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SPLASH BASH KICK OFF PARTY
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SPLASH BASH
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EMBASSY SUITES HOTEL
FOR MORE GREAT PHOTOS VISIT IONAZ.COM
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SEXIEST BARTENDER CONTEST
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EMBASSY SUITES HOTEL
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DANCING FOR ONE.N.TEN
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The Rock
830 N. 1st Ave., Unit 203 Phoenix, AZ 85003 (602) 750-1164 www.IONAZ.com ionarizona@me.com PUBLISHER / FOUNDER Jack M. Tesorero .................................... jacktesorero@me.com EDITOR Deon Brown ............................................ ionazeditor@me.com CREATIVE DIRECTOR Kevin Bushaw ............................................. kbushaw@me.com ART DIRECTOR .............................................. Alex Campos COPY EDITOR .................................................. Austin Head PRODUCTION & ARTWORK SUBMISSIONS ionazproduction@me.com NATIONAL ADVERTISING REPRESENTATIVE Rivendell Media (212) 242-6863 TUCSON ADVERTISING SALES Danny Catt ........................................................ (520) 429-5905 danny.catt@gmail.com DIRECTOR OF EVENTS Christopher Tong .............................................. (702) 883-2525 chris.bgcentertainment@gmail.com
PHOTOGRAPHERS: Franklin Diaz Scotty Kirby LeakedGlass Production RSVP Photography Fernando Hernandez Danny Catt CONTRIBUTORS:
Addison DeWitt C. Edwards Ted Kirby
Peter Lora Paul Sanchez Miss Tiger
Published monthly by
1995-2018: 23 Years of Design and Creative Excellence © 2018 JMT Designs, Inc.
ALL RIGHTS RESERVED
PRINTED IN PHOENIX, AZ
All original artwork and photography for ION Arizona Magazine remain property of JMT Designs, Inc, and cannot be reproduced, altered, or sold without authorization and compensation. Limited usage rights can be purchased for a small fee. NOTE: The views expressed in these articles do not necessarily reflect the views of ION Arizona, its staff, or that of its parent company. Publication of the name or photograph of any person or organization within ION Arizona is not to be construed as any indication of the sexual orientation of such persons or organization. To our knowledge, all people photographed and published in ION Arizona are over the age of 18. Some photos were submitted by our readers. To our knowledge, they own the copyrights, and they have given us permission to reproduce them. If you see a picture that you own, please call us immediately and we will remove it from future publications. All copy, text, display, photos, and illustrations in the ads are published with the understanding that the advertisers are fully authorized, have secured proper written consent for the use of names, pictures, and testimonials of any living person, and that ION Arizona is not responsible for unlawful use of such content.
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Thank You3 X 17 Years
I
’m not good at math (or writing for that matter). Thank God the team at ION Arizona are. This issue marks 17 years of publishing for us. I can’t even begin to tell you how thankful and grateful I am to my staff, my community and our business partners.
Thank You, Staff! They say you never want to see sausages being made. The same thing can be said about a magazine. Fortunately, we have the best sausage makers (and takers). From our amazing editor, Deon Brown, to our creative director, Kevin Bushaw, and our newest addition, the versatile (his word not mine) Alex Campos as our Art Director. Alex also joins our team of talented photographers including Scotty Kirby and Franklin Diaz. For those of you who can read, you gotta love the fun columns written by Addison DeWitt, Peter Lora and Miss Tiger. And thank you to our perfectionist copy editor, Austin Head, as well as our hard working distribution team, Ted Kirby, Paul Sanchez and Danny Catt in Tucson. Plus, who can forget why you pick up ION in the first place: the hot, sexy people who grace the pages every month. Thank you!
still choose ION every month. You support our non-profits, you attend events, (the Sexiest Bartender Contest raised over $22,000 for the new HIV awareness non-profit, RipplePHX), you support our advertising businesses who support us. This magazine is for you, about you, and promotes your community. We’re so proud to be partnered with organizations like Southwest Center for HIV/AIDS, one•n•ten, Terros Health, and Maricopa County Health to name a few.
Thank You, Business Partners I saved the best for last. You see, while ION is free to you, it’s not even close to being free. You pay by patronizing our advertisers who in turn pay for the magazine. Most magazines fail because the advertisers can’t pay to run the publication. That’s not the case at ION. You support, they pay, we live on. Thank you! I know I forgot somebody (my employees always make fun of my memory or lack thereof) but with all of your support, we’ll be around another 17 years. Then I’m OUT!
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Jack M. Tesorero Thankful and Grateful Publisher
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APOLLO’S REUNION
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The Womack
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Dirty Disney at The Rock You won’t possibly believe your ears when you hear one filthy song parody after another about Tinkerbell, Mickey Mouse, Goofy and more of your favorite Disney characters. But you’ll love every nasty minute of it! Friday, July 13 at The Rock, 4129 N. 7th Ave. in Phoenix. (See ad on p. 5)
Hell Freezes Over at Charlie’s Think you got a snowball’s chance in hell of getting a blizzard here this month? Then come to Charlie’s! They’re trucking in 34 tons of real ice and snow on the patio! Ride down the ice slide! Have a snowball fight! It’ll be just like Alaska! (Well, before climate change kicked in.) Frozen drink specials and more! Saturday, July 14 at 9:30 p.m. (See ad on page 7)
Biz Bowl Get ready to save the world ... one bowling pin at a time! It’s the 10th Annual Biz Bowl! Dress like your favorite superhero because this year the theme is “ComiCon” and costumes are encouraged. Saturday, July 21, 5 p.m. at Let It Roll Bowling, 8925 N. 12th St. in Phoenix. Find out more at PhoenixGayChamber.org. (See ad on p. 35)
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White Party at Karamba You won’t want to miss the hottest party of the month! Put on something sexy—but it better be white! Get ready for the sizzling hot White Party hosted by Ruby. The Wild Men of the West promise get you in the mood and sweat you up! Gift cards for the “Best Dressed in White.” Stay for Afterhours, Saturday, July 21 at Karamba, 1724 E. McDowell Rd. in Phoenix. (See ad on p. 11)
Drag Wars 10 Put on your best wig, tighten up your girdle, and pick out a comfortable pair of pumps, because this is an Olympic quality test of your moxie, mettle, and athletic prowess ... it’s Drag Wars 10! Join in the fun and compete in games while looking glamorous! Stick around for the Employee Turnabout Show, Sunday, July 29, at BS West, 7125 E. 5th St. in Scottsdale. (See ad on p. 19)
JULY 2018 ION EVENTS DATE EVENT Saturdays Re:VIVE Saturdays Sultry Saturdays Sundays Free BBQ Mondays IGNITE Monday Night Chats Fridays TGIF w/ Espressa Grande Fridays Wet Fridays
LOCATION Found:RE 2601 on Central FLEX Spa The Rock Cruisin’ 7th Charlie’s
CITY Phoenix Phoenix Phoenix Phoenix Phoenix Phoenix
3 5, 19, 21 11 11, 25 12 13 13 14 14 20 20, 21 21 21 28 29
Karamba Talking Stick Arena Karamba Film Bar The Anvil The Rock Charlie’s Charlie’s Dick’s Cabaret The Anvil Dick’s Cabaret The Anvil Karamba The Anvil BS West
Phoenix Phoenix Phoenix Phoenix Phoenix Phoenix Phoenix Phoenix Phoenix Phoenix Phoenix Phoenix Phoenix Phoenix Scottsdale
