CS_MarApr_2026_ISSUU

Think downward

“We will gladly give up the things we love to reach a future generation we love even more.”

The church has a daunting task in its effort to minister to anyone who walks through the doors. The concept of targeting any particular age group or need at the expense of another isn’t very palatable for most. No one wants anyone to be left out or marginalized. We rest in Paul’s words from 1 Corinthians 9, “becoming all things to all people,” but however thoughtful and compassionate, that Scripture is often misapplied. It’s really about outward focus as seen at the end of each phrase. Paul becomes all things to win as many as possible. When a church looks at this approach, it quickly hits the dilemma of how to effectively minister to the needs of its people across the board. And the truth is, it’s going to do some things better than others.

Church boardrooms are filled with arguments about who to be relevant to, ranging from how the money is spent, the type of music being played, and the style of the sermon, to the clothes the preacher wears. If our goal is to please the people who are already there, choices are going to be made in all of these areas defining a target. This is the basis of most of the business of the inwardly focused church.

Most people in their 60s and 70s have been brought up in a completely different approach than what we see in most attractional churches. As a matter of fact, every generation finds a different style or approach comfort-

able. Haydn Shaw, in his book Generational I.Q., outlines the five generations living today. It’s a great book because it’s not a hit piece against the generations we might not like or be a part of, but it simply describes each generation’s unique approach to life and church. It’s a breath of fresh air, helping us to tighten our focus . . . especially downward.

Outward churches have taken the focus off what people on the inside want, focusing instead on the needs of the 80 percent on the outside. There is an equally important dimension to downward focus. I call this philosophy of downward focus “the dot.” To get an in-depth understanding of the dot, read the article in the February 2018 issue of Christian Standard (https://christianstandard. com/2018/02/the-dot/).

How do we get the dot to stop moving? You can’t stop time . . . but you can stop the dot. The way to do it is by focusing downward. When outward and downward focuses are coupled together, the church has set itself up for immortality. If the dot isn’t moving, even though there are people in the church getting older, the church isn’t getting older. Coupled with an outward focus, there is a steady stream of the 80 percent coming into a relationship with Christ being attracted by the relevance defined by the dot.

I can’t overemphasize just how important it is to communicate this philosophy to the leaders and congregation. It goes beyond what we’re doing to answer the

question of why. When we know why, it gives substance to our purpose. We’re making a difference that’s going to outlive us. When we look hard at it, we know better than to be self-centered. Now we’re no longer seeing a church an inch deep and a mile wide.

Focusing outward and downward are two key factors in what makes the church attractional. Its countercultural dynamic makes it magnetic. Some will find the changes uncomfortable and will want to look to what is more comfortable for them. That’s okay! You will always lose people with change, but you will also exponentially gain. As Sam Chand said, “There is no growth without change, no change without loss, and no loss without pain.”

Losing people is rarely a positive experience, but losing them for this strategy is a worthy trade. Losing the saved to win the lost isn’t a bad deal because whether they attend your church or not, the saved are still saved. Those in opposition to this kind of aggressive strategy will find plenty of other comfortable places to worship and it’s important that you communicate that there are plenty of other churches in the community where one can worship, but that we feel called to this “bigger yes” of the 80 percent. Sometimes the worst thing that can happen is for frustrated people to stay. 

@_jerryharris /jerrydharris

FOUNDED 1866 BY ISAAC

ERRETT

team Jerry Harris, Publisher

Shawn McMullen, Editor

Rick Cherok, Managing Editor

David Faust, Contributing Editor

Tyler McKenzie, Contributing Editor

Abby Wittler, Designer

Renee Little, Operations

Allison Harris, Marketing + Advertising Lane West, Customer Service/Finance

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WHAT A FRIEND WE HAVE IN JESUS.

CHOOSING FRIENDSHIP: THE DISCIPLINE OF OPENING OUR LIVES TO OTHERS

Terrence Turman

WHAT I LEARNED ABOUT COMMUNITY FROM AN IMMIGRANT CHILDHOOD

Juan Casa De Valle

COMPANIONS ON THE NARROW TRAIL OF MINISTRY

Dave Jones

HEALING LONELY HEARTS

DEBATING DIFFERENTLY

Tyler McKenzie

e 2: EFFECTIVE ELDERS Why Can’t We Be Friends?

David Wright ENGAGE

What Should We Make of All the Revival Talk Among Young Adults?

60 WHEN FRIENDS FAIL US: A CHRISTIAN RESPONSE

Bill Mesaeh

TEAR DOWN THIS WALL: REDISCOVERING FELLOWSHIP AMONG INDEPENDENT CHURCHES

John Teal

JESUS, OUR FRIEND; A STUDY OF JOHN 15:9-17

David Faust 72

Rob O’Lynn

Tyler McKenzie 14-15 18-19

Equipping God’s People

Chris Philbeck PREACH Every Superhero Needs a Squad

Kent E. Fillinger

METRICS 22-23 MOTIVATE Unexpected Friendships

David Faust 86-87

MINISTRY EDGE

Best Buddies

Michelle Maris 88-97

John Hampton and David Vaughan

Don't Make My Mistake

Mike Edmisten

Helping Children Build God-Honoring Friendships

true friends

This issue of Christian Standard focuses on friendship—the importance of friendship in ministry, in personal relationships, and among independent churches. We’ll look at how friendship influences disagreement and conflict, and we’ll marvel at the relationship we share with Jesus Christ, who calls us “friends.”

Proverbs 17:17 sums up well the work of true friends: “A friend loves at all times.” The love of true friends is expressed in a variety of ways. Here are some that come to mind.

True friends are faithful. Selfish people make terrible friends. They may spend time with you when it suits their purposes, but the moment a better deal comes their way, you’re left behind. True friends care deeply for you and place your needs above their own.

True friends are accepting. True friends appreciate you for who you are. You don’t have to prove yourself or pretend to be someone you aren’t. True friends are those people in whose presence you can be yourself and be at peace.

True friends are present. They make themselves available. You may have heard the expression, “Everyone needs at least one ‘3:00am friend’ in their life.” This is the person you would feel comfortable calling in the middle of the night if you felt deeply troubled, knowing they wouldn’t get angry or hang up on you. True friends invest in you and make time for you.

True friends listen. You can share your private thoughts with true friends without having to worry about an information leak. You can confess your greatest failures, admit your darkest sins, discuss your most debilitating fears—all in complete confidence. Everyone needs at least one person in their life who can be trusted to listen and to keep quiet.

True friends are honest. They don’t tell you what they think you want to hear. They are kind but candid. We need straight shooters in our lives, people who will tell us what they really think about our dreams, our fears, and our circumstances.

True friends are supportive. They share your grief, celebrate your successes, and stand by you when others don’t.

True friends are protective. Mistaking it for an act of friendship, some people are quick to repeat to their friends unkind remarks others have said about them. True friends squelch gossip; they don’t perpetuate it.

True friends are loyal. Have you ever been in a conversation where someone spoke unkindly about a friend who wasn’t present? True friends find a way to politely bring a halt to such talk and say something as simple as, “Please don’t speak that way about my friend.”

True friends are forgiving. Even the best of friends disagree. And argue. And get annoyed with one another. But true friends don’t remain angry. They value the friendship above the disagreement, the bruised ego, or the hurt feelings. They take steps to resolve conflict. They’re quick to restore strained relationships.

This isn’t meant to be an exhaustive list, but it addresses many components of true friendship. May you have such friends in your life, and may you be this kind of friend to others. 

@shawn.a.mcmullen

/shawn.a.mcmullen

About seven years ago, I learned that the weekly lesson material written for The Lookout would require a new scope and sequence, a strategy through which we would approach Bible study. In addition, I learned that the scope and sequence we had been using was overseen by the National Council of Churches, an organization that is not known for an accurate interpretation of Scripture. This led me to a process of creating our own scope and sequence, and with that, a complete six-year study through the entirety of God’s Word with material written by Dr. David Faust and Dr. Mark Scott.

Now, six years later, and having completed this massive undertaking, Christian Standard Media is offering something new and exciting to our readers. We’ve named this new series 1717 Studies: Your Word Is Truth. The name comes from Jesus’ words in John 17:17. All of our biblical studies written over these last six years are being compiled into fully downloadable files from each Bible book with applications and study questions for your small group, Sunday school class, discipleship group, and for personal study and reflection.

While this has cost us over $100,000 to produce, we are offering it to you at no charge, asking only that you might consider a taxdeductible contribution to Christian Standard Media. We will be releasing each book or group of books in the coming months.

Take a journey through the Bible with two of the most renowned and trusted scholars in our movement and discover what truths God will reveal to you as you spend time immersed in his Word! 1717 Studies: Your Word is Truth is available online at Christianstandard.com.

21 & 22

e 2:effective

elders

Why Can’t We Be Friends?

By David Wright

“You’ve got a friend in me.” So, begins one of Randy Newman’s most charming and endearing tunes. Even without the rest of the lyrics, the message is simple: friendship outlasts hardship, and companionship makes every journey lighter. If you’ve ever served in church leadership, you know the road can get bumpy— and a good friend makes a world of difference.

That said, why do too many church elders find it easier to work together than to walk together? Why do we often talk about being a “team” but too rarely feel like a band of brothers? The truth is, while every elder group knows how to schedule meetings and follow agendas, not all know the joy of genuine friendship.

biblical, not optional

From the beginning, God has shown that life is meant to be shared. Adam had Eve, Moses had Aaron, David had Jonathan, Paul had Barnabas, and even Jesus, Lord of all creation, had 12 friends with whom he walked. True friendship is more than sentimental; it’s transformational. Solomon reminds us, “Two are better than one,” because ”if one of them falls, the other can help him up” (Proverbs 4:9-10, New International Version).

When elders become friends, the church gains more than cordial leadership gatherings. It gains stability, warmth, and authenticity. Imagine elders who pray for and with each other, laugh with each other, and forgive each other. Imagine a leadership team that knows how to celebrate victories as well as shoulder each other’s burdens. That’s what it looks like when Christ builds his church on a foundation bolstered with brotherly love.

real barriers, but not insurmountable

Friendship among elders doesn’t happen automatically. There are challenges along the way. Pride can sneak in and whisper of insecurity, as personal and church schedules collide. Add a few theological or philosophical differences, a tough congregational meeting, and one awkward text thread or social media posting, and the warmth fades and the elder meeting table feels colder than the next morning’s pizza.

These are temporary barriers. They only stand if we let them. Friendships grow when leaders intentionally choose to drop their guards, share their hearts, and practice humility. Sometimes it means admitting, “I was wrong.” Other times it means

laughing at oneself when you forget which chapter of Acts you were teaching from or that there is no Second Colossians! (I’ll own this one). Brotherhood flourishes in the soil of grace.

a band of brothers, not a board of directors

What if every elder group viewed itself less like a committee or even a board of directors and more like a platoon—a band of brothers standing shoulder to shoulder in spiritual battle? A brother has your back when critics rise. A brother prays for your family when life hits hard. A brother sits beside you at a hospital bed or stands beside you when discouragement engulfs you.

When elders are friends, ministry becomes lighter, even a joy. Trust replaces tension. Meetings start with laughter instead of sighs. Decisions come easier because hearts are aligned. And most importantly, the congregation sees what love looks like in action. A church whose leaders love one another soon becomes a church whose people do the same.

how to build the bond

Friendship doesn’t require a retreat in the woods (though nothing is wrong with that). It starts small—sharing meals, laughing with one another, praying about real struggles instead of guarded requests.

“The agenda is important, but pray together beyond the set agenda. Nothing knits hearts faster than bending knees together. Get away together from the conference room. Consider having some meetings in one another’s homes. Attend a meaningful conference as a team, then reflect on what you learned. Have some fun, go fishing, grab coffee, help someone move, and simply check in with one another as friends do. Share weaknesses as well as strengths. Vulnerability deepens trust. Forgive quickly and often. Ministry is messy, but grace is glue.

The goal is faithful friendship, not perfect friendship. In the end, brothers who stay committed even when it’s awkward or inconvenient show the world the heart of Christ himself. Perhaps above all, “Submit to one another out of reverence for Christ” (Ephesians 5:21).

the fruit of friendship

When elders lead in unity and affection, the church will likely increase in its spiritual health. And we know

that healthy things grow! Disagreements still happen, but they no longer divide. Sometimes even honest and humble differences among friends can bring positive results. Conversation flows with gentleness. The congregation begins to sense—not just hear—that love is the ruling spirit of leadership.

Jesus told his disciples, “By this everyone will know you are my disciples, if you love one another” (John 13:35). Friendship between elders is not a side benefit of ministry; it’s central to the witness of the church.

So, let’s drop the guarded professionalism. Let’s put aside the concern that elders can’t be friends and hold on to something better: a mutual calling to be friends, brothers, soldiers, and shepherds, together on mission. The body of Christ doesn’t just need more meetings—it needs more brothers who can look at each other and honestly say, “You’ve got a friend in me.”  

It is time to actively reframe how our congregations think about evangelism.

the author

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What Should We Make of All the Revival Talk Among Young Adults?

By Tyler McKenzie

Tyler McKenzie writes a monthly online column for Christian Standard . We reprint one of Tyler’s online columns in each print issue of this magazine.

My Instagram algorithms are telling me that college campuses are in a state of revival. You probably heard about Asbury, but apparently the Spirit isn’t contained to only Christian campuses. There are mass conversions going on at Big Five party schools! There’s a Christian group called UniteUS. They had 5,000 students show up at Auburn and 200 baptisms. At Florida State, the second biggest party school in the nation, they had 4,500 students show and 350 baptisms. They saw similar results in Alabama, Georgia, Tennessee, and South Carolina. They just did one in Kentucky. There were 8,000 in attendance and 2,000 responses. I’ve heard similar stories from Ohio State, Texas A&M, Purdue, South Florida, and Cincinnati. Is it possible that a historic generational move of God is happening in our midst?

Some Encouraging Data

If you are like me, you have been pleasantly surprised (maybe even a bit skeptical) by all the recent revival talk among young adults. Before the pandemic, we were talking about “the nones” and the prospect of losing an entire generation. Millennials were deconstructing. Gen Z was pronounced the first post-Christian generation in our nation’s history. The future was bleak. Fast forward to 2025; we aren’t out of the woods yet, but many indicators suggest that there is an encouraging surge of curiosity in the supernatural, spiritual hunger, commitment to Jesus, and church attendance. Here’s a bit of Barna’s recent work.

• Mark Matlock and Barna report that 90 percent of Americans have some degree of curiosity in the supernatural realm. Approximately 54 percent are moderately to very curious.

• People aren’t just spiritually curious; they are also spiritually hungry.

• People aren’t just spiritually hungry; they are hungry for Jesus specifically. Four years ago, we hit a low point in Christian commitments, but there has been a 12 percent climb since. This is an estimated change of 30,000,000 adults!

• When they say 30,000,000 adults, what they mean is largely young adults! No one is attending church more than Gen Z! Millennials are second!

• Gen Z and Millennial church attendance has doubled since COVID. Barna is calling this a historic generational shift!

Revisiting Our Response

“ It is time to actively reframe how our congregations think about evangelism.

