FOR: ALL THE GIRLS I’VE LOVED AND HATED
EDITOR’S NOTE: FOR THE GIRLS I’VE LOVED AND HATED IS A CHAPBOOK THAT AIMS TO CAPTURE THE FULL, CHAOTIC SPECTRUM OF EMOTION AND FEELING THAT IS FRIENDSHIP BETWEEN WOMEN. IN A SOCIETY WHERE SUCH CONNECTIONS ARE OFTEN NEGLECTED OR BOUND TO A SPECIFIC MOMENT IN TIME (GIRLHOOD) ONLY TO BE CAST ASIDE FOR MORE ‘IMPORTANT,’ ‘SERIOUS’ RELATIONSHIPS AS WE GROW UP, THIS CREATIVE PROJECTIVE ENDEAVORS TO GIVE A LASTING SHAPE AND PLACE FOR THESE THOUGHTS AND EXPERIENCES TO LIVE. HERE, WE SEEK TO MOVE THE MAINSTREAM CONVERSATION AROUND FEMALE FRIENDSHIP TO A DEEPER, MORE NUANCED PLACE THAT SIMULTANEOUSLY ACKNOWLEDGES THE MESSINESS, AMBIGUITY, AND COMPETITION THAT LIVE WITHIN THESE RELATIONSHIPS WHILE ULTIMATELY REAFFIRMING THE POWERFUL LOVE WE HAVE FOR ONE ANOTHER. FROM: L. WU
友。我們⼀起出去玩，
提出去聯絡我另⼀個朋友，他擁有⼀家公司，看看他
提出去聯絡我另 個朋友，他擁有 家公司，看看他
是否願意僱⽤她。我的嘗試成功了。我的朋友告訴我
是否願意僱⽤她。我的嘗試成功了。我的朋友告訴我
是 願意僱 她。 的嘗試成 了。 的 友告訴
她隨時可以來上班。得知這個消息，我如釋重負，迫
她隨時可以來上班。得知這個消息，我如釋重負，迫
她隨時 以來上班。得知這個消息， 如釋重負，迫
不及待地想把這個好消息告
待地想把這個好消息告訴她。然 ，接下來發⽣
不及待地想把這個好消息告訴她。然⽽，接下來發⽣
的事情讓我猶豫 。那是⼀個輕柔的聲⾳：你確定要
這麼做嗎？我腦海中另⼀個聲
THIS IS SOMETHING THAT H THERED EONE WHO FEELS GUILTY EASILY, BUT I SOMETHING THAT MAKES ME INCOMPARABLY SAD.
IT ALL STARTED WITH MY BEST FRIEND AT THE ONLY FEMALE FRIEND. WE WENT OUT TOGETHER, ATE TOGETHER, LAUGHED TOGETHER, CRIED TOGETHER, AND EVEN WENT TO THE SPA TOGETHER. SHE WAS MY SOUL MATE, AND WITHOUT HER I DIDN’T KNOW WHAT I WOULD DO. THE ONLY DIFFERENCE BETWEEN US WAS THAT SHE WAS HAPPILY MARRIED WITH A CHILD WHILE I WAS SINGLE.
ONE DAY, WE WERE TALKING WHEN SHE TOLD ME URGENTLY NEEDED A JOB IN ORDER TO PAY FOR HER SEEMINGLY ENDLESS EXPENSES. SEEING HER SO HELPLESS, IT FELT LIKE MY HEART WAS SHATTERING. I IMMEDIATELY PROPOSED THAT SHE CONTACT MY OTHER FRIEND WHO HAD HIS OWN COMPANY TO SEE IF HE WOULD BE ABLE TO HIRE HER. MY IDEA WORKED. MY FRIEND TOLD ME THAT MY BEST FRIEND COULD START ANYTIME. THE MOMENT I RECEIVED THIS NEWS, I FELT A WEIGHT LEAVE MY SHOULDERS AND RUSHED TO TELL THIS GOOD NEWS TO MY BEST FRIEND. HOWEVER, WHAT HAPPENED NEXT MADE ME HESITATE. IT WAS A QUIET VOICE THAT SAID: DO YOU REALLY WANT TO DO THIS? IN MY MIND, ANOTHER VOICE RANG OUT: WHY NOT? THE FIRST VOICE GREW LOUDER AND LOUDER, SAYING: SHE DOESN’T DESERVE IT. SHE DOESN’T DESERVE YOUR HELP. SHE HAS A GOOD HUSBAND AND TWO CUTE KIDS. LOOK AT YOU, WHAT DO YOU HAVE? ONLY A MEDIOCRE JOB, BUT NO HUSBAND, NO CHILD, AND NO LOVE. WHY SHOULD SHE GET TO HAVE IT ALL?
