlongtimeagoasnakeconvincedEvetoeattheappleofknowledgethatGodhad forbidden.Humansfellintosin.That’swhatmadethosedevilanimalsourenemies,andcaused Allahtocursethembyforcingthemtoslitheraroundontheirbellies.Andinthatforest,thereare hundredsofsnakes.Pythonsthatwillwraparoundyourtinyneck.Vipersthatcanspitpoison fromtheirmouths.Cobrasliveneartheyardandwillbiteevenafterdusk.Whennightfalls, bandedkraitsgohunting.Rocksnakeshideunderneathstumps.They’recapableoffreezingyour nervesorstoppingyourbloodflow.Theycancauseinsanityordeath.Andinthoselarge, intertwinedtreebranches,creepingamongthewhiteandpurpleorchidsisthegiantpython. Maybeeventwoofthem,amaleandafemale.Almostimperceptibly,thatsnakecanwrapitself aroundyourbodyandsnapitsjawsaroundyourhead,slurpingallthewaydowntoyourfeet untilyou’refullyimmersedinthedarkness.
AsaresultofthatWisnevercrossedthelineofbamboohisfatherhadsetupinthe backyard.Heonlyeverplayedonthepieceoflandwheretheyplantedcassavaandvegetables. Orinthesugarcanestalksontheleftandrightsidesofthehouse.Often,ashisparentsharvested thesugarcane,Wiswouldrestonthebackterracestaringoffattheforestthatgrewthickerthe deeperitgot.
Thenearestpartsofitwerecomprisedofbananatreesandbamboowhichcurvedtoform apassagewaybetweenthem.Ifobservedcloselythepetalsontheirbumpswereanentireother worldwhereantsandmealybugswouldtakeshelterfromthesun andtropicalrains.Alayer deeperwerethecoconuttreeswhichwerequitetalldespitehowyoungtheywere.These providedfoodforrhinocerosbeetleswiththeirflowersandsprouts.Then,fruittrees:durian, jackfruit,lychee.Andbehindallofthatweretheoldesttrees,withthethickesttrunks,with far-reachingarmsofbranches,thatallbecamedifficulttodifferentiatefromoneanother. However,hismotherseemedtohaveapersonalunderstandingofthosetrees,evenfroma distance.Ifhepointedtoaspecificarea,she’dneverforgetit.“Lookatthattree,”herhand directinghimtothenortheast,“inthecurveofthatbranchisafemaleleaf-monkeyandher baby.”Theylistenedtoitshowlandtheechoesringingoutasiftherewerehundredsofthem. TwodayslaterWisaskedagainwherewasthetreethatwasthehomeoftheleaf-monkeyandher baby.“There”andhismotherpointedtotheexactsamespot.“Thatblacktreethere. Fromhere ifyousquintabityoucanseeherrightbehindthatcoconut,theright-sidepalmbranch..”From Wis’sperspectivethereseemedtobedozensofcoconutsandbrancheswithpalmsmaking hundredsofdarkshapes.Hewasn’tabletodifferentiate.Buthebelievedthathismothercould. Hebelievedthatifhismotherweretogointotheforest(andindeed,maybeshehadatsome point)thatshewouldnotgetlost.However,shealwayswarnedhimagainstplayingtoofarin. Becauseofthehundredsofsnakesthere,heasked.No,hismotherresponded.Becausedjinnand fairieslivethere.Whataretheylike?They’realmostlikeus.ButWisdidn’tseeanythingatall.
Onedayhisfatherappearedtogrowpleasedafterhismotherfellnauseous.You’regoing tohaveayoungersibling,hisfathertoldhim.Insideyourmother’sbellyisababythatisstilltoo soft,andstillbreathesthroughfluid,andgetsitsnutrientsthroughatubetoitsintestinesbecause itdoesn’tevenhaveteethyet.Wishadneverseenanybabiesotherthanbabycats,whichindeed
werealsostillsoftandhadadistinctivesmellthatcamefromthemixtureofmilkandtheirown filthuntiltheyfinallylearnedtocareforthemselves.Hisfatherandmotherbothsaidthathaving ababybringsjoy,andWiswasshockedanddelightedtoseethathismother’sstomachand breastsgrowlargereachday.Sheseemedtobegrowingmorebeautiful,butshealsoseemedto becomemorefrequentlylostinherthoughts,morefrequentlydisappearingintothevoid.
