Ford Entertainment Magazine is an entertainment magazine based out of Fort Myers, Fl published by Gorilla Zone. This magazine features music artists,
Table of Contents
influential businesses, the hottest models, as well as exclusive articles not found
Cover Stories 06 Nelson Mandela
anywhere else! This monthly publication appears in both
Timeline of a legendary Life.
digital and print format.
15 Vonzell “Baby V”- True Story 20 239 Turk– Loud & Clear 22 Not Your Everyday Barbie
Visit GorillaZonemag.com. Contact us at Fordmag@gmail.com or Gorillazonemag@gmail.com.
Fashion 08 Law Abiding Fashion: A Week Of Outfits 12 Law Abiding Fashion: Get The Look. Reading Corner 14 Book Reviews
Fab First Lady Niki Book Club
Advice Corner 16 Top 10 ways to use your tax refund wisely 25 Boundaries: Keeping Yourself Healthy While Loving Others
28 10 Reasons Why You Won’t Leave Him
Pick up your print copy at IKhandie Accessories & Boutique located at 1935 Oakley ave. Fort Myers, Fl,
Credits Editor-In-Chief Rachelle Chevrin Publisher Gorilla Zone Writers Ladychelle Contributors Linda Vecchiarelli Danisha Williams Fab First Lady Niki Paige Diamond Cover designed by IKnowMrForbes@gmail.com
SOUNDPROOF ENT. Promotional company in Ftmyers fl. We specialize in Events, Concerts, Birthdays parties, BOOK your next Party with SoundProof Ent.. FOR MORE INFORMATION CALL SOUNDPROOF AT 2394401764. FT MYERS LEHIGH, NAPLES, AND ALL SURROUNDING 239 AREAS. Night club Promoter for: CLUB BLU 3580 EVANS AVE. WE PARTY EVER EACH AND EVERY FRIDAY DOORS OPEN from10 TO2AM HIT US UP TO BOOK YOUR NEXT BIRTHDAY BASH, MIXTAPE RELEASE PARTY, OR EVEN IF YOU WANT TO JUST PERFORM WE GOT YOU.. C.E.O Jermaine Sears EVENT SPECIALIST: Jenery Sears
Reading Corner Book Reviews by Michael Forbes Self Medication by RM Smith is a Motivational read. The book begins with an intro from his father who is incarcerated. And it’s one of the most touching things one man can write to his son let alone another man. The perspectives are both mixed and compelling towards providing a direct viewpoint of modern life in today’s America and what was traditionally taught from his childhood. In this writing you read about the author’s learning perspective of current events, religious views and moral experiences to follow a true story that develops a boy into a man. Great advise in between the lines. This is a definite read for the young men of today who hustle or strive daily because they would be reading from someone who is on their level or has been there.
Just finished reading the very last line of text in by Paige Diamond in her latest release “Girl Get Over Yourself”. Great read, brief and informative. I didn't even have to extend my attention span as my mind was open before cracking this one open. That starting paragraph was just as compelling, I had to finish it. Then kept reading…I must say, it felt like I sat in on a girl talk discussion and I didn’t mind. The point were being made and with strong fact behind them, her perspectives on how women can rekindle the spark in the bedroom are priceless! I enjoyed the entire read, my fave sections were: Complaining About Your Body, Cum is Nasty, Using the Vaj as Leverage. As a male, I always like to enjoy my favorite features on my female counterpart. And it’s not easy letting her know that you like a certain part of her alot, without her tying you into the “Oh that’s all you like about me” discussion. Cute, but not always. And in this section Paige goes over what women can do to maximize on their self confidence with what they are given as well as mentally stimulate us. In all parts of the book she relayed her message with ease, and it’s with just as much as the lesson should be learned. Any females consuming this info will def leave with potent knowledge of how to be in the front seat of their sex life, spark our interest and try something new in the bed room! I recommend this read to all women and males who ever wanted to know what a girl talk was like, I think this is it. Read and Sit in!
