Issuu

HELPING PARENTS

VOLUME ONE, NUMBER FOUR

CREATE A JEWISH HOME

AGES SEVEN

T O

NINE MONTHS

You Are Your Child’s First Jewish Teacher

hen teachers when they your regularly give child tzedakah and involve first focuses his the family in giving. eyes, one of the Teaching tzedakah or first things he sees Shabbat by doing is you. That will be them—even when true for years to children are too come. For a baby, young to underyou are the world. stand any of the You feed her, sing concepts— is what “He who her to sleep, protect being your child’s guides his her from the world. first Jewish teacher One of the most is all about. sons and important roles you The Torah gives a daughters in have is as your particular nod to child’s first, and this crucial task. It is the right way most important, a commandment, a . . . to him teacher. It’s true as mitzvah, to teach you show your one’s children. It is does the verse child how to clap no accident that the apply: ‘And you her hands. It’s true word for teacher in as you teach your Hebrew is moreh and shall know child about religion the word for parent that there is and being Jewish. is horeh. Throughout This does not the history of the peace in your mean sitting down Jews, the role of the tent.’ ” to give your child parent and that of lectures about God, teacher have been (Babylonian Talmud, creation, prayer, woven together. Yevamot 62b) and Israel. Didactic Learning about lessons often don’t Judaism is, like work; doing is more powerful than many parts of parenting, a talking. For example, rather than continual process. It is also a having a discussion about the process that can strengthen your importance of tzedakah (helping the faith, and add a new dimension to less fortunate), parents become your own life. Whoever talked A PUBLICATION

THE

about seeing the world through a child’s eyes knew: through our children we think again about the important questions. Who made the world? What is God? Why do we pray? For parents whose religious education ended with their bar or bat mitzvah, the commandment to teach one’s children about religion may seem daunting. How can you teach what you don’t know? Luckily, much of the foundation of living a Jewish life is about living the kind of life you probably want to model for your children anyway. What you don’t know about religion you can learn. Each issue of Apples & Honey will provide tips about how to create a Jewish home and provide opportunities for learning about Judaism.

WHAT’S INSIDE Five Steps to Jewish Teaching page 2 The Traits of a Healthy Family page 3 Add to Your Sabbath . . . Blessings Over the Children page 4 David Wolpe on Ritual and Judaism page 6 Your Child from 7-9 months page 7 Resources page 8

ROBERT E. LOUP JEWISH COMMUNITY CENTER

Teaching Your Children: It’s a Mitzvah

“A

nd these words, which I command you today, shall be upon your heart. And

you shall teach them faithfully to your children, and shall talk of them when you sit in your home”

ewish family educator Professor Ron Wolfson writes about helping parents become Jewish teachers of their children. Wolfson, author of the Art of Jewish Living series, published by the Federation of Jewish Men’s Clubs, offers these five steps:

Make the choice to become your child’s teacher.

Create an environment where learning can take place. Look at whether your home displays your heritage (See Issue 2 of Apples & Honey for more help on this). Make sure the behavior you are modeling is the behavior you want your children to emulate. Keep a Jewish calendar handy and celebrate as many Jewish holidays and observances as possible. “These events virtually force the parent to talk about religious issues,” Wolfson writes.

(Deuteronomy 6:6-7) is one of the

Five Steps to Jewish Teaching

613 mitzvot or commandments in

the Bible. It is a commandment to teach the Jewish religion and the Jewish way of life to your

children. These words have been

some of the most important historically for the Jewish people. After the start of the Diaspora with the destruction of the Temple in

Jerusalem in 70 C.E., when the

Jewish people were dispersed

throughout the world, the continuance of the Jewish religion

depended on the willingness of

“It is a fact that parents are successful teachers in many areas— health, behavior, budgeting, driving a car—and yet are not doctors, psychologists, accountants, or mechanics. Why should they panic at teaching religion?” Many parents, he says, are afraid they won’t have the right answers, so they avoid the subject. To keep that from happening, Wolfson writes, parents need to make a conscious choice to become Jewish teachers.

Jewish mothers and fathers to

pass on their knowledge to their children in their homes.

Learn the basics of Jewish living.

“The second step in becoming a Jewish teacher is to learn the subject for oneself.” There are classes, workshops, even computer software all designed to teach the basics of Jewish living. And don’t get overwhelmed, Wolfson counsels. He quotes Franz Rosenzweig (a famous author and Jewish scholar) who was asked whether he observed certain Jewish rituals. “Not yet,” he replied.

