JULY ISSUE
JOY FEELINGS!
July issue | All new Khloe Kardashian
CONTENTS OF JOY FEELINGS MAGAZINE
▪ ENTERTAINMENT ▪ JOY BEAUTY
▪ JOY HEALTH ▪ SEX AND LOVE
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PICTURE EXCLUSIVE: Setting tongues wagging! Rihanna puts on VERY steamy display with new man during Spanish vacation It's been a while since She left her hair loose in she's been romantically natural curls and didn't linked to anyone. mind getting her tresses But Rihanna's love life wet as she dipped under certainly seems to be the water with her lover. heating up as the The Umbrella hitmaker songstress put on a sexy showed off bright pink display with a new man talons and perched a pair while on vacation in Spain of sunglasses on her head this week. throughout the encounter. The 29-year-old singer, Rihanna's dark-haired who dated longtime pal companion couldn't stop Drake briefly in 2016, got smiling as he wrapped his hot and heavy in a pool arms around the gorgeous with the handsome gent. mega star. Riri wore a mocha colored bandeau bikini and gold chain around her neck for the sexy pool time. 2 JOY FEELINGS!
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BeyoncĂŠ Has Spoken Out for the First Time Since Giving Birth
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It’s been more than a week since news first broke that Beyoncé and Ja y-Z had welcomed their twins. And while the superstar first revealed her pregnancy in spectacular, Internetbreaking fashion, both parents have remained silent post-birth—that is, until now. Last night, Beyoncémade her first statement since the arrival of her twins. The message was read by R&B singers Chloe and Halle Bailey, who accepted Beyoncé’s BET Viewer’s Choice Award on the singer's behalf. And while the statement of gratitude openly discussed Beyoncé's love and appreciation for her family, it was understandably geared towards Lemonade, rather 6 JOY FEELINGS!
than this latest chapter in her life. “Thank you, BET, for this award and your tremendous support of Lemonade,” the statement read. “This has been a journey of love, of celebrating our culture, honoring the past, and approaching the present and future with hope and resolve. . . . Thank you to my mother, Tina Knowles-Lawson, for being my biggest, biggest teacher and consistent influence. Thank you to my entire family for so much love. To my team at Parkwood [Entertainment], thank you. And thanks to all the fans, my Beyhive, for riding with me. I love and appreciate you. And to everyone at the show tonight, you all look so
beautiful. And at home, thank you, and have a wonderful, wonderful night. From, Beyoncé.” For the past two weeks, the Twitter-sphere has launched into overdrive when it's come to the topic of Beyoncé and her twins. Rumors have sprung up right and left— oftentimes getting more than a bit out of hand. But according to reports, Beyoncé and her babies are apparently now out of the hospital and staying at an expansive property in
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Malibu, California. La Villa Contenta stretches over a 6.3-acre plot of land and includes indoor and outdoor pools, as well as a greenhouse and rose garden. The house itself, which is perched right on the Pacific coast, is 20,000 square feet. It features a media room and wine cellar, in addition to 10 bedrooms and 14 bathrooms. A beautiful setting, it seems, for the family of five to spend some time.
Khloe kardashian loses weight! IF your New Year’s resolution is to lose weight, you may want to try the Military Diet – which promises to help you shed up to 10lb a week.
The idea is to stick to eating just 1,000 calories three days a week – considerably less than the 2,500 cals recommended for men and 2,000 cals for women.
The weight loss plan was reportedly created by leading US army dietitians, with the aim of helping soldiers get fit quickly.
Khloe Kardashian is said to have tried the diet, according to New Idea – while the meal plans are completely free and available online.
But it has only recently received global fame, with celebs and top trainers now tucking into the meal plans – and thousands of people following Instagram pages dedicated to the diet.
Day 1 diet • • • •
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Breakfast: 1 slice of toast 1 cup of tea/coffee 2 tablespoons of peanut butter 1/2 a grapefruit Lunch: 1/2 a cup of tuna
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1 slice of toast 1 cup of tea/coffee Dinner: 3 ounces of meat 1 cup of green beans
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1/2 a banana 1 small apple 1 cup of vanilla ice cream
Prince William and David Cameron caught up in Fifa corruption scandal 9 JOY FEELINGS!
