4BILDT NOT BOUGHT –THE HIGHLY REGARDED CHOPPERFEST
10WCC CFL – BIT MORE BLING THAN ONE O’ JESSE’S THOUGH
16HED TO THE SHED –SMALL, BUT PERFECTLY FORMED
20GSX-R DIGGER – BIG MILES, SMALL TANK
ISSUE 504
44SINGLE-SIDED HARLEY – HERR MARCUS’D BE PROUD
82EVENTS – MARCH WINDS… JUST HOPEFULLY NOT TOO MANY OF THEM
26TEST VALLEY CUSTOM SHOW – RAIN, RAIN, GO AWAY…
28THE SAMURAI – DRAGSTYLED ENFIELD
50SPREAD – ART, MATE, INNIT?
52SUBS – GET THE BEST DEALS ON BSH HERE
87READERS’ LIVES – YOUR LIVES IN PICTURES
34SOFTAIL EVO – DESTINY CYCLES WORK THEIR MAGIC
40DEATH AT THE CROSSROADS – THE FIRST OF OUR TWO FICTION STORIES
54ROUND SCOTLAND ON A HOUSEBOAT – THE BIG BEEMER NORTH OF THE BORDER, PART 2
92MAG NEWS – MR COLIN BROWN’S LATEST MISSIVE
93REMINISCING – A NOT ENTIRELY TRUE STORY…
60A(NOTHER) YEAR IN CUSTOM BIKING – ONE OUT, AND ONE IN AND OUT AGAIN
62HONDA HORNET 1000SP – A TOP-OF-THERANGE SUPER-NAKED FOR LESS THAN TEN GRAND!
94DEVIL’S ADVOCATE –OF GOLDEN AGES PAST AND FUTURE…
66MR BRIDGES’ MOTORCYCLE DIARIES –THE GURU OF MECHANICING
95MUTCH SPEAKS –TALES, AND LESSONS, FROM AVALON
96RICK HULSE – ONE OF THE MOST ELOQUENT THINKERS IN BIKERDOM
70EVERY DOG HAS ITS DAY – GETTING ONE OVER ON THE PLOD
97DELIVERANTS – THE NEW EPISODE OF MR SPARROW’S COMIC STRIP
76NEWS – ALL THE LATEST FROM THE CUSTOM BIKE WORLD
78PRODUCTS – LOADS OF GOOD STUFF TO SPEND YOUR HARD-EARNED ON 80LETTERS –REVEALING WHAT OUR READERS REALLY THINK
Hello, and welcome to this new issue of Back Street Heroes, the UK’s bestest, but of course, custom bike magazine!
98NEXT MONTH – JUST TO WHET YOUR APPETITE…
To quote the late Mr P. Lynott Esq.: “The nights are getting warmer, it won’t be long ‘til the summer comes…” and, after what’s felt like the longest, dampest winter I’ve experienced in quite some years (honestly, the last few months’ve been so bloody wet we’re all lucky none of us’ve developed feckin’ trench foot), I’m really hoping that the (slightly) longer days and (marginally) shorter nights mean that the days of summer warmth aren’t too far away now. Yes, I know, I know, it’s only March, but I’ve always been an optimist cos… well, the alternative is just too depressing, isn’t it?
This ‘ere issue of Britain’s longest-running magazine for hairy-, and not so hairy-, arsed motorcycle-riding reprobates sees the launch of a new, second, fiction piece every issue for
the foreseeable future. A gentleman, a particularly erudite gentleman, contacted us to find out if we accepted fiction submissions because he’d written one or two (or 35, to be precise) that we might be interested in? Now, given that, in the last year or two, there’s been something of a resurgence in the writing of biker fiction that seems to have begun when we started to rerun the work of the master of BSH fiction, Jim ‘Foggie’ Fogg, and the ‘Chronicles of Horn’ series by the esteemed Chris Challis, we already have enough tales of the fictional shenanigans of motorcycle types (at least I really hope they’re fictional) to last us well into 2027, with more coming in each month, too, so the only way we could possibly accommodate this output was to go to two fiction pieces per issue – I hope you enjoy them.
(pic by Harry)
THE FIRST TIME BILDT NOT BOUGHT WAS HELD IT SOLD OUT WITHIN A DAY; THE SECOND IT SOLD OUT WITHIN 45 MINUTES! SO, WHAT’S THE SECRET?
Bildt not Bought (with Bildt spelled as it is, not Built as it should be) is so named because the north-west part of Fryslân, in the north of the Netherlands (Holland, to you Britishers), is called Het Bildt so, playing with words, the organisers named their event after their area.
Held every two years, the first was two years ago and was a big success with more than 300 choppers, and was something everybody in the chopper and custom bike scene talked about. The organising club, Unknown Saints MC, only had a permit for a maximum 500
people this year (2025), and that meant that all who wanted to attend were on edge in case they missed out, and that in turn meant that as soon as the pre-sale started, the booking computer went red hot and all tickets were sold out, as I said, within 45 minutes. Why?
Well, there aren’t many events in Europe dedicated to choppers only, and Benny and the other Unknown Saints guys, and many of their volunteer mates, are true chopper freaks and wanted... no, were determined to make this the best chopper fest ever. Did they? Hell yeah, they succeeded big time!
Already by Friday morning the first choppers arrived, long forks flooding
the Frisian countryside, what a sight! Over 150 choppers came from Sweden, and many others from almost all the other European countries, from as far as Finland and Italy – it was (chopper) heaven on earth. The site was perfect. Camping in Sint Annaparochie, the main show field, surrounded by many vendors and food trucks, was for choppers only, and in the big tent many very good bands performed live on stage. The field next to that was for camping, with hundreds of tents, and many motorcycles, most of them choppers, parked next to them.
The Unkown guys, with Benny in charge, seemed to’ve found the perfect
recipe for one of the best events ever – everything was there, in the right place and at the right time; there was even a swimming pool to cool off in as it was very hot, especially on the Friday, when temperatures reached 32 degrees Celcius!
On Saturday, many grabbed the opportunity to go for a ride through the beautiful Frisian countryside and check out the small villages surrounded by dykes (stop sniggering) and fields. After returning to Camping de Blikvaart, trophies were handed out for Longest Distance (won by Samuel, all the way from Finland); Best Public Choice (won by Belgian lady Danielle);
and the judges picked the sidevalve chopper from Gassan (Sweden) as Best in Show!
During Bildt not Bought we only saw happy faces, with builders and chopper afficionados showing genuine interest in each other’s bikes; the vibe, the atmosphere was as cool and relaxed as it should be. And, as it’s not a massive, and soulless, event, everybody got to talk to each other and, I felt, it was just as good as Born Free in California.
The next Bildt not Bought Chopper Fest will be in 2027. Says Benny: “That way we have time do some riding ourselves, and although it’s a great event, and we really enjoy organising
it, it’s still a shitload of work for everybody involved. And because we can’t have more than 500 visitors, this way Bildt not Bought will remain something special, something unique!” So, be sure to be there in 2027. It’ll again be pre-book only and, sorry, but absolutely nobody’s allowed to come without a ticket…
A BIG thanks to Unknown Saints MC, Benny, all the volunteers and, of course, all the visitors for such a great event!
WHEN JESSE JAMES, OF WEST COAST CHOPPERS FAME, INTRODUCED THE CFL (CHOPPERS FOR LIFE) FRAME IN 1997, IT REVOLUTIONISED THE CUSTOM BIKE INDUSTRY BY INTRODUCING LIGHTWEIGHT, TIG-WELDED, PERFORMANCE-ORIENTED HARDTAIL FRAMES WITH A SIGNATURE ‘DROP SEAT’ DESIGN, AND BECAME
SPEC:
S&S 80-inch (1340cc) Sidewinder
The CFL quickly became the foundation of the WCC empire, o en paired with S&S V-twin engines, and allowed riders to sit lower in the frame, and was used in countless custom builds. It was a staple of the late ’90s/early 2000s chopper scene in the US of A, and a popular choice for both professional and home builders, too. Over here, the likes of Phil Piper, of Choppershack fame, and Tom Batterbee, of Slinky Bint Customs, made names for themselves using CFL frames (and doing other builds, too, of course) and, indeed, we have a couple of Tom’s amazing creations coming up in the mag’ in the not-too-distant future.
is particular CFL bike was built by the crew at El Lobo Cycles just outside Ipswich in Su olk (you may remember their stainless steelframed swingarm Pan/Shovel from the cover of issue 496 last year), and is based around a rst-generation (CFL1) frame with 38 degrees of rake, and a four-inch stretch upwards and a two-inch stretch rearwards (various rakes and stretches, both up and out, were available) and, with its dished-sides tank, multi fat-spoke wheels, engraving, apes, and minimal seat, it’s a classic design chopper the likes of which we don’t see too o en in these retro-chopper days.
e heart of it is, indeed, an S&S engine – a Sidewinder Evo’ (Sidewinders were/are high performance engines designed to look like either Evos or Shovels) of 80 cubic inches (1340cc) capacity, and it’s mated to an Ultima six-speed ’box with racier ratios than a stock ’Arley’s. e carb’s from the same people who made the engine itself, S&S, and is a Super E with a bell-mouth so large that, if it were to be mounted on the le , it’d be hoovering dogs and small children o the pavements as it passed by. ere’s an open Ultima two-inch belt connecting the engine and the ’box, and the engine, barrels and heads’ve been Cerakoted by LA Coatings across the border in Norfolk, while the rocker boxes’ve been masterfully engraved, along with a few choice others parts (including the tank, which we’ll come to later), by Dewa at SkullsNation Custom Jewelry & Metal Engraving in Indonesia – a place that’s hardly just round the corner from Ipswich, is it? Incidentally, Cerakote, in case you don’t know, is a specialised, polymer-ceramic composite coating that can be applied to metal, plastic, wood and polymers to provide superior corrosion, chemical abrasion and heat resistance, that’s widely used in the rearms industry for protection and nishing, and also, somewhat oddly, is apparently a construction material for light-sabres, according to the video game Star Wars Jedi: Fallen Order… Mmm, LA Coatings’ve kept that part of their business quiet, haven’t they?
Supporting either end of the frame are, as I mentioned, multi/fatspoked chrome ’oops, 21-inch front and 18-inch rear, both tted with
Evolution engine (S&S Super E carb, Ultima two-inch open belt primary, Ultima six-speed gearbox, Dyna S ignition, El Lobo Cycles stainless Nomad exhausts), West Coast Choppers CFL1 frame (38-degree rake, 4-inch up stretch, 2-inch out), El Lobo Cycles CNC billet alloy forwards, Ultima King Spoke chrome wheels (21-inch front/18inch rear), Ultima solid front disc, ISR four-piston front caliper/ sprotor rear brake/master-cylinder, Zodiac Fat Bubba forks/yokes, Goodridge braided stainless brake lines, one-off stainless handlebars, Performance Machine mastercylinders/switchgear, one-off grips, one-off alloy petrol tank/seat/rear mudguard/stainless mudguards struts/side-mount ‘plate, West Coast Choppers oil tank/battery box, one-off loom, motogadget mo-unit, one-off headlight, Kellerman 3-1 rear light
FINISH:
Root-beer paint & details by Hilary at Hurricane Airbrush Art (07799 242721 or Facebook), frame moulded/painted, polishing by Specialised Polishing Services (01842 762700), engraving by Dewa from SkullsNation Custom Jewelry & Metal Engraving, Cerakoting by LA Custom Coatings (01362 693407 or www.lacustomcoatings.co.uk)
ENGINEERING:
Bike built & all machining by El Lobo Cycles (07375 712812 or www. ellobocycles.com)
THANKS TO:
“Our amazing supply chain that always support our crazy builds - Paul from Demeanour Customs (01953 681308 or www. demeanourcustoms.com), Neal from Specialised Polishing Services, Hilary from Hurricane Airbrush Art, Luke from LA Custom Coatings, & Jun from Takakuda Leather...”
reassuringly expensive (unless you’re as brass as I am, in which case they’re more ‘depressingly’ than ‘reassuringly’) ISR calipers from the Swedish brake maestros in… umm, Sweden. ey’re tted to a solid (as in ‘non- oating’) Ultima front disc, and an ISR sprocket/brake rear (that word ‘sprotor’ makes me shudder), and mean that this Harley (of which there isn’t much, if any at all, Harley in its make-up), already seriously lighter than a stock 1340, Evo or Shovel, stops signi cantly better. too. Just about everything else bar the Zodiac Fat Bubba (great name, eh?) forks and yokes, the Performance Machine master-cylinders (clutch and front brake) and switches, the motogadet mo-unit electrical gizmo in the loom, and the West Coast Choppers oil tank and battery box (which the frames come with as standard) has been handmade in the almost un ndable El Lobo workshop. e headlight, for example, is a complete one-o , beautifully and intricately engraved by Dewa, as is the tank with its dished sides. e seat (pan) was made by them, with an airbag system underneath to try and soak up some o’ the bumps (I’ve told you before, I think, that East Anglia’s roads’re o cially regarded as the most piss-poor, surface-wise, in the land), and it was covered in beautiful handcarved leather by Jun Takakuda who, apparently, has something to do with Barnsley… Mmm, yep, good old Barnsley name that, isn’t it, Takakuda?
Anyway, the root-beer base colour paint, and very Inca (or Aztec perhaps, I’m a bit lacking in me ancient South American empire knowledge, sorry) patterning/graphics, was done by Hilary at Hurricane Airbrush Art who, from a humble start, has become something of a paintmeisterin (‘meisterin’ is the female form of ‘meister’, as in master, in German, doncha know), while all the polishing, of which there is much, was done by SPS (Specialised Polishing Services) and resulted in them having particularly black bogies… I’d imagine.
e result is a bike that, I suspect, Jesse James himself’d be proud of (I know the El Lobo guys are) – it may be a bit (okay, quite a lot actually) more bling than the bikes he builds, but you can’t fault the quality of the work on it, any of it, and that’s something you can’t o en say these days, can you?
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ONCE SEPTEMBER ENDS EACH YEAR, THERE I’N’T MUCH FOR US LOT INTO CUSTOMS, OR EVEN KUSTOMS IF YOU PREFER, TO GO TO EVENT-WISE… WELL, NOT IN THIS COUNTRY ANYWAY.
he exception to that was the Winter Blast, a small, intimatefeeling, one-dayer at The Goods Shed (or the Rushden Historical Transport Society & Goods Shed, to give it its full name) in Rushden in Northants in December each year, organised by Tom and the crew from Boyds of Bedford, the sadly now defunct retailer of cool casual clothing to automotive hep-cats. It was, as I said, a small event, but a good one nonetheless, and a welcome break for many in the area from the long days of winter. The last Winter Blast, though, was held in 2024 because Tom was going off to play with custom cars n’ stuff and, although there were whispers that someone else was going to take it on, no one knew quite what was happening, but all agreed it’d be a shame to lose it.
TThen, in 2025, a bunch of guys calling themselves K-Ville (cos they’re all from the Kettering area) Kustoms, Lee, Glenn, Jamie and Mark, all with a passion for all things custom, be it motorcycles, cars or whatever else floats their respective boats, announced they were taking on the Blast, but giving it a new name, Hed to the Shed, and moving it to October.
And, indeed, when the appointed date rolled around, they did put on an event – one that was, in essence, much the same as the Blast’d been, but with a few subtle differences. Whereas the Blast had become, in latter years at least, quite car focused, with only a few bikes, HttS was much more bike focused, with just a few cars (in the building anyway – there were a fair few cool rods, vans and trucks outside in the parking area), and that gave a different feel. Yes, there were still the same (as in of a theme) kinds of stands in the Shed
itself, plus one or two welcome new additions, including BSH’s old mate String with his Raw Steel Choppers stand, as well as clothing retailers, pin-stripers, parts suppliers and artists, but it felt more… well, us, if you know what I mean. That’s not to say it wasn’t inclusive when Tom and the posse ran it, it just felt… I don’t know, somehow more, y’know?
Anyway, having found a space to leave one’s vehicle (the parking area isn’t that big, y’know, and them four-wheeled things, no matter how cool, do take up a lot of space), you walked in past a couple of food/coffee stands that did a roaring trade all day, and past the entrance tables selling the admittedly very cool HttS t-shirts, and either turned right towards the music/ seating area and the bar, or left into the bike/car/stand area. There were a small number, not many but the place is quite small, of rather funky customs: a really rather splendid blue Shovel with a leaf-spring front end belonging to a guy from Bury St Edmunds (whose details I’ve lost – drop me another email, sir?): a tough black Kwak chop wi’ apes: String’s new patina swingarm Bandit: Mark Warrender’s barking mad monster single (looking forward to seeing that done!): and a couple o’ three nice enough H-Ds. Elsewhere inside there were a hopped-up coffee-theme Cub, and a very high-quality paint n’ chrome scooter, while outside
there was a very, very neat four-pot Honda (550/4? 650?) that was a work of art in itself, as well as a number of trikes, a Sporty chop with a hint of Exile about it, that tough black Iron’ead that won at our show at the Vic’ Bikers Pub in ’24, and a hard-working primer-grey oil boiler Suzook that sat lower than a snake’s dangly-bits. While I know next to sod all about four-wheelers (who said “’bout as much as you do about bikes then, eh?”… bastads!), and especially American four-wheelers, the grey patina Dodge van with the portholes was quite cool, likewise the brown patina GMC pick-up with the pin-striping.
Music-wise (music is a big part of this event), the DJs, Karl and Dunc from STFU, played sounds all afternoon, in between a blues set by Mick Panter, and outlaw country by Mustach.
There were a couple o’ three (okay, four actually) trophies, but they all ended up being given to the same two people – the guy with the blown ‘50s car inside, who got both car awards, and Mark W, who got both bike awards, for his totally overwhelming single. Might be an idea to spread ‘em out a bit more next time, chaps? The blue Shovel, for example, would’ve been a worthy winner, too.
Anyway, there are plans for a 2026 HttS but, as it’s only February as I write this, and March when you read it, everything’s still in the planning stages – watch this space (well, not actually THIS space, but the event listings), or the K-Ville Facebook or Insta’ pages, for more info’.
THE THING ABOUT DIGGERS – THE MOTORCYCLES CALLED ‘DIGGERS’, NOT THEM BIG YELLOW THINGS WITH A BUCKET ON EITHER END THAT YOU USE TO MAKE ‘OLES IN THE GROUND
– IS THAT PEOPLE, EVEN OTHER BIKERS, ALWAYS, BUT ALWAYS, SAY WHEN THEY SEE ONE, SOMETHING ALONG THE LINES OF, “YOU WON’T GET FAR ON THAT, WILL YOU?”AND THEN LAUGH, BECAUSE A DIGGER ALWAYS HAS A SMALL FUEL TANK. THE THING IS THERE’S ALWAYS AN EXCEPTION TO EVERY RULE…
The GSX-R-engined digger you see here is owned by Gav from Chopper Club Scotland (CCS) and, as it has a genuine Arlen Ness Rocket tank and a highrevving four-cylinder engine that he’s not afraid to give the beans at any suitable opportunity, has a tank range of just y, as in 5-0, miles. Now, as I’m sure you’re well aware, members of the Chopper Club, be they Scottish, English, Welsh, Irish (north or south), Dutch, Belgian, French, German, Norwegian or Macedonian (there is actually a Chopper Club ailand, too, but they don’t o en bring their bikes to European runs for kind o’ obvious reasons), ride epic distances, something that’s not easy to do on a bike that does y miles at most before you need to put more fuel in. ing is, no one’s told Gav that, and he racks up the miles with the best of them, although he does stop a lot more o en than most, granted. For instance, he lives just outside Dundee, 60-ish miles north of Edinburgh, and some 111 miles from the nearest crossing into England, necessitating at least two fuel stops before he’s even crossed the border…
He bought his chop from one of the Irish crew that we’ve done a bit with over the last few years, detailing their long trips, rough camping, on choppers round Ireland and Scotland, Johnny Angus who, sadly, passed away late last year. at was in August 2024 and, since then, the pair of them, Gav and the digger, have racked the sort of mileage that most chop riders do in a lifetime. ere’ve been a few problems along the way, he says, but it’s a one-o chopper, isn’t it, not a factory-built, purpose-designed touring bike, but we’ll come to them in a moment. When Johnny got the bike way back when, it was a conventional, if nice enough, GSX-R chop with a (possibly) stretched Sportster tank, a single seat, and an understated paint job, and it was he who turned it into a digger. Somehow, somewhere, he found a gen-u-wine (as our Colonial cousins’d drawl) Rocket tank from the maestro that was Arlen Ness, unavailable, unless you’re really lucky, for years, modi ed it to t, and dropped it on in place of the Sporty, changed the rear mudguard, and a few other parts, too, had a new, larger, seat made by Leather Annie, and then got his son, Chris, to paint the bodywork in a very traditional ligree (also known as lacework) style black over blue. He rode it for a while, and then sold it to Gav eighteen months or so ago. Despite it having a tank range only marginally more than a modern bike’s reserve, it hasn’t stopped him riding it on Club runs, and I’ll let him tell you a little of some of the more memorable ones.
“We cover a lot of ground riding to runs from Scotland, and the main problems I’ve had’ve been from vibration. e old sissy-bar, made from tube, kept breaking at the same spot – on a recent run to the Isle of Wight I had to use an old butter knife, cable ties and ga er tape to splint it (Mike Hendry, whose black n’ blue GSX was in BSH a while ago, has since made me a new one from solid bar, which even I’ll have trouble breaking). On another run, to Sussex, the rear mudguard cracked where it’s been cut back to clear the drive chain. We took it to bits on the eld, and spot-welded it to stop the crack travelling any further – it still needs repairing properly, but that’s going to mean new paint at the same time.
Olde-skool airbrushed blue/black by Chris Angus, tank reworked by Les Cameron Race Paint (07712 677068), polishing by Johnny Angus/owner
ENGINEERING:
Bike originally built by Johnny Angus, sissy-bar by Mike Hendry
THANKS TO:
“Another long trip down to Eastbourne was a nightmare – again, vibration was to blame. I have a smart USB charger feeding a Quad Lock mount on the ’bars for my speedo/nav and, at the time, I had an old Lucas-style ignition. e smart USB turns o automatically if the battery voltage drops too low, and I’d done around 100 miles when I realised my phone wasn’t charging. Luckily, it was just a loose connection on the ignition itself (the wire’d vibrated o ) but, as I was now behind schedule, I pushed my luck with the fuel range, and ran out somewhere on the M6. I pulled over to the hard shoulder (with big juggernauts thundering past me), and used my spare bottle (always carry a fuel bottle) to get me to the next services, but the bike wouldn’t run right. I thought I’d pulled crap down from the tank so dropped the oat bowls, but they were all okay, so changed the plugs – still no change. I limped it further down the road, but she was kangarooing badly, and it was getting dark, and I had no headlight. Luckily, Mike and Euan were behind in a van, so I admitted defeat and loaded it in. I spent hours on the Saturday going over everything, and found a bad coil connection, xed it, made the Sunday ride-out no problem, and even won a prize. She still wasn’t right though – conked out again halfa-dozen times between the stage and my tent, so another sleepless night, a long way from home with a poorly bike. It took een hours to nurse her home, shepherded by Matt (with bike problems of his own, and still three hours to do a er we went our separate ways) and, long story short, it was the ignition contacts themselves – they’d rattled to bits, and were making and breaking contact all the time, one of those massive pain-in-the-arse faults that takes forever to nd. It’s since been booted over the neighbour’s fence, and I’ve tted a keep-it-simple-stupid set up with push-button start.”
