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COSTA BLANCA NORTH

30th March - 5th April

YOUNGER residents living in Callosa d’en Sarria will shortly have somewhere new to play and to enjoy a number of activities. Supplied by the municipality, the new ‘Punt Jove’ (Youth area) will open on April 6 at 7.30pm on Calle Bolulla and will consist of an area of 150m2 for people aged between 12 and 27 who can take part in a number of projects organised either by the town council or local youth associations. The opening event will include a talks from local youngsters Ivan Gonzalez, who suffers from leukaemia and Esther Ferrer, who has recently overcome cancer.

Photo credit: Dimitar Denev flickr

Brand new centre

Issue 962

DELIVERY: The council wants to keep streets safe.

INSIDE THIS WEEK ... GIVING4GIVING

P10 FIGHTING THEM ON THE BEACHES... AGAIN

Not open all hours By Darren Parmenter BENIDORM’S City Council has put a stop to those delivery lorries that ignore the rules on distribution. The current regulations allow businesses along the front line of the beach or in the pedestrianised zones to receive deliveries between 7am and 10.30am, and even then those vehicles have to register and get official authorisation for access.

However, it appears that a number are blatantly not complying with the formal timetables and Benidorm Council has now sent a letter to a number of hotel and transport associations to remind them of the agreed hours. This allows tourists to safely make their way around the city, especially along Playa Levante and in the popular ‘walking streets’ in the Old Town, and the times will be further enforced as the summer season gets underway.

The latest trend is for lorries and vans to arrive after the 10.30am cut-off point, and even stay in the area of Avenida Alcoy and Avenida Madrid, and thus end up being fined for breaching the rules. According to reports in the Spanish media, the campaign isn’t aimed so much at the delivery companies, but at the establishments in the affected areas that are often closed for much of the allotted time and forcing the trucks to return later than the agreed time limit.

P11 ILLEGAL BINGO VENUE RAIDED

P15

30th March - 5th April by Darren Parmenter

‘Shark sighting’ was a swordfish Photo credit: Smithsonian Museum YouTube

ONE of Alicante’s popular beaches had an unexpected visitor recently. People strolling along the shore spotted what they thought was a blue shark a few yards away in the shallow water off the Urbanova beach in Alicante. They were more than surprised to see such a large fish swimming in the area so close to land and the ex per ience was recorded on a number of mobile devices. However, after watching video of the fish, a local ecology expert Gabriel Soler said: “It’s definitely a swordfish... not a blue shark .” Both the swordfish and the blue shark are ver y common in the Mediterranean, and Soler pointed out that despite this, “it’s ver y strange that they come so close to the shore.” Among the explanations for the swordfish’s behaviour is that it may have become disorientated when chasing its prey, or having been attracted by some bait used by fishermen often in the area. Swordfish (known on a Spanish menu as ‘pez espada’ or emperador) is often fished for human consumption and its normal habitat is some way offshore. The images seen by Gabriel Soler from this latest sighting sug-

SAFE: Marine visitor confused with blue shark. (File image)

gest that this one is an adult of more than one metre in leng th and ‘totally harmless to humans’.

Last February, a 3.6 metre long shark, weighing around 200 kilos, landed on the Playa L evante in

nearby Santa Pola. It was later lifted back into the sea with the help of a crane.

Marihuana factory discovered GUARDIA CIVIL officers surrounded a house in the town of Pedreguer after receiving a tip-off that drugs may be growing inside. Sure enough, they discovered a thriving marihuana plantation in the basement of an old and recently renovated ‘mansion’. Two people were arrested and taken away by officers from Javea and El Verger who were behind the raid on the property. They broke into the premises after securing a court order for the house on the road that leads to Urbanisation La Sella de Pedreguer, which was blocked by the Guardia Civil in advance, in case anyone in the property attempted to flee the scene. So far, no official total of the amount of marihuana

plants has been released, but is believed to be significant after the Guardia Civil filled numerous plastic bags with the drug. They also dismantled all the equipment used in the cultivation process which included a number of specially installed light/heat bulbs to speed up the growth. Speaking to Spanish media, local residents said that it was on the market for some years before being restored and having a large perimeter fence put up. Apparently, it was now being rented by young people, but the locals had no suspicion whatsoever that their new neighbours could allegedly be involved in drug trafficking, nor that the property was a marihuana factory.

Two young hikers rescued TWO young Russian men have been rescued by helicopter after being trapped all night on the Sierra de Callosa. They set off early on Monday morning to go hiking in the Cueva Ahumada area and eventually reached a stretch of the path with a steep slope that stopped them in their tracks. According to reports in the Spanish media, the two were poorly equipped to go exploring this kind of terrain. Not only did they not carry any tools or climbing kit to be able to conquer the steeper areas of the walk, they didn’t have a mobile phone between them. It then became dark; they became disorientated, and so took the decision to stay where they were. Luckily for them, they were spotted on Tuesday morning by a firefighter from Cordoba, also hiking in the area with his family. After raising the alarm, the two young men - both aged 20 and from Almoradi - were subsequently rescued by helicopter, as the area is notoriously difficult to access by any normal means. A paramedic attending with the helicopter said that both men were in good health... perhaps a little shaken.

30th March - 5th April

Sales recovery is a reality

Public help leads to drug arrests the owner of the location of one of the raids in Denia, where more than 100 marihuana plants were discovered. A 62-year-old Spanish man has been arrested and has ap-

peared in court accused of drug trafficking and electricity fraud, since he had made an illegal connection to the power supply to ensure enough energy to help in the cultivation of the drug. Photo credit: National Police

ACROSS the Marina Alta during 2017, the sale of homes grew by a s i g n i f i c a n t amount and proved that the recovery in the housing market is a reality. Sales increased by almost 10 per cent in the year and take the cumulative increase since 2012 to more than 50 per cent, although there are some differences between individual municipalities. According to official figures issued by the Ministry of Public Works in Madrid, leading the way is Javea, followed by Denia and Calpe. In the whole of the region, 5,516 home sales were registered, accounting for 459 more than the 2016 total. Whilst the figures are encouraging and returning from the downturn as a result of the financial crisis, they are still somewhat short of the 10,904 purchases recorded in 2006 at the height of the housing boom. The lowest annual total was declared in 2011 with only 3,584 registered sales. Since that point, the overall growth has been 53.9 per cent. Calpe saw the l o we s t gr owt h of sales across the major towns of the Marina Alta, rising by only 3 per cent.

THANKS to collaboration between the National Police and a number of locals, seven people have been arrested in connection with alleged drug operations. The detentions took place at three locations across the Alicante Province following anti-drug operations that were set up as a result of information being received from members of the public. This led to a formal investigation to verify the tip-off and subsequently identify

UNCOVERED: Three drugs stashes found across Alicante thanks to tip-offs.

Earlier, and in the first of the three operations, a local resident in Benidorm filed a complaint on the official website of the National Police, alerting them to the possible illegal cultivation and sale of marihuana from one particular venue. Once again, the alleged culprits were traced, monitored and eventually arrested after the police discovered a quantity of the drug growing in the back room of the building. Three people, aged be-

tween 31 and 37, are now subject to legal procedures. The third of the raids took place in Elda, where one kilogram of hashish and marihuana was found, alongside â‚Ź640 in cash and the everpresent precision scales. The National Police were quick to praise the importance of the contribution made by members of the public in all three investigations, and encourage more to use the website at www.poli cia.es to report their suspicions.

30th March - 5th April

Benidorm brought to book

IN the event that the San Juan hospital is unable to take patients in the future, the Alicante General hospital, eight kilometres away, will admit them instead as they have greater capacity. The decision to collaborate has been taken due to pressure in recent days in San Juan hospital, when they had 100 per cent of their beds occupied and the Accident and Emergency Department full to overflowing with patients waiting on trolleys in the corridors. The situation has not been helped by the most virulent flu epidemic to hit the local population in many years. Hospital administrators and medical staff have adopted some different measures to relieve the pressure of care. Among them has been to allocate a department that is essentially used for patients operated on and discharged on the same day for

Photo credit: Pepetps Wikimedia

FOR some time, and as previously reported in the RTN (Issue 953), Benidorm is increasingly being utilised as a film set. For 2017 alone, it was estimated that 350 of the 365 days someone, somewhere was filming in the city for a feature film, TV series, documentary or a commercial. Now, the streets and famous sites of the popular tourist centre are to feature in a new book. The Spanish thriller called ‘Benidorm 091’ is written by Manuel Thomas Llinares from Alicante, who has already had three books published... one of them about a supposed zombie invasion! ‘Benidorm 091’ (the emergency number for the National Police) has its main characters carrying out a number of crimes in the city, such as hostage taking. At one point, shots are fired along the Poniente Beach and the wellknown Jaime I main road. Described as ‘a suspense thriller’, ‘Benidorm 091’ is made up of three stories based on both real and imaginary people living in and around the area. As the author said, “Not all stories have to take place in New York, Paris or London. I’ve had the pleasure of working in this city which is known internationally and where anything can happen.” Not only is he currently working on another Benidorm-related book, Manuel Llinares is hoping his latest thriller will attract film or TV bosses to bring the words on paper to life.

Hospitals collaborate in patient crisis

CORRIDORS: San Juan hospital reaches 100 per cent capacity.

in-patients instead. In addition, the Accident and Emergency department has taken on two extra members of nursing staff, taking to 10 the number of health professionals hired during

the current crisis. In the 25 years since it first opened its doors, the San Juan hospital has almost doubled the number of patients that it was originally set up to cater for, mainly due

to the increase in housing projects in the local area. Also, 25 old people’s homes come under the coverage of the hospital, which has added to the pressures in the winter months.

30th March - 5th April

Events cancelled due to high winds

Police catch online fraudsters Photo credit: National Police

FIREFIGHTERS were called out more than 100 times on one day alone as a result of the strong winds experienced across the Costa Blanca. Certain points of Orihuela and Torrevieja were the most affected with gusts reaching 145kph and sporting events and those launching Holy Week were cancelled. During a five hour period on Saturday morning, when the gusts were at their strongest across the Vega Baja, a number of trees toppled over and were removed by the authorities before any further damage could be caused. The alarm was first raised at 6.15am in Orihuela when a palm tree fell over in Calle Doctor Garcia Rogel, and was the beginning of a busy period for the emergency services. Apart from falling trees, masonry was reported coming away from a number of buildings, which had hit parked cars; several lamp posts and traffic signs also suffered damage. In Almoradi, one building saw its solar panels dislodged; such was the force of the gusts. In the northern part of the Costa Blanca, a fire broke out in the La Font area of San Juan which was quickly brought under control before it couuld spread further. The entire coast was put on orange alert after warnings issued by the Spanish State Meteorology Agency (AEMET) which saw municipalities such as Javea, Castalla, Xixona and Callosa d’en Sarria being hit with gusts of 100kph. Benitatxell managed to equal those recorded in Torrevieja with 145kph.

by Ray Chadwick NATIONAL POLICE operating from Alicante have caught a number of people behind two unrelated scams worth €300,000. There were two separate investigations after a number of people reported their experiences to the authorities. The first operation resulted in two individuals being arrested for swindling people out of €150,000 after selling them top of the range professional cameras online that never reached them. In the second case, a man has already been imprisoned for cheating clients out of €145,000 after managing to convince them to buy non-existent property, also via the internet. The modus operandi of the first two detained was uncovered after meticulous work from the National Police, that saw them investigating across a number of different online sales portals. They offered professional photographic equipment for sale by contacting potential buyers and even sent them in-

ARRESTED: Separate internet scammers detained by National Police in Alicante. (File image)

voices to prove they were a legitimate company. Once ‘sent’, the customers were given a fake tracking number for their order but the goods never arrived. These scams saw them net €154,880. The operation to catch the propertyrelated crook came after an investigation that lasted several months and eventual-

ly traced, identified and arrested the alleged fraudster who scammed €147,400. The defendant used his position in the company to convince clients that there were financial benefits from acquiring, and thus investing in property belonging to companies that had filed for bankruptcy.

30th March - 5th April

Photo Credit by: Guardia Civil.

MEMBERS: Relaxing after the walk.

Local Freemasons walk for charity

MAJOR FIND: Results of a series of drug raids on display.

Multinational drug gang detained by David Bennett TEN people have been arrested by the Guardia Civil across both the Marina Alta and Marina Baixa for being part of an alleged drug trafficking operation. The eight men and two women were detained in Denia, Benidorm, Altea, Alfaz del Pi, La Nucia and Villajoyosa, with three others still being investigated for being involved with similar crimes. The arrested group - aged between 22 and 56 and nationals of Russia, Bel-

gium, Holland, Italy, Norway, Serbia and Morocco - were known to be living across the area and organised a drug distribution network between them. The investigation began following the search of a lor r y made by the Guardia Civil from Altea after it had been stopped en route between Alfaz del Pi and Norway. Inside, they found a suitcase containing 2.5 k ilos of hashish. The discovery led them to the sender of the ‘package’, a young Spanish man with a Dutch mother, living in La Nucia, who spoke a number of languages and had a very large circle of friends.

He allegedly used these advantages to sell drugs to a number of foreign people in the area, some of whom were contacts of his mother, who had no issue in obtaining drugs for her friends in this way. The raids by the Guardia Civil were coordinated to take place at the same time to stop members of the group from contacting others. In total, two vehicles, one motorcycle, several telephones, an air pistol, five grams of cocaine, and three kilos of hashish were seized. They also discovered 38 marihuana plants and the associated cultivation equipment in one of the properties.

FREEMASONS of local lodge, Santa Faz, held their annual beach walk, organised by WM Mick Rayner and wife Maureen, to raise much needed funds for the children’s home at Rellue. This is the charity for this year, chosen by the master of the lodge and will be supported throughout the year. More than 70 Freemasons and guests took part, and were very lucky that the weather stayed exceptionally fine for them. The walk was followed by an excellent barbecue and the extremely good entertainment was provided by WM Mick Rayner. As well as providing a very pleasant day for the Freemasons and their guests, an exceedingly large sum totalling €1,000 was raised for the children’s home which will be presented at a later date. If you are interested in the work of local Freemasons or you would like information on how to become a Mason, please contact WBro William G Turney on prensa@glpvalencia.com.

Denia dangerous dog attack by Mark Rogers A YOUNG teenage girl has been taken to hospital after being attacked by a dog in the centre of Denia. The 14-year-old suffered bites to her chest and to one of her hands as she walked along Calle Santissima Trinitat around 4.30pm last Tuesday afternoon with her mother. According to official reports, the dog attacked the girl after spotting that she was carrying a small puppy in her arms, and it was protecting her own pet that caused her own injuries. The American Staffordshire Terrier which carried out the attack is on the list of dangerous dogs in Spain. An ambulance was called and after receiving treatment at the scene the girl was taken to hospital from where she was discharged after a few hours. Meanwhile, the puppy was left with injuries to one of its legs. During questioning by the Local Police, the owner of the dog responsible for the attack couldn’t provide any documentation related to the animal, which was taken by them to the Denia animal protection unit. The child’s mother was advised to file a formal complaint about the incident as it’s understood that the American Staffordshire Terrier’s owner allegedly wasn’t aware that her dog should have been registered with the authorities as being potentially dangerous.

30th March - 5th April

Ten Algerians arrested on child assault charges

THE Costa Blanca will see a doubling of its flights with Russia this year and as such plans to welcome 300,000 tourists. For some years, towns up and down the Costa Blanca have been popular destinations for Russian tourists, and as from next week Alicante-Elche airport will see two daily flights to Moscow and two weekly flights to St Petersburg. Across Spain, and according to official figures, there are currently 70,000 Russianâ€™s living in the country; 25,000 choosing the Alicante Province as home. Next to Barcelona, Torrevieja is next on the list with 4,300 registered Russian nationals, followed by Alicante (1,500), Orihuela (990), Benidorm (640), Altea (580), Guardamar

Photo credit: Alex Beltyukov Wikimedia

TEN men have been arrested in Alicante for allegedly assaulting three teenagers. The girls had escaped from the juvenile detention centre in the city and were approached by the men who allegedly offered drugs and money before taking them to the property where a series of abuses were carried out. Investigations began in the wake of the girls disappearance being reported to the National Police station in Alicante by the director of a juvenile centre. According to the National Police, one of the girls - only 14-years-old - was locked up in a flat for 24 hours where all the members of the gang repeatedly assaulted and sexually abused her. In addition to the alleged rape of the 14-yearold, the gang also sexually assaulted two other girls aged 15 and 17, although these victims are still being sought by the police investigators. All those arrested are of Algerian nationality, with children being among their number, and were detained as a result of searches of three homes used by the gang to carry out their crimes. To maintain their lifestyles, the gang carried out a series of robberies with force in both private homes and in shops and businesses in the area, later selling their booty on the black market. During the raids, police found 15 mobile phones, four bicycles and various computer and other pieces of stolen electrical equipment.

