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PUBLISHER James Howard EDITOR-IN-CHIEF Ray Roa DIGITAL EDITOR Colin Wolf FOOD CRITIC Jon Palmer Claridge
ory
CONTRIBUTORS John Allman, Jeffery C. Billman, Angelina Bruno, Paul Catala, Gabe Echazabal, Chris Fasick, Julie Garisto, LJ Hilberath, Erin Hughes, Alexandria Jones, Eliot Mayo, Peter Meinke, Nano Riley, Jennifer Ring, Melissa Santell, Cathy Salustri, Eric Snider, Resie eaWorld in February, animal Waechter, SKrights West
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tion ................. 5 ory
aiming the practice of keeping wild stion ................. dangerous. But even though public 5
INTERNS Chloe Greenberg, Christopher Cann
SeaWorld animal rights any don’t in seeFebruary, a parallel between the kind PHOTOGRAPHERS claiming the practice of keeping wild and theNicole practice of Nick displaying Abbett, Cardello,animals Kimberly DeFalco, dangerous. But even though public Dave Phil DeSimone, Todd king for tooDecker, much? Or is it time forFixler, a Brian many don’t seeTracy a parallel between Mahar, May, Marlo Miller,the Jesskind Phillips, animals? Michael M. Sinclair, Kelsey Walker, Chip Weiner,
k and the practice of displaying animals asking for too much?James Or is Ostrand it time for a t” animals? SENIOR ACCOUNT EXECUTIVES
Anthony Carbone, Scott Zepeda
Music: Tampa Bay Blues Fest........................... 40
MARKETING, PROMOTIONS AND
Music Week ................................................... 42 EVENTS DIRECTOR
Food delivery apps are a double-edged sword.
Alexis Quinn Chamberlain Music: review: Tampa Bay Blues Fest........................... Concert Artic Monkeys ..........................40 42
There’s one business keeping more of the money local, p. 17.
Music Week ................................................... 42 The List.......................................................... 46
STREET TEAM
Concert review: Artic Liz Monkeys .......................... 42 Movie reviews..................................................... 63 Nate Lamb, MacLean, Daniel Nolan, Paola Otero, Jason Rivera, Shomy Rodriguez, TheWill List.......................................................... Free Astrology.........................................46 64 Abbey Turner
Movie ........................................................... reviews..................................................... 63 Puzzler 66
CHIEF OPERATING OFFICERS Savage Love ...................................................... 69 Chris Keating, Michael Wagner VP OF DIGITAL SERVICES Stacy Volhein DIGITAL OPERATIONS COORDINATOR Jaime Monzon
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EDITOR’S NOTE
Join CL’s Press Club, and help keep Tampa Bay’s alt-weekly going strong. By Ray Roa
I
t’s been two months since Creative Loafing Tampa Bay said goodbye to 60% of its staff, and walked into a new normal that threatened the lives of our neighbors, plus the livelihoods of our readers and advertisers. Since then, two editorial staffers, a pair of interns and a small group of contributors have kept our website humming with the latest about the coronavirus and how it affects Tampa Bay. With the help of two designers at sibling papers in San Antonio and Orlando, CL hasn’t missed a single print issue; for the first six weeks, our book was 40 pages (the last three issues were cut to 32 to save costs). Each one featured coverage of overlooked arts, the food scene and politics— plus irreverent, honest takes that you’re just not going to get anywhere else in Tampa Bay. Our three remaining marketing staffers have even done everything they can to support remaining advertisers and the ones who’ve been crippled by the coronavirus fallout. There’s nothing else anyone on this staff would rather do than continue to serve the community we love to live in. Every single paper we put on stands, and each visit to cltampa.com, has come at no cost to readers. CL doesn’t even ask for a login to read content. But things have changed—and our business model has to pivot, too. Don’t worry: Creative Loafing, online and in print, will always be free. There are too many vulnerable people in this community for us to put up any kind of paywall. Everyone, no matter their income or social status, deserves independent journalism, timely information (and yes, they should have our snark, too). CL readers won’t ever have to jump through hoops to get any of that. I’m just going to flat out say it: Creative Loafing needs your help. If advertising and events don’t come back in a significant way within the next few months, then I don’t know that we have a paper to put out a year from now. The newspaper business is rough in the best of times. Right now, CL—like so many of our readers—is fighting for its life. If you value CL’s voice, vitality and mission, we invite you to make a secure contribution, much in the way you do to your local PBS or NPR outlet. To take that step, visit us online at
cltampa.com/support-local-journalism. I always thought some angry billionaire, politician would be the one to wipe us out, but it turns out that a pandemic that’s killing the economy and taken almost 300,000 lives across the globe is a formidable foe (and sorry, it’s not a hoax). We want to keep writing about the artists, chefs, musicians and movers and shakers that don’t always get much needed shine from other pubs. We want to keep running progressive, informed takes on local, state and national politics, and we want to keep being unabashedly committed to telling the truth about our community regardless of who might get pissed off about it. For 32 years, CL writers have relied on their community for tips and information. We’ve relied on you to make all that beautiful art, theater, music, drink and food that keeps us motivated to live another day. This paper has done everything it can to shine a light on the best and worst parts of life in Tampa Bay—and it continues to try and do more. But now we need you. So we started the Creative Loafing Press Club last weekend, and are making a bet that we’re not the only ones who believe in this mission and the effort to rebuild. Over the next six weeks, CL needs to raise $50,000 to help us claw our way out of this. When we get to the other side, we hope to emerge a better, and appropriately-staffed, paper that remains committed to writing stories you won’t read anywhere else. Members’ donations to the Press Club will help us do that and preserve our independence. CL doesn’t have millionaire and billionaire investors—we only have you. And it’s you, the readers, who we answer to. Maybe you read us because the music section has covered your band or a friends’ at some point. Maybe you came for the way our food section is on top of openings and closings. Maybe it was the out-of-the-box art stories. Maybe you came for the hot takes and batshit crazy headlines no other paper could get away with. No matter how you got here, we want you to stay, and we want you to help sustain CL for others. Every donation—one-time and recurring— helps us get there. Many of the donations come
DAVE DECKER
No news is bad news
“I can’t imagine what cities without altweeklies do.”
EMPTY FEELING: After 32 years, we need help giving Tampa Bay the free independent journalism it deserves. with perks. Each one helps us keep serving you and your neighbors. The first thing I do when I visit a new city is look for the alt-weekly. It always leads me to a great show, amazing plate or vaunted neighborhood bar. I can’t imagine what cities without
alt-weeklies do. I don’t want to imagine Tampa Bay without the paper willing to go where so many others won’t. I can’t imagine waking up and not serving you. Please help us keep doing that for years to come. Thank you.
cltampa.com | MAY 21-27, 2020 | 7
8 | MAY 21-27,2020 | cltampa.com
Float show Photos by Alex Burnett
I
f you’re like us and have no rich friends with boats, then you 100% missed the Madeiera Beach Boatstock floating concert over the weekend. The show—which happened at a boat graveyard behind the south side of the Bay Pines V.A., in between Archie’s Island and the bridge crossing the Tom Stuart Causeway—encouraged social distancing by not being on a sandbar, and while cops circled above and around the water, all appears to have gone off without a hitch. Alex Burnett was there and has these photos of FayRoy, Johnny Mile & the Kilometers and Kenny Mullins to share. See the rest via photos.cltampa.com. —Ray Roa
cltampa.com | MAY 21-27, 2020 | 9
INFORMED DISSENT POLITICS
ISSUES
OPINION
Unmasking Obamagate, 2020’s version of birtherism-meets-Hillary’semails.
PETE SOUZA
Squirrel!
