Issuu

J U N E 2 02 1

LI F E + C U LTU R E

Craig Melvin:

Co-Host of The Today Show, Son, Father

O U R 3 R D A N NI V E R S A R Y ! MEN OF WES T PORT W E LLN E S S M E L I S S A B E R N S T E IN: YOU ARE NOT ALONE H O L I S T I C H E A L IN G AND ACUPRESSURE

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Bringing the Extraordinary to Every Home

LIFESTYLE LETTER

JUNE 2021 PUBLISHER

Marisa MacLean | marisa.maclean@lifestylepubs.com EDITOR

Three Years of Westport Lifestyle HI THERE, Exactly three years ago today our first issue of Westport Lifestyle (WLM) hit local mailboxes.

Robin Moyer Chung | robin.chung@lifestylepubs.com AD DESIGNER

Rachel Chrisman L AYO UT DESIGNER

Emily Lisenbee CONTRIBUTING PHOTOGRAPHERS

Jerri Graham, Heidi Curran, John Videler

I started this magazine because I knew the traditional local print industry was broken and it was time for something better. But back in 2018, I had big ideas and no clue if I’d be able to sell them! Three years and 36 issues later, I can confidently say I was not the only one who wanted something better. Westport Lifestyle has now grown to be the highest circulated magazine in both Westport and Weston CT! We've evolved from a slim 36-page publication to a magazine that has some real heft! We’ve also expanded our web presence to include a beautiful digital platform in addition to an impressive social media following. While traditional local print publications were folding left and right, we, against all odds, survived a global pandemic and continued to grow. And I’m truly proud that we did all of this without sacrificing our values. From day one, WLM has set out to share the GOOD NEWS of our community while supporting local businesses, community members and non-profit organizations. One of my favorite sayings is Teamwork Makes the Dreamwork and that is certainly the case with WLM. This magazine would not be possible without the hard work and

CORPORATE TEAM CHIEF EXECUTIVE OFFICER Steven Schowengerdt CHIEF SALES OFFICER Matthew Perry CHIEF FINANCIAL OFFICER DeLand Shore

dedication of the entire WLM team led by our rockstar editor Robin M. Chung, our

ART DIRECTOR Sara Minor

amazing local advertising partners and, of course, YOU.

OPERATIONS DIRECTOR Janeane Thompson

The reason we can continue to tell these captivating stories and fulfill these values

AD MANAGER Chad Jensen

is because of you, our readers. Over the past three years you continued to read, you

REGIONAL SALES DIRECTOR Eric Williams

tagged us on social media, you supported a local business and you shared your

WEB APPLICATIONS Michael O’Connell

stories with us. So for our third birthday, what I really want is to celebrate all of you! From the bottom of my heart - Thank You!

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With tremendous gratitude, Marisa MacLean and the entire WLM team

ON THE COVER Westport's own, Craig Melvin

PHOTOGRAPHY BY JOHN VIDELER 12

Westport Lifestyle | June 2021

CityLifestyle.com/Westport

Proverbs 3:5-6 Westport Lifestyle™ is published monthly by Lifestyle Publications LLC. It is distributed via the US Postal Service to some of the Westport areas’ most affluent neighborhoods. Articles and advertisements do not necessarily reflect Lifestyle Publications’ opinions. No portion of this magazine may be reproduced in any form without written consent. Lifestyle Publications does not assume responsibility for statements made by advertisers or editorial contributors. Information in Westport Lifestyle™ is gathered from sources considered to be reliable, but the accuracy of all information cannot be guaranteed.

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INSIDE THE ISSUE JUNE 2021

FEATURES 30 Love Letter to Fatherhood An Interview with Craig Melvin About His New Book, POPS

36 Touch Points Holistic Healing and Acupressure

42 Men of Westport Seven Amazing Men Around Town

52 36

52 You are Not Alone With LifeLines, Melissa Bernstein Helps Those in Anguish

DEPARTMENTS

Lifestyle Letter

Good Times

Around Town

24 Our Contributors 30 Page Turners 42 Local Limelight 52 Giving Back 58 Driver’s Notebook 62 City Scene 66 Healthy Lifestyle 70 Now Open

Solutions So Simple They Actually Work.

REACH-IN CLOSET

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GOOD TIMES 1.

Wakeman Town Farms EGGstravaganza! Many families hopped on over to Wakeman Town Farm for a celebration of bunny fun! This first-come first-served limited-capacity event included an Easter egg hunt, coffee for the adults, lawn games, story time, photos with the Big Bunny, and animal encounters! All COVID precautions were taken. (Photos: Anne Burmeister)

1. Egg toss. | 2. Meeting the Big Bunny! | 3. Easter egg hunt anticipation. | 4. Families enjoying the festivities. | 5. Happy people!

Marilyn Minter's SMASH at MoCA Smash is the videos of contemporary artist Marilyn Minter. Minter is a contemporary American painter, photographer, and video artist. Her paintings and richly colored photographs and videos have been the subject of numerous solo exhibitions and in group exhibitions all over the world. (Photos: John Videler) At MoCA through June 13. MoCAWestport.org.

