The Need for an Extravagant Grace In a Shame Filled Culture by Josh McDowell
She carefully looked around to be sure no one was watching, then she quickly slipped into the house. A half-hour later, she would slip out again, just as carefully. Secrecy was of utmost importance. She was a shameful woman who had committed this shameful act time after time. If anyone ever found out, her life would be over. Then it happened. She was caught in the act. She had no defense. The law against adultery clearly made her guilty, condemned to be stoned to death. So her accusers brought her to the Rabbi known as Jesus and asked, “What do you say?” (John 8:5). What else could he say? She was guilty and everyone knew it. But rather than answering their question, the Rabbi stooped down and began writing words in the dust with his finger as if he hadn’t heard them. When the woman’s accusers demanded an answer, he stood up and said, “All right, but let the one who has never sinned throw the first stone!” (John 8:7). The crowd quieted and, though she feared what she would see, the woman found the courage to look up. Unbelievably, she found that there were no takers. All who condemned her had walked away.
The Positive Nature of Guilt and Shame The adulterous woman had committed shameful acts. Her accusers had condemned her, and her own guilt and shame signaled that the condemnation was justified. On one hand, that’s a good thing. It told her she had done wrong. Guilt and shame does that—it tells us we have been disobedient to God and his ways. In the beginning, Adam and Eve lived openly and transparently in the presence of God. Living naked before God indicated there was nothing between them to hinder the relationship. But after their disobedience to God, Scripture says, “At that moment their eyes were opened, and they suddenly felt shame at their nakedness…So they hid from the Lord God among the trees” (Genesis 3:7-8). The first couple’s shame compelled them to hide. Hiding told them there was an obstacle standing in the way of their once-open relationship with God. Guilt and shame may be uncomfortable, but they can have a positive purpose—they can tell us that something called sin stands between us and God. We naturally feel shame after shamefully sinning. Since we have all sinned, we all have something within us that tells us that we should hide from a Holy God. The apostle Paul says, “For the truth about God is known to them instinctively. God has put this knowledge in their hearts” (Romans 1:19, NLT). G:\Dropbox (JMM)\Set Free Journey SMS Video Project\The Need for an Extravagant Grace.doc
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This kind of shame can be a positive influence in our lives. Yet there is another kind of shame that is damaging and destructive. We’ll refer to this negative version as toxic shame.
The Damaging Nature of Toxic Shame Two factors were likely at work in this woman’s mind before she was brought before Jesus—both guilt and toxic shame. Guilt would have told her that she had done something bad, but toxic shame would have told her that she was bad. Being caught and publicly exposed for a shameful sin was humiliating almost beyond endurance. Furthermore, it would have confirmed the already entrenched self-loathing she felt over her life of sin. That’s what toxic shame does— it attaches self-worth to a person’s actions. Christian therapist and pastoral coach Jayson Graves defines toxic shame as “a chronic or lasting negative feeling or thought about our identity. Guilt, on the other hand, is a negative feeling about our behavior.”1 This unhealthy shame tells us that we’re so flawed that we’re unworthy of love. It breeds negative feelings about our identity—who we believe we are as a person. We all have faults, and we all mess up from time to time. We don’t like to admit our failures, but when we openly confess them, we find forgiveness from God and others. But there are sins that some people feel to be so egregious that they simply don’t want to acknowledge them. Shame impels them to keep these sins hidden, and that is when shame becomes unhealthy. There is probably no sin that is kept more in the dark among Christians today than that of viewing pornography, especially Internet porn. While the church as a whole takes a stand against pornography, its typical response is often little more than, “It’s wrong, don’t do it!” So, when Christians engage in pornography, the majority feel guilty about it, but most of them keep it a secret. Consequently, they experience toxic shame that tells them they are intrinsically bad people. More are struggling with unhealthy shame over this hidden sin than you might