funda Offending Longwood since 1920
Volume 6,003; Number 13
Inside: Activist: Tke War on Homelessness Exit Strategy Opinion, Page 3
Lesson in Morals Beer Pong Glory: Becomes Official Varsity Sport Sports, near the end A very Kafka-esque cartoon. Well not really Kafka-esque but you don't know what that means so it really doesn't matter now does it? Ellietoons, Page 6 Babes and Bottles Party at Blake's tonight. BYOB!
Sligfity Used Sex Doll for Sale by Owner Classifieds, Page 12
Just pretend that it's April 1, 2006
SGA President Reported Missing Alter Defacing tke Good Name ol Longwood Millamant Queen Presiding Over Ail Once upon a rime there was a young, ambitious girl prepared to conquer the world with her first stop being Longwood University. The individual 1 am referring to is none other than Kristen Casalenuovo. Along with receiving numerous honors and excelling in the world of academia, she is the president of the student government. She is the representative of our university-the symbol of the student body-you. Holding this much responsibility will, as one can imagine, create an incredible amount of stress upon a person. Casalenuovo has sadly not only fallen victim to this, but suffered an adverse reaction. After tracing her increasingly debilitating activities, it is believed that Casalenuovo has, well in essence gone crazy. A close friend said, "I first noticed her debacle last
Casalenuovo: "1 am not responsible for my actions" semester when she started talking about how girls were hot. This is the instance when things really got out of control. I think people started calling her s-gay president. It was sad; especially the fact that I didn't get to her first." A missing persons report has been filed and the university is asking for any available information. She was last seen shambling through the streets of Savannah, GA for the attendance of a rugby tournament, which some may
consider the ultimate pitfall of sin. One witness claims,' '1 saw her stumbling about—a drink in both hands., When I asked if I could help she tried to makeout with me. I After refusing her advances, she became wild and violent. She tried to hit me, but luckily the | lake of the | necessity of Police officer: hand/eye coordination was on my side." Aside from this being an obviously misconstrued representation of Longwood students, officials are concerned about her health. Another witness who saw Casalenuovo on the street said, "She walked right up to a flower bed, pulled up her skirt and pro-
ceeded to urinate in public. After she stood up 1 realized that she forgot to pull her skin back up. Or maybe she just didn't want to." Several accounts of this behavior are beginning to provide evidence that Casalenuovo may be mentally unstable, as opposed to the popular belief that she has been on an extended drunken rage. Due to the lack of response HAH A' from police, the university is asking students to take these matters into their own hands. She is considered dangerous, so if seen, it would be best to tackle, bind in leather, find the closest rack or burn alive to show your true citizen leadership and ensure that Longwood can continue to hold its title of being the safest campus in Virginia.
Tke Real History of Longwood Justin Sett Minion What's in a name? That's what I ask myself as I search through the Greenwood library's dusty and long forgotten history section. I've been charged with bringing you, the loyal readers of the Rofunda, the complete and uncensored history of our name: Longwood. It's in an ancient and dusty tome, U.S. World & News Report (August 2005 issue), that I find the answers I'm looking for. That sacred text has forever illuminated my mind, and now I can share with you the true story of how our drunkard-plagued university came to bear its name. In 1839, the year that they tell you Longwood was founded, an extremely drunk pirate by the name of Nevel Roundkeg, a former British navel officer, was captured and hung here in Farmville. That day, October 17th, the Farmville Herald's headline read "Authorities
Capture Drunk Troublemakers," a theme that would repeat countless times over the next 167 years. Roundkeg's merrily intoxicated men, known to the rest of the world as the fearsome brothers of the Wheeler (their ship's name), were also hung that day. There were so many pirates that the authorities had to use an extremely long piece of wood to hang them all from. That, my good friends, is where the name Ixmgwood comes from. My university got its name from a piece of wood used to hang drunken merrymakers, and it is a good thing it no longer continues that policy of ruthlessly hunting down intoxicated law-breakers. No sir, the police these days are much more tolerant, the kind of men who would never dream of giving someone a citation for say...urinating in public. Yes, I am glad that my tax dollars go to support these friends of the student body. But that's not all I found. As the night wore on and my eye lids
drooped from other things besides sleepiness, I found a companion tome that shed light on other strange things about this university. It was a glossy book of knowledge that some God had deemed to call Ebonie (February 2006 issue). And the dark secrets she spilled to me that night were fascinating. It seems as though our university was founded in 2001, not 1839. Some other edifice called Longwood College existed here before the University, but unfortunately I have not discovered the purpose this "college" served. Ebonie did tell me that the academic building of Ruffner, whose name was derived from Roundkeg's nickname, "Rough Nevel Roundkeg," was constructed over the gravesites of the pirates of Wheeler. It is said by some that such was the grief and anguish of the hung pirates that they now haunt our fair Wheeler hall, and that their screams in the night sounds
like steam pipes and radiators knocking. Something else I found interesting was that the pirates evidendy had a "Book of Faces" and "Space for Me" that allowed them to keep in touch with one another. Inberween bouts of drunkenness the pirates enjoyed playing Lacrosse, even though they never won a game against other pirates and hardly managed to score. Perhaps the most disturbing facts I acquired from Ebonie were the favored weapons of Roundkeg and his men; a lance and a tankard of ale. Those two object symbolized what he and the pirates of Wheeler represented; aggressive drinking. Now I'm no student of history, but I can tell you that these lies are 100% truthful. All I can say is I am pleased that the curse of Roundkeg never came true, and that the students of Longwood University do not embody anything resembling Nevel and his men.
Remember? It's really April 1, 2006
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Words About The Editor: Brought to You bu the Forces of Good and Evil respectful, they routinely skipping class in favor of to experience an unrequited love societal acceptance. express disap- scampering off to parts unknown from which they never recover, Says one condemner proval of her for hedonistic rendezvous', leav- rendering them incapable of havof Janet's work, actions. One ing a trail of dip spit botdes every- ing a healthy romantic relation"Who criticizes our homophobic stu- where she goes, heavy consump- ship ever again. Such effortless President in a time of dent shares this tion of boxed wine, Bloody achievements have guaranteed war? [If the governobservation: "I Mary's, and mimosas, and taking Jones' seat at the right hand of ment sanctions the see her walking part in uncouth rugby traditions the red guy himself. mass murder and Lucifer is currendy away for around campus including ripping holes in her to Hell. injury of our troops with all those les- pants and tricking her friends into Spring Break leading more souls Her editorials committing for a good cause] we down the road of the damned. bians. No wonder getting hazed. every sin in the good book from need to stand behind This reporter caught up with him God has had many conversashe endorses their blaspheming the observance of him one hundred perat the St. Patty's Daytions with Christian holidays such as St. cent." lifestyle, she's one Festival in Savannah, Jones' of them!" Valentine's Day to supporting the Other Rotunda Georgia. "I am God isn't so mother who damnable actions of homosexu- readers are upset with excited about the als has bought Jones a front row Jones' misinterpretaconcerned about is worried prospect of working Jones' political sick about seat to the lake of fire and brim- tion of Biblical pas with Janet, especially sages to promote her/onej summering on tn*rantingS Qr her her. stone. after witnessing the Readers of the newspaper have views on homosexu-*'""'" °f HeU with herhomosexual agen- Violating] ture torment she causes. *>»*">"* Partner da. Our Lord and God's comspeculated Jones' imminent ality. The whole> Her abilities will be mandment, plunge into the depths of Hell Christian community at Savior was actually impressed with put to good use in "honor your i ever since her opinions became Longwood is in an uproar. one of her editorials which the tempting and "too controversial" for common While still being completely endorsed Jesus for President of father and subsequent torture the United States. What prompted mother," of souls." God to seal Jones' fiery fate is her and failing It is suspected embrace and glorification of a to redeem what , ., , Jones engaging that in return for her herself afterJ a a a debaucherous lifestyle. appears to be some sort of , allegiance, . ■ ritual •. i or sacrifice m eternal Case in point, the Lupercalia cel- manv' a divine """"• demonic Or the onlu serious thing in this entire Lucifer has granted ebration was nothing more than a intervention, brazen charade to get wasted, but has eternally barred Jones from Jones the ability to expertly play issue the harmonica and he has bought in the process it also flied foul in entering the pearly gates. God isn't the only immortal fig- her an airplane ticket to ramble all the face of all things holy, accordDear Students, Faculty Staff, Town Members, Parents, ing to a representative of all things ure keeping a close eye on Jones' over Europe upon graduation so Grandparents, Drug Dealers, and anyone else who wickedness. Lucifer has taken she can go global with her licenholy. may come across this paper: Other contributing factors notice of her high turnover rate tious behavior. This issue of Tbe Rotunda, known this week as Tbe include Jones' allowing gendemen for objects of affection. Especially Rofunda is one big flipping joke. It's April Fool's Day, callers to sleep in her bed, nude striking is her irresistible charm The Force* of Good and Evil and every year (except for the previous one), our tradiGuest Writer modeling for "artistic" endeavors. which drives her whirlwind lovers tion is to have a fake paper. Nothing is real. Nothing is in good taste. Nothing means anything. If you think something is about you, chances are that it is not, unless it's written by Patrick cause he's just an ***hole. I'm sorry, but I must come forth ture/a&e/sports stories), acting gonna... tell him something about I promise we will bring you the real news again next and say what everyone's thinking: like there's nothing better you two things... and how I was week. Janet Jones must be cognitively dis- could be doing with your life, like gonna put my fist in his ouchabled. being a healthy trophy wife for place, so I got my punching face Undying love from your favorite editor, xoxo I hate to say it, really, but it's some rich old man. Come on, on, which I keep in a jar by the Janet Jones becoming obvious to even the think about it - you could proba- door, who was it for? This guy, basic drunk freshman. We all know bly inherent a lot when you give punch him in the face good! Yes! that you've been posing as Editor- him that orgasmic heart attack. So I go to punch him, but I get in-Chief, and that Emily Grove has Wouldn't that be better than mess- distracted by this fine-ass hunny really been doing all the work. ing up the paper? You dumb ho? hunny, and she gonna give me You're an honest-to-god retard, Give it some thought, 'kay, some of the somethin someIn a recent telephone interview, God confirmed that Janet Jones, Editor-in-Chief of the Longwood student-run newspaper, is in fact going
Big Flipping Disclaimer
Letters to the Editor (Like She Deserves Them)
The TlPFundd
Box 2901 Phone:434-395-2120 Longwood University Fax: 804-395-2237 Farmville, VA 23909 rotunda@longwood.edu http://lancer.longwood.edu/org/rotunda/ The Madame Mistress Crack Procurer Ramblin' Sea Gypsy Bent Over Captian of the Year Lascmousness Incarnate One Night Stand Special Word Whore Tongue Master Porn Star
Janet Jones Emily Grove Kyle Castillo Kristen Casalenuovo Sara Bonavitch Leslie Smith Marina Sizow Patrick Sullivan
Naomi Pearson Courtney Boger Ellie Woodruff!