1. Ruth Mannes (MoCA Executive Director), Marilyn Minter (artist) and Liz Leggett (Director of Exhibitions). | 2. Robin Moyer Chung (Westport Lifestyle Editor), Angela Pantalone, and Lucia Gulbrasen. | 3. Marilyn Minter with a custom-designed AMC Pacer automobile featuring an interior, surround viewing of her work Green Pink Caviar. | 4. Jane and David Presier with Marilyn Minter. 16

Westport Lifestyle | June 2021

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MUSIC AT MOCA CONCERT SERIES Building on the success of last summer’s out-

WESTPORT PLAYHOUSE 2021 SEASON RECONCEIVED

door concerts, we are excited to present our new

We’ve reconceived our 2021 season of enter-

Music at MoCA Concert Series featuring a line-up

tainment as a diverse offering that can excel in

of thirteen Jazz, Pop, and Classical performances.

our current virtual environment — for both theater

Purchase the Music at MoCA Season Pass and

makers and audiences. All content will be available

experience a diversity of genres and performers all

on-demand for your convenience. For those who

spring and summer, or purchase the Classical, Jazz,

love our pre- and post-performance events, we’re

or Pop-only package. Tickets for each individual

making plans to take them online, so you can

concert are also available.

reconnect with friends and Playhouse staff alike.

All concerts will be held at MoCA Westport’s

WestportPlayhouse.org

outdoor space at 7 p.m. Bring your own lawn chair

Jun 29 – Jul 18

seating. Food and drinks are available for purchase

Tiny House by Michael Gotch, directed by

at each concert. MoCAWestport.org

Mark Lamos. A thoughtful new comedy with characters whose lives are reduced to smaller human circles is something we can all relate to. (Photo: Kathleen O’Rourke)

CONTINUED >

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Together, they comprise an impressive and wide-ranging pool of talent; skill sets that go beyond what is typical in the profession. “We’re compassionate but we’re also tough. You have to have a balance,” said Jacquelyn Conlon, a fellow of the American Academy of Matrimonial Lawyers, an elite group of family attorneys. ConlonMcGlynn.com

Would you like to get in touch with us? We would love to hear from you! Contact us

CityLifestyle.com/Westport

using the Get In Touch link and let us know what you think. CityLifestyle.com/Westport

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CityLifestyle.com/Westport

OUR CONTRIBUTORS

THE WESTPORT LIFESTYLE TEAM REFLECTS ON THREE YEARS OUR FAVORITE MAGAZINE MEMORIES

MARISA MACLEAN, FOUNDER AND PUBLISHER

ROBIN MOYER CHUNG, EDITOR

Meeting Michael Bolton is definitely near the top of the list! My absolute favorite memory, though, is not celeb-

Westporters, but especially those with Jane Green,

rity-fueled. It was the moment that the first issue of

Benjamin Lagasse and Stephen Gemignani, Michael

Westport Lifestyle (WLM) came out. Holding the very

Bolton, Annette Norton, and Melissa Bernstein. Their

first printed copy of WLM in my hands was a feeling I will

authenticity, willingness to talk about tough subjects,

never forget. To me it symbolized months and months of

and enthusiasm inspired both creativity and respect.

hard work, sleepless nights, sacrifice, hustle and accom-

I once wrote that I’m fortunate to live in a town that

plishment. I truly think of this magazine as my third baby.

can sell a $300 tank top. But I'm fortunate to live in a

I’m so grateful to be able to work for myself while doing

town with so many amazing people, including the ones

something I believe in – which is spreading the good

I work with at this magazine.

news about our amazing community to the people that live here. I still get just as excited seeing every new issue in print each month. The magic is still very much alive! 24

While at WLM I’ve enjoyed many interviews with

Westport Lifestyle | June 2021

JEN BERNIKER, WRITER I've met so many interesting people writing

MAYA PORRINO, PHOTOGRAPHER My first photo shoot for Westport Lifestyle

for WLM and have great memories with each

was definitely a memorable one! While arrang-

story. While I can't point to anything “crazy”

ing a large number of people for a group photo,

that's happened, I think it must have been

I noticed that one of the participants was start-

amusing watching me try to keep the names

ing to faint. Prior to becoming a photographer I

and stories of the four Tuck Gin guys straight

was a family physician, so immediately my brain

during our interview at Wafu, while "tasting" lots

switched into triage mode. The crowd looked at

of Tuck Gin. That whole lunch is kind of a blur!

me incredulously when I announced that I was also a doctor, camera in hand, like a scene out of a soap opera. I was able to get the person comfortable on the ground, ensured they weren't in any immediate danger, and stayed by their side until EMS arrived. Luckily I haven't had to use my medical training at a photo shoot since then, but now I know that those instincts are still there!

ANNA BARNES, WRITER My favorite Westport Lifestyle memory has to be the piece I did about Today Show host, Craig Melvin. He was such a joy to interview and truly has a love for the Westport community; I was so honored to write about his New Year's fitness

MINDY BRIAR, PHOTOGRAPHER

routine and resolutions. One January morning,

My favorite memory from last year would

the month the article had been published, my

be getting to photograph Michael Bolton! That

phone began to ring incessantly. To my surprise,

was such a cool experience and he was just so

my article and John’s (Videler) photos had been

kind to us. I will never forget it!

CONTINUED >

featured on the Today Show! What an exceptional moment for the WLM team! CityLifestyle.com/Westport

OUR CONTRIBUTORS (CONTINUED)

SOPHIA ANDERSEN, WRITER

JERRI GRAHAM, PHOTOGRAPHER I’m a fan of the printed press making working

I really enjoyed meeting so many talented

with Westport Lifestyle Magazine a real honor.

and interesting individuals in our community

As the newest member to WLM, I look forward

over the years. One of my favorite memories

to a celebratory team cocktail, lots of opportuni-

was meeting Mr. Silverman from Silverman's

ties for great photos, and the potential for tattoo

farm in 2018 - he is a local legend! It was such a

sessions with Robin.

special day touring the farm, apple picking, and learning about the history of the farm dating back to the Prohibition era.