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Is It Cheating If You F*ck a Sex Robot?
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After HBO's Westworld inspired all kinds of theories about what’s in store for technosexuality, it's impossible to not think about some ethical ramifications that come along with it, especially when technology is bridging every gap imaginable as far as humans are concerned (see: virtual blowjobs, cam-girls, Real Dolls with warming skin and lifelike personas). What would consent look like if your "partner" had artificial intelligence? If you’re in a serious relationship, is it OK to engage in advanced sex technology? In short, is it cheating if you f-ck a robot? 12 JOY FEELINGS!
The first step is determining why people would even be into f-cking said robot in the first place. Mal Harrison, a sexologist and director of the Center for Erotic Intelligence, tells Glamour that humans are so varied in their sexual appetites that it’s unsurprising that some of us might be down to bang a bot, but that the reasons behind the inclination can vary. “For some, [it] is less about selfish indulgence and more about cutting the social anxiety that comes with sex with a real person. Didn’t shave or shower today? No problem if you’re doinking the doll!” she says. “A second major reason people find them
appealing is that they speak to the naughtiness factor. One of the four main elements of what turns on the human erotic mind is doing something taboo.” Just the idea that it could potentially be considered off-limits is enough to get some people excited. Matt McMullen, CEO and founder of Real Doll, adds, “There is also the fact that it is a wholly different form of sexual exploration, like a fetish of sorts. Some may find it appealing for that reason alone.” But it’s not just a kink that could potentially draw people to robot sex. Bryony Cole, a sex futurist and host of the Future of Sexpodcast, 13 JOY FEELINGS!
tells Glamour that outside of the fetish realm, robot sex may be a reliable tool in aiding those with disabilities or past sexual traumas. “This sort of technology can be appealing for its therapeutic use,” she says. “The dolls can be used as sexual surrogates to help treat patients.” Additionally, Cole says that having sex with robots can actually be an excellent tool for honing your erotic skills. These dolls and machines can do a great service in making people better lovers, enabling them to take what they’ve gleaned from their robot partners and apply it to real human interaction.
But potential benefits aside, there are plenty of ways that robot sex could impact real relationships too. So is it cheating to fuck a robot? According to Cole, that depends on what you consider cheating. “Some people consider watching porn cheating. For others, striking up a connection with your ex or some random over Facebook can be cheating,” she says. “People will make up their own minds about whether sex with a robot is cheating according to their individual sexual values.” Harrison adds that, as robots become more common, the conversations partners have about them will evolve too. “It wasn’t that 14 JOY FEELINGS!
long ago that the majority of the male populace was just as insecure about women using dildos and vibrators as women were about men watching porn,” she says. “This is thankfully changing in today’s world. The line between cheating and masturbation has to be one drawn, not by society’s standards but by the individuals sharing a relationship.” For his part, though, McMullen says he wouldn’t consider sex with one of his Real Dolls cheating. “I would look at [sex with dolls] in the same way as any other sex aid or device,” he says. “Is using a vibrator or dildo, or watching pornography considered cheating? Cheating entails another
human being, in my opinion.” Of course, the conversation gets murkier when people attach emotional significance to inanimate objects, as sometimes happens with sex dolls. Remember Lars and the Real Girl? Even still, there may not be cause for alarm if someone gets personally attached to their robot. “An emotionally and mentally healthy person will be able to decipher between pleasure for pleasure’s sake and emotional intimacy,” says Harrison. “I do believe some people will develop emotional attachments, though they won't be anywhere nearly as deep or profound as what one 15 JOY FEELINGS!
can experience with another human. The attachments also won't have the ability to grow and flourish the way they would between two people.” McMullen agrees, adding that though he takes great pride in his dolls they are “a facsimile of a humanto-human relationship.” In fact, the addition of a sex robot might even be good for your actual relationships. “I believe this technology will increase our desire for deeper human connections, drive us to create stronger bonds, and relearn how to cultivate intimacy that relies on our creativity, imagination, intuition, and all the other characteristics of the right
side of the brain that technology can’t recreate,” says Cole. While what constitutes cheating comes down to personal choice, it’s just a reminder of how important frank and candid conversations with your partner are when it comes to making sure both of you are comfortable with your boundaries. Because no matter how advanced the technology gets, there’s just no substitute for honest communication. The Fifa report reveals how Mr Cameron asked the South Korean delegation to back England's bid, only to be told that England would have to agree to reciprocate by pledging 16 JOY FEELINGS!