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Create Jewish experiences outside the home.

Find ways to extend your child’s Jewish learning. Look into synagogue life, Jewish daycare, playgroups, and religious education with the same attention you use to look into any important decision.

Seek out fellow Jewish parents.

“Finally, Jews need other Jews to be Jewish,” Wolfson says. “In an age when the extended family’s influence is somewhat diminished, Jewish parents need each other to support efforts at Jewish teaching in the home.” In becoming your child’s first Jewish teacher, you help create the kind of home that nourishes and embraces your child from the inside out. One of the most important benefits isn’t for your child at all. In living this kind of life, you may well rediscover your own spiritual center.

Is Your Family a Healthy One?

F a mi ly ta ble ti me conver sa ti on. “Rabbi Shimon says:…Three who have eaten at one table and have spoken words of Torah over it, are as if they had eaten at the table of God…” (Pirkei Avot 3:4)

❑ communicates and listens

One of the noteworthy findings of Curran’s work was the emphasis on religious belief and practices among the people she surveyed. “What is important is that a religious core of some kind be present in today’s family,“ she writes in her book Traits of a Healthy Family. “Secular society and the behavioral sciences simply haven’t been able to help today’s families find a deep enough meaning to life to teach them right from wrong, to develop trust, to teach respect for others, to foster a strong sense of family, or to value service to others. Rather, we often find the reverse: books and seminars encouraging people to find a meaning to life in themselves or in some therapy…” Families with a religious core, Curran found, had three recurring hallmarks. The first is that God plays a part in daily life. The second is that having a religious core makes the family support system stronger. The third is that the parents feel a strong responsibility to pass on their faith to their children. Although Curran’s work doesn’t mean that families that do have faith are automatically strong families, it is nonetheless a good bet that teaching children there is something outside themselves helps lead to healthy children and healthy adults.

uthor, educator and columnist Dolores Curran set out to discover what healthy families have in common. She sent out questionnaires to 500 people who worked in fields from social services to religious institutions, and came up with a list of the 15 traits that healthy families most often shared. Take this quick quiz and see which of these traits your family has.

❑ affirms and supports one another

❑ teaches respect for others ❑ develops a sense of trust

❑ has a sense of play and humor

A str ong sense of f a mi ly tha t i ncludes r i tua ls a nd tr a di ti ons. T ea chi ng r espect for other s. The Torah teaches, “You shall each revere your mother and your father, and you shall keep My Sabbaths: I the Lord am your God.” (Leviticus 19:3)

❑ exhibits a sense of shared responsibility

In looking at Curran’s list, it is illuminating how many of these traits are part of the Jewish tradition.

❑ teaches a sense of right and wrong

❑ has a strong sense of family in which rituals and traditions abound ❑ has a balance of interaction among members ❑ has a shared religious core

❑ respects the privacy of one another ❑ values service to others

❑ fosters family table time and conversation ❑ shares leisure time

❑ admits to and seeks help for problems

A sense of sha r ed r esponsi bi li ty. The Talmud (the authoritative body of Jewish law) teaches, “All Israel is responsible for one another.” (Shevu’ot 39a)

Va lui ng ser vi ce to other s. Jewish tradition teaches about tzedakah (literally justice or righteousness, meaning performing deeds of justice such as giving to the needy): “Even one who is sustained by tzedakah should give tzedakah.” (Talmud, Gittin 7b)

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C E L E B R AT I N G S H A B B AT AT H O M E

Friday Night: Blessing the Children…

Israelite immigrants. Ephraim and Menasseh are symbols of the loyalty of children to their parents and their faith.”

µyhiloa‘ Úm]ciy“ ≥hV,n"m]kiw“ µyIr"âp]a,K] Y’simcha Elohim k’Efrayim v’chi’Menasheh.

she heard that she was to give birth to Isaac (whose name means “he shall laugh”). Sarah was noted for helping Abraham bring people closer to the idea of one God. Isaac’s wife Rebecca is the second matriarch. She is characterized in the Bible by her kindness. Leah and Rachel were sisters and both were married to Jacob. Leah, the third matriarch, was the mother of six of Jacob’s twelve sons and his only daughter, Dinah. Leah is celebrated for her generosity of spirit; two of her sons were forefathers of the tribes of Israel. Rachel, described as “comely and beautiful” (Genesis 29:17), was Jacob’s favorite wife. She died giving birth to Benjamin and personifies the loving mother.