and it's an insult to such a fine establishment as Hie Rotunda.
thanks. -Bobby
That paper used to be so good until you started writing for it in Dear Editor 2003. Since then, it's been "Save Nuhh, oh, hey Janet! Don't the Animals" this, and "Screw worry, I'm not drunk... I'm just a Anyone Who Isn't Homosexual" little drunk... what' Nuhh, hey that (and you probably mean that Janetl So I went to this party literally, which is DISGUSTING in tonight, and they guy at the door a realh/ hot kind of way). Really, said like "you can't come in, you who do you think you are? You're got no pants on your legsl" So I thin, beautiful, blonde.. .you could said, "so let me drink your beer!" probably get any man you want, yet Buuut, he wanted me to wear here you are, lording over the pants, and I got too much drink in paper (and therefore Longwood's my drunk, to pants on my put opinion in the news /opinion /fea- You know? So I told him I was
thin... yeah yeah! So I drunk on up to her, and I say that it's time her and I hit the boyda-boydaboyda-good-good, so then she kicks me in my thing and stuff and I fall over, so I think maybe I need some more whiskey! And it's at the party, so I gotta get pants. So I walk to my frat house, and I say "lemme in!" but that's where the party is, so could I have some pants? I need pants! Tm not drunk, you are! Where are my legs? Ahhh, I'm not Spanish! -Rocko
PAGE 3
(shh. it's) April 1, 2006
"If you're not mad, you're not paying attention!" \
No one ever sends us these so we insert inside jokes to confound you... does it work?
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War on Homelessness Exit Strategy Joshua Quick Realist
America is losing a pointless war that it has no reason to be involved in. Of course I am talking about the war on the homeless. I find it utterly ridiculous the over the years the American government has spent billions on this problem and yet we still face the same predicament. Therefore I propose the following exit strategy for the American government. Start a true WAR on the homeless. Bring our boys back home and have them set their sights on a true national threat! We must eradicate this internal threat. That's right we must turn our armies loose
against the homeless, we must wipe them from the face of the earth! That's right either these people get a job, get a home, or get a bullet in the skull. History has thought us that if you do not care of the less fortunate, they will take care of you. I say the time to strike is now, before they begin to organize. Imagine an army of rambling psychos amassing on the streets. Imagine the chaos that would weep America if those vagabonds are able to organize. This problem must be nipped in the butt. Now is the time for a solution, now is the time for action. No longer can we allow this army of
darkness's number to continue to grow, this must end now! We as a people must turn on this filth and sweep it under the rug of justice! Now is the time to rise up as a people and demand that the only available option to ending this "war" is an actual war. Instead of having our streets be crowded with the pathetic lives of the bottom feeding scum of America's rejects let it instead be strewn with their lifeless corpses. If this plan is implemented correctly, the homeless should no longer be a problem. Also if America acts quickly it could also use this opportunity to win the War on Hunger.
Ed the Coffee Guy Facts(Yeah, Thats Right FACTS!)
+ Longwood being voted "Most casually dressed campus in America" by my fashion-conscious sister + Sunshine and lollipops + Your Mountie lover say "eh?" during intercourse + One-hitters packing more than one hit + Remembering what you did on Spring Break + Buying pharmaceuticals online + Selling your soul to rock and roll + Bonding over "never have I ever..." confessions + TILT going on sale at Kroger + Sugar daddies + One night stands going all night long + Masturbating on long car rides + Being naked in bed with Janet + Drinking at work to increase morale + Binoculars and sunbathers on Wheeler Lawn + Being call-out in the Rofunda + Naming your child after a rock star + Winning full-contact sports in pink + Taking over the world, Pinky + Watching the sun rise and set from a hot tub + Urinating in public + Wearing sunglasses at night
Ed the Coffee Guy does know tear. He met it once in a back alley and gave it a pile driver, now tearj Iknows to stay far away from Ed.
+ Singing "I'm a little tea cup"
-A single smile from Ed the Coffee Guy averted the Cuban Missile Crisis
+ Winning third place
The chemical reaction in the brain caused by drinking coffee prepared by Ed the Coffee Guy is callec an Edgasm. Ed the Coffee Guy's unauthori2ed biography was been around for years. To avoid lawsuits his character was renamed Beowulf. Ed the Coffee Guy once had a perfect game in bowling by knocking over every pin with the power of tis pearly whites. Dinosaurs were not killed by a comet They committed mass suicide when they realized they would not live long enough to enjoy coffee prepared by Ed the Coffee Guy.
+ Co-ed Public bathrooms + Cheese Wiz bikinis + Writing for your school newspaper + Autobots Drops: - Evil Decipticons - Booty calls not coming through - Waking up with old french fries in your bed - Mean muggin'
Ed the Coffee Guy beat both Larry Bird and Michael Jordon in a game of Horse.
- Getting accused of being heterosexual
On a triple dog dare, Ed the Coffee Guy made coffee so hot that he himself could not drink it. H« then proceeded to drink the coffee anyway.
- Wearing yesterday's outfit for a third day
-Ed the Coffee Guy's farts do not stink, the smell like fresh caramel macchiatos.
- Revealing Victoria's Secret
-There is a word that rhymes with orange but only Ed the Coffee Guy knows and he's not telling.
- Evil leprechauns
Ed the Coffee Guy was recently added to the periodic table of elements. His atomic number is 119 and symbol is Ecg.
- Watching Pink Floyd's The Wail on acid
-While Big Brother is watching you, Ed the Coffee Guy is watching Big Brother.
- Naming your child after a fruit
kEd the Coffee Guy can be told what the Matrix is.
- Typographical erors
- People who don't put out - Clepto druggies - Passing out and having genitals drawn on your face
Stan Lee wanted to write a comic book about Ed the Coffee Guy but thought he was too powerful. Instead, he spread Ed's powers between a group of super-heroes and called them the X-Men. A decaf coffee from Ed the Coffee Guy stfll gets you jittery. Ed the Coffee Guy faced death once while hunting with Dick Cheney. However the bullets redirected themselves at Harry Whittington in total fear.
- Not fighting for your right to p-a-a-a-a-a-r-t-y - Visiting your stripper girlfriend at work - Underarm lint - Overusage of emoticons - Class getting in the way of college
When Ed the Coffee Guy plays Risk, all other countries surrender on their first turn.
Wht's ID $ N?me?
PAGE 4
Not really April 1, 200
SPECIAL INTERVIEW: The Elite Expose For years, Longwood has been wondering about the origins and goings-on of a particular student: Elite Woodruff Known to some as cool, others as feared, and yet others as "who?", Ellie is an aardvark among men, a cartoonist among serious journalists, and, more importantly, very verbose and easy to interview. It helps that she thinks very highly of herself. Anyway, we tossed a reporter into the ring, and this is the halfaSSed interview they managed to scrounge up. Luckily, Ellie talks a lot, so it was salvageable.
2. Tell me about the rocks.
professor salanes. So we can
The rocks are on the ground. What? I sell them and people buy them. Why do I sell them? Because I'd be out there anyway. May as well turn a profit. 3. Tell me about the shellfish. A stupid idea that keeps getting stupider. 4. What other hobbies do you have? What other hobbies are you referring to? ' "e
7. If you could have a professor's baby, which professor would you choose? What would you name it? Any professor's kid? Well, Dr. IChallender has a bunch of kids, I could steal one of those. I don't think I'd rename them though. You mean if I were to bear their Ichildren? Geeze. I don't know. I don't think Eleanor: in all her shining honor j want to bear anyone's kid, to
1. How many years have you been here?
5. If you could change an aspect of Longwood, what would it be?
attract better ones and keep the good ones. Oh and grilled cheese at breakfast
Five. Sometimes that feels like too much, other times not nearly enough.
The students. A lot of us are really lazy and ignorant. Myself included. Aside from that? Better
6. When did you 'meowing' and why.
Dear Dianj, [just visited mu, Iriend on the shores of Hell. We had so much iun! I think these ictures capture it best-
Note to self: Do not be the first to pass out in Hell. I got Jezebel to autograph my garter belt
The crowd went wild after we .. ., karaoked "Stairway to Heaven
Janet showed me her cool . ... . .» new „ ""ark of the beast
Fellow Vacationers Basking in the Hedonistic Waters
This semester. I was bored and it was an appealing sound.
i i
start
be honest. How about coadoption? Can I do that? Hm. 1 still don't km >w. That's really a helluva step to make and I can't even show up to class consistendy. Are you sure you're not asking what professor I'd have sex with?
