…A BiG-ASs RED GiANt!
|’ve Never SeEn So MucH BoOze In My Life…
StarfleEt didN’t senD us oUt here to humiliAte
…humanS have a waY of sHowinG up wHen yOu leAsT exPecT tHem.
Captain’s Log, stardate… he if I know. CO ANDER JACK RANSOM recording. Our Cetacean Ops o icers, MA and KiMOLU--
--What are their last names? …do whales HAVE last names? …of course not. That’d be crazy… I’m go a l k into it--
--Ma and Kimolu, on a top-secret Starfl t mi ion, have taken the Ce itos back in time to the year 1985--a roximately one year prior to the a ival of Admiral James T. Kirk when he brought two extinct HUMPBACK WHALES from this era to our present.
I’ve b n given strict orders that, if anything goes wrong, i should absolutely not time warp back to the 24 bu icorn and leave the away team for dead.
danger to the Ce itos? History shows no record of any hostile aliens visiting the planet. And history is always--
huh. turNs oUt oUr beAm-in didN’t aroUse susPiciOn afTer alL.
EveryOne in tHe 1980s seEmS toO conCerNed witH tHemSelVes to notice us.
| KnOW! it’s AMAZiNg! What doEs it meAn, “FoOt” “LoOse”?
…it’s CETACEaN O.P.S.!
LiEutenanTs? Are yOu sTilL at
<Aw man!> <Jockblocked by the captain!>
EyEs on tHe pRize, guYs. When we sPot some humPbacKs, we’lL neEd yOur helP conVinCinG tHem to come witH us, so folLow cLose anD keEp tHis cHanNel open.
AnD sTop fisHinG for sKanKs!
Sti no humpbacks!
Blue, Gray, Ki er, Minke, you name it-every whale but humpies!
Anybody s n Sun-Sanchez?
I even spo ed a GiANT OCTOPUS.
WHAT?! NO! BUT HYPOTHETICA Y IF I DID, I’M SURE HE’D TURN UP S N, ALIVE AND WE !
mariner, have you b n daring people to dive overboard?
with the director of this whale thing, and I don’t think we’re go a spot any humpbacks on this trip.
they’re being hunted EACH AND EVERY DAY to extinction.
But if they’re being hunted every day, then SOMEBODY’S spo ing them… …Right?
Thanks again for le ing me and my…documentary film crew…tag along on your whale hunt, Captain Sla ter.
it’s pronounced “Slaughter.”
Hey, Slaughter, my man--wha aya got to drink up in this b yotch? I’ take anything exotic
I already love it.
StilL no humPbacKs,
This was a terRibLe ideA.
MEANWHILE, SOMEWHERE UNDER THE PACIFIC...
We neEd to dive deEper! YoU heArD tHe man… …DowN anotHer fifTy meterS!
Spot any more giAnT ocTopi, Mariner?
isN’t tHe pLural “ocTopodes”?
on! |’m jusT saYinG, if a giAnT ocTopus-orpuses roAmed EarTh’s oceAnS hunDredS of yEarS ago, |’m pRetTy sure we’d have heArD aboUt--
-- G H! G H!!!
OH MY GOD!!! HELP!
OBViOUSLY RiGHT! NOW SH T iT!
You can’t sh t an octopus! They’re some of the most inte igent creatures in the galaxy!
Yeah, I gue it WAS smart enough to pick o the weakest among us first… HU Y!!!
HmM. MaYbe
| can tRy to reAson witH tHe tHinG.
We have a cReAture mucH like tHis on Bajor--tHe TEN-FOoTED SEa SpiDER--norMalLy quIte sMarT. BUT--
| woUlDn’t recomMenD it.
--wHen it’s super hunGry, or amoroUs, alL tHe bLoOd rusHes fRom itS bRaIn to itS tenTacLes, makinG it notHinG more tHan
As hilariOus as tHis is, we pRobabLy neEd to figure oUt a waY to save--
heAr tHat?
AwWwWw.
…it’s WhALE SONg! …But wHat doEs it meAn?
<sorry about that jerk. if it makes you feel better, he wouldn’t have eaten you right away.>
my #@&%ing manners, right?! I’m gillian. this is bernard, regina, peter and kimberl--sorry…
<She’s got you there, Gills.>
These are HUMPBACKS!
