resilience
CENTER FOR RESEARCH ON GIRLS
A SERIES OF RESEARCH AND INFORMATIONAL PUBLICATIONS BY LCRG
“Putting the world’s best research to work for girls.”
by Dr. Tori Cordiano and Dr. Grace Willer
FOSTERING AGENCY IN GIRLS: CULTIVATING CONFIDENCE AND INDEPENDENCE While no single factor determines a child’s ability to navigate challenges, supportive parenting with space for safe risk-taking has consistently been linked to child and adolescent well-being.1 Research shows that helping children to develop agency, the ability to act independently with supportive guidance, promotes higher levels of psychological and relational well-being over time than “helicopter parenting”.2 OVERVIEW OF THE RESEARCH Connected with the concepts of self-efficacy and autonomy, agency describes a child’s ability to set goals, make decisions, and take independent action that affects their life. Helping children develop agency means allowing them to take risks, such as enrolling in a challenging class or attending their first sleepaway camp, while assuring them that support is available if needed. Rather than removing all discomfort or doing the work for the child, agency grows when parents are present to offer structure and support when necessary. By removing obstacles in an attempt to reduce discomfort, adults can inadvertently promote learned helplessness in children, which is associated with symptoms of anxiety and depression.3 Research suggests that supporting children in completing tasks independently can reduce anxiety and increase self-reported resilience.4 When children feel they have no power to solve their own problems or make their own decisions, this lack of control can lead to feelings of uncertainty and an overreliance on adults.5 Dependence on adults can prevent children from developing valuable coping skills they will need when they inevitably face challenges. Further, a lack of independence can lead to avoidance and lower self-concept, which can reinforce anxiety over time.6
resilience: FOSTERING AGENCY IN GIRLS: CULTIVATING CONFIDENCE AND INDEPENDENCE
AGE RANGE
0-6
ENCOURAGE CHILDREN TO DO THE FOLLOWING: • Clean up their space after an activity (pushing in a chair, putting away supplies) • Practice independently dressing for the day for children who are physically able to dress themselves • Carry their own backpack in and out of school, placing it in the designated space when they arrive at school
5-8
• Put on and tie shoes independently • Clean the table independently • Pack their bookbag for school
9-11
• Accompany you to the store and be responsible for finding certain items and/or independently purchasing items • Clean out their backpack, cubby, or locker • Help with simple classroom tasks like organizing supplies, tidying the room, or assisting younger students
12-14
• Make an appointment by phone (haircut, orthodontist, etc.) • Look ahead at the start of a week to determine when work is due • Email teachers directly with questions or concerns
15-18
• Create and prepare a meal for family or friends • Attempt a new job around the house (e.g., laundry, snow shoveling, babysitting) • Schedule a meeting with a teacher proactively
Instead, adults should aim to promote confidence and belief in the power of “yet.” Adults can model a growth mindset in which, rather than accepting limitations, one views obstacles as an opportunity for learning.7 Resilience and self-esteem flourish when children manage new tasks and learn from setbacks in a supportive environment. This gives them the space to make mistakes, try out new strategies, and develop skills to take on challenges with tenacity. Encouraging agency, with its balance of freedom and safety, helps children build the confidence, motivation, and self-regulation necessary for long-term mental health and well-being.8, 9 BUILDING AGENCY IN EVERYDAY LIFE Fostering agency takes time. One of the best ways to practice growing these skills is through tasks in everyday life. Children of all ages gain confidence and purpose from initiating and completing tasks independently. Developmental psychologist Lev Vygotsky coined the term “zone of proximal development” to refer to the space between children’s current comprehension and capabilities while working alone and what they can learn with instruction from others.10, 11 When learning new skills, children benefit from “scaffolding,” or supports that are temporarily put in place by adults to guide the process.12 For example, children who are learning to dress themselves independently may be better equipped to complete the task if a parent helps them to set out the clothes in the order of putting them on. Similarly, middle-
schoolers who are learning to manage their own homework calendar may benefit from a parent or teacher prompting them with specific questions to assess what work they’ll need to complete in the week ahead. Consider the activities below to stretch your child’s agency and independence. SETTING THE STAGE FOR AGENCY Sleep, play, relationships with trusted adults, and learning healthy responses to challenges and setbacks have the power to promote emerging agency. In addition to supporting strong social-emotional well-being, each of these independently increases the likelihood that girls will feel equipped to approach rather than avoid growth-giving opportunities. Sleep has long been connected to children’s and adolescents’ physical and psychological health.13 Individuals who are chronically underslept suffer setbacks in emotion regulation and key executive functions, and sleep serves as a protective factor against mental health challenges such as anxiety and depression.14, 15 Children and teens who do not get enough sleep may lack the motivation or executive function to tackle difficult tasks.16 Prioritizing sleep, including instilling strong sleep hygiene and ensuring that children get the recommended amount of sleep for their age, supports agency as well as health, well-being, and academic success.17
One way that children practice agency and independence is through play and unstructured downtime. For young children, research outlines a potential relationship between adventurous play and decreased anxiety.18 Adventurous play is associated with physical health and social-emotional well-being, and incorporating loose parts and open-ended materials into play encourages child-led exploration and creativity.19 When young children take risks in safe settings and use materials in new ways, they are practicing behaviors that encourage independence and agency in daily life. Older children and adolescents also need time for leisure and unstructured activities, though their play may look different from that of younger children. Protecting downtime and promoting playful, open-ended activities (e.g. arts and crafts, unstructured sports and games, time in nature, listening to or playing music for fun) is important for physical and mental health. Though some weeks may be more crowded than others, When children and teens cannot consistently access downtime, it may be necessary to examine their weekly schedules and pare back activities that are less valuable or enjoyable.
