Issuu

SEPT/OCT 2023

JULY/AUG 2026 EDITION

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REGULARS 162

THE LORI FACTOR

170

TRAVELING WITH SHAUNA

134

LET’S GET L.I.T.

166

ANIMAL CARE SACTUARY CORNER

130

INSIDE A WOMAN’S MIND

148

ROCKSTAR SINGLE MOM LIFE

154

HER EDGE

REGULARS 104

VOICES OF ROCHESTER

112

ONE TOUGH MOTHER

BUILDING DREAMS TOGETHER Tim & Deb Smith

THE GRIEF BRIDGE

66 84

BECOMING HER SHE HUSTLES TALKS Mary Lawrence

156

DECORATING FOR YOUR EMOTIONAL HEALTH

138

THE OCASIO SYSTEM

HEALTH & WELLNESS 198

AT HOME WITH WELLNESS

MINUTES MATTER

118

HEALING, GROWTH & REDISCOVERY Lifewave

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178

20 COVER STORY Camille Lee Gunther

WHAT ABOUT THE MEN?

Michael Tandoi

142 MORE THAN MANNERS

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Be Seen. Be Heard. Be Visible. There is something powerful about a woman who decides she no longer needs permission to take up space, chase her dreams, or define success on her own terms. That is exactly what our latest cover woman, Camille Lee, represents. Camille is a drift car racer competing in a motorsports world still largely dominated by men. But what I love most about her story isn’t that she’s trying to prove she belongs there. She already knows she does. Her confidence comes from focusing on her own growth, trusting herself, and continuing to get better every time she gets behind the wheel. But Camille is so much more than a racer. She is also a licensed aesthetician and cosmetologist, an entrepreneur, and the creator of Bad Girl Style. Her story reminds us that women don’t have to choose between being feminine and fearless, glamorous and gritty, creative and competitive. We can be all of it. Throughout this edition, you’ll meet other incredible women from our community who are empowering, inspiring, leading, building businesses, overcoming challenges, and making a difference. Their journeys may look completely different, but they all have something important in common: they have a story worth sharing. For more than 17 years, that has been the heart of Rochester Woman Online Magazine. The world has changed tremendously since we first started publishing. Social media has changed. Marketing has changed. The way we connect has changed. But people still connect with people. They connect with authenticity, vulnerability, inspiration, and stories that make them realize they aren’t alone. That’s why being visible in 2026 matters. Being visible isn’t about ego. It’s about opportunity. It’s about allowing the right people to find you, understand what you do, hear your message, support your business, and connect with your story. For more than 17 years, we’ve been proud to provide women and businesses with that platform. And now, I want to hear from YOU. Who should we feature next? Is there a woman you think belongs on our cover? Is there a new column you’d love to see? Do you know someone doing incredible things in our community who deserves recognition? Or maybe you have a business, organization, upcoming project, or personal story you’d finally like to share. Reach out. Nominate someone. Pitch us an idea. Tell us what you want to read about—and tell us who we need to know. Because after more than 17 years, our mission remains simple: BE SEEN. BE HEARD. BE VISIBLE. Thank you for continuing to read, share, advertise, contribute, and grow alongside Rochester Woman Online Magazine. We are incredibly proud of what we’ve built together—and even more excited about what’s still ahead. Here’s to the women telling their stories, creating their own paths, and inspiring the rest of us along the way. With love & gratitude,

Kelly Breuer - Publisher

T T

ON OUR COVER

Our July/August cover woman, Camille Lee Gunther was shot on location at the Big Indian Race Tracs.

ROCHESTER WOMAN ONLINE :: JULY/AUGUST EDITION 2026

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Rochester Woman ONLINE is the premier professional woman’s online publication in the Greater Rochester area. Our feature articles address major topics that interest local women. Each issue includes articles on health, fashion, fitness, finance, dining, lifestyle and personal perspectives, as well as a spotlight on local area women. The electronic magazines are distributed freely through your favorite app store and will be in your inbox electronically by the first week of every month. The publication is available free of charge. Please feel free to contact publisher Kelly Breuer at 585.727.9120 or you can email us at networkrocqueen@gmail.com. Download our current media kit at www.rochesterwomanonline.com. The magazine is published 12 times a year by Rochester Woman ONLINE. Copyright © 2024. Rochester Woman ONLINE. No part of this magazine may be reproduced or republished without the consent of the publisher. Rochester Woman ONLINE is not responsible for unsolicited submissions, manuscripts, photos or artwork. All such submissions become the property of Rochester Woman ONLINE and will not be returned.

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BAD GIRL STYLE YOU ARE ENOUGH. BY NICOLE HEROUX WILLIAMS I PHOTOS BY NSP STUDIO

Camille Lee: Drifting Through Life with Confidence, Courage, and Her Own Definition of Success The roar of the engine echoes across the track long before the car ever begins to move. Spectators line the fence, cameras poised, conversations fading into the background as another driver prepares to take the course. The scent of race fuel hangs in the air, blending with the unmistakable smell of burning rubber that has become synonymous with the world of drifting. It’s loud. It’s fast. It’s unpredictable. For many, it can be intimidating. For Camille Lee, it feels like home. Sitting behind the wheel, helmet strapped tightly beneath her chin, Camille takes one final breath before everything else disappears. In these few quiet seconds, there is no audience, no social media, no expectations— only the rhythm of the engine beneath her hands and the course stretched out in front of her. She knows that once she leaves the starting line, every decision must happen in a fraction of a second. There is no room for hesitation. Drifting demands complete trust in both the machine and the driver. It is a dance between control and chaos, where confidence matters just as much as horsepower. For Camille, that feeling never gets old. “It’s exhilarating,” she says with a smile. “It’s a rush of excitement.”

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It is a simple description for something that is anything but simple. To those unfamiliar with drifting, it may look like controlled chaos. Cars slide sideways around corners at incredible speeds, tires producing thick clouds of smoke while engines scream at full throttle. From the outside, it appears as though the driver has lost control. In reality, the exact opposite is true. Every movement of the steering wheel, every

tap of the throttle, every adjustment of the brakes requires extraordinary precision and focus. The difference between success and failure can be measured in inches. That challenge is exactly what captured Camille’s attention years ago. Unlike traditional racing, where the objective is simply crossing the finish line first, drifting has always been about style, creativity, and expression. Every driver develops their own personality behind the wheel, and every car reflects the person who built it. It is part motorsport, part

art form, and entirely its own culture. “I like the style of drifting more than any other motorsport,” Camille explains. “The customized cars and drift teams are really unique.” That uniqueness resonated with her immediately. Long before she became known on the track, Camille had always appreciated creativity. While many people now recognize her as a drift driver and entrepreneur, there is another side of her life that surprises almost everyone she meets. Aw a y f ro m t h e racetrack, Camille is a licensed aesthetician and cosmetologist. She has a passion for beauty, skincare, and helping others feel confident in their own skin. She is also a self-described rock and fossil enthusiast who loves spending time exploring beaches in search of hidden treasures or browsing antique shops looking for unique pieces with stories of their own. It’s an unexpected combination. The woman who spends weekends sliding race cars sideways at high speed is the same woman who can lose herself for hours examining fossils, searching for vintage finds, or creating beauty content. While society often encourages women to choose one identity—to be either feminine or fearless, stylish or mechanical, glamorous or gritty—

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YOU ARE ENOUGH.

“Camille understands that success isn’t built during the exciting moments everyone applauds. It’s built during the quiet moments when no one is watching.”

BY NICOLE HEROUX WILLIAMS I PHOTOS BY NSP STUDIO

Camille has never believed those labels applied to her.

on what I’m doing.”

Perhaps that’s one of the reasons she has become such an inspiring presence within the drifting community. She isn’t trying to change who she is in order to fit into a male-dominated sport. Instead, she has brought every part of herself along for the ride.

Those words reveal something far deeper than confidence. They reveal peace. In a world dominated by social media, where every opinion seems amplified and every accomplishment invites comparison, Camille has chosen a different path. She has learned that success doesn’t come from constantly looking over your shoulder to see who is watching. It comes from looking straight ahead and continuing to move forward.

That authenticity has become one of her greatest strengths.

That philosophy extends far beyond the race track.

The world of drifting continues to be overwhelmingly male, but Camille doesn’t spend much time thinking about that. In fact, she sees it as an opportunity rather than an obstacle.

Like every athlete, every entrepreneur, and every dreamer chasing something meaningful, Camille has experienced moments when passion begins to feel like pressure. What started as something exciting can slowly transform into something that demands perfection. “The moments where you feel so much pressure to be perfect can definitely ruin a hobby into feeling like work,” she admits.

She simply refuses to fit inside someone else’s definition.

“For me,” she says, “knowing there are very few women doing this gives me more confidence to do my best.” It is a mindset that immediately stands out. Many people entering industries where they are underrepresented focus on proving themselves to everyone else. Camille’s perspective is refreshingly different. She isn’t interested in winning approval. She isn’t trying to silence critics. She isn’t keeping score based on someone else’s expectations. Her only competition is the person she was yesterday. “I really don’t think of anyone else’s opinion,” she says. “I truly stay focused

It’s an honest observation that many people can relate to, whether they’ve ever sat behind the wheel of a drift car or not. There comes a point in every journey where expectations begin to grow. Friends begin watching. Sponsors take notice. Followers increase. Opportunities become larger. Suddenly, the thing you once did purely because you loved it begins carrying the weight of responsibility. For some people, that’s enough to make them walk away.

For Camille, it has simply become another lesson in balance. She has learned that perfection isn’t the goal. Growth is. Every event becomes another opportunity to improve. Every mistake becomes another lesson. Every mechanical issue becomes another reminder that success is never a straight line. That perspective has helped shape not only the driver she is becoming but the entrepreneur she is building herself to be. Camille’s proudest accomplishment isn’t a single trophy or one unforgettable run around the track. Instead, it’s something much bigger. “Pushing myself to do better every time,” she says, “and creating a brand that people can enjoy.” That answer speaks volumes about the person behind the helmet. For Camille, drifting has never been solely about competition. It has become a platform for creativity, community, and inspiration. It has given her the opportunity to build something that reaches beyond motorsports and into the lives of people who may never set foot on a race track. In many ways, the car became only the beginning of the journey. The destination was always something much larger. ROCHESTER WOMAN ONLINE :: JULY/AUGUST EDITION 2026 25

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YOU ARE ENOUGH.

“For her, racing and beauty have never existed on opposite ends of the spectrum. They have always been part of the same story.” BY NICOLE HEROUX WILLIAMS I PHOTOS BY NSP STUDIO

And that destination would eventually become known as Bad Girl Style. The deeper Camille became involved in drifting, the more she realized that success in the sport had very little to do with simply knowing how to drive. Anyone can learn to steer a car around a corner, but drifting demands something far more complex. It requires patience, discipline, mechanical knowledge, quick decision-making, and perhaps most importantly, the ability to remain calm when everything around you feels completely out of control. To an outsider, drifting often appears effortless. The cars glide sideways through sweeping turns, tires producing thick clouds of smoke while fans cheer from the sidelines. It’s exciting, loud, and visually captivating. But what spectators don’t always see are the countless hours that happen before those few adrenalinefilled moments on the track. They don’t see the late nights spent repairing suspension components, replacing worn tires, diagnosing mechanical issues, or loading trailers long after everyone else has gone to bed. They don’t see the endless travel, the unexpected breakdowns on the highway, or the sacrifices made to spend another weekend chasing a dream. Those unseen moments are where real drivers are made. Like every motorsports competitor, Camille has experienced her share of setbacks. Mechanical failures don’t care how much preparation you’ve put into your car. Parts wear out. Engines fail. 26

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Something that worked perfectly one weekend may unexpectedly break the next. Add in the long hours of traveling from event to event, and it quickly becomes clear that drifting is about far more than what happens once the green flag drops.

drifting world often functions more like an extended family. Drivers lend tools. Teams help repair competitors’ cars. Experienced racers willingly offer advice to newcomers. Success isn’t viewed as something that has to come at someone else’s expense.

“Some setbacks are mechanical issues with the car and long-distance traveling,” Camille explains matter-of-factly.

Instead, there is a shared understanding that when one driver improves, the entire community becomes stronger. For a young woman entering an industry where men still make up the overwhelming majority of competitors, that support system has proven invaluable. Yet Camille is quick to point out that she has never allowed statistics or stereotypes to define her experience.

It’s a simple statement, but anyone involved in racing understands exactly what she means. Motorsports have a way of testing not only your skill behind the wheel but your patience, your finances, and your determination. Every driver eventually discovers that resilience is just as important as horsepower. Fortunately for Camille, she has never had to navigate that journey alone. One of the defining chapters of her story has been finding a home within the incredible community at Big Indian Drift Pit and Big Indian Motorsports. While the sport itself is competitive, the people within it have become something much more meaningful than fellow racers. They’ve become teammates, mentors, supporters, and friends who celebrate each other’s victories while helping one another through inevitable challenges. “The community has definitely helped shape me into a better driver,” Camille says. “It has made me excited to have a brand to share with everyone.” That sense of belonging is something that continues to draw people into drifting. Unlike many sports where competitors remain isolated from one another, the

In fact, she views being one of the few women behind the wheel as a source of motivation rather than intimidation. While many assume female racers constantly battle feelings of being underestimated, Camille’s outlook remains refreshingly grounded. “I haven’t ever felt underestimated,” she says. “But I do believe people underestimate women in motorsports.” It’s an important distinction. Her confidence doesn’t come from proving people wrong. It comes from knowing exactly who she is. She has learned that other people’s opinions carry very little weight when you’re focused on your own goals. Instead of spending energy worrying about whether someone believes she belongs, she invests that energy into becoming a better driver every single time she climbs into the car.

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“CONFIDENCE

is a mind-over-body power, when you can calm your MIND and figure out who you are, that’s where it comes from.

”

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YOU ARE ENOUGH.

“I wanted to create something that girls can relate to and get excited over. There’s not many girl brands in this industry.” BY NICOLE HEROUX WILLIAMS I PHOTOS BY NSP STUDIO

That quiet confidence has become one of her defining characteristics. It also challenges one of the biggest misconceptions surrounding women in motorsports. For decades, many people have assumed that women involved in racing are simply drivers while leaving the mechanical work to someone else. Camille smiles when that stereotype comes up because she has encountered it more than once. “I think people are surprised if a female knows the ins and outs of how to fix something on a car.” 30

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It may seem like a small observation, but it speaks volumes about the outdated assumptions that still exist in certain circles. Today’s female racers aren’t simply passengers behind the wheel. They are engineers, fabricators, mechanics, business owners, marketers, photographers, content creators, and entrepreneurs. Many build their own cars from the ground up, troubleshoot mechanical failures between runs, and understand every bolt holding their vehicles together. Camille represents this new generation of women who refuse to let traditional

expectations define what they’re capable of accomplishing. Ironically, she doesn’t spend much time thinking about changing those expectations at all. When asked what she would change about the motorsports industry for future generations of women, her answer comes as a surprise. “I wouldn’t change anything,” she says thoughtfully. “I like the confidence someone needs to actually be able to do it.”

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YOU ARE ENOUGH.

“In a world where confidence is often measured by followers, likes, or outside validation, Camille offers a refreshing perspective. She believes confidence begins internally.” BY NICOLE HEROUX WILLIAMS I PHOTOS BY NSP STUDIO

Rather than asking the sport to become easier or more accommodating, Camille appreciates the challenge itself. She believes confidence is earned through experience, persistence, and showing up again and again—even after things don’t go according to plan. There is something incredibly empowering about that perspective. Instead of waiting for doors to open, she simply walks through them. Perhaps that’s why the moments immediately before a drift run remain so addictive. Every event begins the same way. The engine idles beneath her. The steering wheel feels familiar in her hands. The crowd waits just beyond the barriers. For a brief moment, time almost seems to slow down. Then everything changes. The throttle opens. The rear tires break loose. The car rotates sideways. And instinct takes over. Trying to explain drifting to someone who has never experienced it is almost impossible, but Camille offers an explanation that perfectly captures both the physical and emotional side of the sport. “The power of the car and your mindset to know that if you keep going, it really works out.” At first glance, she seems to be describing driving.

In reality, she’s describing life.

She called it Bad Girl Style.

Sometimes success comes from trusting yourself enough to keep moving forward, even when everything feels uncertain. Sometimes the only way through fear is to commit completely. Hesitation creates doubt. Confidence creates momentum. Those lessons have followed Camille far beyond the race track.

It wasn’t just another clothing brand. It was becoming a movement.

She believes one of the greatest gifts motorsports has given her is understanding the importance of focus and determination. “Knowing that focus and drive can take you anywhere.” Simple words. Powerful truth. Whether building a business, pursuing a career, chasing athletic goals, or simply trying to become the best version of yourself, distractions will always exist. The people who ultimately succeed are often the ones who continue moving forward while everyone else is busy looking around. That unwavering focus has become the foundation not only of Camille’s racing career but also of her entrepreneurial journey. As her confidence behind the wheel continued to grow, another dream quietly began taking shape away from the race track. It was a vision inspired by the same creativity that first attracted her to drifting—a vision that combined fashion, beauty, confidence, and motorsports into something the industry had been missing for far too long.

If there is one thing that becomes abundantly clear after spending time with Camille Lee, it’s that she refuses to be defined by a single label. Society has always been quick to place people into categories. You’re either athletic or artistic. You’re either interested in beauty or you’re passionate about cars. You’re either glamorous or gritty. For women especially, those expectations can feel even more limiting. Too often, they’re made to believe that in order to be taken seriously in one space, they have to tone down another part of themselves. Camille has never subscribed to that way of thinking. For her, racing and beauty have never existed on opposite ends of the spectrum. They have always been part of the same story. “I think for myself, makeup is just a key part of my life,” she says. “Racing is just an extension of it. No matter what field women are in, they shouldn’t have to think twice if they want to wear makeup or not.” It’s a statement that feels simple on the surface, but it carries a much deeper message. Women shouldn’t have to choose between strength and femininity. They shouldn’t have to prove they’re “one of the guys” to earn respect, nor should they feel pressured to hide their ROCHESTER WOMAN ONLINE :: JULY/AUGUST EDITION 2026 35

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YOU ARE ENOUGH.

“She credits Big Indian Motorsports as one of her biggest supporters, helping her continue growing both as a driver and as an entrepreneur.” BY NICOLE HEROUX WILLIAMS I PHOTOS BY NSP STUDIO

personality to fit into a traditionally male-dominated environment. Camille isn’t interested in changing who she is depending on where she happens to be standing. Whether she’s at the racetrack with grease on her hands or working as a licensed aesthetician helping clients feel beautiful, she’s the same person. Authenticity has become her greatest superpower. That authenticity eventually inspired something much bigger than racing itself. As Camille continued growing within the drifting community, she noticed something missing. There were countless brands celebrating motorsports, but very few that truly spoke to women who loved the sport while embracing their own personal style. There wasn’t much that reflected the energy, confidence, and individuality she saw in herself and so many other female drivers. Rather than waiting for someone else to create it, she decided to build it herself. Bad Girl Style was born. “The brand goes along with the style of driving,” Camille explains. “I wanted to create something that girls can relate to and get excited over. There’s not many girl brands in this industry.” Those words reveal that Bad Girl Style isn’t simply about clothing or merchandise. It’s about representation. It’s about creating something that says, “You belong here.” 36

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Whether that “here” is a drift event, a car show, a garage, or simply everyday life, Camille wants women to feel like they can show up exactly as they are. The name itself immediately sparks curiosity. Bad Girl Style. To some, it may sound rebellious. To Camille, it means something entirely different. “A wild girl-driven power that is unstoppable.” Unstoppable. That single word seems to summarize everything about the way she approaches life. She isn’t chasing someone else’s definition of success. She isn’t trying to fit inside a mold that was created years before she arrived. Instead, she’s building a lifestyle that encourages people—especially women—to embrace confidence, individuality, and fearlessness. For Camille, confidence has very little to do with appearance. It’s something much deeper. “Confidence is a mind-over-body power,” she explains. “When you can calm your mind and figure out who you are, that’s where it comes from.” In a world where confidence is often measured by followers, likes, or outside validation, Camille offers a refreshing perspective. She believes confidence

begins internally. It grows through experience, self-awareness, and learning to trust yourself, even when nobody else fully understands your vision. Perhaps that’s why she rarely talks about proving anyone wrong. She isn’t motivated by criticism. She isn’t driven by comparison. She’s motivated by growth. Every drift event teaches her something new. Every challenge presents another opportunity to improve. Every setback reminds her that progress isn’t always linear. That same mindset carries directly into her business. Bad Girl Style continues evolving alongside Camille herself. While many entrepreneurs carefully map out detailed five-year plans, Camille admits she prefers embracing the unknown. “I don’t really have a plan,” she says with a laugh. “I’m just excited to see where everything goes.” Some might interpret that as uncertainty. In reality, it’s optimism. She understands that life rarely follows a perfectly drawn blueprint. Some of the greatest opportunities appear unexpectedly. New partnerships develop. Creative ideas emerge. Communities grow naturally. Instead of trying to force every detail into place, she’s allowing herself the freedom to evolve. One thing she does know is that she

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YOU ARE ENOUGH.

