Are you feeling like you would like to meet a new friend and/or have better friendships?
Have you ever had what you thought was a deep friendship, only to have it blow up and be gone forever? Or maybe you had what you thought was a very close friend, only to have them stab you in the back and act as if nothing ever happened?
Have you ever had a broken heart … or been hurt at a heart level? You’re not going to believe this real-life story… a story in the making—, but it’s true.
Imagine … knowing the secrets to lifelong deep Level 4 friendships that will last everything life throws at you.
Nora and Mark would like to welcome you into their friendship. Both have a passion for deep, lifelong friendships for everyone. Nora and Mark thank the Life Masteries Institute for helping them create their podcast, “Your Voice In My Headset,”and this book.
Nora and Mark would like to invite you and two others to read this friendship book together and share your thoughts/interactions, and experiences.
Sincerely,
Life Masteries Institute & Nora Raber & Mark Boersma
Thank
you!!! We would like to thank our sponsors for helping us to provide this book to people all around the world. If you would like to contribute to this worthwhile endeavor of healing and creating friendships, every contribution offers this book to more children and adults.
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KidsCorner~Whoisyourbestfriend?
Kids are cute and can say the most interesting things. Ask your children/grandchildren to draw / color / write what they think of when they think of friendships. PARENT TIP: Ask your children / grandchildren, “Who is your best friend and what do you like most about that person?” Mark did this to his children growing up, and now does it to his grandchildren. Why? It helps us map out our children/grandchildren and determine their value. Yes, adults … This is an excellent question for you as well. Draw/color a picture of what you like to do with your friend. What adventure would you love to go on with your friends? The WHAT is valuable … The WHY is invaluable.
Friendship Tip: Ask questions that show interest and help us to understand them better.
Think about it … think of all the classes you’ve had in school. Have you ever had even one class on friendships? Even with Mark’s three college degrees, he’s never had a class on friendship … which is really sad when you think about it.
When Nora and Mark were asked … “What’s the secret to being such great friends and having such a deep friendship so quickly?” Both immediately shared “Being great students of one another.”
So … why does it seem that we aren’t taught how to be great students and/or aren’t taught how to have/be amazing friends? Throughout this book, we have left plenty of white space to take notes, doodle, draw, and/or color. We do this to bring the creative side … the childlike side in all of us. Children love adventures, and when we look at friendships like an adventure, we have more and better friendships.
Yes … give a copy to children, even, maybe especially, small children, and be intentional about teaching them how to be a good friend and have good friends, and why that is so Friendship Question: So … What a some of your fondest memories as a child?
Kids Corner ~ What shape do I like the most?
Which shape do you like the most? 1st, 2nd, and 3rd … Draw/color a picture of what shape you like the most, and then something with that shape.
Which one of these things would cause you to get frustrated, hurt, mad, or feel sad? 1st, 2nd and 3rd …
“So… WhatcanIexpectfromexperiencingthisbook?”
That’s a fair question for sure, but one that is harder than it might seem to answer. Why? It’s so different, it’s hard to describe what you can expect. You can first
expect: “You’ve never experienced anything quite like it.” What do we mean by that? Let’s put it this way:
“Most books have a specific topic/subject, storyline. This book is about friendships … all types of friendships and all the good, bad, and messy parts that come with friendships. Mark and Nora’s heart desires you to have as many Level 4 deep friendships as you desire.”
Let’s ask this question … “Doyouwantmorefriendships?” There is an excellent chance that you may pause and think … “I’mhonestlynotsureI do.”… And if said, thought, or felt that, it’s OK. Before Nora and Mark met, they may have said the same thing.
Nora’s and Mark’s theory is that Level 4 friendships will give you FAR more than they cost you … which provides you with the ability to have many of them.
My Dream Friendship: (What do you feel, see, and/or hear?)
~ Chapter 1 … Context ~
Friday, May 23rd, 2025, at 4:33 pm, Nora’s heart stopped, and her world changed forever. She was 29 years old and received a legal notice that her husband was filing for divorce. She and her husband had been married for 6 years and had just adopted Lincoln, a precious little boy, 2 ½ years earlier. Nora was raised Amish. In the Amish world, if you get divorced, you can never remarry, even if your husband was unfaithful to you and he filed for divorce.
For the last 2 ½ years, she had given up her occupation and decided to be a stay-at-home mom for Lincoln. What was she going to do to support herself and her son? Nora is the last child of ten. You can tell just by looking at her picture … that … well, she was a handful. ☺ She was sweet and kind, but her deep blue eyes could peer into your soul and see everything about you.
