September 5, 2018 • www.theobserver.com • Vol. CXXXI, No. 17
HIGHLIGHTS Bridging the Gap, The Observer’s space for teens, has returned. See Page 23
COVERING: BELLEVILLE • BLOOMFIELD • EAST NEWARK • HARRISON • KEARNY • LYNDHURST • NORTH ARLINGTON • NUTLEY
BYE BYE SUMMER Photo by Lisa Feorenzo
While we say farewell to the summer, we’ve hardly said goodbye to the hot weather. And recently, the water park in Lyndhurst was filled with youngsters having a great time while escaping the heat with their families.
Commission explores stricter garage-sale guidelines in Lyndhurst Well, the Lyndhurst Beautification Commission is, too, and it’s going to do something about it. Mayor Robert Giangeruso has given the LBC a mission: to review township ordinance detailing regulations touching on cleanliness, aesthetics and overall quality of life
By Ron Leir Special to The Observer
T
IRED OF SEEING GARISH commercial signs, unseemly shop awnings or out-of-control flea markets?
issues. High on that list of attentiongrabbing issues is the proliferation of often-messy garage sales. “Unregulated garage or yard sales has become a growing problem for the township,” Giangeruso said. “Some of the larger problems we
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THE OBSERVER | WEDNESDAY, SEPTEMBER 5, 2018
BULLYING: FROM THE CLASSROOM By Kevin Canessa kc@theobserver.com
I
N THE FIRST TWO parts of our series on bullying, Juliana Demarest, an accomplished
journalist, shared harrowing stories about how as a child, she was bullied, how years after that bullying, the effects of it all have stuck with her — and now, as an adult, how she’s dealing with almost
the precisely same situation with her daughter, a middleschooler. The vulnerable story she offered was gut-wrenching, something no one should ever have to experience once in a
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lifetime, let alone twice. This week, we bring you the story of Kearny man who says he was bullied over a long period of time as a youngster —and then again as a 30-something. As a kid, it was in school. As an adult, it was in the office. When we think of bullying, it’s often associated with kids and schools. Truth is, it can happen to anyone. Enter Steven C. (We’ve shortened his name, per his request, because while he is unafraid to talk about his situation, back in 2008, after he parted ways with his former company where he was bullied, he signed a nondisclosure agreement as part of his severance package. He says he’d prefer to use his full name, but he’s not sure whether the non-disclosure is still in effect, and he’s since lost the paperwork he signed a decade ago.) Steven recalls when he first arrived in Kearny — it was 1983 — his life was turned upside down at school where he was the new kid on the block, having arrived from a nearby town where he’d lived since he entered the world in 1972. “It was pretty brutal,” Steven said. “We came here so that we could have a better life. My family wanted better for everyone. At first, it seemed like it would be fine. The neighborhood was nice. Our living arrangements were great. But as soon as I got to school, I found out pretty fast that when you transfer in, in the middle of the school year, no less, that it’s a huge challenge. “The kids at the school had been together, for the most part, since kindergarten — seven years. Here comes this strange person from
out of town — sorry, ‘you are not welcome here’ was the message I got right from the beginning from mostly everyone. Not everyone, but mostly everyone.” Steven says he was “assigned” a buddy by his teacher. That person was very helpful. He showed Steven around the school. He ate with him at lunch. They even lived close-by, so it was comforting for him to know he had at least one person who was caring — he had one friend in a class of what he estimated was about 25 in total. “But one person, one friend, when everyone else was, let’s just say, awful, was just not enough,” he said. “That one friend was still from here. If push came to shove, they would win. Not me.” When he first arrived, Steven says he was bothered by being called every possible name in the book, though the ones that stood out most were “nerd,” “dweeb,” “idiot,” “loser” and “jerk.” Back then, in music class, he says students were taught different styles of dance. To Steven, this was a horrifying prospect, because he had to be partnered up with one of the many kids who lambasted him usually. “I still remember this to this day,” he said. “I was dancing with a female partner, doing some kind of dance from the 1950s. I said, out loud, ‘This reminds me of the TV show “Happy Days.”’ The girl I was dancing with got furious, went to the teacher, and she says, ‘He just said this is the happiest day of his life. Dancing with me. I’m not dancing with this nerd anymore.’”
