ElizabethSalyers
CuriosityKilledtheCat
Curiosityisaformidablething,thegatebetweengoodandbad.Itgivesustheoptiontochoose whichpathtotakeeveryday,andourchoiceswilleithermakeorbreakus.Forstudentslikeme, curiosityisabattle,anditisagruesomeone.Mosthaveheardthesaying,“Curiositykilledthe cat,”andatonepoint,Iwasitsnextvictim.
WhenIwasinmiddleschool,itwascommonforstudentstobetwo-faced.Notinthegossipy, fake-friendway,butinthesenseofwhotheywereathomeversusatschool.Withtheirfriends, theyactedoutinclass,vapedinbathrooms,jumpedfencestheyclearlyweren’tsupposedto,and thelistgoeson—yetweresweetinnocentchildrenintheirfamilies’eyes.ThesearethepeopleI wassurroundedbygrowingup.Manystudentsinpublicorevenprivateschoolsexperiencethis childhoodeveryday.BeingaroundthosefilledwithdarknesstaintedwhoIwas,ormoreso,who Iwantedtobe.
TeenagersaroundthecountryarestrugglingwiththesamethingIwas:tryingtheirhardestnotto conformtosociety Iusedtobeagirlwholiteveryroomshewalkedinto,andwouldn’tmissa churchserviceforanything.AsIstartedwalkingthroughthisdarkseason,liesbeganfillingmy heart,leavinggapingholesthatIyearnedtofill.CuriositytoldmethatGodcouldn’thelp me—thatthethrillofbeingrebelliouswouldmakemefeelaliveagain.
Forthecat,beingsafeathomewasn’tenough.Itwentoutsearchingtheworldforwhatevermore lifecouldgiveit.Inmyownsearchforhowtofillthevoidinmyheart,Iturnedtotheworld, too.
CuriositytookholdofmeandturnedmeintoagirlIcouldn’trecognize.AlthoughIhadenough convictionthatIdidn’tparticipateinwhatmyfriendsdid,theystilltookmeundertheirwingand encouragedmethattherewasmoretolifeifonlyIsteppedoutsidethelines.
WhatIrealizenowisthathurtpeoplehurtpeople.Wewerealllostinthisnewjourneyof teenagehood,andwehadnoideahowtonavigateit.Growingupsometimesfeelslikea confusing,twistymaze,notknowingwhotobeorwheretogoorwhotohangoutwith. Reputationwaseverything.Followingthecrowdwaseverything.Anditonlytookamonthto findoutthatit wasn’t allthatIdreamedittobe.
Afteradayofrunningaroundwithmyfriendsandcominghome,pretendingtobesomeoneI wasn’t,Iwenttobedthatnightfeelingdrained,exhausted,andashamed.TherushIexperienced justhoursbeforehadwornoff.Iwasleftempty,andIrealized it was all temporary Thislifewas nevergoingtobeabletofilltheholesinmyheart.Thatnight,thecuriosityIhadbeen determinedtosatisfyendedupmakingmejustlikethecat.Itshatteredmeintopieces. WhatIhopetoencourageyouwithisthatnotallhopeisgone.
AsIwokeupthatmorning,Itookafewsteps,testingtoseeifthegroundwouldcrumble beneathmyfeet,justasmylifehad.Butthegroundwasstable.Iturnedfrommyoldwaysand hadfaiththatthelifeGodsetbeforemewasbetterthananyoftheplansIcouldevermake.I chasedpeaceandstartedwakingupeachdayasthesamegirlathome,school,church,or anywhereelseImaybe.IamexactlywhoGodwantsmetobe:agirlbeamingwithHisgrace andlove.Iwasoncebroken,butamnowrestored,andIamfreefromtheheavychainsIusedto carryeveryday.Ihopethesameforyou.
Whateveryourstorylookslike,whetheryouwerearebelliouskid,wentthroughdarkseasonsof yourown,oraregoingthroughsomethingrightnow,knowthatyoucanbecuriousinadifferent way Stopbeingcuriousaboutwhattheworldcangiveyou(becauseitwillneverlast),andbegin searchingforalovesogreatthatyoucanbeyourselfwithoutshame—alovethatwillfillevery achingcreviceinyourheartthatyouthoughtwouldneverheal.
Curiositykilledthecatbecauseitwentsearchinginthewrongplacestosatisfyitsdesires.You don’thavetobeafraidofcuriosity—yousimplyhavetochoosewhereyou’llletittakeyou.