MASSIVE19September2022MASSIVE 20
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DILFs Everywhere! Oscar Kightley’s Dawn Raids: A DiseasesSexuallyReflectionTransmitted 30 Columns Massey President’sPuzzleSnapchatsHoroscopesSolicitedTeSexcapadesConfessionsReo&NZSLAdviceTimeColumn 18161082021222324252628
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Writer
Feature - Aiden Wilson Kimi Moana Whiting Sara Moana We Should
Care About Local Elections
DILFs!
Please send any queries or complaints to - Sammy Carter - Mia Faiumu - Lily Petrovich
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editor@massivemagazine.org.nz News Reporter
Editor - Mason Tangatatai Designer - Marie Bailey
Feature Writer
News Editor - Elise Cacace Culture Editor - Elena McIntyre-Reet Sub Editor - Jamie Mactaggart
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Flatting as a student can be a little fucked up in terms of power dynamics, Landlords love to skirt the rules and cheap out on the basics, and a majority of the time they get away with it because so many students are new to flatting and don't know their rights.
Stick it to your next landlord.
We're getting to that time of year when everyone is starting to think about next year’s flatting arrangements. For those of you that have already gone through this painstaking experience, you know that nothing comes easily, and anything that can go wrong, will go wrong. Before you get overzealous, and agree to a way-to-good-to-be-true agreement, SCOUT OUT YOUR NEXT LANDLORD.
A lot of flats in Wellington are beyond shit, but at the end of the day if you've got decent flatmates and a decent landlord, your life will be 10x less stressful. The things that will absolutely ruin your year would be a falling out between friends and a landlord that fucks you over.
Ask about whether there is insulation in the flat. The Healthy Homes Guarantees Act enforces minimum standards for heating, insulation and ventilation. For those of you finding cheap rooms within inner city apartment blocks, check for windows. For a room to be called a bedroom, it must have a window that opens to the outside.
I can't tell you how to pick your friends, but there are a couple of things I can tell you to make your flat hunt go Ifsmoothly.yougoon
But it's one thing to know the rules, it’s another to enforce them. Obviously going to the Tenancy Tribunal is a big process and we don’t all know law students who can fight our battles for us. Luckily, you can always call the Tenancy Services hotline on 0800 836262 with any question whatsoever, even if you think you sound like a moron. And of course, there's various student association support staff, which exist to help students in sticky situations.
Shot, Mason
If there are renovations planned for the summer, remember you do not have to pay rent for a flat that is not in livable condition. Just because you are out of town doesn't mean your landlord can turn your room into a construction site. They can’t charge rent while they do that.
Signing a tenancy agreement might be your first introduction to the dark world of dodgy contracts and shady business people. Do your due diligence and don’t get sucked into the trap.
Mason Tangatatai (he/him)
the Tenancy Tribunal website you can search Tribunal decisions. Look for your prospective landlord's name, their company name, and the address of the place you're looking at to see if they've had rulings against them in the past. Landlords may seem nice at a glance, but if they’ve fucked over previous tenants, there's no doubt in my mind they’ll do the same to you again.
Elise Cacace (she/her)
WEEKLY NEWS UPDATES
Conservation Week was first launched in 1969 by the Scout Association with the aim of promoting the importance of wildlife and encouraging people to take a greater interest in protecting it. It was later taken over by DOC when it was formed in 1987, and has since worked with other groups, businesses, councils and agencies to promote and enhance this national event.
Taking action looks like becoming a DOC volunteer, growing a native pot plant, picking up rubbish, supporting citizen science online, making a donation or simply educating yourself about our natural environment.
“This Conservation Week has focused on how we can act for nature, and especially how we can get our young people excited about acting in nature’s best interest,” says Penny. “Whether you are in the city or the country, there’s always something you can do to help, from beach clean-ups to volunteering your time with a local community group.”
Foster says, “Every year Conservation Week seems to get bigger and better, and it is wonderful to see. I hope we can continue to raise the standards each year and push for bigger environmental efforts not only for this one week, but all year round.”
To find out more about Conservation week, head to the Department of Conservation www.doc.govt.nzwebsite:
Conservation Week is not only limited to one week, however. DOC encourages everyone to get out and take action for our environment whenever they can.
Director-General of DOC, Penny Nelson, says that taking direct action not only benefits nature, but our personal wellbeing.
19 SEPTEMBER 2022MASSIVE NEWS 4 • Karere
Conservation Week saves 4,000 native plants and animals
September 2022 kicked off to a great start, with thousands of people across New Zealand taking part in this year’s Conservation Week. September 5 to 11 was dedicated to saving our 4,000 native plants and animals that are currently threatened or at risk. Events and activities including beach cleanups, community planting, eco-safari tours, pest control seminars and educational tramps were held across our country, as well as thousands of dollars being raised for multiple conservation programmes.
WHAT’S GOING ON?
“I often volunteer with the Department of Conservation (DOC) and it has been so great to see so many people jumping on board and getting involved with our conservation events this week,” says volunteer Rochelle Foster.