“I don’t really have a plan,” she says with a laugh. “I’m just excited to see where everything goes.” BY NICOLE HEROUX WILLIAMS I PHOTOS BY NSP STUDIO

herself the freedom to evolve. One thing she does know is that she wants to continue creating even cooler products for her brand. That excitement is contagious because it comes from a genuine love for creating. While Bad Girl Style may have started within the motorsports community, its message reaches far beyond the racetrack. It’s about believing in yourself. It’s about expressing yourself unapologetically. It’s about creating confidence that people can literally wear. When asked what she hopes women experience when they wear her clothing or use her products, Camille doesn’t hesitate. “I hope women—or anyone—feel a strong sense of confidence.” Notice that she doesn’t limit her answer to women alone. While the brand was inspired by empowering female drivers, the message itself is universal. Confidence belongs to everyone. That inclusive mindset reflects the type of leader Camille is quietly becoming. She isn’t trying to create division. She’s building community. That sense of community has played

a significant role throughout her own journey. She credits Big Indian Motorsports as one of her biggest supporters, helping her continue growing both as a driver and as an entrepreneur. Alongside that support, Camille also speaks passionately about the DK Ladies League, a group of women who have shown her what genuine encouragement looks like within the drifting world. “My friends with DK Ladies League are definitely a huge part of understanding a community of drivers and supporting each other.” In industries where competition often takes center stage, it’s refreshing to hear someone celebrate collaboration instead. Women supporting women. Drivers encouraging drivers. Businesses lifting one another up. That philosophy mirrors something we believe deeply here at Rochester Woman Online Magazine—that success becomes far more meaningful when it’s shared. Social media often paints an unrealistic picture of entrepreneurship and racing. Beautiful photos. Perfect lighting. Amazing cars. Exciting events. Smiling faces. But behind every highlight reel are the moments no one posts. The frustration when a part unexpectedly fails. The exhaustion after driving hundreds of miles to an event. The financial investment that few people ever see. The uncertainty of building a business from the ground up.

The countless hours spent creating products, managing inventory, designing graphics, answering customer messages, planning future launches, and finding ways to continue growing. Those moments rarely make it onto Instagram. But they’re the moments that shape character. Camille understands that success isn’t built during the exciting moments everyone applauds. It’s built during the quiet moments when no one is watching. When she continues showing up anyway. When she keeps learning. When she keeps creating. When she refuses to quit. As both a racer and entrepreneur, Camille represents a generation that is redefining what success looks like. It’s no longer about fitting neatly into one career path or one identity. Today’s women are building businesses while pursuing passions. They’re wearing racing suits one day and running companies the next. They’re refusing to apologize for having multiple interests, multiple talents, and multiple dreams. Camille embodies that evolution beautifully. She has discovered that confidence isn’t something you’re born with. It’s something you build. One lap. One lesson. One decision at a time. And for Camille Lee, the journey is only beginning. ROCHESTER WOMAN ONLINE :: JULY/AUGUST EDITION 2026 39

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TIM & DEB SMITH PHOTOS BY KENT FRIEL & OTHERS

Tim and Deb Smith are keeping the flame of community reporting burning in print, with their weekly columns and inspiring features. Add that to this super couple’s ability to educate, inform, inspire, motivate and captivate us all, with their incredible wit and whimsy, knowledge and thoughtful subjects, I just don’t know how this Dynamic Duo, does it all. When they are not streaking across our local sky, capes blowing in the wind behind them reporting, reliving, revealing, rejuvenating and absolutely stunning us with their wisdom, this down-to-earth, very special and loving couple, grace our town with welcome arms and pens in hands, sharing their warm and sincere company. They truly are, one (make that 2), in a million! For readers who may be meeting you for the first time, who are Tim and Deb Smith beyond the books, community service, and incredible collection of treasures that fill your lives? Another element of our story that stands out is the joy we take in entertaining people. Over the past several years, we have spoken at dozens of historical societies and libraries around the county. Please allow us to tap into that for a passage that provides a perspective on how we got started and how we have come to be the couple we are today. Rather than reinvent the wheel, we’ll share our script for introducing ourselves, as we do in our presentations. TIM ~ We have a rather unique backstory that we thought we’d share with you before talking about our books. When we were in 8th grade, Deb was a Lima Indian, and I was a Honeoye Falls Hornet. The merger between those two school districts occurred in between 8th and 9th grade for us, so we were the first class to spend all 4 years as Honeoye Falls-Lima Cougars. We met on the first day of high school, dated for all 4 years, then went to different colleges and ended up not seeing each other again for literally 40 years until my Mom passed away. DEB ~ I heard about it through the grapevine 44

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in Virginia Beach, where I was teaching. I sent Tim a sympathy card, he wrote back, one thing led to another, and after I retired from teaching that year, he came down, picked me up, brought me back home, and now we’re married and living happily ever after in beautiful downtown Mendon. One unique aspect of our second courtship was that every day when I would go to the faculty mailroom, there would be an envelope from Tim waiting for me. The contents would be a letter that I had written to him 40 years ago; he saved them all. TIM ~ Yeah, it took me a long time to play those cards! (That line never fails to draw a laugh, and then we’re up and running.) You are the authors of seven published books—a remarkable accomplishment for anyone, let alone as a husband-andwife team. How did your writing journey begin, and what inspired you to put your stories on paper? The timing of this question is fortuitously ironic, as this month we are celebrating the 10th anniversary of our career as volunteer writers for the Mendon-Honeoye Falls Lima Sentinel. (We’ll note that, in addition to the towns in the title, we are also the official paper for various other surrounding communities, serving Rush, Henrietta, Pittsford, Scottsville, Wheatland, Avon, and West Bloomfield.) We live near the four corners of beautiful downtown Mendon and, as fate would have it, the newspaper office is literally right next door to our home. We shared our backstory with Sentinel owner, Betsy Carosa, and Sentinel publisher, Chris Carosa, and they asked us if we would write our story for the paper. We enjoyed writing it, the community enjoyed reading it, and by popular demand, we were recruited into the role of weekly contributors. What is it like collaborating creatively as a

couple, and what have you learned about partnership through the writing process? Tim did write for some animation magazines back in the ‘90s, when he was pioneering his academic curriculum that used animation to teach language arts skills, which was sold to help launch Ted Turner’s Cartoon Network. (In 1992, Tim was invited to speak at the World Festival of Animated Films, which was held in Zagreb, Croatia.) Back in the day, people used to ask Tim if he really loved to write. In reflecting upon that question, Tim’s honest response was, “No, I don’t actually love writing, but I love having written.” To explain that concept, he would convey that while the process itself was arduous, the sense of accomplishment upon finishing something he was really proud of made it all worthwhile. The difference between that earlier literary stint and what we’ve done collectively is all about the process. While we definitely take pride in our finished products, we have managed to turn the writing process into something that is rewarding in and of itself. As we sit in front of our computers cranking out the commentary, there are many occasions upon which we crack each other up. As we are in our creative process, it is not unusual for us to make each other laugh so hard that we cry. Seven books is an incredible milestone. Which project has meant the most to each of you personally, and why? This one is certainly a tough call as we’ve written projects dedicated to women, African Americans, and local history, among other topics. But if we had to single out just one book that resonated on a global level, we would have to go with our 2024 treatise titled Crowning the Animal Kingdom ~ All Creatures Great and Small. That one started out with just us as coauthors, working on a project that would focus on the animal kingdom in pop culture. Along the way, we had the idea to connect

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{ SHIFT+CONTROL } { BUILDING DREAMS TOGETHER } “We are most proud of the fact that we have become the mouthpiece of our community. If a person, church, business, or other entity wants their story told, we are the conduit through which their voice can be heard.”

with zoos around the country, which led to the addition of a wildlife conservation element. We asked zoos to contribute their most meaningful animal stories, and after receiving input from at least one targeted zoo in each of the 50 states, we decided to make the project a global one. A virtual zoological stampede ensued, with people from all over the planet asking to participate. We ended up with input from 107 countries, and, in addition to creating some comedy, we managed to raise global awareness of environmental and animal issues. The head of the national zoo in Ukraine wrote to tell us that he could hear bombs exploding in the background as he persevered with his animal breeding program. A line we like to use is that this book started with 2 authors and ended up with 200! Your lives seem deeply rooted in giving back. What first sparked your passion for community service and charitable work? As two retired school teachers, we’d spent a lifetime giving of ourselves to our students, and when that outlet ended, we were driven to seek some form of service that would extend our ability to bless others. When our talent and affinity for writing became appreciated and sought after by our community, it became clear to us that God was steering us in that direction. You donate so much of your time to helping others. What is it about serving your community that continues to inspire and motivate you? We are going to allow the Rochester Democrat & Chronicle’s senior sports writer, Sal Maiorana, to answer this one for you. About us he wrote… At a time when local newspapers are falling faster than the leaves in October, the work that Tim and Deb are doing with their publications is vital to the preservation of local news. And taking that a step further,

their devotion to the history of Rochester and its surrounding area is equally as important and passionate, and it shines through in this wonderful compilation of priceless stories that, woven together, tell the rich history of Monroe County. As someone who has been fighting the good fight at the Democrat and Chronicle for nearly 40 years, I highly recommend this latest of the Smiths’ collection of books. Can you share a moment or experience from your volunteer work that touched your hearts and reminded you why giving back matters? Kelly… we had three ideas spring to mind on this topic, and we thought we’d include them all, which provides you with the opportunity to use whichever story you think would most resonate with your readers. You may recall the accident that occurred on January 20, 2021, when a New York Army National Guard Black Hawk helicopter crashed in Mendon, taking the lives of three soldiers. In the aftermath of that tragedy, the community created a memorial to honor the fallen servicemen. During the warm weather, we always set up a “sidewalk office” with a table and our computers, and we write as we overlook the four corners. On one such occasion, a pick-up truck came speeding up towards us, screeching to a halt on the sidewalk next to our workstation. The farmer who owned the property that was the site of the memorial hopped out of the vehicle to share the negative news that two U.S. flags had been stolen from the site. His immediate reaction to the unfortunate turn of events was to come to us with an urgent appeal that we needed to get the news out to the community and issue an appeal to rectify the situation. While the incident was unfortunate, it did make us feel inspired to know that there is a sense within the community that if something important happens, the Smiths are the conduit through which the word needs to be spread.

Or When Honeoye Falls-Lima Central School began its Unified Basketball program for students with special needs, we got involved on multiple levels. We wrote about the program for the paper, recorded video of the team throughout the year, and put together a video which can be found on YouTube at the following link: h t t p s : / / w w w. y o u t u b e . c o m / watch?v=BersFykFdy8&t=62s Both the video we created and the Sentinel articles we wrote, were shared by HF-L Athletic Director Brian Donohue with the entire New York State Unified Basketball committee, of which Brian was an original member. Or When our (step)son Skyler decided he wanted to follow in our footsteps and write for the Sentinel, we racked our brains to come up with a concept of how to best make that work. We came up with “Skyler Smith’s Tour of Mendon,” a series of articles in which Skyler and we collaborated to shine a spotlight upon multiple businesses in the community. The three of us set up interviews with business owners, discussed what we saw as being the most important points, and then we would complete the final written version for the paper. This was originally envisioned as a series that would run for a handful of issues, but the community totally embraced the concept, and we had people lining up to participate. By the time we had exhausted all the possibilities, the series ended up running for exactly 100 weeks. It was a quadrilaterally successful initiative which benefitted Skyler, local readers, the newspaper itself, and the featured businesses. You have to love it when everybody wins! ROCHESTER WOMAN ONLINE :: JULY/AUGUST EDITION 2026 47

{ BUILDING DREAMS TOGETHER } { SHIFT+CONTROL } “As two retired school teachers, we’d spent a lifetime giving of ourselves to our students, and when that outlet ended, we were driven to seek some form of service that would extend our ability to bless others.”

Many people talk about wanting to make a difference, but you actually live it every day. What advice would you give to others looking to become more involved in their communities? We would advise people to assess their given situation and ask themselves what talents or connections they might have to effect change and impact lives. Use your platform to make a difference. As a couple, how do you balance your creative pursuits, charitable work, and everyday life while still making time for each other? The beauty of our scenario is that the charitable work is done together as a team. It’s the ultimate mutually symbiotic scenario. We are simultaneously making time for each other while we’re in the process of following our creative pursuits and blessing others through our charitable work. One of the things that makes your story so unique is your home—or perhaps more accurately, your incredible collection. Many describe it as stepping into a museum filled with history, memories, and fascinating treasures. Tell us about it and how it all began. We’ve collected things since we were kids, and sharing that collection with others has been a passion that evolved into a business, which we operated out of our home. When we were kids, the building we currently live in was a mom-and-pop hardware store where the owners lived in one half and operated their business in the other half. That “other half ” we have always referred to as our gallery, and it features the collectibles we want people to see first when they enter our museum. Originally, we were buying and selling memorabilia, but as our focus shifted toward entertaining and contributing to the community, we phased out the 48

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business component. Eventually, our most treasured possessions filled our space to the point where we would explain to people that, “If you can see it on the wall, it’s not for sale.” We host an eclectic collection of memorabilia, with autographed items ranging from Babe Ruth to Bart Simpson to Bruce Springsteen. Baseball, Bad Boys, and The Boss. Is there a particular piece or item in your collection that carries a special story or personal meaning? Right now, we happen to be in the midst of a project that has resulted in our accumulating a collection that exceeds anything we’ve previously accomplished. In 2025, we published our 7th book, Royally Regaling Greater Rochester ~ Taking Stock of the ROC, which collected stories from all of the 19 towns and 10 villages that comprise Monroe County. We subsequently had the idea to take two copies of our book and designate them to be donated to charity auctions such as Lollypop Farm and Channel 21. We took those two books, hit the road, and undertook a process that has taken months of time, and covered thousands of miles. In this project, we have had as many people as possible who are in the book, or affiliated with an organization in the book, sign our two charity books. We’ve solicited the signatures of mayors, supervisors, historians, librarians and business owners. We currently have over 200 signees and over 400 signatures, with some people signing in more than one place. In the midst of the process, we had some organizations step up and offer to include signed items in addition to our two books. The Amerks contributed two team-signed hockey sticks, the Red

Wings contributed two team-signed baseballs, and the Knighthawks also contributed team-signed lacrosse items. So while we will eventually contribute everything to charity, we are currently in possession of two sets of Rochester-based collectibles that are perhaps more unique than anything previously assembled in the history of the city! Your collection reflects a love of history, storytelling, and preservation. What do you think these objects teach us about the people and generations who came before us? When we wrote our books on the history and comedy of women, African Americans, and local history, we spent years researching these topics with the goal of educating and entertaining our readers while documenting for posterity the history of previous generations. If visitors could only see one room or one display in your “museum of everything,” what would you want them to experience first and why? We described our home/museum living space to some degree above, explaining how it is a combination of residential and commercial space. The front room of our gallery is unique in that, because it was formerly a business, it features glass showcase windows across the entire span of that part of the building. This is our workspace, the place where we count on our creativity to rise to the surface, the place where ideas are transferred from our souls to the printed page. This is the one room where we surround ourselves with the greatest sources of inspiration. Our museum ascends to its zenith in this particular room. We love this room because, amidst the treasures, it also affords us the opportunity to gaze out over the four corners of the

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{ BUILDING DREAMS TOGETHER } { SHIFT+CONTROL } “The beauty of our scenario is that the charitable work is done together as a team. It’s the ultimate mutually symbiotic scenario.”

hamlet we call home, and just watch the world go by in this salient slice of small-town Americana.

we need to do is get Deb and Tim Smith involved.” It’s a role in the community that we cherish.

Looking back over your lives together, what are you most proud of—not individually, but as partners building a life of purpose and impact? We are most proud of the fact that we have become the mouthpiece of our community. If a person, church, business, or other entity wants their story told, we are the conduit through which their voice can be heard. Recently, St. John’s Episcopal Church in Honeoye Falls was informed by authorities that its church does not meet the standards of the Americans with Disabilities Act. Faced with the fact that they were going to have to conduct some emergency fundraising in order to continue spreading the Word of the Lord, the church officials held a meeting to assess their options moving forward. When they contacted us, we were informed that the initial comment at the meeting was, “Well, the first thing

Rochester Woman Online celebrates people who inspire others simply by living authentically and giving generously. What legacy do you hope to leave behind for your family, your community, and future generations? We love this question as the word “legacy” is a frequent topic of conversation in our household. Obviously, we do a lot of research in our writing process; everything we write is nonfiction. One of our go-to websites is New York State Historical Newspapers, where anyone can search through every local paper that was ever published, dating back to the 1800s. We do feel a sense of fulfillment knowing that a millennium from now, our descendants, as well as the general public, will be able to access our work and use it to educate and entertain the future generations that will populate the planet!

Bonus Rochester Woman Question: If your lives were to become the subject of an eighth book, what would you want its title to be, and what message would you hope readers would take away from your story? Actually, we have started our eighth book, which we perceive as the culmination of everything we have done in our literary careers. We have thematically clustered what we feel are our most powerful pieces. We’ve never had a rhyming title before, but we’re toying with the title of Our Writings for Charity, Saved for Posterity. These two sound like exactly the kind of people who remind us that a rich life isn’t measured by what we accumulate for ourselves, but by the stories we create, the people we impact, and the legacy we leave behind.

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MINUTES MATTER } } WOMEN WHO INSPIRES INSPIRE {{{ WHEN WOMAN

MINUTES MATTER FOR YOU ARE ENOUGH. THE RMHC BY NICOLE HEROUX WILLIAMS I PHOTOS BY JOANNE RYAN BY NSP STUDIO

Minutes Matter for Ronald McDonald House of Rochester- New logo… Same Heart When a child is hospitalized, life changes in an instant. A routine doctor’s appointment becomes an emergency. A high-risk pregnancy requires weeks away from home. A diagnosis no parent ever expected transforms ordinary days into a whirlwind of specialists, treatments, uncertainty, and hope. In those moments, every minute matters. Every minute spent at a bedside instead of driving to and from a hotel. Every minute holding a tiny hand instead of searching for an affordable meal. Every minute resting instead of worrying about where to sleep. These precious moments become the foundation of healing not just for the child receiving medical care, but for the entire family. That simple truth is at the heart of Ronald McDonald House of Rochester’s new identity and renewed message to the community: it is far more than a place to stay. It is a place to stay strong. Formerly known as Ronald McDonald House Charities of Rochester, the organization has officially rebranded as Ronald McDonald House as part of a global initiative designed to create a clearer understanding of its mission. While the name and visual identity have evolved, the purpose remains exactly the same: providing round-the-clock love, comfort, and support so families can remain together during some of life’s most difficult moments.

