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BUS-LOAD OF ESSENTIALS!

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PUBLISHER James Howard EDITOR-IN-CHIEF Ray Roa DIGITAL EDITOR Colin Wolf FOOD CRITIC Jon Palmer Claridge

CONTRIBUTORS John Allman, Jeffery C. Billman, Angelina Bruno, Paul Catala, Gabe Echazabal, Chris Fasick, Julie Garisto, LJ Hilberath, Erin Hughes, Alexandria Jones, Eliot Mayo, Peter Meinke, Nano Riley, Jennifer Ring, Melissa Santell, Cathy Salustri, Eric Snider, Resie eaWorld in February, animal Waechter, SKrights West

tion ................. 5 ory

aiming the practice of keeping wild stion ................. angerous. But even though public 5

INTERNS Chloe Greenberg, Christopher Cann

SeaWorld animal rights any don’t in seeFebruary, a parallel between the kind PHOTOGRAPHERS claiming the practice of keeping wild nd theNicole practice of Nick displaying Abbett, Cardello,animals Kimberly DeFalco, dangerous. But even though public Dave Phil DeSimone, Todd king for tooDecker, much? Or is it time forFixler, a Brian many don’t seeTracy a parallel between Mahar, May, Marlo Miller,the Jesskind Phillips, animals? Michael M. Sinclair, Kelsey Walker, Chip Weiner,

GAGE SKIDMORE

ory

and the practice of displaying animals asking for too much?James Or is Ostrand it time for a t” animals? SENIOR ACCOUNT EXECUTIVES

Anthony Carbone, Scott Zepeda

Music: Tampa Bay Blues Fest ........................... 40

MARKETING, PROMOTIONS AND

Music Week ................................................... 42 EVENTS DIRECTOR

Alexis Quinn Chamberlain Music: review: Tampa Bay Blues Fest ........................... Concert Artic Monkeys ..........................40 42

His stupid outburst might head off a more consequential stupid decision. Trump, Biden kick off a long, hot, stupid summer, p. 12.

Music ................................................... 42 The ListWeek .......................................................... 46

STREET TEAM

Concert review: Artic Liz Monkeys .......................... 42 Movie reviews 63 Nate..................................................... Lamb, MacLean, Daniel Nolan, Abbey Turner

Movie ........................................................... reviews..................................................... 63 Puzzler 66

Free Will Astrology ......................................... MEDIA GROUP 64 Savage LoveEUCLID ...................................................... 69 CHIEF EXECUTIVE OFFICER Andrew Zelman Puzzler ........................................................... 66

cltv

CHIEF OPERATING OFFICERS Chris Keating, Michael Wagner VP OF DIGITAL SERVICES Stacy Volhein DIGITAL OPERATIONS COORDINATOR Jaime Monzon

Savage Love ...................................................... 69

A&E ................................... 21 MUSIC ............................... 23 ASTROLOGY....................... 26

EDITORIAL POLICY — Creative Loafing Tampa is a weekly newspaper covering public issues, the arts and entertainment. In our pages appear views from across the political and social spectrum. They do not necessarily represent the views of the publisher.

CROSSWORD ..................... 29

Creative Loafing Tampa is published by Tampa Weekly, LLC, 204 E. Henderson Ave. Tampa, FL 33602. The newspaper is available free of charge at locations throughout Tampa Bay and online at cltampa.com. Copyright 2020, Tampa Weekly, LLC.

How was your Date? cltampa.com/movies How was your Date? cltampa.com/movies

SAVAGE LOVE .................... 27

I’m not convinced objective sex measures really matter. Quickie sex advice, p. 27.

Our main number: (813) 739-4800 FAX (813) 739-4801 Classifieds fax (615) 844-9245

ON THE COVER: Design & Illustration by Cory Robinson.

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Ybor Festival of the Ybor Festival of the Moving Image Moving Image A MEMBER OF: cltampa.com/arts cltampa.com/arts Follow us on

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ampa .. tampa

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Paola Otero, Jason Rivera, Shomy Rodriguez, TheWill List .......................................................... Free Astrology .........................................46 64

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editor's note SANDRA DÖHNERT BOURNE

DONE AND DONNELLY: CL talks to Derek Donnelly on p. 21.

Signs of life

Recounting the days as we start to reopen. By Ray Roa

n an interview, CL asked St. Petersburg artist Derek Donnelly (pictured) how the pandemic and this extended period of quarantine has changed him. “Outside of washing my hands too much and not knowing what day it is sometimes, I haven’t changed much during all of this,” he said. In some ways, I wish I could sympathize with that part of his extended sentiments, which you can read on p. 21 along with input from Sebastian Coolidge and Chad Mize. I’ve certainly lost track of what week it is over the last three months (records say it’s the 10th week since CL had its newsroom rocked by the coronavirus fallout, by the way), but I never forget what day of the week it is. Our print deadlines and the minutiae that gets us to those weekly markers keeps me on my toes when it comes to that. And while there’s no shortage of coronavirus data to make your head spin (52,255 cases, including 2,338 deaths; 509 new cases on the Tuesday after Memorial Day; 31.4% of available hospital beds statewide), the state keeps inching closer to being completely open for business. You might not be going to a Live Nation concert any time soon (p. 24), but there are signs that our lives are starting to more closely resemble what they were like in the before time. Breweries with food trucks or restaurants are welcoming people back to their tasting rooms (p. 15), and Kitty Daniels—a mainstay on Tampa Bay’s jazz scene—is back at her regular Donatello gig (p. 23). Both Joe Biden and Trump are even competing to see who can say

the most absurd shit (p. 12). CL has even welcomed two summer interns, Chloe Greenberg and Christopher Cann, who‘ve been virtually working with our Digital Editor, Colin Wolf, for the last two weeks. In our chat, Donnelly also urged everyone to “keep safe, sane and logical as we start the reopening process.” No one, save for #plandemic truthers who refuse to wear masks, can disagree with that. “I am very confident that we will overcome soon,” Donelly added. I can’t wish for that more. It’s been so hard to read and write about all the death. In many ways, it’s been harder to learn about my friends being on food stamps and tough to think that service industry folks are essentially choosing between potentially getting sick and potentially starving (tip ‘em handsomely, p. 16). Still, like it does every week, Tampa Bay finds a way to lift us up. Folks have started to help make our editorial department more self-sustaining by donating to our Press Club (p. 7), people keep making art out of the things they love (p. 9). Cory Robinson, even lent his talents to Anna Bryson’s cover story (p. 11) about what school kids might expect to see come fall (Bryson is a past intern, Robinson is one of our favorite local artists—double win). So, yeah, we can’t seem to shake the despondency of life in the daily news cycle, and the threat coronavirus is to the most vulnerable in our community, but we’re happy to report on these new signs of life—even if there’s a countless number of days until it’s all remotely close to over.

“I am very confident that we will overcome soon.”

6 | MAY 28-JUNE 3, 2020 | cltampa.com

MICHAEL JOHNSON

PRESS CLUB

DEEP IMPACT: Jorge Brea supports CL because of the paper’s ‘impactful and important journalism.’

Constant craving

Here’s why Symphonic Distribution’s co-founder joined the CL Press Club. By Jorge Brea Like many in the community, I crave and depend on an unbiased news source that is levelheaded, free from influence, and innovative in true storytelling. Creative Loafing Tampa Bay is unlike any other outlet in the community and, I dare say, nationwide. It is a pillar and an important showcase of stories and figures from our city that must never, ever be allowed to fade into obscurity. The choice to support Creative Loafing is one that is natural to me considering all that they have done for me not only in helping my business thrive, being congratulatory to mine and others’ efforts, but deep down, for making impactful and important journalism. I, Janette Berrios, and the rest of the Symphonic

Distribution team will do our best to support Creative Loafing, through thick and thin. — Over the next few weeks, Creative Loafing Tampa Bay is sharing testimonials from individuals and businesses who’re joining our Press Club to keep Tampa Bay’s 32-year-old alt-weekly going strong. The newspaper business is rough in the best of times. Right now, CL—like so many of our readers—is fighting for its life. Read more about it on cltampa.com. If you value CL’s voice, vitality and mission, we invite you to make a secure contribution, much in the way you do to your local PBS or NPR outlet. To take that step, visit us online at cltampa.com/supportlocal-journalism. —Ray Roa

“It must never, ever be allowed to fade into obscurity.”