expect. The Josh McDowell Ministry recently commissioned the Barna Group to survey pornography use among nearly 3,000 US teens and adults, including ministers. The study, called the Porn Phenomenon Study, uncovered just how prevalent porn use is within the church. It revealed that 87 percent of men between the ages of thirty-one and fifty periodically come across Internet porn, and 63 percent actively seek it out.2 This problem isn’t limited to laypeople. The study found that 64 percent of youth pastors and 57 percent of senior pastors admitted to presently or previously struggling with the use of Internet porn.3 Dr. Ted Roberts is the founder and Clinical Director of Pure Desires Ministries of Gresham, Oregon. He and his ministry have treated thousands of Christian laypeople and ministers who have struggled with porn addiction. Dr. Roberts states: We’ve done clinical studies in 3,000 data points in evangelical churches. These are not self reported; these are clinical evaluations. We’ve discovered that 60-72% of men in the church are sex addicts. 50-58% of pastors are sex addicts. 24-30% of women are sex addicts.4
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Because Internet porn use is an unaddressed problem within the Christian community, many who would like help don’t know where to turn. Of those adults who want to escape the grip of Internet pornography, 87 percent say that no one in their lives is helping them to avoid it. Fifty-four percent of those couldn’t even think of anyone who could help them.5 The lack of support for those struggling with this problem is revealed in the fact that only 7 percent of churches in the US have a program specifically designed to help people who are struggling with porn use.6 You would expect the church to be one of the first places a person could turn to for help. But the research shows that most pastors are either unwilling to deal with the problem or feel inadequate to address it effectively. One reason is that it’s an uncomfortable and embarrassing issue to openly address. To begin the discussion, the pastor would have to define the issue, which would mean explaining what porn is and how it stimulates lustful thoughts often leading to sexual self-gratification. Can you imagine a pastor preaching on that on any given Sunday? What church leader wants to openly confront a subject so embarrassing and private within his congregation? No doubt another reason for the church’s failure in this area is that more than half the pastors today are either currently struggling with Internet porn themselves or have struggled with it in the past. They too experience toxic shame. The Porn Phenomenon Study reveals that 94 percent of youth pastors and 87 percent of pastors who view porn feel an unhealthy shame about it.7 And they aren’t about to share their failure with the elders of the church or their congregation. Only 8 percent of these pastors indicated that their elders knew of their struggle, and virtually no one within the congregation was aware of their problem.8 They are left to fight their battle in complete isolation. One of the primary reasons pastors don’t confess their struggle is the fear that their elders and congregation will reject them. The Study confirms the validity of that fear. Seventy percent of Christians say a pastor should leave the ministry if he uses porn.9 That kind of rejection does nothing but fuel a shame that says, “I’m not even worthy to minister to others.” It does nothing but drive ministers further into hiding where their addiction can fester and grow in isolation. This plays right into the enemy’s hands, because toxic shame derives its power from secrecy.
The Shame Buster We’ve defined toxic shame as that inner voice and painful feeling that tells us we’re so flawed that we’re unworthy of love and belonging. We no longer feel accepted for who we are. If there ever was a universal need on the part of humans, it’s the need to feel loved and accepted for who we are. In spite of what we’ve done, we want to feel that we belong and are worth loving. But an unhealthy shame slams the door on any such feelings. What everyone needs is for something to miraculously penetrate our soul, dispel shame, and let us know we are loved for who we are. We need a toxic shame buster. We need something to coax us out of the darkness and into the light. That something is called grace! Grace is love with no conditions. It can’t be earned; it is unmerited favor. Grace looks beyond what we do, sees what we are at our very essence, and loves what it sees. Grace is more than a concept; it is personified in a particular person. If grace had a name, it would be Jesus.
