PROLOGUE
Harlem
The past
Iknewmywifecouldbeflakythemomentwemet,butIsawpastalltheredflagsbecausewewereinlove Wedidthewholeshebang. Gotmarried.
Boughtanoverpricedhouseinapleasantsuburb. Hadkids.
Theonlyproblemwithallofthatwasthepartwheremywifedecidedhervowsmeantnothingtoheranymore She’dnever beenbigonhavingchildren,butwhenshefellpregnantwithStella,wewerebothhappywiththenews.ThenKaicamealong threeyearslaterandourfamilywascomplete
We’d had problems. Infact, we’ve beenoff and onfor a while, but everycouple goes throughthat. No relationship is perfect.
Butifyou’dtoldmeI’dbethemoreresponsibleadultoutofthetwoofus,I’dhavelaughedinyourface ButnowI’vegot nochoice.
MykidslookatmeasIsitthemonthecouchandthedreadinsidemeislikenothingI’veneverfeltbefore I’vebeensick thinkingaboutthismoment.
How could she leave them? Leave all of us?
Just look at them… They’re children, for christ’s sakes.
Theyshouldhavetheirmotherandtheirfather,eveniftheirparentscouldn’tgetittogether.Theydidn’taskforthis. Buttojustupandleave?
Iknewshewascheating,butsheranbeforeIcouldconfrontheraboutit.
Tryingtofigureoutwhyyourwifedidanyofthethingsshedidisconfronting,butnothingcould’vepreparedmeforthis: ThedayIgettotellmykidstheirmomisn’tcomingback.
Iclearmythroat
“Momhadtogoforawhile,”Isay,thewordsfeelinglikepoisonastheyleavemymouth.“AndIdon’tknowwhenshe’ll bebackthistime.”
Stellafrowns Attenyearsoldsheunderstandsmorethanmostchildrenherage Kai,ontheotherhand,he’sonlyseven HelooksconfusedasIswallowhard.
“ButMom’sbeengonebefore,”Stellainformsme,likeIdon’talreadyknow “Andshecameback”
Mywifeleftacoupleoftimeswhenwehitaroughpatch.Shechosetogo.I’dnevermakeherleave.ButIalsovowedno matterwhat,I’dneverleavemykids.Evenifitmeantlivinginseparatebedroomsuntilwefiguredshitout.They’remyworld andI’mnevergonnagivethemthesameshittychildhoodIhad.
“Iknowthat,honey,”Isay.“Butthistime…itlookslikeit’salittlemorepermanent.” Kaistillstaysnothing He’samomma’sboy,alwayshasbeen Notthatshereallyeversawwhatasweet,endearingchild oursonis.Myheartbreaksalloveragain.
Stellalooks ather brother andputs her handinhis.“It’s okay,Kai,”shesays,sensinghis despair.“Dad’ll lookafter us. It’llbeokay.”
OureyesmeetandI’mcrushedwhenIseeanunderstandingflashesacrosshisface Hebeginstocry Idartoffthecoffeetable,whereI’vebeensittinginfrontofthem,pullinghimintomyarmsasIkisshishair.
“Iloveyou,Kai,nomatterwhathappens,andsodoesMommy,”Itellhim He’sakid.Hedoesn’tneedtoknow theactual truth;thatshenever evensatdownandtoldthem…never botheredtolet thesetwoinnocentchildrenknowshewasn’tcomingbackandsheneverwantedtoseetheirfaceseveragain It’snotjustcruel,it’ssick.Hatemeforbeingashithusband,butdon’thateontwoinnocentkids.
“Wheredidshego?”Stellaasks.Hermaturenessstartlesme.She’solderthanheryears,andIdon’tknowifthat’sagood thing SometimesIhavetoremindmyselfshe’sjustakid
Feliciatextedmeshewasmovingoutofstate.Shehadmetsomeoneandtheywerestartinganewlifetogether.
Anewlifewithoutme,StellaorKai
I’mnotanassholehusband.I’veneverhurtherorbeenunkind.Butshedidn’tlikethewayIpulledherupwhenshewas needlessly mean to the kids, or missed important things at school because she was out with her friends She lacked the nurturing,motherlyinstinct,soIendedupcompensatingforherparentingshortcomings.
Shejustwasn’tcutoutforthis.
“Idon’tknow,”Isayhonestly "Mommyneedssometimealoneuntilthingssettledown"MaybeI’mhopingshe’llhavea changeofheart,ifnotforme,forthekids.
IholdKaitomychestashecriesintomyshoulder Mypoorboy
NomatterhowhardItry,mywordsarepowerlessagainsthisheartbreak.Allhewantsishismom.He’ssevenforfuck’s sake.He’sallowedtowanther,evenifIdon’tanymore.
Hisselfish,pathetic,lazyassmomwhodoesn’tgivetwoshitsaboutanyofus.NowIhavetopretendit’salright.Thatshe reallydoescareandlovesthemboth,evenwhenIknowthetruth.
“Canwecallher?”Stellaasks
If only.
What the fuck do I say to that?
Shetoldmenottocontacther,andthatshewaschanginghernumber.Shedidn’twanttobefound.Itwasbestforthekidsto makeacleanbreak.Howshelovedmebutitwastoohard…Ilosttrackofthelameexcuses.
Kailookshopefulashepullsbacktolookatmyface,waitingformyanswer.Forthefirsttime,there’sasparkinhiseyes butI’mabouttocrushhimbecauseshedoesn’twantthateither.
Iliketothinkit’sbecauseshefeelsguiltyandhearingtheirvoiceswouldmakeitmoredifficult Thatcouldmeanthere’sa shredofdecencyleftinsideher,butit’shighlydoubtful.
“Notjustnow,” Isay, painhittingme inthe chest “Butmaybe ina little while, whenthings ” Itrail off When things what?
Ican’tjustgivethekidsicecreamandpretendthiswillallbeokaytomorrow.
Sheleftallofus,andnowIhavetonavigateallofthisbymyselfanddealwithmykids’heartbreak
Stellareachesoutandtakesmyhand.“It’sgonnabeokay,Dad,”shesays.“We’llgetthroughthis.” Iblinkbacktears
AllIcandoisnod.“Wewill,babygirl.Youtwoarethebestthingthateverhappenedtome.Nomatterwhat,I’mnotgoin’ anywhere,youhearme?”
Ibrushmythumbsacrossmyson’scheeksandwipehistearsashenods.
I’llneverforgiveherforthis.Fordoingthistothem.
Ikisshisforehead “Dad’sheretostay Youneverhavetoworryaboutthat”
StellasqueezesmyhandasItrynottoletmyheartbreakshowinfrontofmyvulnerablechildren.They’veseenenoughpain andsorrowtolastalifetime
Nomatterwhathappens,theywillneverseemecrack.
I’mtheonewhohastobestrongforthem IfIbreak,thenthey’llhavenothingleft,andthatain’tgonnahappen Notonmywatch.
Thesoundofthedoorslammingshutjoltsmeoutofmysleep Irubmyeyesandsitupinbed.
It’slate.There’snolightinmyroomasidefromthesmall,dappledlightfromunderthedoor. AndthenIhearit Shouting
It’sasoundthat’snormalinmyhousehold,asmymotherandfatheralwaysfight. Forsomereason,thisfeelsdifferent
MylittlebrotherandIarenostrangerstotheirbehavior,sowe’velearnedtoblockitout.
Buttonight,asIclosemyeyesforamomentandfocus,Iheartwomalevoices
Creepingoutofbed,Imovetowardmybedroomdoorandlisten.Istillcan’thear,though,soIopenitacracktolookout. It’smydadandsomeonefromtheclub.
“Don’tfuckin’lietome,”heslurs “Youcomeintomyhomeandtellmethatyoudidn’tdoit?AndI’msupposedtobelieve you?”
“I’mtellin’you,Maddog,I’mnotlyin’” Maddog.
That’smydad’smotorcycleclubname
He’sthePrezofaclubcalledRagingFuryMC.Andhistempersuitsthename. Idon’tknow,exactly,butitsoundslikeit’sadisputeovermoney.
Myfatherisahardman
He’snotaroundmuch,butwhenheis,stufflikethisalwayshappens.
He’s done his bestto shield us fromthe MClife, buteverynow and again, itfinds its wayto our house Somethingmy fatherconsidersunforgivable.
Yousee,hehasprincipals.Ashardasthatistofathom.
Whilehe’snevergoingtowinFatheroftheYear,Itrulybelievehewantswhat’sbestforhiskids.
Mymom.Well,that’sawholedifferentstory.
Sheleftafewyearsagowhenshecouldn’ttakeanymore,thenshecameback Muchtomeandmybrother’ssurprise,my dadforgaveher.Wewereafamilyagain,butitwasshortlived.
Momhasbeeninandoutofrehab She’snotanastydrunk,shejustdoesn’tknowwhenenoughisenough Violence.
Thisismylife.It’swhatIknow.
Myfatherdoesn’tbeatmymother,notlikesomeofthemenintheclubdo,butheisn’texactlythenicestmanontheplanet tolive with.He thinks mymomis some kindofslave.Ifshe doesn’thave everythinginorder,thenhe gets mad.Sometimes thingsgetreallyugly,andIhavetohidemybrotherintheclosetandputhisearbudsin,tellinghimnottocomeout
He’sfouryearsyoungerthanme,justakid.NotthatI’mnot,butI’vehadtogrowupfastinthisfamily. “Indigo?”Jonahwhispersfromtheroomnexttome Rushingoutofmydoor,Ipushmywayintohisandturntohim.
“Dadhasafriendover,”Isay. “Where’sMom?”
Ifrown.“Idon’tknow,”Ianswertruthfully.
Where is Mom?
She’sprobablypassedoutsomewhere,whichisbest,allthingsconsidered.IfMomgetsinvolved,thenDadwillgetreally
1 INDIGO AGED 12
mad.
Womenhavenoplaceintheclub.Theyhavenosayandhavetofollowtherules.
DadthinksIdon’tknowthebasicsofhowitworks,butI’vegotears “Juststayhere,”Isay,grabbinghisearbudsfromhissidetable.“Putthesein.” “Idon’twantto”
“Well,youhaveto.I’mgoingtogoseewhoitis.”
Hisbottomliptrembles
Ilovemybrother.IwoulddoanythingforhimandI’mveryprotective.Helooksuptome. “Idon’twantyoutogooutthere,Indi.”
Iswallowthelumpinmythroat
I’mmyfather’sdaughterandtooinquisitivetoletthislie.
Ijustneedalookatthemanwho’sgoingtowishheneversetfootinourhouse IknowIshouldn’t.Ishouldstayaway.ButIcan’t.
“It’llbeokay,Joh,Ipromise”
Hedoesn’tlookconvinced,andIcan’tsayIblamehim.
Igivehimareassuringsmile,takinghisphoneandputtingonhisfavoritealbum. Mykidbrotherisan80srockbandfanatic Andhelikestolistentoitloud Usually,Itellhimtoturnitdown.Butonnightsliketonight,hehasfreerein. “Please, Indi”
Ishakemyhead.“IhavetogocheckonMom.”Itrynottoletthefearshowonmyface. Myfathermightbeangrywithmeifheseesmespying.Infact,Iknowhewillbe.
