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HELPING PARENTS
VOLUME ONE, NUMBER SIX
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CREATE A JEWISH HOME
A G E S T W E LV E
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EIGHTEEN MONTHS
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Temples, Synagogues, and Shuls: A Guide to the Religious Community
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Jewish life has never been static. Throughout the centuries there has been a diversity of opinion and interpretation of Jewish law. Today Jews have many options and choices; in fact, the American Jewish community is the most vigorous and religiously diverse Jewish community in the world. America was the first country that guaranteed Jews equal rights, and Judaism has flourished here. Many creative
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ou may have begun celebrating Shabbat at home. You may have started to say a prayer at night with your child. You may even go to a synagogue for the High Holidays, perhaps based on where friends go, or which synagogue is most convenient. Sooner or later, though, you may feel that it’s time to make a commitment to a congregation. For those who have never thought seriously about the different philosophies, theologies and styles that differentiate groups of Jews, here is a primer to help you find a congenial religious home. And on page 8 you will find tips on how to choose a synagogue.
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WHAT’S INSIDE Shabbat dinner: making it special pages 4-5 Jewish food for toddlers page 6 Activity: making Shabbat placemats page 6 Developmental timeline page 7 How to choose a synagogue page 8
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Jewish traditions started in the United States. Here’s a brief, general overview of the four primary denominations of Judaism: Orthodox, Reform, Conservative, and Reconstructionist. Keep in mind that within each of these movements there is a great range of practices.
Orthodox rthodox Jews observe traditional religious beliefs and practices. During the 18th century, Orthodox Jews became differentiated as traditional Jews, juxtaposed against those who sought to reform Judaism. Orthodox Jews believe that God dictated the laws directly to Moses on Mount Sinai. These laws or commandments, the 613 mitzvot, contain rules about all aspects of life. Orthodox Jews try to follow them to the letter, including following the dietary laws (C O N T I N U E D O N P A G E 2)
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ROBERT E. LOUP JEWISH COMMUNITY CENTER
Temples, Synagogues, and Shuls (CON T I N U E D F ROM P AGE 1)
THE AMERICAN JEWISH COMMUNITY is the most vigorous and religiously diverse Jewish community in the world.
interpret God’s word in the context of history and contemporary society. Conservative Judaism allows innovations in Jewish law. Services include some English. Although most of the members of this movement have accepted women as rabbis and cantors since 1985, it has been a divisive issue within the movement.
Reconstructionism he Reconstructionist Movement began in the United States in 1922. Its founder, Rabbi Mordecai Kaplan, was for many years a prominent rabbi in the Conservative Movement. He broke away because he felt Judaism needed a new definition. To his way of thinking, Judaism was an evolving civilization based in religion. He saw Judaism as the sum of its ethical teachings, literature, history, ideals, and ways of life. Kaplan rejected the idea of the Jews being chosen by God. He also rejected the notion of a Messiah who would come to save the Jews. The entire idea of God needed to be reworked, he said: God was not an all-powerful being, but the power of our ethics and beliefs for good. Even though the Reconstructionists are few in number, they have had a powerful intellectual impact on the Jewish community. They introduced the idea of a Bat Mitzvah for girls, the idea of Jewish community centers, and the idea of Havurot, which are small Jewish fellowships. In some ways, though, the Reconstructionists are more traditional in practices than some members of the Reform movement. The Reconstructionists believe that ritual can help knit a community together, and connect it to the larger Jewish community.
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and observing the Sabbath. In most Orthodox services, men and women sit in separate areas of the synagogue, separated by a divider called a mekhitza. The service is conducted primarily in Hebrew. Women and men have different roles in traditional Judaism: men have more public roles in religious services, whereas women have primary influence in the home and in the raising of children. In Israel, only Orthodox rabbis are considered official representatives of Judaism, although the Conservative and Reform movements have a presence there. Among Orthodox Jews there is a wide spectrum of observance—from modern to strictly traditional. The most traditional Hasidic Jews continue to dress in the clothing their ancestors wore in Europe: the men wear long black coats and hats, and married women wear head coverings.
