Center for Intercultural Engagement and Student Success
Family Friendship Program
Welcome, Students
Family Friendship Program mission
The goal of the program is to promote international understanding and friendship, develop an appreciation of how others live and view the world, and assist new students in the process of adjustment to Luther College and the United States. Students and their Friendship Families gather in informal settings and learn about life in the U.S. and Iowa, and about the home culture of the student. The friendship that grows between a student and his or her Friendship Family can promote diversity and cultural awareness that will last a lifetime.
Welcome
to the Luther College Center for Intercultural Engagement and Student Success (CIES) Friendship Family Program! Congratulations on your generous decision to become a part of this program—a great opportunity to start what could be a lifelong friendship with your student. This is a relationship in which you will learn and grow together, share and gain new understandings of different cultures, and expand your horizons without you having to leave Decorah. Bravo to you! This handbook provides general information about the program and a brief outline of culture shock theory. For more information, please go to our website, luther.edu/diversity, or feel free to contact the program coordinator, Clara Muggli-Toyloy. Luther College CIES is constantly trying to enhance the program for you. We welcome feedback and ideas to help us achieve this.
Who are we?
CIES is a place of welcome that embraces people from all walks of life. We work to equip a diverse student body for global citizenship. We seek to build an inclusive community where all feel valued, respected, and safe. Clara Muggli-Toyloy leads the program, and she welcomes your input and inquiries.
Clara Muggli-Toyloy
Amy Webber
Admin. Assistant, CIES
International Student Coordinator
Dahl Centennial Union 113 (563) 387-1014 mugglicl@luther.edu
Dahl Centennial Union 113A (563) 387-1431 webberam@luther.edu
Latasha Smith
Associate Director, CIES Coordinator, Catalyze at Luther Dahl Centennial Union 113D (563) 387-1320 smitla04@luther.edu
Wintlett Taylor-Browne
Director, CIES Dahl Centennial Union 113D (563) 387-1486 brownewi@luther.edu
History of the project
The Luther Friendship Family Program is more than 30 years old, and the number of international students studying at Luther has nearly tripled in that time. We usually welcome nearly 50 international students from more than 30 countries, giving us a total of 170+ international students from 70+ countries studying at Luther in 2019. Recently, the program was renamed, and the application and evaluation processes were enhanced to benefit both students and families.
What to expect from your Friendship Family Sharing experiences
You and your Friendship Family will be able to learn from each other by sharing stories and cultures. It is always fun to uncover small similarities that cross cultures and to discover differences, too. Families will try to share experiences to help you understand behaviors in U.S. and Midwestern culture. Providing support
Sometimes you need a place to go to get away from it all. Your Friendship Family may serve as a safe place to go for a meal or a chat over coffee. Hopefully, you will become part of the family and they will support you. Your family can help by listening to you and explaining cultural issues. Providing insight
By signing up for the Friendship Family Program you will be giving yourself an advanced class in adaptation to life in the U.S. Your Friendship Family will be able to give you insight into the “typical American” way of life. You have the opportunity to educate someone about your culture and beliefs with the aim of expanding the Decorah community’s cultural awareness. Applying new skills
Spending time with your Friendship Family may give you opportunities to practice the American English speaking skills that you can then bring to your studies at Luther. This can benefit your communication with Luther faculty and staff.
“You can say some Friendship Families last longer than your time at Luther. I still keep in touch with them. Still love them!” —Lenny Ulloa Silva ’16
What not to expect from a Friendship Family
Your friendship family is your connection to Decorah and the surrounding communities, your home away from home, and your “adopted” family. Academic advice
Your friendship family will enjoy hearing about your studies and academic interests. However, if you need help or advice about your studies, classes, and credits, you should meet with the academic adviser assigned to you when you arrived at Luther. Also feel free to come to the CIES office and ask questions. Immigration advice
The CIES staff members are the experts when it comes to immigration issues. Your Friendship Family may be keen to help, but we advise you to talk to Amy Webber or Wintlett Taylor-Browne in the CIES office. We would hate to see you risk your immigration status because of well-meaning but incorrect advice given to you outside the office. Bring any questions, big or small, to the CIES. Medical advice
Luther College has a Health Service available to students, and we advise you to visit that office first before seeking advice from the surrounding clinics. The Health Service at Luther College will provide low-cost quality care, and if necessary will refer you to an off-campus provider. Luther College has health insurance for all international students. Your Friendship Families want to know you are safe and healthy, so feel free to tell them if you are not feeling well. Your family can help you feel comfortable, but they are not medical advisers. Financial advice
Friendship Families are not responsible for supporting your financial well-being or for giving advice on how to spend your money. During orientation the CIES will help you set up bank accounts and show you where the Student Financial Services and Student Financial Aid offices are. Employment advice
Regulations and laws for employment in the United States are complicated and can be confusing. For many international students, employment off-campus is not an option. We have informed Friendship Families that international students are not allowed, by law, to work off campus without a specific application process. Unfortunately, this includes house-sitting, babysitting, odd jobs, music lessons, etc. So please do not put your Friendship Family in an awkward position by asking them to give you extra work. Please visit the CIES with any questions, and we will be happy to help.