Carnaval Latino Mercury Basketball Comedy Night Big Gay Weds. Movies AML Club Night Dirty Disney Black Out Party Hell Freezes Over! Summer Luau APAH Pup Night XXXmas in July Harley’s Club 155 Reunion White Party Gear Night PBoL Drag Wars 10
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I
The Library is Open
f you’re poolside, on a plane, at the beach, or sitting at home in air conditioned comfort, ION Arizona has some great books we chose with an LGBTQ sensibility for you to check out. Remember, reading is fun and fundamental! ___________________________________________________________________ Presented in the classic style of fashion portraiture inspired by Irving Penn, DRAGS is a photo series documenting legendary and up-and-coming drag queens and kings from New York City, shot by director/photographer Gregory Kramer. Each photo brings out the spirit of the performer through subtle pose, gesture and facial expression. Included are five stories written by pillars of the scene, including RPDR winner Sasha Velour discussing the magic and transformative power of drag as an art form. Proceeds from book sales to benefit the Ali Forney Center, protecting and empowering LGBTQ youths in New York. For more information visit DragsBook.com 160 pp. hardcover, 10” x 13”, 80 b&w photos. $75 MSRP Also available on Amazon for about $50
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Scarlet Envy
Duelling Bankheads
Dahlia Sin
Wang Newton
Mocha Lite
Kim Ono
Ruby Roo
Flloyd
Zeta Jones
Murry Hill
Sherry Vine
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Joseph Szabo: Lifeguard Who hasn’t swooned over a lifeguard? Why do you think Baywatch was so popular? In the late 1960s, the photographer Joseph Szabo struck up friendships with the lifeguards on duty at Jones Beach state park in Nassau County, New York, finding them as fascinating as the bodies they watch over. The lifeguard is a unique character and a local celebrity on the beach. Joseph Szabo: Lifeguard documents the photographer’s encounters and friendships with the lifeguards in photographs taken between 1990 and 2015. These portraits in this volume illustrate the day-to-day preparation, teamwork, relaxation, camaraderie, duty and responsibility in the lives of these almost mythological figures. Find out more and order at ARTbook.com 96 pp. 11.5” x 9.2” hardcover. $40
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In this abridged excerpt Sedaris enthusiastically describes a fashion boutique in Japan:
Calypso by David Sedaris America’s favorite humorist and writer David Sedaris stole our hearts with the now annual holiday staple, “The Santa Land Diaries.” With his new collection of essays and short stories, Sedaris’s unique observations about life with his husband, Hugh, his bizarre collection of pet spiders living his
home, airplane travelers shitting their pants, feeding his excised tumor to a snapping turtle, and more alternately hilarious yet sometimes unsettling essays are as touching as they are darkly laugh-out-loud funny. If you read one book of the summer, make it this one.
Our neighborhood is home to one of our favorite shops, Kapital. The clothes they sell are new but appear to have been previously worn, perhaps by someone who was shot or stabbed and then thrown off a boat. Everything looks as if it has been pulled from the evidence rack at a murder trial. I don’t know how they do it. Most distressed clothing seems obviously fake, but not theirs, for some reason. Do they put it in a dryer with broken glass and rusty steak knives? Do they drag it behind a tank over a stillsmoldering battlefield? How do they get the cuts and stains so ... right? If I had to use one word to describe Kapital’s clothing, I’d be torn between “wrong” and “tragic.” I’ve yet to see a pair of Kapital trousers with a single leg hole, but that doesn’t mean the designers haven’t already done it. Their motto seems to be “Why not?” These are clothes that absolutely refuse to flatter you, that go out of their way to insult you, really. I got hats, three of them, which I like to wear stacked up, all at the same time, partly just to get it over with, but mainly because I think they look good as a tower. $28 MSRP, 259 pp. hardcover. Also available as an audiobook/CD, Kindle. Also available on Amazon.
The Last Word by Quentin Crisp
world. He recounts the story of having once been a “temporary tramp” (a hobo in American-English), his struggles with ill-health and growing old, and his recently discovered transgender identity.
“Generally however, I expect the 21st century to be nastier than the 20th.” A famed wit, Quentin Crisp was the Oscar Wilde of our age. If you’re interested in LGBTQ history and Queer Studies, this is a “must read.”
“The only thing in my life I have wanted and didn’t get was to be a woman. It will be my life’s biggest regret. If the operation had been available and cheap when I was young, I would have jumped at the chance. My life would have been simpler as a result. I would have told nobody. Instead, I would have gone to live in a distant town and run a knitting wool shop and no one would ever have known my secret. I would have joined the real world and it would have been wonderful.
Crisp (1908-1999) was an English-born writer, actor, eccentric and raconteur. His famed 1968 autobiography, The Naked Civil Servant, chronicled the oppression he faced as a homosexual in England before, during and after World War II, when being gay was illegal. Crisp toured the world in his one-man show, An Evening With Quentin Crisp. He moved to New York at the age of 72 where he wrote books on style, culture and manners, appeared in films, and published a second autobiography, How To Become A Virgin.
“If you are reading this and are gay, think of me as one of your own even though you now know the truth. If it’s confusing for you, think how confusing it has been for me these past 90 years.”
Dinner with Crisp, whose telephone number was listed in the local telephone directory and who never turned down an invitation to dine, was often called, “The best show in New York.”
Fascinating, hilarious, and at times heartbreaking, any book of Crisp should be on everybody’s nightstand or in their backpack. Make this book one of them. 220 pages. Available on Amazon. $14.99 paperback, $9.99 on Kindle
The Last Word is Crisp’s third and last autobiography, and his goodbye to the July 2018 WWW.IONAZ.COM 39
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TidalWave Comics & Graphic Novels
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ut away that trashy paperback novel. Explore the art of graphic novels and comic books with a colorful LGBT spin. At the heart of TidalWave comic book publishing is the development of innovative stories focusing on important topics for the LGBTQ+ community, showcasing famous lives in its biography line and telling stories of heroism in its fiction line of comic books and graphic novels. TidalWave Comics re-released over twenty of its most popular non-fiction comic books featuring LGBTQ+ people in an exciting new print format, including a look at the Stonewall Riots. Other titles explore the lives of allies or out celebrities such as RuPaul, Ellen DeGeneres, Cher, Madonna, Tom Daley, Keith Haring, Lady Gaga, Britney
Spears, Kathy Griffin, Anderson Cooper, Barbra Streisand, and Liza Minnelli, among others, engaging readers of all ages with a mix of information and entertainment. They have been featured on CNN, “The Today Show,” “Good Morning America,” and in Billboard Magazine, TIME Magazine, The Advocate, POZ Magazine, Vanity Fair and many more. Comic books available for $5.99, print and digital. All titles are in print and available through Amazon and on your e-reader from iTunes, Kindle, Nook, ComiXology, DriveThru Comics, Google Play, Overdrive, IVerse, Biblioboard, Madefire, Axis360, Blio, Entitle, EPIC!, Trajectory, SpinWhiz, Smash Words, Kobo and wherever eBooks are sold. Also available at Changing Hands Bookstore in Phoenix and Tempe.