“My wife Sam; Johnny Angus RIP; Les Cameron; Mike Hendry for fabricating a new sissy-bar last minute; & the rest of my CCS brothers & Chopper Club family for the support...”
serious in the grand scheme of things (and, anyway, make great
Now, you may be thinking ‘Sounds more trouble than it’s worth’, but I must remind you that it’s a one-o , hand-built chopper, and one that does rocket-ship mileages, and these faults, while, yes, annoying, aren’t terribly serious in the grand scheme of things (and, anyway, make great stories). Gav’s got her running sweetly now, and is very happy with her. He is thinking, though, of upgrading the running gear, as there’s not much in the way of tyre choice for 16-inch wheels, and he’s going to have to get it repainted when the rear muddie’s repaired, but that just allows him to personalise it, doesn’t it, make it more his bike than the late Johnny A’s. Whatever he does, I think Johnny’ll still be proud…
late Johnny A’s. Whatever he does, I think Johnny’ll still be proud…
AH, AUTUMN, THE SEASON OF MISTS AND MELLOW FRUITFULNESS OR, IN THE CASE OF THE TEST VALLEY CHARITY CUSTOM HOT ROD & BIKE SHOW (ONE OF THE LONGEST EVENT TITLES I KNOW!), DECIDEDLY CHANGEABLE, WHICH IS A SHAME AFTER SUCH A GLORIOUS SUMMER.
a weekend where many of my favourite events clashed, I decided to go west to the Savages MC’s show, which I haven’t been to for a few years – since the closure of The Bell pub which gave the event a wonderful, almost Narnia effect. The show’s now settled in its new home of the Weyhill Market just along the road – a site used for car boot sales, and featuring a mock-up of Mr Bean’s car, and an Only Fools & Horses Reliant crashing through a wall.
The village fete feel of the previous venue’s still there, with lots of children and dogs, all sorts of stalls, including a shooting gallery with one gun that could fire hundreds of ball- bearings a second – the
kids loved it. Oh, and despite the weather changing from bright sunshine to grey in a heartbeat, there was an ice cream van which, of course, I inspected its wares… for quality purposes, obviously.
In the show there were a lot of modern hot-hatches in the car bit, some which’d obviously had a lot of money spent on them and, while there weren’t many custom bikes, there were lots of wellused club bikes from clubs as far afield as Birmingham and Sussex – a goodly ride for both. I do have a soft spot for Yamaha v-twins, and a nice pair drew my attention. Sadly, some of the bands’d pulled out due to the weather, but a couple of solo singers braved the wind on the trailer stage to entertain. They probably had it easier than the guys who heroically held on to
one of the gazebos until, finally admitting defeat, they had to give up and dismantle it before they were blown into the next county, before retreating to the huge bar tent that was steadily filling up like an enormous can of human sardines.
As the rain came down more and more, I was drawn away to gaze adoringly on a pretty XS chop, and it was then the heavens fully opened. I was thankful of Spike’s RazorBlade Badges stand to shelter in, as the wet grass, chalk and clay also made walking quite difficult for me. I have to confess that, not long after this, and for my own safety, I headed off, but it’d been a great day despite the weather – well done to the Savages for putting on a great event despite Nature’s best attempts.
IF YOU’RE GOING TO TALK THE TALK, YOU’VE GOT TO BE ABLE TO WALK THE WALK, HAVEN’T YOU? IF YOU CAN’T PUT UP, SHUT UP; PUT YOUR MONEY WHERE YOUR MOUTH IS; AND A HOST OF OTHER CLICHES NO DOUBT, ALL REFER TO, IF YOU’RE GOING TO INFER THAT SOMETHING DOES SOMETHING, YOU’D BETTER BE ABLE TO PROVE THAT IT DOES, HADN’T YOU?
SPEC: 2024 Royal Enfield
When Takuya Aikawa of Sureshot Custom Motorcycle Factory in Japan wanted to unveil his new ‘Compact Performance Chopper’, the Samurai, at the legendary Moon Eyes Yokohama Hot Rod & Custom Show, he wanted it not just to be a pretty, drag bike-style, automotive sculpture, but one that’s also capable of turning a wheel in anger, too. To do this, he entered the bike in the Open Tournament class of Round 5 of the JD-STAR Drag Racing Championship at the Ibaraki Prefecture/JARI Jori Test Centre, held on 4 November 2024, barely a month before the Moon Eyes show and, a er a fair number of runs to learn how and when to best launch the bike to its best advantage, ran a 12.08 – stock is anything between 13.8 and 14.2 for the quarter, so signi cantly quicker!
Based around a 2024 (as in brand-new at the time) Royal En eld Shotgun 650cc there isn’t, admittedly, that much of the original bike le ; just the engine (although, of course, that’s been modi ed), the forks (similarly), and the yokes. e engine itself, while based on the standard 648cc, air-/ oil-cooled, four-stroke, SOHC (yes, single overhead cam) parallel twin motor, but it’s had its displacement upped to 865cc using an S&S big-bore kit, utilising larger pistons and bores, uprated con-rods, and a high-li cam. ere’re a ermarket bell-mouths on the back of the injectors, and there’s a Dynojet Power Commander to tune and match the fuel-injection set up and the ignition system. ere’s a one-o exhaust system made from stainless steel, and S&S free- owing end-cans, and as Takuya’s known in his native Japan as something of a specialist in setting up injected bikes using Sureshot’s in-house dyno, using knowledge gained over many years of working on race bikes, he’s used this know-how to tune the Samurai’s intake and ignition systems to increase power, while improving durability and drivability. e frame that it sits in has been handmade, using the relevant parts of the original 650 Shotgun (front loop, engine mounts, etc.), with a much lower and narrower rear loop frame in a slightly reduced tube pipe diameter, while the swingarm’s a new complete one-o in alloy with a one-o rear shock’s a very clever link-type monoshock designed to use a Racing Bros one-o shock absorber, mounted as part of the design through and under the seat. e tank that sits in front of it is also alloy, and designed to look the part at the expense
Shotgun 650 engine (S&S 865 big-bore kit/con-rods/cam, aftermarket velocity stacks, Dynojet Power Commander, one-off exhaust downpipes, S&S end-cans)/ forks (modified)/ yokes, one-off frame (standard engine mounts), one-off rear-sets, one-off wheels (2.15×21-inch front, 3.50×16-inch rear), Braking Around discs (front/rear), Brembo calipers (front/rear), one-off adjustable ‘bars, Magura front brake master-cylinder, one-off alloy front cowl/fuel tank/seat (covered by Manabu Yamaguchi Artcraft)/ rear mudguard/ swingarm, one-off rear monoshock with Racing Bros shock
FINISH: Black, with red striping, headlight/ fork shrouds/tank/ seat/rear mudguard, gunmetal frame
of range, and the fork shrouds and headlight unit’re also one-o s made especially for the bike, and machined parts and sheet metal are combined to create a compact body.
Moving on, the wheels’re also machined alloy originals by Sureshot; a 21-inch front with a road tyre, and a 16-inch rear with pukka old-fashioned drag-racing slick like you see in those amazing old pictures on t’internet. e front brake’s a one-o inboard disc system with a Braking Around disc built on to the hub in the centre of the wheel, and a Brembo caliper, and a handmade alloy exterior. e rear, by contrast, with another Braking Around (this time solid) disc, and another Brembo caliper, too, is almost conventional.
ENGINEERING: Takuya Aikawa at Sureshot Custom Motorcycle Factory
e Samurai, as the bike’s called, was indeed debuted at the Moon Eyes show, cleaned of all the rubber from the pre-stage burnouts, and then shipped to Europe to be shown to us pale-skinned monkeys (as the Japanese once referred to us) at, rst, the Bike Shed Show at Tobacco Dock (where I saw it, and immediately went o to badger Royal En eld’s PR man Alex); the ultra-cool Wheels & Waves in Biarritz in France; the ultra-nobby Goodwood Festival of Speed; and the ultra-under-toiletsupplied Malle Mile, too.
In a couple of issues’ time we’ll show the other one of the three stand-out bikes on the Royal En eld stand (the rst was the Phoenix techno-bagger in issue 499); the quite, quite wonderfully mad Kingston Customs’ Kingsman streamliner… watch this space!
AS ANYONE WHO DIDN’T STARE OFF OUT OF THE WINDOW DURING HISTORY CLASSES AT SCHOOL’LL KNOW, THE RIVALRY BETWEEN YORKSHIRE AND LANCASHIRE IN THE NORTH OF ENGLAND GOES BACK, LITERALLY, MORE THAN HALF A MILLENNIUM, TO WELL BEFORE THE ACTUAL WAR OF THE ROSES STARTED NEARLY 600 YEARS AGO IN 1455.
Even today, all these centuries later, there’s still a rivalry, albeit a much more good-natured one, between the people of the two counties, although it’s probably still wise not to wear a Blackpool or Burnley FC shirt in places like Kirkby Lonsdale or Ingleton on a Friday or Saturday night, or a Leeds or She eld United ’un in Todmorden or Earby. Bikers, though, are a lot less concerned with historical, if frighteningly bloody, fall-outs, and when Hash from Lancashire rang Vic (Je ord) from Yorkshire to ask him if he’d take over the build of his So ail, Vic didn’t once try to poleaxe him or chop his head o with a six-foot billhook. Not once.
Hash and Vic had, you see, met previously at Motorcycle Live at the NEC when Destiny Cycles had bikes on both the BSH and Carole Nash stands, and Hash’d expressed a wish then to build a bike. A few years went past, and he actually bought a rolling chassis, no engine, from a guy in Oxford, and brought it back to his native Lancashire (“It took hours and hours and hours!”), fully intending to build it up himself. Due to one reason or another, including on-and-o health problems, he had to give up on this and ended up taking it to another company, not Destiny, because he knew Vic doesn’t really take on other people’s projects. Sadly, this company, although saying it wouldn’t take very long, did pretty much nothing for months and months, although they did source for him a Shovelhead engine for it. Eventually, deeply sick of their false promises, and seemingly endless parts bills, he, with the goading of his youngest daughter Jam, rang Vic and told him about his predicament. He (Vic) listened and agreed to take a look, and so, a few weeks later, Hash and a friend took the project over t’hills to Yorkshire.
SPEC:
H-D Evolution 80 cubic inch (1340cc) engine (five-angle valve seats, ported heads, TC Bros head breathers, rebored/honed barrels, Andrews EV27 cams, S&S Super E carb, Lowbrow Customs Aero air-filter, trued/balanced crank, BDL clutch/3-inch open primary belt-drive, Dyna S ignition, one-off stainless 2-2 exhaust)/Softail frame, DNA forward controls (modified), 60-spoke American Wheel Co wheels (21-inch front, 18-inch rear), Metzeler tyres (90/90x21 front/240x18 rear), Ride Wright front brake disc, Harrison Billet 4 caliper, two-inch over forks, DNA yokes, 12-inch apes, two-inch risers, Kustom Tech hand controls/ momentary switches, MMB all-inone 48mm speedo, Biltwell Recoil grips, one-off headlight brackets, aftermarket H-D Sportster front mudguard (modified), Cole Foster fuel tank, one-off hand carved/braided leather seat, BK Stiletto heavy-duty rear mudguard, horseshoe-style oil tank/battery box, Progressive Suspension shocks (Biltwell bracket), one-off side-mount, one-off loom, Electronika H box, aftermarket headlight, mini LED front indicators, Kellerman Atto 3-1 rear lights
FINISH:
Black/purple flip paint with silver/gold flake pinstripes by KJ Kustom Paint (Facebook), powder coating by Tim & Ed at Yorvik Engineering (01904 768515 or www.yorvik-es.co.uk), oneoff hand carved/braided leather seat by Syd at Caer Urfa Leather (07981 929154 or Facebook)
ENGINEERING:
Bike built & all work by Destiny Cycles (07979 648689 or www. destinycycles.co.uk)
being a better prospect than a Shovel anyway, so a deal was done. It was rebuilt, along with the ve-speed ’box, to better-than-stock specs (not tuned, just a little more free- owing than from the factory), and tted it into the frame… the frame… ah, yes, the frame – the frame that’d already been powdercoated despite having no mounting brackets on it at all. at’d need dealing with too, then. Anyway, between them Hash and Vic worked out what was wanted, and Hash says: “I knew that it was in good hands and, as Lin and I are about the same size, she could be me for measuring distancing for ’pegs and ’bars and stu . Every few weeks, we, me and Jam, would go over, though, and we’d see this amazing transformation.” It was also from this point on that both Vic and Lin’s waistlines started to su er because Hash’s wife’s an incredible cook and, having been asked whether they liked Asian food (and saying “Yes”), every time he came over he brought with him a veritable feast of curry.
As the project’d originally been started a few years back, it was looking a little dated, style-wise, and a lot of the chrome parts were past their best, so all these were stripped and powder-coated instead for a more modern look, and to better stand the test of time. During the build it soon became apparent that Jam was no stranger to a hacksaw and spanners having modi ed her own 125 to be more to her liking, and she could see lines and envision how something’d look, and, indeed, it was she who came up with the paint scheme and colours, masterfully done by John at KJ Kustom Paint, which, as you can see, really suit the bike.
e rst thing Vic noticed was that the procured Shovelhead motor had no numbers on it. ankfully, Hash was able to get his money back, but that meant, of course, he was back to having no engine. Vic’d been keeping an Evo’ motor to one side for a future project, but o ered it to him as, probably,
Hash was able to get his money back, but that meant, of course, he
When it was nished, Vic and Lin delivered it over the tops to the gym that Hash runs, Better Bodies in Blackburn, and were met with quite a crowd; friends, family, Tik-Tok in uencers, and more. It’d been arranged, too, that Simon Everett’d be there to take these pictures (and to partake of the inevitable curryfest), and Hash was quite blown away by his new bike, and the fact that it was going to be in Back Street Heroes, too, and he can’t thank Vic and Lin enough. “You did the most amazing work, thank you – to see the bike in the esh, a er all this time, and the fact that it started up straightaway, and rode beautifully, is incredible. I haven’t put much mileage on at the moment, due to health issues, but the rst service’s just been done, and I’m gonna put more and more miles on it as I get better. Both of you, Vic and Lin, you’re more like family than anything else now – thank you!”
IDEATH SAT ON HIS BIKE AND WAITED FOR ME AT THE CROSSROADS.
pulled up next to him and killed the engine, close but not too close. I’d miss the bike – she and I’d done lots of good miles together… but then, there were lots of things I’d miss, too. I looked over at him. In the cold evening light, he was a shadow in the moonlight that glinted gently o the chrome of the six exhaust pipes that led back from the monstrous engine that he sat astride. I took o my helmet and put it on the road. I wouldn’t be needing it anymore, not where I was going. Death lit a cigarette and nodded towards me.
“Ready then?” he asked. “All done?” I nodded back. I was all done, and as ready as I’d ever be. From the pale glow of his cigarette, I could see his features. His skeletal face and his dark, unbelievably deep, eyes came as no surprise to me. You see, this wasn’t our rst meeting – Death and I’d met before.
paperwork and nances take when you’re running your own business. No wonder old man Shawcross always looked so tired. Besides, when you work as a freelance IT consultant, your customers expect you to be available for them, at least twenty-four hours a day, seven days a week. It’d become a running joke between Christine and me that, on the rare occasions I le the o ce before seven o’clock, the phone’d invariably ring the minute I got home. A er a while though, the joke stopped being funny. Still, taking on a partner had been a good idea – one of Christine’s, of course.
I’d known John for years – IT’s a surprisingly small world, and he’d picked things up quickly. e customers loved him, and I felt safe leaving the business in his hands for a week while Christine and I took the time to get to know each other again.
e caravan belonged to Grant and Sue. ey’d been more than happy to let us use it for a week – the look that passed between them when I went around to ask if I could borrow it told me they’d been worried about Christine and me in private, and in a way that, perhaps, I hadn’t been. And now, stood all alone in a eld in the so Cornish countryside, the caravan gave us a base, albeit a temporary one, from which to rebuild our relationship.
e holiday was supposed to be a second chance for Christine and me, an attempt to start again, to wipe the slate clean, to forget the past. We’d been growing apart for some time, and it’d been my fault. When I le Shawcross IT Solutions to start up on my own, I hadn’t realised how much time all the
And it was working. Over the last week Christine and I’d grown closer. e old barriers were coming down as I learned to relax again. We spent our time exploring, both the countryside and ourselves. For the rst time in months, when we made love, it was making love, not just having sex. I think she noticed
the di erence – in fact I’m sure she did. For, on the third day, when I switched o my mobile, my lifeline to the o ce and work, for the rst time I can ever remember, she saw me do it, and smiled. And the smile in her eyes said, ‘Come here, big boy, come and explore some more.’
melting, a face that I knew. A face that I loved. In the middle of the room, sat on a chair, was the man I’d met in the field. In the darkness his face seemed to glow grey and pallid, his eyes shining black as they stared at me. He’d been talking, and now he paused.
Oh, we were happy that week, but that week was the last time for happiness, at least for me. It happened on the Sunday, our last day. I’d gone to get some water from the farm up the road, and Christine was cooking breakfast. Even before I’d got back to the caravan, somehow I knew that something was wrong. I dropped the water can and started running; too slow, all too slow in the slippery eld. By the time that I got back, the caravan was well and truly ablaze. I tried to open the door, but it was stuck. I could feel my hand blistering up on the red-hot handle. ere was a loud crack, the window broke and, through it, I could see Christine alight, burning. Her face seemed to melt in the smoky ames. I grabbed at the door again, oblivious to the pain, and yelled: “Christine, Christine, Oh Jesus, God, please – no.” Suddenly I realised I wasn’t alone. ere was a man beside me. I hadn’t heard him approach. I screamed at him: “For God’s sake, help me. Christine is in there.”
Over the crackle of the ames and Christine’s screams, I heard his voice. “God can’t help you now – he has no jurisdiction here.” It was a cold voice, otherworldly. It chilled me to the bone.
“Please, please help me, I’ll do anything,” I screamed.
And I heard the dark voice boom questioningly: “Anything?”
“You understand the deal? Your woman’s life returned and, in exchange, I take yours but, first, you have to do a job for me – you have to take the life of another, one whom I’m not allowed to touch.”
I took a deep breath and nodded. “Okay, but why?” I asked. “Why can’t you take this other life as well?”
“I told you,” the man yelled, and pain shot up and down my spine. “I’m not allowed to take the life of the other,” he rasped. “Besides,” he said, more gently now, with what might have been a smile on his face, “you will do it for me, and then it’ll be you that bears the sin. Now tell me, will you do it? Your life and the life of the other in return for your woman’s life?”
I nodded again.
“No!” he screamed, and again I hurt. “Say it, say you will.”
I turned to look at him – Oh God, what can I’ve been thinking? I looked into his dark, deep, unbelievably deep, eyes and then, all at once, I realised. “Yes,” I croaked, “I’ll do anything, just help me get Christine out.”
All of a sudden, I found myself in a cold, dark room. There were windows on all four walls, and through each of the windows was the same view: a caravan on fire, a girl burning, a face
“I will,” I said, “I’ll do it.”
I knew that something was wrong even before I got back to the caravan. I dropped the water can, and started running, too slow, all too slow in the slippery eld. Reaching the caravan, I wrenched open the door.
“What’s wrong?” asked Christine.
I grabbed her just as she lit the stove. ere was a bang, and we were ung to the oor. I pulled her out of the caravan and away; covered her with my body as I could feel the ames lick at my back. I could feel the warmth try, but fail, to take the chill o the cold place that I now had deep inside me. When it was over, and only when it was over and the re’d burnt itself out, nally I let Christine get up. I could hardly see her through my tears. All I wanted to do was hold her. Hold her close, one last time.
to be hurt by me, to hate me, to think of me as an enemy. I thought it’d be easier for her that way. I’ll never forget the tears on her face as I le , her confused and frightened face. Perhaps that’ll be my penance – to always see her tears and the pain in her eyes, to see them for all eternity, and to know that they were my fault.
I killed the other this morning. Somehow I’d known the address, and’d found the way. I made it as painless as possible. He’d been sleeping so I put a pillow over his head and pressed down until he stopped breathing. It didn’t take long. I hadn’t been expecting a baby –that’d shocked me, but a deal was a deal, and I really had no choice.
Once it was done, I got on my bike and headed for the crossroads. is time I had no address, but I knew I’d nd my way. And, all the time, as I rode through the night, I wondered who the other’d been… or, more importantly, who he’d’ve grown up to be. Perhaps a scientist or diplomat. Maybe he’d been destined to discover a cure for cancer or, through his skills and e orts, avert a terrible war. Or perhaps he was someone else. Someone the religious books spoke of, someone Christians and Jews alike are expecting to return. Oh God, I hope not. I guess now we’ll never know.
I le her three days later. I engineered an argument – I told her some lies. I invented an a air that’d never happened. I stormed out. I wanted her
Death sat on his bike and waited for me at the crossroads. “Ready then? All done?” He’d asked me. and I’d nodded. Yes, I was all done, and I was ready, ready to go. Death nished his cigarette, and icked the butt. He thumbed the starter, and the engine roared into life. e exhaust emitted a wail – a wail that sounded like the dead screaming, all the tortured souls of the dead, and part of me, deep inside, also started to scream.
He slowly pulled away. In the distance, lightning ickered in the sky, and Death rode towards it. I took a deep breath and started my bike, and then I followed him into the night.
WHEN RUDYARD KIPLING COINED THE PHRASE ‘NEVER THE TWAIN SHALL MEET’ IN HIS 1892 EPISTLE ‘BARRACKROOM BALLARDS’, HE WAS ACTUALLY BEMOANING THE LACK OF THINGS IN COMMON BETWEEN THE BRITISH AND THE NATIVES OF THE COLONISED INDIA. HE MIGHT, THOUGH, SOME 130-PLUS YEARS LATER, BE SPEAKING OF THE DIFFERENCES BETWEEN THOSE WHO RIDE STREETFIGHTERS AND THOSE WHO RIDE CHOPPERS, PARTICULARLY AMONGST THOSE WHO RESIDE FAR ACROSS THE WATER IN GERMANY.
any fule nose, the Germans wholeheartedly embraced the cult of the street ghter when that style of bike really took o in the early 1990s and, indeed, carried it on long, long a er it slipped from popularity in these windswept isles. Our Teutonic cousins continued, and still do to this day, to build big Japanese fours (in the main) that look like they’d tear one’s head o and defecate down one’s neck as soon as look at you (and that they’ve had a particularly violent altercation with something big and heavy that was unable to stop in time at a set of tra c lights, too, of course). eir bikes have a certain style, a certain poise, a certain attitude and, it seems, one that no (originally) American-made v-twin can ever emulate… or so most people think.