Buthe’dneverhurtus.He’dneverlayahandonus.WhilemyfathermaybeviolentintheMCheusuallykeepsallofthat stuffattheclubhouse.
Iknowit’sabsurd ButIlovemydad,eventhoughIknowhe’sabadman
Hedoesalotofillegalthingsandalotofpeopleinthiscityhatehim.TheyhateeverythingabouttheRagingFuryMC. Isitmybrotherdownonthebed,gethismusicsetuponhisphone,andpasshimhisearbuds “Putthosein Don’ttakethem outuntilIcomeback,okay?”
Henods,doingasIsay.
Jonahisagoodboy.Hedeservesbetterthanthis,webothdo.
Myonlyhopeisthat,astheyearsgoon,hedoesn’tgetinvolvedintheRagingFuryMC,oranyothermotorcycleclub,for thatmatter Ihatethem Ihatethemall
“Thenwhyareyoushort?”myfatherbellowsassoonasIopenthedooragain.Ishutitbehindmeandcreeptothetopof thestairs
“I’mnot,it’sallthere.”Themanthrowssomethingdown.
WhenIpeekthroughthebanisteratthetopofthestairs,Iseethatit’saduffelbag.
“Don’tfuckin’lietome Wordonthestreetisyou’regettin’yourfairshareunderthetable Thatwasn’tthedeal”
“Ididn’tdoanythin’,Maddog.Youneedtolayoff.We’redoin’thissonobodyelsegetswind.Iwouldn’tgobehindyour back,wegobackalongway”
Myfatherisinvolvedinmanyillegalactivities,andIcanonlyassumethisoneisadrugdeal.
Another thingmyfather is famous for is his abilityto spot a bullshitter And I’mafraid that the other manis not being truthful.He’ssly.Andmydadwillpickuponthatlikealionscentingitsprey.
“Iwanttherest,beforeIblowyourgoddamnbrainsout.”
“Comeon,man,don’tgetallfuckedup Talkischeap We’rebrothers”
They’renotreallybrothers,intheblood-relatedsense,butthat’swhatbikerscallthemselves.
Notthatanyoneofthemwouldn’tshoottheotherifitcamedowntolifeordeath Myfatheralwayssaysthereisnoloyaltyanywhereandyouhavetokeepyourguardup. “We’renothin’ifyoustealfromme”
“Don’twannafuckthis up,Maddog.Remember whoyou’redealin’withhere.IownthegoddamnFrenchQuarter.Iown mostoftheNinthWard.Fuck,Iownthisentiretown.Yousupply,Ideal,andwesharetheprofits.Simpleequation.”
“Exceptthisain’tright”
Allofasuddenthemanpullsaknifeandmyeyesgowide.
“Thefuck?”Mydadsays,bewildered
“Stopit!”Iyell,myfeetmovingbeforeIcanstopthem.“Don’tyoudarehurtmyfather!” Themanturnstolookatme,butit’snothisgazemyeyeslandon,it’smydad’s. His eyes bulgeas hetakes mein.Iseethefuryinhis eyes,andIimmediatelyknow I’vemessedup.“Indi!”hebellows. “Getbacktoyourroom!”
“Dad,he’sgoingtohurtyou!”Icry.
MydadisthetoughestmanIknow.Thereisnobodyinthiscitywhodoesn’tanswertohim.
AndIknowhecanstandupforhimself,butit’sinmynaturetoprotect It’swhatIdo
Maybe Iovercompensate because I’mpracticallyJonah’s carer, but Ican’t stand to see anyone beingpushed around or hurt
Dadshakeshishead.“Indi.Itoldyoutogobacktoyourroom,”hesaysbetweengrittedteeth.“Now!” Thelastpartmakes mejump
Theothermansnickers.“Well,well,”hesays,clearlydrunk.“Whatdowehavehere?” Iopenmymouth,butnowordscomeout.
Hetakesanothermenacingstep,thenturnstomyfather “Maddog You’vebeenkeepin’thissweetlittlethingasecret” Iwincebeforethesoundofthegunlocksmeinplace.
Iknowmyfather,andIknowthatitwaswrongtomakemyselfknown It’stoolatenow Everythinghappenssofast.
Bloodsplattersallovermeasthesideoftheman’sfaceisblownoff Holy moly.
Mydadjustshothisfriend.
Hedoesn’tevenhavetimetoreact Hejustdropstohisknees,thenfalls,hittinghisheadonthefloorwithaloudthud Asthesightbeforemeregisters,Iscreamandjumpback.
Myfather’seyesturnonmeashesays,“Indigo Youknowbetterthanthat” TearsspringtomyeyesasIwatchtheman’sbloodpouroutalloverthelinoleumfloor. Icanonlystandthereinshock.
I’veneverseenamanshotbefore.I’veneverseenadeadbody…buthe’sdefinitelynotmoving. “Indi?”mybrotheryellsfromupstairs.
Ipanic
“Getbackinyourroom,boy!”Dadbarks,andmyheartstutters.
Hecomestowardme “Indi,”hesays,hisvoicegentle “Youknowtherules” Ishakemyhead.“That’sattheclub,Dad.Thisisourhome…andhewasabadman.”
His eyes harden.“Still.Youknow better.Itaughtyoubetter thanthat.”Hestands andmoves towardthesink,grabbinga clothandadishtowel.Comingbacktome,hekneelsandstartstowashthebloodspattersoffmyface.
Idon’tlookatthemanonthefloor.
“Gototheshowerandwashyourself,”hesays “Shampooyourhairandgotobed We’lltalkaboutthisinthemorning” “Dad.”Icanbarelygetthewordsout.“I’msorry.Ithought…Ithoughthewasgoingtohurtyou.”
Dad’seyessoftenforjustamoment
Whenhelooksatmelikethis,itchangeseverything.
Iforgetaboutallthebadthingshe’sdone.
Iforgethe’sacriminal Thathejustshotamanincoldblood Thathehasnoheart
Whenhe’slikethis,he’sjustmydad.Andthoughit’sfictional,helooksatmelikehecares.
LikeI’magooddaughter LikeIcan’tdoanywrong
“Nobodycanhurtme,”hesays.“Iownthistown.Oneday,Indi,onedayIwillshowyouhowyoucanmakeabetterlifefor yourself,understand?EverythingIdoisforyouandyourbrother”
“AndMom?”Iwhisper.
Hecontinuestowipemyface,alookofdisdainmarringhisfeatures. “Goshower,”hesays “Bringyourclothestomeafter Ihavetoburnthem Forgetwhatyousawtonight Nothinghappened I’lltakecareofthis.”
Ourmomentisoverasfastasitbegan Tearsforminmyeyes,blurringmyvision. “Daddy?”
Hiseyesmeetmine. “Indigo.Isaidgo.”
Iwanthimtotellmehe’snotmad ThatIwasdoingtherightthing Thathelovesme Buthesaysnoneofthosethings.
Iturn,buthepullsmebacktohim,cuppingmyfacewithonehand
“You’remyblood,Indi,”hesays,hiseyeshardened.“You’rejustlikeme.ThisiswhyIhavetoprotectyou.Idon’twant thisforyou.Thatman,you’reright,hewasabadman,Indi.Ican’thaveamanlikethatdisrespectin’mykidandshootin’his mouthoff.Doyouunderstand?”
Inod.
“Sayit.”
“Iunderstand.”
Heletsmegowithanod
Itakethestairsslowly,avoidingmyfather’sgazeasIfeelhimwatchingmeinmyperiphery. “Indi?”
Iturntolookathimoverthebanister.
“Notawordtoyourbrother,okay?”
“Yes,Dad.”
Legstrembling,Itakethestepstwoatatimetherestofthewayandruntothebathroom. Ilockmyselfinsideandtakeabreath
TheadrenalinecoursesthroughmybodyasItrytocalmmyself.
My dad just shot a man He’s dead in our kitchen.
My dad shot a man because he made a lewd comment about me He didn’t hesitate. Isthiswhatloveis?
Thisistheonlyaffectionmydadevergivesme,soIguessIdon’tknowanybetter Idon’tcry.
Idoubleoverandrestmyelbowsonmythighsandtrytoholdittogether
Go to the shower and wash yourself.
Bring your clothes to me after I have to burn them Not a word to your brother, okay?
Iscrubmyselfcleanwithsoap,closingmyeyessoIdon’tseethecoloroftheshowerwaterasitswirlsdownthedrain. Things will be better someday, Itellmyself Dad did what he had to do Inmyheart,Iknowit’snottrue.
PRESENT DAY
IstareupattheNOLASweetTreatsBakeryandfrown Theneonsignisout.
Jettjustinstallednewsecuritycameras,locksandasafe,sinceIndigo’splacehadanattemptedbreakinnotsolongago.
InthemonthsthatI’vebeenkeepinganeyeontheplace,I’velearnedquiteabitaboutMaddog’sdaughter Ofcourse,Ididn’tknow theguywell.Onlymethiminpassingyearsagobeforetheoldbastardwasshotandkilled.His reputationdidn’texactlydohimanyfavors
Therewasavendettawitharivalclub,anddeathisusuallyhowmostofthesethingsend.
Though the Rebels aren’t a one-percenter club, that doesn’t mean we don’t have our own setbacks fromtime to time Luckily,wedon’tkillpeopleveryoften.
Astheclub’sEnforcer,I’mresponsiblefor ensuringtheclubrulesarefollowedatall times,andIrespondtoanythreats withinoroutsidetheclub Anyonewhoholdsapatchatthisclubisundermyprotection,andItrytokeepconflictsbetweenthe brotherstoabareminimum.Inaclubthisbig,therearealwaysdisagreements,andwefightlikebitches,butmostofthetime, we’reallonthesamepagewhenitcomestotheimportantstuff
Ifa fightbreaks outwithanother club, I’mgenerallythe one who carries outthe punishment, alongwiththe Sergeantat Arms,Tag He’soneofthestrongestbrothersintheclub,alongwithHawk Addedtothat,Tagisn’tafraidofanything
I’veseenthatmantakeonthreedudesmysizeandwalkawaylikenothinghappened.
TheRagingFuryMC,Maddog’soldclub,wasnotoriousbackintheday,butthatwasover twentyyearsago.Theywere knownforshadydeals,runningdrugs,guns,trafficking,anythingtheycouldgettheirhandson Thetalesarelegendary
Indigowould’vebeenateenagerwhenheroldmanwasshot.I’msurethattimedoesn’tholdgoodmemoriesforher.How couldit?Growinguparoundaone-percentMClikethatwouldn’thavebeenapicnic
I’mforty-eight,andshecouldn’tbeadayolderthanthirty,butI’mnotsureofherexactage.
Shehasakid,too.Camilleistwelve,ayearyoungerthanmyownkid,Kai.
Ihaveadaughteraswell.Stella’seighteengoingonthirty.
Shewantstobeamechanic,muchtomydismay.NotthatI’mnotallforwomendoingjobsthatareusuallypredominantly donebymen Onthecontrary Mydaughterissmart,andshecandoanythingshesetshermindto Butthoseenvironmentsare verymaleorientated.Iworryaboutheratthebestoftimes,andIknowthatbeingafemale,she’dlikelybetakenadvantageof.
