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We recognize the important role our military spouses play in the Hampton Roads community and thank you for your dedication, service and support of our Armed Services! 2 | HEROES AT HOME |

www.usadiscounters.net | MAY 2014

2014 Judges Jim Bowles U.S. Navy (Ret) Promotions Coordinator, Max Media

Sherry Gortney Spouse of Admiral Bill Gortney, Commander, U.S. Fleet Forces Command

Christina Lara 2013 Heroes at Home Military Spouse of the Year

here’s nothing quite like a military spouse to remind you how to effectively use the 24 hours we are all given each day. Military spouses know how to make the most of every moment and pour their very souls into every opportunity. They specialize in multitasking and their superpowers include being able to be in two places at once. If you ask, and the need is evident, they will probably say yes, but don’t presume you can take advantage of them, because they have their priorities straight and they know how keep them in check. They love their families, their country, their communities, and those around them – and they use every available moment to help them! As you read through the stories of the 2014

Publisher: Laura Baxter The Flagship® Military Editor: MC1 Molly Burgess Contributing Writer: Tiffany Silverberg Sales Development Manager: Adair Wells

Heroes at Home ﬁnalists, one thing should stand out to you – these spouses know themselves well. They know their own talents and strengths, as well as their struggles and weaknesses. They know how to employ their resources, time, and abilities to improve the lives of others. We can all learn a lesson or two from these men and women who juggle more in a day than many do in a week. A lesson of endurance, perseverance, scheduling, and priorities. Of course, none of them would brag about all they do. In fact, they all would rather talk about people who do even more. Yet, the impact they have each left on the lives of their families and friends is evident. And every moment they spend caring for others is a legacy they build every day.

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MILITARY NEWSPAPERS OF VIRGINIA

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Len Santivasci Command Master Chief, U.S. Navy (Ret) Director of Military Affairs, USA Discounters

Kiki Smith Spouse of Rear Admiral Dixon Smith, Commander, Navy Region Mid Atlantic

Heather Welch Public Affairs Specialist, Commander, Navy Region Mid-Atlantic

Adair Wells Founder, Heroes at Home/ Sales Development Manager, The Flagship® and Military Newspapers of Virginia

Toni Williams Community Affairs Coordinator/Producer, WAVY-TV 10 & FOX 43

The contents of this special section are not necessarily the official views of or endorsed by the U.S. government, the DoD, the DoT or the U.S. Coast Guard. Opinions of contributing writers do not necessarily reflect the opinions of Military Newspapers of Virginia or The Flagship®. The availability of these newspapers and the appearance of advertising in these publications, including any inserts or supplements, do not constitute endorsement by the federal government, the DoD, the DoT, the U.S. Coast Guard or Military Newspapers of Virginia of products or services advertised. Military Newspapers of Virginia is a private firm in no way connected to the Department of Defense or United States Coast Guard.

YEARS AS MILITARY SPOUSE: 25 NUMBER OF DEPLOYMENTS: 3 NUMBER OF PCS MOVES: 13 AREA OF FOCUS FOR 2014: After my husband’s last deployment from Fort Campbell, Kentucky in 2013, the responsibility of supporting 1,200 family members, four company FRG leaders, the RDC team (Rear Detachment Command) and my two children, I reached a point of exhaustion. Now that we are at Fort Eustis, my focus for 2014 has been to rejuvenate my mind, body and spirit.That same passion that I had back at Fort Campbell to take care of others, I am now using to focus on losing weight, reading more and seeking a closer relationship with God and my family. I am ﬁnding that it is okay to just be still.

F Let your ﬁrst focus be on being your spouse’s wife or husband.”

-Teresa Bahoque, on being a military spouse

or Teresa Bahoque, military life is all about family. As a Family Readiness Group advisor, as well as the wife of a Soldier for more than twenty years and the mom to two growing kids, she is constantly on a mission to ensure that the needs of those around her are being met. Serving as an FRG advisor gives her the ability to mentor other FRG leaders and to help build solid FRGs for various commands. “They taught me a lot, while I taught them a lot,” she explained, pointing out that the goal for her team and the FRGs as a whole is to build cohesion and mutual trust to be able to lean on each other. Teresa believes that a good FRG is based on communication. From the beginning, she said that the FRG should be communicating with families and connecting them with those they can contact if they need something. Then through regularly sched-

uled meeting and socials, spouses and Soldiers are empowered with resources and information they need to prepare for challenges ahead. It takes foresight and organization, but Teresa knows that is the key to a successful FRG – and a successful Army. In all the volunteering she does with the FRG and the Army, Teresa makes information a priority. “The more you know, the more prepared you are,” she explained. She coordinates special speakers and presenters for the events to ensure that spouses and soldiers were properly prepared for deployments and other challenges. Even months before a deployment, she would make sure that the families had deployment fairs to attend to allay their fears. By arming them, and herself, with the facts and resources they might need, she knew transitions would be the smoothest they could be. Along the way, with all her volunteering and activities, she never

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loses focus of her first priority – her family at home. When she can, she tries to bring her children along. “It’s a family affair,” Teresa said, stressing that they too need to gain knowledge about their lives as a military family. Also, serving alongside her, they learn the joy of helping others. She recommends learning all you can about the military, the lingo, the ranks, the units, and more. “Keep talking to your spouse about his job,” she said. “Go and see what he does.” Teresa remembers her earliest days as an Army wife when everything seemed overwhelming and hard to keep straight. She says that over time it all becomes second nature if you’re patient and diligent in learning it all. And above all, even in the busiest times, she reminds spouses to remember to take time to care for themselves. “Just sit and be with yourself. Be with your own thoughts,” she recommended. In that way, she says you can be ready to be there for everyone else.