support for South Korea's bid to host the 2022 tournament. Such a vote-swapping deal, the report concluded, would have been in “violation of the anticollusion rules”. The report, written in 2014 by Fifa’s then chief ethics investigator Michael Garcia and which was leaked to a German newspaper this week, details how England bid officials interacted with Fifa officials in the run up to the vote. They even considered a request by the same official, the Trinidad and Tobago Fifa vicepresident Jack Warner, to have his hometown twinned with an "English village" according to the
report. The FA offered Burton upon Trent, the Staffordshire home of its national football centre, as a potential twin town. The report discloses how Mr Cameron met Fifa vice president Mong-Joon Chung of South Korea in Prince William’s suite at the Baur au lac Hotel in Zurich on the eve of the vote in December 2010. South Korea was bidding to stage the 2022 World Cup which was also being decided at the same time. “The Prime Minister asked Mr Chung to vote for England’s bid, and Mr Chung responded that he would if Mr [Geoff] Thompson [chairman of England’s bid] voted for Korea,” states the report based on evidence 17 JOY FEELINGS!
provided by the English delegation. The Queen is also named in the report after it emerged that FA chiefs met with a senior Fifa official in 2009 who asked for an audience with the monarch.
'You treat me like a queen': Khloe Kardashian gushes over beau Tristan Thompson after being lavished with gifts on her 33rd birthday Khloe Kardashian was showered with attention on Tuesday. The Keeping Up With The Kardashians star's family and boyfriend, basketball
pro Tristan Thompson, all flocked to social media to pay tribute to Khloe on her 33rd birthday. 'Happy bday my love, this picture right here sums up how wild, crazy and how much we love each other,' the 26-year-old Cleveland Cavaliers player captioned
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a series of photo booth pictures from her party on Instagram. 'Let's continue to build more memories and cherish them with each other. God bless you, I love you.'
Meanwhile, Khloe's mom, Kris Jenner, was the first one to share a sweet message for the star. 'Happy birthday my beautiful bunny @khloekardashian!!! You are the kindest soul with the biggest heart and I am 19 JOY FEELINGS!
forever grateful God blessed me with you...' the 61-yearold momager captioned a montage of photos. 'you are so funny and make everyone laugh and continue to bring incredible joy to everyone around you.... you are so smart and are the best daughter, sister, friend, auntie and girlfriend any of us could ever ask for...' 'truly beautiful inside and out! I love you more than you will ever know my bunny... Mommy xo'
Khloe's big sisters also paid tribute. 'Happy Birthday to my little sissy @khloekardashian I don't know what life would be like without you!' Kim, 36, captioned a hilarious throwback photo of Khloe screaming as a baby. 'You deserve all the happiness on this Earth! Thanks for making life so much fun! I love you!!!'
Have Brad Pitt and Sienna Miller been secretly dating for months? Rumoured couple are said to have hooked up at Glastonbury... five months after Angelina Jolie divorce •
Onlookers claimed Brad, 53, and Sienna, 35, 'looked intimate' at Somerset music festival this weekend 20 JOY FEELINGS!
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British actress has previously dismissed dating rumours as 'silly' and 'predictable'
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The Hollywood actors worked together when his company Plan B produced her latest film The Lost City Of Z Claims come almost a year after Angelina, 42, filed for divorce from Brad, with whom she shares six children
Brad Pitt, 53, and Sienna Miller, 35, are said to be 'exploring a casual summer romance', marking his first romance since splitting with Angelina Jolie, 42. The Hollywood moviestars have been trying to keep their dates a secret, according to new reports, but their cover was seemingly blown 23 JOY FEELINGS!
when they were seen looking very intimate in a Glastonbury VIP area this weekend. The pair were previously linked two months ago but actress Sienna gave a staunch denial about their tryst, calling the rumours 'silly' and 'predictable'.