Shealsoaskedmerecentlyaboutprospectingfortheclub,somethingIwasshockedtohear I’vealwaysknownsheloves theclub,as she’s always beenaroundit,butIhadnoideashewas thinkingaboutjoining.Notthatwe’veever hadafemale prospectbefore,andthoughit’sbeendiscussedaroundthetable,IdoubtCashwouldallowit.
Stellahasastubbornnessthatrunsinhergenes.Unfortunately,shegetsthatfromme,andthereain’tmuchIcandoaboutit. AsmuchasItrytopersuadeherintopursuingavenuesshe’dbebettersuitedfor,shealwayspoutsandmakesmefeellikethe worstpersonintheworld MygirlhasaspiritthatIfearwillonlycomebacktobiteme
Bothofmykidsaregood,despitethefactI’vedonethisparentingthingalone.
Stella’s helpedme a lot,raisingher younger brother ever since mywife leftus several years ago Ican’tsayit’s beena loadoffunraisingtwokidsbymyself,butwemanaged.Itriedtogivethemeverythingtheyneeded,withoutamother’stouch, notthather touchhad a positive influence oneither ofthem. She never reallywanted kids. Ithinkshe justliked the idea of them
Whywestuckitout,I’llneverknow.Well,Idoknow,ifI'mhonest;forthesakeofthechildrenwebothagreedtohave. Mykids are myworld Iloved themthe momentwe knew we were pregnant, after theywere born, and everyminute in between.Mydaughteristheappleofmyeye,andmysonisagiftI’mnotsureIevendeserve.
2
HARLEM
TosayI’dlaydownmylifeforthemisanunderstatement.
Now,Stellamightbeworkingatthebakerybecauseweneedaspywithintheranks.It’llkeepIndigoandherdaughtersafe, andkeepStella’searstotheground
Onthe other hand,itworks bothways;Stella will stopnaggingme aboutcomingtothe garage.Mydayjob,notthatI’m theremuch,isrunningthelocalgarage Hawktakescareofthemotorcyclesideofmechanics,andIknowshe’sbeenbugging himtolethercomeandhelp.
I’mkindahopingthebakerywillwinoutandshe’llforgetallabouttheothershit,especiallybeingaprospect Stellaneeds somethingtodo.Shecan’tsitstillandhasneverbeenableto.Troubleis,she’salwaysbeenatomboy,soIdoubtthiswillhold herattentionforlong.
The sound of mystraight pipes must have alerted Indigo to mypresence, because a few moments later, Isee her at the window.
Thescowlonherfacesaysathousandwords
Asmuchasshehatesbikers,sheletusbuyintoherbusinesstosaveitfromtheDevilsInkMC,aclubwejusttookdown recently Cash,myPrezandtheMCfounder,wasinawarwithhisstepbrotherRazor HeputahitoutonCash’sol’ladyanda warensued.Razor’sdeadnowandtheclubdisbanded.EventheCalichapterdisownedthemyearsago.
So Indigo wanted to save itfromgoinginto the wronghands, or worse, the buildingbeingdemolished. So that’s gotto meansomething,right?Granted,thechoiceswerelimited
Butthenthere’s the break-in. And this biker, Forger, who’s beentryingto getto Indigo, or so we think. Nobodyhas any ideawhothefuckheis
Idon’tknowwhatthefuckhisproblemis,butifIgetaholdofhim,thebayoulookslikeasgoodaplaceasanytoburya body.
Indigomightnotbelieveshe’spartoftheclub,butnowthatwe’reinbusinesstogether,shefallsundermyprotection.Like itornot.
She’s tough, but one-percent clubs don’t mess around, whichis somethingshe should know since her old manwas the Fury’sPrez.
Unlikeeveryoneelse,Ipullupoutfront Iknowshehatesthat Apparently,bikersarebadforbusiness LikeIgiveafuck
Indigodoesn’tscareme,asmostwomendon’t.ButIcan’tsaythatherspitfirepersonalityisn’taturn-on,becausefrankly, itis.
She’sbeautiful,moresothananyotherwomanI’veeverseen,butIhaven’tletherknowI’minterested.Frankly,I’mstill comingtotermswiththefactthatI’lluseanyexcusetogetmyassonoverhere.
Indigomakesmerockhard Yeah,shecaughtmydick’sinterestawhileback
Rumor hasityou’dbesleepingbetweenher andashotgunifyouevenmadeitthatfar.Thewomanhasnervesofsteel.I guessthatpartofherpersonalitycomesfromheroldman Iwinceatthethought
AsImakemywayinside,thelittlebelljinglingonthetopofthedoor,IcontemplateifIamactuallythemanforthejob… protectingher.
CashwantssomeonewatchingIndigoandherkid24/7incaseForgershowshisfaceagain Andwhenhedoes,we’lltake himtotheclubfor“questioning.”
It’sbeenalongtimesinceIassistedwithaninterrogation,andwhenitcomestothismysteriouswoman,IthinkI’denjoy inflictingpainonamanjusttogetintelonher.
AsIclosethedoor behindme,earningmeanother jingle,Indigostandswithher handsonher hips “Whatareyoudoing here?”
Nogreeting.
Nosmile
Nonothing.
JustascowlandhereyesnarrowinglikeIhavesomekindofcontagiousdisease
Usually,herhazeleyesarepretty,buttodaythey’retoosquintytoseetheircolor. “Ineedareasontobehere?”
Shetakesavisiblebreath,makingmyeyesdartdowntoherchest.
She’snottopheavy,whichisusuallyhowIlikemywomen.She’salsomoreslenderthanIprefer,butIwon’tholdherlong legsagainsther Orthatslimwaist
Herlong,chestnuthairistiedbackinahighponytail.Herfeaturesaresoftandpretty,alongwithhersmoothtanskinanda smallsmatteringoffrecklesacrosshernoseandcheeks
She’sstunning. Beautiful.
AndIdon’tquiteknowwhattomakeofher,orwhattodowithher.
Shecan’tbetamed,thatmuchIknow.
I’veseenhertypebefore.Medusaindisguise.
ShegrewupwithinanMCandhatesallthingsbikerrelated,includingme.
It makes me wanna ask her outright why the hell she wanted us as business partners, even though I already know the answer.
“ItoldCashwhenIsignedthepapers;bikersarebadforbusiness”
“That’snowaytogreetsomeonewhotechnicallyownssharesinthisplace.”
Itold Cashthatnobodyhad a rightto questionmyloyaltywhenhe asked me aboutlookingoutfor her until this mess is sorted.Everyoneatchurchwasaddingtheirtwocentsabouthowungratefultheythinksheisforbasicallywantingtokickallof usout.Sheneverdropsoffanycakesandshiteither,muchtotheirdismay.
ButIalsogetthatshehasherreasons Igetthatherpastplayedabigpartinherfuture Idon’ttellherthat,though.ThelesssheknowsabouthowinvestedIam,thebetter.
Addedtothat,shehasasmartmouthtoo OnethatI’dliketoshutupwithmy “Anddon’tyoualljustloveremindingmeofthat,”shegoeson.
Thiswomandoesn’tcarewhoshepissesoff
I stare downat her. She doesn’t quite reachmyshoulders, but she isn’t exactlyshort. Holdingher head high, her back straight,it’slikesheisn’tafraidofanything.
SomepeoplesayI’mintimidating ItcomeswiththeterritoryofrunningwithanMCandbeingthesizeIam Thecut.
Thestraightpipes
Theimplicationsofwhatmypatchmeans.
SomesayIhaveamenacingglare.That’sdebatable.
I’mneverlookingfortrouble,butifitappears,Isortitout.
MyjobasEnforceristotrytoavoidconflict,notcreateit.
Ialsodon’tmissthewayIndigo’seyesdropdownmybodyasIstraighten Sheisn’ttheonlyonewhocanholdherhead high.I’veasmuchrighttobehereasanyoneelseinthisclub,andshe’sgoingtohavetostartrealizingthat.
ForawomanwhoknowsMCsinsideandout,I’dhavethoughtshe’dbealittlemorecompliant Shedid,infact,agreeto bebusinesspartners.Nobodyforcedher.
IthinkbacktowhatTagsaidatourlastmeetingandhowthewomenoftheclubarestartingtogetalittletoolippy,likethey runthe place now. The manhas a point, butsince whendid womennotsticktheir noses inclub business? And theyalways havealottosayforthemselves.Theol’ladiesaren’tol’ladiesbecausethey’reweakindividuals.Onthecontrary.
It’sapparenttomenowmorethaneverasIstandhereandstareatthiswomanwho’sdrivingmecrazy
“That’s myjob. I’mthe club's Enforcer. You, of all people, don’t need a lessoninthe dynamics of the MC and how it works”
Aflashofannoyanceinhereyestellsmeshe’smad.Good.I’mmadtoo.
Fornotbeingabletodoanythingaboutthisgoddamnrocketinmypants.
Moretothepoint nowI’mmid-forties,it’sbeenalittle,uh, difficult attimestogetitup HencewhyI’vestayedaway fromthesweetbutts.ThelastthingIneedgoingaroundtheclubisthatIhaveasoftcock.
OrsoIthoughtuntilrecently,becausebeingaroundIndigoandhersmartmouth,I’mstraightasagoddamnarrow Readytolaunch.Readytomakeherscream.Butnotjustthat.
Iwantmore
I’vewantedmorefromawomanforalongtime,butIhaven’tbeenabletofindit.
Beingaloneatnightisalwayshard,andIdon’ttakechickstomyhomewheremykidsare.Afterawhile,though,banging randomchickswithoutanychemistrygetskindaboring I’mlookingformorethanthat Iwantsomeonetosharemylifewith
I’veneverreallygottenovermywifescrewinganothermanandleavingmeandherkidslikeshedid.ItbrokemeinwaysI neverthoughtpossible
TheboysintheclubthinkI’minsane,butthey’reallyoungerthanme,barCash.I’vehadpussyuptomyelbows,andthat shitgetsold
I’venever hadawomanwanttoknow me,thereal me.Theyjustwanttofuckthebiker.Themanwho’s larger thanlife, protectstheclub,andhasabigdick.
Thenthere’sIndigo Shehatesusall.
Igofromonefuckin’extremetotheother,butIalsowishshe’ddosomethingaboutit SuddenlyIgetavisionofherin herapronwithSweetTreatsBakeryonthefront,onherknees,takingmycockdownherthroatwhileIshuthermouththehell up.
Holy fuck.
I’mbeingtortured,there’snotwowaysaboutit.Thiswomanisgoingtobemygoddamndownfallonmyslipperyslopeto
Hell.
IcurseCash,knowingit’snotreallyhisfault,buthecould’veputTagonthecaseifI’dprotestedloudenough. Imaybetheclub’sEnforcer,butI’mnotagoddamnbabysitter
“Me,ofallpeople?”Shequirksaneyebrow.“Whatthehellisthatsupposedtomean?” Irollmyeyes “Maddog Weknowwhoyourfatherwas,notlikeit’sasecretaroundhere” Hernostrilsflair.“Don’teverusethatnameagaininmyshop.”