Actually, back in the heyday of the ’ ghter, British-style or German, the late 1990s/early 2000s, there was one German chopper builder whose o erings o en bucked that trend and, indeed, on more than one occasion took top honours at prestigious street ghter shows, and that was Marcus Walz of Walz Hardcore Cycles in Neuötting in Bavaria. His bikes were low, purposeful and toughlooking and, at the time, no one else anywhere was building anything similar. ey really were visually stunning brutal machines far removed from a conventional chopper… just like the bike you see here in fact.
frame and all the bodywork (including the rather clever split-tank set up that sits either side of the frame’s top-tube), and pretty much everything else, too, saw the bike, named Seven (as in ‘Lucky Seven’ as he’s a huge Barry Sheene fan), up and running.
Paint by Jonno Drayton, carbon dipping by Yorkshire Hydrographics (07802 168166 or www.yorkshirehydrographics.co.uk), belt-drive cover/clutch cover/rear wheel cap/grips engraved by Machina Designs (07702 643426 or Facebook)
ENGINEERING:
Kev Beardsley, its owner, has been a fan of Harley-Davidson customs and, as it turns out, of Marcus Walz’s handiwork for quite some time. He was running a very trick H-D called ‘Demeter’ (some of you may remember it), but really wanted something Walzesque and so went to see Rick Starrs at RS Motorcycles in Doncaster with a view to building something suitable out of it. A er some deliberation over the style the bike was, and the style he wanted, they decided mutually that the best way forward was to strip Demeter, take out and keep the engine n’ drivetrain, and the forks, and start again from there. Rick says that, at rst, he wasn’t too keen on copying somebody else’s style, but Marcus Waltz’s one of his biggest in uences, and he wanted to see if he could create something as good as one of his.
Kev smoked it about for a while, deciding which bits were right, and which he wanted to change, and then took the bike back to Rick for a bit of a revamp; new paint on the wheels, some more carbon dipping, and a few other things. One day, while it was there, he rolled up with a new front end, bought from Rebu ni Cycles in Italy, as he liked this one better. He hadn’t, though, spoken to Rick about it rst, and they soon found that they were quite signi cantly shorter than the set they were replacing – the frame’d sit maybe an inch o the oor. is problem was solved by getting a local CNC wizard to make new yokes with a 75mm drop to accept the new forks (and also the new motogadget speedo). A new headlight and mounts were sourced, new clipons, a new front muddie and mounts, new wheel spacers and more) and, very soon, the o -the-shelf forks slipped into the very custom front end exactly as they should. e relief, as they say, for both of them, was palpable… e nished bike picked up a second in the Radical Custom class at the massive Faaker See show in Austria (against some insane competition), and a string of awards elsewhere, too, and as it rides as well as a stock Breakout (“Just maybe a little less comfy”), Kev’s more than happy with it. Mind you, he has a Milwaukee 8 Breakout, and he and Rick’re working through some design plans – Rick says: “We’re going to do another full custom this winter, and see if we can up the already high bar set by this one.” Hmm, no pressure then, Rick, eh?
to see Rick Starrs at RS Motorcycles in Doncaster of it. A er some deliberation over the style the
Waltz’s one of his biggest in uences, and he full frame build, it was his rst single-sided (and Kev) didn’t want to use them, and also single-siders, getting a clean rear end, with all the correct clearances, required some lateral thinking. Eventually,
While, he says, the bike wasn’t his rst full frame build, it was his rst single-sided swingarm build, and needed a lot of thinking about, particularly in the rear brake/drive area. While most custom parts for Harleys are, you see, available o -the-shelf, if you so desire, he (and Kev) didn’t want to use them, and also because not that many H-Ds’re built to run single-siders, getting a clean rear end, with all the correct clearances, required some lateral thinking. Eventually, Rick decided on a Harrison Billet pulley/brake that, as it’s intended for a dual-sided ’arm, had to be modi ed to work on the uni-forelimb. at done, and a crap-load of other work, too, including tting the Bike Steroid (Holland) 23-inch front and fat 18-inch rear wheel ensemble, and the Legend Suspension air-ride rear shock(s), and hand-making the
Bike built by Rick Starrs at RS Motorcycles (07909 963693), wheels by Bike Steroids (Holland), yokes by Tom Parkin Fabrications, seat foam/cover by Doncaster Trimmers (01302 860631 or www. doncastertrimmers.co.uk )
THANKS TO:
“Rick Starrs at RS Motorcycles; Serge Von Mook at Bike
Steroids; Jonno Drayton; Chris at Yorkshirehydrographics; Doncaster Trimmers; Tom Parkin Fabrications; & Justin at Machina Designs…”
AUTHORISEDDEALERS IndependentHarleySpecialist Diag4BikeHarleyDiagnostics& Tuning Service&Repair Pre ownedHarleys For Sale
Unit1&2,Old Station Yard,Y Felinheli, GwyneddLL564JQ T: 01248670674
Harley-Davidson enthusiasts club in Great Britain (est 1949)
Welcome to Back Street Heroes
We cover all styles of custom bikes; choppers, bobbers, streetfighters, trikes, cafe racers, street scramblers, flat trackers, brats and rats... to name just a few. We also go to custom biker lifestyle events big and small, all over the country and across Europe, to give a true flavour of the custom bike scene. The magazine features technical articles on bike building and maintenance, readers’ pictures, and all the latest custom bike news and products - plus much, much more besides. Oh, and the staffers are all bikers, too!
Can’t help thinking that golf’s much easier up here when the balls’re this big?
ROUND SCOTLAND ON A HOUSEBOAT
LAST MONTH I TOLD YOU ABOUT THE FIRST FEW DAYS OF MY MONSTER MILEAGE TRIP TO SCOTLAND ON THE HOUSEBOAT, THE BMW R18 B BAGGER – AFFECTIONATELY SO NAMED BECAUSE OF ITS SIZE. THIS MONTH, IN THIS FINAL PART, I’M GOING TO TELL YOU ABOUT DOING THE HEART 200 ON IT, AND VENTURING INTO THE CAIRNGORMS ALONG THE SNOW ROADS.
The Heart 200, if you’ve not heard of it before, is a riding/driving route around Perth, Stirling, The Trossachs National Park, and Highland Perthshire that covers a distance of (I bet you can’t guess) 200 miles, give or take a bit. It follows in the footsteps (wheel tracks?) of the North Coast 500, and the Northumberland 250 (and no doubt many more, too, by now), and takes you along almost completely empty roads (assuming you don’t go in the school holidays when they’re infested with camper vans) through some of the most scenic parts of the bit of Scotland that’s in the lower part of middle(ish) of the country.
The what of what now?
Square sausage n’ haggis bap!
A wee Scottish pad…
I was staying in Perth and so used that as the start and finish of my ride, and began by heading south on the A912 through Bridge of Earn (always think of Morecambe and Wise when I hear or read that name), and then deviated from the route when I reached the A91, turning right along it towards Kinross (as Rachel’d say on Friends when he pissed her off) as I didn’t fancy the loop around Loch Leven as I’d been that way earlier in the week. Me and the big Beemer kind o’ shimmied through Kinross (I missed the very small signpost for a right turn on the way in, and had to do
a slightly hairy U-turn, on a 400 kilo behemoth, on a cambered surface), before heading towards the wonderfully named Crook of Devon (love Scottish place names),and then turning right up the A823, over the Rumbling Bridge, towards the Yetts o’ Muckhart (the wot of wot?), Glendevon, and the golfer’s paradise of Gleneagles. Using divine grace, I turned right at Bishop’s Bridge, kept an eye out for stray dogs in Muthill, and then turned left again in Crieff along the A85 (forgoing the Famous Grouse Experience cos I was riding) across to Comrie before turning left again on to another wonderfully deserted road, the B827, that climbed and fell until it joined the A822. I stopped in Braco for a coffee and a haggis butty (do like haggis, me), and then deviated from the route again as I’ve been to Stirling a few times, cutting, instead, across to Doune, and up the A84 to Callander (where I went to a Scottish NABD rally years ago). There it was left again
to Port o’ Menteith (where there’re lots of dentists for male sailors perhaps?), and west to Aberfoyle.
Now, bearing in mind I’d come from Callander, you can imagine my surprise, as I rode through Aberfoyle, to see a sign saying Callander was in front of me. I stopped, checked me map and, yep, that’s the way the Heart 200 said to go so I shrugged me shoulders and did so. And do you know what, I’m glad I did cos that road, the A821 back to the A84, is mental! I honestly reckon a couple of pissed-up tarmacers followed a sheep round the hills, and just put down a road where it wandered. On the big BM it was all first and second gear, and by the time I got to the sign
The home of golf in Scotland, no matter what that orange idiot says
Another blissfully empty road
The waterfalls at Killin
for the Trossach’s Pier about halfway along, my face hurt from smiling. And it didn’t get any less dull all the rest of the way either, particularly when I had a ‘canIholditupfcukfcukfcuk’ moment at the A84 junction when a car stopped suddenly in front of me on an off-camber bit of road – this thing’s really heavy, remember…
RIGHT: Another blissfully empty road, this time in the Cairngorms
BELOW: The spectacular entrance to Taymouth Castle
Anyway, off again, up the A84 to Lochearnhead, again almost empty, and the A85 to the amazing Falls of Dochart at Killin. Pam and I came here in the van a few years ago, but I’d forgotten how they dominate the village before they empty into Loch Tay, and I could’ve quite happily tarried longer watching the millions of gallons of peaty water rush over them, but I still had a fair way to go. The road from Killin runs alongside, sort of, Loch Tay up to Kenmore, a stunning Highland village of stone and golf courses, and then across to Aberfeldy on, again, pretty much empty roads. They’re not fast roads, but they do require all your concentration, and I was glad to stop for a few mins for fuel, and a brew, in Aberfeldy (especially as petrol stations up ‘ere are few and far between), before heading across to the A9 at Ballinluig, and turning south for Perth (missing out the top loop, too, as the day was getting on and I hate riding at night cos o’ me dreadful night vision – joys of diabetic laser surgery, eh?). I know I didn’t do all of it, and I’d like to do the loop from Aberfeldy up to Tummel Bridge, the wonderfully named Killiecrankie, Blair Atholl and Bruar on another trip but, even so, if you’re looking for an excellent riding route for this summer’s adventures, I’d heartily recommend the Heart 200.
The Watchers on the A939 – beautiful in summer, suitably bleak in winter
The next day we were off again; up the A9 (again) to Aviemore, and then along the winding B970 past Boat of Garten (named after a ferry crossing of the River Spey apparently), and up to Granton-on-Spey where, quite by chance, I bumped into Mike from Chopper Club Scotland, not aboard his BSH-featured GSX1100 hardtail, but a very cool Harley chop, at a (the?) petrol station. He was waiting for Euan and Jamie from CCS, so I headed off alone towards Tomintoul and the Gathering along the A939 slightly, I will admit, relieved as I do like to ride alone and at me own pace on the twisties, especially ones I don’t know well and, besides, I have to keep stopping to take pictures, don’t I? (And, okay, yes, I probably am an unsocial bastard who likes his own company, too…)
The A939 is, most definitely, one of my favourite roads ever – it climbs up and dips down hills and into valleys across the upper edges of the Cairngorm mountains, and today it was bathed in warm sunshine and was, yes, just about empty. The suitably pantfilling-to-the-incautious Bridge of Brown is always fun to negotiate, and I was almost disappointed to have to stop in Tomintoul, but work called… honestly, the things I do for you lot, eh?
Up until this point, the Tay hadn’t been particularly silvery… William McGonagall’d’ve been proud
ABOVE: Not what you normally see parked on the side of the road…
It’d’ve been rude not to stop for a piccie, wouldn’t it?
Not while I was there, thankfully!
A few hours later I was back in the Beemer’s (slightly cramped) saddle, and we were off again, out of Tomintoul on, briefly, the Tomnavoulin road before turning right again to get back on the 939. This part of the journey’s definitely a Snow Road, right across the tops to Cock Bridge (stop sniggering), and Gairnshiel Lodge, and even on a sunny day like it was is bleak and desolate, and very, very scenic – what Scotland’s all about, if you like. It’s somewhere you’re alone with your thoughts and, while my testicles’re no longer as big as they used to be, I made good time along it, surrounded by moorland and heather just starting to turn purple,
and it felt good to be alive. I turned off the 939 at the aforementioned Lodge on to the even tinier and windier B976 and, even though you can no longer go over the historic arched Gairnshiel Bridge (built in 1751, you know!), it’s still an amazing and evocative ride.
From there, the A93 takes you to Braemar, past the castle, and then into Glenshee, and from here on the riding is just sublime – there’s no point in me describing it to you, you have to experience it for yourself. The road is narrow, insanely twisty, and impossibly beautiful in a severe, almost foreboding way – the mountains either side humble you with their size and indifference to you passing. It’s an ancient landscape and one which’s a privilege to cross, and it takes a good while even at speed on a bike – imagine what it must’ve been like for travellers on foot or on horseback back in the day…
Then, all too soon, I was coming into the outskirts of Blairgowrie and heading south past Scone Palace, the iconic crowning place of Scottish kings, towards Perth. It was by now early evening, and the sun was sinking, and I was looking forward to a beer or two, but not too many as, tomorrow, I was heading south again, this time to the Cumbrian coast to photograph Snif’s W650 (which you’ll see in an issue or two) before heading for home far, far south, and east, in East Anglia.
So, if you’re stuck for anywhere to go on a long (definitely!) ride this summer, may I suggest you point your front wheel towards the north (or south if you live above Inverness), and do either, or both, of these trips cos, as long as you don’t do ‘em on a wet, or busy, day, you definitely won’t regret it. NIK
HUGE THANKS TO BMW MOTORRAD FOR THE LOAN OF THE HOUSEBOAT… SORRY, SORRY, THE R 18 B.
Perfect riding roads
A(NOTHER) YEAR OF CUSTOM BIKING… PART THREE
THERE’S BEEN A CHANGE IN THE FLEET THIS ISSUE: THE SPONDON? HAS GONE TO LIVE WITH A GUY NAMED JIM INT’ NORTH AND, VERY BRIEFLY, I WAS THE OWNER OF A RATHER NICE (AND VERY LOUD!) TRIUMPH STREET TRIPLE…
freshly
nd I do mean ‘briefly’, too. Ms B, who’d been looking for something ULEZ-compliant to replace her (nearly) 130k 600 Hornet, allowed me to keep it for about two hours from picking it up before relieving me of it. It is, at the moment, over at Paradise Garage Motorcycles in Norfolk having a service, new tyres and MoT, and I’ll be delivering it to her, all oils and moving bits changed and/or replaced, some time in the very near future.
A…and the old
…and the Street Triple that, briefly, replaced
Anyway, moving on, I’ve recently unearthed the Katana’s original frame from where it’s been quietly festering in a nottoo-terribly-waterproof shed for probably ten years, hauled it to the van by balancing it atop a wheelbarrow (it’s quite heavy, and my poor back’s really not up to lugging it the 50odd yards), and took it up to Ian’s workshop so that he could pass a knowledgeable eye over it to see if it’s saveable/useable. The dreaded rust worm’d definitely been hungry, and where water’d collected, as it does, in the lower rails there were a number of holes which were revealed by a damn good
The woodworm round ‘ere’re mutating…
The GSX-R yokes bought from Sticky’s…
poking (steady...) with a large screwdriver. He umm’d and ahh’d, and rubbed his chin, and declared that, despite appearances, it wasn’t actually too bad, and he’d be able to fix it – it’s not a quick n’ straightforward job, don’t get me wrong, but it’s nothing he’s not had to do before. We also offered up the back wheel of a FireBlade he had knocking about to make sure there was clearance for a 200-section rear tyre (Katanas had 130s as standard back then), and then I took the poor old trellis to a blasting company (Breckland Finishing in Thetford) to get the years of paint, rot and grime blasted off (they also
The Spondon? with its new owner…
it
The
wrapped new (well…) Bandit tank…
front muddie, too
blasted a replacement stator cover for the Bandit, ready to be taken to Aeromax to be recoated in their polished alloy powdercoat, and etched primed the Kat frame to stop it rusting). It’s currently behind my sofa, waiting for Ian to fi nish the job he’s on at the moment, and then it’ll be going up there for remedial surgery.
There’ve been developments with the Bandit, too. As I said last issue, I was hoping to get the newly-wrapped tank and front muddie back from the place in Brandon (Rumskins) that’d encased them in a very nice
a stunt bike. I’d made enquiries and found that stock R1 yokes’re really difficult to find (and bloody expensive), and a replacement aftermarket top yoke was about £170, so when I saw Matt advertising the Gixer yokes for £100… they’ll be swapped over at some point in the future, along with the rather nice polished, slightly extended, Bandit 1200 swingarm with GSX-R 1000 six-inch rear wheel (and new tyre!) that I bought last year off a guy in Norwich for £300. The plan is, you see, to take the single-sider out of the Bandit with a view to, perhaps, putting that, and
dark carbon fi bre vinyl and, indeed, I have and they look, if you’ll pardon my French, the bollocks. They, too, are behind the sofa for safe-keeping.
Oh, and joining them are a set of GSX-R 1000 yokes with a top yoke conversion that I bought from Matt at Sticky’s Speed Shop –the forks on the Bandit are, you see, 1000 K4 (I think) in a set of R1 yokes, and the top yoke conversion bolt holes’ve been drilled slightly on the piss – they’re off, apparently, a stunt bike (the yokes are anyway, not sure of the forks), and the driller wasn’t as worried about them being perfectly aligned as it was only
devil in me, decided to go and visit a friend over near Wisbech – a journey that involved, if possible, going through the famous Welney Wash, the fl ooded-in-winter area between the Old Bedford River and the New Bedford River in the Fens east of Downham Market, and crossed by the A1101. It’s an important Site of Special Scientific Interest and, when so fl ooded, means that the six-mile journey between Welney and Littleport becomes one of 23. It is, at certain times, still passable, depending on how deep the water is, and there’s a Facebook page that updates the
Doesn’t everyone have a freshlyblasted Katana
the original single-sided front end, and the supercharged GSX-R motor, into the original (repaired) Katana frame later in the year, depending on how well (or badly) the one-off chassis rides as and when. It’ll be a shame to have to do so, it really will, but I’m not terribly confident – it’s beautifully made, exquisitely even, but almost as if by someone who didn’t really know how motorbikes worked. Fingers crossed this doesn’t need doing, but you’ve got to be prepared, haven’t you?
Finally, on the one dry and sunny day we’ve had over ‘ere in the east this year, I went out on the Future Bike, and suddenly getting the
depth every day, so I had a quick look and found that, that day, it was between nine and fourteen inches. The FB has high-level ‘pipes and, yes, I’m still a big kid at heart so… I really wish I’d had a video camera set up on the bike for the half-mile or so journey cos it looked amazing from where I was sitting (and, yes, I did get wet feet as the water level was over the top of me boots). I did consider doing it one-handed a second time, holding the phone in my left hand, but the current that runs across it required two hands on the ‘bars at points – maybe next winter I’ll video it, eh?
frame in their front room?
…and the B12 swinger and GSX-R wheel
HONDA HORNET 1000 SP
WHEN IT COMES TO NEW MOTORCYCLES, BRAND-NEW MOTORCYCLES, OF A SIZEABLE CAPACITY, NOT MADE IN THE PEOPLE’S REPUBLIC OF CHINA OR THE INDIAN SUBCONTINENT, YOU DON’T REALLY GET MUCH FOR TEN GRAND THESE DAYS, DO YOU?
There is an exception to this rule, though, and it’s the motorcycle wot you see here in front of you: Honda’s CB1000 Hornet SP which, at £9,999 from some dealers (£10,099 from others), is a hell of a lot of bike for not a lot of money.
The new Hornet SP has understated matt and satin black paint fi nishes and contrasting gold wheels (black n’ gold used to be the sign of luxury goods, remember?), and the sort of top-of-the-heap Öhlins suspension and state-of-theart Brembo brakes that you only normally get on mo’cycles priced much higher than it is, and a look and feel that you really don’t usually get on a Japanese motorcycle of this price. It’s fi tted with, and based around, the engine from a 2017-spec FireBlade that’s been reworked to make its peak power and peak torque lower in the rev range cos… well, no one really needs track bike power on our crowded streets these days much as we might want it.
The original ‘Blade made 189bhp (a figure that was only achievable with an aftermarket, and often unreliable, turbocharger back in the day), and revved to the stratosphere, whereas the Hornet SP makes a claimed 155bhp (and 76.7ft-lb of torque), and is much more usable for the common man than an out-and-out sports bike. It’s much more manageable, too, with its ‘proper’ handlebars, foot controls not so far back they dislocate your hips, and a seat which, at 809mm (31.8 inches), sounds high, but is narrow enough, in both seat and tank, to allow even Pam, at 5’2”, to ride it away from Honda in Corby leaving me stuck in the van in full bike gear… bloody woman.
HONDA HORNET 1000 SP
Starting it, there’s a delightfully low growl from the 4-into-1 exhaust (which, admittedly, is pretty hideouslooking), and you immediately feel at home aboard it. As I said, the seat and tank’re narrow, and allow you to get your tootsies down easily and, while the bike isn’t actually terribly light at 212kg, it feels it, and that immediately feels right. That weight means that the bike sits down on the road perfectly and, while the steering’s light, the SP changes direction flawlessly, and the chassis always feels composed and in control, never flighty, even if you give it the berries.
In fact, if you do give it said fruitings, it goes like a motherfu… er, hell. It’s wonderfully grunty low down, yet smooth, too, and its mid-range drive out of corners’ll put a smile on your face almost instantly. Top whack? No idea, and not really that relevant off a track, but I did see a speed that’d’ve defi nitely put me in one of His Majesty’s detention centres for the foreseeable, and there was a fair bit left, too. The ‘Blade-based engine is as aggressive as you want it to be and, at the same time, a
pussycat, too – a friend was impressed that it pottered along quite happily at 30mph in fi fth… although why he was in fi fth at 30mph is something I really can’t comprehend when 30mph on this thing is, really, second. The bike’s quite capable of both day-to-day commuting and holding its own on track-days if you so desire – it’s not quite as focused as a proper sports bike, like an R1, a ZX-10, or a ‘Blade, but you’d be able to really worry the hell out of one on the tighter UK tracks like Cadwell Park or Mallory. Some testers’ve complained about the basicness of the Hornet’s rider aids, but I don’t really see why; there’re three riding modes (Standard, Sport and Rain), and two User modes for those who want to fiddle; three HELMET –ICON ULTRAFLITE DOODLE 3 (WWW. RIDEICON.COM) ARMOUR SHIRT –ICON ARMOUR SHIRT (WWW.RIDEICON. COM)
MR SAMSON’S RIDING APPAREL
engine braking modes; and three levels of switchable traction control (which even in the basic setting allowed this burnout!); ABS that you can turn off if you have both enormous testicles and an over-blown sense of your own braking prowess; a seamless up-and-down quick-shifter; and so much connectivity and feedback through the space-age dashboard, too. It’s all, I have to admit, a little wasted on me cos I just tend to put it in Sport and then, pretty much, ignore everything else cos it doesn’t really interest me that much, but if such things float your boat so be it.