Nora’s life vision is “Healing” … healing for herself and those around her. Friday night, she cried. Her precious glass heart was broken into a million pieces. She had given everything she had to her husband, to try to save the marriage, and for years she gave up most of her identity … the essence of who God created her to become, which is strongly connected to her becoming a medivac pilot. And now … this.
Her sister Mary had told her about this interesting guy who could, in 17 seconds, know your personality and share insights into you that you didn’t even know. Mary had shared that there was an event at this guy's house on Saturday, and she should come and meet this guy.
Mary didn’t give many details about this guy, or that the event at his home was a Riverside Retreats event. “A Place Of FUN ~ Healing ~ AWAKENING ”
Obviously, in her state, Nora wasn’t in the mood for being around a bunch of strangers or going to a party or event where everyone was having fun.
Even today, Nora’s not entirely sure why she decided to attend, but she did … When she met this guy for the first time … she was wholly unimpressed and disappointed.
Friendship Tip: Asking “What” questions is good… asking “Why” better. “What are some of your fon memories? Why do you think thos memories are so fond?
Nora and her brother-in-law, John, were sitting on a swing on the heart deck. The “interesting guy,” Mark, greeted people and came over to them. He shook Nora's hand, introduced himself to her, talked briefly, and then walked away. Nora was not impressed with Mark and was honestly disappointed. When you first meet Mark, you’ll likely not even notice him. He’s very quiet, an introvert, kind of average or even below average. There doesn’t seem to be anything special about him, honestly. You might even think he doesn’t like people … and … well … you would be right. More on that later.
After Mark walked away from the heart deck, he headed toward the three riverside decks to greet other guests. Mary made a beeline for him and said, “Did you meet my sister Nora?”
Mark said … “The one on the heart deck? I didn’t know that was your sister. I met her.” Mary said, “Did you talk to her?” Mark said, “A little.” Mary said, “Well, you need to TALK with her more.”
Mark is 61 years old, has been married for 41 years, and has 7 children and 10 grandchildren. He’s an international speaker and author. Mark owns 9 companies and has 20 to 30+ hours of free time a week. He has been doing podcasts for decades and does between 15 and 25 podcasts weekly.
Mark has learned that most people don’t like to go deep, so … well … he doesn’t go deep with people unless they want to. Mark’s wife, Rosanna, laughs and shares … “It’s weird … people, often total strangers, just open up to Mark and tell them everything about their life. We were 18 years old when we met. We were married when I was 19 years old, and he was 20. We were in college, and there is no question that he was different from other guys. He knew not only what he wanted in a wife but also in life. He was so crystal clear as to what his life vision was. I had no idea what I was getting into. But when a guy is 18 years old and clearly knows that his life vision is ‘To touch every single person in the world, one person at a time, and make an impact in every area of their life … in a fun and exciting way. Yep … that’s 8+ billion people. Strangely, many guys TALK about what they will do, but Mark DOES; he takes action.”
Mary walked Mark back over to Nora, and their Level 4 deep friendship journey was born. Mark asked if it was OK to go deep, and Nora said, “Yes.” Mark did with Nora what he does with everyone: He asks 17 seconds of questions, then 3 minutes of additional questions, and then shares his thoughts on your personality.
It’s pretty crazy what he can SEE in 17 seconds. Add another three minutes of questions; what he knows about you is magical. Nora’s personality was (1234)+(1324) = (2558). If you want a personality assessment from a 3-minute survey, scan the following QR code. What do these numbers mean? What is a Level 4 Friendship relationship? On one of the friendship podcasts, Mary asked: “How do you get to a Level 4 friendship and how do you not lose it?” We hope it will be hard to put this book down, in part because you're curious about what happens next, and in part because you're discovering or really building your own Level 4 friendship.
Friendship Tip: It’s EASY to SAY we CAR but do we DO CARE? Remembering the answers to the questions and doing something with them shows those around u that we DO care, not just TALK care.
Hmmm … “What Am I Thinking?”
Taking action is a result of how we think. What actions will we take from this book?
~ Chapter 2 … Aviation / Life Priorities ~
As a pilot, Nora sees the world very much through the eyes of a pilot. Mark is fascinated with Nora’s mind and wonders how what she learned as a pilot could help him achieve his life vision. Mark sensed that Nora’s vision and passions would help him achieve his life vision, and Nora felt that Mark could help her discover her life vision and live it out daily.
Mark’s Life Vision
“To touch every single person in the world, one person at a time, and make an impact in every area of their life … in a fun and exciting way.”