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Derrick Barry at 2601 on Central “If U Seek Amy” ... you better hustle over to 2601 on Centra for“Sultry Saturdays.” Experience a night under the big top with RPDR contestant and renowned Britney Spears illusionist Derrick Berry on Saturday, July 21. Can’t make it? Oops! She’ll do it again! Don’t miss another special performance at Big Gay Brunch on Sunday, July 22 because I, I, I wanna go-oh-oh ... to 2601 on Central (at Virginia Ave.) in Phoenix. (See ads on pp 28 & 29)
JULY 2018 ION DRAG LISTINGS DATE TIME 3 19 21 10:00pm 22 10:30am Mondays 10:00pm Tuesdays Wednesdays 10:00pm Wednesdays 10:30pm Wednesdays 10:00pm Wednesdays 10:30pm Thursdays 10:30pm Thursdays 10:00pm 2nd & 4th Fri 10:00pm Fridays 10:30pn Fridays 10:00pm Fridays 10:30pm Fridays 9:00pm Fridays 9:00pm Saturdays 10:30pm Saturdays 10:30pm Saturdays 10:00pm Saturdays 9:30pm 1st Saturday 9:30pm 1st Sunday 4:00pm 2nd Sunday 7:00pm 3rd Sunday 4:00pm Sundays 8:30pm Sundays 7:00pm Sundays 10:30pm Sundays 10:00am
LOCATION Karamba Charlie’s 2601 on Central 2601 on Central Charlie’s BS West Club Volt Karamba Charlie’s Cruisin’ 7th Karamba Charlie’s The Rock Cruisin’ 7th Club Volt The Rock Plazma BS West Club Vlt Cruisin’ 7th The Rock Charlie’s Oz Bar Cruisin’ 7th Cruisin’ 7th Cruisin’ 7th Charlie’s BS West Karamba 2601 on Central
SHOW / PERFORMER(S) Alondra Garibay Special Guest Violet Chachki Special Guest Circus Starring Derrick Barry Big Gay Brunch with Derrick Barry Claudia B & Coco St. James - The Strip Factor The Next Big Star with Naomi St. James T Party hosted by Gia DeMilo Ariana Miller Show Diamond in Fuego Cruisin’s Playmates with Nikki & Lisa Urban Thursdays with Ruby Reynolds Piping Hot Thursdays with Piper M’Shay Coco’s Charm School TGIF (Thank Grande Its Friday) with Espressa Grande 4Some Revue with Miley, Gia, Piper & Luna Special Event Rotating Drag Shows New Times Best Drag Show Freaky Fridays with Celia Putty Elements - The Valley’s Top Drag Entertainers Volt Vixxxens with Naomi St. James Lady Christian’s Lady & the Tramps The Barbra Seville Show Pussy’s Patio Show Sinful Saturday Hosted by Sonja Jae Savage Excuse Our Beauty Revue Femmeology ft. Sssy, Phoenix, Dita & Taylor Sunday Funnies with Celia Putty Pussy LeHoot & Friends The Showgirl Follies Big Sexy Show Top 40 Sundays Adriana Galliano Show The Queens of Brunch July 2018 WWW.IONAZ.COM 45
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Splash Bash 2018 Weekend Tops Fundraising Goals
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plash Bash Weekend is over and the results are in! During the two days of fun ION Arizona, our readers and friends took over the beautiful Embassy Suites by Hilton Phoenix Airport all to raise money for RipplePHX, the new non-profit HIV/AIDS awareness street team. “We want to thank all of the talented ‘Sexiest Bartender’ contestants, the hard working volunteers, the amazing hotel staff and everyone who donated and attended,” said Jack Tesorero, publisher and the head promoter of the weekend, teaming with BGC Productions to stage the event. “It takes a village to put on an event like Splash Bash Weekend. It’s not
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easy or inexpensive, but over $22,000 was raised for RipplePHX,” he said. For the first time, Open Wide Dental, MillerCoors, Young’s Market and Tito’s Handmade Vodka generously donated all the product allowing the charity to raise even more money. In addition, Tito’s Handmade Vodka donated a check for an additional $2,000 to RipplePHX.
ION Arizona and BGC Production’s next fundraiser is the Open Wide Sausage Fest with Corn Hole coming in October.
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Foster the People
All the other kids with the pumped up kicks better run ... to see this indie band from LA. Sleeper hit “Pumped Up Kicks” was one of the most popular songs of 2011, catapulting the Grammy nominated band to the top. Better run, better run to the Marquee Theatre, 730 N. Mill Ave. in Tempe on Monday, July 16. For tix call 480-839-0707 or check out LuckyManOnline.com
Pentatonix
These three-time Grammy award winning singers have sold more than 10 million albums worldwide ... all by making music with their mouths! If you love “Pitch Perfect,” you won’t want to miss these a cappella singers on Saturday, July 21 at the Ak-Chin Pavilion, 2121 N. 83rd Ave. in Phoenix. Go to TicketMaster. com or call 800-745-3000 for your tickets.
Lisa Loeb
Back in 1994 the sad, sad, angst-ridden, “Stay” was an emo anthem from this nerdy, four-eyed songbird. She’s gone on to act, write, and star on TV and in movies and create her own eyewear! Catch her on Saturday, August 4 at the Musical Instrument Museum, 4725 E. Mayo Blvd. in Phoenix. For tix call 480-478-6000 or go to MIM.org
JULY 2018 ION CONCERT CALENDAR DATE ARTIST 7 Diplo 7 Primus & Mastadon 12 Smashing Pumpkins 13 Happy Together Tour 14 Krewella 16 Foster the People 20 Tim McGraw & Faith Hill 20 Chris Isaak 21 Pentatonix 21 Jeff Beck 22 30 Seconds to Mars 24 American Idol Live 30 Shania Twain AUGUST 4 Lisa Loeb
LOCATION Talking Stick Resort - Scottsdale Comerica Theatre - Phoenix Gila River Arena - Glendale Talking Stick Resort - Scottsdale Talking Stick Resort - Scottsdale Marquee Theatre - Tempe Talking Stick Resort Arena - Phx Celebrity Theatre - Phoenix Ak-Chin Pavilion - Phoenix Celebrity Theatre - Phoenix Ak-Chin Pavilion - Phoenix Mesa Arts Center Talking Stick Resort Arena - Phx
PHONE 800-745-3000 800-745-3000 800-745-3000 800-745-3000 800-745-3000 480-839-0707 800-745-3000 602-267-1600 800-745-3000 602-267-1600 800-745-3000 480-644-6500 800-745-3000
Musical Instrument Museum - Phx 800-478-6000 July 2018 WWW.IONAZ.COM 51
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The Submission
Danny’s dramatic play about an African-American family is selected for a prominent festival. Problem: Danny resorts to various lies, deceptions and betrayal before revelations are brought to light. Nearly Naked Theatre brings a play about writing a play to the stage now through July 14 at the Hardes Theatre, 100 E. McDowell Rd. For more info and tickets go to NearlyNakedTheatre.org or call 602-254-2151
Avenue Q
Young college grad Princeton moves into a dodgy New York City neighborhood where he discovers it ain’t exactly Sesame Street. The smart aleck singing puppets of this Phoenix Theatre musical fave give this hilarious show a re-boot! July 25-September 9 100 E. McDowell Rd. For tix go to PhoenixTheatre.com or call 602-254-2151
Stripped Cabaret
The Valley’s top performers strip down to their undies, shed their inhibitions and sing in this benefit for the new BLK BOX PHX theatre company. You’ll laugh your pants off to songs from musicals, including Kinky Boots, Book of Mormon, Spamalot, Spamilton and other Spam-like musicals. Saturday, August 4 at Playhouse on the Park, 1850 N. Central Ave. at Palm Lane. For more info and tix visit DavissonEntertainment.com or call 602-734-5734 (Ricky Martin for illustration purposes only. He will not be performing. Sorry!)