of parental warmth and autonomy support in promoting adolescent well-being.22 In addition to parent-child relationships, original research sponsored by LCRG shows that girls who enjoy authentic, engaged, empowering relationships with adult mentors have lower levels of stress and higher levels of achievement.23 Within the context of trusted relationships, adults can guide children toward agency and independence.24 Finally, when children attempt new and challenging tasks, they will almost inevitably face challenges and setbacks. For children of all ages, autonomy-supportive parenting that gives children space to attempt tasks and make mistakes encourages persistence and self-efficacy.25, 26 Even with this knowledge, it can be difficult to know when to provide help and support and when to encourage perseverance and healthy struggle. Parents can consider the stakes of the situation and what skills they hope their daughter will grow in working through the challenges at hand. In some situations, parents can let their child experience the natural consequences of an unwise decision without rushing to “rescue”, while other situations require more parental guidance or involvement. Parents can help their children to calm emotions by pausing and considering what reaction is warranted, keeping in mind the goal of building agency
Strong relationships with trusted adults are the bedrock of children’s resilience and well-being.20 Girls’ connections with their parents and caregivers impact their current and future well-being.21 Research points toward a combination
rather than solving problems for them.
DEVELOPING AGENCY AND AUTONOMY Can the child do the task?
NO
Can the child do the task with instruction?
Can the child do part of the task or a simpler version?
NO
NO
Is there a way (no matter how small) that the child can help you do it?
YES YES
Provide the instruction or ask a peer to model the task.
Ask the child to do the task.
Then, ask the child to do the task.
YES
YES
NO
Ask the child to do a simpler portion of the task.
Ask the child to help you do the task.
Do it for the child. Consider if they would enjoy watching.
CREDIT: Dan Willingham (http://www.danielwillingham.com)
Understanding how and when children are ready for independence can be challenging. Psychologist Daniel Willingham created this flowchart to help adults recognize when a child is ready to attempt a new task on their own versus when they may need additional support.27 As shown in this flowchart, allowing children to take some action independently within a task—no matter how small—is important for developing motivation to continue persevering and eventually exhibit full independence.28
RESOURCES How to Be a Person: 65 Hugely Useful, Super-Important Skills to Learn Before You’re Grown Up29 Scaffold Parenting30 Autonomy Supportive Parenting31 The Self-Driven Child podcast32
resilience: FOSTERING AGENCY IN GIRLS: CULTIVATING CONFIDENCE AND INDEPENDENCE
[endnotes]
Gray, P., et al. (2023). Decline in independent activity as a cause of decline in children’s mental well-being: summary of the evidence. The Journal of Pediatrics, 260. Hwang, W., & Jung, E. (2022). Helicopter parenting versus autonomy supportive parenting? A latent class analysis of parenting among emerging adults and their psychological and relational well-being. Emerging Adulthood, 10(3), 731-743. 3 Filippello, P., et al. (2015). Perceived parental psychological control and learned helplessness: The role of school self-efficacy. School Mental Health, 7, 298-310. 4 Ortiz, C., & Fastman, M. (2024). A novel independence intervention to treat child anxiety: A nonconcurrent multiple baseline evaluation. Journal of Anxiety Disorders, 105, 102893. 5 Becker, K. D., et al. (2010). Maternal control behavior and locus of control: Examining mechanisms in the relation between maternal anxiety disorders and anxiety symptomatology in children. Journal of abnormal child psychology, 38, 533-543. 6 Chen, W., et al. (2024). The Relationship between Parental Autonomy Support and Children’s Self-Concept in China—The Role of Basic Psychological Needs. Behavioral Sciences, 14(5), 415. 7 Haimovitz, K., & Dweck, C. S. (2017). The origins of children’s growth and fixed mindsets: New research and a new proposal. Child development, 88(6), 1849-1859. 