By Jeffrey C. Billman
M
ichael Flynn is neither the hero nor the victim in this story. Rather, like so many in President Trump’s orbit, he’s a means to an end—in this case, the White House’s attempt to rewrite its history of failure. Flynn was Trump’s first national security adviser for 24 days before being fired. He later pleaded guilty to lying to the FBI about his contacts with a Russian ambassador. Last year, however, he began claiming that he’d been set up by the deep state, and he found a sympathetic ear in new attorney general and Trump sycophant William Barr. On May 7, the Department of Justice moved to dismiss charges against Flynn, claiming that the government could not prove he lied (though he admitted it), and even if he did, his lies weren’t “material.” More than that, the DOJ’s filing was a searing attack on both the FBI and the legitimacy of the Mueller investigation itself. The two were connected, after all. The day after Trump fired Flynn, he pressured then-FBI director James Comey to drop the case against him. Comey refused, and Trump’s later decision to fire him led to Mueller’s appointment and an investigation that consumed two years of Trump’s term. No sooner had DOJ brass intervened in the Flynn case than Trump promised recriminations: “I hope a lot of people are going to pay a big price because they’re dishonest, crooked people. They’re scum—and I say it a lot, they’re scum, they’re human scum.” He didn’t identify the “scum,” but within days, the hashtag #Obamagate began trending, promoted by Trump himself. In Trump’s words, it was the “biggest political crime and scandal in the history of the USA, by FAR,” though he never articulated what that crime was. No matter. The overarching idea is that the Obama administration engaged in an elaborate anti-Trump conspiracy, beginning with an investigation into Russian interference during the 2016 campaign. The proof, Trump and his allies say, lies in Flynn’s “unmasking,” a term opaque enough to
sound sinister. Unmasking works like this: The U.S. government can’t spy on citizens without a warrant. But when it surveils foreign targets, it records their conversations with Americans. In intelligence reports, Americans’ names are replaced by “a U.S. person.” Administration officials can seek to “unmask” the name if they think it’s important; this happens thousands of times a year. Last week, three Republican senators released a list of 30 officials who had unmasked Flynn between the 2016 election and the inauguration. Some were lower-level intelligence agents or individuals attached to NATO. Other requests came from the administration’s upper echelon, including the CIA and FBI directors, Obama’s chief of staff, and Vice President Joe Biden. These seem tied to conversations Flynn had with Sergei Kislyak, the Russian ambassador to the U.S., on December 29. That day, Obama had expelled 35 Russian agents in retaliation for election interference. In five calls with Kislyak, Flynn assured him that the next administration would ease sanctions and urged Russia not to retaliate in kind. Intelligence officials requested that the U.S. person be unmasked. These requests went through the proper channels. There was nothing illegal or improper about them. The crime, such as it is, was that someone leaked news of Flynn’s conversation with Kislyak to The Washington Post. Leaks happen every day, and this wasn’t exactly the Pentagon Papers. But it set things in motion. Vice President Mike Pence and press secretary Sean Spicer said that Flynn denied speaking to Kislyak about sanctions. Intelligence officials knew that wasn’t true. At this point, the FBI was about to close its counterintelligence investigation into the Trump campaign’s ties to Russia. Flynn’s calls, however, opened a new line of inquiry. And if Flynn was freelancing, they thought he might be vulnerable to blackmail. When they questioned him, he lied.
“Obama’s been renting space in Trump’s head since his Correspondents Dinner mockery.”
10 | MAY 21-27,2020 | cltampa.com
HE HATE ME: Obama is still the most popular politician in the country. The DOJ now says his lies are irrelevant because the entire investigation was illegitimate. So committed is Barr to Trump’s exoneration that he handpicked a U.S. attorney, John Durham, to investigate the investigators, undercut Mueller’s findings, and—fingers crossed—charge some of those who handled the investigation. (Barr said Monday that Durham was unlikely to go after Obama or Biden, but he’s proven pusillanimous in the face of Trump’s tantrums.) If you don’t think this a conclusion in search of evidence, consider what a DOJ spokesperson told Fox News about unmasking: “I can tell you that [Durham’s] team is working diligently to get to the bottom of what happened. Because, Martha, what happened to candidate Trump and then President Trump was one of the greatest political injustices in American history and should never happen again.” Trump wants vindication—and vengeance. It’s not just that his election carries the asterisk of Russian interference. It’s that Obama has been renting space in his head since his 2011 White House Correspondents Dinner mockery. Try as Trump might to erase his predecessor’s legacy and diminish his record, Obama is still
the most popular politician in the country. Trump is already running the most vicious campaign in modern history: pushing conspiracy theories, calling Biden senile, attacking whistleblowers, threatening tech companies, attacking journalists. This week, two of Trump’s sons insinuated that Biden was a pedophile. Unlike Trump, Biden has never been sued for allegedly raping a child. By associating Obama with an opaque but ominous-sounding pseudoscandal, Trump probably hopes to bring Joe Biden’s best surrogate down a notch or two. The ginned-up indignation over Hillary Clinton’s email server showed how effective these attacks can be, and how willing the media is to play along. But the martyrdom of Michael Flynn is about more than that. It’s fuel for the white grievance that Trump believes will animate his base, a way to stoke resentment against the African American president whom he blames for his problems. This is Trump’s comfort zone. With more than 90,000 Americans dead and 36 million out of work, it’s also the only card he has to play. @jeffreybillman
SHEALAH CRAIGHEAD
BIG BOY: Mind of a child, signature of a maniac.
Cheers, Donny
A toast to Donald Trump, America’s manliest man. By Pete Kotz
T
he scene: In a small Tampa Bay town, a bar owner quietly opens so his regulars can drink against tyranny. The cast: Dick, a part-time school bus driver and frequent complainant at City Council meetings. Jerry, a former roofer on disability who fears America’s creeping slide toward socialism. We join our heroes in mid-conversation: Dick: “Get a load of Ronnie with the mask over there. [nods toward a nearby table] What a candy-ass.” Jerry: “If Donald Trump was here, he’d knock that mask right off his face.” Dick: “Naah. Trump’s old school. He don’t go for that face-to-face, poser bullshit. He’d slink out the back, then sic his lawyers on Ronnie. Back when this country was great, real men only fought from a safe distance.” Jerry: “You’re absolutely right. Then he’d open up a can of Twitter on Ronnie. Nothing says ‘go-time’ like Twittering a guy at 3 a.m. from a heavily guarded fortress.” Dick: [with admiration] “Trump’s gotta be the best safe-distance fighter this country has seen since Dick Cheney.” Jerry: “To Dick Cheney.” [toasting with their
Busch Lights] Dick: “Whatta you expect from Ronnie? The guy’s a welder, for chrissakes. Plays with 15,000 degrees of fire all day, like some goddamned Polish ballerina. Now real estate developer, that’s a man’s job. You write a check, and other guys build you stuff.” Jerry: “Except Trump don’t send the check. Back when America was great, a real man never paid his debts. Stiffed friend or foe alike. It’s called being a great businessman.” Dick: “Will you look at Ronnie’s crew cut? Looks like some kinda prissy Marine.” Jerry: “While Ronnie was prancing around ‘Nam, Trump paid a doctor to say he had a sore foot. Real men only talk a good fight. They don’t actually do it.” Dick: “Nobody could expect Trump to fight in that humidity. Vietnam was hell on a man’s comb-over.” Jerry: “Damn straight. Back when America was great, a man never went to war without first getting the okay from his hairdresser.” Dick: “The golf course, now that’s where a man shows how big of balls he’s got.”
SATIRE
Jerry: “Abso-friggin’-lutely. It’s not some chickenshit sport like baseball, where some showboatin’ Dominican fires a 97-mph heater past your face. Golf’s got a tinier ball, and you hit it with a little stick. Then you chase it in a plastic go-cart that can reach – what? – like 14 mph? You’re taking your life in your hands when you play that golf.” Dick: “And golf don’t let no Dominicanias take the job of a more-qualified white man.” Jerry: “Trump’s gotta be a beast at the driving range. Whattaya think the guy benches? 110? 120? I’d hate to be the servant who’s gotta spot him in the weight room.” Dick: “But the servants probably get his leftover babes.” Jerry: “The man’s got a way with the ladies, no doubt about that. Forty-three sexual harassment complaints and counting. Back when this country was great, you could never leave a real man alone with your daughters.” Dick: “What I wouldn’t give to be Trump’s wingman.” Jerry: “No way you could afford it, pal. Trump only buys the top-dollar broads. Not like them ones we buy at the truck stop. All them artificial parts cost extra. Maybe you could be Pence’s wingman.” Dick: [laughing] “Way too dangerous. Pence is a friggin’ madman. He don’t even let hisself alone with the ladies. If there ain’t no witnesses, he knows he’ll paw ‘em like a grizzly during the
salmon run.” Jerry: [laughing too] “That Trump administration, I bet they spend a shitload on Viagra. It’s like a man’s man factory.” Dick: “Get a load of Stephen Miller. You meet him in a dark alley, and a lawyer’d be biting your shin before you knew what hit you.” Jerry: “What I like is they ain’t no stoic, poser assholes. Trump, he knows real men ain’t afraid to be thin-skinned and needy. If he don’t get all the attention, he pouts like a man. Probably bawls hisself to sleep every time Rachel Maddow Twitters about him.” Dick: “Christ, can you imagine the dry-cleaning bills for his pillows?” Jerry: “Trump don’t worry about that. Started out with just a $400 million inheritance, then picked hisself up by the bootstraps. Probably worth at least $320 mil now.” Dick: “The man’s got a hellacious work ethic, that’s for sure. Shows up at noon, sometimes stays as late as 3. Nobody outworks that sonuvabitch.” Jerry: “Real men know that if you wanna do a job right, you need a good six hours of TV in beforehand. Maybe do some Twittering to let people know your feelings is hurt.” Dick: “And if something goes wrong, the buck stops with that guy. He’ll tell you exactly who to blame.” Jerry: [raising his Busch Light] To Donald Trump, a true man’s man.” Dick: [raising his] “To Donald Trump.”
