Guyana Times Sunsay Magazine

Times Magazine

ankles in mosque, deletes photo after sparking outrage

By IndrawattIe natram

“Tread the right path: a path that will lead to everlasting bliss and happiness and always indulge in the reading of religious books” were the words uttered by long standing Islamic leader and Imam, Ibrahim Baksh.

The 63-year-old Maulana or Imam of Richmond Mosque, Essequibo, expressed in an interview with Guyana Times Sunday Magazine that he strongly believes in his religion.

Ibrahim Baksh has been overseeing the Richmond Mosque for over 38 years. Baksh said his love for teaching others about Islam developed after his mentors, Mc Doom Khan, Mohamed and Ghani and Imam Reasat Ali, died.

Baksh, a devout Muslim, said prior to his mentors' death he knew he had a commitment to his religion and was encouraged by the con-

the office of a rural constable and a councillor for the Anna Regina Interim Management committee.

The Imam said each year he would perform an average of 50 Quranic functions, including weddings for families, friends and well-wishers throughout the Essequibo Coast.

Notably, Baksh has been awarded with many certifi-

gregation of the Richmond Mosque to pursue spiritual learning on the path of becoming a Maulana.

“Indeed it was a direct calling from God. I knew I had the responsibility and I came through. Today I stand proud as I hold many awards in the field,” Baksh declared.

Baksh stated that when he became a Maulana, he engaged himself constantly in the teachings of Islam and living the life as one. The Imam also received training from various Islamic centres around Guyana.

Being an Imam at Richmond Mosque involves engaging his congregation in prayers and encouraging persons to follow the commandments of Prophet Mohammad, the last prophet who came from God to guide mankind. Before Mohammad, Baksh stated that many prophets came to guide and lead mankind on to the righteous path.

Community Leader

Apart from being a religious leader, Baksh serves as a community leader and is a prominent rice farmer in Anna Regina on the Essequibo Coast. The respected Imam also performs the functions of a licensed marriage officer and offers counselling to young couples. Additionally, he holds

cates for his contributions, especially for his charitable efforts.

During the interview with this publication, Baksh displayed many certificates he received from various government and non-government organisations in recognition of his invaluable contribution to the Muslim community.

“Charitable work is an obligation for all Muslims. Under my leadership, we have managed to help many vulnerable groups. We, from a religious stand point, have transformed many lives,” Baksh pointed out.

Baksh is affiliated with various Islamic organisations, such as the Central Islamic Organisation in Georgetown and the Guyana Ahmadiyya Anjuman (Lahore). He was also afforded the opportunities to visit many countries preaching his religion.

The father of two is happily married to his wife Kursilla Baksh since 1980, and resides at Anna Regina Housing Scheme. He disclosed that his marriage has minimal problems due to their mutual understanding.

Baksh has two daughters: Shaliza and Nafeeza Baksh. Youman Nabi

Commenting on Youman Nabi, the Muslim holiday

celebrated today (Sunday), Baksh urges his fellow Muslim brothers and sisters to commemorate the occasion with goodwill and faith. He said the occasion is about the birth and death anniversary of the last Prophet Mohammad, who was sent by God on the 12 of Rabbieuwal Islamic calendar.

Baksh said the prophet was born in Mecca to father Abdullah and mother Amina. Prophet Mohammad was born after the death of his father. His mother died when he was six years old. He was then brought up by an uncle. Prophet Mohammad lived for 63 years.

It was through this

prophet that the Holy Quran was written. He dedicated his life to the teaching of Islam. Besides being a prophet he was a soldier, statesman, husband and father. He lived a good, honest life.

Baskh said Mohammad entire prophethood of 23 years spoke of God and only one God who is Allah, the most merciful God. He said Mohammad did not worship or bow to any deity.

Commenting on how Muslims go about celebrating Youman Nabi, the ardent

reader of the Quran said Muslims from all around the world will attend morning service at local mosques, prayers, followed by visits to families and friends exchanging greetings, sweet meats and gifts.

Baksh’s advice to youths is “take life seriously, set your goals and how you want to achieve them, study the scripture. Life is beautiful and enjoyable, don't lose faith. If you are not sure about something, talk to someone about it; nothing is beyond control”.

The Guyana Karate College (GKC) aims to promote self-defence and discipline, as set out in its mandate. A non-profit corporation established under the Friendly Societies Act, GKC was launched in August 2006.

In an interview with Guyana Times Sunday Magazine, Master Frank Woon-A-Tai, the World Chief Master, a ninth degree black belt and the founder of the GKC, said that GKC aims to develop International Karate Daigaku (the Art of Shotokan Karate following the teachings of Master Gichin Funakoshi) in Guyana. This is meant to be achieved through character development, physical education and fitness, self-defence and Budo sport.

GKC also aims to help young people find direction in life, keep them off the

streets, away from drugs and break the cycle of crime and violence in Guyana and elsewhere. In this regard, GKC trains and certifies local instructors with international credentials, provides instructors with information to teach the CXC Karate programme, trains teams to represent Guyana in international karate tournaments while aiming to build its college,

the GKC Dojo.

Structured and organised in every way, demonstrating the discipline it seeks to impart, the GKC has a fixed hierarchical structure. The karate college is lead by the founder, CEO and Chief Master Frank Woon-ATai, after which is the Vice Chief Instructor and Vice Chairman, Sensei Jeffrey Wong.

Beyond Sensei Wong, there is an elected secretary with assistant secretaries and a treasurer and an assistant treasurer. In addition, the GKC is governed by a Board of 13 Trustees elected annually by broad based Dojo Member Instructors.

Guyanese Masters Maureen Woon-A-Tai, 8th Dan, and Josef Woon-A-Tai, 7th Dan, trustee members, provide international guid-

ance, support and continuity. Sensei Amir Khouri of the YMCA’s ASKG, also a trustee, has a very large organisation as well as being a founding member of GKC.

“Sensei Chetram Mortley is another trustee with a huge membership at the Saraswati Vidya Niketan at Cornelia Ida. We are all on the same page regarding the operation of the college. This means GKC will never become dysfunctional,” declared Woon-A-Tai.

For the international recognition the GKC has bought to Guyana, former President Bharrat Jagdeo granted the karate college an acre of land at Liliendaal in 2010 to build a stateof-the-art training facility that would serve as the IKD headquarters in South America.

“Annabelle CarterSharma is our new architect and both she and Rhyan Persaud are in charge of building the college. The foundation has already been laid and works on the portal frame and roof is expected to begin in this year,” WoonA-Tai disclosed.

The IDK headquar-

Anthony for providing us with this excellent facility. The breeze at the sea wall is amazing for training.

“The importance of the college is to teach our children discipline and the values of karate, which are character, sincerity, effort, etiquette and self-control. Take self-control for example, the world would be a much better and peaceful place if we could practice self-control,” Woon-A-Tai expressed.

Hoping to increase its membership in the coming years, the members of the GKC have raised over $25 million in a four-year time period, which was spent to prepare and clear the land provided for the dojo. The funds will also be used to build the foundation and pay 50% of the cost for the portal frame.

“We will build in four phases: the first will continue at the end of February...a dojo 105ft by 42ft. Thereafter, as funds become available, we will build the other three phases,” Woon-A-Tai outlined.

The Guyana Karate

ters is currently located at Carifesta Sports Complex on Carifesta Avenue, where classes are conducted on Mondays, Wednesdays and Fridays from 17:00 to 19:00. Beginner’s classes will be held on Tuesdays and Thursdays (after the first belt exams beginners are then transferred to regular classes).

With over 100 members to date, the GKC has lost several practitioners to the constant shifts in the location of the headquarters.

“We started at the National Gymnasium, changed to the Red Cross Building, then to Malteenoes Sports Club. Our last class was at the Scouts Association...We are indeed grateful to the Minister of Culture, Youth and Sport, Dr Frank

College was founded from the need to keep Guyana ahead when karate became a component of the CXC Physical Education Programme in the Caribbean. It is a part of the International Karate Organization with 50 organisations in 30 countries, among which are the Philippines, India, Pakistan and Sri Lanka.

As the World Master Chief, Guyanese Frank Woon-A-Tai, provides his country with first-class karate, visiting three times yearly in March, July and November to share his expertise and administer exams to Guyanese students. On his last visit, Woon-ATai donated several books to the National Resource Centre at the request of Minister Anthony.

Dr Maxine Parris-Aaron: Giving selflessly to empower others

Born and raised a country girl, in the village of Buxton on the East Coast of Demerara, Dr Maxine Parris-Aaron has proven to be an altruistic caregiver, a dedicated professional, a mother, a doctor and an all-rounded beautiful human being.

Parris-Aaron spent her early years in Buxton before moving to Georgetown in her teens when her parents left to further their stud-

ies in Canada. Coming from a family of intellectuals, Parris-Aaron spent three years at the Guyana School of Agriculture after completing her secondary education.

Entering the working world as a young adult, Parris-Aaron was granted a government scholarship after only two years at the Ministry of Agriculture, affording her the opportunity to gain her first degree in Animal and Poultry Science

It Has a Sweet Scent

No, this has nothing to do with your dessert habits. “Sweetsmelling urine is often an important clue in the diagnosis of diabetes,” says Holly Phillips, M.D., a women’s health specialist and medical contributor for CBS2 News in New York City. And for people who know they have diabetes, the sweet smell can indicate that their blood-sugar level is not as under control as it should be.

You Notice Cloudiness

Consider it a tip-off to the presence of bacteria that could indicate a urinary tract infection (UTI). “The cloudiness comes from the excretion of bacteria and leukocytes, which are cells that fight infection,” says Phillips. Even if you otherwise feel fine and have no UTI symptoms, pay attention to this; it could be the only sign that an infection has taken hold.

There's a Pink or Reddish Color

Though red-purple hued veggies like beets and blackberries might be the culprit, the color can also indicate the presence of blood in your pee—not a good sign. That’s a symptom of a UTI, kidney stones, or in rare cases even bladder or kidney cancer, says Phillips.