Okaythen
“Our shop.”Irealizepissingheroffisn’texactlythebestwaytogethertolistentome,butsheneedstobebroughtdowna pegortwo.
Shecan’tjustglareatmeandshoothermouthoffwithoutconsequences
Indigowilllearn,onewayortheother.
Shesnorts “Right Maybeyoucanhelpmethen,sinceyou’resogreatattellingmewhattodo” Ifrown.“Notsureyou’dwantmyhandsanywherenearyourdoughifyouknewwherethey’vebeen.”
Ididn’tmeanthattosounddirty,butitjustcameoutthatway
Hereyesdropforhalfasecondtomycrotch,andIhopetohellthatmyhard-onisn’tapparent.It’snotbragging.It’sjusta fact.
Imaginingmycockslidinginandoutofhertightlittleholeisaboutenoughtomakemecomeinmypants It’stheconflict,Irealize.
Thisshitiswhatturnsmeon Becauseshe’sjustthatmuchmoreoutofreach
Andamanlikemelovesachase.I’musedtowomenthrowingthemselvesatme.Icouldn’timagineIndigodoingthatina monthofSundays.
Isnortattheidea.
Sheclearsherthroat.“Doyouactuallywantanything,ordidyoujustcometostandhereandeyeballme?”
Igruntalaugh “Eyeballing?Honey,trustme IfIwereeyeballingyou,you’dknowaboutit”
She turns and stalks off behind the counter, clearly exasperated, and I haven’t even taken more than two steps in the building
Thisishowsheis.
“I’vegotworktodo,”shemutters.
“That’swhyI’mhere,”Isay,leaningonthecakefridge.“Gotapropositionforyou.” Shegivesmeanotheroneofherlooks.“Godhelpme.”
“Exactly Ahelper”Idon’taddit’smydaughter Noneedtoaddfueltothefire
“Oh?Areyoudoinginterviewsformenow?”
“Allpartoftheservice”
“Whencanheorshestart?”
Iknowsheneedsstaff,soI’mnotsurprisedshedoesn’tfightmeonit.
Isitbeingalittlebitdishonest?Yes But,ontheotherhand,ifshedoesn’tdirectlyaskmewhotheemployeeis,thenit’snot reallylying.That’showIseeit.
“She Stellacanstarttomorrow”
“Sosoon?”
Ishrug “She’sagoodworker,hasreferences She’seighteen,buthasagoodheadonhershoulders fromwhatIknow” Okay,soImaybegoingtoHell.
“I’msuretheclubwouldn’tsendmeanybodywhowasgoingtobeaproblem,right?”Whysheasksthat,Idon’tknow. Ipointafingerather “Right”
She wrinkles her nose. “Onthe other hand, she’s so young. Teenagers these days are lazy. Theyspend too muchtime on theirphones,orcometoworkhungover It’srisky Idon’twanttobeleftinthelurchbecauseshe’shadawildnight” Itrynottosmirk.“Well,it’seitherthat,orIsendPipesorRodeointohelp.” Shegivesmeanotheroneofherlooks
Thensheturnsherbacktodosomething,andIadjustmycock.
I’mthrilled I haven’t filled my Viagra script. It was embarrassing enough having to go see someone. Apparently, I’m stressed Only,now,mydick’smagicallyworkingagain,andIwon’tquestionanyofit “So,what’shernameagain?”Indigoasksafteralongboutofsilence.
“Stella,”Ireply “I’llsendyouhernumber”
IwaitforhertotellmethatHellwillfreezeoverbeforeIgethercellnumber,butstrangely,shedoesn’t.
Idon’texpecthertogivemehers.IcouldprobablyfinditifIdughardenough,orgetitfromCash,butinsteadIpulloutmy phoneandtapmycontacts,readytoshareStella’snumber.
Indigoreelshercelloff,andIhitsend.
NowIhavehernumber.
I’mnotatexterbynature.Infact,Ihategoddamnphones.Theyareanecessaryevil,butIhatethemallthesame.
Most ofmybusiness is reluctantlydone onmyphone since Ihaven’t opened mylaptop inover a year Ihate the damn things.
“Okay,I’llgiveheracall”
Nothanksoranything.
Ismirktomyself
Ifwegetawaywiththis,it’llbeamiracle. Sheturnstolookatme.“Isthatall?”
Mygazemeetshers “Areyoudismissin’me?”
“You’re not just here for that,” she says. “I’ve hung around bikers enough to know that there’s an ulterior motive in everythingtheydo”
Iclearmythroat.She’sveryperceptive,I’llgiveherthat.
“We’renotalltarredwiththesamebrush,Indigo”
Shepursesherlips.“Uhhuh.”
“Fine.Let’sjustcuttothechase.Forger.”
Shetakesalongbreath “Whatabouthim?”
“Seenhimlately?”
Sheshakesherhead “IfIdid,don’tyouthinkI’dsaysomething?”
“Iwouldhopeso.Oryou’dtakemattersintoyourownhands.”
Shereachesunderthecounterandpullsoutabaseballbat.“OrIcouldusethis?”
“Pleasetellmeyou’rejokin’?”
Shesmirkstoherself.Wiseass.
“I’mnotachild,Harlem Icantakecareofmyself”
I’venever heardher saymynamebefore…andIkindalikeit.EventhoughitislacedwithobvioussarcasmthatIdon’t appreciate
“Good,thenit’llbeeasiertoagreeonthefactthatyou’reundermyprotectionuntilhe’sfound.”
Sheopenshermouth,butnosoundcomesout.Then,“Comeagain?”
“Youheardme,Indigo.”
Hereyesgowide,andfuckme,ifmyeyesaren’tgluedtoherlips.They’resofuckin’pretty.
“I’munderyour protection?”
“Gladyouheardthatright.”
“I’mprettysureIdidn’t hearitright I’mnotgoingtobebossedaroundbyyouorbyanyone”
“Right.That’sexactlywhatIthoughtyou’dsay.”
“Andyethereyouare?”
“I’mherebecauseweownpartofthisbakery, sugar lips Youdon’tlikeit?Thenyoushould’vethoughtaboutthatbefore yousignedthosepapersandtheclubgotyououtoftrouble.”
Dickmove,butwhatever Sheneedstounderstandthatsheisn’tmakingalloftherulesaroundhere Notanymore “Don’tcallmesugarlips.”
“Sweetcheeksthen?”
Shesendsmeanotherwitheringlook.
Itiltmyheadandgivehermybestshit-eatinggrin.Apparently,Ihaveanicesmile. When Ismile,whichisn’tveryoften “Indigoisjustfine.”
“Itisaprettyname,”Isay,beforeIcanstopmyself
Ididn’tmeantosaythat.Thenagain,allkindsofweirdshitfliesoutofmymouthwhenI’maroundher. Why,ohwhy,can’tIjustkeepagoddamnlidonit?
Shestaresatmewiththosebig,hazeleyes,andIknowI’vefuckeduproyally.
A PRETTY NAME?
Themaninfrontofmeshouldn’tsaythingslikethat Weneedtokeepthisstrictlybusiness.
WhileIadmit,he’seasyontheeyes,andhehasagreatbody.Hisbroad,muscularshouldersareaswideasthedoorand bicepsarehuge Whenhelooksatmewiththosedark,ochreeyes,myskinheats
He’s atleastfifteenyears older thanme, maybe more. And eventhoughI’mnotusuallyinto the whole older guything, I can’tescapethefactthathe’sgorgeous
He’salsothesoftestspokenofthebrothers,evenwhenhe’sbeingdemanding,whichissurprising,beinghe’stheEnforcer. Iwouldhaveexpectedhimtobethemeanestsonofabitchwhowalksthefaceoftheplanet NotthatIthinkhecan’tbetough Oh,Iknowheis.
ButHarlemisoldschool.
He’sstillpolitetowomeningeneral,eventhoughheprobablythinkswe’realljustwalkingvaginaswithlegs Moretothepoint,Idon’tlikehim.Idon’tlikeanyofthem.
TheonlyreasonIletthembuyintomybusinessisbecausemyoptionswerelimited Thisseemedlikethelesserevil
WhileIdon’taskanyquestions,IknowallabouttheDevilsInkMC.I’vegotears.
Therewasaturfwar,andtheRebelswon
Secretly,I’mgladtheydid.
TheDevilshaditcoming.AndI’dmuchratherhavealegitclubbuyintomybusinessandhelpsaveit,ratherthanaonepercentclub I’dratherdie ItseemsthatnomatterwhereIgoorwhatIdoinlife,Iamalwayssurroundedbybikers
It’slikemyfatherandhisdemonscalltome,withouthavingtodoanything.
Maybeitrunsinmyblood
Maybethisismydestiny.
Technically,I’mCajun.Myfamilyonmymom’s sideoriginatedfromSouthLouisianaandhavealongandrichheritage. Myancestors were predominantlyFrenchandSpanish,withEnglishandNative Indianthrownin.I’mproudtocome froma backgroundofdiversityandculture.
Andthat’swheremyloveofcookingcamefrom
Onethingthatmygrandmotheronmymom’ssidetaughtmewashowtocookfromanearlyage.It’sbeeninmybloodforas longasIcanremember
It’swhatIdo.
WhileIdon’tputalotofmyculinaryskillstoworkatthebakery,Icookupastormathome.AndmydaughterCamilleis followinginmyfootsteps.
“Well,”Isay,afteramomenttoolongofcontemplationabouthiswords;It’s a pretty name. “Youcanthankmygrandmother forthat She’stheonlyoneinmyfamilywithanytaste”
Idon’tincludemybrotherbecause,frankly,he’sofflimitstodiscuss.Mybelovedgrandmotherisburiedinthegroundsof thetraditionalcemeteryinsouthLouisiana
Acoupleoftimesayear,myself,Jonah,andCamilleallgodownthereandhelpcleanupthegravestones.It’saritualwe enjoyandispartofourheritage.
Wegotothecemeteryandscrubtheheadstoneswithwater Trimtheovergrowth Tidythegroundsandofferprayerstoour ancestors.Whenwe can,we helpwithAll Saints DayMasses andbless eachgrave,layingwaxpaper flowers andblessing eachgravestonewepass
Iadmit,ifitweren’tformygrandmother’sinfluencegrowingup,thetraditionsinstilledinmewould’vediedwithher.
3 INDIGO
Myparentsofferednothing.Mydadhadhisclub,andmymomwasalostcause.Sheleftaftermydadwasshot,andInever sawheragain.Shecouldbedead,notthatIcare.Shebrokemygrandmother’sheart,andIcan’tsayIforgiveherforthat.
Mydad butted heads withmygrandmother, butIthinkdeep downhe respected her She did a lotfor us kids She stuck aroundwhenshecould’velefttoo.
Withoutherinfluence,Idon’tevenknowwhoIwouldbetoday
IglanceupandHarlemisstaringatme.Itmakesmefeeluncomfortable.Notthatheintimidatesme,becausehedefinitely should He’slargerthanlife Butthatoldsayingabout the bigger they are, the harder they fall springstomind,andIalmost laugh.