I have asked our staff and congregation to respond to this with hopeful optimism. We are choosing to believe the best and pray for even bigger and better! Our church is unique in that about half our congregation is 18 or under. Faced with this stewardship alongside the murmurs of a generational outpouring, we are committed to investing disproportionately in the emerging generation. I think you should too.

Argentinian scholar Luis Bush pioneered a theory called the “4 to 14 Window.” It has become a standard concept in missiology textbooks. The “4–14 Window” refers to the age range from 4 to 14 years old when most people first become Christians. Fun fact, Bush also coined the “10/40 Window” in the 1990s—which was the geographic region of least-reached people at the time. Bush noticed that while mission efforts focused heavily on geography (the “10/40 Window”), we weren’t thinking strategically about age. He proposed focusing on children between ages 4 and 14, arguing they were both most receptive and most neglected in global Christian outreach.

Just about all the data I could find affirms that 70-80 percent of professing Christians report making a faith commitment by the age of 18. This isn’t just an American phenomenon; it’s a global one. Barna has argued that kids begin forming their worldview young, around 15 to 18 months old. By the time someone reaches the age of 13, their worldview is mostly in place and it tends to remain fairly fixed unless there is a major life event.

rethinking evangelism

It is time to actively reframe how our congregations think about evangelism. If someone were to say something like, “I evangelized someone,” or, “I led someone to Jesus,” what sort of situation comes to your mind? For most of us, we think of adult-on-adult evangelism. Maybe someone shared the gospel with a friend at work or with neighbor who is struggling. Statistically speaking, adult-on-adult evangelism, while important, is rare.

I want to suggest that we need to expand our basic associations of evangelism if we are going to steward this potentially historic moment well. We need a broader imagination of what evangelism is. We need to start teaching that evangelism is also adults passing down faith to our kids. I tell parents of young children all the time, “If the only people you lead to Christ over the next decade are your littles, you have done well!”

I was listening to Zach Meerkreebs talk about the Asbury revival on a podcast recently. He is the preacher who delivered the chapel sermon before the revival snapped in February 2023. After the sermon, the worship service kept going for 16 days. There were around 70,000 people who converged on the campus in Wilmore, Kentucky. It was mostly young people. Over 200 schools had students there. Young people were leading it. They were confessing sins, staying through the night to pray and worship, sharing testimonies, and longing for the presence of God.

MeerKreebs said that after he finished preaching the initial chapel sermon, he texted his wife and said, “Hey, I laid a stinker. I’ll be home soon for a nap.” If you’re a preacher, you know this feeling. Only 19 students stayed after . . . but then God started to move. He said four hours later, he sent his wife a voice memo weeping, “Get our daughters out of daycare and get them to Asbury! God is here in a way I have never experienced!” When he said that, I started to weep too. It lit my heart on fire. I want that for my kids. Don’t you? Imagine the excitement of saying to your spouse, “Get the kids out of school and bring them to the church! God is doing something like I’ve never seen.” That’s the vision! And hey, look at it this way: if there is no revival, then at least we gave our kids the very best we got. 

about the author

Equipping God’s People

By Chris Philbeck

For the past several months I’ve had the privilege of leading a preaching cohort. Every month I schedule a virtual call with five preachers leading churches of various sizes in different states. In our most recent call, we talked about the importance of preaching to equip because we understand the Bible was given for transformation, not information. Paul makes this responsibility clear in Ephesians 4:11-16 when he writes,

Christ himself gave the apostles, the prophets, the evangelists, the pastors and teachers, to equip his people for works of service, so that the body of Christ may be built up until we all reach unity in the faith and in the knowledge of the Son of God and become mature, attaining to the whole measure of the fullness of Christ. Then we will no longer be infants, tossed back and forth by the waves, and blown here and there by every wind of teaching and by the cunning and craftiness of people in their deceitful scheming. Instead, speaking the truth in love, we will grow to become in every respect the mature body of him who is the head, that is, Christ. From him the whole body, joined and held together by every supporting ligament, grows and builds itself up in love, as each part does its work (New International Version).

One thing you’ll notice the different roles Paul mentions in verse 11 have in common is the responsibility to “equip” God’s people. The word equip in verse 12 means “making fit, preparing, training and perfecting.” It describes making someone fully qualified for service. That means, as preachers, we are called to be equippers.

Becoming a Preacher Who Equips

My first preaching ministry began in the fall of 1982, when I planted a church in Sugar Land, Texas. At the time I didn’t fully understand this responsibility to equip; I just wanted to preach. So, it took me a while to grow into a preacher who equipped. Now, I’m going to pause here and say, “I don’t want to be too hard on myself” (and I don’t want you to be too hard on yourself). I believe my commitment to preaching the Bible, with an emphasis on verse-by-verse preaching, led to effective equipping, despite my shortcomings, because of the power of God's Word. Second Timothy 3:16-17 says, “All Scripture is God-breathed and is useful for teaching, rebuking, correcting and training in righteousness, so that the servant of God may be thoroughly equipped for every good work.” But, again, it took me a while to grow into a preacher who equipped. And while there are some practical ways to do that, like including clearly defined next steps in each message, identifying specific needs

to be met in your church or community, or emphasizing God’s design for spiritual gifts, there was one thing that helped me more than anything else. It may sound simple, but I became a preacher who equips when I understood that before the Scripture could make a difference in someone else’s life, it needed to make a difference in mine.

I love God’s Word. The first verse I ever memorized when I was a boy, was Psalm 119:105, “Thy Word is a lamp unto my feet, and a light unto my path” (King James Version). The Bible has always made a difference in my life. But in my earliest days of preaching, I would often be so focused on the details of writing a sermon for others to hear, that I didn’t let the text make a personal impact on my own heart. Fortunately for me, and for all of us, God’s Word has the power to impact our lives, even when we’re not thinking about ourselves. Hebrews 4:12 says, “For the word of God is alive and active. Sharper than any double-edged sword, it penetrates even to dividing soul and spirit, joints and marrow; it judges the thoughts and attitudes of the heart” (NIV ). That’s what happened to me over and over again in my preaching. And even though I’m retired from full-time ministry, it continues to happen as I write and prepare sermons for preaching opportunities today.

Speaking As God’s Word Speaks to Us

Proverbs 25:11 says, “A word fitly spoken is like apples of gold in settings of silver” (Modern English Version). This verse reminds me that just like timing and tone can be crucial to the words we speak, context can be crucial as well. When we preach from our own experience with God’s Word, our words will be powerful. 

“ as preachers, we are called to be equippers.

We stand in the pulpit week in and week out and open God’s Word for a message of grace and forgiveness, hope and comfort, victory and vision, and so much more. Before we can do that in a meaningful way, we need to recognize how God’s Word has spoken those same things to our own hearts. When I listen to a sermon, I can tell whether the one speaking has experienced the text on a personal level. I see it on their face, I hear it in their voice, and I feel it in their presence. I know that sounds completely subjective, but it’s real to me. And it speaks to me because there is an authenticity to the message that can’t be faked. I’m a two-time cancer survivor. I know firsthand what it feels like to suffer, not only the physical pain and discomfort of a life-threatening disease, but also the emotional pain that comes through doubt and fear as well. I know the effect is has on your loved ones. When I preach about experiencing the presence and peace of God during suffering, I know what that’s like because I’ve been there. I’ve experienced what God meant when he told Paul, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness” (2 Corinthians 12:9). I’ve experienced that truth in my own life, and it gives power to my words.

about the author

metrics

April 28 is National Superhero Day. Depending on how you count, over 130 superhero movies have been released in the U.S. since the year 2000. People are fascinated by the folklore of superheroes, and they love to watch a compelling story where the hero triumphs over evil.

We like to elevate and celebrate individuals while overlooking and forgetting the contributions of the team. There really are no solo actors. Most superheroes don’t save the day entirely on their own; rather they often have a sidekick or squad that helps. The Lone Ranger had Tonto, Batman had Robin, and even Superman helped create the Justice League so he could have a team to work with. Not to mention superhero teams like The Fantastic Four, The Avengers, and X-Men.

Every Superhero Needs a Squad

By Kent E. Fillinger

Reasons for Working with a Team

It’s wise to remember that superheroes choose to work with a team for a combination of strategic advantages, psychological benefits, and social fulfillment. A team allows heroes to overcome threats they couldn't handle alone while providing much-needed support for their personal and emotional lives.

No single hero has every skill or power, but a team can assemble a range of abilities to solve any problem. For example, The Avengers combine Iron Man’s technology, Captain America’s tactical leadership, Thor’s raw power, and Hulk’s brute strength.

Some other benefits of working with a team rather than solo include increased efficiency when specialization of roles allows for faster and more effective solutions, shared resources, a built-in support system, and a sense of belonging. Psychological research suggests that people desire to be part of an elite group while also contributing something unique to it.

Working in a team allows heroes to develop new skills, such as leadership, collaboration, and communication. A team environment can push individuals to become better heroes. Superheroes who work with a squad also benefit from having checks and balances, which is especially helpful for younger heroes and those who are naturally more impulsive. The team can hold each other accountable, preventing one person from making a crazy mistake.

Superheroes also face immense stress, trauma, and moral conflicts. A team offers emotional support and a safe space to process these experiences, and helps heroes find empathy from others who have gone through similar challenges.

Reasons Not to Go It Alone

Despite the advantages of working with a squad, some superheroes choose to work alone. For a variety of reasons, such as a desire to avoid losing more friends and teammates, tragic personal backstories that have left lingering trauma, wounds that make it difficult for them to form connections with others, trust issues caused by past betrayals, and naturally independent personalities, some superheroes work independent of a group. Solo superheroes inevitably end up feeling lonely and loneliness leads to various problems.

Superheroes and pastors are similar in their symbolic roles as protectors and leaders, serving their communities by fighting against negative forces, inspiring others, and offering hope. While fictional superheroes possess extraordinary abilities and pastors rely on spiritual guidance, both operate on the themes of selflessness, sacrifice, and the desire to bring about a better world for those they serve.

I know October is Pastor Appreciation Month, but maybe it’s time churches start celebrating their pastors on National Superhero Day as well. This holiday was created in 1995 by a group of employees at Marvel Comics.

“

The original idea was to celebrate favorite comic book characters, but over time, the meaning expanded to honor real people who demonstrate courage and dedication to serving others. It’s a day to celebrate both fictional superheroes as well as real-life heroes like pastors who inspire us every day.

Pastors face a growing crisis of loneliness and isolation, with multiple studies showing a significant rise in these feelings over the past decade. In a 2023 study by Barna and Gloo, 65 percent of U.S. pastors reported feelings of loneliness and isolation, a dramatic increase from 42 percent in 2015. Research published by Standing Stone Ministry in 2025 noted that pastoral burnout risk has nearly quadrupled since 2015, with stress and loneliness cited as major factors.

This isolation is often a leading factor in pastoral burnout and can have a devastating impact on the leader’s mental and emotional health. The number of pastors who say they feel frequently supported by people close to them fell from 68 percent in 2015 to just 49 percent in 2022. And a 2024 Lifeway Research study revealed that 54 percent of pastors spend time with fewer than 10 other local pastors.

Feelings of support are directly correlated with the number of fellow pastors a minister knows. Barna research

I know October is Pastor Appreciation Month, but maybe it’s time churches start celebrating their pastors on National Superhero Day as well.

about the author

Kent E. Fillinger serves as president of 3:STRANDS Consulting, Indianapolis, Indiana, and regional vice president (Ohio, Pennsylvania, Michigan) with Christian Financial Resources.

/3strandsconsulting

3strandsconsulting.com

consistently finds that stress and loneliness are the top two reasons pastors consider quitting. In a March 2022 survey, 43 percent of pastors considering a career change cited loneliness and isolation as the main reasons.

Even Jesus didn’t go it alone! Jesus had a spiritual squad (God the Father and God the Holy Spirit) and he had an earthly squad (the 12 disciples, his inner circle with Peter, James and John, and many friends including Lazarus, Mary, and Martha).

Jesus, the Ultimate Team Player

Jesus understood that he was strong alone but stronger together. Leadership guru Ken Blanchard wrote, “None of us is as smart as all of us.” And Christian songwriter Rich Mullins sang, “We’re not as strong as we think we are, and none are stronger than the humble and few are weaker than the proud.” If you’re trying to go it alone and tough it out, then you’re missing out on your true power and potential as a pastor.

In America today, 54 percent of all churches are led by a solo minister, whether full-time, part-time, or unpaid. Another 16 percent of U.S. congregations employ two ministerial staff, while only about a fourth (28 percent) employ three or more pastors.

If you’re a solo pastor, then follow the example of Superman and find or create your Justice League. Take advantage of formal groups like Covenant Connections groups, Level-Up Preaching Cohorts, or area pastors’ roundtable groups. Or informally connect with other friends in ministry.

Tony Stark (aka Iron Man) said, “Heroes are made by the path they choose, not the powers they are graced with.” Don’t hide behind the shield of your spiritual gifts, but rather, choose to connect regularly with other pastors who can help spur you on to love and good deeds as you continue to fight evil forces and make an eternal difference!

The ministry leadership pipeline is virtually empty, and churches can no longer expect that a suitable successor will be available when needed. Therefore, elders and pastors need to intentionally work to identify and develop future pastors and leaders, viewing this as both a calling and a priority. 

SEPT 29 - OCT 1

Friendship might just be one of the most neglected spiritual disciplines in the modern world, especially for those who serve as pastors, ministers, or ministry leaders. If neglected doesn’t feel like the right word, then maybe it’s a malnourished area of the pastorate. Whether you feel that to be true about you or not, surveying the land and research bears witness to this problem. The Barna Group revealed in a 2023 study that 65 percent of U.S. pastors now report feelings of loneliness or isolation, up substantially from 42 percent in 2015. Along with that, a recent Lifeway Survey found that two in three pastors felt they needed to devote time and attention to friendships and fellowship with others. With all of that in mind, I would like to use this article to give a few nudges to my ministry friends in the realm of friendships. These probably won’t be revolutionary suggestions, but if embraced, they could fundamentally change your life like they have mine.

ALLOW YOURSELF TO BE A CHRISTIAN FIRST AND A MINISTER SECOND.

There is no understatement to the fact that many of us were trained, one way or another, to embrace the “above reproach life.” I have no issue with that call. But what happens when we go overboard? What I’ve found is that many people in ministry try to live out the standards written to Timothy and Titus for church leaders while simultaneously ignoring the bulk of what Paul wrote and modeled about living in Christian community.

Before we can be effective Christian leaders, we must first live as Christian brothers and sisters. You were saved into a family and a body, not into ministry. Your function in the work of ministry is simply your part in the overall health and thriving of the body.

When I say, “Be a Christian first,” what I’m calling us Christian leaders to do is the very thing we charge our congregants to do every time we preach or teach on relationships: find your people, be vulnerable, confess your sins, give others a chance to carry your burdens, and so on. You get the point. Somewhere along the way, if we’re not careful, we can forget the art of just being humans saved by grace into the best family in the world.

BE A CHURCH MEMBER, NOT JUST A MINISTRY LEADER OR PASTOR.

