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PUBLISHER James Howard EDITOR-IN-CHIEF Ray Roa DIGITAL EDITOR Colin Wolf FOOD and THEATER CRITIC Jon Palmer Claridge FILM & TV CRITIC John Allman
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Kaepernick knew a long time ago that we need to address the root causes of racism.
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That’s the focus behind the culture at The Cake Girl, which Lavallee baked into fruition after college and countless baking and pastry positions. Once settling down in Tampa with her husband, Kirby, the two worked to make Kristina’s dream become a reality. They began attending farmers markets, special events, and corporate parties—all of which featured her delectable goodies. “The support from the community has been remarkable,” she said. With the addition of a dessert truck, The Cake Girl took their business on the road. Thousands of miles and cupcakes later, she followed her ultimate passion and opened her first brick and mortar location in Tampa. Her Carrollwood
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uper Bowl week has come and gone in Tampa Bay. While the Buccaneers will forever be SBLV champs, the community at large is still trying to figure out how its page in history will be written out as it plans this week’s championship parade and deals with the repercussions of welcoming the world to its neck of the woods during a global pandemic. The weekend was marked by a disappointing mix of masked and maskless revelers (in spite of the more than 200,000 masks distributed). Here’s just a slice of what we saw. See more—including protest photos—via cltampa.com/magazine.—Ray Roa
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LOCAL NEWS POLITICS
ISSUES
OPINION
Super sketch
Botched enforcement dulls excitement for the Bucs’ historic win. By Ray Roa and Colin Wolf “ ...the majority of individuals that I saw out and about enjoying the festivities associated with the Super Bowl were complying... They understood their level of personal responsibility, and they were doing the right thing. I’m very proud of that. I thank everyone who celebrated responsibly last night… we had literally tens of thousands of people come out sharing the excitement...”
KIMBERLY DEFALCO
O
n the Monday after the Super Bowl, the Tampa Bay Bucs and their diehard fans were on top of the world, but the community is still on the ass end of criticism and jokes about the large swath of folks on streets this weekend openly flouting COVID-19 mask ordinances that city officials said they were more focused on encouraging than enforcing. A New York Times headline from Feb. 8 reads “In Tampa, Super Bowl Celebrations Bring Superspreader Concerns,” while adding that video appears to show at least one police officer getting knocked to the ground as a large group of fans shoved each other (the story arrives days after the Tampa police union said the NFL and local host committee was “putting dollars over officer lives and safety”). Crowds in Ybor City were forced to contend with nearby shootings, and TMZ spent the weekend busting celebrities like Steve Aoki and 50 Cent who partied alongside locals and more or less continued to rage for maskless crowds. St. Petersburg Mayor Rick Kriseman offered criticism of 50 Cent’s Feb. 5 party at a private airplane hangar within city limits, saying that the party was not safe or smart and that he was “going to take a very close look at this, and it may end up costing someone a lot more than 50 cent.” And after massive crowds of mostly maskless people flooded the streets after the Bucs’ historic Super Bowl win, Tampa Mayor Jane Castor defended the city’s efforts to mitigate the spread of COVID-19, and argued that the majority of people she saw were “doing the right thing.” On Tuesday, a city spokes person told Creative Loafing Tampa Bay zero people were cited for not wearing masks in the city’s “Entertainment Zones.” (Read more from that story which missed print deadline via cltampa.com/magazine.) During a Monday press conference, Castor said she wasn’t aware of any citations. But at an earlier Monday morning presser with NFL Commissioner Roger Goodell and members of the Super Bowl host committee, Castor said seeing the lack of mask compliance was “a little frustrating because we worked so hard.” Still, Castor said that despite the overwhelming amount of videos, photos, press reports, and eyewitness accounts of maskless crowds, she was in fact proud of the city’s efforts.
It wasn’t just the media that saw bad behavior all weekend. “It was an ocean of people,” said one resident to local news station WFTS. “You’ve got venues that are operating at 100% capacity, stuffing their places,” said Tom DeGeorge, owner of The Crowbar in Ybor City to the station. “You don’t have to be a rocket scientist to see a line that’s two blocks long and know there’s going to a dance floor inside. Shut them down.” A local medical expert who recently joined Castor at a Super Bowl press conference also confirmed that the media is not gaslighting concerned citizens.
DOUBLE TROUBLE: Unenforced ordinances and the new U.K. strain of coronavirus could spell a rough local surge. But on Sunday tens of thousands of photos and videos also showed maskless people crammed together in places like SoHo and Ybor City. The Tampa Bay Times points out that Castor’s order “was ‘in contrast’ to Gov. Ron DeSantis’s order last year prohibiting cities from fining individuals for ignoring local pandemic restrictions,” but the mayor still pulled a page out of the DeSantis playbook by pointing fingers at reporters and saying that “the media can always find examples of bad behavior.”
“I saw what you saw,” Dr. Jay Wolfson, senior associate dean of the Morsani College of Medicine at the University of South Florida, wrote in an email to CL on Monday afternoon. Wolfson said the scenes were to be expected and that “not much more could have been done to reduce the “fraternity party” behavior before, during and after the game.” Unfortunately, Wolfson added that kind of behavior may also be the case for the Super Bowl championship parade, which Castor said will definitely happen.