Beingtheclub'sEnforcer,hedoesn’ttakeanycrap.Icanseethatabouthim.ButIcanalsoseethathehassomethinginside ofhimthatI’mnotsupposedtonotice
Kindness.
Asoftness inhis eyes thatdoesn’tbelongthere And judgingbyhis outward appearance, there is nothingsoftaboutthis man.
Heismeanttoevokeintimidation,andIcouldseehowthatwouldworkonanormalperson
Hecouldcomeinhereandordermearound.
HecouldtellmethatI’mclubpropertyandIhavenorights.
Hecouldtellmetoshutmygoddamnmouthandpayattention
Whyhedoesn't,Idon’tknow.
Technically, I’mnotowned bythe club Buttheythinktheyhave rights to me because I’mnow inbusiness withthem I knowhowtheirmindswork.I’vebeenaroundthisshitmywholelife.
But he doesn’t know that I saw more violence and rage inmychildhood thananychild should ever have to witness. I practicallyraised myyounger brother. Ididn’tknow safety, eventhoughDad did his bestto shield us fromthe club’s daily doings.
Likethemanheshotthatnight,youcan’tcontroleverything
I’mthewayIambecauseofmotorcycleclubs.AndpeoplewonderwhyIhatethem.
TheRebelsmaysaythey’readifferentbreed,butthey'reallthesameunderneath
Theyalldobadshit,eventhegoodones.
“Youfromaroundhere,originally?”
Ishrug.“SouthLouisiana.IhaveCajunheritage.”Idon’twanthimknowinganythingaboutmylife,butsurelythatwon’t meananythingtohimanyway.
“Thatexplainsit,”hemutters
OfcourseIgetasmart-assreply.Inarrowmyeyes.“Thatexplainswhat,exactly?” Hisgazemeetsmineagain Hedoesn’tsmile,buthiseyescreasearoundthesides,likehe’stryingnottolaugh Goddamn asshole.
“Whyyou’resospicy?”
Myeyesgoround
WhyI’m sospicy?Thismanhasanerve.
Whilehe’sright,thatdoesn’tmeanthathegetstopointitout Whodoeshethinkheis?
“Ionlysaythat,”hegoesonbeforeIcanrespond,“becauseIhaveCreoleheritage.”
CajunandCreole Well,I’llbedamned
Realistically,thatisnotagoodmix.NotwhereHarlemisconcerned. Ifeelthatpullinmylowerbelly,butIignoreit.
Ifrown “Noshit?WithanamelikeHarlem?”
He pops a shoulder. “Iwas bornhere, butlived inHarlemfor a shorttime. The name kinda stuckwithme ever since. I guesssomethingsyoujustcan’tescapefrom”
He'sofmixedheritagethatmuchisforsure,andIcouldn’tquiteplaceit,butnowitmakessense.NotthatIwouldhaveany cluethathewouldbefromaroundhere,orevencare,forthatmatter “Huh.”
HiseyeswatchmecarefullyasItrynottoshowmysurprise.
MaybeI’mjustanosybitch,Idon’tknow,butnowhe’spiquedmyinterest “Youokay?”
Iavoidhisgaze “Whywouldn’tIbe?”
“It’sjustwhenIsaidIhadCreoleheritage,youactedlikeI’musingvoodooorsomethin’.” Ishakemyheadinexasperation.“Whatarewe,fiveyearsold?”
“Apparently.”
Iclearmythroat.“Let’sgetbacktowhyyou’rehere.YouwereclearingupwhyI’m‘underyourprotection’.”Idon’ttryto
erasethesarcasmfrommytone.
“Fine.Here’stherules.”
“Excuseme?”Istammer
“The rules.Youwantitstraightbetweentheeyes, sugar lips, yougotit.”
Iwanttothumpthismansohard “Isaid,don’tcallmethat”
“Letmemakeacoupleofthingsperfectlyclear,”hegoeson.“You’reapartofthisclub,whetheryoulikeitornot.Youcan kickandscreamandyellallyoulike,butyouknewthedrillwhenyousignedthatcontract Noneofthisshouldbeanysurprise toyou.Youcan’thaveitbothways,Indigo.You’reeitherinoryou’reout.”
Inarrowmyeyes.
It’slikehepurposelyknowshowtopissmeoff “Isthatso?”
Hestandshisground “Yes”
Ilaugh.“Sothisisit,huh?CashtoldyoutocomeondownhereandlaydownthelawlikeI’msomelittleladywhoneeds pullingintoline?”
“Firstly,nobodytoldmetodoanything,I’mtheclub’sEnforcer.Iknowhowtodomyjob,”hesayscalmly.“Secondly,it’s inyourbestintereststocomplywithbasiccommonsense,especiallywhenit’sforyourownprotection.”
“YouthinkIneedyourprotection?”Ispit
Hefoldshisarmsoverhisenormouschest.“Frankly,yes.Itwouldbeaprettydumbmovetonotdosomethingoutofspite.” “NowI’mdumb?”
“No, I said it would be dumb. Some ex-Devil is wanderingaround, stalkingyou, and youjust act like it’s business as usual.”
“He’snotstalkingme.Ifhewas,I’dknowaboutit.Ithinkitwasoneoff.” “Thenwhoishe?”
Iputmyhandsonmyhips “Itoldyou,Idon’tknow!Idon’tknowanyoftheDevils Maybeheknewmyoldman Ihaveno ideawhoheis,orwhathewants.IfIdid,don’tyouthinkI’dlettheclubknow?Myexisdead,asfarasIknow,soitisn’thim. Sinceyou’reallupinmybusiness,though,I’msurprisedyouhaven’tfigureditoutalready”
“Oh,wewillfigureitout. Don’tworryaboutthat.”
Mynostrilsflare.“Sothat’swhyyou’rehere?Tobasicallykeeptabsonme?” “Inanutshell.Yes.”
Idon’tbelievethisshit.
“Well,IneedtocallameetingwithCash”
“Cashisabusyman.Hejustbecameafather,andhedoesn’tneedtobebotheredwithpettycomplaints.LikeIsaidbefore; I’mtheclub’sEnforcer Fromnowon,yougothroughmeandonlyme,gotme?”
Myeyespracticallybugoutofmyhead. Is this guy for real?
“Gotme?”herepeatswhenIsaynothing.
Hetakesalong,deepbreath,andI’malittlebitsatisfiedIseemtoberufflinghisfeathers
To thinkthatIadmitted to myselfonlyminutes ago thathe was kinda cute. Good to know that he’s just another asshole biker,likealltheothersI'veeverknown
Theytrytodosomethinggood,andtheywantafuckinggoldmedalforit.
“I agreed to the damnprospects lookingout for this guy, and new securitycameras, but now I have to put up withyou tailingme?”
“Theprospectsreporttomedirectly.Andcamerasonlydosomuch.”
“Pipesisquiteefficient,”Iagree Henarrowshiseyes.“Whatdoyoumean?”
Idon’tunderstandhisexpression “Huh?”
“Pipes,”hegrowls.
IfIdidn’tknowanybetter Wait ishe jealous?
No.
Thismanhatesme.
Hehasnoreasontobejealousbecausehe’sanoverbearingassholewhoprobablyhaswomenthrowingthemselvesathim “Imean,hegetsthejobdone.”Imightbeplayingwithhimjustalittlebit.
Somethingflashesinhiseyes “There’sanewrule,”hesaysoutofnowhere
Iquirkaneyebrowashegoeson,“Nomoretalkin’toprospects,andthey’renottocomeinsidethebakery.” Isnortalaugh.“Seriously,Harlem?Sincewhendoyouimposenewrules?Thisisn’taprisoncell.” “Sincenow.”
Itapmychin,enjoyinghisdiscomfort.“IsthisbecausePipesisyoungandeasyontheeyes?Andhe’sactuallynicetome.”
Hepullsaface.
“Juststatingtheobvious.”Ishrug.
“Well, don’tfromnow on Prospects are nothin’, justremember that They’re to be seenand notheard, and ifPipes or anyoneelsecomesinherewithoutmypermission,I’llthrowthemthroughthefrontwindow.”
Oh,thereheis Thebeast.
Calmandcoolunderpressure,butdeadlyallthesame Iknowhistype.
Ialsoknownowwhathistriggeris,notthatIwanttoprovokehim.
He’sprotectiveofme,andIdon’tknowwhy Iguessit’sbecausehe’sprotectingtheclub’sinterests Everythingtothemis acommodity,evenpeople. Especially people.
“Thatsoundsawfullydrastic Andyou’dowemeanewwindow”
“It’dbeworthit.”
“That’salotofefforttoprotectyourclub’sinterests”
He leans forward, his voice almost menacing. “You’ve no clue the lengths I will go to in order to protect the club’s interests.”
“Evenme?”
Hestaresatme,hisfacehard.“Evenyou.”
“Well,I’mgladtohearyou’retakingthebakeryanditsinterestsseriously,”Isay,mytoneuninterested “Iguessthat’swhy the club invested so much money, because they know how important this business is and that it remains authentic to the community.”
Idon’tlikethewayhe’slookingatme…withheatinhiseyes.
Foramanwhohatesme,hesureisstirringsomethinginsidemethatlurksdeepwithin.
Ishakeoffthefeeling
I don’t want this.
I definitely don’t want it
“Youcouldsaythat.”
“Imean,thisbakeryisthebestinNewOrleans.”
“Nodisputin’that.”
“AndifI’mnotatthehelm,Ican’tseewhowouldtakeoverandkeepitrunninglikeIdo.”
“Whereareyougoingwiththis?”
Thisplacecan’trunwithoutme.
EverythingIknowaboutcookingisinmybrain Idon’tevenuserecipebooks ThoughIshouldstartwritingthemdownin ordertopassonthetraditiontoCamille,ifshe’sinterestedinthebakeryoneday.
“Ihavesomerulesofmyown,”Istate,copyinghisstanceandfoldingmyarmsovermychest. Heglaresatme “Suchas?”
“Nocominginhereandbarkingordersatme.It’sstillmyshop,andIdon’tcometoyourworkplaceandtellyouwhatto do”
Hetakesalongbreath.
Am I getting to him? Good “Thatit?”
“No,it’snot.You’renottohangaroundherewhileI’mworking.Iappreciatethefacttheclubislookingoutforme,butI haveneverletanyoneelsetakecontrolovermylife,andI’mnotabouttostartdoingthatnow Sobackoff” Hislipstwitch.“Whataboutyourkid?”
Ifrown,myheartrateimmediatelypicksup “Whatabouther?”
“Think about her safety. I have kids too. One is around the same age as Camille. Been a single dad for most of their upbringin’ Andyouknowhowbikerswork IfForgerreallydoeshaveavendetta,thenhewon’thesitatehittingyouwhereit hurts.”
He has kids? I wonder if he has an ol’lady…
“Howdoyou ”Ishakemyhead “Ofcourse,youknowallaboutme,don’tyou,Harlem?”
“Partofthejob, sweet lips.”
“Stop callingmesillynicknames”
“What?Icombined sugar lips withsweet cheeks.”Hechuckles,obviouslypleasedwithhimself. Iignorehim.“Andforyourinformation,Iknow whereCamilleisatall times.Iwouldneverputherindanger.”It’strue thatIthinktheclubisgoingoverboard,butI’dneverputmykidinharm'sway,whichiswhyIagreedtotheprospectsmaking surethatshegottoandfromschoolsafelywithoutinterfering.