JULY 2018 ION THEATER + STANDUP DATE
EVENT
COMPANY
PHONE
1 6-8/18 13-8/12 13-14 thru 14 19-21 20-21 25-9/9
Bianca Del Rio Sister Act Catch Me If You Can Whitney Cummings The Submission Rory Scovel Shawn Wayans Avenue Q
Marquee Theatre - Tempe Hale Ctr. Theatre - Chandler AZ B’way Theatre - Peoria Tempe Improv Nearly Naked Theatre - Phx Tempe Improv StandUp Live - Phoenix Phoenix Theatre - Phoenix
480-829-0607 480-497-1181 623-776-8400 480-921-9877 602-254-2151 480-921-9877 480-719-6100 602-254-2151
2-5 4
Jessimae Peluso Stripped Cabaret
House of Comedy - Phoenix Playhouse on the Park
480-420-3553 602-734-5734
AUGUST
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Oh, My Stars! Scotty and the Secret History of Hollywood
“Beneath the phony tinsel of Hollywood, you’ll find the real tinsel underneath.” Two spellbinding docs reveal the true stories about celebs and their real lives.
Whitney From her gospel choir beginnings to her meteoric rise in pop music, Whitney Houston’s voice dazzled, selling over 200 million albums worldwide before her untimely death in 2012. Her legendary Super Bowl performance of “The Star Spangled Banner” in 1991 broke the color barrier and set the standard for the national anthem. This new documentary is officially supported and authorized by the Whitney Houston Estate. Filmmaker Kevin Macdonald (The Last King of Scotland and One Day in September) was permitted access to rare, never before seen footage, including previously unreleased studio recordings and live performances, home movies and behind the scenes footage of the singer’s life as it tragically spiraled out of control, Judy Garland style, in a haze of drugs and alcohol, and openly addressed here. No doubt superfans (especially gay boys) will love it. Find out more at WhitneyTheFilm.com Opens nationally July 6
Long before muckrakers at TMZ tattled on movie stars’ clandestine shenanigans, Scotty Bowers knew the real dirt. After World War II, the handsome, sexually fluid, exMarine was a gas station attendant on Hollywood Boulevard. After a fling with fatherly actor Walter Pidgeon (shocker!) Bowers began arranging secret rendezvous with Hollywood’s glitterati, (and often participating.) Men, women, gay, straight, bi ... Scotty played pimp ‘n’ ‘ho for Hollywood royalty until the 1980s, when AIDS made these quickies problematic. Now 95, this highly rated documentary fleshes out Bowers’ kiss ‘n’ tell 2013 autobiography, Full Service: My Adventures in Hollywood and the Secret Sex Lives of the Stars. If you love old Hollywood and gossip, you gotta see this gasp-worthy doc. As a limited release, let’s hope Harkins Theaters screens this juicy gem. Opens July 27 July 2018 WWW.IONAZ.COM 59
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Aural Fixation
by Peter Lora PeterWasTheWolf@Gmail.com
Lykke Li So Sad So Sexy
Swedish pop star Lykke Li’s trilogy of albums Youth Novels, Wounded Rhymes and I Never Learn seemed to encapsulate the heartache of love lost in an updated Stevie Nicks approach: guitars, pianos and drums surrounding lush harmonies best suited for post break-ups and unrequited infatuations. Reinvention was in order, so Li returned with So Sad So Sexy. Her husband, and Kanye and Jay-Z’s producer Jeff Bhasker’s hand is so heavy you feel it on bumping trap beats of “Deep End,” “Sex Money Feelings Die” and “Jaguars In The Air.” Odd impulses and inflections come out; some are well-placed and some feel like a tepid attempt at karaoke to the Weeknd. This album a sonic translation of albums past, but worth a listen. Available Now
Christina Aguilera Liberation
The 2010’s have been an uncertain decade for Aguilera with a string of collaborations with The Voice cohorts and tributes to iconic divas. But credit is due where it’s deserved. As X-tina,
she advocated for the LGBTQ community with “Beautiful” and the sexual doublestandards on “Can’t Hold Us Down.” In a way, Liberation is the follow-up to Stripped. Aguilera explores genres addressing the same content of the album’s 16-year-old predecessor, reaching out to a new generation who may not remember her heyday. Where a naive 21-year-old girl sang “Can’t hold us down” a 37-year-old woman sings “it’s just the way it is / maybe it’ll never change,” informing her younger duet partner Demi Lovato on “Fall in Line.” “Accelerate” is a 2018 update on “Dirrty.” It’s more subdued but appropriate; no one dances that hard anymore—they lounge and swipe right. She shines on “Pipe” and “Like I Do,” with vocals and lyrics harkening back to her “Genie” debut. Liberation may not be what most of you girls want, but it’s what Christina needs. Available now Nite Jewel
THE DL SONGS TO DOWNLOAD ARTIST - SONG Troye Sivan – “Dance to This” St. Vincent – “Fast Slow Disco” Nite Jewel – “On Your Own” MorMor - ‘Heaven is Only Wishful’ Ariana Grande – “Light is Coming” Roisin Murphy – “Like” Sophie – “Immaterial” Jorja Smith - “Blue Lights” Serpentwithfeet – “Seedless” Allie X – “Focus” July 2018 WWW.IONAZ.COM 61
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Babs & Besties Barbra on Netflix She’s notoriously difficult. She’s a perfectionist. Barbra Streisand has been a Goddess for the Gays waaay before Whitney, Britney or Beyoncé. La Streisand (now 76) announced in a 2017 Netflix special, Barbra: The Music ... The Mem’ries .. The Magic! the release of her six historic TV specials, plus an extended cut of the Hollywood’s warhorse, A Star Is Born. The TV concert specials exclusive to Netflix are: My Name is Barbra (1965), Color Me Barbra (1966), Barbra Streisand: A Happening in Central Park (1968), Barbra Streisand and Other Musical Instruments (1973), Barbra Streisand: The Concert (1994), and Barbra Streisand: Timeless (2001). Yes. That’s a lot of Barbra. The diva introduces each special, lending her own insight about the production. Remember: the medium of TV was still fairly young back then. Without today’s advantages of DVD, cable, streaming, or the internet, seeing a superstar with an entire TV special built around their talent was huge. Even if you’re not a fan, the historic value of each one of these creative TV specials and the movie make these worth watching. Available now on Netflix
Will & Grace: The Revival season one
Starring: Eric McCormack, Debra Messing, Sean P. Hayes, Megan Mullally From 19982006, the antics of codependent besties Will Truman (McCormick) and Grace Adler (Messing) enchanted an America just getting used to the fact that gay people are everywhere. When flamboyant Jack (Hayes) and wisecracking Karen Walker (Mullalley) joined in ... well ... you watched it. Eleven years later they picked up where they left off, with 16 episodes in the first of three reunion seasons planned. Too many uncomfortable references to contemporary topics like Grindr, Caitlyn Jenner, lots of Trump bashing, and pussy hats pepper the shows, and will date it. One disc of this two-disc set includes a gag reel, “Reuniting the Team,” “Back to the Beginning” and “Classic comedy” highlights. It’s solid, with most of the old magic still intact, but we can’t help but miss Rosario. Available now on DVD, Blu-ray July 2018 WWW.IONAZ.COM 63
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Chop ’n’ Go S
ome things in life just seem to be a little bit classist. For example, in the pecking order, Trader Joe’s is more egalitarian than Whole Foods, but less so than Sprouts. Sweet Tomatoes is the uptown version of Country Harvest Buffet. Nowadays it’s all about healthy eating options, so that’s why you never see a Value Menu at a salad bar. Who knew that produce could be so status conscious? The Original Chop Shop is one of these upscale “heart smart” places with yummy things like quinoa on the menu (kale, not as much). This local chain is sprouting up like shiitake mushrooms in well-heeled neighborhoods with seven locations Valley wide. Their newest leafy locale just opened in Phoenix at 32nd Street near Campbell (they call it “Arcadia” but technically it isn’t. It’s closer to the tonier Biltmore ‘hood. To-MAY-to, to-MAH-to.) Their newest café is bright, clean, with a large, sunny dining room.
