INTO THE LIGHT by Corina Duyn

Into the Light

Corina Duyn

Into the Light a single seed will grow

An Artist Book by Corina Duyn

Into the Light

First published in 2015 as an Artist Book-in-a-Box by Little Wings, Lismore, Co Waterford, Ireland. www.corinaduyn.com

Other books by the author: Hatched 2006

Hatched is one of the most energetic, generous-hearted, sharp minded and inspiring books of poems I’ve read for quite a while. Poet Brendan Kennelly

Cirrus Chronicles - Landing in Ballynelligan 2009

I love the book, it’s very special. My granddaughter gave it a hundred out of hundred! Actor and Storyteller Nuala Hayes

Flying on Little Wings 2011 Precious.

Dolores

Ronayne

Into the Light

Text and images © Corina Duyn 2015, unless stated otherwise Author photograph, Miriam Hennebry

Quote permissions, see separate sheet in back of box "About the author", see back of box

ISBN 978-0-9563589-3-6

Short reflections on coping with illness/disability, with art and nature illustrations.

A CIP catalogue for this book is available from the British Library.

All rights reserved. No portion of this book these pages may be reproduced mechanically, electronically, or by any other means, including photocopying without the written permission of the author/publisher. littlewings@corinaduyn.com

Pages printed by City Print, Cork, Ireland

Wooden boxes made by Designed4 U Warrenpoint, Down, N. Ireland

Linen Cases made by Muckross House Bookbindery, Ireland

ACKNOWLEDGEMENTS

I would like to thank ALL OF YOU for being part of my journey to bring the invisibility of chronic illness out of the darkness and into the light. Friends, family, ‘cyber-acquaintances’, readers of my books and blog, the 49 ‘Crowd Funders’, with a special thanks to Anastasia Palmer, and those who found other ways to help me reach the funding target. ALL of you are part of my Into the Light - book-in-a-box adventure. My deepest gratitude.

A special thanks to Dr. Anne Macintyre, for planting that all-important seed; mentor Grace Wells for assisting me with teasing out the precise words; Dave Murphy from Red Heaven Design for invaluable design advise; Mariela Martin, Mary McGrath, Miriam Hennebry, Jane Jermyn, Pascale De Coninck, and Heike Chlebosz for PA support; and many others for their practical and emotional support. John Rubin and Brendan Holmes for the Fund It campaign. All at Dechen Shying Care Centre, especially John Douglas for many inspiring conversations; to all the authors and publishers who kindly gave me permission to use their quotes, and for their wonderful emails of support. Last but not least, many thanks to the Rehab Group Visual and Performing Arts Fund, which made working on my project possible.

This book was three years in the making. During this time I received support from IMET, Deise Link, SVP, Lions Club, and UCC Disability Support to make my Disability Study year possible. Mary and Ted O’Regan Arts Bursary for a computer; UCC DSS for assistive technology. Artlinks for one-off mentoring sessions, and Co. Waterford Regional Arts Bursary for residency at Annaghmakerrig. Assisted by Waterford City & Co. Council Arts Office Publishing Purchase Scheme.

INTRODUCTION

Each tree grows in two directions at once, into the darkness and out to the light, with as many branches and roots as it needs to embody its wild desires. John O’DonohueAnam Cara

These pages you have just opened up to the light are the result of a seventeen-year-long journey with chronic illness (ME). Three years ago, new seeds of acceptance became firmly rooted into the very core of my being and slowly reached for the light - taking on the challenges of growth along the way.

My aim had been to write a semi-academic book, to illuminate on the experience of illness/disability, which I found was missing from the suggested literature during a year of Disability Studies. But as my health declined since starting this project, I realised that academic writing needed more of my attention than I was able to give it. I almost gave up on my project. However, during a stay at the Dechen Shying Care Centre, I found a new way. Listening to the wisdom shared by the wonderful people I met, and looking at the Prayer Flags fluttering over the courtyard, I decided to write very short observations on loose sheets, mainly focusing on illness. This I could do. Working on one sheet at the timenot a whole book! This also enabled me to include visual images to enhance the written thoughts, thereby experiencing that all-important creative freedom. Loose sheets also make You part of the project, by deciding the sequence - take one out, post one off, or gather them like Prayer Flags.

Having read many illness and disability related books, I found that no matter what the personal story, we seem to share similar views about challenges, fears, learning to cope and unexpected moments of gratitude; I have used many quotes in these pages.