The Russians are still coming

DOUBLE: Aircraft from Siberia Airlines will be seen more at Alicante-Elche airport. (File image)

(475), Calpe (429) and Rojales (389). T he Costa Blanca has surpassed the Costa del Sol in the preferences for Russian tourists because they prefer the climate com-

pared to that experienced in Marbella. In addition, prices of property and the costs of day-to-day living better suit the Russian pocket. According to data re-

leased by the Valencian Tourism Agency, Russian tourism grew by 14.1 per cent in 2017, with 176,000 people visiting the country. 85 per cent of those chose the Alicante Province.

30th March - 5th April

‘Kidnap ordeal’ invented by Darren Parmenter

CHARITY WALK: Keeping fit and helping others.

Giving4Giving LAST Sunday about 20 dog walkers went on a six-kilometre walk for charity. The walk raised €530 and Giving4Giving donated €470 to make it a round €1,000 in total. The money will be shared between doggie Angells (dog rescue charity) and Amoena (Benidorm breast cancer charity).

G i v i n g 4 G i v i n g h a s n o w d o n ate d €94,000 to local charities and to be able to continue their good work they always need donations and volunteers at all of their shops. They will also pick up larger donated items, so call Gary on 603 137 697 if you can help.

CALPE’S Guardia Civil has arrested a 23-year-old girl from Benissa after reporting she’d been kidnapped... but she hadn’t been. It was all part of an elaborate attempt to stop her husband from finding out that she had, in fact, spent the two days she was ‘missing’ with friends. The woman said that she’d been held for two days by three men who had kidnapped her at a bus stop in Villajoyosa and then took her to an abandoned house in the countryside somewhere. The alarm was first raised by her husband at the beginning of March when he went to the Guardia Civil in El Verger to report that his wife had disappeared the day before. He said that she’d left in the morning to go to work in Villajoyosa but didn’t return. He couldn’t contact her by phone there was no signal - and as he’d not been around for a while he didn’t know where she worked. It was the morning after the husband contacted the Guardia Civil that his wife went to one of the sister stations in Benissa to claim she’d been kidnapped. After hearing in great detail about her alleged ordeal, she was sent by the Guardia Civil to hospital to undergo tests to see if she’d been the victim of a sexual assault or had been drugged. Both tests returned negative results. Investigations where she lived and where she was allegedly held continued and it was later discovered that the girl had instead voluntarily left with friends on a two-day outing that she didn’t want her husband to know about.

La Nucia finishes in the black LA NUCIA Town Council closed last year with a significant budget surplus. As announced by Mayor

Bernabe Cano and Councillor for Finance Manuel Alcala to the Spanish media, La Nucia finished 2017 with a surplus

of €4,546,243, and it is the sixth year in a row that the municipality has finished a year in the black. In addition, they have €3,319,069 in the bank. Mayor Cano said that the figures “reaffirm the good management of the municipality’s finances which has been carried out over recent years.” It was also confirmed that finishing the year with such a high budget surplus is fully in line with regulations laid down by the Ministry of Finance which allows a maximum growth rate of 2.1 per cent. The mayor also explained that these ‘good figures’ have allowed La Nucia to meet the ‘less than 30 day’ average payment terms for suppliers which has been established by the Madrid government. With the finances of the municipality in such a positive state, it is expected that the budget will continue ‘in the black’ for 2018 as well.

30th March - 5th April

Fighting them on the beaches... again Photo Credit: Codex-Belix Facebook

BENIDORMâ€™S famous beaches, usually crammed full of sun worshippers for almost every month of the year will see a less familiar sight at the end of the summer. Collaboration between the city council and the Codex-Belix association will see the historic D-Day Normandy landings being recreated along the stretches of sand over the long weekend of Friday September 28 to Sunday September 30. Taking place along the Poniente Beach for the second successive year, closer to Benidorm Old Town, one of the most significant events of the Second World War is being staged by Codex-Belix, an organisation that specialises in recreating events in history. Around 400 people are expected to take part, and in addition to the actual

FLASHBACK: Previous re-enactments of D-Day.

landings a series of camps, trenches and field hospitals will be located in the Parque de Elche (known locally as the Dove Park) and along the Avenida Xixo promenade. There will also be a display of military vehicles and

a selection of memorabilia from the period. Throughout this Holy Week, a total of 5,000 brochures have been distributed around the city to promote the event, with the aim of getting tourists to

think at this early stage about planning their next visit to Benidorm to coincide with this D-Day spectacular, even though it is in September, rather than June, as it was last year.

Emissions crackdown to affect old cars DIESEL cars in the Alicante Province which are 20 years old or more could suffer at the hands of the new Spanish MOT (ITV). Thanks to tighter regulations coming into force in June in respect of controlling polluting emissions, around 72,000 cars could be affected and at risk of disappearing from the roads. The ITV examination will be its toughest yet and will especially look at cars that may have had their engines tampered with to avoid the cost of installing and maintaining anti-pollution systems, such as catalytic converters. The fact that this equipment can cost in the region of â‚Ź900 can lead to people preferring to take the chance and defrauding the system... and not getting caught. New computerised testing will now be able to thoroughly check all the internal electronics of the vehicle and detect any wrongdoing. Figures from the Spanish traffic department (DGT) state that there are almost 200,000 vehicles in the Alicante Province more than 20 years old, accounting for 15 per cent of everything on the roads. The majority are made up of cars (122,000) followed by motorcycles (38,000), vans and lorries (35,000) and 281 buses. Around 60 per cent of those vehicles have a diesel engine. Data from the same source also records that the average age for a car in the Alicante Province is 10.3 years old.

30th March - 5th April Photo Credit: BigKnell Shutterstock

Easter tidings By Peter Purvey EASTER is upon us once again and for many Christians throughout the world it is the most significant date in the ecclesiastical calendar. However, Easter is a movable feast and Easter Sunday, the traditional day of the Resurrection, may be on any Sunday between March 21 and April 25, when using the current Gregorian calendar, but for many the method of calculating the exact day each year remains a mystery. A t a co u n c i l h e l d i n A D 3 2 5 at N i c a e a ( a b o u t 3 0 miles south west of Izmit in present day northern Turkey) it was decided that Easter Sunday should be the first Sunday following the first full moon after the Vernal (Spring) Equinox, which is March 21. Should March 21 itself fall on a Sunday then that would be Easter Day. A look at the March calendar for this year will show that the first full moon after the 21st will be on Saturday, thus the first Sunday after that is the next day which is Easter Sunday. This is the accepted way of calculation by the easter n C hr istian churches, ie Catholic , Ang lican and Protestant churches, but many Or thodox easter n churches still use a different method using the old Julian and Jewish calendars, although the dates coincid-

Turtle in the nets

ed in 2014 and 2017. A problem for Rome arose in Britain in the seventh centur y as the Celtic churches’ teachings emanated from the establishments of Iona and Lindesfarn who were teaching different liturgical traditions.

While some were celebrating Easter, others were still fasting during Lent! The matter came to a head at the Synod of Whitby held in 664, the result being the eventual Romanisation of the church in England and the way we calculate the date of Easter being made permanent.

Cold snap hits almond crops RECENT cold weather has ruined the crop of almonds in two of the Alicante Province’s main areas of production. Frost has been the problem and has wiped out an estimated 80 per cent of

the production in El Comtat (between Guadalest and Alcoy). In L’Alcoia (the area that includes the towns of Ibi and Onil) around 50 per cent have been severely affected, and have suffered from

temperatures falling to five degrees below zero whilst the almond blossom was about to bloom. The freezing conditions have been felt the most in the bottom of the valPhoto credit: PxHere

A FISHING fleet based in Javea has accidentally caught a turtle in its nets. The Loggerhead Turtle was around 70 centimetres long and weighed around 40 kilos, and after being discovered was carefully lowered and put into a large container of water. It had suffered no injuries during its ordeal although the usual protocols were activated to call the Local Police, the Guardia Civil and the local marine vets, the latter travelling from Valencia. It is understood that at the time of the accidental capture, the nets were around 60 metres deep and working around four kilometres off the coast of Calpe.

SPAIN: Has a spectacular tradition of celebrating Easter.

DESTROYED: Significant crops of almonds affected by freezing conditions. (File image)

leys, especially those that form the Vall de Seta, and that surround Planes, Almudaina, Beniarres or Gaianes. As one local farmer told the Spanish media, “This is a crucial moment for us and the crop. Trees that are in full bloom can take the freezing conditions, but those that haven’t yet fully formed have an inside that is almost all water and get irreparably damaged.” Practically all of the early varieties have been affected, and only those on the higher ground have escaped the ravages of the low temperatures. Frosts and freezing winds have also been recorded in the Vinalopo region and almond crops have experienced similar declines in the rural areas of Pinos, Monovar, Algueña, La Romana, Salinas and Sax. However, this region has seen many of the almond plantations replaced in recent years by new varieties of later flowering plants. In these cases, hardly any damage has been recorded by the recent cold snap.

NATIONAL

30th March - 5th April

Photo credit: BBCLDC Wikimedia

ON GUARD: Bilbao’s Guggenheim Museum and the puppy of flowers.

Bilbao welcomes the Maltese SUMMER officially landed at Malta International airport with the touchdown of the first aircraft from Bilbao. The beginning of this new connection at the weekend marked the launch of the airport’s summer schedule featuring over 100 destinations and 16 new routes for the season. Flights to and from Bilbao operated by Spanish airline Volotea, will be taking off from Malta International airport every Saturday, with the airline increasing the frequency to a biweekly service in May. The addition of Bilbao to the schedule has brought the airport’s Spanish routes up to seven, and will enable passengers to discover the northern part of the Iberian Peninsula. Irrespective of where people come from, Bilbao is an excellent destination for trav-

ellers seeking adventure in the great outdoors. From the peak of Mount Artxandra, reachable by a funicular railway that goes to the very top; visitors can enjoy stunning views of the surrounding mountains and the river that snakes through the city. Bilbao also boasts a number of great architectural works, with the spectacular and shining Guggenheim museum guarded by the famous ‘puppy’ made from flowers and plants and a nine-metre tall spider. Not forgetting, of course, that Spanish tourists will also get their opportunity to discover Malta, the island nation, famous for its year-round warm climate, featuring a number of architectural and historical monuments that include three UNESCO World Heritage Sites.

Island falls into private hands ONE of the small Balearic Islands has been sold to a family in Luxembourg. The chunk of land located close to the island of Formentera has been sold as a private sale for €18 million after local authorities, who were hoping to buy the island themselves, failed to find anyone else to make the purchase. The new owners of S’Espalmador must now, as part of the terms of the deal, comply with both Spanish and regional laws that prohibit any kind of

building on the nature reserve. It appears that the island has been on the market for a number of months, but the high price of the land and no financial backing from the Spanish government stopped the Balearic regional authorities from buying it. S’Espalmador has been in private hands since it was bought by a British citizen back in 1932 for just €255 (£220). Bernard Cinnamond paid (at the time) 42,500 pesetas, and up until it

was recently sold it was in the hands of Norman and Rosy Cinnamond who had inherited it from their grandfather. The small island three kilometres long and only 800 metres wide - is part of the Ses Salines Natural Park and contains 137 hectares of land. Apart from the lack of any construction being permitted on the land, all trips there by swimmers and divers have been stopped, as well as the popular tourist excursions to the mud baths.

30th March - 5th April

HAVE YOUR SAY

“Teacher arrested over child abuse claims in Torrevieja” Furhat Subla Really shocking. What is retirement age for a teacher in academy! Jenny Hewkin What has retirement age got to do with anything? Some people wish to continue working it has nothing to do with what this guy did.

@RTNNewspaper Most liked posts from this week • Costa Blanca woman arrested after falsely reporting her kidnap • Uproar at loss of local ambulance in Costa Blanca town

No high heels, no job! A DISCO in Benidorm has been fined after breaking employment opportunity rules. T he club had put out an adver tisement for waitresses containing a number of phrases stating the requirements such as (translated from Spanish) ‘in hig h heels with no boyfriend’, ‘responsible and unmarr i e d ’, ‘ b e a u t i f u l w o m e n w i t h a g o o d physique’ and finally, ‘we don’t want jealous boyfriends or partners waiting at the door at 5am to take you home’. The advert on social media caused quite a stir at the time and was brought to the attention of one of the major unions in Spain, the CCOO, who promptly brought action under sex discrimination and privacy laws, saying that the dignity of women workers was being violated. T h e te x t i n t h e a d ve r t , w i t h d raw n t h e same day once the manager became aware of the controversy, also said that if potential applicants didn’t meet the stated requirements, then they were wasting their time in trying to secure employment at the club. A spokesperson for the LGTBI applauded t h e d e c i s i o n t a k e n to s a n c t i o n t h e c l u b, highlighting the “importance of these fines to ensure that no company should be able to make any such sexist or discriminatory requirements to secure a job as happened in this case.”

MEMBERS of the Marina Baixa Fire Brigade from Benidorm were called to a fire in neighbouring Villajoyosa, caused by a washing machine that caught alight. The fire broke out on the second floor of the building in Calle Sella on Sunday afternoon, and accord-

•Man arrested after groping three women in 15 minutes • Teacher arrested over child abuse claims in Torrevieja

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Wishy-washy fire starter

• Lisa Brown’s family launch fresh appeal in Spain with £100,000 reward

In Total 1,753 people reached 27 reactions

HIGH HEELS: A must.

News & Views from the North & South Costa Blanca & Costa de Sol

ing to reports the only room affected by the incident was the one containing the appliance. There were no injuries reported, and after an hour of putting out the fire and fully ventilating the flat, the fire brigade left the building.

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FIRE broke out during late afternoon on Sunday which spread to a three-storey building on Calle Ascar; part of the Mascarat neighbourhood of Altea. Three fire engines were called to the blaze that started in a vehicle on fire in an adjoining car park. The cause of the fire is unknown, and the vehicle has been completely destroyed. Reports in the Spanish media said 15 people were evacuated from the building and nobody had suffered any injuries.

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30th March - 5th April

Illegal bingo venue raided

Reduced TRAM fares for the under 30’s YOUNG people using the TRAM service can now take advantage of a new scheme that will offer them a 15 per cent discount. The JOVE Bonus-10 scheme will be launched in April but users can already download the new app. The initiative applies to people up to the age of 30. A spokesperson told the Spanish media that the proposals are part of a series of measures announced to improve the TRAM service and to continually promote the use of public transport in Alicante, especially by the younger population. The new app, which is expected to develop over a period of time, allows its users direct access to not only the timetables of the services across the routes operated by the TRAM, but allows them to plan journeys, see the fare schedules, and get details of the different stations along the line. The app is available on both iOS and Android operating systems in Spanish, Valencian and English. This news comes on the same day as it was announced that over a threehour period, only 15 passengers out of the 106 approached had actually paid

Photo credit: Wikimedia

AN illegal bingo operation in Benidorm that mainly attracts British tourists and residents has been dismantled. The raid was carried out by members of the Valencian Autonomous Police Force on a venue in the city as a full house of 100 people had their eyes down. More than €22,000 was seized during the raid. The incident took place on March 15 and has only just been made public by the authorities. The police took special interest in four people involved in running the bingo and immediately confiscated the €1,447 prize money that was being played for on the day of the raid. In addition, four microphones, two electronic bingo machines, 5,000 bingo tickets and a book accounting for money that had been collected was also found and taken away. A further search of the venue found a safe deposit box containing €21,000, all alleged to be takings connected with the illegal bingo. Most of those playing bingo at the time were tourists, and according to the Valencian Community government this isn’t the first time this particular venue has been inspected by the police; and money from illegal gambling has previously been confiscated. Gambling - and playing bingo in particular - is controlled by strict regulations and can only take place with official authorisation. The incident in Benidorm follows on from a similar raid on a venue in the Villamartin area of the southern Costa Blanca back in February when the caller, not the owner of the bar, had his audio equip-

DISCOUNT: New app to accompany cheaper fares... for those who pay them. (File image)

for their TRAM journey. The monitoring took place by National Police at the stop that serves the University of Alicante (UA), and result-

ed in all 91 having to pay a fine of €50. Several of the passengers stopped were also arrested for the possession of drugs.

NATIONAL

30th March - 5th April

Beware... don’t get goosed Photo credit: J Dimas Flickr

A PUBLIC park in the Spanish city of Badajoz is wondering what to do with its recent influx of tourists... of the feathered variety. They have been overwhelmed with the number of geese that appear to be multiplying like rabbits and taking over the area. Experts believe, however, that they could be posing a health risk. Back in 2015, and without any explanation, around 40 geese showed up in a newly built park alongside the Guadiana river in Badajoz in the west of the country. In 2016, their population expanded but in 2017 it simply exploded... and nobody knows what to do with them. The original 40 has now increased to 500; and with the breeding season approaching there will no doubt be many more arriving shortly. Nobody knows for certain where they came from originally. It’s a mystery that has stumped local experts, city officials and even those from the regional Extremadura government. However, there are two theories doing the rounds. The first is that a short distance away is anoth-

BREEDING: More than 1,000 geese expected in Badajoz Park this summer. (File image) er public park that has geese and some may have escaped to make a home elsewhere. The second is that some local people were keeping geese as pets and abandoned them in the park when it opened.