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YEARS AS MILITARY SPOUSE: 11 NUMBER OF DEPLOYMENTS: 4 NUMBER OF PCS MOVES: 3 AREA OF FOCUS FOR 2014: My area of focus for 2014, is to continue the support at our command by planning future events for spouses so they can become more familiar with military life. I will be doing more volunteer work at my children’s school. I also plan to coach through the Navy Youth Program.

The plain fact of knowing that I have helped someone in need of anything is a wonderful feeling.” -Jayme Borah, on volunteer work

ayme Borah’s natural leadership style inspires hope and confidence in those around her. When dark days of military life befall them, Jayme is able to stay focused on the mission of the squadron and on the necessity of family readiness. Keeping morale up and spirits high, she has the ability to lead others to brighter days ahead. As a military spouse for more than 11 years, and the mother of three, Jayme is all too familiar with the highs and lows of military life. Yet even as she is busy raising her kids and keeping the home fires burning, she is actively involved in the community, volunteering her time with various organizations. The Family Readiness Group, in particular, occupies much of Jayme’s time, as she strives to make transitions as smooth as possible for fellow military families, as well as single Sailors. “I decided to be the FRG President, not only to help and provide for the spouses and families

of our command, but also to help keep the morale up through rough times,” Jayme explained. “I know what it is like to be newly married with babies and having to do it in my own for six months. It is hard.” Having experienced these struggles first hand, Jayme enjoys helping others in a similar situation and encouraging them along the way. “Having the chance to reach out and help other families with activities to keep them connected with the command during a deployment is a great feeling,” she said. In addition, she pours hundreds of hours into the PTA at her children’s school. She tries to be available when and where she can, helping ensure that PTA projects are successful. Yet with all her responsibilities, she doesn’t see all her volunteer work as a heavy burden. For Jayme, it’s a joy to serve other families and to bring happiness to their lives. In fact, when asked what the most

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challenging part of her volunteer work is, her answer is merely that they just have too much fun! “What I enjoy most about volunteering my time is being able to meet new people and help them in any way I can,” Jayme said. “Doing events and seeing the look on the children’s faces as they have a great time. Being able to share my experiences and knowledge with other families to help them through a deployment and getting ready for the homecoming.” Jayme knows just how crucial meeting others is as a military family. Her advice for young military spouses is to stay connected and to remember that there are always other people to call, text, or email when you need help. With her positive, upbeat attitude, Jayme’s outlook acts as a beacon of hope in the hardest of times. When things get tough, she just gets to work, helping others through them. She is ready to step in whenever she’s needed.

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YEARS AS MILITARY SPOUSE: 14 NUMBER OF DEPLOYMENTS: 6 NUMBER OF PCS MOVES: 6 AREA OF FOCUS FOR 2014: Financial Education is where I would like to see improvement for military families. I work with young military families on how to better understand their relationship with money. I want them to learn how to have their money work for them and control their money instead of it controlling them. Additionally, I want them to learn the basics of investing and how investments can ﬁt into achieving their ﬁnancial goals.

My college doesn’t just thank me for my military service. It gives me the credit I deserve.

Offering Associate, Bachelor’s and Master’s Degrees Contact Columbia College’s local representative Jim Schermerhorn today at Virginia@ccis.edu or call (757) 918-1900

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mpowering others and helping them create their ideal life is what compels Eureka F. Collins every day. As a Navy spouse for 14 years, a mother of an active nineyear-old boy, as well as a MBA student (maintaining a 4.0 grade point average), her life is busy and full. Her strength transforms into care for others as she works to teach them how to improve their own lives. To help more than just those around her, she put a pen to paper to get her message out to the masses. In 2009, Eureka recorded an audio book titled “Effective Public Speaking in 90 Minutes” to empower others to overcome their fear of public speaking and orate with conﬁdence and effectiveness. From the sales, she donated to the Ralph C. Smedley Memorial Fund of Toastmasters International. In 2012, she co-authored a book titled “Enjoying a Happier Life Now!” with her 83-year-old grandmother, her mother, and her aunt to provide women practical advice and inspira-