It Smells Foul

Urine isn’t supposed to smell like roses, but if the stench is pretty foul (think: rotten fruit or the bottom of a pond), it’s your bladder’s alarming way of telling you there’s an infection, says Phillips. And like cloudy urine, it could be the only clue, so don’t blow it off.

You Notice a Burning Sensation

Stinging or even pain while you pee can be caused by a UTI or an STD such as chlamydia or gonorrhea, says Phillips.

That Feeling That You've Gotta Go Just Won't Go Away

This is a classic sign of a UTI, which causes the lining of your bladder and urethra to become inflamed and irritated, leaving you with the feeling of constantly having to urinate, says Phillips. It can also be a symptom of interstitial cystitis, a hard-to-diagnose condition that results in chronic bladder pressure or pain.

You’re Peeing Way More Than You Used To You might be pregnant. Seriously, it’s an early sign triggered by hormonal changes that speed up blood flow from the kidneys, says Phillips. If you’re positively sure you’re not expecting and you also can’t blame it on an uptick in your consumption of alcohol or caffeinated drinks (caffeine and alcohol can make you pee more frequently), check in with your M.D. This could also signal diabetes or a tumor. (Women’s Health Magazine)

at the Tuskegee University in Alabama, United States.

“I then went back to the Ministry before I left to pursue a Master’s at the Centre for Tropical Veterinary Medicine in Scotland,” Parris-Aaron told Guyana Times Sunday Magazine Parris-Aaron returned with a wealth of knowledge, which she continued to share at the Ministry of Agriculture before moving on to the Inter-American Institute for Cooperation on Agriculture, where she remains to this day.

“Veterinary Medicine was not my first choice. I always wanted to be a social worker, but my father encouraged me to study medicine,” Parris-Aaron recalled. Due to her necrophobia (fear of dead things), her father suggested Veterinary Medicine as an alternative.

Nonetheless, Parris-Aaron enjoyed the programme and, to this day, it impacts her work and allows her to tap into resources that support her current position. According to Parris-Aaron, her work also allows her to fulfil her dream, if not directly.

“What I do is very satisfying in that it has allowed me to do social work…in another way that is…by putting me in touch with people - helping and working with them,” Parris-Aaron declared.

Most of the work ParrisAaron does is geared at helping female groups across Guyana, female entrepreneurs, offering assistance and guidance in terms of food safety and business advice. She gains “satisfaction from seeing persons move from one level to the next…

personally and in the development of their business”.

Although Parris-Aaron gives much assistance in her professional sphere, she still feels the need to give aid personally. Aside from many volunteer endeavours in her church (giving back to the elderly of the Ruimveldt area) and various youths via the Caribbean Healthy Lifestyles Programme (a peer education and leadership programme for youths), Parris continuously opens her home to numerous youths in Guyana.

Parris-Aaron, the epitome of altruism, has opened her home to over 50 youths who came to Georgetown to study, were abused or neglected by their parents.

“Experiences with [youth] have taught me so much and helped me personally to be more caring

and observant…in recognition of my role as a mother and caregiver,” expressed Parris-Aaron.

The biological mother of two and foster mother of one (her best friend’s son whom she took in after his mother died when he was nine years old), ParrisAaron feels it is important to work with youths as they are our future and “the persons we depend on to take us forward”.

“I think that Guyana is at a place where a little more love wouldn’t hurt, a little more understanding…we have lost our human touch and need to go back to the place where we saw the best in each other. I also would like to encourage parents to let their children know that they are special, give them the support they need,” Parris-Aaron urged.

The Shaping of Guyanese Literature 2014 in Review

It is not easy to pinpoint a definite time when the literary arts took off, spiralling to new heights, signalling a new era, heralding another golden age for the literary arts in Guyana. But over the past decade and a half, there was a renewed interest in the literary arts. This renewed interest is being consolidated year after year, so much so that some days literary events coincide with each other. For example, on 19 November 2014, while Stanley Greaves was in conversation with Dr Rupert Roopnaraine at Moray House Trust, Dr Juanita Cox was delivering a lecture on Edgar Mittelholzer at the Theatre Guild. For the literary arts, 2014 proved to be a great year. From the start to the end of the year there was mas-

sive display and outpouring of support for the literary arts. Kudos to all those who contributed publicly or privately. And a special word of appreciation to corporate Guyana for this upsurge of interest in the literary arts. All of these things augur well for Guyana in that more voices are being added to the national discourse from varied places and via various angles. This discourse ought to go a long way evincing a better place in which to live, enjoying the bountiful benefits of the literary arts. What were some of those things adding to the national discourse during 2014? Once again, it was the Ministry of Culture, Youth and Sport leading the way, and there was significant contribution from institutions like the National Library, University of Guyana,

Castellani House, Upscale Poetry Night, Moray House Trust and, lest we forget, fledgling groups making their mark on the literary community.

Many academics, literary critics and literary luminaries visited Guyana, where some were afforded the opportunity to contribute to our literary discourse, namely Juanita Cox, Sharon Maas, Pauline Melville, Stanley Greaves, Jacqueline de Weever, Tommy Payne, Clem Seecharan, Rahul Bhattacharya, Gaiutra Bahadur, Chaitram Singh, Eusi Kwayana, Vibert Cambridge and Brendan de Caries, Vibert Cambridge, among others.

Of course, there was major input from local academics, literary critics and literary luminaries.

But it is to books we turn

once more for the tangible show of support for the literary arts. Guyanese books, new and rare, are rolling off the press in a steady stream as if we are rediscovering Guyana. The gold Raleigh once sought is now unfolding as an exciting and enterprising Guyanese literature. Rediscovery is given new meanings with the reprinting of rare and out of print books by The Caribbean Press, Peepal Tree Press and other publishing houses.

Listed below are some of those books: Memoirs, autobiographies, biographies, histories

Dancing Between the Raindrops by Rudy Insanally.

Potaro Dreams by Jan Carew.

Coolie Woman by Gaiutra Bahadur.

The Idyll and the Warrior (Recollections of Edgar Mittelholzer) by Jacqueline Mittelholzer.

Glimpses of a Global Life by Sir Shridath Ramphal.

Linden Forbes Sampson Burnham O.E., S.C., National Assembly Speeches - Volumes II & III.

Beacons of Excellence: The Edgar Mittelholzer, Memorial LecturesVolumes I, II & III.

From Ashes to FerroConcrete: A History of Cathedral of the Immaculate Conception 1924-2014 by Joanna Collins-Gonsalves.

Sport

Indian Caribbean Test Cricketer and the Quest for Identity by Frank Birbalsingh.

They Gave The Crowd Plenty Fun by Colin Babb. Poetry

An anthology of Contemporary Guyanese Verse edited by Petamber Persaud.

Love in the time of technology by Sasenarine Persaud.

Heads and Tails by Pearl Lewis.

The Hinterlands by Stanley Niamatali.

Literature

An Introduction to Guyanese Literature (third printing, July 2014) by Petamber Persaud. Novel Backslider by Julia Kanhai.

My Father’s Wish by Andrew D.O. Hutson. Bitter by Portia Dodson. The Dumb and the Brave by Churaumanie Bissundyal.

Death In The Family by Ryhaan Shah.

Racing With The Rain by Ken Puddicombe.

It would be useful to bear in mind that autobiography, memoir, biography and history accounted for a large portion of publications in 2014. (More on this category of writing in subsequent articles.)

Responses to this author: telephone (592) 226-0065 or email: oraltradition2002@ yahoo.com

Crowned last year as Mr Caribbean International Guyana at the Le Meridian Pegasus Hotel after the Mr Guyana International event, Alexander Fiedtkou is fulfilling his responsibilities by giving back through his most recent charity activity.

Fiedtkou copped the title along with the prizes of Mr Fitness and Mr Intelligent,

which he believes played a role in helping him to be named Mr Caribbean International Guyana.

“My main responsibilities are to promote positive images for young men in our society, and also encourage them to come out their ‘shy shell’ and be a part of something they might love to do. I’m also working with the Mr Guyana International

International Decade for People of african Descent

The most powerful call for reparatory justice of our time, a stand against the “the cultural and economic shackles that remains in place after the formalities of emancipation” is the true significance of the International Decade for People of African Descent.

On 23 December 2013, the United Nations (UN) General Assembly by its resolution 68/237 declared the decade 2015 to 2024 the International Decade for People of African Descent. Commencing 1 January 2015 and ending on 31 December 2024.

The decade will be celebrated under the theme, “People of African descent: recognition, justice and development”; with the main objective to promote respect, protection and fulfilment of all human rights and fundamental freedoms for people of African descent, as recognised in the Universal Declaration of Human

organisation and helping to pursue its future goals,” Fiedtkou said in an interview with Guyana Times Sunday Magazine

For his charity event, the handsome humanitarian spent three hours with 60 “amazing” children at the Grove Baptist Church, East Bank Demerara, for Christmas 2014.

“We sang, played games with the children, we brought a lot of food and drinks, and we packed party bags. Then I dressed up as Santa and gave out gifts. I also collected a drawing from each child that I will keep for myself; they are very creative children. Saying goodbye was a sad moment. I will cherish that experience for the rest of my life,” expressed Fiedtkou.

Mr Caribbean International Guyana is currently working “extremely hard to put Guyana on the world map”. His goal is to cop the title and bring it

back home.

“Mr Caribbean International competition is mainly about fitness and intellect, so I’m working on structuring my body into a well-shaped physique and

get my brain running for the intelligence segments,” he mentioned.

Fiedtkou added that he would love to do more charity events. If he wins the Mr Caribbean International

competition, Fiedtkou’s focus is to use his title to help others.

Rights.

Although the decade will only come once, “reparations and other events planned will make it a permanent landmark in the fight for recognition, justice and development (the end of racism)”.

According to Eric Phillips, the chairman of the Guyana National Reparations Committee and an executive member of the African Cultural and Development Association (ACDA), plans are being developed by the Ministry of Culture and many African organisations.

However, the Reparations Committee plans to have the following items on a monthly basis for the first 12 months: the release of a booklet on one aspect of African Guyanese history, proverbs, Aesop fables, and recognition of an African Guyanese or African hero, host essay competitions as well as lectures, poetry nights and much more.