The blurred lines of working where you worship are hard to navigate. Sometimes showing up to the building where people gather weekly for refuge feels like a burden to you. The people others can’t wait to see can become the people you hope to avoid in rough seasons of shepherding. Not to mention, you live behind the curtain 40+ hours a week. You know how decisions were made, sometimes in ways you disagree with, or how a “new initiative from the Holy Spirit” was really just something the senior pastor or elders pushed onto everyone to execute. If not handled with maturity and grace, all of this can become a barrier to simply loving and engaging in your church.

Rather than allowing the church you love to slip into being just your workplace or the place you bi-vocationally serve, I encourage you to do something that might feel crazy: join a small group, and don’t lead it. Go to the men’s or women’s gathering and let volunteers or others lead so you can just be in the room enjoying people. Join a fantasy league in the church. Invite people over to your home not to shepherd them, but to get to know them and play games like Charades, Dominoes, or Heads Up where you can just be a competitive mess. Don’t stand on the sideline praising God for hearing stories of community in others. Make an effort to create your own memories.

USE TECHNOLOGY AND RHYTHMS TO KEEP FRIENDSHIPS ALIVE.

Sometimes life moves at a pace our friendships can’t keep up with. Someone takes a new job across town or moves out of state. Our kids’ baseball or gymnastics schedules suddenly feel more demanding than dinner plans. We have sermons to write, curriculum to prepare, classrooms to set up, and households to maintain. Before we know it, our life feels like a plate of Thanksgiving leftovers, stuffed to the brim with a lot of good things that can start to turn our stomachs when we’ve had too much of them.

Instead of just existing to make it to bed each night and to coffee the next morning, I want you to consider how using the tools around us and keeping committed rhythms can make friendship fit for you.

In my life, I use three things that have been game changers for me: the Marco Polo app, monthly meetups, and yearly trips.

Marco Polo is a video recording app where you and others can have long-form conversations at your convenience. One person records themselves talking, I often do this during my commute. I prop my phone on my open ashtray turned coin-collector, hit record, drive, talk, and send the message. Later that evening, my friends respond, and back and forth we go. I have multiple “face-to-face” conversations each week with a pastor friend in Nashville, one in Memphis, and one in Atlanta. After a while, it feels like we live in the same city because we talk so often.

When it comes to monthly meetups, it’s simple: who are the people you enjoy getting time with? Schedule a coffee, enjoy your time, and before you leave, pull out your phones and schedule the next meetup. I often say, “Same time and day next month?” and what do you know; it’s usually open. That rhythm keeps us connected.

The idea of yearly trips is self-explanatory. Make time once a year to be with people in person who live out of town. Once a year, my Atlanta friend and I spend a weekend together, alternating between Louisville and Atlanta. With my Nashville friend, we carve out a day each year to spend time grabbing lunch and catching

up incarnationally. My friend in Memphis is newer, but our plan is to keep serving at the same summer-camp week every year, built-in community while doing something we love.

That’s a picture of making friendship work for me, but what rhythms might work for you?

BE A GOOD FRIEND TO OTHERS.

The last thing I’ll share is what I call the “golden rule” of friendship: Be the friend to others that you would want them to be for you.

Our friendships might be in different stages: acquaintance level, cultivation stage, stranded, or touch-andgo. Regardless of the season, how we show up in those relationships is fully within our control. One of the best ways to build lasting friendships is to show up when they don’t expect you to. Give when they don’t ask. Support them when they’re working toward a goal. Pray for them in their pain. Seek them out when you haven’t heard from them in a while. Be okay being the one who “who always texts or calls.” Live as if the friendship truly matters to you. We can’t control when or if our friends reciprocate, but we can control what they receive from us.

Friendship isn’t extra credit in ministry; it’s part of the curriculum of discipleship. If we want a thriving church, we don’t just need better systems, we need better friendships.

In the end, this is where discipleship meets friendship: ordinary people walking together, shaping one another, and making the gospel a beautiful display to the world around us. I believe that as Christian leaders learn to embrace and model true friendships, we’ll also learn to navigate the divisive denominational, political, and cultural conversations with greater grace and wisdom. And tell me, who doesn’t want that? 

What I Learned About Community From an Immigrant Childhood

By Juan Casa del Valle

When my family immigrated to Louisville, Kentucky in the mid-90s, we landed in an apartment complex filled with refugees from all over the world. As a young Cuban immigrant, one thing stood out immediately: everyone’s doors were always open.

It didn’t matter if you were Bosnian, Russian, African, or Cuban, every home felt like your own. We wandered freely in and out of one another’s apartments. Invitations were constant, and life was shared. Our culture felt like a melting pot in little old Fountain Square.

At family gatherings, the adults talked and laughed while the kids played until we fell asleep wherever we landed, sometimes in a chair in the middle of the room long after bedtime. Looking back, it was a slower world. No phones pinging. No smartwatches buzzing. Just people, face to face, choosing to spend time together.

We opened our homes and, in doing so, opened our lives.

Friendship in modern America feels different today. Technology has definitely played a role, but we can’t place all the blame there. As we’ve drifted into modern times, we have become comfortable with complacency in our friendships and the creation of new ones. Think of the couple in your neighborhood you’ve never met because they pull into the garage and close the door before the engine stops. Or the kids you never see outside. We have allowed that to become the new normal.

Growing up, my idea of the “American family” came from a family sitcom that played on Disney Channel, Boy Meets World. What struck me was how the Matthews’ home was a revolving door of friends. They raided the fridge, kicked their shoes onto the coffee table, and made themselves at home. There were even moments where the main character’s parents would give advice, correct with love, and push for the kids to be better individuals. They did life together; a picture that felt familiar to me because it’s how I saw immigrant families living.

I have been blessed to have spent the last 15 years traveling to different countries. This has given me a front row seat to experience different cultures and see how they interpret friendship. From those experiences, I’ve seen three qualities consistently present in strong, healthy, God-honoring friendships in many different countries.

BE PRESENT.

In many developing nations, togetherness is a way of life. People gather on porches, balconies, corner stores, small parks, or frankly anywhere they can sit for a while. Neighbors know each other’s stories. A “good time” usually means being with one another talking, laughing, sharing burdens, and lifting each other up.

Technology is rarely at the center. People are.

Earlier this year I had the opportunity to travel to Argentina with my family to meet with some local church planters and missionaries. They taught us about the social gathering known as Asado. This is a time when families, neighbors, and new friends come together to cook meat slowly over a woodfired grill. It’s a long process as we learned the hard way with two small hungry kids, but through it all they played chess, soccer, and cards. My wife and I paused multiple times as we’d look at a backyard filled with friends and think about how nothing else mattered for those four or five hours spent cooking. The next day didn’t matter. It was all about those 15-20 people in that backyard. It felt like time had frozen as we ate and talked for hours.

In contrast, many Americans don’t know the names of the four families living closest to them. My own family tries to counter this by spending time on our front porch while our boys play in the yard. When people walk by, we say hello and start conversations. It’s simple, but you’d be surprised at how effective it can be.

Being present doesn’t require a program, but it requires availability and intentionality.

BE HONEST.

In modern American culture, we often trade truth for comfort. We avoid difficult conversations because we don’t want to hurt feelings or disrupt the peace. We value comfortable and safe relationships over a commitment to God-fearing truth in our lives. We are quick to keep our mouths shut when we see a marriage falling apart, when we should be stepping up to speak honest truth into a marriage that is walking through a difficult situation. We see instances like this even in our churches. We avoid difficult conversations at the risk of ruining our Sunday comforts. But Scripture calls us to something deeper. Ephesians 4:15 urges us to “speak the truth in love.” Real friendship requires both. Real friendship is about having needed conversations even when they are difficult.

I still remember the knot in my stomach as I walked into the diner. It remains one of the hardest conversations I’ve ever had as I confronted an older family member battling some substance abuse issues. But because I loved them, I chose truth over comfort. I chose to be honest with them and show them a blind spot they were not seeing in their life.

Love isn’t passive. Love warns. Love corrects. Love speaks up when someone is drowning.

Honesty, rooted in compassion, is a gift, not a threat or a low blow.

BE CONSISTENT.

A true friend is there through the highs and lows. Consistency doesn’t mean daily communication, but it does mean showing up even when life gets busy, inconvenient, or discouraging.

Our culture prides itself on being overscheduled with kids’ sports, work trips, school events, and so on. Our calendars are filled with everything else while friendships become something we squeeze in if we have time. But biblical friendship is intentional. Proverbs 17:17 says, “A friend loves at all times.”

As a missionary at an international mission organization, I’ve witnessed consistency in many

different ways through friends in the Dominican Republic. Consistency in prayer—literally praying for me without me knowing. Consistency during urgent moments; calls in the middle of the night due to broken down vehicles or water issues. Consistency in the darkest moments; providing a listening ear when it feels like nothing is going right in the world. Our Dominican brothers and sisters have taught me well.

Most of us can think of that one friend who embodies intentionality, who checks in, remembers, and shows up. That kind of consistency builds trust. It forms the kind of relationships that stand firm when life gets hard.

I once heard a quote—especially relevant in our social-media world: “I would rather have one real friend than a thousand people who think they know me.” Consistency is how you find that one real friend.

We have the perfect model of friendship in Jesus. Jesus embodied all three traits perfectly. He was fully present with the people around him. He spoke truth even when it was uncomfortable. And he remained faithful and consistent, even when his closest friends betrayed him. He showed us what friendship can be and what Christian community should look like.

My childhood taught me that real friendship grows where presence, honesty, and consistency meet. These traits aren’t complicated, but they do require intentionality—especially in a culture that prizes convenience.

Maybe it’s time we open our doors again.

Maybe it’s time we slow down, look up, and step into one another’s lives.

Maybe it’s time we reclaim the kind of friendship Jesus modeled for us. Because a life shared is a full life and a life that points others to the One who calls us his friends. 

COMPANIONS ON THE TRAIL OF MINISTRY

BY DAVE JONES

On a cold morning in the Cabinet Mountains of northwestern Montana, a few family members and I started up a narrow trail. To reach the trailhead, we had driven a series of tight switchbacks that hugged the side of the mountain. In a mountain range named for its box-like, cabinet-shaped appearance, we felt a little boxed in ourselves.

By the time we started hiking, it was snowing. We could see the path right in front of us, but not much more. We knew we were climbing higher, but we had no idea what was beyond the next bend. All we saw was about 20 feet of trail, snow, and each other.

That hike has become a picture for me of how ministry often feels. You know there are edges where you could fall, but most of the time you can only see a few steps ahead. You do not know what is coming around the corner with your church, your leadership, or your family.

I felt that “boxed in” feeling on my first day as the minister of the Millwood Church of Christ. I sat alone in my office and watched the cursor blink on a blank monitor. I needed a sermon for Sunday, but instead of sermon ideas, one thought settled in: It is just me.

There was no staff team, no co-worker down the hall. Just me.

My days soon filled with visiting older members and sitting in hospital rooms, listening and praying. Many evenings were spent in people’s homes doing Bible studies. I loved those visits and those

people. It was a joy to minister to the lonely and to disciple others toward Christ, but I knew that if I was going to serve long term I could not only befriend others, I needed friends, too.

Besides my supportive and patient wife, two men came alongside me during that time. The first was a retired member of the church who often went with me to hospitals and nursing homes. The other was one of our elders who made a habit of taking me to lunch, listening while I vented, and, when needed, gently correcting what was becoming my complaining spirit. Those friendships were important reminders that ministry is not meant to be done alone.

That season taught me a simple truth I keep coming back to: Ministry is not meant to be carried alone in front of a crowd, it is meant to be shared with companions.

JESUS, RABBIS, AND FRIENDS

One of the things I love about Jesus is that he calls his disciples friends.

He did not sit in a study all week and then appear behind a pulpit on Sundays. He called 12 men and invited them, “Follow me.” In Jesus’ day, that did not mean “show up for a weekly class.” It meant, “Come live life with me.” A disciple followed his rabbi everywhere. They walked dusty roads together, ate meals together, and often slept under the same stars.

IF JESUS MADE DISCIPLES IN THE CONTEXT OF CLOSE FRIENDSHIPS, WHY WOULD WE EVER THINK WE CAN LEAD ALONE?

Mark tells us that Jesus “appointed twelve (whom he also named apostles) so that they might be with him and he might send them out to preach” (Mark 3:14, English Standard Version). Before they did anything for him, they were simply with him. On the night before he went to the cross, he said, “Greater love has no one than this, that someone lay down his life for his friends. . . . No longer do I call you servants, . . . but I have called you friends” (John 15:13, 15).

If Jesus made disciples in the context of close friendships, why would we ever think we can lead alone?

COMPANIONS ON THE INSIDE: STAFF AND ELDERS

Besides family, the first place we need healthy friendships is among staff and elders.

Jeremiah Scadden, who preaches at Parkview Christian Church in Wooster, Ohio, recently modeled this well by taking his staff on a prayer, fasting, and planning retreat, giving them space not only to refine their vision for the church but to deepen their friendship with one another.

I am nearly 20 years removed from that first lonely day looking at a flashing cursor. The church I serve has added elders and staff over the years. Each year the ministers, deacons, and elders from our church travel together to the Person to Person Ministries’ Salt Fork Leadership Seminar. It is a great way to start the year with a focus on church development. For us, it also includes a good meal at a local restaurant and late-night conversations over the euchre table. The seminar feeds our minds; the meals and cards feed our hearts.

Every Sunday morning our leadership team gathers for coffee. There is no agenda except conversations about life, sports, hunting, and the occasional item of church business. We always close with prayer for one another and the church. It is simple, but week after week it has knit our hearts together.

We seek to foster friendship among our leadership team and to work through issues until we are united. That commitment was put to the test when a tragic case of immorality surfaced in the church. It shook people and tested our congregation. There were long meetings, broken hearts, and hard decisions. We walked the congregation through that season shoulder to shoulder. On the other side, we had become more than co-laborers; we had become a band of brothers. That experience helped us lead better and prepared us for the challenges that would come as we later relocated to a new church facility and navigated the growth that has followed.

I have been privileged to serve alongside our associate minister, Zach Rayburn, for five years. We regularly talk and pray together about the future of the church, our theology, and what is happening in our lives. Those conversations have given us a safe place to be honest about our struggles, deepened our thinking about discipleship and local church ministry, and helped bridge our differences in perspective and our 30-year age gap.

Peter told the elders to “shepherd the flock of God that is among you . . . not domineering over those in your charge, but being examples to the flock” (1 Peter 5:2–3). Strong friendship among staff and elders is one of the ways God helps us do that with humility and courage.

COMPANIONS ALONGSIDE: A BROTHERHOOD OF MINISTERS

Early in my ministry, God gave me an older preacher friend named Dick Chambers. Every other week we would meet at a Denny’s. No big agenda. Just two preachers, a pot of coffee, and a couple of hours at a sticky table. I brought my questions and frustrations. Those conversations stayed at that table, which made it easier to be honest. Dick listened without making me feel weak, shared stories from his own scars, pointed me back to Scripture, and befriended me.

DO NOT UNDERESTIMATE WHAT GOD CAN DO WITH ONE OR TWO FRIENDSHIPS.

Another friendship God has used is with Moses Hamilton. Moses started as a member of our church and became an elder. Eventually he answered the call to ministry at another area church. Most Wednesday mornings, you can find us sitting over coffee, talking about raising kids, trying to be good husbands, and wrestling with the joys and frustrations of ministry. We’re usually just trying to follow Jesus, minister well, and not lose our minds.