8. What do you plan to do after graduation? No clue. Probably teach despite the misgivings of most of the education department. Or open a sheep farm. I'll call it a university. Not a knock against Longwood, btw. just a statement about what our students are like. 9. What's a typical day like for you? First I do three lines of coke and read the paper. The rest is a blur. 10. Anything else I should know about you? Should know? Nah.
Never Have Ever...
I (Special Cut-Out, Pocket Sized Travel Version) 11. Defined my philosophy by the saying on a Taco Bell hot sauce |wrapper ■2. Fantasized about my lover wearing an eye patch and saying |"arrr.' 3. Been the victim of a drive-by chalking incident. 4. Tethered myself to an attractive member of the opposite sex with ■a bungee cord. 15. Received a round-house kick of death from Chuck Norris. 16. Searched for mathematical expressions in split hair ends. |7. Done naughty things to my roommate's toothbrush. |8. Climbed a tree to escape a pack of ravenous gerbils. ■9. Spent more than 100 dollars at Wal-Mart when all I originally ■went to by was a bottle of shampoo. ,10. Woken up in a puddle of Laffy Taffy wrappers. Chased down a Hostess Snack truck in the middle of the night. Purchased feminine products at the Longwood bookstore. ■12. 113. Jumped in the Atlantic Ocean in February in the name of charity. Compulsively checked my email more than 25 times in one day. 114. Carried chap stick and a can of dip to class, but forgot my note■15. book and any writing utensil. ■ 16. Written saucy pick-up lines on my friend's stomach while they ■were passed out. 17. Worn a pair of jeans until the hole on the inner thigh became too I revealing. ■ 18. Fought a dwarf to defend my grandmother's honor. 119. Lost a debate to my inner monologue. |20. Watched more than two seasons of Friends in one sitting.
I
Like Totally April 1, 2006
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PAGE 5
Uiscovered ArtGemus Di (no, not at Longwood) , . ., Joseph McCoy The hero to our everything!
Sick of the usual cartoons the Rotunda has to offer? Tired of wondering why the perspective is shot, the punch line convoluted tired of that sneaking suspicion that the cartoonist is just a bitter and cynical senior who has nothing better to do than pass the misery along? Well boot that pessimist to the corner! We've got a new artist for youlSince the Longwood community seems to relish the occasional punnerific, light-hearted humor the former cartoonist once delivered, we at the Rotunda have pulled out the stops to find someone to best fill the role. Luckily for us, we didn't have to look far! Introducing Benjamin Woodruff, an 11 year old fourth grader who is attending Casimir Pulaski Intermediate School in Newark, Delaware. But this year fourth grade, next year? Savannah College for Art and Design. Ben is taking the place of his grumpy big sister and brings his brainchild to the printed page for the first time:
The Adventures of Odilon. This is the heart warming and humorous tale (or is it tail?) of a young kitty-cat who likes to pester people. Particularly Elbe. While some of the keener intellects in our readership may choose to read beneath the surface and note the continual triumph of the bouncy, happy, and optimistic kitten Odilon over the sedentary, tired and grumpy figure of Elbe, there's still plenty for everyone else to enjoy. Namely, kitties. Because who the heck doesn't like kitty-cats?Ben Woodruff sure does. Ben spoke briefly with the press, expressing his excitement about being printed and bringing a fresh new look to the Rotunda. Then he had to go, as he'd just gotten Kingdom of Hearts 2 and he didn't want to stay on the phone that long. Ben hopes to make this a continuing series and has begun a long series of character sketches to act as templates for later plot lines. We here at the Rotunda look forward to seeing the rest of Ben's work.
Caugnt Red-Handed! Ooooo! on pounds of snacks that the staff never saw. Don't you wish you knew? They suspect that she ate all of Don't worry, we don't either the food herself by the excessive weight gain since joining the Three year staff member, staff. Oreos, Cheese Doodles, Courtney Buger, has been caught misusing her privileges as busi- Tostitos and salsa were her weapon of choice. ness manager. What a heifer. The editorial board The worst thing recendy found that the staff found receipts from the on The Rofunda ABC store. Purchases credit card bill was were made for the 12-month subTequilla, Jack Daniels, scription to daddyand Aristocrat Vodka. like.com. If you are going to This is an Asian buy Vodka on the boy porn site that Rotunda's tab, at least has an infatuation buy a better quality Vodka. her with sex beads. Courtney The staff found'outfit, bought with ad money The staff was that purchases ^^^^^^^^^^M baffled by this were also made through several news, but happened to enjoy her Victoria Secret catalogues found taste in porn and continued the subscription for future staff stashed in the file cabinets. Courtney, do you really need a members. lace teddy? Cont'd, on p. 9 Courtney even spent money
The Dentata Tango Though you dance hip to hip, you take pains not to slip, a hand near her warm moving thighs. And while the brush of her knees becomes a torturous tease you see the mischief in her eyes.
you could hinge on man's fear of death. That it's a pain giving birth but imagine the reverse, drawn back in with one mighty breath.
Oh you are dancing the Dentata Tango, drawing lines for how far a man can go. She's got a welcoming grin but you're bound to lose a limb if you dance the Dentata Tango.
Oh are we dancing the Dentata Tango? Unconscious thought more subde than we know? We all keep a closed mouth about matters heading south and lay the beat for the Dentata Tango.
Let us start to address the urges we suppress and think on "proper" gender roles. Sex was something to avoid and later theorized by Freud as obsession with all our holes.
She will make you guess what's beneath her dress if it is peril or simple release. Sprung from envy or from spite she has dangerous delight and by the end she will take her piece.
Oh he projected the Dentata Tango onto scared virgin men rather than go to the culture that creates the men's minds that he relates into dancing the Dentata Tango.
You cannot dance the Dentata Tango more than once or so the plan goes. Like Shroedinger's box, once you break off the locks, you have ended the Dentata Tango.
On a Jungian take it's the sex that's at stake,
By: Ellie Woodruff
eonie$ M?E
PAGE 6
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PAGE 6
Longwood Terrorized L>\j Cyborg Professor Ivan Aaimoth
Chtap Pun Longwood was the site of a scene torn from 'The Terminator" this week when the school fell under attack by a mechanical man. Students become worried when Dr. Jeffery Peden, a Longwood computics professor, began repeating himself in great lengths when giving a lesson about recursion. Peden then rose from his chair and walked toward the wall and smashed through it, leaving the class stunned. "At that point I knew something was wrong," said senior Daniel Coker, "I've never seen him go anywhere without his cane." The lumbering professor was then spotted heading for Hiner, assaulting all those who stood in his way. The path of destruction continued as Peden single handedly leveled the Lankford Student Union and then set his sights on the high-rises. The police set up a barricade on Brock Commons, but proved litde resistance to the robot man. "What we supposed to do?" asked Police Chief Clancy Maybury, "he had the strength of a hundred men and he knows karate." At that point there seemed
only one logical thing to do—call in Chuck Norris. Norris quickly arrived on the scene to challenge Peden after Longwood lit its Texas Ranger beacon. What followed was an epic batde that raged throughout campus, unfortunately destroying all those who were unlucky enough to stand in its way. The fight raged for days, but finally Chuck Norris was able to get the upper hand due to the fact that he is f'n Chuck Norris. The subdued Peden was placed in the car of his estranged identical-twin, Italian model Fabio, where he has remained since the incident. Recendy, University of Virginia computer science professor Dr. Zhivago has shocked the world by announcing he is the man responsible for the carnage. "At that time Peden came to UVA I was working on a state of the art computer chip that could increase a man's intelli-
What we've all feared since that first week freshman year has finally been proven; an Armark employee has been found guilty of adding laxatives to the food they cook and prepare everyday for Longwood University students. The shocking news came Monday when the Virginia Health Department made a routine inspection of the facilities. Armark was charged under Virginia Criminal Code 5-421640, Part III, Article 3, Section 12: Protection from Contamination after Receiving Food Reparation which states: "During preparation, unpackaged food shall be protected from sinister sources of contamination." According to the Piedmont Health District regulation, which Prince Edward County and Longwood University fall under, Aramark and its employees are officially
under investigation. The news was just as shocking to many of the staff and student workers who have been working without the knowledge of this heinous act for months or even years. The true culprit, whose name has not yet been released, was eventually found out after many hours of closed door grilling interrogations by Health Department inspectors. President Cormier is set to make a formal announcement this Friday at 2 p.m. outside on the Rotunda's lawn. Her office and private residence number, which was leaked by an unnamed employee, were flooded with phone calls from local news stations, angry parents, students, and alumni claiming, and I quote "I knew it! I told you guys four years ago!" As the for the current student body, it seems some are shocked, some are disheartened, and some are just plain worried about the long term repercussions of using laxatives almost everyday day for
Between Consumption ot Alconol and Calling Your Ex Phil V be cans
gence and strength," Zhivago stated. According to Zhivago, he chose Peden based on his already incredible mind and physical physique. "It was a perfect success, I could not have dreamed of better results," Zhivago exclaimed. When asked what caused his creation to go berserk after so many years, Zhivago revealed the one fatal flaw his prototype held. In order to keep his program under control, Zhivago installed antanee in the long hair of Peden. Recendy Peden cut his hair and this has caused unforeseen complications for Zhivago. "It is a sad, sad day for both the field of . Computer Science and all mankind in general," said Zhivago, "if only he hadn't cut his hair."