I’veneverseenthisForgerguy,andifIdo,I’llloadmyfuckingshotgunand…well,Iprobablywon’tdowhatmydaddid thatnightwhenIwasachild,butI’dcertainlyscaretheshitoutofhim.
“Right,”hemutters “’Causeyoucancontroloutsidefactors”
I’moutraged.“Youdon’tthinkthatIhaven’tthoughtaboutCamille?”
“That’snotwhatImeant”
“Whatdid youmean,exactly?”
“WhatIsaid Therearedangerouspeopleoutthere”
“Andyoureallycare?”Ithrowbackathim.“Careful,Ialmostthoughtyouwerebeinganiceguyforasecondthere.”
Heleansclosertome.“Don’teverthinkI’maniceguy,”hesays,hiseyesblazing.“Mistakenumberone.Ilookoutforthe bestinterestsoftheclub,that’sit Youfallunderthatumbrella,youandyourkid So,ifyoujustletmedomyjob,wewon’t haveanyproblems.Prettysimple.”
Icanfeeltheheatrisinginmybody Iwanttoexplode
Toaddinsulttoinjuryheadds,“Dowehaveanunderstanding, Indigo?”
Hedrawsoutmyname,andIhatemyselfthatIfeelitrightbetweenmylegs Fuck that.
Idon’twantthisman.
Idon’t
“Stayawayfrommeandoutofsightfrommycustomers,andI’msurewe’llgetalongjustfine, Harlem,” Ireply,struggling tostandmyground Though,Idon’tlethimseethat Iholdmyheaduphigh “Deal.”
“Good.”
Westareeachotherdown.
Iswingmyarmouttowardthecounter.“There’sthedoor.” Heshakeshishead “Gettin’ridofmealready?”
“Ihaveworktodo.”
“That’scold,Indigo,andhereIwas,thinkin’wefinallyhadsomecommonground” Hehaskids.That’sallwehaveincommon.
Iswallowhard,tryingtoignorehowhotIthinkitisnowIknowthathe’sasingledad.“Ifwebothsticktotherules,then we’llgetalongjustfine.”
Hegivesmeachinlift.“Howaboutoneofthosejellydonutsfortheroad?” Iquirkabrow “Don’tyouknow?Onlyniceboysgetjellydonuts”
Onesideofhismouthliftsinacrookedsmile,andmyheartskipsabeat. He unfolds his arms, and I struggle to keep myeyes above his neck “Don’t youknow, sweet lips,” he drawls, clearly enjoyinghimself.“I’mbadtothefuckin’bone,ain’tno nice boyinme.SoIguessthatrulesmeout.” “Iguessitdoes.”
Hestartstowhistleashemakesforthedoor “I’llbeback,Indigo”
“GotoHell,”Imutterasthedoorbelljingles,andhe’sfinallygoneforgood.
I LEAVELIKE A GODDAMN PUSSY-WHIPPED SCHOOLBOY. Whothehelldoesthischickthinksheis?
Talkaboutagoddamnpainintheass.Thatmouthofhers…
ButdidIhonestlythinkIcouldgointhereandlaydownthelawandshe’dactuallylisten?Absolutelynot. Butthiswomanhasballsofsteel
IguessIshouldn'thaveexpectedanydifferentbeingthatheroldmanisanex-biker.Isawthedistasteonherface,andin hertone
Ican’thelpthesmallsmileonmyfacewhenIrecallwhatIsaidaboutherbeingspicy.It’sonlythetruth.
BythetimeIgetbacktotheshippingyardfortheafternoonshift,StellaridesuponhermotorcyclejustasIpull intothe lot.
Yes,myeighteen-year-oldridesasled.Granted,it’snotaHarley,butsheissavingupforone.Lordhelpme. Sheparks,killstheengine,andpullsherbrainbucketoff,shakingoutherlongdarkhair Iroll myeyes.Idon’tknow whymydaughter has tobe sogoddamndramatic.She doesn’tgetthatfromme.Iblame her mother
Another reasonwhyIdon’texactlywanther aroundthe clubis because she’s anattractive girl.Iknow thatifanyone so muchaslooksatmylittleangel,they’llbeleavingthepremisesball-less
Nowthatshe’seighteen,Ican’tstopherfromdoingmuchexceptdrinking,butI’drathernotseeitgoingoninfrontofmy face,withoneofmybrothers.
Iknowhowtheirdirtymindswork,andthoughmostoftheguyswouldrespectshe’smykid,Iwouldn’tputitpastNevada orRiottotrytheirluck.Idon’tevenwanttothinkabouttheirdamnhandsonmyprincess.Headswouldroll.
Icrackmyneck
“Hey,Dad!”
She’salwayshappytoo.Nomatterwhatdayoftheweekitis.TheonlytimeIeverseehermadisifshecan’tgetherown way,andmostofthetime,Igiveintosaveanargument.
SomesayI’mapushoverwhenitcomestomykids,butthey’reallIhave.They’venotcausedmetoomuchtrouble.Well, Kaiismuchlessworkthanhissister,butIalwayssaidshehadmyheartandhermom’swildness
“Hi,princess.Whatareyoudoin’here?”
She gives me a hug, and every time she does that, I feel lucky I have a daughter who never got old enough to be embarrassedbyheroldman.
“Juststoppingby.Ibroughtyousomelunch,becauseIknowyou’lljusteatshitifIdon’t.”
“Okay,that’sawfullythoughtfulofyou.”ThenIpause,eyesnarrowing.“Whatdoyouwant?”
Sherollshereyes.“Can’tagooddaughter,andtheclub’snewspy,justdropinonheroldmanandsayhey?” Myeyebrowsshootup “Yougotacallalready?”
Shenodsgleefully.“Yep.WhichmeansIcanstarttomorrow.”
She onlyhas stars inher eyes because ofthe fact she wants moneyto finishher custommotorcycle and to get a tattoo SomethingIstipulatedadefinitenountilI’mtoooldorblind,whichevercomesfirst.Forthemostpart,shelistenstome. “Sosoon?”
Sheshrugs “Soonerthebetter” “Andshehasnoideayou’remykid,right?”
Sherollshereyesoncemore Ahabitshegetsfromme “Dad,I’mnotdumb Shewon’tknow Don’tworry” Iwaveahandatheraswemoveinsidetotheoffice.“Justdon’tmakeittooobvious.”
4
HARLEM
“Iwon’t.”
Ifrown,seeingPriestisintheoffice.Iguessitcouldbeworse.
Helooksupfromthebookhe’sreadingwhenweenter Stellabrightensimmediately,andIglancedownatherattire.
Tight blackjeans, a tankwithGuns N’Roses across the front, and a bandana tied around her head She looks like she belongsinamisguidedchickrockbandfrom1980.Iwishshe’dcoverherselfuparoundmyclubbrothers.
IgivePriestachinlift “How’sitgoin’,Priest?”
Hegivesmeachinliftback.“Goodbrother.Stella,howareyou?”
Priestisoneofthefewwhoknownottopissmethefuckoff,andheknowsStellacanbeahandful.
“Hey,Priest!”shesing-songs,beaming “Longtime,nosee How’sithanging?”
Itakeadeepbreath.
“It’shangin’justfine,darlin’,”hereplies
Hersmilegrowswider.“Ididn’tknowyouworkedhere.Ithoughtyoujusthungoutattheclubhouse,waitingforpeopleto getmarried ordie?”
Priestsnorts.
As the spiritual advisor for the MC, Priest conducts any christenings, weddings, and funerals within the club. He also makes sure everymember is onanevenkeel, attendingto the spiritual needs ofthe organizationand its members He also offerscounselingservicesifandwhenthebrothersneedit.
Hearingmydaughterrefertotheclubthatwaysendsbristlesdownmyspine She’salittletoosmartforherowngood,and asmuchasIshieldedherfrommostofclublife,sheknowsthelogisticsofit.
“Despitemyreputation,Iamajackofalltrades,”hetellsher.
Priestisthedarkhorseoftheclub.Helookslikehejustescapedfromprison,withhisshorthairandtattoosallaroundhis neck.Hehasthislookabouthimthat,ifyoudon’tknowhim,you’dhavenoideaifhe’sfriendorfoe.
“Varietyisthespiceoflife,”shesaysinatoneIdon’tcarefor “Stella?”Isay,clearingmythroat.
Sheturnstolookatme “Yeah,Dad?”
IwavetheTupperwarecontainerather.“I’vegotmylunch,so,uh,thanks.”
Sheblinksacoupleoftimes,herlipstwitchingslightly.“IthoughtImighthangouthereandhelpyoutoday.” Oh,fuckno.
IhearPriestchuckle.
Hemightlookbadass,butItrustPriestimplicitly Hehasnointerestinherinthat way,thankfuck Ijustdon’tliketheidea ofStellaflirtingwithhimoranyoneinmyvicinity.Notifbonesaregoingtostayunbroken.
I’vebeenaprotectivefatherbecausethat’swhatthejobis Ihaven’tletmykidsgetawaywithshit,andsomesaythatI’ve beenoverbearing,butIdon’ttrustmanypeople.I’veseentoomuchdarknessoutthere.Maybemyviewsareslightlydistorted, butI’dratherbesafethansorry.She’smyprincess,anduntilthedayIdie,I’llprotecther.
“I’mgood,notmuchgoin’onhere,”Isay,hopingshe’lltakethehint Shepouts.“IcouldalwaysgoseeHawk.Hemighthavesomepartsformybikeatthegarage.” Hawkwill send her onher way, so thatmightbe a good idea He won’ttake anyofher crap, or her flutteryeyelashes Betterstill,Tagmaybethere.ThatI’dpaytosee.
He’sworsethanIam,evenwhenhisvocabularyislittlemorethanafewwords Thoseguys,Itrust.ProspectslikeNevada,Riot,andBronco,notsomuch.
Idon’thavemyheadintheclouds.Iknowsheinstigatesalloftheflirting,andIkeeptellinghertoknockitoffifsheever wantstocometotheclubhouse
Ifrown.“Didn’thesayhe’dcallifanypartscamein?”
Shedoesthateyerollthingagain,andPriestgivesmeasympatheticlook
“Yes,butthey’realwaysbusy.Whatiftheyforget?Ican’twaitaroundforevertoseeiftherightpartscomein,Dad.It’llbe likeahundredyearsuntilI’mridinganythingdecent”
“Good,”Igrunt,givingherawitheringlook,whichsheignores.
“Didyouhear,Priest?I’mthenewspyatSweetTreatsBakery.”SheseemsalittlehappierthanI’dpreferhertobeabout it
“Ididhear.Ivotedonit,”hereplies.
Shesmiles “Oh,Iforgotthat ItoldDadnottoworry I’vegottheclub’sback Icanbelikeasuperspy GetclosetoIndi andgetinformationontheside.I’vealwayslikedtheideaofbeingNancyDrew.”