KRISTEN PAGE EMOND, WRITER JOHN VIDELER, PHOTOGRAPHER

My favorite memory from working with Marisa at WLM was when I came on in 2018 to help launch the publication. It was great reconnecting to my CT roots and meeting

One of my first photo shoots for WLM was

amazing people within the community. We

at The Whelk Restaurant. For years I’d been

expedited the premiere issue date and had to

hearing about Chef/Owner Bill Taibe's Oyster

scramble to get the articles finalized in time for

Deviled Eggs. In fact, some friends were talking

our first deadline. This was pre-covid so lots

about them a few days before the shoot.

of late nights out in Westport were involved

When I arrived at The Whelk, the first thing

which is always a plus.

Bill put on the table was a platter of the Oyster Deviled Eggs. He said, “When you’re finished photographing them, you can eat them." I knew this was the start of a fabulous relationship with Westport Lifestyle Magazine.

We want to hear from you! Please share your favorite WLM memories with the team @westportlifestyle or reach out via our website: westport-lifestyle.com

Westport Lifestyle | June 2021

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PAGE TURNERS

L E LOVE E T T R TO

FATHERHOOD Craig with his family: Sibby, Lindsay, Craig, Del (Photo: Jerri Graham)

AN INTERVIEW WITH CRAIG MELVIN ABOUT HIS NEW BOOK, POPS ARTICLE ROBIN MOYER CHUNG

Westport Lifestyle | June 2021

ESTPORT RESIDENT CRAIG MELVIN IS MANY THINGS.

His job titles alone are “News anchor, NBC News’ TODAY, co-anchor, 3rd Hour of TODAY and anchor, MSNBC’s Craig Melvin Reports.” But above all, he’s a father. His new book, POPS, is a frank yet compassionate account of childhood with his father, Lawrence, who struggled with often-debilitating alcoholism for 40 years. When he wasn’t drinking, Lawrence worked the night shift at the post office or gambled away his salary on video poker machines. Through extensive interviews with Lawrence and other relatives, Craig pieces together the puzzle of a man who sought connection and love, but who, himself, lacked the father figure he desperately needed.

If one person decides to reconnect to save the parent or a loved one, a brother or sister, that’s a win.

(Photo: John Videler)

WESTPORT

LIFESTYLE

MAGAZINE:

POPS HAS MANY THEMES: LIFE, STRUGGLES, FATHER FIGURES, PARENTING. WHO DID YOU WRITE THE BOOK FOR? CRAIG MELVIN: I wrote the book for my dad; it’s a love letter to my father and my mother. One of the highlights for me was interviewing both of my parents on tape for hours. Honestly, they answered every question that I asked. Sometimes I wish they hadn’t answered as

CR AIG MELVIN

honestly as they did. WLM:IT SEEMS IT’S A LOVE LETTER TO ALL FATHERS CM: Actually, yes - it’s a love letter to fatherhood. Initially I was going to write a book about those dads [from Craig’s Digital segment on TODAY.com “Dad’s Got This!”] but it morphed into this longer story about my complicated relationship with my own father and what I discovered about being a parent. WLM: WE ALL HAVE A MEASURE OF SUCCESS FOR WHAT WE DO. HOW WILL YOU MEASURE THE SUCCESS OF THIS BOOK? CM: If, literally, just one person who has a loved one who’s struggled with any sort of addiction for an extended period of time reads this book and says “Know what? I’d written CONTINUED >

CityLifestyle.com/Westport

PAGE TURNERS (CONTINUED)

them off but maybe I shouldn’t have.’ If one person decides to reconnect to save the parent or a loved one, a brother or sister, that’s a win. I also want people to laugh the way we did through much of our childhood. Because a lot of it was funny. It’s still funny. WLM: YOU MENTIONED BEING MAD AT YOUR FATHER FOR BEING A “GHOST” AND NEVER AROUND, BUT DID YOU EVER FEEL UNCOMFORTABLE OR EMBARRASSED ABOUT HIS BEING A DRUNK? IF SO, WHEN?

kids. But growing up we saw dad always with a beer in

CM: Your frame of reference becomes what you’ve

his hand, literally drinking and driving. So there wasn’t this

always seen; I had always known him as an alco-

mystery surrounding alcohol. I didn’t get to college and

holic. I was angry about the absenteeism and the

wonder “What is this? I’ve never known what this is!”

gambling. But I still sought my father’s approval - I think it’s innate and I don’t think it changes as you get older.

WLM: (LAUGHING. CRAIG IS FUNNY.) CM: That also being said, my dad smoked more than he drank but in my life I’ve never had a cigarette.

WLM: GIVEN THE LEGACY OF ADDICTION IN YOUR FAMILY ARE YOU CONCERNED ABOUT YOUR

WLM: (MORE SERIOUS NOW) TYPICALLY, CHIL-

CHILDREN AND ADDICTION? DO YOU HAVE PLANS

DREN OF ALCOHOLICS HAVE ISSUES: INSECURI-

TO ADDRESS THIS LEGACY AND THE DANGERS OF

TIES, REPRESSION, OR TRUST ISSUES. DID YOU

SUBSTANCE ABUSE WITH YOUR KIDS AT SOME

EXPERIENCE ANY OF THESE? IF NOT, HOW DID

POINT? IF SO, HOW?

YOU NAVIGATE SO SMOOTHLY?