A survey found that only 23 per cent of students know which association represents them. But with a new plan, student representation will be less Whilecomplicated.thereare currently 12 student presidents, the new association will have three student presidents - a Māori, Pasifika and General/Distance president. Each student president will lead their corresponding student reps. The three presidents can be from any Massey campus and will be appointed by the MUSAF Board.
“We would love for people to hear our idea, give us feedback and we’ll see what we can do.” The new association does not have a name yet but a proposal is underway.
Sammy Carter (she/her)
associationsstudents’unite
Fatima Imran, Chair of Massey University Students’ Association Federation (MUSAF) said, “Massey University will now hear one voice.”
Imran said the model hopes to bring equity for Māori and Pasifika students. She recognised that in 2020, Māori and Pasifika student reps were not paid to represent Māori and Pasifika students. Now they will have paid hours for this.
Imran said the University has wanted the association structure to change for 10 years. But in the past two years, Massey has put more pressure on the Federation to change the way the associations are structured. The Federation is confident it will ensure support and cohesion to effectively represent students. “In unity there is strength,” Imran said.
With 58 student reps, Massey University has the most student reps out of any New Zealand university. However, the new plan allows for 23 student reps spread evenly across the campuses, including distance.
The Federation is open to students’ feedback on the Student Representation Update document.
19 SEPTEMBER 2022MASSIVE NEWS 10 to 1:
After two years of planning, all 10 of Massey’s students’ associations are combining into one.
85 Ghuznee St, Te Aro, Wellington www.splendid.nz@splendid.nz FILM
5 • Karere
Of course, apologies do not always equal forgiveness and for many people this statement holds strongly, however the gruelling parts of British and African history do not rest entirely with Queen Elizabeth, but with the entire monarchy, government and morals of that time period.
Furthermore, the Queen and many members of the Royal Family have established their own charities, helping thousands of people of varying ages across the world each year. The Royal Family has also formed official relationships with the Armed Services, recognising and supporting their work and paying regular visits to soldiers, sailors and airmen.
Although the British monarchy still has much to answer and atone for, it still remains a beloved part of the United Kingdom’s culture. The monarchy no longer holds any governing power, but exists solely to represent national identity, unity and pride; as well as providing a sense of stability and continuity. The Queen
The controversy of the Queen’s death
Right from the start, Queen Elizabeth’s reign has been deeply intertwined with the British Empire and its long history of violence, theft and oppression; but can the Queen really be blamed for her cultural roots? The answer boils down to personal opinion.
Elise Cacace (she/her)
“I want to acknowledge that the roots of our contemporary association run deep into the most painful period of our history. I cannot describe the depths of my personal sorrow at the suffering of so many, as I continue to deepen my own understanding of slavery’s enduring impact,” he said.
One of the worst offences committed under British rule happened during the Mau Mau Uprising in 1952 - the year that Queen Elizabeth took the throne. During this time, extreme acts of torture were carried out in detainment camps where as many as 150,000 Kenyans were held. British colonists were not driving this war alone however, with the local Kenyan auxiliary militia and pro-British Kikuyu people fighting alongside the British
6 • Karere
19 SEPTEMBER 2022MASSIVE NEWS
the physical and mental consequences of this time period are still lingering today, it is important to recognise that both the Queen and today’s British Army and Government do not stand by their former actions, and that they have expressed their regret and sorrow and reached a settlement with their former claimants. In the specific instance of the Mau Mau Uprising, the settlement included a pay-out to 5,228 people, as well as a gross costs sum to the value of £19.9 million ($37.7 million NZD). The British Government have also supported the construction of a memorial in Nairobi to the victims of ill-treatment during the colonial-era.
Prince Charles has also made addresses towards some of Britain’s past atrocities that were committed with the knowledge and approval of his prosperous ancestors.
was also the Head of State in 14 other countries around the world, including New Zealand, Australia, Canada, and Jamaica; and was Head of the Commonwealth, a voluntary association of 54 states.
AlthoughArmy.
“To all those who have suffered as a consequence of our troubled past, I extend my sincere thoughts and deep sympathy,” the Queen said in a speech at Dublin Castle. "With the benefit of historical hindsight, we can all see things which we would wish had been done differently or not at all.”
The death of our Queen was always going to ignite controversy and highlight the mixed relationship that people have with the Royal Family, yet the majority of these views are not aimed specifically at Queen Elizabeth but at the monarchy as an institution and what they have previously represented. Their past is dark and cannot easily be forgotten, however we must recognise that the world and monarchy today do not represent the same ones that stood 50 years ago.
The recent death of Queen Elizabeth II has prompted an outpour of grief and tributes around the world, with many people feeling her loss as a close and personal one. However, her death has also brought back longstanding criticisms of her legacy as a leading monarch in the British Empire’s violent exploitation, colonisation and economic deprivation of many countries throughout history.