<Shut
<Wow, nothing gets past these guys.>
<you must be the flatbacks from the Cerritos. We’ve heard so much about you!>
<They can’t understand you, MOM. You look so STUPiD right now.>
<Talking is what g d agents do.>
Did you say you’re AGENTS?
<Uh, yeah…TALENT agents… l king to sign a new whale song supergroup. At least that’s what we told them.>
<They bought it h k, line, and sinker. So to speak.>
<HAHAHA, WHAT?
<K p it down, Cap. Even if you can’t understand them, they can understand these whales. We n d them to come to the 24 century so we can fix James Kirk’s li le oversight and repopulate their species.>
<The trouble is--at the moment--THEY don’t n d US.>
go a convince them to leave uncertain future where the fate of the entire planet rests on their periodic co unication with a mysterious d p space PROBE-->
<D p space probe? Are you talking about THE TRAVELER? >
<Wait, you KNOW that probe?>
Gillian?! You can’t keep entertaining these @#$%ing probes! Just because they seem lonely doesn’t mean they won’t
<Oh yeah, Trav swings by all the time. The others can’t stand him-->
<--but I kinda feel bad…I don’t think he has anyone to talk to. Seems harmless.>
Ugh, This is boring! We found the whales, can we go to the future yet?
Mom. Mom. Mo y. Mom. I wa a go. Letsgoletsgoletsgo!
Omigod, Becke , don’t think I won’t just go myself and leave your a here!
What, yOu’re gonNa bolT agaIn like yOu did wHen | was a kid?!
OfF to tHe ilLinoIs, exPlorinG sPace witHoUt a rug rat to tiE yOu dowN?!
<is that…po ible? in the future? To leave your a oying family behind and take o to explore?>
<You’re saying if we come back with you, I could
<Oh sure. That’s why Kim and | signed up as starship
<sold! EVERYBODY PACK YOUR CRAP, WE’RE GOiN’ TO THE FUTURE.>
mostly completed.>
families didn’t a rove of our ultra-conservative lifestyles.>
<And in space, you can make friends with as many probes as you like! in fact, Kim and | are super into probes.>
How mucH lonGer can tHeY keEp tHis up?
AnD tHeY haven’t even made a
ReAdinGs inDicate sigNificanT enerGy reserVes, so… inDefinitely.
SenSorS sHow tHe enTire KlinGon comPlemenT alive anD welL in tHe nowinCapacitated afT secTiOn.
CoOl coOl. That’s… coOl.
UhH, ComManDer, tHe awaY teAm is haIlinG us.
<You have enough
<Oh and also, there’s this guy named who’s go a gr t you.>
Apologies advance, he’s a li le…eager…to m t new humpbacks. Especia y lady humpbacks.>
FiNALlY. What tHe helL have yOu beEn doInG up tHere, JacK?
UhH…T’Lyn saYs we were tesTinG tHe NOViKOV SELf-CONsiStENcY PriNciPlE, but |, of coUrSe, have no ideA wHat tHat is. How are yOu?
MisSiOn acComPlisHed. TelL BilLupS we’re reAdy for
FreEman to CerRitos… LET’S DO ThE TiME WARp AGAiN.
<--Then we’ just complete the cycle and dump--| mean
<Cetacean Ops log-encryption level deltanine.>
<The Cerritos has returned home to the 24th century with our precious cargo. Plus Mr. Sun-Sanchez, who, in fact, did turn up--mostly alive and we .>
<Of course, she was shocked to discover that a marine biologist she once met had traveled to the future from 1986 with James Kirk and
Lieutenant Kimolu and myself…>
<Lieutenant Kimolu and | have completed our cla ified mi ion, with the enthusiastic c peration of Captain Fr man and the entire crew, whom we hereby reco end for co endation.>
begin Starship Navigation Training next w k, which may just put her in line for a ignment to one of
<…We’ve resumed our regular duties aboard the Cerritos and our cover remains intact as we await further orders from our handlers…>
<…at SECTiON 32!>
YoU okaY, CapTaIn?
|…jusT had a weIrD cHilL run up my sPine. Eh, |’m sure it’s notHinG.
NEXT TIME, IN AN ALL-NEW ISSUE OF AN EPIC, SIX-PART ADVENTURE-“LOST CONTACT”! STAR TREK: LOWER DECKS…