Some of my best friends are men I met at Hillsboro Family Camp and other brotherhood events. I am especially close to a group of men I have served with at GAP Ministries Preaching Camps. Working side by side, teaching students, and talking late into the night after a long day has bound our hearts together in ways a quick handshake at a conference never could.

Brian Schulz, who serves as senior minister at Kent Christian Church near Madison, Indiana, has been very intentional about building friendships among preachers. He hosts “Roundtables” at a lodge in Hocking Hills, Ohio, where a dozen ministers spend a few days studying Scripture, talking about ministry, and simply being together. Some are early birds who share coffee in the morning, others are night owls who talk late into the night, but the result is the same, deeper friendships that strengthen ministry.

I know many preachers who text one another on Sunday mornings with messages of encouragement that remind them that they are not alone in the pulpit.

None of this happens by accident. If we are going to develop friendships, we have to take the initiative. We cannot simply sit and wait for a text, a phone call, or a lunch invitation. We cannot control who reaches out to us in friendship, but we can take responsibility for our own relationships.

COMPANIONS ON THE NARROW TRAIL

On Sunday, many of us stand in front of a crowd. They know our name, they hear our sermons, they

shake our hands on the way out. But when something goes wrong on Tuesday night, it is not “the crowd” we reach for, it is the three or four names in our phone we trust with the truth about how we are really doing.

You might be thinking, “Dave, that sounds nice, but my church is small and I am the only staff member.” I understand. That is exactly where I started. Do not underestimate what God can do with one or two friendships. One older preacher at a Denny’s. One elder you drink coffee with every Sunday morning. One friend you text before you head into the pulpit.

Let me take you back for a moment to that snowy trail in the Cabinet Mountains.

The switchbacks were tight. The drop offs were real. Visibility was low. But I was not alone. If I slipped or got nervous or wanted to turn back, someone was there.

Ministry feels like that trail most of the time, a narrow path with limited visibility. You do not know what is coming around the next bend. But you do not have to walk it alone.

In our churches, we care deeply about restoring New Testament Christianity. We should. But part of restoring New Testament Christianity is restoring New Testament friendships, leaders who share not only “the gospel of God but also our own selves” (1 Thessalonians 2:8).

You do not have to choose between faithfulness and friendship. Jesus shows us we can have both. He is the friend who laid down his life for his friends (John 15:13). He is the Good Shepherd who walks with us through the valleys, often expressing his care through the people he places around us.

In the end, it will not be the size of the crowd you preach to that sustains you, but the strength of the companions who walk with you. 

Dave Jones serves as the Lead Minister with the Millwood Church of Christ in Howard, Ohio.

Who comes to mind when you think of loneliness? Aging widows? Prisoners locked in solitary confinement? A second grader sitting alone in the school cafeteria? A single mom? A truck driver who spends his nights on the road? A college student, soldier, or missionary living far from home?

The humorist Erma Bombeck wrote, “We all know what loneliness feels like. It’s sleeping in the middle of the bed. It’s eating an omelet by yourself and the more of it you eat, the bigger it gets. It’s not talking all day and saying something dumb just to see if your voice still works.”

Church leaders aren’t immune. Loneliness assails us when we must preach about uncomfortable subjects, confront complex problems, or quietly bear the daily pressure of our “concern for all the churches” (2 Corinthians 11:28, New International Version).

For a significant number of people, loneliness causes excruciating pain and tests the limits of their endurance. According to Pew Research Center findings published in 2025, about onein-six Americans say they feel lonely or isolated from others all or most of the time. In 2023, U.S. Surgeon General Dr. Vivek Murthy released a report titled, “Our Epidemic of Loneliness and Isolation.” The report linked loneliness to greater risk of cardiovascular disease, dementia, stroke, depression, anxiety, and premature death. The report also addressed the healing effects of social connection and community.

When I ministered with a church in New York, I felt lonely on the subway. Looking at others in that crowded city, I detected signs of loneliness on their faces as well, and I realized loneliness isn’t the same as being alone. You can be by yourself and not feel lonely at all, and you can be lonely in the midst of a crowd.

LONELINESS IN THE BIBLE.

Someone wryly observed that in the Garden of Eden, Adam never had to stand in line. At mealtime he always got the first serving. There was no one to argue with. No one to use up all the hot water. No traffic to get in his way. No line at the grocery store. But all was not well. Previously God declared his creative work “very good,” but he looked at Adam and said it wasn’t good for him to be alone. From the beginning, we were designed to live in community with others.

Joseph came from a big family with 11 brothers, but he must have felt lonely when those brothers sold him as a slave.

After killing an Egyptian, Moses fled to a lonely desert in Midian where he tended sheep for 40 years. Then he experienced a different kind of loneliness as he led the Hebrews toward the promised land, gave them God’s Law, and watched them break it time after time. Even his brother and sister, Aaron and Miriam, complained and rebelled. Lonely and frustrated, Moses told the Lord, “I cannot carry all these people by myself; the burden is too heavy for me” (Numbers 11:14).

David was a public hero after killing Goliath, but King Saul treated him like Public Enemy Number One, and David ran for his life and hid in caves. Jonah spent three terrifying days alone in the belly of a great fish. Daniel’s devotion to God put him in a lonely lion’s den. The orphan Esther surely felt lonely when her mom and dad died. And when she grew up and became queen, she faced the lonely, daunting task of confronting the king, with the survival of the Jewish people resting on her shoulders.

John the Baptist lived in the wilderness—close to nature and close to God, but far from the crowds. And when the crowds came, John’s bold preaching riled King Herod so much that he sentenced John to jail and ordered his head served up on a platter. The apostle Paul spent lonely days in prison, and as death approached, he wrote, “Demas, because he loved this world, has deserted me . . . . Only Luke is with me” (2 Timothy 4:10-11). John spent time in exile—banished to the lonely island of Patmos.

The Bible’s most striking example of loneliness is the Son of God himself. Jesus spent quiet nights praying alone in the mountains. Soon after he fed the 5,000 and preached a challenging sermon on the Bread of Life, most of the crowd abandoned him. The Pharisees criticized his every move. Judas betrayed him for the price of a slave. Peter denied him three times. In the Garden of Gethsemane, his friends fell asleep while he prayed in agony. And on the cross, Jesus quoted Psalm 22 and cried out, “My God, my God, why have you forsaken me?” No one understands loneliness better than Jesus does.

HOW SHOULD WE HANDLE LONELINESS?

The triune God reveals himself in relational terms (Father, Son, and Holy Spirit), and his greatest commandments (love God, love your neighbors) are relational at the core. If anyone should be well-equipped to respond to the loneliness epidemic, it’s the church. The body of Christ is designed to be an inter-generational, multi-ethnic, missional family where every person matters and everyone has a job to do . . . where it’s safe to admit our weaknesses and struggles . . . where we find strength in community as we rejoice, grow, suffer, and serve together.

Here are four ideas that can help in the struggle with loneliness.

SOME LONELINESS IS SELF-IMPOSED. DON’T ISOLATE YOURSELF.

Because we are created in God’s image, we are hard-wired for relationships. But relationships require intentionality. Sometimes we wallow in self-imposed isolation because reaching out requires too much effort.

Weary after his mountaintop victory over the prophets of Baal, Elijah wallowed in self-pity and prayed that he would die, telling the Lord, “I am the only one left!” (1 Kings 19:10). But after sleep, food, and drink refreshed him, Elijah heard the Lord’s quiet whisper sending him back into service. God still had “seven thousand in Israel . . . whose knees [had] not bowed down to Baal” (vv. 11-18). And God provided a younger man, Elisha, to be Elijah’s coworker (vv. 19-21).

Remember these wise observations?

Two people are better off than one, for they can help each other succeed. If one person falls, the other can reach out and help. But someone who falls alone is in real trouble. Likewise, two people lying close together can keep each other warm. But how can one be warm alone? A person standing alone can be attacked and defeated, but two can stand back-toback and conquer. Three are even better, for a triple-braided cord is not easily broken (Ecclesiastes 4:9-12, New Living Translation).

Some loneliness is unavoidable, but let’s not bring unnecessary loneliness on ourselves. The risky road of connection is better than the “safer” path of isolation.

THE LORD IS WITH YOU IN LONELY TIMES. RECOGNIZE AND WELCOME HIS PRESENCE.

God’s omnipresence isn’t an abstract theological concept. David made it personal when he wrote, “O Lord, you have searched me and you know me. You know when I sit and when I rise . . . . You discern my going out and my lying down. . . . Where can I go from your Spirit? Where can I flee from your presence?” (Psalm 139:3-7, NIV ).

When Daniel’s friends Shadrach, Meshach, and Abednego were thrown into the fiery furnace, the king saw a fourth person with them. They weren’t alone in the fire.

During a dark ministry season in Corinth, “One night the Lord spoke to Paul in a vision: ‘Do not be afraid; keep on speaking, do not be silent. For I am with you, and no one is going to attack and harm you, because I have many people in this city’” (Acts 18:9-10).

Along with his vision-stretching command to make disciples of all nations, Jesus added a reassuring promise: “I will be with you always, even to the end of the age” (Matthew 28:20). The Lord even walks with us through the valley of the shadow of death (see Psalm 23:4).

The ultimate healing for lonely hearts won’t take place until the Lord dwells with his people in the new heaven and new earth, where “God himself will be with them and be their God” (Revelation 21:3). Until the consummation of that promise, “God has said, ‘Never will I leave you; never will I forsake you’” (Hebrews 13:5).

THE LORD DOESN’T WASTE YOUR LONELY MOMENTS. MAKE SURE YOU DON’T!

In Midian’s lonely wilderness, Moses learned how to navigate through the very desert where he would lead his people to the promised land.

Isolated in caves, David learned humility that would make him a better king, and he wrote Psalms that have blessed God’s people for thousands of years.

In lonely prison cells, Paul wrote life-changing letters.

In exile on the island of Patmos, John wrote the book of Revelation.

Before they become professional basketball players, NBA stars spend countless hours alone in the gym after everyone else has gone home. A preacher whose sermon touches your heart has spent many hours alone at his desk in study and prayer. God can use your lonely moments to build your character and prepare you for fruitful service.

YOU CAN HELP OTHERS WHO ARE LONELY. NOTICE THEM, AND REACH OUT.

What lonely people live in your community?

Do international students attend a nearby university? Invite them to your home for dinner. Are you an older Christian? Take the initiative to build friendships with younger members of your church. Do you know someone who lives in a nursing home or a rehabilitation center? Does a kid in your church’s youth group need a friend? It pleases God when we “look after orphans and widows in their distress” (James 1:27). Be a blessing to others who are lonely, and often they will become a blessing to you.

And don’t neglect single adults. Neither Jesus nor the apostle Paul were married, but they both built strong networks of colleagues and coworkers. My friend Dr. Ward Patterson never married, but he traveled the world on a motorcycle, collected archaeological treasures, led a campus ministry at Indiana University, wrote books and magazine articles, and taught communication courses at Cincinnati Christian University. Another single friend, Dr. Eleanor Daniel, served as academic dean of both Cincinnati Bible Seminary and Emmanuel Christian Seminary. Singles have much to offer God’s kingdom, and we miss a lot if we don’t include them in our circles of friendship.

In a world marked by isolation and digital disconnection, Christ offers a kind of belonging that transcends superficial social ties. He calls his church to be an authentic Spirit-led community where lonely hearts find companionship in our struggles and joys—where Christian fellowship (koinonia) transforms solitude into sacred relationships.

Let the healing begin. 

David Faust is a contributing editor and columnist for Christian Standard and Senior Associate Minister with East 91st Street Christian Church, Indianapolis, Indiana.

Two central questions are driving this article. The first is philosophical: “Why is it that people are unable to talk about hard things anymore?” The second is practical: “How can Christians be different?” The ideas I provide below are my best effort to answer the second more practical question while offering comments along the way that hint at the first.

In a time when people can’t talk about hard things anymore, how can Christians be different?

WE REFUSE TO TAP OUT OF THE HARD CONVERSATIONS.

This is the exhausted posture that most people have chosen. “I’m out! No thanks! Don’t have the emotional energy to deal with all the crazy!” I get it. It’s not that you don’t have opinions, it’s that you aren’t interested in engaging in a “no-holds-barred, anything-goes” street fight in the comments section. Controversial conversations have become so toxic and zero-sum, especially online, that most Christians have tapped out.

I believe we must choose to never tap out. Tapping out of the conversation means letting the bullies win. The Word of God has something to say about the controversial issues of our time. How out of touch does the church look when sexuality, race, politics, ethics, and more are being debated on the news, on social media, and on the family-text thread, but we are silent. We have Jesus, the way, truth, and life. We have the Holy Spirit who can produce fruit like kindness, patience, and self-control as we speak into the controversy. We can and should be the first and best at speaking to this stuff.

It’s not an option just to disengage while false teachers scream false claims. Not only would that be an abandonment of our commission, but truth is too important. If the truth sets people free, then falsehoods

put people in chains. Tapping out allows bad actors to bully our communities (and often the emerging generation) into living against the grain of reality. If you live against the grain, you get splinters!

The biblical perspective is that God is the Creator and Designer. God has a vision for how he wants his world to work. To flourish, we surrender to his reality. When we speak out to discredit false teaching, it’s not that we are being closed-minded know-it-alls. It’s that we love people and want to see them live free.

WE PRIORITIZE EMBODIED DOMAINS OVER DIGITAL MEDIUMS.

God could have created humans without bodies, but he didn’t. As a point of comparison, he could have created us like angels who whisp around (do angels whisp?) in the spirit realm. Instead, we are embodied creatures. One of the major theological deficits modern people have is an appreciation that God put us in physical bodies. Through medicine and technology, it seems like we increasingly try to live in denial of them.

That said, a good rule of thumb would be that the more significant a conversation is, the more important it is to have in person. As our world becomes increasingly digitized, most people spend their entire day living through online mediums. Digital mediums pull us into a relational ecosystem that operates with an entirely different set of realities and rules. For example, in the embodied world, you have the luxury of facial expressions, tone of voice, and micro-observations that facilitate understanding in conversation. In the online world, it’s usually just written words. In the embodied world, anonymity is far less normal or possible in hard conversations. It would be weird for you to confront a stranger and berate them over a hot topic. That’s totally normal online.

I have had this weird experience the past few years. I have watched some of my dear friends develop two versions of themselves: an online version and an embodied version. The embodied version is who I grew to love at first. They don’t take themselves too seriously. They aren’t looking for a fight. They don’t even talk that much about politics, theology, and culturally hot topics. They are just . . . them. On the contrary, the online version is different. They are aggressive, snarky, and polarized. They are riled up by petty grievances and relentless over their pet peeves. They post things that they know will be hurtful to people they care about. They seem despairing and obsessive. What makes this weird is that I befriended the embodied version of them (and still enjoy that version of them), but the online version of them is unbearable and has made clear how they really feel about some of my beliefs.

WE FORM OUR MORAL BELIEFS BY SCRIPTURE RATHER THAN POPULARITY AND INCLUSION.