JOY HEALTH 10 Tips to Manage Stress These days it’s hard not to get overwhelmed once in a while. Between juggling work, family, and other commitments, you can become too stressed out and busy. But you need to set time aside to unwind or your mental and physical health can suffer. Learning how to manage your stress takes practice, but you can -- and need to - do it. Here are 10 ways to make it easier. 1. Exercise Working out regularly is one of the best ways to relax your body and mind. Plus, exercise will improve 24 JOY FEELINGS!
your mood. But you have to do it often for it to pay off. So how much should you exercise every week? •
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Good: At the very least, 3 to 5 times for 30 minutes Better: 2 hours and 30 minutes of moderately intense exercise like brisk walks Best: Add 75 minutes of a vigorous exercise like swimming laps, jo gging, or other sports that gets your heart rate up
Focus on setting fitness goals you can meet so you don’t give up. Most of all
remember that doing any exercise is better than none at all. 2. Relax Your Muscles When you’re stressed, your muscles get tense. You can help loosen them up on your own and refresh your body by: • • •
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Stretching Enjoying a massage Taking a hot bath or shower Getting a good night’s sleep
1. Sit in a comfortable position with your hands in your lap and your feet on the floor. Or you can lie down. 2. Close your eyes. 3. Imagine yourself in a relaxing place. It can be on the beach, in a beautiful field of grass, or anywhere that gives you a peaceful feeling. 4. Slowly take deep breaths in and out. 5. Do this for 5 to 10 minutes at a time.
3. Deep Breathing
4. Eat Well
Stopping and taking a few deep breaths can take the pressure off you right away. You’ll be surprised how much better you feel once you get good at it. Just follow these 5 steps:
Eating a regular, wellbalanced diet will help you feel better in general. It may also help control your moods. Your meals should be full of vegetables, fruit, whole grains, and lean protein for energy. And don’t skip
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any. It’s not good for you and can put you in a bad mood, which can actually increase your 5. Slow Down Modern life is so busy, and sometimes we just need to slow down and chill out. Look at your life and find small ways you can do that. For example: •
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Set your watch 5 to 10 minutes ahead. That way you’ll get places a little early and avoid the stress of being late. When you’re driving on the highway, switch to the slow lane so you can avoid road rage. Break down big jobs into smaller ones. For example, don’t try to answer all 100 emails if you don’t have to -26 JOY FEELINGS!
just answer a few of them. 6. Take a Break You need to plan on some real downtime to give your mind time off from stress. If you’re a person who likes to set goals, this may be hard for you at first. But stick with it and you’ll look forward to these moments. Restful things you can do include: • • • • •
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Meditation Yoga Tai chi Prayer Listening to your favorite music Spending time in nature
7. Make Time for Hobbies You need to set aside time for things you enjoy. Try to
do something every day that makes you feel good, and it will help relieve your stress. It doesn’t have to be a ton of time -- even 15 to 20 minutes will do. Relaxing hobbies include things like: • • • • • • •
Reading Knitting Doing an art project Playing golf Watching a movie Doing puzzles Playing cards and board games
8. Talk About Your Problems If things are bothering you, talking about them can help lower your stress. You can talk to family members, friends, a trusted clergyman, your doctor, or a therapist. 27 JOY FEELINGS!
And you can also talk to yourself. It’s called selftalk and we all do it. But in order for self-talk to help reduce stress you need to make sure it’s positive and not negative. So listen closely to what you’re thinking or saying when you’re stressed out. If you’re giving yourself a negative message, change it to a positive one. For example, don’t tell yourself “I can’t do this.” Tell yourself instead: “I can do this,” or “I’m doing the best I can.” 9. Go Easy On Yourself Accept that you can’t do things perfectly no matter how hard you try. You also can’t control everything in your life. So do yourself a favor and stop thinking you can do so much. And don’t
forget to keep up your sense of humor. Laughter goes a long way towards making you feel relaxed. 10. Eliminate Your Triggers Figure out what are the biggest causes of stress in your life. Is it your job, your commute, your schoolwork? If you’re able to identify what they are, see if you’re able to eliminate them from your life, or at least reduce them.
If you can’t identify the main causes of your stress, try keeping a stress journal. Make note of when you become most anxious and see if you can determine a pattern, then find ways to remove or lessen those triggers.