Ultimately, whether you saw the Queen as an adorable, corgi-loving grandma figure or a malicious and violent oppressor, it is important to recognise and respect the other side of the coin. While many people mourn for Her Majesty, many others will be mourning for their ancestors that were tortured and killed under the ruling of the Crown.
A Massey University spokesperson did not specify as to whether the University will ban intimate relationships between staff and students. However, they said, “Massey University strongly discourages intimate personal relationships between students and staff.”
Sammy Carter (she/her)
said a lot of policies addressing sexual misconduct have a black and white perspective, not taking into account that a lot can happen outside of intimacy. “There's a whole plethora of things that aren’t just grooming, which is usually what these policies are [trying to] target.”
‘Not good enough’: No ban on student-staff intimate relationships
resourcing is behind them.”
“Staff are asked to disclose any intimate relationship with a student to their Head of Department
“The state of play right now is not good enough.”
Victoria University responds to sexual assault claims by banning intimate relationships between staff and students. However, Massey seemingly isn’t following suit.
Thursdays in Black National Coordinator Vivien Whyte said, in her opinion, “It’s crazy that other universities haven’t taken staff and student relationships into consideration really explicitly.” While student-staff relationships are frowned upon, Victoria University is the first New Zealand university to actually ban Whytethem.
leaning on that power dynamic in other ways.” Whyte would like to see universities question the foundations they have for managing student-staff Sherelationships.feltpolicies
“Masseyrelationships.University is committed to creating and maintaining a safe environment that is free from sexual harm. All staff and students should feel safe at university and it’s important that we are clear and specific about harm prevention and management,” said the spokesperson.
Massey received 12 sexual assault reports in Wellington, six in Manawatu and zero in Auckland. None of the reports stated a staff member as the perpetrator. Whyte said no reports of inappropriate studentstaff relationships is “absolutely not” a reason to not improve policies. “Just because they’re not reported doesn’t mean they’re not happening.”
“It doesn’t have to be to the point of a romantic incident, they might be
Theimmediately.”University has a Harmful Sexual Behaviour Policy, and this year employed a sexual harm prevention advisor. The University’s Conflict of Interest and Commitment Policy includes a section on student and staff
19 SEPTEMBER 2022MASSIVE NEWS 7 • Karere
Thursdays in Black campaigns to prevent sexual violence in tertiary spaces like Massey. “I can confidently say that most unis across the country still haven’t nailed it. We’re still adhering to rape culture and victim blaming a lot and you can see that flowing through how the policies are enacted and made and how much
were lacking in good support networks and initiatives to prevent sexual violence. “Things largely aren’t keeping our students safe and aren’t giving them the space to disclose if something’s going wrong … some don’t even know that things like staff-student relationships are Frominappropriate.”2019to2021,
Elena McIntrye-Reet (she/her)
Why We should care about local elections
Illustrated by Sara Moana (she/her)
“When I think about local government from the perspective of a renter, I don’t think a lot of the decisions they make
If you’re still on the fence, do some research into who is standing in your local area, and who the candidates are for mayor. If you find policies you definitely don’t want to come into play, then the only thing you can do is vote. Of course, if you do find a candidate you believe will make a difference then support them by voting.
Local government is more influential than young people realise, often more so than central government. If you care about women, Māori, queer people, disabled people, climate change, and literally anything you should be voting in local elections,” Jean says.
Despite low participation rates, a lot of people are going to get out and vote for their local government in the next few weeks. Ruby has always voted in general and local elections and is excited to do it again this year.
“I like to think about it like this: Yes, the central government can pass laws protecting women's rights, but local governments are the ones who can put more lighting on the street, or cameras to keep women safe. Only 35% of young people vote in local elections, and over 80% of those aged 65 plus do. I don’t know about you, but I am not going to let a bunch of old people decide what happens in my city.”
The statistics on youth participation in voting are certainly depressing. We don’t think about how the people making decisions and who elects them might impact our day-today
No one believes in youth involvement in local elections more than Jean Donaldson who, as a part of the Toi Āria team at Massey, helped design the Get Vocal in Your Local tool, created with the Minister of Local Government. Working on this tool helped solidify her belief in the importance of youth participation in local elections.
“I like to have my finger on the pulse as to what is happening in our city, I think if you don’t vote then you can’t complain about what’s happening. I think voting in local elections is really important, but the campaign to get people to vote isn’t designed to draw young people in. I also think it’s difficult to find candidates who are relatable to younger voters,” she says.
The official deadline for getting your enrollment for local elections was 16 August this year, but if you still want to enroll and have your voice heard you can contact your local Electoral Officer and request special voting papers - it’s not too late!
impact me. I’ve moved houses every year since I moved to Wellington and I’ve been a part of three different electorates during that time. I think I never saw the point of voting for someone in my local area because I know it’s likely that the following year I’ll be in a different part of the city where the person I voted for will not be in charge of decisions that impact me,” she says.