The property also hosts an airy coffee house. The OCS has casual, friendly, counter service with no attitude. Fortunately, the OCS succeeds in offering a variety of healthy eating options that’s not just a bunch kale (ugh), bok choy and rapini. There’s something for everyone in the large spectrum of the population, from carnivores to herbivores and everyone in between for a slightly Beverly Hills-type fee and everything is à la carte. Craving brekkie? Check out their “Rise & Shines” with nine different items. We loved the Open-Faced Sandwich, crowned with two basted eggs, grilled shaved ham, arugula, avocado, and fontina cheese on a slice of 12-grain ciabatta. These are $7 to $9 with no side. Six Grilled Protein Bowls are all served with roasted broccoli, cauliflower, onion, carrot, and mushroom. We picked Teriyaki Chicken with avocado, brussels sprouts and sesame seeds served on brown rice (but you can have sweet potato hash or upgrade to quinoa or nutty, black, forbidden rice.) The whopping $10 price tag seems a tad steep, however, for a bowl. July 2018 WWW.IONAZ.COM 65
Yogurt loaded with tasty treats sound fab. Totally worth it.
Check out their “Between Bread” menu with eight sandwiches, served on 12 grain ciabatta. We chose Moroccan Turkey, with avocado, roasted red pepper, red grape, cucumber, house greens, yogurt sauce, and red wine vinaigrette for $9. We liked it; fresh and cool, but we expected a bit more of a “casbah” kind of kick. And no side, unforch. They’ve got salad galore! “The Chops” menu presents eight with a fantastic variety of ingredients from $7 to $10. Add chicken, tofu, steak or shrimp for a nominal fee.
Four different 24-ounce Protein Shakes are only $5.75 each and fresh juices are $5.75 for 16-ounces, $11 for 32-ounces. Don’t worry. Kombucha is on tap. (Who really likes kombucha?) A variety of freshly baked pastries are always ready. And, yes ... gluten-free, vegan, and protein packed options are available. You can drop plenty of “cabbage” at the OCS if you’re really hungry and want a filling meal. (A lot more than you would at, say, a Chinese buffet. See the difference? The upper class gentry have tiny appetites.) But you can expect a pleasant, healthy, dining experience. With or without kale.
Looking for something light and refreshing? One of our faves comes from the “Superfruit Bowls & Parfaits” menu. Try the Pitaya Bowl with the exotic Pitaya (Dragon Fruit) blended with apple juice, pineapple and banana topped with granola, kiwi, banana, shredded coconut and agave nectar for $7.25. Five other enticing options, including Coconut Chia Pudding, The Açai Bowl, and Chocolate-Mint Greek The Original Chop Shop 4503 N. 32nd St. 480-565-4358 OriginalChopShop.com Other locations in Scottsdale, Tempe, Chandler, Queen Creek, Paradise Valley, North Scottsdale, and one in Irving, Texas. Because Texans like to eat healthy, too.
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W
e love Arizona! So do you! From Bagdad to Tombstone, and everywhere in between, you’ll find colorful, small towns like Holbrook along historic Route 66 and magnificent views of Phoenix from Piestewa Peak. We invited ION Arizona readers to send in their favorite snapshots of the Grand Canyon State and how it looks through your eyes. Explore Arizona! Cibeque Falls is nestled in a canyon in the White Mountain’s Western Apache tribal lands in Navajo County, part of the ancestral homeland of Geronimo and Cochise. An unpleasant battle was waged between the U.S. Army and the Apaches in 1881 at Cibeque Creek near Fort Apache. Cibeque Falls is a 2.5 mile hike through a variety of foliage leading to a towering canyon pool with mineral-rich water where you can cool off. A tribal permit of $30 is required to explore the Apache land when you enter. Cash or check only. And remember: leave no trace!
Cibeque Falls From top to bottom:
Andrew Dubry and David Perre Jonathan Candee Jay Barker, Luke Meloccaro, Jim Harsha & Cristopher DePerro 70
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Photos by LeakedGlass Production Assistant Sam Deleon Models: Carlos Lara and Alexander PeĂąa July 2018 WWW.IONAZ.COM 71
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Havasupai Falls
(Opposite page) Jeniffer Castro & Brenda Carlos (On this page) Chandler Mundy & Friend, Stephanie & Esperanza Chayrez, Amanda Garcia, Dan hoffman & Brendan O’Rourke Chase Parker July 2018 WWW.IONAZ.COM 75
The Grand Canyon (Fom top) Alex Arreola & Friend, Chase Parker, Goochie, Ryan, Gio & Joshua, Jonathan Candee Alexander PeĂąa
Horseshoe Bend
Verde Valley Railroad Jill Hovey & Adam Ahrens
Grand Falls Chase Parker
admires the Willy Wonka-like chocolatey water falls near Flagstaff.
Route 66: Winslow
Johanna Lorraine
is standing on the fabled corner in this town made famous by The Eagles.
Holy Cross Chapel
Jim Truszkowski & Friend
visit the famous chaple nestled in the red rocks of Sedona.