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Scripture announced that “The Word [Jesus] became flesh and made his dwelling among us. We have seen his glory, the glory of the One and Only, who came from the Father, full of grace and truth” (John 1:14, NIV). The grace and truth that fills Jesus is clear: When we violate God’s commands and his ways, we are guilty of sin. And when we keep our sin hidden away, it festers into an unhealthy shame. But rather than continuing to shame us with condemnation, Jesus smothers us with his grace. Make no mistake, Jesus’ gift of grace is not a license to keep on sinning. Notice the grace-filled response Jesus extended toward the woman condemned for her adultery. All her accusers were gone, and she now stood alone in the presence of Jesus. “Woman, where are they? Has no one condemned you?” “No one, sir,” she said. “Then neither do I condemn you,” Jesus declared. “Go now and leave your life of sin” (John 8:10-11, NIV). If anyone in the cosmos had the right to condemn this sinner, it was the sinless, spotless Son of God. Yet he didn’t. Jesus had a greater purpose behind what he offered. In his love, Jesus also compelled her to change, to turn her back on the shame-causing sin in which she was ensnared. The primary purpose of his grace was to free her from her shameful life of sin. Jesus said, “God sent his Son into the world not to judge the world, but to save the world through him” (John 3:17). Jesus didn’t come to condemn us; as the case of the adulterous woman demonstrates, our sins have already done that. He came with an offer of grace to free us from sin. Jesus announced that, “Everyone who sins is a slave of sin” (John 8:34). And he said that God “has sent me to proclaim the captives will be released, that the blind will see, that the oppressed will be set free” (Luke 4:18). The apostle Paul grasped the redemptive purpose of grace and put it like this: “As people sinned more and more, God’s wonderful grace became more abundant. So just as sin ruled over all people and brought them death, now God’s wonderful grace rules instead, giving us right standing with God” (Romans 5:20-21). Christ offers grace to shame-filled people for a very clear purpose—to lead them out of an enslaved life of sin and into a life of freedom and purity in relationship with him. God created all of us in his image for the purpose of relationships. In the beginning “God said, ‘Let us make human beings in our image, to be like us’” (Genesis 1:26). Our relational God created us to love him and one another. Because he loved us, he wasn’t about to lose us as his lost children because of sin. His grace-filled heart impelled him to accept us without condition, and his Son’s sacrificial atoning death allowed him to free us from the power of sin and death. The power of grace looks beyond our infected nature and sees our essence, created in God’s image as his child. Even though we were slaves to sin and lost to him, we were still at our very essence his children and a part of his family. Jesus made it perfectly clear that we were not just people enslaved by sin; we were his lost sons and daughters. That makes a big difference. Slaves don’t have the right to a relational connection, but family members do. That’s exactly the point Jesus made. His grace saw our missing family connection, and he died to restore it. Jesus said, “A slave is not a permanent member of the family, but a son [or daughter] is part of the family forever. So if the Son sets you free, you are truly free” (John 8:35-36). Our nature was infected by sin. But our essence is a masterpiece of creation lovingly formed in the image of God. The amazing thing about grace is that it separates our sinful actions from our right of a family relationship. It distinguishes who we are from what we do. The Bible says that “your iniquities have separated you from your God” (Isaiah 59:2, NIV). This passage makes it clear that it is our sin, what we do, that creates the rift in our relationship with God. What we do is sin. But what we do is not the same as who we are. If that G:\Dropbox (JMM)\Set Free Journey SMS Video Project\The Need for an Extravagant Grace.doc
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were the case, God couldn’t remove “our sins as far from us as the east is from the west” (Psalms 103:12). God’s grace has the power to accept us regardless of what we have or have not done. His acceptance comes with no conditions attached. Remember, we can’t earn grace; it is unmerited favor. Yet it is freely offered to us for the purpose of redemption—to reclaim us from the enslavement to sin. We rightfully belong to God. Grace makes our right of belonging a reality when we accept Jesus’ sacrificial atonement for our sin. “So now there is no condemnation for those who belong to Christ Jesus. And because you belong to him, the power of the life-giving Spirit has freed you from the power of sin that leads to death” (Romans 8:1-2). That’s what Jesus’ grace does—it allows God to forgive us of sin because of his sacrificial death. This dispels our shame, and frees us from sin and death.
