The Least Successful Romantic Gesture Wishing to impress his girlfriend, Leslie Pook, and perhaps influenced by the balcony scene in Romeo and Juliet, Stephen O’Halloran arrived at her home in Fleetwood in March 1990 under cover of darkness. Armed with a clothes-line prop and clutching a bargain bucket of Kentucky Fried Chicken, he attempted to pole-vault through her bedroom window as she slept. Propelling himself at speed towards Miss Pook’s chamber, his pole snapped and Mr O’Halloran flew into the wall. The dull, mellifluous thud did not awaken his sleeping paramour, but it did arouse her neighbour, who called the police. On arrival they found Mr O’Halloran wandering in a dazed state around the garden. Challenged as to the legality, wisdom and Health and Safety aspects of his endeavour, Miss Pook’s thwarted admirer became disputatious. Arrested at the scene, he was led away. Miss Pook remained asleep throughout.
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The Ultimate Book of Heroic Failures by Stephen Pile © Stephen Pile, 2011 Published by Faber and Faber, £12.99, out now in hardback and ebook. @FaberBooks Faber.co.uk