Laxatives Found in D~Hall Food Your Mom Gots to Colltg
Studies Snow Correlation
the last couple of months. Some have already scheduled doctors' appointments at nearby South Side Hospital, while others seek more professional advice at their family practice. Talk of lawsuits from the student body against Longwood and/or Armark are also creating quite a buzz. Senior Patrick Bono is worried that after four years of living on campus and using the school's dining facilities almost everyday his colon "may never be the same." The Rotunda staff of course will keep you updated as this situation unfolds. We will also be covering President Cormier's address this Friday and hope to see many of you there. All we can do now is hope and pray for no long-term side effects. Now, I will fill up the extra space in this article by just typing. And typing Why are you really reading this? It's for aesthetic only. Seriously. Get a life, man.
A recent research study has found that "drunk-dialing"placing a phone call while intoxicated-is more complex than previously thought. A significant correlation was found between the type of alcohol consumed and drunk-dialing behavior; "liquor is more closely associated with drunk-dialing than beer," says Art Vandelet of Girthwood University. "Our participants were 20 males and 20 females who had recently broken up with their significant other," said Vandelet. Ten from each group were given a case of Beast (Milwaukee's finest), the other ten were given a handle of Captain Morgan. They were not previously told that they would be asked if they had drunk-dialed and in case they didn't remember, the ex-significant other was contacted the following day to verify any drunk-dialing behavior. The results yielded no gender difference, but was more heavily
based on the type and amount of alcohol consumed. According to reports of the ex-significant others, fifty-four percent of participants who drank liquor participated in drunk-dialing behavior while ■ only 34 percent of V those who drank beer drunk-dialed. Vandelet says, "While it appears that liquor is more likely to result in drunk-dialing behavior, we also found something we didn't expect" Apparently, the liquor group also left more rambling, incomprehensible, slurred and emotionally-charged voicemails. • "We had the participants come in and listen to the messages they left," said Vandelet "Even they didn't know what they were saying." Post-hoc analysis showed that only three drunk-dials had a successful outcome. "Apparcndy, their exs were drunk as well when they received the drunk-dial," said Vandelet. "The couples ended up getting back together and we couldn't be happier"
On-Campus Jesus Signtings Explained Namin L. Christian Did not actually write this
Despite numerous reports, rumors of Jesus sightings on the Longwood campus have been found to be completely false. Many people have seen the bearded man with long blond hair in various campus locations; one student remarked, "He looks just like the pictures in church." Another disputed the claim, quoting from the Bible, "Then if any man should say unto you, Lo, here is Christ, or there; believe it not." After a thorough investigation, the identity has been established as Chad Harriss, a lecturer in the Communications department. Like the man he has been mistaken for, Harriss has faithful followers that hang on his every word and look to him for guidance. However, he has fewer disciples—ten, rather than the twelve of the other legendary teacher—although the group sometimes swells to twenty or more. Contrary to popular
belief, Harriss does not meet with the ten in an upper room. They meet every Monday night in an office tucked away in a corner in Lankford. A spokesperson for the ten issued a statement yesterday, explaining that Harriss simply advised them as they prepared to spread to the local world the truth about recent events and events yet'to come, messages of warning and instruction, and information about the good news. There are those who remainconvinced that Harriss is more than just a teacher. They praise his kindness and blessings they have received from his words. Even faculty members point out the resurrection of the quality of the campus newspaper as a miracle. Recendy, however, Harriss has frequendy been conspicuously absent from his habitual meeting place. He Stated that he could not remain at Longwood forever, indicating that he would soon be going up to another place to prepare a home for his children.
When the
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Why you wwn$ know?
PAGE 9
Hookers Not Just Liberty Concedes: Straight Anymore God does love Longwood. LouU "L.T." Bhaiti Anagrams Art Cool
Tuesday was a historic day for I.ongwood University's women's rugby team. For die first time since its creation, the torn has opened its doors to openly gay women. I.ongwood along with Blue Star University were the only two public universities to bar gay members from their rosier, but things have changed. The movement firM began when hooker Elvira Bun kissed fellow hooker Ellen DcFeneras following a hard fought victory against Tekerson Tech. The two were kicked off the team the next night and barred from attending any games afterward. "I mean can you blame us?" asked hooker Jugs McElroy, "who would want to watch a bunch lesbos rolling around together like that?" According to McElroy, lesbians are often attracted to physical nature of the sport "You would always get girls trying to sneak on the team, like I.eah BarFly. I mean, who in their
right mind would think she was straight?" The issue really came into the spotlight in 2003 when freshman hooker Rosie McDonald openly expressed her homosexuality at one of the rugby's sleep-over parry. "I-et's just say she took the pillow fight a litde too far," said McElroy. Following her release, McDonald began a series of demonstrations with other openly gay women during rugby games and practices. The most famous of these came against a game against Blue Star University in an incident only known as "The Big Naked Pile." Now in her senior year, McDonald can finally step onto the pitch with her head held high. Many other openly gay women are following her example and joining the rugby ranks, such as hooker-hopeful, Bonnie Franks. Franks asked, "All the grabbing, touching, thrusting and down-right groping, what girl wouldn't want to be a part of that?"
Eat Me
not take any actions they just gave a response of disbelief saying, After confrontations between "We can not believe that nerve of I.ongwood University and liberty to question Gods love for liberty University, Longwood us." was one prayer away from losing This response started a battle God's love. of words and God had finalA Liberty representative ly had enough. who wished to be anonymous "I told them to pray about said, "We went before God, it and the answer would because as the students at come but they took things in liberty like to say, 'God and their own hand, so now I'm us, we're tight.' We could not basically questioning my love see how God could love a for both schools. I cannot place that behaves as believe they did not know longwood. does." that I have enough love for This statement comes after everyone. Both schools are incidences that were just a few really acting like children," too many for Liberty. God said. First there was the battle of Weeks past and there was chants at sporting events. no word to either school Longwood reportedly yelled Liberty sent a card with this from God. things such as, "it's past your image Monday March 27 with of Jesus gi ring curfew." Then there was the Longwood a thumbs-up. much consideration and fight over the use of the lettime with the Lord, liberty ters LU used by both schools as a response from God." decided to show some much their University acronym. Jerry Followell was heard to needed grace to Longwood. "Longwood just handled the comment after the incident, 'It "After going to the I-ord's word whole situation so unchristian was that queer Tinky-winky's we can see how God could love like but we have to remember fault." Longwood," liberty representathere is nothing but sinners at Longwood representatives did tives concluded. Serious/y
that school," a liberty representative said. liberty officials and representatives had finally had enough. They begin to go to God continually in prayer until they received
Longwood Lushes Prove to be Promising Prospects for Athletics I love you! Squimls Rock
With the rise of participation in Division I competition, the I-ongwood Athletic Department has been looking to add another women's varsity sport to comply with Title IX. The school was considering women's rugby, however the NCAA deemed the sport too violent. This forced the university to consider their only other option for competition, the beer pong team. This is one of the older organizations on campus, which has caused them to be extremely well respected. The university is entering the final stages meeting with NCAA compliance and is looking forward to the prospect of having more student involvement in Longwood Athletics. The team, the Longwood
Lushes, is comprised of twenty female student-athletes, all meeting the eligibility requirements necessary to participate. The Lushes do not currendy have a coach who is member of the fac-
Faithful fans of the girls ulty, but Emily Grove, former team captain, has stepped into the leadership position. Grove was on the Longwood Women's Soccer team, but quit because she felt unappreciated and knew that
her talent would be better utilized with the beer pong team. Grove said, "About half of the girls were scouted and the rest were walk-ons. The women's rugby team was pretty pissed about being pushed aside again, so many of them came to our try-outs. I was surprisingly impressed with their hand-eye coordination and triceps strength. It must be a result of the coundess push-ups John Graham made those poor girls perform." Like other varsity sports, the team is curNfl rently undergoing rigor ous training, with practice being held every evening. According to Grove, these practices entail upper body weight training, watching pornographic films while doing homework to build a resistance to distraction, as well as long-distance runs the
morning after competition to burn off excessive amounts of beer-produced carbohydrates. She says that the key to success is water. "As long as these giris don't get dehydrated, we will still be able to undergo a training regimen above all other athletic teams," said Grove. "This team is ready for the NCAA and ready to put Longwood on the map. You will see Longwood women's beer pong games on ESPN before the basketball team." The Beer pong team first scrimmage is schedualed for April 20th against the Pimpleton State Pimps. If you are interested in becoming a part of the Longwood Beerpong team. Grove is seeking a new team manager. Former team manager, Patrick Sullivan was recently released for stealing team property from the equipment fridge.
Buger Cont'd, from p. 5 Her most shocking crime has to be the "trip to LA. she planned for the staff." It was later discovered that rather than going to a conference with Rotunda staff, she traveled to California with friends of hers (believed to have relations with the mob) to engage in more scandalous activities. Needless to say, Courtney has been punished by being forced to rub Janet's feet every Wednesday night during layout design She is also responsible for making sure that the office is clean; an impossible task. She must also attend every SGA meeting until she graduates. If she wishes to return to the staff next semester, she must lose 30 lbs of Oreo weight I am sure that Courtney did other stuff of worthable (is that a word) mention but to be completely honest with you, I'm just really to damn drunk right now to think about it
PAGE 10
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Ckia±atiai is held at 4:20 p.m., Thursday,Ipril 20th Honestly, if you want a place to go to school, a place with great scenery and friendly people, then you should come here, right? It's awesome, totally! Please, come, and join us in our peace pipe, around the mellow fire of love.