Creativity is a tool which continues to help me to understand life (with illness). And through my writing, sculptures, tapestries and photographs I hope to share what I experience. What I think. How I see the world. It makes me part of that world. Creativity gives me hope, and as Bonnie Klein, author of Slow Dance says: There is a life-affirming choice in being hopeful.

Corina

Duyn, August 2015

When the pupil is ready the teacher will come.

Simon Barnes - How to be a Bad Bird Watcher (Variations accredited to Buddha, Zen, Tao)

Illness

is like a foreign country I had no intention of visiting

Having no choice I explore its geography and learn its language

Hand in hand with nature

A rt becomes my guide

Discovering this new world to follow my path

Creativity is great medicine for the creator, the end result can be great medicine for whoever experiences it. Patch Adams - Gesundheit!

The therapeutic value of being involved in the A rts is of equal importance as being part of society through the A rts

Exploring Learning Sharing Connecting

Works of A rt become A rt that works

It is a startling truth that how you see and what you see determines how and who you will be.

John O’Donohue - Anam Cara

We suffer from chronic illness

Battle cancer

Fight infections Conquer the disease

Illness is seen as the enemy Not recovering can lead to feelings of failure and guilt

We might be labelled Disabled Physically challenged Handicapped Crippled Differently abled

Invalid Special Needs

Identifying and pursuing all one can be regardless of circumstances can lead to fulfilment and pride

Step out of the box and you are free

People will not know anything about this world unless we tell them.

Havi Carel - Illness

...

It’s all in the mind

What we might be told

It is your own entire fault

If you don’t follow my advice you obviously prefer to stay ill

You didn’t take care of yourself

You are not trying hard enough

...

We can not demonstrate your illness, we'll refer you to a psychiatrist

Male patients are ill because of job-related stress

Female patients are neurotic or depressed

Modern Western science can control nature

We need to find a cure

Your experience of illness is wrong

...

Complete wellness is accessible to anyone as long as you follow t he right diet exercise program have the right mental attitude

... We need to tell our story

Illness is a universal experience. There is no privilege that can make us immune to its touch.

Kat Duff - The Alchemy of Illness

I came across this quote by Susan Sontag in a magazine during the first months of illness

Illness is the night-side of life, a more onerous citizenship. Everyone who is born holds dual citizenship, in the kingdom of the well and in the kingdom of the sick. Although we prefer to use only the good passport, sooner or later each of us is obliged, at least for a spell, to identify ourselves as citizens of that other place.

It has been of comfort ever since

* Susan Sontag - Illness as Metaphor

To become disabled is to enter a different world. Susan Wendell - The Rejected Body

When living with chronic illness or disability society looks at us differently

We become a different species

Seated in a wheelchair it seems as if I have not just lost the use of my legs but also the ability to communicate as a fully competent adult

Questions about me are directed to the person pushing my wheelchair

What is wrong with the little one…

We may decide that a puma is worth more to us than a caterpillar, but surely we can agree that the habitat is all the better for being able to sustain each.

Stephen Fry - The Fry Chronicles

Bodies come in all shapes colours and sizes

White bodies and black

Tall bodies and little ones

Female, and male

Healthy ones and ill ones

The right body and the other

Throughout the history of western civilization emphasis has been placed on achieving the perfect body Great value is put on physical ability

We are all different thank goodness

What a boring world we would have if we were all perfect

Whatever that might be

is beauty in decay.

Is the tulip only beautiful when it shows petals in perfect formation with the right combination and qualities of shape and colour

Consider the petals tight together as if reluctant to share their secret Stretching upwards they open up

One by one, the petals fall off An unfolding piece of art

The Beauty of Decay

Are we humans only beautiful when we are the perfect specimen with the right combination and qualities of ability and strength

Consider a life unfolding full of unknown promise We reach out Open up

An illness strikes Decay sets in

We are still beautiful

Adjusting the mental image to fit the truth.

Anastasia Palmer - Dear Stranger

Being able to name your illness adjusts its hold on your life

Your symptoms are real you are not alone

However

Acceptance of your new reality is an ever-changing ever-challenging entity

Illness is hanging over me.

Observing - Big Brother style - my every move, to find the next opportunity to take control.

Corina Duyn

The medical world has its role in diagnosing and where possible treating illnesses

What is missing in some cases is their understanding of what it is like to live with chronic illness

Chronic illness does not fit the popular notion of how illness proceeds: You get sick, you go to the doctor and get some medicine, and wait to get better.

Cheri Register - Living with Chronic Illness

Illnesses without a clear beginning middle end dragging on for years without clear diagnosis or streamlined treatment plan challenges the health care system and society in general

Symptoms may be experienced as unreal even by the patients themselves

How's the Form...?.