Fab First Lady Niki’s Book Club Books of the month
Advice Corner
Top 10 Ways to use you 6 Invest in your home Your home is your castle. And even simple changes like a new couch, new wall paint, or even new kitchen appliTax Refund Wisely 1 Pay
off your credit card Debts
Paying off your balances, you can afford to close the cards and eliminate high interest fees.
2 Stock up your savings account We all know you had to dip into your savings funds last year, this is the perfect time to restock. We advise saving enough to be able to pay your bills for at least 3 months if you were to become unemployed.
3 Pay off your car note Paying off your car note or paying your car insurance for the year will completely eliminate a recurring monthly bill, leaving you more money to play with throughout the year.
4 Take a vacation Let’s face it, we all want to take a vacation but most of us aren't able to afford one with our monthly salaries minus the bills. Your income tax return is the perfect opportunity to splurge on a vacay. Whether it’s a simple weekend trip to visit family or a 7 day cruise to the Bahamas, knock yourself out.
5 Start a college fund for your kids If you already have one, replenish it. Adding little by little to this account every year will sure add up to a great amount once your kids become of age to enjoy it. College is expensive and student loans follow you longer then a criminal record (haha), a college fund/savings account will ensure your kids never have to experience high student loans.
ances will make you love your home even more then you already do. Great suggestion? Get a new bedroom set, sheets, pillow cases, the works. And with the income tax return, you can now afford the good sheets!
7 Donate to a charity Alot of times throughout the year, we just don't have extra money to share with those in need. Income tax is a great opportunity to reach out to others. Best part about this plan? You can claim your donation on your next tax return!
8 Invest in Real Estate If you don't already own your own home, a great use of your income tax can be towards reaching that goal. Contact a bank or work with an agent and take advantage of the low housing prices. No rush, if your income tax is not enough for a down payment, hide the funds in a savings account and add the money saved to your next income tax refund.
9 Pay off a utility bill for the year Wouldn’t it be nice to not have to sweat your electric bill or water bill for the year? Most utilities companies have budget billings and may allow prepayment of services. Contact your utilities provider to confirm that plan would work.
10 Spruce up your wardrobe Most of us live paycheck to paycheck and aren't able to revamp our closet at will. Income tax refund is a great opportunity to spoil yourself and get that pencil skirt, and that Michael Kors purse you’ve been eyeing for a couple of months
Rolihlahla “Nelson” Mandela TimeLine of a legendary life Year Event 1918
(July 18) Born Rolihlahla Mandela
1925
Attends primary school near Qunu (receives the name ‘Nelson’ from a teacher)
1941
Escapes an arranged marriage; becomes a mine night watchman; Starts articles at the law firm Witkin, Sidelsky & Eidelman
1942
Begins to attend African National Congress (ANC) meetings informally
1944
Co-founds the ANC Youth League (ANCYL); marries Evelyn Ntoko Mase – they have four children: Thembekile (1945); Makaziwe (1947 – who dies after nine months); Makgatho (1950); Makaziwe (1954)
1948
Elected national secretary of the ANCYL
1951
Elected President of the ANCYL
1952
Defiance Campaign begins; Arrested and charged for violating the Suppression of Communism Act; Elected Transvaal ANC President; Convicted with J.S Moroka, Walter Sisulu and 17 others under the Suppression of Communism Act; Sentenced to nine months imprisonment with hard labour, suspended for two years; Elected first of ANC deputy presidents; Opens South Africa’s first black law firm with Oliver Tambo
1956
Arrested and joins 155 others on trial for Treason. All are acquitted by 29 March 1961
1958
Divorces Evelyn Mase; Marries Nomzamo Winnie Madikizela – they have two daughters: Zenani (1959) and Zindzi (1960)
1960
The ANC is banned
1962
(Jan.11th) Leaves the country for military training and to garner support for the ANC. (July 23rd) Returns to South Africa. (August 5th) Arrested near Howick in KwaZulu-Natal. (Nov. 7th) Sentenced to five years in prison for incitement and leaving the country without a passport.