hildren have a special place in the Shabbat celebration— their own blessings. You can also adopt the tradition of saying a few special words to your child on Shabbat before blessing him or her. Rabbi Irving Greenberg reports that in his household, the children decided to bless their parents back—a tradition that still continues in their home. The traditional order of Shabbat places blessing children after the lighting of candles that ushers in the Sabbath. It is followed by the kiddush (the blessing over wine), and then the blessing over the challah. The traditional blessing for parents to say to their sons is the blessing Jacob used to bless his grandchildren Ephraim and Menasseh, Joseph’s sons. Ron Wolfson in his book The Shabbat Seder explains why: “A midrash teaches that this benediction attests to their unique strengths. These two boys were raised in Egypt, sons of an Egyptian nobleman, yet they refused to give up their identity as Jews. Rather than assimilate into the dominant culture, they openly identified with their alien relatives, the nomadic

May God inspire you to live in the tradition of Ephraim and Menasseh, who carried forward the life of our people.

The blessing for girls invokes the examples of Sarah, Rebecca, Rachel, and Leah. These four matriarchs of Judaism are known as models of womanhood for their righteousness, devotion, their ability to laugh in the face of adversity, be hospitable, and live Jewish lives. Sarah, the first matriarch, was Abraham’s wife who at 90 laughed when

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∆hr:c;K] µyhiloa‘ Ëmeciy“ ≥ha;lew“ ljer: ∆hq;b]rI

Y’simeych Elohim k’Sarah, Rivka, Rachel, v’Leah. May God inspire you to live in the tradition of Sarah, Rebecca, Rachel, and Leah, who carried forward the life of our people.

C E L E B R AT I N G S H A B B AT AT H O M E

…with Love and Tradition Many parents take this time to say a personal blessing or commentary about each child, a word of encouragement, praise, or hopes for the future, a recognition of accomplishments or lessons learned during the previous week. Some parents report that they use the excuse of the blessing to kiss their children. While that certainly isn’t a big deal now, when your children are older, it may be the only time in the course of the week that they will let you get that close (all the time secretly cherishing it themselves). Like many small, sweet gestures, the blessing over the children helps provide children a warm memory of the love in their home to take from childhood into their lives with their own children.

MIDRASH

These separate blessings for boys and girls are followed by a blessing for both. This is the traditional “Priestly Benediction,” a blessing that God bestowed on the Jewish people through the Kohanim or priests (see Numbers 6:22-26). This same prayer was said by the High Priests in the ancient Temple in Jerusalem, another reminder that the Jewish home is a holy place, a little sanctuary.

≥Úr<âm]v]yIw“ òh Úk]r<âb;y“ ≥;ôN<juywI Úyôl,ae wyn:P; òh raey: Úyôl,ae wyn:P; òh aC;yI ≥µ/lv; Úl] µcey:w“ Y’varech’cha Adonai, v’yishmerecha. Ya’er Adonai panav elecha vichuneka. Yisa Adonai panav elecha veyasaym lecha shalom.

English translations for the above prayers are from On the Doorposts of Your House, edited by Chaim Stern.

May God bless you and watch over you. May God look kindly upon you and be gracious to you. May God reach out to you in tenderness, and give you peace.

“A

s all the souls of Israel stood at Mt. Sinai, God asked them if they would accept the Torah and they agreed. God then said, ‘Give me a guarantee that you will keep the Torah.’ The Children of Israel said, ‘Abraham, Isaac, and Jacob will be our guarantors.’ God replied, ‘Your ancestors need their own guarantors. . . . Still, bring me good guarantors and I will give the Torah to you.’ The Israelites said, ‘Our prophets will be our guarantors.’ God replied, ‘I have faults to find with your prophets.’ Finally the people of Israel said, ‘Let our children be our guarantors,’ And God replied ‘These are indeed good guarantors. For their sake I will give you My Torah.’” —Midrash Tehilim, Midrash Tanchuma (translation from the 1995 Covenant Foundation Awards booklet) This midrash or story from Talmudic literature illustrates the importance of children in Judaism, and the sense of hopefulness and endless possibilities they bring to our lives. With children as guarantors of the Torah, there is the hope that a new generation can correct the mistakes of the past. All of us have the potential to be greater than those before us.