Reform Movement in the U.S. welcomed women as rabbis and cantors. English was added to the prayer service and long Hebrew prayers were shortened. The most central shift was in theology. Reform Judaism viewed the Torah as “divinely inspired” rather than the actual word of God. As such, the laws themselves were not as important as the values they were trying to teach. Religious practices were viewed as a menu of opportunity: each person could choose for him or herself how observant to be. In recent years, there has been a return to more ritual observances. Reform Judaism is committed to the themes of social justice in Jewish tradition and turned its energy to making these ethical views a reality. Reform Jews put an emphasis on community service and service to others as a foundation of ethically-based Judaism.
Reform
hroughout history Jews were often discriminated against and segregated from the larger society. The Enlightenment in the 18th century influenced European Jews who were relatively free of persecution. This new sense of freedom spawned the beginnings of the Reform movement, which was started by Jews who wanted a modern view of their religion that would fit more easily into the world. Reform Judaism opened opportunities for women to participate in public religious rituals as men’s equals. By the 1970s, the
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Conservative
he Conservative Movement was a reaction to the dramatic changes of the Reform movement. It began in the 19th century with the feeling among some Jews that Reform Judaism had gone too far. Too many rituals had been thrown out, the Conservative Movement argued; there was virtue in the old. Conservative Jews believe that Jewish law is, indeed, the law by which people should live. The Conservative Movement believes in taking change slowly, and with great caution, guided by Jewish law but open to modernity. Theologically, Conservative Jews believe God gave the Torah to the Jews, who
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A Synagogue Tour KIP
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Kippah—When men Jewish men wear during enter a synagogue for morning prayer services. Some services, they may be women choose to wear a tallit given a kippah, also called also. The reason comes from the a skullcap, or yarmulke. Bible: “They shall make fringes The kippah is traditionally on the corners of their worn when reciting garments…that you may prayers; it is an remember the commandacknowledgment that ments of the Lord and God is present. Tradiobserve them.” tional Jews wear (Numbers 15:31) them all the time. The Joseph Telushkin in his practice originated book Jewish Literacy from early Temple calls these fringes rituals, when priests “the ethical stringwore head coverings. around-the-finger The Talmud recomto remind Jews of mends that young boys God’s comTZITZIT cover their heads mandments.” to help them Head-Covering become pious as for Women— they grow up. Many Orthodox Today some here are many names used to women cover women wear describe a Jewish house of their hair after kippot (plural for worship. Reform Jews often call they marry as a kippah). it a temple. Conservative Jews measure of attend services at a synagogue. modesty. Some Tallit—This is Orthodox Jews pray at a shul, a women in other the prayer shawl Yiddish word for both school and Jewish movewith fringes on synagogue. You may notice that the ments like to four corners names of many Jewish synagogues cover their hair (called tzitzit) and temples begin with the same during services that some words. In The Book of Jewish as a sign of NE Customs, Harvey Lutske translated R TA respect. the names. M
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ere are some things you are likely to find when you walk into a synagogue.
Bimah (Hebrew for platform)—this is the raised platform in front of the congregation from which the Torah is read and prayers are led.
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The Holy Ark, Aron Kodesh— This cupboard or ark contains the Torah scrolls, the Five Books of Moses, and is customarily on the wall facing Jerusalem. It is the focus of worship. When the Torah is removed or important prayers are said, the curtain and/or doors of the ark are opened. The congregation then stands out of respect.
FROM BETH TO SHAREII
The Eternal Lamp, Ner Tamid— It hangs above the ark and is always kept burning. Its origin is in the menorah in the Temple in Jerusalem, which always had one flame burning. The flame represents the eternal presence of God in the world.
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The Torah Scroll—On this scroll is written the teachings of God. The Torah is the Five Books of Moses, including Genesis, Exodus, Numbers, SH ˙ Leviticus and DE O K Deuteronomy. N O
House, Home (of)
Kahal
Congregation, Community (of)
Adat (or Adas or Adath)
Community (of)
Shareii (Shaare, Sharei)
Gates (of, of the)
Anshe (Anshey)
People (of, of the)
Bays Hamedrish (Medrish)
House of Study
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Siddur, or Prayer Book—Each movement has its own prayer book, which is used during the service for public worship.