“What I wouldn’t give to be Trump’s wingman.”
cltampa.com | MAY 21-27, 2020 | 11
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By Colin Wolf n Friday, two misdemeanor charges were dropped against Rodney Howard-Browne, the Tampa evangelical pastor who defied local shutdown orders and held in-person services during the coronavirus pandemic. The office of Hillsborough State Attorney Andrew Warren filed the notice, stating that the charges of unlawful assembly and violating quarantine orders during a public health emergency have been dropped against HowardBrowne, who is the head pastor at The River Tampa Bay Church. “In deciding whether to criminally prosecute violations of stay-at-home orders, compliance is our North Star,” Warren said in a statement to the Tampa Bay Times. “Each case is unique, and each one will be assessed based on the facts and the law. But, in general, if the person who was arrested poses no ongoing threat to public health, then our tendency will be not to prosecute the case beyond the arrest.” In a statement sent to Creative Loafing Tampa Bay, Howard-Browne’s lawyer, Mat Staver of the Liberty Counsel, said the pastor was “wrongfully arrested at his home on March 30,” and said that the arrest by Hillsborough Sheriff Chad Chronister was “politically motivated,” alluding that the situation was used to bolster Chronister’s reelection campaign. “The arrest and the press conference were outrageous and caught the attention of the nation and the world,” said Staver “As a result of this arrest, Florida Governor Ron DeSantis declared attendance at churches, synagogues, and houses of worship to be an essential activity. This arrest freed up every church in Florida to meet. We are pleased that all the charges have been dropped. It is now time
to move forward with healing and restoration.” Chronister, a registered Republican, previously met with Howard-Browne and his wife at their home last month in Hernando County. “So honored to meet with Sheriff Chad Chronister today!,” wrote Howard-Browne in an April 29 Facebook post. “He came to our house and met with @ adonicashowardbrowne and I. We had a great lunch together. We discussed the way forward in the opening up of Hillsborough County and the role of the @rivertampabay River Church in cooperation with the Hillsborough County Sheriffs department.” The visit has since raised questions of whether or not Howard-Browne is receiving special treatment after blatantly breaking the law. “That gives me cause for concern, that there’s some degree of special treatment being dished out that would run contrary to the ethical position the sheriff should be taking,” Kenneth Nunn, a professor of criminal law and procedure at the University of Florida told the Times. “It boils down to whether you would treat other people the same way and whether that appearance would suggest there’s some degree of favoritism.” Since the arrest, Howard-Browne has not reopened his church, though last month, in a Facebook live video, Staver, Howard-Browne’s lawyer, mentioned that The River at Tampa Bay did lose its insurance. Instead, the pastor has been spending his time hosting daily three-hour livestreams where he complains about globalists, defends President Donald Trump and makes wildly stupid and dangerous claims like “if you’ve gotten a flu vaccine in the last 10 years you will falsely test positive for COVID-19.”
LOCAL NEWS
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“That gives me cause for concern.”
PHUMORBOT/TWITTER
A f—ing title
STOP, PUSH IT: Now that’s a case of the Mondays.
And you thought our headlines sucked.
I
By Ray Roa t’s been an interesting month-and-a-half for the Tampa Bay Times. The daily recently cut its print frequency to twice a week and (with its related companies) recently received a loan of $8.5 million as part of the Paycheck Protection Program. Last week, its editors—all irked about what they felt was disrespect to Sports Editor Traci Johnson—got into some Twitter drama with a Washington Post media writer (the writer changed his lede and still got flack from Times staffers, including executive editor Mark Katches). Monday, however, took the cake. As The Appeal (and former Miami New-Times) reporter Jerry Iannelli pointed out, “Someone just hacked the @TB_Times and sent out this push alert:” It shows a Tampa Bay Times app phone push notifications simply captioned, “look a fucking title.” (Iannelli deleted his original post for clarity’s sake, saying “Update, appears it was not a hack of the TBT in and of itself.) When you click through, you see what appears to be a headline that says “look a fucking title,” along with a thumbnail of a “Fake News” paper with the text “Turtle Fake News” (we would’ve used a different image, like one “Fake News” pin made by Tampa Bay artist Conrad Garner, see it at cltampa.com). “An explicit push was recently sent out from our mobile app but not from Tampa Bay Times journalists. We are looking into this issue and apologize for the profanity,” the Times wrote on
Twitter. In a web post, Katches said the alert was sent by an employee of a Times technology vendor Naviga, which papers use to send push notifications to audiences. Katches wrote that Naviga was testing a news alert system. “It was not sent by a Times employee and it came without warning or consultation with us,” Katches added. “We have alerted the company and are in vigorous conversations with them to prevent any recurrence.” The good news is that this wasn’t a hack job because in January the paper was attacked by ransomware. The Times wrote that in that attack, hackers did not compromise any data (ie: payment or customer information). The paper also recovered by restoring its system from backup files. The “Ryuk” strain that hit the Times was also used to target large businesses and agencies. In 2018, “Ryuk” hit Tribune Publishing in 2018, causing problems at the Los Angeles Times, San Diego Tribune and the South Florida Sun. “The Times did not respond to a message from the attackers,” a Times reporter wrote, adding that the paper’s chief digital officer Conan Gallaty said the Times would not have paid whatever ransom was demanded. The news probably turns the stomach of someone who sends push notifications for a living, but we hope the Times can at least have a chuckle about it. And you trolls thought our headlines sucked.
LOCAL NEWS
“It was not sent by a Times employee.”
cltampa.com | MAY 21-27, 2020 | 13
14 | MAY 21-27,2020 | cltampa.com
Shit Happened A 1,800-pound, 11-foottall bust of Princess Ulele is coming back to the Tampa Riverwalk after it was removed in September 2018 because of permitting. That’s ironic because didn’t we all take this land from Native Americans anyway?
ULELE
WEDNESDAY 20
City of Tampa reopens all parks, lap pools, tennis courts and more. It’s a good thing you can’t pass coronavirus by peeing in the pool.
BIGCATRESCUE/FACEBOOK
SATURDAY 16
THURSDAY 21 SEMINOLE HARD ROCK HOTEL & CASINO
Tampa Big Cat Rescue starts selling coronavirus face masks that say, “Hey all you cool cats and kittens!” I wonder what Joe Exotic thinks about that.
MONDAY 18 TB12SPORTS/TWITTER
Bucs QB Tom Brady goes online to hawk a non-FDA approved, homeopathic medley of vitamins that allegedly will “activate your immune system.” It’s basically just Emergen-C with elderberries and larch tree, but I’ll eat it if he wins us a Super Bowl.