A lot of us might consider local government to pale in comparison to the work that happens in central government. Local governments are not responsible for passing bills that impact all of New Zealand, but they do have the power to make very tangible changes in our dayto-day lives.
“Do you want more trees planted? More cycle routes? Better road signage? These changes are made by your local council. I’m also voting because there are specific candidates who are definitely not aligned with what I believe in, so I would rather give them a fight than just let them win by not voting,” Ruby says.
Voting for the first time is so exciting, my first general election is a core memory for me. In reality, I had the opportunity to exercise my right to vote the year before in the local election, but I decided not to. Three years later, in the build-up to the 2022 local elections, I found myself debating with myself about whether I would vote this time round. I always tell people I would never choose not to vote; I once told my girlfriend I would break up with her if she chose not to vote in a general election. The thing is, voting in a local election is vitally important for decisions that will impact us in a similar way to voting in a general election. It’s not just me that doesn’t feel motivated to participate in local elections, youth participation in local elections is dismally low. Part of this is due to the lack of targeting the youth population, and the mail-in vote system.
Katelife.is22
and voted in her first general election and is proud of doing so, she was excited to have her voice heard on the End of Life Choice Bill and cannabis referendums. However, she didn't vote in the previous local election, and she hasn’t enrolled to vote in the 2022 local election either.
Kate’s mum is 49 and lives in Waikato. She always votes in both local and general elections so she feels she has a say in what happens in her area.
There are more hurdles in place when you want to vote in a local election, the process is done through mail-in/ drop-off voting papers, whereas in a general election you can rock up the voting site and have it done then and there. Information on who to vote for in local elections is less accessible to youth voters. The campaigns aren’t centralised, which means if you want information about a candidate, you often need to seek it out yourselves. In a general election, the party you support will announce their policies and it will often be covered on a national level. We’re also taught to believe that exercising our right to vote is especially important for general elections, but not as many resources are put into encouraging us to participate on a local scale.
10 • Aronui DILFDILFs!sEverywhere!
Illustrated by Lisa Dao @pyonnyom
Aiden Wilson (he/him)
Without further faffing, here are my favourite classic DILFs and why I love ‘em.
11 • Aronui
remembers that scene, where our boi Nemo awakens in the dentist’s office, freaking the fuck out cause no one can find him or whatever the film’s plot is (been a while since I’ve watched it), and then he turns and sees… Fish with the Scar… oooooooohhhh booooooyyyy. Aside from the chiseled good looks, the absolute mystery and intrigue the scar brings, and the caring attitude beneath the gruff exterior, he is voiced by Willem Dafoe. And anyone who knows anything about Willem Dafoe knows that he is so impressive in the downstairs region that they had to get a dick stand-in for the film Antichrist, which is entirely irrelevant to him playing a gruff fish but needs to be said whenever his name is uttered. What a DILF.
I cannot be bothered finding out his name right now, but names are not important when it comes to this line of
Billy Butcher
But I don’t care. It’s my list. Get off my back.
The accent. The coat. The fucking Hawaiian shirts. Not to mention he’s portrayed by our very own Karl Urban. Billy Butcher from The Boys might just be the DILFiest DILF to ever DILF in recent memory, making his spot at the bottom of my list somewhat… diabolical, as he would say.
If there’s one thing I love, it’s a good ol’ fictitious DILF. In my time on this earth, I have encountered many. Maybe I gravitate towards them, maybe they to me… I will never know. But what I do know is that I’m only human, and find myself charmed by them despite my best efforts to remain composed. And I know many of my fellow students have their own favourite DILFs in the media they consume.
Everyonethinking.
How many times have you played The Last of Us “for the plot”, only to find yourself swooning every time Joel scowls at the camera? Or how about when Sirius Black first swaggers into Grimmauld Place, and your knees just buckled. DILFs have become a staple of many pieces of media, and the recent influx of them only seems to be continuing. So, I thought, why don’t we look back on the DILFs of the past? Pay tribute to those who walked so our contemporary DILFs could run.
And already I’ve broken the rules I set out by talking about a character who’s first on screen appearance was in 2019.
I know I’m just gonna parrot myself here but the beard, coat, fucking Hawaiian shirts and the accent… oh my giddy aunt. The only reason he sits here is due to his freshmeat status on the DILF scale.
The Fish with the Scar from Finding Nemo
If it were not for the true classics who reside further down, he would be a lot higher…
MobySantaDick
Only time when the name is important ;)
12 • Aronui
Willem Dafoe
A controversial pick to be sure. “Why?” you ask. “Why is such a beloved figure from our childhood on this list?” Do I really gotta spell it out for you all?
But the third, and most important reason, he breaks into my home once a year and leaves me gifts for being… nice.
In conclusion, Santa Claus is everyone’s sugar daddy, and we all need to acknowledge and thank him for this.
He’s like a sugar daddy who just knows how to get my praise kink going in all the right ways, and I don’t even have a praise kink!
Willem DILFoe, if you will. See below.