Within a few weeks, Nora's vision became very clear to her. Her vision is much simpler than Mark’s … it’s “Healing”. Simpler doesn’t mean easier, as healing is … well … as Mark is fond of saying … “Healing is easy. Staying healed is the hard part.”
Nora and Mark’s hope/passion is that this book will bring healing to each reader and to friendships. Their hope is also to help new relationships build a foundation that will last a lifetime.
Nora and Mark were raised in similar ways. Nora, being raised Amish, and Mark, being raised Baptist, were both taught from early childhood to seek to be humble and private. Never lift yourself up, and don’t talk about your successes.
They both see the value of these values, which is why this project was one of the most challenging things they have ever done.
The first three months of their friendship were crazy fun and fulfilling for both of them. It was like everything was in flow. They finished each other's sentences and knew what the other was thinking and feeling. Both felt an extremely deep connection.
In month four of the friendship, when the book started, things got a bit bumpy. To this day, they aren’t entirely sure why things got bumpy, but it was good for their friendship. There was conflict, tension, friction, and stress. Both are disruptors and have had friendships that have disintegrated or, worse, have left them deeply hurt/wounded. Mark seemed to be especially cautious and lacked confidence that this friendship would last a lifetime.
Mary, Nora’s sister, asked a great question on a podcast. “What does it take to build a Level 4 friendship and keep it?”
This book blends Nora’s 1,000+ hours of work to become a pilot and Mark’s decades of experience in marriage, children, family, and friends.
Mark’s international speaking coach, Linda Brakeall, shared with Mark many years ago, “Mark, you don’t write a book to bestow your wisdom on others, you write a book to gain deep wisdom on that topic you are writing about.”
The book is based on three core principles of aviation, which Nora and Mark believe apply to friendships as well.
Aviation / Life Priorities
● Aviate ~ Control your airplane (Self Aware / Control Self)
● Navigate ~ Know where you’re going (Identity / Life Vision)
● Communicate ~ Be in flow (Be in flow)
Friendship Question:
What’s the earliest memory of being hurt / sad? Why did it hurt or make you sad?
Aviation / Life Priorities
● Aviate ~ Control your airplane (Self Aware / Control Self)
● Navigate ~ Know where you’re going (Identity / Life Vision)
● Communicate ~ Be in flow (Be in flow)
Aviate ~ Control your airplane (Self Aware / Control Self)
Nothing else matters if a pilot doesn’t have control of their airplane. In life, we need to control ourselves … which requires self-awareness. When we don’t know ourselves, we project ourselves onto others, and that messes up … well … everything. We work to fix others … rather than working to fix ourselves.
Navigate ~ Know where you’re going (Identity / Life Vision)
Where are we currently at … in any area of life? It could be with friendships, financially, emotionally, spiritually, mentally … really anything … AND … where do we want to go? Nora and Mark have used some crazy cool tools that have helped them and will help others who want to be helped.
Communicate ~ Be in flow (Be in flow)
Getting into flow with people … is hard. Keeping in flow is even harder. Communicating with friends, loved ones, and co-workers is even harder. Mix in how different personalities communicate and listen, and hurt and pain that can not only come from hurt in our childhood, which we don’t even remember, but it can also come from our parents, grandparents, and even our great-grandparents.
“Hmmm … What could possibly go wrong with all this?”
Mark asked Nora this question, and when she said flying, Mark asked her why it was not only magical what she told Mark, but also how Mark explained the brain science, based on her personality, how her creator created her, and why she wanted to be a medivac. She was raised Amish, so why would she have something deep inside her that would make her a medivac pilot? Mark shared the science behind why Nora’s most unique personality was created to be a medevac pilot. Their first conversation connected them to be Level 4 Friendships for life.
Mark’s granddaughters love unicorns, and grandpa loves them with his whole heart.
Friendship Question:
So … WHAT do you LOVE to do? WHY do you love doing that?
Chapter 3 … Aviate ~ Self Awareness
Aviate ~ Control your airplane (Self Aware / Control Self)
Nothing else matters if a pilot doesn’t have control of their airplane. In life, we need to control ourselves … which requires self-awareness. When we don’t know ourselves, we project ourselves onto others, and that messes up … well … everything. We work to fix others … rather than working to fix ourselves.
If a pilot doesn’t control their airplane, they die. Nothing else matters. In life, we need to control ourselves … which requires self-awareness.
Nora has a dream of becoming a Medevac pilot, and she is pursuing it. What’s crazy and immediately connected Mark’s heart to hers was that Mark understood precisely the science behind WHY her heart desired to do that.