“We definitely have to celebrate this momentous occasion,” she said at her second press conference, before citing the Tampa Riverwalk boat parade in celebration of the Tampa Bay Lightning. “We didn’t see a spike ... after we won the Stanley Cup,” she said. Wolfson told CL that everyone partying in the wake of the Bucs’ historic win knew the rules, but that human behavior took over. “...for most, it will not be consequential,” he said before warning of the super-spreader potential of Super Bowl weekend’s events. “...we had tens of thousands of out of state visitors, bringing with them whatever they may have acquired—and they will be taking whatever they might pick up here back to Kansas City and elsewhere in the U.S. And everybody participated in the joyous celebrations—many in large groups, in close quarters (even outdoors) cheering, yelling, singing—without masks and no social distancing." The medical community, he said, will continue to watch, monitor, conduct surveillance, test and seek to manage public health resources going forward in preparation for a post Super Bowl coronavirus surge, which he said would not happen right away. Since nearly 60% of cases are asymptomatic, and there is an increasing likelihood that at least one of the new strains may have snuck into the gatherings, Wolfson said aggressive public health precautions are very much needed to combat the risk of community spread. “It does not happen right away—it takes a few weeks to observe the effects, both here and in the places to which people participating in the unmasked, undistanced events return,” Wolfson said. Still, Wolfson commended the NFL for protecting players and team staff throughout the season that led to the historic victory. He said many venue owners really did their best to control behaviors, before reiterating past comments to CL by adding that “we simply do not have the resources nor the cultural dynamics to expect to be able to control behaviors at a time and place like this.” And as many new cases arise, we all still have to do our part to protect the community. “Wear the damn mask, socially distance and use common sense,” he said. “Let’s be proud of what our community and our team has accomplished. And let’s honor the Bucs and Tampa Bay by keeping our families and community safe in the weeks ahead.”
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WHERE ARE THE CHILDREN? Projections say 87,811 fewer students have enrolled in public schools than were predicted.
Grade school dropout
Nearly 90,000 Florida students didn’t show up for school this year. By Ryan Dailey/News Service of Florida
F
lorida legislators and local education officials are trying to pinpoint what happened to nearly 90,000 “missing” public school students, as public school enrollment estimates have dropped amid the COVID-19 pandemic. A mid-school-year estimate by state economists projects that 87,811 fewer students have enrolled in public schools than were predicted to sign up for the 2020-2021 academic year. “Imagine a school district just closing. That’s the size of this problem,” House PreK-12 Appropriations Subcommittee Chairman Randy Fine, R-Brevard County, told The News Service of Florida last week. The Legislature’s Office of Economic and Demographic Research released the latest student-enrollment projection on Jan. 25, but it remains unknown how much of the drop can be attributed to students leaving traditional public schools for private schools or homeschooling. “I hope it turns out that they’re all being homeschooled or in private school, and their parents just forgot to turn in a piece of paper,” Fine said, adding that he suspects a number of students aren’t being educated at all. “We could have 9-year-old elementary school dropouts out there,” Fine told the News Service. “This will arc the course of their entire lives. Students are suffering enough because of the changes that had to be made because of COVID, some justified, some not. But to not go to school at all is a disaster.”
Student enrollment has an impact on schools’ funding, Fine pointed out to members of his committee during a meeting on Feb. 3. State Education Commissioner Richard Corcoran issued an executive order requiring schools to provide in-person instruction when the school year began last fall but allowed families to choose whether to send their children back to campus in person or sign up for remote learning. Under Corcoran’s order, school districts aren’t punished financially for students who don’t show up in person. School districts typically are funded based on the number of students who receive faceto-face instruction. But, amid the coronavirus pandemic, Corcoran is allowing school districts to maintain funding based on their projected enrollment, as long as they are provide in-person instruction five days a week. But Fine suggested the state shouldn’t be paying for students who aren’t in the system. “Schools are getting the funding for these 90,000 students who are not attending,” Fine told his panel on Wednesday. Fine told the News Service that lawmakers have the authority to address the situation. “We as a legislature could say, there will be no more phantom funding,” Fine said in a phone interview Monday. “That will create an incentive on the part of the school districts to find these kids.”
EDUCATION
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State economists won’t know until the summer how many public school students might have gone to private schools or are being homeschooled. Florida Association of District School Superintendents CEO Bill Montford said education stakeholders have a “moral and financial” obligation to find out where students have gone. “About 88,000 fewer students showed up this year than what we had budgeted for,” Montford, a former Democratic state senator from Tallahassee, told the News Service on Feb. 1. “So, what happened?” Montford, a former Leon County superintendent of schools, blamed the number of unaccounted-for students on “a multitude of factors, a lot of which centers on COVID.” “We’ve got to dig into it district by district, to see where these losses really are,” he said. “It’s important for two reasons. One is, we absolutely have to know where these students are, not from a financial standpoint but more for their personal good. We’ve got issues like human trafficking and things like that that have nothing to do with school budgets. So most importantly, where are the children?” The other reason why Montford said it’s imperative to learn where students have gone is budgetary. “We’ve got to be careful when we budget for next year, because the way it works is, if there are less students who show up, districts don’t get the money,” Montford said. Montford and some of the superintendents in his organization have a theory about the drop in projected enrollment. They believe kids they call “redshirt” kindergarteners may be sitting out their first year in school. “We think that, out of an abundance of caution, a lot of parents said ‘I’m not going to send
my kid to kindergarten’” during the current school year, he said. Instead, they’ll wait until COVID-19 infections begin to dwindle, he added. Florida lawmakers have been considering the issue since committee weeks began in early January, in advance of the March 2 start of the 2021 legislative session. Pinellas County Superintendent of Schools Michel Grego told the Senate Appropriations Subcommittee on Education earlier this year that the trend of missing students in his district skews toward younger grade levels. “The troublesome thing is that the students we’re missing are the youngest. Across the state, we’re looking at kindergarten and first grade,” Grego, who is president of the Florida Association of District School Superintendents, told the panel on Jan. 13. “In Pinellas County we have child study teams in every school that are trying to find students. So it’s not the percentages here or there. It’s those students who have not appeared, and we’re wondering where they’re at.” School districts are now in the process of gathering their own enrollment information, the Legislature’s chief economist Amy Baker said during January’s education estimating conference. Districts are being asked to submit information “in regard to enhanced outreach and ... truancy and attendance,” as well as “anything they know from private school enrollment and homeschooling,” she said. Baker said she anticipates the state Department of Education will send a memo to county school officials to inform them that the latest school-enrollment estimate “isn’t a typical forecast that they would get from us, but more of a platform or a baseline, and that they’re going to have a heavy lift to bring their 67 individual views into it.”