Unable to confirm a diagnosis patients are told their symptoms are psychological

Referral to a psychiatrist may prevent receiving the appropriate care required And may lead to psychological challenges

We are not responsible for our illnesses, we are responsible to them.

Kat Duff - The Alchemy of Illness

When illness persists we are often held responsible as if we lack the willpower to recover

We should simply think we are well

Thereby disregarding our reality

As if thinking we can climb that stairs will actually get us there

Faced by illness, people routinely relinquish power over their own lives, by thinking they don’t have any.

Taking ownership of my reality was the first step towards wellbeing

I can stay in bed while ill or get as much as possible out of life while ill

My name is Corina Duyn I am living with chronic illness

The

I feel that illness has been a big gift in my life …

more I understand the more I see the beauty of the path that I am on.

Anastasia Palmer - Dear Stranger

Give yourself the gift of change Kerie Logan told me in her guided relaxations Let go of any resistance

Make friends with yourself suggested Pema Chödrön in her lecture

Let it be I read in Bange Helden Dare to be who you're meant to be

I

knew I had to change

And I was the only one who could make that happen

In the stillness a single seed falls. Keiichi Sugiyama - Origin, Spirits of the past

Saint of Illness?

Asking for help is, first off, an admission of helplessness.

Cheri Register - Living with Chronic Illness

No matter how we intellectually accept illness it stays emotionally difficult to say I can no longer live without support

To be sick or old or less than perfect or in need of help is simply human.

To be vulnerable is human.

Michael Harding - Staring at Lakes

Dependent

The troubled feeling of being a burden on friends and family for the most basic needs Independent

Being free from outside control

Having the authority to decide on the support we require

The Oak tree is the emblem of strength and hospitality. Kathleen Madge - The World of Living Green

In reality we all depend on each other to some degree

Maybe the focus can be Inter-dependent

We

all have our talents to share

It will pass

Accepting that we might not be able to do things the way we did them yesterday

Taking responsibility not trying to do what well people do today

Knowing that we only have to go through this very moment

Trusting that the longing will pass

Nature does not hurry, yet everything is accomplished.

Living with an illness that robs us of energy it is difficult not to get disheartened by the fact that much of what we would like to do remains undone

We can’t hurry doing too much makes us more ill

If we trust that all happens in its own good time we are granted peace and time

The complete opposite of what we expect

By pacing our activities we can accomplish our dreams one minute one breath at a time

Rest should be regarded as a positive constructive treatment rather than just doing nothing.

Dr. Anne Macintyre - M.E.

Living with M.E. brings the peculiar need to be rested in order to have a good night sleep

Learning to rest is an art in itself It suggests discipline Rest not to be confused with laziness

It has to be night somewhere, it is then in their bed that I lay.

Anastasia Palmer - Dear Stranger

Traveling beyond the boundaries of home requires frequent rests

What better place than on a beach

Touch the sand

Feel the wind

Hear the waves

Taste the salty air

Truly being one with nature

Plants, like animals, need their periods of rest, not only the great rest of Winter, but regular hours of what may be likened to sleep. Both leaves and flowers take up sleeping positions.

Rev. Charles A. Hall - Wild Flowers and their Wonderful Ways

Sleep is essential for our wellbeing

When in a lot of pain sleep can be troublesome

Usually followed by a day of pain because of disrupted sleep

The Greeks believed that when you dreamed at night, the figures of your dream were characters who left your body, went out into the world and undertook their own adventures; then returned before you awoke. John O'Donohue - Anam Cara

In my dreams I swim run climb mountains or am back at work

A life full of possibilities

Or I am confronted by obscure obstacles when negotiating the road with my wheelchair

Which leaves me searching for a place to sleep at the moment of wakening

There is no gate, no lock, no bolt that can sit on the freedom of my mind.

Virginia Woolf - A Room of One’s Own

Bedbound Housebound A small world

I m AgI nAt Ion

The ability of the mind to be creative or resourceful from Latin imaginari 'picture to oneself'

A large world

Even in cases of extreme physical disability there is always a freedom of thought, imagination, emotion and intellect.