I always worry that I come across as just a bit of a hooligan (although which bit I’m not sure) when I write up these tests because while I do like to go fast when and where I can, actually I tend to ride quite sedately most of the time, and while the SP’s a real giggle when you do give it the beans, it’s also
really easy to use as a normal bike in normal weather conditions. The riding position’s relaxed and roomy, there’s very little in the way of engine vibration, the fi nish is typical Honda quality, and you can get a usefullysized bag on the pillion seat even if you can’t get an actual pillion on there unless they have quite a small bottom. The clock unit’s easy to read, the buttons on the ‘bars’re where you want ‘em, and the seat and range’re comfy enough. It is, as you’d expect, a Hornet, albeit a very fast one, and has a Hornet’s user-friendliness.
And the fact that it’s £10k, while everything else is at least £2k more than that, is a big deal, too. It is, as I said at the beginning of this piece, a hell of a lot of bike for not a lot of money.
A NEW HONDA HORNET CB1000 SP COSTS £10,099 (BUT DEALS CAN BE HAD), AND COMES WITH A TWO-YEAR, UNLIMITED MILEAGE WARRANTY. GET MORE INFO’ OR A TEST-RIDE FROM YOUR LOCAL HONDA DEALER OR WWW.HONDA.CO.UK
NIK
PICS BY SIMON EVERETT
VOL. IX, EPISODE III
LAST TIME I MENTIONED THAT I’D TRY AND HAVE A GO AT TIDYING THE WIRING ON THE SOLAR SET UP? TO AVOID ANY DISAPPOINTMENT, I DIDN’T GET ROUND TO THAT.
1
moving a few things around, though, so my motorcycle workshop now has an accessible ramp for working on motorcycles by the door, and a dedicated area for that purpose (Fig.1).
The tools are up the other end, mind, so not exactly ideal just yet and, due to the up-and-over door, I need to think about a lighting solution as screwing the lights to the ceiling’d mean they were only any good with the door shut. All progress is good progress, though, and it’s feeling more like a workable space, and less like a lot of heavy things crammed into a largish box.
2
Enough about furniture removal and interior design, how drill holes in his guitar but, since it’s not unreasonable to when one
did get around to rearranging benches and Enough about furniture removal and interior design, how has the solar performed? Well initially. Olly wanted to drill holes in his guitar - I’m not exactly sure why he wanted to drill holes in his guitar but, since it’s not unreasonable to describe his day job as being a rocket scientist, when he asked if anyone had a pillar drill with a deep enough throat to do the job, I stuck my hand up and volunteered the drill on the understanding that he was drilling the holes. There was a minor side issue with the drive belt on the pillar drill breaking, but it’s been going to break for at least ten years now, so it wasn’t really a surprise, but it proved a bit tricky to fi nd one on a Saturday afternoon out in the sticks. In the end
I got a new one from a local bearing supplier which turned out to be less aggravation than getting on from a car spares place, since no one wants to go and look at their stock any more, and I was unable to fi nd a registration number on the pillar drill or, indeed, a counter person with a brain that worked. The following weekend we fi red up the relatively large fl oor-standing pillar drill, and Olly drilled numerous holes (Fig.2), while I took the occasional look at how the batteries were doing. Given it was a fairly bright day, I was still pleasantly surprised to see that, once it stopped raining, the solar panels were putting in more to the batteries than the drill was taking out.
With that mission successfully accomplished, the next occasion involved moving things around to try and create some space, which went well, and as a result I had enough room to drag the MIG out and try that. While I didn’t spend a half-hour trying it (Fig.3), it all seemed to go well with the inverter and its leads not emitting any smoke after a few goes. To date then, it all seems to be capable of doing what I want it to do so, perhaps it’s time to take a look at wiring it all up in a bit more detail?
First thing to clarify is the difference between connecting things in parallel and in series. In my case I have two batteries that’re rated at 12.8 volts and 100 amps (ish), and I have them connected in parallel (Fig.4), so the volts stay at
12.8, but the amps add up to give 200. Connected in series (Fig.5), the voltage’d add up and the amps would stay the same, giving 25.6 volts at 100 amps. Either way I’m getting 2,560 watts, as 25.6 volts x 100 amps is 2,560, and 12.8 volts x 200 amps is still 2,560. The difference here is that the cable that connects everything is rated on the amperage, and you need signifi cantly thinner, and thus cheaper, cable for 100 amps than for 200 amps. That said, 24volt LED strips seem dearer than 12volt ones, and you could just double up on the thinner cable with the parallel set up. In my case, irrespective of whether I went with a 12volt set up or a 24volt one, it seemed I was going to need between 400Ah and 600Ah of batteries, and batteries’re the most expensive part of the equation. Since I wasn’t playing with unlimited funds, I opted for 400Ah worth of batteries. My 12volt parallel set up, using two 200Ah batteries, means that I can buy another one and add that in to get 600Ah but, if I had them wired in series, I’d need to buy two more, then wire each pair of batteries into a series-string, then wire the two strings in parallel. If I’d’ve been planning on using 24volt DC to power the inverter, I’d probably’ve opted for four 100Ah batteries, and wired them as two series-strings, which’d then be wired in parallel giving 24volts at 200 amps. That’d mean that if I needed to go to 600Ah, I could buy two more 100Ah batteries, and add another series-string to the parallel-string, which’d give 3 4 5 6
24volts and 600Ah (Fig.6).
When it comes to the solar panels, the same applies. You might recall I bought two new panels from City Plumbing because the price was very competitive, even with used panels, and I pass the shop on the way to the workshop. The panels are rated at around 44 volts, and about 11 amps, giving a little over 500 watts a panel. While I connected the batteries in parallel, I connected the panels in series to give a maximum rated output of 88 volts at 11 amps. Deciding on whether to connect panels in series or parallel
parallel’s probably the best solution. Wired in series, the string of panels’ll perform at the lowest output of an individual panel but, wired in parallel, the outputs add up, and the effect of a shaded, or lower-rated, panel is minimised (Fig.7).
That leaves the solar controller, and the inverter. If your system’s going to be a couple of old lead-acid batteries with a secondhand 100watt panel to run some 12volt LED lights in the shed, then one of the sub £20 PWM (Pulse Width Modulated) controllers from eBay, Amazon or Temu is probably good enough, and you could probably wire in a 12volt powered charger for some power-tool batteries if you weren’t using them a lot? There’re two things about that scenario. Firstly, everyone
is a bit more complicated; it depends on whether your panels’re going to be free from shading by surrounding buildings, whether they’re matched or mismatched, and what your solar controller can cope with. My panels are fl at on the roof, there are no surrounding trees or buildings, and the output in series was within the capabilities of the charger, so I went with wiring them in series because, aside from the smaller, cheaper cables, the higher voltage means the solar charger reaches the threshold where it starts charging sooner in the day. If the panels’re going to be partially shaded during the day, or you’re using an assemblage of secondhand panels, then wiring them in 7 8 9
who claims to know about solar will tell you that it’s a bad idea and you should get some better stuff and, secondly, it’s as cheap as it gets and if you only have a lock-up with no power (and no budget), then it’s a massive improvement over having bugger all. If you’re aiming at getting more than that out of a set up, then an MPPT (Maximum Power Point Tracking) solar controller (Fig.8), and a pure-sine-wave inverter (Fig.9), are the way to go.
If it’s not a pure-sine-wave inverter, it’ll produce ‘lumpy’ AC, and that upsets anything much more complicated than a kettle. If you’ve spent the money for a goodly amount of wattage from the panels, and a decent amount of battery, then an
MPPT solar controller’ll make much better use of them than a PWM controller.
This brings me to wiring it all (Fig.10) and, irrespective of whether you wire them in series or parallel, the panels and the battery’ll only have two wires arriving where it all comes together. Rule number one is mount everything, and think about where the cabling’s going to go when you do it. As well as the solar components, some fusing, some battery isolators, and a couple of bus-bars will make life easier and safer. First thing to do is to connect the batteries together if you’re using more than one. The battery output then gets connected to the solar charger fi rst, with both the cable and the charger
rated for the output of the panels. Solar chargers are usually described as being model 100/40, meaning they’re rated for 100volts and 40amps, so you need to know what your panels’re rated at and how they’re connected (in parallel, the volts stay the same while the amps add up, in series the volts add up and the amps stay the same). I used a 100amp circuit breaker, as opposed to a fuse, on the positive between the battery and the charger, as fi nding a 100amp fuse after five o’clock, or on a weekend, is tricky. After that we mounted a couple of suitably-sized bus-bars, and connected those to the batteries with some 50mm2 cable via a battery isolator on the positive side (Fig.11). The bus-bars were then connected to
the inverter, which has its own circuit breaker built in. The busbars were there so I could tap off the 12volt for the lights and a diesel heater, and disconnect them with the battery isolator. That meant I had a 240volt socket on the inverter, and the lights were working, so all that remained was to programme the solar controller to suit the batteries, and then connect the panels to the solar charger via another battery isolator. (Newer charge controllers are apparently clever enough to work out what they’re charging and adjust themselves to suit.)
Everything is now up and running, but I’ll probably fiddle around a bit more. The 12volt stuff should be fused (I have a fuse box for that), and there’s a 300amp breaker that was to go between the batteries and the inverter, but the bolt posts on it look a little weedy, so I’m looking for an alternative to that, so it’s not completely finished, but it is finished enough.
MR. BRIDGES
WE’VE ALL HEARD THE STORIES ABOUT THE COPPER WHO NICKED HIS OWN GRAN, HAVEN’T WE? EVERY TOWN’S GOT THEIR OWN VERSION, AND NINETYNINE PER CENT OF THEM’RE JUST MYTH AND FANTASY… ALTHOUGH, AS WITH ALL MYTHS AND FANTASIES, THERE’S OFTEN AN UNDERLYING GRAIN OF TRUTH BEHIND THEM.
Ken Roper really was that bastard. It caused quite a stir at the time – a er all, she’d only le her mobility scooter on the double yellows outside the chemist for a few minutes, and when you’re eighty-eight and walk with two sticks, you don’t cover ground as fast as you once did. Unfortunately for Nelly Roper, it turned out that ‘ e law’s the law’ and mitigating circumstances, no matter how compelling, don’t really have any bearing on that –justice must be served whether it be hot, cold or lukewarm. When other kids said they wanted to be a reman, astronaut or pirate when they grew up, Kenneth would say he wanted to be a
policeman. In truth, even back then he was ideally suited –an insecure child, a bully, a telltale, and someone you’d trust marginally less than the distance you were able to throw them, and it was during those early, formative years that him and Moggy rst met.
ere were two months between them, with Moggy the younger. His character was diametrically opposed to that of Ken; neither understood the other, and they quickly developed a mutual and genuine dislike, something the passage of time only solidi ed and reinforced. At sixteen, both le school, perhaps each hoping they’d never see the other again, but the trouble was, when you put a young, high-spirited biker in
the same town as a keen young copper, then it’s inevitable that their two worlds’d collide. Once released from the binds of school, their lives veered o in di erent directions. One wanted to be in the Masons, the other had a couple of pints in there on a Friday a er work. One played golf, the other Motorhead, and one thought he deserved respect because of a badge and uniform, while the other thought that was just bollocks. Although Ken was undoubtedly an out-andout bastard, and maybe even a borderline sociopath, it’d be wrong to suggest that Moggy was any kind of saint. He could be churlish if the mood took him, and his temper short. It was a volatile cocktail when mixed in
the right proportions, and Ken always seemed to be there to witness it or, at least, question the witnesses. Despite his occasional aws though, Moggy was generally quite placid, even pleasant towards most, and those who considered him a friend’d also tell you that he was loyal and trustworthy, but sometimes a bit stupid. Yet it was Moggy who society feared, not Ken, which is a bit like being scared of witches rather than those who burnt them, and it was this perceived and irrational fear that had led Ken to Moggy’s front door on a warm June evening.
“Evening Moggy,” said a smuglooking Ken from the doorstep.
“What do ya want, Roper? Because, whatever it was, I wasn’t there.”
giving the policeman a single inch.
e sickly, sugary smile returned. “We’ve heard that some of your gang’ll be visiting town next weekend …”
Ken smiled a saccharin smile. “Can I come in?”
e corners of Moggy’s mouth li ed. “Not without a warrant you can’t,” he replied, and began to shut the door on his unwelcome visitor when Ken said: “I’m o duty, and on my way home. I just want a quick word.” Moggy was suspicious, but his intrigue won over and he nodded his nemesis inside. e two men walked a few steps down the hallway and into a surprisingly bright, airy and wellappointed kitchen. Moggy turned and lent back against a worktop. Ken began to pull a chair from beneath the table.
Moggy interjected: “Hang on, I’m not in any gang, I’m a member of a motorcycle club and, the last time I checked, there was no law against that so, if that’s it, then I’ll be glad to show you out.”
Ken shook his head. “Look, I’ve just come to give you a nice, friendly warning that there’ll be a sizeable police presence, and we’re going to come down hard on anything and everything.” A warning it may’ve been, but Ken’s tone was anything but friendly and Moggy’d heard more than enough.
“Right, c’mon, out,” he said, and put his hand on Ken’s shoulder.
“Did I say you could sit down?” asked Moggy. e chair remained where it was, and Ken remained standing. “C’mon, what do ya want?” he asked increasingly impatiently, now starting to regret
“Hey, get o or I’ll have you for assaulting an o cer.” His words were wasted – the hand on his shoulder gripped harder, and Moggy began to spin him round towards the door.
“Don’t be stupid, just get out,” he said but, rather than heed Moggy’s words and leave without further incident, Ken reached for his baton and, in an instant, the situation escalated to a level far beyond what either could’ve imagined. By the time the baton’d cleared its sheath, Moggy’s forehead had somewhat unfortunately reached Ken’s face. He staggered for a second before concertinaing on to the kitchen oor, his fall only broken by his head hitting the kitchen table. As the red mist li ed from Moggy’s eyes, his foreseeable future came into sharp focus. e pile of dark blacky-blue on the
oor represented ve years if he was lucky or, perhaps, as much as twenty if he was less fortunate. ‘Shit.’ He didn’t say the word, but inside his skull it was deafening, and began to repeat over and over. He bent down and placed his ear next to Ken’s nose – still breathing. A tiny amount of relief entered his head to dilute the panic because, as much as he’d lose no sleep over the policeman’s passing, a dead copper in your kitchen isn’t generally considered a good thing. He tried to think as best he could under the circumstances, which led him to nd a roll of Ga a tape and two cable ties in the bottom drawer next to the sink. He knew that, no matter what, he couldn’t let Ken go, and while the ties’d prevent him from walking away, the tape’d prevent him from shouting about it either.
He stood and thought while Ken lay and groaned – mostly through his nose. His phone sat on the worktop. He picked it up and began to scroll through his list of contacts. He li ed it to his ear, and listened to it ringing before he heard: “Right Moggy, what’s up?” As much as he didn’t really want to involve anyone else in his current crisis, Moggy gured he had little choice, and Si was likely his best option.
“Where are you, Si?” he asked, hoping he wasn’t too far away.
“I’m in Tesco, kid, why?” ere wasn’t a hope in hell that he was going to explain over the phone, so just asked: “Can you pop round once you’ve paid for yer sugar pu s? I could do with a hand wit’ summat,” while trying
to avoid any hint of urgency or seriousness.
“I’ll see you in een, kid.”
Fourteen minutes and twentynine seconds later, Moggy heard the unmistakable o -beat rumble of a large V-twin desperately in need of a service. Potato, potato, potato echoed o the side of the house for a few seconds, then stopped. He watched the handle of the back door lower, the white PVC swing open, and the imposing gure of Si entered through the newly-formed gap. One second, two seconds, three seconds. “Kin hell, Moggy, what have you done?” he said, staring down at a crumpled and slightly bloody Ken.
get here?” Si asked, li ing a mug from the worktop.
“Dunno,” said Moggy with a shrug, “he just arrived at the front door.”
Si tried again. “What’s he drive?”
Simon was thirty years Moggy’s senior, and he’d spent the last forty within the embrace of his beloved club. He’d seen and done most things in that time, some good, some bad, but this was something quite new. Moggy did his best to explain while Si listened. “Do us a brew while I think, kid.” Moggy did as asked but, as he was spooning co ee into two cups, he motioned for Si to join him.
“We’re gonna have to kill him,” he said in too loud a whisper. Ken began to wriggle with extra urgency.
For obvious reasons, Moggy knew the answer to that straightaway. “A dark blue Vee Dub camper.”
Si thought that sounded like the perfect vehicle. “Well, nd his keys an’ go an’ get it, and park it up the side of the house.”
Moggy rummaged about in Ken’s pockets until a small bunch of keys were located and, with them safely in his own pocket, le the house via the back door. Si crouched down beside Ken and unhooked a pair of cu s from his belt. “We’re goin’ for a bit of a drive, kid,” he told him, “and I promise it’ll be a night you’ll never forget, no matter how hard you try,” then winked at him with a cold, steely-blue eye.
Si slapped him round the back of the head with a big hand. “Get that notion right outta your head, lad. Whatever we are, we’re certainly not cop killers,” he said, and slapped the back of his head again just to make sure his message’d been received and understood. Ken’s frantic wriggling subsided. “How did he
before replacing the one on his wrists with the cu s, then Si took a stripy tea towel from the oven door and draped it over Ken’s head. “Right Mog, shove him in the back an’ get in alongside him,” then added, “Have you got yer phone?”
Moggy reappeared a few minutes later, and came back in the way he’d le . “Got it?” Si asked.
“Yeah, it’s a 2.5TD with a sixspeed ’box, nice it is.”
Si shook his head. “Lovely,” he said sarcastically before telling Moggy: “Anyway, come on an’ get him up o the oor.” A shaky Ken was manhandled on to his feet.
“Now what?”
Si passed him the cu s. “Cut them ties o and put them on – hands behind his back again though, and leave the tape on his face.” Moggy produced a small, but vicious-looking knife from his pocket and cut the black ties
Moggy nodded. “Yeah,” he replied as he began to push a reluctant Ken out through the back door. Si’s eyes darted around the kitchen and fell upon a fruit bowl above the fridge. He walked over and ri ed through the contents. ‘ at’ll do,’ he thought, and pulled out a wrinkled satsuma, or was it a tangerine? He gured it wouldn’t matter either way and popped it into his pocket. In some ways he was Moggy’s mentor and Moggy trusted him implicitly, so he never thought to question his plan or intentions… although that didn’t prevent him from being a little bemused when they pulled into a dark corner of a forestry car park an hour or so later. From what Moggy could see there seemed to be ve or six cars dotted about, and perhaps a few more people than you might have expected.
Si looked over his shoulder from the driver’s seat. “You stop here, I’m going over to have a word with Irene, but I’ll be back,” and, with that, he climbed out of the van and began to walk towards two cars parked thirty yards across the gravel.
Si’d known Irene for more than two decades. In years gone by she’d been an exotic dancer and performed at numerous club functions and, although those
days were past, she still enjoyed the company of men and pursued her interests at a few quiet and select car parks on weekday evenings between nine and eleven. ankfully, she was taking a break from her activities when Si approached.
“Hello stranger,” she said, genuinely surprised and smiling up at him from where she sat in the front passenger seat. Si explained that they had a lad with them who’d soon be o overseas so they wanted to give him a good send-o . He told her that their friend was a bit shy, but also had a few unusual kinks. at seemed to pique her interest, and he sweetened things further by telling her there was a few quid in it, too.
remained rmly inside.
“I see what you mean, he does look a bit kinky,” said Irene while rubbing her hands together in anticipation.
She stood up and shouted across to the nearby car: “Julie, come here!” Julie duly appeared. She was a large lady who seemed to be wearing very little clothing, but what she did have on looked to be a couple of sizes too small.
“Ooh you’re handsome,” she said with a giggle, “they call me Big Julie.”
Si looked her up and down from her black heels to her bleachedblonde hair. “I bet they do,” he said. e two women followed him back across the car park.
As the pair of middle-aged hyenas climbed aboard, Si pulled Moggy to one side. “Right, get yer phone out and video all this – I wanna see plenty of his face, and say nothing.”
I don’t believe there’s any need to detail the next een minutes, but I will say that both Si and Moggy winched noticeably when they saw Julie moisten a fat, sausage-sized nger at nine minutes twenty seconds. Proceedings eventually drew to a shuddering (anti?)-climax and, as the pair disembarked the love van, Si handed them both a couple of twenty pound notes. “ ere you go, ladies, that should buy a few wet-wipes,” he said, not even knowing himself whether he was joking or not.
He pulled the side door of the camper open, leaned forward, and ripped the tape from Ken’s mouth but, before he could utter a coherent word, Si stu ed the satsuma in there (or was it a tangerine?), and suggested that Moggy might like to join him on the outside while the two women peered at their prey which
Si told him to park by the side of the road. Moggy turned the engine o and walked round the front of the van to wait on the pavement. Seconds later the side door slid open and Si, too, climbed out but, as he did, he turned to an ashen Ken and clari ed his position one nal time. “I assume we understand each other, Kenneth?” Ken didn’t look up, but he did nod. “Good lad, now remember, there’re three copies of this, and you don’t know where the third one is, so make sure nothing bad happens to me or him,” he said before nally standing up straight and pulling the door shut.
Moggy drove home, and although the miles were uneventful, they were amusing. Si sat in the back with Ken and played him the video – twice. Amongst the “Oohs,” “Ahhs,” and occasional whimpers, he explained how tonight’d never happened – how Ken’d simply nished work, decided to go for a drive on a lovely summer’s evening and, unfortunately, had tripped and banged his head. Despite now having the ability to move and speak, Ken sat quietly and maintained his right to remain silent, something Si attributed to shock. When they were half-a-mile from Moggy’s,
e two of them began to walk. “Well, that was fun,” said Moggy. e words stopped Si dead in his tracks, and he turned to stare. “No, it ’kin wasn’t – it was a bloody near miss, and way too close for comfort… and, by the way, you owe me eighty quid,” he told him in a manner that shut Moggy up for the next couple of minutes. It couldn’t last though, and Moggy quickly resumed the conversation somewhere close to where he’d le o .