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Sedona Devil's Bridge (Opposite page) Gabriel Dunn (This page) Lisa Marie & DJ Larson Jonathan Candee Nick Ault Sean Patrick Knight & Jonny Stanciu Goochie Ybarra & Ryan Coulson
Piestewa Peak Top row: Dustin Marshall, Alan Larsen, Stephen Chandler Bottom photo: Alex Arreola & Friends
Snowflake Johanna Lorraine
CamelBack Mountain Top row: Dusty James Brinsmade, Nick Ault Bottom row: Alexander Black & Cassandra Anderson, Nick Ault & Sean Palmer, Jonathan Candee
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FEZ $5 Big Margaritas (W)
OZ Bar Bingo (W)
Dick’s Cabaret Amature Night (W)
Bar 1 Karaoke (W)
Charlie’s The Strip Factor (W)
OZ Bar Bingo (W)
Filmbar Les Miserables
1 Dick’s Cabaret WTF Wednesday (W)
Club Volt T Party (W)
27
The Anvil Gear Night The Rock Barbra Seville Show (W)
Club Volt 4Some Revue (W) Plazma Freaky Friday (W)
28
July 2018
Club Volt Face Savannah (W)
BS West The Studs of Scottsdale (W)
26
2601 on Central Circus w/ Derrik Barry
Plazma Freaky Friday (W)
Charlies Violett Chachki
Plazma Sinful Studs (W)
FOUND:RE RE:VIVE Saturdays
Dicks Cabaret Summer Luau
Karamba White Party
21
14
FOUND:RE RE:VIVE Saturdays
The Rock Barbra Seville Show (W)
Cruisin’ 7th TGIF w/ Espressa Grande (W)
20
The Rock Dirty Disney
Charlies Blackout
The Cash Dance Party (W)
Roosevelt Row First Friday
7
SATURDAY
OZ Bar Bingo (W)
19
13
6
FRIDAY
Club Volt T Party (W)
Plazma Plazma’s 14th Anniversary
25
18
Club Volt RPDR viewing (W)
The Rock Undie Night with Chris (W)
12
OZ Bar Bingo (W)
Talking Stick Arena Phoenix Mercury
The Anvil AML Club Night
Plazma Sinful Studs (W)
Karamba 4th of July Show
5
THURSDAY
Filmbar Show Girls
11
4
WEDNESDAY
I N PARTY CAM EVENTS • (W) WEEKLY EVENT
The Cash Free Dance Lessons (W)
BS West Industry Night (W)
31
BS West Drag Wars
30
Bar 1 Karaoke (W)
Charlie’s The Strip Factor (W)
Charlies Sunday Funday (W)
29
The Cash Free Dance Lessons (W)
Los Diablos Tuesday Trivia (W)
Bar 1 Karaoke (W)
BS West Industry Night (W)
24
17
Bliss/ Rebar Taco Tuesday Trivia (W)
Los Diablos Tuesday Trivia (W)
The Cash Free Dance Lessons (W)
10
3
TUESDAY
Karamba JLO Night
23
Stacy’s @ Melrose Karaoke (W)
Club Volt Flesh (W)
22
Bliss/ Rebar Happy Hour All Day (W)
2601 On Central Big Gay Brunch (W)
16
Stacy’s @ Melrose Karaoke (W)
Charlies Sunday Funday (W)
OZ Bar Trivia Night (W)
OZ Bar Bingo (W)
9
The Anvil Underwear night
2
MONDAY
2601 On Central Big Gay Brunch (W)
15
8
1
SUNDAY
hydrat
DRINK & EVENT GUIDE
PHOENIX FRIDAY SATURDAY
2601 on Central
SUNDAY
FLIGHT FRIDAY’S ALL DAY All flights $10
BRUNCH 10am-2pm $10 bubbles SULTRY SATURDAY 9pm
BRUNCH 10am-2pm $10 bubbles Reverse HH 2pm -6pm
Anvil
DIRTY DADDY DANCERS 10pm HH $3 well/dom $2.50 pint 1-8pm
WILD MEN of the WEST 7:30pm HH $3 well/dom $2.50 pint 1-8pm
BEER BUST $3 Pitchers All Day HH $3 well/dom $2.50 pint 1-8pm
Bar 1
HH 10am-7pm
$2.25 Domestic Bottles 7pm-9pm
$1.50 Bud Light Drafts $2 Canned Beer
HH $4 Well & Beer $2 OFF Apps/GlassWine/Prem.Spirits
Brunch Specials 10a-3p $12 Bubbly $5 Bloodys/Sangria
$12 Bubbly, $5 Bloodys 10a-3p 1/2 OFF Cock. 2-7pm KARAOKE 9p
Elements Show 10:30pm $5 ABSOLUT All Night
2-4-1 All Day/All Night Go-Go Boys, Extended Patios VIP
Sunday Funday KARAOKE 10p $2 Miller - $3 Marys & Mimosas
2-4-1 Well / Dom 8am-2pm $2.50 Miller Products
2-4-1 Well / Dom 8am-2pm $2.50 Bud Products
Happy Hour All Day JAZZ w/ Kenny Thames 7pm
The Cash
HH $3 Well & Dom 4-8pm $1 Drafts 8-10pm $5 Long Isl 10-cl
HH $3 Well & Dom 4-8pm DJ Delicious 9pm
HH $3 Well & Dom ALL DAY KARAOKE 8pm
Charlie’s
$3 Pitch/2-4-1 Well-Dom 2-7pm $1 Draft 10pm-Mid
2-4-1 Well/Dom Noon-7pm
Super Happy Hour 4-7pm $3 Pitch / $3 Lng Island Open-Cl
HH $2.75 Well/Dom 6am-8pm Espressa Grande 10:30pm
Dirty Daddy Dancers 4:30pm Lady Christian 10:30pm
HH $2.75 Well/Dom 6am-4pm TS Dancers 10pm
2-4-1 VIP & 50% off Cover 7-10pm
Off the Hook Tons of Prizes & Giveaways
2-4-1 Cover, Wristbands & VIP Dances
HH 3:30-6:30pm & 11pm-Close $2 OFF Apps / Well / Wine / Beer
$4 & $5 Big Brunch Drinks 10a-3p HH 3:30-6:30p & 11p-close
$4 & $5 Big Brunch Drinks 10a-3p HH 3:30-6:30p & 11p-close
Karamba
Vaquero Fridays 9-11pm Reverse Happy Hour $3 Drinks
Top 40 Saturdays 9-11pm Reverse Happy Hour $3 Drinks
Top 40 Sundays Adriana Show $3 Pitchers Beer Bust
Los Diablos
Finally Friday HH 3pm-7pm WILD MEN of the WEST 9:30pm
HH All Day Pitcher Specials
Broadway Brunch 11am-2pm HH All Day KARAOKE 2pm-7pm
Oz Bar
$2.75 Well & Dom $5.75 Call Drinks KARAOKE 9pm-Cl POKER 7pm
$2.75 Well & Dom $6.75 Top Shelf Darts 2pm KARAOKE 9pm-Cl
$2.75 Well & Dom $5.75 Call Drinks Bingo 1p
Plazma
$3 Well & Dom Until 8pm $4 3 Olives & $3 Fireball Shots
HH $3 Well/Dom Btl/Drft 12/8pm All Male Revue 10pm
Beer Bust until 7p $3.50 Dom Pitch KARAOKE 8pm-Cl 2-4-1 $3 Shots
HH 2-4-1 Well & Dom 2-8pm KARAOKE 9pm
2-4-1 11a-7p KARAOKE 9p Barbra Seville Show10p
HH 2-4-1 Well & Dom. 11am-cl
HH 4-8pm $2 Rolling Rock $4.50 Pinnacle Flavors & Firball 8pm-Cl
HH 4-8pm $2 Rolling Rock $4.50 Pinnacle Flavors & Firball 8pm-Cl
$1.50 Rolling Rock & Well open -7pm 7-10 $1 Wells & Rolling Rock
Bliss/ReBar
BS West Bunkhouse
Cruisin’ 7th
Dick’s Cabaret FEZ
The Rock Stacy’s
Br
BrBroadwayBB
TUCSON FRIDAY SATURDAY Hotel Congress
IBTS
Live Music on the Patio Tom Walbank 7p DJ Dirtyverbs 10p
Free Dance Party 10pm DJs Sid the Kid, BOBFelix & More!