Havi Carel - Illness

After a water dance in which I truly felt free in my body I took a spin on a seahorse

Magical I played piano under the sea

After teleporting to dry land a huge feather was waiting for me to go on a tour-de-sky

I finished my holiday in a tree-house climbing the rope ladder without any difficulty relaxing by a crackling fire I had the company of a squirrel and an owl while sipping a glass of wine overlooking the sea

The only costs for this short virtual adventure in Second Life was the energy required to click the computer mouse

It gave me fuel to get on with real life

Signing up for social media was like stepping naked in front of the whole world. Kirsten Smith

Observations by people living with M.E/CFS about partaking in social media

It reconnects me to who I am outside of the illness, and reignites friendships from all parts of my life.

My story is about more than this illness.

Assisted technology enables me to write and publish online, while lying flat in bed. Great for my feeling of being useful.

I think it gives us an opportunity to grow and learn and it also takes away the loneliness, depression and frustration often felt by the social limitations of having M.E.

The downside is you can get sucked in.

Spending time on the computer when my body is hurting can be physically stressful and emotionally fulfilling at the same time.

Being able to share creative ideas with others in similar situations all over the world. It helps me to hang on to those parts of my identity that sometimes seem to be in danger of disappearing.

There is nothing like a serious illness to blow down our fragile houses of sticks and straw.

Kat Duff - The Alchemy of Illness

At times I wish for someone to take over the responsibility of staying well

I imagine spending time in a sanitarium of days gone by

Bright wards caring nurses

Reading books

Afternoon tea on green lawns

Thank you very much for your advice towards my recovery. When I come to your suggestion I will let you know.

Assurances of recovery

Suggestion of cures

Advice out of kind ignorance do not lift the spirits

Especially when not grounded in reality

It can be intrusive

Advice offered by someone who takes time to understand your illness or speaks from experience can be of great support

Be aware of the sadness but fill yourself with light. Dolores Ronayne

Walking with my rolator across the road

Carrying camera and lenses in its basket

Exploring the light Blossom on the apple tree Moss growing on the wall

Ten minutes of pure Bliss

Too tired to take off my coat Resting for hours

Joy so close to Sadness

Darkness so close to Light

It is such a secret place, the land of tears.

Antoine de Saint-Exupére - The Little Prince

At times there is nothing left but to enter the land of tears

Depression, melancholy, and the other ‘negative’ emotions are necessary features of chronic illness ... not evidence of failure to handle illness properly, but human psyche’s own mechanics for living through it.

Cheri Register - Living with Chronic Illness

At the edge of darkness slumbering into death seems a welcome relief

With the birthing of light a new dawn awaits full of precious possibilities

Fear is like fog; it spreads everywhere and falsifies the shape of everything.

John O’Donohue - Anam Cara

FEAR

associated with deterioration

The not knowing what is happening

Feeligns of loosing control over e very - thing

I do not want to give up Or give in

Life has many different seasons, containing sunshine, laughter and tears…

Amy Fitzgerald

Withdrawing during winter days of illness is taking a cue from nature

Desire is the weather that stirs up this climate of pain. It’s the wind on which we sail our ship into the ocean of sorrow.

Peter Cornish - Dazzled by Daylight

Grieving

Feeling intense sorrow

From Latin gravare, gravis

Heavy Grave

At times illness makes you feel cheated out of life

It is essential to allow yourself to grieve

Hope is daring, courageous; it has the audacity to reach a hand into darkness and come out with a handful of light.

Sister Stanislaus Kennedy - Gardening the Soul

hope with a small h creates the interplay of hope and fear

hope that improvements will come fear of this not happening

HOPE with a capital H creates the interplay of HOPE and TRUST

Finding courage within the weakness

HOPE to understand the bigger picture TRUST to find your role in this world *

*Conversation with John Doughlas, Dzogchen Beara

Darkness is more productive for sublime ideas than light.

Edmund Burke

Going underground where seeds of thought germinate in the dark

Carefully nurturing their growth

Re-emerging into the light armed with the wisdom of the earth

The fiction of recovery is heroic; it encompasses overcoming major obstacles, as if I was to be slaying dragons or climbing and conquering freezing mountainous terrain.

Helen Kendall

- Shelf Life

I didn't want to be called brave It sounded like pity

But brave ready to face and endure danger or pain, showing courage comes from the Latin word cor meaning heart

Facing up with an open heart to the experience of illness

Maybe I can reconsider that I am brave

'You are amazing. You just do it, get on with it, don't give up, and don’t give in. You find a way.'

Pascale

De Coninck

Proud of the garden I have created over the years

L ooking at jobs I want to do today

Already in too much pain Too exhausted

A ll I can do is sit here

Frustrated Sad In Tears

Nothing brave or amazing about that

But why did I still think of walking as the ultimate success.