CM: I am concerned about my kids. Quite frankly,

CM: Two things to that point. I have long maintained

I’m concerned about myself. I enjoy a good bourbon

people can be motivated by bad examples as much as

and good cigar. Years ago I gambled much more than

good examples. You can look at someone close to you

I should have. My dad would pull me aside and say

and say, “I don’t know what I want to be, but I know I

“Hey you might want to lay off” - it’s been helpful

don’t want to be like that.”

because he’s able to speak from a place of experience.

Then my mom filled in the gaps in remarkable ways.

Anyone who’s dealt with what we dealt with would

It’s difficult to overstate the important role she played

be lying to you if they didn’t tell you they worry about

in my formative years when my dad was at his worst.

their offspring struggling with the same things.

She was my mother, father, uncle - she did it all. At one

Fortunately, [my kids] are still young. But you ask a

point she had to get a second job because my dad had

good question. My wife and I probably should give

gambled away so much of his money.

that some thought. I think there’s value in demystifying alcohol. I’m not suggesting on any level you should serve beer to underage

Westport Lifestyle | June 2021

I didn’t do it consciously, but I’ve always been able to find father figures along the way to fill the void. I’ve been blessed in that regard.

WLM: I FIND IT AMAZING YOU SEEM

WLM: LAST QUESTION: WHEN CAN

TO HAVE NO RESENTMENT TOWARD

WE EXPECT YOUR SECOND PARENTING

YOUR DAD, DESPITE HIS 40 YEARS OF

INSTALLMENT, MOMS? SHE MUST HAVE

ALCOHOL ADDICTION AND GAMBLING.

BEEN A PRETTY GOOD MOTHER AND I

WHY IS THIS?

COULD USE SOME TIPS.

CM: I don’t often quote Oprah, but she

CM: You can rest assured if you write

said: “Hurt people hurt people.” It is wholly

a book about your father, your second

unrealistic to expect someone who didn’t

book has to be about your mother. If I

have a father in their life* to magically be a

reached any sort of professional success

great dad. If you’ve never seen something,

in my life, it’s because of God and Betty

how are you going to be that? Then you add

Jo Melvin.

a gambling addiction, alcohol addiction, complicated marriage, working the graveyard shift at the post office. I’d say, “Dad, it’s remarkable you did as well as you did for as

*Craig’s grandfather was also an alcoholic

long as you did.”

who abandoned his family and children.

Craig laughing with his son, Del (Photo: Jerri Graham) CityLifestyle.com/Westport

touch points

HOLISTIC HEALING AND ACUPRESSURE ARTICLE ROBIN MOYER CHUNG PHOTOGRAPHY HEIDI CURRAN

Westport Lifestyle | June 2021

By "declut tering t his congestion" Injae helps t o re-est ablish t he mind/body connection. T he body "experiences relief" t hrough a clean flow of blood/chi, and t he brain becomes bet ter equipped t o receive positive, life affirming messages.

IN AMERICA, WE LOVE OUR MEDS.

be, including a rock star (another article).

Back in the ‘50s and ‘60s, medical resi-

Instead he decided to follow in his dad’s

dents were instructed to: 1. Examine, 2.

footsteps and heal people with his hands.

Diagnose, 3. Prescribe. No matter the

“Hands,” Injae states, “are the most pow-

ache or malady, patients trotted home with

erful tool we have.”

medicine. A fistful of pills, regardless of

I went to his office for a session. Full dis-

what they were, seemed to alleviate any

closure, my dad was a surgeon and almost

condition, mental or physical.

every dad I knew growing up was a doctor.

Society became leery of alternative med-

I’ve been trained to put my faith entirely in

icine, so embedded into our collective psy-

Western medicine. I’m also convinced I’m

chosis that panaceas were found in plastic

impervious to every affliction, save the com-

pharmaceutical containers.

mon cold and mosquito bites. But I’m open

Generations later, our understanding of healing is evolving just as we’ve become

to anything and I’m better at experiences than explanations.

disenchanted with drugs and their danger-

Injae’s office is airy and unpretentious.

ous, sometimes deadly, side effects. Which

I walked in and he asked me where I

is excellent timing because, according to

needed help. Anti-aging! DEFINITELY (he

CNBC, anxiety disorders have increased

does that!), anti-anxiety, and I had just had

nearly 75% since last March, with demand

two molars ripped out of my skull so pain

for therapy and medication growing com-

reduction was welcome.

mensurately. These disorders are manifest-

He nodded his head and I lay face-down

ing themselves in pain, illness, and mental

on a mat. Kneeling, he pressed two hands

suffering. More often we’re turning to alter-

on my back. “I’m finding the cause of block-

native healing instead of capsules and elixirs.

age to your chi flow,” he explained.

Westport resident Injae Choe, founder

As he put pressure on key points, “try-

and principal of SUGI Acupressure, has

ing to find energy.” I asked what was his

based his practice on Eastern healing

most common ailment. “Back pain,” he

since

quickly responded.

2003.