1963
(Oct. 9th) Appears in court for the first time in what becomes known as the Rivonia Trial, with Walter Sisulu, Denis Goldberg, Govan Mbeki, Ahmed Kathrada, Lionel 'Rusty' Bernstein, Raymond Mhlaba, James Kantor, Elias Motsoaledi and Andrew Mlangeni. (Dec. 3rd) Pleads not guilty to sabotage in what becomes known as the Rivonia Trial.
1964
(June 11th) All except Rusty Bernstein and James Kantor are convicted and sentenced (June 12) to life
1990
(Feb 2nd) ANC is unbanned (Feb. 11th) Released from prison. (March 2nd) Elected ANC Deputy President.
1993
(December 10th) Awarded the Nobel Peace Prize
1994
(April 27th) Votes for the first time in his life (May 9th) Elected by Parliament as first president of a democratic South Africa (May 10th) Inaugurated as President of the Republic of South Africa
Year
Event
1995
Establishes the Nelson Mandela Children's Fund
1996
Divorces Winnie Mandela
1998
Marries Graรงa Machel on his 80th birthday
1999
Steps down after one term as President, establishes the Nelson Mandela Foundation
2001
Diagnosed with prostate cancer
2005
Announces that his eldest son Makgatho had died of AIDS
2008
Turns 90 years old, asks future generations to continue the fight for social justice
2010
(Oct 12th) His second book Conversations with Myself is published
2011
(June 27th) His book Nelson Mandela By Himself: The Authorized Book of Quotations is launched
2013
Dies 5th December 2013. Rolihlahla Mandela was 95 years old.
Fashion Corner
LawAbidingFashion.com
Law Abiding Fashion A Week of Outfits Fashion blogger Danisha Lashae, from LawAbidingFashion.com, never disappoints when it comes to her looks. She is the celebrity diva with the everyday woman’s budget. Recently featured in People Magazine’s Style issue (December 2013), she is an inspiration to all of us who stand in stare at our closet wondering how you could have so many pieces of fabric in there yet nothing to wear. After approaching her about featuring one of her blogs in the mag, I visited the site. Problem was, I couldn’t pick just one look! So I choose my 7 favorite looks to adapt to my week-of-fashion calendar. For more looks, advice, and fun be sure to check out lawabidingfashion.com “Weekend’s over” Monday: Monday: Hat: Target/ Top: Bebe/ Pants: Jessica Simpson “Kiss Me” Jeggings/ Heels: Steve Madden Purse: Michael Kors/ Bracelet: F21/ Hoops: Aldo
“Ok” Tuesday: Tuesday: Cardigan: Charlotte Russe/ Black Skinnies: Jessica Simpson/ Heels & Earrings: Forever21/ Lip Stain: Sephora
“Do“Do-YouYou-KnowKnow-WhatWhat-TodayToday-IsIs-ItsIts-HumpDay” Wednesday: Wednesday: Blazer: Target/ Shirt & Heels: H&M/ Jeans: BDG at Urban Outfitters/ Purse: Vintage/ Rings & Necklace: Forever 21/ Belt: Perry Ellis
“Pre“Pre-Friday” Thursday: Thursday: Dress: TJ Maxx / Heels: Guess / Bracelets: Forever 21 / Necklace: Target / Sunnies: a Gift / Lipstick: Sephora lip stain
“From the officeoffice-toto-earlyearly-dinnerdinner-outout-forfor-drinksdrinks-ItsIts-TheThe-weekend “Friday: “Friday: One Skirt, 3 Looks
SoSo-chill Saturday: Saturday: Top: H&M/ Skirt: Target/ Heels: Steve Madden (very old)/ Hoops: Claire's
Casual Sunday: Sunday: Blouse & Pants: H&M / Heels: Guess
Fashion Corner
Get the Look.
LawAbidingFashion.com
Cover Story
Vonzell
True Story
Growing up in Ft Myers, you’d have to be living under a rock to not know who Vonzell, better known as Baby V, Solomon is. From watching her performing at numerous talent shows, it was truly a joy rooting for her competing on American Idol. Her talent was finally exposed to the rest of the world and they were able to get a glimpse of what we’ve all known all along, that Baby V is Star! Ford Magazine’s writer Rachelle Chevrin reached out to Vonzell to get a little more insight on her journey, before and after American Idol.