Andy Crouch argued that people today form their beliefs, not based on an honest read of Scripture or a sober assessment of right vs. wrong, but on inclusion and exclusion. “What will get me celebrated? What will get me canceled?” Then they live accordingly. The problem is obvious. We will never think clearly about truth if we immediately dismiss as false anything considered culturally out of step.

That said, as we stand on Scripture, it is important for us not to be intentionally adversarial. The strongest cultural apologists are those who demonstrate how Christian beliefs are good and beautiful. How does the gospel fulfill the longings, heal the wounds, and rehumanize the people of our time? When we can present God’s way as good, there is persuasive power. Unfortunately, sometimes that will not be

possible. In those moments, we must be prepared to face the shame storm, lose friends, or be canceled.

WE STRIVE TO LOVE ENEMIES AS MUCH AS WE STRIVE TO SPEAK TRUTH.

One of the most charitable things we can do is make a good-faith effort to acknowledge the best-case representation of others’ positions. That means not only resisting unfair caricatures but actively refuting them. That means refraining from resorting to logical fallacies. That means resisting the urge to speak hastily before we have enough information.

Enemy love also means minding our tone. Are our words loaded with rage, snark, and sarcasm? Are they crafted to embarrass others and rile our base? Self-control is a fruit of the Spirit. If we don’t have control over our anger, we should wait to engage in heated conversations. Anger is powerful. We get angry at people who say foolish things. We get angry at people who come at us. We get angry when we see online influencers who spin and sensationalize (the Oxford Word of the Year this year is rage bait. Look it up!). It is rare that we are able to channel our anger toward holy ends like Jesus.

As Christians, we can’t fight fire with fire. Fire doesn’t extinguish fire. Water does. We have been given cross-shaped means for combatting evil. At Jesus’ first coming, he exemplified the way of enemy love and called us to follow. At Jesus’ second coming, he promises that there will be justice and judgment doled out in a way that is satisfying. Vengeance is God’s someday, not ours today. The idea that we should stop being empathetic, abandon civility, or punch back because we only have two cheeks and can’t “turn the other cheek” anymore, undermines our core eschatological beliefs.

AS MUCH AS POSSIBLE, WE CHOOSE ACCOMMODATION RATHER THAN DIVISION.

This one is likely my most controversial point. We must be the sort of people and create the sort of churches that flex our unity muscle more often and in provocative ways. The Restoration Movement, most of all, should yearn to see truth and unity coalesced in our midst by the Holy Spirit. How would it look for us to choose accommodation rather than division more often?

Every church (and every person) has to choose the issues on which they will allow for disagreement and those on which they will draw the line. I’ve written on this before (see https://christianstandard. com/2023/05/gradations-of-unity/). Pretend we could draw four concentric circles. In the center circle, we place the essential beliefs of our faith (beliefs to die for). In circle two, we place denominational distinctives; that is, core beliefs we see as affirmed in Scripture but various denominations have split over in interpretation (beliefs to divide over). In circle three, we place beliefs that are ambiguous enough to not break fellowship over but still should be wrestled with (beliefs to debate). In circle four, we place beliefs that my dad always called “recreational theology” (beliefs to delight in). Every church must do the hard work of prayerfully discerning what goes where.

The problem is that too many are pushing issues into circle two (or even circle one) that could realistically be placed in circle three. It makes me sad when we break unity over positions that are essential to us but not to God. Until we begin to be more thoughtful and tolerant about our gradations of unity, our tribes will get smaller and the evangelistic potential of our unity will remain untapped.

Can’t we all agree that there are many issues in which both sides have strong arguments based on Scripture? Accommodation is a practice where each side agrees to forego getting everything they want so that missional

solidarity and Christian kinship will not be broken. It’s uncomfortable. It may even feel like compromise. But might this be what unity requires?

Most debates don’t end with a clear winner. Persuasion, if it ever happens, usually happens slowly over time. More often than we allow, the best outcome of an argument is accommodation between both sides so we can live in peace together. By accommodation, I do not mean you back off what you believe. I mean you respect what others believe by creating space in your circle for them to believe it.

It is easy for us to accommodate one another when our divergent beliefs don’t significantly impact communal practice. That is why you will see many churches whose congregations are mixed on beliefs like divine providence, the end times, Israel and the church, creation and human origins, sanctification and Christian maturity, or spiritual warfare. However, as beliefs move out of the ideals realm and into the realm of practice, they are harder for us to accommodate. Issues like women in leadership, spiritual gifts, political engagement, ordinances/ sacraments, and worship style are examples that churches struggle with.

On a personal level, I have done the work to come up with my own opinions on these issues. I trust that my beliefs are right; otherwise I wouldn’t believe them! That said, I’ve also done enough work to know that many who disagree with me are not idiots. They love the Bible and can make strong arguments for their practice. My prayer is that we work harder to create avenues of accommodation rather than walls of division. This will not be comfortable, but unity is worth it. 

Tyler McKenzie serves as lead pastor at Northeast Christian Church in Louisville, Kentucky. He also produces a fun Bible podcast for parents and their kids called "the Preacher and the Piano man."

“I’ve spent the better part of my adult life trying to be a shoulder for people to lean on, showing up when others are down. I answer phone calls I’m too tired to answer and carry burdens with strength I don’t have. When my dad died a month before I got laid off from my job, the absence of my friends felt like a punch to the gut. When neither my best friend nor my brother could find time to return my calls, it was as if I was drowning in an ocean of sadness and anger. Honestly, I don’t know if I’m ever going to get out of that ocean.”

DEATH BY A THOUSAND CUTS

Many of us have a similar story: death by a thousand cuts. First comes the initial injustice—painful and unfair. Then the wound is reopened countless times by the (now-former) friend refusing to make things right. As far as you know, they moved on with their life, leaving you to bleed at even the slightest memory of what they did to you.

Sure, you’d like to see things fixed. But, depending on what they did to you, that may not be possible. More than anything, you’d like the freedom to move on with your life instead of reliving the event over and over again.

A PLACE FOR ANGER

Without implying there was any good in what they did to you, I want to first suggest the value of anger in general. Anger has a place.

Anger reminds us there is still a right and wrong in the world. Injustice is wrong. Respect is right. Prejudice is bad. Love is good.

Universally, people of every ethnic group know this to be true. It goes beyond mere survival. Our capacity for anger isn’t the product of evolution. It’s the mark of being created by a God who pursues justice and hates evil (Isaiah 61:8).

Your anger is a reminder of this simple truth: it matters how we treat each other. It matters how people treat you, and it matters how you treat them.

MAN OF SORROWS

As followers of Christ, the first question we ask is, “Does the Bible address this situation? Are there words—divine words—to give voice to my pain?”

When the pain comes from a friend’s failure to be there when you need them most, the answer is an empathetic “yes.”

During his final night on earth, Jesus, alone and in agony, turned to his closest confidants: “My soul is crushed with grief. . . . Stay here and keep watch with me” (Matthew 26:36, New Living Translation).

Imagine the anguish washing over Jesus as he trembled back to his friends, only to find them sleeping while he suffered. Suffered alone and in the dark. When I read this story, I can almost smell the pain hovering in the garden. There’s an earthy mud mixed with salty tears and metallic blood, and it’s suffocating to a man who knows his breaths, however few he has left, are going to be taken alone.

I doubt you need much imagination to understand what happened here. One of the consequences of living in a fallen world is our capacity to both cause and experience suffering alongside those we love the most. While God does not choose to insulate us from that pain, he does enter into it. As a man of sorrows, well acquainted with grief (see Isaiah 53:3), Jesus lovingly reminds us: “I do know how you hurt, and there is a way through it.”

OBEDIENCE OVER EMOTION

As we watch Jesus in the garden that night, we see emotion—gut-wrenching emotion and distress. But we also see obedience and discipline driven by allegiance to his first love, that of the Father.

While emotions can be helpful indicators of which way our heart and our actions should lean, they must not become dictators, impatiently demanding we give way to their demands. Our emotions don’t always align with what we know to be best, occasionally urging us to seek revenge or to retreat when our Christian convictions would remind us that we are, through Christ, empowered for something better.

REFUSING TO PLAY THE VICTIM

By definition, victims are rendered powerless. They are wounded, damaged, and forced to (at least in the short term) play a passive role, watching and waiting as things play out around them.

No one wants to remain a victim, but we choose victim status more often than we realize. How do you know when you’re playing the victim? It comes down to one word: blame.

To prolong our victimhood, we’ll blame almost anything.

• Our spouse: “If you knew me 20 years ago, I was a different person. But my wife is just impossible.”

• Our wrongdoers: “I could forgive and move on if he would just apologize. How can I forgive without knowing he’s sorry?”

Thankfully, victimhood does not have to be a life sentence. If we’re going to endure the pain of betrayal or failure by those closest to us, we must understand the difference between fault and responsibility.

BLAME VS. RESPONSIBILITY

Blame is about assigning fault. It answers one simple question: who’s wrong? While it’s sometimes helpful to sort that out, the answer won’t bring healing.

You already know this, but it needs to be said: Assigning fault can’t heal your heart.

If assigning fault could mend our wounds, we wouldn’t be having this conversation about the pain that envelopes our heart at the hands of a close friend. Blame and fault can only take us so far. To go the rest of the way, we need to assume responsibility.

Responsibility isn’t concerned with who’s wrong. Responsibility asks a more grown-up question: who can do something about it?

Assuming responsibility is the key to no longer playing the victim. It is the only way your heart is going to heal. Let me say that again: no one—not even those who love you the most—has as much power over your heart as you (see Proverbs 4:23).

To handle anger in a healthy way, we need to listen to the words we use when talking about it. (For a deeper exploration of this concept, see Enemies of the Heart, by Andy Stanley, Multnomah, 2011.)

THE MATH OF ANGER

When someone hurts you, they’ve taken something from you. Maybe they took something as simple as $300 from your purse. Maybe they’ve done something far worse: they’ve taken your health, your stability, your peace, your trust, or your innocence.

This is why we say things like:

• I’ll get even.

• You owe me an apology.

• He stole my childhood.

• She took my family from me.

Anger creates debt. The math of anger wants the score to be even again. That’s not wrong, but it may not be helpful.

SETTLING THE SCORE

The preferred way to settle a debt is to be paid back. Who wouldn’t want their $300 back (with an apology)? That’s human nature. Actually, it’s God’s nature. You inherited that desire for justice from your Creator.

So, if it’s possible, give them an opportunity to repay the debt. Until shown otherwise, extend the same benefit of the doubt you would want if things were reversed. Take the high road with an explanation of how you’ve been hurt and give them a chance to make things right.

Please don’t be too quick to dismiss this option. If it works, both of you can progress through life with a clear conscience. You chose responsibility over blame. Marriages are saved in this way.

Blame seems preferable because it’s easier, but that high quickly wears off. Responsibility produces a better peace. Responsibility lets you sleep well at night.

What if this doesn’t work? You gave it a sincere effort, but they weren’t ready to do the right thing. Maybe approaching for an apology would be physically dangerous. Perhaps the person who hurt you has since died.

We still have the second option for settling a debt. If they won’t repay the debt, you’re going to have to forgive it.

FORGIVENESS: WHAT IT’S NOT

When we’re slow to forgive, it’s often because we misunderstand the nature of forgiveness. Here are three things forgiveness is not:

Forgiveness is not saying, ”It’s okay.” Rather, forgiveness is telling the other person: What you did to me is not okay. You were wrong, and you hurt me. If possible, I want you to fix what you broke. Otherwise, for the sake of my heart, I need to forgive.

Forgiveness is not forgetting. “Forgive and forget” is an ignorant, painful phrase. It’s not realistic. Forgiveness does not grant amnesia. Depending on the nature of the offense, the painful memories may never go away. However, without forgiveness, that initial injustice will turn into a thousand cuts. A wounded, angry heart creates new memories of old offenses.

Forgiveness is not trusting. If you file bankruptcy, the bank will forgive your debt. But they’re not going to give you a new loan the next day. That’s only going to happen after you establish a track record of integrity. Banks forgive loans when the effort of reclaiming the debt is no longer worth the pursuit. We should learn from that.

FORGIVENESS: WHAT IT IS

Forgiveness is saying: “I’m not going to use what you did to hurt either of us anymore.”

• Forgiveness acknowledges an evil was committed.

• Forgiving someone rewards you with an honorable conscience.

• Forgiveness is your attempt to live in a world of peace.

Let me close with a personal confession and a pastoral request:

IT’S NOT FAIR

I confess: in my anger, I shout “It’s not fair!” Of course, I’m right. It’s not fair.

But, I need to be reminded of something else as well: I don’t want fair. Deep in our hearts—in a place we don’t let many people wander—we’re keenly aware of our capacity to cause pain. If I was forced to repay all the debts I’ve incurred, I’d quickly go bankrupt.

I don’t want fair. I can’t afford fair. Grace is the only thing I have to stand on (see Romans 2:4).

FRIENDSHIP IS WORTH IT

It’s been said that friendship doubles our joy and divides our grief.

So, with the love of a pastor, I ask you not to give up on friendship. We are not created to go through life alone. As followers of Christ, we have the privilege of “one anothering” one another (see Galatians 6:2).

May we carry each other’s burdens lovingly, forgive quickly, and one day meet our Man of Sorrows, our glorious King, all his ransomed home to bring, then anew this song we’ll sing: Hallelujah, what a Savior!” 

”

Bill Mesaeh is a US Air Force chaplain in Pointville, New Jersey.

TEAR DOWN THIS WALL

My wife and I visited Italy for the first time this year with three other couples from our church. While in Tuscany, we toured ancient walled cities such as San Gimignano and Montepulciano. Pictures cannot capture the magnificent views from these mountaintop fortresses. Today, the gates open to thousands of visitors each day from nations around the world, strolling down the narrow cobblestone streets lined by shops, galleries, bakeries, and restaurants with some of the best pizza and pasta you will ever taste. Oh, and I almost forgot the gelato. Mamma Mia, what an experience!

What began as Etruscan villages (400-500BC) became walled fortresses 1,500 years later in response to outside threats from rival city-states. These walls protected the villagers from outside physical threats.

Today, we have more walls than ever. As followers of Jesus, we must embrace the urgent call for Christian unity, recognizing its power to influence this generation. There are walls everywhere: cultural, political, and religious. They run right through our relationships at home, at school, at work, and at church. Our example is crucial!

OPENING OUR GATES

Are we not living behind closed gates, defending against the rival city-states of our time? Can we recognize that these walls are isolating us and preventing us from sharing what we have to offer? Only by opening our gates and truly welcoming one another can we fully witness and appreciate the magnificent diversity of God’s church.

As a young Christian, I had been influenced to think of others outside of my fellowship of churches as rivals, either in error or possibly lost. When

I enrolled at Great Lakes Christian College, I was a five-year-old Christian with an attitude of superiority. I am sure I had an aura that resembled Pig Pen from the Charlie Brown comic strip. How I wish I could go back in time and talk to that young man. Unfortunately, I am also reasonably sure my younger self would not have listened well.

My experience at Great Lakes was a pivotal time in my journey. Lloyd Knowles, our church history professor, introduced us to authors like Leroy Garrett, who wrote The Stone Campbell Movement, and James DeForest Murch, who authored Christians Only. These books and his teaching created cracks in the wall and small openings in the gates, offering me a glimpse outside my cloistered world.