Nora’s deep, double analytic love of the precision required to fly is something that touches Nora at the deepest part of who she was created to be. Her secondary personality, that of a driver, loves the challenge of doing what few people and even fewer women ever get to do. Nora’s secondary personality on her pain quadrant test is expressive, which complicates things for her. She loves things being perfect … but she also loves risk, a sense of adventure, and being awakened every day to the beauty of living life to its fullest.
So … take a break and write down your thoughts up to this point. It’s about ready to get REALLY interesting.
The 5 Hazardous Attitudes are not only hazardous to pilots and those who fly with them, but also to friendships. What’s most dangerous is that for most people who have these attitudes, they don’t think they have them.
The 5 Hazardous Attitudes:
1. Anti-Authority
● Attitude: "Don't tell me." or "Don't tell me what to do."
● Antidote: "Follow the rules. They are usually right."
2. Macho
● Attitude: "I can do it. I'll show them."
● Antidote: "Taking chances is foolish."
3. Impulsivity
● Attitude: "Do it quickly" or "Do something quickly."
● Antidote: "Not so fast. Think first"
4. Invulnerability
● Attitude: "It won't happen to me."
● Antidote: "It could happen to me."
5. Resignation
● Attitude: "What's the use? Forget it. I give up."
● Antidote: "I'm not helpless. I can make a difference."
These attitudes are so dangerous to any type of deep relationship; we’ll take some time to break them down into specific things as they relate to friendships.
The 5 Hazardous Attitudes:
1. Anti-Authority
● Attitude: "Don't tell me." or "Don't tell me what to do."
● Antidote: "Follow the rules. They are usually right."
Often, those who have “anti-authority” attitudes have been deeply hurt by those in authority. What’s interesting is that a number of people who know Mark and Nora would say they both have a chip on their shoulders with those in authority … but … do they?
Nora shares that when she was in the Amish school as a 7th-grade girl, she saw the rules being applied unfairly to a student whose parents weren’t on the school board compared to those who were. Nora stood up to the male teacher and … well … let’s say it didn’t go so well for Nora … or … did it not go well for the male teacher.
Think about it … where is that teacher now? Where is Nora now? When that teacher reads this book, will he be happy that Nora has forgiven him and didn’t name him in this book, but could in future books? Will teachers all around the world who read this book consider that the student they are abusing their leadership with … may one day grow up and become an international speaker and author?
Will this book inspire other students and teachers to stand up and call out unfairness and protect “the little guy?” Nora and Mark have a great deal of respect for those in authority … who use their authority
properly. What makes leaders fear Nora and Mark is that Nora and Mark do not fear poor/weak, and stupid leaders.
We don’t use the word stupid casually.
●Ignorant is NOT KNOWING what to DO.
●Stupid is
NOT DOING what
Mark’s dad was a Baptist Pastor for Mark’s whole life. Mark faithfully served in one of the churches his dad started for over 20 years. Mark respected, submitted to, and honored authority … for decades, and then he found out what happens to those in authority when they are challenged.
It would seem like Mark, his wife, and seven children got the short end of that stick
… but the last chapter isn’t written on that book yet, is it? See, those in authority who
we KNOW.
misuse it … have a massive fear that one day they will be exposed for who they are.
“Anti-Authority” is not talking about those things. It’s talking about ego getting in the way, and once you become a successful pilot … successful at anything … your ego kicks in, and you think the rules don’t apply to you.
People who have issues with this, it seems, will never make Level 4 friends, will likely TALK a lot about LOVE, but won’t really think much about it, and won’t realize that whatever love they have is really focused on themselves.
If someone has been abused/hurt by those in authority … It can be tough for them to have healthy friendships and can be dangerous to one’s mental health and those around them. If they have healed … well … that’s a very different story. Yes… Those who have healed can be very dangerous as well… to those in authority who abuse it.
2. Macho
● Attitude: "I can do it. I'll show them."
● Antidote: "Taking chances is foolish."
Mark is a driver / analytic … analytic / driver personality. He’s very driven and direct with people. One of Mark’s friends has a lot of insight into people, and Mark actually did a “Mark Boersma for Dummies” video that you'll likely find very interesting.
Jim makes it very clear that if you aren’t interested in learning/growing, “Well … do yourself a favor and just pass on being friends with Mark.” What’s interesting is that it seems people with high egos just make Mark even more impressed by how successful, charming, self-righteous, kind, and overall amazing people they are. It doesn’t go so well for them.
People with high egos have low self-confidence and tend to congregate around others who are equal. Think of it kind of as “hunting in wolf packs.” They are weak, but believe they are strong and love to leverage the group they belong to.