Tampa Hard Rock reopens with mandatory face masks and temperature checks. For real though, how are you supposed to smoke a cigarette through a facemask? Shit, it happens daily at cltampa.com/news. Dive right in.
cltampa.com | MAY 21-27, 2020 | 15
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For Tampa Bay restaurants food delivery apps are a double-edged sword. By Jenna Rimensnyder
W
hen the reality of the COVID-19 pandemic set in, restaurants began leaning harder on pickup and delivery services, leaving the formerly thriving Tampa Bay food scene shaken to its core as a result. After hearing the cries of foodies across the country, UberEats announced free delivery for local restaurants in March, and said foodies rejoiced. As the weeks passed and concepts began to feel the financial burden of these apps, the toxic relationship between restaurateurs and delivery services has proven to do more harm than good in some cases. Andy Salyards, owner of Urban Brew and BBQ in St. Petersburg took to social media on April 28, to announce his breakup with delivery apps. “Corporate delivery service takes up to 30% of the revenue and a portion of that goes back to their corporate office—the money doesn’t stay local,” Salyards wrote. The post went on to explain that Urban Brew and BBQ has launched its own delivery service through a POS system, Toast. This new method has allowed Salyards to put more employees back to work and have complete control of the process from kitchen to doorstep. Salyards urged fellow local restaurateurs to follow suit in cutting ties, saying “I honestly have nothing to gain if other restaurants start delivering themselves, but feel strongly that it’ll help local restaurateur scene survive and then thrive if we can take that portion of our business back from corporate delivery drivers.” Food & Wine echoed that sentiment in its article, “It’s Time to Delete Your Delivery Apps.” The piece explains how apps like Grubhub, DoorDash and Postmates utilize “predatory practices” against restaurants including signup charges for the platform itself and high commission fees. The article also jabs at the fact that in a time when COVID-19 could prove fatal for concepts, delivery apps are only digging the hole deeper. Food & Wine says that until commission percentages are lowered, foodies should be on strike, “Until these apps actively start agreeing to commission caps, it’s time to delete your delivery apps and let them burn.”
UberEats responded by saying, “Providing our platform and services to restaurants costs money—changing commission rates would force us to alter the way we do business, potentially hurting those we’re trying to help the most: customers, small businesses and delivery people.” But delivery apps are a necessary evil for some restaurants. “Obviously no restaurant loves giving away 30% of their sales to a third party,” Julie Curry, owner of Hall on Franklin expat Bake’n Babes said. “However, if I wanted to offer delivery for the bakery, I would need to hire drivers, have insurance for those cars, etc.” Curry also mentioned the difficulty in matching the quickness of UberEats delivery since there are hundreds of drivers ready at the drop of a dime. “On a Friday night when I have 10-15 orders at a time, I wouldn’t be able to have that many personal delivery drivers to get baked goods to your door in under 20 minutes.” Furthermore, during this pandemic, Hall on Franklin has closed its doors, forcing Curry and her gang to operate out of Gen X Tavern in downtown Tampa. “[UberEats] is a necessity for us right now ... We have a very organized system that allows zero contact between our staff and the delivery drivers,” Curry said, adding that customers have reached out to thank Bake’n Babes for being open during this trying time. “Some people don’t have cars, some are not leaving their houses, some are bribing their children who they are now homeschooling with treats.” Too bad there currently aren’t Freak Shakes on the menu as a prize for finishing your homework. “Whatever the reason, people appreciate the contactless delivery option from UberEats,” Curry explained passionately. Although UberEats hasn’t lowered its commission percentage, it has added a feature allowing users to donate directly to concepts. While the time table for when foodies are able to have complete access to their favorite concepts without social distancing regulations is unclear,
FOOD NEWS
PINK PINEAPPLE
Fork it over
A BIRDIE TOLD ME: Three Birds Tavern is using a homegrown food delivery alternative. the necessary evil of delivery apps will continue to be utilized by concepts who are unable to deliver themselves. An Uber representative told CL that nearly $250,000 has been donated by users directly to locally owned, independent restaurants in the Tampa Bay area. The rep also said that a recent update in UberEats operations allows restaurants to cash out their earnings nightly, rather than weekly. Having immediate access to the funds could prove to be an advantage for concepts struggling to pay employees, keep up with rent and other bills during this time. But the pandemic has not only affected restaurants. On February 21 stock was trading at $40.72 USD. It started a slow decline, and reached the bottom of its pit on March 18 when it hit $14.82 USD. It was back up to $32.78 USD by May 14. The publicly traded company uses fees paid by restaurants to onboard new delivery people (background checks, insurance costs, etc.) and maintain the safety of the platform. Expenses also go to marketing, and technology. Restaurants using their own delivery drivers pay only a 15% commission rate versus the 30% by utilizing UberEats drivers. Restaurants also have the ability to offer pickup orders through the app, without paying commission fees. On Monday, some shareholders lobbed criticism at how much Uber CEO Dara Khosrowshahi is making as the company reacted to a drop in ride-sharing by announces the layoff of 3,700 full-time employees (roughly 14% of the Uber workforce, with cuts mostly coming from customer support and recruiting departments). Khosrowshahi said he would waive the rest of his 2020 salary, but salary only comprises a portion of his compensation, according to observer.com.
“...last year, he received a total pay package worth $42.4 million, comprising of that $1 million in base salary, $2 million in bonus, $37.4 million in equity award and $2 million in reimbursement for work-related expenses,” the website wrote. Still, to some, the ends justify the means, but when it comes to Salyards’ point about keeping such money local, one business has risen to the occasion to do just that. Enter Pineapple Pickup (PP). The platform— which is a partnership between Big Sea digital marketing agency and boutique web development agency Pineapple Development—creates a custom Shopify store template, which allows concepts to take and streamline fulfillment of online take-out and delivery orders. Restaurant users are able to customize menus, set hours, communicate with customers and pull reports. Monthly fees include 7% of total pre-tax sales, as well as payment processing fees of 2.9% plus 30 cents per transaction. “While restaurants are not operating at 100% capacity, we are offering special 7% pricing. Minimum $100 monthly platform fee, waived with monthly sales greater than $1000,” reads the Pineapple Pickup website. PP offers various other perks like training, marketing guides and a help desk. Three Birds Tavern in the ‘Burg is one of its latest customers. But when comparing Pineapple Pickup to UberEats, the local app does not offer drivers. So concepts are still liable for getting insurance for delivery drivers on their own payroll. So how can foodies help? Opt for pickup whenever possible, donate to the restaurant through the UberEats app, or grab a gift card. After all, what is any industry without a middle man? A pain in the ass, but nevertheless a necessary part of the operation.
“Obviously no restaurant loves giving away 30% of their sales to a third party.”
cltampa.com | MAY 21-27, 2020 | 17
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BBQ QUEEN: Chef Vivian Howard (R) joins Tampa chef Greg Baker at BJ’s Alabama BBQ.
South of the South
PBS show follows Tampa chef Greg Baker to local favorite BJ’s Alabama BBQ. By Ray Roa
T
ampa natives know that there’s plenty of good barbecue in this town, but James Beardnominated chef Greg Baker went ahead and showed PBS where it is. It happened when North Carolina chef chef Vivian Howard (the James Beard, Emmy and Peabody-winning star of PBS’ “A Chef’s Life”) brought a new show from the network, “Somewhere South,” to the Bay area. Baker, famous for his pioneering Seminole Heights restaurant The Refinery and its cousin Fodder & Shine, brought Howard to BJ’s Alabama BBQ, located at 3307 S. Dale Mabry Hwy. where they noshed on pit mistress and owner April Moreno’s ribs, sausage, slaw and famous collard greens while talking Florida history. “Florida has just been kind of this melting pot of people coming down for the better part of 200 years,” Baker explained. “You’ve got to remember this place was a very late joiner to the U.S. by comparison to other eastern states.” The pair then headed to Myakka’s Strickland Ranch where rancher Renee Toussaint-Strickland gave Howard the rundown on her collection of cracker cattle, all descendants of cows brought to Florida by Spanish explorer Ponce de Leon. Toussaint and friends—including Punta Gorda’s Big John Lloyd—throw a cracker barbecue for Howard, and Baker puts a salt-crusted cracker cattle chuck on the table, too. The highlight of the nearly 17-minute segment, however, comes when Howard heads to Terra Ceia Island, 40 miles south of downtown Tampa, where Baker made his debut in
the town’s famed mullet smoke-off. He didn’t win, but Howard got to catch some mullet and immerse herself in the contest. The episode is a great distraction from the swirling news cycle and a welcome reminder of the uniquely Floridian food culture. Howard told Creative Loafing Tampa Bay that she, too, has managed to stay busy during the pandemic. “I can’t complain. It’s been nice to be both busy and grounded. I’ve enjoyed not traveling. I like having work to do, but I also really have enjoyed just having dinner every night with my kids and being at home on the weekends,” she wrote in an email, adding that she was already familiar with the Bay area before the “Somewhere South” taping. “My sister lives in Tampa. My aunt lives in Seminole. We went there every summer to visit my aunt,” Howard told CL. “I have probably spent more time in the Tampa area than any other place except eastern North Carolina and other places where I have lived.” Would she come back after the coronavirus gets under control? “I would definitely go back to the mullet festival. That smoked mullet was really one of the top three things I ate while making ‘Somewhere South.’ It was really surprising because I didn’t expect to love it so much,” Howard added. “I actually think Tampa is sort of underrated. There’s so much to do. There’s a neat Cuban corner of Tampa with a vibrant culture and food scene.” We can’t wait to get back into it either, chef. Thanks for the reminder. Watch the episode via pbs.org.