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City lights

Photos by Craig Dragoonis

raig Dragoonis didn’t see a lot of neon lights when he was in Scotland, where he worked as a photographer after college. And since the bar he co-owns, The Bends, has been closed, Dragoonis decided to dust off his camera and shoot vintage neon signs around St. Petersburg. “It was really cool to me that even though many of these businesses were closed, their neon signs were still on and buzzing,” Dragoonis told Creative Loafing Tampa Bay. “I’ll be shooting photos a lot more after this.” Follow @craigdee on Instagram for more. —Ray Roa

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POLITICS

ISSUES

OPINION

Uncertainty Ave.

New school year could bring voluntary attendance, hybrid learning and more.

wo months ago, students across Florida packed up their bookbags and left school on a Friday afternoon, not knowing they wouldn’t be returning on Monday. Commissioner of Education Richard Corcoran announced school closures on that Friday evening in mid-March, after state education officials, earlier that day, discouraged school districts from closing and instead offered instruction to sanitize classrooms. In the following weeks, teachers scrambled to learn how to teach virtually, some with online programs they had never seen before. When students do return in the fall, at a date still uncertain, only one thing is for sure—the experience will be vastly different than it was before the coronavirus pandemic upended life as we know it. The new experience for students could include one-way hallways, staggered start times, and a hybrid model of in-person and online learning. Buses could run half empty to accommodate social distancing requirements and each student could be required a physical examination each day before entering schools. But with education already notoriously underfunded by the state legislature, and bracing for even more cuts, how will school districts afford to enact these new measures? “Our ultimate goal is we want to get students back in classrooms in August if we can,” Steve Cona, Hillsborough County School Board Vice Chair, told Creative Loafing Tampa Bay. “The best way for our kids to learn is to ensure that they’re in the classroom with teachers. As close as we can get to that, that’s what we’re going to strive for.” A Hillsborough County Public Schools spokeswoman told CL the district has not yet finalized its fall reopening plans, and they will reflect guidelines from the CDC and the Department of Health at that time. At a press conference two weeks ago, Hillsborough County schools Superintendent

Addison Davis said the district is prepared for a “blended model,” in which students would learn from home virtually one week, then return to the classroom the next week. Groups of students would alternate weeks, ensuring fewer students congregating on campus at a time. “All the options are on the table and the good news is, through our endeavors into e-learning, we have a lot of possibilities,” Cona said. “We’re going to use whatever plans that make the most sense and can provide the best learning environment.” Pinellas County Schools also have not finalized plans for reopening in the fall, but district leaders are in talks about a hybrid model and staggered start times. Billy Townsend, a Polk County School Board member, told CL that school openings ought to begin with voluntary attendance for students and employees. “It’s unfair to choose between your job and your life,” Townsend said. “I think a hybrid is where we’re going to end up—a voluntary use of schools in careful settings.” Pinellas County School Board member Bill Dudley told CL he hopes students will be able to return to school in the fall as usual, and not participate in the hybrid system many officials have suggested. “There’s something about that personal interpersonal relationship that teachers have with their students,” Dudley said. “The learning curve will suffer.” This might ring true, and schools will have to find ways to mitigate the possible learning loss that occurred during the last months of the spring semester with online learning. In a new report, the NWEA, the organization behind the widely-used Measures of Academic Progress (MAP testing), reported that students may return to school in the fall with less than 50% of typical learning gains in math. Davis touched on this topic during his press conference, saying that virtual learning is not the best way for students to learn, and that

CORY ROBINSON

By Anna Bryson

EDUCATION

BUS-A-MOVE: Even your kids’ ride to school will look different. some students will suffer during the e-learning process. In the midst of the coronavirus pandemic causing students to move to online education, the technology divide has further separated students who have access to technology and those who don’t. Across the United States, about 15% of households with school-aged children live without highspeed internet access, according to a Pew Research Center analysis of 2015 Census Bureau data. The Florida School Boards Association’s recommendations for re-opening Florida’s public schools for the 20202021 school year includes physical classroom and distance options, which would allow “parents to make continued decisions that are best for their family…”

Last week, the CDC released new guidelines that outlined a myriad of measures including mask wearing, daily temperature checks on students and staff, staggered pick-up and dropoff times and having students eat in classrooms to prevent the spread of the novel coronavirus. The FSBA also recommends continuing the suspension of state required assessments for the 2020-2021 school year. “The one thing nobody has missed is the big standardized tests,” Townsend said. “I think this is its death, and a well deserved death. It’s entirely political and we should start over in terms of how we evaluate kids.” “What I think COVID-19 model is going to force us to do is rethink that achievement is what it means to learn.”

“It’s unfair to choose between your job and your life.”

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Our long, hot, stupid summer You thought 2016 was bad? Buckle up, buttercup.

ast week, we discussed “Obamagate,” a QAnon thread that found life in a presidential hydroxychloroquine hallucination. To recap: Barack Obama and Joe Biden engineered a corrupt FBI/deep state conspiracy to ensnare Donald Trump’s campaign in a Russia-collusion hoax, but—because they are very devious—they didn’t employ this scheme to stop Trump from getting elected. (In fact, the conspirators ensured his victory by announcing an investigation into his opponent just before the election.) They then manipulated his national security adviser into lying to FBI agents, then forced the president to obstruct a special counsel investigation during which a bunch of his associates pleaded guilty to all kinds of crimes. The deep state plays the long game, y’all. This would be funny-stupid if it remained the provenance of an addled conspiracy theorist, his cable news propagandists, and an incel chatroom. Instead, the ruling political party, not to mention the politicized Department of Justice, is pretending to take it seriously—or, worse, has drunk the Kool-Aid—which is more scary-stupid. Either way, daispounding congressional hearings into the origins of the Russia investigation and ginnedup prosecutions of the investigators are coming, just in time for the November election. Here, by the way, is what Republicans see as “evidence” of the plot. Just before leaving office, outgoing national security adviser Susan Rice sent herself an email memorializing a brief meeting President Obama’s intelligence team had about Michael Flynn shortly after he promised Russia that Trump would ease sanctions put in place as punishment for election interference. In the email, Rice wrote, Obama said he wanted everything done by the book, which meant the White House should stay out of law enforcement matters. “From a national security perspective, however, President Obama said he wants to be sure that, as we engage with the incoming team, we are mindful to ascertain if there is any reason that we cannot share information fully as it related to Russia.” FBI director James Comey said he had concerns about Flynn but no evidence he was leaking sensitive information. Obama told Comey to advise him if anything changed. The meeting ended. According to Republicans, this email, which the Trump administration declassified, is proof that Obama was spying on Trump. Senator Martha Blackburn: “Susan Rice knew exactly what she was doing. That’s why