Because when a child is in the hospital, family doesn’t visit. Family stays. That powerful message anchors the organization’s new “Family Stays” awareness campaign. It speaks to a universal truth every parent understands that love isn’t measured by visiting hours. Parents don’t leave when the day is over. Grandparents don’t stop worrying. Siblings don’t stop missing one another. Families remain present through every diagnosis, surgery, setback, and small victory. Ronald McDonald House makes that possible. For many families, specialized pediatric care means traveling hours from home to Rochester. Nearly 95 percent of the families served by Ronald McDonald House Rochester come from communities throughout New York State and beyond seeking life-saving and specialized medical treatment from our state-of-the-art pediatric care found at University of Rochester Medical Center Golisano Children’s Hospital and Rochester Regional Health. They include parents of premature infants, families facing pediatric cancer, children with complex cardiac and gastrointestinal conditions, individuals with intellectual and developmental disabilities, mental health diagnoses, and high-risk expectant mothers. Medical care may bring families to Rochester, but it’s our dedicated medical teams and the amazing staff at Ronald McDonald House that receive and support them when they arrive. Since opening our doors in 1990, Ronald

McDonald House has welcomed over 17 thousand families, providing over 225 thousand family nights of lodging, and additionally countless meals, emotional support, children’s activities, transportation assistance, and, perhaps most importantly, the reassurance that they are not facing their journey alone. Last year alone, Ronald McDonald House Rochester provided just under ten thousand family nights, saving families more than $2.6 million in lodging and meal expenses. Those numbers represent much more than financial assistance. They represent thousands of opportunities for parents to spend another bedtime with their child, another morning meeting with physicians, another moment offering comfort when it mattered most. Research consistently shows that family involvement contributes to better health outcomes. Children often heal better when loved ones remain nearby, and parents are better able to participate in medical decisions when they are not burdened by long commutes or the stress of finding affordable accommodations. Ronald McDonald House removes distractions and clears barriers. Our programs and services provide a conduit to care and become the visible bridge between exceptional healthcare and the unwavering presence of family. Few stories capture that impact more beautifully than that of Karl Helfner and his daughter Iris. During Iris’s medical journey, Ronald McDonald House Rochester became their home away from home. When Ronald McDonald House launched its ROCHESTER WOMAN ONLINE :: JULY/AUGUST EDITION 2026 57

{ SHIFT+CONTROL } }}} WHEN MINUTES MATTER WOMEN WHO INSPIRES INSPIRE {{ WOMAN WHO “This is one of the most important things I may ever do in my life,” Karl shared, along with his gratitude to make a difference to so many families he will never meet.”

global rebranding effort, families were invited to share letters describing what the House meant to them. One of our fathers, Karl, submitted his own letter. Karl’s heartfelt reflection was chosen to become part of the international campaign. Today, his voice narrates a national commercial introducing the Ronald McDonald House rebrand. His words resonate because they speak not only for his own family but for thousands of others who have walked through the House’s front doors. “This is one of the most important things I may ever do in my life,” Karl shared, along with his gratitude to make a difference to so many families he will never meet. His story reminds us that healing extends far beyond hospital walls. Sometimes the greatest gift in the moment isn’t medical technology or groundbreaking treatment. Sometimes it’s a warm meal after a difficult day. A freshly made bed. A volunteer offering a listening ear. A kitchen where strangers become lifelong friends because they understand one another’s journey without saying a word. These are the minutes that matter, and these are the minutes we preserve and create, helping to keep families close to their children in care. The new campaign embraces a simple but profound idea: every minute a family spends together is a minute they don’t lose to logistics. Parents shouldn’t have to choose between staying close to their hospitalized child and paying for a hotel. 60

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They shouldn’t have to decide whether to skip a meal because medical bills are piling up. They shouldn’t have to navigate one of life’s hardest experiences alone. Ronald McDonald House ensures they don’t have to. Today, our organization’s reach extends far beyond its flagship 24-room House on Westmoreland Drive. It also operates a seven-room House Within the Hospital at Strong Memorial Hospital, Family Rooms inside Golisano Children’s Hospital and Unity Hospital, a Mental Health and Wellness Room at Brighter Days Pediatric Mental Health Urgent Care Center, hospitality carts serving families throughout multiple healthcare locations, and House to Home, an innovative telehealth initiative supporting children enrolled in Complex Care programs. Together, these services touch the lives of more than 3,000 families each year. The organization’s refreshed look reflects the warmth and hope families experience inside its walls. Updated photography, modern messaging, and a new logo all reinforce one clear idea: Ronald McDonald House is not simply about providing shelter. It is about strengthening families during their greatest challenges. As the campaign rolls out across Rochester through billboards, radio, print, digital platforms, and community outreach, one message rises above the rest. Visitors come and go. Family stays. And Ronald McDonald House stays with them.

For women, whether as mothers, grandmothers, daughters, sisters, friends, volunteers, neighbors, or readers of Rochester Woman Online, that message feels deeply personal. Every family knows someone whose life has been interrupted by illness. Every community is stronger when families are supported instead of separated. The beauty of Ronald McDonald House lies in its simplicity. It offers comfort where there is uncertainty, stability where there is upheaval, and compassion where it is needed most. Because in the middle of a medical crisis, healing isn’t only about surgeries or treatments. Minutes matter. Minutes shared over breakfast before an early surgery. Minutes reading one more bedtime story. Minutes laughing together despite difficult circumstances. Minutes that become memories. Minutes that remind a child they are never alone. At Ronald McDonald House of Rochester, those minutes are protected, treasured, and made possible every single day. And for thousands of families each year, they make all the difference. We fully understand that there is a difference between someone who stops by and someone who stays.

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{ SHIFT+CONTROL } }}} WHEN MINUTES MATTER WOMEN WHO INSPIRES INSPIRE {{ WOMAN WHO “These are the minutes that matter, and these are the minutes we preserve and create, helping to keep families close to their children in care.”

Visitors come and say hello. They check the time. They park in short term. They arrive with balloons, cards and carefully chosen words. They smile, hold hands and maybe cry a little. And when visiting hours are over… they go. Family is not a visitor. Family stays. Family stays in every hard conversation, every impossible decision.

They don’t glance at the time…they lose track of it.

We give them something that feels like normal even when nothing else is.

They sleep in chairs, in cars, in hallways. They miss work. They miss paychecks. They miss meals.

Because when a child is in the hospital family stays. And we stay with them. .

They put their entire lives on hold to be close to the one who needs the most. At Ronald McDonald House we believe no family should have to choose between being there for their child and having a place to stay. So, we give them more than just a room. We give them rest. Warmth. A hot meal. A shoulder. ROCHESTER WOMAN ONLINE :: JULY/AUGUST EDITION 2026 63

BECOMING HER }} { { SHIFT+CONTROL

BUILDING WHAT THEY YOU ARE ENOUGH. DON’T SEE BY NICOLE HEROUX WILLIAMS PHOTOS BY NSP STUDIO BY KEISHAI SIMONE

When people see a new business, they usually notice the logo. They notice the announcement, the website, the ribbon-cutting moments, and the polished social media posts that make everything look like it came together overnight. What they don’t see... ...is everything it took to build it. A few months ago, I made the decision to pursue a new path as a Certified Cranial Prosthesis Specialist. What looked like one decision on the outside was actually the beginning of a season that would stretch me in ways I never imagined. Before I ever stepped foot in Atlanta, there were weeks of studying. After work, I’d come home, open my books, highlight pages, take notes, quiz myself, and prepare for an exam I had to pass before I could attend the hands-on training. There were moments when I wondered if I was retaining everything. Moments when I questioned myself. But I stayed with it. I took the exam. I passed. Then I boarded the plane. Looking back now, I realize Atlanta wasn’t where this journey began. It began the day I decided to invest in myself. I came home excited, inspired, and more certain than ever that I was walking in my purpose. 66

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As a Certified Cranial Prosthesis Specialist, I’ll have the privilege of serving women, men, and children experiencing medical hair loss. That responsibility means so much to me because this work has never been just about hair. It’s about restoring confidence. It’s about helping people feel seen during some of the most difficult seasons of their lives. It’s about reminding someone that a diagnosis doesn’t define their beauty, their confidence, or their future. The more I reflected on this new chapter, the more I realized something... Hair By Her Boutique has never simply been a business. It has always been the foundation. For years, I’ve had the privilege of helping people feel more confident through beauty, style, and experiences that remind them they deserve to look and feel their best. Whether it’s beautiful hair, a signature accessory, or a bold lip color, my passion has always been helping people see themselves differently. That mission hasn’t changed. It’s expanded. Adding cranial prosthesis services isn’t about starting over. It’s about adding a specialized service that allows me to meet people in another season of their lives. Hair By Her Boutique remains the foundation of everything I’m building, and this new chapter allows me to serve women, men, and children with the same compassion, care, and commitment

that has guided me from the very beginning. I’ve realized I wasn’t called to build separate dreams. I was called to build one vision with many pillars, all rooted in the same purpose, restoring confidence, one person at a time. I honestly thought earning the certification would be the hardest part. Whew... Was I wrong. The certification wasn’t the finish line. It was the starting line. Reality greeted me with open arms. There wasn’t a roadmap waiting for me. There wasn’t a checklist with all the answers. There was simply a vision...and me trying to figure it out one step at a time. Most evenings, if you stopped by my house, you wouldn’t find me relaxing on the couch. You’d probably find me sitting at my kitchen table surrounded by sticky notes. One says “Website.” Another says “HIPAA.” One reminds me to apply for my NPI number. Another says “DBA.” One says “Insurance Credentialing.” Another says “Vendor Research.” And somewhere in the middle is one reminding me to eat dinner. I laugh every time I look at them.

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{ {SHIFT+CONTROL BECOMING HER } “Looking back now, I realize Atlanta wasn’t where this journey began. It began the day I decided to invest in myself.”

Trust me, there are days I shake my head, pour another cup of coffee, whisper a prayer, and get right back to work.

myself for the future, and making sure the woman with the vision was prepared to carry it.

Those little yellow sticky notes have become a picture of my life. Messy. Busy. Exciting. A little overwhelming. But moving forward. One sticky note at a time. One thing I’ve learned is that every dream has a tuition. Sometimes you pay with money. Sometimes you pay with time. Sometimes you pay with late nights, self-doubt, and the willingness to keep learning. Whatever the cost...

Every version of the woman I’m becoming has required an investment from the woman I used to be. When I look back over this season, I realize something else. Every time I thought I was building a business... God was really building me.

Every investment was shaping me long before it was growing my business. This year, I made another investment. I built a stronger foundation. I formed Hair By Her Boutique, LLC. For some people, that’s just paperwork. For me, it was a promise to myself that I would build this vision on a strong foundation. If I’m being honest, I had no idea where to begin. I asked questions. I sought guidance. I leaned on professionals. I learned. I also made a commitment to strengthen my personal financial foundation. That wasn’t about impressing anyone. It was about creating opportunities, positioning

He was teaching me patience when I wanted quick answers. He was teaching me faith when I couldn’t see the whole picture.He was teaching me to trust Him with the process, not just the outcome. I wasn’t just building a business. I was becoming a better businesswoman. More patient. More disciplined. More resilient. More willing to be a beginner again. I’ve learned that certifications may qualify us... But grit builds the legacy. Legacy isn’t built in one grand moment. It’s built one decision... One lesson... One investment... One sticky note at a time. If you’re reading this while standing at the beginning of something that feels bigger than you, let me encourage you. Start anyway. Don’t wait until you know everything. Don’t wait until you feel fearless. The truth is, you’ll learn by doing. You’ll grow by trying. And one day you’ll look back and realize that everything you thought was slowing

you down was actually preparing you. I’m sharing this journey because I know someone reading these words is standing where I once stood, wondering if they’re capable. You are. Keep asking questions. Keep learning. Keep investing in yourself. Keep becoming. Because one day, someone will look at your life and think it all came together overnight. And you’ll smile... ...because you’ll remember the kitchen table covered in sticky notes. Before You Turn the Page... • What investment in myself have I been postponing because it feels uncomfortable? • Am I willing to become a beginner again if it means becoming the woman I’m called to be? • What “sticky notes” in my life are quietly building the future I’ve been praying for? This is only one chapter of my journey. I look forward to sharing the lessons, the victories, and yes...even the sticky notes, as we continue becoming together. Until next month... Keep investing in the woman you’re becoming. With purpose, Keisha Simone

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BUILTARE FROM CHAOS YOU ENOUGH. BY NICOLE HEROUX WILLIAMS I PHOTOS BY NSP STUDIO

How Michael Tandoi Is Turning Adversity Into Action and Helping Shape the Future of Charlotte For many people in Rochester, the name Michael Tandoi has become synonymous with community involvement, positivity, and a growing movement centered around unity, local business, and neighborhood pride. Whether he’s organizing community initiatives, supporting small businesses, speaking about personal growth, or advocating for the future of Charlotte, Tandoi has become a familiar face and a passionate voice for change. What many people may not realize, however, is that his story did not begin with leadership positions, community events, or social media videos focused on motivation and resilience. His story began in chaos. Today, Michael speaks openly about his past because he believes transparency has the power to help others recognize that their circumstances do not have to determine their future. He is quick to tell people that his life is not a story of perfection, but rather a story of transformation, accountability, and redemption. “At my core, I’m a father, a businessman, an author, and someone who believes people deserve second chances,” Tandoi says. “My experiences don’t define who I am today, but they certainly helped shape the man I’ve become.”

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Those experiences include addiction, incarceration, violence, financial struggles, and some of the darkest moments a person can face. Tandoi spent seven years incarcerated and survived being shot five times during a difficult period in his life. Looking back now, he views those chapters not as the end of his story, but as the beginning of a new one. “Every difficult chapter became another

fitting. “Addiction, prison, violence, financial struggles, personal failures — all of those things became building materials,” he says. “Built From Chaos reminds people that your past doesn’t determine your future. Your response to adversity does.” That message has resonated with countless people who have followed his story online or heard him speak throughout the Rochester community. It is a message rooted not in theory, but in lived experience. One of the most significant turning points in Tandoi’s life came when he changed the questions he was asking himself. Rather than focusing on why difficult things had happened to him, he began focusing on what those experiences could teach him.

brick in the foundation I’m standing on today,” he explains. “Those experiences taught me lessons that success alone never could.” That philosophy eventually became the inspiration behind Built From Chaos, the personal brand and message that now serves as both a mission and a reminder that people are capable of rebuilding their lives regardless of where they started. For Tandoi, the name couldn’t be more

“The moment I stopped asking, ‘Why did this happen to me?’ and started asking, ‘What can I learn from this?’ everything changed,” he says. “Pain can either destroy you or develop you. Once I accepted responsibility for my own growth, every setback became a lesson instead of an excuse.” Recovery taught him discipline. Prison taught him patience. Adversity taught him gratitude. Those lessons now shape the way he approaches both business and community leadership.

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{ WOMAN LEADING THE }}WAY } { MINDFUL BEAUTY SHIFT+CONTROL “I’d rather spend my energy building than arguing,” he says. “Progress speaks louder than conflict.”

That leadership became increasingly visible after Tandoi moved into Charlotte and began investing his time and energy into the neighborhood he now calls home. “When I moved into Charlotte, I didn’t just buy a house — I invested in a community,” he says. What he found was a neighborhood rich with history, hardworking families, passionate business owners, and tremendous potential. He quickly became involved with local businesses, community initiatives, and neighborhood conversations centered around preserving and improving the waterfront community. For Tandoi, Charlotte represented something worth fighting for. “It’s a beautiful waterfront community with incredible history, amazing people, and unlimited potential,” he says. “I want future generations to experience Charlotte as a place where families gather, businesses thrive, children feel safe, and neighbors genuinely care about one another.” That vision eventually expanded beyond social media posts and community conversations and evolved into active involvement in local initiatives designed to bring residents, businesses, and organizations together. One of those initiatives was Unity for Peace, a movement inspired by the belief that communities become stronger and safer when people work together rather than separately. “Safety is the foundation of every great community,” Tandoi says. “Families deserve to enjoy parks, beaches,

restaurants, and local events without fear. Businesses, residents, law enforcement, and community leaders accomplish more when they work together.” The initiative focused on increasing community presence at Charlotte Beach while encouraging collaboration among local stakeholders. For Tandoi, creating safer spaces isn’t solely the responsibility of law enforcement or local government — it requires participation from everyone who calls the community home. His focus on unity stems from a larger concern about the increasing division he sees throughout society. “The world has enough division,” he says. “People argue over politics, race, opinions, and social media while most families simply want safe neighborhoods, thriving businesses, and opportunities for their children.” Tandoi believes unity does not require everyone to agree on every issue. Instead, he believes it requires mutual respect and a willingness to work toward common goals. “Unity isn’t about everyone agreeing on everything,” he explains. “It’s about respecting one another and working toward common goals. Love, kindness, and compassion are strengths, not weaknesses.” That philosophy has become a recurring theme throughout his work and his public messaging. More recently, Tandoi has expanded his involvement by pursuing a leadership

role within the Charlotte Community Association, where he is seeking to help guide the future direction of the neighborhood and its business community. His motivation, he says, is simple. “I believe leadership is about service,” Tandoi says. “I’m not interested in holding a title. I’m interested in creating results.” If elected, his vision focuses heavily on supporting local businesses, encouraging entrepreneurship, increasing familyfriendly programming, beautifying public spaces, improving communication, and creating stronger partnerships throughout the community. “My vision is to make Charlotte one of the most welcoming waterfront communities in New York,” he says. “When businesses succeed, families benefit, and the entire community grows stronger.” His emphasis on local business comes from his belief that small businesses serve as the heartbeat of every successful community. “Small businesses sponsor youth sports teams, donate to local causes, hire local residents, and invest in neighborhoods,” he says. “When local businesses succeed, they create jobs, strengthen relationships, and inspire community pride.” Tandoi believes there is tremendous untapped potential throughout Charlotte and throughout Rochester as a whole. He sees opportunities for collaboration between businesses, yearROCHESTER WOMAN ONLINE :: JULY/AUGUST EDITION 2026 75

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“My LEGACY isn’t

about my name,” he says. “It’s about INSPIRING others to believe that even the most difficult circumstances can become the FOUNDATION for a life of purpose.

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{ WOMAN LEADING THE }}WAY } { MINDFUL BEAUTY SHIFT+CONTROL “Every decision matters, and the people you surround yourself with will influence the person you become.”

round destination events, expanded family activities, and unique experiences that encourage both residents and visitors to support local establishments. “Success isn’t about one business winning,” he says. “It’s about creating an environment where everyone has an opportunity to succeed.” Of course, leadership inevitably comes with criticism, disagreement, and obstacles. Tandoi understands that reality well and says his experiences earlier in life prepared him for those moments.

before motivation. Learn from your failures instead of hiding from them.” He encourages young people to ask for help when they need it and reminds them that seeking support is not weakness, but wisdom. “Your life can change far faster than you think,” he says. When asked what advice he would give his younger self, his answer reflects both

“Not everyone will agree with your ideas, and that’s okay,” he says. “I stay focused by remembering why I started. My mission has never been about popularity — it’s about making a positive impact.” Rather than focusing on conflict, he chooses to focus on progress. “I’d rather spend my energy building than arguing,” he says. “Progress speaks louder than conflict.” Perhaps some of Tandoi’s most powerful messages are directed toward young men who may be struggling to find direction, purpose, or confidence in themselves. “Never allow your current circumstances to convince you that your future is already written,” he says. “Surround yourself with positive influences. Develop discipline

to leave behind, his answer is remarkably simple. “I hope people remember me as someone who genuinely cared,” he says. “Someone who believed every person had value and every community could become stronger through unity, compassion, and action.” If years from now Charlotte is safer, more connected, more welcoming, and filled with thriving local businesses because people chose collaboration over division, Tandoi says he will consider that his greatest accomplishment. “My legacy isn’t about my name,” he says. “It’s about inspiring others to believe that even the most difficult circumstances can become the foundation for a life of purpose.”

wisdom and experience. “I would tell myself to slow down and believe in my future,” he says. “Don’t chase shortcuts. Protect your character because your reputation follows you everywhere. Every decision matters, and the people you surround yourself with will influence the person you become.” Ultimately, however, it is not titles, accomplishments, or recognition that motivate him.

For a man whose life was once defined by chaos, perhaps there is no greater testament to transformation than helping others believe that their own stories are still being written. And for Michael Tandoi, that may be exactly what Built From Chaos was always meant to be.

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MEET MARY LAWRENCE For readers meeting you for the first time, who is Mary Lawrence beyond the titles and professional accomplishments? Beyond the titles, I’m a mom of three daughters, a grandmother to a grandson and as of just last month a brand new granddaughter. Family is at the center of everything I do. When people ask what drives me in my work, the honest answer is that it started at my own kitchen table, watching what it means to build stability for the people you love. Professionally, I wear a few hats Licensed Realtor, Financial Service Specialist, and someone who’s spent over two decades in community service, but underneath all of it, I’m just someone who genuinely loves helping people get where they’re trying to go, whether that’s their first home, their financial peace of mind, or simply feeling seen and supported. You have dedicated more than 23 years to Action for A Better Community. What first inspired you to pursue a career centered around serving and uplifting others? Even as a young girl, I remember thinking about impact. How could I be someone who actually made a difference, not just talked about it? So when the opportunity came to start at Action for A Better Community, it felt less like a job and more like an answer. I had faced my own obstacles growing up, and I realized I could use what I’d lived through to help others navigate those same struggles instead of walking through them alone. That’s really been the thread through my whole career turning what I went through into something that helps someone else get through it a little easier. Looking back over those two decades, what are some of the most meaningful moments that reminded you why the 84

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work you do truly matters? One of the most meaningful parts of this journey is that I didn’t start as the professional helping families. I started as the young mother who needed the services herself. I was a parent looking for support, and through that early childhood enrollment opportunity, a door opened for me that changed the direction of my life. That’s what makes this work personal instead of just professional. Over the years, I’ve watched so many of the families we served go on to finish school, secure stable employment, and build lives they weren’t sure were possible for them. Housing kept coming up as one of the biggest barriers families ready to move forward but stuck because of where they were living. That was the seed that eventually pulled me into real estate. A few years later, I went looking for financial services for myself and realized how much I simply didn’t know. That gap is what pushed me to become someone who could make sure other people didn’t have to learn the hard way like I did. Throughout your career, you’ve helped countless individuals and families navigate challenges. What have those experiences taught you about resilience and power of community. If I’ve learned anything, it’s that life will always bring obstacles and challenges, that part never stops. What matters is whether people have support to help them navigate it. Resilience isn’t about facing things alone; it’s about having someone in your corner when everything feels like it’s falling apart. I’ve sat with families who lost everything to eviction and had to start completely over no home, no stability, sometimes no idea what came next. Watching them

rebuild taught me that community isn’t a nice to have, it’s survival. A single person or family reaching out to help can be the difference between someone staying stuck and someone finding their footing again. That’s the power of community it turns “starting over” into “starting again, but not alone.” You’ve successfully built careers in both community service and real estate. What inspired you to expand into real estate and financial services? Housing was the thread that pulled me into real estate. I kept watching families ready to move forward but stuck because of unstable housing, and I wanted to be part of the solution instead of just referring people elsewhere. That was 10 years ago now. Financial services came a little differently. About five years ago, I went looking for coverage for my own family and realized I wasn’t properly protected and if I didn’t know that about my own situation after everything I’d learned helping others, how many families out there were walking around with the same blind spot? That discovery is what led me to become licensed myself. Now I get to make sure other families don’t find out they’re unprotected the hard way, like I almost did. As a Licensed Realtor and Financial Service Specialist, what does “providing authentic value” mean to you personally and professionally? To me, authentic value comes down to transparency. I’d rather have an honest conversation upfront even if it’s not what someone wants to hear, than sell someone something that looks good in the moment but doesn’t actually serve them. Transparency is what builds trusting relationships, and trust is the only thing that lasts in this business.