With

undergraduate

degree in Chinese and French, an MBA, a

“What people don’t realize,” he continued,

massage license, and PhD in psychology

“is that back pain isn’t always due to trauma

(all from super smart schools), he could

to the back. It’s often in the hip flexor. Or it’s

be pretty much anything he wanted to

not unusual that they suddenly remember a CONTINUED >

CityLifestyle.com/Westport

TOUCH POINTS (CONTINUED)

Injae Choe 38

Westport Lifestyle | June 2021

traumatic experience that they had locked away. They realize this experience was causing the pain.” At its most basic, our bodies and organs need an even flow of blood to operate effectively. Acupressure uses hand pressure to unblock and allow steady circulation of blood through certain “acupoints.” Acupoints are areas which may hinder the flow. The flow is the “chi”, the energy and joy of life. “Think of your body as a hose,” he explains. “Only a little water comes out, so we check the entire hose for kinks that may be obstructing the water, not just the top of the hose or where we think it might be.” By “decluttering this congestion” Injae helps to re-establish the mind/body connection. The body “experiences relief” through a clean flow of blood/chi, and the

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brain becomes better equipped to receive positive, life affirming messages. While most of his work is done in a meditative silence, Injae combines acupressure with talk therapy for more progressive results. He told me this as he dug at my shoulders and neck. I’ve been going to physical therapy for that area for a few weeks now. Moments after he finished there was a knock on the door; another client. I left, feel-

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ing lighter and more relaxed than I did when I entered. The ache in my shoulder was gone and I was smiling as I drove away. Sadly, I didn’t look any younger. SUGIAcupressure.com

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ADAM MOORE

SEVEN AMAZING MEN AROUND TOWN

CEO & CO-FOUNDER, WHEELHOUSE CENTER FOR HEALTH AND WELLBEING As a child actor: “As a teenager I almost landed the role of Theo in The Cosby Show. I lived in a single family brownstone. I even had a physician for a father. I was literally a Cosby kid.” His education and first job: “I went to Cornell and established their first graphic design major. I went on to work as a Creative Director at various advertising agencies, but advertising is an industry which uses psychological techniques to exploit people’s insecurities. I couldn’t keep doing that in good conscience. Fortunately, I realized I could employ those same techniques to help people feel better about themselves, not worse.” A career shift: “In 1998 I entered coaching school, when coaching was just breaking onto the scene. Afterward, a close friend who had taken the program with me mentioned she was becoming a minister. It was like a light went off in my head. I realized seminary was the critical next step I needed to be of service to others, to give me a deeper, more robust understanding not just of people, but of myself as well.” Why WHEELHOUSE: “My wife and I have a shared vision for healthcare based on empathy, excellence, and personalization. We want people to be excited to come to us and to inspire other healers, practitioners and businesses to take a similar approach. WHEELHOUSE may be a company, but we see it more as a movement, a revolution in healthcare.” Wheelhouse.health

Westport Lifestyle | June 2021

Men of Westport

Photo by John Videler

ANTHONY SILVER MS, MA, LMFT, BCN, QEEG-D FOUNDER & EXECUTIVE DIRECTOR, GRAY MATTERS Growing up: “I grew up on the edge of the green belt around London. There were nice houses, plenty of space, lots of fields, and air raid shelters that hadn’t been torn down.” Living in Westport: “Coming from an urban environment [London], I think Westport is absolutely magical. I also love the history here.” During COVID: “My daughter moved up to be with me during COVID. We kayaked every afternoon, we baked, we got swept out by crazy tides, and got our feet stuck in the mud.” On standing up for yourself: “I went to a boarding school from age 13 to 15. I was the only Jew out of 650 kids. I found myself in an environment where people were looking for horns and making oven jokes. My mother told me to just ignore it, but that’s the worst thing you can do. You have to stand up for yourself. People only behave in the way you allow them to.” Success: “Nothing is easy, nothing comes easy. Success in any field is about tenacity, getting up after you’re knocked down.” His career: “I’ve always loved the brain, always have loved psychology.” A favorite moment: “One of my patients invited me to his high school graduation. He gave a speech and mentioned me, thanking me for who he is today.” On children: “There’s nothing more beautiful and magical than having a child.” GrayMattersCT.com

CONTINUED >

CityLifestyle.com/Westport

LOCAL LIMELIGHT (CONTINUED)

THOMAS PACILIO CEO & FOUNDING PARTNER, CLAPBOARD HILL PRIVATE WEALTH Of his family: “I’m from Queens, New York. My mom worked in the local high school for 28 years, one of those smiling women you see in the cafeteria. My dad was in the import/export business.” Growing up in Queens: “We lived near my grandparents, my cousins lived across the street. There was always a family member to feed us, to nurture us. Everyone knew us. It was a tight-knit family community.” Going to college: ”I was one of the first who finished college on my side of the family. I wanted to get some guidance and direction, and while I was self-motivated, education was key.” Words to live by: “Never forget where you came from.” Why he started his own business: “I was working at Merrill Lynch on the wealth management side, commuting to the city. In 2008 there was a dislocation in the markets, especially mortgage business and real estate markets. We were looking for opportunities for our clients and corporate was looking at private clients to increase revenue. That didn’t sit well with me; I couldn’t service my clients the way I wanted to. That’s why I started Clapboard Hill Private Wealth.” His future plans: “My vision is to become the Mitchells of wealth management, catering to Westport and the Fairfield area. [My son] Brandon coming to work with me helped clarify that.” Subject of his first book: “Get Comfortable Being Uncomfortable is the title of the book that one day I may write. After all, that’s when the magic of life really starts to happen.” ClapboardHill.com 44

Westport Lifestyle | June 2021

Photo by Jerri Graham

BERNARD DEVERIN FOUNDER, WESTPORT BUILDER GROUP

Why he lives in Westport: “My first career for twenty five years was with investment banks in the energy markets. There was a person across from me on the trading desk from a town called Westport. Ten years later I was offered a job in Stamford. Well, the only town I’d ever heard of was ‘Westport’. So here we are 23 years later.” His passion: “My first love is music. Since 1970 there isn’t a group I probably haven’t seen. When I was young all I wanted to do was be in a rock band; I grew up just up the road from the Stone Pony of Bruce Springsteen fame.” His love of piano: “When I first starting working up here I taught piano after work. It grew a little more than I anticipated, but was very rewarding. One of the young little boys I taught back then is a grown man with two kids of his own and is now also in the building business.” Of his family: “My wife Midge and I each have a son and daughter, and of the four kids I’ve taught piano to three. Our oldest son Walter has a band, ‘The Walters’ in LA, they are working on their third EP. So I live through his success. My daughter Margaux is a teacher and director of music theatre. Yes, I’m very proud of our musical family.” Public service: “I have had the great privilege of being Secretary of the Zoning Board of Appeals. It was a great way to know the community and be aware of what’s going on.” WestportBuilder.com CONTINUED >