Beth (or Bet, Bais, Bayss)
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Mekhitza (separation)— In Orthodox services, a mekhitza, a divider or screen, separates men from the women during prayer. Women and men sit together at Reform and Conservative synagogues.
C E L E B R AT I N G S H A B B AT AT H O M E
The Friday Night Shabbat Meal…
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experience when a family shares it. If all this preparation sounds daunting, don’t worry. The intent of all this is to make Shabbat an island in time, not a frenzied list of preparations to check off as you complete them. The details are just that—details. What is important is making Shabbat a time of peace and reflection for your family.
dusting and picking up their rooms. Even toddlers can help you put away their toys. You might also want to let the children go to the store with you to pick out the flowers for Shabbat. There is something pleasing, too, about using the dining room, about setting out the fine china, the candlesticks and kiddush cup, the ritual objects of the Sabbath.
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hen you prepare for Friday’s Shabbat meal, you are making connections to Jews throughout the world—and throughout history. You can remember the Jews of Eastern Europe in the ghettos, who saved nourishing food for Shabbat (perhaps for the only real meal they had all week) and waited in great anticipation for Friday, when they put their worries aside and celebrated the Sabbath. You may remember the Friday nights of your youth, when you wore your best clothes, when you came inside to the delicious smells of brisket cooking, and life seemed to slow down. You can also think of the future; some Jews believe that the warmth and peace of Shabbat foreshadow a perfect world after the Messiah has come. Preparing for Sabbath has often been compared to preparing for the arrival of a queen, and Shabbat is often called just that. In ancient times, rabbis took on the tasks of preparing for the Shabbat, according to Ron Wolfson, author of The Shabbat Seder. One rabbi would gather firewood, another would set the table, yet another would clean the house. In recent times, women have taken on most of these tasks, but there is much to be said for making the preparations a family effort. For one thing, preparing for Shabbat can be timeintensive; for another, making the house ready for the arrival of the Shabbat queen can be a satisfying
Preparing the House
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Some families use Friday as the day set aside every week to make the house shine. They prepare for the Sabbath as they would an honored guest, with vacuumed rugs, clean towels, a scrubbed house. That process, of course, leads to order. For most people, an ordered house is a calm house—one it is a pleasure to inhabit. This cleaning also has the benefit (for the worker) of creating a slowdown from the demands of the world. If you have older children in the home, you can involve them with this process by giving them simple tasks to handle, such as 4 ▼
White Tablecloths are Traditional
Traditionally, the tablecloth for Shabbat has been white. That tradition comes from the Kabbalists, or Jewish mystics, who considered white a symbol of purity and joy. In the Bible, a special offering was presented on a “pure” table—that is, one covered with white. And finally, the white PUTTING IT ALL ON tablecloth is mentioned THE TABLE in the Talmud in memory of the manna Here is a suggested that fell to the earth like checklist for those snow and fed the beginning the Israelites in the desert Sabbath tradition: during the Exodus. ✔ Candlesticks
Wearing Your Best
✔ Kippot (if you wear them)
In some families, Shabbat is the occasion to get a little dressed up each week. It can also be the time to wear new clothes for the first time. The custom comes from the same tradition that urges Jews to prepare the house for the Sabbath—when a guest is coming, you want to look your best. Some sources even urge Jews to keep the clothes they wear on Shabbat specially for that purpose.