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Nuts, cheaters, and Ron DeSantis I can show you the future of the Republican Party. You won’t need shades. By Jeffrey C. Billman
I
can show you the future of the Republican Party in two numbers, one quote, and two legislative proposals. Ready? Let’s start with the numbers: 199, the House Republicans who opposed stripping QAnon lady Marjorie Taylor Greene of her committee assignments on Thursday; and 61, the House Republicans who voted to remove Rep. Liz Cheney from her leadership position last Wednesday. Cheney’s transgression, of course, was voting to impeach Donald Trump for plainly impeachable acts—which immediately produced a primary challenge and a censure from the Wyoming GOP. You could interpret the caucus’s 145–61 vote in her favor as a sign that the party is moving past Trump, as some Beltway reporters did. But it was a secret ballot. The vote over Greene’s committee seats was not. Greene had Trump’s support, and a vote against her amounted to a public repudiation of the party’s leader and his base. So Republicans bent themselves into pretzels trying to defend Greene without defending her lunacy. Some claimed to take at face value her newfound commitment to reality. On the House floor, she admitted that 9/11 and school shootings were not false flags—a round of applause, everyone— and said she’d abandoned QAnon in 2018: “I was allowed to believe things that weren’t true, and I would ask questions about them and talk about them, and that is absolutely what I regret.” (Not only is that a bizarre mea culpa, but it’s a lie.) Others said Democrats would rue the day they asserted “a new right to be able to exercise a veto over minority committee assignments,” as Rep. Tom Cole put it, a thinly veiled acknowledgment that Republicans would abuse the precedent at their first opportunity. At a press conference on Friday, an unrepentant Greene declared that the party “doesn’t belong to anyone else” but Trump. (Weirdly, she also made Rep. Matt Gaetz, R-Florida Man, horny.) After the last week, the dynamic among House Republicans is clear: At least a third, probably more, are full MAGA. Those with reservations mostly keep them to themselves. The handful with brains and spines won’t be welcome much longer. The party may be Trump’s, but the White House isn’t. That brings us to the quote, from a woman named Alice O’Lenick: “I will not let them end this session without changing some of these laws. They don’t have to change all of them, but they’ve got to change the major parts of them so that we at least have a shot at winning [italics mine].”
Context is everything, so here it is: Joe Biden won Georgia by 12,000 or so votes. Democratic Sens. Jon Ossoff and Raphael Warnock won by razor-thin margins, too. So the legislature began its session this year by creating a Special Committee of Election Integrity—led by an infamous vote suppressor, state Rep. Barry Fleming—and filing a raft of bills to restrict ballot access: eliminating automatic registration, ballot drop boxes, and no-excuse absentee voting, for starters. The ostensible justification, according to Fleming, is election fraud: “Democrats are relying on the always-suspect absentee balloting process to inch ahead in Georgia and other close states.” As became blindingly obvious during Trump’s post-election bullshit campaign, however, the only truly suspect thing was that Democrats voted in numbers Republicans didn’t like. The reality is what O’Lenick said. She’s the Republican chairwoman of the elections board in Gwinnett County in the Atlanta suburbs. In 2016, Hillary Clinton won the county 51–45, a 19,000-vote spread. In November, Biden won it 58–40, a 75,000-vote margin.
severely increases penalties for criminal acts committed during a vaguely defined “riot.” The bill also prohibits “mob intimidation”—in other words, protests, if the DA says the protest carries the “threat of force”—and makes doxxing a first-degree misdemeanor. And when Trump got banned by Twitter, DeSantis saw an opportunity. He proposed a law—obnoxiously unconstitutional, stupidly impractical, and the polar opposite of laissezfaire—to slap $100,000-a-day fines on social media companies that deplatform a political candidate. Just to underline this: DeSantis wants to require private corporations to provide politicians with a free platform from which to spread propaganda, regardless of whether it’s factual, disseminates hate speech, or explicitly calls for violence. This is the future of the Republican Party: extremists acting with impunity, politicians owning the libs and basking in victimhood, and a party that unapologetically cheats when it can’t win. If there was a post-Trump civil war, it didn’t last long.
“If there was a postTrump civil war, it didn’t last long.”