CityLifestyle.com/Westport

LOCAL LIMELIGHT (CONTINUED)

BILL HARMER EXECUTIVE DIRECTOR, WESTPORT LIBRARY About his last name: “Farmer, Hammer - people get my name wrong all the time.” Why libraries are changing: “A book is just a tool for learning. But not everyone gets their knowledge from books, so we have to reinvent what the library means.” Small joy: “The technology at this library is state of the art. I’ve got to pinch myself.” His love of rock: “I used to manage a rock band and I was a disc jockey on college radio. I organized the ‘Rock and Roll Library Tour.’ They were real concerts and we played 48 states including Cuba over five years.” On innovative programming: “Last summer I think we did the coolest program of any library in the country. We brought in Mick Davie, a 7-time Emmy award winning documentary filmmaker. He did a six-week workshop with teenagers. They learned how to do a documentary, soup to nuts. At the end they each had a featurette with his guidance.” More ideas: “I want to give kids opportunities throughout the year. You want to produce an event? Shadow a producer and watch them work. Maybe work in hospitality so you can work with the next rock band that comes here to do a show. Maybe we’ll hand you a camera so you can capture the event for posterity.” His love of library: “[When I first worked for a library] it felt like home, like it was calling me. I finally found the thing I loved. I would imagine teachers feel that way.” WestportLibrary.org 46

Westport Lifestyle | June 2021

Photo by Jerri Graham

JEFF TITUS CEO & FOUNDER, TITUS BUILT EST. 1995

On his lineage: “My great grandparents moved to this area in 1918.” Of his parents: “I get my work ethic from my parents, they both were hard workers. My mother is 82 and still working at the same law firm she’s worked since she was 16 and my father worked for Southern New England Telephone until he passed in 1999.” As a child: “Some of my favorite childhood memories are when we would spend our summers in Rhode Island on the water, fishing, crabbing, and boating.” About his love of building: “We, as a family, were always working on projects around our house and helping with family and friend’s projects - remodeling our home, building boat houses, docks, etc.” Why he became a builder: “My passion for designing and building began during my very first summer job, working for a residential builder in New Canaan. I loved everything about the business.” Why Westport is home: “I’m a water guy, a power boater. But I don’t care, put me on a dinghy as long as I’m on the water. My love for building and my love for living and playing by the ocean makes Westport the perfect fit for me.” TitusBuilt.com

CONTINUED >

CityLifestyle.com/Westport

LOCAL LIMELIGHT (CONTINUED)

Westport Lifestyle | June 2021

BRIAN MCGUNAGLE FOUNDER, WESTPORT PRIDE About Westport Pride: “Westport Pride asks three questions: What does the LGBTQ community in Westport look like?

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GIVING BACK

YOU A R E NO T A L ON E

WITH LIFELINES, MELISSA BERNSTEIN HELPS THOSE IN ANGUISH

Westport Lifestyle | June 2021

ARTICLE ROBIN MOYER CHUNG

Pretend play toys from Melissa & Doug.

“ONE OF THE MOST IMPORTANT THINGS YOU CAN

So it was for Melissa Bernstein. Melissa has a large

DO ON THIS EARTH IS TO LET PEOPLE KNOW THEY

family, devoted husband, and breathtaking wealth. Yet

ARE NOT ALONE.” – Shannon L. Alder

she wasn’t happy - far from it. None of her labels, “Mom,”

The world is a big place. So we divvy it up into smaller,

“Wife,” “Wealthy,” gave her a sense of belonging. Which

less intimidating pieces. Our country, our state, our town,

is a tricky thing in Westport - or anywhere, for that

our street. We join groups of people who share our inter-

matter - where they’re considered enviable descriptors.

ests and passions. When we’re surrounded by people

Society assumes certain labels must elicit specific levels

we enjoy, we’re not lonely. We’re part of a community.

of fulfillment and is disinclined to alter the scale.

Communities are an important and integral part of our lives and happiness.

However, “Meaning doesn’t come from external validation,” Melissa points out, “It may even be the reverse

There are some who have difficulty finding their like-

correlation, once you have everything you ever wanted

minded humans. Not for lack of wanting or trying, but

and more then where does that lead you? Once you

because they simply don’t know who they are. Society

achieve everything and you still find yourself wondering

may dislike our placing labels on others, but each of us

about your meaning in life?”

has our own intrinsic labels, the ones which we choose

Creating was the only thing that gave her a sense of

to define us. We may embrace labels such as “African

purpose. When she was young she wrote verses, up to

American” or “Feminist” or “Tennis Player.”

10 a day, thousands of them, trying to make sense of her

Yet if we don’t know our label, how do we embrace it? How do we know where we belong?

depression and her need to control the tumult of her thoughts. She composed music. If her thoughts weren’t

Within all of us is a piece we find impossible to define.

focused on words and notes it would spiral, as it rou-

For some people it’s small enough that we ignore it.

tinely did, into a despair that wanted her dead. She didn’t

For others, it’s overwhelming. Being unable to know

know why this happened, only that it happened.

what it is, exactly, makes us even more vulnerable to it.