tion to improve their lives physically, emotionally, and spiritually. Of course, Eureka has met her own challenges along the way, but she sees those challenges as opportunities to learn and grow, and even give back to others. In 2004, her son was born at just one pound, two and a half ounces. She experienced ﬁrsthand the absolute exhaustion and emotional roller coaster that comes with having a child in the Neonatal Intensive Care Unit. But with strength and vision, she poured her heart into the health of her child. Helping him through seven surgeries and working daily with him, she considers the journey worth it, as he is now healthy and an honor roll student. His story has been told in the award-winning book titled “Strong Winds Change Lives.” Remembering well how tiring and straining those days with a micro-premature baby are, Eureka now dedicates herself to fund-raising for the March of Dimes. Since 2009, she has raised $1,800 to ease the stresses and uncer-

tainties of other mothers of premature and micro-premature babies. Eureka’s volunteer work doesn’t stop there. She is active in her son’s school, serving as a chaperone for field trips and stepping up to coordinate fund-raisers. Her commitment reflects her dedication to ensuring her child and the other students have the best education possible and the teachers and staff have the support they need to do their best work. She also volunteers with the Salvation Army, Goodwill, the Tabernacle Baptist Academy, and Toastmaster Speaking Clubs. She insists it’s important for her to be involved in the community, filling roles at the right time to ensure the best results. Whenever possible, Eureka works one on one with women struggling in their personal or military lives, by helping them discover what they want out of life. She helps them set goals, reprioritize, and make a plan for success. Keeping schedules and staying organized enables her to care for those who may travel along her path.

... I always try to ﬁnd the time to help, encourage, and empower people.” -Eureka Collins, on helping struggling women

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YEARS AS MILITARY SPOUSE: 18+ NUMBER OF DEPLOYMENTS: 6 NUMBER OF PCS MOVES: 6 (beginning 7) AREA OF FOCUS FOR 2014: With our upcoming move overseas, I’ll be looking for ways to make an overseas transition easier for military families. I hope to share my experiences and lessons learned to make an another family’s experience easier.

Embrace the situation you’re in. If you’re negative about it, you won’t have a good time.” -Tera Fitzgerald, on military life

heerleader is a term others have used to describe Tera Fitzgerald and one she gladly accepts. After 18 years as a Navy spouse, Tera sees her role as a supporter and encourager of those around her. She believes in seeing the good in every situation, even the more difﬁcult ones such as deployments, and staying focused on the positive. “A lot of people come into the military not realizing what they are getting into and they feel stuck,” Tera explained. “You have to keep their emotions up – the only way you can do that is being cheery yourself. Then they will think positively.” That’s not to say that she hasn’t seen her fair of trials, after many deployments and moves, but even in those Tera prefers to see the positive. “We have food on our table and a roof over our head,” she said. “We have everything we need and we are comfortable. It’s hard to criticize when there is so much to be thankful for!”

It’s this perspective that has made establishing and coordinating FRGs (Family Readiness Groups) so important to her. She knows that in order to maintain that perspective, spouses need connections and a place to turn to when things get hard. A prime example for her was when her FRG had to help a military spouse move from one location to another, while the ship was deployed. “In military life, we gang up together,” she explained, telling the story of picking up the phone to a dozen spouses and getting the job done is just one day, no questions asked. Her perspective is evident in the time she volunteered to be in the delivery room with a fellow spouse whose husband nor family could be there for the birth of their child. Rather than seeing it as a burden or a challenge, she considers it an honor to have been there. After all, how many women get to be on that side of the miracle of life?

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Her cheerleading efforts extend onto the ship as well. As the FRG leader for the USS Carter Hall, she led a morale building and fundraising effort to send monthly quilts full of photos and notes from spouses back at home. As the quilts hung in the mess deck, Sailors could be comforted with familiar smiles. Having spouses over to her house to create the 100-foot welcome home lei for the ship, serving dinner in the mess deck on holidays so those on duty could take a break, or hand cross-stitching more than 350 Christmas ornaments for those deployed, with the help of a couple family members, Tera has always been on the lookout for projects that can help her keep her perspective, as well as brighten the days of those around her. “I’m thankful my husband’s in the military. I’m thankful I’ve had the opportunity to move somewhere new every few years,” she said, looking forward to the next adventure.

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YEARS AS MILITARY SPOUSE: 17 NUMBER OF DEPLOYMENTS: 4 NUMBER OF PCS MOVES: 2 AREA OF FOCUS FOR 2014: To continue my commitment and serve with pride as an Ombudsman for the USS George H.W. Bush. I will continue to ensure the climate in my home remains one of full support and a safe haven for my children and military spouse.

C We don’t complain, we volunteer.” -Adela Flauta, citing the family motto

aring for many people at once, in the midst of changing, even chaotic times, comes second nature to Adela Flauta. Her every day tasks may seem monumental to so many of us, and yet to her, it’s just what she does. No big deal. That’s just life. As the mother of five kids, and a Navy spouse for 17 years, she’s grown accustom to the juggling of schedules and priorities, doing so with grace and ease. If coordinating the calendars of five children, ranging in age from 3 to 16, and a husband whose job demands frequent travel and deployments, wasn’t enough, she also homeschools those five, caring for their academic needs on top of their other daily needs. But as with everything, she doesn’t consider that task particularly colossal. In fact, with their ever-changing lives, she sees home schooling as a more natural option for their family. “It takes some patience and organization,” Adela admits. “It just works for our family.”