Mayor of Badajoz, Francisco Javier Fragoso, said: “We built this park for the people... not the geese! There could be around 1,000 of them by the summer and this would pose a health risk to our 150,000 residents.”

There are two solutions being discussed at the moment. One is to cull a significant number of the geese, whereas the other is to take up the offer of a private company who wants to turn them into pate. Photo credit: Lofor Wikimedia

Child dies in weekend storms STORM HUGO, which affected many parts of the country over last weekend, claimed just one life. A four-year-old boy was killed on Saturday afternoon after a tree fell onto him as a result of the strong winds while he walked through the Retiro Park in central Madrid. The incident happened only 30 minutes after the city authorities announced that the area was about to be evacuated due to the severe weather conditions. Not long afterwards, a woman suffered a broken leg and was also hit on the head when a branch broke off a tree in Madrid’s Latina neighbourhood. Across Spain, 72 Broads were closed in addition to another 29 where drivers were urged to use their snow chains. In fact, the whole country was subject to weather alerts for snow, rain, strong gusts of wind and the risks of tidal surges. The NA-2011 road in Navarra was closed along a 13 kilometre stretch near Larau, and Galicia experienced two tornados ripping through the region hitting the towns of Cee and Cambados.

NOT FUNNY: Location of Barcelona ‘attack’. (File image)

Video prank ‘for a laugh’ costs €60,000 by Darren Parmenter A WOMAN who was involved in a ‘video prank’ has been awarded €60,000 in compensation. The incident goes back to February 2015 when the 48year-old woman - who has not been named - was about to use a pedestrian crossing on the Avenida Diagonal in Barcelona. According to police reports, she was chosen at random by Mario Garcia Montealegre (from Talavera de la Reina in Toledo) who thought it would be ‘a laugh’ to simply go up to a strange woman from behind and, without warning, kick her legs away from under her. The ‘attack’ was also filmed by an accomplice of the man on a mobile device and then subsequently shared across social media platforms ‘for a laugh’. The video was reported by a number of concerned viewers to the Mossos d’Esquadra (Catalan Regional Police force), who immediately began investigating to find the culprit. The Mossos even made a special appeal on YouTube encouraging people to come forward and identify the people. “Help us catch this son of a bitch who thinks it’s funny to attack innocent people” was the less than subtle message. After three years, Montealegre turned up out of the blue at his Local Police station to hand himself in, and has agreed to pay his victim €60,000 to avoid a prison sentence. The woman was unable to work for several months following the attack in the street due to suffering injuries to an ankle, knee and wrist, as well as experiencing cervical pain.

30th March - 5th April

RTN Feature by Jennifer Cunningham

TIME marches on. Thousands of words are spoken and still there is great optimism in the UK that Brexit is going to bring wealth, prosperity and a standing in the world similar to that from the past. Personally I think that is going to require a miracle. Needing to be part of a collection of countries when the world is a very dangerous place to live in, became apparent when Theresa May flew to Brussels to request help and support regarding the dreadful situation with the nerve gas poisoning in Salisbury. Will this be able to continue at the same level? No doubt due to the unsettled situation, sadly the British are not coming to Spain in the numbers they used to. They are being superseded by other nationalities. Letâ€™s hope this reverts very soon when we are made to feel a little bit more secure on deciding to make Spain our home. You will need, if you are resident or non-resident, to be registered to either pay or prove that you are paying taxes outside of Spain. Please do not ignore this legal requirement because there are

Wills, taxes and Residencia more taxes than IBI and Basura to be assessed, especially if you are a resident, and a huge fine could follow if you do not comply. If you are thinking of making a Will, can I suggest that you do this as soon as possible, as without a Will the problems, time and money that this will cost your loved ones, can be extremely high and stressful. If you are living with a person who dies, and you are not a blood relative, then it could turn into a nightmare, especially if the deceased has a son, who in Spanish law can supersede a commonlaw relative. There is also the cost of dealing with a death, and having no life insurance or funeral plan, or the provision to pay the inheritance tax, finding these amounts of money fairly quickly, could cause a very unpleasant and worrying time for your loved ones. Everything I have mentioned here has been gained by the experience of others and myself. You must take on board that there is no help available from the government of Spain, you are on your own. But you have no need to be. My very professional associates can ease this situation if you contact them and take their advice. I appreciate that my company is an in-

surance company, however there is no point in just protecting your car and your house, you need to protect your family. Once again we can help you with a bespoke life insurance policy, which can be as little as â‚Ź120 per year. Can you afford not to do this, because sadly accidents and illness do happen? You need to make all these decisions if you choose to live in Spain, to keep you and your family secure. You know it makes sense. All you have to do is visit www.expatservicesspain.net and contact my company for more information and to arrange an appointment with our associates. When considering contacting us for your insurance, please remember that Liberty Seguros, the company I deal with, has a special division for expatriates. Please do not take this terminology lightly as the investment in the expatriate policies is very high, as they are different policies to those offered on the Spanish marketplace. For example, when calling for the grua, check how much distance is covered by your insurance, as in most cases this is limited and over that level you will need to pay, which is not cheap. Also the telephone number you call to make a claim is

usually a premium number, which can be very costly. Liberty Seguros offers unlimited grua mileage, and you can call my office on a local number to speak with my claims administrator, who of course is bilingual and there to assist you. The house policy offered by Liberty Seguros is comprehensive and despite what you can be told, other house policies in Spain, I can assure you, do not have the same coverage. There is even a certain amount of water cover available, which is unique. When you consider the house purchase is the biggest purchase you make, please do not go on price alone and false promises. All the Liberty Seguros policies mentioned offer a cashback bonus at the moment for all new business, so now is the time to change. I can also assure you that on renewal you will not be given a huge increase on your premium, as can often happen when you are given a very unrealistic cheap price for your insurance. For more information contact one of my offices or visit my website www.jennifer cunningham.net. My consultants are there to help you with good honest advice, supported by one of the biggest insurance companies in the world.

SPOTLIGHT ON MORAIRA

30th March - 5th April

PP president wants a free AP-7

T E U L A DA M O R A I R A’ S Estadio Ricardo Benavent is about to host the third International Junior Fo o t b a l l tournament called ‘MiBalon International Cup’. I t ’s b e i n g h e l d a c r o s s the Easter weekend, from today (Friday) until Sunday, and will feature participants from teams below the Santander League 132, as well as a number of national and local clubs. The event will be run by professional footballers famous at both national a n d i n te r n at i o n a l l e ve l , and the tournament features teams from Valencia C F, Depor tivo de la Coruña, Real Betis Balompie, Getafe, Villareal, Valladolid, EM FB Denia and from Teulada Moraira. Ever yone taking part

Photo credit: Teulada Moraira Digital

PARTIDO POPULAR’S (PP) president in Teulada Moraira has said that if the government wants to continue with charging tolls on the AP-7 motorway, the local party will oppose them, even if it means going against national party policy. Raul Dalmau has stated that a number of diverse measures are being considered once the AP-7 goes into public hands, and is against any form of charging, believing it will be the simplest and most straightforward option. Dalmau also said that “we want the AP-7 to be free for the residents of the Marina Alta who have paid enough already for the motorway. To this end, central government is working on a feasibility study to find a formula that allows for the elimination of tolls but able to maintain them at the same time.” In the meantime, Valencia’s regional government has voted to support the removal of the tolls and the decision was a unanimous one, although in this case the Partido Popular (PP) decided to abstain from the final vote. Once the current concession to run the service expires at the end of December 2019 the motorway will transfer to public ownership. The announcement from the government was greeted with cheers from across the area.

An Easter football feast

HOSTS: Prestigious international football tournament held over Easter. (File image)

w i l l b e a b l e to e n j o y t h e very best of facilities, such as the most up-to-date artificial playing surface in games controlled by referees and linesmen from the Spanish federations.

T he tour nament is exp e c t e d t o a t t ra c t a h i g h number of visitors as it is being held as par t of the Easter holidays, and as well as the football competition, the local Down

Syndrome A ssociation will benefit from the event. Tickets for the whole tour nament will cost €5 or €2 for each individual game.

Green light for industrial park THE recent plenary council meeting at the Teulada Moraira Town Hall approved to continue with the proposal to modify the PAI of sector UZO-2, the extension of the industrial zone. The only party in favour were the ruling Partido Popular (PP). Therefore, and thanks to an agreement with the owners of a

number of plots of land, contracts will soon be drawn up to begin the renovations to the industrial area that had originally started back in 2011. Work was curtailed due to a problem with electrical cables, and this latest agreement finally makes it possible to finish the construction later this year.

Slovenian students visit A GROUP of 42 students and teachers from the University of Ljubljana, Slovenia visited the Teulada Moraira theatre as part of their architecture studies. The group is touring across Spain to see at first-hand a number of in buildings large Valencia, Cordoba, Sevilla, Granada and Badajoz, and among them they specifically chose the Auditori Teulada Moraira, as they had studied the work of the

Francisco architect Mangado. The delegation toured all the facilities to take photographs of both inside and outside the building, that everyone agreed was stunning. The visit to the theatre ended with the students taking in the surroundings of Teulada Moraira They were particularly the by fascinated ‘Trencadis Azul’ tiling that forms part of the building.

30th March - 5th April

Time for a water price cap Photo credit: Steven Depolo Flickr

TAP OR CAP: Authorities react to passenger price complaints. (File image)

by Darren Parmenter IN response to a number of complaints from passengers to the authorities, airports in Spain will have to cap the amount they charge for bottled water. The maximum permitted is now €1.60. In addition, they will be installing drinking fountains in the airport complex. Travellers make the point that they’re not allowed to take any water on to their plane due to restriction on the amount of liquid permitted through security, currently a maximum of 100 millilitres. However, once they get to the other side of the barriers, vending machines sell the bottled water at very high prices. Depending on the airport, the price range of a

330ml bottle of still water can be as much as €3, which is similar to rates being charged on the aircraft. For some time, people have waited for the law to change on the amount of liquid allowed on board but there is nothing on the horizon. To get over the restrictions, some travellers have been known to take empty water bottles through security and then fill them from the taps in the toilets; although the quality can’t always be trusted. AENA, the airport managers, have promised that in future the cost of a bottle of water will be no higher than €1.60... but they haven’t said what size that bottle will be. In addition, public, free, drinking fountains are expected to be installed in all airports across Spain.

SPOTLIGHT ON CALPE

30th March - 5th April

Safer new roundabouts Photo credit: Ayuntamiento de Calpe

IN plenty of time for the Easter weekend that is about to get underway, the new traffic roundabouts in the nor th of Calpe have opened. T he programme of works that began last year cost €1.5 million and was financed in its entirety by the Alicante Provincial Government. Accompanied by a number of technicians and engineers, the mayor of Calpe, Cesar Sanchez, announced the completion of t h e p r o j e c t . H o w e v e r, i t was noted that even though traffic f low wasn’t going to be affected, there a re s t i l l s o m e m i n o r f i n ishing touches to be done. T he new roundabouts have set out to improve access to and from the town centre and the local beaches, and to connect with the CV-746 road that leads to Moraira.

ACCESS: Mayor Cesar Sanchez (left) inspects the work in progress.

T h e y w i l l a l s o i m p ro ve access to the TR AM station located in the nor th of the municipality as well as making a particularly dangerous stretch of road much safer.

Cooks welcomed ONE of Calpe’s top chefs has joined a project that is due to take place at the University of Alicante (UA). Rafa Soler of Audrey’s Restaurant joins a handful of other famous chefs and restaurant owners from across the Alicante Province who will help in the ‘Gastronomy Project’ at the UA. This will focus on formal training for both graduate and undergraduate levels which will enable them to understand how to maintain and grow an important part of the economy.

For the project to bec o m e a r e a l i t y, t h e t o w n council had to obtain an amount of private land which was subject to agreement with the owners. vv

Annual parking rates reviewed CALPE City Council has carried out a review of the parking restriction signs known as ‘vados’. As a result, it’s been discovered that some people are paying a lot less than they should be for the amount of space they take up. The annual rates for private use of the vado signs haven’t changed since 2010 and stand at €31.85 per metre for up to five metres and €42.47 for every metre over five. The council is now in the process of correcting the ‘error’ which means that some local residents are going to receive a higher bill.

NATIONAL

‘Quiet please!’ at the fiestas Photo credit: Pixabay

AS local authorities have just finished cleaning up f ro m t h i s y e a r ’s M a rc h Fallas fiestas, proposals a re a l re a d y b e i n g m a d e for nex t ye ar... to make them quieter. A c o u n c i l l o r f ro m Va lencia is attempting to get Local Police to enforce a ‘silent time’ during the busy annual fiestas when the throwing of fireworks is banned. This is as a result of the number of calls complaining about the noise from bangers being continually thrown around increasing f ro m 3 1 7 t o 4 9 2 i n o n e year. Local Police do have the authorisation to take action against anyone who ‘misuses ’ fireworks and bangers, but local people as well as Councillor Anais Meng uzz ato - believe the laws need to be more clearly defined for the future. At the ver y least, the co u n c i l l o r i s a s k i n g fo r any form of pyrotechnics to be banned between the times the street par ties finish until they kick-off again in the early morning with the traditional

30th March - 5th April

SSSHHH: Councillor leads campaign for ‘silent time’ during March fiestas. (File image)

‘awakening’ air bombs. Ho w e ve r, t h i s wo u l d most likely only mean a respite of between four to s i x h o u r s . M a ny s t re e t parties in the private marquees often carry on until 4am... and then the following day’s activities often start at 7am or 8am.

Meng uzz ato said that the problem isn’t just the occasional firecracker bei n g t h ro w n d o w n . . . i n some parts of the city it’s a 2 4 - h o u r, ro u n d - t h e clock cacophony of noise. It’s hoped that the proposed ‘silent time’ may also prove popular across

t h e re s t o f t h e Va l e n c i a Province , where almost ever y town and village celebrates the annual Fallas... and constantly have similar issues with residents tr ying to get to sleep, especially those that find themselves having to get up for work.

Arrival of spring dreaded... by some SUFFERERS of hay fever in certain parts of Spain aren’t looking forward to this spring season. Following a number of forecasts contained in a report from the Spanish Allergy and Immunology Clinic (SEAIC)’s Aerobiology Comm i t t e e , t h o s e i n t h e p r o v i n c e s o f To l e d o , Sevilla, Vitoria and Extremadura will be less than happy at the increased levels of pollen. They are expected to be similar levels to those experienced during the same period in 2017, but they were lower than expected thanks to above average temperatures in April and May. The SEAIC says that the southern part of Castilla-La Mancha will experience moderate to high counts of pollen during the next three months. They will be particularly high i n C i u d a d R e a l , To l e d o , a n d i n t h e c i t y o f Madrid. In the Mediterranean area, the province of Barcelona will see the highest pollen levels, although these will still be lower than in the south-western and south-central mainland. Severe hay fever sufferers who are planning a holiday to Spain, or indeed those already resident here who tour around the country in their own cars or courtesy of the growing number of organised excursions, are advised to check in advance the pollen levels in their intended destinations. Outside of Barcelona, the coast on the mainland traditionally has low or very low levels of pollen, as do the Canary Islands.

Information wars

by Michael Walsh

keyboardcosmetics@gmail.com MICHAEL, your friends have loved your posts 28,000 times! We’re glad that you're getting support from your friends, and hope that this has made the world feel a little bit closer. Actually, this irritating Facebook message, which appears often, reminded me once again of just how stupid, insipid and out of touch this utility has become. Imagine, you decide to call your son, but before you connect a California-based recorded piece of programming tells you the forecast for Torrevieja is rain; ‘be prepared, Michael’. That does not reassure me that I am an individual in an inclusive world. It reminds me that I am Citizen Smith under 24hour observation by George Orwell’s supreme Big Brother aka Mark Zuckerberg. If I think I might be overreacting I get a kick in the pants reminder a few days later. Sitting

NOT POPULAR: A younger and perhaps more idealistic Mark Zuckerberg. at my laptop I have it in mind to tell other users breaking news. However, the last time I posted a comment it offended one of Facebook’s 20,000 moderators (censors). Deemed to have breached Facebook standards 30 days will pass before I can use Facebook again. I cannot think of a user who has-

n’t had service denied because of some innocuous meme or comment. A Danish travel service was blocked for posting an image of the bare-breasted mermaid statue in Copenhagen harbour. Advice from the glib is to stop using Facebook. They overlook the fact that social media has evolved into an essential com-

munications and business tool to rival that of any other utility. Facebook, and the internet in general, are now a more important source of information than conventional media. This is why the human face (sic) of Facebook, Mark Zuckerberg, is now in the crosshairs of corporate owned media.