SEX AND LOVE HOW TO LAST LONGER IN BED Thwart premature ejaculation with these pro tips for better sex and a stronger orgasm
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You’ve tried crunching baseball stats. You’ve mentally replayed your last round of golf. You’ve outlined the steps to making your favorite sandwich. But the more you try to last longer in bed, the faster you finish—and you’re not alone. (But if you're feeling lonely and single, go check out match.com to connect with singles, today.) “Premature ejaculation is a problem that affects almost every man at some point in his life,” says Thomas J. Walsh, M.D., a urologist at the University of Washington. Dr. Walsh says there are primarily two methods if you want to last longer in bed: physical and psychological treatments. 29 JOY FEELINGS!
While physical remedies target the sensations you feel during sex, psychological solutions address your worry, stress, or other mental factors that may explain your quick trigger, Dr. Walsh explains. Just remember that duration isn’t the most important part of the formula for having great sex. Here, Dr. Walsh and other experts break down a few of the most helpful techniques for dealing with premature ejaculation (PE). But be warned: Dr. Walsh recommends trying these out on your own before attempting them during sex. 1. Biofeedback
In general terms, this refers to the idea that you can regulate your own neurophysiology—or the way your body responds to physical sensations, Dr. Walsh explains. While there are a lot of different types of biofeedback, he says one of the most common for lasting longer in bed is to bring yourself right to the edge of orgasm before stopping all sexual or masturbatory activity until you have your excitement under control. Also known as “edging”—one of the 5 Off-Beat Sex Trends to Try—practicing this technique can help you teach your brain and body to better control your orgasm response, adds sex 30 JOY FEELINGS!
therapist Emily Morse, Ph.D. Just be sure to use a lot of lotion or lube (we like the Almost Naked Organic Lubricant from the Men’s Health store) while you practice edging to avoid chaffing yourself, she advises. 2. The Squeeze If you can feel your orgasm coming on, stop and squeeze right below the head of your penis. Apply firm pressure with your thumb and forefinger and focus the pressure on the urethra—the tube running along the underside of the penis, advises Ian Kerner, Ph.D., a sex therapist and author of She Comes First. The squeeze technique can help yop last longer in bed
by pushing blood out of the penis and momentarily decreasing sexual tension, which represses the ejaculatory response, Kerner says. “This is another type of biofeedback, similar to edging.” Dr. Walsh adds. 3. Ladies First When you help her finish first—whether with your mouth, your fingers, or a toy—knowing she’s enjoyed an orgasm may relieve some of the pressure you’re feeling to last longer in bed, Kerner says. 4. De-Sensitizers Like the stuff dentists slather on your gums before jamming in the needle, there are topical sprays called “local 31 JOY FEELINGS!
anesthetics” that you can apply to your penis to lessen the sensation and keep control, Dr. Walsh says. “When used properly, you can adjust the amount of desensitization with these sprays, and it won’t transfer to your partner,” he adds. He says some of his patients have had luck with a product called Promescent. (Dr. Walsh is in no way affiliated with the company that makes this product.) But be warned: The lack of sensation could make it difficult for you to stay erect, he says. 5. Condom Control Most major condom manufactur
ers make extra-thick rubbers that act like a slipon desensitizer for your member, Morse says, and these can help you last longer in bed. Look for marketing lingo like “extended pleasure” (from Trojan) or “performax” (Durex), which are fancy terms for this thicker style of condom. 6. Pills Plenty of men pop a pill to become erect. And in Europe, there are also legal drugs that can help you last longer in bed, Dr. Walsh says. The problem: The Food and Drug Administration (FDA) hasn’t approved those drugs to treat PE in the U.S. Why? 32 JOY FEELINGS!
“Even though trials show these drugs genuinely benefitted men with premature ejaculation, the FDA sets a very high bar for drugs used to treat non-life threatening conditions,” Dr. Walsh explains. While you could take these drugs for “off-label” uses like the treatment of PE, most of these meds are antidepressants that could lead to mood changes or other side effects—meaning they shouldn’t be used unless your performance problem is seriously affecting your life, Dr. Walsh says. He advises talking to your doctor to discuss this option. 7. Ask an Expert
If you feel like you’ve tried everything to have better sex without success, it may be time to discuss your problem with a sexual dysfunction specialist, Dr. Walsh says. “A lot of the treatments we’ve already discussed— edging and biofeedback— are pretty challenging techniques that a specialist can help you use effectively.” He recommends asking your doctor for a referral to a urologist, who can either treat you himself or refer you to the right person for your problem.