DONKEYHOTEY (CC02)
INFORMED DISSENT
O’Lenick made the classic political gaffe of telling the truth: If Republicans don’t stop voters in Democratic areas from voting, they won’t be able to compete in a rapidly changing state. So that’s what they’re doing. Finally, the legislation, which takes us to Florida and the mini-Trump who runs it, Ron DeSantis, a man who is neither compelling nor charismatic but nonetheless intuits the belligerent mentality that was central to Trump’s appeal. Like Trump, DeSantis’s political patron, he scorned expertise during the pandemic—pushing herd immunity, banning mask mandates, withholding information from the public, purchasing absurd quantities of hydroxychloroquine, even siccing his cops on a prominent critic—while his state racked up more than 27,000 deaths. Also like Trump, DeSantis saw protests against police brutality as a chance to burnish his authoritarian cred. In his case, it was a bill that makes it a felony to pull down racist statues, allows the state to overrule any local government that cuts its police budget, and
GROSS CHARACTER: DeSantis scorned expertise during the pandemic while his state racked up more than 27,000 deaths.
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There goes the neighborhood New map shows where Trump has most support in Tampa Bay. By Colin Wolf
T
he New York Times recently released its “Extremely Detailed Map of the 2020 Election,” which allows you to see just how Trumpy your neighborhood is, and if it’s only going to get Trumpier. Released last Monday, the map shows precinct-level election results, rather than just showing results by county, giving us a bird’s-eye view of a neighborhoods’ political makeup, as well as how much an area changed politically since the 2016 election. For the most part, there really aren’t too many surprises there. But still, the Tampa Bay area has some pretty polarized political arenas. Most of Tampa, for example, went overwhelmingly to Joe Biden, while only a few areas (mostly wealthier zip codes) leaned towards Trump, like South Tampa’s Rattlesnake neighborhood, all of Davis Islands, south Bayshore Boulevard, Sunset Beach, and the Palma Ceia area surrounding the golf course The Trumpiest neighborhoods in Tampa are without a doubt in the Rocky Point area, which had a plus 19% voter turnout for Trump. The Port Sutton area was in fact Trumpier with 26% of the votes, but it’s also worth noting that the precinct had less than 40 votes total.
On the contrary, the bluest neighborhoods in Tampa include parts of East Tampa (86% to Biden) and along the border of Ybor and Tampa Heights (79% to Biden). While Tampa Heights is incredibly liberal, the neighborhood also became slightly more conservative, with a 10% drop in Democratic votes since the 2016 presidential election, says the data. Other deep blue Tampa neighborhoods that became slightly more red (but are still incredibly blue) include Southeast Seminole Heights, Old Seminole Heights, areas just north of Sulphur Springs, and the Channelside District. St. Petersburg was also a deep blue stronghold in 2020, with parts of the city going as high as 88% to Biden. While nearby wealthier and notably boatier areas like Snell Shore Acres, Tierra Verde, Sunshine Beach and North Redington Beach all had strong Trump turnouts. Without a doubt, the Trumpiest large metro in Tampa Bay is probably Clearwater. While the north side of the area went to Biden by 34%, Clearwater Beach went to Trump by 33%. Just down the coast at Belleair Beach, Trump took 64% of the votes. You can check out a link to the entire map via cltampa.com/magazine.
LOCAL NEWS
“The Trumpiest large metro in Tampa Bay is probably Clearwater.”
DAVE DECKER
THANKS, DOLL: There’s now a map showing the Trumpiest parts of Tampa Bay.
20 | FEBRUARY 11 - FEBRUARY 17, 2021 | cltampa.com
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More to love in the heart of
Together We Celebrate Black History Month “Cancer does not discriminate. Cancer hits all of us all across the board, regardless of what community you come from, and we want to be the best cancer center we can be and serve all our community members the best way we possibly can.”
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Together we can make a difference. Make your health a priority. Learn more about screenings. Call 1-888-456-2839 or visit Moffitt.org/Screening
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22 | FEBRUARY 11 - FEBRUARY 17, 2021 | cltampa.com
Shit Happened MONDAY 01
SUNDAY 07 KYLE ZEDAKER/BUCCANEERS
On Hannity, Florida Sen. Marco Rubio continues to traffic false claims Biden is mentally slipping. Very rich coming from the most spineless senator in Florida’s history.
TUESDAY 02
WEDNESDAY 03 SCOTTFORFLORIDA/FLICKR
Florida Sen. Rick Scott goes on Fox News to say Marjorie Taylor Greene is not a true Republican, asserting that “what she said about Parkland is disgusting, is wrong.” You know you suck when the worst human on earth says that about you.
The Tampa Bay Buccaneers beat the Kansas City Chiefs in Super Bowl LV, making the Tampa, St. Petersburg and Clearwater area even more attractive to bandwagon fair weather fans.
MONDAY 08 GAGE SKIDMORE
JEFFREYBRANDES/TWITTER
Critics slam a proposal by Jeff Brandes, R-St. Petersburg, which would allow the state legislature to exempt convicted felons and people under 21 from the new minimum-wage requirements. Brandes argues it would actually help them get hired. Why don’t you just propose a law that would actually just make businesses hire them and pay them, too, asshole?