April 1, 666
topped Hetog Funny
PAGE urn, I lost count
Reporter uncovers the Dark Confessions of a Fraternity Pledge The journal of fraternity pledge from years ago was found by a reporter and relayed to u*. Or they fabricated a story based on a hyperbolized stereotype for personal amusement. 9:50 a.m.: Wake up and realize that I can't remember the name of the girl in my bed. Then I realize I have class in 10 minutes. I throw on my jeans, that have a rank stench from not being washed in so long, put on my last pair of semi-clean boxers (Febreeze does wonders,) and throw on my letters which are blazoned across my ever-growing collection of frat t-shirts. I finish off the job with an extra dose of cologne and my skater shoes. 10a.m. I get to class and realize I forgot my answer sheet for the test at home. Luckily one of my brothers is in the class and he hooks me up with the answers. Damn, that was close. 11:15a.m. Slide back into bed to tug one off and catch a quick snooze before I have to go to my next class. Sleeping used to be my favorite thing to do before joining a frat. Now I don't think anything is cooler than becoming a, "brother." 11:25a.m. One of my brothers wakes me up to remind me to be at the house at 4p.m. to start cleaning for the pimps and hoes
party we are having tonight. 11:35a.m. Another brother calls to tell me to make sure I bring extra sponges to clean with. Man I love having all these friends call me, but I just wish they wouldn't do it while I was trying to take a nap. 12:00p.m. I drag myself out of bed, splash some water on my face and hair, (to give me that just out of the shower look,) and then I go meet my brothers at the Dining Hall. 12:15p.m. I have never felt cooler. I am sitting here with all my pledge brothers and we are rating the girls that walk by on a scale from 1-10 of whether or not we would "do them." When we are leaving I make sure I don't cover up my letters with my tray so that all the girls know that I am cool enough to be in a frat. 1:00p.m. I go to my second class of the day. I have two of my brothers in this class with one sitting on each side of me. We never mastered the art of whispering so every time we talk the girl in front of us turns around and shoots us mean looks. If she didn't have spectacularly perky breasts this might be annoying, instead she gets filed away in the spank bank. 2:30p.m. I am back in my dis-
gusting dorm room. I really should do laundry soon. Most of my clothes smell pretty rank. I immediately forget about laundry when this girl named Katie, who I have been eyeing, IM's me and asks me what I'm doing tonight. I tell her about the party we are having and I tell her she should come. I also tell her she can bring her friends. I will get them all in. I can feel my chest swelling with masculine pride at this statement. 2:40p.m. I decide to jerk off again and accidentally stain my only clean shirt 3:50p.m. I begin my walk over to the frat house. Being careful not to veer from the sidewalks I keep my eyes peeled for fellow brothers. I am paying good money to be in this frat damn it; I better get a lot of friends out of it. 4:00p.m. I get stuck cleaning the sick ass bathrooms. This is the worst of the worst man. The floors and toilets are covered in beer, piss, semen and dirt. No wonder they told me to bring extra sponges. And the sink is Uttered with old cigarette butts and pot roaches. There is no toilet paper in sight, but I find some random things like soiled panties and pieces of straws behind the toilets. 6:30p.m. All the pledges are
brought together in the main room. This is when we are told we are not going to be allowed to drink tonight. Just when I thought my night couldn't get any worse, they pull out a bag of adult-sized diapers and tell us that this will be our attire for the evening. Nobody questions whether they are being serious or not. We know they are. Without words we suit up in our diapers and pacifiers and finish setting up for the party. 7:00p.m. I decide to stroke my pole one more time before the festivities kick off. 8:30p.m. My stomach hurts from the disgusting shots of mayonnaise, Tabasco, and pigs feet juice that we just had to take. But I didn't throw it up, because I figured they would have made me eat it anyway. I think my stomach also hurts because the entire school is about to see me in a diaper. Why am I doing this again? 10p.m. Shit! I have spotted Katie and her friends coming through the door. She looks hot, but so do all her friends, except the fat one that looks like the lovechild of Rosie O'Donnell and Chunk from the Goonies. At least the girls look like they have been pre-
gaming a lot None of them are walking anywhere near straight. 10:30p.m. I can avoid her no longer. As I go to hide my head with shame, Katie and her friends rush up to me, screaming my name, all reaching to give me hugs at the same time. They totally dig the diaper thing. I start to wonder if it is a fetish, but the thought of diaper sex quickly becomes far more disgusting thought than I had anticipated. 12:00a.m. It's actually kind of funny being sober at a frat part}' because you can see how ridiculous everyone else is being. Like that girl who is in my science class who never talks giving a lap dance to one of my brothers. And who knew Sara and Jessica were lesbians? There's something about seeing a girls face between another girls legs that makes me want to juice my snake; so I make a stop in the bathroom to appease my veiny master. 1:30a.m. Sweet the kegs are finally kicked. People start leaving. I wonder if Katie has left yet. Long story short Drunk freshman girl + diaper dressed frat pledge = THE SHOCKER I'm going to score big points with my brothers for this one!
Respected Longwood Professors Connected to Turkisk Prison Scandal Sexy Sadie The Greatest of Them All Rotunda reporters accidentally stumbled upon the shocking revelation that Dr. James W. Jordan, professor of Anthropology, and Dr. Gordon Van Ness, professor and Chair of the English Department, were in Turkish prison during the time they were allegedly working towards their PhD's. The discovery occurred last week at Macado's while interviewing Dt Jordan for an unrelated article. Suspicions first arose when Jordan responded to the reporters' plans to backpack Europe with repeated warnings to "avoid Turkey at all costs." After the fifth round of
cocktails, Jordan was spilling more than his gin and tonic. "It all started with a botde of Absinthe and a round of Russian roulette..." Jordan claims that while he knew the famous wormwood beverage was not legal in Turkey, he had no idea the severity of being caught with it After all, the natives he was drinking with seemed to regard their actions rather casually. Turkish officials busted in after hearing gun shots and Jordan was immediately detained. The others had averted capture by way of a Turkish tradition unfamiliar to Jordan which roughly translates as, "Every man for himself!" Because the police only spoke
broken English and hated Americans, they did not even bother interrogating him. Instead, Jordan occupied a desolate cell fifteen stories underground for the next two years of his life. It was in this duration that he met and befriended Van Ness, whom had been imprisoned for carrying on an illicit affair with a feudal lord's daughter, princess Zelda. The two immediately connected and bemused the guards and other inmates with their harmonica and banjo duets. "Nessie" and 'Tapa Bones" as they were affectionately termed by the guards became infamous throughout the prisoner circuit after Van Ness penned Jordan's life story. Their charisma and
intellectual charge won them a large fan base, and eventually their ticket to freedom when past detainees led a revolt, bombing the eastern wing of the jail and subsequently aiding in their escape. Jordan and Van Ness settled in the revolutionaries' underground, serving the clandestine forces of peace until face-recognition made it impossible for them to lead undercover operations. They consorted with countless fellow underground mavericks during their ramblings including Bob Dylan, Jack Kerouac, James Dickey, and Charles Ross, Interim Dean of Longwood's College of Arts and Sciences.
It was Ross who tipped them off about Farmville, Virginia. He told them of its country seclusion, making it the perfect locale to assume a new identity. Van Ness and Jordan called upon supporters who happened to be black market documentforging experts crafted them official credentials, and they smuggled themselves back to the United States in the holding cabin of a Danish fishing vessel. Destiny brought them to Longwood; destiny and the lack of Turkish inhabitants (who could possibly expose their sordid past). Unfortunately for Van Ness, Jordan has a weakness for storytelling and happy hour rail drinks.
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April 1, 2006
haha, you thought there was gonna be a header here, didn't you
PAGE12
Let Us Help You Steal a
Bike Today! Joseph McCoy TroM Malar Has your bike been stolen? Would you like it to be? Many I^ongwood students face this problem, when bike thieves fail to strike. Suddenly they are left with the additional burden of pedaling and maintaining their bicycle instead of sharing in the simple pleasures of riding the FAB everywhere or pestering friends for rides. So what can you do about it? Simple! Become a bike thief. This sounds a lot more complicated than it actually is. The ultimate benefit to society and campus by removing dangerously efficient bicycles will leave a lasting legacy of your time here. Step 1: Find an unattended bicycle. Step 2: Steal it. For some novice bike thieves, you may run into a small problem -often, bicycles are locked! We recommend that the first bikes you attempt to steal do not have locks on them. This facilitates the stealing process enormously.
If you've run out of unlocked bikes to steal, then it's recommended that potential bike thieves start carrying around these basic and easy to use tools. a blow torch a baseball bat Al Pacino The blowtorch can be used to cut through any bicycle lock -sometimes even the bicycle itself! This is possible the best result one can hope for. Then, not only is the bicycle still rendered unusable but the thief no longer needs to transport it. The baseball bat and Al Pacino are used primarily for back up. If you can't free the bicycle from it's lock, then bash it mercilessly with the baseball bat until it is again, rendered unusable. Al Pacino can cheer you on or possibly hit you with the baseball bat. Why? Because you're stealing a bike, you jerk.