Mainstream doesn’t like the new boy on the block. The less controlled internet reduces mainstream’s once absolute control of the political narrative. NATO West’s anti-Russian trade war failed abysmally. Sanctions proved to be a massive own goal. The EU lost markets whilst creating a more self-sufficient, more successful Russian economy. The information war isn’t going too well either. Every attempt to vilify Vladimir Putin has failed. The usual strategy of first creating a war psychosis has come to nothing. NATO is still provoking Russia whilst their Chinese ally is calling the US to account. The cornered rat in Washington DC now intends to fight its way out. To do this they must regain omnipotent control over people’s minds as they did before their earlier preplanned conflicts (and outcome). This is why Zuckerberg is the new hate figure. He will likely lose the information war because his arrogant insolence and his continued belief that Facebook customers are ‘dumb f******’ has earned Zuckerberg no allies at all.

Mike Walsh’s opinions are his own and do not necessarily represent the views of the publishers advertisers or sponsors.

30th March - 5th April

by Barry Duke

A LESSON I learned on the very first day I took a holiday in Spain decades before I settled here, is that one shot of one’s favourite tipple is roughly the equivalent of three measures in the UK. It was a lesson I never forgot because I spent the first two days of my holiday in Sitges driving the porcelain bus in my selfcatering apartment and nursing two black eyes sustained when a lamp post came out of the blue and hit me in the face. The only time I was ever that ill was two years earlier on a choppy crossing from the UK to Holland. When I told the Dutch barman on the ferry that I had never been on a sea trip before and was concerned that I might suffer motion sickness, he said “I have just the thing that will make sure you stay ok.” He reached for a bottle marked Genever, explained that it was a form of medicinal gin created especially in the Netherlands for nervous landlubbers and that it would guarantee me a trouble-free passage. After I necked four - or was it five large ones? - I fell off my bar stool and crawled to the deck, where I spent almost eight hours hanging over the side chucking up a week’s intake of food into the roiling North

Boozers and bruises Sea. The hangover that followed lasted three days. Unlike my brush with alcohol poisoning in Sitges, this was not a self-inflicted episode. In this case I was the victim of a Dutch practical joke and I vowed that if I ever met that barman again I would drown him in a tank of Genever. Now you can forgive firsttime visitors to Spain for overindulging. They simply aren’t aware of how generous the spirit measures are. The results are rarely pretty, although sometimes amusing. A while back an attractive young newcomer to Benidorm got chatting to me in a pub and asked whether I would give him a tour of the many gay bars in the Old Town. At the time he appeared totally sober and I readily agreed. We were in our third pub when he popped out for a cigarette. When he failed to return after 15 minutes I went out to find him. He was nowhere to be seen. Just then a Spanish guy shouted out to me and pointed to a nearby wheelie bin. Puzzled, I looked in, and there was Brett, comatose in the rubbish. It took me a while to revive him, and half an hour get him sober enough to tell me where he was staying.

BEWARE: The demon drink! Naturally, I felt partly responsible for him getting into that state, and felt obliged to bundle him in a taxi and accompany him back to his hotel. I understand that people can inadvertently get plastered by not realising how large and inexpensive alcohol measures here can be, but I have no sympathy for those who

set out with the sole aim of getting crocked in the shortest time possible, then end up disgracing themselves by throwing up in the street, walking into walls, and getting beaten up after picking fights with strangers. Far worse, some die as a result of falling off, or jumping from balconies. A couple of years back Spanish media reported that, in a five-year period, more than a dozen people were killed in jumps or falls from balconies, mainly in the Balearic Islands, and that the Son Espases hospital in Palma de Majorca - a major trauma centre - had treated 46 people for serious injuries at cost to the Spanish economy of €1.5 million. More than 60 per cent of those treated were from the UK, and almost all were drunk at the time of their accidents. Most Spanish people I speak to simply cannot understand why foreign visitors feel the need to abuse alcohol in this way. Spain, despite having the largest number of bars in the EU - almost 300,000 - has virtually no problems with drunkenness and alcoholism, according to a 2015 El Pais report, which also said that Spain enjoys the best life expectancy and health in the EU. Sure, the Spanish like their drink, but would rather die than publicly disgrace themselves by getting smashed in the way far too many tourists do.

30th March - 5th April

Open questions

Basic Spanish for everyday needs

by Jane Cronin

IN the last article we started looking at the difference between closed and open questions, and how to form them. The explanation for this takes a bit of time, but it is worth making the effort because it gives us the key to asking questions properly in Spanish, and therefore getting the replies we are looking for! Last week we said that a closed question is one that calls for a ‘yes’ or ‘no’ answer. “Do you live in Spain?” is a closed question, as the initial response is ‘yes’ or ‘no’. Of course in reality we would rarely answer with just one word as this would sound too abrupt. We would probably say “Yes, I do actually” or “No, I don’t unfortunately”, or we would give more information: “Well yes I do most of the time, but we do visit family in the UK a couple of times a year”. However, these lengthier responses do not alter the fact that the original question is a closed one. To make a closed question in Spanish, all we have to do is make an affirmative statement sound like a question with our voice. Here is the statement: “You live in Spain” - “Vives en España”. Now to make it a question: “Do you live in Spain?” -

“¿Vives en España?” There is no change in the order of the words, and neither do we include any equivalent of the word ‘Do’. As you can see, when writing the question we also add an upside down question mark at the front the sentence.

reason and so on. So, this is how we make an open question in Spanish. We start with the question word, or small group of words which create the question. Often this is one word: ‘Dónde’, ‘Cuándo ‘, ‘Quién’, but it can be two: ‘Por qué’, ‘De dónde’ and can also include other ideas: “Cuántos hijos” (How many children?) “De qué colour” (What colour?)

Here is a longer closed question which you will see adopts exactly the same principle. “Does your brother’s wife play tennis on Saturdays”? To get to this in Spanish we first have to make it into a statement: “Your brother’s wife plays tennis on Saturdays”. Then we translate the statement making the question with our voice: “¿La mujer de tu hermano juega al tenis los sábados?” So, what then are open questions, and how to do they work? An open question requires a response that consists of more information than just ‘yes’ or ‘no’. Also, an open question begins with what we call a ‘question word’. An easy example is: “Where do you live?” We cannot correctly answer ‘yes’ or ‘no’ to this, we are obliged by the question to name a loca-

The next item in the open question is the verb, giving us “¿Dónde vives? (Where do you live?) “¿Cuántos hijos tienes?” (How many children have you got?) “¿Por qué estás corriendo?” (Why are you running?).

ASKING QUESTIONS: The Spanish way.

tion. Although it may sound obvious, it is also important to note the fact that the response is prompted by the question word itself. In other words ‘Where’ calls for the name of a place, ‘When’ asks for a time, ‘Who’ asks for a person, ‘Why’ asks for a

So far we have looked at examples that are addressing questions to ‘you’, that is questions in the second person. Although the structure might seem very easy, we need to keep it in mind to move on to asking questions in the third person, about ‘he’ or ‘she. We will look at that next week, and hopefully I’ll also have enough room for some more Spanish to translate. See you then!

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30th March - 5th April

money PM promises broadband internet for all Photo credit: @Marianorajoy Twitter

SPANISH Prime Minister, Mariano Rajoy, has announced that every single town and village in Spain will have access to broadband by the year 2021. To fulfil that promise a budget of €500 million has been set aside for the nationwide project and the aim is for every home and business in the country to be able to get online with a minimum speed of 300MB per second. For more than 10 years, the vast majority of built-up areas in the country have had broadband access. However, some of Spain’s more rural regions are home to villages with populations in double figures - or even less - where mobile phone signals and internet connection

PLEDGE: Mariano Rajoy (fourth left) after announcing broadband for all in Teruel. of any type are often lacking because telecommunications companies know they would make a significant loss investing in the necessary infrastructure. Appropriately, Mr Rajoy made the pledge in Teruel

which is Spain’s smallest city with just 35,564 inhabitants. It’s all part of the government's new ‘300x100 Plan’, which means 300Mbs for 100 per cent of the population. Teruel has vast areas of

countryside with no civilisation at all, its largest towns have between 100 and 500 residents, and these are few and far between. The average size of a village is 30 inhabitants, and in Aragón as a whole, nearly 80 per cent of the local people live in municipalities whose resident numbers barely reach treble figures. In practice, although 100 per cent of towns and villages will be online within three years, only 95 per cent of Spain’s population will have access to high-speed internet, since the remaining 5 per cent are in isolated homes in the depths of the countryside and a long way from their nearest built-up area.

Spaniards spreading their wings FOLLOWING nine years of steady growth, the number of Spanish nationals living abroad has reached new heights. Despite suggestions in some areas of the British media that EU citizens are staying away from the UK because of their Brexit fears, the biggest rise saw 12,141 new Spaniards registering there. According to the latest data released by the Spanish National Statistics Institute (INE), a total of 76,197 people holding Spanish nationality registered as residents in foreign countries in the 12-month period between January 2017 and 2018. The number has been steadily growing every year since 2009, with the figures showing 2.5 million Spaniards - an increase of 70 per cent - now living in every continent of the world. In more data supplied by the Register of Spaniards Residing Abroad (PERE), most of the new registrations were seen across other countries in Europe (40,022), followed by the Americas (30,470). Europe as a whole has benefitted from the migration over the past 10 years. Back in 2009, only 1.5 million Spaniards lived in other countries, essentially in South America (Argentina and Venezuela) and in France. In an interesting aside to the figures, the INE explain that the fact the migrants have Spanish nationality doesn’t mean they were born in Spain.

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FRIDAY 10:00am Painting the Holy Land 11:00am Homes Under the Hammer 12:00pm The Sheriffs are Coming 12:45pm Claimed and Shamed 1:15pm Bargain Hunt 2:00pm BBC News at One 2:15pm BBC London News 2:25pm 102 Dalmatians 4:00pm Escape to the Country 5:00pm Money for Nothing 5:45pm Flog It! 6:45pm Pointless 7:30pm BBC News 7:50pm BBC London News 8:00pm The One Show 8:40pm The Silent Child 9:00pm EastEnders 9:30pm Room 101 10:00pm MasterChef 10:30pm Mrs. Brown's Boys

7:00am Money for Nothing 7:45am Escape to the Country 8:30am Nature's Weirdest Events 9:30am Tinker Bell and the Secret of the Wings 10:40am Muppets Most Wanted 12:15pm Six Puppies and Us 1:15pm Growing Up Wild 2:15pm Coast 2:50pm Canterbury Cathedral 3:50pm Talking Pictures 4:35pm The Robe 6:45pm Put Your Money Where Your Mouth Is 7:30pm Eggheads 8:00pm The Repair Shop 8:30pm Mastermind 9:30pm Gardeners' World 10:00pm Pilgrimage: The Road to Santiago 11:00pm Episodes

9:20am Wishfart 9:35am Wishfart 9:50am Scrambled! Sketch Show 10:20am Mission Employable 10:25am K-9 12:15pm King Ralph 2:15pm Countrywise 2:40pm ITV Lunchtime News 2:50pm ITV News London 3:00pm Judge Rinder 4:00pm Dickinson's Real Deal 5:00pm Tipping Point 6:00pm The Chase 7:00pm Paul O'grady: For the Love of Dogs 7:30pm ITV News London 7:45pm ITV Evening News 8:00pm Emmerdale 8:30pm Coronation Street 9:00pm Love Your Garden 9:30pm Coronation Street 10:00pm Furious 7 12:30am ITV News at Ten and Weather

10:00am 10:30am 11:00am 11:30am 12:00pm 12:30pm 1:00pm 1:30pm 2:00pm 2:30pm 3:00pm 3:30pm 4:00pm 4:30pm 5:00pm 5:30pm 6:00pm 6:30pm 7:00pm 7:30pm 8:00pm 8:30pm

New Girl New Girl 2 Broke Girls 2 Broke Girls Brooklyn Nine-Nine Brooklyn Nine-Nine The Goldbergs The Goldbergs The Big Bang Theory The Big Bang Theory The Big Bang Theory The Big Bang Theory The Big Bang Theory The Big Bang Theory The Big Bang Theory The Big Bang Theory The Big Bang Theory The Big Bang Theory The Big Bang Theory The Big Bang Theory Hollyoaks Extreme Cake Makers 9:00pm Fantastic Four 11:00pm Five Star Hotel 12:05am The Big Bang Theory

9:20am Digby Dragon 9:35am Rusty Rivets 9:55am Ben and Holly's Little Kingdom 10:05am Mofy 10:15am The Wright Stuff 12:10pm Can't Pay? We'll Take it Away! 1:05pm 5 News Lunchtime 1:10pm Home and Away 1:40pm Neighbours 2:10pm Shenandoah 4:15pm The Searchers 6:30pm Neighbours 7:00pm Home and Away 7:25pm 5 News Tonight 7:35pm Kensington Palace: Fit for a Princess 9:00pm Britain's Great Cathedrals with Tony Robinson 10:00pm Jane Mcdonald and Friends 11:00pm Will and Grace 11:30pm Football on 5 12:30am Football on 5

7:00am

Gadget Gang in Outer Space 8:40am Chokeslam 10:30am Despicable Me 3 12:05pm Spider-Man: Homecoming 2:25pm Going in Style 4:05pm Gadget Gang in Outer Space 5:40pm Whisky Galore! Remake of the classic wartime comedy about Scottish islanders trying to get their hands on the shipload of booze that washes up on their shores. 7:25pm Despicable Me 3 9:00pm Spider-Man: Homecoming 11:20pm Going in Style 1:00am The Beguiled 2:45am Chokeslam 4:45am An

8:30am

9:30am 10:05am 10:25am 10:30am

8:00am Couples Come Dine with Me 9:00am Made in Chelsea 10:00am Don't Tell the Bride 11:00am The Goldbergs 1:30pm Brooklyn Nine-Nine 2:00pm Young Sheldon 2:30pm The Big Bang Theory 3:00pm The Big Bang Theory 5:00pm The Great Celebrity Bake Off for Stand Up to Cancer 6:15pm Extreme Cake Makers 6:45pm Extreme Cake Makers 7:00pm The Big Bang Theory 7:30pm The Big Bang Theory 8:00pm The Big Bang Theory 8:30pm The Big Bang Theory 9:00pm The Big Bang Theory 9:30pm The Big Bang Theory 10:00pm The Watch 12:00am Gogglebox 1:00am Naked Attraction

11:30am Dogs Make You Laugh Out Loud 12:00pm Police Interceptors 1:00pm Police Interceptors 2:00pm Police Interceptors 3:00pm Traffic Cops 4:00pm Traffic Cops 5:00pm Can't Pay? We'll Take it Away! 6:00pm Can't Pay? We'll Take it Away! 7:00pm Can't Pay? We'll Take it Away! 8:00pm Cruising with Jane McDonald 9:00pm Inside Windsor Castle 9:55pm 5 News 10:00pm Secrets of Henry Viii's Palace 11:00pm Conspiracy: The Nazi King 12:00am Secrets of the Nazi Occult 1:00am Super Casino

7:00am Ready Player One: Special 7:30am Top Ten Show, the 2018 7:45am Cars 3 9:30am Despicable Me 3 11:15am Spider-Man: Homecoming 1:35pm Lou 1:50pm Cars 3 3:35pm Going in Style 5:20pm Despicable Me 3 6:55pm Lou 7:10pm Cars 3 Constantly outshined and outraced by a fleet of hi-tech rookies, former champ Lightning McQueen must find a new way to win. 9:00pm Spider-Man: Homecoming 11:20pm Going in Style 1:00am Special

7:00am 9:45am 10:00am 10:15am 10:30am 11:00am 12:30pm 12:55pm 3:00pm

9:30am 10:30am 11:30am 12:00pm 12:30pm 1:00pm 1:30pm 3:00pm 3:30pm 4:00pm 4:30pm 5:00pm 5:30pm 6:00pm 6:30pm 7:00pm 7:30pm 7:55pm 10:00pm

7:00am Milkshake! 11:05am Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 11:35am Britain's Greatest Bridges 11:50am Police Interceptors 12:50pm Police Interceptors 1:45pm The Cowboys 4:15pm Joe Kidd 5:50pm Space Cowboys 8:00pm Can't Pay? We'll Take it Away! 9:00pm Can't Pay? We'll Take it Away! 9:55pm 5 News 10:00pm The Lonely Life of George Michael 12:00am The Nation's Favourite George Michael Song 1:00am The Last Days of George Michael 2:00am Super Casino

7:00am Ready Player One: Special 7:30am Going in Style 9:10am Despicable Me 3 10:45am Lou 11:00am Cars 3 12:50pm Spider-Man: Homecoming 3:10pm Unforgettable 4:55pm Special 5:25pm Despicable Me 3 7:00pm Cars 3 9:00pm Spider-Man: Homecoming 11:20pm Unforgettable 1:10am Going in Style When their pension pots disappear overnight, a trio of cash-strapped retirees decide to rob a Brooklyn bank. 2:50am Chokeslam