During a “Fox and Friends” spot filmed in Tampa after the Super Bowl, Florida Gov. Ron DeSantis keeps the door open for a 2024 presidential run, reminding us that things can always be worse. We swear we’re trying to be less shitty. Watch us prove it via cltampa.com/news.
cltampa.com | FEBRUARY 11 - FEBRUARY 17, 2021 | 23
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26 | FEBRUARY 11 - FEBRUARY 17, 2021 | cltampa.com
RESTAURANTS
RECIPES
DINING GUIDES
Lovesick
Tampa Bay restaurants offering Valentine’s Day takeout, meal kits and dine-in specials.
V
alentine’s Day is arriving in Tampa Bay, and love is on the brain. In reality—because, you know, the pandemic—there’s only one way to celebrate, and that’s at home and only if you and your boo thing have been quarantining together. But we know you’ll risk anything for love, including your life and the lives of others, so here’s what’s happening on the commercialized day of love around Tampa Bay. Make your reservations, snag your goodies and squeeze the ones you love tight. Don’t forget to tip your service people like your money is on fire, and just so you’re aware, it’s too late to COVID-19 test that person you swiped right on last week. See more via cltampa.com/magazine. Bonefish Grill Kick your day of love eats up a notch with Bonefish’s filet & lobster tail meal, featuring a 7-oz. filet alongside a seasoned and steamed cold water lobster tail. Available untul Feb. 15, diners can pair this dish with the exclusive 20th Anniversary Weedon Island Wine Blend, Bonefish’s own limited-edition private label wine available by the bottle or glass. If you’re not ready to dine-in, snag it to go. Various locations. Available for dine-in or carryout only. order.bonefishgrill.com Carrabba’s Italian Grill Get traditional for your Valentine’s Day outing with a romantic Italian spread. Think “Lady and the Tramp” moments. Until Feb. 15, Carrabba’s is offering a four-course dinner for two. For dessert, share a Sogno Di Cioccolata made up of a rich fudge brownie with chocolate mousse, fresh whipped cream and chocolate sauce. Available for dine-in and carryout. $50. Various locations. carrabbas.com Donovan’s Modern American Meatery A prix-fixe dinner with 12 different aphrodisiacs. Wowza. Menu highlights from Executive Chef Lee Jasper include oysters on the half-shell, champagne granita, sweetheart salad, lobster bisque, tomahawk steaks, as well as a helping of truffle mac and cheese. $160/per person with wine pairings available for a $30 add-on. 11206 Sullivan St., Riverview. donovansmeatery.com Dough Grab some sweets to go. This year the bakery is creating special conversation hearts
with snarky phrases written in frosting. 2602 S MacDill Ave., Tampa. bestdoughnuts.com Dr. BBQ/Datz Both concepts are constructing bacon bouquets. That means 12 pieces of baconwrapped into roses for a $24 appetizer. Nothing says love like bacon grease. Dr. BBQ, 1101 1st Ave. S, St. Petersburg (drbbqs.com). Multiple Datz locations. (datztampa.com) Élevage The restaurant is crafting a fourcourse, prix-fixe menu. Menu items include lobster risotto, Chilean sea bass, prawns, and beef carpaccio. You can even opt for a bone-in tomahawk ribeye for two for an additional $40. The hardest part of the evening will be having to choose each course. Boss move: Order different items each to share. $85/per person. 4 p.m.-10 p.m. Reservations are recommended via Yelp or call (813) 999-8726. Epicurean Hotel, 1207 S Howard Ave., Tampa. epicureanhotel.com Greenstock/Il Ritorno/St. Pete Meat & Provisions The three sibling concepts have crafted a $65 customizable three-course meal kit to make your Valentine’s meal at home. The first course begins with a salad from Greenstock. The next course is made-from-scratch pasta from IL Ritorno. The third course concludes the meal kit with steak from St. Pete Meat & Provisions. Guests can choose an Italian herb or garlic marinated skirt steak with IL Ritorno’s signature steak seasoning, or for an additional $38, choose a 14-oz. chateaubriand or 18 oz. American wagyu ribeye. $65. Order through stpetemeat.com or eatatgreenstock.com through Feb. 12. Kit will be available for pick-up at Greenstock (449 Central Avenue, downtown St. Pete) on either Feb. 12 or Feb. 13. Hew Parlor & Chophouse The Dunedin chophouse is offering a three-course prix fixe menu for Valentine’s Day weekend, Feb. 13 and 14. Entrees range from vegetarian to seafood to fat slabs of red meat. For dessert, you can choose from a chocolate layer cake, baba au rhum or fruit sorbet—with two spoons of course. Music will also be provided by Katara Trio harpist Seth Lynn beginning at 6 p.m. 5 p.m.-10 p.m. Reservations are recommended via Yelp or call
DINING GUIDE
MELLOW MUSHROOM
By Jenna Rimensnyder