First off, he's got a beard. Secondly, he’s a hard worker, unless you believe his elves are hired by him to do all his labour, which just means he’s making money moves.
But come December 25, he comes sliding in through my chimney and leaves behind all manner of things because I’ve been particularly good this year.
13 • Aronui
Orange Man = Greatest DILF of All Time
So, if you wanna make Orange Daddy proud you’ll make sure you’re enrolled and have your votes in no later than October 7.
The Orange Election Man
Aside from being a stone-cold-stunner, his status as such a popular political figure is nothing to scoff at. Not to mention how charming he is, constantly asking if we’re over the age of 18 no matter how old we might appear. Sure, it might be just to see if we’re enrolled to vote, but he knows exactly what he’s doing.
Was this whole piece an elaborate scheme to make you remember to vote in your local body elections, to have your say amongst your community?
“Remember – the only true DILFs and MILFs in our society, are the ones who actually vote in the election. - Abraham Lincoln.
What’s sexier than a bright orange, smoother-than-aKen-doll bald man with a chest tattoo? A bright orange, smoother-than-a-Ken-doll bald man with a chest tattoo who encourages you to have your say in politics. Orange Election Man might be the single most attractive DILF in our nation’s history.
Everything there is to say about this creature’s utter sex appeal has been said. I would merely be parroting what better people than I have already stated.
Possibly.
BaileyMarie
The Dawn Raids was little (if at all) taught in our education growing up. In high school, I was personally grateful for a history teacher who allowed us to choose our own essay topics. I was able to focus on the Dawn Raids, taking the opportunity to learn more about a dark history that so many were reluctant to talk about.
Kightley successfully created an encapsulating and intimate set that drew you in as an audience member, allowing you to feel as if you were walking alongside the characters on stage.
16 • Aronui
“…In light of the Government’s apology last year, we remember that we can forgive, but these stories should never be forgotten. We’ll keep revisiting these stories, as our people continue to thrive, because they’re part of our gafa in Aotearoa.”
Kightley wrote the play at the age of 25, performed in 1997 by Pacific Underground, depicting the events of the 1970s raids inflicted on Pacific Islanders by the New Zealand Government.
24 years after the original production hit the stage, Oscar Kightley has bought his screenplay Dawn Raids back for the mainstage in 2022.
These events compounded after the Government enticed Pacific Islanders to migrate to Aotearoa in the economic boom of the 1950s, to fill lowpaying jobs that Pākehā didn’t want to do. As Aotearoa reached an economic downturn, we saw the Government backtrack and begin to use Pacific Islanders as the scapegoat for the country’s problems.
Promises of the land of milk and honey quickly forgotten as police enforced racist laws profiling and targeting Pacific Islanders.
Oscar Kightley’s Dawn Raids : A reflection
In 2022, one year since the Government’s formal apology for the Dawn Raids, the play showed at the ASB Waterfront Theatre, from 16 August to 3 September.
The actors so accurately depicted the depth to their characters and the internal battles each were struggling with.
The Dawn Raids is a dark moment in Aotearoa’s history, occurring in Auckland during the mid-1970s, at a time when the New Zealand Government prioritised ‘cracking down’ on Pacific Islanders whose visas had run out. Those in this situation were deemed ‘overstayers,’ and were subjected to police raids during the middle of the night and if caught deported.
It is a beautiful moment to see this history brought to the mainstage, and depicted in such a raw and honest way. I am hopeful art like this will provide further opportunities for our tamaiti to learn about our history.
In Faith Wilson's recent article, she comments on the importance of our stories being told in Aotearoa.
Mia Faiumu (she/her)
For those of us privileged to see the show, it was an unforgettable night that left you switching between moments of hysterical laughter and silent tears.
The principle of educate to liberate, which was entrenched within the Polynesian Panther party’s message, denotes the importance of providing our youth with the ability to understand their identity as well their own power through the tools of education.
His raw performance sacrificed so much emotion, representing true experiences of 1970s Sāmoan police officers.
This brings to life the Panther principle educate to liberate.
Dawn Raids now rings as a question, and a looming reminder, that we can’t forget or remain stagnant in progress.
I’m reminded strongly of Melani Anae’s book, The Platform: The Radical Legacy of the Polynesian Panthers, as I reflect back on the play.
17 • Aronui
Italia Hunt, playing Steve, a Sāmoan policeman, also provided such nuance to the play as you watch him experience an internal battle, being pulled in two different directions, as he partakes in the Dawn Raids.
Jake Tupu also appears alongside Talia-Rae as Bene, Teresa’s best friend, providing both comic relief and nuance to the plot, as we see him arrested towards the end of the play.
Talia-Rae Mavaega accurately portrays the tautalaitiiti daughter of the next generation, resonating hard with the loud mouth within us. Her character Teresa joins the Brown Panthers, reminiscent of the Polynesian Panthers, depicting the political tensions not only occurring within Aotearoa, but within Sāmoan households as well.