Mark knows an ex-Amish woman who had a goofball of an ex-husband who divorced her, and his parents are Amish. What’s so interesting is that his parents are abusive in many ways, and the bishop and ministers in the church they go to all know what has happened, and they seem to be either unwilling or unable to address this.
His parents moved to another district, and no one will stand up for this woman or her young child. It’s interesting how people with high egos really do have a fear of being exposed for who they are. What if Mark were to introduce this woman to www.DoYouHearMyVoiceNow.com and they were to take up this woman's case and broadcast their story
all around the country the world, and sh the Amish, ev know?
People with h make good fri they can be fu so much ener like the nicest when you rea them … well, matter of time find out their t and that won’ for you / your Hmmm … thin everyone kne did to your clo … What woul your current fr
3. Impulsivity
● Attitude: "Do it quickly" or "Do something quickly."
● Antidote: "Not so fast. Think first"
4. Invulnerability
● Attitude: "It won't happen to me."
● Antidote: "It could happen to me."
Mark …
5. Resignation
● Attitude: "What's the use? Forget it. I give up."
● Antidote: "I'm not helpless. I can make a difference."
We all know and appreciate certain people. Please list three people you know, value, admire, and respect, and then three people you DO NOT know but admire from what you know about them. Share this exercise with family members, loved ones, coworkers, and friends. As we get to know others around us, we get to know ourselvesbetter. Dothisevery /monthtoseehowwechange.
List 3 people you know and List 3 qualities/ characteristics respect. for each of them
A-3. Rapid Connect Commitment Process (RCC) ~
List 3 people you DO NOT List 3 qualities/ characteristics personally know for each of them
Think of the most frustrating person in your life. List 3 things that frustrate you about that person:
/ Observations
3-2. Discovery of Our Life Vision
So … what do you think you were put on this earth to do? What were you created to BEcome? The first step in discovering your Life Vision … what you were put on this planet for, is to list all the passions you can think of around the circle. Write out all the passions you can think of, and then meet with three other people to talk about mutual passions and help one another discover your life vision, which is at the center of our passion circle.
Friendship Tip:
~ Chapter 4 … Navigate ~
Navigate ~ Know where you’re going (Identity / Life Vision)
Where are we currently at … in any area of life? It could be with friendships, financially, emotionally, spiritually, mentally … really anything … AND … where do we want to go? Nora and Mark have used some crazy cool tools that have helped them and will help others who want to be helped.
Friendship Question:
~ Chapter 5 … Communicate ~
Communicate ~ Be in flow
(Be in flow)
Getting into flow with people … is hard. Keeping in flow is even harder. Communicating with friends, loved ones, and co-workers is even harder. Mix in how different personalities communicate and listen, and hurt and pain that can not only come from hurt in our childhood, that we don’t even remember, but it can also come from our parents, grandparents, and even our great grandparents.
Friendship Tip: Work on daily communications. If you have an issue with a friend, share that with them. If it doesn’t seem to work, then keep trying until it does work. DO NOT GIVE UP!
Mark Boersma For Dummies
Have you ever thought you were really clear about something with a person, with a friend … and what they heard and what you shared seemed to be very very different?
Mark’s a very strange friend and few people seem to “get him.” I mean, “Think about it. Who has a friend who writes a book ‘Mark Boersma for Dummies.’”?
Right!?!? That’s just strange.
But what’s even more strange is that Nora didn’t seem to need the book to understand Mark. Why is that? What’s fascinating is that Mark and Nora are similar personality types. Watch the video and write out what you think. Mark thinks it’s pretty clear what Jim is sharing and for the life of him, he can’t figure out how Nora figured it out, almost instantly and others
don’t seem to be able to figure it out even in decades of being in Mark’s life? What are the secrets that Nora processes?
So … how did Jim understand, in a few months, what he did and how he put it into a 2 ½ minute video. So clear, so tight, so concise?
Jim leads with … “The first thing you may know is that you don’t really know what you thought you knew.”
Why is this so hard for people to realize … “We’re not that smart and we’re wrong FAR more than we think we are.”
Jim goes on to say … “When I first met Mark, I liked you, I was just trying to figure this guy out.” … “Help save a bunch of you a bunch of time.” … “I’ll share a bunch of things that I’ve learned … Ha … I like you … I’m wondering … I’ve never met anyone like this guy.”
… But again … Jim shares that he wants to “save you some time.”