FOOD NEWS
“I actually think Tampa is sort of underrated.”
cltampa.com | MAY 21-27, 2020 | 19
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Honkey money
Phil Esposito’s stimulus program helps bandmates get through pandemic.
F
or the 20-year anniversary of The Black Honkeys Band, leader Phil Esposito wanted to do something special, so he set up a 12-day, June tour of the eastern U.S.. Nine musicians, a soundman, a roadie and a merch guy would not be traveling in the group’s 15-passenger van. That simply would not do. They were gonna roll in style—on a tour bus. Some nights they’d sleep on it, some nights in a hotel. “I wanted us to experience the rock ’n’ roll lifestyle as if we were a band in the 1970s funded by a record company—except for the drug abuse,” Esposito told Creative Loafing Tampa Bay, laughing For several months leading up to the tour, Esposito set aside dollars generated by his highearning ensemble. He wanted the tour to be completely funded beforehand, not reliant on money made from gigs. Then the pandemic scotched the plan. Tour canceled. Esposito could’ve kept the road reserves stashed for a later trek. But after thinking it over he instituted “The Black Honkeys stimulus program,” which distributes money to each band member weekly. “It’s not what they’d be making if we were gigging, and it doesn’t pay the bills, but it’s enough cash that it matters,” Esposito said. “All the members have been genuinely appreciative.” Esposito said he’s gone through about half of the tour fund and is “willing to drain it if that’s necessary.” It’s a good gig, being in The Black Honkeys Band. The multi-racial outfit (with one female member) plays 12 to 15 one-nighters a month and is certainly among the best paid acts in the Bay area. It’s a tight, R&B-oriented unit known for bringing the party, mixing a lot of danceable cover songs with danceable originals. And Esposito, 57, who sings and plays some guitar, is the undisputed ringleader. The group doesn’t do three-set nights, but rather one 90-minute show. The musicians do not set up their own gear. Catering and adult refreshments are part of their rider. These amenities sit well with the players, all of them well into adulthood. The Black Honkeys are in high demand at
live-music clubs like Gators, The Ringside and the Wild Rover Brewing Company. They’re a favorite of Visit St. Pete/Clearwater, the county tourism bureau, which has booked them locally, around the U.S. and in Iceland. The ensemble also plays high-dollar corporate gigs—big company parties, fundraisers and the like. “We’re not the most polished,” Esposito said. “[Corporate] people who hire us tend to have seen us live. They know we’re a little more dangerous, that we won’t be over in the corner playing Bruno Mars songs.” Each band member is paid well, and Esposito compensates based on seniority. The last departure—a mutual decision, he said—was nearly nine years ago. It’s easy to understand why the players and singers stick around. And it’s not just because of the dough and the on-stage fun. It’s very important to Esposito that he foster intra-group camaraderie, as well as welcome musical contributions—including original tunes—from everyone. However, there’s never a question of who’s boss. “I tell them that, ‘While I respect and want to hear your opinion, that doesn’t mean I’m going to use it in my decision,’” he said. Esposito is not just the leader and frontman of The Black Honkeys Band. He’s the CEO and sole principal of SPR/TBH LLC, a Florida Limited Liability Company founded in 2010. That’s The Black Honkeys’ official corporate name. This soul-singing, shit-talking, crowdsurfing life of the party, who goes by Brother Phil, is one badass businessman. He books the Honkeys himself, without the help of an agent, and insists on 50% deposits, which is all but unheard of in the local music scene. During several long, animated phone calls over the course of a week, Esposito consistently displayed his business and promotional acumen, as well as his love of music and performing. He made it clear that, while The Black Honkeys may be a party band, he does not want his aggregation to become stale. “We’re known as a really entertaining, reliable band that’s a good draw, that’ll play music that people know and dance to,” he said. “But we’re also a really creative bunch, and we’re
KRISTEN ESPOSITO
By Eric Snider
LOCAL MUSIC
SHEDDING MONEY: Phil Esposito is repurposing funds saved to take the Black Honkeys on tour. adding original songs all the time.” This artistic ambition was on full display last summer when The Black Honkeys traveled to New Orleans to record a new song called “Pumpin’”—a lively, Latin-funk number—with Crescent City legend Cyril Neville. The band also shot a video using various city landmarks as locations, as well as spots in Ybor City. In January, it played a concert at the Capitol Theater featuring Neville as a special guest. The Black Honkeys’ last gig was on March 15 at Gators on Treasure Island. “There was a tension in the air,” Esposito recalled. “Everyone was laughing and elbowbumping, but it wasn’t very funny.” A St. Patty’s Day show was booked for two days later at O’Keefe’s Tavern in Clearwater. After consulting bandmates and a bit of waffling, Esposito decided to cancel. The group has
remained dormant since. Some job offers have come in, but Esposito said he does not plan to resume performing until June 1 at the earliest. He’s been making the best of the break, doing a lot of projects around his Clearwater home (like the shed pictured below). “Honestly, it’s been a breath of fresh air, almost like a forced vacation,” he said. “When you think about it, on a busy month we’re playing, on average, every other night. It’s exhausting, although you don’t realize it while it’s going on. “One thing I really don’t miss is the phone hustle. It’s ironic how people call to hire us and then, once they hear my conditions and the price, I have to convince them to hire us. I’ve developed a knack for explaining what we offer so that it feels like a good deal,” he said. “It’s a nine- or 10-piece with full production. And nobody balks
“It’s enough cash that it matters.”
cltampa.com | MAY 21-27, 2020 | 21
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SHOWS STOPPED: Nicole Simone (L) and Esposito playing Gasparilla Music Festival 2020, one of the band’s last gigs. at what they pay after we do our job.” While Esposito didn’t express any pressing urge to get back on stage, he did allow that “it’s weird. Sometimes it doesn’t feel like I’m in a band right now.” Philip Gregory Esposito was born in Manhattan, New York, the son of an Italian father and Puerto Rican mother. Their courtship was “a real problem,” he said, “a real West Side Story type thing.” The family moved to Clearwater when Phil was six. His mother, Phyllis, who passed away in October, was married five times, twice to musicians. His birth father, Ronnie Esposito, sang in a doo-wop band called The Selectones. One stepfather, Sonny Peckerol, was a member of The Winstons, a soul band that had a poignant Top 10 hit in 1969 titled “Color Him Father.” Young Phil was a budding comic book artist. He studied graphic arts at St. Petersburg Junior College. But at age 23, the music bug bit him. Esposito spent 10 years in the popular Bay area band Freaks Rule, which he describes as “the Red Hot Chili Peppers of Clearwater, Florida.” He then founded The Black Honkeys as a four-piece, with guitarist Joe Sanders, a rotating cast of drummers, and bassist Wil “The Thrill” Harris, who’s still in the band. Less than a year after forming, Steven C Tanner assumed drum duties, and has kept them ever since. The Black Honkeys played their first show on New Year’s Eve 2000-’01 in their leader’s hometown of Clearwater—at the now-defunct Club More. “When we first started, we wanted to be like the Stones,” Esposito said. “We added some Motown, Black Crowes. Over time, it became white artists capturing the black sound. I honestly thought we would break up fairly quickly. I never dreamed we’d last this long.” From the early days, Esposito was keenly
aware of the band’s image. For instance, before the group was fully established and could afford a crew, he’d go to a venue in the morning, haul in the gear and set up the stage—by himself if he had to—then come back the next day to break it all down. “I never wanted the crowd to see anyone in the band carrying their own amp,” he said. I asked Esposito if he ever got backlash because of the band name. “Hell, yeah,” he said with a laugh. “In the first five years, maybe longer, we had to call ourselves The Soul Power Revue for gigs at Disney, Busch Gardens and places like that. But longevity seems to have taken the edge off the name. If anyone got upset, it was a crazy old white person. Black people were never offended by it. We are, after all, a culturally diverse band.” The band’s lineup grew, as did its reputation. The crowds got increasingly bigger, and wilder. Over time, The Black Honkeys became a selfsustaining, relentlessly gigging, money-making machine. Esposito runs the Honkeys’ business, but when it comes to the music, “that’s where I’m not in charge,” he said. “I don’t consider myself a gifted singer. I’m not discounting my talent as a performer, but, musically, I’m in the first grade and everyone else is in college.” The ensemble did just fine taking a collaborative approach to adding new cover songs and developing original material. But at a certain point, Esposito looked and saw a band on auto-pilot. “We got a little lax in terms of rehearsing,” he said. That changed three years ago when renowned percussionist Gumbi Ortiz signed on.