Bonnie Klein - Slow Dance

Using mobility aids marked the transition from invisible illness to visible disability

The wheelchair made it possible to be part of life in spite of restricted mobility

Wheels represent movement Movement is life

In a wheelchair or On a scooter…

A scooter is not recommended by the health board it makes one 'lazy'

In a manual wheelchair

I can grab the wheel but can not move the chair any distance independently I can hold a spade but can not dig a hole

On a motorized scooter

The only effort required is pressing the lever to keep the motor going granting me total freedom

If you have the words, there’s always a chance that you’ll find the way.

Seamus Heaney

Recognizing the face but unable to recall the person’s name

Finding refuge in descriptions looks like smells like You know that thing

Fragmented Sentences

Language mixed up

As if I’ve lost my mind

You look good. You must be feeling better. Cheri Register - Living with Chronic Illness

If you look well you’re expected to behave in a healthy fashion

Free of limitations

To protect yourself from judgement you may feel the need to explain your reality of illness

Please understand the difference between ‘happy’ and ‘healthy’...

Ricky Buchanan - Not done Living- Blog

The social obligation of illness … to be either healthy or miserable

It seems peculiar that one can be sick and happy

Perhaps the best summary of my attitude towards ‘cure’ is this: I would joyfully accept a cure, but I do not need one.

Susan Wendell - The Rejected Body

Society places great emphasis on the need to find a cure

With little recognition of the value of ill people's actual lives

Without knowing the force of words, it is impossible to know more. Confucius

Invalid noun

A person made weak or disabled by injury or illness

Invalid adjective Not valid…

From Latin invalidus, from in - 'not' + validus 'strong'

A simple change in pronunciation

Adapting: Make (something) suitable for a new use or purpose; modify.

Oxford Dictionary

Adapting mobility aids can increase independence or make them more fun

Pimping my wheelchair changed the social perspective from being a dreaded aid to comments like 'I want one too'

The metaphor of flying is common in literature and poetry written by people who can’t walk. To transcend gravity is the fantasy, the dream.

Bonnie Klein - Slow Dance

Birds often represent Freedom Flight Free Spirit

The clipping of wings could suggest

Fragility Physical limitations Vulnerability imposed by illness

The analogy of Birds used in A rt and writing can aid in the understanding of life with illness

‘What brings you?’ I ask. ‘The birds bring me!’

She laughs, and her accent makes it sound as though she travels in a chariot drawn by geese.

Kathleen Jamie - Sightlines

A wagtail bopping on the grass outside the meditation room

A seagull gliding with ease over the sea

A hooded crow working much harder to cover the same distance

A great tit lining its nest with my cat’s fur

What more does one want What more does one need

Birds make me smile

Their resilience gives me courage

The freedom to communicate, by definition has to be strongest and most powerful freedom. Neil Platt - I am breathing

The ability to express our Thoughts Wishes Emotions through Written Spoken Visual or Body language

Is a very precious Gift

Creativity: The use of imagination or original ideas to create something.

Oxford Dictionary

There are many ways to be creative

A rt and Wr I t I ng but also the creation of a garden or enhancing the immediate lived-in environment Being creative is also the ability to adapt to your circumstances at any given time

There is almost always a way… If we can give it time and thought

We breathe approximately 23,040 times a day

Inspiration

The act of drawing in the breath

Inspiration

A good idea

The sleep of plants, like that of animals, is a relaxation from certain activities during which tissues are repaired in preparation for work yet to be accomplished.

Rev. Charles A. Hall - Wild Flowers and their Wonderful Ways

Being involved in Creativity is beneficial for the mind as long as it is balanced with Rest which is essential for the body

… I’ve gradually accepted that pacing is really the only sustainable way to maintain a good quality of life when living with pain.

Vidyamala Burch - Living Well with Pain & Illness

Sculpting

t wenty minutes every few days brought the Twenty Minute Bird into life

Writing t wenty minutes at a time brought Into the Light to completion

You are reading it

… the greater depth of software possibilities.

Writing these pages

Assisted by voice recognition software

Answering a phone-call

Microphone still on

Speaking Dutch

… but we just text here for our future you a young to how you became it but if you limit the community text message service to negotiate that I message: a New Year divorce until not delivered.com quoted by greater depth of software possibility for you have wrinkles to the doctor ...

Your work is to discover your world and then with all your heart give yourself to it. Buddha

When the mind fully enters the creative space an exquisite moment can occur of knowing that what you are doing is exactly right for you

Part of our identity and our abilities may be hidden away like treasures at the bottom of the sea until we are forced to find them.