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“He or she will help you approach this practically and pragmatically,” Dr. Walsh says, adding, “It’s not about getting in touch with your inner self. It’s about learning the physical or mental mechanisms that can help you avoid premature ejaculation.”
10 THINGS MEN WISH WOMEN KNEW ABOUT SEX
Freud called female sexuality "the dark continent"; if that's true, male sexuality could qualify as the dark planet. But when it comes to sex, guys are simple, right? Not true. The bedroom is one of the great stages of male performance, and as such, what you see and hear is 34 JOY FEELINGS!
typically the role, not the reality. It's no wonder, in trying to please the actor, a woman loses sight of a guy's true identity. Here are 10 "unmasking" facts you may want to know: 1. We Respond to Praise
It's believed that men are so consumed by our libido that we have no self-consciousness surrounding sex. But men are no different from women when it comes to compliments as catalysts for sexual confidence. This praise can be delivered before reaching the bedroom (give us the once-over and tell us how buff we look), and after (give us the once-over and tell us how buff we look naked). Along those lines, men worry about the size of their guts (and other measurable organs), their hair (or lack thereof) and other attributes. Try to be extra affirming about those sensitivities. 35 JOY FEELINGS!
2. We Fear Intimacy… …but not for the reason you think! Studies have shown that boys are more affectionate, even more expressive, than girls until they reach school age. At that time, social repression begins—of words, thoughts, feelings— and our desire for human connection goes underground. So taboo is this desire for intimacy that its possibility can terrify men—not because it's smothering, but because we realize how desperate we are for it. What's a woman to do? First, understand that your guy's hasty retreat
post-sex may be about his own shock at how much he craves a connection with you (and how much he's denied it in life). Then, retreat a little yourself. This gives him time to see that his boyhood habits are, in fact, perfectly manly. 3. We Appreciate Sex for Sex's Sake Having said that about intimacy, sometimes a little "throw-me-down sex" is the right medicine. According to Joe Kort, PhD, a psychotherapist and sexologist, "Men want their wives to enjoy raw sex, not just endure it or take it personally. For men, it's not about 36 JOY FEELINGS!
dominating a woman, but ravishing her." On occasion, try letting him ravish you. 4. We Are Not Just Our‌ The penis gets all the press, but men have "many erogenous zones," says psychologist Melodie Schaefer, PsyD. "Men tend not to correct women because they're afraid women will shut down and not touch them at all. But there are many places a woman should touch." Like the chest, the inner thighs and face. Two other key areas: Gently gripping a man's testicles can be a real turn-on, as it blends control with
release. Also, stimulating the perineum, the area between the scrotum and anus, will heighten pleasure during oral sex. 5. We Encourage Fantasies "Men want to share their fantasies but worry their wives will shame or judge them," says Dr. Kort. Similarly, Dr. Schaefer reports that men wish women would reveal their imaginings. Want to open yourself to these possibilities? Try making a game of it. First, and most important, promise not to judge the other; then, privately write out scenarios that have 37 JOY FEELINGS!
tantalized you and place them in a box. When you are next intimate, pull one out. If you're both comfortable, give it a shot. If not, Dr. Kort recommends asking the author a key question: What about this fantasy do you like? Sometimes, its themes can be addressed in different, more comfortable scenarios. 6. We Like It When You Talk Talking during sex stimulates more than our ears. What kind of talk? Dirty, praising and instructive are great starts. As amusing as it may sound, a woman's
words can make a guy feel as potent and virile as a Roman gladiator, even if he's a suburban banker. 7. We Need Your Honesty Sex can solve the stresses of a relationship, but it's often where the stresses show up. If we complain about a lack of sex (or your doing certain things only on our birthday), we may be overlooking serious issues that underpin such withholding. We need you to enlighten us. The male ego is often tied to sex, so it's easy for us to dismiss bedroom problems as female disinterest rather than issues we 38 JOY FEELINGS!