✔ Shabbat prayer books or “bentchers” ✔ Tzedakah box ✔ White tablecloth ✔ Fresh flowers ✔ Candles ✔ Matches ✔ Kiddush cups ✔ Wine or grape juice ✔ Challah (2) ✔ Challah plate ✔ Challah cover
C E L E B R AT I N G S H A B B AT AT H O M E
…Welcoming the Queen Food for Shabbat
The Two Angels
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s families bustle about, getting ready for the Sabbath, it is often with expectations of family harmony that are difficult to reconcile with the behavior of the children underfoot. How can you bring the Shabbat spirit to them, too—before you ruin Shabbat yourself with a sharp word? One mother tells her children that it is time to let go of whatever is troubling them—and if that is their siblings, to make an effort during the Sabbath to be peaceful and enjoy each other’s company. Another family has an unbreakable rule: no fighting on the Sabbath. The children know that when Shabbat comes around, no fighting will be tolerated. Julie Danan has a good idea in her book The Jewish Parents’ Almanac. She writes about the Talmudic legend (Shabbat 119b) that two angels accompany each Jew home from prayer on Friday night, a good angel and a bad angel. If the home is peaceful, the good angel blesses the home: “May the next Shabbat and always, also be so,” and the bad angel is forced to say “Amen.” If there is fighting among the children or parents, or tension in the home, then the bad angel says “May it always be so,” and the good angel has to respond “Amen.” When the children have been helpful and peaceful, Danan writes, they gleefully announce that “the good angel can bless us.”
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Scientists say that the most potent memory is olfactory. “I can still smell my grandmother’s Sabbath chicken soup,” someone may sigh, and even if you weren’t there, you probably can think of smells from your childhood that trigger a flood of memories that evoke comfort, happiness, and the security of home. There are some traditional foods for Shabbat, but you are certainly not tied to them. Shabbat is often considered a time to bring out not only the fine china but delicious food, too: it’s part of making the queen welcome. Many families serve their favorite dinner on Shabbat, something that everyone loves and can look forward to. We gave a recipe for challah in Issue 4 of Apples & Honey. For those who like the idea of making their own challah but don’t feel they have the time or expertise to do it, there’s a good alternative. Find a bakery that makes challah on Fridays and arrange to buy some dough. Some families even have standing orders for dough every Friday. You can also buy enough for several loaves, though, and freeze the dough. When you get it home, the children can help braid the loaves and put egg wash and sesame or poppy seeds on the bread before you bake it. Another option is to buy frozen braided challah ready for a final rise and baking (available in some grocery stores or kosher markets). One traditional side dish for Friday’s Sabbath meal is kugel (pudding), which is yet another memory of the manna of the desert-wandering Israelites. According to The Sabbath Book, by Samuel M. Segal, the word kugel is
a corruption of the Hebrew word ke-igul, “like a circle.” The manna is often thought to have come from heaven in the form of round globules, and the kugel’s shape (molded into a ring) is reminiscent of that form. Kugels are often made of noodles, but they can be made from potatoes, vegetables, rice, or matzoh. See page 6 for kugel recipes. Fish—especially gefilte fish—is also traditional. In ancient times it was a high-quality, low-cost source of protein, and became an accepted part of the Sabbath meal. In The Biblical and Historical Background of Jewish Customs and Ceremonies, Abraham Bloch writes that the use of fish took on a mystic rationale of its own, including that of a fertility symbol, citing Jacob’s blessing of his grandchildren: “May they multiply like fish in the midst of the land.” (Genesis 48:16) He goes on to relate how unscrupulous fishmongers took advantage of this tradition by rigging the price of fish on the eve of Sabbath and before festivals. Rabbis in the 19th century banned fish to try to put an end to this unfair profit. Cholent is another Sabbath tradition. In Eastern and Central Europe, cholent was a dish with meat, beans, onions, and potatoes. Sephardic Jews from Spain, Turkey, and Morocco serve a variation of this theme. Because cooking is not permitted on Shabbat in traditional homes, cholent was made on Friday, and kept warm overnight to be served as a hot main course on Saturday. In Eastern Europe, families kept their cholent in a community oven and came to fetch it the next day when it was time to eat.
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Activity
Jewish Food For Toddlers
SHABBAT PLACEMATS
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ewish food for toddlers? Is there such a thing? You bet. There’s no better teething food than frozen cocktail bagels. They don’t fall apart easily, they’re the perfect shape, and—best of all—they are indisputably Jewish. You can easily move beyond frozen bagels, though. When you think about it, some of the bestloved Jewish foods are perfect for babies. It’s comfort food—matzoh balls, noodle kugel, gefilte fish. And it’s delicious. You can buy many of these foods already prepared. Gefilte fish, for example, is a laborintensive food to make, and you can find it on the kosher shelves of your local supermarket. But here are a couple of recipes for these delicious foods that will give your child something you can’t buy—the cozy, comforting, Jewish aroma of home.