Tobi Zausner - When Walls Become Doorways

Writing came into my life due to illness

Writing grants me the freedom to explore the unknown regions of my inner being

To find ease in the whirlpool of bewilderment

To uncover the hidden gems

Writing gives me a voice in the world beyond

It is still amazing to me how much a book has a life of its own. It becomes part of your body as you write, waking you up early in the morning with the desire for completion, the need to come all the way into being.

Susan Griffin - What Her Body Thought.

If I am not actually writing I write in my head

Reading evolves into writing

Editing happens at the edge of sleep

Nearby notebooks as essential as pain medication

Books help us to understand who we are and how we are to behave.

Ann Lamott - Bird by Bird

Reading about my own experiences

Lingering questions suddenly answered

Written from the depths of someone else’s mind

How beautiful is that

This new relationship to language wasn’t entirely negative; I became sensitive to hidden meaning ... It was fun making new discoveries.

Bonnie Klein - Slow Dance

r ing

Hea l ing

Medication

Medit ation

With the loom she weaves the pattern of destiny. Anne Cameron - Daughters of Copper Woman

Weaving became an unexpected form of meditation

Moving each thread under and over

Under and over

Exploring the play of colour

Experimenting with texture

Every action a metaphor for life

The most radical act of healing could be the act of presence. Being here.

Kalichi - Dance, Words & Soul

Meditation for me means

Stillness

Observing what goes on in my body t rying to let it be R eally seeing what is in front of me ever changing light shapes of clouds movements in my garden

A liveness

Without much doing R are beautiful moments of lightness of being

Nature is an incredible teacher.

We are meant to revere her, to listen to her in awe and to become part of her.

Ingrid Bacci - The Art of Effortless Living

Nature is in all of us embedded in our very core through the memory of our ancestors

If we take the time to observe we learn Re-learn

Each flower teaches us about renewal Every bird the strength to keep going no matter what

If we do not open ourselves to the wisdom nature is willing to share with us we will be deprived of how far we can grow

As time with illness progressed I became one with nature

I am part of my garden The garden is part of me

An overgrown path makes me feel restricted

A pot-bound plant stops me from growing

The first shoots of spring make me come alive

The birds make me sing

I felt a cleaving in my Mind - As if my Brain had split - I tried to match it –Seam by Seam - But could not make them fit.

Emily Dickinson

At the edge of a relapse it felt as if my head split open then closed again Weird Painful Scary I Looked beyond my body at the birds nature a spider

To remove myself from the intensity of pain

... relapses are made much worse by the fact that they follow temporary remissions, when we think, with the eternal optimism of well-being, that we have escaped the clutch of pain for good.

Kat Duff - The Alchemy of Illness

Moderation

Everything in moderation talking walking reading writing resting eating could curtail the cycle of Relapse and Remission

If you accept pain and explore it more deeply, instead of ruining your life, it can open you to life…

Vidyamala Burch - Living Well with Pain & Illness

Pain raging like a storm through my body Trees being battered outside the meditation room

Dancing with the storm

I believe that flowers are particularly the friends of children, especially of small children. For one thing, little children are much nearer to the ground than grown-ups are.

Kathleen Madge - The World Of Living Green

I am sitting down most of the time and don't move very fast

Being granted the privilege to truly see nature

Nature teaches me to be specific about what I do and how

A bee would not visit a flower without knowing its value

Alone: having no one else present.

From Middle English: all + one Oxford Dictionary

Loneliness

Often associated with Sadness

Fear

Nobody understanding your world

You can experience loneliness among others

Solitude

Valuing the state of being alone

Freedom

Silence

Discovering the beauty silence has to offer

I am not what happened to me. I am what I choose to become.

Carl Jung

We learn from many life events Including illness

Reconstructing our lives we find new ways of Living Understanding We can find new Interests Passions Projects The experience of illness can become meaningful by the creation of a new sense of self

shell must break before the bird can fly.

Finding a next level of acceptance after fourteen years of illness brought me to a different kind of understanding and new opportunities

If the rest of my life was to be lived with illness than I might as well fulfill long held dreams Now

The blessings for which we hunger are not to be found in other places or people. These gifts can only be given to you by your self. They are at home at the heart of your soul.

John O’Donohue - Anam Cara

Illness can bring an unexpected gift

The gif T of graTiT ude

The isolation and unspoiled landscape of Annaghmakerrig make it a place where one’s humanity is inseparable from the mysteries of nature, where instinct and intuition come to the surface with unquestioned validity.