Creature Corner

If undaunted by the oyster’s rough, rock-hard, nearlyimpossible-to-open shell, the undoubtedly famished first taster would then have confronted the gray, slimy, almost phlegmatic appearance of its plump body. Once beyond any primal gag reflex though, this seminal slurper would have been surprisingly rewarded with the oyster’s delicate, toothy texture, rich flavor, and salty liquor. Oysters are also high in calcium, iron, and protein. Admittedly, they’re not for everyone, but adventurous humans the world over have enjoyed oysters, raw and cooked, for thousands of years.

Although it is possible for food oysters to produce pearls, they should not be confused with actual pearl oysters, which are from a different family of bivalves. True oysters, which belong to the Ostreidae family, are found throughout the world’s oceans, usually in shallow waters and in colonies called beds or reefs. Among the most popular and heavily harvested species are the Eastern American oyster (Crassostrea virginica), found in Atlantic waters from Canada to Argentina, and the Pacific oyster (Crassostrea gigas), found from Japan to Washington state and as far south as Australia.

Oyster

Oyster shells are usually oval or pear-shaped, but will vary widely in form depending on what they attach to. They are generally whitish-gray in outer shell colour, and their inside shell is usually a porcelain white. They have extremely strong adductor muscles to close their shells when threatened.

Oysters feed by extracting algae and other food particles from the water they are almost constantly drawing over their gills. They reproduce when the water warms by broadcast spawning, and will change gender once or more during their lifetime. (National Geographic)

The objective of the game is to fill all the blank squares in a game with the correct numbers. Every row of 9 numbers must include all digits 1 through 9 in any order. Every column of 9 numbers must include all digits 1 through 9 in any order. Every 3 by 3 subsection of the 9 by 9 square must include all digits 1 through 9.

Did you know?

As the oyster grows in size, its shell must also grow. The mantle is an organ that produces the oyster's shell, using minerals from the oyster's food. The material created by the mantle is called nacre. Nacre lines the inside of the shell.

The formation of a natural pearl begins when a foreign substance slips into the oyster between the mantle and the shell, which irritates the mantle. The oyster's natural reaction is to cover up that irritant to protect itself. The mantle covers the irritant with layers of the same nacre substance that is used to create the shell. This eventually forms a pearl.

So a pearl is a foreign substance covered with layers of nacre. Most pearls that we see in jewellery stores are nicely rounded objects, which are the most valuable ones. Not all pearls turn out so well. Some pearls form in an uneven shape -- these are called baroque pearls. Pearls come in a variety of various colours, including white, black, gray, red, blue and green. Most pearls can be found all over the world, but black pearls are indigenous to the South Pacific.

Rearrange the Jumbled Words

ZANZIBAR

By Laurie Triefeldt

The Zanzibar Archipelago is made up of Zanzibar and Pemba Islands and several smaller islands. It is located in the Indian Ocean, off the coast of Tanzania and 6 degrees south of the equator. These islands are famous for their natural beauty and their long history in the spice trade.

Location

Off the east coast of Africa, the island of Zanzibar is known to the locals as Unguja, but as Zanzibar to the international community. The island has an area of about 650 square miles (1,046 sq. km). The capital is Zanzibar City, which is home to the historic neighborhood of Stone Town, a World Heritage Site. The beautiful beaches of this island are popular with tourists.

About 30 miles (50 km) to the north is the island of Pemba. This island has fertile valleys and rolling hills, with an area of 381 square miles (988 sq. km).

Cloves are an important crop here. The island is becoming well-known for its amazing, but highly challenging, diving sites.

Bububu

Spice Islands

At one time in its history, Zanzibar produced more than 90 percent of the world’s clove supply. Today, many farms still grow cloves, nutmeg, cinnamon and black pepper. Vanilla, hot chilies, cumin and turmeric can also be found here.

In the 1800s, Zanzibar was very active in the slave trade. It is estimated that 50,000 slaves passed thought its slave markets every year.

Fishing

Zanzibar is also famous for its rich fishing grounds. The Pemba channel is very popular for game fishing.

The

lion

is also known as the zebra fish.

The hyrax looks a bit like a large rabbit without ears, but is actually a relative of the

variety of young leaves and unripe fruit. They have been observed eating soil and charcoal, which may be a way of counteracting toxins found in some of the food they eat.

A brief history

People have been living in Zanzibar for at least 20,000 years. The coastal Bantu people arrived in the 3rd and 4th centuries. In the 7th century, Arab (Persian) traders used Zanzibar as a base connecting the Middle East, India and Africa. Around 1504, Zanzibar became part of the Portuguese Empire. In 1698, Zanzibar came under the control of the Sultans of Oman. In 1890, the islands came under the protection of Britain. Zanzibar gained independence from Britain in 1963, and within a month, a bloody revolution led to the establishment of the People’s Republic of Zanzibar and Pemba. In 1964, the republic merged with mainland Tanganyika (soon to become the United Republic of Tanzania).

The people

Zanzibaris are a diverse mix of ethnicities, many having mixed African and Arab ancestry. Most people are Swahili, but Arabs and Indians are large minority groups. Nearly all Zanzibaris are Muslims. Swahili (also called Kiswahili) and English are the official languages, but French and Italian can also be heard here.

Fashion

Think of your dress shirt as your bulletproof vest. It's the first thing you put on and your last line of defense. When you button it up in the morning, you should feel confident, in control, even invincible. Seriously, putting on a crisp, clean shirt that fits perfectly makes you feel like you're the boss. But here's the thing: A dress shirt is not any old shirt—there are a lot of details to get right, from the collar to the cuffs to the cut of the torso. Just follow the following principles.

Use Your Head—Check Your Neck

Some guys just buy their shirts in small, medium, or large. No wonder they don't fit so well. You should know your measurements—neck size and arm length—and not just for the sake of it. These numbers are the key to making you look better. If your collar is so loose it hangs off your neck, or so tight it makes your face blush, you're stuck with it. So take action—get measured.

The One-Finger Rule

Make sure you can comfortably fit one finger between the collar and your neck. If two fingers fit, the collar's too big.

Trim the Shirt Fat

You see them everywhere, guys with ballooning dress shirts so blousy they could hide a backpack under them. No matter what your shape, buy a shirt that closely fits your torso. Billowy folds don't disguise; they only amplify. No need for all that extra fabric.

Shop Right

When you head to the store, ask for a slim-fit dress shirt. The shoulder seams should hug your own shoulders. Make sure the sleeves aren't too long or too short. When unbuttoned, the cuffs should reach just past your wrists. Whether you're ripped like Taylor Lautner or built like an ordinary mortal, wear a shirt that speaks to your body.

There Are a Zillion Collars. Ignore Them

The spread. The cutaway. The super-duper mega-point. You only need to know one: the semispread. It's not too fashion-forward, not too conservative. It works with every kind of suit, every kind of tie. You can't go wrong.

Male-Pattern Boldness

Style Police: Go Tuck Yourself

Okay, here's the deal: Letting your dress shirt hang out doesn't make you look younger or thinner. Traditional dress shirts aren't meant to be untucked; they're cut long so they remain in your pants. Tucking in your shirt won't kill you, it'll just make you look better.

Now that you understand the

winter months, we prefer richer, more muted tones— the kind that go great with a dark business suit and strike a smart, urbane note. And when the temperature rises, your colour palette should, too. Have some fun and reach for a lime green, pink, or lavender gingham. Live a little!

It's All in the Wrist

How you wear your shirt can be as defining as the shirt itself. This may mean leaving the collar of your oxford unbuttoned. Or it may mean doing something as seemingly insignificant as leaving your cuffs undone. It makes you feel more relaxed while still looking sharp.

Of course, it needs to be done correctly. The sleeves of your shirt should fit just right— the cuffs should hit the hinges of your wrists so they poke out about half an inch past the sleeves of your jacket. If they run halfway down your thumbs when unbuttoned, you'll look like a little kid wearing one of his father's dress shirts.

How to Iron Your Shirt in Four Quick Steps

Ironing your shirt makes all the difference.

1. Fit your shirt, back side facing up, over the rectangular end of your board (not the pointy end). Moisten the shirt with a water-filled spray bottle if it's not damp.

2. Finish ironing the back and flip the shirt over to the front. Pull the shirt down so the shoulder seam lies flat on the board and iron out the wrinkles. Repeat on the other shoulder.

3. Take the shirt off the board, flip the collar up, and lay it down so the back of the collar faces up. Spray and iron. Then fold a crease in the collar and iron it in.

4. Lay a sleeve lengthwise on the board and, pulling it taut from the cuff with one hand, iron it with the other. Keep it rotating so you don't iron a crease into it—your sleeve shouldn't look 2-D. Then open the cuff and lay it flat so the inside faces up. Iron. Repeat with the other cuff.

Dakota Johnson is an American actress and model, best known for being cast in the lead role of Anastasia Steele in the upcoming film adaptation of "Fifty Shades of Grey", set for release in 2015. In 1999, Johnson made her film debut in Crazy in Alabama where she and her half-sister, Stella Banderas, played daughters to their real-life mother, Melanie Griffith. The film was directed by her then stepfather, Antonio Banderas. She appeared in the critical and box office hit "The Social Network" and also in "Beastly". In 2014, she reunited with her "21 Jump Street" cast member Johnny Depp playing the mother of his child in the feature film "Black Mass".

Times Hollywood

Selena Gomez and her group of friends were careful to cover their heads when they paid a sightseeing visit to an Abu Dhabi mosque earlier this week.

But Gomez sparked controversy when she posted an Instagram photo showing her flashing her bare ankles in the mosque, which critics labeled as disrespectful.

That photo has since been deleted, but not before being widely circulated online.

The pop star, 22, however, has kept another Instagram photo of her visit, showing her and her crew

smiling and mugging it up for the camera.

The snapshot has spurred comments from detractors, who decried it as being inappropriate.

"As tourists they should still respect the fact they are in a holy place," one Instagram commenter wrote.

Other followers stepped up to defend the group: "Clearly, she's a tourist & she isn't purposely disrespecting the religion or the mosque."