Of course, they don’t stay home all day. In fact, sports keep them hopping from one activity to the next. Adela volunteers on her kids’ sports teams as much as she can. From cheerleading coach to soccer team mom, she makes sure she is not only present at the events, but is actively involved in ensuring her kids have the best experience possible. As if that weren’t enough on her plate, Adela stepped up to serve as an ombudsman for USS George H. W. Bush. She admits, it wasn’t a role she sought out, but when a message was released asking for a volunteer, she knew her 17 years of experience as a Navy spouse and her prior experience as ombudsmen at NAS Pensacola could be of value. She went in for the interview and was welcomed to the position, with three other spouses. As a team, the four ombudsmen keep communication ﬂowing between the ship and the families. They also are ready to

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help families and Sailors as needs arise, with resources and sometimes just a listening ear. When her husband received orders to leave the ship early, in the midst of a workup cycle, preparing for deployment, Adela requested to stay on as an ombudsmen to maintain continuity for the families and Sailors. While no one would have objected to her moving on, she saw a greater need and stayed committed to the position throughout the deployment. And yet, in everything she does, Adela doesn’t see herself as particularly heroic or extraordinary. For her, everything she does ﬂows from a true desire to help others and give back as she is able. “I can’t point to a true formula. You just kind of do it,” Adela said, referring to her seemingly effortless way of caring for so many. “You just ﬁgure it out as it comes along. I’ve been lucky that it just works for me.” And those around her are lucky to have her!

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YEARS AS MILITARY SPOUSE: 4 NUMBER OF DEPLOYMENTS: 1 NUMBER OF PCS MOVES: 3 AREA OF FOCUS FOR 2014: My volunteer efforts not only in my husband’s squadron, but base-wide. Networking with spouse groups. Also advising spouses of resources that are available to us such as job placement websites, job fairs or even scholarships. Most don’t realize they exist, especially the new spouses.

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t would be hard for an organization to ﬁnd a volunteer with more positivity and perseverance toward the job than Davidcia Gant. She works tirelessly with her husband’s Squadron Booster Club to build morale and support not only her own husband, but all the Airmen and women of the squadron. She greets every volunteering and fund-raising opportunity with fresh eyes, looking for the fun and camaraderie inherent in every experience. Along the way, she keeps her focus on the mission – often to raise money for squadron events, such as the annual Christmas party. The payoff for hours of volunteering comes when the squadron booster club has raised enough funds to host a party or event. For example, one evening the booster club rented out the whole in-theater restaurant, allowing squadron members and their families to enjoy a night out free of charge. “If it weren’t for all that fundraising,” Davidcia admitted,

“we couldn’t do all those events.” Although it’s not all entirely selfless, she confessed, letting us all in on the secrets of volunteering. Often the squadron hosts fundraisers at the Hampton Coliseum or other event complexes, giving the volunteers access to live events. It’s a fact too often overlooked or forgotten, but sometimes just getting together with others to volunteer is a joy in itself. “You have to do something for your mind, not just work all day,” she said. And with her busy schedule, it would be easy to Davidcia to do just that. She works part-time and goes to nursing school full-time, in addition to squadron volunteering and caring for her ﬁve husky dogs at home! She said that it’s precisely that level of busyness that keeps her concentrating on what’s most important in her life. “It keeps me focused. I have to complete my education. I have to take care of my family,” she explained. “And in the end, it all just falls into place.”

She makes it look easy, but acknowledges that it takes diligence and foresight to keep all her priorities in line. Davidcia loves to entertain and trying to keep her house open for new families coming into the squadron or single Airmen eager for a home cooked meal. Whether it’s a barbecue or just some chips and dip, Davidcia enjoys hosting gatherings large and small. It’s not always perfect, with ﬁve bouncing hairballs keeping her on her toes, but with what extra time she has after school, work and volunteering, she tries to plan events and get-togethers to help people feel closer to home. The more the merrier is her motto. It’s connections with others that Davidcia knows are critical for the always transient military life. She and her husband never really know how long they are going to be somewhere so they savor every opportunity to get involved, get to know others, and contribute when they can. “You can’t be shy,” she said.

You have to be involved. You have to support each other. You need to have someone to call.”

-Davidcia Gant, on military connections

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YEARS AS MILITARY SPOUSE: 36 NUMBER OF DEPLOYMENTS: 16+ NUMBER OF PCS MOVES: 8 AREA OF FOCUS FOR 2014: The local community. I feel it is so important for a military spouse to become embedded in the community. I am very active in our church and the different areas that the church directs her needs. Right now, we do work for the local food bank and the Seton House in Virginia Beach. Christmas focus is Toys for Tots, through the US Marines.