she wrote herself emails in a desperate attempt to cover her tracks.” [Pauses, stares at camera.] With Trump down between 8 (Fox News) and 11 (Quinnipiac) points, our long, hot, stupid summer is just beginning. While Senator Lindsey Graham will hold hearings on Obamagate, fellow lickspittle Senator Ron Johnson has taken a renewed interest in Burisma, the Ukrainian energy company that handsomely paid Hunter Biden for a board position, another outrage in search of a scandal. As vice president, Joe Biden leveraged loan guarantees to force Ukraine’s president to fire a prosecutor. Trump’s Burisma theory—pursued by globetrotting super-sleuth Rudy Giuliani— is that he did so because the prosecutor was investigating Hunter and the corrupt Burisma. Except he wasn’t investigating Burisma—or any corruption. That was the problem. Biden was acting in furtherance of U.S., European Union, and International Monetary Fund policy; they believed the prosecutor turned a blind eye to corruption, which impeded economic reform in Ukraine. Trump got impeached after demanding that Ukraine announce an investigation into the Bidens—as well as a crackpot theory about the DNC email server—in exchange for military aid. There’s nothing new now, but Johnson wants to first offer Trump a veneer of vindication, and second, envelop the Bidens in a cloud of vague, ill-defined scandal. Indeed, endless Benghazi hearings, though they uncovered no wrongdoing, damaged Hillary Clinton’s approval ratings. Create enough smoke and people will assume there’s fire somewhere. There’s no reason not to call that play again. Again, this is the tip of the (melting) iceberg. Trump just fired a State Department inspector general for doing his job too well, part of an ongoing purge of anyone who would dare hold him accountable, and Republicans cheered him on. The GOP Senate confirmed—I shit you not—a QAnon-curious Trump loyalist named John Ratcliffe as head of the country’s intelligence apparatus, though he has basically zero background in intelligence. The Supreme Court, meanwhile, appears to be leaning into the unitary presidency, blocking access to documents that Congress needs to conduct oversight. We’re nearing 100,000 COVID-19 deaths in three months—many of which could have been prevented if the president listened to experts and/or didn’t have the attention span of a gluehuffing 12-year-old—and Trump is still hocking

TIA DUFOUR

By Jeffrey C. Billman

INFORMED DISSENT

12 | MAY 28-JUNE 3, 2020 | cltampa.com

SCARY-STUPID: The deep state plays the long game, y’all. hydroxychloroquine even as science tells us it’s much more dangerous than helpful for COVID19 patients. Meanwhile, he won’t wear a mask in public—though they actually save lives— because he wants us to pretend that everything is normal. (Besides, those things are for betas.) Trump’s reelection always hinged on a good economy. With unemployment at Great Depression levels, he needs you to Get Back to Work, pandemic or not. To that end, Mitch McConnell wants to end the federal unemployment benefits Congress passed in March so that you layabouts will stop leaching off Uncle Sam. All over the country, Republicans are ramping up pressure to reopen state economies, consequences be damned. In the likely event of a second wave this fall, Trump says, he won’t shut

anything down no matter what public health experts say. To be sure, Trump doesn’t have a monopoly on stupid. On Friday, Joe Biden told radio host Charlamagne Tha God that if black voters support Trump, “you ain’t black,” which is definitely not something a white boomer should ever say. If there’s an upside, it’s that one stupid outburst might head off a more consequential stupid decision. On Thursday, we learned that Biden was formally vetting Minnesota Senator Amy Klobuchar, a gold standard milquetoast suburban WASP, for vice president. Perhaps needing to make amends with younger African Americans might inspire Gramps to make a slightly less minddulling choice. @jeffreybillman

“To be sure, Trump doesn’t have a monopoly on stupid.”

Shit Happened FRIDAY 22

MONDAY 25

SUNDAY 24

Mike Pence floats Florida as a potential location for the Republican National Convention after his puppetmaster, Trump, starts a beef with North Carolina’s Democratic governor Roy Cooper over his state being “in Shutdown mood.” We can see DeSantis’ hard-on from here.

Tampa Mayor Jane Castor says that because of coronavirus there are no plans for Fourth of July ‘Boom by the Bay’ fireworks. Commenters call the news “un-American,” because nothing screams freedom like unnecessarily putting your constituents in the path of the most devastating contagion of our generation.

Tom Brady’s juicy ass splits his golf pants open on national television, and the country finally unites in making him the butt of Twitter jokes. The new Bucs QB gets in SCREENGRAB/TURNER SPORTS on the action by saying his pants wanted in on “socially distancing.”

Florida passed 51,000 coronavirus cases as many headed to the beaches on Memorial Day, the Florida Department of Health announced 879 new COVID-19 cases from Sunday. There’s a 31.4% of available hospital beds statewide, but your #plandemic friends are still complaining on social media. A Federal judge clears the way for Florida ex-felons to vote, calling ‘poll tax’ unconstitutional. Queue the diehard conservative tears.

Shit happens every day of the week. We’ve got our hands in it all the time via cltampa.com/ news.

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RECIPES

DINING GUIDES

Pour it on

Local breweries are starting to let people on site. By Ray Roa and Christopher Cann

t. Petersburg’s Green Bench Brewing Co. reopened on Friday, May 22, with some new rules and regulations. The changes started with new hours, which were updated on Monday. The tasting room is takeout only from noon-6 p.m. on Tuesday and Wednesday, but the public can kick it Green Bench, located at 1133 Baum Ave N., on Thursday and Sunday (noon-8 p.m.) plus Friday and Saturday (noon-10 p.m.). Green Bench beers will be served from a single file line and inside of a single use plastic cup (single use plastic in St. Pete??). The new main entrance will also be through Green Bench’s beer garden, so that staff can monitor the number of people onsite. “All of this is only possible because of the new order from Pinellas county allowing breweries to open if they maintain CDC recommended operations and have food available on-site,” Nathan Stonecipher, owner of Green Bench, told Creative Loafing Tampa Bay in an email, adding that a food truck will be on site. The Pinellas order went out last Tuesday, but Stonecipher said Green Bench waited until Friday to clean even more and dial in a new operational structure. “Going forward, we’ll assess where we’re at every couple of weeks and change operations as needed, or as required,” Stonecipher added. What’s more is that Green Bench has eliminated all bar seating and most seating indoors. A social media post encourages customers to use the “plentiful seating under the covered patio, beer garden, and outside of Webb’s City both upstairs and downstairs.” “For those of you who will be hitting the Beer Garden, just keep yourselves spread out from other parties,” Green Bench wrote, alluding to the CDC’s recommendation of staying six-feet away from the next closest human. “We will be following all CDC guidelines, our staff will be wearing masks, and sanitizing consistently." As an added perk, all package product is 20% off to take home, and Green Bench’s

online ordering is still going strong. Webb’s City remains closed. And, yes, well-behaved dogs are allowed to come with you. Green Bench joins nearby Cage Brewing, which recently reopened on Tuesday with a food truck on site. Clearwater’s Big Storm Brewing and St. Pete’s 3 Daughters—which both serve food—are already open as well. Jam Dish was slinging Jamaican food at Green Bench over the weekend. Even without the Pinellas brewery order, a caveat in Gov. Ron DeSantis’ latest “Full Phase One” reopening order says that breweries could reopen if they have a restaurant onsite like Coppertail and TBBCo. in Tampa. DeSantis’ original order allowing restaurants to reopen at 25% capacity said bars, pubs and nightclubs that earn more than 50% of gross revenue from the alcohol sales of alcoholic beverages would have to continue to suspend on-site consumption. All social distancing guidelines still stand, and any brewery open must only operate at 50% of its indoor capacity. Parties of more than 10 people are disallowed. And some breweries are even limiting their capacity further. In Tampa, Ybor City’s Coppertail Brewing Co. reopened its taproom doors to the public on Friday, May 22 at 11 a.m. Krystin Olinski, a PR rep for the brewery and restaurant located at 2601 E. 2nd Ave. in Ybor City, told CL that Coppertail is limiting its capacity to 18%, which is just 64 people. Coppertail, like other restaurants in Florida, is allowed to operate at 50% under Gov. Ron DeSantis’ “Full Phase One” reopening orders, but Olinski said ownership feels more comfortable with 18% occupancy. A press release says Coppertail’s other strict reopening guidelines include table service only, with no bar service other than picking up to-go orders, hand sanitizer stations throughout the brewery and regular disinfection of restrooms