Jesus: Our Model of Grace in Action Jesus once met a man named Zacchaeus. Although Zacchaeus was a Jew, his fellow Jews held him in utter contempt because he was a tax collector for the despised Roman government. These outcasts not only collected Roman taxes, they added a “surcharge” on top of it, from which they profited handsomely. Naturally, the Jews considered tax collectors to be deceitful traitors and thieves. It’s likely that Zacchaeus’ dishonorable profession had hardened him on the outside, but we cannot doubt that living day by day with the obvious contempt of his fellow countrymen caused deep inner shame. How could anyone expect Jesus to offer grace to such a shameful, thieving, deceitful traitor to his own people? Zacchaeus had heard that Jesus was coming and, being a short man, had climbed a tree to get a better view of him. When Jesus walked under that tree, he looked up and said something that shocked the tax collector to the core. Rather than confronting Zacchaeus as a cheating thief and traitor to his people, Jesus said, “Quick, come down! I must be a guest in your home today” (Luke 19:5). Why was this so shocking? Because in the culture of that time, good Jews would never allow any kind of fellowship with such tax collecting “scum.” To dine with such a man openly, in the clear light of day, was tantamount to condoning his abhorrent practices. Yet Jesus invited himself to dinner with this lying, cheating thief. How did the people respond? They were confused and distraught. “ʻHe has gone to be a guest of a notorious sinner,’ they grumbled” (Luke 19:7). The Jewish religious leaders were outraged. Jesus seemed to be disregarding this man’s despicable behavior. It appeared that he wasn’t reinforcing the rules or requiring strict obedience to the law. After all, how can you expect to correct people’s bad behavior unless you point out their failure to adhere to the rules? It’s the same question facing the church today. How can we lead a porn addict down a path of sexual purity without first requiring adherence to biblical truth about sexual lust? It appeared that Jesus was getting the cart before the horse. It seemed that he accepted the bad person before stressing his need for godly behavior. Like those outraged religious leaders, some people see rule enforcement as the key motivator to behavioral change. Jesus, on the other hand, saw the key motivator to behavioral change as grace that was completely non-condemning and accepting of the person. When Dr. Ted Roberts spoke to an audience that included recovering porn addicts, he described the power of God’s grace in this way: “The gift of non-condemnation enables you to G:\Dropbox (JMM)\Set Free Journey SMS Video Project\The Need for an Extravagant Grace.doc
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stop sinning.”10 That may sound like an odd statement until you begin to understand the transforming power of grace. As we accept Jesus’ grace, we also receive the power of his Holy Spirit that gives victory over a life of sin. “As the Spirit of the Lord works within us, we become more and more like him and reflect his glory even more” (2 Corinthians 3:18, NLT). Let’s look at two more examples of Jesus’ extravagant grace in action. Levi, another tax collector, hosted a banquet with Jesus as the guest of honor. Shocked yet again by another of Jesus’ perceived social faux pas, the “Pharisees and their teachers of religious law complained bitterly to Jesus’ disciples, ‘Why do you eat and drink with such scum?’” (Luke 5:30). Why would you put your welcoming arms around rule breakers? It makes no sense. To the natural mind, such acceptance appears to do nothing but encourage more rulebreaking. On the surface, Jesus’ action seems to promote more, not less, misbehavior. But it gets even “worse.” On another occasion, a Pharisee invited Jesus over for dinner. A prostitute crashed the party and began washing Jesus’ feet with perfume mixed with her tears. The offended Pharisee “said to himself, ‘If this man were a prophet, he would know what kind of woman is touching him. She’s a sinner’” (Luke 7:39). What did Jesus do next? He said to the prostitute, “Your sins are forgiven” (Luke 7:48). Now, wait a minute! It’s bad enough that Jesus even let this woman touch him. Upright Jewish men simply didn’t let immoral women touch them in public. But to make matters worse, he forgives her! Who does he think he is? “The men at the table said among themselves, ‘Who is this man, that he goes around forgiving sins?’” (Luke 7:49). What shocked these religious leaders so much is the fact that the tax collector and the prostitute were habitual sinners. We’re talking about morally depraved individuals—people who had committed treachery, robbery, and adultery. How can Jesus embrace these “scumbags” so openly, apparently overlooking their sin? He makes these horrid people feel comfortable around him. It’s like they can confess anything at all and it doesn’t faze him. What if the church world accepted porn users to the point that they felt comfortable enough to talk about their painful addiction? But maybe that’s too risky, too dangerous, because creating a non-condemning atmosphere might feel too much like condoning sin. The truth is, Jesus wasn’t