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{ {SHIFT+CONTROL { SHE HERHUSTLES HUSTLE TALKS } } } “If I’ve learned anything, it’s that life will always bring obstacles and challenges, that part never stops.”

I’m not interested in a one-time transaction. I want to be the person someone calls back in five years, and the only way that happens is if they know I told them the truth the first time about a home, a policy, or their finances. That’s what “authentic” really means to me: showing up the same honest way whether I’m making a sale or not.

started; it’s about deciding to learn now. And when it comes to generational wealth, people often think it means being wealthy leaving behind a fortune. Really, it just means leaving your family better positioned than you were: a home instead of rent, a policy instead of a GoFundMe, knowledge instead of guesswork. That’s a legacy anyone can build, no matter their income today.

Many people, especially women, struggle with financial confidence and homeownership. What advice would you give someone who feels that owning a home or building wealth is out of reach? I’d tell them anything can be obtained with the right mindset, the willingness to sacrifice, and most importantly belief. I know that first hand, because I was that young mother who didn’t think homeownership or financial stability was in reach for someone like me. It felt out of reach because no one had ever shown me the path. Owning a home or building wealth isn’t reserved for people who start out with more. It’s built one informed decision at a time, and it starts with believing you’re allowed to have it then finding someone who can show you the actual steps to get there. That belief is the foundation everything else gets built on.

You’ve spent much of your life helping others achieve stability and success. Was there a defining moment in your own life that shaped the woman you are today? Becoming a mother was the defining moment. It shifted everything for me suddenly it wasn’t just about getting by, it was about striving for more, because I had someone else’s future riding on the choices I made. That’s when the “how can I make an impact” question I’d carried since I was young stopped being abstract and became urgent. I had to figure it out, not just for myself, but for my daughters. Everything I’ve built since the career at ABC, real estate, financial services traces back to that shift. Motherhood didn’t slow me down; it lit a fire under me.

What are some of the biggest misconceptions people have about financial literacy, homeownership, and creating generational wealth? One of the biggest misconceptions is that you need a large down payment or perfect credit to buy a home there are more programs and paths than most people realize, but nobody ever tells you about them. Another is thinking financial literacy means you have to be “good with money” or come from a family that taught you these things. Most of the families I work with, including my own story, never had that head start. It’s not about where you

Every successful woman faces obstacles. What have been some of your biggest challenges, and how did those experiences help shape your journey? Being a single young mother was, without question, my biggest challenge. There was no roadmap, no safety net, and a lot of moments where I had to figure things out on my own while still showing up for my children every day. It would have been easy to stay stuck in survival mode. But that season shaped everything about who I am now. It taught me resourcefulness, it taught me to ask for help when I needed it, and it’s exactly why I do the work I do today because I know what it feels like to need support and not know where to find it. Every family I’ve helped since is,

in some way, me trying to be the resource I wish I’d had back then. How do you balance a demanding professional life while still making time for yourself, your family, and the things that bring you joy? Balance, for me, comes down to structure. I’ve learned that keeping a schedule you can actually stick to is one of the most important disciplines you can build probably more impactful than any single strategy or shortcut. When I know what my week looks like, I can show up fully for my clients and still protect time for my family, my faith, and myself. It’s not about doing it all perfectly every day. It’s about knowing where the boundaries are and respecting them, work has its time, and so does a quiet afternoon fishing or being present with my girls and my grandkids. A schedule I trust is what makes that possible. In your opinion, what qualities make a great leader, and how have you worked to embody those qualities throughout your career? To me, empathy is the most important quality a leader can have. The ability to actually see each person as an individual instead of a number or a transaction. Everyone’s situation is different, and what worked for one family or one client won’t necessarily work for the next. A great leader takes the time to understand that instead of applying a one size fits all approach. Throughout my career, I’ve tried to lead that way whether I’m sitting with a family navigating a crisis, helping a client buy their first home, or mentoring someone getting licensed in financial services. I ask questions, I listen first, and I meet people where they actually are, not where I assume they should be. That’s the kind of leadership I want to be known for. ROCHESTER WOMAN ONLINE :: JULY/AUGUST EDITION 2026 87

{ {SHIFT+CONTROL { SHE HERHUSTLES HUSTLE TALKS } } } “Family is at the center of everything I do. When people ask what drives me in my work, the honest answer is that it started at my own kitchen table, watching what it means to build stability for the people you love.”

You have become a trusted resource and mentor to so many. What role has mentorship played in your own life, and why is it so important to pay it forward? Mentorship has played a huge role in my life. I’ve had elders, family friends, and coworkers along the way who poured into me. Sometimes through direct advice, sometimes just by showing me what was possible through the way they lived and worked. Those people made an impact I still carry with me. That’s exactly why paying it forward matters so much to me now. Someone took the time to guide me when I didn’t have it all figured out, and I want to be that person for someone else whether it’s helping a young mother find resources, walking a first time buyer through the process, or helping someone get licensed in financial services. Mentorship is how impact multiplies. It doesn’t stop with one person; it keeps going. What advice would you give to women who are considering making a career change or taking a leap into entrepreneurship later in life? My advice is simple, expect it to be challenging and uncomfortable, because it will be and that’s okay. Most meaningful changes start that way. But if you stick with it, there comes a point where what once felt uncomfortable just becomes your normal. Everything new takes time to learn; nobody is good at something the first week, or even the first year. I built three income streams while working a full-time job, and none of it felt natural at first. But I kept showing up, kept learning, and eventually the discomfort turned into confidence. If you’re considering a leap, give yourself permission to be a beginner again that’s not a sign you made the wrong choice, it’s just part of the process. 88

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If you could sit down with your younger self, what would you tell her about success, failure, and trusting the journey? I’d tell her what my father used to say to me, anything you put your mind to, you will do once you make the decision to do it. That phrase has stuck with me my whole life, and I’d want her to hear it again, especially in the moments when success feels far away or failure feels like proof she isn’t capable. I’d want her to know that failure isn’t the opposite of success it’s part of the journey toward it. The decision is the hardest part. Once you truly decide, the rest is just persistence. What legacy do you hope to leave behind—not only professionally, but also within your family and community? I hope to leave behind the same words my father gave me: that anything you put your mind to, you will do, once you make the decision to do it. If my daughters and grandchildren carry that belief with them — and if the families I’ve served carry it too — then I’ll know the legacy continued past me. That’s really what legacy is, not what you leave behind, but what you pass down that keeps working long after you’re gone. What is one lesson you’ve learned through your years of service that you believe every woman should hear and embrace? This is something I’m sure every woman has heard before, but it bears repeating, you can’t help everyone, and you can’t take everyone with you. Some people will make the decision to stay exactly where they are, no matter what you offer them or how much you want better for them. You have to learn not to let that stop your own journey. It’s one of the hardest lessons in this kind of work watching someone choose to

stay stuck when you can see the door wide open for them. But your calling isn’t to drag people through it. It’s to keep walking through your own doors and stay open to the ones who are ready to walk through theirs. As you look ahead, what are you most excited about, and how do you hope to continue inspiring and empowering others in the next chapter of your journey? Looking ahead, I’m most excited about growing all three sides of what I do real estate, financial services, and helping more people get licensed and build their own paths in this industry. My goal is to reach a place where this work fully replaces my current income, so I can pour everything into it. And with a brand-new granddaughter here now, I’m even more motivated to build something lasting not just for my family, but for every family I get to serve along the way. In this next chapter, I want to keep showing up the same way I always have, with transparency, empathy, and belief in people before they believe in themselves. If I can keep opening doors for even a few more women like the one that opened for me all those years ago, that’s the win. Bonus Rochester Woman Question: Rochester Woman Online is all about empowering women to be seen, heard, and visible. What does being an influential woman mean to you, and how are you using your voice and your platform to create lasting change in your community? To me, being an influential woman isn’t about a title or a following it’s about using whatever platform you have to make someone else’s path a little easier. I don’t set out to be “influential.” I set out to be honest, useful, and present, and if that inspires someone along the way, that’s the real reward.

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WHEN JULY HOLDS MORE THAN CELEBRATION BY CHRISTINE RIFENBURGH, MSW

Living Through the Anniversary of a Suicide Loss For many people, July is a month of celebration. It is summer vacation, backyard cookouts, fireworks, family gatherings, trips to the ocean, and long drives through the mountains. It is children running through sprinklers, the smell of food on the grill, music playing outside, and people gathering to celebrate the Fourth of July.

The Fourth of July does not feel the way it once did.

For many, July feels full of life.

It was the last holiday when I saw my brother alive. It carries memories of family, food, laughter, and a version of life that disappeared shortly afterward. As the anniversary of his death approaches, my body remembers what my calendar is telling me.

For others, July carries something very different.

This is sometimes called an anniversary reaction.

For me, July is the month my life changed. Fifteen years ago, one phone call divided my world into everything that came before and everything that came after. My brother Francis died by suicide. The last time I saw him was at a Fourth of July cookout. One week before his death, I spoke to him on the phone. Then, one week later, I received the call I will never forget.

An anniversary reaction is not a failure to heal. It does not mean a survivor has gone backward. It is the mind and body responding to a date, season, sound, place, or experience connected to profound loss.

After I hung up, I could not understand who was screaming inside my home. I was the only person there. Eventually, I realized the screaming was coming from me. That moment became part of my body, not just my memory. Even now, fifteen years later, I notice changes as July approaches. I may feel tension building in my shoulders. My 94

sleep may become restless. My thoughts may move back toward the past without my permission. I can feel more anxious, more alert, and more aware of dates and time.

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A survivor may not consciously be thinking about the anniversary, yet the body may begin responding days or even weeks before it arrives. This can look like: • increased anxiety • difficulty sleeping • irritability or feeling on edge • headaches, nausea, or muscle tension • vivid dreams or intrusive memories • changes in appetite • exhaustion • increased sadness or crying • difficulty concentrating • a desire to withdraw from others Sometimes survivors wonder why they

are struggling so much. They may look at the calendar and realize the anniversary is near. The body often remembers before the mind fully understands. Fifteen Years Does Not Erase the Meaning of the Day I have done a great deal of healing work since my brother died. I attended grief counseling and trauma therapy. I participated in support groups specifically for survivors of suicide loss. I returned to school and earned a Master’s degree in Social Work. I became trained and certified in grief education, grief coaching, mental health support, and trauma-informed care. I spent more than eleven years co-facilitating a support group for people who had lost loved ones to suicide. I have written books to help other survivors navigate the first days, months, and years after suicide loss. I have built The Grief Bridge because I want survivors to have the support, tools, and understanding I desperately needed after Francis died. I have done the work. Yet no amount of work will change what that date represents. The anniversary will always mark the day my brother died. Healing does not mean the date becomes meaningless. Healing means I have learned how to approach it with

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{ THE GRIEF BRIDGE } “In 2011, I lost my brother Francis to suicide. That one event split my life into a “before” and an “after.” I learned quickly that this kind of loss is not only grief.”

more understanding, preparation, and compassion for myself. The first July after his death felt impossible. The grief was raw, relentless, and everywhere. Fifteen years later, July is still difficult, but it is not as devastating as that first year. That distinction matters. The anniversary can still hurt deeply without taking me back to the exact place where I began.

piece at a time.You do not have to survive the whole anniversary at once. You only have to move through this hour. Sometimes, you only have to move through this minute. When the grief wave rises, you breathe. You drink water. You sit down. You call someone safe. You step outside. You remind yourself that this moment is difficult, but it is temporary. You have already survived the day you learned of the death.

I know more now. I have tools now. I understand my body now. I know that the tension will pass. I know the day will end. I know I have survived every anniversary before this one.

That first day held shock, disbelief, and the complete collapse of the world you knew. The anniversary may bring back memories and emotions, but it is not the original day.

I also know that I do not have to pretend the date is ordinary.

You are not receiving the news again. You are remembering it.

There Are Only Twenty-Four Hours in the Day

Your nervous system may not immediately recognize the difference, which is why grounding and preparation can help. Create a Plan, Even If You Change It One of the most helpful things I do is create a plan for the anniversary.

Years ago, a friend offered a reminder that stayed with me. She told me that an anniversary has only twenty-four hours. At first, that may sound too simple. When someone is dreading an anniversary, twenty-four hours can feel enormous. But her words gave me something practical to hold onto. By the time you wake up, several hours of the day have already passed. If you sleep six or eight hours, that is six or eight hours you have already moved through. Then you take the rest of the day one

The plan does not need to be elaborate. Its purpose is not to distract me from loving or missing my brother. Its purpose is to give my mind and body some structure on a day that can otherwise feel endless. A plan might include: • staying home and limiting obligations • spending time with a trusted person • visiting a meaningful place • preparing a favorite food or dessert • watching a comforting movie

• lighting a candle • looking through photographs • writing a letter to the person who died • listening to music they loved • taking a walk • attending a support group or counseling appointment • choosing an hour of rest or self-care • doing something in their memory The plan can change. You may wake up and realize you cannot do what you expected. That is not failure. The plan belongs to you. You can cancel it, simplify it, or replace it entirely. Sometimes the best plan is simply deciding that you will not be alone. Sometimes the best plan is deciding that you need solitude. There is no single correct way to spend an anniversary. Give Yourself Permission to Feel More Than One Emotion Anniversaries can hold conflicting emotions. You may feel devastated and grateful. You may laugh at a memory and cry moments later. You may feel angry that the person died and deeply thankful they lived. You may feel relief when the day is almost over, followed by guilt for feeling relieved. All of these responses are human. You do not have to choose between mourning the death and celebrating the life. ROCHESTER WOMAN ONLINE :: JULY/AUGUST EDITION 2026 97

{ THE SHIFT+CONTROL GRIEF BRIDGE } } “For many, July feels full of life. For others, July carries something very different. For me, July is the month my life changed.”

Both can exist. This year, I am choosing to remember who Francis was, not only how he died. I cannot change the ending of his life. I cannot rewrite the phone call or return to the last Fourth of July cookout and somehow stop what happened. What I can do is honor the time we had. I can prepare a special dessert. I can practice self-care. I can write an article that reaches another survivor who is dreading an anniversary and wondering why their body feels so unsettled. I can use what happened to help someone else feel less alone. That does not make the loss worthwhile. It does not turn tragedy into a blessing. It simply means I am choosing what I will carry forward. Ways to Support Yourself Before an Anniversary If your own anniversary is approaching, consider these steps: Notice what your body is telling you. Tension, sleep changes, anxiety, and irritability may be signals that the date is affecting you.

Choose how much contact you want. You may want company, phone calls, or complete privacy. Communicate what you need. Plan food, water, and rest. Basic needs are often the first things grief disrupts. Limit social media if needed. Celebratory posts, memories, or unrelated content may feel overwhelming. Create one meaningful ritual. A candle, meal, photograph, prayer, song, donation, or act of service can give love somewhere to go. Seek specialized support. If the anniversary brings intense trauma symptoms, depression, panic, or thoughts of not wanting to live, reach out to a professional experienced in grief and suicide loss. You do not have to prove your strength by suffering alone.

Reduce unnecessary pressure.

July Will Always Mean Two Things

This may not be the week to add extra commitments or expect peak productivity. Tell someone safe. You might say, “The anniversary is approaching, and I may need extra support.”

July will always contain fireworks, cookouts, family gatherings, and summer memories.

Prepare a grounding plan. 98

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It will also contain the anniversary of my brother’s death.

I no longer ask myself to choose between those realities. I can enjoy a summer evening and still miss him. I can celebrate Independence Day and still feel uneasy about the memories connected to that season. I can be grateful for the progress I have made and still need extra care as the anniversary approaches. Fifteen years later, the month is still hard. But it is not as hard as the first July. I know now that grief can rise without destroying me. I know that memories can hurt and still be precious. I know the anniversary has only twenty-four hours, and I do not have to move through all of them at once. Most importantly, I know that Francis was more than the way he died. He was my brother. He was part of our holidays, our conversations, our family stories, and our lives. His death will always matter, but so will his life. This July, I will allow the sadness to come. I will prepare for the tension my body may carry. I will give myself space to rest and remember. And I will celebrate him. Because suicide may have ended his life, but it does not get to erase the love, the memories, or the meaning of having known him. To every survivor approaching an anniversary, I want you to know this: You have already survived the day that changed everything. You do not have to survive the anniversary all at once. Take it one hour, one breath, or one minute at a time. The day will pass. The love will remain.

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CELEBRATING THE PEOPLE YOU ARE BEHIND OURENOUGH. COMMUNITY BY NICOLE HEROUX WILLIAMS I PHOTOS NSP STUDIO BY ANGELLA LUYK & TERRYBY SPEID

Every community has people who quietly make an extraordinary difference. They are the entrepreneurs building businesses with purpose, the nonprofit leaders serving those in need, and the individuals who dedicate their time and talents to making Rochester a better place to live, work, and grow. That’s exactly why my co-host, Terri Speid, and I launched What’s Up Rochester on Rochester Free Radio 106.3 FM. Every Saturday from 11:00 a.m. to 1:00 p.m., we have the privilege of introducing our listeners to the people, organizations, and businesses that are shaping our community through service, innovation, and compassion. This monthly column in Rochester Woman Online allows us to continue those conversations beyond the airwaves. Each month, we’ll take a closer look at some of the incredible guests who have joined us on the show, sharing their stories, their missions, and the inspiration behind the work they do. Our hope is that these stories encourage you to support local businesses, discover organizations making a real impact, and remind you that some of the most inspiring people are right here in our own backyard. This month, we’re highlighting two inspiring past guests from What’s Up Rochester, along with the incredible community radio station that makes these conversations possible each week. From providing critical support to working families during times of crisis, to empowering entrepreneurs through authentic marketing, to giving our community a platform where local voices can be heard, these stories remind us that meaningful change begins with people—and organizations—who simply choose to make a difference. When One Family’s Crisis Becomes a Mission to Help Thousands Sometimes life’s most difficult moments

become the foundation for something extraordinary.

to fill the gaps when life simply doesn’t seem fair.

When I sat down with Nick Wetherwax on What’s Up Rochester, it became immediately clear that Open Heart Outlaws wasn’t created from a business plan or a fundraising idea—it was born from personal experience. In 2023, Nick’s father was seriously injured in a work-related accident, changing his family’s life in an instant. Like so many hardworking families, they believed the systems designed to protect people during times of crisis would be there when they needed them most. Instead, they found themselves navigating not only the emotional toll of the accident but also the financial strain that followed. Insurance and workers’ compensation didn’t provide the answers they expected, leaving them searching for help during one of the most difficult seasons of their lives.

One story Nick shared perfectly illustrates the heart behind the organization.