Flawless Fridays with China Collins
Saturday Night Starrletts with Janee Starr
Br
Br
SUNDAY Br
Hot Club of Tucson 10:30pm Club KARAOKE 10pm 2-4-1 9p-Close KARAOKE
MONDAY
TUESDAY
WEDNESDAY
THURSDAY
Taco/Tequila Tues ALL DAY $2 Tacos, Tequila & Corona
WINE WED All Day $20 Bottle of house Red/White w/ App
HH from open to close
Beards, boxers & Briefs $1 OFF HH $3 well/dom $2.50 pint 1-8pm
$2 Miller High Life & well vodka cocktails 8pm-close
2-4-1 WELL 8pm-close HH $3 well/dom $2.50 pint 1-8pm
KARAOKE 9pm HH $3 well/dom $2.50 pint 1-8pm
$1.50 Bud Light Drafts, $5.25 Martinis
KARAOKE 9pm $2.75 well, dom bottle & drft
$6 Huge Long Islands
2-4-1 U-Call-It 10am-2am (except shots & pitchers) $4 Bellinis
HH ALL DAY $4 Well & Beer $2 OFF Apps/GlassWine/Prem.Spirits
$3 OFF Toco Platters $5 Margaritas TRIVIA 6:30p $4 Drafts
20% OFF ENTIRE BILL (excludes discounted items)
$20 Any wine bottle $15 Any wine bottle w/ food purchase
1/2 Price Drinks
Next Big Star 9:30pm $3 Coors Light / $5 3 Olives Vodka
2-4-1 All Day / All Night Go-Go Boys - A Valley Tradition VIP
WMW X-Posed 10pm with Aimee $3 Miller Lite / $6 Titos
HH 2-4-1 Well / Dom 8am-2pm
HH 2-4-1 Well / Dom 8am-2pm
HH 8am-2pm | $4.50 Fireball( All Day) KARAOKE 9pm $3.75 L.I.
HH 2-4-1 Well / Dom 8am-2pm Underwear Night WMW $1 Off
Industry Night 1/2 off All Day KARAOKE 8pm
HH $3 Well & Dom ALL DAY 2-4-1 Well & Dom 10pm-close
Underwear Party 8pm-Cl 50% off w/ your Pants Off $3 D.Edy.
2-4-1 Open to Close KARAOKE 9:30pm
$3 Dom Pitcher / $3 Finlandia 8pm-Close
2-4-1 All Cocktails & Beer Open-Close
HH $2.75 Well/Dom 6am-8pm TS Dancers 10pm
HH $2.75 Well/Dom 6am-8pm
HH $2.75 Well/Dom 6am-8pm Cruisin’s Playmates 10:30pm
HH $2.75 Well/Dom 6am-8pm Wild Men of the West 10:30pm
2-4-1 Cover, Wristbands & VIP Dances
Amateur Night Starts at 10pm
WTF Wednedays $5 Cover and almost everything else!
Thirsty Thursday $5 Cover! With coupon on our website
$5 BIG Margaritas ALL DAY HH 3:30-6:30p & 11p-close
$5 Classic Martinis ALL DAY HH 3:30-6:30p & 11p-close
$2 OFF Glasses of wine 50% OFF Bottles of wine
$5 BIG Signature Cocktails G Spot / O Spot / B Spot/ A Spot
Cumbia Night $3 Pitchers Karime Show
Urban Thursdays Ruby Show $3 Pitcher $3 Drinks
Taco Tuesdays Trivia 7pm9pm $5 Marg & Mex Beer
Buy 1 get 1 for $1 Well & Dom. KARAOKE 7pm-12
Live Entertainment HH 3pm-7pm Buy 1 get 1 for $1 Well & Dom.
$2.75 Well & Dom $5.75 Call Drinks Trivia Night 9pm
$2.75 Well & Dom $6.75 Top Shelf Poker 7pm
$2.75 Well & Dom $5.75 Call Drinks Poker 7pm
$2.75 Well & Dom $6.75 Top Shelf KARAOKE 9pm-Cl POKER 7pm
HH 2-4-1 4-8pm $2 Well & $3 Domestic
HH 2-4-1 4-8pm $2 Well & $3 Domestic 9pm-Close
2-4-1 4-8pm Sinful Studs 9pm-Mid
HH 2-4-1 ALL DAY Beautiful Losers Comedy SHow
HH 2-4-1 Well & Dom 2-8pm KARAOKE 9pm
HH 2-4-1 Well & Dom 2-8pm
HH 2-4-1 Well & Dom 2-8pm Underwear Night
HH 2-4-1 Well & Dom 2-8pm
KARAOKE 9pm-Close HH All Day & $2.50 Rolling Rock
HH All Day $5 Martinis All Day & $2.50 Rolling Rock
2-4-1 All Day Live DJ
HH 4-8pm Live DJ $1.50 Rolling Rock & Well 8-mid
MONDAY
TUESDAY
KARAOKE 9pm $3 Drinks / $3 Pitchers Taco & Tequi
90s House Party 10pm w/ DJ Sid the Kid 90¢ PBR Br
3-4-1 Well Drinks 8p-Close KARAOKE
Geeks Who Drink Trivia Night 8pm
Br
Tequila & Mexican Beer ALL DAY
WEDNESDAY
LiBr
THURSDAY
Live Music
Salvador Duran 7pm OPTI CLUB Dance Party 10pm
Viva La Diva Show with Diva
2-4-1 All Day Go Go Boys 11pm
Br
Br
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PHOENIX Address
1. 2601 on Central
Phone
2601 N. Central Ave.
Coming Soon!
2. Anvil
2424 E. Thomas Rd.
(602) 334-1462
3. Aqua
1730 E McDowell Rd.
(602) 253-0689
4. Bar 1
3702 N. 16th St.
(602) 266-9001
5. Bliss/ReBar
901 N. 4th St.
(602) 795-1792
6. Boycott Bar
4301 N 7th Ave.
(602) 515-3667
7. BS West
7125 E. 5th Ave., Scottsdale
(480) 945-9028
8. Bunkhouse
4428 N 7th Ave.
(602) 200-9154
9. The Cash
2140 E McDowell Rd.
(602) 244-9943
10. Charlie’s
727 W. Camelback Rd.
(602) 265-0224
11. Club Volt
3108 E. McDowell Rd.
(602) 244-1465
12. Cruisn’ 7th
3702 N. 7th St.
(602) 212-9888
13. Dick’s Cabaret
3432 E. Illini Rd.
(602) 274-DICK
14. FEZ
105 W. Portland St
(602) 287-8700
15. Flex Spas Phoenix
1517 S. Black Canyon Hwy.
(602) 271-9011
16. Hula’s Modern Tiki
4700 N Central Ave # 122
(602) 265-8454
17. Karamba
1724 E. McDowell Rd.
(602) 254-0231
18. Kobalt
3110 N Central Ave. Park Central (602) 264-5307
19. Los Diablos
1028 E Indian School Rd.
(602) 795-7881 x
20. NuTowne Saloon
5002 E Van Buren St.
21. OZ Bar
1804 W. Bethany Home Rd.
(602) 242-5114
x
22. Paris Night Club
4280 N. Drinkwater Blvd.
23. Plazma
1560 E Osborn Rd.
24. The Rock
(602) 267-9959 (602) 358-9091
(602) 266-0477
x
4129 N. 7th Ave.
(602) 248-8559 x
25. Stacy’s @ Melrose
4343 N 7th Ave.
TUCSON Address
26. Hotel Congress
(602) 264-1700 Phone
x
311 E Congress St., Tucson
(520) 622-8848
x
27. IBTs
616 N 4th Ave, Tucson
(520) 882-3053 July 2018 WWW.IONAZ.COM 89
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Dear Miss Tiger,
S
ummer is upon us. The hot, prickly heat brings out the very sheerest—and the the very worst. Speaking of the WORST, this month’s Favorite Bitch® is all about FAMILY FEUDS … Dear Miss Tiger, During a visit to my grandma’s, she got up from her recliner, walked over to the couch and slapped my husband in the face for no reason at all. He refuses to go back. I don’t know what to do! — Amy Dear You Could Learn A Thing Or Two From Abuelita, Tell your husband to bury the hatchet ‘cuz it won’t be long before y’all will be burying grandma.