“You’ve gotta admit, Si, there were a few funny bits.” His companion said nothing and simply kept walking. “C’mon,” said Moggy, “you can’t tell me all that back there didn’t put ya in mind o’ that song?”
Si thought for a second, then once again stopped and shook his head. “No, Mog, that were Eileen.” NORM
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The funeral of Stephen Osborn, better known to many of us as Creature, or Mr Creature, was held on Friday, 6 February at 3pm at the South Lincolnshire Crematorium. Mr C (I can’t call him Stephen – he was always Creature as long as I knew him) passed away in January after a long illness, but will always be remembered fondly by a whole host of people, both organisers of and attendees of the various NABD
(National Association for Bikers with a Disability) Rally, and the host of others he DJ’d for, too. He was a tireless campaigner for the NABD, an organisation always dear to his heart, and one of the rally scene’s true characters, faces if you will, and’ll be missed by many.
All of us here at BSH would like to offer our sincerest condolences to Lynne and the rest of the family. RIP Mr C.
CCW CUSTOM SHOW & AUTOJUMBLE
Chopper Club Wales (CCW) would like you to know about their annual custom show and autojumble that they run each year. This year it’s just a few days (well, weeks) after this very issue comes out, on 28 March.
It’s being held at the clubhouse just off the B4283 Water Street, just outside Margam (just outside Port Talbot – SA13 2PA), which’s actually visible from the M4 (!), and is a combined bike show and autojumble, and’s always a good day with lots of bikes and lots of bargains on the many autojumble stands (so take cash!).
MR CREATURE RIP PAUL SAMPLE RIP
MOTOR MUSEUM
It opens at noon (vendors there by 11am please), and the prizegiving’s at 3pm, and you can get a pitch or more info’ from Soggy on 07452 727227, Eddy on 07456 284948, or Gerbil on 07790 685340, or off Facebook.
On a similarly sad note, Paul Sample, the creator and artist of the legendary Ogri, passed away in January. Ogri was, for many, an inspirational part of many of our lives growing up – the cartoon ran in Bike from 1972 to 2009, and in BSH until 2013, and the stories, and the detail in them, were legendary. Paul created a host of characters (Armageddon, his bike; Mitzi, his girl; Malcolm, his hapless best mate; and Kickstart, his dog, to name but a few) to accompany our winged helmet hero in his adventures, and many of us had an Ogri t-shirt or patch on our jackets. Paul himself was given honourary member status by the Ogri MCC – a club he both endorsed and was proud of.
Again, all of us here at BSH would like to offer our sincerest condolences to his family. RIP Paul.
BIKE4LIFE 2026
Following the success of this year’s Ride Out & Festival, tickets’re now on sale for Midlands Air Ambulance Charity’s highly anticipated Bike4Life 2026 on 17 May. The annual Ride Out’ll once again set off from Meole Brace, Shrewsbury (Shropshire), before making its way along the M54 to the festival grounds at Weston Park in Shifnal. Since its inception in 2010, it’s raised more than £950,000 to support the charity’s lifesaving missions and, as Midlands Air Ambulance Charity’s marking its 35th anniversary this year, Bike4Life 2026’s set to be the biggest and most memorable yet, no doubt smashing the landmark milestone of £1 million raised in total.
Due to its popularity, the charity’s encouraging supporters to book their tickets early to avoid missing out – get yours now from www.bike4lifefest.com
HEALTH BENEFITS OF BIKING SURVEY
If you have fi fteen, as in 1-5, minutes to spare, perhaps you can help the Brighton & Sussex Medical School with their research survey entitled ‘Riding Towards Successful Ageing: Investigating the Health Benefi ts of Motorcycling’.
It aims to explore whether riding a motorcycle can support brain health and resilience in later life (cyclists’ll also be included, for comparison purposes, because cycling’s an activity that already has established health benefits), because motorcycling (and cycling) requires quick thinking, balance and spatial awareness, which may strengthen critical cognitive skills over time. They aim to compare these changes through this questionnaire, which’ll ask about lifestyle, hobbies and life experiences, the findings of which could help identify new ways to support cognitive resilience and successful ageing (i.e. dementia, etc.)
To fi nd out more, and complete the questionnaire, go to http://bit.ly/4brkptl or scan the QR code here. You could even win one of three £50 Amazon vouchers!
FAT SKELETON WINNER!
This is Chris Keast, the lucky winner of £500 of gear of his choice from Fat Skeleton in the competition they so kindly ran in issue 500. Bet his postie loved him for that – can you imagine the poor bugger staggering up to his door, weighed down by all that kit?
As well as that, another twenty BSH readers each won one of their very cool Stealth Fighter modular full and openface helmets (each worth £99.99), a further ten a pair of their Reactive Rider Eyewear (£69.99), and a further eighty (yes, 80) £15 gift cards to spend on the Fat Skeleton website – that’s a grand total of just under £4,000 of goodies, just for being a BSH reader and taking 30 seconds to enter the competition. Huge thanks to Paul at Fat Skeleton for his generosity!
If you’d like to see the whole range of Fat Skeleton swag in person, they’re having their Big Warehouse Open Day on Saturday, 2 May, and this year they’re being joined by local brewery Lincoln Green Brewing to put on a Lincoln Green Beer Festival, too. Paul says: “As you’ll struggle to get all your Fat Skeleton goodies on your bike, sort out a designated driver, and come and enjoy some quality real ale as well!”
The address for the day is Fat Skeleton, Unit E1, Imex Enterprise Park, Wigwam Ln, Hucknall, Notts (NG15 7SZ), and you can get more info’, or see the whole range online, at www.fatskeleton.co.uk
WEBSITE: WWW.BACKSTREET HEROES.COM ENQUIRIES AND BACK ISSUES: 01507 529529 24hr answerphone ARCHIVE ENQUIRIES: JANE SKAYMAN jane.skayman@kelsey. co.uk
MT LE MANS 2
OPENFACED HELMETS
These bargain open-face helmets come in a range of designs, conform to ECE 22.06 certification, and’re very lightweight (just 1,100 grams, just over a kilo) and comfortable. They have hypoallergenic/removable/ washable liners, retro-style detailing (imitation leather inserts and finishes), an integrated sun visor with pull-down tab, and micrometric closure with double-tooth retention.
ACCOSSATO RADIAL BRAKE CALIPERS
These new radial brake calipers, made from billet alloy in two parts, are designed with the most advanced technology, using the best materials on the market, and’re CAD-designed for light weight, rigidity of body, and best heat loss capacity throughout, and five-axis CNC-machined. They’re 108mm centre-to-centre between mounting bolt holes (adaptor brackets‘re available), and’re supplied with sintered brake pads (Accossato recommends using DOT 4 brake fluid).
They fi t all models 2001 to present (consult your dealer for your specific model), and’re available as either nickelplated or anodised (black, red, blue or gold), and you can get them from anywhere that stocks the Zodiac range or wwww.zodiac.nl
They’re available
huge range of fi nishes, and in size XS to XXL, and prices start at just £79.99. Get yours from anywhere that stocks the MT Helmets range – go to oxfordproducts.com for more info’ or to fi nd your nearest stockist.
ACCOSSATO FLOATING BRAKE DISCS
These floating brake discs, designed to offer maximum performance, safety, and braking control’re made from high-quality materials with precision machining, and’re available in stock diameter, and larger, too (increasing the disc diameter means greater braking force using the same lever pressure), and in round or wavy patterns, and come with black centres.
maximum performance, safety, machining, and’re available in stock disc
Just about the best winter gloves I’ve had in years, these new Starkers from Furygan are reinforced with D30’s lightweight and flexible armour in the knuckles and fingers, 37.5’s amazing mineral-based insulation (derived in part from natural volcanic minerals and often referred to as volcanic sand, and activated carbon from coconut shells… honestly!), and Primaloft’s wonderfully soft internal material, and even in the heaviest of downpours’ve kept my hands dry and warm. (Don’t get your hands wet before trying to put them on, though,
cos the fabric then sticks to your skin and so bunches up in the fingers!)
The palms’re reinforced, and the outer’s a mix of leather and textiles, but they’re still light and flexible, and comfortable to wear, and I’ll be wearing them for another few months yet, definitely, and then packing them away safely for next winter. Available in black with white detailing that’s actually a lot less obtrusive than it looks in the picture, they cost £99.99, but’re available for as little as £67.99 if you shop around, and you can get them from anywhere that stocks the Furygan range – go to www.furygan.com to find your local stockist or for more information.
They fi t XL Sportsters 2000-2022, Touring 2000-present, Dynas 2000-2017, Softails 2000-present, 2007 VRSCX V-Rods, 2008-2010 VRSCAW V-Rods, FLHR & FLHRC Road Kings 2008 to present, and LiveWire 2020 to present (consult your dealer for exact years and fi tments), and you can get them from anywhere that stocks the Zodiac range or wwww.zodiac.nl
ROADSKIN SPENCER
AAA-RATED SINGLE-LAYER MOTORCYCLE JEANS
Roadskin’ve just launched their new Spencer motorcycle jeans – their groundbreaking single-layer denim jeans engineered to deliver the highest level (AAA-rated) protection without sacrificing style or comfort. They’re constructed from a premium, single-layer fabric that offers exceptional abrasion resistance, and eliminates the need for bulky, separate linings, so they feel like a normal pair of off-the-shelf nonbiking jeans.
They’re fi tted with state-of-theart Level 2 Rheon armour in the hips and knees, which is lightweight and fl exible, but hardens on impact, offering top-quality protection, and have a classic straight leg cut, slightly tapered towards a slim fi t, and’re available in a blue wash with a subtle fade. Every detail, from the high-quality stitching to the comfortable mesh pockets for the armour, has been thoughtfully considered to meet the demands of modern motorcyclists, and be as ‘normal’ to wear as possible.
Available in three different leg lengths (30/32/34-inch), and waist sizes 30-42-inch, they cost £219.99 from Roadskin and Roadskin only at www.roadskin.co.uk or any of their stands at events throughout the year.
AVON COBRA CHROME WHITEWALLS
Having been taken over by Goodyear, Avon’s tyre range as a whole has been, or is in the process of being, uprated, and their Cobra Chrome cruiser tyres has been revamped, and a new batch of whitewall options created.
Fronts’re available in 16-inch (MT90 B 16, 150 80 16), 19-inch (100/90 19), and 21-inch (MH90 21 or 120/70 21), while rears’re available in 15inch (170/80 B 15) and 16-inch (MT90 B 16, MU 85 B 16, 140/90 B16, 150/80 B 16, 150/80 R 16, 180/65 B 16, 180/70 R 16, or 150/80 B 16).
FURYGAN LIVIO X KEVLAR HOOD
These new hoodies from Furygan combine style with serious protection. Beneath its laid-back, streetwear appearance, it’s reinforced with Kevlar fibres, and equipped with lightweight D3O impact protection in the elbows and shoulders, and is certified to AA-rated level.
As well as that, it has a padded Furygan Skin Protect lining for comfort and thermal lining, and a cotton/polyester/ polyamide blend outer shell, four practical pockets, and a relaxed fit, making it ideal both on and off the bike, and with its combination of urban style, Kevlar strength, and D3O protection, the Livio X Kevlar proves that you can be safe and look effortlessly cool.
Available with either orange or white detailing, it costs £169.99 from anywhere that stocks the Furygan range – go to www.furygan.com to find your local stockist or for more information.
OXFORD EYE PROTECTION
coverage for both UV-A and UV-B protection, and meet the ISO 12312-2 international eyewear safety standard.
Available in a huge range of styles and frame n’ lens fi nishes, prices start at just £24.99 (for dedicated motorcycle sunglasses!) – go to www.oxfordproducts. for more info’ or to fi nd your
A little early for spring perhaps, but we can but hope, can’t we? There’s a style for everyone in Oxford’s selection of protective sport glasses and sunglasses. Each pair comes with impact and scratch-resistant polycarbonate lenses to protect your eyes from wind, dust and fl ying beasties, rubberised nose pads and arm-tips for a comfortable and secure fi t, and oversized lenses for maximum
soon as possible – watch this space for details. and oversized lenses for maximum
There’s also a vast range of blackwall (y’know, normal) Cobra Chrome tyres, too, and the revamped classic Safety Mileage MKII and Speedmaster MKIIs will also be available as soon as possible – watch this space for details. Go to the Avon website at www.avontyres. com for more details. – go to for more info’ or to fi nd your
NEED TO AGREE, OR EVEN DISAGREE, WITH SOMETHING YOU’VE SEEN IN THE MAG? HEARD A BLOODY AWFUL JOKE YOU THINK WE SHOULD GROAN AT? EMAIL BACKSTREETHEROESMAG@HOTMAIL.COM OR SEND IT SNAILMAIL TO THE ADDRESS SOMEWHERE IN THE MAG!
The best letter each month wins a BSH tee-shirt
DEAR BSH,
I have been perusing your magnificent organ since its inception and, in all that time, neither myself or, indeed, any of my home-built chopped motorcycles has appeared in its illustrious pages. Imagine my delight, then, when I saw that a photo of my latest Ironhead Sportster was amid the coverage of the Wild South West Rally in your last issue! It should be no surprise to know that I was distinctly chuffed!
But imagine my dismay when I read the article and found that, although my bike’d been awarded the honour of ‘Best Custom’, your contributor couldn’t remember which bike it actually was! This was the fi rst time in over 40 years of building bikes to my taste that I’d ever entered one in a custom show. Having been emboldened by the amount of people asking me if it was okay to take a photo or two of the bike, I entered it. However, the crowning turd on the woodpile was that, to my complete disgust, your contributor’d also misspelt my name! It’s not WinSLIP, it’s WinSHIP. If you could possibly redress these absolute howlers in a future issue, it’d be most gratifying, and it’ll, hopefully, help to stop the piss-taking I’ve had since from
mates who’ve seen the article.
Despite my (faux) disappointment (I actually saw the funny side, honest – if whoever wrote the article was in a similar state as we were that weekend they were lucky to remember anything), it was an excellent write-up of an excellent rally held for a very good cause, run by a great bunch of people, that I’ll be attending again this year. Oh, and if anyone’s remotely interested in which bike is mine after reading my rambling diatribe above, it’s the yellow n’ black striped 1973 XLCH Sportster pictured hereabouts.
WAYNE WINSHIP
I shall slap the back of John’s legs the next time I see him… sorry! A thought does occur though – if you’ve been building bikes for 40 years, but never entered them in custom shows, that’s probably the reason they’ve not appeared in the mag’ perhaps?
DEAR BSH,
Night race. My home is the window, my face hidden from the sun. I rise and fall as shadows on a highway, repeating, chasing nothing until I’m done. I leave when I see the cusp of the horizon. Like an echo of the night. I howl on by. Chasing shadows as they rise and fall into the road. Into black. I follow. Night race. Stay restless, stay awake, chewing the grit on the road. Trees stood still, stood silent. Spectre spectators. Sway left, sway right, I can’t say with tired eyes. Chase the shadows, chase the lines, chase the night. How far can I race?
Which spectator will be my reaper? My blade is fast and sharp, burning a flashing cross in my mind’s eye. Night race, no light, live for the race, die for the race. Crossroad bastard. Stood out there! Drifting between lanes, staring at signs. I take a deep breath, and high side fade on to the exit. Too much, enough. But I’ll meet you again, on the road.
JAMES LINNELL
DEAR BSH,
I enjoyed issue 500, a real landmark. I entered the Fat Skeleton draw, and then forgot about it but, in mid January, Paul contacted me to say I’d won a helmet! Nice way to start the year – just need it to stop raining!
WYN
Stop raining?!? You’re optimistic, aren’t you? It’s been so wet this winter I’m not entirely sure if I’ve developed mildew or gills...
DEAR BSH,
I’m enjoying the new page by Andy Sparrow, but am especially impressed by any cartoonist who manages to squeeze a Manet joke into their strip.
DASH
He’s a clever bugger, isn’t he?
DEAR BSH,
I’ve been stitched up by the Government and the training establishments. Having ridden for over 30 years I now, under new legislation to be introduced, will no longer be able to trundle around on my 125, after redoing my CBT every two years, because it’ll no longer be possible to renew it as the young and the old, like myself, have been having to do in order to remain on our 125s – instead we’re being forced to progress towards a full licence.
At 62 I feel no need to obtain a full licence to enable me to ride a bigger bike as I, and many older 125 riders, have no desire to ride anything bigger, but now I find I may have to part with my bike or face a forced progression to something I’ll never use (not to mention the costs involved with said forced progression).
It seems the Establishments (plural) have no consideration for older folk, or riders who simply want to commute on cheaper, smaller machines – I’m convinced it’ll see the decline in sales of new learner-legal machines as shelling out over three grand for something you’ll only be able to use for two years’ll have a devastating impact on sales of new machines.
CRAIG BOWERING
Another example of, as Mr B said on the MAG page a wee while ago, the uninformed, no matter how well intentioned, interfering in riders’ lives, sadly…
DEAR BSH,
I developed blurred vision one Wednesday. As a rufty-tufty biker, I thought I’d leave it a couple of days, and it’d heal up by itself. Come Saturday, it was no different, so I went to the eye infirmary.
“You have a partially detached, and torn, retina – you’ll have to have laser surgery because, if it detaches completely, you’ll be buggered.”
“Oh, okay, when? Is it urgent?”
“Yes, now!”
So, basically, I’m urging… no, begging, everyone. Any problems with your eyes, don’t procrastinate – get it sorted, immediately! My bike’s a large part of my life, and I love it, and I’m too young (I’m only 66) to not be able to ride it. The surgery? Well, even as a devout coward,
it didn’t really hurt that much, so I didn’t embarrass myself screaming. And, luckily, now that I can focus, I don’t manage to pee on my feet.
MARTIN, SUNNY (BUT TOO BRIGHT – OH, ME EYES) DEVON
DEAR BSH,
Issue 503 March, Rick Hulse’s The Wind of Change; I’ve never been a drinker or smoker, in fact back in my ‘70s rally days, it was the norm to fight your way through a fog of smoke to find the bar in a pub. I preferred just to get merry, myself, not plastered, and still enjoy the event. My mates’d be legless, beyond control, appearing to be having fun, but were they? The next morning I’d be clear-headed, happily cooking a fry-up for breakfast, getting envious looks from them as they stood in their piss-soaked jeans or ladling vomit from their helmets.
I suppose this drinking indulgence, for some of them, carried on through their lives, evolving into obese specimens with their heads morphing into their bodies as their necks disappear (a former husband of my stepdaughter was a prime example of this).
Then, in time, due to severe medical problems, they’re in hospital taking up a valuable bed all because of their lack of discipline/willpower.
So, very well done, Rick – you were told you had Porky Pig Liver Syndrome, and you did something about it. You had the willpower to pack the booze in, and stay off it, and well done to the missus as well – you’re both prime examples to all those wingding fatties out there who blame everything except themselves for looking like Jabba the Hut from Star Wars. I’ve never had an alcohol or smoking addiction, but I can, sort of, understand this predicament as, after every meal, I crave something sweet to eat. I bet you both feel better for it now you’re tucking into that lovely ‘fart food’, and playing ‘Dutch ovens’ in bed.
Luckily, at the age of 67, l’m still only bordering 10 stone, and always’ve been, and can eat what I like – a horse-riding neighbour of mine once commented to
me about how thin I looked. I wonder, if I was fat, would she’ve commented on my size?
Anyway, once again, well done you two, keep it up.
STEVE WARREN
DEAR BSH,
I entered the competition in the 500th issue and was fortunate enough to win a runners-up prize of a Stealth Modular Helmet. It arrived in the post today from Fat Skeleton, and is great. It’s the first modular helmet I’ve ever had, and will get used over the next few years definitely! Can you please pass on my thanks to Fat Skeleton and everyone at BSH?
Keep up the great work on the magazine!
RAY DOUGLAS
KEMPTON PARK, MIDDLESEX, TW16 5AQ kemptonautojumble.co.uk
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MARCH
5 March: Krazy Horse Cinema Night at the Abbeygate Cinema, Hatter Street, Bury St Edmunds, Suffolk (IP33 1LZ) at 7.30pm. More info’ from 01284 749645 or www.krazyhorse. co.ukSainsbury’s
6 March: Chopper Club Notts’ Public Social Night at The Slammer, Unit 5, Belle Eau Park, Bilsthorpe, Notts (NG22 8TX). More info’ from Facebook.
7 March: Walden Bikers Winter Meet at The Old Kiora Café, London Road, Newport, Essex. More info’ from Facebook.
7 March: Huggy’s Speedshop’s Autojumble at Huggy’s Speedshop, Church Rd, Kirkby Mallory, Leics (LE9 7QE). Free entry. More info’ from 01827 712906 or www. huggysspeedshop.co.uk
7-8 March: Scottish Motorcycle Show at the Royal Highland Centre, Ingliston Rd, Ingliston, Newbridge, Edinburgh (EH28 8NB). More info’ from www. thescottishmotorcycleshow.com
8 March: Mablethorpe Sand Racing at Mablethorpe Beach, Mablethorpe, Lincs (LN12 1RG). More info’ from www. mablethorpesandracing.co.uk
22 March: Sunbeam MCC’s Pioneer Run from Tattenham Corner Station, Tattenham Crescent, Epsom, Surrey (KT18 5QD). More info’ from www. sunbeam-mcc.co.uk
22 March: Whitstable Toy Run from Warwick Road, Tankerton, Whitstable, Kent (CT5 1HX) at noon. More info’ from Facebook.
22 March: Roughley’s Egg Run from Tesco Extra, Tiviot Way, Stockport (SK1 2BT) at 9am. More info’ from Facebook.
28 March: VMCC Somerset Autojumble at Winchester Farm, Draycott Rd, Cheddar, Somerset (BS27 3RP). More info’ from Facebook.
28 March: Ladies Night at Macpherson Motorcycles, Eagle Rd, Plympton, Plymouth (PL7 5JY) from 6pm. More info’ from Facebook.
28 March: Chopper Club Wales Autojumble & Custom Show at the South Wales clubhouse, Water St, Margam, South Wales (SA13 2PA. Autojumble pitches/ info’ from 07452 727227 or Facebook.
28 March: Old Boot Bikers’ Burgers & Bikes at The George & Dragon, High St, Watton at Stone, Herts (SG14 3TA). Free entry. More info’ from Facebook.
4SS). More info’ from www. straightliners.events
29 March: Newbury American Autojumble at Woodside Farm, Priors Court Road, Hermitage, Berks (RG18 9JU). Pitches £10, entry £5. More info’ from Facebook.
29 March: Squire’s Egg Run from Squire’s Café, Newthorpe Lane, Newthorpe, N. Yorks (LS25 5LX) at 8.30am. More info’ from www.squires-cafe.co.uk or Facebook.