Sheila Pratschke - Annaghmakerrig

The reward of a painful bumpy ride on my mobility scooter

Solitude

The only sounds the moving water

Wind in the trees

A small twig landing on the roof of the boathouse

A leaf and its reflection floating among the algae

Mesmerizingly beautiful

Willingness to be alone is the personal price we have to pay for finding the unique gifts that we are meant to share with the rest of the world.

Ingrid Bacci - The Art of Effortless Living

In childhood

I was discouraged to just stare at the sky

Go and do something

Through illness

I regained the ease to be who I am

Even if others don’t understand

Solitude helped me to be more present to the world

To have a presence in the world

… what I want from a friend is not a remedy but a tangible link to the world beyond my malfunctioning body, a sign that I have not been abandoned to the pain.

Cheri Register - Living with Chronic Illness

People who are able to deal with the vulnerability illness exposes become the best friends one can have

Carers can often find themselves in situations where their wishes and needs are not being taken into account. The Carers Association

Care givers need care too

The real voyage of discovery consists not in seeking new landscapes, but in having new eyes.

Marcel Proust

Illness was not the road I had planned to take

But I have been granted an exploration of some beautiful new landscapes

REFERENCES & CREDITS

• Adams, Patch. Gesundheit! By Patch Adams, M.D. Inner Traditions International, and Bear & Company, ©1993, 1998. All rights reserved. Reprinted with permission of the publisher.

• Bacci, Ingrid PhD. The Art of Effortless Living, Bantam Books, 2002. Reprinted by kind permission of the author.

• Bar nes, Simon. How to be a Bad Birdwatcher, Short Books ltd, 2006. Reprinted by kind permission of the author (although not claiming originality for quote).

• Buchanan, Ricky. Open Letter To Those Without CFS/Fibro. www.notdoneliving.net Reprinted by kind permission of the author.

• Burch, Vidyamala. Living with Pain and Illness, Piatkus, 2008. Reprinted by kind permission of the author.

• Carel, Havi Hannah, Professor. Illness, Acumen, 2008. Reprinted by kind permission of the author.

• Cameron, Anne. Daughters of Copper Woman, The Women’s Press, 1984. Reprinted by kind permission of the author.

• Cor nish, Peter. Dazzled by Daylight, Garranes Publications, 2014. Reprinted by kind permission of the author.

• Duff, Kat. The Alchemy of Illness, Bell Tower, 1993. Reprinted by kind permission of the author.

• Fir th, Kate. From poem Going Green in Venus Reborn, Chrysalis Poetry, 2013. Reprinted by kind permission of the author.

• Fitzg erald, Amy. From poem Never Really Alone – unpublished. Reprinted by kind permission of the author.

• Fry, Stephen. The Fry Chronicles, Penguin Books, 2011. Reprinted by kind permission, David Higham Associates

• Griffin, Susan. What her body thought. A journey into the shadows, HarperSanFrancisco, 1999. Reprinted by kind permission of the author.

• Hall, Rev. Charles A. Wild Flowers and Wonderful Ways, Peeps at nature, 1926.

• Harding, Michael. Staring at Lakes, Hachette Books Ireland, 2014. Reproduced by kind permission of the author and publishers.

• Heaney, Seamus. Famous Quotes: Irish Times

• Jamie, Kathleen. Sightlines, Sort of Books, 2012. Reprinted by kind permission of the publisher.

• K alichi. Dance, Words & Soul., 2001. Reprinted by kind permission of the author.

• Kendell, Helen. ‘After All’, Shelf Life, National Disability Arts Forum, 2003. Reprinted by kind permission of editor Kaite O’Reilly.

• Kennedy, Sister Stanislaus. Gardening the Soul, Pocket Books, Townhouse, 2003. Reprinted by kind permission of the author.

• Klein, Bonnie. Slow Dance: A story of Stroke, Love and Disability, PageMill Press, 1998. Reprinted by kind permission of the author.

• Koch, Ludwig. Memoirs of a Birdman, Phoenix house, 1955.

• Lamott, Ann. Bird by Bird, First Anchor Books, 1995. Reprinted by kind permission of the Barcley Agency.

• Macintyre, Anne. M.E. – Post Viral Fatigue Syndrome: A Practical Guide, Thorsons Health, 1998. Reprinted by kind permission of the author.

• Madg e, Kathleen. The World of Living Green, Lutterworth Press, 1947. Reprinted by kind permission of the publisher..

• O’Donohue, John. Anam Cara, Bantam Press, 1999. Reprinted by permission of The Random House Group Ltd.