Thensomethinghappened.
Onedayhismothercamehome,whoknowsfromwhere,nolongerpregnant.Her stomachwasnolongerlarge.Sheseemedtired.Shelaiddownuponthedivanonthebackterrace andgazedtowardstheforestthatgrewthickerthedeeperitgot.Wisdidn’treallyknowwhathad happened,buthefeltthatsomethingsignificanthadoccurred.Hefoundhisfatherinhisoffice. Themanrushedtohiswifeandherflatbelly.Whereisourbaby?Buthiswiferemainedlostin herownworld. Mankind comes from nothingness and returns to nothingness. Thatafternoon Sudoyobroughthiswifetothehospital,aclinicrunbythelocaloilcompany Thedoctorandthe midwifesaidthattherewasnolongeranybabyinhiswife’swomb.Butalsothattherehadbeen nobleeding.Howfaralongwasthepregnancy?Sixorsevenmonths,Sudoyoresponded.Maybe amolarpregnancy?Maybeamiscarriage?Butwhere’sthebaby?Where’stheblood?Inthe forest?
Sudoyoaskedforhelpfromhisneighborsandeveryonethatheknewtofindthebabyin theforest.However,noonefoundanything.“Dad,Dad,maybethebabygoteatenbyapython?” saidWis.
Thatsameweekthehusbandrequestedafuneralmassforthemissingbaby Afterthat,he hiredamaidtowatchoverhiswife.LikDirahcamefromJava.Shewasadistantrelativeof Sudoyo,fromapooranduneducatedfamilythatallgrewuptobeservantsorplantationworkers. Hersonwasstudyingtobeamechanic,andSudoyowasfinancinghisstudies.
Fourmonthslater,Wis’smotherwaspregnantagain.SudoyosternlywarnedLikDirah thathiswifewasnottogoanywherealone.Hebeggedhiswifenottodaydreamandpotentially wanderoffintotheforestemptyheadedly.Heconstantlyprayedtherosary,andalsothelitany.A monthpassed,thentwo,thenthree.Themidwifesaidthateverythingwasnormal.Afterthefifth month,theincidentrecurred.Despitethefactthatshedidnotgointotheforest.Thatdayshewas justlyinginbed.Iwanttorestalone,shesaidtoLikDirah.Theoldwomanwenttothekitchen topreparelunchandbringittoSudoyoinhisoffice.SomirpickedupWisfromschool,which wasaboutathirdofamilefromtheirhome.AsWishoppeddownfromthebicycleinfrontof hishouse,thisiswhatheheard:ababy’scriesfromhismother’swindowonthesecondfloor.He lookedinthedirectionofthesoundandstrainedtohear.Thatwasthefirsttimehehadever heardthesoundofahumanbaby,withitsfragmentedcries.Faintly,hecouldhearhismother singinganoldfolksong,onesheusedtosingtohelpWiscalmdown: Baby, baby, don’t weep…Howcouldhismotherhavegivenbirthtohissibling?Whatwouldthebabybelike,and howdiditgetout?
ButSomirjustbusiedhimselffixinghisbikechain.LikDirahwasrubbingblacksootoff thebottomofapanwithacoconuthusk.Hisfatherwasstillinhisoffice.Noonewaspayingany
attention.
“Abrotherorasister?” Nooneresponded.
“Somir!Abrotherorasister?”
Theyoungmanturnedtowardshim.“WellWis,whichdoyouwant?Brotherorsister?”