APRIL
1 April: Lincolnshire Bike Night at The Fox Inn, Front St, Ulceby, Lincs (DN39 6SY). More info’ from Facebook.
3 April: Thames Vale Vultures’ Berkshire Egg Run from Stadium Way Industrial Estate, Scours End Lane, Reading, Berks (RG30 6BX) at 11.30am. More info’ from www.tvvultures.co.uk
3 April: Sir John Falstaff Bike Show at The Sir John Falstaff, Gravesend Rd, Higham, Kent (ME3 7DZ). More info’ from Facebook.
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8 March: Veloce Club’s LadiesOnly Ride-Out from The Veloce Club, 5 Bury Mead Rd, Hitchin, Herts (SG5 1RT) at 10.30am. More info’ from www.veloceclub. co.uk
8 March: Brass Monkey Run from The Victoria Bikers’ Pub, Whitwick Rd, Coalville, Leics (LE67 3FA) at noon. More info’ from 01530 814718 or www. vicbikerspub.co.uk
21 March: Mad March Hare Motorcycle Run from the Haynes Motor Museum, Sparkford, Yeovil, Somerset (BA22 7LH) at 9am. Tickets £6. More info’ from 07450 253509 or mj.clark@hotmail.com
21 March: Bideford Bike Show’s Bunnies on Bikes Easter Egg Run from the Bideford Quay Car Park at 10am. More info’ from www.bidefordbikeshow.org
28 March: BACA (Bikers Against Child Abuse) Banham Barrel Fundraiser at The Banham Barrel, T he Appleyard, Kenninghall Rd, Banham, Norfolk (NR16 2HE). More info’ from www.bacaworld.org
28 March: Barrel Bikers MCC’s Easter Run from Wolverton House, Stratford Rd, Wolverton, Milton Keynes, Bucks (MK12 5NZ) at 11am. More info’ from www.barrelbikers.co.uk or Facebook.
28 March: Birthday Bash at Guildford H-D, Weyvern Place Weyvern Park, Old Portsmouth Rd, Peasmarsh (GU3 1NA). More info’ from www.lind.co.uk
3 April: Chopper Club Notts’ Public Social Night at The Slammer, Unit 5, Belle Eau Park, Bilsthorpe, Notts (NG22 8TX). More info’ from Facebook.
3-6 April: Velocity Vintage Drags at Manston Raceway, Manston Airfi eld, Spitfi re Way, Manston, Kent (CT12 5TE. More info’ from www. velocityvintagedrags.racing
4 April: Walden Bikers Winter Meet at The Old Kiora Café, London Road, Newport, Essex. More info’ from Facebook.
4 April: DocBike Sussex’s Fundraising Ride from the Ceasefi re Café, Yapton Rd, Ford, W. Sussex (BN18 0HR) at 9am. More info’ from www.docbike. org or Facebook.
4 April: Easter Bike Show at PML Motorcycles, Woodland Park Ind Est, Shortthorn Rd, near Hevingham, Norfolk (NR10 5NU). More info’ from 01603 754613 or www.pmlmotorcycles.com
21 March: Cedar School Easter Egg Ride from the Lakeside Café, Wide Ln, Eastleigh, Hants (SO50 5PE) at 9am. More info’ from Facebook.
29 March: Elk Promotions’ Classic Bike Show & Autojumble at the South of England Showground, Selsfi eld Rd, Ardingly, W. Sussex (RH17 6T). More info’ from www. elkpromotions.co.uk
29 March: Spring Shakedown at Melbourne Raceway, Ash Ln, Melbourne, Yorks (YO42
4 April: Brecon Classic Motorcycle Show at The Market Hall, Market St, Brecon, Powys (LD3 9DA). Free entry. More info’ from 07779 012019 or breconmcshow@gmail.com
5 April: Mods & Rockers at Revved Up, High St, Waltonon-the-Naze, Essex (CO14 8AT. More info’ from Facebook.
5 April: Grumpy’s Pre-’65 Classics & Motorcycle Bash at Grumpy Bastard Motorcycles, Canal Street, Longport, Stokeon-Trent (ST6 4LU). Free entry. More info’ from Facebook.
5 April: DocBike Easter Egg Run from The Churchill Arms, Daggons Rd, Alderholt, Dorset (SP6 3AA) at 11am. More info’ from www. docbike.org or Facebook.
6 April: Elk Promotions’ Classic Bike Show & Autojumble at the Ashford Livestock Market, Orbital Park, Ashford, Kent (TN24 0HB). More info’ from www.elkpromotions.co.uk
6 April: Red Marley Hill Climb at Great Witley, Worcs (WR6 6JJ). More info’ from www. redmarleyhillclimb.co.uk
8 April: Lincolnshire Bike Night at The Cross Keys, Brigg Rd, Grasby, Lincs (DN38 6AQ). More info’ from Facebook.
9 April: Armadillo Customs’ Bike Night at Armadillo Customs, Blake House Craft Centre, Blake End, Essex (CM77 6RA). More info’ from 01371 879699 or www. armadillocustoms.co.uk
10-12 April: Matt Black Rat Spring Meet at Castle Cary RFC, Brook House Field, off Station Road, Castle Cary, Somerset (BA7 7PF). Tickets £20. More info’ from Facebook.
10-12 April: Unwanted MCC’s Ride-In Weekend at Marstons Sports & Social Club, Shobnall Rd, Burton-on-Trent, Staffs (DE14 2BG). Tickets £10 prebook or £15 on gate. More info’ from www. unwantedmcc.co.uk
10-12 April: Oddballs’ unFrozen Balls Up Rally at a site in Sleap, near Wem, Shrops (SY4 3HE). Tickets £25 prebook. More info’ from www.theoddballs.uk
11 April: Bear Town Bikers’ Bike Show & Bands at Congleton Cricket Club, Booth St, Congleton, Cheshire (CW12 4DG). More info’ from 07712 873737 or beartownbikers@ gmail.com
11 April: The Motorbike Show Ride-In at the National Motorcycle Museum, Coventry Road, Bickenhill, W. Mids (B92 0EJ). Free entry. More info’ from 01675 444123 or www. nationalmotorcyclemuseum.co.uk
11-12 April: Spring Nationals at Melbourne Raceway, Ash Ln, Melbourne, Yorks (YO42 4SS). More info’ from www. straightliners.events
11-12 April: Bob Smith Spring Cup at Oliver’s Mount Racetrack, Scarborough, N. Yorks (YO11 2YW). More info’ from www. oliversmount.com
12 April: Beaky’s Harley Bootsale at the Pippbrook Car Park, Reigate Road, Dorking, Surrey (RH4 1SJ) at 8am. More info’ from 01306 712297 or www.beakysmotorcycles.com
12 April: Suffolk Classic Motorcycle Show at the Stour Valley Business Centre, Brundon Ln, Sudbury, Suffolk (CO10 7GB). More info’ from suffolkmotorcycleshow@gmail. com or Facebook.
12 April: AFBVC Devon Wreckers’ Bike & Trike Show at Lupton House, Brixham Road, Churston Ferrers, Devon (TQ5 0LD). More info’ from www. armedforcesbikers.co.uk
15 April: Lincolnshire Bike Night at The Old Angel, Wragby Rd, Bardney, Lincs (LN3 5XE). More info’ from Facebook.
18 April: Ariel Owners Club Hampshire’s Autojumble at The Four Horseshoes, The Street, Long Sutton, Hants (RG29 1TA). Stalls £5. Free entry. More info’ from 07810 111222 or rs.armstrong’talktalk.net
18-19 April: Lydden Hill Historic Bike Festival at Lydden Hill Race Circuit, Wootton, Kent (CT4 6RY). 50% ticket reduction for pre-1990 bikes (prebook only). More info’ from 01304 830 557 or www. lyddenhill.co.uk
22 April: Lincolnshire Bike Night at Yardbirds Rock Club, Church St, Grimsby, Lincs (DN32 7DD). More info’ from Facebook.
23 April: Armadillo Customs’ Bike Night at Armadillo Customs, Blake House Craft Centre, Blake End, Essex (CM77 6RA). More info’ from 01371 879699 or www. armadillocustoms.co.uk
24-26 April: HDRCGB Region 7’s Drovers Rally at Llandovery RFC, Church Bank, Llandovery, Carmarthenshire, Wales (SA20 0BA). Tickets £20 HDRCGB members or £25 non-members on gate. More info’ from hdrcgbregion7@ btinternet.com or Facebook.
25 April: Raven Rider UK Ride-Out Funfair Edition from B-Road at The Stag, Canterbury Rd, Challock, Kent (TN25 4BB) at noon. More info’ from www. ravenrideruk.com
25 April: Copdock CMC’s St George’s Day Bike Show at The Bell Inn, Main Rd, Kesgrave, Suffolk (IP5 1AA). Free entry. More info’ from Facebook.
25 April: West London Harley Riders’ St George’s Day Bike Show at Hayes Cricket Club, Wood End, Hayes, Middlesex (UB3 2RJ). Tickets £5. More info’ from Facebook.
25-26 April: International Classic Motorcycle Show at the Staffordshire County Showground, Weston Rd, Stafford (ST18 0BD). More info’ from www.classicbikeshows.com
26 April: Salisbury Motorcycle/ Light Car Club’s Five Valleys Charity Run from The Barford Inn, Barford St Martin, Wilts (SP3 4AB) at 9.30am. Entry £10. More info’ from www.salisburymotorcycle andlightcarclub.co.uk
26 April: Firefighters Custom Bike Show at the RAF Manston History Museum, Manston Rd, Ramsgate, Kent (CT12 5DF). Tickets £5. More info’ from www. firefighters66.com or Facebook.
29 April: Lincolnshire Bike Night at The Haven, Ferry Rd, Barrow Haven, Barrow-uponHumber, Lincs (DN19 7EX). More info’ from Facebook.
MAY
1 May: Chopper Club Notts’ Public Social Night at The Slammer, Unit 5, Belle Eau Park, Bilsthorpe, Notts (NG22 8TX). More info’ from Facebook.
1-3 May: Into The Valley at the Driffield Showground, Driffield Road, Kelleythorpe, E. Yorks (YO25 9FB). More info’ from www.mapevents.co.uk
1-4 May: Bridgwater HOG’s Cider Rally at Pontins, Sand Bay Holiday Village, Beach Rd, Kewstoke, Weston-super-Mare, Somerset (BS22 9UR). More info’ from www.bridgwaterhog.co.uk
2 May: Harris Owners Club Meet at Squire’s Café, Newthorpe Lane, Newthorpe, North Yorks (LS25 5LX). Camping available (book with café –01977 684618 or www.squirescafe.co.uk). More info’ from Facebook.
2-3 May: Hill Climb at Oliver’s Mount Racetrack, Scarborough, N. Yorks (YO11 2YW). More info’ from www.oliversmount.com
2-3 May: Straightliners Land Speed Racing Weekend at Pendine Sands, Carmarthenshire, South Wales (SA33 4N). Parking on beach £5 (cash only). More info’ from www.straightliners.events
3 May: Beer, Bikes & Bands at The Barrel, The Appleyard, Kenninghall Rd, Banham, Norfolk (NR16 2HE). More info’ from Facebook.
3 May: Spring Autojumble at the Sammy Miller Motorcycle Museum, Bashley Cross Road, New Milton, Hants (BH25 5SZ). More info’ from 01425 620777 or www.sammymiller.co.uk
3 May: Supergood Bikers for Autism’s Peaks & Dales Ride from the Tea Junction, Hulme End, near Buxton, Derbys (SK17 0EZ) at 11am. More info’ from www. supergoodbikersforautism.com
4 May: Mods & Rockers Day at The Joyland Diner, Marine Parade, Great Yarmouth, Norfolk (NR30 2DL). More info’ from Facebook or www.scooterrally.co.uk
4 May: Stone Circle Bike Show at the Supermarine Sports Club, Supermarine Rd, Swindon, Wilts (SN3 4BZ). More info’ from Facebook.
4 May: Fleet Lions’ Classic Motorcycle Run & Concours from The Key Car Park, Elvetham Heath, A323 (GU51 1HA) at 9.30am. More info’ from www. fleetlions.org.uk
6 May: Lincolnshire Bike Night at The Blacksmith’s Arms, Hillrise, Caistor Rd, Rothwell, Lincs (LN7 6AZ). More info’ from Facebook.
7 May: Armadillo Customs’ Bike Night at Armadillo Customs, Blake House Craft Centre, Blake End, Essex (CM77 6RA). More info’ from 01371 879699 or www. armadillocustoms.co.uk
1-3 May: Pendragon MCC’s Dragonfire Rally at The Chequers Inn, Pertenhall Rd, Keysoe, Beds (MK44 2HR). Tickets £20 prebook or £25 on gate. More info’ from 07923 349723 or Facebook.
8-10 May: HDRCGB Region 14’s Wessex Wobbler at Chippenham RFC, Allington Fields, Frogwell, Chippenham, Wilts (SN14 0YZ). Tickets £20 HDRCGB members
or £25 non-members. More info’ from rusticmonster@hotmail,com or Facebook.
8-10 May: Leyland Eagles
MCC’s Plucking the Eagle Rally at The Canberra Club, Samlesbury Aerodrome, Myerscough Road, Blackburn, Lancs (BB2 7LF). Tickets £20. More info’ from leylandeaglesmcc@mail.com or Facebook.
8-10 May: Malle Beach Races at Margate Sands, Margate, Kent (CT9 1XJ). More info’ from www. malle.com
9 May: Flitwick Bike Night at The Swan Inn, Dunstable Rd, Flitwick, Beds (MK45 1HP). More info’ from Facebook.
9-10 May: Melbourne Mayhem/ Apocalypse at Melbourne Raceway, Ash Ln, Melbourne, Yorks (YO42 4SS). More info’ from www.straightliners.events
10 May: Gold Wing Gathering at the Sammy Miller Motorcycle Museum, Bashley Cross Road, New Milton, Hants (BH25 5SZ). More info’ from 01425 620777 or www.sammymiller.co.uk
10 May: Help 4 Homeless Pinewood Custom Bike Show at the Pinewood Leisure Centre, Old Wokingham Rd, Wokingham, Berks (RG40 3AQ). More info’ from Facebook.
13 May: Lincolnshire Bike Night at The Bluebell, Thorpe Rd, Tattershall Thorpe, Lincs (LN7 6AZ). More info’ from Facebook.
15-17 May: BAD MCC’s Monks Rally at Old Shielfield Park, Etal Rd, Tweedmouth, Berwickupon-Tweed (TD15 2EQ). Tickets £25 prebook only. More info’ from monksrally@gmail.com or Facebook.
15-17 May: St Leger HOG’s Iron Horse Rally at the Blue Dolphin Holiday Park, Gristhorpe Bay, Filey, North Yorks (YO14 9PU). More info’ from www. stlegerhog.org.uk
16 May: Stow Maries Motorbike Show at the Stow Maries Great War Aerodrome, Hackmans Ln, Chelmsford, Essex (CM3 6RJ). More info’ from Facebook.
16 May: Anglo-American Bike & Car Show at the Feltwell Playing Field, Payne’s Ln, Feltwell, Norfolk (IP26 4BB). More info’ from Facebook.
17 May: The Distinguished Gentleman’s Ride. More info’ from www.gentlemansride.com
17 May: Mods & Rockers at Ivychurch Road, Brenzett, Kent (TN29 0EE). Tickets £10. More info’ from 07835 917594 or events@rmwcollection.co.uk
17 May: Rugby Bikefest at Rugby town centre, Warks. More info’ from Facebook.
17 May: NCC Lincs’ Custom Show at Welton Sports & Social Club, Ryland Rd, Welton, Lincs (LN2 3LU). More info’ from Facebook.
17 May: Sunbeam MCC’s Ixion Cavalcade from St Barnabas Church, Sea Rd, Bexhill-on-Sea, E. Sussex (TN40 1JJ). More info’ from www.sunbeam-mcc.co.uk
17 May: Musos on Bikes’ Musos at The Shelley Custom Show at The Shelley Arms, Old Guildford Rd, Broadbridge Heath, W. Sussex (RH12 3JU). More info’ from Facebook.
17-19 May: The Grubs MRC’s Ugly Grub Ball at a site near Tamworth, Staffs. Tickets £15 prebook or £18 on gate. More info’ from 07976 822940 or grubsmrc@gmail.com
20 May: Lincolnshire Bike Night at The Rose & Crown, High St, Upton, Lincs (DN21 5NQ). More info’ from Facebook.
20-24 May: FH-DCE Super Rally at Fredericia, Denmark. More info’ from www.superrally.dk
21 May: Armadillo Customs’ Bike Night at Armadillo Customs, Blake House Craft Centre, Blake End, Essex (CM77 6RA). More info’ from 01371 879699 or www. armadillocustoms.co.uk
21-24 May: Taunton MAG’s Tone Valley Tea Rally at a site on Pawlett Road, Highbridge, Somerset (TA9 3RH). Tickets £20 prebook or £25 on gate (cash only). More info’ from 07780 960869 or Facebook.
21-25 May: No Bull, Just Beer & Bikes at Penmaenau Farm, Llanelwedd, Builth Wells, Powys (LD2 3RD). More info’ from www. nobullbeerandbikes.co.uk
22-24 May: H. Des Celtes’ Kelt Old School Chopper Show at a site in Merlevenez, Brittany, France. More info’ from h.desceltes@gmail. com or Facebook.
22-24 May: Ogri MCC’s Pirate Weekend at the Ogri Clubhouse, Building 100, Kemble Enterprise Park, Kemble, Gloucs (GL7 6BQ). More info’ from Facebook.
23 May: Can-Am Owners’ Day at the Sammy Miller Motorcycle Museum, Bashley Cross Road, New Milton, Hants (BH25 5SZ). More info’ from 01425 620777 or www.sammymiller.co.uk
23 May: Super Minion Ride from Weymouth FC Café, Radipole Ln, Weymouth, Dorset (DT4 9XJ) to Harlow, Essex, at 8am. More info’ from Facebook.
23 May: HOG Day & Boot Sale at Guildford H-D, Weyvern Place Weyvern Park, Old Portsmouth Rd, Peasmarsh (GU3 1NA). More info’ from www.lind.co.uk
23 May: Savage Support Crew’s Charity Ride from The Swallow, Pilgrims Way, Andover, Hants (SP10 5HY) at 10am. More info’ from Facebook.
24 May: Norton Owners’ Club Meet at the Sammy Miller Motorcycle Museum, Bashley Cross Road, New Milton, Hants (BH25 5SZ). More info’ from 01425 620777 or www. sammymiller.co.uk
24 May: Bideford Bike Show at Victoria Park, Bideford, Devon (EX39 2QL). More info’ from www.bidefordbikeshow.org
25 May: Elk Promotions’ Classic Bike Show & Autojumble at the Ashford Livestock Market, Orbital Park, Ashford, Kent (TN24 0HB). More info’ from www.elkpromotions.co.uk
27 May: Lincolnshire Bike Night at The Nelthorpe Inn, School Ln, South Ferriby, Lincs (DN18 6HW). More info’ from Facebook.
29-31 May: The Potts Bike Bash at Castle Cary RFC, Brook House Field, off Station Road, Castle Cary, Somerset (BA7 7PF). Tickets £20 prebook or £25 on gate. More info’ from Facebook.
29-31 May: HOG Ireland’s Bikefest at the Gleneagles Arena, Muckross Rd, Poulnamuck, Killarney, Co. Kerry, Eire. More info’ from www.irelandbikefest.com
30 May: Sunbeam MCC’s Conyboro Run from The Six Bells, The St, Chiddingly, E. Sussex (BN8 6HT). More info’ from Facebook.
30 May: ECHC KL Crew’s Custom Show at Gaywood Community Centre, Gaywood Park, Cemetery Dr, Gayton Rd, Gaywood, Norfolk (PE30 4EE). Tickets £3. More info’ from ECHCklcrew@hotamil.com or Facebook.
31 May: BSA Meet at the Sammy Miller Motorcycle Museum, Bashley Cross Road, New Milton, Hants (BH25 5SZ). More info’ from 01425 620777 or www.sammymiller.co.uk
31 May: NCC Surrey’s Freewheel Burning Chopper & Custom Bike Show at The Dog & Duck, Prince of Wales Rd, Outwood, Surrey (RH1 5QU). Tickets £3. More info’ from Facebook.
JUNE
3 June: Lincolnshire Bike Night at The Royal Oak (The Splash), Watery Lane, Little Cawthorpe, Lincs (LN11 8LZ). More info’ from Facebook.
4 June: Armadillo Customs’ Bike Night at Armadillo Customs, Blake House Craft Centre, Blake End, Essex (CM77 6RA). More info’ from 01371 879699 or www. armadillocustoms.co.uk
5 June: Chopper Club Notts’ Public Social Night at The Slammer, Unit 5, Belle Eau Park, Bilsthorpe, Notts (NG22 8TX). More info’ from Facebook.
5-7 June: Brothers MRC’s 25th Anniversary Rally at KRFC, Crown Fields, Bristol Road, Keynsham, Somerset (BS31 2BE). Tickets £15. More info’ from Facebook.
5-7 June: Unwanted MCC’s Bike, Trike & Custom Show at Marstons Sports & Social Club, Shobnall Rd, Burton-on-Trent, Staffs (DE14 2BG). Tickets £15 prebook or £20 on gate. More info’ from www. unwantedmcc.co.uk
6 June: NCC Somerset’s Shootin’ the Breeze Custom & Classic Bike Show at the Tucker’s Grave Inn, Knoll Lane, Faulkland, Somerset (BA3 5XF). Tickets £5. Camping & Sat night entertainment available. More info’ from www.tuckersgraveinn. co.uk or facebook.
6 June: Chopper Club S. Ireland’s Day Show at the Welcome Inn, Rockfield, Dungarvan, Co. Waterford (X35 TX36). More info’ from Facebook.
6 June: Bigfoot Charity Ride from Sainsbury’s, Tollbar Way, Hedge End, Southampton (SO30 2UH) at 10am. More info’ from Facebook.
6-7 June: Street Weekend at Melbourne Raceway, Ash Ln, Melbourne, Yorks (YO42 4SS). More info’ from www. straightliners.events
6-7 June: Wheels Weekender at Bottisham Airfield Museum, Wilbraham Road, Bottisham, Cambs (CB25 9BU). Tickets £15. More info’ from Facebook.
7 June: VJMC & Japanese Bike Bonanza at the Sammy Miller Motorcycle Museum, Bashley Cross Road, New Milton, Hants (BH25 5SZ). More info’ from 01425 620777 or www. sammymiller.co.uk
7 June: Supergood Bikers for Autism’s Lincolnshire Ride from The Green Hut Cafe, Worksop Rd, Ollerton Rd, Ollerton, Notts (NG22 9DR) at 11am. More info’ from www. supergoodbikersforautism.com
10 June: Lincolnshire Bike/ Lancaster Bomber Night at The Lincolnshire Aviation Heritage Centre, East Kirkby Airfield, East
Kirkby, Lincs (PE23 4DE). More info’ from Facebook.