Continued on the next page
THE OBSERVER | WEDNESDAY, SEPTEMBER 5, 2018
03
TO THE CORPORATE BOARD ROOM Continued from previous page Though he laughs at that moment now, it was one of many where someone either misunderstood him — intentionally or unintentionally. And, as was the case often, the fact that the girl called him a “nerd,” right in front of the teacher went unnoticed and unaddressed. “I had a new partner the next time we had dancing,” he said. “The teacher didn’t say a word about me being insulted right in front of her. Truth is, it didn’t matter who we were around. It was always allowed to happen. I am not sure whether the teachers were just stupid, unable to hear, complicit or whatever. They could say whatever they wanted, in front of anyone, and those in authority never stopped it from happening.” As this continued to happen during the course of the school year, Steven says he brought it to the attention of the school’s “guidance counselor” who split duties between the school he attended and others in the district. “The counselor was
useless,” he said. “He met with me and my mother, he let me talk mostly, from what I remember — but nothing changed. He basically said there was nothing he could do, and that it was my responsibility to make things change.” Eventually, things got better. “It got better,” he said. “I stuck it out, stood up for myself and got a lot stronger mentally. It’s not easy to do that at 11, 12, but I had no choice. In looking back, it was a great growing experience because to this day, whenever I hear of anyone being bullied, empathy kicks in. I thought and hoped that it was the last of the bullying I’d ever experience, but that wasn’t the case.”
It happened @ work, too
Fast forward a couple of decades. Steven took a new job. “It was a dream job,” he said. “I was very fortunate to have landed everything I had ever wanted in a job. The pay was a lot more than I’d ever made, it was in Jersey City so
it wasn’t much of a commute and the growth opportunities were enormous.” Steven says he made an impression right away, so much so that he was promoted within two months of arriving. He was, he says, “on top of the world.” But with the promotion came a change to whom he reported. “My new manager was a dictator,” he said. “She held a supervisory position that required a strong educational background. She would run over anyone who got in her way of impressing the company’s CEO. To get there, she would fabricate stories, tell outrageous lies in meeting and on conference calls, all in an effort to make herself look good. It worked.” Steven says the aforementioned supervisor was promoted twice in the exactly one year he worked at this company. “Because we worked so closely, whenever she would
make mistakes, she would tell the CEO it was because of something I did, even though there wasn’t a single time I was responsible for her messes. But that wasn’t even the worst of it. She would pull me aside in the coffee room and tell me ‘If you say a word to the boss about this, not only will you be out of here, you’ll never work again.’ So I kept quiet, wanting to keep the job, but it became too much to deal with. It was taking a toll on me mentally and physically, to the point where I had difficulty getting out of bed in the morning. “I didn’t want to walk through the door, so I took the option to work at home three days a week. That was one of the fringe benefits of this job — the CEO believed in a worklife balance, so when needed, the option was there.” But that turned out to be an even bigger disaster. “Not being in the office, she could say or do whatever she wanted to do — often at my
expense,” Steven said. “On the one-year anniversary of my hiring, I mean almost to the minute that I got my original contract to be hired, it was over.” Steven says he was offered a great severance package. Six full weeks’ pay. Medical benefits, paid for by the company, for the rest of the calendar year (5½ full months.) But to accept, he had to sign a non-disclosure agreement — and also agree never to sue the company. “Being a bully should never be the way to climb a corporate ladder. But in this case, it seems like it was the only way to ascend. That may be the biggest shame of it all.” Have you been bullied, either at school, in the workplace or elsewhere? Would you consider sharing your story for the benefit of others? If so, we want to hear from you. Contact The Observer by sending an email to editorial@theobserver.com. We will protect your identity if you so desire.
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Inside this edition ... Opinion............................................................................................6 Around Town..................................................................................9 Food & Dining Directory..............................................................10 Sports & Recreation.....................................................................11 Health & Wellness Directory.......................................................15 Real Estate....................................................................................16
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