Issuu

CREATE A JEWISH HOME

HELPING PARENTS

VOLUME ONE, NUMBER EIGHT

AGES 2

T O

2 1/2 YEARS

The Spirit Within

Dr. Robert Coles is a professor of psychiatry at the Harvard Medical School and the author of the acclaimed book The Spiritual Life of Children. Coles won a Pulitzer prize for his Children of Crisis series. He lives in Boston, and has three grown sons.

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learned a lot about faith from a ten-year-old boy I will call David. Gravely ill with leukemia, David surprised his doctors and nurses by asking if they ever prayed for their patients—if they ever prayed for him. He told them that he was praying for them. These earnest, hardworking men and women were taken aback by such pious words from a young child. As a psychiatrist, I was sure David’s talk of prayers was simply a plea for a different destiny, despite what he knew in his heart of

y t i l a u t i Spir tant to

hearts: that he would soon die. I asked him what he said in the prayers he offered for the hospital staff—expecting, of course, that he was praying that they might somehow be able to pull him through. But no, he said, “I ask God to be nice to them, so they don’t feel too bad if us kids here go

WHAT’S INSIDE

The Spiritual Development of Young Children page 3

Saturday: A Day of Holiness, Rest and Joy pages 4 and 5 Making Shabbat Special with Your Two Year Old page 6 Noah and the Ark by Shari Lewis page 7 Developmental Timeline page 7

A PUBLICATION

THE

to meet Him.” A pause, then he added, “When I meet God, I’ll put in a good word for the people who work in the hospital.” I realized, as I listened to David, how important his religious faith was to him, how sincerely he had tried to connect it to his life’s experiences, his grim, inescapable fate. I still think of him when I spend time with children who are contending with difficult situations and who are trying to understand, through religious or spiritual reflection, what is happening to them. David, in fact, taught me a lifelong lesson: all children very much need a sense of purpose and direction in life, a set of values grounded in moral introspection—a spiritual life that is given sanction by their parents and others in the adult world. In the years since I met David, I’ve talked with children, here and abroad, whose parents are Catholic, Protestant, Jewish, and Islamic, as well as with children whose parents subscribe to no faith. In spite of this range of religious expression—or the lack thereof—these children shared a deep concern about the whys of this life, the oughts and naughts, too. Again and again, I have come to understand that even

(C O N T I N U E D O N P A G E 2)

ROBERT E. LOUP JEWISH COMMUNITY CENTER

PARENTING reprinted by permission of United Feature Syndicate, Inc.

By Robert Coles

MIDRASH

The Spirit Within (CON T I N U E D F ROM P AGE 1)

preschool children are constantly trying to comprehend how they should think about the gift of life and what they should do with it. Spirituality is important to children because it affirms their humanity and their capacity to comprehend life’s many mysteries: boys and girls yearn to understand this world into which they are put. And so parents should welcome this natural sense of wonder, nurture it, as a sign that their sons and daughters are curious about their origins and their destiny. This inclination to ask probing questions is also part of the moral development of children— a way for them to find a set of beliefs and ideals to guide their daily lives, a way for them to gain command of their behavior. Unfortunately, all too many of us in contemporary America feel troubled by the matter of religion, particularly as it relates to our children’s lives in school, at home, and in the neighborhood—as if religion were somehow a threat to our nation’s secular society. On the contrary, religious and spiritual reflection provide an opportunity rather than a threat, a chance for

parents and children to ponder whys, to try to figure out how to live a proper life. What gets lost in our culture’s ambivalence about religion is that a rich inner life is an important part of being human. More so than many adults, boys and girls are attuned to the heart of spirituality and have a natural ability to look inward in search of meaning and purpose, to seek an understanding of what truly matters and for which reasons. Children clearly demonstrate how this inquiry can occur anytime or anyplace—not just within the confines of a church or synagogue. They pursue their questions while drawing pictures, stories and poems, while indulging in the exploration of this wondrously enchanting planet. I realize now that my talks with David many years ago enabled me to get past my own professional skepticism and distance, so that I could begin to contemplate the spirituality of other children. David helped me understand that we honor our children by taking the moral and spiritual side of their lives seriously. We honor them, finally, as the beginning pilgrims they are, getting ready to join us as the pilgrims we are.