I wish I could say my sectarian attitudes fell like scales as they did from Saul’s eyes. They did not. But sometimes all that is needed is a nudge in the right direction. And, as a side note, we should never underestimate the impact of our Christian colleges and universities on hearts and minds.

PIVOTAL MOMENTS

Each of us remembers pivotal moments in history and turning points in our personal and spiritual journeys. I vividly remember June 12, 1987, when Ronald Reagan delivered his famous speech at the Brandenburg Gate, calling on Soviet leader Mikhail Gorbachev to “tear down this wall”—referring to the Berlin Wall separating the people of East Berlin from West Berlin.

The sudden construction of the wall in 1961 divided neighborhoods, cutting off people from their families, jobs, and social lives overnight. Many families were unable to see each other for years, and some were permanently divided. Sigrid Paul gave birth

OFTEN, PIVOTAL SHIFTS BEGIN WITH A NUDGE AND A FIRST STEP.

to her first child in 1961 at a Berlin hospital. Experiencing a difficult labor, her son Torsten was taken to intensive care. That night, the city was divided, and she was separated from her son for five years before being reunited. This story, among others, illustrates the tragic nature of ideologies that separate rather than unite.

The gates were opened on November 9, 1989. Consequently, ordinary people began deconstructing sections of the wall, marking the beginning of the end of the Cold War. These iconic moments eventually led to the reunification of Germany. Often, pivotal shifts begin with a nudge and a first step.

A pivotal moment in my personal and spiritual life began with a cup of coffee and conversation. I became increasingly burdened over the exclusive narratives within my fellowship and divisions within the streams of our Restoration Movement heritage. I began meeting with pastors and leaders from different streams of our movement. These were refreshing moments of new insight, open conversation, and transformative spiritual change for me.

THE BIRTH OF A MINISTRY

On one occasion, I met Scott, an elder of the Church of Christ in my hometown. We shared our sadness over the division within a movement that began with a plea for unity. I shared a slogan that had been brewing in my mind—“Unity starts with a cup of coffee.” The premise was that bonds of unity are more likely to form and be maintained at tables where people can build ongoing local relationships, share a meal or coffee, see Jesus in one another, and where one another’s love for the gospel can be seen. Where biblical convictions need not be sacrificed to recognize the Spirit living and working in one another’s lives.

Scott said, “Let’s do it!” And that was the nudge and first step toward Common Grounds Unity, a nonprofit focused on creating spaces for Christians to gather so we can recognize Jesus in one another. We are a unity ministry flowing out of the Restoration Movement, seeking to reimagine the original unity plea of our founders. We now have thousands of Christians, mostly from our Restoration heritage, connected through gatherings, the newsletter, the podcast, the website, and our YouTube channel. As remarkable as these are, the most rewarding and encouraging aspect of our journey has been the incredible relationships formed across the dividing lines of our movement and beyond. I have heard our gatherings referred to as a family reunion on multiple occasions.

BUILDING FRIENDSHIPS AND RELATIONSHIPS

Personally, I have been blessed with incredible friendships and relationships across the various streams of the Stone-Campbell Movement and beyond. My life has been enriched by numerous Christians who are members of tribes I previously viewed with negative assumptions and judgments. I have been pleasantly surprised to find many who hunger and thirst for the unity for which Jesus prayed (John 17:21-23). My assumptions about groups I previously viewed as legalistic, exclusive, and in error have been shattered. My heart has been freed to be inspired, challenged, shaped, and transformed by disciples of Jesus whom I would have never known had I not opened wide the gates and torn down the walls.

I love our heritage, the Stone-Campbell Restoration Movement. This is where I learned about God and the Bible, and where I was baptized into Christ. It was here I heard and came to respect slogans such as, "In essentials, unity; in opinions, liberty; in all

MAY WE HEED THEIR VOICES AND THE SPIRIT’S VOICE CALLING US TO

“TEAR DOWN THIS WALL.”

things, love,” “Christians only, but not the only Christians," and "Where the Bible speaks, we speak; where the Bible is silent, we are silent."

Granted, we have wrestled with drawing lines on the essentials, our movement has struggled with sectarian tendencies, and we have differed about whether silence is restrictive or permissive. And unfortunately, we have had far too many charismatic figures building walls instead of setting tables. But this is still my family, and I have a longing to build lasting bonds with all of it—even with the cranky ones who make a fuss.

There have been moments in my life when I failed to recognize that God creates unity, not me. I have drawn lines of fellowship where God does not. Jesus prayed for us to be one (John 17:21-23). Ephesians 4:3 reminds us to “maintain the unity of the Spirit.” And Romans 14:4 warns us about judging those who belong to God! My children often disagree, but as a father, it would break my heart if their differences led to estrangement. Undoubtedly, God our Father is longing for us to “accept one another . . . just as Christ accepted” us (Romans 15:7).

Our movement has many heroes, past and present, who have been inspirational advocates for unity: T.B. Larimore, Leroy Garrett, Don Dewelt, Victor Knowles, Rubel Shelly, Douglas Foster, Jeff Walling, and many more. May we heed their voices and the Spirit’s voice calling us to “tear down this wall.”

TAKE A STEP

Listen to the Spirit nudging you and make a move. Big Hairy Audacious Goals (BHAG) are not necessary. Start with one small step. Get a cup of coffee with someone outside of your fellowship of churches. I promise you God will show up!

ENJOY THE RIDE

Fasten your seatbelt and enjoy where the Spirit leads. I often reflect on what God has done with Common Grounds Unity, and the truth is that we stumbled onto what God was already doing. Put your sail into the wind and enjoy the ride!

BE CURIOUS

When I was younger, many conversations became a battleground over who was right and who was wrong. Now, curiosity helps me to value relationships more than winning battles. If our relationship with God depended on getting everything right, we would be in trouble.

Let God's mercy and your curiosity inspire you to look for the Christ in others, knowing that they are image bearers of the God who created us all. May we take a step toward unity, enjoy the ride, be curious, and tear down this wall. 

In conclusion, I encourage you to do three things: John Teal is President of Common Grounds Unity in Malibu, California.

Before any gathering, it’s important to set the table correctly. Not only should the plates and cutlery be appropriate for the meal, the food should resonate with the theme of the meal. Focaccia is wonderful when it’s homemade; however it doesn’t connect with Korean barbecue. If you intend the setting to be quiet and relaxed, Queen’s Night at the Opera, while one of the greatest albums ever recorded, might not be the correct choice. To provide the best meal possible, everything must align with purpose and intention.

The same is true with biblical study. If we engage in the deep study of Scripture, we do not just open up to a text and immediately ask ourselves what God is trying to say to us here. Context matters because knowing the context determines how we read the text and how the text reads us. Thus, when we turn to the Gospel of John, we need to set the table correctly. First, the fourth gospel does not play by the same set of rules as the Synoptic Gospels of Matthew, Mark and Luke. John comes from a single stream of material, given by a single eyewitness, and is (largely) independent of the other gospels. The Synoptics portray Jesus as one who preaches about forgiveness and God’s kingdom, and who exorcises demons, performs miracles, and tells stories. However, this is not the portrayal of Jesus in John’s gospel. We have a community that is downstream from Jesus’ time who is grappling with the meaning of who Jesus is and what he wants from his disciples during a time of great persecution. The Jesus of John’s Gospel offers signs

that point people to God and messages of reassurance (the “I am” statements) that confirm the meaning of the signs. This mostly covers chapters 1-12.

Then comes a truly unique portion of the fourth gospel—chapters 13-21, which is traditionally referred to as the Johannine Passion Narrative. Beginning with Jesus washing the disciples’ feet at the Passover meal (there is no institution of Communion in John’s Gospel), we see an incredibly intimate recounting of Jesus’ final instruction, the move to the Mount of Olives, Jesus’ agony in the garden, his arrest and trial, his death, and the glory of his resurrection. It is in this section of the fourth gospel that we find our text

I invite you to read John 15:9-17 in your translation of choice, mine being the New Revised Standard Version Updated Edition

Again, context—setting the table—is important. Depending on which translation you are reading from, 15:9-11 is either part of 15:1-8 (e.g., ESV, NASB2020, NRSVUE) or 15:12-17 (e.g., NA28 [the Greek text], NIV2011, NLT ). This matters because it demonstrates a choice made by the translators of the Bible that you are reading from as to what they think 15:9-11 connects to. What meaning or message is being conveyed? As I mentioned, I prefer the NRSVUE, which connects 15:9-11 to 15:1-8, so let us begin there. It is important to note that “abide” ( μένω, meno, can also mean “remain” or “dwell”), one of John’s favorite words, occurs 11 times in

this passage. This builds on what Jesus says in John 14, especially places like 14:10 and 20, where Jesus announces that he is how all disciples will connect with God because he abides in us through the Spirit.

This leads Jesus to share the final “I am” statement—that Jesus is the vine. The vine was a regular symbol for Israel, both positive and negative (cf., Isaiah 5:1-7, 27:2-6; Jeremiah 2:21; Ezekiel 15:1-8, 19:10-14; Hosea 10:1-2), and the specific action taken by the vinegrower (God) is that of cleansing (καθαρίζω, katharizo), or washing in a way that purifies one from all uncleanliness. This was Jesus’ earlier point to Peter about only needing to wash his feet. Although he did not recognize the change, being with Jesus had cleansed Peter (13:6-10). This is language of the cross that compels us to abide in Jesus so that we may be faithful. The cross is the place where God’s nature becomes clear in human history. The church can do nothing apart from Jesus just as Jesus can do nothing apart from God (15:5; cf., 5:19, 30; 2 Corinthians 3:5). Thus, Jesus ends 15:1-8 with a word about prayer. This is not a “blank check” for prayer, but a word about mission. To John, love for one another and a desire for mission are inseparable. The “abiding” that glorifies God is continuing in the character, nature, and mission of God.

This brings us, now, to our text of John 15:9-17, and our theme of friendship with Jesus. Going back to what we noted earlier about how this text is structured in our Bibles, I think it is safe to say that 15:9-11 is a transitional text, segueing from the paroimia (παροιμία; “proverb”) of 15:1-8 to the commentary on the parable of 15:12-17, a structure similar to Mark 4:120. Alicia D. Myers, in Reading John and 1, 2, 3

John: A Literary and Theological Commentary, notes that 15:9-11 begins the explanation of the paroimia in 15:1-8, and ultimately emphasizes the love command (13:34-35). Thus, the complex nature of 15:9-10 includes “layered parallelism” that emphasizes the meaning of the paroimia, being that “the interdependence of Jesus, the Father, and the disciples” is meant to give them “joy” even as they suffer for Jesus.

As we move to the second half of the passage (15:12-17), we should notice the structure of the passage. While not entirely a true chiasm, Charles H. Talbert, in Reading John: A Literary and Theological Commentary on the Fourth Gospel and the Johannine Epistles, is correct in noting the “frame” that 15:12 and 15:17 form, which frames Jesus’ explanation of the love that he has for the disciples. This explanation is built on two major ideas in this passage. First, the love that Jesus has for the disciples is the kind of love that is willing to die for a friend (φίλος, philos; 15:13; cf., 1 John 3:16). The image of being a friend of God courses through the Hebrew scriptures. For example, when God comes down from Sinai to speak with Moses at the tent of meeting, God does so “face to face, as one speaks to a friend” (Exodus 33:11). Also, when God puts the nations on trial to answer the question of who really writes history, God calls “the offspring of Abraham, my friend” as a character witness to God’s compassion and faithfulness (Isaiah 41:8-10; cf., Genesis 12:1-3; 2 Chronicles 20:7; Jas 2:23). This idea is even seen in the writings of ancient Greek philosophers like Aristotle and Epictetus, with perhaps Plato saying it best—“Love will make men dare to die for their beloved—love alone; and women as well as men.”

In this way, Jesus serves as both our “example” (πόδειγμα, hypodeigma; 13:15) and our connection to God. In laying aside his cloak to take up the towel to wash the disciples’ feet (13:4), Jesus subtly demonstrates that he is the Good Shepherd, the one who lays down his life for the sheep (10:11). Love, as defined as friendship with Jesus and God through Jesus, is not sentimental but ultimately realized in the cross. Jesus is not one seeking military or political power but trusts implicitly in God because in giving up of his physical life (ψυχή, psuche) for the redemption of humanity God promised to return his eternal life (ζωή, zoe) to him (10:18). With this reiteration of the love command (cf., 13:34-35), Jesus is announcing that the ethic of his kingdom will be one of love.

Second, the love that Jesus has for the disciples is a kind of love that knows and is known by the other (15:14-15). In words that harken back to John’s beautifully poetic prologue (cf., 1:16-18), Jesus reminds the disciples that friends have intimate access to one another. One of the key exegetical parts of this passage is Jesus’ use of the word δούλους (doulous), which literally means “slaves” and is translated as such in the NASB2020 and NLT, but the softer “servants” is used in the ESV, NIV and NRSVUE. While not quite the same as the form of chattel slavery practiced in colonial America, the stain of one human being owned by another, even if only in a casual fashion, is still implied here. Slaves (servants, if you prefer) do not always know the master’s business—even if they are as beloved as Downton Abbey’s Carson or Mrs. Hughes.

Friends, however, while “they were not necessarily of equal standing,” according to Myers, have a greater awareness of each other because “they were assumed to have some agency in showing loyalty or love.” In his usual didactic fashion, Jesus both operationalizes

and subverts the traditional understanding of friendship in the ancient world. He speaks “frankly” (παρρησία, parresia) with the disciples throughout the gospel—especially in the Passion Narrative—a trait praised by ancient philosophers such as Plutarch and Seneca when discussing friendship. He subverts convention through the continued use of fruit-bearing imagery. Abiding in Jesus (literally, Jesus’ house) produces fruit which makes us friends with Jesus. As R. Alan Culpepper notes in The Gospel and Letters of John, the final verses of the passage provide as “a commentary on the meaning of bearing fruit” and this commentary is “an interpretation of the new command and the allegory of the vine” (cf., 3 John 15). With the closing references to mission in 15:16-17, Jesus offers an invitation to trust God as the message of the cross is proclaimed. The cross is not a tactic; it is the revelation of God’s nature and is the message for the church. Thus the revelation of God has been made complete through the Incarnation.

There is so much more that I would like to talk about, like the background of the hymn, What a Friend We Have in Jesus, or which Queen song popped in my head when I received the kind invitation to write this article. I would have liked to spend a few moments reflecting on C. S. Lewis’ concept of friendship from The Four Loves. But, alas, as the walrus said to the carpenter, the time has come. So, as we conclude, remember that the table is set. The meal is simple, only a loaf of bread and a bottle of wine. Yet, our Friend welcomes us to the table and asks only that we love one another as he has loved us. 

Rob O’Lynn is Associate Professor of Preaching and Ministry, Kentucky Christian University, Grayson, Kentucky.