We need these stories to continue to be told. The effects of the 1970s, and the attitudes that period created, are still pervasive, and many New Zealanders continue to hold prejudiced views of Pacific Islanders.
Bella Kalolo-Suraj stars as To’aga, the mother of the family, alongside Lauie Tofa playing Mose, the father, both bringing to life so well the essence of Sāmoan parents. Michael Falesiu plays Sione, who lights up the stage during his nightshifts as Fabian, lead singer of the Noble Hawaiian Sabretooth Tigers. Gabrielle Solomona, also shines as Sione’s finance, the quiet but curious Fuarosa.
STDs. Where did they come from? Where did they go? Generally, we’re not too sure. There’s a whole stigma attached to STDs, so, we try not to talk or think about them. But understanding them is pretty important for sexual health and is something we need to stop avoiding. So, instead of sharing relevant information, I’m going to be answering the question you maybe never asked: where the hell did STDs come from? You’re not born with them (some STDs can be transferred if a mother is infected during childbirth), but you get them from other people. They had to start somewhere, so today we’re going to figure this out, at least as much as science has figured out.
While the specific origin of herpes is still a wee bit ambiguous, as with most of life's big questions, we know that it came from a species that was between a human and a chimpanzee, likey one called a Parathropus boisei. As they found, this species was ‘attracted’ to both humans and chimpanzees. From here, Cambridge University were able to track the disease back to Tanzania, confirming that herpes did in fact come from a species which was most likely the Parathropus boisei, but may have been another species like this (now extinct of course). The assumption is that it started from the Parathropus boisei consuming chimpanzee meat.
Lily Petrovich (she/they)
DISEASESTRANSMITTEDSexuallyHERPES
This is the classic, probably the first STD you have ever heard of. And it’s probably the only one that’s made you overanalyse a lip pimple or ulcer. Research from Oxford and Cambridge university found that it all started a hefty time ago (somewhere between 1.4 million and 3 million years ago), when humans were first evolving from a life in tree as a chimp, into the hairless creatures we are today. As we evolved from chimpanzees, we initially had an immunity from herpes.
The second theory is the unitarian hypothesis, which is similar to the prior. The idea around this one is that the diseases that the previous hypothesis believes mutated into syphilis, were actually varients of the same disease. Theoretically, the only differences between these diseases are due to climate and geography, alongside cultural developments in the affected areas. Yaws, a really nasty disease, was believed to evolve into endemic syphilis in areas in which personal hygiene was poor, and venereal syphilis in hygienic societies.
Gonorrhea may be one of the world's oldest STDs. While we haven’t actually found its initial origins, it does have a really interesting history. Scientists and historians have seen records of it possibly going back to 2600 BC when a disease similar to it (which many assume was in fact gonorrhea) was described by Huang Ti, a Chinese Emperor. It appeared throughout history ever since, until around 130-200 AD, when a Greek physician named the disease ‘gonorrhea’; ‘gono’ meaning seed and ‘rhea’ meaning flow.
This may be one of history's most devastating STDs, potentially going beyond that as one of the most devastating diseases prior to our good friend penicillin. As quoted by a Dutch scholar, Desiderius Erasmus in 1520:
From here, medieval parliaments (around 1100s - 1200s) began passing laws in an attempt to stamp out the disease (yeah, sounds like the 2020s). Wars were generally associated with STDs, with Roman soldiers suffering from gonorrhea, and the disease even taking many, many lives during the Crimean War. We didn’t know the difference between gonorrhea and syphilis until the nineteenth century when a scientist studied a good 2500 patients and categorised both of them.
CHLAMYDIA
Surprise! It’s another one from chimps, they’re bringing us all the plotlines that nobody asked for. This one is nowhere near as old as the other homies we’ve just discussed, and dates only as far back to the 1800s. What this means, is while this a much less interesting origin story, it’s actually proven, instead of being widely ambiguous or having multiple hypotheses. The disease started in Central Africa in chimpanzees, and the first ever case in humans was in the Democratic Republic of the Congo in 1959. It’s believed that in this instance, it transferred from the hunting of the chimpanzees from blood transfer. HIV of course is what causes AIDs, and eventually led to the devastating AIDs epidemic which began in the 70s.
HIV
GONORRHEA
For being the most known and possibly most common STD, we know very little about chlamydia’s origin. It was first found in 1907, and there are nine different species in its family, which aren’t all STDs. It took until the 1970s for it to first be recognised as an STD. By the 90s there were around 34,000 new diagnoses. The bacteria that chlamydia evolved from can be traced back 700 million years. But really that’s all that can be found about its origins. Other than that, regardless of being so widespread, and recent, there’s not much that is confirmed.
“If I were asked which is the most destructive of all diseases I should unhesitatingly reply, it is that which for some years has been raging with impunity … What contagion does thus invade the whole body, so much resist medical art, becomes inoculated so readily, and so cruelly tortures the patient?”
