Tableau de a L’intérieur
Prologue: A Glimmer of Hope.....................................................1 The Besotted Vizier...................................................................... 8 The Four Great Lords Etcetera................................................. 9 The Mogloré................................................................................. 13 “The Vast Cloud Of Dust”......................................................... 16 “The Taille of the Punctilious Plenipotentiary”............... 17 “The Taille of the Meticulous Inermediary”...................... 19 “Chronicles of the Indefatigueable Internuncio”............. 19 Under The Auspices Of An Inauspicious Arrival............. 21 Of Mixed And Motley Mien.....................................................24 A Grotesque Performance........................................................27 Interlude: Nastie Thynges........................................................30 A Sleepless Night.........................................................................34 Abandoning All Precedent.......................................................36 A Pet Eat Di Junay.......................................................................37 The Feaste......................................................................................44 The Telling Of The Tailles Of Pippidufka............................45 After the Feast..............................................................................46 Quattro Intermezzi.....................................................................50 At the Crossroads........................................................................59 The Sounds of War......................................................................62 And The Last Shall Be First. At Last.....................................66 Reprise............................................................................................68 A Safe Returne..............................................................................70 The Greate Unspeakable Emptiness....................................76
Back Matter
Reviews.....................................................................................................79 The Pippidufka Series..........................................................................80 The Author............................................................................................... 81 Other Works............................................................................................82
PROLOGUE
(A Glimmer of Hope)
from The Journals of the Travels of Akbar the Tardy
to the Great Emptiness and Other Lost Places
FOR YEARS I had dreamt of finding the
fabled Golden Kingdom of Ibn al H’asim al Ibn Hassa’an Shah, that storied mountain hegemony that had as its hallmark the flourishing of all things wise and beautiful, whose attainments in the arts and pursuit of knowledge were matched, nay, surpassed only by its peaceful and profitable relations with its neighbors and whose profound influence was felt as far south as the torrid Bengals and as far east as the frigid Koryons.
I HAD DREAMT OF FINDING THE FABLED GOLDEN KINGDOM OF IBN AL H’ASIM AL IBN HASSA’AN SHAH...THAT HAD AS ITS HALLMARK THE FLOURISHING OF ALL THINGS WISE & BEAUTIFUL {1}
(Upon arrival) NOW, at long last, I, pitiful Akbar the Tardy
— Also known as Akbar the Inopportune, Akbar the Infelicitous, Akbar the Untimely or simply Ibn Al Quat: He who arrives after the goat is eaten — who has failed at all my ventures save that of deserving my epithet, have found her.
BUT I am standing not amidst palaces of teak
and marble, filigreed with gold and ivory, but amidst rubble and ruin. Who the perpetrators of her destruction were and the exact nature of the events that led to her rapid and violent decline, are lost forever in these silent stones.
BUT I AM STANDING NOT AMIDST PALACES OF TEAK AND MARBLE, FILIGREED WITH GOLD AND IVORY, BUT AMIDST RUBBLE AND RUIN {4}
(A few weeks later) A RAY of hope in the middle of darkness:
a local whom I met as he sat perched on a large boulder, a smuggler of artifacts no less, with whom I have been able to establish communication, has sold to me, for a mere pittance, a what appears to be a genuine “Official Great Mappe of the Golden Kingdom. One Copper” showing in its center, to my utter disbelief and amazement, a desolate territory labeled “The Greate Emptiness”. The Greate Emptiness!? Could fate have been so benevolent at last to have brought me so low, only to show me the way to the legendary village of Pippidufka? ( I start off on the morrow)