JUST THE TIP: Mellow Mushroom has a heart-shaped idea for that ass. (727) 683-5990. Fenway Hotel, 453 Edgewater Dr., Dunedin. fenwayhotel.com Jack’s Bottle Shop Celebrate Valentine’s Day all month at Dunedin’s Jack’s Bottle Shop. On Feb. 11 slide by for the Valentine’s wine tasting event 5:30 p.m.-7:30 p.m. complete with a cheese pairing for each wine ($20). On Feb. 25 the joint is hosting an Italian wine tasting from 5:30 p.m.-6:30 p.m., stacked with sips and a charcuterie board ($20). 716 Broadway, Dunedin. jacksbottleshop.com Mellow Mushroom Want to do something special but on a tight budget? Opt for MM’s Shroom Love Box pizza kit. The kit is loaded with ingredients to make a small Mellow Mushroom pepperoni pizza, including the brand’s signature garlic butter and parmesan to finish the crust. It’s also equipped with the perfect number of pepperonis so love birds can shape them into a heart for Valentine’s Day. $9.95. Available until Feb. 21. Various locations. ordermellowmushroom.com Metro Diner Steal away your bubby for a low key Valentine’s Day brunch. Metro’s menu has all of the comfort food classics like fried chicken and waffles, croissant french toast, biscuits and gravy and eggs any way. You can even grab boozy sips thanks to $2.99 mimosas and bloody marys all day long. Various locations. metrodiner.com Rooster & the Till Take your someone special out for a four-course meal by James Beardnominated Chef Ferrell Alvarez. The Valentine’s Dinner starts at $100 per person. Make sure to snag a reservation ASAP, and you might want to splurge on some bubbly sips for the occasion. 6500 N Florida Ave., Tampa. roosterandthetill.com Sugar Factory Need something decadent for dessert? Sugar Factory is always ready to provide. Other than its expansive menu of sweets,
the concept is offering a special Valentine’s Day Hearts of Love Insane Milkshake. This cookies and cream milkshake is served in a dark red chocolate-dipped mug, and topped with a heart-shaped rice Krispy treat and chocolate-covered strawberries. By the way, each guest on Valentine’s Day, Sunday, Feb. 14, will receive a complimentary rose and a chocolate-covered strawberry. Seminole Hard Rock Hotel & Casino Tampa, 223 Orient Rd., Tampa. sugarfactory.com TradeWinds Island Resorts Both of Tradewinds’ restaurants, Palm Court Italian Grill at the TradeWinds Island Grand and RumFish Grill, will be serving up special Valentine’s Day menus. At Rumfish, you and yours can order the three-course menu for two ($125) with your choice of appetizer, entree and dessert along with a bottle of wine. Palm Court’s dishes favor seafood, with an appetizer comprised of a trio of two shrimp, calamari and caprese. Palm Court 5:30 p.m.-10 p.m., and RumFish Grill 5 p.m.-10 p.m. To make reservations for Palm Court Bistro, call 727-363-2358 (for RumFish Grill, call 727-329-1428). 5500 Gulf Blvd., St. Pete Beach. tradewindsresort.com Vantage The rooftop bar and restaurant is offering an eight-course, prix-fixe dinner. The menu features dishes like heart-shaped lobster ravioli, beef tartare and a cheese course. Drink in your views (and some handcrafted cocktails) with your boo. Bonus, if you get a little tipsy or want to go all out for Valentine’s Day, book a room at the Karol Hotel. $175 per person. 5 p.m.-10 p.m. The Karol Hotel, 2675 Ulmerton Rd., Clearwater. Reservations are recommended via OpenTable or call (727) 273-7850
cltampa.com | FEBRUARY 11 - FEBRUARY 17, 2021 | 27
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DELIVERY 28 | FEBRUARY 11 - FEBRUARY 17, 2021 | cltampa.com
Know Kap
Tampa Super Bowl mural features the NFL’s most influential athlete. By Colin Wolf
D
ays before Tampa’s Super Bowl 55, Ben & Jerry’s debuted a new billboard and mural featuring civil rights leader and former quarterback Colin Kaepernick, who sacrificed his NFL career to point out the fact that Black men are disproportionately killed by police. On Feb. 1, the socially-conscious ice cream giant shared a photo of the billboard, which shows Kaepernick holding up a fist and promoting the company’s latest pun-filled flavor, “Change the Whirled.” The billboard is located along Dale Mabry Highway near I-275. A few days later, the company also announced a new 30-foot-by-90-foot mural on the corner of Albany Street and Moses White Boulevard in Old West Tampa, featuring local kids wearing T-shirts with phrases like “Power to the People” and “I Know My Rights,” and an image of Kaepernick. Both the mural and the billboard were designed by New Orleans-based artist Brandan “BMike” Odums, who got to know Kaepernick after the quarterback saw some of his work painted on the walls of North Carolina State’s Free Expression Tunnel, where any student can take spray paint or posters and just put whatever they want. To commemorate the new artwork at noon on Super Bowl Sunday, Ben and Jerry’s and Kaerpernick’s Know Your Rights Camp
foundation offered a “free, COVID-safe community drive-thru” at the site of the mural, where fans could pick up family-sized meals, a pint of Kaepernick’s Change the Whirled dessert, as well as “gift certificates to a local salon and barbershop (while supplies last).” Ben & Jerry’s also said they will be donating $5,000 to four Tampa community groups for their work in the areas of “powerbuilding, educational equity, and affordable housing.” The company did not specify which groups will receive the funding. “As we look back, it’s clear that Colin was on the right side of history,” said Chris Miller, who heads the company’s global activism department. “His pre-game protests were before George Floyd’s murder, before the 2020 summer of racial reckoning. He knew a long time ago that we need to address the root causes of racism and the structures of our society that are so brutal to Black people. We wanted to be part of the effort to honor Colin’s courage and legacy because we share the same values.” Ben & Jerry’s decision to make Kaepernick such a large presence at Tampa’s Super Bowl 55, is in stark contrast to the NFL. The league’s NFL Experience in downtown Tampa has zero reference to Kap, who, whether you agreed with him or not, was arguably the most influential athlete of the past decade.
LOCAL NEWS
“It’s clear that Colin was on the right side of history.”