FLICKR/CITYOFSTPETE

RESTAURANTS

BREWERIES

PUT ME IN, COACH: Green Bench is one of many breweries back in the in-person pint game. and dining areas. Coppertail guests are also being escorted to a table by a host who'll wear a mask or facial coverings worn (like all brewery staff) while interacting with others. What's more is that credit card only payments are the rule, no cash accepted. Coppertail’s new, updated hours are 11 a.m.-7 p.m. Sun.-Thu. and 11 a.m.-10 p.m. Fri.-Sat. All of this comes as some brewery-restaurants began offering live music to go along with their food and drink. Ybor City’s Zydeco Brew

Werks, located at 1902 E 7th Ave., took advantage of Tampa Mayor Jane Castor’s Lift Up Local plan to shut down streets and went back to booking vintage jazz acts on Friday nights. At Wild Rover Brewing, located at 3921 Lynmar Blvd. in the suburbs, revivalist rock and roll band Stonegrey, played to a limited capacity crowd inside of an air-conditioned performance space where a $5 cover was enacted. All this could change, too, by the time this story hits newsstands, as Gov. Ron DeSantis could make a new order or move further along in his reopening plan any day now.

“We’ll assess where we’re at every couple of weeks and change operations as needed.”

cltampa.com | MAY 28-JUNE 3, 2020 | 15

CARRY-OUT, CURBSIDE & CALL AHEAD LUNCH SNACK PACKS $7 DINNER FOR 2 FOR $52 SMALL TO LARGE PLATTERS 813.649.8422 WEDNESDAY-SUNDAY LUNCH 11AM-3PM DINNER 4PM-10PM 1930 E. 7TH AVE. TAMPA, FL. 33605

HAZARD PAY: Most servers and bartenders have no choice but to go back to work.

Keep it 100

As restaurants and bars reopen, tip like your money is on fire. By Daniel Hill

e all know that at some point soon, Hillsborough and Pinellas county bars will open, joining restaurants that saw their indoor capacities bumped up to 50% this week. There will be restrictions—mask wearing, six-foot rules, new sanitation and reservation standards, more—and those restrictions, while important for helping control the spread of COVID-19, are going to result in less of everything that the bar and restaurant industries are used to. Less business, less customers, less profit and, crucially, less tips. All this is to say: If you’re planning on hitting a bar or restaurant in the coming weeks (seems crazy during an ongoing pandemic, but whatever) you better also be planning to tip like your money is on fire. Many of the servers and bartenders that are going back to work are doing so because they have no choice in the matter—essentially, they are hostages here. The end of lockdown means they’re kicked off of unemployment if their job invites them back and they decline. Fear of catching a lifethreatening disease isn’t considered a good reason to stay out of work, so say the powers that be, so essentially, service people are being forced to choose between potentially getting sick and potentially starving. To add insult to that injury, the amount of money they get in tips will be down dramatically due to those restrictions on occupancy and social distancing measures that will result in less tables per server, less customers per bartender. According to Department of Labor, Florida

requires employers to pay tipped employees a minimum cash wage above the minimum cash wage required under the federal Fair Labor Standards Act ($2.13/hour); in short, at the end of a pay period, employers must make up any shortfall in tips if the tipped employee’s hourly wage, plus tips, doesn’t equal Florida’s current minimum wage, which is $8.56 an hour. So now, not only must they work in potentially life-threatening conditions, they’re going to have to do so for less money. If you’re a decent person, you’ve already been tipping like crazy for the many deliveries brought to you while you’ve stayed safe in your house during the pandemic. And while you should definitely keep that up, you should realize that the servers and bartenders have to deal with the same safety issues that come with working during the coronavirus crisis, but without the uptick in demand delivery drivers have seen—in fact, just the opposite. In other words, tip hard. 100% is a great tip, in this situation. Plus it’s so easy to do the math on it! Take the total on your check and double it, then walk away knowing you did the right thing. If you’re sincere in your stated goal to support the businesses in your local community now that our cities are opening back up, you need to remember that it’s not just the ownership that needs your support to stay afloat—the people serving you your food and drinks do, too. Show them you appreciate their efforts. Dump out your whole wallet. And if you can’t afford to do so, maybe just stay home.

OPINION

“Servers are choosing between potentially getting sick and potentially starving.”

911 Central Ave. | St. Petersburg, FL | 33705

buyaramen.com | 727.202.7010 16 | MAY 28-JUNE 3, 2020 | cltampa.com

CL’s most recently reviewed restaurants

Parlor House Bistro Chef Ryan Steffensmeier’s new French restaurant is a cozy addition to the Dunedin scene. Entrees deliver classic bistro dishes in fine form. The super tender filet mignon has a perfectly-charred crust plus delightful green peppercorn cognac cream sauce with Lyonnaise potatoes and surprisingly full-flavored confit carrots with grill marks 1757 Main St., Dunedin. parlorhousebistro.com

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Counter Culture James Beard-nominated chef Jeannie Pierola has outdone herself with her latest concept, Counter Culture, in Tampa. Our critic gushes over the menu and decor, while marveling at Pierola’s attention to detail. According to JPC, you’re safe ordering anything, but make sure to start with the tuna tartare appetizer, which he says is simply perfection. 2909 W. Bay to Bay no. 100, Tampa. cc-tampa.com

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Olivia Chef Chris Ponte’s latest venture (pictured below) is an upscale Italian trattoria in South Tampa showing the care and thoughtfulness of a chef at the top of his game. An all-star on the menu is the Bucatini, which leads your tastes buds on an tangled adventure filled with smoked guanciale nuggets from tender pork cheeks, and plenty of sharp black pepper for pungency to balance the creamy carbonara sauce. Be prepared for a wait, even with a reservation. 3601 W. Swann Ave., Tampa. oliviatampa.com

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Rox Rooftop Bar The most sweeping panoramic view of Tampa Bay of any watering hole in the region comes with carefully crafted cocktails at this indoor-outdoor bar. Along with the unparalleled views and splendid sips, the food matches the high standard with eats like a citrus grilled achiote shrimp taco topped with shreds of cabbage and pickled kohlrabi, plus some heat from jalapeño, and minced cilantro make for a flavorful combo. You’d need to be a pelican or

osprey to get a better view. Current Hotel, 2545 N. Rocky Point Dr., Tampa. thecurrenthotel.com

HHHH

Old School Bar and Grill Stocked with TVs, giant Jenga and live music, this South Tampa restaurant serves classic bar food. If you’re a corndog fan, go for the six hand-dipped miniwagyu beef corn dogs the size of fat skewered golf balls. The juicy dogs have layered beefy flavor highlighted by corn batter that’s not at all grainy. 2202 W. Kennedy Blvd., Tampa. oldschoolbars.com

HHH½

Barterhouse Ybor City’s new show-stopper has a seasonal menu that focuses on approachable but elevated fare. The Fresh Florida fish (black grouper) wows, constructed of a luscious filet sitting on creamy cauliflower purée topped with shaved crisp Brussels sprouts and bacon surrounded by herb vinaigrette. A perfect quenelle of golden caper pistou with citrus adds a scrumptious grace note. 1811 N. 15th St., Suite A, Ybor City. barterhouseybor.com

HHHH

Psomi The Greek restaurant aims to please from menu offerings to decor. Psomi’s burger is terrific. A short rib-sirloin mix with some Greek spices sits on crisp butter lettuce atop a brioche bun. It’s bathed in piquant kefalograviera cheese béchamel which drips down the sides onto the plate. Don’t leave without sliding by the droolworthy display of stunning Greek pastries. 701 N. Howard Ave., Tampa. eatpsomi.com

HHH½

Jon Palmer Claridge is the Bay area’s longest running food critic and dines anonymously when reviewing. Visit cltampa.com/food to see an explanation of his rating system, his Top 50 Tampa restaurants of 2019 and read his new book, “Drink. More. Wine!”