Mark loves Jim since Mark doesn’t like to waste time. “The first thing you have to understand about Mark is that he believes that you were given a gift called life. That ah … you have tremendous potential to make the world a better place. It doesn’t matter what that looks like … ”
Right?!?! Mark doesn’t think he / his life vision is better than anyone else in life. Mark just believes in you … in that you were created in the image of God and that you were created to do something BIG … and
BIG is being a stay at home mom, caring for one handicap child … or whatever God has called you to do.
When another friend of Mark’s, Alan Petlin asked Nora what are the two things that she thought were most different than Mark, she shared:
● Intentionality ~ “Mark may be the most intentional person I have ever known.”
● You Have To Grow ~ “When you’re around Mark, you must grow. It’s not really an option.”
Nora’s a lot like Jim in that Jim saw a lot in Mark that was in Jim, as did Nora. Jim clearly sees how people are created in God’s image and can see who people are really quickly. Nora’s very intentional and if you’re around Nora you have to grow as well.
Mark’s like a 3 year old boy and when he and Jim or he and Nora get together, it’s like everything's an adventure. Everyone laughs … a lot and learns even more. Everyone is seeking to BEcome everything they were created to BE.
Do you have a friend like Nora, Mark and / or Jim? Where they just make you better and help you reveal amazing things about yourself that you didn’t even realize were all that amazing?
When Jim says … “Mark is the best friend if you have a sincere desire to grow. If you have the humility and want to be accountable and have people collectively in your life where we could make our time on earth
count, I’m telling you right now that this guy will be one of your best friends.”
Jim goes on to say … “But you need to a be warned also, and that’s the fact that, if you don’t want that, if you just want to go through the motions and keep walking down the road there blind to the things that are tripping you up, keeping you from being everything that you need to be … then ah …this guy's going to expose them pretty quick, you know. So … you might want to move on. You know, if that’s you, you don’t have a sincere desire to grow, then ah … this is going to be the worst thing you ever made up your mind.”
So … after you watch this short video a couple of times … Do you have anyone in your life like Mark, Nora and/or Jim? If not … would you like to?
Join Nora’s and Mark’s friendship group in Mark’s Life GPS channel and you’ll get started on a journey of … “Becoming that type of a friend to others and learning how to attract those types of people into your life as well.”
After you join the friendship group on Life GPS then share this book with others as your gift to them. You’ll be amazed at how sharing with others what you are learning in this book will draw the Level 4 friends to you. You’ll be amazed as you learn how to be this type of friend to others and how many people around you want to have this type of friend.
Now … It’s good to be aware of what can happen when you start to have Level 4 friends in your life. There likely will be friends and family who will not like you having this type of friendship. Why?
There are many reasons for this. But, it seems that maybe the number one reason is jealousy or fear. Jealousy that they don’t have this level of friendship with you and fear that maybe they will lose you.
What we don’t understand is that these types of friendship will help heal the heart that we probably all have felt … where we have been hurt at a heart level.
Hmmm … maybe take a few minutes to write down the biggest hurts you’ve felt at a heart level. To be healed at a heart level, it seems that we need to be heard at a heart level and the first person who needs to hear us … is ourselves. Write down whatever hurt comes to mind.
Did you write down the hurt you’ve felt at a heart level? This quote was shared on one of Nora’s and Mark’s weekly friendship podcasts by Mark’s wife, Rosanna, from what she had seen on Facebook. It seemed to touch both Nora and Mark at a deep level and explain so many things … about themselves and others as well. We hope it touches your heart as much as it did theirs.
“When trauma gets triggered, you don't act your age; you act the age your wound was created.”
~ Doctor Gabor Mate
Think of it this way. Your mind is a house, and somewhere in this house, there is a locked room that you haven’t opened for years. Something happened in that room when you were 8, 14, the younger version of you. Something happened in that room. So what you did was turn off the lights and shut the door, and you kept on living in the rest of the house But that room doesn't disappear it just waits. The moment something enters your mind, and it sounds like that old fear, that door comes barreling open. And all of a sudden, you are right back at the age that that hurt happened, and that's why you shut down, that's why you panic, that's why you get defensive. Because it's never today's version of you reacting. It's still the young version of you trapped in that room that never got to finish the story. But here's the thing: true healing is not pretending that the room doesn't exist. It's walking back in that room, turning on the lights, and making sure the younger version of you finally feels safe Because when you do that, you stop reacting as that younger version of you. And your reactions finally start growing up with you. And when you stop acting like that entire room doesn't exist, you take your entire house back
~ Author Unknown
~ Chapter 6 … Flawless Thinking Model ~
Friendship Question:
~ Chapter 7 … What Do I Do Now? ~
Friendship Tip:
A. Friendships
Friendship is an interesting thing. Imagine … What would it be like if we could develop many deep friendships and do so quickly? What would that do for our business? What would that do for every area of our lives?