9:00am Football's Greatest 9:30am EFL Goals: Championship 10:00am EFL Goals: League One and League Two 10:30am Sunday Supplement 12:00pm EFL Goals: Championship 12:30pm EFL Goals: League One and League Two 1:00pm Football 3:30pm SPFL Greatest Games 3:45pm SPFL Greatest Games 4:00pm La Liga Greatest Games 4:10pm Info not available 6:15pm La Liga Greatest Games 6:25pm Info not available 8:30pm La Liga Greatest Games 8:40pm Info not available 10:45pm La Liga Icons

9:00am 9:30am 10:00am 10:15am 10:30am 10:45am 11:00am 11:30am 12:00pm 12:15pm 12:30pm 1:00pm 1:30pm 4:00pm 6:15pm 8:30pm 11:15pm 11:45pm

Football Countdowns Football's Greatest Football's Greatest Teams Scottish Cup Greatest Games Scottish Cup Greatest Games La Liga Greatest Games La Liga Greatest Games La Liga Show Football's Greatest One2eleven One2eleven La Liga Show Football's Greatest Football Gillette Soccer Special Football Football SPFL Matters La Liga Preview

SATURDAY 11:00am Saturday Kitchen Live 12:30pm Classic Mary Berry 1:00pm Football Focus 2:00pm BBC News 2:10pm Weather 2:15pm Bargain Hunt 3:00pm MasterChef 3:30pm MasterChef 4:00pm Shrek Forever After 5:25pm Final Score 6:10pm A Question of Sport 6:40pm Doodlebugs 7:00pm Ready or Not 7:30pm BBC News 7:40pm Regional News 7:43pm Weather 7:45pm Pointless 8:35pm Who Dares Wins 9:20pm Casualty 10:10pm Troy: Fall of a City 11:10pm BBC News 11:25pm Weather

7:40am Naomi's Nightmares of Nature 8:10am The Pets Factor 8:30am Dengineers 9:00am Absolute Genius: Monster Builds 9:30am Beyond Bionic 10:00am Robot Wars 11:00am Gordon Buchanan: Elephant Family and Me 12:00pm Six Puppies and Us 12:55pm The Ladykillers: Pest Detectives 2:00pm Cromwell 4:15pm Canterbury Cathedral 5:15pm The Secret Helpers 6:15pm Big Cats About the House 7:15pm Easter from King's 8:30pm Dad's Army 9:00pm Attenborough's Wonder of Eggs 10:00pm Hamlet

12:25pm 1:25pm 1:30pm 2:30pm 3:00pm 4:00pm 5:00pm 6:00pm 7:00pm 7:15pm 7:30pm 8:00pm 9:30pm 11:00pm 11:20pm

Thunderbirds are Go Wishfart ITV News Saturday Morning with James Martin Who's Doing the Dishes? ITV Lunchtime News Info not available Britain's Brightest Family Tenable Celebrity Catchphrase Tipping Point The Chase ITV Evening News Regional News and Weather You've Been Framed! Info not available The Voice UK ITV News Info not available

4:15pm 6:15pm 8:40pm 10:45pm 11:00pm 1:05am 1:35am 2:30am 3:00am 3:30am 4:00am

Football EFL Greatest Games EFL Greatest Games EFL Greatest Games SPFL Matters Soccer A.M. SPFL Matters Info not available Gillette Soccer Saturday Gillette Soccer Saturday Football Info not available La Liga Icons Football EFL Goals: Championship Magical Messi EFL Goals: Championship Football's Greatest EFL Goals: Championship Football Years

SUNDAY 11:00am Live Worship on Easter Sunday 12:00pm Urbi et Orbi 12:25pm The Silent Child 12:45pm Bargain Hunt 1:25pm BBC News 1:35pm Weather for the Week Ahead 1:40pm Shaun the Sheep Movie 3:00pm MasterChef 5:30pm Escape to the Country 6:00pm Songs of Praise 6:35pm BBC News 6:50pm Regional News 6:55pm Weather 7:00pm The Big Painting Challenge 8:00pm Countryfile 9:00pm The Generation Game 10:00pm Ordeal by Innocence

9:35am Countryfile 10:30am Saturday Kitchen Best Bites 12:00pm Spring Kitchen with Tom Kerridge 12:45pm Lorraine Pascale: How to be a Better Cook 1:15pm MOTD2 Extra 2:00pm Info not available 2:15pm Pilgrimage: The Road to Santiago 3:15pm Canterbury Cathedral 4:15pm RAF at 100 with Ewan and Colin Mcgregor 5:45pm War Horse 8:00pm Down the Mighty River with Steve Backshall 9:00pm Top Gear 10:00pm Unsealed: Conspiracy Files

8:35am The Tom and Jerry Show 8:50am Teen Titans Go! 9:10am Mr. Bean: The Animated Series 9:30am Spy School 10:05am Adventure Time 10:25am ITV News 10:30am Love Your Garden 10:55am The Voice UK 12:25pm Info not avalable 2:00pm Free Willy 4:05pm Willy Wonka and the Chocolate Factory 6:00pm The Chase: Celebrity Special 7:00pm You've Been Framed! 7:30pm ITV Evening News 7:45pm Regional News and Weather 8:00pm Info not available 9:00pm The Durrells 10:00pm The Good Karma Hospital

Made in Chelsea The Crystal Maze The Goldbergs The Goldbergs The Goldbergs The Goldbergs Info not available The Big Bang Theory The Big Bang Theory The Big Bang Theory The Big Bang Theory The Big Bang Theory The Big Bang Theory The Goldbergs Brooklyn Nine-Nine Young Sheldon The Big Bang Theory Info not available Marvel's Agents of S.H.I.E.L.D. 11:00pm The Inbetweeners 11:30pm The Inbetweeners 12:00am The Big Bang Theory

The schedules for the television programme pages are provided by an external company: we regret that any changes or errors are not the responsibility of RTN.

30th March - 5th April

RTN Life EXCLUSIVE INTERVIEW by Darren Parmenter

boy band. From there he went to Butlin’s in Bognor. Before I had the chance to ask him, JP quickly cut across me. “And no, I wasn’t a Redcoat!” John-Paul has been in Spain for 10 years, at first in Torrevieja, where he later became part of a singing duo. Deciding to go solo, he tried his fortune in Benidorm. He was approached by the Benidorm TV series guru Derren Litten and made his debut last year showcasing his Olly Murs tribute... but for the current series, it’s the real JP on stage. “It’s obviously a fantastic opportunity for me being involved with Ben- idorm,” said John-Paul, although there is only one downside. “When you see me on the

Photo Credit: John-Paul Jones Facebook

JOHN-PAUL JONES is known by many on the Benidorm entertainment scene, albeit under a series of different names. One hour it’s Olly Murs, the next it’s Stephen Gately... or it might be a member of Westlife or a member of the inventively named ‘Steps Club 7’. However, more audiences will be seeing the real JP in the future, given a boost by a number of appearances in the Benidorm TV series as the ‘stage singer’ in the famous Neptune’s Bar; the latest of which was this week. One of the most popular and in-demand entertainers in the area, JP recently spoke exclusively to the RTN. He was born in Portsmouth and admits to being “in my 30’s” although, even close up, he belies those years giving any 20year-old a run for their money. On leaving school, he worked in McDonald’s where he proudly gained his five-stars. Any of his followers on social media will know that his connection with them hasn’t left him in Spain, with his particular love for their breakfasts! His singing career began after seeing an advert in a Portsmouth newspaper looking for people to join a

The real John-Paul takes to the stage

JOHN-PAUL JONES: On stage at the Neptune.

stage,” he explained, “it is being filmed at 8.30am. We have to be on set at 7am and when you’ve been working until 3am...” John-Paul is always looking to broaden the range of

songs he performs and continually seeks new material to test his vocal range. He realises that personality is just as important as singing ability, and is something that was brought home to him when he auditioned for the X-Factor.

“The producers liked my audition but said I was like so many others,” he said. John-Paul is a very levelheaded guy who seeks a different kind of fame. “I would rather have a similar career to someone like Joe Longthorne who continues to fill theatres across the

world because they have a loyal following,” he said. As to the future, he is developing a new act for the Benidorm circuit and doesn’t rule out looking at a spell on the cruise ships. “When I was younger,” he continued, “I wanted to be a singer, to work at night and to live in a hot country. I’m pleased that I’ve achieved those ambitions.” It was a delight to meet JP during a break in his busy schedule and I discovered more about the real man behind the many stage personas. The only thing I failed to learn was whether there would be a series 11 of Benidorm. “I know,” he said, with the broadest of cheeky smiles, “but I ain’t telling you!” You can catch John-Paul Jones in a number of the famous Benidorm cabaret spots and in episodes eight and nine of the current series of Benidorm on ITV.

MONDAY 11:00am Homes Under the Hammer 12:00pm The Sheriffs are Coming 12:45pm Claimed and Shamed 1:15pm Bargain Hunt 2:00pm BBC News 2:15pm Regional News 2:20pm Weather 2:25pm Father Brown 3:10pm Garden Rescue 3:55pm Escape to the Country 4:40pm Money for Nothing 5:25pm Flog It! 6:15pm Pointless 7:00pm BBC News 7:20pm Regional News 7:25pm Weather 7:30pm Celebrity Mastermind 8:00pm The One Show 8:30pm MasterChef 9:00pm EastEnders 9:30pm Classic Mary Berry

7:45am Money for Nothing 8:30am Nature's Weirdest Events 9:30am Gnomeo and Juliet 10:45am Rise of the Guardians 12:15pm The Super League Show 1:00pm Funny Lady 3:15pm Trust Me, I'm a Vet 4:15pm Indian Ocean with Simon Reeve 5:15pm Patagonia: Earth's Secret Paradise 6:15pm Put Your Money Where Your Mouth Is 7:00pm Eggheads 7:30pm The Repair Shop 8:00pm Top Gear 9:00pm Only Connect 9:30pm University Challenge 10:00pm Dave Allen at Peace 11:00pm The Unique Dave Allen 11:30pm Z for Zachariah 1:00am Unsealed: Conspiracy Files

Record Breakers Mission Employable Dragonheart Free Willy 3: The Rescue Info not available ITV Lunchtime News Regional News and Weather Judge Rinder Dickinson's Real Deal Tipping Point The Chase Paul O'grady: For the Love of Dogs Regional News and Weather ITV Evening News Emmerdale Coronation Street The Kyle Files Coronation Street Marcella ITV News at Ten and Weather

9:00am How I Met Your Mother 9:30am How I Met Your Mother 10:00am New Girl 10:30am New Girl 11:00am 2 Broke Girls 12:00pm Brooklyn Nine-Nine 12:30pm Brooklyn Nine-Nine 1:00pm The Goldbergs 1:30pm The Goldbergs 2:00pm The Big Bang Theory 2:30pm The Big Bang Theory 3:00pm Step Up 4: Miami Heat 5:00pm The Big Bang Theory 5:30pm The Big Bang Theory 6:00pm The Big Bang Theory 8:00pm Hollyoaks 8:30pm Ice Age: The Great Egg-Scapade 9:00pm The Big Bang Theory 9:30pm Young Sheldon 10:00pm Made in Chelsea 11:00pm Don't Tell the Bride Ireland

7:00am Milkshake! 10:15am The Wright Stuff 12:15pm Can't Pay? We'll Take it Away! 1:05pm 5 News 1:10pm Home and Away 1:40pm Neighbours 2:10pm Seven Brides for Seven Brothers 4:10pm Oliver! 7:00pm Neighbours 7:30pm Home and Away 7:55pm 5 News 8:00pm The Yorkshire Vet Casebook 9:00pm Police Interceptors 10:00pm Paddington Station 24/7 11:00pm Police UK: Armed and Deadly 12:05am Caught on Camera 12:30am Football on 5 1:30am Football on 5 2:00am Super Casino 4:10am Inside Manchester's Midland Hotel

7:00am 8:45am 10:20am 10:35am 12:25pm

Unforgettable Despicable Me 3 Lou Cars 3 Spider-Man: Homecoming 2:45pm Despicable Me 3 4:30pm 6 Below: Miracle on the Mountain 6:15pm Lou 6:30pm Cars 3 8:30pm Special 9:00pm Spider-Man: Homecoming Tom Holland is Peter Parker - an average teen with a web-slinging alter ego who must protect New York City from a menacing new villain 11:20pm 6 Below: Miracle on the Mountain 1:05am Unforgettable

9:00am Football's Greatest 9:30am Football's Greatest 10:00am EFL Goals: Championship 10:30am EFL Goals: League One and League Two 11:00am EFL Rivalries 11:30am EFL Rivalries 12:00pm Stars of Russia: Mane 12:15pm Stars of Russia: Firmino 12:30pm EFL Goals: Championship 1:00pm EFL Goals: League One and League Two 1:30pm Football 4:00pm Gillette Soccer Special 6:00pm EFL Greatest Games 6:15pm Football 8:30pm Football 11:00pm SPFL Round Up 2017/18 11:15pm SPFL Greatest Games 11:30pm MLS Round Up Show

10:25am The Jeremy Kyle Show 11:30am This Morning 1:30pm Loose Women 2:30pm ITV Lunchtime News 2:55pm Regional News and Weather 3:00pm Judge Rinder 4:00pm Dickinson's Real Deal 5:00pm Tipping Point 6:00pm The Chase 7:00pm Regional News and Weather 7:30pm ITV Evening News 8:00pm Emmerdale 8:30pm 100 Year Old Driving School 9:00pm Info not available 10:00pm Info not available 11:00pm ITV News at Ten and Weather 11:30pm Regional News and Weather

9:30am How I Met Your Mother 10:00am New Girl 11:00am 2 Broke Girls 12:00pm Brooklyn Nine-Nine 12:30pm Brooklyn Nine-Nine 1:00pm The Goldbergs 1:30pm The Goldbergs 2:00pm The Big Bang Theory 3:00pm How I Met Your Mother 3:30pm How I Met Your Mother 4:00pm New Girl 5:00pm Brooklyn Nine-Nine 5:30pm Brooklyn Nine-Nine 6:00pm The Goldbergs 6:30pm The Goldbergs 7:00pm The Big Bang Theory 7:30pm The Big Bang Theory 8:00pm Hollyoaks 8:30pm Extreme Cake Makers 9:00pm Night at the Museum

10:15am The Wright Stuff 12:15pm Can't Pay? We'll Take it Away! 1:10pm 5 News 1:15pm GPs: Behind Closed Doors 2:10pm Access 2:15pm Home and Away 2:45pm Neighbours 3:15pm NCIS 4:15pm Abducting Zoe 6:00pm 5 News 6:30pm Neighbours 7:00pm Home and Away 7:30pm 5 News 8:00pm The Yorkshire Vet Casebook 9:00pm Secrets of the National Trust with Alan Titchmarsh 10:00pm Everest: World's Greatest Mountain 11:00pm Sabotage 1:10am Police Interceptors

5:15am Gadget Gang in Outer Space 7:00am 6 Below: Miracle on the Mountain 8:55am Whisky Galore! 10:50am Cars 3 12:45pm Run the Tide 2:35pm Spider-Man: Homecoming 5:00pm Cars 3 6:50pm Special 7:20pm Run the Tide 9:00pm Spider-Man: Homecoming 11:20pm Unforgettable 1:05am 6 Below: Miracle on the Mountain 2:55am The Beguiled 4:45am Special 5:15am Gadget Gang in Outer Space

1:00pm SPFL Round Up 2017/18 1:15pm SPFL Greatest Games 1:30pm MLS Round Up Show 2:00pm La Liga Icons 2:15pm La Liga Icons 3:00pm Eredivisie 4:00pm Football's Greatest 4:30pm Football's Greatest Teams 5:00pm Scottish Cup Greatest Games 5:30pm La Liga Greatest Games 6:00pm Football Years 6:30pm Football Countdowns 7:00pm SPFL Round Up 2017/18 7:15pm SPFL Greatest Games 7:30pm MLS Round Up Show 8:00pm EFL Greatest Games

9:50am 10:20am 10:25am 12:25pm 2:10pm 2:40pm 2:55pm 3:00pm 4:00pm 5:00pm 6:00pm 7:00pm 7:30pm 7:45pm 8:00pm 8:30pm 9:00pm 9:30pm 10:00pm 11:00pm

TUESDAY 11:00am Homes Under the Hammer 12:00pm The Sheriffs are Coming 12:45pm Claimed and Shamed 1:15pm Bargain Hunt 2:00pm BBC News 2:30pm Regional News 2:45pm Moving On 3:30pm Escape to the Continent 4:30pm Money for Nothing 5:15pm Flog It! 6:15pm Pointless 7:00pm BBC News 7:30pm Regional News 8:00pm The One Show 8:30pm EastEnders 9:00pm Holby City 10:00pm Come Home 11:00pm BBC News 11:30pm Regional News

10:00am Victoria Derbyshire 12:00pm BBC Newsroom Live 12:30pm Westminster in Review 1:00pm Golf 2:00pm The Super League Show 2:45pm Plan it, Build it 3:15pm Trust Me, I'm a Vet 4:15pm Indian Ocean with Simon Reeve 5:15pm Patagonia: Earth's Secret Paradise 6:15pm Put Your Money Where Your Mouth Is 7:00pm Eggheads 7:30pm The Repair Shop 8:00pm Attenborough's Wonder of Eggs 9:00pm Great Indian Railway Journeys 10:00pm Hospital 11:00pm Cunk on Britain

The schedules for the television programme pages are provided by an external company: we regret that any changes or errors are not the responsibility of RTN.