cltampa.com | MAY 28-JUNE 3, 2020 | 17

18 | MAY 28-JUNE 3, 2020 | cltampa.com

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MOVIES

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Heart on

CULTURE

Three St. Pete artists open up about their quarantine experiences.

wo weeks ago, the Pinellas Arts Community Relief Fund—which was created in March— reopened to accept a second round of applications. It closed again on Sunday at midnight, and Creative Pinellas’ Communications and Brand Relations Manager Sherri Kelly told Creative Loafing Tampa Bay that it could reopen a third time depending on how much support it gets from philanthropists across the Bay area. In its first round, the fund distributed $97,800 in awards to artists and arts businesses impacted by COVID-19. Kelly told CL that Creative Pinellas wasn’t releasing the names of the round one grant winners, but the news made us want to check in with a few Pinellas artists to see how they were getting through— and changing as a result of—the quarantine. Inspired by the photos in Sandra Döhnert Bourne’s “I Miss Us” photo essay, CL reached out to a handful of locals. Chad Mize, Derek Donnelly and Sebastian Coolidge all replied. One of our foremost questions was about how the virus and the fallout surrounding it has changed individuals as an artist and human. Coolidge—who’s been painting surreal murals around St. Petersburg throughout the city’s cultural renaissance—put the changes he’s enacted bluntly. “I don’t share my joints anymore,” Coolidge, who did not apply for any grants or unemployment, told CL in an email. Together with close to 100 artists, including Shine Mural Festival favorite Greg Mike, Coolidge auctioned off pieces via Zoom, which is helpful since he basically lost every job he had due to the public nature of his work. The 31-year-old shifted gears to studio work and has been fortunate to find the support of collectors, for which he’s eternally grateful. Donnelly—a muralist, fine artist, graphic designer and creative consultant—quickly tapped his small arts nonprofit, Public Art Project, to distribute $4,500 in funds through a “Paint It Forward” relief initiative. An auction livestreamed from his Donnelly Cove studio gallery raised almost $2,000 on top of that. Donelly told CL that he received one of the $500 relief grants co-organized by Creative Pinellas—and it helped since he immediately lost six jobs in a

matter of 24 hours when the pandemic started putting the kibosh on life as we know it. But he, too, was lifted up by the community. “This was obviously very alarming, so I did what I could and tried to keep spirits high,” Donnelly, 37, told CL. “Within the next week, many people and businesses reached out to me directly to support by ordering commissioned pieces and to inquire about future mural work.” Outside of washing his hands too much and not knowing what day it is sometimes, Donelly said he hasn’t changed much during the pandemic. Chad Mize, who runs the Mize Gallery (stylized “MIZE”) at 689 Dr. MLK Jr. St. N., started spending more time in his sketchbook when the pandemic hit. “It feels like the old days to me,” Mize, who got $1,000 for gallery expenses from the Pinellas Arts Community Relief Fund, told CL. “Slower. More relaxed.” Mize, who turns 46 in July, is thankful for the arts relief, and he worries about other businesses. He’s been fortunate during the pandemic, too. At the time of our exchange, Mize had completed four murals since March. He was able to pass some of the success on by hosting virtual art shows where work sold. Like Coolidge, Mize is grateful for collectors’ support; his gallery has three exhibitions scheduled through July, and he plans to keep hanging the art then showing it online “until we can all meet again.” And until that moment, Mize, Donelly and Coolidge are looking at the silver lining. For Mize, who admits to being troubled by all the plastic we use for takeout now, part of the plus-side is fewer cars on the road. He hopes people have learned not to overconsume and support locals more than ever. “Change is good sometimes. This has impacted the entire world and we must remember how lucky we are to live with more than most have,” Mize added. “To have technology at our fingertips allows us to communicate and still work and inspire each other. Let’s respect each other more and keep our distance.” Donnelly has been floored by the way many in the community have turned chaos and uncertainty into a wave of help for those who needed

SANDRA DÖHNERT BOURNE

By Ray Roa

LOCAL ART

SEABASS SAYS: Sebastian Coolidge’s pandemic period has been full of change. it most. As the weeks went on, he saw the community’s appreciation for art grow stronger; it made him love St. Petersburg even more. “I believe this situation has made most people a little more compassionate and aware of their surroundings,” Donnelly added. “I am very confident that we will overcome soon and urge everyone to keep safe, sane and logical as we start the reopening process.” Coolidge wants to see folks more inspired by the little and overlooked wonders of the world. He hopes the time alone at home has changed our once narrow perspectives into broader ones with more room for belief in one’s self. Watching the world come to a standstill allowed him to shift priorities, reconnect with dreams forgotten and remember what really happens.

“The power is in every single one of us to change a landscape. The momentum will return and when it does, I hope you’re doing what you want to do—right now may be the only chance you get to shift life the way you always dreamed,” Coolidge said. “Don’t not take advantage of that.” Coolidge has taken his own advice, too. At the time of our exchange, he was going through big, personal changes that forced him to further examine his life and choices he’s made. “I hope everyone just becomes a little more aware of the impact they have/could have and takes a positive spin on it if they weren’t before,” he added. And the big thing Coolidge figured out during the pandemic? “I had to learn to love myself again.”

“I don’t share my joints anymore.”

cltampa.com | MAY 28-JUNE 3, 2020 | 21

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22 | MAY 28-JUNE 3, 2020 | cltampa.com

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Here comes Kitty

The pandemic’s financial hit hurt one Tampa jazz icon ‘quite a bit.’

n Monday, May 4, Kitty Daniels went back to work. She resumed her three-nights-a-week gig at Donatello restaurant in Tampa—just herself at the piano, singing and playing old standards, jazz tunes and some more recentvintage pop songs. She performed from 6:30-10 p.m., with one break. We spoke by phone the next morning, and, although she was a little tired, there was an air of elation in her voice. “Oh it was fine, just terrific,” she effused about the previous night’s performance. “Everybody had a good time. They were dressed to get out of the house. Most everybody stayed six feet away from me. I had to ask one lady to move further back. As a matter of fact, she gave me a tip. I do feel like one of the most vulnerable people, so I was very concerned about that.” Daniels is right about her risk factor. She’s 85 years of age. Until her gigs shut down due to the coronavirus pandemic, she was working five shows a week—at Donatello and Benedetto’s— with Fridays and Saturdays off. On certain nights, she was joined by Majid Shabazz, her life and musical partner of more than 40 years. Not long into isolation, “I got bored and wanted to play,” she said, so the singer/pianist started performing via Facebook Live on Mondays, Tuesdays and Thursdays to correspond with her Donatello nights. It was a simple setup—just a cell phone camera and room lighting—that her grandson arranged. A tip jar generated a few dollars. Still, Daniels said the shutdown had harmed her financial condition “quite a bit, quite a bit.” Not long after the pandemic hit, her sonin-law lost his job in California. Without much warning, a family of four showed up at Daniels’ door—her daughter and son-in-law, and their son, 21, and daughter, 18, who has full-blown sickle cell anemia and spends about half her time in the hospital. (Daniels declined to provide their names.) Suddenly, Daniels and Shabazz had a houseful. “You wouldn’t believe it; there’s so much junk in this house it ain’t funny,” Daniels said, a tinge of resentment in her voice. She and her daughter tend to clash, she said, which has created further stress in the cramped home that’s only