Gomez traveled to the United Arab Emirates to celebrate the new year along with pals Kendall Jenner and Cody Simpson, where they toured the Abu Dhabi's famed Sheikh Zayed Grand Mosque early in the week before spending New Year's Eve in Dubai. (PEOPLE)

Oprah on recent protests: 'I'm looking for leadership'

Oprah Winfrey has been watching the protests in Ferguson and New York like everyone else.

"I think it's wonderful to march and to protest and it's wonderful to see all across the country, people doing it," she tells PEOPLE exclusively.

But it's not enough to march, says Winfrey.

"What I'm looking for is some kind of leadership to come out of this to say, 'This is what we want. This is what has to change, and these are the steps that we need to take to make these

changes, and this is what we're willing to do to get it.' "

David Oyelowo, who plays Dr. Martin Luther King Jr. in the film Selma adds, "And you saw that in

the way black and white, young and old, came together to say, 'This is not okay.' "

Winfrey's latest film couldn't be timelier, chronicling the story behind Martin Luther King Jr.'s work to pass the Voting Rights Act of 1965. The movie is nominated for several Golden Globes, including best picture and best actor, and has strong Oscar buzz heading into awards season.

"I think what can be gleaned from our film," says Winfrey, "is to take note of the strategic, peaceful intention required when you want real change." (PEOPLE)

Rihanna tops Google's 2014 Trending Red Carpet Appearances list

The 2014 red carpets had the Internet all abuzz, with a barely there dress topping the trending list and an oversized hat with its own Twitter account commanding fifth place. The Hollywood Reporter breaks down the top five red carpet appearances that trended on Google this year and examines why each garnered World Wide Web attention.

The "Diamonds" singer raised eyebrows for her walk on the CFDA Fashion Awards red carpet while donning a sheer custom Adam Selman dress, gloves and headscarf that consisted of over 216,000 Swarovski crystals. Though the floorlength gown covered Rihanna's feet, the crystals were not the showstoppers — the see-through material showcased her own sets of private diamonds both in front and behind.

At the ripe age of 17, Lorde was nominated for record, song and pop solo of the year and best pop vocal album. The two-time Grammy winner made her first appearance at the annual awards show sporting a dark look in a long-sleeved,

floor length black Balenciaga gown paired with a dark lip. She told Billboard that the Grammys "sounds like prom on 'roids.'” While the musician is known to be mature for her age, audiences questioned whether her red carpet look was too drastic for a teen.

Lupita Nyong'o won both on and off the stage at the 2014 Academy Awards. The Best Supporting Actress nominee took home the Oscar for her role in 12 Years A Slave and had the Twittersphere buzzing for her custom designed sky blue Grecian Prada gown. "The blue reminded me of Nairobi," the Kenyan star said on the red carpet.

It was all in the family for Madonna and eightyear-old son David Banda

on the Grammys red carpet. The duo opted for matching black suits, ties and fedora hats at the awards show.

The Queen of Pop individualized her look with a cane and showed off her pearly whites with a personalized gold grill, telling E!'s Ryan Seacrest before the show, "It pisses everybody off when I wear my grill, so that's why I wear it."

It was a happy year for Pharrell Williams, who made not one, but two trending appearances for his bold fashion statements on both the Grammys and the Oscars red carpets. The "Happy" singer stood apart at the Grammy Awards wearing an oversized brown hat — the hat has its own Twitter account (@Pharrellhat) with 19K followers — that was auctioned in a charity event for US$44,100 to the Arby's fast food chain.

Pharrell also made an untraditional outfit choice at the Academy Awards, opting for shorts instead of pants to pair with his blazer, button-up and bow tie, standing alongside his wife, Helen Lasichanh, who also donned a suit — but with pants. (Yahoo)

Jamie Dornan on 'Fifty Shades of Grey': ‘It's Love Story’

Jamie Dornan says he understands why some people think "Fifty Shades of Grey" is misogynistic. The Irish actor talks about his upcoming movie in a new interview with ELLE U.K., saying that the steamy flick based on a novel of the same name by E.L. James is much more than just a BDSM-themed story.

"I can understand why people say tying a woman up and spanking her is misogynistic. But actually, more men are submissives than women. Very powerful men. It's a far bigger scene than I imagined: in pretty much any city in the world that you could name, people want to get spanked with a paddle with studs on it," he explains.

"The love story is more important than the BDSM

aspect," he adds in the interview published on the magazine's February issue. "I mean, we are going to tell a love story, you know, it can't just be what happens in the Red Room, that's not a film. There's so much more going on than that."

Dornan is playing a businessman named Christian Grey who is into BDSM, while Dakota Johnson portrays his girlfriend Ana in the movie set for release on February 13. The star of "The Fall" had to be away for a while for filming and he admits it's now difficult that he is a father to a young daughter.

"I've had to be away the last couple of weekends, and I come back and I barely recognize her, and it's awful; she changes so much. And then I have this huge fear that she won't recognize me. The beard helps, but I had to shave it off a couple of times, so she's been shocked for the first few hours. She looks at me like: 'Do I love you? I think I love you.' I have to win back her trust," he shares. (AceShowbiz)

Kanye West debuts new song featuring Paul McCartney

Kanye West and Paul McCartney collaboration has been released online. Titled "Only One", it features background vocals and piano accompaniment by the former Fab Four. "Hello, my only one/ Remember who you are/ No, you're not perfect but you're not your mistakes," the rapper delivers the lyrics.

"I talked to God about you/ He said he sent you an angel/ And look at all that he gave you," Kanye sings from the perspective of his mother Donda who died from complications during surgery in November 2007, six years before Kim Kardashian gave birth to his daughter North West. "Tell Nori about me, tell Nori about me."

Kim said, "Everyone asks me what my favorite Kanye song is. It's 'Only One.' Kanye felt like his mom was singing thru him to our daughter. This song makes me cry every time I hear it."

"In early 2014, Paul McCartney and Kanye West

Bono may be hanging up his guitar — for good. In honor of the New Year on Jan. 1, the U2 frontman penned a long, reflective blog post about 2014, in which he revealed he might never play the guitar again following his November bike accident and subsequent surgery.

"Recovery has been more difficult than I thought...As I write this, it is not clear that I will ever play guitar again," he wrote in the post, an "A to Z" account of his year. "The band have reminded me that neither they nor Western civilization are depending on this."

It's a loss nevertheless. "I personally would very much

first began working together in a small bungalow in Los Angeles," Kanye's label explained the creative process of the song which is expected to be the first single off his new album. "The process that would result in 'Only One' began with a simple brainstorming session between the two: With McCartney improvising on the keyboards and Kanye vocally sketching and shaping ideas in a stream-of-consciousness riff."

"When they played back the recording afterward, something remarkable happened. Kanye sat there

with his family, holding his daughter North on his lap, and listened to his vocals, singing, 'Hello, my only one...' And in that moment, not only could he not recall having sung those words, but he realized that perhaps the words had never really come from him."

"The process of artistic creation is one that does not involve thinking, but often channeling. And he understood in that moment that his late mother, Dr. Donda West, who was also his mentor, confidante, and best friend, had spoken through him that day." (AceShowbiz)

miss fingering the frets of my green Irish falcon or my (RED) Gretsch," he continued. "Just for the pleasure, aside from writing tunes. But then does the Edge, or Jimmy Page, or any guitarist you know have a titanium elbow, as I do now? I'm all elbows, I am."

As previously reported, the Irish rocker was injured while riding his bike in New York City's Central Park. He and the rest of U2 were scheduled to play a weeklong residency at The Tonight Show at the time, but they canceled to let Bono recover.

Recalling the accident in his blog post on Jan. 1, the 54-year-old said he "blanked out on impact" and is still

a little fuzzy on the details. "[I] have no memory of how I ended up in New York Presbyterian with my humerus bone sticking through my leather jacket," he admitted. "Very punk rock as injuries go."

Joking aside, Bono said that "the consequences of this freak accident are significant enough" that he's planning to remain out of the spotlight for some time to come. "As a result I have cancelled every public appearance and decided this missive is all the communication I can manage for the first half of 2015," he wrote, "beyond muttering and singing to myself of course." (US Magazine)

Rannvijay Singh is an Indian television host, film actor and presenter. He is popularly known for hosting the adventure reality TV show, MTV Roadies. Additionally, he is known for his contribution to the field of acting and writing. Singh made his Bollywood debut with the film "Toss: A Flip of Destiny" (2009). The same year, his next movie, "London Dreams", was released in October, which was a big budget production and also starred some of the biggest Bollywood actors like

Salman Khan, Ajay Devgan and Asin. In April 2011, the actor made his debut in the Punjabi film industry with the political thriller "Dharti", where he worked with actors Jimmy Shergill and Prem Chopra. He continues to get film roles and is currently working on a few.

Bollywood

Hindu activists burn effigies of Aamir Khan in ‘PK’ protests

Two hundred Hindu activists forcibly stopped a screening of “PK” in Delhi. Members of the Bajrang Dal gathered outside Nand Nagri's Gagan cinema in east Delhi to protest against the film, which they claim offends the religious sentiments of Hindus.

Neeraj Doneria, Delhi state convener of the Bajrang Dal, told IANS: "We protested against the screening the movie and also burned Aamir's effigies and the film's posters."

Doneria demanded that the cinema hall stop screening the movie, and called off the protest after the owner of the cinema hall agreed.

The protesters also reportedly blocked a nearby road for 30 minutes.

Hindu religious groups have staged protests against the film at cinemas in Delhi, Madhya Pradesh, Bhopal, Agra and Ahmedabad.

Reacting to the backlash against “PK”, Aamir Khan said the film "respects all religions", while director Rajkumar Hirani said he was "saddened and concerned" by the protests. (IANS)

Priyanka Chopra: 'I want to make small films with new talent'

Priyanka Chopra has said she wants to develop writers and make content-based films.

The actress is set to turn producer with her debut home production “Madamji”.

In an interview with IANS, she said: "I am a small producer and I can't make big films. I don't want to take favour from anyone and I need a film to prove. I want to make small films with new talent.

"I meet so many people who don't get opportunities at all. I want to develop writers. I want to do content-based films and if there is no content, I can't do a film," she added.