30th March - 5th April

The opinions published in Colin’s weekly column are not necessarily representative of those of the publishers, advertisers or newspaper sponsors. I FIND it amazing, but strangely satisfying, that a country the size of England can have such a collection of dialects that flourish within its limited borders and still remain distinctively diverse in spite of the mobility of the indigenous workforce. It’s true that some accents have become watered down and because of its proximity to London, my home town of Reading has developed its own strange amalgam of idioms, tinged with only the merest hint of the old rural dialect. Thankfully the original Berkshire burr can still be found in the outlying towns and villages of the county where locals sit on five bar gates, chewing straw and playing banjos. When it comes to the Newcastle dialect; well it remains a mystery to me. I have a friend from my days spent abroad, who hails from that northeastern city who, when he gets excited, becomes almost unintelligible. Having lived in East Anglia for many years, I became attuned to some of the subtle differences be-

PEP GUARDIOLA was fined about £20,000 (€22,000) by the FA for using a political symbol and making political statements at a sporting event. Pep said that ‘they’ did not understand what it was about, well Pep let’s see what we do understand! The latest anarchy started when the previous president, Mas, held an illegal referendum and was fined five million euros and is now facing criminal charges. He was unable to get enough support to continue and put forward Puigdemont as president. The Spanish prime minister immediately gave his deputy Soraya Sáenz de Santamaría the job to negotiate a solution to the problem and she held meetings with Puigdemont. Prime Minister Rajoy and the King also met with Puigdemont and Rajoy held meetings with the opposition groups. The fiscal general presented their argument to the Supreme Court and the court ruled that it was illegal and ordered the Catalan Mossos Police

THE SINGING POSTMAN: Hev Yew Gotta Loight Boi?

tween the Suffolk and Norfolk patois and often not picked up on by nonresidents. I learned early on that this is a good

thing, because offence can easily be taken if mistakenly identified as one of the foreigners from across the border. The term ‘boy’ for example, when

referring to a third party male, is one commonly used by both sides, but the pronunciation is slightly different and in Norfolk the word is pronounced ‘boi’, whereas in Suffolk he is simply addressed as ‘b’, pronounced ‘buh’. An object lesson in word economy. Someone once described the Norfolk dialect as a language encapsulated in its landscape, with long vowels and wide horizons. I suppose it was back in the 60’s that it became famous when a certain Allan Smethurst, aka The Singing Postman released a record entitled ‘Hev Yew Gotta Loight Boi?’ The song was a huge success and soon had everyone mimicking it. The Cornish brogue is another distinctive dialect and having lived in that lovely county for two years, it brings back warm memories of days long past. I remember the first time that I was greeted by one of the locals when he enquired: “Ow are ee me ‘ansum?” It wasn’t that he had his eyes on me, but ‘me ‘ansum’, ‘me luverr’ and ‘me bird’ are common greetings in this south-west corner. Going into Devon is regarded as crossing into England, and once just having returned from a weekend in Exeter, an old fisherman of my acquaintance enquired: “Egzeder! Likun diddy?” I told him I likun’ed it a lot. Photo Credit: Pep Team Twitter

by David Hudson

Photo Credit: Sludge G flickr

Yer ‘tis

by Colin Bird

Is Pep right about the English? to seize all ballot boxes, documents and papers. They ignored the order and the Guardia Civil tried to carry out the order finding a large number of boxes and papers in the Barcelona FC stadium. Puigdemont announced the date for the ballot. The first time I realised that this was going to be a violent ballot was the week before when Puigdemont held a rally in Tarragona. The emotive language was a carrion call to fight for independence. The following week the university students joined the extremists looking for a fight. The schools were shown a propaganda film with five-yearolds waving the Republic flag, telling the students to fight for independence. A group of children, some sucking dummies, blocked a carriageway with protest signs. Eight professors were charged with inciting violence

to their students. The violence spilled onto the circular roads with fires blocking the carriageways. Guardia Civil vans were destroyed, Mossos Police stood aside, even helping to return boxes and open the buildings. This put heavy pressure on the National Police and the Guardia Civil. An overhead shot showed a thin line of police trying to hold back thousands of violent demonstrators. Over 40 police officers were badly injured. The Post Office did not release postal votes, 200 mayors refused to hold the vote and there was not a list of voters to check. One town with 7,000 people had 12,000 votes! Puigdemont unilaterally announced independence. Half a million Catalans protested in Barcelona demanding to remain united with Spain. With the majority of opposition

PEP GUARDIOLA: Wearing his yellow ribbon. support Rajoy got permission from the Senate house to activate Article 155 that allowed dissolution of the Catalan government and hold new elections. With the full support of both houses of parliament, Rajoy set about regaining Spanish soil since the unity in 1491. Puigdemont and five cabinet members fled to Belgium. A number were arrested including the Mossos chief. Mossos special powers were reduced. The Guardia stopped the Mossos from burning tons of papers and found that €6.2 million were stolen from the taxpayers to pay for the campaign. At the latest demonstration for unity a speaker said that

the independistas want war. Yes Pep we do know what is happening and as the Spanish King said, democracy was delicate and relied on everyone abiding by the constitution because it protects the vulnerable. After the Second World War the British people decided that they would not go back to the old order. They used parliament to achieve free health and education and benefit support for the vulnerable, not violence. Pep you are in a country that believes in the law to achieve change, not ignore it, something that you have not grasped.

30th March - 5th April

Puzzles Code Breaker Kenny Corris I For Readings, Consultations and Castings email: kennycorris@hotmailcom / www.kennycorris.net Mobile: 686 361 594 / Tel: 965 878 424

Play on Words

Answers: Down to earth. The Cat in the Hat.

A time for you to take a back seat and let someone else do the work for a change. After all it is only now that you can take a well-deserved break. As Taurus welcomes Venus this week, it’s all about loving yourself enough to let things happen, and to enjoy some downtime. Indulge yourself knowing that you’ve earned rest and relaxation.

Word Wheel The goal of a word wheel puzzle is to create as many words possible with the letters in the word wheel. You can only use each letter once and every word must have the letter in the centre of the wheel. Can you find the 9 letter word?

With Venus entering into Taurus, love comes in at all levels. You seem to have the idea that your heart is not for sharing right now; but the powerful forces of the Cosmos and the exaltation of the Goddess of Love, Venus, may very well mean that things are about to change. An affair of the heart is much closer than you could ever imagine! Mercury squares on Mars which brings timbre to something that you have up your sleeve, and shows you that you are now really on the right track. Mercury’s speedy and communicative energies are backed all the way by an ebullient Mars, and anything can happen, and it most probably will be just the icing on your cake. You are moody and angry and though you have every right to feel this way, why not turn this around? You need to know that you can, and that others are looking to you to come up with appropriate solutions; before it is too late! Mercury squares up to Saturn, and those delay tactics you are so fond of won’t work this time around. The Sun conjuncts with Mercury and the time has come to lay your cards on the table. Someone is being evasive and as you rightly suspect there is more behind a recent request, which you have to turn down for all the right reasons. Being open yourself now proves that you have nothing to hide and it will finally stop those tongues wagging. A focus on your home this week as a long awaited project unfolds on the domestic front. Your home is your comfort and your joy, but it’s time to ring the changes. Venus squares up to Ceres midweek, and this allows you to cope amongst the temporary chaos. This is a great chance to de clutter since then you can love more what’s left! Venus enters into your twin Planet of Taurus, bringing renewed energies and a plausible change of heart too. Your bark has always been worse than your bite, but you have been sending out the wrong messages lately. Take time to ensure others that though you are not to be messed with, that you really do have your heart in the right place. Mars features with both Saturn and Mercury this week. Whilst you are powerful in your energies you are still waiting for an opportunity to put your skills into good use. Multitalented and known for your hard work, it is time that you used your inspiration for the good of those who need both your love and your protection right now. Great at planning, you have a chance to highlight your considerable skills this week; and you may even surprise yourself into the bargain. Mars conjuncts with Saturn midweek which means that you are experiencing some kind of delay in other directions, but it’s full steam ahead for you to showcase your organising talents. You are beginning to get cold feet about something you’re involved in. In hindsight you would never have got involved, but since you are you are too proud to admit that you are in this up to your neck, and if you knew what was really going on you would never have got involved. Somebody truly has moved those goalposts! Venus has left your Planetary leader, Uranus and enters into Taurus this week. Whilst there is a glimmer of love out there on the horizon you are not connecting as you should, neither are you able to seize an opportunity that has come your way. Things may be too good to be true right now but all your hard work needs to be rewarded. Look back and see just how far you have come lately. You seem to be taking some time to prioritise a way of using your skills and artistry, which is where your energies are right now. Believing in yourself will bring you dividends this week as Love abounds, with Venus getting to know the truly powerful energies of an inspiring Taurus.

Each number in the Code Breaker grid represents a different letter of the alphabet. In this week’s puzzle, 11 represents V and 19 represents R, so fill in V every time the figure 11 appears and R every time the figure 19 appears. Now, using your knowledge of the English language, work out which letters should go in the missing squares. As you discover the letters, fill in other squares with the same number in the main grid and the control grid.

Kenny’s Postbag Kenny, Finances are at an all-time low. I find it hard to ask for anything generally, but I am begging now because I cannot go on. I have to make a decision do I go or do I stay? Esme A. Esme, it’s not wrong to ask for what you deserve. Money isn’t wrong, but the distribution of it stinks. There are people so rich they do not know what to do with their wealth, and others dying at this moment with malnutrition. We float around in the middle somewhere, since money comes and goes and you have to find a way to make some money stick around. It isn’t fair and it isn’t easy either. Talk to Spirit. Ask what’s best for you. Ask for the work that will reward you financially. If you do go then you are moving on not running away!

Kenny Corris

Don't forget to email or message me with your Postbag Questions!. Check out my new website: www.kennycorris.net

For Birthday Celebrants Love holds it all together for you, and it starts within. Where there were nagging doubts back in the past, now there is hope. Allow the combined efforts of the Cosmos to steer you to where you should be, and look for that silver lining.

The 9 letter word is:

Kakuro Fill all the empty squares using the numbers 1 to 9, so that the sum of each horizontal block equals the ‘clue’ on its left, and the sum of each vertical block equals the clue on its top. No number may be used in the same block more than once.

30th March - 5th April

More Puzzles Cryptic

Across 1 Sides reported swarms (5) 4 Sea bird can be cooked slowly (7) 8 They help make curls and waves (7) 9 The belief is that I am God returning (5) 10 They've been held by the innkeeper for a long time (8) 11 Not much of a fall? (4) 13 An American metal somewhere in Texas (6) 14 Nicked bundle of pound notes (6) 17 Prepare to leave the group (4) 19 To begin with I read revelation in Times' article naming the nuisance (8) 22 Brew some magic up pal (5) 23 Life jacket from same wet components (3,4) 24 Records the unmarried ones (7) 25 Spread mangled tapes (5)

English - Spanish

Futoshiki

Down 1 Set fire to a bit of toast or charcoal (5) 2 Listens, sort of, then joins up (7) 3 Written outline shows no care, is sloppy (8) 4 The coach, little Edward, is out of order (6) 5 A first-class lawyer in Verdi opera (4) 6 Something refined brought back from Ragusa (5) 7 Late Greek god betraying no emotion (7) 12 Start playing new super kit (6,2) 13 Small glasses around at views (7) 15 The Parisian reads out editorials (7) 16 Public transport around park for vagrants (6) 18 Some of Al Capone's mob are chicken (5) 20 In court it heard about church tax (5) 21 Social sphere (4)

Fill in the squares so that each digit from 1 to 6 occurs exactly once in each row and column. Greater-than and less-than signs indicate the relationship of the two adjacent squares. There is only one solution, and you can find it without guessing.

The clues are mixed, some clues are in Spanish and some are in English.

Across 1 Tablecloth (6) 4 Cerveza (4) 8 Queen (5) 9 Notice (warning) (5) 10 Courgette (9) 14 Mejilla (5) 15 Beret (5) 16 Buttonhole (of

garment) (4) 17 August (6) Down 1 Girar (llave, manivela, volante) (4) 2 Spring (season) (9) 3/15 Bolsita de tĂŠ

(3,3) 5 Buildings (houses, offices etc) (9) 6 Tejado (4) 7 Cow (4) 11 Pregunta (4) 12 Leisure (4) 13 Hand (4) 15 See 3

Quick

Across 1 Underground parts of plants (5) 3 Smears (7) 6 Public toilet in a military area (7) 8 Drinking chocolate (5) 10 Be in accord (5) 11 Graceful and stylish in appearance or manner (7) 14 Suitable for use as food (6) 15 Cubicles (6) 17 Wet slightly (7) 20 Relating to audible sound (5) 21 Form a critical opinion of (5) 22 Educational institution (7) 23 Adjudicator (7) 24 Lone-Star state (5) Down 1 Let go free (7) 2 Grab hold of (5) 3 Strainer (5) 4 Brother of your father or mother (5) 5 Not full or plentiful (5) 7 Frightened badly (9) 9 Dare (9) 12 Fewer (4) 13 Being nothing more than specified (4) 16 Triumph (7) 17 Army officer (5) 18 Belonging to them (5) 19 Recess in a wall (5) 20 Separate into parts or portions (5)

Word Ladder Can you by changing 1 letter at a time, get from the first word to the last word in the given number of moves?

BLUE 1 2 3 4

COAT

Sudoku

Fill the grid so every column and every 3x3 box contains the digits 1-9

30th March - 5th April

More Puzzles Irregular Soduku Wordsearch:

iCarly FREDDIE BENSON LEWBERT SR. HOWARD CARLY SHAY COSTELA SAM PUCKETT GUPPY MIRANDA GIBBY CHUCK TED FRANKLIN NATHAN

Quiz

the Greater Pittsburgh area in 1967 and NIGHT, 6. 1960s - it was introduced in 3. CHEESE, 4. OLIVER!, 5. TWELFTH 1. AMBROSIA, 2. MICHAEL GOVE, Answers

Not a lot of people know that… rice is the staple food of more than one-half of the world’s population

FOOD FOR THOUGHT

nationwide in 1968, 7. YIDDISH,

from which language? 8. To what foodstuff does the cartoon character Popeye attributed his strength? 9. Which famous US actor founded a line of food products with writer A E Hotchner in 1982? The brand started with salad dressing but has expanded to include pasta sauce, lemonade, popcorn, salsa, and wine, among other things. 10. Which journalist, broadcaster, television personality, gourmet and food writer is the daughter of a former Chancellor of the Exchequer? NIGELLA

DOWN 2. 4 across minus 27 down 3. Nine times 23 across 4. 29 across plus 24 down 5. 10 across minus 19 across 7. 14 across plus 26 down 8. 15 down minus 16 across 9. Two thirds of 12 across 11. 15 down squared 13. 16 down squared 15. Twice 25 across 16. See 10 across 20. 30 across squared 22. 2 down plus 14 across 23. Twice 14 across 24. See 4 down 26. 14 across plus 27 down 27. See 2 down 28. See 16 across

8. SPINACH, 9. PAUL NEWMAN,

October 16 is World Food Day 1. According to classical mythology, what was the food and drink of the gods and any mortals who ate it became immortal? 2. Appointed in June 2017 to replace Andrea Leadsom, who is the current Secretary of State for Environment, Food and Rural Affairs? 3. Cantal, Caboc, Fontina, Leerdammer and Vacherin are all varieties of which foodstuff? 4. Food, Glorious Food is the opening song from which 1960s West End and Broadway musical and 1968 film? 5. ‘If music be the food of love, play on’ is a famous line from which of Shakespeare’s comedies? 6. In which decade did the fast food restaurant chain McDonald's introduce its famous Big Mac hamburger in the US? 7. The slang term for food ‘nosh’ originally comes

ACROSS 1. A third of 10 across 4. 22 across plus 14 across 6. 23 across squared 10. A fifth of 16 down 12. 4 across plus 28 down 13. 21 across plus 24 down 14. See 4 across 16. 14 across plus 28 down 17. 22 down times 19 across 18. 27 down times 29 across 19. Three times 24 down 21. 7 down plus 14 across 22. 9 down plus 24 down 23. Three times 4 across 25. 13 across minus 14 across 27. 12 across squared 29. 13 across plus 5 down 30. Four times 14 across