eight blocks from where she grew up. “My daughter is the youngest child of mine and expects that I owe her something, if she’s 50 or gets to be 95.” Daniels said, adding that she’s the sole earner in the house but, “people forget that I’m not making any money.” A couple of times, Ms. Daniels found her back account in the red and had to “make some phone calls in a hurry” to head off overdraft fees. The singer said she receives a monthly Social Security check that’s “a little bit of one, mostly ‘cause of the kind of work I do.” Still, she’s taking it as it comes. “I’m leaving it in God’s hands,” she said. “You know somebody else’s hands I can put it in?” Kitty Daniels doesn’t know how many songs she knows. That’s mostly because there are too many to count up. A large part of her repertoire comes from the Great American Songbook—stuff like “I’m in the Mood For Love,” “Have You Met Miss Jones?” and “All of Me”—but she can knock out some Billy Joel, Beatles, what have you. She’s committed most of the songs to memory. “Sometimes I find I know a song that I didn’t even know that I knew,” Daniels explained. “Someone will ask for it and I’ll just play it all the way through. I’ve always been able to listen and learn a song at the same time. I feel like I know 90% of the songs people request.” That, friends, describes a human jukebox with a superhuman ear—as long as you don’t ask her for Beyonce or Bruno Mars. Bob Seymour, the former music director and DJ for WUSF’s “All Night Jazz” program, and one of leading figures on the Tampa Bay jazz scene, has known Daniels and Shabazz a long time. He’s a big fan and supporter. “I think Kitty is cut from whole cloth; she mostly has figured [the music] out for herself,” he said in early May. “She has this rhapsodic [piano] style of accompanying herself. And I’ve never seen anybody take more requests.” Known as Kitty from birth, Dorothy Daniels grew up in a rooming house in Ybor City that her parents ran. As a toddler, she practiced on the piano owned by one of the tenants, according to a 15-minute documentary, “Kitty Daniels with Majid Shabazz: Jazz Legends,” whose release

LOCAL MUSIC

KEITH DANIELS

By Eric Snider

CAT’S MEOW: Kitty Daniels (R) and Majid Shabazz.

was put on hold due to the pandemic. When the roomer moved out, Kitty’s mother scraped up the money to buy it. The child prodigy started taking lessons at age six and learned to read music in high school. Daniels’ landed her first musical job in her early 20s as a pianist for a singer named Bebop Jackson. His quintet played in a remote bar out near Plant City, Daniels recalled. She joined Doc’s Skyliners, a hugely popular regional band that played the Palladium Ballroom in Tampa on Saturday nights, as well as in nightclubs and fraternity houses in Florida and Georgia. “They fired me,” Daniels said. “I used to love this dog named Rinaker, and if he was runnin’ at [Derby Lane] I was gonna be there. I knew the band had a guy who could play the first two songs, but they fired me anyway for bein’ late. “So I decided to play on my own. I was the only girl in the band. When we’d take a break, I wouldn’t go to the break room ‘cause all the men talked about was women. I didn’t want no part of that. I used to stay out front and play the piano during breaks. There was a club owner who always told me if I wanted to play on my own to let him know. I called that man right then.” Almost immediately, she landed a residency at the Silver Lake Golf & Country Club in northern Pinellas County. “I got a call from the [Skyliners bandleader],” Daniels said. “He said. ‘Doc said you can come back to work.’ I said, ‘I’m already workin’.’ I’ve

been mostly playin’ solo or with Majid ever since.” During her younger days, Daniels received several offers to join touring bands, including one from R&B star Jackie Wilson. She passed on all of them. “I didn’t like to fly,” she said in the documentary. “I wanted to stay home with the children, and my boss didn’t want me to leave where I was playing.” As a result, Daniel’s career has remained close to home. She started entertaining diners and bar patrons at Donatello’s in 1999, and it has been a fruitful partnership for both parties. Her reputation on the local scene came relatively late, but recently the accolades have been rolling in. Mayor Bob Buckhorn proclaimed August 27, 2018 Kitty Daniels Day in Tampa. In January, Daniels and Shabazz were given the first annual Palladium Jazz Award during a ceremony at the St. Pete venue. Daniels has not resumed performing at Benedetto’s, but the Donatello’s job looks solid for the time being. When I asked her how long she planned to continue performing, her answer was succinct: “As long as I plan to keep breathin’?” Daniels was interviewed May 5. This story is part of a series about how musicians are coping with life during the COVID-19 pandemic— from a creative, financial and emotional standpoint. The subjects are those who make their living as full-time musicians, not as a sideline. If you fit into this category and would like to share your story, email: eric.r.snider@gmail.com

“I’m leaving it in God’s hands.”

cltampa.com | MAY 28-JUNE 3, 2020 | 23

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RHYTHM-LESS NATION: Janet Jackson’s show is one of many affected by coronavirus concerts.

Press pause

Live Nation is canceling, rescheduling and postponing local concerts left and right. By Ray Roa

t’s been a solid two months since Live Nation paused all concerts as the coronavirus started putting a halt on life as we know it, and this week’s been a huge bummer for the concert promotions giant’s Tampa Bay concert calendar. As of last week, the list of shows at Live Nation-controlled MidFlorida Credit Union Amphitheatre has 11 canceled concerts plus five postponed and three rescheduled. • At Amalie Arena and Yuengling Center— venues operated by Vinik Sports Group—just two events are canceled, seven are postponed and four rescheduled. • The Ritz Ybor has just one canceled show, six postponed and three rescheduled. • At Jannus Live in St. Petersburg, two shows are rescheduled while four are postponed. The latest schedule changes (visit cltampa. com/music to see links to the lists) come in the same week that Billboard reported furloughs of approximately 2,100 of 10,500 Live Nation employees across multiple divisions.The company is also stockpiling debt by raising $1.2 billion in a note sale that gives Live Nation about $3 billion to weather a ravaged summer calendar. I personally wouldn’t be surprised to see

some of the postponed shows outright canceled, in phases, so that Live Nation doesn’t have to refund a gigantic wave of ticket money in one load. Have a look at the company’s refund policy below, and then get caught up on it’s latest streaming offers via livenation.com. • For rescheduled shows, tickets will automatically be valid for the new date, unless the ticket holder opts for a refund within 30 days of the new show date being announced. If 60 days have passed since a show was postponed and no rescheduled dates have been announced, the 30-day window for refunds will open at that time. • For cancelled shows, ticket holders will automatically receive a refund within 30 days of the event being cancelled. • For cancelled shows at Live Nation venues, ticket holders will also have the option to receive their refund as a 150% credit to use towards buying future tickets. So if they spent $200 on tickets, they will receive $300 in credit. When they choose this option, Live Nation will donate tickets to healthcare workers to share the gift of live with those working on the front line through our Hero Nation program. We will donate one ticket for every ticket originally purchased.

CONCERTS

24 | MAY 28-JUNE 3, 2020 | cltampa.com

Where the vinyl is: a list of Bay area record stores

It’s no secret that locally-owned and operated businesses are taking a hit from coronavirus closures and curfews. Some Tampa Bay record stores have adapted by offering curbside pickup, free shipping and private shopping during the COVID-19 pandemic. Stock up on some quarantine vinyl, and spend that money you were saving for the now postponed Record Store Day 2020. Just make sure to call ahead of time to see what’s up at the shop. —Kyla Fields ArtPool Records (2030 Central Ave., St. Petersburg) 727-433-5195, artpoolrules. com

Daddy Kool Records (2430 Terminal Dr. S., Side B, St. Petersburg) 727-822-5665, daddykool.com

Kingfish Records (Main Store) (26024-B US Highway 19 N., Clearwater) 727-351-5177, kingfishrecords.com

Sound Exchange Tampa (14246 N. Nebraska Ave., Tampa) 813-978-9316, soundexchangetampabay.com

Asylum Sights and Sounds (6566 Central Ave., St. Petersburg) 727-384-1221

Disc Exchange (6712 Central Ave., St. Petersburg) 727-343-5845, thediscexchange. com

Kingfish Records (Flea Market) (180 Race Track Rd., Tampa) 727-455-9923, kingfishrecords.com

Sound Exchange Pinellas Park (66th Street N and 86th Avenue N., Pinellas Park) 727-545-0042, soundexchangetampabay.com