Cook noodles in boiling salted water al dente, or until cooked through but still chewy. Drain noodles. Beat together eggs, sugar, and salt. Stir in cottage cheese, apples, raisins, sour cream, and lemon peel. Mix in noodles. Pour into a greased 11/2 quart casserole or baking dish. Combine brown sugar, cinnamon and cloves and sprinkle over noodle mixture. Bake at 350 degrees for 45 minutes or until pudding is firm and browned. Serve warm. Makes 6 to 8 servings. Low-fat cottage cheese and sour cream may be substituted to create a low-fat version of this recipe.
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his activity is simple enough for even a tiny child. All you need is clear Contac paper (shelf paper with a sticky back available at hardware stores) and some cut-out Jewish designs to place inside. You can use the templates below or make your own Jewish symbols.
1. Trace the symbols onto colored paper and cut them out. You can also cut out the letters that form the names of the members of your family. If you wish, have decorative items such as glitter, drawings, and pictures available. 2. When you have everything ready, cut a double width length of the Contac paper. 3. Carefully peel back the paper halfway, with the sticky side up.
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4. Have your child help you place the symbols and your child’s name on the sticky side.
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5. Carefully peel back the other side of the paper, and place it over the other side. Try to make the edges of the paper square up.
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Apple Noodle Kugel 8 oz. wide egg noodles 1/2 cup granulated sugar 1 cup cottage cheese 1 teaspoon grated lemon peel 2 eggs 1 cup chopped, peeled apple 1 cup sour cream 1/4 teaspoon salt 1/2 cup raisins 1/2 teaspoon cinnamon 1/2 cup brown sugar, packed 1/4 teaspoon cloves
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Potato Kugel 6 medium potatoes l large onion 1 carrot 2 large eggs, well beaten 1/4 teaspoon pepper 1 1/2 teaspoons salt 1 tablespoon flour 2 tablespoons oil Grate the potatoes, onion, and carrot. Mix them with the eggs, pepper, salt, oil, and flour. Grease well a rectangular glass 13” x 9” baking dish. Pour mixture into dish. Bake in a 375 degree oven for about 1 hour or until firm and browned. Serve immediately. Makes 6 to 8 servings.
Resources
TIMELINE
FOR PARENTS
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oddlers develop at different rates. Here’s a general idea of what to expect during your baby’s next six months. If you have any concerns about your child’s development, consult your physician.
12 to 18 Months: What Your Child Does
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Books…
Social Development • Begins to want to do things for herself; shows an independent streak • May be frightened at his own bravery • Develops a strong sense of personal style
T he Second J ewi sh Ca ta log: Sour ces a nd Resour ces compiled and edited by Sharon Strassfeld and Michael Strassfeld. Philadelphia, PA: Jewish Publication Society, 1976. Answers your questions about synagogues and prayer, the Jewish life cycle, sex and sexuality, Jewish education, and includes a Jewish “Yellow Pages.”
And for tots…
Physical Development • Begins to walk, and may even walk backwards • Can seat himself on a chair ! • Can stack one or more blocks HAT E! D OGGI What You Can Do: S HABBAT! Social Development • Let her explore; keep “no” to a minimum • Be available when he is frightened and wants to return from his explorations • Respect your child’s personal style
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I n the Syna gogue by Roz Schanzer. Rockville, MD: Kar-Ben, 1991. A colorful board book illustrating some of the symbols associated with the synagogue.
Intellectual Development • Searches for new experiences • Begins to say a few words • Develops a concept of time
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Shabbat by Miriam Nerlove. Morton Grove, IL: Albert Whitman, 1998. Charming introduction to Shabbat with simple text and colorful, homey, water-color illustrations.