8 Baker, S. T., et al. (2023). Making space for children’s agency with playful learning. International Journal of Early Years Education, 31(2), 372-384. 9 Kocayörük, E., Altıntas, E., & İçbay, M. A. (2015). The perceived parental support, autonomous-self and well-being of adolescents: A cluster-analysis approach. Journal of Child and Family Studies, 24, 1819-1828. 10 Shaffer, D.R. (2009). Social and personality development (6th ed.) Wadsworth. 11 Saracho, O. N., & Spodek, B. (1998). Multiple Perspectives on Play in Early Childhood Education: Divine Accommodation in Jewish and Christian Thought. SUNY Press. 12 Bruner, J.S. (1996). The culture of education. Harvard University Press. 13 Reynolds, A. M., et al. (2023). Pediatric sleep: current knowledge, gaps, and opportunities for the future. Sleep, 46(7). 14 Baum KT, et al. (2014). Sleep restriction worsens mood and emotion regulation in adolescents. J Child Psychol Psychiatry.55(2), 180–190. 15 Tomaso CC, et al. (2021). The effect of sleep deprivation and restriction on mood, emotion, and emotion regulation: three meta-analyses in one. Sleep, 44(6) 16 Dahl, R. E., & Lewin, D. S. (2002). Pathways to adolescent health sleep regulation and behavior. Journal of adolescent health, 31(6), 175-184. 17 Qu, G., et al. (2024). Association between adverse childhood experiences and sleep quality, emotional and behavioral problems and academic achievement of children and adolescents. European Child & Adolescent Psychiatry, 33(2), 527-538. 18 Dodd, H. F., & Lester, K. J. (2021). Adventurous play as a mechanism for reducing risk for childhood anxiety: A conceptual model. Clinical child and family psychology review, 24(1), 164-181. 19 Spencer, R. A., et al. (2021). Early childhood educator perceptions of risky play in an outdoor loose parts intervention. AIMS public health, 8(2), 213. 20 Butler, N., et al. (2022). The contributing role of family, school, and peer supportive relationships in protecting the mental wellbeing of children and adolescents. School Mental Health, 14(3), 776-788. 21 Chen, P., & Harris, K. M. (2019). Association of positive family relationships with mental health trajectories from adolescence to midlife. JAMA pediatrics, 173(12). 22 Bülow, A., et al. (2022). Universal ingredients to parenting teens: Parental warmth and autonomy support promote adolescent well-being in most families. Scientific Reports, 12(1), 16836. 23 Liang, B., et al. (2016). The mediating role of engagement in mentoring relationships and self‐esteem among affluent adolescent girls. Psychology in the Schools, 53(8), 848-860. 24 Deci E. L., Ryan R. M. (2012). Motivation, personality, and development within embedded social contexts: An overview of self-determination theory. In Ryan R. M. (Ed.), Oxford library of psychology. The Oxford handbook of human motivation (pp. 85–107). Oxford University Press. 25 Leonard, J. A., Martinez, D. N., Dashineau, S. C., Park, A. T., & Mackey, A. P. (2021). Children persist less when adults take over. Child Development, 92(4), 1325-1336. 26 Hwang, W., et al. (2022). 27 http://www.danielwillingham.com/ 28 Grolnick, W. S., et al. (2015). Parental provision of academic structure and the transition to middle school. Journal of Research on Adolescence, 25(4), 668-684. 29 Newman, C. (2020). How to Be a Person: 65 Hugely Useful, Super-Important Skills to Learn Before You’re Grown Up. Storey Publishing, LLC. 30 Koplewicz, H. (2021). Scaffold Parenting. Harmony. 31 Edlynn, E. (2023). Autonomy-supportive parenting: reduce parental burnout & raise competent, confident children. Familius. 32 Johnson, N. (Host). (2023-present). The Self-Driven Child [Audio podcast]. PrepMatters. https://theselfdrivenchild.com/podcast/ 1
2
CENTER FOR RESEARCH ON GIRLS Putting the world’s best research to work for girls.
LaurelSchool.org/LCRG
/CRGLaurelSchool
Laurel School 1 Lyman Circle, Shaker Heights, Ohio 44122 216.455.3061 • LaurelSchool.org Copyright © 2025 LAUREL'S CENTER FOR RESEARCH ON GIRLS. Please do not duplicate. If you wish to adapt for your own purposes, "Laurel’s Center for Research on Girls" must be CREDITED and LINKED to https://www.laurelschool.org/LCRG.