Social customs and American values Time
For Americans, time is money and money holds a lot of value. Americans take pride in using time productively. Although families in Decorah understand that things can come up at the last minute, when you arrange to meet your family you should try to be ready at the agreed time so that they are not left waiting for you. For some people, being even 10 minutes late will be considered rude. If you do not think you can make an appointment, call or email in advance to make other arrangements. Call if you are running late. Invitations
Many of your families may say, “See you later” or “You must come and see us.” These are more friendly and welcoming statements, not necessarily invitations. An invitation will have a date, time, and an agenda. It is extremely important to respond to invitations. If you cannot make it, give a simple “No thank you” and your family will not be offended. They are aware that you have a busy schedule. Families may become offended, however, if you ignore it when they reach out to you. Be honest and open and communicate what will work for both you and your family. Directness and honesty
As mentioned before, be open and honest, even when it comes to things that are negative. For example, if you no longer feel that you need a Friendship Family, let your family know. In almost all cases, a direct conversation is the best way to work through issues. If you feel uncomfortable or are finding it hard to communicate with your Friendship Family, come to the CIES and talk to us. Informality
Life in the U.S. and particularly the Midwest is extremely informal. Workers will call their bosses by their name rather than Mr., Mrs., or Miss. They will also dress casually for some events. Blue jeans and a button-up shirt with no tie is acceptable attire for church. Some events may require more formal attire. To be safe, ask ahead of time about what’s appropriate. This casual way of life can make for a relaxed, friendly atmosphere. Individualism
Americans pride themselves on being self-reliant. From an early age, many have been told that it is important to follow their dreams and goals. Families and communities are less likely than in some other countries to choose the path for individuals. Many U.S. citizens believe that an individual has the right to make his or her own decisions.
2018 New Student Welcome Dinner
Not sure what to say or do with your family? Your families will be interested in almost everything you share with them, no matter how basic. You will find that most people in Decorah are welcoming and friendly and will ask you many questions. Below are some ways you can help build a relationship with your Friendship Family. 1. Share photographs of your home and family. 2. Talk about what you like to study and your goals and ambitions. 3. Share anything traditional from your home culture, such as music, clothes, stories, or dancing. 4. Teach them your language. 5. Share with your family your top three:
• Movies
• Books
• Activities/hobbies
• Places to go
6. Ask questions! This program is meant to help make all involved more culturally aware, so ask your family lots of questions. “As an international student at Luther, it is important to have a relationship with the locals. Getting to know Debbie and Jon Aske through the Friendship Family program made my college journey more fruitful and enjoyable. The Aske family, in one word, is funny! Sharing my life story and hearing theirs speaks not only our relationship as a Friendship Family but also shows our common compassion for our family and others!” —Daniel Dejapin ’20
“For me, having a Friendship Family is having a place to go if I ever want to get off campus. Spending time with my Friendship Family is a time for sharing and learning cultures, spending time on fun activities, and creating bonds.” —Sebastine Sawmynathan ’22
Connect at events
The CIES will organize a variety of events to help you connect with your family! Welcome Potluck • Great food, new faces
This is our welcome event, where you will be introduced to your family and get to know them over home-cooked meals.
Pumpkin Carving • Get creative, celebrate fall
This is our midsemester event. Hopefully, you will have bonded with your family and this is a chance to get together as a family, join in the fun, carve pumpkins, and enjoy treats.
Game Night •
This is a winter warmer event with hot chocolate and hot apple cider along with a selection of snacks and treats. Families can come together to teach and play their favorite games with other families and friends. This is also a chance to meet our new international students and other friendship families.
Popcorn Thursdays •
Every Thursday from 3:30 to 5 p.m. the CIES will serve free popcorn. Although this is not with your family, you should come along and meet not just international students but students and staff from all over the USA.
Decorah
One of the benefits of this program is that it gives you a chance to escape from the Luther bubble and gain an understanding of what is available beyond campus. Decorah has a welcoming community with many helpful businesses. Please feel free to look through the Decorah Area Chamber of Commerce directory, decorahareachamber.com/directory, to find businesses that you may want to include in your exploration of Decorah.
A Friendship Family potluck featuring foods from many cultures. “Home away from Home. Adjusting and learning about the Midwestern as well as the American culture would not have been the same without my Friendship Family. Many cookins, Christmas gatherings, camping trips, and attending college events led to a cultural exchange between my Friendship Family and I. My family from India couldn’t attend events (even my graduation) that I was part of at Luther, but having my host family in the crowd and smiling with pride always made me feel at home. I am so thankful for my Friendship Family for all the love and support and for even adopting some of my friends over the last five years.” —Shelja Thakur ’18