I remember being in high school and watching you perform at a talent show and thinking THIS IS A STAR! Did you always know that you wanted to do music? How old were you? Yes I’ve always loved music, and at eleven years old I knew I wanted to be a professional singer. Everyone across the globe remember sitting at the edge of their seats voting for you on American Idol. How was that experience like? Take us from the audition to that final night. The American Idol experience was such an amazing journey! It really opens your eyes to what it takes to be a good performer. Were you nervous performing on National television night after night or did it all come natural? Yes I was nervous every performance, but I was so happy to be living my dreams in front of millions of people. What was your mindset after leaving American Idol? Though I was sad to leave the competition especially one week before the finale, there was a sense of relief form the stress and hectic schedule. Then I was like ok what’s my next step? So I started my own label and publishing company and went to work for myself. So instead of the traditional route of waiting for a deal, you created your own label. What drove you to that decision? How was the process and was it worth it? I decide to create my own label because I didn't want to fit into the mold of what people wanted me to be in order to have a deal. I was like man forget that Ill do my own thing, make the music I want to make and I’m so happy I did.
The road has definitely been difficult but its so rewarding to look at my accomplishments and say wow "That’s All Me!" lol It motivates me to reach higher heights. Tell us about Boonquisha!! How did that character come to life? Do you come up with all the ideas for skits yourself? Boonquisha is a character that came to life while I was on American Idol. I would clown around with the other contestants during group numbers singing off key and talking/acting ghetto lol I do come up with all the skits. Should we expect to see Boonquisha in a movie in the near future? Maybe. You gotta stay tuned to my YouTube channel to find out! Lol What was your top item on your to-do list after A.I.? To continue pushing forward with writing, recording and traveling- doing what I love to do. You've been featured all across the board, nationally, on tv, websites, articles, how do you remain grounded during these past years after A.I.? I believe all the great things that my parents have instilled in me since I was a kid have really kept me grounded throughout my life and will continue to do so. If I ever get beside myself I know my parents, family and closest friends will always bring me back to reality. I love that!
Tell us some of the countries you've been able to visit. Where is your favorite part of the world? I’ve been so blessed to be able to travel the world, I’m not sure if I have a favorite place yet-still got a lot more traveling to do. I’ve been to China, Japan, Korea, Singapore, England, France & all over the Caribbean Islands. In 2014 Ill performing in Japan again & Australia for the first time, I’m very excited about that! Let's talk about "Half a Heart", my favorite video of all time, it was shot in London correct? Was that song personal for you? Did you have a hand in coming up with the concept for the video? Who directed the video? Thanks, I’m so glad you liked it! Half of A Heart is one of my favorite songs that I’ve written, its very personal to me. This song stemmed from a failed relationship & I actually was in tears while recording it. The video was shot in London. I was very hands on with the concept, I already had the treatment ready before I`d even found the director William Hadley. However, after meeting with Will the first time I knew he was going to take it to the next level and really bring it to life. It was his idea to incorporate the bridge amongst other great ideas that I absolutely loved! Your latest EP "True Story" is amazing. What was the inspiration for this body of work? How long did it take you to compose and how true to life is "True Story"? True Story was a collective of songs from a span of about 3 years. I was just writing and recording year in and year out, after a few business ventures didn't pan out the way I`d hoped I decided to take some of the songs that really mattered to me and release them on an EP. I couldn't wait around for anyone any longer I decided to do it on my own. All the songs were inspired by true life situations and my inner most feelings/thoughts over the years. Walk us through a typical day for you. I’m currently performing in a show called Burn The Floor. A typical touring week For us are 8 shows per week. Before our nightly performances I work out in the gym & I’m working on my new studio project so I’m writing & recording. Then I get ready for the show, hair, make up etc. After the show I like to catch up with family and friends then off to bed so I’m well rested for the next day.