“Idon’tknow.Comeone,let’sgosee.”HegrabbedSomir’shandwhileskippingoff. Heranexcitedlyupthewoodenstairs.Openedthedoortohismother’sroom. However,everythingwascompletelysilentoncethedoorstoodagape.Therewasno baby,therewasnolongeranysound.Nothingbutsilenceandhismotherlyingontheironbed. Shewasasleepwitharelievedsmileonherfaceandsweatstickingthefabrictoherbody.Then onecouldnoticethatherstomachwasnolongerswollen.Buttherewasnobabyintheroom, faintlylitbytheafternoonsunpeekingthroughthecurtain.Onlyemptiness.Thenthesoundof Somir’sscreams.InapanictheyoungmancalledforWis’sfatherandLikDirah.Thedoctorwas beckonedandSudoyoreceivedthesameanswer:therewasnolongerababyinhiswife’swomb. Thefetushadvanishedwithoutanydropsofbloodasifsimplybreathedoutintotheatmosphere. FromtheconversationsoftheawestruckandhorrifiedadultsWiswasabletogatherthatnoone hadheardthebaby’scries.Noonehadheardthatthebabyhadbeenborn.However,therewere reasonsthatpreventedWisfromtestifying.
Thefamilyhadafuneralmass,andhismotherjoinedtheprocessionlikearegretful sinner Withtearsstreaming,shekissedthehandsofherhusbandwhohadneverstoppedloving hereventhoughshehadnevertoldhimwhathappened.Peoplestartedtobelievethatthebaby wastakenbyadjinnthatlivedinthearea.AfewofSudoyo’sacquaintancesrecommendedthat hecalluponanexorcisttochaseawaythespiritsanddemonsthatweretormentinghim,and maybeevenredirectthemtowardsoneofhisenemies.Healwaysshookhisheadashedidn’t wanttobelieveinsuperstition.Eventhoughthedoctorcouldn’texplainwhathadhappened, Sudoyoconsidereditassomekindofanomalywiththehumanbody.Whenhisemployees volunteeredtofindashamanonhisbehalfhejustrespondedthankyou,butIonlybelievein Godandthepowerofprayer.
Asecondfuneralmasswithoutacorpse.
WhentherequiemwasfinishedSomiraccompaniedthepriesthome.Sudoyoreturnedto hisworkdesktoorganizehisfilesthathadbeenneglectedduetothepreviousday’sevents.He hadaskedWisandLikDirahtostaywithhiswifeinherroom.Thesleepingareawasquite large,about12ftby12ftsquared.Theironbedframewaspaintedgreenlikeaduck’seggandfit snuglyagainsttheright-sidewallwherehismotherandfatherslept.Ontheleftsidetheyhad stretchedoutamattressonthefloorforWisandLikDirah,becausehisfatherdidn’twanthis mothertobeleftalone.ThatnightWiswaslayingdownfacingtheleftwall.LikDirahwasfast asleepandbreathingheavilyasaresultofhowhottheairwas.
Butinthemiddleofthenighthewasawokenbythecryingofababycomingfromthe bed.Thenheheardhismotherwakeupandattendtoherhungryinfant.Theironbedframe creakedashismothershiftedpositiontobreastfeedit.Hismotherwassinging,verysoftly,asa
lullaby: Baby, baby, don’t weep…
Wissatupandlookedbackwards,towardsthebed.Butthesoundshaddisappearedand allhesawwashismothersittinguponhermattress.Faintlightfromthelampexposedherface, relaxedandsmiling.Wisfeltasifhe’dawokenfromadream.Hestaredattheoldwomannextto him.LikDirahwassleepingsoundly.Hermouthwasagape,snoringmildly.Hewascertainthat shehadn’theardanything.Hisfatherhadn’tyetcomeupstairs.Hewascompletelybewildered, butlaidhimselfbackdown.
Ashiseyelidsgrewheavy,justashereachedthethresholdofsleep,thesoundreturned. Frombehindhim,fromthebed.Thesoundbehindhimcausedastrangefeelingonthenapeof hisneck.Hismotherwastryingtosoothethewhimperingbaby.Thensuddenly,heheardaman’s voicefromthesamedirection,talkingtohismother,butWiscouldn’tunderstandthelanguage theywerespeaking.Hecouldonlycatchtheintonation,pulsingcalmly,justlikethewind blowingthatnight.Theyseemedtobehappilytalkingtothebabytogether Themanlistenedto hersinging Baby, baby, don’t weep… ItwasnotWis’sfather Wisquicklyturnedtolookoutofshockandfear However,onceagainthesoundwas completelygone.Adreamoccurringbehindhisheadthathehadneverbeforeexperienced.All hesawwashismotherstretchedoutacrossherbed.