• Palmer, Anastasia. Dear Stranger, Galleri Kretsen, 2013. Reprinted by kind permission of the author.

• Platt, Neil. I am Breathing, 2013. By kind permission of Scottish Documentary Institute,

• Pratschke, Sheila (editor) Annaghmakerrig, 2006. Reprinted by kind permission of Director of Tyrone Guthrie Centre.

• Register, Cheri. Living with Chronic Illness. Bantam Books, 1992. Reprinted by kind permission of the author.

• Saint-Exupér y, Antoine de. The Little Prince, translated by T.V.F. Cuffe. Penguin Books, 1995. Reproduced by permission of Penguin Books.

• Smith, Kirsten. Contributor to Social Media research project http://corinaduyn. blogspot.ie/2010/09/stepping-naked-in-front-of-whole-world.html

• Sontag, Susan. Illness as Metaphor, Penguin Books, 1983. Reproduced by kind permission of Sontag Estate’s representatives at the Wylie Agency and Penguin Books.

• Sugiyama, Keiichi (Director). Origin, Spirits of the past, 2006.

• Wendell, Susan. The Rejected Body feminist philosophical reflections of disability, Routledge, 1996. Reprinted by kind permission of the author.

• Woolf, Virginia. A Room of One’s Own, Penguin Books- Great Ideas, 2004.

• Zausner, Tobi. When Walls Become Doorways – Creativity and the Transforming Illness, Harmony Books, 2006. Reprinted by kind permission of the author.

Every effort has been made to contact all the authors/publishers - any omissions will be rectified in any further publications.

REFERENCES TO OTHER QUOTES

• Buddha. 624 BC Lumbini, what is now Nepal.

• Burke, Edmund. 1729-1797, Irish Statesman author, orator, and philosopher.

• Carers Association. www.carersireland.com

• Chöndrön, Pema. Good Medicine, Sounds True, 2008

• Confucius. Chinese Philosopher, D. 479 BC

• De Coninck, Pascale. www.ease-kind.ie

• Dickinson, Emily. www.hermitary.com/articles/dickinson.html

• Enthoven, Wies. Bange Helden. Arena, 2005.

• Jung, C. G. 1875-1961, Swiss psychiatrist and psychotherapist.

• Log an, Kerie. www.empoweredwithin.com

• Proust, Marcel. 1871-1922, French novelist, critic, and essayist.

• Ronayne, Dolores. www.holistictherapist.ie

• Tennyson, Lord Alfred. Victorian poet.

• Lao Tzu. Chinese Philosopher, 5th–6th Century BCE

ART/PHOTOGRAPHY

• De Coninck, Pascale. www.dancingthreadsstudios.com/pascale/

• Deeley, Spark. www.sparkdeeley.com

• Duyn, Corina. www.corinaduyn.com

• Duyn, Ina. sites.google.com/site/inaduynart/

• Jermyn, Jane. www.janejermynceramics.com

• Mar tin, Mariela. www.marielamartin.com

• Palmer, Anastasia. www.dearstranger.se

• Tynan, Rachel. www.racheltynan.ie

Corina Duyn studied and worked as a palliative care nurse and as care worker in her native Holland. It was after moving to Ireland in 1990 that her creative life took off. Her Fantasy Folk Artist Dolls are in private and corporate collections in Ireland, Europe and USA.

From 1998 she unintentionally embarked on a new creative journey, mapping her experiences of living with the chronic illness ME.

Living life in the slow lane, she became a great observer of her immediate surroundings, which made their presence known in her art and subsequently in her writing. This resulted in several solo exhibitions and publication of three books: Hatched, a creative journey through ME. (2006); Cirrus Chronicles - Landing in Ballynelligan (2009); Flying on Little Wings (2011).

Published by Little Wings.

During the first fourteen years of illness, the focus of her art was that of the life-cycle of a bird. Starting life afresh as the embryo in an egg; growing into an adult bird. After reaching a new level of acceptance with her circumstances, her artwork changed to exploring the experience of being more grounded and rooted. Perhaps her desire to fly was also a flying away from the reality of pain and isolation? This acceptance was also the seed for Corina to attend a year of Disability Studies at UCC in 2012/13. This course greatly influenced her focus in life and art, and was the start of the I nto the Light project.

To read more about the making of this book visit: https://www.corinaduyn.com/site/into-the-light

For further information please see: www.corinaduyn.com Website and Blog

Art galleries, Book pages, Living with ME, inluding links to support organisations https://www.facebook.com/corina.duyn.7

Into the Light

Corina Duyn