He was winding down a 30-year touring career with guitar wizard Al Di Meola. Coming from Di Meola’s structured, highly-drilled approach to tour preparation, Ortiz was able to effectively take on the role of unofficial music director. “They’re a bunch of really good musicians,” Ortiz, who lives in St. Pete, told Creative Loafing Tampa Bay. “But they’re not virtuosos like you get with someone in Al’s band. I worked with each of the sections separately to really instill the ensemble mentality, and tighten it up. Most bands don’t really play that well together. This one does.” Esposito considers it a badge of honor that a musician with the reputation of Gumbi Ortiz would join his outfit. The respect and affection is mutual. “The rest of the band is an extension of Phil,” Ortiz said. “No one’s a jerk, because Phil’s not a jerk. He’s real considerate. The main thing is that he allows people to trust him.” Ortiz experienced something entirely new as a member of the Black Honkeys Band—something that, at first, he was reluctant to do. “You know what this motherfucker Phil does one night?” Ortiz said. “He tells me, ‘Tonight, your crowd-surfing.’ I said, ‘No, I am not.’ But he kept at it. He’s a persuasive guy. So, yeah, I crowd-surfed. Shit was crazy, man.” Ortiz is still rather amazed by the “stimulus” money that Esposito doles out to his bandmates: “He coulda kept it for the tour. That’s the genius and heart of this motherfucker.” Shortly after The Black Honkeys shut down in March, Esposito sought a low-interest loan through the Payroll Protection Program. His request for $25,000 was denied because the band
“Musically, I’m in the first grade and everyone else is in college.”
members are independent contractors. He also applied for federal Unemployment Insurance Relief through the state of Florida. The members have formed a loose network that passes around information about where they can apply for funds, loans, and grants. To illustrate how much Esposito walks on the sunny side of the street, he believes that Florida’s rat farm of an unemployment program is ultimately going to figure out a way to get money in the hands of those who deserve it. “They’re never going to make it easy for you,” he said. “But I really believe the money will come.” Esposito, who lives with his wife and teenage son, does not have any imminent financial worries. But the overall uncertainty surrounding the coronavirus pandemic has made him squirmy. “It’s not really like I get depressed,” he said. “We don’t know how long this is going to go for, and that’s what gets to me. I’m grateful and happy to be with my wife and son here at my house. I just don’t like the not-knowing. I’m a guy who likes to plan, who likes to know what’s going on.” Part of Esposito’s plan is to revive the eastern U.S. tour swing. He figures that once The Black Honkeys Band start gigging again, he can replenish the coffers and hopefully make it out on the road by the spring or summer of next year. Yes, they’ll be rollin’ in a tour bus. Esposito was interviewed during the week of April 21-28. This story is part of a series about how musicians are coping with life during the COVID-19 pandemic— from a creative, financial and emotional standpoint. The subjects are those who make their living as full-time musicians, not as a sideline. If you fit into this category and would like to share your story, email: eric.r.snider@gmail.com
cltampa.com | MAY 21-27, 2020 | 23
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Celebrate bad times
COME HOME: Chicago punk staple is bringing a new LP to Tampa.
Bob Nanna’s beautiful breakup album sees release on Tampa label. 3944 S. DALE MABRY
REPLAYGUITAR.COM
BRITTON PLAZA, TAMPA
813-254-8880
By Ray Rao
B
ob Nanna has a new album, but it needed a home. So the 44-year-old Chicago songwriter famous for his roles in Hey Mercedes, Braid and City on Film called every label he’s ever worked with to find one. “In the end, it was Keith & Susie’s enthusiasm for the project that made my decision easy,” Nanna, who’s released albums on vaunted indie labels like Polyvinyl, told Creative Loafing Tampa Bay, alluding to Tampa indie-rock totems Susie and Keith Ulrey. So now, Celebration States— Nanna’s first proper solo album—is being released via the Ulrey’s label, New Granada Records, on July 10. The all-acoustic album was entirely recorded on September 7, 2019, a day that would’ve been Nanna’s wedding anniversary. He said Celebration States “documents the highs and lows of a one year-long story.” “It’s autobiographical and I purposely awaited a positive resolution before I decided to complete the project,” Nanna added in press materials. In short: It’s Nanna’s divorce album. Celebration States’ road to New Granada started after Nanna released a single, “Do You Want To Buy A Guitar?”, in October. Keith Ulrey sent Nanna a compliment, and then got a breakdown of the album’s concept. Keith and Susie then dove in. “It was just a heartbreakingly beautiful album. At the time, I casually mentioned we would love to release it,” Keith told CL. He and Susie then saw Nanna play a solo set at Gainesville’s Fest. Afterwards, the three of them hung out and the Ulreys again asked Nanna to keep New Granada in mind.
“There was just something special, honest and transparent about these songs and the personal journey he was sharing,” Keith added. “Surprisingly (to us!) in January we got a message from Bob that simply said ‘Let’s do it!’” So the 10-track LP is on the way, but Nanna’s not sure what a tour in support of Celebration States might look like. His June South America tour is postponed, and a personal August trip to France is in limbo, too. But there is one sliver of hope. “Because I’d be touring solo, I can be pretty nimble with when and where I can tour,” Nanna told CL. “In the meantime, I’ll probably do a livestream event and play the whole album soon.” In the meantime, Nanna is continuing to post covers online like he’s done for years. His time quarantined has its ups and downs, as expected, but he’s naturally finding little things to celebrate, too. “Keeping a schedule helps a lot and I’ve been keeping a journal as well, specifically for the occasion,” Nanna said, adding that the spare time has allowed him to learn new chords and arrangements while getting recording and production practice in. “I can focus on projects that I’d been putting off. Creative ones like the covers or this video that I’m shooting— but also the practical stuff like getting rid of old clothes and organizing my records.” Getting rid of the old and reorganizing your life—we can toast to that, too. Pre-order Celebration States via New Granada.
NEW MUSIC
“Their enthusiasm for the project made my decision easy.”
24 | MAY 21-27,2020 | cltampa.com
DAVE DECKER
DEAD INSIDE: Scenes like Dead Bars’ 2019 sing-along at Lucky You Fest aren’t in our immediate future.
Don’t stand so close
BEST LARGE BREWERY IN FLORIDA ADDITIONALLY, WE WON TWO GOLD MEDALS AND ONE SILVER MEDAL FOR THREE OF OUR CRAFT BEERS.
Report predicts a mosh-less, very socially-distanced future for concerts. By Matthew Moyer
T
he focus of fans and professionals in the music industry right now is on puzzling out the question of when live music can happen again safely. Lurking immediately under that question is another just as important: What will shows look like in the age of coronavirus? In brief: Do you remember having communal fun at shows? Well, forget about all of that. Mosh pits, crowd surfing, even crowding in close at the front of the stage are all quite possibly things of the past, according to a new report this week released by the Event Safety Alliance. The Event Safety Alliance (ESA), headed up by Steven Adelman and Jacob Worek, surveyed hundreds of their colleagues and event professionals over the last month about the changing face of live music. The feedback and findings were collected into a new 29-page report, The Event Safety Alliance Reopening Guide, which makes a number of recommendations—not concrete policies (yet)—for venues to proceed as reopening in states continue apace. The sections of the report gaining particular notice from websites like Brooklyn Vegan and Metalsucks— and shock from music fans—center around modifying behavior at shows. Let’s just say that concerts might be a very static affair in the near-term future: “Patrons cannot all stand at the front of the stage like they are accustomed; moshing and crowd surfing are violations of social distancing per se and must be absolutely prohibited during this pandemic.” There are also rigorous guidelines for venues and staff including hiring infection mitigation
coordinators, wearing masks and regular sanitizing of high-use surfaces, temperature checks of attendees and staggering entry into the venue. Further suggestions include: • High conspicuity gaff tape on the floor of an indoor space, or spray chalk, survey flags, and cones for outdoor spaces, to mark six-foot separation. • Rope barriers and stanchions or bike rack to physically separate patrons. • Open areas patrolled by workers providing information, enforcing rules, and modeling healthy behavior. • Messaging to patrons before and during the event through electronic messaging and physical signage. • Messaging by the performer during the event. Despite the fact that everything can change on a dime with the discovery of a vaccine or a second wave of the pandemic putting us under even more stringent lockdowns, this is still a sobering read. These are all measures being discussed by venues, promoters, and Ticketmaster employees. We’re not disputing the logic or the probable necessity of these guidelines, we’re just taken aback by how much they’d fundamentally alter the experience and dynamic of attending a show in a smaller venue. And this isn’t even taking into account news that the Governor of Missouri decreed that concerts can resume in the state, and the notion of drive-in shows is being floated in Texas and Colorado. The only clear consensus at this moment is that both musicians and their audience should be at home.