Don’t wait for people to come to you. Go out and ﬁnd them. Immerse yourself.” -Martha Goyet, on getting involved

ride permeates everything Martha Goyet does as a military wife and mother. It’s been the driving force behind over three decades of the day-to-day obstacles faced as a military spouse, as well as the foundation that kept her strong through the unspeakable difﬁculties she has faced. Her pride for her husband and his service to the country was clearly evident to her three children, as one of them went on to join the Marine Corps and one of them married a Marine. Martha’s experience as military spouse reﬂects now upon her experience as a military mom. When her son in law was deployed, as well as her son and her husband, she welcomed her pregnant daughter into her home and the two of them experienced military life together again, packing care packages and preparing for homecomings. “I’m very proud,” Martha said. “She’s a perfect military wife.” Her own pride for her family and country has only grown deeper since

receiving the tragic news that no military spouse, or in this case military mother, wants to hear. In June of 2011, her son was killed in Helmand Province, Afghanistan. Since then, she has become very involved with Gold Star Mothers and volunteered with them at various veteran’s organization. When asked why these are so important to her, she has one answer – pride. As a military spouse, she has spent decades involved with military organizations. Bringing that experience into Gold Star Mothers has been almost seamless. When she’s attending events or volunteering somewhere, those familiar emotions of honor, service and commitment well up in her. “I know that that is what Mark would want,” she explained. “A good part of my time is working to remember him and those who fell with him.” In doing so, Martha also volunteers with Run for the Fallen, both in Maine and Virginia, and Honor and Remember. In many ways, that loss has shifted her focus, or at least her

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time and energy. Yet, in many ways, that’s just the military family member she has always been. Volunteering at church, in the community, for her kids’ schools and extracurricular activities, and with local organizations has always played a major part in her life, even while working full time and raising three kids. “One of my mottos is bloom where you’re planted,” Martha said. Martha says that those friends, even the ones you make decades earlier, are the key to keeping your priorities straight and surviving the daily tasks of military life. “It wasn’t always graceful, but we made it work,” she admitted. “There were many, many times I was spread too thin, but we have a lot of friends who would help out when they could.” Pride and gratitude continue to be the foundations of Martha’s life, in and out of the military. “I really am humbled. We’ve been given opportunities in all four corners of the United States. It’s allowed us to grow and become much more complex people.”

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Actual homes as constructed may not contain the features and layouts depicted and may vary from photos, renderings and plans. Features and options may not be available on all plans or in all communities. Homes depicted may not represent the lowest-priced homes in the community and may be shown with upgraded landscaping and optional features. Prices shown may not include charges for options, upgrades and/or lot premiums. Floorplans, elevations, features, plans, amenities, speciﬁcations and related information, and information concerning the pricing, incentives and availability of our homes, are subject to change without notice.

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YEARS AS MILITARY SPOUSE: 14 NUMBER OF DEPLOYMENTS: 4 NUMBER OF PCS MOVES: 4 AREA OF FOCUS FOR 2014: I would like to see more done for military spouses who seek employment. It was very hard for me to find a job between moving, starting a family and finding a career that understood the hardship being a military spouse. While stationed overseas it took me almost two years to find a job. So better job placement for spouses would be a great start.

It was important to me because I ﬁgured I would be able to answer any question other spouses may have.” -Mike Haskins, on volunteering with the Family Readiness Group

eing prior military, Mike Haskins knows what it means to serve. As a deputy sheriff, a Navy husband, and the dad of two, he continues to serve his family, his country and his community – being there for those around him when they need him most. He sheds a fresh perspective on military family life and sets a positive example for fellow military spouses, by pouring time and energy into making a difference. His active duty experience and insight has proved invaluable, especially during periods of deployments and transitions. Recently, Mike volunteered to be the Vice President of the ship’s Family Readiness Group. “It was important to me because I figured I would be able to answer any question other spouses may have,” Mike said. Being knowledgeable about the day-to-day workings of military life, he was able to help fellow military spouses through the difficulties of deployment and pre-

pare for a joyous homecoming. “I am able to relate and understand what it’s like on a deployment for both sides. For the active duty, I know how it is being away, missing your family and friends and how stressful that can be. How email and phones can be down for days at a time and all you want to do is find out if everything is okay back home,” he explained. “I am also able to relate to being on the other side of the fence! No phone call for days, no email for weeks, changes in pay. Deployment is a very stressful time for a family. Bills are still due, cars will need repairs, and kids will get sick. There are numerous things that can happen during a deployment. I am able to bring insight to both sides and communicate with both parties in order to keep them in the best of spirits during extended periods of time.” He was also able to direct others to resources and opportunities around the base that they might not otherwise know about.

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Mike understands the importance of staying busy during deployments. During his wife’s last deployment, he worked at the Navy MWR and went to school full time. “I noticed when my wife is gone the days just seem a lot longer!” he said, reflecting the reactions of so many military spouses. Being the only parent at home, during deployments and long Navy work days, Mike is committed to his children’s education. He stays involved in the PTA. “I try to work around what needs to be done at her school. If I am working nights I just miss out on some sleep during the day. If I am off that day I am there. Period!” he said. “The more you do at a child’s school, the better they love school and it reflects in their grades.” Mike worked as a substitute teacher before becoming a deputy sheriff and saw first hand the impact parents make academically. In all his work and volunteering, Mike serves as a shining example of dedication and commitment.