“Mom!”
Thewomanjustlaidtheresilently Asifshewasoffsomewherethatdoesn’texist.
“Mom!”
Aftercallingrepeatedlywithoutanyresponse,Wisheadedoutofthebedroom.His motherstillcouldn’tbedisturbed,likeastatueatanancienttemple.Wiswentdownthewooden stairswithoutanylightsanxiouslysearchingforhisfatheronthelowerlevel.Hefoundhimstill workingnexttoareadinglampwithanalreadypartiallyblackenedbulb,almostburntout.His fatherturnedaround.Whatisit,buddy?Wisfeltincrediblyrelieved.Suddenlyhefeltthathe missedhisfatherterribly.Heembracedhim,sobbing.Whatisit,buddy?ButWisstillcouldn’t explainwhathehadexperienced.Hewouldneverbeableto.Thenightstruckeleven.
Peopleslowlyforgottheseevents,asaresultofthefactthathismotherdidnotconceive againforthefollowingthreeyears.ButWiswouldstillfrequentlyhearit.Thesoundoftoddlers andamanjustbehindhishead,incrediblynear,anuncomfortableoccurrencejustoutofsight.If thesoundwaseverinfrontofhim,thenitwascomingfromanotherroom.Itoccurred occasionally,afternoonorevening,morningornight.Overtimehegrewaccustomedtotheman andchildrenwhowouldgathertogetherwithhismotherwithouthisfather’sknowledge.These figuresofwhomhenevercaughtanyglimpse.Letalonealookataface.
Wisneverheardhisfathercomplain.Whyhecontinuedhisworkwithouteveraskingto betransferredawayfromalocationwheretheyhadsufferedsogreatlywasdifficultto understand.HeprayedwithouteverconsideringwhetherGodwouldreplytohisconcernsornot. Henevermentionedhiswife’sbehavior Theonlyfeelingheexpressedtowardsthatwomanwas love.
Afterthreeyears,hismotherbecamepregnantagain.ThistimeSudoyofellvictimto
greatanxiety.HestartedtoconsidersendinghiswifetoYogyakartauntilthebabywasborn.Her familyhadalreadyagreedtothearrangement.Butthepregnantwomansaid,“You’regoingto allowthisbabytobebornwithoutitsfatherbeingpresent?”Finally,Sudoyoaskedhis mother-in-lawtocometoPerabumulihtowatchoverher,insteadofLikDirah,sothathiswife wouldn’tbeleftaloneforevenasecond.Eveninthebathroom.Theenvironmentinthehouse grewwarmer.Wis’sgrandmotherwouldextracttheoilfromcoconutsforhismothertodrinkto aidinasmoothbirth.LikDirahpreparedgreenpeanutstoensurethebabywouldhaveafull headofhair.
Thencamethelabor.Everyoneinthefamilywasoverjoyed.Hisfathertookleavefrom workandplantedhimselfinthebirthingarea,continuingtoprayforthearrivalofthebabyanda strongheartbeatthroughoutitslife.Hesatnexttohiswifewhowaslaiddownwithherlegsopen oncethecontractionsstarted.Herbreathingwastimedbythemidwives.Thedoctorpinchedthe amnioticsacuntilitburstandthebaby’sheadappearedafewsecondslater Alittlegirl.Her crieswereincrediblyloud.Sudoyo’stearsfell,slowlyfrombothofhiseyes,likeaformof orgasmafterallthecryinghehadresisted.Anextraordinaryrelief.
Onthethirdday,Sudoyobroughtthebabyhome,asitwaseasierforhismother-in-lawto watch,nurse,andbathethebabythere.Neighborsandacquaintancesallcamebytooffer congratulationsandgifts:fruits,babyclothes,warmflannelblankets,diapers.Theystayed chattinguntillate.Whentheyleftthefloorwasleftsilentandcoveredinpeanutskins.There werealsodirtyglassesofteaandcoffee.Butthefamilywasplentyhappytoleavethespillstobe cleanedupthefollowingmorning.LikDirahandSomirwentstraighttobedastheywereboth exhaustedfromcelebratingthewholeafternoon.
However,thenightalwayscomes.