nce, a father traveled for miles with his son to reach a castle. Whenever they encountered a river or mountain, the father lifted his son on his shoulders and carried him through the difficult terrain. Finally, they came to the castle. But the gate of the castle was shut, and there were only narrow windows on the sides of the wall. The father said to his son, “My son, up until now I have carried you. Now the only way we can reach our destination is if you will climb through the windows and open the gate for me from within.” So it is, said the Maggid (storyteller) with parents and children and God. Parents take care of their children, feed and clothe them, educate them and see them through all sorts of obstacles. Yet parents who have so many strengths often find the gate to God closed. But children have a special spiritual magic. They can climb to places their parents cannot reach. Children fling open the gates of heaven from within so that they and their parents can reach God together.

Children have a natural ability to look

inward in search of meaning and purpose.

Reprinted by permission from Teaching Your Children About God, A Modern Jewish Approach by David J. Wolpe. New York, NY: HarperCollins, 1995. Rabbi Wolpe is Assistant to the Chancellor at the Jewish Theological Seminary and the author of Why Be Jewish?, Henry Holt & Co., 1995.

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How Do Children Find God? THE SPIRITUAL DEVELOPMENT OF YOUNG CHILDREN

“PARENTHOOD of God. Ernest Harms, man wearing a researcher interestwhite robes. A does not exist ed in children’s ideas person in the so human adults about God, had clouds. A king or thousands of children queen. A ghost that can turn human draw pictures of what floats. Ask children children into more they thought God what God looks like, looked like. In those and the answers will human adults, years from three to amaze you. Where do six, Harms found the but for turning children get these children’s drawings ideas? When does the seemingly human were of a kind of idea of God really make fairy tale being. They sense to a child? parents into drew pictures of a Before children are able spiritual children.” king sitting on a to think about things throne or of a man in such as religion, they —Polly Berrien the sky. have major developBerends Older children, mental stages to pass those from seven to through. The first eleven years old, drew God as part hurdle of human awareness is to of the religion they knew. They understand that there is a separadrew pictures of Jesus or rabbis, tion between the self and the and used symbols of the religion world. Infants can’t make this conthey knew, such as the Star of ceptual leap: they are the whole David. Harms’ work mirrors that of world. As children grow, they other child development experts, discover the world through their who see children as unable to senses. Through touch, sound, understand fully the concept of sight, and smell, they learn that the God until they are at least seven. world is more than themselves. At That doesn’t mean you first, children cannot understand shouldn’t bother to introduce that something may exist and be the concept of God to a young out of sight. The first sophistication child. Children learn what they comes with the realization that live. You pass on your spiritumom will reappear when playing ality every day. When you peekaboo. pray with children, you Many psychologists and philosointroduce the idea that there phers look at the years from two to is something larger out seven as “prereligious” years: at this there, even if a child or the point, although children have a parent can’t rationally stronger sense of the world, they understand it. When you are unable to distinguish between give tzedakah or money to the real and the unreal. Until homeless people, and live a children are six or so, many think spiritual life by celebrating Shabbat, that all things are alive—a chair or you pass on those values in an a doll is as aware as they are. The immediate way that has more whole world is a magical place. impact than any later religious From the ages of three to six, school. When you light candles, that idea of a magical kind of and your family sings together, creature is most children’s first idea

children come to associate God with warmth, security, and peace. Parents, too, can learn about spirituality from their children. They teach us that the world is a magical place, that wonders are commonplace, and that joy has a place in every life. Children may not have the particulars of religion down, but they understand love. They instinctively understand what many of us spend a lifetime trying to rediscover. The search for God and spirituality is a life-long journey. Along the way, we find far more questions than answers, but that’s part of the journey. Don’t feel that you have to have all the answers—or even that you have to know all the questions—before you can guide your child on the journey. The idea is to teach her that the search is an exciting, wondrous, important part of being human. So nurture your child’s questions, encourage curiosity, and validate both faith and doubt. In the end, you will learn together.