Let’s go deep and do it fast … if you want to. It’s up to you.
The passion circle is a cool exercise that only takes minutes to complete. Draw a circle and list all the things you are passionate about around it. In the center of all our passions is our Life Vision. See next page.
To learn more about how to develop more and better / deeper friendships, join the podcast “Your Voice In My Headset.”
B. Q&A ~ Simple Question & Answer
SQ1: How do you know if someone is a Level 4 friend?
Answer:
Simple question … complex answer. It seems like we may never really know. Until we need them the most And sadly, it seems that they won’t be there If that sounds “negative” to you … well … then maybe you may think you’re a Level 4 friend who would never do that … and maybe … you’re both naive and lazy?
It would seem evident that if someone wants a level 4 friend, they would be willing to be one, but that’s not the case It seems all human beings want an emotional mistress … where they want someone to be a Level 4 friend, but they either won’t or can’t be a Level 4 friend to someone else.
SQ2: How do you know the difference between can’t and won’t?
Answer:
I’m sorry. We’re still trying to figure that out, so we’re not sure. But let’s try this. It’s likely not a black-and-white situation but one of a spectrum You can lead a horse to water … you can’t make them drink … but … you can put salt in the oats.
Mark was introduced to this concept through his oldest daughter’s mother-in-law. What is our salt? Where have we been hurt and haven’t healed? How can we see our future self …what we really could be … what our future life would look like … IF … we were to make the choice to heal … do the hard work to heal … make the needed sacrifices to heal and take the required risks to heal
If we could see what our future self could look like … If we could hear all the amazing things which would happen if we were to do all the things required to heal … if we could feel what our future self would feel like being healed … it would be life changing … because … that future feeling would give us the energy to do what needs to be done in our lives today to think differently and that would change … everything.
SQ3: How do Bandwidth, Frequency & Work Ethic play into
Answer:
SQ4: What do you do when someone is clueless?
Answer:
Y. Q&A ~ Advanced Question & Answer
If you haven’t thought of the following questions… well… complex to put into words, but maybe you don’t have the Bandwidth, Frequency, or ability/capabilities to be a true level 4 friend. If you read these questions and do nothing more than read them … well … you will likely want a level 4 friend, but sad to say, you will never be one.
And if that’s not sad enough … you will likely seek to marry someone who is a Level 4 friend. If you happen to find a Level 4 friend, a unicorn, you will spend your entire life trying to hold that person back from being all they were created to be
If that sounds fatalistic … or you say, “What happens if that’s not the case?” Well, you probably haven’t been searching for a Level 4 friend and investing yourself and everything you have into finding one for very long.
Marriage
M-Q1: If married, shouldn’t my spouse be my ONLY Level 4 Friendship?
Answer: In a way, this is a tricky question to answer with words … in another way it’s not that hard The not hard part is that, obviously, the larger the life vision we have been given … and received, the more people we will need in our lives who are helping us achieve our life vision, and they are a key part of our life vision.
Are there greater moral risks between men and women in Level 4 friendship? In a way, there are FAR HIGHER risks for moral failure. Yet, if one understands natural laws, then if poor choices are made in this area, that person will likely be taken out of our life, and if we make poor choices in those areas, we are putting our ability to achieve our life vision at risk.
Yes … deep physical and emotional connections are greatly intensified, likely would seem to be intensified … but also the motivation, the discipline to make wise choices, not only from a physical perspective but also for how we think about others from a moral perspective.
If both spouses have done the hard work of discovering and working toward their life vision, the benefits that come with being married will provide something no other relationship can have. And we’re not just talking about the physical intimacy benefits that come from being married; we’re talking about what seems to be built into our very DNA, where one woman for one man and one man for one woman are the norm, from a moral/physical perspective
Naturally, in a marriage where there is proper flow and complete healing, the husband will want his wife to himself physically, and the wife will enjoy the same
From a connection perspective, from an emotional, mental, relational perspective, it seems, the higher the life vision, the more energy we will put out and it seems to help to have a lot of energy that only Level 4 friends can give you will help you recharge and heal from the pounding that it seems life can provide you in living with people.
TOPIC for Group Conversation ~ Talk about frequency and how that plays not only in personality but also in growth. The higher the frequency, the more growth there is; the lower the frequency, the less growth.
Once we have a taste of freedom SEEING the truth and what it can do to set us FREE to BEcome all we were created to BE … we get addicted to growth and to helping others around us SEE growth.