Ishakemyhead.“It’sIndigo,Princess,andthisisn’tjustaboutgettinginformationorbeingasuperspy,it’sabouthelping thewomanout.She’sbusyandsheneedsagoodworker.Youhavetobehelpfultoher,notjustnaghertodeath.Youdon’twant togetfiredforbeingtoodamnnosy.”Intruth,Idon’tlikedeceivinggoodpeople.Andthisisstartingtofeelwrong.
Ishakethatfeelingoffandremindmyselfit’sforthegreatergood.
“Givemeabreak,”shesighs.
“What?You’rechatty Usethattoyouradvantage,butdon’tbedeceitful”
“You’vegotthatlookonyourface,”shetellsme.
Ilookatherblankly “Whatlook?”
Shepoints atme.“That look.You’re ina moral dilemma over lyingbecause she’s a woman,andthe kindofpeople you normallyroughuparen’tofthesinglemomvariety”
Whilstthatissurprisinglyaccurate,Istilldon’tlikehearingit.Ionlyroughupreallyfuckin’badpeople.I’veneverharmed orhitawoman.It’snotsomethingIdo.
“That’sbecausehelikesher,”Priesthelpfullyputsin Stella’seyesgowide.“Seriously?Go,Pops!”
Ishakemyhead “No I’mnotinamoraldilemma,nordoIlikeher”IgivePriestaglare “Butshe’sasinglemom,asyou said,andifshefindsout,she’llprobablystartshootinglasersoutofhereyeballs,andit’llgiveherallthemorereasontohate theclubandmakeitevenmoredifficultforus”
Stellapatsmeontheshoulderlikeyouwouldachildorastraypuppy.“It’sokay.I’llbesuper-efficientwhileIspy,then youcansleepatnightwithaclearconscience.I’vegotthis.”
Priestsnickers,andsodoesStella
Idon’tlike for one second thatthe club’s reputationis now reliantonmyeighteen-year-old daughter keepingher secret fromIndigosowecanflyundertheradar
I’dneverputmykidindanger,oranyoneelse’sandespeciallynotIndigo.Theclubmaybemanythings,butwedon’thurt orpreyoninnocentwomen.
Babysittingisn’texactlythejobIsignedupfor,butatleastIhavetheperkofseeingIndigoeveryday.Evenifshehatesmy guts.
“SogladIhaveyouaroundtosolveallmyproblems,”IsaytoStellasarcastically “Anytime.Andifyouneedanydatingtips,Dad,Icanhelpyouinthatdepartment.”
Ifrown “Youdon’thaveanydatingtipsbecauseyoudon’tdate”
“Okay.Whateveryousay.”
“Wait,”Igoon,alarmed.“Are youdating?”IfearImaylockherupinherroomuntilshe’sfortyifwegodownthatroad. “No,Dad.”
“Whendidthishappen?”
“Itdidn’t Itwasajoke”
“Areyou…”
Her eyes go wide “Dad!Ohemgee I’msure Priesthas better things to do thansitaround, listeningto shitthatcanbe discussedathomeorsometimenever.”Hercheeksturnashadeofpinkassheavoidslookingovertowardhim.
“No,please.Byallmeans,I’mgettingsomeeducationheremyself.”Hesmiles.
FuckerissupposedtobegonenowthatI’mhere,notsittingtheresmugly,watchingmestrugglewithmydaughtercomingof ageandnotknowingwhatthefucktodowithit.
Ipalmthebackofmyhead
Imean,Ihavenoideaifshe’s sexuallyactiveor still avirgin,andIdon’twanttohaveanyidea.Thethoughtmakes my bloodboil IfsheishavingsexIhopeshe’sbeingcareful,that’sallIfuckin’hope Itwouldbeevenbetterifshehadnointerest inboysatall,butIknowthatisaridiculousthought.IsawhowshelookedatPriestwhenwebothwalkedin.Wincing,Ishake itoff.
Wehadthebirdsandthebeestalkawhileback,soshe’seducatedinthatdepartment Hergrandma,aunts,andcousinshave helpedmethroughpubertywithher,evenifIdon’treallyunderstandit.Isignedupforthegood,thebad,andtheugly.Inever expectedtobegoingitalone,buthereweare Itain’tallroses,butIhaveakidIhopecancometomeandtellmeshitandask myadvice.
I’dneverwanthertokeepsecrets,ordosomethingbehindmybackbecauseshethinksI’llgetmad SamegoesforKai I hope I’ve earned their respect and trust after all the shit we’ve been through over the years. I may not have done everythingright,butIalwaysputmykidsfirst.IevenlefttheclubbackinBrackenRidge,Arizona,all thoseyearsago.The clubIwasamemberofwithCashasyoungmen
TheBrackenRidgeDemonswereaclubthatwerenotoriousbackintheday.CashandIgotoutbeforethingsgotreallybad andhalftheclubwastakenoutinadrugbustgonewrong Thosewerethedays
CashstartedhisownclubdownhereinNewOrleans,andIlefttoraiseafamily.Whenhecontactedmesomeyearslater,I washesitant,becauseIdidn’twanttodoillegalshitanymoreandleavemykidswithoutafather.Thatpartalwaysbuggedme andplayedonmymind.
They’d alreadylostso much;Icould never do thatto them. ButwhenCashsaid he’d gone legitand the club would be
brandnew,withnoexistingtiestoone-percentclubs,Ihavetoadmitthatittickedeverybox.
I’dalwaysenjoyedthebrotherhoodoftheclub,aswellasridingmotorcycles,ofcourse.
Cashhelped me financially, as well as gave me the flexibilityto raise mykids and workaround their school hours I’ll foreverbegratefultohimforthat.Now Cashisstartinghisownfamily,andalbeitlater inlife,Iknow he’ll doteonthatkid justlikehedoeshisol’lady,Deanna
“Just…you’reright,let’snotdothishere,”Imutter,tryingtokeepmyselffromshuddering.MaybeIneedtokeepacloser eyeonherwithallthistalkaboutdating
Imakeamentalnotetocheckthatoutanddosomesnoopingofmyown. Justtomakesureshe’ssafe. “Dad?”
Iglanceup.“Yeah?”
Sheholdsoutherhand “I’llputyourlunchinthefridge”
IhandtheTupperwarebackovertoherandshewalksofftothestaffkitchen. Iswearshecoddlesme
I’vetaughtmykidstobeindependent,andluckyforme,Stellalikestocook.
I’magoodcooktoo,butIdon’tgetas muchtimetocreatethesedays.Normally,Ihavedinner onthefly,andthengeta tellingoffforeatingtoomuchjunk
Myfamilyloves spicyfood.It’s kinda inthe blood,andIlike how some traditions have stayedinthe familythroughthe years
Irunahandthroughmyhair.
“Gotaliveonewithher,”Priestremarks.“Smartkid,butshe’sgotamouth.” “Tellmeaboutit.”
“YougonnaseriouslyletherfixupaHarley?”
“LikeIcanstopher?She’slikeheroldman Shelikesadrenaline Kaiisthecompleteopposite OfcourseIhavetohave theburdenofhavingadaughterwhowantstobepartoftheMC.That’sthepartthatscaresmethemost.”
“Idon’tthinkthatthe idea ofher prospectin’is a bad one,” he notes “Itcould be good for the club, and for the garage She’shandywithtools.”
Iknowhewasoneofthememberswhowasvocalaboutitbeingagoodideawhenitwasbroughtuparoundthetable,butI disagree.
“She’shandywithalotofthings.Shedoesn’tneedtobeinvolvin’herselfwiththeclubateighteenyearsold,”Isaysternly.
“Youhaveapoint ButIcouldtakeherundermywingiftheopportunitycameup YouknowIwon’tlethergetawaywith shit,orletanyoftheguysgetalookin.Ifitissomethin’shewantstodo,atleastatthegarage,itmightbegoodforher,”he says “She’ssmart,andshe’llfigureitoutonherown,buthowlongcanyouseriouslykeepherawayfromtheclub?It’sinher blood.”
“I’mnotkeepin’heraway,”Isay,thoughthatisn’tentirelytrue.“Sheisn’ttwenty-oneyet,sotechnically,sheisn’tallowed anywherenearabar Idon’twanttoencourageherintothislife Shehasthewholeworldatherfeet”
“Yousurethat’stheonlyreason?”
IgivehimalookasIroundthedeskandsitontheothersideofit “Doesn’tmatter It’snothappenin’anyway,sothere’sno pointdiscussin’it.”
“Shelooks uptoyou Icanseeitinher face Shewants tobejustlikeher oldman Youshouldbeproud,brother Most teenagersdon’twanttobeanywhereneartheirparents.”
Igruntalaugh.“Gotthatright.IguessIshouldbethankfulforsmallmiracles.”
We stop talkingwhenStella comes backinto the room She’s holdinga chocolate milkthat she sniffs, thentakes a big guzzleof.
“Stell Youdon’tknowwhosemouthwasonthatbeforeyours,”Isay,wrinklingmynose Likefatherlikefuckin’daughter
Shewipeshermouthwiththebackofherhand.“Figurediftheywantedit,theywouldn’thaveleftithalffull.”
“Orhalfempty,”Priestsays “Whicheverwayyouchoosetolookatit”
“Fuckin’disgustin’iswhatitis,”Isay.Ithumbbehindme.“Ifyouwannamakeyourselfuseful,youcanstartbysortin’that paperworkoutoverthere,princess.”
Shewrinkleshernose,thentoPriest,shesays,“Iguessthat’smycuetoleave Sayonara”
“Ithoughtyousaidyouweregonnahelpme,”Igrumble.
Sheshrugs “I’vegotanewjobtogetreadyforbytomorrow Ineedtomakeagoodimpression”
“Whichmeansnotwearin’sprayonjeansandrippedtanktops,”Ireply. Iknowshejustrolledhereyeswithoutmehavingtolookather.
“Betyou’regladaboutsomething,”shesays,givingmeakissonthecheekbeforeshestrutsofftowardthedoor.“I’mnota grumpyasslikeyou.Bye,Priest!”
Hechucklesasshewavesgoodbye,andIpraytoGodthisdaughterofminedoesn’tgivemeanymoregrayhairs. Atleastamancandream.
I SPEND THE REST OF THE DAY BEATING THE HELL OUT OF MY DOUGH.
Icussmainlyatmyselfforbeingsostupid
IknewwhatIwasdoingwhenIlettheNolaRebelsbuyintomybusiness.
Iknew thatifItookthefirstoffer Ihad,theownerswouldbulldozeandthatwouldbetheendtothismatriarchthatI’ve heldinmyfamilyforsolong It’swheremyGrandmataughtmetocookandwhereallofmygoodmemoriesare Ihatethatit’scometothis.
Thereasonbehindninety-ninepercentofmyfuckupsisbecauseImakedecisionswhenI’mnotthinkingrationally When I’munderpressure.
Ididn’tgointothislightly IknewthatifIlettheRebelsbuyintomybusiness,itwouldspelltrouble EvenifIdoownthe majorityvote,thatdoesn’tmeantosaytheywon’ttryandtakeover.
Thecashinfluxhashelped,andeventhoughIdon’twanttoadmitit,alotofrepairshavebeendonethatweresadlylong overdue However,I'mstillshortstaffed,andwehaven’tmadeimmediateplansforexpansion
Ishouldn’ttakemypastoutonanyofthem.Itisn’ttheirfaultIhavemajorbikerissues,andmaybesomedaddyissues,and that’sthereasonIlashout
I’mbitter.