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YEARS AS MILITARY SPOUSE: 15 NUMBER OF DEPLOYMENTS: 5 NUMBER OF PCS MOVES: 3 AREA OF FOCUS FOR 2014: Suicide training for military spouses in prevention/ intervention and domestic violence prevention in the military, while advocating for additional resources to victims of domestic violence.

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mber McKinney considers it an honor to be a voice for military spouses. As the ombudsman of Navy Region Mid-Atlantic, she acts as a liaison between families and commands from Maine to North Carolina. By talking with families and ﬁnding out what’s affecting them on a day-to-day basis, she can bring a louder, more effective voice to the commands and delegates who can make a difference. In particular, she works hard to shed light on the often forgotten or hidden issues of domestic violence and suicide prevention. She has found it to be the case that military spouses are on the front lines of observing abnormal behavior in their service members, that if gone untreated, can lead to these kinds of problems. By educating spouses on what to watch for and where to go, and assuring them that speaking up won’t harm, but only help, their service member’s careers, Amber believes many of these issues can be treated early and prevented.

It’s not just her voice she offers to fellow military spouses around her. Sometimes a shoulder to cry on and a helping hand are needed most and Amber is ready in those times too. She gladly shares these in her work with USO and the Friends of the Fallen organization. The Friends of the Fallen springs into action as soon as a spouse or family member receives notification that their service member has passed away. When these families have to fly to Dover, the organization coordinates with the Casualty Assistance Calls Officer, the airlines, the TSA and more to ensure that the process is as seamless and pleasant as they can possibly make it. This includes phone calls with the various representatives to coordinate flights, as well as meeting the family at the airport and assisting with their needs at hand. “It’s probably one of the hardest things that I’ve ever encountered, but I’m thankful that I can be there,

even if it’s just to share a cup of coffee,” she said. All these activities, and the daily schedules of being a mom to two and a military wife, keep Amber very busy, and yet she still ﬁnds time to attend Norfolk State University where she studies social work. She admits from the early morning to late at night, she’s kept busy with one responsibility or another, but that’s how she prefers it. “I’m just passionate,” Amber explained. “We have one life to live. And every day I ask myself ‘What can I do to help somebody today?’” Meanwhile, she knows her children are watching how she uses her voice and her hands to improve the lives of others. “I want to be a positive role model for my children,” she said. “Our life shouldn’t be all about us and ourselves. Helping others is what makes our lives.” And everyone’s lives are improved because of the help and advocacy she brings them.

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In that moment, you realize that their servicemember is a hero – and so are they.” -Amber McKinney, on military families

YEARS AS MILITARY SPOUSE: 14 NUMBER OF DEPLOYMENTS: 4 NUMBER OF PCS MOVES: 6 AREA OF FOCUS FOR 2014: The resilience program with CSF2. I am a Spouse Master Resilience Trainer and my main focus is to share that program and its tools with military spouses as well as Soldiers and civilian employees.

... Each and every person in this very large family is valuable and has something to offer.” -Mendie Pedigo on the military life

endie Pedigo is committed to helping families through all the various stages of military life. From the earliest days to the moment its time to transition out, she is works with Soldiers and their spouses to arm them with the knowledge and resources they need to succeed and to support them through the triumphs and trials. She has committed hundreds of hours to providing Resilience Training for soldiers and their spouses, as well as Department of the Army Civilian employees. She teaches them how to face the various challenges that military life will throw their ways, both as active duty service members and as dependents. By preparing them for what’s ahead, she’s able to give them the emotional insight and practical resources they will need throughout the cyclical nature of military life. She gives them tools and real world applications to not only work through these challenges, but to succeed in the midst of them. Whether they are facing a deployment cycle or prepar-

ing to transition out of the Army, the training these Soldiers and spouses receive from Mendie prove valuable. Meanwhile, as the wife of a Soldier and mother of three, Mendie ﬁnds herself facing many of these challengers herself. Balancing her own family’s needs with the needs of those around her, she displays grace and wisdom. Even with all the other responsibilities and activities on her plate, she keeps her family her top priority, acting as an example for those around her. She ensures that her children keep up their grades and stay actively involved in church activities – even as her husband is deployed for a year at a time, every time, and she plays the role of a single parent. Opening her heart to her greater Army family, Mendie remains available to those experiencing the deployments along side her. Whether she is stepping in to watch her neighbor’s children or heading to Washington to advocate on behalf of military families, Mendie is able to recognize the needs of others and act

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quickly and effectively to help them. As a Family Readiness Group leader, she keeps family members, near and far, up to date throughout the deployment, making phone calls and being available at all hours of the day. Truly caring for all the Soldiers and their families, she works tirelessly to ensure that everyone has the information they need to be conﬁdent in the safety of their Soldier and the mission before them. She is also a member of the Spouses Club of Fort Eustis. As the treasurer, she oversaw the fundraising of more than $20,000 for scholarships and supplies. Her commitment is evident throughout deployments, and even through to the end, when she attends every homecoming celebration and ceremony. She cheers and hugs and supports those Soldiers and spouses she has cared for along the way, even when her own husband wouldn’t return until the very last ceremony. Her dedication to the Army and its families is clear to everyone around her – and absolutely invaluable to all.