This brings us to the Colombian theory, which may be the most popular theory. This hypothesis suggests that Colombus' fleet were the ones who spread the disease globally. Two documents found by men on Colombus’ fleet described that firstly, the disease already had treatments found by indigenous populations and that the condition began in the Galápagos Islands off South America. From here it’s believed his fleet caught the disease and brought it to the rest of the world.
19 • Aronui
There are three hypotheses around where it started. The first is called the pre-Colombian hypothesis. The idea is that there were a couple of diseases in the Afro-Asian zone from 15,000 BC to 10,000 BC from mutations and animal reservoirs. From here it’s believed that treponemas, which are parasitic bacteria, mixed with climate change, led to the formation of ‘endemic syhpillus’: not an STD. This was up until roughly 3000 BC when it popped up as STD or venereal syphilis in South-Western Asia, which eventually spread to most of the rest of the world, growing in intensity from mutation until it became what it was in the fifteenth century.
Those are the big guys, but there’s plenty of other STDs with their own histories. The moral of the story is to keep your bodily fluids away from animals.
CRABS
Last but not least, we have crabs, sometimes known as pubic lice. This one comes from gorillas, around three million years ago. This one isn’t necessarily from gorilla sex but could be from a range of things that haven’t actually been proven. These kinds of lice aren’t the lice you’re used to in school that are all up in your hair, gorillas can’t actually get these. The idea is like with chimpanzees, the hunting and scavenging of gorillas was likely what spread the disease to us.
SYPHILLUS
For real tho
20 • Rangitaki
Everyone loves a scandalous confessions page. You’re never sure if what people saying is fake or not, but that’s what make these pages great. Massey Confessions is a facebook page based from the mighty Manawatū. These legends anonymously post unfiltered content from the very students you see in your classes every day. Below are a selection of some of the finest confessions over the summer, with a sprinkle of Massive commentary. Go and give the page a follow, you won’t regret it.
I'm waiting to be contacted Master Spelunker. Surely a tunnel tour?! don't show up! I heard Albany is a ghost town anyways not endorsing teaching/student relationships, but do what you gotta do...Don't judge bro, AXE could be getting this poor soul through a rough time.
Just
I'm
CONFESSIONS
I think I'll stick to one girl at a time.
When I arrived at their place my heart was in my throat. I was so nervous, but an excited nervous. Was I going to have to take the lead? Would they like me? Would I last more than sixty seconds? While all these questions raced through my head I was pulled into their bedroom and chucked onto the bed.
At this point kissing began. It was nice. One of the girls was more forward than the other, she was telling me and the other girl to kiss. She demanded I go down on her, and I did exactly that. After about 10 minutes of pleasing this girl, I was told to stop, zip up my pants and sit in the corner. For the next 30 minutes I sat in the corner watching these two go at it like rabid bunnies. I was not allowed to touch, just watch as my threesome dream was quickly dashed.
SE XCAPADES
As any down-bad dude would do, I bit at the bait and messaged my interest. Within a matter of hours, I was given an address to meet the pair at. My heart was racing. After years of fantasizing, my dream was about to come true. I quickly showered, trimmed my pubes, and set out on the adventure of a lifetime.
Lonely threesome
Once they had finished each other I asked if there was any chance I could get off. I was met with a few laughs and was quickly shown the door. I went back to Tinder to ask if we could meet again but I had been blocked.
as many threesomes do, Tinder. I had been scouring for potential wifey’s when I came across a profile that intrigued me to say the least. “Looking for a third,” the profile stated, and alongside this caption were two beautiful women, both far out of my league.
21 • Rangitaki
Threesomes are the pinnacle of a young man's sexual fantasies. Who hasn’t dreamed of having two women draped over you, begging for every inch of manhood that you have to offer, even if it's only three. A threesome defines you as a man. Once you’ve conquered two women what more in life is there to complete? This is what I thought before I ventured on my one and only threesome adventure. As you can probably predict by my story being featured in Massive Magazine’s Sexcapades, things didn’t go to Itplan.started
Words of the week
Revitalising Te Reo Māori and NZSL is of paramount importance. Take a few minutes out of your dat to learn and memorise these words. It’s the least we can do.
Te Reo and NZSL
Tautohetohe Argue Mamae
WhakamaAshamedHurt
22 • Rangitaki
Do you have a question you’re dying to have answered? DM Massive Magazine on Instagram and look out for next week’s issue. Also, follow us while you’re at it x
Best breakup technique?
SOLICITED ADVICE
Solicited advice is a weekly column where an underqualified anonymous guru answers the questions you want answered. This won’t include the stock-standard, sugar-coated advice you’re used to hearing – we’re talking about the truths that are REALLY on your mind.
I could sugarcoat this answer and say that you’ll get into a routine, and hitting deadlines will become more natural, but that would be a lie. Uni only gets harder. Infact, pretty much everything in life gets harder until you’re established in your job, so buckle in! Try to think about the end product of university, each sacrifice you make will hopefully pay itself back.
23 • Rangitaki
How to power through the last part of the year?