Learning … and that’s precisely what it is … is learning how to have “adult conversations with our spouse” and other family members, which is complex but also valuable.
Often, sadly, in marriage and family, people make choices not to grow and don’t even know they are making them. They choose to get stuck where they are, and they want everyone else to be stuck too. Stuck … is “safe” to them. They are fearful of change, scared of loss, afraid of … a lot of things.
When someone is growing other family members who do not desire to succeed will feel guilty, which often turns into anger directed at the high-frequency person in their life. Family members will usually seek to destroy a Level 4 friend, as a Level 4 friend often disrupts… well … everything around them.
Current Friendships
Q1: How do you know the difference between can’t / won’t?
Answer: New Friendships
Q1: What if I’m not getting the value/benefit I want to?
Answer:
Do you have other questions? Please call or text 630-393-9909. We are always looking to grow and improve. You can help us by calling or texting your thoughts and suggestions
Z. Case Studies
Learning what’s in this book … is crazy hard, it seems, for human beings. There seems to be so much selfishness and a lack of self-awareness that it’s hard for us to know what’s true and what’s not.
If you read a case study … and feel that case study specifically talked about you individually … well … two things are probably true. “Yes, it probably was talking about you.” … but … not in the way that you think it was. If you feel that Nora or Mark violated your privacy … well … let’s just say you are not the only one who has had that situation, and, in reality, it may not be specifically about you. Still, you probably resonate maybe feel guilty and maybe you should? Just saying. ☺
One of the 500+ Natural Laws that Mark has discovered is: “The Good / Bad Guilt” principle and wow … is that a great one for friendships. Good guilt is guilt that we have that we should have. Example: We steal from someone. We should have guilt. Good guilt helps us to change behavior before life / God/others kick our butts. Bad guilt is guilt that we have that we shouldn’t have Moms are famous for feeling guilty Mark’s wife, Rosanna, was a stay-at-home mom and homeschooled the children. And she felt guilty about not spending enough time with the children.
When Rosanna shared this with Mark, he laughed and said … “Honey, you couldn’t spend any more time with the kids if you wanted to.”
When we feel bad guilt, we waste valuable energy that we could use for good guilt People are strange, but it’s fascinating to see how people almost purposely… it seems… feel guilty about things they shouldn’t, to avoid things they should be feeling guilty about.
Section 5: DNA for LIFE ~ Natural Laws
LMI has discovered over 500 natural laws over the last 40+ years. Natural Laws govern every area of life.
When we combine the DNA for PEOPLE with the DNA for LIFE, we learn how to solve problems at the core level rather than at the symptom level.
What do you get when you take over 30 years of experience working with thousands of businesses worldwide in all different industries and bring all that experience into one model? What do you get?
We call it the “Flawless Thinking” model, and it helps us understand the 500+ natural laws and how to bring them into The 5/30 Grid.
There are 26 major elements and thousands of sub-elements that help us learn how to become everything we were created to BE.
Do we have what we think about feelings all backwards? I mean … think about it. We think/act as if our feelings reveal things about others, but when we think about it, our feelings reveal things about us.
It’s strange … when we think about it. It’s strange how our feelings can be addictive. It’s odd, also, that these three feelings seem to be interconnected. What’s the vaccine for these feelings becoming addictive? It looks like Thankfulness, Humility, and taking Ownership help prevent us from this addiction.
We Value Your Feedback On This Book
We hope our team has made this training session helpful to you and those around you
Event Feedback (1 to 5 with 5 the best)
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Training Feedback (1 to 5, with 5 the best)
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5. What is the amount of time devoted to each topic?
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6. Which part of the event did you find most valuable?
7. What could we improve for the next event?
8. Are there other topics you would like to see presented?
Connect / Fulfilling Our Life Vision …
What did we learn from today’s session that will help us live our life vision better every day? Who did we meet today who can help us achieve their life vision, and who can help us reach ours? Who should we invite to the next Coffee Connection?
Action I Will Take!
Taking action is a result of how we think. What actions will we take from this book?
Hmmm … what am I thinking?
It’s good … to just sit back and … think … reflect … ruminate.
What is ARRT? ARRT stands for Atomic Ripple Reaction Tree / Team, which is designed to help you in your business/life and bring peace to the world and serenity to self. There are 31 roles in every tree. Each of these roles is designed to create flow for teams. “We can accomplish far more together than we ever could on our own … when we are in flow.”
When you join an ARRT Team, you become part of a community of like-minded people who work together on a common cause, vision, and purpose. Join a group, embrace an ARRT Role, and experience a connection you’ve never felt before.
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