My sister’s husband is cheating on her. I saw that bastard having sex with some bimbo in a car. I’d give my two front teeth to find out who she was. Not exactly sure how to bust them. Thoughts? — Lesbian On The War Path Dear Start Shopping For Dentures, Gurl, just worry about collecting receipts. And you’ll get to keep those front teeth ... that is, if you don’t lose ‘em in some lesbian-alcohol-induced-bar-fight yo’ damn self! Dear Miss Tiger, My sister’s boyfriend is so gay! Dude was wearing tight skinny jeans. When he bent over, I could see he wasn’t wearing any underwear. Who goes to meet their girlfriend’s family and doesn’t wear underwear? I don’t want my sister messing around with him. Help! — Kevin
Dear Miss Tiger, I get embarrassed when my mom sends me to the grocery store because we’re on food stamps. Any advice? — Brian Dear Yeah I Got Some Advice ... Try Starving, and Embarrassment Will Be the Last Thing On Your Mind, Folks are out here sucking verga to put food on the goddamn table and you wanna complain about NOT having to deepthroat for some Jiffy Corn Muffin Mix? If you’re that embarrassed, then get a damn job ... and while you’re at it, buy your own fuckin’ Fruity Pebbles!
Dear … Like You Haven’t Dragged Home Any Trash? Are you upset with what he had (and didn’t have) on OR the fact that he’s sleeping with your sister and not you?
THE MISS TIGER SHOW EVERY SUNDAY AT NOON Visit MissTiger.com for show details Miss Tiger
Advice Columnist • SiriusXM radio personality ... and everyone’s #FAVORITEBITCH Website FavoriteBitch.com Twitter/Instagram MissTiger Advice ask@misstiger.com July 2018 WWW.IONAZ.COM 93
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by Addison DeWitt
I
t’s all about style, beauty and grace. Well, and a good tuck, of course. Everybody had “Pageant Fever” last month as the lovely Adriana Galliano (A) was crowned Miss Gay Arizona America 2018! She awed the audience and horticulturalists alike when she paraded across stage in a rare hothouse orchid. You could say that she’s a real “pistil!” (Get it? It’s a flower sex joke there.) Bring home C the national crown, girl! Contestant Payda Parc (Drew Sisson) (B) stressed the importance of proper fertilization and drainage for houseplants as she masqueraded as the popular Cholorophytum comosum. Filtered spotlights are key for this healthy plant! Payda placed in the Top 5. (That’s how they rank them, even if they’re “bottoms”). We bid “Aloha nui loa!” to our beloved 96
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A
Island Queen of 2017, Olivia Gardens, (C) who performed a beguiling dance from the South Pacific that had the audience saying, “Hu-la-la!” Meanwhile, Claudia B’s feral cats (D) from her chorus line were spotted on the patio. I offered them some Friskies to fill their little bellies, but they asked for a bottle of vodka and a carton of Marlboro Reds instead. Cats!
This nail-biter of a pageant had everyone whiteB knuckled with anticipation, thanks to promoter Daniel Eckstrom, with hubby Nick Ray in the lobby (E). Rounding up the audience during intermission was like, well, herding cats! “Ding! Dong! The bells are gonna chime!” Mike Jacobs and his live-in boyfriend for the past ten years, Doug D Pesavento, (F) owners of The Rock, decided to tie that naughty knot on June 28! “Pull out the stopper, we’ll have a
whopper! But get me to the church on time!” ... or to the Bunkhouse, where the
E nuptials were held. Guests were served Pringles and Doritos at the reception on the patio while the grooms popped open
Milk Bones, but they asked for a pitcher of draft beer and a carton of Pall Malls instead. Remember, readers, please spay and neuter your pets. Or at least tickle their bellies. We found the Sisters of Perpetual Indulgence’s aspiring nun, Postulant Mimosa (H) in the corner, saying her prayers. At least that’s what she said she was doing in front of that man—she told me he was a priest. (He didn’t look like any priest I’ve ever seen!) F She is bad! Ave Maria Puríssima! Finally, we bid a fond farewell to MiShal MiShal, Miss Krazzy Latino 2017, (I) who leaves dusty ol’ Phoenix behind as she returns to her native Georgia as Michael Sandecki. You’ll always be a “peach” to us! Don’t forget to write!
G H
a bottle of vintage Corona, 2017. (Just kidding!) Congrats, boys! Lots of happiness! Who let the dogs out? We found three friendly pups (G) fundraising at The Anvil, howling at the moon. I offered them a little Alpo and some
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upiter is in on the move! The big planet rules big visions, big projects in the big picture. Venus gains momentum, adding harmony. Uh oh. Mars began a retrograde June 26, lasting ‘til August 27. Expect sexual tension and frustration, but don’t let it stop you from expressing yourself. There’s more: Mercury launches another messy retrograde July 26 thru’ August 19. Arguments erupt while machines & technology breaks down. When it’s over, Mercury shines its usual calm to your life. July 27 is the “Full Buck Moon.” That’s “Full Buck.” Careful how you say it. See? ARIES Mar. 21 - Apr. 20 Pursue your goals. They will come true. Well, only if you put some hard work into it, of course. Pay attention to your emotional well-being, but don’t get all needy. TAURUS April. 21 - May 20 You think last month was hectic? Wait’ll you see what this month has in store. Keep your emotions in check and Venus will reward you mid-month with some good lovin’. GEMINI May 21 - June 21 You’ll be taking on a new project. Your moves are swift and catlike, jumping from one thing to another. You love to talk and pick up some juicy gossip; it’s dangerous. Don’t spread it around. CANCER June 22 - July 22 The emphasis is on goals, hopes and dreams. Your ability to charm even the biggest ass is admirable. Birthday Cancers focus on learning something new. Expect a boost in your finances. LEO July 23 - Aug. 22 Career, schmareer. Put that relentless career pursuit behind you for a while. You get plenty done by using your charm. If it’s your birthday, fun and pleasure are better goals, if only for 30 days. Go for it! 98
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VIRGO Aug. 23 - Sep. 22 No planets dominate your chart this month, and that makes you a free agent. It’s like roulette! Anything can happen! Maybe your destiny will change for 30 days. (Or maybe not.) Trust others easily; find new allies. A fabulous project presents itself. LIBRA Sep. 23 - Oct. 22 From an early age you’ve been told, “She’s prettier than you.” Bullshit. This month you refuse to be manipulated and stand up for yourself and say, “No!” to emotional blackmail. See? Feel better already? SCORPIO Oct. 23 - Nov.23 Interstellar positions work to your advantage. A victory at work boosts your standing. Doesn’t it feel good? Stay true to your own standards. Don’t get too flirty, things will get out of hand. Fast. Truth. SAGITTARIUS Nov. 23 - Dec. 23 An advantage in intelligence keeps you one step ahead of others. People are naturally drawn to you and tell you their deepest secrets. And you naturally tell everybody else. Yikes! (That’s not always a good idea.) CAPRICORN Dec. 23 - Jan. 20 An inner-parent dwells within you, telling you what to do. Question that little voice inside. This month you question authority, all around and inside you. You help out someone in a crisis. Good for you! AQUARIUS Jan. 21 - Feb. 19 A lunar eclipses on the other side of the world helps satisfy your admittedly sometimes bizarre need to know everyone in your tribe and gain their approval. That’s just the way you are. PISCES Feb. 20 - Mar. 20 Passions flare deep within your fiery loins, thanks to Venus. Single? It’s like shooting ducks in a barrel. Partnered? Watch that wandering eye of yours. Patience and decisiveness are your gifts this month. Next month? Well, we’ll see what those gifts are.