Afterhavinghisfillofgazinguponhissleepingwifeandbaby,Sudoyowentback downstairstoresumehiswork.Wis,hismother,hisgrandmother,andhisnewsisterwereallin theroomtogether.TheywereasleepuntilWiswasawokenagain.Itwasmaybeoneinthe morning.Hewaswokenupbythehairsonthebackofhisneckstandingup.Theskinonhis backandshouldersgrewbumpsasifithadbeentouchedbythecold.Thethinnestbodyhairs stoodasiftoindicatethedangersoftheslightestmovement.Heheardfootsteps.Stillquitefar off,fromthedirectionoftheforest,throughthemudandpuddlesoftheleftoverraindrops.The footstepscontinuedcalmlytowardsthehouse.Wiswasovercomewithastrangeandunpleasant feeling,beingsuckedfromtheairbytheporesonthebackofhisneckthenrushingthroughhis bloodtohisheartanditsventricles.Heroseupandsatonthemattress,glancingathis grandmother,fastasleep,thentowardshisstillpinknewbornsister.Hismother’sfacecrinkled up,asifinthemiddleofabaddream.Wisimmediatelythoughtofhisfather.Eversincehis motherlostthesecondbaby,eversincehehadfeltthepresenceofsomethingvisitinghismother, Wishadbecomemuchclosertohisfather.Hepicturedhisfatherstillatworkdownbelow.He quicklyheadeddownbecausehefeltthattherewasdanger.Tearsbeganstreamingfromthe edgesofhisreddenedeyes.
Hecalledout,“Dad?Dad?”
Hesawhim,facedownonthedesk.Wisscreamed.
Hisfatherwokeup.Whatisit,buddy?Wisaskedforahugandsimplystartedcrying. Afterafewmomentsheheardthesoundofhissisterscreaming.Thisishowitwas explainedbyhisgrandmother:
Whenhernewgrandchildstartedscreaminginsuchaloudscreechingmanner,shewoke up.Butallshesawwasherdaughtersleepingsoundly.Maybefromexhaustion.Shetriedtoget uptochangethebaby’sdiaper.Butitfeltlikesomethingwasholdingherbodyagainstthe mattress,likeduringsleepparalysis:feelinglikeyou’reonthecuspofbothsleepand wakefulness,andyourimaginationcangowildasifitweredreamingbutwithallthefeelings andsensationsofbeingawake,andyourbraincannotmanagetofunctionwithinthephysical body.Thewomanstrainedandgraspedaround.Withallthestrengthshecouldmuster,finally shemanagedtositup.Butsomethingpushedhershouldersbackdowntothefloor.Thenthe babystoppedcrying.
Thebabystoppedbreathing,andthatwashowWisandhisfatherfoundit.
Wis’smotherwokeupwhenherhusbandopenedthedoor,becausethehandle,forsome reason,wasdifficulttoopenfromtheoutside.Shestaredwithglassyeyes,asifthepersonwho hadawokenherfromhernightmareknewallthedetails.Wis’sgrandmotherwasstilllimponthe floor Wisgrewdistracted,becausehecouldstillhearthesobbingbabyjustbehindthebackof hisneck.Hegrewterrified.Becausethebabywasstillsomehowlivingdespitehavingalready died.Becausehismotherallowedittohappen.Becausehefelttherewassomethingelsehere nearhismother,rightnexttoher,andtherewasloveinvolved.Hesuddenlyfeltadeepsorrow forhisfather.Heapproachedhismother.Heslappedher,overandover,withtearsofrage,until hisfathergrabbedhimfrombehind.ThosewerethemostbittertearsWishadcriedsincetheday hewasborn.
AllthroughthatnightSudoyoheldhiswifeclosetohim.Hersweatfelllikedropsof bloodontohischest.Thethirdfuneralmasswasheldoncethefamilyhadtheirtimetoviewthe baby’sbody,allnightandallmorning.Itwasthefirstfuneralmasswithacorpse,keptinachest ontopofthetableintheguestroom.Asmallwoodenchestlikeahandcrankedmusicboxfrom theoldentimes.Itwasthentakenbyablackcartobeburiedinthegroundatthegraveyard. Requiem. Requiem ataernam.
In paradisum deducant te angeli.