10. NIGELLA LAWSON

Cross Figure

JERRY

30th March - 5th April

More Puzzles Giant Crossword ACROSS 1 Not meant to be heard by the audience, in a way 8 Blend in 13 Maker of stringed instruments 20 Author Huffington 21 Nary a soul 22 In a group 23 Give a nonnative a smooch? 25 Causes of sudden fear 26 Env. alerter 27 Small drink 28 Make up for 29 Defeat Dorothy's dog decisively? 34 Trip to an underworld river? 39 Singer Buddy 40 Egg 42 Stools, say 43 Actress Mendes 44 Certain Siouan 45 "The Jerk" actor M. Walsh 47 "Well well!" 48 Use a pool 49 Specialty of Windy City bakeries? 52 Uses Dixie diction 54 Door turner 55 Expire, as a subscription 59 Ballpark fig. 60 New princess of '81 63 One who doesn't succumb to a potent toxin? 68 Clean energy org. 69 Bombard with ejunk 71 "Zip DooDah" 72 Hard wood 73 Glorious state of bliss? 79 Military units 82 Prefix with hazard 83 Achieve

84 ObiWan Kenobi, e.g. 85 Rob 88 Desert haven mentioned in the first book of the Bible? 94 Guitars' kin, for short 95 Actor Rob 99 Bits of matter 100 Car for a VIP 101 Mr., in India 102 Have a cow, with "out" 103 Ltr. insert 104 Arrangement 105 Ruler of the Sunflower State? 108 Palpitation? 111 Menu fish 112 Audiotapes' successors 114 Cato's 1,052 115 Main female character 118 Stuff hauled by Beantown trash collectors? 124 Not ceasing 125 Homer work 126 St. (capital of Loire) 127 Mice and whales, e.g. 128 "The Rose" singer Midler 129 Plunder DOWN 1 Hard wood 2 Wk. day 3 Hi (old LP players) 4 Moms 5 Notoriety 6 Noted berry farm founder 7 Turn a deaf (ignore) 8 Musical artist DiFranco 9 Barking pets 10 Doctrine that reality is one organic whole

11 Hamhanded 12 Gen 13 Certain boxing punch 14 Not firmly implanted 15 Preliftoff term 16 Jenna Bush 17 "Kinda" suffix 18 Ballpark fig. 19 Scale notes 24 Lay to rest 28 Skating leap 29 Ice cream flavor, briefly 30 Writer Philip 31 H.G. Wells race 32 Smart (cocky) 33 At an end 35 Fashion inits. 36 Synthpop artist, say 37 Sinister 38 They may be candied 41 Wombs 45 Selfconceit 46 Unruly crowd 47 Social Security fig., e.g. 48 Delhi dress 50 Not only that 51 Vienna loc. 53 Crank (up) 56 upswing 57 Meat stamp letters 58 Wk. day 60 The, in Paris 61 "The Simpsons" store clerk 62 Work at as a dilettante 63 Breathe hard 64 Leave out 65 Intermission 66 Bullfight cry 67 Apt. units

70 Stew veggie 74 Eye covers 75 Bettor's note 76 Tatty clothes 77 Strive (for) 78 U.N.'s Kofi 80 Hubbub 81 Call placer 84 Actor Parsons 85 Corn cover 86 Stew veggie 87 Part of PIN 89 Carve 90 Somber 91 In (as found) 92 Don of radio 93 Last year's frosh 96 "Part II" films 97 Tightly strung 98 Squeak (out) 102 Cereal meal 103 Breaks up 104 Add to the batter, say 106 Charge at 107 School, in Nice 109 Writer Horatio 110 Calf catcher 113 ESPN datum 115 and haw 116 Greek vowel 117 Dreamtime acronym 118 Baby's wear 119 Lyric tribute 120 Wanna (aspirants) 121 Santa (hot wind) 122 Big health supplement chain, familiarly 123 "I see mice!"

Boggled How many English words can you find in the Boggled grid, according to the following rules? • The letters must be adjoining in a ‘chain’. They can be adjacent horizontally, vertically or diagonally. • Words must contain at least four letters and may include singular and plural or other derived forms. • No letter may be used more than once within a single word, unless it appears twice. • No vulgarities or proper nouns are permitted.

TARGET • Average: 21 • Good: 30 • Very good: 43 • Excellent: 55 SCORING 4 letters: 1 point 5 letters: 2 points 6 letters: 3 points 7 letters: 5 points 8 or more letters: 11 points

Nonagram How many English words of four letters or more can you make from the nine letters in our Nonagram puzzle? Each letter may be used only once (unless the letter appears twice). Each word MUST CONTAIN THE CENTRE LETTER (in this case T) and there must be AT LEAST ONE NINE LETTER WORD. Plurals, vulgarities or proper nouns are not allowed.

• Average: 8 • Good: 11 • Very good: 16 • Excellent: 21

30th March - 5th April

WEDNESDAY 4:30pm 5:15pm 6:15pm 7:00pm 7:30pm 8:00pm 9:00pm 10:00pm 11:00pm 11:30pm 11:40pm 11:45pm 12:15am

Money for Nothing Flog It! Pointless BBC News Regional News The One Show MasterChef Patrick Kielty Doc BBC News Regional News Weather A Question of Sport Lenny Henry: The Commonwealth Kid

3:00pm 4:00pm

Trust Me, I'm a Vet Indian Ocean with Simon Reeve 5:00pm Patagonia: Earth's Secret Paradise 6:00pm Put Your Money Where Your Mouth Is 7:00pm Eggheads 7:30pm The Repair Shop 8:00pm Today at the Games 9:00pm The Secret Helpers 10:00pm The Assassination of Gianni Versace American Crime Story 10:50pm Live at the Apollo

5:00pm 6:00pm 7:00pm 7:30pm 8:00pm 8:30pm 9:00pm 9:30pm 10:00pm 11:00pm 11:30pm 11:45pm

Tipping Point The Chase Regional News and Weather ITV Evening News Emmerdale Coronation Street Britain's Brightest Family Coronation Street Benidorm ITV News at Ten and Weather Regional News and Weather UEFA Champions League Highlights

3:30pm

How I Met Your Mother 4:00pm New Girl 4:30pm New Girl 5:00pm Brooklyn Nine-Nine 5:30pm Brooklyn Nine-Nine 6:00pm The Goldbergs 6:30pm The Goldbergs 7:00pm The Big Bang Theory 8:00pm Hollyoaks 8:30pm Extreme Cake Makers 9:00pm The Goldbergs 9:30pm The Big Bang Theory 10:00pm Timeless 11:00pm Naked Attraction 12:05am The Big Bang Theory

4:15pm 6:00pm 6:30pm 7:00pm 7:30pm 8:00pm

First Class Fear 5 News Neighbours Home and Away 5 News The Yorkshire Vet Casebook 9:00pm GPs: Behind Closed Doors 10:00pm Housing Yorkshire: Somewhere to Call Home 11:00pm Why Do Men Earn More Than Women? 12:05am Murder on the Internet 1:05am When Kids Kill

5:15am

Gadget Gang in Outer Space 7:00am Whisky Galore! 8:55am 6 Below: Miracle on the Mountain 10:50am Cars 3 12:50pm Spider-Man: Homecoming 3:15pm Chokeslam 5:00pm Special 5:30pm Run the Tide 7:10pm Cars 3 9:00pm Spider-Man: Homecoming 11:20pm Insyriated 1:00am 6 Below: Miracle on the Mountain

1:00pm 2:00pm 3:00pm 3:30pm 4:00pm 4:30pm

4:00pm 5:00pm 6:00pm 7:00pm 8:00pm 8:30pm

3:20pm 4:20pm

7:00am Run the Tide 8:50am Cars 3 10:45am Spider-Man: Homecoming 1:10pm Double Date 3:00pm Run the Tide 4:50pm Cars 3 6:40pm 6 Below: Miracle on the Mountain 8:30pm Special 9:00pm Spider-Man: Homecoming 11:20pm Double Date 1:00am Unforgettable 2:55am Insyriated 4:40am Chokeslam

5:00pm Scottish Cup Greatest Games 5:30pm La Liga Greatest Games 6:00pm EFL Midweek Goals: Championship 6:30pm EFL Midweek Goals: Leagues 1 & 7:00pm EFL Rivalries 8:00pm EFL Matters 8:30pm EFL Midweek Goals: Championship 9:00pm EFL Midweek Goals: Leagues 1 & 9:30pm EFL Greatest Games 10:00pm La Liga Files

5:00pm 5:30pm 6:00pm 6:30pm 7:00pm 7:30pm 8:00pm

Eredivisie La Liga Icons Revista de la Liga La Liga World Football's Greatest Football's Greatest Teams Scottish Cup Greatest Games La Liga Greatest Games Football Years Football Countdowns Revista de la Liga Info not available Info not available

THURSDAY 4:30pm 5:15pm 6:15pm 7:00pm 7:30pm 8:00pm 8:30pm 9:00pm 10:00pm 10:30pm 11:00pm 11:30pm 11:45pm

Money for Nothing Flog It! Pointless BBC News at Six BBC London News The One Show EastEnders MasterChef Not Going Out Still Game BBC News at Ten BBC London News Unsolved

6:15pm 7:00pm 7:30pm 9:00pm 10:00pm 11:00pm 11:30pm 12:15am 1:20am 1:50am 2:50am 3:50am

Put Your Money Where Your Mouth Is Eggheads Today at the Games Big Cats Civilisations Match of the Day Newsnight Top Gear MasterChef Amazing Hotels: Life Beyond the Lobby Back in Time for Tea Weather for the Week Ahead

4:00pm

Dickinson's Real Deal 5:00pm Tipping Point 6:00pm The Chase 7:00pm ITV News London 7:30pm ITV Evening News 8:00pm Emmerdale 8:30pm Pets 9:00pm Emmerdale 9:30pm The Cruise: Sailing the Caribbean 10:00pm The Investigator: A British Crime Story 11:00pm ITV News at Ten and Weather 11:30pm ITV News London

9:00pm 9:30pm 10:00pm 10:30pm 11:00pm 11:35pm 12:05am 12:35am 1:05am

New Girl Brooklyn Nine-Nine The Goldbergs The Big Bang Theory Hollyoaks Extreme Cake Makers The Big Bang Theory Young Sheldon Brooklyn Nine-Nine Derry Girls The Inbetweeners The Windsors The Big Bang Theory The Big Bang Theory First Dates

NCIS Concrete Evidence: A Fixer Upper Mystery 6:00pm 5 News at 5 6:30pm Neighbours 7:00pm Home and Away 7:30pm 5 News Tonight 8:00pm The Yorkshire Vet Casebook 9:00pm Bad Tenants, Rogue Landlords 10:00pm Can't Pay? We'll Take it Away! 11:00pm Undercover: Nailing the Fraudsters

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24º/10ºC 17º/10ºC 14º/13ºC 18º/10ºC 19º/10ºC 18º/10ºC 17º/7ºC Clouds and sun

Clouds and sun

Plenty of clouds

Cloudy and Cooler and Cooler and Cooler and a little rain a little rain a little rain a little rain

The schedules for the television programme pages are provided by an external company: we regret that any changes or errors are not the responsibility of RTN.

30th March - 5th April

health

Reduce the appearance of facial ageing, wrinkles, scar tissue, stretch marks with a Dermapen treatment! THE Dermapen is the latest in pen needling technology, a motorised instrument that uses a disposable needle tip to create small ‘wounds’ in your skin. But don’t worry - it’s not painful. Superficial treatment levels are tolerable with nothing more than some topical numbing gel. When a person hurts themselves, the skin will generally initiate skin repair by stimulating growth factors that will, in turn, lead to the generation of collagen and elastin. Therefore, when the punctures are made using the Dermapen, the skin will treat the punctures as wounds and therefore initiate healing. This means that microneedling tends to trick the skin to produce collagen and elastin to promote ‘healing’ and the effect will be a rejuvenated skin. We also put a rich serum on, containing vitamins, minerals and amino acids. This is to give the new born cells the best cocktail to develop in. Dermapen is used mostly for face wrinkles, scars, stretch marks and facial lines. For wrinkles and face lines, basically, the produced collagen and elastin will cause the skin to thicken and also tighten, leaving the skin looking youthful. Generally, Dermapen has been effective and quite advantageous over other skin treatment procedures. This has seen to it that its popularity keeps growing by the day. At Derma Clinic Spain, our team of medical professionals take pride in providing expert care to help you achieve a healthy, natural, rejuvenated appearance. If you’re interested in learning more about DermaPen Micro-Needling or any of our other skin rejuvenation treatments, please give us a call.

Derma Clinic Spain are located at Camino del Pincho 2, 03580, L’Alfaz del Pi, Alicante. For more information call 674 255 579 or email info@dermaclinicspain.com. Alternatively see our Facebook page facebook.com/DermaClinicSpain.

Scrutinising shopaholics THE university hospital of Bellvitge, L’Hospitalet de Llobregat, near Barcelona, has defined for the first time three new subtypes of shopaholics, a disorder that is still rarely studied. The finding is the result of several studies that have recently been published by the Unit of Pathological Gambling and Other Behavioural Addictions of the Psychiatry Hospital de Bellvitge. The aim of the study was to provide new insights into compulsive shopping disorder. Compulsive buying affects between 6 and 7 per cent of the population, but is still a little-studied disorder and reference manuals do not classify it as a specific pathology. According to Dr Susana

Jimenez, head of the unit, there are neurobiological, psychological and social factors involved in compulsive buying. One of the studies coordinated by Jimenez first identified three subtypes of shopaholics, the first of which consists mostly of men with high levels of gambling and low levels of social reward dependence. A second subtype mainly consists of educated women, occupationally active without addictive personality traits and the third is predominantly also women but where the onset of the disorder is early, in addition to the presence of other psychiatric disorders and high dysfunctionality problems with school and work.

Sweet This month Clinica dreams Britannia are for happy promoting tooth couples HAPPY couples have happier dreams. That’s the finding from a study which analysed data from almost 350 American couples. The men and women were quizzed about how well they slept, including whether they woke up during the night, whether they used sleeping pills and if they had trouble staying awake during the day. Some also wore a device that monitored them for a week, to provide data on how well they actually slept. The couples were asked about how much their partner or spouse cared for them and how appreciated they felt. Assessing all the data the researchers believe that those who were happier and felt more cared for, had a better night’s sleep.

Kicking sweet habits SUGAR is in many respects the original health sin, accounting for a quickly growing spectrum of physical and even mental conditions, and quitting the white stuff is notoriously difficult. There is a smart approach, however, and, like all long journeys, it begins with a series of small steps. First cut out any fizzy, sugary drinks from your diet over the course of a week, that includes all ‘diet’ or ‘zero’ drinks. Once you’ve banished the fizz, gradually do the same with fat-free yoghurt, which is laden with sugar to make up for lost taste; and cereals which you’ll find possibly contain far more sugar per bowl than a can of Vimto.

whitening

E V E RY B O D Y l i k e s t o s m i l e a n d i t should be something you can do with pride. Clinica Britannia are offering tooth whitening at a promotional price of €177 (a saving of €158). For this price you will get an initial session of professional tooth cleaning and you leave with a take home whitening kit which ensures long-lasting results. At your appointment we will offer you a dental exam free of charge and let you know of any other treatment that you may require.

We will also be able to let you know if you are a good candidate for whitening to ensure your expectations are met. Our staff are very hospitable and we offer a multilinguistic service incase English is not your chosen one. This is a limited time offer so don’t delay in taking advantage and getting those pearly whites in time for summer... Tooth Whitening Promotion €177 with this article

Email us on britannia.calpe@gmail.com, call 965 837 553 or visit Avenida Ejercitos Españoles 16 BIS, 1st Floor, (Not ground floor) Piso 1D, E-03710 Calpe (Alicante).