The 32-year-old recently commented that she is prepared to take on new challenges in her career.

Directed by Madhur Bhandarkar, “Madamji” also features Chopra in the lead role. (IANS)

Kajol: Ajay Devgn is one of the risk taking actors

Kajol’s comeback vehicle, which will be produced by her husband Ajay Devgn will go on the floors this year. The actor is happy about returning to the big screen and also looking forward to seeing her husband’s directorial next.

“Our production house is going to start a film soon. It is Ajay’s directorial, but my film will also be starting some time [soon] in the new year,” she says.

Even though Kajol has been lauded for her acting skills, she feels that her husband is the better actor.

“Ajay is one of those risk-taking actors. He’s the only actor I know who has been suc-

Michael Bolton has connected with Farhan Akhtar on Twitter.

The American singer revealed that he learned of Akhtar's MARD campaign and wanted to know more.

He wrote: "@ FarOutAkhtar I see that with all your diverse talents & interests U advocate for women's empowerment. Love to learn more about your goals!"

Earlier, Hollywood actress Emma Watson, who was named the Feminist of the Year, tweeted a message in support of the actor and his commitment towards gender equality in India.

cessful in every genre — comedy, romance, action or anything else. He was so uncomfortable with comedy at first, but he did it so well. That’s something I find commendable as an actor. I’m not as great,” she says, adding that “it takes a different kind of bravery to take those kinds of risks”.

Interestingly, Kajol, who is an avid reader thought of writing, but never got around to actually doing it. “I did [think about it], but I just didn’t have the patience to go through with it. I enjoy reading. But, every time I took up a pen and started to write, I got really bored,” she says. (Hindustan Times)

Her tweet read: "Men Against Rape and Discrimination' (MARD) in India — is a director, screenwriter, producer, actor and singer(sic)."

Akhtar was previously appointed as the

UN Women's South Asia Goodwill Ambassador.

The actor and filmmaker has said that he remains committed to raising awareness of the issues affecting women in Indian society.

(Digital Spy)

‘Happy New Year’ to release in Egypt

Farah Khan's “Happy New Year” is set to release in Egypt.

The movie, which will have English and Arabic subtitles, will be screened in 10 cinemas in Cairo, Alexandria and Obour City.

Venky Mysore, CEO of Red Chillies Entertainments (RCE), confirmed the news in a statement saying: "We are very thankful that ‘Happy New Year’ has been received very well across International markets. After Chennai Express, this is the second RCE film to release in Egypt.

"Indian actors and films have enjoyed a lot of goodwill in Egypt and we hope the audiences in Egypt will enjoy ‘Happy New Year’ as much as all audiences around the world have," he added.

It was recently announced that the film will be released on 2,000 screens in China in early 2015 and has been made available direct to fans online. (Digital Spy)

Malaika Arora Khan: 'Item girls debate is ridiculous'

Malaika Arora Khan has said that the debate about item songs is "ridiculous".

The 41-year-old is regarded as one of India's top item girls, appearing in dance songs such as 'Chaiyya Chaiyya', 'Munni Badnaam Hui' and 'Anarkali Disco Chali'.

Commenting on the debate about the influence of songs on society, she told IANS: "I think it's ridiculous and I hate these debates. It's a song at the end of the day.

"I don't understand why there is so much fuss about it. Why can't we look at it

like entertainment. Indian films are all about song and

dance."

Khan will be appearing in a song sequence in “Dolly Ki Doli” with Rajkummar Rao.

Describing working with Rao, she said: "For me, the surprise factor was Rajkummar because I had no clue that he could dance so well. I had a great time dancing with him.

"I am glad the feedback has been great. It's a really fun and catchy song," she added.

The actress recently made a cameo appearance in Farah Khan's “Happy New Year”. (IANS)

Kangana Ranaut: 'Salman Khan understands my sense of humour'

Kangana Ranaut has described her professional relationship with Salman Khan and Aamir Khan.

The actress said that she shares a strong rapport with

both Khans, and regards them both as friends.

She told The Hindustan Times: "While Salman and I are buddies, Aamir and I have a really formal equation. Now, don't make it look

like I am comparing the two [laughs].

"It's not difficult to understand why Salman and I get along well. We are both upfront. Salman tries to give me gyaan and we end up having arguments. He calls me 'satku'. He is one of the very few people who understand my sense of humour," she explained.

"On the other hand, I refer to Aamir as Aamir Sir, even when he asks me to not call him so. I have a lot of admiration for him. He is a very sensitive person, and so is Salman. I guess all artists are sensitive."

Ranaut is to star with Aamir's nephew Imran Khan in “Katti Batti”. (Digital Spy)

Amitabh Bachchan campaigns to raise awareness of Hepatitis B

Amitabh Bachchan has said he wants to start a new campaign to generate awareness of Hepatitis B virus (HBV).

Writing on Twitter, the 72-year-old star revealed he has met with doctors to plan a strategy to eradicate the disease. He said: "T 1720 - Wish to start a campaign on awareness of HepatitisB .. met some committed doctors and shall strategise .. detect and cured asap !"

The actor, who disclosed he has once contracted tuberculosis (TB), recently became the face of BMC's TB eradication and awareness campaign in Mumbai.

Bachchan was earlier associated with UNICEF as a Global Ambassador for polio eradication since 2005.

After India was declared polio-free by the WHO (World Health Organisation) earlier this year, the star turned to Twitter to share his joy at the achievement.

By Zenica DaBichan

The end of the year

2014 provides the time to reflect, refresh and redirect ourselves as we look at the approaching horizon of a new year. The new year comes with the opportunity to make the changes we want or need in our lives. The following are choices you can include in your resolutions to improve your health and make positive lifestyle changes.

• Quit Smoking – make this the year you stamp out your smoking habit. Over the counter nicotine patches and gums help make quitting easier. Even if you've tried to quit before and failed, don't let it get you down. On average, smokers

Building abs and sculpting muscles starts long before you ever hit the gym. Muscle growth requires a formula based on drinking plenty of fluids and eating the right energy-rich foods along with lifting weights. The right formula will fuel workouts, repair muscle tissue, and help you sculpt your physique.

Nutrition Game Plan

Fruit and vegetables are the foundation of all healthy diets, providing fiber, vitamins, minerals, and fluids. Vegetables contain small amounts of protein.

try about four times before they quit for good. You will greatly decrease your risk of heart disease, stroke, lung disease and cancers. In the process you will save the money you spend on cigarettes.

• Exercise – Regular exercise has been associated with more health benefits than anything else known to man. Studies show that it reduces the risk of some cancers, increases lifespan, helps achieve and maintain weight loss, enhances mood, lowers blood pressure, and even improves arthritis. In short, exercise keeps you healthy and makes you look and feel better. As a general goal, aim for at least 30 minutes of physical activity every day.

Times Healthy Living

• Improve your diet –Increase consumption of plant foods, particularly fruits, vegetables, beans, whole grains and nuts. Limit the amount of fatty or fried food and cut down on sugary foods. Cutting down on fats and sugary foods will decrease your risk of

hypertension, diabetes and heart disease.

• Cut back on alcohol –Although alcohol in moderation has health benefits, too much drinking is still the bigger problem. Alcohol in excess affects the brain and can increase the risk of depression, memory

loss, or even seizures (fits).

Prolonged heavy drinking boosts your risk of liver and heart disease, hypertension, stroke, and mental deterioration, and even cancers of the mouth, throat, liver, and breast. Many heavy drinkers fail to quit all at once but do much bet-

ter when they taper gradually, or even learn to moderate their drinking.

• Get more sleep – A good night’s rest can do wonders for your mood and appearance. But sleep is more beneficial to your health than you might realize. A lack of sleep has been linked to a greater risk of obesity and type 2 diabetes. Sleep is crucial for strengthening memories. So take a nap— and don’t feel guilty about it.

The new year does not signify a simple change in the calendar but it also signifies opportunities for bringing about positive changes in your life and eventually the world around you. Here’s to wishing you a happy and healthy 2015.

also contain vitamins, antioxidants, fiber, and healthy fats.

Beans and whole grains are quality carbs that

before working out.”

But be careful: It is a delicate balance of eating enough calories to build

ing,” says Clark, author of Nancy Clark’s Sports Nutrition Guidebook.

Low-fat dairy provides high-quality protein, carbs, and essential vitamins such as vitamin D, potassium, and calcium. Sports nutritionists Christine Rosenbloom, PhD, RD, and Nancy Clark, RD, recommend chocolate milk as a good workout recovery beverage. If you are lactose intolerant, you can try yogurt with active cultures.

Lean meat is a great source of protein, iron for oxygen transport to muscles, and amino acids including leucine, which, Rosenbloom says, is thought to be a trigger for muscle growth.

Dark-meat chicken, compared to white meat, provides 25% more iron and three times the zinc for a healthy immune system.

Eggs "contain all of the essential amino acids," Rosenbloom says. One a day is fine according to the 2010 Dietary Guidelines, but don’t throw out the yolk. According to Rosenbloom, "Half the protein is in the yolk along with other import nutrients like lutein for eye health.”

Nuts -- unsalted and either raw or roasted -- are a good source of protein. They

contain small amounts of protein for energy and muscle repair along with fiber, vitamins, and antioxidants.

Timing Is Everything

Timing is critical in muscle development because you need carbs and protein to perform strength training and protein and carbs for muscle recovery. The best plan is to eat a diet containing both nutrients and small amounts of healthy fats throughout the day.

“Consuming a protein beverage like chocolate milk within an hour after exercise will give muscle the building blocks it needs when it is most receptive for repair” says Rosenbloom. If you will be eating a meal within 1-2 hours after a strenuous workout, Rosenbloom says you don’t need a snack and can wait for the meal to provide the recovery nutrition.

How Much?

More than half your calories should come from healthy carbs, Clark says. “Carbs supply fuel for energy and prevent protein from being broken down and used as an energy source. So always fuel up

mus -

cle but not too many calories, which can lead to gaining body fat.