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C E L E B R AT I N G S H A B B AT AT H O M E

Singing Afternoons

“A

hether or not you are strictly observant, it’s hard to disagree with the sentiments of the Sabbath day: rest, peace, tranquillity and joy are the hallmarks of making Shabbat a holy day. As God rested from the work of creation on the seventh day, Jews traditionally refrain from work. Instead, Shabbat is celebrated through relaxation, prayer, song, food, family, and study. For busy parents juggling the demands of work and childcare, the concept of setting a day aside to refuel is a welcome idea. You can create a Shabbat that becomes something your family looks forward to every week, a time to strengthen your spiritual base, regroup as a family, and shape Jewish memories for your children that will last their lifetime. Later, when your children are older and going in every direction, you will be glad to have a weekly tradition of time together.

actually commanded not to work or have their employees work on Shabbat: “you shall not do any work—you, your son or daughter, your male or female servant, or your cattle, or the stranger.” (Exodus 20:8-11) There is a list of 39 proscribed activities formulated about 1,800 years ago—from lighting a fire to heavy work—that are not permitted on Shabbat. Arlene Rossen Cardozo in her book Jewish Family Celebrations explains why these restrictions go beyond simply creating a restful Shabbat: “A major theological premise underlying these prohibitions is that in order truly to appreciate his limitations in a divinely created universe, on one day each week man should relinquish control over all that he has mastered.” If your family has never “kept Shabbat” in this way, consider setting aside Saturdays as special days for your family. Start by eliminating some of the onerous chores that clutter weekends—use Jewish tradition as the excuse and reason to do them another day. By giving up errands, working, cooking, mowing the lawn or weeding the garden, you not only create special time for your family, you also fulfill the mitzvah of keeping the Sabbath.

here is a long tradition of singing songs at the Shabbat table, both on Friday nights and Saturday after lunch. Called zemirot, these songs with Shabbat themes have been sung around Shabbat tables for hundreds of years. Some families sing zemirot between courses, others wait until after the meal before the Birkat Hamazon or grace after meals. How do you learn them? Ask a rabbi, another Jewish person you know, or look for recordings in a Jewish library.

Saturday: A Day of…

t the end of the 19th century, in the villages of Lithuania, there was a beautiful custom on Shabbat afternoons. All the young women of the village would go walking in the woods and sit under the trees in the middle of the forest. The young men would follow. The young women would begin to sing Jewish folk songs. The young men, sitting apart, would join in. They would sing together, in harmony, under the sky, all afternoon. When it was time for the evening meal, they would walk slowly back to the village together.” —from The Shabbat Book by Joyce Klein

Rest From All Work

K R O W

Jews around the world mark the Sabbath by refraining from work. Instead they spend Saturday at services and in contemplation and study, with good food, family and friends a given. Jews are

What About Services? Going to services on Saturday morning is a traditional Shabbat morning activity. There are some benefits to setting aside a time every week to gather with a religious community. Weekly services can help provide a quiet center to the week. They can also reinforce values you are teaching at home, and give your family a 4 ▼