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TOP 10 REASONS TO LEAVE THE BAR 1. You're completelf straight, fet you're mating out with someone of the same ee* 2. Your nev beat friend and is "that girl" (see picture to right) 3. You sincerelf believe Krishna Johnson ie buying fou a drinfc because Âťhe ie a generoue person 4. You've lost everyone fou came with 5. You've lost everything f ou came with (cell phone, checfc card, license") U. You thinK it s a great idea to call four e* (but fou still can't find four damn phone) 1. You are missing an article or more of clothing/apparel fc. You feel compelled to spit on the 210 pound man doing cofce in the bathroom stall I. The bar ha* been tafcen over bf an entire gufs rugbf team to. You can't wait: bf fourself (reference bacfc to i2) II. You discover fou are suddenly amaiing at: (a) singing, (b) dancing, (c) tiering random people, or (d) all the above. 12. You are bleeding from a mysterious wound I?. You have paseed out...peopte will etill write on fou i4. You decide to start buying everyone rounde of ehote on four tab (get the hell out while fou can etill salvage four bank account! Champagne taete on a college tide budget) i$. You can't count to lb
Arts (^Entertainment
March 31, 2006
Weekly Horoscopes
I hose before us have challenged us to sei/t the day. We at I In- Rotunda now challenge you in ilii the same. Capture an instance in your life, using around /('(' words or less, thai has made a lifelong impression. Please e-mail I he Rotunda with your responses or <(/n questions: rotunda it longwood.edu.
The Truth tlurts You have an inventive mind and are inclined to be progressive . You lie a great deal. On the other hand you are inclined to be careless and impractical causing you to make the same mistake over and over again.
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1 w,i- III ,i Super Smash Bros. Melee lournament. one ol 1 u l eams of I \MI |>la\ers each. 1 li lournamenl rum liiialiu - created an casih
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The adventurous type, always looking for thrills and willing to try anything, which is why most Leos are living on the welfare.
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a total nl -31 points.
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VirgO (Aug. 23. 22-Sepl. 21)
You are the forgiving type and you don't bear grudges. For your entire life people will take advantage of you. Nobody will go to your funeral.
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Warm and caring are your most endearing characteristics. You get on well with most people because you're easy. You hardly ever wear underwear.
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You are the eternal optimist, seeing the best of any situation. You have no grasp of reality and live in a dream world.
You have a businesslike attitude to life and a knack for making money. You're unscrupulous and would sell relative's limbs to buy a cell phone
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You are deep and personal in your thoughts, the quiet type. Your best friend is probably an altar boy.
piSC£$ (Feb. 19-Morch 20)
You tend to be headstrong and deliberate in your actions. Basically you don't care about anyone. Most people hate you but you couldn't care less.
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PAGE 9
You are logical and bureaucratic. You hate disorder. You are super nit-picky; a quality that is sickening to your unforetunate family and few friends.
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§agittar.US (Nov. 22-f>ec. 21) You are the romantic mushy type, soft-hearted and a lover of the arts. You are likely to import Dutch pornography and sex toys.
You are shrewd in business and cannot be trusted. You achieve the pinnacle of success because of your lack of ethics. You are the perfect son of a bitch.
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Features
PAGE 10
March 31, 2006
Former Governor Mark
Some Students Sacrifice Spring Break to Volunteer Lovey York Staff Writer Imagine giving up a week of fun in the sun, relaxation, and partying only to work harder than you have ever worked in college or maybe even in your life. This past spring break many college students' purpose was to serve others instead of themselves. Through programs like the Alternative Spring Break, Cross Cultural Solutions, and Storm Corp, students traveled to Mississippi, South Africa, and Costa Rica to be apart of a life changing experience. Volunteering has become a normal accordance for college students and the place that student volunteers contribute the most is their college communities. Elisabeth Lukas, Assistant Director of Leadership and New Student Programs, explains that most students that do volunteer work at Longwood complete at
least 20 hours per semester in groups or individually. Lukas has been working with the volunteer program, also known as service learning, since November when it was moved over to the leadership department. The change was a part of making service learning a key part of I-ongwood's community. "Service learning is experiential education with a service and learning objective that allows students to reflect after they are done," Lukas said. Outside of regular volunteering, many departments use the service learning program to help further the learning experience. Departments such as Social Work, Communication Studies and English 400 all have service learning requirements. Students use the service learning program outside of the classroom, in organizations and individually. With the guidance of the service learning program many students volunteer at places such as
Warner to Speak at Longwood s Commencement
Longwood Center of Visual Arts, Former day care centers, FACES, Virginia Southside Hospital, Habitat for governor Humanity and the Prince and Edwards Big Sibling program. potential Although it was in the planning, 2 0 0 8 an Alternative Spring Break trip presidendid not happen at longwood this tial canyear because, as Lukas explained, didate Mark Warner will be the "it just did not fly." Students still speaker for Longwood have plenty of opportunities to University's commencement. make contributions and take a The ceremony will be held stand here at Longwood. Saturday, May 13, at 9:30 a.m. on If volunteering your time is Wheeler Mall. not satisfying enough, the advenWarner, who lives in ture alone may be more fulfilling. • Alexandria, was the state's chief That is what an Armstrong executive from 2002 until leaving Adantic State University student office this year with record discovered in New Orleans when approval ratings for a Virginia she found $30,000 in a wall of a governor. house they were tearing down. He chaired the National So take note, because there are Governors Association in 2004many opportunities out there for 2005 and last November was you. If the volunteer and service named one of "America's 5 Best learning program does not help, Governors" by Time magazine. log on to VolunteerMatch.org to Since leaving office in January, join the many students who expehe has been traveling across the rienced what giving their time in country as honorary chairman of service can do. the Forward Together political
action committee. Governor Warner is serving as a Visiting Fellow at Harvard's Institute of Politics in April. In 1996 he ran an unsuccessful but surprisingly strong race for the U.S. Senate against Virginia's senior senator, John Warner. He managed Doug Wilder's successful campaign for governor in 1989, then chaired the Virginia Democratic Party from 1993 to 1995. Warner's political career was preceded by a career in business that, despite its inauspicious origins, turned out spectacularly successful. In the early 1980s, after graduating from George Washington University and Harvard University law school, he invested his life savings, $6,000, in an energy start-up company that went broke in six weeks.
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Features
March 31, 2006
PAGE 11
Fighting Obesity in College Not as Hard as You Think Marina Sizow A &E Editor For many oF us the "freshman 15" isn't just a saying it's something we face in the mirror everyday. Whether you're a second semester freshman or senior, college students across the country battle the threat of rapid weight gain and possible obesity every year. Obesity however isn't something that happened overnight and that one slice of pizza two weeks ago isn't what's making your jeans tight. Obesity like being healthy is all a matter of lifestyle and the fact is many college students either don't care or don't know how to lead a healthy lifestyle. For starters let's figure out where things went wrong. First of all your parents aren't cooking for you anymore and their definitely not in D-hall making sure you eat your vegetables. This means you're responsible for meeting all your dietary needs. I know all of us took enough health classes to remember the basics but incase you forgot here' what you need daily according to the U.S. Department of Agriculture: 1. Grains: i.e. whole grain bread, pasta, rice, cereal. Now
you're not an Olympic athlete so let's not overload 3-6 oz a day is plenty 2. Meat & Beans: How much depends on age, sex, and level of physical activity. Most Americans eat enough food from this group, but need to make leaner and more varied selections 3. Fruits: You need approximately 2 cups per day and its best to avoid a lot of juices that are not 100% fruit juice 4. Vegetables: Approximately 2.5 cups a day and make sure to vary your selections 5. Dairy: Approximately 3 cups but limit to low or non-fat products like milk and yogurt 6. Oils: the majority of oils should come from fish, nuts and vegetables. Limits solid oils like butter, margarine and lard. Your body isn't growing like it was when you were fifteen but you still need all of these. Another problem which often leads to obesity is skipping meals especially breakfast. Waking up early enough to grab something before class shouldn't be out of the question; even grabbing that leftover slice of pizza is better than nothing.
You want to take in calories before you need them not when your body is already drained. Irregular meals and eating late night is also just as bad. Unless you happen to have practice at 6am, which I know some do, eating right before bed isn't a good idea because you're not going to burn that many calories while you sleep. Your TV/Playstation/X-Box could also be leading you down the road to obesity. According to the Associated Press the average college student watches three hours and 41 minutes every day; that's about onesixth of the day. College students are also known to multitask by doing homework, writing papers and snaking while watching TV or playing video games. Eating while watching doing this is harmful because people often don't recognize how many calories they consume or when their full because they're to involved watching. Another topic probably the one most ignored by college students is to consume, if any, a moderate amount of alcohol. If you wouldn't drink 12 cans of
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lower respiratory diseases were the leading causes of death in 2001 all of which are known side effects of obesity. Recent studies have also revealed that obesity will soon become the number one preventable killer of Americans beating out smoking for the first rime. So, what are Longwood students doing to battle to bulge? Well, if you've stopped by any of the campus recreation facilities you'll see large, and growing, number of health conscience students taking advantage of school facilities. More and more students are taking advantage of the new Dhall set up to control their serving portions and an even greater number are taking the small but important step of carrying a water bottle to class. Though in the past Longwood hasn't shined a health conscience school, in fact we've been rated as one the worst, we are recovering. Remember college is no excuse to become overweight. These are the best years of our lives do we really want to come out of them wondering where we lost our figures?