condoning sin when he made sinners feel comfortable around him. He was simply being grace-filled. By extending grace, he separated who people were from what they did. This didn’t mean he accepted their behavior; it meant he accepted them as people. Yes, Zacchaeus was a traitor and a thief; Jesus knew that. But he looked beyond the behavior and saw a man who felt rejected by his own people, a man who was guilty of wrongdoing, fearful, alone, and burdened with toxic shame. Jesus had compassion on him in his suffering. Zacchaeus was a person who sinned, but he was also a lost sheep—a wayward child without a friend or a Savior. Jesus’ kind of grace accepts people for who they are. When grace is offered, it separates the person from his performance and offers forgiveness. It drives out toxic shame. The vocabulary of grace is, “In spite of your sins, I see you for who you really are, and I love what I see.” Grace does not condone bad behavior; to the contrary, as we’ve discovered, it motivates the person to seek forgiveness, and in response the Holy Spirit empowers behavioral change. When Jesus extended grace to Zacchaeus, he didn’t have to preach a sermon on honesty. As a Jew, this tax collector knew all about the eighth commandment and the need to be honest. What was so amazing about this loving grace was that it accomplished what condemnation never could: It motivated and empowered this dishonest man to change. G:\Dropbox (JMM)\Set Free Journey SMS Video Project\The Need for an Extravagant Grace.doc
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Paul said that this grace-filled “love of Christ controls us” (2 Corinthians 5:14, NASB). The Greek word translated “control” is sunecho. It carries with it the idea of being constrained or arrested by Christ’s love. Paul was saying that Christ’s love arrested him, took control of his life, and empowered him to live a godly life. That’s the kind of love that Zacchaeus experienced. Jesus was probably the first respectable Jew who had ever sat at Zacchaeus’ table. Since becoming a tax collector, the man had never felt so openly loved and accepted by one of his own. That love and acceptance had an arresting affect on him. While the dinner was in full swing, we read that “Zacchaeus stood before the Lord and said, ‘I will give half my wealth to the poor, Lord, and if I have cheated people on their taxes, I will give them back four times as much!’ Jesus responded, ‘Salvation has come to this house today, for this man has shown himself to be a true son of Abraham. For the Son of Man came to seek and save those who are lost’” (Luke 19:810). Jesus’ grace has power! He brings things out of the darkness and into the light. Jesus looked beyond Zacchaeus’ sin and openly accepted him. Instead of feeling loathed, the tax collector felt loved. Instead of being condemned, he received compassion. In the presence of everyone, Jesus embraced him as a lost son and became his Savior. Through the power of grace, Zacchaeus became a changed man. What about the prostitute? Jesus knew that the woman anointing his feet with perfume had committed prostitution, but he didn’t see her first and foremost as a prostitute. He saw her as a lost child in desperate need of acceptance and forgiveness. He “said to the woman, ‘Your faith has saved you, go in peace’” (Luke 7:50). Jesus didn’t require obedience before he offered acceptance. Grace doesn’t have requirements, it offers acceptance openly with no conditions attached. And that is powerful. Just as you can do nothing bad enough to keep God from loving you, you can do nothing good enough to earn his grace. Performance has nothing to do with it. “God showed his great love for us by sending Christ to die for us while we were still sinners” (Romans 5:8). “God saved you by his grace when you believed. And you can’t take credit for this; it is a gift from God. Salvation is not a reward for the good things we have done, so none of us can boast about it” (Ephesians 2:8-9). It is critical to note, however, that while Jesus accepts us without any condition, he still cannot accept our sin. Our sin—whether cheating people of their taxes, prostitution or viewing pornography—is an enormous problem for him. He can’t overlook it; he must obliterate it, blot it out, and cancel any record of the charges against us. The deceitful tax collectors were guilty of extortion. That was the charge against them, and it could not be overlooked. The prostitute and the woman condemned to be stoned committed adultery, and their immorality could not simply be dismissed. For the truth of justice to be served, someone must pay. Forgiveness comes at a high cost, and Jesus paid that high cost with his very life. The New Testament confirms this transaction in many places: “When we were utterly helpless, Christ came at just the right time and died for us sinners” (Romans 5:6). “God made you alive with Christ, for he forgave all our sins. He canceled the record of the charges against us and took it away by nailing it to the cross” (Colossians 2:13-14). God says, “I—yes, I alone— will blot out your sins for my sake and will never think of them again” (Isaiah 43:25). Jesus is full of grace and truth, and his grace has no limit except the limit we impose. We can allow an unhealthy shame to prevent us from receiving God’s grace. He offers grace even though we are unworthy, but that very feeling of unworthiness translated into toxic shame can keep us from embracing and receiving his accepting grace. If conquering that sense of G:\Dropbox (JMM)\Set Free Journey SMS Video Project\The Need for an Extravagant Grace.doc