What carried them through wasn’t an insurance company or a government program. It was people. Family members. Friends. Coworkers. Everyday individuals who didn’t have much to spare but gave anyway because they cared. That experience forever changed Nick’s perspective. Rather than allowing frustration to become the final chapter of his family’s story, he transformed it into a mission to ensure other working-class families wouldn’t have to face those same battles alone. That mission became Open Heart Outlaws. Today, the organization provides meaningful, immediate support to families facing medical emergencies, unexpected tragedies, and financial hardships that traditional systems often fail to cover. Whether it’s paying for critical medical equipment denied by insurance or stepping in during a family’s darkest hour, Open Heart Outlaws exist

After a local husband and father unexpectedly passed away without life insurance, his family was overwhelmed with funeral expenses while trying to process their unimaginable loss. Open Heart Outlaws quietly contacted the funeral home and paid for the service in full. There were no lengthy applications, no bureaucracy, and no expectation of recognition—just compassionate people helping another family when they needed it most. That philosophy extends beyond the families they serve. During our conversation, Nick also spoke about something many people misunderstand—the motorcycle community. Too often, motorcycle riders are unfairly stereotyped. Yet behind the leather jackets and motorcycles is a community built on loyalty, generosity, and service. Nick explained that some of the most compassionate people he has ever met are fellow riders who consistently show up for complete strangers simply because someone needs help. Open Heart Outlaws is changing more than lives; it’s changing perceptions. Perhaps what impressed me most was hearing what happens after a family receives help. Time and again, those same families return asking how they can volunteer, donate, or help someone else. Kindness becomes contagious, creating a ripple effect that continues long after the immediate crisis has passed. It’s exactly this spirit of service that led What’s Up Rochester to present Nick Wetherwax with the very first 585 Spotlight Award. The 585 Spotlight Award was created to ROCHESTER WOMAN ONLINE :: JULY/AUGUST EDITION 2026 105

SHIFT+CONTROL { { VOICES OF ROCHESTER } { HER HUSTLE } } “When I sat down with Nick Wetherwax on What’s Up Rochester, it became immediately clear that Open Heart Outlaws wasn’t created from a business plan or a fundraising idea—it was born from personal experience.”

recognize individuals, businesses, nonprofits, and community leaders who make an extraordinary impact throughout the Greater Rochester area through service, leadership, compassion, and an unwavering commitment to helping others. As our inaugural recipient, Nick represents everything this award was intended to celebrate—a person who quietly puts others before himself and inspires an entire community to do the same. Looking ahead, Open Heart Outlaws remains focused on one simple goal: making sure no family fights alone. The organization continues to operate entirely through volunteers, ensuring every possible dollar goes directly toward helping families in need rather than administrative costs. If you’d like to support their mission, their annual fundraiser will be held August 8 at Three Heads Brewing, bringing the community together to help fund future projects and continue changing lives throughout Rochester and Western New York. Nick’s story is a reminder that some of the greatest movements begin with one difficult moment and one person who decides to do something about it. His compassion has created hope for countless families, proving that when a community comes together, no one has to face life’s hardest moments alone. And while Nick’s mission focuses on helping families through life’s unexpected challenges, our next guest is helping entrepreneurs navigate a very different journey—one built on confidence, connection, and the power of showing up authentically in today’s digital world. Helping Entrepreneurs Find Their Voice While Nick Wetherwax is helping families navigate life’s toughest moments, our next guest is helping entrepreneurs navigate a different kind of challenge—building 106

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confidence, creating meaningful connections, and finding their voice in an increasingly digital world. When I sat down with Michelle Arbore, founder of Savvy Social Media, I quickly realized her business is about much more than algorithms, hashtags, or growing followers. At its heart, her work is about empowering people to believe in themselves and confidently share their story. Like many entrepreneurs, Michelle’s journey into business wasn’t something she carefully mapped out years in advance. Instead, it was born out of necessity. Living with fibromyalgia since she was just sixteen years old, Michelle knew she needed a career that would provide flexibility while allowing her to work around both good days and difficult ones. In 2010, she launched her business as a virtual assistant, creating a career that worked with her life rather than against it. As she began working with clients, something unexpected happened. She discovered a passion for social media. Helping businesses create content, connect with their audiences, and build relationships quickly became her favorite part of the job. Over time, that passion led to the creation of Savvy Social Media, and today Michelle has become a respected expert helping entrepreneurs—especially women—maximize one of the most overlooked business tools available: LinkedIn. For many people, LinkedIn is simply an online résumé. Michelle sees something entirely different. She sees a place where entrepreneurs can establish credibility, develop authentic relationships, showcase their expertise, and create opportunities that often begin with a single conversation. She reminded me that success on LinkedIn isn’t measured by thousands of followers but by meaningful connections built through consistency and authenticity.

That message resonated with me because it reflects something we often talk about on What’s Up Rochester—relationships matter. Whether you’re networking at a local event or connecting online, people do business with those they know, like, and trust. One of the biggest misconceptions Michelle works to overcome is the belief that entrepreneurs need to be everywhere at once. Between Facebook, Instagram, TikTok, LinkedIn, YouTube, and every new platform that seems to appear overnight, it’s easy for business owners to become overwhelmed before they ever begin. Her advice is refreshingly simple. Don’t try to do everything. Instead, choose the platform where your audience spends their time, show up consistently, and focus on providing value rather than chasing trends. Authenticity will always outperform trying to be someone you’re not. As our conversation continued, we naturally shifted toward one of today’s hottest topics— artificial intelligence. Like many business owners, I’ve seen AI become an increasingly valuable tool, so I was interested to hear Michelle’s perspective. Rather than viewing AI as something to fear, she embraces it as a powerful resource that can help entrepreneurs overcome writer’s block, brainstorm ideas, organize content, and save valuable time. But she also offered an important reminder. AI should never replace your voice. Your experiences, your personality, your values, and your unique perspective are what connect people to your business. AI can help polish your message, but only you can tell your story. I couldn’t agree more. Technology will continue to evolve, but authenticity never goes out of style. Michelle also shared advice that I believe

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{ SHIFT+CONTROL { VOICES OFHUSTLE ROCHESTER { HER } } } “Like many entrepreneurs, Michelle’s journey into business wasn’t something she carefully mapped out years in advance.”

every aspiring entrepreneur needs to hear. Don’t wait until everything is perfect. Too many people delay starting a business because they’re waiting for the perfect website, the perfect logo, the perfect marketing plan, or the perfect moment. Michelle believes—and I wholeheartedly agree—that entrepreneurship is about learning as you go, being willing to evolve, and giving yourself permission to grow. She also encourages women to stop comparing themselves to everyone they see online. Behind every successful entrepreneur is a story filled with challenges, setbacks, and moments of uncertainty. Success isn’t about having everything figured out—it’s about continuing to move forward. That message perfectly captures who Michelle is. Her business may focus on social media, but her true passion is helping others recognize the value they already possess and giving them the confidence to share it with the world. As our interview came to a close, one thought stayed with me. Whether you’re building a nonprofit, launching a business, or pursuing a lifelong dream, your story matters. And when you’re willing to share it authentically, you never know whose life you might inspire. One of the themes that has connected each of this month’s stories is the importance of having a voice. Nick Wetherwax is giving hope to families during their most difficult moments. Michelle Arbore is helping entrepreneurs confidently share their stories and build meaningful connections. None of those conversations, however, would have reached our listeners without the platform that makes What’s Up Rochester possible each week. Before we close this month’s column, I’d like to recognize Rochester Free Radio—the community station dedicated

to giving Rochester a voice. Giving Rochester a Voice Behind every great story is someone willing to tell it—and just as importantly, someone willing to provide the platform for it to be heard. That’s exactly what Rochester Free Radio has been doing since its founding in 2015. While our show gives local people an opportunity to share their stories every Saturday morning, it’s Rochester Free Radio that has created a place where those stories can come to life, inspiring listeners and strengthening our community one conversation at a time. That naturally brings us to the organization that makes conversations like these possible every single week—Rochester Free Radio. Without Rochester Free Radio, many of these incredible stories might never be heard. Founded in 2015 by Jeff Moulton and Chuck Schroeder, better known to many listeners as Chuck McCoy from Legends 102.7 FM, Rochester Free Radio was created with a simple but powerful vision. They wanted to build a radio station that reflected the values of the Rochester community instead of the priorities of corporate broadcasting. Commercial radio has an important place in our industry, but it often answers to advertisers, ratings, and shareholders. Rochester Free Radio answers to something much different—the community. Its mission has always been to provide a platform where local people, organizations, musicians, businesses, nonprofits, and community leaders can share their stories, their talents, and their passions. It’s a place where conversations matter more than corporate agendas and where community engagement comes before commercial interests. That commitment is reflected in the

programming heard across the station each week. Long before What’s Up Rochester joined the lineup, Rochester Free Radio had already established itself as a trusted voice in the community through shows like ROC Voices, hosted by Tamara MacDuff. Now celebrating its seventh year on the air, ROC Voices has become a cornerstone of the station, giving countless local businesses, nonprofits, authors, artists, and community leaders the opportunity to share their stories while fostering meaningful conversations that inspire positive change throughout Rochester. The station has also been built on the dedication of longtime hosts who have helped shape Rochester Free Radio into what it is today. Betsy Crummity of Crummity’s Corner continues to educate and inspire listeners every Saturday morning. Dave Puls recently celebrated an incredible milestone with his 500th episode of Fresh Toones, showcasing both original music and his unwavering commitment to community radio. Steve Litvak, better known as Baron VonLitvak, has become a familiar voice to rock fans through Rock and Roll Rumble. Their dedication, along with the many other volunteer hosts who generously give their time each week, has helped create a station where listeners know they’ll always find authentic local programming. Together with programs like When the Elephant Speaks, Shakin’ Up Rochester, The Jam Band Man, Metal Mountain, and many others, Rochester Free Radio has created a welcoming space where conversations educate, entertain, and strengthen our community. Whether listeners enjoy country, jazz, classic rock, heavy metal, jam bands, public affairs, or community talk shows, there truly is something for everyone. Local musicians are given opportunities to perform live on the air, nonprofit organizations are able to share their missions, and community ROCHESTER WOMAN ONLINE :: JULY/AUGUST EDITION 2026 109

{ SHIFT+CONTROL { VOICES OFHUSTLE ROCHESTER { HER } } } “Without Rochester Free Radio, many of these incredible stories might never be heard.”

leaders have a platform to discuss issues that matter most. We’re honored that What’s Up Rochester is now part of that tradition, continuing the station’s mission of shining a spotlight on the incredible people who make Rochester such a special place to call home. One of the things I admire most about Rochester Free Radio is its unwavering commitment to inclusion. The station believes every voice deserves to be heard, and it continues to find new ways to make that happen. Earlier this year, Rochester Free Radio became what is believed to be the first radio station to feature neurodivergent hosts through a collaboration with Casano Studios. Their father-and-son sports program, PM Sports Talk, showcases a young host on the autism spectrum whose passion and knowledge of sports shines every week. It’s a powerful reminder that talent comes in many forms and that community radio has the ability to open doors for everyone. That philosophy extends far beyond a single program. One memorable example came from ROC Voices, when Tamara MacDuff interviewed the founders of Hitting Circles, a nonprofit teaching individuals on the autism spectrum to play the drums through virtual instruction. Shortly after that interview aired, two organizations—one in Rochester and another in California—reached out to create similar programs. What started as a local radio interview quickly became their first national opportunity. That’s the power of community radio. It creates connections, opens doors, and changes lives. Perhaps the most remarkable part of Rochester Free Radio, however, isn’t the programming—it’s the people behind it. Every host volunteers their time. Every board member volunteers their time. Countless hours are spent booking guests, producing shows, maintaining equipment, promoting programming, planning events, raising funds, and ensuring the station continues serving our community. They 110

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do it not for a paycheck, but because they believe Rochester deserves a station dedicated to local voices and community engagement. That level of dedication is inspiring. This year, Rochester Free Radio celebrated its tenth anniversary, an incredible milestone for an independent community radio station. For much of those ten years, the station has operated without grant funding, advertising dollars, or corporate sponsorships, relying instead on passionate volunteers and supporters who believe community radio still matters. And it absolutely does. As someone fortunate enough to be part of this incredible station, I can honestly say none of what Terri Speid and I have accomplished with What’s Up Rochester would have been possible without Rochester Free Radio believing in our vision. They gave us the opportunity to shine a light on the remarkable people, businesses, nonprofits, and community leaders who make Rochester stronger every day, and for that we will always be grateful. I would also like to extend a heartfelt thank you to the Rochester Free Radio Board of Directors for their countless hours of volunteer service and their unwavering commitment to keeping community radio alive in Rochester. Thank you to Jeff Moulton, Chuck Schroeder (Chuck McCoy), Tamara MacDuff, Bryan Maslin and Mike DiGiorgio for everything you do behind the scenes. Your dedication allows dozens of volunteer hosts to educate, entertain, inspire, and connect listeners throughout our region every single day. Rochester Free Radio isn’t simply a radio station. It’s a community. It’s a platform. It’s a place where stories begin, relationships are built, and lives are changed—one conversation at a time. As I look back on this month’s featured guests, I’m reminded that while their missions may be different, their purpose is remarkably the same.

Nick Wetherwax is changing lives through compassion. Michelle Arbore is empowering entrepreneurs through authenticity. Rochester Free Radio is creating opportunities simply by giving people a voice. Community isn’t built by one person or one organization. It’s built when ordinary people decide to do extraordinary things for the benefit of others. That’s exactly why Terri and I continue to do What’s Up Rochester every Saturday. Because every story deserves to be told. Every voice deserves to be heard. And every act of kindness has the power to inspire another. Thank you for joining me for another edition of the What’s Up Rochester monthly spotlight. I hope these stories have inspired you to support a local business, volunteer with a nonprofit, attend a community event, or simply take a moment to appreciate the incredible people working every day to make Rochester a stronger, more connected community. If you’d like to learn more about What’s Up Rochester, explore our past guests, or see who’s coming up on future shows, visit www.whatsuprochester.com. There you’ll find our guest lineup, show schedule, and even more inspiring stories from around the Greater Rochester area. Have a question for me, a suggestion for a future guest, or a great show idea? I’d love to hear from you! Feel free to email me anytime at angella@whatsuprochester.com. Until next month, keep supporting local, celebrating one another, and remembering that community is built by ordinary people choosing to do extraordinary things. Rochester’s greatest strength has always been its people—and together, we’ll continue sharing the stories that deserve to be told.

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{{ ONE TOUGH MOTHER { {SHIFT+CONTROL BEE WELL 716 } } }} WALKING WARRIOR

OUR BODY’S EMERGENCY BREAK BY CHRISTINE PIACENTINO I PHOTOS BY BELAVATI STUDIOS

This month, I spoke with Kimberly Moore of Kimberly Moore Consulting about burnout and the importance of listening to our bodies before it rears its ugly head. “Deal with it; you’re fine.” Kimberly still hears teachers, coaches, and parents say some version of this to children all the time. She believes that many of us grew up learning exactly that: if your body is uncomfortable, inconvenient, or not keeping up, you push through it. You shake it off. You get back in the game. So when she started fainting, that is what she did. When she came to, she felt the room slowly sharpen back into focus and told herself, “I’m fine. It’s annoying, but I’m fine.” Kimberly said that, in retrospect, her body was no longer whispering. It was screaming. Her heart would race, her body would feel unsteady, and everything around her would seem too bright, too far away, or just slightly unreal. But she had been taught to treat those signals like interruptions. She was stressed, yes, but she had a job to do, people to provide for, and goals to reach. She was capable. She was a top performer. She thought she just needed to make the next sale, reach the next goal, get a little further. She did not have time to stop, breathe, or listen. At the time, she thought fainting was a weakness. It felt like her body was betraying her, like it was the thing standing between her and everything she needed to accomplish. What she didn’t fully understand was that her body was actually fighting for her. She was trying to pull the emergency brake because she had put everyone else ahead of herself. But Kimberly needed herself, too. She needed to provide for her family, and

her body was doing everything it could to keep her functioning. That experience completely changed the way she teaches nervous system awareness and burnout prevention. Now, before anything else, her focus is on helping people unlearn the idea that the body is something to be overridden. She teaches interoception, which is learning how to pay attention from the inside out. She asks these questions: “Is your jaw tight?” “Are your shoulders up by your ears?” “Does your stomach feel settled, clenched, fluttery, or numb? “ Before burnout becomes severe, the body often sends little signals: dizzy spells, a distant or out-of-body feeling, a pounding heart, constant adrenaline, tense muscles, hypervigilance, avoidance, or mental numbness. Those signals are not annoyances to push through. They are messages. Once we start hearing them, we can begin to recognize the many ways burnout shows up in the nervous system. Through Kimberly’s work with highperforming professionals, she often meets people who act and look completely fine on the outside. Their schedule is full, their emails are handled, their face is calm on the video call, and they are still leading, caregiving, producing, and showing up for everybody else. But inside, they feel like they are having an out-of-body experience. Their nervous system is carrying a weight that their life may not visibly show. Kimberly has seen that burnout does not always announce itself in one obvious way. Sometimes it moves through the body in a single day, like the weather changing. She helps clients recognize

four responses their bodies may exhibit before burnout takes hold: Fight, Flight, Freeze, and Fawn. Fight and Flight: Fight might feel like a clenched jaw, a tight chest, heat rising in the face or hands, or that sudden urge to argue, fix, control, or prove a point. Flight might show up as racing thoughts, restless legs under the desk, shallow breathing, overscheduling, constant task-switching, or the feeling that if you stop moving, everything will fall apart. Freeze: Freeze can feel like your mind going blank mid-sentence, staring at a screen while the words blur together, limbs getting heavy, hands turning cold, or feeling stuck between two simple decisions for far longer than the decision warrants. Flop, or collapse, may arrive as sudden fatigue that hits like a wall, muscle heaviness, dissociation, spacing out, or low motivation that is not laziness at all. It is the body saying, We have passed our threshold. Fawn: Fawn often appears as reflexive peoplepleasing, over-apologizing, saying yes before checking capacity, scanning other people’s faces or tone before responding, or holding physical tension until the other person seems okay. Someone can fight through a 9 a.m. meeting, collapse by 2 p.m., and fawn their way through a 4 p.m. check-in with a manager without realizing their nervous system never actually landed in safety between those moments. This pattern becomes even more complicated when someone is not only performing at work but also carrying the added emotional and physical burden of caregiving. Caregiver burnout can be especially ROCHESTER WOMAN ONLINE :: JULY/AUGUST EDITION 2026 113

{ SHIFT+CONTROL } } { ONE TOUGH MOTHER “Those signals are not annoyances to push through. They are messages. Once we start hearing them, we can begin to recognize the many ways burnout shows up in the nervous system.”

invisible because caregiving does not clock out. My life is a classic example. The workday doesn’t end when someone you love needs you. The need is constant. You need to care for your loved one 24 hours a day, 7 days a week. Including during meals, phone calls, and moments when your own body is asking for rest. How do you know it’s okay to take a break when someone you love depends on you? Kimberly recited a story of her friend who cared for their mother in hospice. Their mother was dying, and her friend did what so many caregivers do: they stayed, sitting in quiet rooms, listening for changes in breathing, answering needs before they were spoken, and keeping going because love told them to. At the wake, surrounded by flowers, low voices, and the weight of grief in the room, her friend fainted. Their body experienced a heart attack. They were taken to the hospital and stayed for three days. That story has never left Kimberly, as it shows what can happen when compassion carries someone so far that the body finally has to stop them in their tracks. The needs of another person, cultural expectations around caregiving, and the quiet stigma that says a caregiver should constantly give do not always look out for the caregiver’s body. As I have written in previous columns, caregivers need to learn how to care for themselves; they will eventually limit the amount of care their bodies can continue to offer to the person they love. The long game of caretaking requires proper self-care. Sometimes that means relearning how to listen to your own body and needs. Sometimes it means reparenting the inner voice, moving it away from a critical judge and toward a compassionate caregiver for yourself. 114

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Some people can do this on their own, and others need support. A burnout coach like Kimberly can be like a personal trainer for these deeper areas until the caregiver learns to value themselves as the most important person in the caregiving process. When caregivers feel guilty about resting, Kimberly often helps them play out the story. What does the end of the story look like if they do not rest? What happens to the people they care about most if they can no longer help? Rest is not selfish when it protects the caregiver’s ability to continue caring. Often, the guilt around rest is not only about the present moment; it is also connected to older stories about worth, responsibility, and what someone had to become to feel needed or safe. Much of Kimberly Moore’s work involves helping people uncover the hidden beliefs running quietly in the background of their lives. She uses a trauma timeline to go back and look at the life messages someone received and believed from hard experiences. Many people have never had the chance to slow down and ask these basic questions: Where did I learn this? Who taught me that my worth had to be earned? When did I decide my needs were too much? Kimberly used the following example: someone raised in a family that favored a sibling may have absorbed the message that they did not matter as much or were less valuable. Someone praised for taking care of a sick parent may have learned that they became more valuable when they cared for others and sacrificed themselves. If those messages were formed at seven or twelve years

old, revisiting them through an adult lens can be life-changing. Rewriting your internal narratives starts with revisiting the story that has been living inside you. It means understanding the story you have been telling yourself, noticing the patterns and habits that formed around it, and rewriting the messages that were never true. From there, people can begin learning how to walk in the truth of who they actually are. Brainspotting is one of the modalities she uses for this deeper work. It is often used by athletes and performers when they feel stuck, and in my experience, it reaches places that talk therapy did not reach for her. She spent years in talk therapy, understanding things intellectually but not feeling the release in her body. After six months of working with a Brainspotting coach, something started to shift in Kimberly. She began healing in ways she had almost lost hope of experiencing. Kimberly sees the following common limiting beliefs in burned-out people: My worth is tied to my output. If I do not do it, it will not get done right; needing help means I am weak or failing. I have to earn rest; slowing down means I will lose my edge. My needs are a burden to others; and what will others think of me? The above beliefs do not just live in our thoughts. They shape our choices, our boundaries, our pace, and the way we understand who we are. Trauma-informed coaching differs from traditional executive coaching in that