C E L E B R AT I N G S H A B B AT AT H O M E

…Holiness, Rest and Joy

n her book How to Run a Traditional Jewish Household, author Blu Greenberg offers this story. She spent Shabbat with a cousin in an Orthodox community in Israel, where eight to ten children were the norm. The community was normally bursting with the noise of hundreds of children on the streets, playing, crying, laughing. “Suddenly, at about two o’clock on Shabbat afternoon, the sounds recede. At two-thirty you might hear an occasional baby cry, but that’s about all. It is as if there was not a single child in all of B’nai Brak. Now I know firsthand that you cannot force a six year old to nap if he/she is bursting with energy, and I know that the parents in B’nai Brak love their children dearly, consider them their greatest blessing, and greatest wealth. They would never force a child to sleep. But somehow the magic, the appeal, the necessity, and above all the inviolability of a Shabbat afternoon nap is communicated to thousands upon thousands of young B’nai Brak children.”

chance to be part of a group of people who believe in the things you do. Also, the call to worship, public reading of the Torah and some prayers, such as the Kaddish (the prayer for mourners), are only said within the context of a community of Jews. If you have not yet found a congenial community, you can, of course, study the Torah at home. Sometimes, though, it’s easier to do that when you have a set appointment to go elsewhere (like a synagogue) and study. Life all too often intervenes; having an outside commitment can make setting aside that time easier. For more information about choosing a congregation, see Apples & Honey, Issue 6.

The Magic of a Nap

The Luxury of Three Meals

Food is an important aspect of Shabbat. Three meals are traditionally served: the first on Friday night, the second at lunch time after the morning service, and the third called seudah shlishit (third meal in Hebrew) in the late afternoon. Alfred J. Kolatch in The Jewish Book of Why explains the origin of this custom: “It became part of the Sabbath tradition to eat three meals because the Biblical verse describing the miracle of the manna in the desert uses the word “today” three times: “And Moses said: Eat that [the manna] today, for today is a Sabbath unto the Lord, today you shall not find it in the field.” (Exodus 16:25) Why is breakfast not counted as one of the three? According to tradition, one should not eat a meal before praying the morning service. This does not mean that Jewish tradition prohibits breakfast, however. Rather, the morning meal generally doesn’t include bread,

and since Jewish tradition doesn’t define an “eating event” as a meal unless bread is eaten, the consumption of cereal, fruit, or yogurt before services doesn’t qualify as a meal. It is traditional to have a large mid-day meal on Shabbat. A short version of the kiddush (prayer over wine) is said and two loaves of challah are on the table. Afterwards, songs are sung. Traditionally observant Jews follow the rules about doing no work as they apply to food—anything that is eaten has already been cooked or prepared. One tradition is to eat a stew that was prepared the day before and kept warm on the back of the stove. Anita Diamant, author of Living a Jewish Life, writes about the variety of Jewish traditions for Sabbath lunch: in Eastern Europe, the stew was cholent, a hearty meat stew with beans and potatoes. In Morocco, the meal was dafina, made with chickpeas, wheat, and meat warmed all night in bakery ovens. In Iraq, Jews ate tbeet, a dish made with rice and stuffed chicken, with eggs baked on top for breakfast. In some American families, she writes, Sabbath lunch may be leftovers but is special because desserts such as chocolate pudding are served. While during the rest of the week these families may be health conscious, on Saturday sweets are allowed.

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Making Shabbat Special With Your Two Year Old

Jewish Arts and Crafts

FOR YOU AND YOUR TWO YEAR OLD

tart the tradition of making Shabbat family time now; you’ll be glad in later years, when children beg to do anything but spend time with their family. If they become accustomed to the idea that Saturday is (at least in part) family time, it will be easier to keep that time sacred in later years. It’s important for the kids, too: they often count on that reliable chunk of time as much as their parents do. When you think of how easy it is to fill every available moment with work, from laundry to errands to work brought from the office, you can see why setting aside this time can be critical to a family’s mental health. There are a myriad of possibilities for making the day a respite from the week. Some have to do with studying, or other formal pursuits of holiness and knowledge; other possibilities have in common only their interest in setting aside time to relax and enjoy each other. Consider some of these ideas, or use them as springboards for your own observance of this day.