10-14 June: Wheels & Waves at Beach Ave, Biarritz, France. More info’ from www.wheels-andwaves.com
12-14 June: HOG Great Western Chapter’s The Rumble at Somerdale Pavilion, Trajectus Way, Keynsham, Bristol (BS31 2FW). Tickets £30 prebook or £40 on gate. More info’ from www.greatwesternchapter.co.uk
12-14 June: Rataplan Ratbike Club’s Dutch Hardley-Rideables at MVC Rattlesnakes, Sportlaan 9A, 4571 CA, Axel, Nederlands. More info’ from www.rataplanratbikeclub.nl or Facebook.
12-14 June: Scruffy Puppy K-9 Apocalypse Rally at Bourne RFC, Milking Nook Drove, Bourne, Lincs (PE10 0AX). Tickets £15 prebook or £20 on gate. More info’ from 07804 087403 or Facebook.
12-14 June: Reading MAG’s Lion Rally at Gravelly Bridge Farm, Grazeley Green Road, Reading, Berks (RG7 1LG). Tickets £25 prebook or £30 on gate. More info’ from info@ lionrally.com or Facebook.
13 June: Daventry Motorcycle Festival in Daventry town centre, Northants. More info’ from www. daventrybikefest.co.uk
13-14 June: Harris Owners Club’s Haggs Bank Weekend at the Haggs Bank Bunkhouse & Campsite, Nentsberry, Cumbria (CA9 3LH). Bunkhouse/ tent/camper vans to be booked with site (01434 382486 or www. haggsbank.com). More info’ from Facebook.
13-14 June: Vintage/Classic/ Retro Motorcycle Show at St Peters College, Summerhill Heights, Townparks, Wexford, Co. Wexford, Eire (Y35 P8WT). Stalls €50, entry €10. More info’ from 00353 8766 78566 or Facebook.
14 June: Vintage, Classic & Retro Motorcycle & Trade Show at St Peter’s College, Summerhill Heights, Townparks, Wexford, Ireland (Y35 P8WT). More info’ from 00353 8766 78566 or Facebook.
14 June: West Somerset Motorcycle Show & Autojumble at Minehead Barbarians RFC, Ellicombe Lane, Minehead, Somerset (TA24 6TR). More info’ from Facebook.
14 June: Rickman 60 th Anniversary at the Sammy Miller Motorcycle Museum, Bashley Cross Road, New Milton, Hants (BH25 5SZ). More info’ from 01425 620777 or www. sammymiller.co.uk
14 June: Vintage Japanese Motorcycle Day at Industry & Supply, Heyford Hills Farm, Furnace Ln, Northants (NN7 3LB). More info’ from 07881 504757 or www. industryandsupply.com
17 June: Royston & District MCC’s Show at the Eternit Sports & Social Club, Whaddon Rd, Meldreth, Herts (SG8 5RL). More info’ from Facebook. 17 June: Lincolnshire Bike Night at The Ferry House Inn, Stather Rd, Burton upon Stather, Lincs (DN15 9DJ). More info’ from Facebook.
18 June: Armadillo Customs’ Bike Night at Armadillo Customs, Blake House Craft Centre, Blake End, Essex (CM77 6RA). More info’ from 01371 879699 or www. armadillocustoms.co.uk
18-21 June: Estonians MCC’s Barnstormer Rally at a site in Runswick Bay, North Yorkshire (TS13 5HR). Tickets £20 prebook or £25 on gate. More info’ from 07533 204101 or Estoniansmcc@ outlook.co.uk
18-21 June: Farmyard Party at Duncombe Park, Helmsley, N. Yorks. More info’ from www. farmyardparty.com
19-21 June: Pissed & Confused’s Summer Rally at Little Waltham Sports & Social Club, Tufnell Hall, The Street, Little Waltham, Essex (CM3 3NY). More info’ from Facebook. 19-21 June: Dorset Bikefest at Wooders Campsite, Sugar Hill, Wareham, Dorset (BH20 7NN). More info’ from Facebook.
19-21 June: Druids MCC’s Poser Rally at a site in Lincs. Tickets £25 prebook only. More info’ from www.druidsmcc.com
19-21 June: Sun of Solstice Festival at Southam RFC, Station Rd, Southam, Warks (CV47 2DH). Tickets £25 or £30 on gate. More info’ from www. sunofsolsticefestival.co.uk or Facebook.
20 June: The Honeypot Charity’s Bumble Blast at 9am from Loomies Moto Café, A272/ A32 crossroads, near West Meon Hut, Hants (GU32 1JX). More info’ from www.honeypot.org.uk
20-21 June: Barry Sheene Classic Festival at Oliver’s Mount Racetrack, Scarborough, N. Yorks (YO11 2YW). More info’ from www.oliversmount.com
20-21 June: Whitehaven Motorcycle Show at St Nicholas Church, Church St, Whitehaven, Cumbria (CA28 7DG). Free entry. More info’ from arron@ five9five.co.uk or Facebook.
21 June: Kirby Kustom Kulture Kollective’s Kirkby Kustom Show at The Junction, News Ln, Rainford, Merseyside (WA11 7JU). More info’ from Facebook.
21 June: Harley-Davidson Meet at the Sammy Miller Motorcycle Museum, Bashley Cross Road, New Milton, Hants (BH25 5SZ). More info’ from 01425 620777 or www.sammymiller.co.uk
24 June: Lincolnshire Bike Night at The Marrowbone & Cleaver, High St, Kirmington, Lincs (DN39 6YZ). More info’ from Facebook.
25-28 June: Snatch MCC’s Snatch Rally at Wirral Rugby Club, Thornton Common Rd, Birkenhead, Wirral (CH63 0LT). Tickets £20 prebook. More info’ from www.snatchmcc. bravesites.com or Facebook.
26-28 June: Aire Valley Chapter HOG’s Roar on the Moor Rally at Ilkley Rugby Club, Stacks Field, Denton Road, Ilkley, W. Yorks (LS29 0AF). Tickets £35 prebook or £40 on gate. More info’ from www. avhog.co.uk
26-28 June: Antelope MCC Rally at the Barkers Butts RFC, Bob Coward Memorial Ground, Pickford Grange Ln, Coventry, West Mids (CV5 9AR). Tickets £15 on gate. More info’ from Facebook.
26-28 June: Blood Donor Awareness Rally at The Tuckers Grave Inn, Knoll Lane, Faulkland, Somerset (BA3 5XF). Free entry. More info’ from Facebook.
26-28 June: TOMCC’s Yorkshire Rally at The Old George Inn, Broad Lane, Sykehouse, S. Yorks (DN14 9AU). Tickets £30. More info’ from info.yorkshirerally@ gmail.com or Facebook.
26-28 June: Bear Town Bikers’ Bearly Standing Rally at The Harrington Arms, Bosley, Cheshire (SK11 0PH). More info’ from 07712 873737 or beartownbikers@gmail.com
26-28 June: Showbike Aquitane at Vendays-Montalivet, 33 Gironde, France. More info’ from Facebook.
26-28 June: Blackpool Area MAG’s Fun & Frolics on the Fylde at Fleetwood Rugby Club, Melbourne Avenue, Fleetwood, Lancs (FY7 8AY). Tickets £18.50 pre-book or £20 on gate. More info’ from 07943 254009 or Facebook.
27 June: Gotts Park Custom Show at Gotts Park Golf Club, Armley Ridge Rd, Leeds, W. Yorks (LS12 2QX). More info’ from Facebook.
27 June: Thanatos Bike Show at the NorthDown Brewery, Westwood Industrial Estate, Unit J1CA, Channel Rd, Margate, Kent (CT9 4JS). More info’ from Facebook.
28 June: Black Shuck MCC’s Bike Show at The Shotley Rose, The Street, Shotley, Suffolk (IP9 1NL). More info’ from www.blackshuckmcc.co.uk or Facebook.
28 June: Sunbeam MCC’s Northern Pioneer Run from a site in North Yorkshire. More info’ from www.sunbeam-mcc.co.uk
28 June: Bunker Rats’ Bike Show at The John Bunyan, Coleman Green Ln, St Albans, Herts (AL4 8ES). More info’ from Facebook.
JULY
1 July: Lincolnshire Bike Night at The New Inn, Station Rd, North Thoresby, Lincs (DN36 5QS). More info’ from Facebook.
3 July: Chopper Club Notts’ Public Social Night at The Slammer, Unit 5, Belle Eau Park, Bilsthorpe, Notts (NG22 8TX). More info’ from Facebook.
3-5 July: Chinnor Bike Dayz at a new site. More info’ from Facebook.
3-5 July: MPH Vintage Hot Rod & Bike Drags at Deenethorpe Airfield, near Corby (NN17 3AN). More info’ from www. mphvintagesprint.co.uk
3-5 July: QRRA One Aim Rally at QRRA Rehabilitation Centre, Kennels Field, Homestall Rd, Faversham, Kent (ME9 0BE). More info’ from www.qrra.co.uk
3-5 July: Royal Naval Vets MCC/Independents MCC’s Rumconscious Rally at Berkeley Farm, Durley Street, Durley, Hamps (S032 2AB), More info’ from Facebook.
3-5 July: Rumconscious Motorcycle Rally at Berkeley Farm, 2AB Durley Street, Durley, Hants (S032 2AB). Tickets £30. More info’ from www.tickettailor. com or Facebook.
3-5 July: Inner Circle RRC’s Goosin’ the Fox Rally at The Fox & Goose, The St, Greywell, Hants (RG29 1BY). Tickets £20. More info’ from TIA.ICRRC@gmail.com or Facebook.
4 July: QRRA Custom Bike Show at QRRA Rehabilitation Centre, Kennels Field, Homestall Rd, Faversham, Kent (ME9 0BE). More info’ from www.qrra.co.uk
4 July: Dereham Bike Rally at Dereham Town FC, Norwich Rd, Dereham, Norfolk (NR20 3PX). More info’ from Facebook.
4 July: CCW Clywd’s Show Us What You’ve Got Once Again Bike Show at The Cage, Advance Park, Wrexham, Clwyd (LL14 3YR). More info’ from Facebook.
4-5 July: Lock & Load Custom Bike & Car Show at South Wingfield Social Club, High Rd, South Wingfield, Derbys (DE55 7LX). Tickets £10. More info’ from 07419 763247 or Facebook.
4-5 July: Festival of 1000 Bikes Revival at Mallory Park, Church Rd, Kirkby Mallory, Leics (LE9 7QE). More info’ from www.1000bikesrevival.co.uk
5 July: Supergood Bikers for Autism’s South Downs Ride from Ryka’s Café, Old London Rd, Dorking, Surrey (RH5 6BY) at 11am. More info’ from www. supergoodbikersforautism.com
5 July: British Bike Day at the Sammy Miller Motorcycle Museum, Bashley Cross Road, New Milton, Hants (BH25 5SZ). More info’ from 01425 620777 or www.sammymiller.co.uk
5 July: Kirkcaldy Motorcycle Show at Fife Ice Arena, Rosslyn St, Kirkcaldy, Fife (KY1 3HS). Tickets £5. More info’ from 07473 174449 or Facebook.
5 July: Motorcycles at the Manor at West Ashby Manor, A518, near Horncastle, Lincs (LN9 5PY). More info’ from www. motorcyclesatthemanor.co.uk
5 July: NCC Beds’ Back to Basics Bike & Car Show at The White Horse, Turnpike Road, Husborne Crawley, Beds (MK43 0XE). Tickets £3. More info’ from Facebook.
6 July: Ludgershall Bike Night at High Street, Ludgershall, Wilts (SP11 9PZ). More info’ from Facebook.
8 July: Lincolnshire Bike Night at The King’s Head, Kingsway, Tealby, Lincs (LN8 3YA). More info’ from Facebook.
9 July: Armadillo Customs’ Bike Night at Armadillo Customs, Blake House Craft Centre, Blake End, Essex (CM77 6RA). More info’ from 01371 879699 or www. armadillocustoms.co.uk
9-12 July: Southern Comfort V-Max Rally at Lodsworth Village Hall, Heath End Ln, Lodsworth, W. Sussex (GU28 9BY). More info’ from Facebook.
9-12 July: Goodwood Festival of Speed at Goodwood House, Kennel Hill, Chichester, W. Sussex (PO18 0PX). More info’ from www.goodwood.com
10-12 July: Fenrir Motorcycle Brotherhood’s It’s Grim Up North Rally at a site on Alder Street, Atherton, Greater Manchester (M46 9EY). Tickets £20. More info’ from Facebook.
10-12 July: Furness MAG’s Dead End Rally at Dalton United FC, Railway Meadow, Beckside Rd, Dalton-in-Furness, Cumbria (LA15 8DP). Tickets £18.50 prebook only. More info’ from 07837 241234 or Facebook.
10-12 July: Unwanted MCC’s Cock Out Rally at Marstons Sports & Social Club, Shobnall Rd, Burtonon-Trent, Staffs (DE14 2BG). Tickets £20 prebook or £25 on gate. More info’ from 07988 521400 or www. unwantedmcc.co.uk
10-12 July: Tomintoul Motorcycle Gathering at Tomintoul, Banffshire, Scotland. Tickets £25 prebook or £30 on gate. More info’ from tomintoulmotorcyclegathering@ yahoo.com or Facebook.
11 July: Old Boot Bikers’ Meet in the Meadow at the Horses Meadow, Dane End, Herts (SG12 0LP). More info’ from Facebook.
11-12 July: Jet Fest at Melbourne Raceway, Ash Ln, Melbourne, Yorks (YO42 4SS). More info’ from www. straightliners.events
12 July: Scooter Meet at the Sammy Miller Motorcycle Museum, Bashley Cross Road, New Milton, Hants (BH25 5SZ). More info’ from 01425 620777 or www.sammymiller.co.uk
12 July: Classic Bike & Car Show at Warlingham Rugby Club, Limpsfield Rd, Warlingham, Surrey (CR6 9RB). More info’ from 01883 622825 or www. warlinghamclassics.co.uk
15 July: Lincolnshire Bike Night at The Foxhills Institute Social Club, Ferry Road, Scunthorpe, Lincs (DN15 8QG.). More info’ from Facebook.
16-19 July: Moto Clube Faro’s Concentracion at Faro, Portugal. More info’ from www. motoclubefaro.pt
16-19 July: The Malle Mile at Grimsthorpe Castle, Grimsthorpe, Lincs (PE10 0LY). More info’ from www.malle.com
17-19 July: Halfway Heroes MCC’s Leathered in Lincs Rally at The Heneage Arms, Louth Rd, Hainton, Lincs (LN8 6LX). Tickets £25 prebook or £30 on gate. More info’ from www. halfway-heroes.co.uk
17 July: Bikes & Bangers at the Haynes Motor Museum, Sparkford, Yeovil, Somerset (BA22 7LH). More info’ from www.haynesmuseum.org
18 July: CCW Ceredigion’s Custom Bike Show at The Rhydypennau Inn, Bow St, Aberystwyth, Ceredigion (SY24 5AA). More info’ from Facebook.
18-19 July: Cock o’ the North Races at Oliver’s Mount Racetrack, Scarborough, N. Yorks (YO11 2YW). More info’ from www.oliversmount.com
19 July: Two-Stroke Meet at the Sammy Miller Motorcycle Museum, Bashley Cross Road, New Milton, Hants (BH25 5SZ). More info’ from 01425 620777 or www.sammymiller.co.uk
19 July: NCC Suffolk’s Custom & Classic Bike Show at The Five Bells, High St, Rattlesden, Suffolk (IP30 0RA). More info’ from Facebook.
21 July: Armadillo Customs’ Bike Night at Armadillo Customs, Blake House Craft Centre, Blake End, Essex (CM77 6RA). More info’ from 01371 879699 or www. armadillocustoms.co.uk
22 July: Lincolnshire Bike Night at The Sun Inn, Bridge St, Saxilby, Lincs (LN1 2PZ.). More info’ from Facebook.
23-26 July: The Rock & Blues at Coneygrey Farm, Pentrich, Derbys. More info’ from www. rockandblues.com
24-26 July: Flanders Chopper Bash at a site in Assende, Belgium. More info’ from www. flanderschopperbash.com
24-26 July: West London Harley Riders’ Burning Budgie Rally at Beaconsfield Town F.C., A355 Windsor Road, Beaconsfield, Bucks (HP9 2SE). Tickets £30 on gate. More info’ from 07988 724754 or Facebook.
24-26 July: Oxleathers MCC’s Oxfest Rally at Gnosall Family Sports & Social Club, Forresters Ln, Gnosall, Staffs (ST20 0HS). Tickets £15 prebook or £20 on gate. More info’ from 07474 645968 or Facebook.
25 July: Medusa MC’s Show Us Your Ride at the QRRA Clubhouse, Sittingbourne, Kent (ME9 0HF). Camping available. More info’ from www. medusamotorcycleclub.co.uk or Facebook.
25 July: Lucky 7s MCC Custom & Classic Bike Show at The Cherry Tree, Choppington Northumberland (NE62 5JZ). More info’ from Facebook.
25 July: Calne Bike Meet at Calne, Wiltshire. More info’ from www.calnebikemeet.com
26 July: Elk Promotions’ Classic Bike Show & Autojumble at the South of England Showground, Selsfield Rd, Ardingly, W. Sussex (RH17 6T). More info’ from www. elkpromotions.co.uk
26 July: Honda Owners’ Club Bike Show at the Sammy Miller Motorcycle Museum, Bashley Cross Road, New Milton, Hants (BH25 5SZ). More info’ from 01425 620777 or www. sammymiller.co.uk
26 July: Classic & Iconic Motorcycle Day at the Rural Life Living Museum, The Reeds Rd, Tilford, Surrey (GU10 2DL). More info’ from Facebook.
26 July: Supergood Bikers for Autism’s Ride for Leon from Clinks Care Farm, Church Rd, Toft Monks, Beccles, Suffolk (NR34 0ET) at 10am. More info’ from www.supergoodbikersforautism. com
26 July: Newbury American Autojumble at Woodside Farm, Priors Court Road, Hermitage, Berks (RG18 9JU). Pitches £10, entry £5. Info’ from Facebook.
26 July: Associated Sheppey Bikers’ Summer Bike Meet at Sheerness East Working Men’s Club, Queenborough Rd, Minster on Sea, Kent (ME12 3BZ). More info’ from Facebook.
29 July: Lincolnshire Bike Night at The Salutation, Church St, Nettleton, Lincs (LN7 6NP). More info’ from Facebook.
31 July: Bideford Bike Show’s Rock the Torridge Rock Cruise from The Quay, Bideford, Devon (EX39 2DU) at 6pm. Tickets £20. More info’ from 07817 543961 or info@bidefordbikeshow.org
31 July-2 Aug: Yorkshire MAG’s Yorkshire Pudding Rally at Escrick Park, Escrick, Yorks (YO19 6EA). More info’ from www. yorkshirepuddingrally.co.uk
31 July-2 Aug: Black Shuck MCC’s Scratchin at the Door Rally at Hadleigh RFC, Layham Rd, Hadleigh, Suffolk (IP7 5NE). More info’ www.blackshuckmcc. co.uk or Facebook.
BELOW: Ade (left), Geoff (middle) and Mark the Derrymonster (the Bigfoot of Northern Ireland or does he just never take his wellies off?) at the Yorkshire Pudding Rally last year
ABOVE: Groovy Softail Twin Cam from Malavida Custom Garage in Spain – top work, chaps!
ABOVE: Pic by Trev D from the Stortford DGR… bloke dun’t look too ‘appy, does he? Reckon it’s them iffy shorts he’s wearing personally
RIGHT: Left a bit… a little right… up a little… yep, you got it, ta! Uncle Al’s sometimes too lazy to pick his own nose
The lesser-spotted ground Everett at work… watched by one of his robot minions. Pic by Mitchell (whose XS it is)
BELOW: Amazing Iron Maiden front mudguard from… er, somewhere
ABOVE: Pete Grimshaw, I’m sure, had a hell of a job getting his 48 and his excavator to this suitable location… or did he just pick up the ‘Arley in the bucket?
RIGHT: Paul K and his mate stopped at the pub on the way home from Roughley’s Bike Show – thirsty work all that wandering about, isn’t it?
BELOW: Steph and Simon from Mint Customs doing the Wiener Bite thang… Steph appears to be giving another bloke a piggy-back, too… isn’t that cheating a bit?
V-Max trike
He was in BSH back in April ’93, issue 108, on a three-page spread with another trike after winning a show in Camber Sands but, he says, they said his name was Steve when it’s actually Dave… sorry about that, Steve
Bandit’s
– tough!
LEFT: Sarah’s uber-cool lil’ 125 ‘Onda in a Bantam chassis – a winner at last year’s Trip Out, doncha know?
LEFT: Love that! Howard’s XS1100, built by Ralfy
LEFT: Ohhh, how lovely is that? Panther custom spotted by John Doyle BELOW: ‘Nuvver gorgeous old dripper spotted by Lez at the Cage
RIGHT: You need one thing to ride this bike –sunglasses… no, on second thoughts, two things – sunglasses and a piles cushion. Pic by Clive
BELOW: Neil’s ‘Arley outside a typically Spanish gaff back when the sun did actually shine. Pic by Ruth
Steve ‘Chelsea Pensioner’ (it’s an old joke) Warren’s newly finished Shovelhead chop – very feckin’ nice indeed!
RIGHT: The tank on Owen Brown’s Virago, painted by the supertalented Nobby – bit good, innit?
BELOW: The ‘Baby Blue’ Triumph, as featured in issue 498, as was… Pic by David G
ABOVE:
LEFT: Death on a ‘casual clothing’ day at the Black Shuck’s do
LEFT: Wonderfully ratty ol’ Beezer
ABOVE: Sparkly gold ‘Bretta chop
BELOW: Happy man and a trike at The Horseshoes at Billingford
Kool kid 125 AJS – proper!
WHY WE TALK TO POLITICIANS YOU HATE
then it doesn’t matter which colour rosette the Minister’s wearing – the outcome’s the same.
’ve had an interesting couple of months. I met with Richard Holden, Conservative Shadow Transport Secretary; had a sit-down with Ed Davey, leader of the Lib Dems; spent half-an-hour with Marcus Campbell-Savours, Labour backbencher (who promptly lost the Labour whip two weeks later, brilliant timing on my part); and in February I’ll be meeting the SNP transport spokesman Graham Leadbitter MP. And, naturally, every single one of those meetings generates angry messages asking why the hell we’re talking to them?
You know the drill: ‘Why’re you meeting with the Tories? They’ll never be in power again’ or ‘The Lib Dems? Seriously?’ or my personal favourite, ‘Why don’t you ever speak to Reform?’ when there’s video evidence of me interviewing Nigel Farage during the 2024 General Election campaign.