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CONCERTS
“This is still a sobering read.”
cltampa.com | MAY 21-27, 2020 | 25
26 | MAY 21-27,2020 | cltampa.com
Gemini The twins.
GEMINI (May 21-June 20): “The very least you can do in your life is to figure out what you hope for,” writes author Barbara Kingsolver. “And the most you can do is live inside that hope. Not admire it from a distance but live right in it, under its roof.” According to my analysis of the astrological omens, that is exactly the work you should be doing right now, Gemini. Everything good that can and should happen for you in the coming months depends on you defining what you hope for, and then doing whatever’s necessary to live inside that hope. CANCER (June 21-July 22): The periodic arrivals of “natural disruption” in our everyday routines has a divine purpose, writes Yoruba priest Awó Falokun Fatunmbi. It is “to shake consciousness loose from complacency and rigid thinking.” To be vital, he says, our perception of truth must be constantly evolving, and never stagnant. “Truth is a way of looking at self and World,” Fatunmbi declares. “It is a state of being rather than an act of knowing.” Many Westerners find this hard to understand because they regard truth as a “fixed set of rules or dogma,” or as a body of “objective facts.” But here’s the good news: Right now, you Cancerians are especially receptive to Fatunmbi’s alternative understanding of truth—and likely to thrive by adopting it. LEO (July 23-Aug. 22): Novelist and war correspondent Martha Gellhorn departed this life in 1998, but she articulated a message that’s important for you to hear right now. She wrote, “People often say, with pride, ‘I’m not interested in politics.’ They might as well say, ‘I’m not interested in my standard of living, my health, my job, my rights, my freedoms, my future or any future.’” Gelhorn added, “If we mean to keep control over our world and lives, we must be interested in politics.” In my opinion, her advice is always applicable to all of us, but it’s especially crucial for you to meditate on right now. You’ll be wise to upgrade your interest and involvement in the big cultural and political developments that are impacting your personal destiny. VIRGO (Aug. 23-Sept. 22): According to author and teacher Marianne Williamson, “Ego says, ‘Once everything falls into place, I’ll feel peace.’ Spirit says, ‘Find your peace, and then everything will fall into place.’” I think the coming weeks will be a favorable time for you to take Williamson’s advice seriously, Virgo. How? By giving control of your life to Spirit as you find your peace. In saying this, I’m not implying that Ego is bad or wrong. In fact, I think Ego is a crucial asset for you, and I’m hoping that in recent months you have been lifting your
Ego to a higher, finer state of confidence and competence than ever before. But right now I think you should authorize Spirit to run the show for a while. If you do, it will bless you with good surprises. LIBRA (Sept. 23-Oct. 22): “Snatching the eternal out of the desperately fleeting is the great magic trick of human existence.” Playwright Tennessee Williams said that, and now I’m conveying his insight to you—just in time for you to dramatically embody it. According to my astrological analysis, you now have more power than usual to accomplish this magic trick: to create something permanent in the midst of the transitory; to make an indelible mark on a process that has previously been characterized by restless permutations; to initiate a bold move that you will forever remember and be remembered for. SCORPIO (Oct. 23-Nov. 21): In the course of his 73 years on the planet, Scorpio author Paul Valéry (1871–1945) wrote more than 20 books. But between the ages of 25 and 45, he passed through a phase he called the “great silence.” During that time, he quit writing and published nothing. Afterwards, he returned to his life’s work and was nominated 12 times for a Nobel Prize. Although your own version of a great silence is less extreme than his, I’m happy to announce that you will emerge from it sooner than you imagine. SAGITTARIUS (Nov. 22-Dec. 21): I’m sad that my two favorite 19th-century poets were unfamiliar with each other’s poetry. Walt Whitman was 11 years older than Emily Dickinson, but didn’t know her work. Dickinson had heard of Whitman, but didn’t read his stuff. Their styles were indeed very different: hers intimate, elliptical, psychologically acute; his expansive, gregarious, earthy. But they were alike in being the most innovative American poets of their time, and equally transgressive in their disregard for standard poetic forms. If there were such a thing as time travel, I’d send one of you Sagittarians back to set up a meeting between them. Acts of innovative blending and creative unifying will be your specialties in the coming weeks.
and ignorant; talented and inept; interesting and boring. According to my analysis of the astrological omens, the coming weeks will be an excellent time for you to hone and cultivate the less mature aspects of your own nature. I bet you’ll reap rich rewards by doing so. AQUARIUS (Jan. 20-Feb. 18): “People become like what they love,” observed theologian St. Catherine of Siena. That’ll be an interesting truth for you to meditate on in the coming weeks. I suspect you will attract experiences that are clear reflections of the kind of love you have cultivated and expressed for quite some time. You’ll be blessed in ways similar to the ways you have blessed. You’ll be challenged to face questions about love that you have not been dealing with. And here’s a promise for the future: You’ll have the opportunity to refine and deepen your approach to love so as to transform yourself into more of the person you’d like to become.
CAPRICORN (Dec. 22-Jan. 19): The fictional character Sherlock Holmes (born January 6, and thus a Capricorn) is a brilliant logician and PISCES (Feb. 19-March acute observer who has 20): “Humanity is a mysastonishing crime-solvtery,” wrote author Fyodor ing skills. On the other Dostoevsky. “The mystery By Rob Brezsny hand, according to his needs to be unraveled, and friend Dr. Watson, he “knows next to nothing” if you spend your whole life unraveling it, you about “contemporary literature, philosophy, haven’t wasted your time. I am studying that and politics.” So he’s not a well-rounded person. mystery because I want to be a complete human He’s smart in some ways, dumb in others. Most being.” I love this tender perspective on the preof us fit that description. We are both brilliant ciousness of the Great Riddle we’re all immersed
FREE WILL ASTROLOGY
in. It’s especially useful and apropos for you to adopt right now, Pisces, because you are undergoing an unusually deep and intense communion with the mystery. As you marinate, you shouldn’t measure your success and good fortune by how much new understanding you have attained, but rather by how much reverence and gratitude you feel and how stirring your questions are. ARIES (March 21-April 19): “Excellence does not require perfection,” wrote Aries author Henry James. Now I’m conveying this brilliant counsel to you—just in time for the season when it will make good sense to strive for shining excellence without getting bogged down in a debilitating quest for perfection. Have fun recommitting yourself to doing the best you can, Aries, even as you refuse to be tempted by the unprofitable lure of absolute purity and juvenile forms of idealism. TAURUS (April 20-May 20): To generate an ounce of pure cocaine, you must collect 52 pounds of raw coca leaf and work hard to transform it. But please don’t do that. Fate won’t be on your side if you do. However, I will suggest that you consider undertaking a metaphorically comparable process—by gathering a sizable amount of raw material or basic stuff that will be necessary to produce the small treasure or precious resource that you require.