BEN & JERRY’S
CHANGE THE WHIRLED: A new Ben & Jerry’s commissioned mural popped up in West Tampa.
cltampa.com | FEBRUARY 11 - FEBRUARY 17, 2021 | 29
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30 | FEBRUARY 11 - FEBRUARY 17, 2021 | cltampa.com
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In the wake of concerns about the novel coronavirus, it’s best to call or visit the websites of these breweries to check on their offerings.
CIGAR CITY BREWING Tampa’s most famous craft brewery. There’s also a taproom at Amalie Arena. 3924 W. Spruce St., Tampa. 813-348-6363, cigarcitybrewing.com
3 DAUGHTERS BREWING One of the Warehouse Arts District’s most popular hangouts, and a beautiful facility in which to drink some great brews. 222 22nd St. S., St. Petersburg. 727-495-6002, 3dbrewing.com
CLEARWATER BREWING CO. Community-oriented and socially and environmentally conscious. 1700 N. Fort Harrison Ave., Clearwater. clearwaterbrewingcompany.com
3 KEYS BREWING South-of-the-Skyway restaurant and brewery specializing in small batches. 2505 Manatee Ave. E., Bradenton. 951-218-0396, 3keysbrewing.com 7VENTH SUN BREWING Some of the best sours, IPAs and collabs going. Two locations. 1012 Broadway, Dunedin. 727-733-3013/6809 N. Nebraska Ave., Tampa. 813-231-5900, 7venthsun.com 81BAY BREWING CO. South Tampa’s first craft brewery boasts a wide variety of styles. 4465 W. Gandy Blvd., Tampa. 813-837-BREW, 81baybrewco.com ANGRY CHAIR Crazy-good Tampa beer, open Tuesday-Sunday. 6401 N. Florida Ave., Seminole Heights. 813-238-1122, angrychairbrewing.com ANTIBREWERY Dunedin’s secret Sundays-only nano. 1367 Martin Luther King Jr. Ave., Dunedin ARKANE ALEWORKS A wide variety of styles and flavors from the second brewery to open in Largo. 2480 E. Bay Dr., #23, Largo. 727-270-7117, arkanebeer.com AVID BREWING This Grand Central brewing supply shop added a taproom for its beers crafted in-house. 1745 1st Ave. S., St. Petersburg. 727-388-6756, avidbrew.com BARRIEHAUS BEER CO. Lager-specific brewery, carrying on an over 150 year brewing legacy. 1403 E 5th Ave., Ybor City. barriehaus.com BAY CANNON BEER CO. West Tampa's first craft brewery, offering a variety of ever evolving beers, beer slushies and wine that pair perfectly with appetizers and entrées from the kitchen. 813-442-5615, baycannon.com BIG STORM BREWING CO. Stop by this Pasco brewery’s Storm Room for a flight, or visit their taproom on 49th Street in Clearwater, too. 2330 Success Dr., Odessa. 727-807-7998, bigstormbrewery.com BIG TOP BREWING Perhaps Sarasota’s premier purveyor of locally crafted beer, Big Top’s reputation has spread far beyond the region. 6111 Porter Way, Sarasota. 941-371-2939, bigtopbrewing.com BOOTLEGGERS BREWING CO. This Brandon taproom from Bootleggers Beer & Wine Home Brewing Supplies offers house-made suds and guest beers. 652 Oakfield Dr., Brandon. 813-643-9463, bootleggersbrewco.com BRASSERIE ST. SOMEWHERE Award-winning Belgian farmhouse ales from veteran Bay area brewer Bob Sylvester. 1441 Savannah Ave., Tarpon Springs. 813503-6181, saintsomewherebrewing.com BREW BUS BREWING BB brews its own suds, boasts 20 taps and offers food at its Eatery, too. 4101 N. Florida Ave., Tampa. 813-990-7310, brewbususa.com BREW HUB Some of the area’s best beers are produced here along with suds for their own label. 3900 Frontage Rd. S., Lakeland. 863-698-7600, brewhub.com BREW LIFE BREWING Ultra-small batches, and a lot of ‘em. 5765 S. Beneva Rd., Sarasota. 941-952-3831, brewlifebrewing.com BULLFROG CREEK BREWING CO. A multitude of styles from former garage brewers is on tap in Valrico. 3632 Lithia Pinecrest Rd., Valrico. 813-703-8835, bullfrogcreekbrewing.com CAGE BREWING Custom brews in the Grand Central District from one of the ‘Burg’s newest. 2001 1st Ave. S., St. Petersburg. 727-201-4278 CALEDONIA BREWING Great in-house beers in the historic Dunedin Times building. 587 Main St., Dunedin. 727-351-5105, caledoniabrewing.com CALUSA BREWING Family owned and operated, opened Tuesday to Sunday. 5701 Derek Ave., Sarasota. 941-922-8150, calusabrewing.com CARROLLWOOD BREWING CO. “Secret” brewing action inside the Carrollwood location of craft-bar chain The Brass Tap. 10047 N. Dale Mabry HWY, STE 23, Tampa. 813-969-2337