Dunedin Records & Audio (757 Main St., Dunedin) 727-423-4108, dunedinrecords.com

Microgroove (906 N. Florida Ave., Tampa) 813-667-7089, microgroovetampa.co

St. Pete Records (6648 Central Ave., St. Petersburg) 727-490-8861, stpeterecords.com

Mojo Books & Records (2540 E. Fowler Ave., Tampa) 813-971-9717, mojotampa.com

Steelworker Records (708 W. Dr. Martin Luther King Jr. Blvd., Tampa) 813-666-4933, steelworkerrecords.com

Bananas Records (2887 22nd Ave N., St. Petersburg) 727-327-4616 ext. 1, bananasrecords.com

Bananas Records Warehouse (2226 16th Dustin’s Vinyl Shop (180 Race Track Rd., Ave. N., St. Petersburg) 727 327-4616 ext. 2, Booth F25 W, Oldsmar) 727-678-6829, bananasrecords.com facebook.com/pg/dustinsvinylshop Blue Moon Antiques, Books & Music Green Shift Music & Comics (5713 N. (1413 Cleveland St., Clearwater) 727-443-7444 Nebraska Ave., Tampa) 813-238-4177, greenshiftmusicandcomics.com The Clearwater Record Shop (1610 N. Hercules Ave., Clearwater) 727-755-1201, Hello Darlin’ Records (Roving VW Camper) clearwaterrecordshow.com 727-479-6783, hellodarlinrecords.com

Patrick’s Book and Record Store (15215 US Hwy.19 C, Hudson) 727-868-3168, patricksbooksandre.wixsite.com/patricks Planet Retro Records (226 Dr. Martin Luther King Jr. St. N., St. Petersburg) 727-2187434, planetretrorecords.com

Unique Music & Collectables (123 Main St., Dunedin) 727-240-0757 Vintage Vinyl (38874 U.S. 19 N., Tarpon Springs) 727-940-8301, vintagevinyl.biz

cltampa.com | MAY 28-JUNE 3, 2020 | 25

Gemini The twins.

GEMINI (May 21-June 20): “The very least you can do in your life is to figure out what you hope for,” writes author Barbara Kingsolver. “And the most you can do is live inside that hope. Not admire it from a distance but live right in it, under its roof.” According to my analysis of the astrological omens, that is exactly the work you should be doing right now, Gemini. Everything good that can and should happen for you in the coming months depends on you defining what you hope for, and then doing whatever’s necessary to live inside that hope. CANCER (June 21-July 22): The periodic arrivals of “natural disruption” in our everyday routines has a divine purpose, writes Yoruba priest Awó Falokun Fatunmbi. It is “to shake consciousness loose from complacency and rigid thinking.” To be vital, he says, our perception of truth must be constantly evolving, and never stagnant. “Truth is a way of looking at self and World,” Fatunmbi declares. “It is a state of being rather than an act of knowing.” Many Westerners find this hard to understand because they regard truth as a “fixed set of rules or dogma,” or as a body of “objective facts.” But here’s the good news: Right now, you Cancerians are especially receptive to Fatunmbi’s alternative understanding of truth—and likely to thrive by adopting it. LEO (July 23-Aug. 22): Novelist and war correspondent Martha Gellhorn departed this life in 1998, but she articulated a message that’s important for you to hear right now. She wrote, “People often say, with pride, ‘I’m not interested in politics.’ They might as well say, ‘I’m not interested in my standard of living, my health, my job, my rights, my freedoms, my future or any future.’” Gelhorn added, “If we mean to keep control over our world and lives, we must be interested in politics.” In my opinion, her advice is always applicable to all of us, but it’s especially crucial for you to meditate on right now. You’ll be wise to upgrade your interest and involvement in the big cultural and political developments that are impacting your personal destiny. VIRGO (Aug. 23-Sept. 22): According to author and teacher Marianne Williamson, “Ego says, ‘Once everything falls into place, I’ll feel peace.’ Spirit says, ‘Find your peace, and then everything will fall into place.’” I think the coming weeks will be a favorable time for you to take Williamson’s advice seriously, Virgo. How? By giving control of your life to Spirit as you find your peace. In saying this, I’m not implying that

26 | MAY 28-JUNE 3, 2020 | cltampa.com

Ego is bad or wrong. In fact, I think Ego is a crucial asset for you, and I’m hoping that in recent months you have been lifting your Ego to a higher, finer state of confidence and competence than ever before. But right now I think you should authorize Spirit to run the show for a while. If you do, it will bless you with

his life’s work and was nominated 12 times for a Nobel Prize. Although your own version of a great silence is less extreme than his, I’m happy to announce that you will emerge from it sooner than you imagine.

S A G I T TA R I U S (Nov. 22-Dec. 21): I’m sad that my two favorite 19th-century poets were unfamiliar with each other’s poetry. Walt Whitman was 11 years older than Emily Dickinson, but didn’t know her work. Dickinson had heard of Whitman, but didn’t read his stuff. Their styles were indeed very different: hers intimate, elliptical, psychologically acute; his expansive, gregarious, earthy. But they were alike in being the most innovative American poets of their time, and equally transgressive in their disregard for standard poetic forms. If there were such a thing as time travel, I’d send one of you Sagittarians back to set up a meeting between them. Acts of innovative blending and creative unifying will be your specialties in the comi n g

good surprises. LIBRA (Sept. 23-Oct. 22): “Snatching the eternal out of the desperately fleeting is the great magic trick of human existence.” Playwright T e n n e s s e e Williams said that, and now I’m conveying his insight to you—just in time for you to dramatically embody it. According to my astrological analysis, you now have more power than usual to accomplish this magic trick: to create something permanent in the midst of the transitory; to make an indelible mark

on a process that has previously been characterized by restless permutations; to initiate a bold move that you will forever remember and be remembered for.

weeks.

CAPRICORN (Dec. 22-Jan. 19): The fictional character Sherlock Holmes (born January 6, and thus a Capricorn) is a brilliant logician and acute SCORPIO (Oct. 23-Nov. 21): In the course of his 73 observer who has astonishing crime-solving years on the planet, skills. On the other hand, Scorpio author Paul according to his friend Dr. Valéry (1871–1945) Watson, he “knows next to wrote more than 20 nothing” about “contempobooks. But between rary literature, philosophy, By Rob Brezsny the ages of 25 and 45, and politics.” So he’s not a he passed through a phase he called the “great well-rounded person. He’s smart in some ways, silence.” During that time, he quit writing and dumb in others. Most of us fit that description. published nothing. Afterwards, he returned to We are both brilliant and ignorant; talented

FREE WILL ASTROLOGY

and inept; interesting and boring. According to my analysis of the astrological omens, the coming weeks will be an excellent time for you to hone and cultivate the less mature aspects of your own nature. I bet you’ll reap rich rewards by doing so. AQUARIUS (Jan. 20-Feb. 18): “People become like what they love,” observed theologian St. Catherine of Siena. That’ll be an interesting truth for you to meditate on in the coming weeks. I suspect you will attract experiences that are clear reflections of the kind of love you have cultivated and expressed for quite some time. You’ll be blessed in ways similar to the ways you have blessed. You’ll be challenged to face questions about love that you have not been dealing with. And here’s a promise for the future: You’ll have the opportunity to refine and deepen your approach to love so as to transform yourself into more of the person you’d like to become. PISCES (Feb. 19-March 20): “Humanity is a mystery,” wrote author Fyodor Dostoevsky. “The mystery needs to be unraveled, and if you spend your whole life unraveling it, you haven’t wasted your time. I am studying that mystery because I want to be a complete human being.” I love this tender perspective on the preciousness of the Great Riddle we’re all immersed in. It’s especially useful and apropos for you to adopt right now, Pisces, because you are undergoing an unusually deep and intense communion with the mystery. As you marinate, you shouldn’t measure your success and good fortune by how much new understanding you have attained, but rather by how much reverence and gratitude you feel and how stirring your questions are. ARIES (March 21-April 19): “Excellence does not require perfection,” wrote Aries author Henry James. Now I’m conveying this brilliant counsel to you—just in time for the season when it will make good sense to strive for shining excellence without getting bogged down in a debilitating quest for perfection. Have fun re-committing yourself to doing the best you can, Aries, even as you refuse to be tempted by the unprofitable lure of absolute purity and juvenile forms of idealism. TAURUS (April 20-May 20): To generate an ounce of pure cocaine, you must collect 52 pounds of raw coca leaf and work hard to transform it. But please don’t do that. Fate won’t be on your side if you do. However, I will suggest that you consider undertaking a metaphorically comparable process—by gathering a sizable amount of raw material or basic stuff that will be necessary to produce the small treasure or precious resource that you require.