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28 | MAY 21-27,2020 | cltampa.com
Power players By Dan Savage
Here’s a non-COVID question for you: I’m a queer white female in a monogamish marriage. I vote left, I abhor hatred and oppression, and I engage in activism when I can. I’m also turned on by power differentials: authority figures, uniforms, hot guys doing each other. Much to my horror this thing for power differentials plus too many WW2 movies as a kid has always meant that for my brain (or for my pussy) Nazis are hot. Fuck me, right? Other maybe relevant bits of info: I’m not interested in roleplaying with actual partners, I’m fairly sure this proclivity is not reflective of any deeper issues, and I’m both sexually and emotionally fairly well sorted. Not perfect, but fine working order and all that. And I get it: people like what they like, don’t judge yourself for your fetishes, just get off without being an asshole to anyone. The problem is that my usual way of getting off on/indulging my fantasies is to read erotic fiction on the Internet. I’d love your input on whether seeking out Nazi porn is problematic for some of the same reasons that porn depicting sex with kids is problematic. Am I normalizing and trivializing fascism? —Freaking About Search Histories Seeking out child porn—searching for it online, downloading it, collecting images of children being raped and sexually abused—is problematic (and illegal) because it creates demand for more child porn, which results in more children being raped and sexually abused. The cause-and-effect is obvious, FASH, the victims are real, and the harm done is incalculable. But while it may discomfort someone to know a nice married lady who donates to all the right causes is furiously masturbating to dirty stories about hot guys in Nazi uniforms doing each other, FASH, no one ever has to know that. So you do no harm—not even the supposed harm of discomforting someone—when you privately enjoy the fucked up stories you enjoy. And while there are doubtless some actual Nazis who enjoy reading dirty stories about other Nazis, most people turned on by dirty stories about Nazis are turned on despite themselves and their politics. Transgressive sexual fantasies don’t arouse us because they violate societal norms and expectations (in a safe and controlled manner), FASH, but because they allow us to violate our sense of ourselves, too (ditto). Just as a feminist can have rape fantasies without actually wanting to be raped herself or for anyone else to be raped, a person can have sexual fantasies about hot guys in Nazis uniforms doing each other without wanting Nazis to come to power. I have to say it was a easier to give anti-Nazi Nazi fetishists like you a pass—to shrug and
say “you do you” but please keep it to yourself— before racist demagogues, white supremacists, and anti-Semites started marching around waving Trump flags. But no one picks their kinks and being told “that shouldn’t turn you on” has never made a problematic or transgressive kink less arousing. And when you consider the number of non-erotic novels, movies, and television shows the culture cranks out year after year— and how many actually trivialize fascism (I’m talking to you, “Hunters”)—it’s seems insane to draw a line and say, “Okay, this story about Nazis isn’t okay because that lady over there masturbated while reading it in private.” I’m an apartment-dweller in a dense urban area. Last night I overheard my neighbors having sex— no big deal, right? I consider myself a sex-positive person, and have always held and espoused the belief that if you can’t have loud sex in your own home, where can you have it? But the sex I overheard last night was fairly kinky. Someone I read as a cis man was dominating someone I read as a cis woman. They were in the apartment right across from mine—about 20 feet away—and my bedroom window faces theirs. There was a LOT of derogatory talk, hitting, name-calling, giving orders, and some crying. I could tell it was consensual—she was very clearly having a good time—and I eavesdropped long enough to witness the post-coital return to equilibrium. Everything seemed great. But physically I experienced this as overheard violence. I was shaking and had a hard time getting to sleep afterwards. I’m glad I stuck around until the end. It helped me feel better. I guess what I’m saying is that I needed some aftercare. I’m still thinking about it this morning, and I’m concerned that being triggered by my neighbor’s sex is going to become a regular part of my life. I’m wondering about the ethics of the situation: Do kinky folks have an obligation to muffle potentially triggering sounds? Or is any overheard sex potentially triggering to someone and am I therefore applying a double standard here? What do you think? —The Vanilla Neighbor
SAVAGE LOVE
You went from overhearing kinky sex to eavesdropping on it—meaning, you went from accidentally hearing your neighbors fucking to intently listening as your neighbors fucked. And you needed to do that. You heard something that sounded violent but hearing more led you to guess it was consensual sex and listening all the way to the end—all the way through the aftercare—confirmed your guess was correct. So for your own peace of mind, TVN, you needed to keep listening. But you don’t need to listen next time. If it triggers you to hear your neighbors fucking, don’t listen. Close the window and crank up some music or go for a walk and listen to a podcast.
That said, TVN, you raise an interesting ethical question: Are kinksters—particularly the kind of kinksters who enjoy verbal abuse and impact play—obligated to keep it down? While I think people should be considerate of their neighbors, people are allowed to have sex in their own homes, TVN, and it’s not like vanilla sex is always quiet. But if the sex a couple enjoys could easily be misinterpreted as abuse or violence by someone who accidentally overhears it, that couple might wanna close the window and turn up some music themselves—not only to avoid alarming the neighbors, but to spare themselves the hassle of explaining their kinks to a cop. For the record: I would tell person who enjoys a good single-tail whipping to find a soundproof dungeon to enjoy that in (because that shit is loud) but I wouldn’t tell a person who screams her head off during PIV intercourse to find a soundproof box (even though her shit is just as loud). Instead I would urge her fuck at 8 p.m., when most people are awake, rather than 2 a.m., when most people are asleep. (It can be annoying listening to someone screamfuck but it’s even more annoying to have your sleep ruined
by a screamfucker.) Is this a double standard? Perhaps. But it’s one I’m willing to endorse. 1. Is it safe to hook up again? 2. Will it be safe to hook up again soon? 3. You’ll tell us when it’s safe to hook up again, right? —Getting Really Impatient. Need Dick. Really. It isn’t. At some point. I will. Hey, Everybody: Me and Nancy and the techsavvy/at-risk youth will be doing a special Savage Love livestream on Thursday, June 4 at 7 p.m. PST. You can send your questions to livestream@ savagelovecast.com or ask them live during the event. I’ll answer as many as I can in one funfilled Zoom meeting! Tickets are $10 and all proceeds from the Savage Love Livestream will be donated to Northwest Harvest, a nonprofit that distributes food to more than 370 food banks in Washington State. Go to savagelovecast.com/ events to get tickets! Contact mail@savagelove. net. Follow @fakedansavage on Twitter, and bookmark savagelovecast.com.
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68 Works of fiction? 101 Morocco’s capital Holstein hello Painter Matisse 69 Cheers from our 102 Once-huge Asian lake Gold bar neighbor 103 Fountain orders Spirit with Coke 73 Valley of the 109 Carol’s finish? Irritate Nick Dolls author 110 Stella portrayer Faldo? 74 Manacles Hunter Furniture wood 75 Is over Disney’s Little 77 Howard or Paul 111 Commotion Mermaid 78 Beat at a meet 112 Kauai keepsake 113 Pilot’s concern: Setting of the 80 Half a bray abbr. Pacino Scarface 81 Chopin works Massenet opera 83 Animated nimrod 114 French-American incident of “With ___ in My 84 Manitoba tribe 1797-98, the Heart” 85 Preston’s role in ___ Affair Opinion The Music Man, Turn toward Harold ___ “That was close!” 90 Postwar babies, Banquets now Removal 92 Sanford ___ 98 Down-shaped 93 Bank window Automated, abbr. nowadays 94 New Look Crater fashion Leigh of Psycho designer Furry feet 95 Tree-trimmer’s Specialty truckful Fact checkers Apr. addressee 96 Honda's luxury brand PUZZLE FANS ! Titania’s hubby 97 Surrounded (by) For info on Merl's Greek letter Sunday crossword Most interminable 98 Cooking oil fruit anthologies, visit Satan’s agenda 99 Took on, as www.sunday Fittipaldi Gambling mecca crosswords.com. 100 Billy Sol ___ near Sparks Over again Solution to Eatie Gourmet Highland dance Swerve A L SO S K Y A C T A P E T E R NOUN T OA D C L O T H AMA Z E Apiece A B B E A CME H I P H I P P UR E E Vonnegut’s ___ P E S T OCH A NGEO I NR E OK D T OR Y G I A L EGA R T Dick L E RO I H UMMU S A F EWB A R S Sot’s woe OR A B R A C E S P Y NOROOM Gasps, grimaces, P O T P I E T H E S A I L O R Y A N N I E S A U V E I L N A S A L S S T S etc. L A I E A S T I M I T OA T T H I S S C AMP I H A P P E N I NG Type-width units CH E K E RR E X E S F T S Sandwich fish B E RG SOC A N I T A L A H A S EME R Y CH I C K E N A L A N K I NG Seating R A T I OS M I R A K A T E MO T arrangement DONU T B E A L A RME D ME A N S DR E AMT L I S L E A N “___ upon me, OW L D E S I CH E F PO I A RD E E sir ...” (Shak.) BOOME R I NGU E F A T S T H I N I ND I A L OOP S S R T A H E RD Rough up S T E A L ROS S T OS A R E S Amigo’s abode
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