I don’t normally like feeling obligated to people, but there is one person I am obligated to, and it has been a blessing beyond belief! I first met Doug Crozier at the 2007 North American Christian Convention. I was invited to a luncheon for leaders of larger churches he was hosting. We were launching our first multi-site location in Macomb, Illinois, and needed another $500,000 to complete the job. We were working with our local bank at the time, but they were pushing back a bit, unable to understand our multisite vision. Doug did! He agreed to come out and see what we were doing in Quincy and Macomb. That day is imprinted on me. That was the day that Doug not only encouraged me in what we were doing, he cast a vision into me for five additional locations. He said he didn’t want just to help us with the $500,000; he wanted to finance all of our debt!

A MAN FOR THE MOMENT

That meeting set so many things into motion in my ministry. He platformed me with investors and other leaders, giving me a network I never had before. When The Solomon Foundation started, he invited me to be an initial board member and first loan. Through the years our relationship deepened even as TSF had unparalleled success. He didn’t finance five locations; he financed 12 and also a camp and offices. He was always there as a ministry partner, using God’s money as a tool to grow the kingdom . . . and boy, did it grow!

Without Doug and TSF, Christian Standard would be only a memory. I could go on and on. The thing is, my story isn’t unique. Doug has accomplished that with leader after leader and it has made an impression on Independent Christian Churches like no other! He has been instrumental in building bridges of unity with the various streams of the Restoration Movement and truly has been a force for growth and greatness . . . truly a man for the moment!

Jerry Harris Publisher of Christian Standard and former Senior Pastor of The Crossing

I am working on winding down. Trust me that is not easy. Working with our new CEO has energized me as I wind down my time at The Solomon Foundation. I have so many amazing friends, partners, memories, and stories I could write a book about. When we started TSF there were three major dates where critical decisions would have to be made, major tasks that needed to be completed to open a new church extension fund (CEF). No one had opened a new fund in decades. The three key dates were:

• October 29, 2010: Six of us met in the green room at Christ’s Church of the Valley in Peoria, Arizona, to discuss exploring the possibility of opening a new CEF. We decided within an hour of meeting to proceed. I was assigned the task of researching and reporting back. Two churches made a commitment of $250,000 each to help fund this new CEF. From this meeting I spent countless hours talking with attorneys, audit firms, other CEF executives, and came to the conclusion it may take up to 18 months to start the organization. IRS filings, audit filings, state filings, and on and on.

• December 7, 2010: After completing all my due diligence we decided to start a new CEF and form a board of directors. On December 7th, 15 years ago, eight people met in the Decatur Conference Room of the Hilton Garden Inn at the Indianapolis International Airport. We formed a Colorado not for profit corporation called The Solomon Foundation (TSF). Now the fun part! Complete the IRS Form 1023 and file it, which we were told would take up to 18 months to get approval. Find an office space, move to Denver, begin searching for a staff, and so many other tasks. The board meeting on December 7, 2010 ,was one of the three critical dates of forming TSF.

• April 6, 2011: After filing our IRS Form 1023 in late December of 2010, we received IRS approval in 63 days! Only God could have done that! So on April 6, 2011, we opened TSF for business in the Starbucks just south of Park Meadows Mall in Denver. Our office space was not ready until May 1, but we opened over $17 million of new investments in April of 2011.

So today is special, 15 years from what was technically our start date. It seems like yesterday. That meeting on December 7th was so critical in launching TSF! From the gift of two churches totaling $500,000, today TSF is the third largest CEF in America, with over 7,500 investors, $1.2 billion on deposit, and over 800 church partners growing to over $1.3 billion in total assets. TSF funded well over $2 billion in loans. Many years 20 percent annual growth was small. Many challenging times but ultimately God’s kingdom was the winner! TSF is the fastest growing CEF in American history. Its impact reaches all across the U.S. and in Eastern Europe. Since opening a new facility funded by TSF, there are over 250,000 more people in church every Sunday! Over 125,000 baptisms in new facilities funded by TSF. Countless changed lives and the saving of marriages, relationships, and lives. Contd...

Josh is 43 and I am 71 and yep, I can out travel him any day! Actually, he is a road warrior just like me. I am on my 137th flight for the year and have another seven more by December 17th before I shut it down for the holidays. Almost six million miles in the air and since 1982 I have flown on over 4,500 flights.

The next season will be fun for Julie and me. We will split our time six months in Scottsdale, Arizona, and six months in Lake Gaston, North Carolina, enjoying our grandchildren and visiting with friends all across the U.S. I will serve on the TSF board and also do some consulting with Josh to support him as he takes TSF to $5 billion! My main concentration will be raising funds through endowments and donor advised funds and also working closely with Jerry Harris as we take Christian Standard to a new level. I am also so excited about Josh and his leadership of TSF into the future. We found the needle in the haystack!

I have so many people to thank I cannot list them all. I must send a big thank you to Don Wilson, Tony Burgarello, Barry Cameron, Mac McElroy, and Mel Deitz for being the other five in the room with me on October 29, 2010. So many others (I know I will miss someone). But some more key relationships: Jim Putman, Jerry Harris, Chris Philbeck, Gary Beyschau, Gary Scheer, Dr. Alan Zimmerman, Steve Cuss, Russell Johnson, Kim Bittner, Sarah Roberts, Renee Little, Melissa Allen, Bill Shalkowski, Scott Taube, Lynn Ragsdale, Bob Smith, Dave Dummit, Rusty Russell, Tim Liston, Mont Mitchell, Greg Garcia, Matt Merold, Alan Stein, Darrel Land, Jimmy McLoud, Rebecca Graham, Matt Wilson, Orpheus Heyward, Richard Barclay, Andrew Martin, Mike Nave, Brian Fisher, Steve Siddle, Donnelle Heistand, Adrienne Green, Jeff Osborne, Josh Means, Jonathan Sams, Greg Hand, Dr. Ajai Lall, Randy Wheeler, Rowlie Hutton, Dr. Ken Idleman, Dr. Paul Alexander, Dr. Frank Weller, Dr. David Fincher, Dr. Wes Beavis, Will Mullins, Joe Forman, Jerry Lyon, Brandon Guidon, Rob Denton, Austin Bazil, Chad Goucher, Danny Cox, Nathan Freemen, Doug Fultz, Scott Jones, Mireya Fong, Jason Schnackberg, Tim Mort, Janelle Doud, Katie White, Adam Bradley ,and countless more! Too many to list, so please know if I missed you on this list, I am thankful for you!

A very special thank you to my daughter Renee Little, Chief Strategy Officer at TSF. She has been a rock star for me and TSF! From designing our logo when we started to laying out the strategy to take more ground for the kingdom, to organizing all the great TSF pastor and investor events throughout the years.

The one person who has been my rock is my life partner, Julie Crozier. She has been there each and every step of the way. My counselor on so many decisions. The late-night discussions, the long calendar meetings in our living room, the advice that always was the truth in the end, and I was always wrong! I love you Julie and I could not have accomplished what I have without you by my side all the way! Now help me in wishing TSF a 15th birthday from the date of its first board meeting.

TSF investors have helped add 225,000 seats to our partner churches. Stacked up, those seats would reach the top of Mount Everest. 4 Times.

29,040 ft

Mount Everest

I serve as the publisher of Christian Standard, a Restoration Movement magazine that has been continuously published for nearly 160 years. I would like to ask if your church would consider being a mission partner with Christian Standard. Here’s why: Like many of you, I took for granted the influence that the Restoration Movement, Christian Standard, and Standard Publishing had on my life. I was a Jet Cadet, an Alphateen, a Bible Bowl team member, a Junior Church preacher, a youth choir singer, and a youth group leader. Moreover, I went to Ozark Bible College, was ordained in an Independent Christian Church, married a Christian Church girl, and enjoyed a life calling as a preacher and leader.

I’m thankful that our churches have grown and flourished over the years, but many of the institutions, colleges, publishing houses, conferences, and other critical ministries that once helped define us have begun to fade away. Christian Standard is the oldest of these and continues to boldly define our movement by sharing our stories and keeping us connected to each other, celebrating our independence while leveraging the power of our unity.

Everything that we produce—our magazine, our news, ministry resources, archives, and other helps—are available for free at christianstandard.com. The support of benefactors, strategic partners, advertisers, donors, and subscribers make this possible. We would like to extend a new kind of partnership to our supporting churches and we are asking for your church to participate in this partnership by remembering us in your mission budget.

We’ve created four levels of support for this effort:

1) Harvesting Church: A gift of $1,000.00 annually to Christian Standard

We will publish your church’s name in all 6 issues of our print and digital magazine. In addition, we will provide 20 subscriptions of our print magazine for the year that you can distribute as you see fit. Also, we will feature a 1,000 word “Church Spotlight” article that shares your church’s story.

— We are praying for 100 churches to commit to this level —

2) Cultivating Church: A gift of $500.00 annually to Christian Standard

We will publish your church’s name in all 6 issues of our print and digital magazine. In addition, we will provide 10 subscriptions of our print magazine for the year that you can distribute as you see fit.

— We are praying for 200 churches to commit to this level —

3) Watering Church: A gift of $250.00 annually to Christian Standard

We will publish your church’s name in all 6 issues of our print and digital magazine. In addition, we will provide 5 subscriptions of our print magazine for the year that you can distribute as you see fit.

— We are praying for 500 churches to commit to this level —

4) Sowing Church: A gift of $100.00 annually to Christian Standard

We will publish your church’s name in all 6 issues of our print and digital magazine. In addition, we will provide 2 subscriptions of our print magazine for the year that you can distribute as you see fit.

— We are praying for 1000 churches to commit to this level —

How will this money be used? Presently, we are very close to breaking even financially, but there are many other resources we would love to provide to our churches and readers—at no cost—that require additional funds to complete. This influx of donations that we pray will come through this campaign would help us realize those possibilities and put Christian Standard on solid ground for a healthy future. Our desire is to help churches, not be a burden to them, so we believe the donation scale we are proposing has a place for every church to offer support for this ministry without it being a financial burden. In so doing, we will not only continue the 159-year history of this unifying ministry but open new bridges for cooperation and offer best practices for strengthening our movement in the U.S. and abroad.

If you are willing, please respond to aeharris@christianstandardmedia.com and I will send an invoice for your payment. Thank you for your kingdom service and your consideration of this request!!

HARVESTING CHURCHES

GALILEE

CHRISTIAN CHURCH

JEFFERSON, GA

GALILEE.ORG

COMMUNITY

CHRISTIAN CHURCH

NOTTINGHAM, MD

COMMUNITYCC.NET

CULTIVATING CHURCHES

HAVASU

CHRISTIAN CHURCH

LAKE HAVASU CITY, AZ

HAVASUCHRISTIAN.ORG

LAUREL SPRINGS

CHRISTIAN CHURCH

COSBY, TN

LAURELSPRINGSCHRISTIANCHURCH.ORG

WATERING CHURCHES

ANEHEIM FIRST

CHRISTIAN CHURCH

ANEHEIM, CA

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CENTER POINTE

CHRISTIAN CHURCH

LOUISVILLE, KY

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SOWING CHURCHES

motivate by david faust

Unexpected Friendships

Like precious jewels, friends can be found in surprising places.

Ruth Bader Ginsburg and Antonin Scalia were ideological opposites on the U.S. Supreme Court. She was a liberal icon and he was a staunch conservative, but they treated each other with humor and mutual respect.

Muhammad Ali was a brash boxer and Howard Cosell was a sharp-tongued sportscaster, but they enjoyed bantering and teasing each other.

The British Prime Minister, Winston Churchill, developed an unexpected friendship with the silent film comedian Charlie Chaplin. Chaplin once said Churchill “used words like a great actor uses gestures.”

The political rivals Thomas Jefferson and John Adams attacked each other bitterly during the 1800 presidential election. But after years of silence, they rekindled a positive relationship in old age, exchanging over 150 respectful letters until both died on July 4, 1826.

The satirical writer Mark Twain developed an unexpected friendship with Ulysses S. Grant, the stoic Civil War general and 18th president of the United States. Twain admired Grant’s honesty and courage, and he helped Grant publish his memoirs while the former president was dying of cancer.

Ronald Reagan was a conservative Republican, but his warm relationship with Tip O’Neill, the liberal Democratic Speaker of the House, helped them move legislative initiatives through Congress.

The Restoration Movement champion Alexander Campbell vigorously debated the utopian socialist Robert Owen. Their beliefs clashed harshly, but their personal interactions were remarkably civil. Campbell welcomed his debate opponent to his home near Bethany, West Virginia, and he reportedly remarked that Owen treated him more like a gentleman than any of the preachers he debated.

Surprising Friendships in the Bible

The 12 apostles included some unexpected personality combinations. Jesus teamed up Matthew the tax collector with Simon the Zealot (Matthew 10:24). And the analytical, skeptical Thomas doesn’t seem like a natural fit with the fiery Sons of Thunder, James and John.

Pharisees and Herodians usually had nothing to do with each other, but they found common ground in their animosity toward Jesus, and they put aside their differences to plot the Lord’s death (Mark 3:6). During Jesus’ trial, “Herod and Pilate became friends—before this they had been enemies” (Luke 23:12, New International Version).

“Are you pursuing any bold friendships that expand your relational comfort zone?

One of the most surprising friendships described in the Bible is the relationship we can have with God. Rebellious and self-willed, we have treated the Lord like an enemy, but Scripture declares: “While we were still sinners, Christ died for us” (Romans 5:8) and he chooses to call us friends (John 15:13-15).

Venturing Outside the Friendship Comfort Zone

In my book, Not Too Old—Turning Your Later Years into Greater Years (College Press, 2024), I describe three kinds of friendships we should pursue as we age: OLD friends, GOLD friends, and BOLD friends.

Old friends are those you have known for a long time, with whom you enjoy comfortable chemistry and many shared experiences. Old friends are familiar faces you see at church, neighbors who call out cheerful “hellos” when you walk past their homes, and former classmates you have known since high school or college. Some of these old friends I call “gold friends,” because like gold, such friendships are rare and durable—and they stay beautiful over many years.

But we also need some “bold” friends, and bold friendships require intentional cultivation and persistent effort. Do you restrict your social interactions to familiar acquaintances who have a lot in common with you? Are you pursuing any bold friendships that expand your relational comfort zone? For example:

• Make friends with someone from a different religious, cultural, or ethnic background than your own.

• Make friends with someone you don’t like. “If your enemy is hungry, feed him; if he is thirsty, give him something to drink” (Romans 12:20). Abraham Lincoln asked, “Do I not destroy my enemies when I make them my friends?”

• Make friends with people others tend to overlook Jesus emphasized this point by saying, “When you give a luncheon or dinner, do not invite your

friends, your brothers or sisters, your relatives, or your rich neighbors; if you do, they may invite you back and so you will be repaid. But when you give a banquet, invite the poor, the crippled, the lame, the blind, and you will be blessed. Although they cannot repay you, you will be repaid at the resurrection of the righteous” (Luke 14:12-14).

• Make friends with someone from a generation other than your own. We miss great blessings if we only associate with our own age groups.

Our church has a program called King’s Men (K Men for short). A group of six to eight men agree to read a series of books on the Christian life and meet together once a month for about eight months at the homes of the various men (or in restaurants). After eating together, the guys discuss what they learned from the book and pray together. For years, I resisted being part of a K Men group because I already have a busy schedule (and I didn’t relish the idea of assigned reading!). But when I finally joined the program, I was surprised how much I liked it. Young men in their twenties and thirties invited me to their homes where I ate with them and learned about the questions, stresses, and challenges they face.