A LOCAL WHOM I MET AS HE SAT PERCHED ON A LARGE BOULDER, A SMUGGLER OF ARTIFACTS NO LESS, HAS SOLD TO ME, FOR A MERE PITTANCE, A WHAT APPEARS TO BE A GENUINE OFFICIAL GREAT MAPPE OF THE GOLDEN KINGDOM {5}
The Besotted Vizier OR
Why Pippidufka Cannot Be Found On A Map ALSO KNOWN AS
“The Inebriated Internuncio" “The Pickled Plenipotentiary"
“The Besotted Vizier ’tis the taille most suited
for gatherynges of idlers, phantasists, time-weavers, woole-gatherers, vagabond poets, rebellious artistes, villainous scriveners, diffident heretics and such-same ignorant trouble-makers who prefereth it’s falsettés above alle other troothes.” —Sir John Mandeville. As Thyse Tailles are Tolde. A Gydebooke for Bardes: Being A Compendium of the Protocols, Pleasures and Perils of the Performanse of The Tailles of Pippidufka
ONCE UPON A TIME, LONG AGO [OR: VERY RECENTLY] FAR, FAR AWAY [OR: JUST AROUND THE BEND ET CETERA] THERE WAS A KINGDOM IN THE MIDDLE OF A VAST FERTILE PLAIN. {8}
THE FOUR GREAT LORDS ETCETERA*
ONCE UPON A TIME, long ago [OR: Very
recently], far, far away [OR: Just around the bend et cetera ] there was a kingdom in the middle of a vast fertile plain. [OR: In a mountain valley, on the edge of a great desert, or by the sea] In that kingdom there lived Four Great Lords [OR: Dukes, Sheikhs, Proconsuls, Commissars, Doges, Satraps, or Warlords. — It all depends who is telling the tale.) — and all the others of their retinue — Ministers, Councilors, Advisors, Generals, Knights, Courtiers, Squires. Etc — and the Four Great Lords’ Ladies and all the others of their retinue — Ladiesin-waiting, Femmes du Chambres, Maids, Old Maids, Castratos, Eunuchs, etc.— and the Four Great Lords’ Courtiers and all the others of their retinue — Priests, Scribes, Sergeants-at-Arms, Falconers, Footmen, Mutes, Jesters, Dwarfs, Servants, Servant’s Servants, etc — and these Four Great Lords had been at war with one another for as long as anyone could remember.
* [The traditional short-of-hand for The Four Great Lords and All the Others of Their Retinue, and the Four Great Lords’ Ladies and All the Others of Their Retinue, and the Four Great Lords’ Court and All the Others of Their Retinue, etc., also, referred to in the texts, variously, as: The Four Great Lords Et Cetera, The Four Lords Et Cetera, “The Four Et Ceteras, The Four Lords Dot Dot Dot or, simply, The Four Dots.] {9}
AND “For as long as anyone could
remember” was such a very long span of time indeed,
that nary-a-one of that anyone which anyone happened to include The Four Great Lords Etcetera* could remember how lengthy a period of time for as long as anyone could remember was… Let alone remember what it was they had been fighting about [OR: for, against or over] in the first place.
NOT of course that that mattered in the least, at
the last… Praise—or curse— the Saints [Most often: ST. BLUDGYNN, Patron Saint of the Manufacturersof-Arms-and-Armor; ST. HECTARE, Patron Saint of the Drawers of Mappes; and ST. BUNCOMAN, Patron Saint of Tellers-of-Tailles] for with the passage of time, enough, other, More Recent and Serious Offenses, Snubs, Murders, Poisonings, Assassinations, Patricides, Regicides, and Infanticides [Not to mention the usual-everyday-plain-old Pillagings, Plunderings and Rapings ] had occurred to fuel the flames of a hundred such conflicts.
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IN TROOTHE, if one were to view “The Latest Up to Date Official Subject to Change Without Notice Greate Mappe of the Realm [OR: King-
dom, Empire, Nation, State, Sultanate, etc. It all depends who is telling the tale] Drawne in the Moderne Multi-Layered Style, Showing All at One Sight, the Compleate Shiftes of Fortunes and Borders, Sites of Battles & Levelling of Cities, Laying to Waste of Countrysides and the Suche. One Copper!” [Heretofore and usually referred to as: The Official Greate Mappe of the Realm One Copper] It would appear to the uninitiated [i.e., all but those Cartographers, Surveyors, Engravers, Artists and Printers whose livelihoods depend upon those very conflicts to necessitate such frequent and, hopefully, endless revisions and obsolescence’s] like a book to an illiterate: a many coloured crazy-quilt of scratchings, cross-hatchings, inter-layerings, dots, dashes, arrows and lines created by some artist or scrivener or other inhabitant of an asylum for lunatics.