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Ritual: The Glue That Holds A Family Together

Dr. Alvin Mars, director of the Brandeis-Bardin Institute, once told me that when he and his wife, Marilyn, first got married, they dreamed of Sabbath dinners when the family would sit around and talk and enjoy one another. The atmosphere would be warm and loving and the conversation filled with interest and laughter. Then they had kids. What happened? The children made noise and wanted to leave and were bored—they were real kids, not fantasies. And it is pretty rare for real live adolescents to name sitting around a family dinner table as their first choice of activity. However, said Alvin, now that his children are grown, what do they say to him? “Gee Dad, remember those great Sabbath dinners we used to have together? Weren’t they the best?” The force of ritual stays with us, reminding us of sacred moments as well as family closeness, and through that family closeness, we are drawn closer to God. Ritual creates a sacred atmosphere. Many people feel uneasy because they are not quite sure how to do it. A number of books and teachers can help. It is understandable that ritual is awkward for those who grew up without it. It takes time. But the remarkable thing is that the magic works. Often

n my parents’ Ritual can be the glue house we always that holds a family “Gee Dad, had Sabbath dinner together, and provides the together. We could not props we use to add r e m e m b e r go to the movies or see meaning and structure to a game. We did not our lives. To some, the watch television or t h o s e g r e a t word ritual is a little listen to the radio daunting, but the aim here during the meal. In is not to obey a rigid set of Sabbath other words, we were rules. Instead, we hope you forced to talk to each think of ritual as a way to dinners we other. I say “forced” spend time together, to slow because even though down and connect with one used to have these were some of the another. Children respond most wonderful to rituals because they are t o g e t h e r ? moments of my predictable and don’t rely childhood, given the on words. The core imporoption, I would tance of rituals is their Weren’t they probably have watched ability to express complex, television instead. That abstract ideas in simple, the best?” is simply human non-verbal terms. nature. Given a choice Ritual has the added of sitting around the effect of providing a link television or sitting around talking, among the people to whom the ritual how many families willingly belongs. For example, think about the choose the latter? It is harder. It is many rituals of greeting. Compare also more rewarding. shaking hands (American ritual), to a Jewish ritual aims at kiss on each cheek (French ritual), to a regular behavior. Tradibow (Japanese ritual). All three are tionally, Sabbath subtle, wordless statements of friendcandles are lit every ship, respect, greeting. However, each Friday night. Although also makes a cultural statement about in some homes this is the group we belong to. Aside from done sporadically, the being a warm opportunity to connect intent of the tradition is with each other, Jewish rituals create a constancy. That is cultural weave that identifies us as part because Judaism underof the Jewish family. stands that if given a With that in mind, we thought you choice, we will often might enjoy reading this excerpt from choose the way that is David J. Wolpe’s book Teaching Your easier but less Children about God: A Modern enriching. The ritual Jewish Approach. In this excerpt, he forced our family to be talks about ritual, and the importance together, to get to know it has had in his life. one another, to laugh and argue and encounter. We had chances to be drawn close. The ritual pressed our souls together. 6 ▼

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TIMELINE YOUR BABY’S DEVELOPMENT Infants develop at different rates. Here’s a general idea of what to expect during your baby’s next few months. If you have any concerns about your child’s development, consult your physician.

7 MONTHS What your baby does: • Tries to crawl • Examines objects by tasting, shaking, throwing them • Tries to reproduce sounds she hears • Understands hidden objects still exist

we ourselves are insecure or uncertain of how we feel or unknowledgeable about religious practice. This is where it is important to put your trust in the tradition. It really does work, which is why it has lasted so long. A family can begin with simple acts. Take the Sabbath meal, for example. The lighting of candles, the presence of challah and wine, even a blessing before, can change the feel of the home. Suddenly, it is a sacred place. One way to think about ritual is as another way of speaking to each other. Ritual is a language of symbols and gestures. We all know there are certain gestures that are more powerful than words, that express things words cannot fully express. Raise a flag to half-staff, and you have touched something deeper than words. Put your arms around someone in a moment of sorrow, and the gesture itself is so powerful that nothing needs to be said. That is how ritual works as well. It is a language we speak to each other, and to God. Unlike words, however, two people can “speak” the ritual at the same time to each other, and both will be understood. It is something each does for himself and both do together.