“...as a songwriter I’ve come to grips with the reality of every song I write might not be for me. Some may be better suited for other artist. Either way, having my creativity come to life is my ultimate goal…”
Describe your style for us in 3 words. Sexy, Blingy, Fabulous Apart from just yourself, you also write for others. How was it like hearing the OMG Girls "Gucci Prada" on the radio? It was amazing!! Is it more fun to write for yourself or other artists? Which is more rewarding? They're both equally rewarding, as a songwriter I’ve come to grips with the reality of every song I write might not be for me. Some may be better suited for other artist. Either way, having my creativity come to life is my ultimate goal and that’s very rewarding. You're also doing a little bit of Broadway. How is that experience like? Yes I am, musical theatre has always been in my heart. I grew up in musical theatre so getting back to it has been a great experience and I love every second of it. With such a busy career schedule, how do you make time for a personal life? Love? I’m big on time management though it is very hard for me lol anyone that I chose to let into my intimate circle has to have the total understanding of who I am and what I do. That makes life much easier for me. When it comes to love, I believe what’s meant to be will be. I always make time for those I care about though. What's next for Baby V? I’m super excited for 2014! I have a new project being released; I'm going back on tour and more music videos. Stay tuned in at www.VonzellMusic.com
“Sexy, Blingy, Fabulous” Www.VonzellMusic.com
Cover Story
239 Turk Loud & Clear
Is 239 Turk the artist a different personality then Turk the man? and How so? Lol, not at all. I'm the same person all the time. Either you like me or you don't. How many years have you been doing music? I've been doing music about 7 years. But really at it and knowing what I'm doing, about 4. What genre of music would you classify your style as? I wouldn't, I'm versatile, but if I had to it would be Krank Muzik And in all the years you've been doing music, how have you manage to keep your signature Turk style? Idk, I just do me all the time, stay in my own lane. Does your style of music, your type of music that you make, follow your moods? For example if you're in a relationship do you make all happy songs and if you're going thru a break up do you make all sad songs? Or does your music just follow life in general? That's exactly how my music is made. I write a song about how I'm feeling, life situations, etc.. In all your years of doing music, what have been your greatest experience so far in your career? Learning, its always a great experience when your about to learn something new out of your situations... Being a known artists, come with its share of opening your life to the public (so to say), how do you deal with that microscope on your life? I don't really have anything to hide from anybody. It is what it is. I understand that people have ups and downs in there life, if other people don't then oh well, only God can judge me. Being under that microscope, have you ever heard a made up story about yourself? How did you deal with that situation? Yea I heard a couple but it ain’t no pressure. And I don't deal with it, if its made up I don't really pay attention to it. As you wear many hats (producer, writer, artist) which do you like best? I like them all the same, I wouldn't want to be one without being the other. Is it a different feeling to write for someone else, then it is to write for yourself? Hell yea, when I'm ghost writing It doesn't feel as real. Do you prefer writing for yourself then writing for someone else? yes, writing for myself I can be a creative as I want and say what I want. Have you ever produced a song for someone, then not like the song, then remade the song yourself? Naw I wouldn't do that. I wont lie and say I haven't thought about it tho lol.
Twitter: @239Turk For Booking Call: 404-955-8875
Name the perfect scenario to play a 239Turk CD at? Anytime, My CD has some of everything on it, you can play it in the bedroom lol, in the club, at home just chillin, working out, or when u finna get off on a bih. Straight like that. What is the best song you ever made, and what makes it your ultimate favorite? Hard question, I don't think I have a best song. I do feel like every song I make I get better so I guess my last song I made would be my best. but my favorite is "Day After Day" If I was to google you today, what would be the worst story that would come up about you? and would it be true or false? Google me & find out... Then make that decision for yourself.