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unworthiness to accept grace may seems like a tall order, don’t worry—you don’t have to do it. You need only to be grateful. It is as simple as saying, “I don’t know why you love the likes of me or how you can accept me so freely, but I want to say thank you.” When the heart is grateful, the power of grace can transform a life. This is a message that those caught in the grip of Internet porn need to hear. Dr. Heath Lambert is executive director of the Association of Certified Biblical Counselors. As a counselor and pastor, he ministers to many who are struggling with porn addiction. In his book entitled Finally Free: Fighting for Purity with the Power of Grace, he explains the power of grace in this way: “The tide will begin to turn in your struggle against pornography when you begin to grasp forgiving grace and transforming grace…Jesus’ grace to change you is stronger than pornography’s power to destroy you.”11
Grace: Making People Feel Accepted Enough to Admit Their Problem There are many problems that grow out of viewing pornography, but the primary one is that it spawns a hotbed of lustful thoughts. While sexual desire for one’s mate is thoroughly blessed by God himself, lust aroused by images or persons outside the marriage bond is wrong, as the scriptures make clear in many places. Believers who view porn know this, which is why they feel such shame. This means that leading them to meaningful confession and changed behavior requires us to follow Jesus’ model of grace. He first focused on people with his love and acceptance to dispel their shame. He made them comfortable enough to admit that they had problems. We are to follow in his steps. The apostle Paul urged us to pass on Jesus’ gift of accepting grace when he wrote, “Accept each other just as Christ has accepted you” (Romans 15:7). He goes on to say, “Let your conversations be always full of grace” (Colossians 4:6, NIV). There is probably no group of people who need grace more than those caught in the trap of continued use of Internet pornography. Grace doesn’t equate a porn user’s behavior with who he or she really is. Take, for example, the 83 percent of pastors and 71 percent of youth pastors who are currently viewing Internet porn, but are trying to stop.12 They are suffering brothers and sisters whose wrong behavior will bring them pain. Continued use of porn will distort their view of women and men, distort their view of God’s gift of sex, and create havoc in their current marriage or any future relationship they might have with a spouse. There is plenty of documented evidence of the damage porn causes to both men and women caught in its grip. Ongoing research shows that an individual’s continued use of Internet pornography is a predictor to: 1. 2. 3. 4. 5.
Marital distress, separation and divorce. Decreased sexual satisfaction. Decreased sexual intimacy. Infidelity. Overspending, debt, and decreased job security.13
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In addition, current studies find that the frequency of porn viewing correlates with: • • • • • • •
Depression. Anxiety. Stress. Less sexual and relational satisfaction. Altered sexual tastes. Poorer quality of life and health. Real-life intimacy problems.14
At the outset, Internet porn users need to sense the heartfelt pain and concern we feel over the negative consequences they face or will soon face because of the trap they’re in. Before addressing their problem, they need to feel our compassion. As a grace-filled people, we can focus on the other person’s wellbeing and offer hope and a path toward freedom. That kind of compassionate atmosphere allows people to bring their hidden sin into the light of grace to find help and healing. Those who are not caught up in porn use may not realize how alluring and compelling pornography is to the user. Internet porn feeds on a person’s need for love and acceptance with a powerful imitation of grace. Ask an Internet porn addict what he hears and feels as he engages in his fantasy world of porn. He hears and feels that he is desirable and acceptable. The following is what he would probably tell you. The person on the screen invites me to enjoy fully what I see. In my small dark corner of isolation, I feel wanted, desired, and worthy of an intimate sexual experience—not with just anyone, but with a fabulous and gorgeous person I previously thought impossible for me to obtain. In this ideal world of porn, the impossible “relationship” is possible. The person inviting me to “intimacy” is without imperfections and, for a brief moment, so am I. My physique, my age, my looks, and my personality are more than acceptable. In my imagination, I am the perfect partner for my perfect porn friend, who sees me for who I am and “loves” me for just being me. I feel that I’m being accepted without condition. For a few fleeting moments, this