Protein builds and repairs muscle tissue in addition to performing other functions, like producing hormones and immunity factors. The ADA suggests male endurance athletes get 1.2 grams of protein per kilogram of body weight, whereas male body builders may need 1.6 to 1.7 grams of protein per kilogram of body weight.

“Two cups of milk contain about 20 grams of protein, which is the amount recommended to stimulate muscle protein synthesis," Rosenbloom says.

But most people don’t eat by the numbers. Clark advises her athletes to divide their food into four equally sized meals and choose three out of these four options: fruit or vegetable, grains, healthy fats, and calcium-rich or lean protein at each meal.

“The foundation of each meal is based on healthy carbs, with additional protein like oatmeal with nuts and yogurt, turkey and cheese sandwich with veggies, or spaghetti with meat sauce and a salad. These are all great for body build-

For a food plan designed just for you, consult a registered dietitian.

Get Muscle-Building Results by Fatiguing Muscles

The only way to build bigger, more defined muscles is with progressive resistance training -- gradually increasing weights and endurance.

Use a weight heavy enough to cause muscle fatigue after 9-12 repetitions. If you can easily do 13 repetitions with good form, you

need to increase the weight.

“It is the act of pushing the muscles past the comfort zone that promotes muscle growth and more definition," Clark says.

Strength training results show up quicker than aerobic exercise. “It’s encouraging to start seeing enhanced definition fairly soon after working out at least twice a week for 30-45 minutes," Rosenbloom says.

The exact length of time it takes to start seeing enhanced definition of your muscles also depends on your percentage of body fat. An extra fat layer around your muscles will not let the newly toned muscle show through without weight loss. Clark says gaining 2 pounds of muscle per month is a reasonable

expectation. Strength training is vital to building muscles, but it is also an important part of any fitness program and should be done 2 to 3 times per week for 20 to 30 minutes each time. “It is a great investment in your future well-being because you need to use your muscles or you will lose them," Clark says.

As we age, strength training helps maintain muscle strength, prevent osteoporosis, and decrease muscle and joint injuries.

Rosenbloom recommends going to a gym where you can work with a trainer to understand how to properly perform muscle building exercises to challenge but not injure your muscles. (WebMD)

Oven Roasted BBQ Chicken Thighs

When it comes to choosing fixtures for your bathroom remodel, the options can seem endless. Learn the basics of shower fixtures, sinks, faucets and toilets to find the best options for your bathroom.

Vessel Sink Vessel sinks, or decorative bowls that sit on top of the counter, make a statement in the bathroom. These elegant sinks come in a variety of eye-catching materials, including glass and stone.

rain Showerhead

More and more homeowners are splurging on luxury shower fixtures for the bathroom. Often mounted on the ceiling, rain showerheads provide the sensation of bathing in a waterfall or soothing rain shower

Ingredients:

Method:

Combine BBQ sauce, peach preserves, garlic, and hot sauce in a medium saucepan and heat over medium heat for 5-10 minutes, or until nice and hot. Set aside.

Preheat oven to 400 degrees.

Drizzle olive oil on 2 rimmed baking sheets and place chicken thighs skin side down in the pans. Roast for 25 minutes. Remove from oven briefly, brush sauce all over the thighs, then use a spatula to flip them over to the other side, being careful not to tear the skin.

Brush the tops with more sauce and return to the oven for 7 minutes. Remove from oven, brush on more sauce, and return to the oven for another 7 minutes. Remove from oven, brush on sauce, and turn up the temperature to 425 degrees. Continue roasting for another 5 to 7 minutes, or until the sauce is starting to brown around the edges and the thighs are totally cooked through. Remove from the oven and let sit for at least 10 minutes before serving.

Breadfruit Fish Cakes

Ingredients: 2 cups boiled and mashed breadfruit

2 cups boiled and flaked salt fish 1 medium onion, chopped 4 sprigs chive, chopped finely 2 cloves of garlic, grated

Method:

Boil and mash the breadfruit. Boil and flake the salt fish making sure to squeeze out excess salt. In a deep bowl mix the breadfruit, salt fish, chive, onion, garlic, pepper and paprika.

Pick up about 4tbsp of the mixture, shape into desired form and roll in Panko breadcrumbs.

Fry until golden and drain on paper towels. Serve with dip of choice.

2 pimento peppers, diced finely

A dash of paprika

Pepper to taste Panko breadcrumbs for dusting Coconut oil for frying

affected area (be sure to hold your breath or you might vomit too). Let it dry overnight and you’ll be able to easily vacuum the whole thing up. Also works for urine and carpets. Use apple peels to remove stains from your aluminium pots and pans. Use baby oil to polish stainless

In the paragraph below, each blank must be filled by a five-letter word, and the words are all anagrams of each other (the words all contain the same five letters, in different order). Can you fill in the blanks?

Quaint _____ this hotel supplies, That don't appear upon the bill. I speak of roaches, _____, and flies. You _____ and slap. They're with you still. At _____ each guest _____ pained screams That ought to plague the owner's dreams.

see solution on page 22

see solution on page 22

Creative Writing

Ajar of honey fell and the sticky sweetness flowed out on the table. The sweet smell of the honey soon brought a large number of flies buzzing around. They did not wait for an invitation. No, indeed, they settled right down, feet and all, to have their fill. The flies were quickly smeared from head to foot with honey. Their wings stuck together. They could not pull their feet out of the sticky mass. And so they died, giving their lives for the sake of a taste of sweetness.

Moral of the story: Be not greedy for a little passing pleasure. It may destroy you.

The North Wind and the Sun

The north wind and the sun had a quarrel about which of them was the stronger. While they were disputing with much heat and bluster, a traveller passed along the road wrapped in a cloak.

"Let us agree," said the sun, "that he is the stronger who can strip that traveller of his cloak."

"Very well," growled the north wind, and at once sent a cold, howling blast against the traveller.

With the first gust of wind the ends of the cloak whipped about the traveller’s body. But he immediately wrapped it closely around him, and the harder the wind blew, the tighter he held it to him. The

north wind tore angrily at the cloak, but all his efforts were in vain.

Then the sun began to shine. At first his beams were gentle, and in the pleasant warmth after the bitter cold of the north wind, the traveller unfastened his cloak and let it hang loosely from his shoulders. The sun's rays grew warmer and warmer. The man took off his cap and mopped his brow. At last he became so heated that he pulled off his cloak, and, to escape the blazing sunshine, threw himself down in the welcome shade of a tree by the roadside.

Moral of the story: Gentleness and kind persuasion win where force and bullying fail.

The Young Crab and his Mother

"Why in the world do you walk sideways like that?" said a mother crab to her son. "You should always walk straight forward with your toes turned out."

"Show me how to walk, mother dear," answered the little crab obediently, "I want to learn."

So the old crab tried and tried to walk straight forward. But she could walk sideways only, like her son. And when she wanted to turn her toes out she tripped and fell on her nose.

Moral of the story: Do not tell others how to act unless you can set a good example.

night I close half-a-eye consequently when I dream I dream half-a-dream an when moon begin to glow I half-caste human being cast half-a-shadow but yu must come back tomorrow wid de whole of yu eye an de whole of yu ear an de whole of yu mind. an I will tell yu de other half of my story.

Listen Mr Oxford Don Me not no Oxford don me a simple immigrant from Clapham Common I didn't graduate I immigrate

But listen Mr Oxford don I'm a man on de run and a man on de run is a dangerous one

I ent have no gun I ent have no knife but mugging de Queen's English is the story of my life

I don't need no axe to split/ up yu syntax I don't need no hammer to mash/ up yu grammar

I warning you Mr. Oxford don I'm a wanted man and a wanted man is a dangerous one Dem accuse me of assault on de Oxford dictionary/ imagine a concise peaceful man like me/ dem want me to serve time for inciting rhyme to riot but I tekking it quiet down here in Clapham Common

I'm not violent man Mr. Oxford don I only armed wit mih human breath but human breath is a dangerous weapon

So mek dem send one big word after me I ent serving no jail sentence I slashing suffix in self-defence I bashing future wit present tense and if necessary I making de Queen's English accessory/to my offence Poems by John Agard

ARIES (March 21April 19)

TAURUS (April 20May 20)

(May 21June 20)

(June 21July 22)

LEO (July 23Aug. 22)

VIRGO (Aug. 23Sept. 22)

LIBRA (Sept. 23Oct. 23)

SCORPIO (Oct. 24Nov. 22)

SAGITTARIUS (Nov. 23Dec. 21)

(Jan. 20Feb. 19) (Dec. 22Jan. 19)

PISCES

(Feb. 20March 20)

A compatible partnership is imminent. Make sure any agreements you develop are well-balanced, or you may find yourself overworked and overwhelmed. A third party can offer helpful hints.

Influential acquaintances will help you make a good financial move. Be prepared to act quickly when the right opportunity comes along. Moderation and determination will lead to success.

Intimate time spent with a special someone will allow you to reconnect and revive your relationship. Clear up any outstanding items on your agenda and devote your attention to what you enjoy most.

Money or legal matters will turn in your favor. Changes at home will cause some tension, but everyone will benefit in the end. Clear up outstanding paperwork before starting a new project.

The key to a successful partnership depends on both parties making equal contributions. If you find that your partner isn't pulling his or her weight, start a discussion before matters get worse.

Be sensitive to the needs of others. Spend time with an elderly relative who offers interesting insight into your past and provides input about your future.

Lady Luck is on your side. Your intuition is strong, and your decisions will be on the money. An interesting proposal will have far-reaching benefits.

Self-doubt will be your downfall. Once you have compiled the relevant information, make a commitment to an investment opportunity. The results may not be rapid, but you will make money over the course of time.

Finish what you start. A haphazard approach will cause chaos and leave you with lots of incomplete projects. Stay focused and follow through until each matter has been finalized.

Keep a close watch over the competition. You will save yourself a lot of work if you compare strategies and make any necessary adjustments to ensure that you will be successful.

Personal and professional relationships will improve if you participate in things instead of observing them. Talk to colleagues about positions opening up in your field. The more you learn, the better you will do.

You'll be looking for a new challenge. Restlessness or boredom will lead to poor decisions. Don't do or say anything that could impede your progress.