What Album number is this? This is my second album & far from the last. Does the album include all original beats or are there other producers featured? (If Yes, than whom?) Turk Da Hit'Maker baby lol. All original beats produced by myself, besides the track “Late" featuring King. Shout out 2 Illmusic What's the meaning of the title "Loud and Clear", how did you come up with that? Well, I smoke Loud & I drink Clear Liq lol... Krank Muzik(Party). Naw, I just want ppl to hear me, Loud & Clear and respect what I do Any other artists featured on the album? Who? Yea I got a couple, I keep it in my circle, I got Cityfish, King, Akai, Rufus Lowe, Gerdie Rubio, & Trillion. What was your inspiration for the album? This wack music that's out right now, my music is just me, I'm not following a trend or tryna do something I cant relate too. I just like making good music http://www.datpiff.com/239Turk-Loud-Clearmixtape.513455.html
Cover Story
Not your everyday
Barbie
The Barbie doll was invented in 1959 by Ruth Handler (co-founder of Mattel), whose own daughter was called Barbara. Barbie was introduced to the world at the American Toy Fair in New York City. The full name of the first doll was Barbie Millicent Roberts, from Willows, Wisconsin. Barbie's job was that of teenage fashion model. However, the doll has been made in versions connected to over 125 different careers.
She came as either a brunette or blond, and in 1961 red hair was added. In 1980, the first African American Barbie and Hispanic Barbie were introduced, however, Barbie did have a black friend named Christie who was introduced in 1969. Fast forward to 2013, and we now have more then our fare share of Barbie Dolls on the market, a great joy for many collectors. In addition to your everyday teacher Barbie, Veterinarian Barbie, and Doctor Barbie, collectors and enthusiast everywhere can now add celebrity dolls to their plastic collections. From Madonna to Cher to Michelle Obama, little plastic replicas of our favorite people are available everywhere online. Here are some of our favorites:
First Lady Michelle Obama Destiny’s Child
Whether you spring for the whole group or buy the Ms Carter doll separately, you will not be disappointed. I can picture having concerts in my room with these dolls performing. Every woman is a little girl at heart, these diva dolls will surely bring out that little girl in you. Having tea parties, playing dress up, having whole conversations with inanimate objects, all that. Beautiful and stylish, these dolls are a must have.
Beyonce
One of the classiest, most beautiful of all First Ladies commemorated in plastic? YASS! This exclusive Michelle Obama collectible doll from The Ashton-Drake Galleries features: A commemorative Michelle Obama collectible doll showcasing a stunning replica of her red chiffon 2013 Inaugural Ball gown, available only from The Ashton-Drake Galleries. Expertly handcrafted in artist's resin and hand-painted by elite artisans to create a stunning likeness of the First Lady, from her dazzling smile to her chic new hairstyle. Sparkling Swarovski crystals adorn her wedding ring, bangle bracelets and the custom ring at the neckline of her gown, adding to the radiant elegance of this Michelle Obama collectible doll. A timeless celebration of Michelle Obama featuring her 2013 Inaugural Ball gown, this collector's fashion doll is a treasure worthy of becoming a family heirloom. Description by: AshtonDrake.com
Cynthia Bailey Supermodel, mother, wife, business owner, reality star this woman does it all. And in style, most importantly. From the perfect afro to the wardrobe, this doll adds the necessary fashion pizazz to your collection.
Diana Ross That dress! That Hair! Such a classy doll to commemorate a classic icon. This is the doll that you buy your daughter for Christmas but don't allow her to play with it until never. Better yet, this is the doll that you buy for your future daughter that you never plan to have. This doll is the ultimate collectors item, give it its own shelf surrounded by Ms Ross’s classic records.
Taylor Lautner Twilight Dolls If you’re team Jacob like I am, then this Taylor Doll is a must have! Don’t even know what they wasting fabric and including a shirt. In addition to Jacob, you can also get the Bella & Edward dolls as well. Who knows, maybe we can write our own stories where Bella & Jacob fall madly in love and leave Edward in the dusts. One can let their imagination run wild with this collection.
Taylor Swift This collection of dolls will have you emotional and writing songs about your ex boyfriends in no time flat! All kidding aside, I love the Taylor Swift Dolls, she is the modern day Barbie Doll, with a variety of styles and outfits. This is definitely the doll you want to add to your diva collection.