She didn’t meet Doug until she was 19 even though

It becomes the label that best explains who we are no

her parents had known his parents for years. They talked

matter how much we may dislike it.

over the phone several times before he invited her on CONTINUED >

CityLifestyle.com/Westport

GIVING BACK (CONTINUED)

a date. When he picked her up at her home she

Each day she fought to repress and deny her

weighed 80 pounds and was too weak to walk up a

misery; what she deemed her “imperfection.” She

flight of stairs. She wore baggy clothes to hide her

kept busy, family and work gauzing her agony and

gaunt frame.

feelings of worthlessness. Even as she felt lightness

She imagined her dress concealed her emaciation,

through her toys, she became aware that her need to

but when he saw her he knew something was deeply

create toys, verses, and anything else was fueled by

troubling her. All he knew, though, was that she was

the same control that caused her anorexia and need

too thin. So he helped her. He began taking her to

for pills. “My creativity was also a form of control in

beautiful restaurants and made sure she ate every

needing to rabidly channel the chaos in my head to

bite of her meal.

something very defined.”

What Doug couldn’t know was that she loathed

Until one day, in her late 40s, she realized, “I

her inadequacy, her inability to be what society made

needed to make a dramatic change because the pain

her think she should be. She needed to be perfect.

was too unbearable…” She didn’t succumb to star-

Starving herself, denying herself pleasure, was how

vation or pills, but “I rigidly controlled pretty much

she coped. Not drugs or alcohol: substances masked

everything I did!!!” She admits.

feelings. She needed to control them. But for some inexplicable tease of hope, she kept herself alive. Anorexic, but alive.

Frankl, she began to clarify her suffering. She continued reading. “I read Nietzche, that a

Still, she ate what he asked her to. “Doug was

nihilist believes there is no meaning in our cos-

relentless about how important it was, and I’m glad

mos, that we’re hopeless and powerless.” Most

he never gave up because I began feeling much bet-

people walk away from Nietzche feeling bereft

ter after beginning to eat again.”

and depleted. But for Melissa, its effect was oppo-

They fell in love, married.

site, “I put my hand on my heart and thought ‘This

She felt better, but still took measured steps to

is me.’”

ensure her sense of control.

Camus then taught her “it would be wrong and

Together they created six children and a multi-mil-

weak to take my life. Though there is conflict with the

lion dollar toy company, “Melissa & Doug.” For

lack of meaning and the need to make meaning, we

Melissa, this pattern of production and creativity

must accept it and rise up and still make meaning in

provided mentally equanimity. Making a toy would

the time we have. I call it ‘the angels singing.’”

take her mind off of her inner self, seeing the joy it

With a swell of relief, she finally had a label

brought to a child would put her on a lighter plane.

for her anguish: Existential Despair. No, it’s not

“For years,” she states, “creating toys was the cata-

the label most would want. Sometimes we can’t

lyst to channel darkness into light.” Perhaps this was

choose our labels, but we can accept them and

why her favorite category of toy to design is pretend

give them meaning.

play, which allowed for the subversion of reality by living in a different and imagined universe.

A podcast led her to philosophy. In reading

Through verse and finding inspiration in others, Melissa sought a path to self-acceptance and

Until it didn’t. The demons would return, the

inner peace. Day by day she worked on accepting

despair possessing her. “Nature kept telling me

herself, from the tremendous gifts in her life to the

I was ultra-odd.” She reached out a few times for

snarls of her affliction. Existential despair may be

help, “but they looked at me like I was crazy. People

her label, but it would no longer dominate her life.

say that mental illness isn’t a stigma. But it is - let’s

Slowly, she gained the confidence to share her

be honest.”

story on a podcast.

Westport Lifestyle | June 2021

Pretend play toy from Melissa & Doug.

Letters poured in.

“eco-system” of LifeLines.com. There is no

Melissa admits, “I thought I was the only per-

charge for this eco-system, “Doug and I have

son with existential despair. I’ve learned I’m not.”

been so fortunate with Melissa & Doug, we want

Of one letter she received, Melissa says, “It

to give back,” she explains.

read - ‘I’m a single black mother on welfare and

Melissa concedes that LifeLines isn’t for every-

when I heard your story I was like white female

one; people may feel more comfortable with a dif-

who’s made it. And then I looked in your eyes

ferent method of healing or working with a men-

and saw your pain. This will forever change how I

tal health professional. But, first and foremost,

judge others. We are exactly the same.’”

she wants people who are suffering to know

For Melissa, and for most people who suf-

they are not alone. She is creating a community

fer from any form of depression, healing is an

of people to find strength, self-acceptance, and

ongoing process. Yet having discovered a path

purpose. And, perhaps, a bit of happiness among

through the weeds, she thought her journey

like-minded people.

might help others. She wrote a book, LifeLines. With her husband of 32 years she created an

LifeLines.com

CityLifestyle.com/Westport

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Westport Lifestyle | June 2021

SUMMER DRESSING

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DRIVER’S NOTEBOOK

Westport Lifestyle | June 2021

W A N T T H E

N E W

J A G U A R ? THERE'S ONLY ONE

B E T T E R A C T F A S T . . . ARTICLE ROBIN MOYER CHUNG

IT’S A SPICY RIDE, GUYS. But don’t spend too much time researching it in car magazines at the nearest bookstore. Only 60 of these all-wheel drive sports cars, which are based on the supercharged, 575-hp F-TYPE R, will be available worldwide. Fortunately for you, Jaguar Fairfield, the area’s only SV Centre, will have one available. And you’re not the only one who wants a hopefully-nearpost-pandemic/I-survived-quarantine-and-home-schooling/thesecond-dose-kind-of-hurt reward. TAHIS all-wheel drive sports car offers a perfect balance of performance and driver reward with an even more muscular, assertive design and a cabin defined by rich, luxurious materials and beautiful details. The sprint from 0-60mph takes just 3.5 seconds, or about the time it takes to order a bacon cheeseburger and a vodka martini with three olives (with the understanding you won’t be driving it home).