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{ SHIFT+CONTROL } } { ONE TOUGH MOTHER ““Deal with it; you’re fine.” Kimberly still hears teachers, coaches, and parents say some version of this to children all the time.”

it is deeper, more transformative, and designed to foster internal change. The goal is not just better performance. The goal is to learn, in a deeper way, who you are, what you actually need and want, and what kind of life change is possible. For some people, that change may involve shifting the internal voice from judgment to compassion. For others, it may mean learning to listen to the body before it gives out or learning to offer themselves the same gentleness they have always given to everyone else. It is highly personalized, deep inner work. For one person, that may take three months. For another, it may take years. But when someone is willing to stay with the work, the shift can be profound. It can feel like finally setting down a bag they did not realize they had been carrying for decades. Self-identity plays a major role in burnout because actions come from beliefs. Behavior has a long root system beneath

it, and those roots are often beliefs about who we are. If we are unaware of the internal beliefs driving us, the habits we cannot seem to stop will continue to baffle us. I often compare it to gardening. I love digging down to pull weeds by the roots because otherwise they keep coming back. Once those roots are exposed, the work becomes not only understanding them but also practicing new ways of responding in daily life. In these instances, small nervous-system practices become so important. When people cannot take long breaks or step away from responsibilities, Kimberly often recommends short practices that help the body return to the present moment. Box breathing is one of her favorites because it gives the mind and body something steady to follow: inhale, hold, exhale, hold. The 5-4-3-2-1 grounding exercise can also help by bringing people back into the room through what they can see, hear, feel, smell, and taste. These

practices may take only a few minutes, but sometimes that is enough to remind the body that I am here now. I am safe in this moment. Kimberly believes that if she could teach every leader one nervous-systembased lesson, it would be that no single tool works for everyone. Each person’s nervous system is unique. What calms one person may not calm another. She teaches clients many options until they build an arsenal of practices that work for them. Building a new skill takes trial and error, but learning how to regulate the nervous system is invaluable, not only for everyday stress but also for traumatic moments when the body needs support most. If you need support, you may contact Kimberly Moore at kimberlymooreconsulting@gmail.com

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{ HEALING, GROWTH & REDISCOVERY } { WALKING { SHIFT+CONTROL WARRIOR }}

LIFEWAVE TECHNOLOGY BY MARCI ALMOND

Can you share the story behind you getting starting patching and what inspired your passion for health, wellness, and helping others discover alternative wellness solutions? In 2015 I almost died from a medical mistake. The next several years were spent trying to heal from that trauma. Traditional medical practices could not seem to heal all the issues I had. The only solutions offered were more surgeries or pharmaceutical medications that had additional side effects. Nothing seemed to get to the root of my symptoms nor offered relief. I began seeking alternative medicine modalities and saw my first improvements. Cranial sacral therapy, bio-resonance feedback, a naturopathic physician and chiropractic care offered some improvement. This opened my eyes to an entirely new world of holistic care that I had only heard about. When my girlfriend called and introduced me to the patch, I was HIGHLY skeptical. I had tried EVERYTHING I knew of and still struggled with issues! How could this little sticker help me? Although skeptical, I agreed to give it a try. My third week of patching, I laid my head on my pillow and fell asleep BEFORE my husband started snoring. As someone who has struggled with insomnia my entire life, it was transformational to get 10 hours of sleep and not wake up once! This changed my entire world. Next, my

knee discomfort went away, then my hip discomfort. I felt so good I began working out again. My recovery and endurance matched or exceeded the young 30-year-olds I was working out with! Next, my blood work showed my hormone, thyroid and auto immune numbers all balanced out. My gut health also improved. I started to realize what

I had my hands on and couldn’t keep it to myself. Of course other friends and family members were popping into my mind - If my health could improve like this, what could it do for them? That was the beginning of sharing with others and watching with my jaw on the floor as ailment after ailment improved! The X39 patch and phototherapy technology are at the center of your mission. How would you explain this technology to someone hearing about it for the very first time?

When you think of the sun and the rays of light that hit your skin, those wavelengths of light are communicating with your body and telling it what to do. In this case, the sun wavelengths are telling your body to make vitamin D. The patch works in a similar manner. Using your own light that comes from a cellular level, light is reflected back into your body by the patch, and it communicates with your body to tell it what to do. In the case of our stem cell rejuvenation patch, it is telling your body’s own copper peptide GHK-CU to bond with certain amino acids and infuse stem cells, so they reactivate and go back to work in your body doing the job they were meant to do as the master healer! When you increase the health stem cells in the body, this reduces inflammation, improves sleep, improves our bodies healing ability, improves mental clarity, increases collagen and MORE! This wellness technology is patented, is non-transdermal, which means nothing foreign enters your body, and is recognized by the FDA as a “General Wellness Product” Are there other products available through your company? And I understand there is an opportunity side to this company? Tell us about that. Yes, in addition to our premium X39 patch, we have several different patches that focus on specific health issues, one of which was designed for Navy Seals to assist them on their long ROCHESTER WOMAN ONLINE :: JULY/AUGUST EDITION 2026 119

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{ SHIFT+CONTROL } { HEALING, GROWTH & REDISCOVERY } { QUEEN OF ARTS } “In the case of our stem cell rejuvenation patch, it is telling your body’s own copper peptide GHK-CU to bond with certain amino acids and infuse stem cells, so they reactivate and go back to work in your body doing the job they were meant to do as the master healer!”

We also have a water machine that removes microplastic and chemicals and then infuses it with hydrogen and light. There is no other water machine that delivers light into the body. Our inventor is brilliant and a forward thinker. He has plans for new technologies for 20 and 30 years down the road, including a household energy machine. As far as an opportunity, yes, Davids Schmidt understands the value of having those in the field sharing their experiences and helping others do the same. He is committed to the field and continues to bring us innovative technology that is changing lives for the better. In today’s environment, the ability to have multiple streams of income is becoming a necessity. Like owning your own mini franchise, you are your own boss, but you are supported by a team of individuals that have gone before you and developed a system that works. Individuals on my team have decided to take advantage of the opportunity for different reasons, each with unique goals and dreams. Some just want their patches paid for, some seek a part time income to supplement, and still others are building legacy wealth. Additionally, our team is full of health and wellness practitioners that are incorporating this into their practices not only because it improves their clients’ health so dramatically but because they too are looking for additional streams of income that occur when their office doors are locked and lights off for the day. Your platform focuses heavily on helping people improve energy, sleep, inflammation, mental clarity, and overall vitality. What kinds of 122

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transformations have you personally witnessed through this wellness journey? The list is LONG!! Without making any medical claims, I can say that I have seen improvement in illnesses that are caused by or have symptoms of inflammation, discomfort, swelling, and irregularities in the body. I have seen improvements in brain health in the elderly, overactive activity in children and adults, postpartum symptoms, and pre and postmenopausal improvements. Athletes have started patching and are reporting rapid and astonishing improvements in performance, stamina and recovery. As a mental health coach, one of my favorite results have been the mental health improvements like stress, anxiety and overall calmness in the brain and emotions occurring. The ladies love the improvement in their skin appearance, wrinkles, hair, nails etc. We have pages of testimonies of “patchers” that are so excited by their results that they can’t help but share their story for others to receive hope! The science behind light therapy and phototherapy has existed for decades. What made you believe this technology could truly make an impact on people’s lives? You are Correct, phototherapy has been practiced for centuries and so has research on the copper peptide GHKCU. Blue Light, Red Light, Yellow Light and Infrared Light Therapies are widely known and used. These are known to activate cellular activity. If you were to research Dr. Loren Pickart, you would find that in the 70’s he started researching the long-term effects of increasing the activity of the copper peptide GHK-CU in the body.

Honestly, when it was first introduced to me, I didn’t believe it. How could a little sticker help me when I had tried so many things. At that point though, I was ready to try anything. I used red light therapy in the past and had some improvement from it. The fact that this was the same theory, but I would be using it for 12 hours at a time and it worked at a cellular level using my own bodies healing capabilities intrigued me. What made me believe in it though was my own results, my grandson’s improvement, my husband cancelling his knee replacement surgery, and countless other testimonies that just blow your mind. I hear new stories every day of health improvements that shouldn’t be possible. I see lives changed right before my eyes. That is what gives me the confidence to share this with others. It would be criminal of me not to. Wellness is such a personal journey for many people. How do you approach educating and supporting individuals who may be skeptical or overwhelmed when exploring new wellness options? I meet them exactly where they are. I am not a doctor or scientist, so I speak in layman terms. Many people that are introduced to this are skeptical so that is not new. I believe it is the testimonies from those that are using the patches that give people hope. It isn’t science, or even the company, it is the hope that their life will be better. Most of us use more than one modality for our health, whether vitamins, nutrition, pharmaceuticals, chiropractor, you name it. There is nothing on the market that works at a cellular level like these patches. Because of that, all other modalities that you use will work even better. I like to ask this

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{ SHIFT+CONTROL { HEALING, GROWTH & REDISCOVERY { QUEEN OF}ARTS } } “I hear new stories every day of health improvements that shouldn’t be possible. I see lives changed right before my eyes.”

questions, “Is what you are doing right now working?” What has been one of the biggest challenges in building awareness and educating people about innovative wellness technologies like X39? The indoctrination that modern medicine has done makes people believe that their bodies were not designed to heal themselves. The belief that surgery and pharmaceuticals are the only answers for what ails us. That alternative modalities are trickery or scams. The truth is that modern medicine focuses on reducing symptoms rather than getting to the root of the problem. Holistic health works to get at the root cause of an issue and work towards full healing. If we can get past the mind block and move into an open mindset change and belief can happen. How impor tant is community and connection in the work you do, especially when helping people take control of their own health and wellness journey? We all bring different skillsets and gifts to the table. As a community we can use those gifts to support and encourage each other. Health journeys are not always easy which means that community is a key component to success. As individuals, each of our journeys will be different and those differences increase our knowledge of what these patches can do for ourselves

and others. Our team has developed incredible platforms for community and resources. We are known for being an incredibly supportive, active and exciting team atmosphere. Many women today are juggling careers,

all those around us. One thing I learned when I almost died was without your health, the rest of your world crumbles. The world will fill up our schedule with all the activities it says are important. It takes effort to manage our time, which includes self-care. Trust me when I say, You do not want to start taking charge of your health AFTER you have a serious event. If someone reading this interview feels exhausted, overwhelmed, or disconnected from themselves, what would you want them to know about beginning their own journey toward healing, vitality, and wellness? I know it can be scary to embrace something new, but there is hope. Hope for better health and a better life. Sometimes it comes in an innovative way that you have never heard about. Don’t let that thought block your blessing. You have been praying for an answer, Be open-minded, take the chance in this technology. You will not be alone, let me help you feel better and embrace a life full of new opportunities!

stress, family responsibilities, and burnout. Why do you believe wellness and self-care are more important now than ever before? Your wellness is tied to your self-care. When we don’t focus on our own selfcare, it isn’t just our physical bodies that suffer, it is also our mental, emotional and spiritual health, which in turn affects ROCHESTER WOMAN ONLINE :: JULY/AUGUST EDITION 2026 125

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CELEBRATING THE PEOPLE BEHIND OUR COMMUNITY BY TRINA ALESSI

*Reclaiming Space & Breaking the “Expiration Date” Myth*

looks, graphic tees, bold leather jackets, or dramatic makeup that make you feel alive?

There is a quiet, subtle instruction manual handed to women as they navigate through life. In our youth, the world tells us to sit up straight, keep our voices at a polite volume, and blend seamlessly into the background. As the years roll on, that subtle guidance shifts into an explicit command: shrink.

True personal style doesn’t have an age limit. In fact, wearing whatever you wantwithout seeking validation from fashion police or societal critics- is one of the ultimate forms of personal empowerment. When a woman steps out in a bold outfit that reflects her true personality rather than her age bracket, she sends a clear message: I am here, I am visible, and I answer only to myself.

We are told- sometimes directly, often through media and societal norms- that getting older means stepping back. We are expected to tone down our style, quiet our passions, and make ourselves smaller so as not to disrupt the comfortable expectations of those around us. It is time to throw that playbook directly into the trash. Women are not perishable goods with a built-in “expiration date.” Reclaiming space isn’t about asking for permission to exist as your authentic self; it’s about taking up room unapologetically, breaking arbitrary rules, and recognizing that confidence and style only grow richer with time. *The Myth of “Aging Out” of Fashion* Look through traditional style guides for women over thirty, and you will often find a long list of absurd restrictions: don’t wear loud prints, avoid edgy silhouettes, keep your hair a conservative length, stick to neutrals. This concept that a woman “ages out” of expressing herself through fashion is one of the most pervasive myths in modern culture. Clothes are not reserved for the young; they are a visual language, an extension of identity, and a tool for self-expression. Why should reaching your 30s, 40s, or 50s mean retiring the edgy alternative 130

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*Taking Up Room in Male-Dominated Spaces* Taking up space goes far beyond the wardrobe. For generations, women navigating male-dominated subcultureswhether that’s the rock and metal music scene, tech industries, corporate boardrooms, or specific trades- have faced a constant barrage of gatekeeping. How many times has a woman in a band tee been interrogated to “name three songs” to prove her validity? How often are women in technical fields asked to prove their qualifications twice as hard as their male peers just to be heard? Reclaiming space in these environments means refusing to apologize for your presence or prove your right to be there. It means claiming your authority based on your passion, expertise, and lived experience. Moreover, true empowerment in these spaces relies on solidarity. When women shut down gatekeeping together- by lifting up other female voices, holding space at the front of the crows, or mentoring newcomers- the dynamic shifts. The goal isn’t just to squeeze through the door, but to hold it wide open for the women walking behind you. *The Second Act: Freedom on Your Own

Terms* The most empowering secret about growing older is one that society rarely talks about: the freedom that comes with experience. In our early years, much of our energy is spent worrying about what others think, striving for perfection, or trying to fit into molds created by family, partners, or cultural expectations. But after navigating life’s major storms- heartbreak, career pivots, personal losses, and unexpected turns- something remarkable happens. You realize you survived every single one of them. That realization births a powerful “Second Act.” This period of life isn’t a decline; it’s a renaissance. It is characterized by a deep, grounded self-assurance that can only be earned through experience. You stop seeking external approval because you’ve learned to trust your own judgment. You stop apologizing for your boundaries because you know what your peace costs. Rebuilding your life on your own termswhether that means starting a new creative venture, changing careers, falling in love again, or simply deciding to live boldly- is a quiet revolution. *Claiming Your Space Today* The world will always have an opinion on how women should dress, speak, act, and age. But those opinions are merely noise. You do not need permission to take up space. You do not need to shrink to fit into rooms that were built too small for your personality. Wear that bold outfit, stand tall in the front row, speak your mind without qualification, and embrace every chapter of your journey with the head-held-high pride.

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“Wear that BOLD

outfit, stand tall in the front row, speak your MIND without qualification, and EMBRACE every chapter of your journey with the headheld-high PRIDE.

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WONDER BECOMES CURIOSITY YOU ARE ENOUGH. BY NICOLE&HEROUX WILLIAMS I PHOTOS BY NSP STUDIO BY CLIANDA FLORENCE DR. CAROL ST. GEORGE PROFESSOR AT THE UNIVERSITY OF ROCHESTER

What Made You Wonder Today: The Importance of Wonder, Curiosity and Play The other day I watched a young child become completely absorbed by an ant. While the adults nearby chatted and glanced at their phones, this little one crouched in the grass, following the tiny insect as though it held the answer to some great mystery. Where was it going? Why was it carrying something so much bigger than itself? Did it ever get tiring? Nearly ten minutes passed. No one had assigned this lesson. There wasn’t a worksheet, a learning objective, or a test waiting at the end. Yet this child was observing, asking questions, making predictions, and piecing together ideas about the world, and most importantly, they were wondering. It reminded me that wonder is where every child’s learning begins. Wonder becomes curiosity the moment a child asks, “Why?” Then curiosity leads to exploration. And for children, exploration almost always looks like play. Wonder notices, curiosity asks questions, play discovers answers, and learning follows. Somewhere along the way, we begin asking children a different question, “What did you learn today?” It’s a question that comes from love. We want our children to become strong readers, thoughtful writers, capable problem-solvers, and compassionate human beings. We understand the importance of education, and we’re

grateful for the teachers who show up every day to nurture young minds while balancing the enormous expectations placed upon them. But lately I’ve found myself wondering if another question deserves equal attention, “What made you wonder today?” Long before children read their first book or write their own name, they’re already busy making sense of the world. They build towers simply to discover how high they can go before they tumble. They ask endless questions not because they’re trying to wear us out, but because they’re trying to understand. Wonder is not something we teach children. It’s something children teach us, if we’re willing to slow down long enough to notice. We live in a culture that celebrates efficiency. We hurry children from one activity to the next, one season to the next, one milestone to the next. Yet wonder has never been in a hurry. It asks us to linger over a ladybug, reread a favorite story, or stop in the middle of a walk because an ant has suddenly become the most fascinating thing in the world. The moments that seem least productive are often the ones children remember most. No one has to teach a child to play. If you give them a cardboard box, it becomes a spaceship and a blanket draped over the dining room table becomes a castle, while a stick becomes a fishing pole, a magic wand, or a sword for an adventure that exists only in their imagination.

Learning Through Love Before a child enters a school building, they are learning through the love, guidance, conversations, and stories shared within their family. Reading together isn’t just about words on a page, it’s about building confidence, curiosity, vocabulary, comprehension, and a lifelong love of learning. While adults often think of play as recreation, children experience it as research. For them, every game is an experiment, every fort is an engineering project, every imaginary friend is an exercise in empathy, and every treasure hunt is a science investigation disguised as fun. Children don’t separate learning from living like adults do. Perhaps that’s why play can look so ordinary to adults and feel so extraordinary to children. They aren’t wondering whether an activity is educational. They’re simply immersed in discovering how the world works. Books invite children into that same kind of discovery. One of the greatest gifts a story offers isn’t simply new vocabulary or improved comprehension. A great story stretches the imagination. It introduces children to people they’ll never meet and places they’ll never visit. It encourages them to ask bigger questions than they knew they could ask. Think about the book, The Velveteen Rabbit. At its heart, it isn’t really a story about a toy rabbit becoming real. It’s a story about love, imagination, and the extraordinary power of seeing the world through a child’s eyes. What makes the ROCHESTER WOMAN ONLINE :: JULY/AUGUST EDITION 2026 135

{ SHIFT+CONTROL } { LETS GET L.I.T. { QUEEN OF} ARTS } “Wonder notices, curiosity asks questions, play discovers answers, and learning follows.”

rabbit real isn’t magic, it’s relationship and wonder. That’s what books and play have in common. Neither asks children to memorize the world, instead both invite them to discover it. The stories we remember most rarely answer every question, but instead leave us with better ones. As adults, we naturally want to prepare children for the future. We celebrate reading milestones, report cards, athletic achievements, and college dreams because we know the world will ask much of them. These accomplishments matter, but I sometimes wonder if we’ve begun treating childhood as preparation for life instead of recognizing that childhood is life. Children aren’t waiting to become interesting adults. They are already interesting people. They need time to chase butterflies, build blanket forts, collect rocks that look like treasure, and 136

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read “just one more chapter” because no one is quite ready for the story to end. They need opportunities to follow an idea wherever it leads, even if it leads nowhere at all. Not every question needs an answer. Sometimes the gift is simply learning to love the asking. Conclusion The world our children inherit will need knowledgeable people. It will also need people who can imagine possibilities no one else has considered, solve problems that don’t yet have solutions, and approach challenges with creativity, empathy, and hope. Those qualities don’t suddenly appear in adulthood. They grow quietly in childhood, often in moments that look wonderfully ordinary like a child watching an ant, a bedtime story that becomes a conversation, or a game whose rules change every five minutes because someone has a new idea. Tonight, instead of asking, “What did

you learn today?” Perhaps you can ask something different. Maybe try, “What surprised you? What made you laugh? or What are you wondering about?” The answers may not sound academic. They may be something even better. The next time we see a child stop to watch an ant cross the sidewalk while everyone else hurries past, I hope, every now and then, we choose to kneel beside them. Our job is to protect the things children already know how to do so well: to wonder, to be curious, to play, and to believe that every ordinary day holds the possibility of discovering something extraordinary. Let’s continue to build a culture where literacy begins at home, parent voices are heard, and every child has access to an education that unlocks their God-given potential. Because when families read together, learn together, and advocate together, we all achieve more. Our job isn’t simply to teach them. It’s to wonder with them

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OCASIO { { WOMEN WHO SYSTEM INSPIRE {THE SHIFT+CONTROL } }}

FREEDOM BEHIND THE YOU ARE ENOUGH. FIREWORKS BY NICOLE HEROUX WILLIAMS PHOTOS BY NSP STUDIO BY LAURAI OCASIO

Every Fourth of July, we gather to celebrate freedom. We watch fireworks light up the night sky, enjoy backyard barbecues, wave American flags, and reflect on the courage of those who fought for our nation’s independence. It is a day that reminds us of the freedoms many of us enjoy every day, freedom of speech, freedom of religion, freedom to vote, and freedom to pursue the lives we choose. As meaningful as those freedoms are, I’ve come to realize that there is another kind of freedom that is just as life-changing: personal freedom. For me, freedom took on a whole new meaning when I made the difficult decision to leave a group that I was raised in many years ago. Leaving meant more than changing where I worshipped. It meant learning how to think for myself again. It meant discovering who I was outside of expectations that had shaped nearly every part of my life. The journey wasn’t easy. Freedom can be both exhilarating and intimidating. When someone else has always defined the rules, the beliefs, and even the future you should pursue, stepping into the unknown requires courage. Yet it is often within that uncertainty that we begin to discover who we truly are. Today, when I think about freedom, I think less about what I am free from and more about what I am free to become. I cherish the freedom to pursue my

dreams, even when they evolve in unexpected directions. I value the freedom to change, to grow, and to become a different person than I was yesterday. Growth is not a sign that we were wrong before; it is evidence that we are continuing to learn. I treasure the freedom to explore ideas and gain knowledge without limits. Curiosity has become one of my greatest teachers. Asking questions, seeking understanding, and remaining open to new perspectives have enriched my life in ways I never imagined. I appreciate the freedom to examine my beliefs with honesty and humility. Some beliefs have become stronger over time, while others I have gently released. Letting go of beliefs that no longer serve us is not a sign of weakness; it can be one of the bravest acts of personal growth. I celebrate the freedom to be different without apology. We were never meant to become copies of one another. Our unique experiences, gifts, and perspectives allow each of us to contribute something meaningful to the world. I value the freedom to be authentic, to live in alignment with my values instead of simply meeting the expectations of others. Authenticity brings a sense of peace that cannot be found by pretending to be someone we are not.

respect. Healthy communities do not require us to lose ourselves. Instead, they create space for us to become more fully ourselves. Most of all, I treasure the freedom to become who I was always meant to be. Perhaps that is the greatest freedom of all. As you celebrate this Independence Day, I invite you to reflect on your own journey. Beyond the fireworks and festivities, ask yourself: What does freedom mean to me today? Maybe it means beginning again. Maybe it means forgiving yourself. Maybe it means pursuing a dream you’ve postponed for years. Maybe it means learning something new, speaking your truth, or simply allowing yourself to grow. Freedom is not only a gift that nations protect. It is also a gift we cultivate within ourselves—one courageous choice at a time. May this July remind us to celebrate not only the freedoms we have inherited, but also the freedoms we choose to embrace every day as we continue becoming who we are meant to be.