• Set aside a Jewish book to read to your children only on Saturday. The book could be a children’s book of Bible stories. See page 8 for a list of age-appropriate books.

hen children are two they may not be able to understand the importance of religion, but they do understand when something is important to you. You can reinforce Judaic symbols as part of your home environment by making sponge or vegetable prints with Jewish themes.

• Take a walk. In many communities where traditionally observant Jews live, it is common to see families strolling on Saturday afternoons—literally stopping to smell the flowers. Designate an hour or so after lunch for a family walk.

Cut a sponge or half a potato into the shape of a star, a dreidel, a kiddush cup, or a candle. The child can dip the sponge or potato half into paint and then onto paper. You can use this technique to make a challah cover. You can also buy Judaic sponge shapes from the catalog Constructive Playthings; see page 8 about how to order a set.

• Tell stories. You can start with the One-Minute Bible Story found on page 7. • Study the Torah. You can even do it on the Internet. The weekly Torah portion and commentary (Divrei or D’var Torah) are available online. Log in on Friday and print out the information you need for Saturday. Start your search with The Jewish Internet Consortium at http://shamash.org

• Read an adult book on Jewish themes. Many study groups are available through synagogues or Jewish Community Centers. • Have a family lunch that everyone takes turns planning and preparing. 6 ▼

• Set aside a box of special toys to be played with only on Shabbat.

• Make afternoons family time, whether you take outings or simply play games together.

• Do something special for someone in your family. For example, let your spouse sleep in and serve him or her breakfast in bed. • Take a nap. If your child naps, use that time for your nap, as well. • Use Saturday afternoons to explore your area. Visit museums, take hikes, visit areas you have never seen.

• Have your children take turns inviting a friend for Shabbat lunch. Inviting a guest on the Sabbath is a mitzvah (a commandment, one of the 613 in the Torah). • Play games with your children: puppets, card games, hide and seek, catch, puzzles. • Invite other families to spend Shabbat afternoon with you. • Visit the sick, the elderly, or a long-neglected friend.

One-Minute Bible Stories from Shari Lewis

TIMELINE 2 TO 2 1/2 YEARS: WHAT YOUR CHILD DOES

Noah and the Ark

here were so many wicked people on earth, God decided to start again. He said to good, honest Noah, “It will rain until mountains disappear and there is nothing but water on earth. You must build an ark, a boat big enough to hold your family, plus two of every animal on earth.” So Noah built the ark and took aboard two of each creature, plus his wife, sons, and daughters-in-law. It rained for forty days and nights until the ark floated alone on the watery surface of the earth. Finally, God decided enough was enough and stopped the downpour. The ark came to rest on Mount Ararat, and Noah sent out a dove. But finding only water, the dove flew back to the ark. Seven days later, Noah released the dove again. This time it returned with an olive branch in its beak, so Noah knew the water was going down and treetops were showing. And the next time the dove didn’t return at all, which meant the land was dry at last. God said, “Obey my rules and I won’t send another flood. To remind you, I’ll put a rainbow in the sky when it rains.” Noah, his family, and all the animals went out to populate the earth once again…and boy, I’ll bet it was muddy!

Social Development • May respond negatively to requests but can also be very loving • Finds it difficult to accept change but is intrigued by novelty • Begins to develop a conscience

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Intellectual Development • Talks much more, and acquires many words • Has a great interest in novelty • Wants to mimic what you do

Physical Development • Becomes more adept at activities such as kicking and throwing a ball • Begins to climb and jump • Begins to scribble with crayons and may begin to copy a line or a circle you draw

WHAT YOU CAN DO

Social Development • Understand that some negative behaviors are your child’s way of asserting her own identity • Respect your child’s need to keep things the same; avoid introducing a lot of change • Realize that when your child says “no” after doing something he was asked not to do, he is beginning to develop a sense of right and wrong

Intellectual Development • Introduce her to words she is groping for • Show examples of cause and effect— turning on and off the radio, for example • Expose him to everyday actions he can imitate Physical Development • Play kicking and throwing games with balls • Provide a safe place for her to run • Provide drawing materials

Resources FOR PARENTS

Books…

Apples & HoneyTM is a publication of the Robert E. Loup Jewish Community Center, 350 South Dahlia Street, Denver, CO 80246. The purpose of Apples & Honey is to serve as an educational publication and outreach tool for expectant and new parents interested in learning about how to create a Jewish home.