Support the Dreams of Your Hero at Home. Recognized for her tireless support to military families, Sara Jane Arnett was named 2011 Heroes at Home Military Spouse of the Year and recipient of Regent’s prestigious Presidential Scholarship. Now a graduate student in organizational leadership, Sara Jane encourages other military spouses to pursue their dreams too. “I was always asking myself, ‘How can I be a better leader?’ Now, I’m becoming one,” she says. Eager to support your hero at home? Discover Regent’s military spouse beneﬁts and ﬂexible degree programs.

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Sara Jane Arnett Regent Presidential Scholarship, and Heroes at Home Military Spouse of the Year Award Recipient 23 | HEROES AT HOME |

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Join us in honoring all of this years nominees for their strengths, their sacrifices and their commitment to our community. The Heroes at Home Military ďŹ nalists and Spouse of the Year were chosen from the nominees below, whose nominations were provided by active duty personnel from all branches of the military, spouse support groups, charitable organizations, friends and family.

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TO MILITARY SPOUSES IN THEIR OWN WORDS

Teresa Bahoque What I have learned in the last 25 years of being married to a Soldier is to hold on to my identity, be flexible, independent (self-sufficient), tough (unyielding in adverse circumstance), supportive of my Soldier and the unit to which he is assigned, knowledgeable of what he does for his branch of service and the unit, and that sacrifice is a necessary evil. My advice to other spouses is do not be afraid or resentful of having to sacrifice and leave the people (family/friends), jobs and places of familiarity in order to move from duty station to duty station with your soldier. Remember that the sacrifice that our Soldiers make, putting life and limb on the line so that others might be free is, far greater. Wisdom and experience comes from knowledge. Learn as much as you can about the military and the specific installation of assignment. Volunteering and attending Family

Readiness Group meetings is not only a great way to show your support for your service member and to meet other spouses, but it can be very informative when it comes to keeping abreast of what is happening within the unit and learning about upcoming deployments. We all know that knowledge is power but the right knowledge makes you proactive and not reactive. Deployments are tough but so are you. Stay ﬂexible, be selfsufﬁcient and stay true to the real you.

JAYME BORAH What I have learned about being a military spouse, is that it is easier if you get involved with the command. By getting to know other spouses, you will have the help that you need during the rough times, such as deployments. Do not go from one deployment to the next thinking that they will be the same, because no two deployments are the same, each one will come with its own challeng-

es. Being a military spouse to me is a wonderful experience. How many other careers get to travel and see different parts of the United States and the world if given the opportunity? So where ever you may get stationed, be sure to take advantage of it, go see what the area has to offer.

EUREKA F. COLLINS Prior to getting married, my now husband said, “Your journey is about to begin. Changes will be the new norm, but your attitude towards the changes will bring hope instead of worry. At the end of the day, our love is all we have!” Well, that was 14 years ago, and I have learned that I must pray daily, weigh all things against the big picture, and take care of myself. Give yourself permission to be upset, cry, to even get mad because of deployments, but also give yourself the strengthening power to wipe the tears, pick yourself up and get it done! If possible, look for others who are able to share and help you through the challenging times. It is important that you develop a routine and schedule. This will help when

emotions begin to swell. Take this time to acquire new skills, go back to college, join a speaking club, or help your children reach their level best. Finally, keep the language of love in your marriage. Do not use negative words toward the military or your spouse. It will keep the marriage very strong and trustworthy. Always pray for each other, support each other, and believe in each other. After all, they have volunteered to support and defend the Constitution against all enemies; and their doing it out of love – especially for you!

TERA FITZGERALD Help others with your experience and compassion.

ADELA FLAUTA “What have I learned from being a military spouse?” Whenever I have been asked this question it has been oddly difficult to answer. I feel I had an advantage by first experiencing being a military child. I had the example of not only my mother but the mothers of my friends while growing up. I learned at a young age to be flexible with my expectations

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with everything. I learned that even if things didn’t seem to work out the way we envisioned or wanted it to, it was just ﬁne. Attitude is everything. I feel unlike some, I was fortunate to be somewhat prepared for life as a military spouse. Even after being married for seventeen years, I am still learning. There is always room to grow. For me, I don’t feel am at all special for being a military spouse. I love my husband and support his service. I wouldn’t have it any other way.

DAVIDCIA GANT Although your moving away from family and friends, still make the best of it. Volunteer and network so you can meet new people. Be involved, be supportive to your spouse and other families, and be encouraged. We are all in this together!