So I urge you: Make some bold friends. Start or join a small group where most of the participants don’t already know each other. Connect with your neighbors. Invest in relationships outside your comfort zone. Get involved and stay involved in your local church. And don’t be surprised if you find new friends in unexpected places.

“Rest in the shadow of the Almighty” (Psalm 91:1). 

Dave Faust serves as contributing editor of Christian Standard. He has written a weekly lesson application for our Bible study material for several years. Previously, he was editor of The Lookout magazine. Dave presently serves as senior associate minister with East 91st Street Christian Church in Indianapolis, Indiana.

BEST BUDDIES

By John Hampton and David Vaughan

FROM JOHN

Years ago, Gallup conducted a major poll of the top “felt needs” of Americans. “Having good friends” was remarkably high on the list. That’s no surprise. Outside of our families, friends often shape us more than anything else. But here’s the challenge: you never drift into deep friendship. Like anything that truly matters, friendship requires attention, investment, and intentionality.

An old Kenny Rogers song said it best: “You can’t go out and make old friends.” Old friendships aren’t manufactured. They’re formed slowly through years of shared life.

I met my best buddy, David Vaughan, during my freshman year at Cincinnati Bible College in the fall of 1980. I was 17, he was 19. Our rooms were side by side, but we soon found ourselves by each other’s side, bonding over basketball, University of Kentucky hoops, chocolate chip cookies, and preaching. He introduced me to golf, launching decades of friendly competition. I was a late addition as a groomsman in his wedding; two years later, he was the best man in mine.

Since then, we’ve watched our children—and later grandchildren—grow up. We’ve weathered every imaginable season of ministry together. We’ve

traveled, shared burdens no one else knows, and seen the good, the bad, and the ugly in each other.

To paraphrase Steve Martin’s joke about Martin Short, “David Vaughan and I have known each other so long, we can finish each other’s careers.” In many ways, we are doing exactly that. Here are a few lessons we’ve learned across four and a half decades of friendship.

BUDDY-BUILDING BLOCKS

Deep friendships are intentional, not accidental. You don’t drift into meaningful relationships— you choose them, schedule them, and nurture them. Dave and I have usually lived hundreds of miles apart, yet we’ve always shown up for each other through calls, visits, vacations, golf trips, and ministry gatherings.

You can’t “make” old friends later—so invest early and consistently. Neither of us knew in 1980 how essential our friendship would become, but God did. Old friends grow together slowly through loyalty, presence, and countless shared experiences. We planned our calendars around opportunities to be together, and those moments often came at exactly the right time in our lives and ministries.

Shared history creates unbreakable bonds. The silly, the sacred, the stressful, the surprising— they all accumulate into something strong and steady. From eating cookies and playing video games as Bible college students, to sermon planning as preachers, to world travel and deep conversations with our wives, our decades of shared moments have built something time can’t erode and troubles can’t erase.

Real friends stay through every season. They see your whole story—the good, the bad, and the embarrassing—and they stay. Dave has shown up in hospital rooms, ministry transitions, and personal crises. Sometimes he arrived when I least expected it, but most needed it.

Investing in friendship is investing in your future health and resilience. A faithful friend becomes your “first call”—your go-to source of strength when life hits hard. Build friendships now, because when the road gets rough (and it will), you’ll be grateful for someone who’s already traveled so much of it with you.

David Vaughan was the best man at my wedding and remains the best man in my life. I pray every preacher will have a friend like Dave—or better yet, be one in the life of another.

FROM DAVID

As John mentioned, he and I love golf. I can’t begin to recount the discussions and decisions we’ve made on the course. We started golfing early in our friendship, and we’ve played all over the U.S., and even at the Old Course at St. Andrews. We’ve been a team for decades.

Golf is full of axioms that apply to life. Three of them, in particular, describe why our friendship has flourished.

Give (and receive) mulligans. A mulligan is a do-over after a bad shot. It isn’t in the rule book, but it sure preserves your game— and in our case, our friendship. We’ve given each other plenty of relational mulligans.

I’ve forgiven John for things we laugh about now— like the time he hit me with an errant golf shot while we were playing with my dad! And he has forgiven me for many more things. But nothing has ever fractured our friendship because we have given and received mulligans.

Choose your clubs wisely.

Club selection is crucial in golf. In life, your success often depends on the people you choose to surround yourself with. I was wise enough to keep John close. Scripture speaks of “a friend who sticks closer than a brother.” John has been that friend to me. I never had a biological brother, but God gave me one in him.

He has built me up, not torn me down. Invited me in when others kept me out. Wanted me to win, even if he didn’t win. Years ago, he even turned down a great preaching position because I had applied for the same role and he didn’t want to hurt my chances. The search committee chair later told me that John said, “I was friends with David Vaughan before I applied, and I will be friends with him when I am no longer the preacher at this church. Our friendship matters.” That is loyalty.

Play your back nine well.

Golfers know what matters most is not how you start, but how you finish. As I watched John retire from his lead pastor role, he played his back nine brilliantly. And now, he and I get to play the next back nine together—coaching, teaching, and helping other pastors and churches with what we’ve learned from all our past rounds.

I’m grateful John invited me to be his partner in golf and in life. And if I had only one more round to play, I’d want it to be with him—my best buddy. 

John Hampton is Pastor Emeritus of Journey Christian Church, Apopka, Florida, and Program Director of the Compelling Preaching Initiative with the Christian Church Leadership Network.

David Vaughan is retired Senior Pastor of Whitewater Crossing Christian Church, Cincinnati, Ohio, and Program Director of the Healthy Church Initiative with the Christian Church Leadership Network.

DON’T MAKE MY MISTAKE

By: Mike Edmisten

“If you can’t be a good example, then you’ll just have to be a horrible warning.” That quote is often attributed to Catherine Aird, the British novelist.

This edition of Christian Standard offers good examples of ministry friendships. My own story, however, might serve as a counterweight. It is a warning about what happens when friendships are neglected, especially in local church ministry.

I have invested 27 years in ministry, with the last 17 as a lead pastor. During that time, I enjoyed many authentic, meaningful friendships within our church family. But I wasn’t intentional about building relationships with ministers in other churches.

I wasn’t a total recluse. If another pastor reached out and wanted to meet for coffee, I almost always said yes. And there were numerous local church leaders who pursued friendship with me. I’m deeply grateful to them.

I rarely initiated those connections myself, though. I also tended to skip local networking gatherings, leadership conferences, and other opportunities to connect. I told myself I had good reasons.

What I actually had was a list of bad excuses.

EXCUSE #1: “I’M AN INTROVERT.”

Seeking out new relationships felt like emotional labor. Ministry was taxing enough already, so I convinced myself I didn’t have the energy for even more connections.

I’ve learned something, though. Yes, I’m an introvert. But so are many other ministers. As odd as it sounds, many introverts gravitate toward this public-facing role.

If that describes you, please hear this from a fellow introvert: there will always be a temptation to hole up in your office for more sermon study instead of heading to Starbucks to meet with another local pastor.

I’m not suggesting that you skip your sermon prep, but don’t let your office become a place to retreat from critical friendships.

EXCUSE #2: “I’M TOO BUSY.”

Ministry never stops. As the saying goes, “Sundays come around with increasing regularity.” There will always be another meeting, sermon, or email waiting for you.

I’m a pragmatist by nature, and taking time out to meet with another pastor for lunch just didn’t feel “productive.” But friendship is hard to measure or quantify. It is not a deliverable you can include in your next elder report. But remember the old axiom: “Not everything that can be counted counts, and not everything that counts can be counted.”

EXCUSE #3: “I DON’T MEASURE UP.”

This one was the hardest to admit. There were seasons when I felt like a ministerial fraud. I was leading a turnaround church and progress was slow. In many gatherings with other pastors, I was leading the smallest church in the room. While others celebrated wins, I was just trying to survive the next difficult meeting. I thought they would pity me, and I hate being pitied, so I would often skip those gatherings.

Over time, I realized this narrative only existed in my head. In reality, nearly all pastors wrestle with feelings of inadequacy. Some just hide it better than others. I thought I was the only one battling imposter syndrome, until I began talking openly with others and discovered they felt the same way. Ministry friendships don’t completely erase those feelings, but they do remind you that you’re not alone. When answers are scarce and you’re running on fumes, there is value in commiserating with someone who “gets it.” No one understands a pastor like another pastor.

DISCOVERING WHAT I MISSED.

Today, in my role as Managing Director of the CCL Network, I regularly meet with ministers and church

leaders to encourage and support them. Truth be told, I’m usually the one who walks away encouraged.

I’ve cultivated more ministry friendships in the past year than I did in any five-year span as a local pastor, and those friendships have been life-giving. It is absolutely the best part of my job, which is why I’m so frustrated with my younger self. Ministry is a grind, and I neglected the balm of ministry friendships for far too long. I also neglected my responsibility to my fellow pastors.

Paul said it plainly: “Bear one another’s burdens, and thereby fulfill the law of Christ.” (Galatians 6:2, New American Standard Bible) When I withdrew from relationships with other church leaders, I wasn’t bearing their burdens or allowing them to bear mine. That isolation wasn’t just unwise. It was disobedient.

AN INVITATION TO CHOOSE DIFFERENTLY.

Thankfully, by God’s patience and grace, I see things differently now. I can’t redo the past, but I can live differently today, and so can you.

Put this article down and make that call. Send that text. Write that email to another local pastor. Strengthen an existing friendship or cultivate a new one.

I used to think I didn’t have time for that.

Now I realize I don’t have time not to. 

After 27 years in local church ministry, Mike Edmisten now serves as the Managing Director of the CCL Network.

HELPING CHILDREN BUILD GOD-HONORING FRIENDSHIPS

By Michelle Maris

God created us for connection. From the beginning, we were designed for relationships with him and with one another. Friendship is one of the sweetest expressions of that design. Through friends, children learn who they are, how to love others, and what it means to belong.

Church can be one of the most powerful places for this kind of growth, a community where children learn to love like Jesus, share joy, and build relationships rooted in faith and grace.

But lasting, healthy friendship doesn’t just happen. It grows through stages. Understanding these stages helps parents nurture the right kind of social and spiritual development, especially in a world where screen time often replaces faceto-face time and digital “likes” pass for real relationships.

STAGE 1: PLAYMATES AND PROXIMITY (AGES 2–4)

In the preschool years, children explore social life beyond their family. At this stage, friendship is mostly about proximity and play: “You’re next to me, so you’re my friend!”

Jean Piaget notes that young children are developing symbolic thought. They imitate, pretend, and begin to understand emotions. Erik Erikson described this stage as a time when kids

are learning independence and initiative. Their friendships are simple and immediate, but deeply important. They lay foundations for empathy, trust, and cooperation.

Parents can nurture early friendships by:

• Modeling kindness and turn-taking.

• Planning short, structured playdates.

• Teaching phrases like “Can I play?” and “I like playing with you.”

In a church setting, preschoolers learn connection through group songs, sharing toys, or listening to Bible stories together. Each moment of gentle guidance plants a seed: being kind and including others is part of following Jesus.

STAGE 2: SHARED FUN AND EARLY EMPATHY (AGES 5–7)

As children start school, they begin to understand fairness, empathy, and that friends have feelings, too. Friendship becomes about shared interests: “You like what I like, so we’re friends.”

This is the perfect age to teach what good friendship looks like. Proverbs 17:17 reminds us, “A friend loves at all times, and a brother is born for adversity” (English Standard Version).

Ask your child questions like:

• “How did you show kindness to a friend today?”

• “What can you do if someone feels left out?”

The friendship of Jonathan and David is a powerful example. “Jonathan made a covenant with David, because he loved him as his own soul” (1 Samuel 18:3). Children can grasp that real friends are loyal and willing to do what’s right . . . even when it’s hard.

During this stage, kids begin moving from playmates toward emotional connection. They are practicing what it means to care for another person’s heart.

STAGE 3: TRUST AND TEAMWORK (AGES 8–10)

By middle childhood, friendships deepen around trust, loyalty, and shared purpose. Kids more clearly understand honesty, fairness, and right and wrong.

This is the stage where the friendship between Woody and Buzz in Toy Story resonates. They began as rivals, but through shared challenges, they became loyal friends. That’s how real friendship grows.

Parents can support this growth by:

• Encouraging teamwork through service projects or ministry roles.

• Coaching kids through conflict rather than immediately rescuing.

• Affirming qualities like honesty, dependability, and inclusion.

This is also the right age to talk about discernment and friendship heartbreak. Proverbs 13:20 teaches, “Walk with the wise and become wise; associate with fools and get in trouble” (New Living Translation). It’s better to have no friends than bad friends. Stepping back from unkind or unhealthy friendships is the wisest choice. God will provide healthy connections in his time.

STAGE 4: SHARED IDENTITY AND BELONGING (AGES

11–13)

Preteens long to belong. Friendships now help shape identity. Kids ask, “Who am I?” and “Where do I fit?” They begin thinking more abstractly about loyalty, trust, and justice. Peer pressure grows much stronger.

At the same time, digital connection increasingly replaces in-person friendship. Online chatting or gaming may feel social, but screens can’t teach empathy or the warmth of shared laughter. Encourage your preteen to

balance screen time with real connection—serving at church, attending youth group, or spending time outdoors with friends.

Jonathan Haidt, in The Anxious Generation, warns that children raised in a “phone-based childhood” miss the dense, in-person interactions needed for emotional maturity. Excessive smartphone use fragments attention, disrupts sleep, heightens anxiety, and replaces real relationships with shallow digital exchanges. A screen’s glow can never replace the growth that happens in genuine community.

Proverbs 27:17 says, “As iron sharpens iron, so a friend sharpens a friend.” Real friendships build strength and faith. Jonathan and David’s story models this beautifully: “Jonathan went to find David and encouraged him to stay strong in his faith in God” (1 Samuel 23:16).

FROM STRANGER TO FRIEND: GOD’S DESIGN FOR CONNECTION

Children naturally move through layers of relationship:

1. Strangers – where safety and curiosity begin.

2. Casual friends – where fun and differences are explored.

3. Close friends – where loyalty and empathy grow.

4. Deep friendships – where hearts connect and faith strengthens both people.

God designed us not to stay at the surface, but to experience deep friendship reflecting his love and faithfulness. Jesus said in John 15:15, “I have called you friends.” True friendship is one way

WHY CHURCH FRIENDSHIPS MATTER

The church provides a safe, faith-filled community for these stages to unfold. When children pray, serve, and worship together, they experience belonging that is rooted in Christ’s love, not just shared hobbies.

Every child’s friendship journey is a story of growth, grace, and God’s design for connection. Like Woody and Buzz, real friends are forged through challenges and teamwork. Like Jonathan and David, true friendship reflects loyalty and faith. As parents, you have the privilege of guiding children toward friendships that truly last—relationships grounded in the light of Christ, which shines brighter than any glowing screen. 

Michelle Maris has served as a developmental therapist, special needs pastor, and early childhood educator. She equips churches through training, curriculum development, and trauma-informed ministry and currently leads the Nurturing Children Initiative for the Christian Church Leadership Network.