Just remember there’s only a few weeks of classes left. Then you’re essentially done learning for the year. All that's left is revisiting what you’ve learnt for exams! Use that to scrape you through the last bit of the year… and if that doesn’t work just let loose and have some fun.
Does Uni get easier the longer you’re there?
Rip the band aid off! There’s no point waffling about giving false hope and mixed signals. If you don’t want to be in a relationship save yourself, and your partner the time and effort of going back and forth. It’s easy to be toxic in these situations, but try to break up with someone how you’d like to be broken up with.
You can work hard and play hard, Virgo, especially in your birthday season! Don’t forfeit your social life in amongst juggling uni stress. Brain breaks are good for the soul.
Mercury in Retrograde at the moment is impacting your ability to be the life of the party, it’s all good if this Saturday you have a quiet night in, in fact, it should be encouraged.
It’s burn out season and it’s important you give yourself the tools to push through the last few weeks of uni. Balance your time wisely and remember that nothing really matters anyway.
sAGiTTArius
Your mates are catching on to your stinginess, Scorpio. If I were you I’d offer to get the next Uber to town otherwise there may be some adversity in your future.
Horoscopes
AquArius
Even though you’re a fire sign, the beginning of spring is a good time for you to ground yourself and get amongst nature. Go on a hike, or something, just chill out a bit.
Aries
Between Sam Smith and Lewis Capaldi releasing new music, tread carefully. Don’t get sucked into the sad-music-asa-form-of-therapy void. Whilst cathartic, you may trick yourself into being sadder.
This Mercury in Retrograde is going to be wild for you, Gemini. Don’t fret – this doesn’t mean bad things ahead. But be prepared and seize every opportunity that comes your way.
Your stubbornness is notoriously your worse trait, Taurus. It’s not always a bad thing but don’t let pride stop you from acknowledging how you really feel. Be honest with yourself.
Leo
scorPio
cAncer
If you’re going to keep complaining about everything, the least you can do is vote in the local elections. Thanks x
cAPricorn
VirGo
24 • Rangitaki
Okay, Pisces, it’s time to be brave. If you want something, now is the time to step up and take it. Have a crush? Ask them out! Want an A? Become BFFs with your lecturer. Action talks!
Planning for the summer is gearing up. Trust that it’s not that big of a deal if you don’t get that internship you’re hoping for. You’ve got your whole life to sit in an office from 9 to 5.
Gemini
Pisces
TAurus
Soak up all the opportunities you’re given to learn and experience. If your uni career is coming to an end, this is the time to make the most of it. Regret nothing.
LibrA
MASSIVE_MAG TODAY MASSIVEMASSIVESendus snaps to get featured in next weeks edition 25 • Rangitaki
Puzzle Ptime uzzle time Across 2. Martini garnish (5) 3. Who will take over the royal crown? (6) 5. Harry Potter Quidditch position (6) 7. Bad infection but good ingredient (5) 9. Blood sucker (8) 10. Aussie Boxers (9) 12. Indication of a large penis, perhaps (3,4) 15. Prickly plant (5) 16. Shrek's house (5) 17. Popular party method for chugging (6) Down 1. Luxury boat (5) 2. Viking paddle (3) 4. Aang controls all of them (8) 6. Edible snails (8) 8. How many Lord of the Rings films are there? (5) 11. "Wonderwall" band (5) 12. Bar fight (5) 13. Square route of 144 (6) 18.14. 26 • Rangitaki 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12 13 14 15 16 17 18
27 • Rangitaki ANSWERSCROSSWORDWEEKSLAST
The target is to create as many words as possible from the letters within the Word Wheel.
sudoku
Word Wheel
CYCLING19NINE,18Ligyrophobia,17BEAVER,16CAMEL,14ORA,RITA13KIRIMI,MIRAKA12FIVE,FIFTY10FANG,7DAILY,THE4MALIBU,ACROSS:1 PEGASUS17ABORIO,15V,BLUE11UFFINDELL,9BALLET,8DUFF,6INVIGILATOR,5DEBATE,3BASKETBALL,2DOWN:
mazeorthogonal25by25
https://www.mazegenerator.net/AB,Alance2022©Copyright
Presidents Column
Steph M@D
Students with a disability, impairment, or health concern affecting their study are supported by Massey's Disability Services whether on campus or studying distance. A few of the more typical needs they can assist with: • accessibility and travelling about campus, • accessing and taking part in course structure • gaining access to specialised tools or helpful technology • interacting with professors and other university services • meeting requirements for learning and maintaining focus • advice on requesting different test and exam arrangements. They deliver a service that is adaptable, quick, and tailored to your requirements. As soon as you are able, get in touch with them to talk about your assistance options. Early interactions allow us to ensure that supports are available.
THIS ISN’T JUST GROUP TRAVEL THIS IS SOCIAL SOCIALTHISTRAVELISTRAVELEXPLORETHEWORLDIN2023&SAVE an additional $100 with Contiki Student Travel Discount.