Advice Corner
BOUNDARIES
Keeping Yourself Healthy While Loving Others By Linda Vecchiarelli
I attended a Boundaries support group at the invitation of a friend. This particular group was made up of women only, which is exactly what I needed. When I showed up I was a little skeptical, since I don't like being in large groups of women complaining about everything wrong with their lives. I was pleasantly surprised by the atmosphere of the group, particularly the focus on finding solutions for ourselves. It was quite informative, defining the necessity of best practices with boundaries for not losing yourself within a relationship. I recognized that I am considerably deficient because I take on responsibility for things that I can't change, and that would be other people's habits. We heard about good boundaries that keep you healthy and bad boundaries that are too rigid or strict to allow others into your world. I learned that boundary makers need a lot of practice in keeping their own boundaries when stronger people threaten them. I am by nature a very fearful person at times, and most of my issues stem from allowing people to get away with stuff others never would. I learned that I have been lax in keeping my boundaries when overpowering people declare they are not going to respect them. I have gone so far as to walk away with nothing after a court battle even when I was awarded half because giving it away was easier than dealing with a person who already demonstrated abusive behavior. To tell the truth, I haven't really cared much about what I have lost through the years, with the exception of my daughter's stuffed animals that I should never have encouraged her to give away. I am not a material girl, I have always valued people over things. I don't like confrontation, so boundaries are actually necessary. If my boundaries are in place, then I can feel safe to some degree. Others may choose not to honor the boundaries I establish, when it happens, I don't have to ignore that. Boundaries are made to keep me in and others that are not healthy out of my daily experience, or maybe permanently. I also learned that there are some people who are boundary invaders. They are usually narcissistic or sociopaths. They have rarely been challenged, they continue stomping across boundaries of every kind until someone brave puts a stop to it. One of the assignments is to think about what we learn deeply and find ways to execute the truths in our daily living. I might add, that this is not as easy as I thought it would be. I took a few of them to focus on just for the next week, and I think I bit off more than I could chew. I am convinced that practice makes progress, so I tried not to
be too discouraged by the lack of solid results. My husband was resistant, as our established pattern has served him well over the past 12 years. My friends have no idea I am doing this, but I did practice distancing myself when it was appropriate. My father superimposed himself over me and I pushed back redefining who I am and what I believe. I back pedaled slightly in practicing my boundaries in some of these instances, but the difference today is that I recognized it more quickly. I didn't jump to try and be part of the group that I realized has little interest in including me. I continued talking to the person I was conversing with when they approached me after a meeting which they usually leave in a group, rather than trying to fit in. When one of them left me a phone call afterwards, even though I felt a twinge of curiosity about where they had gone (I didn't ask), I called back and pretended everything was fine. What I should have done instead was tell them the truth that I have been hurt by their neglect in my time of need. I didn't have the courage at the time. I have surrendered my need to be a part of their clique. With my father, I let him say his piece and give his feedback before I realized what was happening. Once I did, I found myself defending (as always) that I am not the same person as I was before, I am making changes whether he is able to see them or not. He didn't like that and accused me of being unteachable. I recognized that as belittling to control rather than constructive. These were painful experiences at the time, but I did it anyway. I realized that when people come up against my boundaries, I get to define who I am and live with it or cave in to the pressure exerted whether imagined or real. God knows my heart. I also don't have to be perfect in the process, it is next to impossible to do this perfectly every time. I can see things realistically afterwards and make the necessary adjustments, which may include forgiveness and reinforcing what I have already declared for respect. It was a lesson to me that perhaps right now in my life, these are not healthy people for me to be around, and that is my choice. I am however, choosing new friendships that are more mutual, and I learned from the process that in some ways, they are not healthy for me because they don't really support me. If you want to read more on this subject, I highly recommend the book "Boundaries" by Dr. Henry Cloud and Dr. John Townsend. I know them personally, and they have a very practical and balanced approach to this subject.
