Life with
JUNIPER MAE My battle with mental illness — and the golden girl who saved me
Written by: Korah Robinson Illustrated by: Hannah Jones
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or as long as I can remember, my mother has called me a “worrier.” I remember being young and not able to sleep because I was absolutely certain someone was going to break into my room and kidnap me. I clearly recall my mother ’s gentle frustration at my 6-year-old self. She couldn’t understand why I was always so worried about things that had a slim-to-none chance of happening. As calmly as she could, she would tell me to think of happy thoughts “like balloons and birthday parties” until I fell asleep. And it worked. That is, until I began to face real problems: Cue middle-school hormones. When I was a tween and young teenager, I often felt sad for no reason. I wore hoodies, never did my hair, and just sort of floated through life. I would have never said I was depressed then because that was a “bad” thing and God forbid that you were a “bad” thing. I actually never realized what it could be until I was a sophomore in high school. My depression was on and off, as it typically is. There were good days and bad days; there were good months and bad months. I always just wrote it off
12 | Pursuit
as being a teenager and going through life. Then, one day in sophomore year, all of my friends began ignoring me. To this day, I have no idea why. And that began a very dark spiral. I didn’t really have anyone. My family and I weren’t going to church; my friends had decidedly all turned against me simultaneously; and I was left with no real relationships. Yes, my parents were there but few teenagers want to talk to their parents about their problems in high school. I began to feel suicidal. I didn’t want to live life if this is what it was going to be like forever. I read stories about it; found the easiest ways how. All that worry from my childhood swirled with doubt, confusion and depression was too much for my 15-year-old brain to handle. I wanted to be done. I was so tired. But, as it does for everyone, things did get better — albeit slowly. I found new friends who invited me back to church and God reached me through