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LIFE LESSONS FROM YOU MISS ARECYNTHIA ENOUGH. BY NICOLE HEROUX WILLIAMS I PHOTOS BY MISS CYNTHIA ELYBY NSP STUDIO

The Summer RSVP: Why Good Manners Never Take a Vacation

A simple act of consideration is one of the foundations of good manners.

Summer has a way of bringing people together. The scent of burgers on the grill, children laughing as they run through sprinklers, neighbors chatting on the patio, and families gathering around picnic tables create some of life’s sweetest memories.

As parents, summer gatherings also provide wonderful opportunities to teach children that etiquette isn’t reserved for formal dinners or fancy restaurants. Leadership is developed in everyday moments, and backyard parties offer plenty of them.

Cookouts, backyard barbecues, pool parties, and neighborhood gatherings may feel relaxed and informal, but one important courtesy should never take a summer vacation - the RSVP.

Before your family heads out the door, take just a few minutes to prepare your children for success. Review a few simple expectations that help them become thoughtful and gracious guests.

Somewhere along the way, responding to an invitation has become optional for many people. We assume a casual invitation doesn’t require a reply, or we wait until the last minute to decide if we’re attending. Unfortunately, what may seem like a small oversight can create unnecessary stress for the host. An RSVP is much more than a response. It is an act of respect. When someone opens their home to family and friends, they invest much more than a few hours of their time. They arrange seating, prepare their home, purchase food, create menus, and often spend days planning to ensure everyone feels welcomed. One unanswered invitation leaves them wondering, “Should I prepare for two more people? Ten more? Will I have enough food? Enough space?” Responding promptly communicates, “I value your time, your effort, and your hospitality.”

Follow the House Rules Every family has different expectations. Some homes ask that shoes be removed at the door or have specific pool safety rules. Children should understand that when they visit someone else’s home, they respectfully follow that family’s rules without complaint. One of the greatest signs of maturity is learning to adapt respectfully to another person’s home. Practice the “Bring & Leave” Rule If your family brings a hostess gift, teach your children to hand it to her with a smile and a kind word. Then comes an important lesson many adults may not know: never expect the hostess to open the gift immediately. Your gift should never become another task on an already busy evening. The hostess may be greeting guests, serving

food, or making sure everyone feels included. Allow them to enjoy your gift later when they have the time to appreciate it. Giving without expectations is one of the most gracious forms of generosity. Offer to Help One of my favorite lessons to teach children is that some of the most meaningful acts of kindness happen after the party is over. Encourage your children to ask, “May I help clear the table?” If the hostess politely declines, teach them to offer one more time. Often, the second offer communicates genuine sincerity rather than simple politeness. Whether it’s collecting empty cups, carrying serving dishes to the kitchen, or gathering toys before leaving, these small acts communicate appreciation. There is no better gift than helping a tired hostess clean up after welcoming everyone into her home. Leave With Gratitude As your family prepares to leave, don’t rush out with a quick wave. Take a moment to personally thank the hostess. Make eye contact, smile, and express sincere appreciation for her hospitality. These simple habits help children understand that gratitude should always be spoken. ROCHESTER WOMAN ONLINE :: JULY/AUGUST EDITION 2026 143

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{ SHIFT+CONTROL } } { MORE THAN MANNERS “Whether the gathering is elegant, casual, indoors or outside, good manners never go out of season.”

Follow Up After the Gathering The kindness shouldn’t end when you pull out of the driveway. One of the most overlooked courtesies is sending a thank-you note after attending a gathering. Whether handwritten or sent as a thoughtful message, expressing appreciation lets the hostess know her effort mattered. It can be short. “Thank you for inviting our family. We had a wonderful time together. Your hospitality made everyone feel welcome.” 146

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Those few sentences can brighten someone’s entire week. Small Courtesies Create Strong Leaders Leadership begins in the smallest moments. • Responding to an invitation. • Offering to help. • Expressing gratitude. These may seem like simple social skills, but together they build something much greater. They: • Develop awareness. • Cultivate consideration. • Strengthen responsibility.

They teach children to think beyond themselves, where true leadership begins. As your calendar fills with summer celebrations, remember, every invitation is an opportunity not only to enjoy time with family and friends, but also to model kindness, respect, and consideration. Whether the gathering is elegant, casual, indoors or outside, good manners never go out of season.

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AFFORDABLE WAYS TO MAKE THE YOU ENOUGH. END OFARE SUMMER MAGICAL BY NICOLE HEROUX WILLIAMS I PHOTOS BY CHRISTINE CONTEBY NSP STUDIO

August has a funny way of sneaking up on us. One minute you’re celebrating the first splash of summer, and the next you’re shopping for backpacks, pencils, and school shoes. For single moms, the end of summer can feel especially bittersweet. The vacation time is winding down, and shared custody lessens your already precious time with your children even more. Between work, household responsibilities, and preparing for a new school year, it’s easy to worry that you haven’t done “enough” with your children. Here’s the good news: children rarely remember how much money or time was spent. They remember how they felt. They remember laughing until their stomachs hurt, staying up a little later than usual, hearing their mom tell funny stories, and feeling like they were the most important person in the world—even if it was only for an afternoon, a weekend, or a week. The final weeks before school begins offer the perfect opportunity to slow down and intentionally create moments of connection. Whether you have toddlers, elementary-aged children, or teenagers, these affordable ideas are designed to strengthen your relationship while creating memories that you and your children will treasure for years to come. 1. Turn Your Living Room (or Backyard) Into a Camping Adventure Who says camping requires reservations, expensive gear, or a national park? Some of the most memorable camping experiences happen just steps away from home. Build an elaborate blanket fort in your living room, or pitch a tent in your backyard if you have one. Bring sleeping bags, pillows, battery-operated lanterns, flashlights, and plenty of cozy blankets. Leave the television off and let imagination take over. Spend the evening telling funny family stories, making up adventures, reading

favorite books aloud, or playing card games by flashlight. If you have access to a fire pit, roast marshmallows. If not, use your oven or microwave to make delicious s’mores together. Before bedtime, step outside and search for star constellations or fireflies. Ask your children questions like, “What has been your favorite part of summer?” or “What are you most excited about this school year?” These conversations often become surprisingly meaningful because they’re happening in an unusual setting where everyone feels relaxed and connected. Your children will remember falling asleep next to Mom while pretending they were exploring the wilderness together. 2. Become Tourists in Your Own Town It’s amazing how often we overlook the attractions right in our own communities. Challenge your family to spend one day pretending you’ve never visited your town before. Begin by visiting your local visitors center or researching free attractions online. You might discover a historic district, botanical garden, scenic overlook, art walk, walking trail, museum with free admission days, farmers market, public sculpture garden, fish hatchery, or nature preserve you’ve never explored. Give each child a disposable camera or allow them to take photos with your phone. Encourage them to document the adventure as if they’re creating a travel magazine about your city. Stop for affordable treats along the way— perhaps ice cream, lemonade, or lunch packed from home and enjoyed in a local park. As you explore, ask questions like, “If a friend from another state visited us, what

would you take them to see?” This helps children appreciate where they live while encouraging observation and curiosity. Optional: At the end of the day, print a few favorite photographs and create a scrapbook page titled “Our Hometown Adventure.” It’s a wonderful reminder that memorable experiences don’t always require traveling hundreds of miles. Money Saving Tip #1: Pack Your Own Picnic Eating out can quickly become the most expensive part of a family outing. Instead, pack sandwiches, fruit, snacks, and reusable water bottles before you leave home. Whether you’re visiting a park, the beach, or simply exploring your neighborhood, a picnic not only saves money but often becomes one of the most memorable parts of the day. Let your children help prepare the meal—they’ll enjoy it even more because they helped create it. 3. Host a Family Olympics (with a Focus on Fun) Transform an ordinary day into an unforgettable celebration by organizing your own Family Olympics. Create silly events that everyone can participate in regardless of age. Try water balloon tosses, three-legged races, hula hoop contests, sidewalk chalk art competitions, paper airplane distance challenges, scavenger hunts, obstacle courses made from household items, or even a dance contest judged on enthusiasm rather than skill. Award homemade medals crafted from ribbon, aluminum foil, or construction paper. Create humorous categories such as “Best Team Spirit,” “Funniest Fall,” “Most Creative Strategy,” or “Biggest Smile.” Keep the atmosphere playful instead of competitive. Cheer loudly for everyone ROCHESTER WOMAN ONLINE :: JULY/AUGUST EDITION 2026 149

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and emphasize encouraging one another. After the games conclude, enjoy a meal together while everyone shares their favorite moments from the day. Your children won’t remember who won every event. They’ll remember hearing their mom laugh uncontrollably during a goofy race, celebrating each other’s successes, and feeling like their family was the most fun team in the world. 4. Start a Time Capsule Tradition Before the New School Year One of the greatest gifts you can give your children is a way to preserve their childhood memories. Near the end of August, gather a sturdy box or plastic container and invite each family member to contribute meaningful items that represent the summer. Include photographs, drawings, ticket stubs, handwritten letters, favorite jokes, pressed flowers, seashells, friendship bracelets, small toys, newspaper headlines, or lists of favorite songs and foods. Encourage each child to write a letter to their future self, describing their hopes for the coming school year. As their mom, write your own letter expressing what you’ve loved most about watching them grow this summer and what you hope they’ll always remember about your family. Seal the container and decide together when you’ll open it—perhaps five years from now, on a high school graduation day, or even when your children become adults. The activity costs almost nothing but becomes increasingly valuable with time. Years later, opening the capsule will spark laughter, happy tears, and heartfelt conversations about how much everyone has grown. Children often outgrow toys, clothes, and even favorite hobbies, but they never outgrow knowing they were deeply loved. 150

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A simple time capsule becomes tangible proof that their childhood mattered enough to preserve, and that is a priceless gift no amount of money can buy. Money Saving Tip #2: Experiences Beat Expensive Gifts Children rarely remember the price tag attached to an activity. They remember roasting marshmallows, chasing butterflies, building blanket forts, dancing in the kitchen, and laughing with Mom. Focus your budget on creating shared experiences rather than buying more things. The memories you make together will last far longer than the latest toy or gadget. 5. Create a Backyard Movie Night Under the Stars Movie theaters can be expensive, but recreating the experience at home is memorable. Choose a warm August evening and transform your backyard into an outdoor cinema. If you have a projector, hang a white sheet between two trees or against a fence. If you don’t, simply bring a television near an open window or enjoy the movie indoors while decorating the room to resemble a theater. Spread out blankets, sleeping bags, lawn chairs, or oversized pillows. String inexpensive fairy lights around the seating area or place battery-operated candles nearby to create a cozy atmosphere. Let your children make “admission tickets” and decorate popcorn containers with markers and stickers.

give everyone a chance to use the bathroom, get into their pajamas, and grab their favorite sleep snuggle. This will help invite them to fall asleep by the time the movie ends. The magic isn’t found in the size of the screen—it’s found in the shared laughter, cuddles under blankets, and the feeling that Mom turned an ordinary evening into something extraordinary. 6. End Summer with a Celebration of Growth Before backpacks are packed and alarm clocks begin ringing again, pause to celebrate everything your family has accomplished over the summer. Host a simple “End of Summer Celebration” at home. Decorate with balloons, streamers, handmade signs, or flowers picked from your yard (dandelions will do just fine). Prepare your children’s favorite meal or invite everyone to help cook together. Create a playlist featuring songs that remind you of your summer adventures. After dinner, gather in the living room and spend time reflecting. Ask each family member to share favorite memories, something new they learned, a challenge they overcame, and one thing they’re looking forward to in the new school year. As their mom, share your own reflections, including moments when your children made you proud.

Instead of buying expensive concessions, prepare homemade popcorn with fun seasonings, sliced fruit, trail mix, or homemade cookies. Give everyone the chance to vote on the evening’s feature presentation, making the selection process part of the fun.

Consider presenting each child with a handwritten certificate recognizing something unique about them, such as “Most Creative Problem Solver,” “Amazing Helper,” “Best Adventure Partner,” or “Kindest Heart.” These homemade awards often become treasured keepsakes because they acknowledge qualities that truly matter.

Before the movie begins, snap a family photo in your “theater.” Create an intermission to

Finish the evening by taking one final family photo.

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{ SHIFT+CONTROL { ROCKSTAR SINGLE MOM} LIFE } “Before backpacks are packed and alarm clocks begin ringing again, pause to celebrate everything your family has accomplished over the summer.”

Memory Maker Tip: Take the “Same Spot” Photo Every August Choose one special place—a favorite park bench, your front porch, a neighborhood tree, or your backyard—and take a family photo there every year before school begins. Over the years, you’ll create a beautiful visual timeline of your family’s growth. One day, looking back at those photos will remind you that while children grow quickly, the love you shared remained constant. As another summer comes to an end, it’s easy to wonder if you did enough. Maybe you couldn’t afford an elaborate vacation. Perhaps you had to juggle work schedules, childcare, household responsibilities, and countless other demands. If that’s your reality, take heart. Children rarely measure love by the size of a vacation budget or the number of expensive outings they experienced. Instead, they remember the feeling of belonging. They remember laughing over burnt pancakes, cuddling during a movie under the stars,

searching for butterflies on a nature walk, and hearing their mom say, “I’m so glad we’re spending this time together.” Those moments become the stories they tell years later. The beauty of August isn’t found in trying to create a picture-perfect ending to summer. It’s found in embracing the ordinary moments that become extraordinary simply because they’re shared. One day, your children won’t remember every toy they owned or every television show they watched. But they’ll remember how you cheered them on during the Family Olympics. They’ll remember the silly songs you sang under blanket forts, and the dreams you encouraged at the end of summer celebrations. As backpacks are zipped and school buses begin rolling once again, know this: the greatest gift you gave your children this summer was your time, your attention, your laughter, and your love.

And those are the memories that will last long after August fades into autumn. Christine Conte is an ICF-PCC Credentialed Certified Life & Leadership Coach, a Certified Confidence Coach, and a Certified Positive Parenting Coach. Christine is a published author and speaker, and she conducts workshops on a variety of topics, including empowerment, communication, life purpose, & vision boards. As a Rockstar Single Mom for 18 years, Christine raised two incredible daughters on her own and on her own terms despite many impediments. She’s helped women become empowered in the face of difficult life challenges, particularly divorce and single parenting, as a professional coach for over eight years. You can contact Christine at: www.ChristineConteCoaching. com and www.DivorceCoachingSystem.com. You can also join the Rockstar Single Mom Facebook community at www.facebook.com/ groups/rockstarsinglemom.

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LOVE IS INEVITABLE BY ROBIN DEWIND

I’ve kept a tattered piece of yellow paper since my early twenties. My mother slipped it to me after one of my tear-filled breakups, the kind where you swear you’ll never let anyone in again. On it, it said, “Stay in your room and lock the door, because it will come and find you when you least expect it.” She was probably relieved I finally stopped crying long enough to read it. But I kept the note and stashed it away, because some part of me hoped it was true. Here’s the thing about trying to find love: the harder you chase it, the faster it runs. I’ve come to believe in the “Vacancy” sign theory. It’s the same kind you’d see glowing outside a roadside motel. VACANCY means pull in; there’s room for you. NO VACANCY means keep driving; we’re full. You give off that same signal without ever saying a word. Shoulders back, eyes up, a smile that reaches your face before “hello” does, that’s vacancy. It doesn’t matter how your hair looks or whether your makeup survived the day. You’re comfortable in your own lobby, lights on, door propped open, the kind of place people walk into without a second thought. Come talk to me. Arms crossed, eyes on your phone, a short greeting as you walk past, that’s no vacancy. Not now. I’m full, the kind of full where the front desk clerk doesn’t even glance up when the door chimes. A hopeless romantic I’ve been married. I’ve built a career I loved more than any relationship I was in. I raised a daughter mostly on my own. And somewhere in the middle of all that, I quietly stayed exactly who I was the day my mother handed me that note: a hopeless romantic who never stopped believing love was coming, even when I was too busy to look for it. I still root for it. For my daughter now, watching her navigate love for the first 154

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time the way I once did. For my friends, cheering from the sidelines of their dating lives like it’s a sport I retired from but still love watching. Every interaction carries a little bit of purpose, whether or not it turns into anything at all. The parking lot proves it I was a middle-aged, overworked single mom with a small child, which meant a strange education in how love, or at least the flicker of possibility that comes before it, shows up when you’re not looking for it at all. There was “Receipt Guy,” as my daughter dubbed him, who chased down my receipt that had blown away in the Wegmans parking lot. He retrieved it, just to come over to my car to say hello. There was the guy at McDonald’s who came back for a second order he clearly didn’t need, just to keep the conversation going. And “Happy Feet Guy,” a divorced dad who tried to talk my daughter and me into sitting with him and his sons at the movies, after an extended conversation through an impossibly long concessions line. None of those turned into love stories. That was never really the point. What they proved is simpler: when your sign is on, even unconsciously, people gravitate toward the light. It was a lonely stretch of my life. And it was also, without my realizing it, an open one. The real loves of my life If I’m honest, the two loves that shaped me most weren’t romantic at all. They were my career and my daughter. Kids weren’t part of the plan, and I held that stance right up until the nurse put her in my arms. Then none of my reasons mattered anymore. My daughter didn’t wait politely for my sign to flip. She just walked through the door, no reservation required. My career was different. That one was a first love, the kind you fall into headfirst with no caution

at all, long before anyone else got a turn. But love isn’t only about what you feel for someone else. Sometimes it’s what you feel about yourself. It was a random early morning, and I was standing in the checkout line buying grapefruits and oranges. The guy behind me had a cart full of blueberries and raspberries. “I guess we had the same idea,” he said, nodding at the fruit. It was a strange thing to say, and I laughed anyway. I looked rough, no makeup, hair barely brushed. Then he said, “Aren’t you the news lady?” And instead of shrinking into my sweatshirt, I just said yes with a big smile. That’s the vacancy sign nobody talks about. Not the one for other people. The one for yourself. Comfortable in your own skin, bad hair and all, sign lit up anyway. No vacancy isn’t the same as closed forever None of this means you’re supposed to stay open all the time. A motel with no vacancy isn’t out of the hospitality business; it’s just full tonight. There were plenty of nights I was full: raising a daughter alone, building a career, grieving relationships that didn’t work, watching a parent get sick. The sign went dark, and it needed to. You can’t pour into anyone, romantic or otherwise, from an empty room. But the sign always came back on eventually. Not because I forced it, but because life has a way of quietly, subtly flipping the switch back on for you. I don’t know if I’m any wiser now than the girl who read that note and cried anyway. I just know I’m still rooting for love, in every form it comes in, mine and everyone else’s. So, flip your sign on; love is inevitable.