AFTER A FEW MOMENTS OF THIS INTERNAL STRUGGLE, I PICKED UP THE PHONE AND TOLD MY FRIEND THAT MY BEST FRIEND NO LONGER NEEDED THAT JOB. I DIDN’T EXPLAIN ANYTHING. MY BEST FRIEND WOULD NEVER FIND OUT WHAT I HAD DONE, BUT THAT FEELING OF GUILT STILL LINGERS ON TO TODAY.
SISTERS WHO AREN’T BLOOD
I
NEVER WANT TO LEAVE
THEY ARE MY PEOPLE
BY: E. RUBIO
PublicationProjectReflection
Thisclass’spublishingprojectwasoneoffewinstancesinthewholeofmycollege careerwhereIfeltlikeIhadfullcreativefreedomandresponsibility AsaPoliticalScience major,Iwasusedtopreparingforexams,handinginassignments,andwritingessayswherethe boundaries,parameters,andtopicwerelargelydefinedbyothers.Havingtoreallyconsiderand ponderwhatmessageIwantedtoconveywiththisprojectwasanewexperienceasIfeltlike, eveninanextremelysmallway,Iwasputtingmyselfinconversationwiththepublishing industry.
Thethemeof‘thejoys,pains,andcomplexitiesoffemalefriendships’emergedfromboth mydesiretohighlightrelationshipsthatarestilllargelyabsentfrommainstreammediaandto provideaplatformfordiverseperspectivesandstoriesonmore‘ordinary’topicsthatdidnot necessarilycenterone’sidentityfromamarginalizedgroup.Ichosethemediumofaliterary chapbookthatfocusedonshortpiecesbecauseIreallywantedtohearfrompeoplewhomaynot typicallywriteorsubmitforpublications.Iaskedmycontributorstosimplyexpressthemselves inthewaythatfeltmostauthentictothemandtotrynottoworryaboutwhetheritwouldbe considered‘good’ornotbyacademicsorliterarycritics(asthoseweretheconcernsoften conveyedtome).
Acquiringworkforthechapbookwaschallenginganddauntingforme.SinceIamnot savvywithsocialmedia,Ihadtorelyonthecirclearoundme,namelymyfriendsandfamily. Whenitcomestoschoolespecially,Iamsomeonewhopreferstoworkindependentlyasmuch aspossibletominimizehavingtorelyonothers.Inthissense,ironically,thepieceacquisition processendedupmirroringthethemeofthiszineinthatIhadtoletgoofcontrol,openmyself uptoothers(preparingtoacceptboththegoodandbad),andtrustinthemtodeliver.Assuch,in myaimtoshedlightontherealityoffemalefriendships,Iendedupbothdeepeningandgaining abetterunderstandingoftherelationshipsinmylifeaswell.
Theeditingprocesswasratherstraightforward.Mymaingoalsweretoworkcloselywith thecontributorstobestmaintainandconveytheiroriginalintentionalityaswellastocreatean interestingjuxtapositionbetweenthenegativeandpositiveaspectsoffemalefriendshipthatexist simultaneously.Thisendeduphappeningorganicallyasoneofmycontributorswroteabouta timeofconflictandtensionwhileanotherwroteaboutthejoytheserelationshipshadbrought
her.ThemaindifficultyinpreservingoriginalintentionalitycamewhenIhadtotranslateapiece writteninMandarintoEnglish.Toensureasaccurateofatranslationaspossible,Ididit personallywithoutthehelpofAIlikeGoogleTranslateandstayedinconstantdialoguewiththe authortomakesureitwasstillwhatshehadwantedtosay Iplacedtheoriginalworkin Mandarinfirst,thenmytranslationsecond(alsomakingsuretoexplicitlystateitwasa translation)tosignifytoreadersthatmytranslationcouldonlybearepresentationoftheoriginal worktofacilitatereachingawider,English-speakingaudience,butwouldneverbeabletofully capturewhatthecontributorhadproduced.
AlthoughthisisnotaprojectIplantocontinue,atleastnotintheformofazine,ithas inspiredmetoconverseandlistenmorecloselytomyfriendsandfamilyonthisissue.And,it hasmademerealizehowpassionateIam,notonlyaboutcontinuingtotalkaboutfemale friendshipsbutalsoabouthighlightingworkfrommarginalizedpeoplethatisnotjustabouttheir oppressionandstruggle.Evenasthisprojectandclasscometoaclose,Ihopetocontinuetonot takethoseclosetomeforgrantedandtocontinuediscussingtheimportantideasintroducedin thischapbookwiththem.