have a part in. Avoiding these problems, however, only perpetuates your feeling unseen and our frustration. 8. We Enjoy the Dance Men like a good quest; unfortunately, these days, there are so few. But romance earns that distinction. Allow us to court you; make us deserve your desire. Dr. Kort makes an additional point: "Emotional intimacy is about closeness, but sustaining sexual desire demands a certain amount of distance." How do couples strike this tricky balance? By allowing each partner
to have what he calls "separate sexuality": a sexual life that doesn't include, but doesn't betray, the other. "For him, that might mean allowing his wife to use toys or letting other men look at her; for her, it might be permitting him to watch pornography in order to experience a fantasy." Such indulgences help maintain the balance of desire and devotion for both parties. 9. We Can Explain Pornography Finding a spouse using pornography is a top reason couples seek counsel, says Dr. Kort, but it shouldn't be overreacted to or 39 JOY FEELINGS!
pathologized. A few things to clear up: 1. Sex addicts represent only 4 percent of the population, so it's unlikely your man is one. 2. Because childhood experiences influence sexuality as an adult, people are very idiosyncratic about what turns them on. In other words, says Dr. Kort, "no woman can, nor should she, be everything to a man." Still, the question remains: How does a woman not take pornography personally? First, determine if your mate is compulsive, or can only have sex, with pornography. If so, you may want to seek counseling. If not, Dr.
Kort recommends taking the secrecy out of pornography by discussing it. Use the lens of "what about it turns him on versus what turns you off." That way, a dialogue is created that allows for honesty, dignity and closeness. 10. We Always Need It, But Not for the Reason You Think Men are accused of being sexually insatiable, but women should rethink this. "Men see sex as a celebration," says Dr. Schaefer. "They wish women would take more of a 'carpe diem' approach to it. We move through life at the speed of sound, 40 JOY FEELINGS!
with multiplying challenges and pressures. It's easy to allow demands on our time and energy to rob us of the joy, pleasure and opportunity that sex affords us. On the long list of priorities, it should not be on the bottom rung." If that doesn't make you want to "seize the day" (or something else), consider the health benefits: Orgasms release oxytocin, which has been called the "bonding hormone," bringing couples closer together while it alleviates anxiety and stress, reduces blood pressure and promotes healing.
15 SEX TIPS FROM THE BEDROOMS OF REAL WOMEN
YOU DON'T NEED a special occasion to go allout in the bedroom. It may seem more romantic to light her fire after a wedding or a party, but odds are one of you will be too drunk to have a good quality romp. Make sex exciting all the time 41 JOY FEELINGS!
by breaking out of the cookie-cutter positions and listening to your girl. Do you know what she really wants between the sheets? She’s definitely fantasized about it before—you just need to tease it out of her.
The key to unleashing her greatest orgasm ever may require a lot of bells and whistles (à la 50 Shades of Grey) or it may be simpler than you think. We asked real women for their favorite forms of foreplay, sex, and more—so you can end the night with a grand finale, not a flop.
1. Get in the (erogenous) zone “Never underestimate the power of a few wellplaced kisses. It drives me crazy when my boyfriend starts kissing the nape of my neck and gently nibbling on my ear lobe— I get tingles all the way 42 JOY FEELINGS!
down to clitoris. After a few minutes I’m literally begging him to just put it in.” —Tess, 27 2. Talk dirty “You don’t have to save all the naughty stuff for the bedroom. If you’re out at a fancy dinner, tell your girl how badly you want her across the table. If you’re at a bar, put your hand on her ass and tell her the things you’ll do to her when you get home. Telling women how desirable they are will give them the confidence to act out all your dirty fantasies later.” —Marianna, 31 3. Be a boob man
“It drives me insane when my boyfriend takes the time to pay attention to my boobs. I don’t just mean grabbing, I mean kissing and licking until my nipples are hard and then giving them little bites. By that time I’m usually so wet that just a little fingering will make me cum—and the times he’s bitten down while his hand is down there I’ve had the most mindblowing orgasms ever.” —Laine, 27 4. Touch yourself “I know it may sound strange, but watching my boyfriend get himself off is such a turn on. I’ll start by lying down naked next him, my body against his, and play with his member until he gets hard. Then I 43 JOY FEELINGS!