Shabbat songs…
Beca use We L ove Sha bba t by Leah Abrams presents appealing songs, stories, and activities in Hebrew and English with warmth and humor.
Intellectual Development • Expose her to new experiences, from watching you cook, to taking her with you on errands • Repeat his words back to him; offer words he seems frustrated at not knowing • Create a schedule she can depend on daily Physical Development • Put up gates around stairs and dangerous places • Have a child-size chair available • Provide blocks that your child can easily grasp and handle
Celebr a te Wi th U s: Sha bba t by Jewish Family Productions has informative narrative interspersed with songs on Side One and songs only on Side Two.
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How Do You Choose a Synagogue?
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Try out services at several different synagogues. You’ll be welcome, and also get a sense for where you feel at home. Talk to the rabbis and others who work there to find out their philosophy and their approach to Judaism.
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Is the synagogue kid-friendly? Is there a special service for children? Do you feel that the other worshippers welcome children?
& Apples & HoneyTM is a publication of the Robert E. Loup Jewish Community Center, 350 South Dahlia Street, Denver, CO 80246. The purpose of Apples & Honey is to serve as an educational publication and outreach tool for expectant and new parents interested in learning about how to create a Jewish home. Lisa Farber Miller, Editor Sandra Widener, Managing Editor Hal Aqua, Design and Illustration Tamra L. Dollin, Judaic Consultant Bernice Tarlie, Bibliographer Dr. Jessica Pearson, Evaluation Consultant Risa Towbin Aqua, Calligraphy
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ou may have some idea of where you and your family might fit in the wide panoply of beliefs that encompass the Jewish religion, but how do you go about selecting a synagogue within the tradition you find most appealing? People join synagogues for different reasons. Most of these, though, have to do with community. In part, being a Jew means belonging to a community of like-minded people. Some families might prefer the atmosphere of a small synagogue whose members all know one another well and who meet to pray and share the experience of being Jewish with their children. Other families may look for a huge synagogue with the resources and population to offer dozens of classes and different experiences to its members. As you look, here are some tips for finding a synagogue you feel comfortable with.
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Don’t judge a synagogue by a service during the High Holidays. It’s not likely to tell you what services are like the rest of the year.
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Ask similar-thinking friends where they worship, and why.
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Decide if you are more interested in the intimacy of a small congregation, or the excitement and greater opportunities of a larger one.
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Ask your local Jewish Community Center for a list of different congregations within the Jewish movements, or check the Yellow Pages. Many cities have a Rabbinical Council consisting of all the rabbis. They too may have directories.
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Robert E. Loup Jewish Community Center 350 South Dahlia Street Denver, CO 80246 LOOK FOR OUR NEXT ISSUE FOR PARENTS OF 18 TO 24 MONTH OLD CHILDREN Featuring: • How to Choose a Preschool: Jewish Options • Sibling Rivalry • Jewish Dietary Laws • Shabbat Dinner: Grace after Meals
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If Jewish education is important to you, for either yourself or your children, find out what possibilities exist.
Editorial Advisory Board Rabbi Daniel Goldberger, Dr. Ed Goldson, Rabbi David Nelson, Rabbi Raymond Zwerin
Individual subscriptions and bulk orders of newsletters are available by calling 303-3992660. There are 16 issues of Apples & Honey: prenatal issue; newborn to 3 months; 4–6 months; 7–9 months; 10–12 months; 12–18 months; 18–24 months; 2–2 1/2 years; 2 1/2–3 years; 3–3 1/2 years; 3 1/2–4 years; 4–4 1/2 years; 4 1/2–5 years; Fall Holidays (Rosh Hashanah, Yom Kippur and Sukkot); Spring Holidays (Purim and Passover); and Winter Holidays (Chanukah and Tu B’Shevat). Apples & Honey was made possible by funds granted by The Covenant Foundation. The statements made and the views expressed, however, are solely the responsibility of the Robert E. Loup Jewish Community Center. © Robert E. Loup Jewish Community Center. No portion of this publication may be reproduced without written permission from the Robert E. Loup Jewish Community Center.
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