A Little Known Tradition: Spirit Dolls Liz Chenery
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soda because of the calories you shouldn't being drinking 12 beers. However if you are going to drink you need to make sure you're also consuming enough water. Not only will drinking water keep you hydrated and regulate your body temperature it also improves your skin, converts excess fat to energy and helps your kidneys flush out waste products. Drinking water before and during meals can also help you cut excess calories by taking up space in your stomach helping you feel full quicker. The most obvious choice to avoid weight gain or lose extra those pounds is exercise. The recommended amount of exercise for healthy adults is 20-60 minutes of aerobic activity three to five days a week. You should also exercise for flexibility and strength each week. It's suggested at least twice a week for strength training and three times for flexibility. Our last problem is combating a sedentary lifestyle, which is often the number one cause of obesity. According to the National Center for Health Statistics, heart disease, cancer, stroke and chronic
"Service to the whole without seeking honor for thy self." CHI is Longwood's secret society that represents the spirit of Longwood. The members drape crepe paper on "Joanie on the Stony" and leave "Chi droppings" (pieces of cloth with markings on it) to notify Longwood students there will be a walk that night. During the walk, the members come out in hooded
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robes with their heads down, holding onto one another's shoulders while in line, chanting the Chi spirit of Longwood song and dropping their Chi pieces on the ground for bystanders to grab. At the end of the year when the Chi burning occurs, where the participants, members of the senior class, reveal themselves and give out Chi commendations to those they feel have best served the university and truly exemplify the Chi motto. Also related to Chi are the blue rotundas on the sidewalks; if someone steps on them they will supposedly have bad luck. Ever since the early 1970's, Chi's symbol has been the Rotunda with four columns. The first column" represents loyalty to Longwood, the student body, and the organization. The second column represents character. The third column is respect, - the most essential part of Chi. The fourth column
stands for challenge, because, "nothing is impossible to the willing heart." The horizontal bar represents responsibility. The triangle stands for Chi's purpose - to promote and maintain a spirit of cooperation among students in every phase of college life. It is Chi's aim to foster respect for Longwood and loyalty to its academic programs and extra-curricular activities. The last and most important part of the symbol is the dome, which symbolizes the ties that bind each of us together to constitute the student body. Chi was founded October 15, 1900 by a group of women who conducted the walks but would ferret out those whom they considered to have done "bad deeds;" they...
sec SPIRIT p.20
Features
PAGE 12
Spring Break and St. Patrick s Day witk tke Red Sox Jason Long Staff V'rUrr Wednesday - 7:30 a.m. Our bags are packed, the windows are down, and Jimmy Buffett is blaring out the speakers. Destination - Fort Myers, Florida. Purpose - fulfill a lifelong dream of watching our beloved Boston Red Sox play on St. Patty's Day. In other words, vour basic college road trip. Robbie Compton,. another devoted Sox fan, will serve as my copilot for this trip. Fourteen hours from now we'll arrive just east of the Gulf of Mexico. Along the way we'll enjoy the scenery, stop to see a few old friends, and argue over which young pitcher has the better future - Jon Lester or Jonathan Papelbon. Yet, I can't help but feel a litde strange as we depart for our journey. The 'idiots' that overcame the empire, dispelled the curse, and won over the hearts of the nation are now gone. Even that guy who used to play centerfield went to the dark side. But thanks to a few great off-season moves we acquired some worthy replacements, including the wackiest name in all of sports, Coco Crisp, and the infamous Yankee killer from 2003, josfe > Beckett. v>. .. Yet, things are going to be Otr-
R cont'd p.
fcrent this year, but as long as Manny keeps being Manny, Varitek is still catching Schilling's heater, and Papi keeps crushing balls over the Monster, the universe should unfold like it should. So here's to the ail-American road trip - beaches, baseball, and beer. I love the Sox, but hey, it is spnng break. Thursday - 6:15 p.m. We just got back from out first day at Qtj of Palms Park. Beckett was the starting pitcher for the Sox as they put away the Minnesota Twins 4-3. Our scats were right behind home plan-, but more importantly, in the shade. It may be forty degrees back home, but it is roasting down here. The most exciting moment (for us anyways) came when Richmond native Cla Meredith came in to pitch the eighth inning. Let's just say we got some funny looks when we tried to incite a Virginia chant. Now we're back at the hotel trying to decide the plan for tonight. I'm guessing well end up at Jersey's, a sports bar just down the street from here. Let spring break 2006 begin. Friday - 7:15 p.m. St. Patrick's Day. The Christmas of New England, The Sox vwere rocking the green jerseys and the Guinness is flowing like water from the Everglades to Tampa. The reason we drove 850 miles is now here. We went over to the ballpark early to try and get a few autographs, and for the most part,
r next venture, a real I months to fail, bi provement," he has : of 27, I had two | my belt, student 1 [lot of the time I was s'couches." Then, against the advice of kw school fbends who questioned his judgment, he got into a brand new technology: cellular phones. He co-founded Nextel and later became a founding partner of Columbia Capital Corporation, a technology venture capital fund in Alexandria that provides start-up money and advice for new business ideas. Over the years, he has helped to create more than 70 telecommunications and information technology companies, many of which later went public. Active in technology and education issues, Warner launched the Virginia HighTech Partnership and has chaired the
were pretty successful. Robbie got legends Luis Tiant and Johnny Pesky to sign a ball while I went for the new guys. I staked out a spot right next to the dugout and ended up getting Mark Loretta and Coco Crisp to name a few. I also managed to talk Branson Arroyo into giving me an autograph. He couldn't stop laughing when I told him about how he was saving my relationship, because I was fairly certain my girlfriend would break up with me if I didn't come back with this ball. (Note: you can onlv imagine how ticked ! was when thev traded him three days later - before I could give her the ball.) The only disappointing part of the day was the realization that spring training games end after ten innings, no matter what the score is. The Sox and the Marlins tied at five runs apiece and I guess everyone left happy, but I didn't come this far to see a tie. Oh well, back to Jersey's. Sunday - 2:15 a.m. After another fifteen-hour ride spring break is now history. We came back with a few stories to tell, met some interesting people, and saw two days of incredible baseball. Although they look a little different this year, Boston is going to be all right. Coco has made everyone forget about that other guy, Beckett is finally ready to pitch 200 innings, and Kevin Youkilis is going to have a breakout year. Sox fans buckle up for 2006 is going to be one heck of a ride.
Virginia Foundation for Independent Colleges and the Virginia Math and Science Coalition. He was the founding chair of the Virginia Health Care Foundation, which has provided health care to more than 476,000 under-served Virginians. As governor, he visited Longwood on April 24, 2002, the first anniversary of the Great Fire of 2001, for a ceremonial signing of the bill designating Longwood a university. Warner, 51, who grew up in Illinois and later Connecticut, was the first member of his family to graduate from college. He and his wife, Iisa Collis, have three" daughters.
March 31, 2006
SPIRIT cont'd p.19 ...would go to the person's room and warn them that, "Chi was watching them," and that they knew what the person had done. It wasn't until the 1920s that Chi transformed into the society that we know today, which commends students for good efforts. There arc tunnels around campus that Chi members purportedly use to get from place to place, although it is unsure if they are still used, or where the tunnels are located. New members are chosen by previous and current members of the organization. Anyone can he selected regardless of their year; their idennties are not revealed until senior year. Tiffany Graves, a Chi alum, stated, "Chi really is watching everyone. Word of mouth gets back to Chi quickly and we take that into consideration. Chi membership isn't about all the things you've done. It's about the things you've done for the greater good, for the community and university. There are no applications to fill out!" Along with Chi, there is also another tradition that many current students are unaware of: Spirit Dolls. Four are in existence, representing each class of Longwood. There is, "Sally Red and White," which is approximately four feet tall and made with wood and red cloth. Her companion is the three foot, cloth constructed, "Sammy," which resembles the infamous Raggedy Ann doll. "Gangreen," (green gang) is approximately four feet talL with
wooden legs and a green cloth head. The companion to Gangreen is "Gus," which is four feet tall and wears a small green hat making it somewhat resemble a leprechaun. Spirit dolls are actually an extension of Color Wars.which is a competition between the red and green classes. Sally was kidnapped by the green class in 1989 and again in 1990, along with Sammy. The whereabouts of the two dolls are unknown, although at the last Chi walk, those in attendance were surprised to see Senior Class President Craig Smith walking around with a doll that resembled "Sammy" on his shoulders. The class of 2006 is trying to bring back the tradition of spirit dolls. When you get a spirit doll, you take pictures of it to prove that it's still in existence. You also bring the dolls out to major Longwood events, such as Oktoberfest, Spring Weekend, commencement, etc. Then you try to keep it for as long as possible, because people are allowed to steal it from you. The red class tries to get the green doll and vice versa. The goal is to have at least two colors of dolls. It's sort of like bragging rights. I have Sammy and Gus right now," Smith said. Here's to keeping tradition alive.
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Sports
March 31, 2006
Longwood Lanced tke Figkting Camels Tuesday Evening
Allison Wrignt Appointed to Head Women's Golf Coack John Rofenstock Staff Writer
Allison Wright has filled the vacancy for a head women's golf coach at Longwood. The position has been open since the early fall, after the resignation of former coach Lane Pace. Wright was appointed just in rime for the beginning of the I-ancers spring season. Three of the four tournaments have now been played. Wright said, "It is an honor to be named head coach here at I.ongwood given the great history of die program." She added, "I look forward to doing whatever I can to continue the legacy of women's golf at Longwood University." Wright was a four-year member of the women's golf team at the University of I-ouisville and was the team captain her senior year, leading the squad to an NCAA regional appearance. The following year, she served
PAGE 13
as a graduate assistant at her alma mater. Wright was hired as an assistant women's golf coach at Ball State University this past August, coaching there until she arrived at Longwood. When asked what knowledge and experience she will bring with her to Longwood, Wright said, "I believe the most important things I learned were aspects of coaching that take place away from the golf course." She highlighted physical fitness techniques, nutrition, sports psychology, budgeting and fundraising as key aspects of running a successful golf program. Wright also has plenty experience working with and analyzing the golf swing. While at Ball State, she conducted video swing analysis for both current players and recruits. One of the most important things a coach must have is experience in the sport he or she is coaching. Wright played at a very high level of college golf at Louisville, and believes that her
Jason Long Staff Wri*
rktm twiJrJ bf AlUllics
experience will help her lad the women's team at Longwood to many successful seasons. "Having played four years at Louisville and going to the National tournament, I know where this team needs to be to perform at the highest level, and how to get there," said Wright The women's golf team has started off in tremendous fashion through their first three tournaments this spring. With Wright at the helm, the team placed 3rd out of 17 teams at the Butler / North-South Collegiate, followed up by yet another 3rd place finish, this time out of 13 teams at the Winthrop / Shamrock Intercollegiate. The team also finished 6th of 19 this past weekend at the William and Mary Invitational.