MARTHA GOYET As a military spouse of 36 years, it would be easier to answer “What I have NOT learned from being a military spouse!” Seriously, though, we married young, and have spent our entire adult lives wrapped

around military life. I learned very early on that you have to make the most of every duty station. There is something new and adventurous at each one. I’ve learned to be patient and always be ready for a change of plans. My husband has always told me to prepare for the worst and hope for the best, and that has gotten me through many obstacles. Also, number one priority is to always put each other ﬁrst. Make each day count, and appreciate each day you have together. And not focus on the deployment separations, but rather the happy homecoming that comes at the end! I’ve learned that friends are the backbone to a duty station. I can compartmentalize each era by the friends I met then and have many life-long friends that can re-live and laugh or commiserate about each separate time frame. When I meet a young spouse my advice is always the same, “Bloom where you are planted!” Become deep rooted in the community and make the most of the experiences that are offered to you and always be PROUD of your serviceman!

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MICHAEL HASKINS I’ve learned that communication is the best way to ease any problems or stress that may come up being a spouse. I made the choice to focus more on spending time with my girls, ﬁnishing my education and starting a career. Stress is apart of being a military spouse. There are long nights and even longer days while your active duty member is away and you will need something else to engage your time. Words of advice would be to embrace military lifestyle. Learn what you can about the military. You both would be able to discuss problems he/she may have while at work and be able to understand more.

AMBER MCKINNEY As a supportive military spouse, do not be afraid to aspire and achieve your own dreams. The military member’s identity should not be your identity. I encourage military spouses to educate themselves. Do not focus on time because “Education is Power.” Get involved within your community, military community or

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children’s school. Through involvement and volunteering, you are educating yourself while also building your own networks. There is joy and blessings in giving of your time to make someone’s life easier. As you grow do not forget where you started and consider it a privilege to help those just beginning in this amazing military journey. Do not become complacent and closedminded just like the military is ever changing so should we as military spouses. Say yes before you say no to help keep positivity ﬂowing. Celebrate each day you have with your spouse. Treat each day as if it is a birthday, holiday or anniversary. Separate yourself from negativity. When stress arises, ask yourself “what do I not have to do today?” Being a military spouse is an honor-embrace this honor!

MENDIE PEDIGO The military is not a job; it is a way of life. We can do more than just survive – we can actually thrive in this lifestyle. Each and every person in this very large family is valuable and has something to offer.

BY SARA JANE ARNETT 2011 Heroes at Home Military Spouse of the Year

s a young woman wondering about â€œthe oneâ€? way back when, thoughts of being married to a military man never once crossed my mind. Nearly 10 years into our military marriage, flashbacks of this unexpected journey find me completely fulfilled and enamored with emotion. Three beautiful sons, hundreds of new friends along the way, numerous duty stations and opportunities to live and travel abroad have added flair to this military lifestyle. However, I can pinpoint at the exact time in my life when I felt most valued and supported not only by my spouse and military com-

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munity, but by the civilian community as well. As you may know, this year marks a decade of the inception of Heroes at Home Military Spouse of the Year event spearheaded and created by The Flagship and Military Newspapers of Virginia. It wasnâ€™t until the Army moved to the Hampton Roads area when my role as a military spouse seemed to evolve; my spouse had nominated me for the 2011 Heroes at Home Military Spouse of the Year. The nomination was very humbling because my husband sincerely valued my role as a contributor and integral part of the military mission.

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“Little” things such as cooking meals for families welcoming newborns home, handwritten letters and phone calls between visits, sleepless nights helping friends through heartache, holding our babies extra tight when their father or mother are deployed – these are the everyday pivotal moments that make the difference to be determined to endure another day – together we can do this. YOU are a hero. You are your children’s hero, your fellow military spouse’s hero, your service member’s hero and my hero. “The thing about a hero, is even when it doesn't look like there's a light at the end of the tunnel, he’s going to keep digging, he’s going to keep trying to do right and make up for what's gone before, just because that's who he is.” –Joss Whedon.

There is no misprint in the title of this amazingly wonderful awards event highlighting your selfless service to filling other’s needs. You are a hero at home – holding down the fort while your spouse is often away, making sure your children’s teeth are brushed and homework is done, driving a friend to pick up their car out of the shop and doing all of this with a smile on your face; there is ultimate satisfaction that you survived another day as an independent military spouse. As you sit and soak up what it feels like to be nominated and part of this very prestigious honor and event, you might not feel worthy of your servant leadership-style actions landing you here. The true questions are “what will you do with this honor” and “how will you use this special

gift” to empower and encourage others? My advice: Do not take this opportunity and experience for granted. Inspire others with your actions, not your words. You are here for a reason. Get to know the organizations that value your volunteerism and active energy into enriching others’ lives. You are unique and most valued as you continue to serve our country just as your service member, but contribute to another mission – a higher calling serve others. The Hampton Roads community lifts you up today along with your closest friends, family, children, and spouse. Although this very prestigious honor might not feel worthy of your selfless leadership, we all celebrate you today and everyday as you continue to make this unexpected journey the best adventure yet!

... Share your gift with your military and Hampton Roads community and give back more.” -Sara Jane Arnett

Congratulations to all of the 2014 nominees! Thank you for all that you do to support our Armed Forces. Navy League of the United States Hampton Roads

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