CityLifestyle.com/Westport

SUMMER 2021 YOUTH PERFORMANCE OPPORTUNITES! ACT of CT’s Summer Performance Camp

TIMBERLAND

July 26 – August 7 | 2nd – 5th grade Campers will rehearse and present a brand-new and clever musical, written speciﬁcally for our Summer Performance Camp, and will learn introductory musical theatre skills, including beginning vocal technique, choreography, and improvisation. ACT of CT’s Teen Conservatory: Summer Mainstage Musical Theatre Intensive

INTO THE WOODS, JR.

July 5 –17 | Middle & High School students Middle school and high school performers will have the opportunity to audition for, and appear in a teen production of Into the Woods, Jr. this summer at ACT of CT. The production will be directed by ACT of CT Artistic Director, Daniel C. Levine. For more information, contact: education@actofct.org or (475) 215-5433 actofct.org 60

Westport Lifestyle | June 2021

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CITY SCENE

STOP ASIAN HATE

ARTICLE ROBIN MOYER CHUNG WITH ROSIE CURTIS PHOTOGRAPHY JERRI GRAHAM

Westport's Peaceful Protest ON SATURDAY, MARCH 27, OVER 500 PEOPLE GATHERED ON JESUP GREEN FOR A PEACEFUL “STOP ASIAN HATE” RALLY ORGANIZED BY WESTPORT RESIDENTS SARIN CHEUNG, ROSIE CURTIS, PATRA

KANCHANAGOM,

HEATHER

LEE, KATHERINE WHEE, AND SARA KANG WIENER. Speaking

the

crowd

were

First

Selectman Jim Marpe, US Senator Richard Blumenthal, State Senator Tony Hwang, Attorney General William Tong, and TEAM Westport’s Harold Bailey. As well, a group of high school students shared their powerful and moving experiences.

Westport Lifestyle | June 2021

At the end, artist and inspirer Rosie Curtis shared her plea for love. Her speech and her closing remarks are below. Rosie: What can we do? We can continue to stand together in love and be united in this fight against hatred and fear, because… Love is an action Love is patient. It never gives up. Love is kind. It cares more for others than for self and is consistently kind to all. Love does not envy. It refuses to be jealous. Love is not boastful or proud or rude to inflate its own importance. It does not force itself on others, it does not dishonour others nor selfishly seek its own honour. It is not easily angered, irritated or resentful. Love joyfully celebrates truth and does not delight in what is wrong. It always protects. Love is a safe place of shelter, for it never stops believing the best for others. It always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. Love never loses faith. Love never fails. [Then, we took a moment of silence, bowed our heads down and closed our eyes for a minute to think about the stories we heard, to think about the victims of racism and discrimination and acts of evil, to think of someone we know who has experienced

Senator Richard Blumenthal

racism of any kind; and in the end, we asked our own hearts.] My hope is that the conversations and stories being shared by the Asian community will empower us to do something, to be the change, even if it’s a small act of kind-

Harold and Bernicestine Bailey

ness, even if it’s just giving your neighbor a smile. I hope that we will always remember that we have the power to change things.

CONTINUED >

CityLifestyle.com/Westport

CITY SCENE (CONTINUED)

Rosie Curtis 64

Westport Lifestyle | June 2021

CityLifestyle.com/Westport

HEALTHY LIFESTYLE THE PRO GOLFER’S FITNESS JOURNEY

SCOTT

STALLINGS’

WORKOUT ARTICLE CITY LIFESTYLE

SCOTT STALLINGS DISCOVERED HIS INTEREST IN GOLF AT THE YOUNG AGE OF 3. But it was the “aha moment” for his love of the game that came in 1997 when Tiger Woods won the Masters and would forever change the entire landscape of the industry, as well as what Stallings would aspire to achieve in his future professional endeavors. Little did he know at the time, however, not just how successful he would become, but also how an unforeseen health compromise would also rock his world, and his cross training, for the better. He was a seven-time tournament winner and was an All-American while attending Tennessee Tech, and he has won on the PGA Tour three times as a professional golfer. Flash forward to the year 2016: It became a life-changing year he never would have anticipated; one filled with strife as he learned he had been diagnosed with obstructive sleep apnea and acute adrenal fatigue. It was a result of some unhealthy nutritional habits, both of which affected his ability to continue effectively as a professional athlete. With the guidance of doctors, surgeons, and his good friend Rich Froning, a four-time Crossfit champion, Scott developed a workout to trim 60 pounds, boasting 10% body fat, revising his daily eating habits, and sleeping healthily through the night. Had Scott not gone to the doctor because of that innate fear, he never would have known the diagnosis of sleep apnea that needed to be addressed. Luckily for Scott, he didn’t have an overwhelming, crazy life overhaul. Instead, he was able to find one small thing, delivering simple systematic changes in his workout that led to his improvement in fitness and quality of life. “You only get one body,” he says. “Golf is a grind, but don’t let physicality get in the way of your game,” Scott says.

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