IN THAT KINGDOM THERE LIVED FOUR GREAT LORDS [OR: DUKES, SHEIKHS, PROCONSULS, COMMISSARS, DOGES, SATRAPS, OR WARLORDS. — IT ALL DEPENDS WHO IS TELLING THE TALE.) — AND ALL THE OTHERS OF THEIR RETINUE — MINISTERS, COUNCILORS, ADVISORS, GENERALS, KNIGHTS, COURTIERS, SQUIRES... { 12 }
THE MOGLORÉ
IN THIS particular case—which is assuredly not the
usual case—a time came when everyone in the kingdom —except of course for The Four Lords Et Cetera — became sick unto death of the entire affair and amongst that everyone was not just anyone but the current Mogloré * [OR: King, Rajah, Sultan, Pasha, Emperor, Czar. It all depends who is telling the tale]…and for The Mogloré those The Four Lords Et Cetera, as seen from his exalted height, were only a step or two above the lowest of the low of his subjects. The Four Lords Et Cetera had made themselves an imperious pain in the imperial arse of the Mogloré, who was besieged by advisors, councilors, ambassadors, generals, merchants — even scriveners of broadsheets! —demanding to know when and how he would deale with this situation. Thus unable to focus upon those things he considered most vital to the well-being of his kingdom and his legacy. To wit: Monument Building, Commissioning of Laudatory Musiks, the Development of New Species of Orchids, tending to the Royal Menagerie, Dog-breeding, Falconry, Pederasty and the like.
*THE AKRONYM by which the palace guards were instructed to refer to him [“akronyms”, being in those times a new invention, the mere having of one was considered a social necessity amongst the royal classes, so much so, that its sound upon the tongue, bestial though it be mattered little) { 13 }
MOST OMNIPOTENT & GLORIOUS LORD OF THE R EALM
The Mogloré was finally roused to action and promulgated a Royal Edikt, commanding The Four Lords Et Cetera to immediately desist from all hostilities and to gather together in a great encampment to await the arrival of an Emissary Extraordinaire [OR: Vizier Vitae, Plenipotentiary Pro Forma, Internuncio Inter-Alii, i.e. Hatchetman and Enforcer. It all depends who is telling the tale] with powers granted to him by the Mogloré to “Altereth, Modifye, Rearrange and Drawe-up, as He shall deemeth fit” a new Official Greate Mappe of the Realme One Copper. And that His Edikt should be obeyed, The Mogloré placed The Four Et Ceteras “under payne of all sortes of nastie thynges.” *Which, in those times was a short-of-hand for the Gallows, Gibbet, Noose, Rack, Pillory, Stocks, Flogging, Scourging, Cane, Rod, Stake, Thumbscrew, Strappinado, Bastinado, Estrapade, Disembowelment, Evisceration, Defenestration, the dreaded Castrato-de-Gustibus —a variant of Castrato-Perfuncta [i.e. regular Castrato followed by Flaying, Filleting, Salting of Wounds, Boiling in Oil and Feeding to the Dogs] and, if alle else faileth “other even nastiere thynges.” Mostly of foreign origin, the exact nature of which we need not elaborate upon amongst polite or mixed company, but shall, in the stead, out of deference to the proclivities of those few curious readers or listeners, direct them to the local depository of such knowledge, usually the archives of a local monastery, where the histories, compendiums, reports and record of such things are often kept but most often, perhaps...kept hidden! [As the sign reads] Please-form-an-orderly-queue-and-be-patient { 14 }
“IT ALL DEPENDS WHO’S TELLING THE TAILLES” “The Compleate Illustrated Lost Folke Tailles of Pippidufka” (also known as The Lost Folke Tailles of Pei Pei Du Fu Kwa and The Lost Folke Tailles of Siddi Ba’aaka) “annotated” and “collected” in a new “translation” by Max Singer, noted “expert in Pippidufkaniana” and author of the best-selling Pippidufka for Dummies are a collection of stories about a small, isolated, backwater village, of unidentifiable geography, and no consequence; inhabited by a mixed and motley group of citizens, of uncertain ethnicity and no importance. It is, literally, a one-horse town: the name of the steed being — variously—Zwaibak, Schloom or Njuki. It all