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AYOU HOME THAT BUILDS YOU ARE ENOUGH. BY NICOLE HEROUX WILLIAMS I PHOTOS BY CHELSEA BOE BY NSP STUDIO

How curating your home creates the person you become We are wired to react to our environment… no matter how balanced we are, our environment will always affect us. The people we choose to be around, the type of places we go, and the pace at which we live our life all play into the pace of the body’s response system. When we want something about our body to change (like our energy levels or physical appearance)... we change the environment of our body with nutrition and strength training. On that same token, when we want something about our mental or emotional state to change, we have to think about the environment we are in. You dictate the way you want to feel The truth is, it’s up to us to identify the pace at which we as individuals like our nervous system to be at consistently. It’s different for everyone. From there, we can decide how much stimulation, how much relaxation, and how up-and-down we want excitement or relaxation levels to be. The body is built to accommodate those shifts, not necessarily meant to sit in the same place. I like to think of it as a manual transmission shifter… you have third gear, which is like a steady pace, then gets up to fourth when you accelerate. Just like with a car, if you burn out it’s like your gears go into the red line. And if that happens for more than a short time before running back down, the car is going to overheat. The secret is creating an environment for our 156

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life that allows us to sit at a pace that feels comfortable and steady at the slowest pace of our personal nervous system. From there, we can add in activities that feel safe and exciting, and add in spaces where we can relax and decompress. And just like with different cars, what people can handle in relation to high speeds or sitting still for a long time are very different. The effects of both on a vehicle just like on a body come into play. And every single vehicle or body is different in the way they are able to accelerate and drive. Some cars can just go faster than others. There will be times in everybody’s life that they are not able to move as fast as the people around them. Grief, change, priorities, growing, sickness… all of those things play into what the body can take. The transmission is made to shift, as is the body’s response system. This is why having a supportive home for the phase that the body is currently in is so important. How to find out what kind of space makes us feel our ideal The nervous system isn’t just emotional, it’s built off of what’s happening with the physical body. The way the body is allowed to move in a space tells us how relaxed we are able to be. From a design perspective, rooms that allow us to move through them freely promote peace within. This doesn’t mean living in a big space, but positioning furniture in a way that things aren’t blocking pathways or consistently asking the body to make itself smaller or tighter as it is walking

through the house. This is why clutter free spaces can feel relaxing because we have space to spread out and less visual stimulation to take in. Think of that feeling of just moving into a home and having boxes everywhere and having to move around things and not being able to move freely, it can just feel constricting. On the opposite end, this is why little cottage spaces can feel so comforting and cozy. Because the intimate smallness of them tells the body it’s okay to be still and it’s okay to curl up. We only have to worry about the immediate surroundings, and we immediately feel the moment we walk into a small space we can turn within and turn off the need to be outwardly focused. There isn’t a right or wrong way to do it. A different phases of life will ask for different things from our spaces. The key is to identify how we like to feel consistently, and curate a home that creates the environment for us to feel that way. We respond to stimuli out in the world that we cannot control all the time. Our home is a place where we can control the stimuli that impacts how activated or relaxed we can be. How to create the way we want to feel at home The most powerful thing we can do is to stop responding to our home, and start curating it in a way that enables us to feel exactly how we like to feel. This extends to our family and how we want the kids to feel within the environment they grow up in. What memories do we want them to have

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{ A WOMAN’S PERSPECTIVE { DECORATING FOR YOUR EMOTIONAL} HEALTH } “The only rule to curating a home that benefits your body’s response system is this: discover what kind of spaces make you feel how you want to feel right now, and create your home around that.”

of the feelings from their childhood? We can us the home to create that. Some mothers won’t have a choice in creating this. When you have kids who are on the spectrum, you’ll have to create low stimulating spaces with lots of places for comfort and lots of options for regulation and movement. Yes, with people who are more sensitive this is something that they have to have in order to function. A lot of people can adapt their nervous systems to going through life without these outlets for an extended period of time. However, I think it’s a lesson to us all, when humans are at their most sensitive… what are their needs? I think we can all relate to needing a dedicated chill spot, a dedicated space for movement, a dedicated space for hobbies and passions, a dedicated space for community, and a dedicated space for decompressing completely. When we create all these places within one home, not to mention all of the things we need to live like hygiene, food preparation, and clothing storage while involving everything it takes for mental, emotional, and physical well-being in a home is like creating a tiny ecosystem. We are creating our own biome. Your own environment for growth just like you would in a garden.

2. Curate space to meet those needs. Once you’ve identified the phase of life you are in, you start to build out your immediate needs. Do you need an office for work because that’s a priority right now, do you need play spaces for your kids in this phase of life, do you need dedicated movement spaces for focusing on your physical health? Choose your hotspots, then create the spaces. 3. Allow your nervous system to rest by stocking up. If you need a big linen closet for lots of beds or towels, make sure you always have tons and tons of extra linens and towels folded and organized on hand. If you’re a musician ensure that you have extra drumsticks, extra pics, extra guitar strings stocked up so that you know you have what you need to create endlessly. This allows your body to relax and live instead of always preparing for the future.

These are tangible ways that you can create a home that creates your nervous system.

4. Identify how minimalistic you like to be. If clear open spaces allows, you to feel expansive in the way that you need during this time of your life, you might want to be more minimalistic or have sheer curtains or clear countertops. If you’re in a time in your life where you need to feel cozy and comforted… up the textures in your home: get dark, heavy curtains, thicker rugs, lots of throw pillows, maybe lots of color or add some decor. Create the home that gives you what you need.

1. Identify your needs for this phase of life.

The only rule to curating a home that benefits your body’s response

system is this: discover what kind of spaces make you feel how you want to feel right now, and create your home around that. Allowing your space to evolve as you do, letting go when you need to and re-styling as you need. The bottom line is that your home is the garden that grows you. Identify the things that nurture you and foster your growth… and bring it all home.

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RIGHT ROCHESTER YOUHERE AREIN ENOUGH. BY NICOLE HEROUX WILLIAMS PHOTOS BY NSP STUDIO BY LORI IBRUTON

Savory Stops and Scenes That Feel Fulfilling If life has felt busy, heavy, or just a bit routine, Greater Rochester offers places that can refresh you and help you feel more connected to where you live. It has a way of welcoming you in, whether you have lived here for decades or are discovering it for the first time. It is a region shaped by water, creativity, and community, where each town and neighborhood carries its own personality and pace. People come here for the lakes that offer serenity, for the savory food, arts, music, and for the small businesses that give each street its character. What stands out most is how these places invite you to slow down and breathe a little deeper. Exploring Greater Rochester is not about rushing from one attraction to the next. It is about noticing what surrounds you and letting those experiences nourish your well-being in simple, lasting ways. What Makes Rochester Worth Exploring What draws people to Greater Rochester is not one single landmark or attraction. It is the way the region blends natural beauty with everyday life. Lakes and waterways shape the landscape, giving residents and visitors places to reflect and reconnect. Take time to awaken your senses. Taste and see, smell, listen, go on 162

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an adventure, and explore. Small businesses give the area its character, often run by people who pour their heart into what they create. Rochester offers experiences that support both mental and physical wellness, and many of them are closer than you realize. Discovering Neighborhoods and Their Stories One of the gifts of Greater Rochester is how each neighborhood carries its own story. You can feel it in the architecture, the small shops that have stood the test of time, and the new businesses that bring fresh energy to familiar streets. Exploring these neighborhoods reminds you that travel is not only about distance. It is about connection, curiosity, and noticing the character of a place that continues to evolve. Pa r k Ave n u e : A H i s t o r i c Neighborhood One of the neighborhoods that reflects Rochester’s blend of history and creativity is Park Avenue. It is a place shaped by generations who cared about community, beauty, and the simple pleasure of walkable streets. You notice the character of the area as soon as you arrive. Trees stretch overhead, historic homes line the side streets, and small businesses bring a sense of life to each block. You can stroll past architecture that carries the city’s early story, then step into a café, bakery, or boutique that reflects the energy of the present. Spending time here reminds you that neighborhoods can be both

grounding and inspiring. Places That Bring Park Avenue to Life As you explore Park Avenue, certain places stand out because they carry the neighborhood’s essence so clearly. They are the stops that make people linger a little longer, the ones that feel familiar even if you are visiting for the first time. Looking for a bite to eat? Jine’s is a popular place that has been part of the community for years. Stever’s Candy adds a touch of sweetness to the neighborhood. This shop has been creating handmade chocolates for generations, and stepping inside feels like entering a tradition that has been cared for with love. When I am on Park Ave, I don’t miss the opportunity to venture into this place. Meander into Parkleigh to browse and find unique gifts. Park Avenue also offers places that support personal care and restoration. Aleeza’s Hair ’n’ Nail Works is one of them. The atmosphere is warm and welcoming, and the care you receive is personal. I love how I look and feel every time. Nearby, Park Avenue Massage and Skincare provides a deeper sense of sanctuary. Treatments like Raindrop Therapy, with its calming essential oils, offer a gentle way to release tension and pamper yourself.

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{ A WOMAN’S } { THE LORI PERSPECTIVE FACTOR }} SHIFT+CONTROL “If life has felt busy, heavy, or just a bit routine, Greater Rochester offers places that can refresh you and help you feel more connected to where you live.”

Ready to redirect your course? For fellow beach lovers and foodies, Easy Sailor Tiki Bar brings a nautical theme to the neighborhood. Even if cocktails are not your preference, the décor and energy reflect Rochester’s connection to water. Caribbean, Chinese, African, and Pacific Island inspired dishes are delectable. The lakes and waterways that shape the region seem to echo through the space. These places show how Park Avenue blends comfort, creativity, and care. Each one offers something different, yet together they create an experience that feels nourishing, nurturing, and memorable. Exploring the Flavor of the Flower City Stepping beyond Park Avenue opens the door to even more of what makes Greater Rochester worth exploring. Flower City Food Tours is one of the ways people can do that. These guided walks introduce you to neighborhoods through their flavors and stories. You taste dishes that reflect the creativity of local chefs and learn about the places that have shaped each community. It is a relaxed way to explore, and it reminds you how food can bring people together in a fun way. Pittsford Farms Dairy and Bakery offers a different kind of delight found on Park Avenue and in Pittsford. The scent of fresh waffle cones, the sight of colorful ice cream scoops, and the charm of a place that has served families for generations create an experience that feels both nostalgic and comforting. Fun fact: Local

farms provide the raw milk used in all of the dairy’s milk and ice cream. It is the kind of stop that encourages you to savor a simple pleasure. A sweet treat enjoyed on a quiet afternoon can be pure happiness. The lakes that surround Greater Rochester offer another layer of awe and tranquility. Whether it is Lake Ontario stretching toward the horizon or the smaller lakes that feel tucked into the landscape, these waters have a way of anchoring you. They invite reflection, rest, and a sense of peace that stays with you long after you leave. Spending time near the water can be a gentle reset, a way to reconnect with yourself and the world around you.

beauty and character of the places that surround you. Greater Rochester offers many gifts. It invites you to slow down, dance, listen to live music, sip a latte at a café, explore with curiosity, and enjoy the simple treasures that make life feel a little fuller. Whether you live here or somewhere else, perhaps these scenes inspire you to explore Rochester for yourself.

Together, these experiences show how Greater Rochester nourishes both body and soul. You can explore through taste, through history, through nature, or through simple moments of connection. Each one adds something to your quality of life. Enjoy Everyday Life in Greater Rochester Park Avenue, Flower City Food Tours, Pittsford Farms Dairy, and the lakes that shape the region each offer their own kind of nourishment. Some support connection through food and conversation. Others encourage rest, reflection, or a moment of sweetness that brightens the day. Together they show how exploring close to home can strengthen both mental and physical vitality. It is a reminder that travel is not only about seeing new places. It is also about noticing the ROCHESTER WOMAN ONLINE :: JULY/AUGUST EDITION 2026 165

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MEET HANK BY THE ACS TEAM

Hank’s Happy Ending Sometimes the most beautiful stories aren’t about how an animal arrives at a shelter—they’re about the journey that leads them home. This month, we’re celebrating Hank, a lovable dog whose story reminds us that sometimes the best things in life are worth waiting for.

quickly. It has not even been 24 hours, and we are completely enamored with him.”

The message went on to thank everyone who had played a role in Hank’s journey.

For a dog who had spent 255 days waiting, those words meant everything.

“Thank you so much for the love and care you showed him both at the shelter and in his foster home. You can truly tell how well he was loved and treated before coming to us. He is such a special fella.”

His new family shared that Hank was settling in beautifully. He was eating well, taking his medication like a champ, enjoying walks, and quickly mastering what every dog

Hank spent a total of 255 days in the care of Animal Care Sanctuary, including time in both the shelter and a loving foster home. That’s more than eight months of waiting. More than eight months of hoping. More than eight months of dedicated staff, volunteers, and foster families believing that the perfect family was out there for him.

Hank’s story is a reminder that every animal’s timeline is different. Some find homes quickly. Others wait weeks, months, or even longer. But their worth is never measured by how long they stay. Every animal deserves a chance, and every animal deserves a family willing to see the incredible companion waiting beneath the surface.

And they were right. Like many long-stay dogs, Hank had countless people rooting for him along the way. The team at Animal Care Sanctuary got to know his personality, his quirks, and the things that made him special. They watched him grow, learn, and continue to show love despite the uncertainty of shelter life. His foster family provided him with comfort, stability, and a glimpse of what life in a forever home could be.

Today, Hank is no longer a shelter dog. He’s a beloved family member.

Then came the day everyone had been waiting for. Hank found his family.

does best—taking long, comfortable naps.

While adoption days are always emotional, it’s what happens after the adoption that truly tells the story. Just 24 hours after bringing Hank home, his new family reached out to Animal Care Sanctuary with an update that brought tears to many eyes.

But perhaps the most touching moment came when Hank met the children in the family.

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Those words perfectly capture the mission of Animal Care Sanctuary. Every animal who enters their doors receives not only food, shelter, and medical care, but also compassion, patience, and love. Staff members, volunteers, and foster families work tirelessly to ensure that every dog and cat has the opportunity to find a forever family.

Wanting to make the transition as smooth as possible, the family gave Hank some quiet time to explore his new surroundings before introducing him to the girls. When they finally met, there were hugs, doggy kisses, smiles, and even a few tears. “It was really special,” his family shared.

He’s getting belly rubs, taking walks, enjoying naps, giving kisses, and creating memories with the people who adore him. After 255 days of waiting, Hank finally found exactly where he was meant to be. His story is proof that patience pays off, that foster homes save lives, and that sometimes the happiest endings are the ones that take a little longer to write. Congratulations, Hank. We couldn’t be happier for you. And to everyone who helped him along the way—thank you for believing that his forever family was out there.

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THE BIGGEST MISTAKE YOU ARETRAVEL ENOUGH. BY NICOLE HEROUX WILLIAMS I PHOTOS BY SHAUNA DIXON BY NSP STUDIO

Isn’t Choosing the Wrong Resort... It’s Waiting When people come to me to plan a vacation, they often worry about choosing the right destination, the perfect resort, or the best itinerary. Those are important decisions, of course. But after helping travelers plan countless vacations, I’ve realized the biggest travel mistake usually isn’t choosing the wrong place.

The Perfect Time Rarely Arrives One of the most common things I hear from travelers after they return is, “I wish we had done this sooner.”

Children leave home. None of us can predict what tomorrow will look like. Travel has a funny way of reminding us what really matters.

I’ve never had someone tell me they regretted taking the vacation.

Memories Last Longer Than Things Several years ago, my own family made a decision that changed the way we looked at the holidays.

What they often regret is waiting years to make it happen. I’ve worked with retirees finally checking Europe off their bucket list after talking

It’s waiting.

We spent two consecutive Christmases on seven-night Caribbean cruises.

Waiting until work slows down. Waiting until the kids are older. Waiting until retirement. Waiting until there’s “more money.” Waiting until life feels less busy. We convince ourselves that next year will somehow be easier. That our schedules will calm down, our calendars will magically open up, and we’ll finally have the time to plan the trip we’ve been talking about for years. The reality is that life rarely works that way. There is always another project at work, another home repair, another school activity, another financial priority, or another reason to put travel on hold. Before we know it, the years have quietly slipped by.

Instead of buying more presents that none of us really needed, we decided to give ourselves something different: time together.

The ships were beautifully decorated for the holidays. Christmas trees sparkled in the atrium. Carolers filled the air with familiar songs. There were festive meals, holiday shows, and even visits from Santa. It was everything you would expect from Christmas, just with palm trees and warm ocean breezes instead of snow. about it for decades. I’ve helped couples celebrate milestone anniversaries they almost didn’t plan because life simply got in the way. I’ve talked with parents who realized their children had grown up faster than they ever imagined, and they wished they had taken more family vacations while everyone was still under one roof. Life has a way of changing our priorities when we least expect it. Health changes. Careers evolve. Parents grow older.

But what I remember most isn’t the decorations. It’s laughing together over dinner long after dessert had been served. Watching the sunset from the deck. Sharing quiet mornings with a cup of coffee while looking out at the ocean. Those trips reminded me that the best gifts aren’t always the ones wrapped under a tree. Sometimes they’re the moments we create together. Years later, those Christmases are still some of my favorite memories. ROCHESTER WOMAN ONLINE :: JULY/AUGUST EDITION 2026 171

{ TRAVELING WITH SHAUNA } “One of the most common things I hear from travelers after they return is, “I wish we had done this sooner.””

I couldn’t tell you every gift I received over the years, but I’ll never forget those vacations. Travel Doesn’t Have to Be Extraordinary Sometimes people think travel only “counts” if it’s a once-in-a-lifetime adventure. The truth is, meaningful travel comes in all shapes and sizes. Maybe it’s finally taking that European river cruise you’ve been dreaming about. Maybe it’s relaxing for a week at an all-inclusive resort where someone else does the cooking. Maybe it’s exploring the colorful streets of Old San Juan, hiking through Acadia National Park, watching the sunrise in Hawaii, or spending a long weekend in Charleston discovering local restaurants and history. Not every vacation has to be extravagant. Sometimes the trip you need most is simply one that gives you permission to slow down, reconnect with the people you love, and step away from the routines that fill your everyday life. The destination matters far less than the decision to go. Invest in Moments, Not Just Milestones It’s easy to wait for the big occasions. Retirement. A major anniversary. A milestone birthday. But some of life’s most meaningful 172

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memories happen on ordinary years. Sometimes the best reason to travel is simply because you can. Because life feels hectic. Because you’ve been working hard. Because you’ve been taking care of everyone else. Because your children are growing up faster than you imagined. Or because you’ve realized that experiences have a way of staying with us long after souvenirs are packed away. When I look back on my own favorite memories, very few revolve around things I owned. Almost all of them involve places I’ve been and the people I shared them with. Don’t Wait for Someday None of us knows exactly what tomorrow will bring. That isn’t meant to be discouraging. If anything, I find it incredibly freeing. If there’s a destination that’s been calling your name, start talking about it. Start planning for it. Even if the trip isn’t next month or even next year, taking that first step turns “someday” into something real. As a travel advisor, I love helping travelers find experiences that match their season of life. Sometimes that’s an ambitious bucket-list adventure. Other times it’s simply helping someone take the trip they’ve been putting off for years. Because in the end, the biggest travel

mistake usually isn’t picking the wrong resort. It’s waiting too long to make the memories. If you enjoy travel inspiration, tips, and honest advice, I also invite you to join my Facebook community, Travel by Shauna (@travelbyshauna), where I share ideas, trends, and behind-thescenes insights to help make travel easier and more enjoyable. And when you’re ready to start planning, I’m here to help turn those ideas into a seamless, well-designed trip. Travel should feel exciting, not stressful, and sometimes the hardest part is simply deciding that now is the right time. About the Author Shauna Dixon is a Rochester-based travel advisor who helps travelers turn dream vacations into stressfree realities. She believes every traveler deserves a trip that feeds the soul, whether it’s a weekend in the Finger Lakes, a tropical getaway, or a bucket-list journey abroad. She can be reached at MoonAndBackEscapes. com, sdixon@dreamvacations.com, or 585-542-8821.

creating your memories

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