I’msad
I’malotofgoddamnthingsthatIshouldbewellandtrulyoverbynow,butI’mnot. MaybeIneverwillbe.
Maybethepresenceofmyfatherinmylifewasjustenoughtotaintmybloodandwrapmeupwithinthecoilsofthesnakes forever.Maybethisismydestiny,afterall.MaybeIjustcan’tescapeanyofit.
IhearthedoorbellchimeandlookuptoseeCamillewalkingthroughthedoorinherschooluniform Weliveintheapartmentupstairs,whichisconvenient,anditsavesonrent.
“Hey,Mom.”
“Hi,baby,”Isay.“Howwasschool?”
Sheshrugs.“Itwasokay.”
“Didyougetanyhomework?”
“Ididmostofitalreadyinmyfreeperiod,”shesays,andInod.“Iwantedtohelpthisafternoon.”
She’sagoodkid Sheworriesaboutme “Goodnews,”Isaywithasmile “Ihaveanewemployeestartingtomorrow” “WhathappenedtoAvril?”
That’smyoldemployeewhoonlylastedafewweeks.
“Shehadtogovisithersickgrandmother,”Ireply.“TheinterviewsI’vedonehaven’tbeenallthatgreat.Ineedtobeinthe back,andI’mstuckservingallday.Hencewhymycakecabinetlookslikethis.”
Sheglancesatthefridgeandwinces “Ouch” “Iknow.”
Ihaveapart-timebaker,Ted,whohelpsoutontheonedayoffItake,whichisSunday,andacoupleofafternoonsaweek too.He’sgreat,butIneedhimmorethanevernowthatthebakeryhashadafacelift,andit’sonlygettingbusier.
MybestfriendTessalsocomesintohelpwhenshecan,andshe’sbeenfillinginmoreandmore.She’sgoingtohelptrain Stellatomorrow
Camillehelpsintheafternoons,usuallyit’sjusthelpingmetidyandsweepingthefloor,andsometimesTedbringshisniece alongtoserve
Staffcomeandgo,becausesincecovid,nobodystickstoanythinganymore.Gettinggoodhelpisharderandhardertofind.
5 INDIGO
“Well,givemealist,andIcanhelpyou.”
Ikissherheadasshecomesbehindthecounter.“ThankGodforyou.”
“Aslongasyouhaven’tleftmeallthedishes,”shesays,givingmeacheekysmile Igrin.“YouknowI’maneat-freakandIwashasIgo.”
“Mom,youworktoohard”
She’sright.Igetupatfoura.m.tostartmyday.“It’llbeokay,honey.”
“Haveyouheardanymorefromtheclub?”shequestions
Of course she knows about the NOLARebels buyingin. Not that I’ve told her muchabout it, but she is aware of their presencearoundthebakeryandunderstandsthereasonsbehindwhyIdidwhatIdid.Thelesssheknows,thebetter.She’sonly twelve
“Yes, butIhave itunder control.” Ialso don’twantto scare her withthe reasons Harlemand the prospects are hanging around Speakingofwhich,Ihaven’tseenanyofthemallday Thatisn’ttosaytheyaren’toutside,lurkingacrosstheroador downthestreet.
Nowwehavesurveillanceatthedoorandthestreet,andbehindtheshop,itdoesfeelahellofalotsafer
“Maybeoneofthemcouldcomehelp?”shesuggestsinnocently.Igiveheralook,andshesnortsalaugh,adding,“Okay, maybenot.”
“Trustme,iftherehadbeenanotherway,Cami,Iwouldhavedoneit ThelastthingIwantisbikersinourlives,butItold youthatthisclubisdifferentfromotherclubs.They’renotbadmen.”Atleast,Ihopenot.
“YoumeanlikeGrandpa?”
Igiveher another look.Ihaven’tkeptour historyasecret,asit’snotlikeshewouldn’tfindoutasshegotolder.Butwe don’ttalkabouthimorhisclub,ever.
“Yes.Cashisagoodman.HeandDeannajusthadtheirfirstbaby,”Isay,tryingtomakelightofit.Isentacardandsome cupcakes.Itfeltwrongtonotdoanything.Imightbeadifficultpersontodealwith,butI’mnotrudefornoreason,andIlike Deanna
“Sowhat’stheproblem?They’restayingaway.That'sagoodthing,isn’tit?”sheprobes.
“Thereisnoproblem,honey Ijustdon’tneedbikershangingaround,makingtheplacelookuntidy”
Ineverwantedmydaughterinvolvedinanyofthismess,anditgivesmeevenmoreanxietyjustthinkingaboutit. You did what you had to do, Itellmyselfoverandover. It’s about survival, Indigo Isteelmyspine.
OnethingI’vealwaysdoneisputonaunitedfrontformykid.Ineverwanthertoseemeasawomanwhohasbeenbeaten down,evenifthatwasthecasewithherfather I’venevertoldherhebeatme,ortriedtokillusboth Whatwouldbethepoint inruiningherlikethat?
Igotinvolvedwithabadman
Iguessitwastobeexpected.
Ithoughtviolencewasnormal.Thateveryonehadthattosomedegreeintheir household.I’dseensomuchofitover the years withmyownfamilythatIguess Ihad a distorted view ofwhatlove reallymeant Maybe Istill do Maybe love does havetohurt.
IneverthoughtIwouldbeoneof those women ButIwaseighteen IthoughtCamille’sfatherwasagoodguy Hecertainly actedthatwayatfirst,butitdidn’ttakelongformetoseetherealsidetohim,anditwasn’tpretty.
Thefirsttimehehitme,Iwasindisbelief
I’dbeensocaughtupinallthingsDrakerelatedthatIneversawhimforwhathereallywasuntilitwastoolate.
Thefirsttimeitwasanopen-handedslap.Atleastitwasn’tapunch,right?Itcouldbeworse…until hegrew moreand moreaggressive
WhenIfoundoutIwaspregnantwithCamille,Ipanicked.Hedidn’twantthebabyandtoldmetogetridofit.Onedrunken night,heaccusedmeofsleepingaround,chasingmethroughthehousewithaknifeasIranformylife IranandranandranuntilIcouldn’trunanymore.
I’llneverforgetthatnight
Idon’tknowwhathewouldhavedoneifhe’dhavecaughtme,butIdohaveagoodguess.Ineversawhimagain. Ifuckedupchoosingtobewithhim.ButCamillewasthebestmistakeIevermade.
I heard years later that he overdosed, but I can’t be sure I never wanted to delve into it or to have himfind us It’s a miracleIamamomtotheamazingdaughterIhave,consideringonehalfofherbloodlineiscompletelyfuckedup.
WhichbringsmebacktowhyIkeepallthemotorcycleclubshitasfarawayasIcan Camilledoesn’tknow alotabouther grandfather andhisdoings,butshehasheardalittlebitover theyears.It’skindof unavoidableinthistown.
My grandmother took me in, as well as Jonah, and we became inseparable. Her death a couple of years ago is still somethingIhaven’tquitecometotermswith.
Idon’tknowanyofmydad’sfamilyandIprobablywouldn'twantto.
TheonlythinggoodmydadeverdidwasgivemealittlebrotherthatIcherishtothisday.He’llbehereinafewdaysand hasaplacelinedupnextweek Whilehedoesfollowsomeofmyfather’straits thateeriecalmnessdadalwayshad,anda love for motorcycles, I’mluckythat he never had anyinterest inrunningwitha motorcycle club, evenif he did have past troubleswiththelawanddrugabuse He’sonthestraightandnarrownow,andhe’sgotachildtocareforwhoIadore Eliis almostsix,andhe’sarealchipofftheoldblock.
Jonah’spartnerJillwaskilledinacaraccidentwhenshewaspregnantwithEli,theywereabletosavethebaby Itbroke him,andIhonestlydidn’tknowifhe’drecoverfromthatforalongtime.
Itwasadrunkdriver.Theguyisstillinprison,ashewasamultipleoffender.
“Don’tforget,UncleJisgoingtobeherethisweekend,”Isay,dyingtochangethesubject “Whichmeansyoucanhangout withEli.”
Sheclapsherhands “Thatsoundsfun,aslongashedoesn’twanttopaintmyfaceagain”
Ilaughatthememoryofthelasttimewewerealltogetherandwenttoacarnival.
I’vearrangedTedtocoverextrashiftsnextweektohelpJonahmove “MaybewecantakehimtoseethenewBatmanmovie.”
“Mom,he’ssix.”
“Oh”
Sheshakesher headandsmiles,slingingher backpackunder thecounter andpullingdownanapronfromthehook.“The newNinjaturtlesmovie,maybe?”
“Right,”Ilaugh.
Iwould’velovedtohavemorekids,butitjustdidn’thappenthatway.IguessIwasscarredforlifeafterDrake.Beingso young,itleftanimpressiononmethatIcanneverquiteshake.
I’mhappywithitbeingmeandCami.I’musedtothetwoofus.SometimesIdon’tknowhowI’devenfitanotherperson in
“ThatHarlemguyseemsokay,”shesaysoutofnowhere. Ifrown “Howdoyouknow?Whendidyoutalktohim?”
Sheshrugs.“Justbefore.”
“Justbeforewhen?”Istammer.
“Uh,hewasoutside,lookingupatthedrainpipes.Ifiguredthathewasjustdoingshitforyou.” “Don’tsayshit,”Ichastise,undoingmyapronstrings.“Whatdidhesay?”
“HejustaskedmehowIwas”
“Andthat’sall?”
Sheshrugsagain “Itoldyou,he’snice”
Itakealong,deepbreath.“CamilleMarie,Idon’twantyouconversingwithanyofthebikers,whethertheytalktoyouor not.Doyouhearme?”
Shefrowns “Whynot?”
“BecauseIsaidso.”
“Ma?”
“What?”
“You’reoverthinkingthis”
“No,I’mnot.It’sonethingtobehelpingoutaroundhere,butwehaveadealthattheydon’tinterferewithmylife…andmy kid.”
“Hejustsaidhello Don’tblowyourhairoff”
I’mfurious.
Itrytocalmmynerves
“Canyouwatchthecounterforasec,honey?”Isay,knowingIhavetosortthisoutimmediately.“Ijusthavetochecktosee howlonghe’sgoingtobe”
“Okay,Mom.”
Imakeforthedoor.
Idon’twanthertoknowI’mmadorthinkthatHarlemisabadguy,buthecan’tjustbetalkingtoheroutsidemyshop She isn’tpartofanyofthis.
Iclosethedoorbehindme,rightbeforeIhearathudonmyroof Sureenough,Harlemisontheroofofthebakery,checkingoutmyguttering.
“Whatthehellareyoudoing?”Icalluptohim,tryingnottoscreamforthewholeneighborhoodtohear.
Helooksdown,hisgazefindingmineimmediately.“Hadsomefreetimethisafternoon,andthiswasonmyto-dolist.”
“You’resupposedtocheckwithmebeforeyoustartdoingthings,”Iremindhim.