put his hand down there and just rub my body against him and watch. I think it makes me so hot 'cause it’s kind of taboo, something he would do in private, but I also like actually seeing how much I turn him on.” —Leslie, 25 5. Let her take charge When my fiancé and I are doing it missionary I usually feel as if I’m on the brink of coming and it makes me go totally wild. I’ll push him back so I can get on top, place my arms on his to hold them down, and just ride him hard until I cum—and keeping eye contact the whole time makes it extra intense. So my note to guys is, there’s nothing wrong with lying back and just enjoying the
view.” —Brooke, 24 6. Get wet “Everyone talks about shower sex, but on nights when it’s cold out or on a lazy Sunday draw a bath and get in together. Since you’re both in the water you don’t have to worry about the water flying in your face or one of you getting cold. Adding bubbles is a nice touch, too. Since some of your body is hidden, it helps with loosening inhibitions.” —Julie, 29
on. We’ll take turn getting on our knees and going down on each other while the other sits on the couch and the finish by going at it doggy style.” —Nikola, 30 8. Doggy style 2.0 “My favorite sex position is when I lie down on the bed and a guy takes me from behind. Keeping a steady rhythm and grabbing my ass real tight will usually end with us coming at the same time and pretty quickly—it’s that good.” —Frieda, 23
7. Women like porn, too “It doesn’t happen often, but every now and then when my husband and I are feeling especially frisky we’ll put some porn 44 JOY FEELINGS!
9. Find the spot “If a guy is going down on me I love when they take time to kind of ‘explore’
what’s going down there instead of just incessantly rubbing or poking. Gently licking my clit and then slowly rubbing it until I orgasm is just so intense, and it makes me feel like my partner cares about making me get off.” —Chloe, 26 10. Dirty spooning “I love waking up after a good night’s rest with my boyfriend spooning—and being able to feel how hard he is. Instead of just acting like neither of us notices, I love when he gently grabs my thigh and starts touching me down there. When he puts it in, the nice, tight fit from that angle makes it feel incredible for both us.” —Yana, 25 45 JOY FEELINGS!
11. Set her fantasies in motion “There have been a few times during sex where I’ve admitted to my boyfriend that I want him to tie my hands up one night and just take me. I’m a little too shy to actually instigate it, though, like to actually buy handcuffs or rope ahead of time. Then one night as we were about to get it on my boyfriend reached in the bedside table and told me he had a surprise for me— and brought out two silk scarves to tie my hands with. The fact that he got my fantasy ready-to-go was as amazing as the experience actually felt.” —Katie, 28
SEX TIPS What women wish men knew about getting them off? Stop the guesswork. Listen to what real women want. 12. Don’t get comfortable “Some of the hottest sex my husband and I have is right when we get home from work. There’s something incredibly hot about him propping me up on his lap on the couch while we’re both still in our work clothes. So I’d tell guys not to bother with the undressing. Just pull your girl’s stockings down, unzip your pants 46 JOY FEELINGS!
and do it. Getting dirty while you’re still in that office—mind frame and outfit kind of makes you feel like you're in your own porn movie.” —Paulina, 32 13. Open the toy chest “I love a man who isn’t intimidated by sex toys. If you know your girl has some, ask her to bring them out and let you be the one to pleasure her with them. For me, since I usually use my vibrator alone and on myself, it feels like I’m letting a guy in on naughty little secret when I let him be the one to tease me with it. And of course, nothing actually feels better than the last minute of substituting the toy for the real thing.” —Adri, 24
14. 69 redux “I feel like the 69 position gets called out a lot for be ‘outdated,’ (and it definitely isn’t!), but why not switch it up a bit? I love when a guy straddles me so that his member is right against my mouth and I can give him a blowjob from that angle or stick out my tongue and have him tap his stuff against it…it really is a turn on for both us.” —Jenna, 29 15. Brave the elements “Everyone talks about taking sex al fresco in the summer, but it’s actually so hot and sticky then and do you want to spend half the time batting away mosquitos? I much prefer going on an autumn hike, 47 JOY FEELINGS!
working up a little sweat, and then having a quickie out in the elements. The feel of cold air against your skin is honestly exhilarating—and even more spontaneous than just getting it on at the beach after dark.” —Demi, 26