Quickies By Dan Savage

I don’t want to become one of those people who write to you complaining about how I married someone I wasn’t sexually compatible with 10 years ago and now my sex life still sucks. I already know I need to break up with my boyfriend, and I was about to do it when he got sick with the flu. This was at the beginning of March. I assumed he’d be sick for a week and then we would have an unpleasant conversation. But then the entire country shut down and my boyfriend was officially diagnosed with COVID-19. So I haven’t seen him since the last weekend in February— Monday was Memorial Day, Dan, in case you’ve lost all concept of time—and I’ve been playing the role of the supportive and worried girlfriend from afar. But it’s been hard. Both my parents are in high-risk groups and my mental health has been battered. My boyfriend is finally getting better and I don’t know what to do when I finally have to see him again. I’m not breaking up with him because he’s a bad person, and I don’t want to hurt him, but that’s exactly what’s going to happen. I feel guilty because I’m choosing my happiness over his. I know I shouldn’t, Dan, but I do. —Feeling Resentful About Uncoupling Dilemma Pandemic or no pandemic, FRAUD, you can’t stay with someone forever—you can’t be miserable for the rest of your life—to spare that person the routine and surmountable pain of getting dumped. Not breaking up with your boyfriend while he was fighting COVID-19 was the right thing to do, of course, and I don’t for a minute question the sincerity of your concern for him. (You want to see the relationship end, FRAUD, not him.) But don’t wait until you see him again to break up with him. It’ll suck for him, of course, but the world is full of people who got dumped and got over it. And the sooner he gets over you, the sooner he’ll meet someone else. For all you know he’s been chatting over his backyard fence—at a safe distance—with a neighbor he would be interested in dating if he were single.

VIII’s most powerful minister—the guy who arranged for the beheading of Anne Boleyn— while listening to whatever classical music my husband puts on. But just so you don’t think it’s all award-winning fiction and high art where we’re quarantining, we’ve also been watching “90 Day Fiancé,” which is a complete (and completely engrossing) shit show, and “The Simple Life” with Paris Hilton and Nicole Richie, which I missed when it first ran. So obviously I would suggest fiction, music, and crap television—and anal, of course. My problem is that I am seriously worried about missing out on life. I’m a man. I find men attractive but I have no idea how to get to know one. For the first time last summer I met someone and we were sexual with each other. He was a hockey player. But he is gone now. And when I try to be friendly with other men, I get called out for flirting. I am gay and don’t know how much hurt I can take. —Making All These Connections Hard

SAVAGE LOVE

For the past few months my GF and I have been quarantined together. Except for the time we’ve spent working, we’re constantly in each other’s company and doing things together. It’s been great so far. It’s good to know that we won’t get tired of each other or feel smothered. The main problem is finding something to watch or something to do. Any suggestions? —Quarantined Until

More than 80% of gay relationships got their start online before the pandemic began, MATCH, and that number is surely higher now. So if you got on gay dating/hookup apps instead of flirting with random men, you would be talking to a self-selected group of men who are inviting other men to flirt with them. You’ll still face rejection, of course, and you’ll still get hurt. To live is to suffer, as some philosopher or other once said, but the suffering is easier to bear if you’re getting your dick sucked once in a while.

I’ve been reading “The Mirror and the Light,” the final installment of Hilary Mantel’s epic account of the inner life of Thomas Cromwell, Henry

I’m 34, nonbinary but presenting female. Due to a series of personal tragedies (death, deportation, illness—it was not a Top 10 year), I’m

sheltering with my parents. Long story short, I’m 100% financially dependent on my parents right now. The upside is, I’ve had a lot of time to become comfortable with the fact that I really, really want to mess around with cross-dressing. I would love to get a binder and a masc get up and haircut and just see how that feels. My parents will want to know “what this means” and they won’t take “fuck if I know” for an answer. It will be a long time (maybe years) before I’m either eligible for disability or ready to work again, and I just can’t wait that long. So much of my life has already passed me by and I’m tired of waiting for a “right time.” But binders and clothes and haircuts cost money. Keeping masc stuff around the house means people will eventually see it. Again, they’d probably be supportive, but I just want to keep this private. Is there a way to do it? —Hoping For A Third Option Other than winning the lottery and moving out on your own tomorrow, HFATO, there’s no third option here. You’re going to have to pick your poison: risk having an awkward conversation with parents who are likely to be supportive or continue to wait—possibly for years—before you start exploring your gender presentation. The choice seems obvious to me. Got in an argument recently about pegging and its original definition: “a women fucking a man in the ass with strap-on dildo.” I feel it’s moved beyond that and now means anyone wearing a strap-on fucking anyone else in the ass. My friends insisted that only a man can be pegged, and only by a woman. As the originator of the term, Dan, we turn to you: Can a woman peg another woman? —A New Ass Licker I will allow it.

Are some people just bad at sex? My partner has been overwhelmed with work and our sex life suffered a major decline. He’s working with a psychotherapist who told him some people are just not good at sex and he should just accept that he’s one of those people. It broke my heart to know someone said that to my partner. Am I overreacting? Is there some way to take this as anything but wrong? Or is this therapist a clown? —Completely Undermining Negative Therapy There are people out there who are “bad at sex” by objective measures. There has to be. But “good sex” is so subjective that I’m not convinced objective measures really matter. For example, I got a letter yesterday from someone complaining their partner is “bad at sex” because they just lie there, silent and inert, while the letter writer “does all the work.” But if the person who just lies there was partnered with a necrophiliac, well, that “silent and inert” stuff would make them great at sex, not bad at sex, at least by a necrophiliac’s standards. As for your boyfriend, CUNT, you’re in a better position to judge whether he’s good at sex—by your subjective standards—than his shrink. Presumably. And if you enjoyed the sex you were having before your partner was overwhelmed with work, then he’s good at sex—he’s good sex by your standards—and here’s hoping you get back to having lots of good sex together soon. Join us for the Savage Lovecast Livestream! June 4, 7 p.m. PDT. Send your questions to livestream@ savagelovecast.com and I might answer yours on the show. Tickets are at SavageLovecast. com/events Contact mail@savagelove.net and follow @fakedansavage on Twitter. Bookmark savagelovecast.com.

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DOWN Car safety feature Jack Horner’s last words Film starring Harrison Ford, not Bonnie Blair Change at a geisha house? A New Life star Big-city bugs Strokes of luck Most judicious Ignore ___ cheese “Dear” ones Like Rachel Carson’s Spring “Literature ... half a trade, half ___” (Inge) Bonny girl From ___ Z Film starring Charlton Heston, not Steve Martin Reveled Ring warmup Some pops: abbr. Elevations: abbr. Condor's claw Kind of hold Like dorms, today Regrets Baking glove Price recording Film starring George C. Scott, not Baby LeRoy Croupier’s tool Film starring John Wayne, not Lee Strasberg Like negligees

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