Jewish Parenting Wisdom by Steven M. Rosman. Northvale, NJ: Jason Aronson, 1997. An introduction to Jewish spiritual wisdom about parenting—a guide for parents who wish to enhance their spiritual relationship with their children. Includes chapters on topics such as loving kindness and music and song, and also offers activities and advice on such issues as discipline, respect, and study.

Bible Heroes I Can Be by Ann Eisenberg. Rockville, Maryland: Kar-Ben, 1990. Vividly illustrated, this great introduction to Biblical heroes includes such figures as Noah, Rebecca, and King David.

Judaic Objects Sponges Painting Set. Set of 10 sponges from Constructive Playthings catalog (item AMG-05). To order call 1-800-4484115.

Becky and Benny Thank God by Howard I. Bogot. New York: CCAR Press, 1996. Delightful board book with something to touch, feel, smell or see for each day of creation and the Sabbath—soft, cottony clouds; tree “bark”; sparkling sun, moon and stars; a mylar mirror, and scratch-and-sniff flowers.

Teaching Your Children about God: A Modern Jewish Approach by David J. Wolpe. New York: HarperCollins, 1995. An indispensable guide for all Jewish parents searching for a way to teach their children—and themselves—about God.

Paul Zim Presents The Kooky Cookie Kids Sing-Along for Jewish Pre-schoolers. Includes 18 fun-filled songs in Hebrew and English about grandma and grandpa, cookies, dolls, and the Shabbat experience.

And for tots…

I Learn About God by Howard Bogot and Daniel Syme. New York: UAHC, 1982. Text and illustrations gently portray children as they experience God in their everyday lives.

Robert E. Loup Jewish Community Center 350 South Dahlia Street Denver, CO 80246 LOOK FOR OUR NEXT ISSUE FOR PARENTS OF 2 1/2 TO 3 YEAR OLD CHILDREN Featuring: • Now You Are Three: Birthday Parties with a Jewish Theme • Celebrating Shabbat at Home: Havdalah • Shabbat Activities for Your Three Year Old

Lisa Farber Miller, Editor Sandra Widener, Managing Editor Hal Aqua, Design and Illustration Tamra L. Dollin, Judaic Consultant Bernice Tarlie, Bibliographer Dr. Jessica Pearson, Evaluation Consultant Risa Towbin Aqua, Calligraphy

Editorial Advisory Board Rabbi Daniel Goldberger, Dr. Ed Goldson, Rabbi David Nelson, Rabbi Raymond Zwerin

Individual subscriptions and bulk orders of newsletters are available by calling 303-3992660. There are 16 issues of Apples & Honey: prenatal issue; newborn to 3 months; 4–6 months; 7–9 months; 10–12 months; 12–18 months; 18–24 months; 2–2 1/2 years; 2 1/2–3 years; 3–3 1/2 years; 3 1/2–4 years; 4–4 1/2 years; 4 1/2–5 years; Fall Holidays (Rosh Hashanah, Yom Kippur and Sukkot); Spring Holidays (Purim and Passover); and Winter Holidays (Chanukah and Tu B’Shevat). Apples & Honey was made possible by funds granted by The Covenant Foundation. The statements made and the views expressed, however, are solely the responsibility of the Robert E. Loup Jewish Community Center. © Robert E. Loup Jewish Community Center. No portion of this publication may be reproduced without written permission from the Robert E. Loup Jewish Community Center.

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