Let me ask you something. If we only talked to the politicians everyone agrees with, how many could we actually talk to? Name me one MP who’s universally loved by riders, builders, and the custom bike community? Can’t do it, can you? Because they don’t exist. Every politician pisses someone off. That’s the entire bloody system. You’ve got Conservative riders who think Labour’ll regulate us to death; Labour supporters who reckon the Tories want to price bikes off the road; people who think the Lib Dems’re irrelevant; others convinced Reform’ll wreck the country. The Greens at least tell us straight up they want fewer vehicles on the road, which is honest.
Here’s what really matters. though. Legislation doesn’t check your voting history before it affects you. When they write rules about emissions standards, those rules apply to every bike on the road, whether you vote red, blue, yellow, or throw your ballot in the bin. And here’s the bit that’ll probably annoy you even more – most of the time, it doesn’t actually matter which politician’s sitting in the Minister’s chair. Want to know why? Because the Department for Transport, like every government department, is run by permanent civil servants who were there before the current Minister arrived, and’ll be there long after they’ve moved on. Ministers change. Governments change. The Civil Service? They’re forever.
Now, I’m not saying Ministers’re completely irrelevant. A good one can push back, ask the right questions, demand better evidence, while a bad one just becomes a departmental spokesperson, reading out whatever the Civil Service puts in front of them. Either way, the majority of workstreams at DfT continue regardless of which politician happens to be sitting in the Ministerial chair that month...
So, it shouldn’t surprise you to hear that I meet civil servants just as much as I meet MPs. This’s why we can’t just talk to one party and hope for the best, because even when ‘your’ party’s in power, they’re not the ones actually writing the detail. They’re dealing with briefi ng papers from officials who’ve already decided what the problem is, and what the solution should be. And if nobody ever challenges those assumptions, if nobody’s ever got into those rooms and said, ‘Hang on, that’s bollocks’,
So, when I sit down with an MP, I’m not there to discuss their voting record on anything except transport and bikes. What I care about is do they understand that riders aren’t the problem they think we are? Will they listen when we explain why proposed legislation is unworkable? Can we get them to ask awkward questions when the department pushes anti-bike nonsense? And, critically, do they have any actual influence on transport policy, or are they just nodding along to whatever the Civil Service tells them?
Marcus Campbell-Savours? We still had useful conversations about the forthcoming Integrated National Transport Strategy; Richard Holden was interested how the push for electric cars impacts motorcyclists; Ed Davey genuinely wanted to understand why motorcyclists’ safety gets overlooked. Were these earth-shattering meetings? No. They’re all part of building a picture where politicians from all sides though and, hopefully, eventually, the officials who actually write the rules understand we exist, and our concerns are legitimate. Because, you see, your chopper won’t get a free pass because you voted correctly – nobody’s bike is safe just because the ‘right’ Minister’s in post because most of the machinery grinding away beneath them doesn’t stop when governments change.
What’s the alternative? Only talk to MPs from parties we like? Great. Except when that party’s in opposition, we’ve got no access to the people actually making the decisions, and, when they do get into power, we’ll’ve spent years ignoring half of Parliament. As well as that, we’d still be dealing with the same civil servants who’ve been developing anti-bike policies for years anyway. Or we could just not bother talking to anyone? Let transport policy get written by people who think all riders are boy racers or midlife crisis cases? Let them base laws on assumptions and prejudice rather than reality? You don’t have to like everyone we talk to... Christ, sometimes I don’t like them either, but our job isn’t to make friends with politicians or pick sides in elections, it’s to influence what actually happens to bikes, regardless of what colour rosette anyone’s wearing, or which civil servant’s writing the policy draft. This isn’t about politics, it’s about policy. We’re not endorsing parties, or telling you how to vote – no, we’re trying to make sure that whoever wins, whenever they win, and whoever’s running the department behind the scenes, they don’t screw over riders because nobody ever bothered to explain reality to them. Someone’s got to be there when they write the rules – someone needs to tell them why their brilliant idea is actually bollocks. That’s why we exist – not to pick political sides, but to be in the room when decisions about our bikes get made, whether you like who else’s in that room or not.
COLIN BROWN DIRECTOR OF CAMPAIGNS & POLITICAL ENGAGEMENT
THE NAME GAME
(Possibly not an entirely true story)
OUR STORY TAKES PLACE IN AN EDWARDIAN SITTING ROOM, IN A LARGE HOUSE NOT TOO FAR FROM SMALL HEATH, TOWARDS THE END OF 1909. THE CHAIRMAN OF THE BIRMINGHAM SMALL ARMS COMPANY SITS PATIENTLY DOING THE TIMES CROSSWORD WHILST AWAITING HIS BOARD OF DIRECTORS TO ARRIVE. THERE’S A DISCREET KNOCK AT THE DOOR, AND A YOUNG BOY’S HEAD APPEARS.
“Ah, Tarquin my boy, do come in,” says the great man.
Tarquin stands a respectful distance from his father and, at a nod, starts to speak. “Sorry to trouble you, pater, but I thought you’d like to know that I came second in the school cadet shooting competition today.”
The great man beams. “Excellent, my boy. Get some more practice, and I’m sure you’ll come first next year – after all, you are the heir to the largest armaments firm the world has ever known. Now you’ll have to run along as I can see my directors’ cars pulling up, and we have an important meeting. Don’t you have some homework to do?”
“Yes, pater, I have to produce a study of apiary and honey production.”
“Good. Show it to me later, I shall be fascinated to read it.”
Tarquin leaves the room as ten distinguished gentlemen’re shown in and take their seats. After a few minutes of imbibing drinks, and talking about the dismal weather, and equally dismal cricket, the conversation turns to the reason for the meeting – the naming of the newest product to come from the factory.
“I mean to say,” thunders the chairman, “we can’t call it the Birmingham Small Arms Company’s internal combustion-powered velocipede, it’s just too much of a mouthful.”
“Yes,” agrees one of the men, “and, as I understand it, ‘velocipede’ refers to a bicycle-type vehicle propelled by the rider’s own legs.”
“Ah!” said another, speaking around a large cheroot. “How about the Birmingham Small Arms Company’s internal combustionpowered bicycle?”
The chairman takes a thoughtful sip of brandy and says: “Slightly better, but still rather long-winded, don’t you think?”
A more timorous voice adds: “If I may be permitted a small suggestion? We could always use the word ‘machine’ in the title to make it quite clear what it is?”
The chairman ponders, then says: “The Birmingham Small Arms Company’s internal combustion machine-powered motorised bicycle. Admittedly longer, but again it does help to clarify what it is. Any other ideas?”
There’s a silence broken only by the sound of glasses being emptied and refilled. After what feels like a very long time, the timorous voice nervously speaks up again. “Perhaps the use of the word ‘engine’ would help to shorten the name?”
“The Birmingham Small Arms Company’s internal combustion engine-powered motorised bicycle, you mean?” asks the chairman. “Well, it makes it a little clearer, but ‘engine’ is only one letter shorter than ‘machine’ and, apart from that, it brings to mind those railway engines belching clouds of black smoke everywhere.”
Another voice growls from deep inside a heavily padded leather armchair. “Then what about something like, the Birmingham Small Arms Company’s internal combustionpowered motorised bicycle?”
The chairman immediately squashes this suggestion. “Blast it, Cruddington, that’s even longer, but using the word ‘motorised’ is moving on the right lines.”
More silence, interrupted by a stentorian voice from the far end of the room. “If I may interject, chairman?”
“Certainly, Sir Nigel, please do.”
“Well, my butler’s eldest boy works at the printers where Royal Enfield have their advertisements produced. He tells me they’re changing the name of their machine from a motor bicycle to a motorcycle.”
There is a stunned silence, followed by expressions of shock and cries of “I say!” and “The bounders!”
Once order’s restored the chairman speaks again. “Motorcycle? That’s not a word that exists in the English language! I’m not sure I approve, but we are in a new century now and, I suppose, we must accept change. Furthermore, it does clarify the nature of the product a little more. We could shorten it by saying, ‘The Birmingham Small Arms Company’s internal combustion engine-powered motorcycle.”
powered motorcycle.” There are nods and grunts of agreement all around, but there’s still a sense that not only is it still too long but, also, it’d be difficult to neatly signwrite it on every single petrol tank that left the factory.
It’s at this moment Tarquin shyly enters the room and attempts to catch his father’s eye.
“I say, chairman,” says a man, “isn’t that your boy?”
The chairman is not happy at the interruption. “Damn it all, Tarquin, what in blazes do you want?”
“Sorry, pater, but you said you wanted to see my work when I finished.”
Sir Nigel adds: “If I may observe, do we still need the word ‘engine’ as the ‘motor’ in ‘motorcycle’ fulfils the same function?”
“Hmm, you may be right,” says the chairman. “In fact, do we need ‘internal combustion’ either? It would shorten it to ‘The Birmingham Small Arms Company’s
“Oh, let him show you it,” says the voice from the armchair. “It’s not as if we’re making much progress. What’s it all about, boy?”
“It’s an essay about apiary, sir,” says Tarquin.
Another voice says, “What’s that, boy? Speak up, we won’t bite.”
Tarquin nervously repeats himself. “It’s an essay about apiary, sir.”
“What’s he say? Ape and ferry? Say it again, boy, and speak louder!”
Tarquin decides he should, perhaps, slightly change the words for greater clarity, and loudly says: “It’s a bee essay!”
There’s s a long silence. Then a clamour of voices. “That’s it!”
“So simple!”
“And short!”
“Well done, lad!”
The chairman basks in his son’s reflected glory and pronounces: “Well, gentlemen, it seems we all agree – the name on the tank of our new Birmingham Small Arms Company’s powered motorcycle shall just be a simple set of three letters – B.S.A.”
devil’s advocate
/dev.әlz ’æd.vә.kәt/
A person who expresses an opinion that disagrees with others so that there’ll be an interesting discussion about an issue – teachers o en play devil’s advocate to provoke discussion in the classroom.
FIREMAN? NO. TRAIN DRIVER? ER, NAH. COWBOY? NOPE. POLICEMAN? CERTAINLY NOT, YOU CHEEKY B’STARD.
IF YOU’D ASKED ME WHAT I WANTED TO BE WHEN I WAS A KID, YOU’D’VE RECEIVED ONE ANSWER, AND ONE ANSWER ONLY.
never varied and, in fact, if you ask me that same question 50 years on, then the answer remains the same – I wanted to be a pirate. As a keen amateur pirate spotter, I can tell you that the ‘Golden Age’ of piracy lasted no more than 80 years at the very most, and those wellknown names that became legend and lore roamed the high seas for a mere ten of those. Yet, 300 years on, we still know Captains Kidd, Teach, Bonnie and Pugwash, and the tales that surround them’re as vivid and appealing now as they ever were – not a bad legacy is it?
I’ve long wondered whether a desire to sail the oceans beneath a black flag might’ve played a part in me becoming a biker? I’ve always seen some distinct parallels between the two lives, but nothing to do with parrots, buried treasure, or wooden legs… although now I mention it… No, I think it’s ‘freedom’ or, at least, the promise of it where I see the greatest similarities, and freedom’s something I’ve always placed a great value on – being the captain of your own ship, never obliged to explain yourself, and generally aiming to live life on your own terms and, quite often, doing so while laughing in the face of a world trying to crush and subdue it. Misguided wistful notions? Romantic bollox? Well, it certainly isn’t the latter – ask any woman I’ve ever known to describe me in ten words or less, and I guarantee ‘romantic’ won’t be amongst them… although ‘bollox’ might be. Despite appearances, I wasn’t available in the early 1700s so never did get to Port Royal,
yet I still feel fortunate because I most certainly was available for the decades that spanned another golden age, and that was the golden age of biking. I’m convinced that many, or at least some, of you’ve experienced those same feelings and thoughts. I refuse to believe I was alone because if I was, then someone’ll need to explain to me who all those people were that I once shared a field with. Rolling on to a rally site Friday night felt like docking in Tortuga, or even the fabled isle of Libertalia if it was a particularly good do. There was always an underlying sense of uncertainty, an edge, and experience told you that anything could happen in the next day, hour, or minute. Once you were behind those hedges or beyond the walls, then you really were on an island of pirates, rogues, and buccaneers – there were no day-trippers, toe-dippers, or casual observers.
Now, if you didn’t discover the joy of bikes until after the turn of the last century, then I’m not really sure how to break this to you so perhaps it’s best if I just come straight out with it. You have my deepest and, for once, sincere sympathies because you missed it. That’s right, from what I can tell, it was a one-off – a tiny slice of history never to be repeated; a once-in-a-lifetime phenomenon… just not in your lifetime, obviously. Yes, the golden age is no more; it’s lost, buried forever beneath the shifting sands of surveillance, red tape, social change, apathy and age. Just how much of what you did yesterday could you get away with today, and could tomorrow be even worse? I doubt it’ll get any better, will it?
Quite obviously, pirates still exist, but these days it’s all speed boats
and automatic weapons, innit. The golden age of billowing sails and cannon’s gone, very much long gone – swallowed beneath the sea, and left to swing above the Thames on Execution Dock. There’s really not much that’s destined to last forever though, is there? Times change, as does the world it flows through and, sometimes, what’s left behind simply can’t sustain what’s gone before. We have to accept that some things are of a time and place, and they can only flourish when the conditions and environment allow it.
‘You bloody doom-monger, Norm.’ Of course, that’s been said so many times that I lost count years ago but, strangely, this isn’t actually a case in point. What you’ve just read isn’t rose-tinted retrograde gloom. No, it’s just a reminder that nothing stays the same no matter how much we might want it to.
If you’re sat there nodding, and perhaps dribbling, in agreement, then lift your eye patch, pour yourself a glass of something (Horlicks maybe), and raise it to the fact you were there – nothing more, nothing less, just that.
Too young to remember 1989 or 1997? More working years left in front of you than behind? Yeah? Well, I’d like to remind you that, although we might have been pirates, we weren’t living in the past but very much in the present, and that’s what you should be doing because there might just be another golden age round the corner but, if you’re continually looking over your shoulder, then you’ll miss it… again.
SOME BIKERS SAY THEY LOVE RIDING WHATEVER THE WEATHER. “COME RAIN OR SHINE, I’D RATHER BE ON MY BIKE THAN IN A CAR.”
Ias a courier as I used to. I spent over ago
’m not one of them. Every day I wake up and hear the rain pattering on my roof, I thank God I haven’t got to go out on the streets of London to make a living as a courier as I used to. I spent over five years in the ‘80s living in a prefab in Bethnal Green, impersonating a previous tenant, and forty years ago the winters were defi nitely colder – we got snow in the winters back then and, in 1986, for over a week the temperature hovered around minus three, even in the heart of London. I remember losing all feeling in my fi ngers before I reached the Mile End Road a quarter-mile from my little patch where 17 prefabs lurked like museum exhibits from a post-war era that time forgot.
One day I saw a rider coming toward me on what I learned was a BMW R100RS. It seemed a bit heavyweight for inner London courier work, but what impressed me was that the rider’s hands were completely invisible. The handlebars were short and tucked right inside the fairing, which contemporary wisdom declared was the fi nest fairing ever made (I still believe it is). “I’m getting one of those!” I shouted aloud to myself, and I did.
It was a bit tall for me, and the wide seat chafed the insides of my thighs within a day, so I got a different seat and a trusted friend lowered the front end. This was much better.
I’d discovered Rukkas by then, which meant I stayed dry… or at least most of me did, but not my hands. I tried
I’d discovered Rukkas by then, which meant I stayed dry… or at least most of me did, but not my hands. I tried gallon plastic oil cans cut away on one side, duct-taped around the handlebars, but they always got in the way of something. Then I tried wearing oven gloves with plastic overmitts, but I lost all dexterity and only missed colliding with traffi c by a hair’s breadth before ditching them. I saw some seriouslooking gloves advertised in Bike magazine, the advert depicting them covered in icicles. ‘Have warm, dry hands this winter’ was the lie beneath the image. The problem was that water’d run down my arms into these, and all other gloves, too, so they’d be soaked regardless of how waterproof
Marathon Couriers had an office in St John’s Street, that leads into Smithfield Market, and riders’d frequently pop back to the office if it was quiet. I had my own desk in there as the boss, Big Dave, was sympathetic to MAG, and so I had a typewriter and stacker trays permanently kept there so I could write letters and torment politicians. Now, Marathon Couriers had a surfeit of Daves. When a new rider turned up with the same name as the boss, he was naturally called Little Dave; then another Dave arrived so he was called New Dave. When a third Dave joined us, he was called Terribly New Dave, which got abbreviated to Terrors. Well, I remember coming in on one wet day, after I’d switched from my MZ to the BMW, and Terrors, who stood dripping inside the door, looked me up and down and asked: “Have you been outside?” I wasn’t wearing waterproofs, but was dry
by the way, wanted to travel the world more than anything, and was insanely jealous of me as I’d spent 12 years in the Merchant Navy and been around quite a bit. One very quiet day he was sitting watching a programme about Hong Kong on the TV in the riders’ end of the room, focused on an atmospheric Western bar called Ned Kelly’s. Unbeknown to me, he’d shared a concern with the others lounging around on the sofas. “Thank f**k Mutch isn’t here, he’s bound to say he’s been there.” A moment later I walked in, glanced at the screen, and declared loudly: “Bloody hell, that looks like Ned Kelly’s – I got pissed as a fart in there once.” A roar of laughter went up, and Terrors stormed over to the controller’s desk where she, Dawn, sat languidly smoking a joint staring at a phone that hadn’t rung for ages. “Give me a job!” he roared, “I’m out of here!”
What fun we had.
magazine, the advert depicting them covered in icicles. ‘Have warm, dry the glove material was – which it wasn’t. as a bone thanks to the RS fairing. He,
On that Hong Kong trip, after Ned Kelly’s I went to another bar. “It’s a whore bar,” I was told, “but if you’re not interested, they won’t bother you.” A stunning girl in black leather hot-pants bent over a pool table. I bought her a drink when she walked my way. She thanked me, returned to the table, and failed to bother me for the rest of the time I was there. I returned sulkily to my hotel and fl ew home the next day.
IAN ‘TURNED DOWN BY WHORES ON THREE CONTINENTS’ MUTCH
IAS I SIT HERE IN FRONT OF THE GLEAMING MONITOR OF MY BRAND-NEW DESKTOP PC, PURCHASED UNDER EXTREME DURESS IN RESPONSE TO MY PREVIOUS ONE AVERAGING TWELVE CRASHES PER DAY, A FEAT UNEQUALLED EVEN BY BARRY SHEENE* ON HIS MOST GRAVITATIONALLY CHALLENGED OF DAYS, I CAN’T HELP WONDERING, ‘WHEN DID LIFE BEGIN TO GET SO DAMNED COMPLICATED?’
own hands before playing the inevitable game of ‘Why have I got all of these bits left over?’ It was something I took great pride in!
There was a time when I could replace the clutch on a Triumph Spitfi re in two hours from inside the car on the street, when a professional garage’d have to lift the engine out with an electric hoist as part of a five-hour job. Now we seem to live in a world where, if something breaks, we have to replace it or, at the very least, it requires a computer and some specialised software to diagnose the problem or reset some damn thing or other. On my current car, I’d have to remove a front wheel and disconnect half of the front suspension simply to change the bastard fan belt…
still remember very clearly how simple a task it was to strip a pre-unit Triumph Bonneville engine, fi t new piston rings and big end shells, and then rebuild it, on my Mum’s kitchen table after breakfast, and have all my tools cleaned and put away before Sunday dinner. Now, blessed with (alleged) labour-saving technology, transferring everything from an old PC to a new one has had me apoplectic with rage and frustration for almost a week, and I still have the old one set up on my dining table just in case I need something else from it before I fi nally take my frustration out on it with my favourite 5lb lump hammer (don’t even get me started on what pounds or lump hammers are, youngsters).
I still remember, very clearly, how I could step out of the house with nothing but a sleeping bag, a tiny canvas tent, three bungees, and a pocket full of beer money and, after just eleven or twelve attempts, kickstart my bike and head off to a threeday party in a field with hundreds of bikers. Now, nine times out of ten, I can’t get three feet from the house without having to go back in to put the correct glasses on, then having to go
back in again to retrieve the bags I’d put down whilst changing the computer glasses for my seeing-stuff glasses. More often than not, this’s followed by ten minutes of searching for the bastard keys I foolishly put down while picking up said bags, and all this when I’m only going to ALDI to buy eggs, milk, teabags, a pair of scuba diving flippers, and a MIG welding set I don’t need. Then, on my way back, I notice a yellow warning light on the dashboard and, try as I might, I can’t ignore it so, after putting the shopping away, I dig out my toolbox, and lug it over to the car where, after a cursory look under the bonnet at the 95% inaccessible engine, carefully I cut a piece of insulation tape to put over the annoying warning light in the hope that the car doesn’t blow up before it’s due for an MoT, when the guys at the garage with the faultdiagnostics computer can identify the fault and fi x the bugger.
I used to actually enjoy working on bikes and cars when they had ‘personality’ and comprehensible engineering. I used to spend many a happy hour rolling about in the filth on the road under a jacked-up car (I’ve never been lucky enough to have a garage), or dragging a bike engine in from the garden on a dining chair (I’ve never been lucky enough to own a wheelbarrow), fi xing things with my
And which bona-fcuking-fide cockwomble came up with the idea that replacing steel chains with rubber belts was a good thing? When a timing chain in an engine begins to wear, it stretches a bit, and the engine gets noisy and runs like a sack of shite, so you replace the chain. When a rubber timing belt begins to wear, it snaps, causing the pistons to smash into the valves, and the engine’s totally f**ked! Which genius came up with that piece of unmitigated design f**kbollockry? Similarly, when a drive chain on a bike stretches and starts skipping, you can knock out a link at the side of the road and, at least, ride it home. If a rubber drive belt goes, you’re knackered. When exactly did the world become so inept and maladroit? What happened to new materials improving function, and technological advances making life easier?
Now you’re probably wondering, ‘What’s got Rick’s underpants chaffi ng his chocolate starfish so badly?’ Well, I’ll tell you. Three days ago, within a couple of hours of completing my lastminute tax assessment and paying an extortionate tax bill, fi nally I got around to filling out the application form to claim my state pension next month. (Believe it or not, you actually have to apply for something you’ve paid for all of your working life, or you don’t get it.) So, yes, I’m as annoyed as hell that the world appears to have ‘progressed’ in a regressive direction. My friends keep dying without consulting me; I’ve begun to prefer linen to denim; and I hate the way engine oil doesn’t smell like it used to, but what’s really twisting my tit is (takes deep breath) I’m old and I just don’t f**king like it!
RICK HULSE
*“Barry who?” I imagine younger readers saying, and they can imagine me shaking my head and replying, “Youth’s wasted on the young...”