Apple dominates 2014 Christmas gift lists

Apple products were the most popular tech gifts of 2014, after millions of new devices were activated on Christmas Day.

Apple accounted for 51.3 per cent of new devices activated between December 1925, compared to Samsung's 17.7 per cent share - meaning for every Samsung device activated, 2.9 Apple products were set in motion.

Nokia was in third place with 5.8 per cent, while Sony and LG managed 1.6 per cent and 1.4 per cent respectively, according to Flurry Analytics. HTC, Xiaomi and Huawei accounted for less than one per cent share on Christmas Day itself.

Those eager to try out their new devices downloaded 2.5 times as many apps on December 25 compared to an average day in early December, according to the research, with games and messaging apps the most

Ffor the

3 in October. Apple's share of the UK smartphone market reached an all-time high earlier this month, following strong sales of the new handsets. iPhones make up around just under 40 per cent (39.5 per cent) of smartphone sales across the UK, according to Kantar Worldpanel ComTech. The boost was also reflected across Europe, where Apple's iOS operating system accounts for around 15.4 per cent of smartphones sold. The 4.7-inch iPhone 6 outsold its 5.5-inch sister handset the 6 Plus by fiveto-one. (Telegraph)

Snow falling on sand, Dubai's new winter wonderland

or much of the 20th century, the rest of the world found America’s obsession with faux-reality amusement parks — Disneyland, Busch Gardens, etc. — deeply weird.

But the rest of the world is catching up fast. No place is moving more quickly than Dubai, home of the World Islands offshore tourist archipelago, where replicas of various global locales are being built on artificial islands.

One of those island clusters, The Heart of Europe, aims to recreate European locales including Vienna, Rome, Andalusia, Cote d’Azur, Monaco, Germany, Sweden, Switzerland and St. Petersburg. To add to the ambiance, developers are even planning to provide snow — real snow, outdoors, in the hot desert sun.

Well, real snow in this instance means snow generated from machines — ski-resort style. But the plan is to create an outdoor climatecontrolled environment where snow will fall on the faux-European streets and stick around on the ground, at least for a while.

Tech News Tech

ByTe

TThe German-designed climate control system will use a network of underground cooling pipes so that the falling snow doesn’t immediately melt as soon as it lands. The same system will also recycle the melt water to create new snow.

Alert readers will note that Dubai might be a difficult place to sustain snowfall. Average temperature in the summer is 96 degrees Fahrenheit. In January, it’s 66 degrees.

Still, the real estate developers of the Kleindienst Group insist it can be done. In a promotional video with the website 7 Days in Dubai – featuring the Dubai snowman pictured above – CEO Josef Kleindienst says the technology has been in use for several years, but never implemented in a fully outdoor setting.

The group also claims the system uses no more energy than a typical shopping mall climate control system. “We are aiming for a green building certificate, for the highest rating possible in Dubai,” says Kleindienst in the video. Skepticism seems warranted, but then again, German engineering is notoriously formidable.

(Discovery)

Read Only!

he epic hack of Sony Pictures became the big tech story of the last days of 2014. Among other serious security breaches, several high-ranking Sony executives had their personal email archives raided, sifted and posted publicly. Significant embarrassment ensued. That particular aspect of the hack touched a nerve for many people, because hey — everybody has a few emails in the Sent queue they regret. Let he who is without embarrassing emails cast the first stone.

There is a way to guard against such nefarious activity. A small startup in Brooklyn launched an online service called DSTRUX, which allows users to send emails that self-destruct after a designated amount of time — Mission Impossible style. (Similar services are ramping up for social media and texting, too.)

The recent Sony events have sparked a wave of interest in these initiatives. “Our numbers have doubled since the Sony attacks,” Nathan Hecht, founder and chief executive of DSTRUX, said in a recent interview with CNBC.

Here’s how it works: With DSTRUX, your recipients don’t need to be signed up with the service. Files are uploaded to a kind of neutral-space quarantine system. Recipients view files — text or images — at a specific URL, encrypted though the DSTRUX viewer, which blurs any part of the missive you’re not actively scrolling

Apple to rebuild historic tech barn on new campus

Tech News Focus

Apple has dismantled and plans to rebuild a historic barn which has stood on the site of its second Cupertino campus for 99 years.

The Glendenning Barn served as a key socialising point within Silicon Valley for decades, when the 175 acre site belonged to rival tech giant HP. It played host to the company's annual picnic, employee reunions and "beer busts", former HP employee and Cupertino mayor Orrin Mahoney told Mercury News.

Apple carefully dismantled the structure piece by piece, numbering every nail and plank of wood in order to rebuild it exactly as it was in a new location near the Apple fitness centre, where it will be used to store landscaping supplies and sports equipment.

The company acquired the site in 2006 after former chief executive Steve Jobs announced plans to build Apple Campus 2, one mile east of Apple's existing headquarters. Construction is expected to near completion in 2016.

The doughnut-shaped four-story building will house around 14,000 Apple employees, and will be surrounded by 6,000 indigenous trees, including apples, cherry, plums, apricots and persimmons.

The new environment is a return to the agricultural orchards and flowering trees the Cupertino area of California was before it became the world's technology hub, as spearheaded by Jobs.

Shortly before his death in 2011, Jobs told the Cupertino City Council that the land was special to him, as he had idolised HP as an electronicsloving teenager.

"It all used to be apricot trees and apricot orchards," he said. "We would like to put a new campus on that, so that we can stay in Cupertino. We've hired some great architects to work with, some of the best in the world I think, and we've come up with a design that puts 12,000 people in one building."

The barn, which was built in 1916, belonged to the Glendennings, a pioneering family who used it to house horses and wagons during fruit harvests. HP bought the land in the early 70s, but retained the barn as the area was transformed into concrete buildings and car parks. (Telegraph)

over and reading. This is to prevent capturing screenshots. The “print screen” function is disabled, as well.

The email message will indeed self-destruct after a set amount of time — from an hour to a month — ostensibly leaving no record or electronic paper trail. The company recently added an iOS mobile app, with an Android version coming soon. For now, the service is free. The company hopes to eventually make money by offering bulk mailing services to corporate clients.

Also, regarding bonafides: DSTRUX’s staff were largely recruited from the Israeli army’s technology units. This seems relevant. (Discovery)

When exploring the solar system or interstellar space, some scientists look for signs that we might not be the only life in the universe. They might look for radio signals or evidence of organic chemistry familiar here on Earth. But what if the signals or chemistry of alien life are completely unfamiliar to us? How would we recognize them?

Scientists at the Swiss research center, EPFL, think a clue could come from movement. They’ve created a tiny device that detects nanoscale vibrations that occur inside microscopic beings.

The ultra-sensitive motion sensor uses technology already developed for atomic-force microscopes designed to create images of incredibly small structures. The microscope works because it has a tiny, cantilevered tip that’s moved over the contours of a given surface. As the tip moves, a laser simultaneously measures the ups and downs and turns that information into a digital image. Just like the microscope, the nano sensor has a cantilevered tip and a laser.

In tests, the scientists were able to detect vibrations from bacteria, yeast and mouse and human cells, even when the organisms were mixed with soil and water.

Ideally, such an instrument would be installed on a rover sent to explore the surface of a moon or planet.

The researchers, Giovanni Dietler, Sandor Kasas and Giovanni Longo, published their results in the journal Proceedings of the National Academy of Sciences. (Discovery)

“Beautiful China”, a photographic exhibition displaying the “Chinese Dream” through 35 photos of “ordinary people” and everyday moments, gave viewers an understanding of China, its people and culture.

The exhibition was a collaborative effort between the Ministry of Culture, Youth and Sport and the China Photographers Association. It was composed by the China Photographers Association to display the “Chinese Dream” - achievements, advancements and hopes through the medium of photography.

In a brief remark at the opening ceremony, Ambassador Zhang Limin noted that the exhibition is a collection of photographs displaying ordinary people performing routine tasks and their struggles. He said: “It seeks to demonstrate a harmonious existence and impart a greater understanding of China.”

The 35 photographs, taken by various Chinese photographers from the China Photographers Association, showcase the positive achievements made by multiple sectors in contemporary China, including its economy, politics, society, culture and ecology.

Explaining the aim of the exhibition, the Chinese embassy in Guyana website, http://gy.chinaembassy.org/, stated that “the Chinese people are striving for the dream of the rejuvenation of the Chinese nation. This exhibition reflects the concept of harmonious coexistence of human and nature and Chinese people’s pursuit for happy life”.

“Beautiful China” was launched on 29 December 2014 at the Guyana National Museum and was opened to the public until 3 January 2015.

For those who did not get a chance to view the captivating exhibition, here are some of the photographs that were on display.

By IndrawattIe natram

acklow Pomeroon

JMosque, located in the community of Jacklow, Upper Pomeroon, an 11-

mile speed boat ride from the Essequibo Coast, was originally built by Mohamed Sarafraz in 1912 measuring 12ft by 15ft with manicole walls.

According to Ishmeal Khan, a member of the masjid, Sarafraz and his wife, Gafooran Mohamed, came to Guyana from India as indentured Indians. Sarafraz

Mohamed came from the province of Punjab, while Gafooran came from Uttar Pradesh.

They arrived in Berbice, Guyana, in 1885 and were bound for Hampton Court sugar plantation. After serving six years of semi-slave labour, they were released and found temporary shelter at an abandoned estate at PLN Better Success in 1892.

The road link from Darthmouth to Charity in 1908 allowed easy access to the Pomeroon River. Sarafraz and 15 “Jahajees”, in 1911, occupied several ten-acre lands between Martindale and Siriki in the Pomeroon River. After bringing their own beliefs from India, they saw the need for a place of worship in their community.

Mohamed along with the community pooled

their resources and built a place of worship at Jacklow Pomeroon.

The mosque was rebuilt in 1924, and later in 1959 as its present structure. This masjid served an area stretch of 30 miles; where several Muslim families reside. All the Muslim calendar dates were observed, inclusive of Ramzan Shareef, the two Eids and the prophet’s birth date.

Muslim brothers attended mosque by travelling in boats.