Advice Corner
10 Reasons Why You Won’t Leave Him
By Paige Diamond Breaking up is hard to do. It's never easy as you have so many different variables to consider. As everyone sits back and tell you want you should and shouldn't do with your life, at the end of the day it is your decision and yours alone. No one knows what anyone goes through behind their closed doors and none of us can judge it. I've had friends, family members and even my own relationships where the question comes up "Why won't they/I leave him?" So I did a little digging and found the top 10 reasons why women will not leave their relationships. See how many you have fallen prey to and still might be.
1. Time Invested You've been together for years. You've invested time, money and most definitely your emotions into this relationship. You've given it the best that you've got and you think that one day, he'll come around because you are a good woman. Sadly enough as the Yoruba proverb says "If you want to know the end, look at the beginning." If you have always given all you had to the relationship and he has not, you are playing on an unlevel playing field. It is really up to you to figure out how long you plan on playing ball.
2. Financially Dependent Yep, he makes the money and you've become comfortable in a certain lifestyle. Being miserable and unhappy is a just the casualty to being able to buy the mall. You see it all the time, women sacrificing happiness for Franklins. How you see it, at least you're benefiting on some level right? Wrong. Happiness can't be bought, no matter how man Christian Louboutins and Hermes bags you have in your closet.
3. Children This is truly a tough one. With single parent homes being the norm, you are not a single parent & is struggling to maintain that status. You don't want to stereotyped, labeled or strip your children of the "family structure" they have even if it is not a healthy one. You're in essence sacrificing yourself in order to save face. This is definitely a road to miserly land.
4. Insecurities Okay you gained weight or maybe you've lost that je ne sais quoi that you used to posses when you first met him. Jump into gear and get that snap back! Feel secure and sexy again, it may even help repair the relationship that you have now so that you won't have to leave.
5. He's My Soul Mate I've been down this road before and boy oh boy if this one isn't a doosie, I don't know what is. When you feel soul tied to an individual, for whatever reason and you share a unique bond, no matter what anyone says about him, you're not budging. No one gets it and at times you probably don't either but you feel it's fate that you are with him. You stay.
6. You Don't Want Everyone To Be Right Pride is a beast. You know you should get out of this relationship but because everyone else is telling you that this guy is not for you, you want to rebel. You don't want to fail. You want to prove to the world that they were so wrong about him that you stay, even if your gut is telling you to kick rocks!
7. Guilt Okay you haven't been an angel in this relationship, it happens but that doesn't mean that you have to be punished daily and reminded of your mistake. Here you are proving to him day in and day out that you have changed and trying to change his mind about you and his mind is totally made up. How long will you carry this guilt of appeasement with you and continuously receive mistreatment for your mistake? Only you can be the judge on that one.
8. Obligation All his other significant others hurt him and did him wrong. He's unable to trust because of his past but you're going to be the one to show him that all women aren't bad, you're a good woman. You put up with control, insecurities and abuse, trying to prove a point to someone who doesn't trust you. You're trying to fix someone that doesn't want to be fixed.
9. Fear He is all you know. You've been together it seems like forever. You don't want to start all over because you are afraid of dating and getting to know other guys. There are some crazy people out here in this world and you can't deal with the possibility of meeting a wacko. How you see it is the devil that you do know is better than the devil you don't know.
10. You Love The Drama Now I know you won't admit this to me, but I'm sure you can admit this to yourself. You don't know how to begin to fathom a relationship free of yelling, arguing, fighting and the #1 most enjoyed act of a low frequency relationship- make up sex. If he didn't argue and fight with you, you'd think the world is coming to an end. You enjoy pushing his buttons and playing the victim role. Anything peaceful is far too boring. You need some excitement.
There you have it, the 10 Reasons Why You Won't Leave Him. Did you see yourself or who you used to be in any of the list? I know I sure have been there and done that. Will I do it again? Definitely not but I had to be totally exhausted in order to leave. The only word of advice I have is when you are fed up, you'll know. Not a minute too late, not a second too soon. **Read more relationship advice from Paige Diamond. Check out her latest books Girl, Get Over Yourself & Dude, Get Over Yourself available on Kindle, Amazon, Nook & Kobo. Then mouse on over to PaigeDiamond.com to improve your sex life.