Outstanding pitching, great defense, and clutch hits powered the Lancers to an 8-7 victory over the Fighting Camels Tuesday evening at Lancer Stadium. The win avenged an earlier loss to Campbell University and improved Longwood's record to 15-14 on the season. The starters for the contest were junior Brian McCullough for Longwood and John Emmert for Campbell. The Lancers jumped on Emmert from the start, using a walk, a hit batsman, two wild pitches, and RBI singles from Tyler Ames and Nick von Gersdorff to post an early 2-0 lead. Emmert continued to struggle and was replaced by right-hander Joe Waldecker in the third inning. McCullough put together an outstanding performance for Longwood, holding the Camels scoreless for the first five
innings. However, a pair of home runs in the sixth brought the Camels back to within one run and ended McCullough's day on the mound. Entering Tuesday's contest with a 3.05 ERA, McCullough drew high praise from Head Coach Buddy Bolding "Brian pitched a whale of a ballgame to permit us to be ahead," said Bolding "He did a great job" Replacing McCullough, Junior Brett Mangigian entered the game as a relief pitcher, allowing only 2 earned runs and striking out three. The bats came alive eariy and often for the Lancers on Tuesday with freshman catcher Jon Quigley leading the way. Going five for five on the game, Quigley blasted his third home run of the year in the fifth inning, a two run shot that put Longwood up by six. see LANCED p.22
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Sports
PAGE 14 LANCED cont'd p.21
a single by Todd Matthews tied the game, Michael Priest was gunned down at home trying to "I didn't really see a lot of score the go ahead run for the pitches and actually jumped on Camels. the first one a couple of times," Entering the bottom of the explained Quigley. "I was just ninth with the ballgame tied, seeing the ball really well today." Quigley wasn't the only one shortstop Nick von Gersdorff zoned in for the Lancers. In the took advantage of a Campbell sixth inning, after the Camels had error to reach first base. clawed their way back into the Gersdorff quickly stole second game, Tyler Childress delivered and reached third on a single by with a two out double that scored Quigley. After an intentional walk Paul Heidlcr from second base loaded the bases, sophomore and pushed the lead back to two Travis Lydon made the Camels runs. Childress finished the game pay by knocking in the winning three for five with two RBIs and run with a walk-off hit that landed just over the outreached glove one run. Great defense was another key of the Campbell second baseto Longwood's win Tuesday men. Lydon explained afterwards evening especially late with the game on the line. After speedster that he was "just trying to put the Lonnie Whitehead of the Camels ball in play." "It actually was a bad swing but reached first base on an infield hit to start the ninth inning, luckily it fell in for us and we won Mangigian picked him off before the game." Even with the loss, Campbell he was able to attempt to steal senior Michael Priest continued second. Later in that same inning, after his outstanding season Tuesday-
Ill the Numbers:
with his Atlantic Sun leading eighth home run. Priest, a native of nearby Halifax County, finished the game with four hits and three RBIs. However, regardless of his reputation, the Lancers went right after Priest every time he came to the plate. "We knew that if you get behind in the count on a guy like that he is going to kill you," said Bolding following the game. Bolding's respect for Priest comes from more than just his performance against Longwood, but his background as well. "Some of the best athletes I have ever had came from southside Virginia," explained Bolding. Throughout his twenty-seven seasons here at Longwood, many of his best players, such as Shawn Torian, Brian Medley, Kelvin Davis, and Allen Lawter have all come from Halifax County. The Lancers play three home games this weekend against UMBC, including a double-header Saturday. Action begins both days at 1 p.m.
March 31, 2006
Lancer Box Scores (March 24-31) &Mebal(l?-.+) vs Campbell - W 8-7 vs Radford - W «-+ 5oftkaB(l5-»7) vs Radford - L 2-5 vs |~joward - W 6-0 vs Radford - L 3-^+ vs (jcorgctown VV 16-0 Lacrosse {,1-9)
vs(JC Davis-1_7~? vs Howard - W 19-8 Women's Golf <§> William & Mary Invite - 6"tri of I 8
Men's Tennis (+-7) vsODU-Li-5 vs CJNC Wilmington - |_ 0-6 vs Morgan 5*atc - W 6-0 vs Mofstra -\_Z-+ Women's Tennis (+-?)
^ODU-Lo-6
3: Home games left for the women's lacross team 4: Golf tournaments senior Stephanie Hicks has won as a Lancer 5: Wins for doubles pair Carlos Garcia de Andoain and Brandon Lindsley 9: Wins for women's tennis player Romana Bucur in the 2005-2006 season 26: Runs scored by the softball team vs. Georgetown this past weekend. 44: Hits for senior Tyler Childress
vs Morgan ^tatc - W 6-0 vs K.ennesaw ^ftatet - J_ 5^f
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Scheduled Sports Events for the Week of March 31st - April 6th Friday the 31st
Sunday the 2nd
Men's Tennis vs Norfolk State 2 p.m. Longwood Tennis Courts
Men's Tennis vs (Georgetown 11 a.m. Longwood Tennis Courts
Tuesday the 4th
Women's Tennis vs Norfolk State 2 p.m. Longwood Tennis Courts
Women's Tennis vs Georgetown 11 .i.m. Longwood Tennis Courts
Baseball vs George Mason 3 p.m. Lancer Stadium
Saturday the 1st Baseball vs IJMBC 1 p.m. Lancer Stadium Softball vs Howard 2 p.m. Lancer Field
Baseball vs UMBC 1 p.m. Lancer Stadium
Monday the 3rd Men's Tennis vs Liberty 2 p.m. Longwood Tennis Courts
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Sports
March 31, 2006
PAGE 15
Mike Gillian s Former Team Shocks NCAA Tournament Jason Long Staff Writer
Don't look now, but Cinderella is breaking curfew. The 11th seeded Patriots of George Mason University ripped through the Washington D.C. region, leaving three legitimate tide contenders and millions of busted brackets in their wake. And as if anyone needed another reason to root for perhaps the greatest story in the history of the NCAA tournament, Patriot Head Coach Jim 1-arranaga has a close, personal connection to I.ongwood University - his former assistant and good friend, Mike Gillian. Now in his ninth season at George Mason, Jim Larranaga has compiled a 364-273 career record. A great athlete himself, he graduated from Providence College in 1971 where he played under esteemed coach, Dave Gavitt. ESPN analyst Dick Vitale recendy called Gavitt, one of the architects of the Big East Conference, the most influential
person in the history of college basketball. larranaga also served as an assistant at the University of Virginia from 1979 to 1986 where he coached the legendary Ralph Sampson and won three regular season ACC championships. Before arriving in Farmville to take over the head coaching job of the Lancer men's basketball team, Mike Gillian worked with Larranaga for seven years. Gillian first met the current George Mason coach while working with Jim Powell at American International College, a D-II school in Massachusetts. Gillian took an assistant coaching job under Larranaga at Bowling Green in 1996 and then followed him to George Mason the next year where he remained until accepting the Ixmgwood job in 2003. While at Mason, Gillian helped to recruit many of the players that fueled the Patriots historic run to the Final Four,
includingjai Ixwis, Iamar Buder, and Tony Skinn. Although Gillian is now with Longwood, his relationship with the Mason players and coaching staff has placed him right in the middle of the hoopla that their run has created. When asked about the experience of being part of building a Final Four team, Gillian called the event surreal, further explaining "It's like you are in the Twilight Zone and its not really happen-
ing." "You don't want anyone to pinch you and wake you until it's all done with and you've won." Gillian has been present for three of George Mason's victories in the tournament thus far and plans to make the trip to Indianapolis this weekend. Coupled with the vast improvement of the Lancer men's basketball team this season, the Patriot's recent achievements should only reinforce the fact that Longwood gained an incredible asset when hiring Mike Gillian
three years ago. "I don't think I ever would have come here if I didn't have the confidence that I could achieve success," explained Gillian. "However, now everybody else that understands where I came from believes even more that we are going to be able to do it." George Mason's run not only helps themselves and Longwood, but other small and mid-major schools as well. Gillian believes that it is evident that the talent gap is closing between large and small conferences, and "with the confidence this provides those smaller schools, its not going to be another ten to twelve years before this happens again." "The great thing about college basketball is that it is about the name on the front of the jersey, not the back of it, and something like this only enhances the game and makes it better." So should the lancer Lunatics start gearing up for a Final Four
run anytime soon? Gillian says I.ongwood fans should probably be patient and take things onestep at a time. "The goal is to get to a point where we've never gotten to before, which in some regards, we already have by playing at Division I, and then move on from there." Although the 1979 Pennsylvania Final Four team has been considered the greatest Cinderella in NCA\ Tournament history, George Mason has now staked their claim to that title. Can the dream continue? "This to me is the best story ever and they have a legitimate chance to win," said Gillian. "They are as good as anybody and they are proving that now." With one year remaining before Longwood will be postseason eligible, I-ancer fans will be cheering for the Patriots as if they were their very own. In many ways, they are family. So keep on danring Cinderella — midnight, is not going to stop your party this year.
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"Living at Sunchase I really do forget I'm a student! I love the yoga and kickboxing classes and it has the best pool in town. Plus the staff is always smiling and they're so helpful! ~ Rita Mrad
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