Khan said in the early years the Imam for Friday Prayers was brought from the Essequibo to Jacklow by paddle boat - a return

distance of 11 miles from Charity.

The Imams who served the masjid included Ali Namaz, Ishmeal Khan, Azee Mullah, Karmaso and Mohamed Shaffee. By 1935, the Imams were Abdul Hamid Ustadin and Sekandar.

However, as English translation of Urdu and Arabic prevailed by 1945 onwards, the existing Madarsa (school), built in 1946, promoted a number of persons who could have led all the prayers. Sarafraz’s son, Mohamed Basir, was the official Imam and financial custodian of the masjid until his death in 1983.

Brain Teaser Answer

Quaint ITEMS this hotel supplies, That don't appear upon the bill. I speak of roaches, MITES, and flies. You SMITE and slap. They're with you still. At TIMES each guest EMITS pained screams That ought to plague the owner's dreams.

SUDOKU KID SUDOKU

Honey Pond

Times Travel & Tourism

Honey Pond, located in Region Nine, is known for its rich biodiversity. Teeming with various species of birds, fish and other animals, like the magnificent black caiman, Honey Pond is a highlight location when visiting Karanambu Lodge.

Karanambu encompasses approximately 110-square miles of savannah, marshy ponds, riparian forest, and a 30-mile stretch of the Rupununi River. The Lodge provides guests with the opportunity to experience the wildlife of Karanambu.

Settled in 1927 by Tiny McTurk, Karanambu was once a working cattle ranch and Balata collection station. It is now an eco-tourist destination known as The Karanambu Lodge.

With a bird list of over 600 species, Karanambu is a birdwatcher's paradise. The lodge also provides excellent viewing opportunities of giant river otters, giant black caiman and giant anteaters.

Karanambu is also the home of Diane McTurk, conservationist and world-renowned expert on giant otters. Diane's legendary hospitality is extended to every guest, even when Diane is not at home.

The Karanambu Trust was set up in 1997 to fulfil Diane's vision of establishing Karanambu as a protected area. Karanambu is a nature lover’s paradise. It is where you will experience untouched natural beauty in this remote corner of South America.

An evening ritual of watching the giant water lily, Victoria amazonica, open at Honey Pond is a memorable experience. The lodge provides this unforgettable experience, along with other trips to view the wildlife at the pond.

Not only will you enjoy an exciting trip to the pond, but you will get to see Diane work with her beloved otters – a mesmerising experience.(Cover photo: Serene Honey Pond. Photo by sjr8545 on Flickr)

The Lamest Excuses Ever Uttered

Your bad? Fine. Just don't follow it up with one of these lousy lines... For Bogus Breakups

A woman told Cosmopolitan, “I flew across the country to see my ex-boyfriend, and he told me that he couldn’t see me because all of his clothes were dirty.”

Here are other lines, arranged as a speech from a woman to her soon-to-be ex.

“I just don’t have time for a relationship right now.” You see, “I’ve got to focus on finding out the truth about Benghazi.” Plus, “I have a high-maintenance bird” that demands a lot of my attention, which makes my other pet jealous, so now “I need to spend more time with my dog.” Besides, what month is this, June? Yeah, “I have to attend several birthday parties in July and August, so I won’t be around to spend any time with you.” I know we discussed going paragliding in July, but “if I were ever permanently injured in an accident, I don’t think you’d stay with me, so I am leaving you now before that happens.” …You saw right through that one, didn’t you? “You’re so smart, you make me feel stupid.” OK, here’s the deal: “I just can’t be with someone who liked Sharknado.”

Sources: lemondrop.com, cafemom.com For Rent Rants

Let’s face it: Paying rent is a hassle. “It’s your fault,” a tenant scolded one landlord when the tenant’s cheque bounced. “Why didn’t you tell me you were going to run to the bank the very same day?”

Here, enjoy a tirade compiled from real excuses from renters.

Let me get this straight, “you’re only talking to me because the rent’s not paid? Is that all I am to you? A tenant?” Yes, I know I’m late with the rent. “We knew we wouldn’t be able to pay next month’s rent, so we decided to not pay this month’s rent either.” Why? I’ll tell you why: “I’m getting really tired of paying this rent every damn month!” “We’ll pay you when we can. We’re having a big party for my daughter’s sweet 16 with her friends and had to buy a lot of beer.” So just bear with me, OK? I’m a little low this month because “my dealer raised his prices again. You know how it goes.” Look, I know I owe you money, but don’t worry, it won’t be long before I pay you. “We’re getting a refund on my wife’s tattoo. The artist messed it up, and we’re getting back most of the bucks!” Oh, and one more thing: “I won’t be paying the rent for July. I can’t give you any details, but we are going into the witness protection program.”

Source: The Landlord Protection Agency For Bumbling Employee

On about.com, an employer wrote that a male employee called to say he would be late because “his cervix was hurting.”

This scenario, in which a goof-off attempts to sweet-talk his employer, is made up of reasons for missing work that were test-driven by various employees who tried skipping the office.

Hi, Ms. Vaccariello. I want to apologize for missing that three o’clock meeting yesterday. “I forgot to come back to work after lunch.” I have a good excuse, though. I’ve been preoccupied ever since I found out “a hit man was looking for me.” So instead of coming to work, I went to a bar and “drank too much and fell asleep on someone’s floor. I don’t know where I am.” In fact, I’m not sure I’m even talking to you because “I am hallucinating.” That or “I’ve had a hair dye disaster,” because for some reason my hair is green. Don’t worry, I wouldn’t think of coming to work with green hair. I washed out the dye, but now “my toe is trapped in the bathtub.” … Great suggestion: I will use soap to make it slippery, but even if that succeeds, I’m afraid I still won’t be able to come to work today. “My dog had a big fright, and I don’t want to leave him.” He’s upset because “my fish is sick.” You see, he’s been on edge ever since “my hamster died.” … I’m sorry, Ms. Vaccariello. I missed that threat you just made about my job security: “My brain went to sleep, and I couldn’t wake it up.”

Source: telegraph.co.uk

For Audacious Criminals

Here are excuses from criminals and traffic violators.

Hi, officer, was I speeding? I had no idea. You see, “I don’t understand the speedometer because I suffer from dyslexia.”(1) But if I were speeding, I have a perfectly good explanation: “I was low on gas, and I wanted to make sure I had enough speed to coast home.”(2) You are correct: This is not my car. But I didn’t steal it; I borrowed it. “My director said I should try it.”(3) That’s because I’m an actor, and we were on set “filming Batman.”(4) … The driver said I commandeered his car after flashing a fake badge? The badge is not fake. It belongs to my dog. He “was trained to sniff out dead bodies and has since retired.”(5) That wasn’t me who tweeted, “Hey, look at me! I stole a car!” “My Twitter account got hacked!”(6) What empty whiskey bottles? Oh, the ones shoved under the seats? I didn’t drink them. “The whiskey probably evaporated.”(7) No, “I’m not drunk … hic … the horse is.”(8) That’s why I had to borrow the car. I understand that this woman in the passenger’s seat is not a horse. And, no, I did not smoke any of this pot you see here. I found it, and I was just “trying to get rid of all the marijuana.”(9) By the way, let’s not tell my wife about this woman. I want it to be a surprise. You see, she’s helping “me buy tomatoes.”(10) My wife loves tomatoes. (Reader’s Digest)

Shane. My Office. Now.

Shane works in the deli department of a large supermarket chain, where he often finds himself in trouble. Just look at the notes management has supposedly written to him:

“Shane, stop putting Some Assembly Required stickers on the eight-piece chickens.”

“Shane, any free samples you give must come from the deli, not electronics.”

“Shane, when a customer asks where to find a product, give them an aisle number, not directions to Albertsons store.”

One Way To Foil Fridge Thieves

The note left on the office refrigerator was addressed to: “The culprit who ate what you thought were two peanut butter ice cream bars.”

We’ll skip over the details and go straight to the signature: “Love, ConstipatedDog Owner.”

The Saddest Story

While at a convention, Bill, Jim, and Scott shared a hotel suite on the 75th floor. After a long day of meetings, they were shocked to find that the hotel elevators were broken and that they’d have to climb all the way up to their room.

“I have a way to break the monotony,” said Bill. “I’ll tell jokes for 25 flights, Jim can sing songs for the next 25, and Scott can tell sad stories the rest of the way.”

As they started walking up, Bill told his first joke. At the 26th floor, Jim began to sing. At the 51st floor, it was Scott’s turn.

“I will tell my saddest story first,” he said. “Once there was a man who left the room key in the car.”

Work is an Onion

Supervisor: This project isn’t something we can finish off quickly. It’s like an onion. It has layers that we have to peel away, one by one.

Co-worker: And it will make us cry a lot.

First Step’s a Doozy

Mike went into work an hour late, his face scratched and bruised, his glasses bent.

“What happened to you?” his boss asked.

“I fell down two flights of stairs,” Mike said.

His boss was aghast. “That took you a whole hour?”

Drug Dealer?

Joe delivered prescriptions to people too ill to go out. Since the neighbourhoods he visited were often unsafe, he decided to get some protection.

"Why do you need a pistol?" asked the clerk at the gun shop.

He explained, "I deliver drugs at night and carry a lot of money."

How to Ruin an Interview

When you’re interviewing for a job, you want to make an impression.

Hiring managers report that these people made one—just not the right kind:

Applicant hugged hiring manager at the end of the interview.

Applicant ate all the candy from the candy bowl while trying to answer questions.

Applicant blew her nose and lined up the used tissues on the table in front of her.

Applicant wore a hat that said: "Take this job and shove it."

Applicant talked about how an affair cost him a previous job.

Applicant threw his beer can in the outside trash can before coming into the reception area.

Applicant’s friend came in and asked: "How much longer?"

Is the Client Always Right?

A graphic designer on the phone with his client.

Designer: Hi. I’m just updating the copy for your form and was wondering if you meant to say “programs” for the third question.

Client: No! What I sent along was completely accurate. Just copy it over exactly as it says. I’ll explain it nice and slowly for you.

Designer: “Please indicate which pogroms you’ve attended.”

Client: Yeah, that should be programs. Yes, there's a place called Accident in Maryland, US