porn viewer experiences an imitation of grace. But it is just that—an imitation, for there is no acceptance without condition in the porn industry. People pay money for their sexual experiences. And in the aftermath of their porn affair, their emotional ecstasy collides with the empty, hollow, counterfeit that it is, and they are flooded with shame. To make matters worse, they feel that only one thing can quell their overwhelming sense of shame—a trip back to the fantasy world of empty promises and fake dreams. Thus, the cycle of addiction begins all over again. There are several factors that have made pornography such a huge and insidious problem for so many. One is that porn is so accessible. There are millions upon millions of porn websites with multiple millions of videos to choose from, all easily viewed on one’s computer, laptop, or cellphone. Porn is also affordable. Downloads, chat, and viewing rooms provide a cheap high. Porn is anonymous. It thrives in the dark corners of privacy. Porn is obviously appealing. Sex is G:\Dropbox (JMM)\Set Free Journey SMS Video Project\The Need for an Extravagant Grace.doc
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pleasurable even when it’s being expressed outside the boundaries of God’s intended use. Porn is addictive. Continued use of Internet porn becomes a gripping force that enslaves its viewers. This epidemic has captured the souls of so many. There is, however, hope if the church will shine the light of grace upon those hiding in the shadows of pornography. Speaking up is not enough. It will take reaching out with arms of acceptance to those enslaved by porn. People need to sense and feel the kind of extravagant grace that Jesus offers. That kind of grace can dispel toxic shame and lead them to forgiveness, accountability, and freedom. I have analyzed the current research on porn use among the evangelical community. I have had countless conversations with pastors and Christian leaders about this crisis. And I have come to believe that there are at least three reasons the church at large is not dealing with the issue of Internet pornography. 1. Lack of Knowledge. Many simply seem to be ignorant of what is going on behind closed doors. They haven’t been exposed to the wealth of research revealing that we are in fact in crisis. 2. A Misunderstanding of Biblical Sexuality. Many Christians have bought into the culture’s distorted view of sexuality as opposed to the biblical view. Many Christian leaders no longer teach what it truly means for singles and married couples to live a faithful and pure sex life. 3. The Absence of an Atmosphere of Grace. To open a dialogue on the crisis of Internet porn use within the Body of Christ, we must begin with a healthy atmosphere of grace. We have drafted this White Paper in hopes of beginning that conversation with grace-filled attitudes. Throughout 2017, the Josh McDowell Ministry, armed with this White Paper and the Porn Phenomenon Study, plans to meet with key church leaders, denominations, parachurch leaders, and porn solution providers to discuss the porn epidemic within the church. In Christ’s Spirit of grace, we want to openly interact about this problem with Christian leaders and qualified specialists who can help. Our desire is to strategize with them and serve in any way we can to help lead toward a solution. This effort will require much prayer and courage as we address an issue that is both entrenched and well hidden by so many. Pray that Jesus’ extravagant grace will provide an atmosphere of concern and compassion that will allow God’s people to provide hope, freedom, and healing to those enslaved by Internet pornography. The apostle Paul gives us a fitting close. A final word: Be strong in the Lord and in his mighty power. Put on all of God’s armor so that you will be able to stand firm against all strategies of the devil. For we are not fighting against flesh-andblood enemies, but against evil rulers and authorities of the unseen world…Therefore, put on every piece of God’s armor so you will be able to resist the enemy in the time of evil. Then after the battle you will still be standing firm. (Ephesians 6:10-13)
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1
Jayson Graves of Healing for the Soul as quoted during the Josh McDowell Ministry/Covenant Eyes hosted Set Free Summit on Tuesday April 5, 2016 in Greensboro, NC. 2 3
The Porn Phenomenon Study, 2016, 41. The Porn Phenomenon Study, 2016, 81.
4
Dr. Ted Roberts as quoted April 5, 2016, Greensboro, NC.
5
The Porn Phenomenon Study, 2016, 112.
6
Ibid., 109.
7
Ibid., 83.
8
Ibid., 83.
9
Ibid., 118.
10
Dr. Ted Roberts as quoted during the Josh McDowell Ministry/Covenant Eyes hosted Set Free Summit on Thursday April 7, 2016 in Greensboro, NC. 11
Heath Lambert, Finally Free: Fighting for Purity with the Power of Grace, (Grand Rapids, MI: Zondervan, 2013), 26,28. 12
Ibid., 82.
13
Vivian Chan, MC, RCC, “The Impact of Pornography on Marital Relationships,” The Wishing Wells, January 11, 2009, http://www.wishingwellscounselling.com/family/the-impact-ofpornography-on-marital-relationships/ 14
Gary Wilson, Your Brain on Porn (Margate, Kent England, Commonwealth Publishing, 2014), 34.
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