30th March - 5th April

food & drink This week Celebrity Chef from Ready Steady Cook & Master Chef Steven Saunders, proprietor of The Little Geranium in La Cala celebrates Good Friday traditionally with fresh fish…

An original fish recipe

Steven Saunders FMCGB The Little Geranium La Cala de Mijas & Marbella

www.thelittlegeranium.com EASTER is sometimes called Resurrection Sunday as it is a Christian festival celebrating the resurrection of Jesus from the dead. Described in the New Testament as having occurred on the third day of his burial after his crucifixion by the Romans at Calvary in 30 AD. Most of us celebrate with chocolate eggs,

a symbol of birth, most children I speak with don’t seem to know the story of Jesus at Easter or the story of Good Friday and what it means but they love the chocolate! The tradition of eating fish on Easter Friday (Good Friday) stems from the Roman Catholic custom to not eat warm-blooded animals on Fridays, to acknowledge and do penance for the death of Jesus. According to Christianity, Jesus sacrificed his flesh on Good Friday, when he was executed and died for our sins. This is why the church encourages followers to abstain from meaty flesh on the anniversary of Christ’s death. I have to admit that I don’t eat a lot of fish but that’s mainly because Michele (my wife) had fish poisoning a few years ago and now associates food poisoning with fish, silly I know! But I understand her phobia. So when I do cook fish at home it is when Michele isn’t around. The last time she went off to dance with the Strictly Come Dancing team in the UK, I waved goodbye and went

straight to the fish market in Fuengirola. I bought lobster, prawns, monkfish, mussels, clams and razor clams and took them home and had a fish feast! A meal that God would be delighted to eat on Good Friday! In our restaurant The Little Geranium we serve quite a lot of fish. We have hand-dived scallops from Cadiz, Norwegian salmon, Spanish lobsters, tuna from Tarifa, huge prawns from the Atlantic and sea bass. I buy fish daily as it is so popular. I also buy mussels and clams and langoustine for sauces. So today I’m cooking fish but not traditionally so to speak. A couple of months ago I had a dream about fish and in the dream I made a pastry shaped fish, then when you cut through the pastry into the most divine soft fresh fish, the flavours and textures are great. I googled the fish pastry thing thinking that I may have seen it and therefore it’s in my subconscious mind but I couldn’t find it. That’s great news because it

means that it is original, chefs love to be original! I remember cooking fish on Ready Steady Cook, someone brought me salmon and beetroots. I turned the ingredients into salmon ceviche with beetroot puree, beetroot cured salmon tartare, beetroot cured salmon ceviche, roasted beetroot salad and salmon with beetroot scales. On the other side was Ainsley Harriott. I remember that he cooked a risotto. Whilst we were cooking I went over to his kitchen and said that his risotto needed more liquid. “Thanks Chef” he said “now get back to your banquet!” When the audience voted they choose mushroom risotto over my banquet of five or six interesting dishes. Never again I thought, what ever you cook against Ainsley he will always win!

Sea bass in pastry with truffle cream (ingredients for two) 1 large 400+ grm sea bass cut into two fillets Approximately 500 grm of ready-made butter puff pastry A little truffle oil Seasoning Juice of 1 lemon Egg yolk for glazing 1 olive cut in half for garnish (fish eye) 2 tablespoons of finely chopped basil

For the truffle sauce 150 ml of thick cream 1 glass of white wine 1 teaspoon of finely chopped garlic 1 teaspoon of truffle pieces (optional) 1 tablespoon truffle oil Maldon salt

For basil oil 1 bunch of basil 1 large bunch of flat leaf parsley 3 large handfuls of spinach leaves 500 ml of good olive oil

Method • Take the pastry and roll it into two 30 cm x 30 cm squares approx 2 mm thick. • Take each square and cut in half vertically so that you now have four pieces of pastry sitting on the surface. • In a very hot frying pan seal the sea bass fillets skin down (so the flesh does not touch the heat). Seal for 20 seconds. • Remove from pan and season the fish flesh with lemon juice and Maldon salt and remove the skin. The skin should peel off easily now that it is cooked. • Cut each pastry piece into the shape of a fish. You now have four pieces of pastry in an identical fish shape. • Place the two fillets of bass onto two of the fish shapes and spread a little of the shredded basil over each fillet with a little truffle oil. • Now top with the other piece of fish-shaped pastry and press together. • Finally score the fish with a knife at 45 degrees one way and then the same the other way to create the scale effect and cut the olive to resemble the fish eye and press the olive into the appropriate area. • Brush well all over with the egg yolk and season the outside with a little Maldon salt. • Put in a pre-heated oven 180c for seven minutes until the pastry is golden brown and serve with the truffle cream.

Truffle sauce (Cream) - Method • In a thick bottomed saucepan pour a little cooking

white wine in and reduce a little over a high heat. • Now add the garlic and the cream and cook out for five minutes on a medium heat. • Finally add the truffle pieces and the truffle oil and taste and season.

Basil oil If you want to do the basil oil you simply take the basil and the parsley and the spinach (spinach helps the colour). Drop these greens into boiling water for 10 seconds and remove and shock immediately in iced water with ice cubes to stop the greens from continuing to cook. Remove and squeeze all the water out. Finally blend the greens in the food processor with the olive oil for at least five mins and then pass through either a fine sieve or better still some muslin cloth to remove the green sediment leaving only the green oil. Decant into squeezy plastic bottles and keep in the fridge for up to a week.

You can email Steven your questions or enquiries to: steven@thelittlegeranium.com. Steven Saunders FMCGB - The Little Geranium, La Cala de Mijas & Marbella www.thelittlegeranium.com

30th March - 5th April

home & garden

Palm trees are ideal for a Mediterranean garden Photo Credit: KĂźchenkraut Wikimedia

A PALM TREE has always been a must for the ideal landscape design in the Mediterranean garden. Palm-lined strands, boulevards and well placed palms around water features signal the relaxing atmosphere of enjoying hot days relaxing by the pool or bathing in the sun or sea at the beach. Over the last 10-15 years, palm trees have been in serious decline due to a ravenous red beetle or weevil (Rhynchophorus ferrugineus) that has decimated thousands of Canary Island palms in Spain and has adversely affected other palm species as well. The outbreak of the weevil is not yet under control in most areas of Spain, or other Mediterranean and Middle Eastern countries where palms are prevalent. Fortunately the Canary Islands has been successful in eradicating the weevil through strict monitoring, sanitation and treatment of their thousands of palm trees. Early detection is normally obtained with a specific pheromone trap for the weevil and just one adult caught indicates action is required to protect the palms in

A PALM TREE: Decimated by red weevil.

the vicinity. An adult female weevil can lay around 200 eggs. New treatments to combat the weevil are being developed to assist in

the battle to save the palms, including chemical and biological agents. The weevil is originally from

Asia where it is a major pest of coconut palms. It appears that Canary Island palms are its favourite in Spain, but it can also affect other palms such as the sago, date, Washington, sugar, betel nut and toddy palms. If you have a palm tree that is healthy, it is best to have it checked by a person trained in palm care. If you have a sick or dead palm then have it completely removed. Once a palm shows signs of drooping leaves and stunted growth it is usually too late to save it. It will be necessary to have it disposed of in accordance with regional authorities guidelines. The insect is extremely thorough in its infestation of the palm, with eggs in cracks and crevices, larvae tunnelling through the palm and pupae in the roots in the ground so it is ex-

tremely difficult to eliminate all stages of growth completely. In order to eradicate the weevil all palms should be checked and treated appropriately as was done in the Canary Islands. Eradication will require good community cooperation if it is to succeed. How many palms will remain in Spain before the weevil is stopped depends on the cooperation of everyone involved in landscapes containing palms, as well as the preventative measures taken to protect the remaining healthy palms by all responsible authorities and owners. The Mediterranean garden will not be the same if the weevil is not stopped, as all susceptible unprotected palms will eventually be lost. It would be hard to imagine the loss of such an icon of the region.

30th March - 5th April

pets

Budgies make great buddies THOSE looking to keep birds could do far worse than checking out budgies, arguably the world’s most domesticated bird and well-suited to the Spanish heat, being native to Australia. It’s easy to think that caged birds don’t have enough space, and sometimes this may be the case, but remember that by nature small birds do tend to like enclosed spaces to call home. Provided they have regular, ide-

AS we all know, cats are simply biding their time, waiting patiently for the downfall of humanity so that they can rise up and claim their rightful position as the planet’s furry overlords. However, the fact that we’re wise to their shady machinations makes them no less adorable. We may now be about to get to know our moggies better than ever, thanks to a new collar which reportedly translates their meows, purrs and hisses into human speech. ‘Catterbox’ has been developed by Temptations

ally daily, flying time outside the cage, a relatively confined space actually makes budgies feel secure, but they also do well in larger cages and outdoor aviaries. Either way, the cage should have some horizontal bars in it to allow climbing, meaning many round designs are unsuitable, while bars should be no wider than 12mm apart to prevent escape. To y s , s w i n g s , l a d d e r s , s e e d sticks and mineral supplements, such as cuttlefish, will all help to keep your bird busy and alleviate boredom, while covering the cage with a cloth at night will encourage your budgie to settle down to sleep. Yo u s h o u l d p r o v i d e a b a t h f o r your bird, either fixed to the out-

BIRD BRAIN: Budgies are intelligent, social birds. side of the cage or a shallow bowl placed inside the cage, although some may prefer to be sprayed with tepid water instead. A good-quality budgerigar or parakeet mix makes a good basic diet. Small pieces of fresh fruit and vegetables may also be given as treats, and fresh drinking water should always be available. Budgies prefer to be kept in pairs or small groups, and can learn to mimic sounds and speech, making them friendly and cheerful companions for all age groups.

Human and cat natter Lab, ‘a research workstream dedicated to the future of fun times with your cat,’ and London advertising agency adam&eveDDB, who collaborated to analyse cat vocalisations and associate them with human emotions. The collar is 3D printed, coated in rubber lacquer, contains a microphone, speaker, Bluetooth and Wi-Fi technology, and even connects to an app on your smartphone for different sounding voices.

“We’re fascinated by cats, so our mission was to get to know them better,” said Temptations global brand director Pete Simmons. “We’ve learned that an adult cat’s meow is how they communicate with humans and, by investing in this prototype device, we can start to improve understanding between them both. Although its accuracy is somewhat debatable, this promises to be a fun way for you and your cat to

grow closer or utterly terrifying, depending on your point of view.

30th March - 5th April

AIRPORT PARKING

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INSURANCE

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MOTORING

TV & SATELLITE

PLUMBING

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BUILDERS

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HOME & GARDEN

REMOVALS & STORAGE

30th March - 5th April

SPANISH COURSES

SITUATIONS VACANT

Puzzle answers Puzzle answers Puzzle answers Puzzle answers Puzzle answers Wordwheel aa ae ar as pa aas ace ape apo ara arc are ars

Cryptic

asp cap car ear era oar oca ora pac par pas pea rap

Codebreaker ras sac sae sap sea spa aces acre aero apas aper apes apos

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para pare pars pase pear peas prao proa race rape raps rase rasp

Quick

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scarp scrap serac space spare spear arecas arepas caesar capers coarse copras crapes

crease escape escarp ocreae operas pacers pareos parsec parsee peaces recaps rosace sarape

scrape secpar serape soaper spacer

Kakuro

Word Ladder

acerose escaper

HAND WAND WIND WINE PINE (WIPE) PIPE

respace rosacea aerospace

Sudoku

English-Spanish

Futoshiki

30th March - 5th April

motoring

Audi A7 delivers on design and detail SINCE its arrival in 2010, the Audi A7 has been doing good business for the German brand. It was the Mercedes CLS that started the trend for four-door coupes back in 2004, and it’s a style that has since been adopted not only by Audi but also BMW. Underneath the sleek skin and frameless windows of Audi’s latest contender is what is effectively the new A6, which made its debut at the recent Geneva Motor Show. Its styling is the work of design boss Marc Lichte, this being the second car he’s had full control of since arriving at Audi from Volkswagen in 2014. The new model is shorter and narrower than previous iterations, while sitting on a wheelbase that has been stretched by 12 mm. The upshot design-wise is shorter overhangs front and rear, which helps with proportions, plus an interior that has grown in

length by 21 mm. Space inside is generous, with enough headroom and legroom for four tall adults to feel comfortable, despite the sloping roofline. The dashboard design is refreshingly simple, with horizontal lines, flawless materials and fit, and a notable absence of buttons. Switch on the ignition however, and things spring into life, with three digital screens to contend with. Audi’s now familiar 12.3 inch Virtual Cockpit gives a digital representation of the instruments, but can also be fully configured via simple steering wheel controls to display the satnav map, trip computer and infotainment functions. The menu logic is faultless, which in turn means the whole set up is far less distracting to use on the move than the similar sys-

A-LISTER: Audi have built a reputation for elegant reliability.

tem in the Range Rover Velar. The three-litre V6 engine features electrical assistance in the form of a 48V mild hybrid system, consisting of a lithium-ion battery in the boot, which powers a small electric motor housed between the engine and gearbox. This allows the car to coast with

cpthe engine off between 34 mph and 99 mph to save fuel and in terms of the battery, there’s no need to plug in. Energy is instead recuperated when the brakes are applied or the car is coasting which, com-

bined with a more capable stop-start system, is said to improve fuel consumption by about 10 per cent. The cruise control works with the GPS to automatically slow the car for bends, and can use a forward-facing camera to read road signs and adapt its speed to the current limit. This is a predictably polished product with style and power, while bursting with technological treasures.

30th March - 5th April

sport

Top class in Alicante Photo credit: Steven Pisano Wikimedia

FOR the first time since 1996, an ATP World Tour Tennis Challenger returns to Alicante City and will run from Monday to Sunday. This Tour consists of a series of international men’s professional tennis tournaments and is ranked at the second highest level of international tennis competition. Players who succeed on the ATP Challenger Tour can earn sufficient ranking points to become eligible for the ATP World Tour tournaments. So, players on the Challenger Tour are either young sportsmen looking to progress, those who fail to qualify for ATP events, or former ATP winners who are looking to get back into the main tournaments. One such player is Australian Bernard Tomic who was, at the height of his career, ranked 17th in the world and participated in a number of major tournaments, but the last two years have seen him slip to number 169. Alongside Tomic will be a number

of established or emerging Spanish professionals including Tommy Robredo, Nicolas Almagro, Marcel Granollers and Roberto Carballes Baena. This inaugural Ferrero Challenger Open is named after former World No 1 and local resident Juan Carlos Ferrero at whose tennis academy the competition will take place. There are two early days with free entry to the academy at Casas de Menor, 44, 03400, Villena, Alicante tomorrow (Saturday) and Sunday to watch the players practise, then tickets for the competition proper cost €22 each day, although there are discounts for those under 14 and those who belong to a tennis federation. Ten per cent of proceeds will be passed to charity and tickets may be purchased online via the email address torneos@equelite.com or at the academy.

BERNARD TOMIC: Wants to start winning in Alicante.

Javea Green Bowls Club Championship presentation Dinner

FUN IN THE SUN: Some of the cheerful winners enjoying the heat.

El Pago Golf Society THIS week, the society had 43 players in a Team Accumulator. At last summer has arrived and a chilly start preceded a glorious warm day with wall to wall sunshine which pleased the members and the eight guests. The results were as follows: First: The team of Penny Barden, Douglas Emson, Roger Brown and John Bruun with 110 points. Second: The team of Brendan Young, Paul and Fiona Sankey and A Ghost with 109 points. Nearest the pin on hole five was Michel Grin with 2.89m and on hole 16 Malcolm Wise with 3.26m. There were no two’s but the card draw

was won by a very happy Steve Crossan. Balls In The Water was another high figure of 130 and another happy person, Brendan Young completed a good day by winning the card draw. There were four Matchplays as Malcolm Cannon beat Stella Fox 5 and 4, Malcolm Wise beat Bill Pike 4 and 2, Martin Gates beat Peter Brown 2 and 1, Roger Miller beat Dave O'Connor 2 and 1. Next week they have a medal competition for The Memorial Trophy. If any guests wish to play, subject to handicap, contact Penny Barden, pegohandi capsec@gmail.com.

JAVEA GREEN bowlers turned up at the club suited and booted, ready to party and either pick up their awards or congratulate those that did. The evening began with a sumptuous hot and cold buffet but then the serious business began. Firstly, the Markers and Umpires were presented with embossed towels, while the runners-up in the Club Championships were given commemorative engraved glasses. The award winners were also given glasses in addition to the coveted trophies. Winners in each category were: Mixed Rinks Dee Hamilton, Phil Woodhead, Keith Hamilton, Doug Bacon, Mixed Trips Jan Phillips, Velia Wood, Alan Phillips, Drawn Aussie Pairs Lynne Eldon, Alan Phillips. Mixed Pairs Dee Hamilton, Ken Davey Gents Pairs Paul Brown, Alan Phillips. Ladies Pairs Lynne Eldon, Chris Evans. Novice Singles Mike Gilbey. Vets Singles John Pittaway. Mixed Singles Dee Hamilton Ladies Singles, Velia Wood Men’s Singles Derek Eldon. Two final awards were given personally by Mike O’Neil, the competition organiser. The first award was to Dee Hamilton who was the first lady to win the mixed singles

AWARD WINNERS: Dee Hamilton (left) and Alan Phillips.

in 18 years. Mike commented “Dee is an inspiration to the Javea lady bowlers and proof that you can achieve your goals no matter who you are”. His second personal award was to Ken Davey, the Javea Webmaster for his help and encouragement throughout the competition, updating the championship website on a regular basis. A special mention needs to be made for Alan Phillips who had an incredible championship, reaching six finals of which he won three. In the weekend’s action, Javea’s Winter League team travelled to Bonalba and came away with an 8-4 win.