What you can do: • Play peek-a-boo • Give him a variety of things to investigate • Roughhouse with her on the floor • Talk to her

8 MONTHS

What your baby does: • Crawls • Enjoys games with you • Gets angry when he doesn’t get what he wants • Mimics what you do around the house

Reprinted with permission from

Teaching Your Children about God: A

Modern Jewish Approach by David J. Wolpe. New York, NY: HarperCollins,

1995. Rabbi Wolpe is Assistant to the

Chancellor at the Jewish Theological

What you can do: • Say simple words your baby can copy • Crawl with her • Show your baby new places

9 MONTHS

What your baby does: • Understands the relationships between objects such as the pieces of a toy that fit together • Understands many words • May be afraid of new things • May pull himself up and walk around furniture

Seminary and the author of Why Be Jewish?, Henry Holt & Co., 1995.

What you can do: • Hide a toy so she can find it • Explain what you are doing as you do it • Establish a routine for naps and bedtime • Talk and sing to your baby 7 ▼

Resources FOR PARENTS

Books…

story of creation. The Colors of My Jewish Year by Marji Gold-Vukson. Rockville, MD: KarBen, 1998. Delightful board book using symbols of the Jewish holidays to teach colors.

The purpose of Apples & Honey is to serve as an educational publication and outreach tool for expectant and new parents interested in learning about how to create a Jewish home. Lisa Farber Miller, Editor Sandra Widener, Managing Editor Hal Aqua, Design and Illustration Tamra L. Dollin, Judaic Consultant Bernice Tarlie, Bibliographer Dr. Jessica Pearson, Evaluation Consultant Risa Towbin Aqua, Calligraphy

The First Jewish Catalog: A Do-ItYourself Kit. Compiled and edited by Richard Siegel, Michael Strassfeld and Sharon Strassfeld. Philadelphia, PA: Jewish Publication Society, 1973. Answers your questions on celebrations, ceremonies, arts and music, creating a library, travel, education, keeping a kosher home, and more.

Apples & HoneyTM is a publication of the Robert E. Loup Jewish Community Center, 350 South Dahlia Street, Denver, CO 80246.

The How-To Handbook for Jewish Living by Kerry M. Olitzky and Ronald H. Isaacs. Hoboken, NJ: KTAV, 1993. Easy to use, clear and succinct step-by-step guide about how to practice Jewish customs.

Songs and lullabies…

Shalom Yeladimby Judy Ginsburgh. Hebrew, English, and Yiddish songs with words and activities for Shabbat and holidays. There are also play songs and quiet songs for nighttime.

And for tots…

Tot Shabbatby Camille Kress. New York: UAHC, 1996. This board book with warm watercolors depicts Shabbat symbols within the home—candlesticks, challah, and a kiddush cup—and a family celebrating a peaceful Shabbat evening.

Shabbat Fun for Little Hands by Katherine Janus Kahn. Rockville, MD: Kar-Ben, 1992. Simple activities centered around tzedakah, candles, kiddush, challah, and the day of rest. With a full-color centerfold board game, and a picture

Robert E. Loup Jewish Community Center 350 South Dahlia Street Denver, CO 80246 LOOK FOR OUR NEXT ISSUE FOR PARENTS OF 10 TO 12 MONTH OLD CHILDREN Featuring: • Planning for Your Child’s First Birthday • Jewish Birthday Traditions and Gifts • Creating a Jewish Memory Book • Friday Night Shabbat: the Kiddush

Boker Tov, Laila by TovJudy Ginsburgh includes favorite Hebrew, English and Yiddish songs with words and activities.

Editorial Advisory Board Rabbi Daniel Goldberger, Dr. Ed Goldson, Rabbi David Nelson, Rabbi Raymond Zwerin

Individual subscriptions and bulk orders of newsletters are available by calling 303-3992660. There are 16 issues of Apples & Honey: prenatal issue; newborn to 3 months; 4–6 months; 7–9 months; 10–12 months; 12–18 months; 18–24 months; 2–2 1/2 years; 2 1/2–3 years; 3–3 1/2 years; 3 1/2–4 years; 4–4 1/2 years; 4 1/2–5 years; Fall Holidays (Rosh Hashanah, Yom Kippur and Sukkot); Spring Holidays (Purim and Passover); and Winter Holidays (Chanukah and Tu B’Shevat). Apples & Honey was made possible by funds granted by The Covenant Foundation. The statements made and the views expressed, however, are solely the responsibility of the Robert E. Loup Jewish Community Center. © Robert E. Loup Jewish Community Center. No portion of this publication may be reproduced without written permission from the Robert E. Loup Jewish Community Center.