depends who’s telling the “Tailles” “...A VAST CREATIVE, IMAGINATIVE ENTERPRISE...” “These tales have the tone of the Arabian Nights. Max Singer has created an entire universe with his musings which he wants the reader to imagine he re-discovered thumbing through some musty tomes. It’s akin to creating a world like Lord of the Rings, an Arthurian Saga, Harry Potter or Game of Thrones. And yet these tales are more down to earth, more folksy, whimsical and funny, which makes them more original. This is a vast creative, imaginative enterprise. An incredible cast of characters.” Dr. Louis Gallo. Professor of English. Radford University { 79 }
THE PIPPIDUFKA SERIES
The Compleate Illustrated Lost Folke Tailles of Pippidufka The Lost Village of Pippidufka [A Sherlock Holmes Mystery]
Pippidufka for Dummies The Besotted Vizier The Cleriks‘ Tailles
The Bishop of Pippidufka The Imam of Siddi Ba’aaka Lady Wu’s Revenge or The Mendicant Monk Of Pei Pei Du Fu Kwa
The Apocryphal Tailles
Pu’ud or The Voice of The Gooseberry God The Golden Shekel of Siddi Ba’aaka Treasure of Pippidufka The Taille of Zwaibak
Luug & Oog
or The Crowning of King Krone
Nipk’s Taille
or The Tax Collector of Pippidufka with Treasure of Pippidufka
TO BE ISSUED COMPLETE IN ONE VOLUME { 80 }
MAX SINGER
A
WRITER, humorist, political cartoonist & satirist, photographer, designer, illustrator, painter & street artist, whose point of view across creative disciplines is always smart and unique, edgy, hip and often funny as hell. MAX began his rise to obscurity as
an Underground Cartoonist (ala R. Crumb) for the Nola Express in New Orleans. But even those stonedout hippies were clueless as to the meaning of his work. So Max did the right thing, moved to New York & became an award-winning humorist & artist: his work was featured in such disparate publications as New York Newsday, The Atlantic and The New York Times as well as High Times and High Society. He created animated political cartoons for Hard Copy, wrote sketches for SNL and his Homefront Comix was a prescient response to 9/11. Max survived the Dubya years by writing and designing the satirical e-zine “A Scurrilous Rag.” He is author of “The Two Last Wills & Testaments Of Deadwood Dick, The Waters and Other Bedtime Stories from The Future. And One’s The Aprés Life: The Revised Official Users Guide. As well as numerous books of his paintings, street art, typographic art and digital “fotografix”.
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ALSO BY MAX SINGER FICTION ■ The Waters and Other Bedtime Stories from The Future: ■ The Two Last Wills and Testaments Of “Deadwood Dick” ■ “One’s The Aprés Life: The Revised Official New Arrivals Users Guide.” ■ If the chicken was in such a hurry to get to “the other side” why didn’t she just lie down in the middle of the road and wait for a Semi to squash her? And other burning questions HISTORY ■ Forgotten America: A Graphic Narrative of American History [22 Vols.] ■ Forgotten America. Portraits of Americans. A Portrait of America. An Illustrated “Cook’s Tour” of Forgotten American History. Volume One: From Alabama to New York: Volume Two: From North Carolina Tyo Wyoming: ART ■ The @Angstville Chronicles: And Other Non-Linear Ironic Postmodern Graphic Narratives ■ Chawkman Speaks: “Washed Away”: (The Complete 2012 Season) ■ Free Art Project @Angstville. Chawkman’s “Angstville Chronicles” ■ #Masterpieces_of_world_art_2.0 [For The Tik Tok Generation] PHOTOGRAPHY ■ They/Them: Portraits from The Gilded Closet ■ 75 Views of The Chrysler Building ■ The Empty Quarter: A Memoir of My Stay In The French Quarter During The Plague Years 2020–2021 { 82 }
two bIt Dreadful Press* 176 EAST 81ST STREET NEW YORK CITY, NEW YORK ZONE IMPROVEMENT PLAN 10028 UNITED STATES PLANET EARTH SOLAR SYSTEM ORION ARM MILKY WAY GALAXY LOCAL GROUP VIRGO SUPERCLUSTER LANIAKEA SUPERCLUSTER THE [A?] UNIVERSE THEMAXYFACTORY@YAHOO.COM SILICON CHIP IDENTIFIER CYBERSPACE *Formerly Penny Dreadful Press {before inflation}
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