COPPERTAIL BREWING CO. Some of Tampa’s best beer, in one of its best tasting rooms. 2601 E. 2nd Ave., Tampa. 813-247-1500, coppertailbrewing.com COTEE RIVER BREWING Craft beer in the heart of historic downtown New Port Richey. 5760 Main St., New Port Richey. 727-807-6806, coteeriverbrewing.com CRAFT LIFE BREWING Small-batch local brews and a sort of playground or LoL’s craft brewing guild. 4624 Land O’ Lakes Blvd., Land O’ Lakes. 813-575-8440. facebook.com/CraftLifeBrewing CROOKED THUMB BREWERY Safety Harbor’s first brewery boasts homegrown flavor and local guest taps. 555 10th Ave. S., Safety Harbor. 727-724-5953, crookedthumbbrew.com CUENI BREWING CO. Located off the Pinellas Trail in Dunedin. 945 Huntley Ave., Dunedin. 727-266-4102, cuenibrewing.com CYCLE BREWING One of St. Pete’s favorites. 534 Central Ave., St. Petersburg. 727-320-7954. cyclebrewing.com DARWIN BREWING CO. Unique beers crafted with South American influence. 803 17th Ave. W., Bradenton. 941-7471970, darwinbrewingco.com DE BINE BREWING CO. This addition bolsters the Northern Pinellas craft beer scene. 933 Florida Ave., Palm Harbor. 727-233-7964. DISSENT BREWING CO. Unique flavors and adventurous style outside downtown St. Pete. 5518 Haines Rd. N., St. Petersburg. 727-342-0255. DUNEDIN BREWERY Florida’s oldest. Beer, eats and live music. 937 Douglas Ave., Dunedin. 727736-0606, dunedinbrewery.com DUNEDIN HOUSE OF BEER This beer stop brews its own, and also has 40 guest taps. 927 Broadway, Dunedin. 727 216-6318, dunedinhob.com ESCAPE BREWING CO. Another very worthy Odessa/Trinity destination. 9945 Trinity Blvd., Suite 108, Trinity. 727807-6092, escapebrewingcompany.com FIVE BRANCHES Veteran-owned brewery, small batches from IPAs to stouts. Serving up brews and a clear view of the Tarpon Bayou. 531 Athens St., Tarpon Springs. fivebranchesbrewing.com
HOB BREWING CO. Rotating taps; some of the beers are brewed on-site and alongside a combination of local breweries plus local and international craft beer makers. 931 Huntley Ave., Dunedin. hob.beer IF I BREWED THE WORLD This self-described “mixtape of breweries” offers a bit of everything from the classic to the fun and outrageous. 2200 1st Ave. S., St. Petersburg. 727-201-4484, ifibrewedtheworld.com IN THE LOOP BREWING Family-friendly Land O’ Lakes brewery with a lot of community support and plenty of events. 3338 Land O’ Lakes Blvd., Land O’ Lakes. 813-997-9189, intheloopbrewingcompany.com INFUSION BREWING CO. Another great location in the good-beer-packed Trinity/New Port Richey area. 7813 Mitchell Blvd. Ste 103, Trinity. 727-312-4512. INOCULUM ALE WORKS These folks are crazy for sours, and know how to craft ‘em. 554 1st Ave. N., St. Petersburg. inoculumaleworks.com JDUB’S BREWING COMPANY You know ‘em, you love ‘em. A favorite statewide phenomenon. 1215 Mango Ave., Sarasota. 941-955-2739, jdubsbrewing.com LAGERHAUS BREWERY & GRILL A Palm Harbor bar and eatery that offers seasonal brews to complement their regulars. 3438 East Lake Business, Palm Harbor. 727-216-9682, lagerhausbrewery.com LATE START BREWING This beloved Tampa label does its thing inside the Pour House. 1208 E. Kennedy Blvd. #112, Tampa. 813-402-2923, latestartbrewing.com LEAVEN BREWING Riverview’s first brewery is run by folks who’ve got experience brewing big and small. 11238 Boyette Rd., Riverview. 813-6777023, leavenbrewing.com MAD BEACH CRAFT BREWING Brews, ciders, and meads by the beach. 12945 Village Boulevard, Madeira Beach. 727-362-0008, madbeachbrewing.com MARKER 48 Hernando’s first production craft brewery, with its own tasting room and beer garden 12147 Cortez Blvd, Weeki Wachee. 352-606-2509, marker48.com MASTRY’S BREWING CO. From CD Roma’s restaurant to sweet new digs on St. Pete Beach. 7701 Blind Pass Rd., St. Pete Beach. 727-2028045 mastrysbrewingco.com MOTORWORKS BREWING A taproom and beer garden featuring full liquor and wine as well as 30 taps. 1014 9th Street West, Bradenton. 941-5676218, motorworksbrewing.com
FLYING BOAT BREWING COMPANY St. Pete aviation history and tasty homegrown suds. 1776 11th Ave. N., St. Petersburg. 727-800-2999, flyingboatbrewing.com
MR. DUNDERBAK’S The longtime restaurant, biergarten and homebrewers’ hangout is serving up its own beers. 14929 Bruce B. Downs Blvd., Tampa. 813-9774104, dunderbaks.com
FOUR STACKS BREWING An always-changing lineup of local and regional guest suds, along with trivia, live music and more. 5469 N. US HWY 41, Apollo Beach. 813-641-2036, fourstacksbrewing.com
NAUGHTY MONK BREWERY Naughty Monk brings a love of Belgian styles to Manatee County. 2507 Lakewood Ranch Blvd., Bradenton. 941-708-2966, naughtymonkbrewery.com
GREEN BENCH BREWING COMPANY A space worthy of the adventurous beers it produces. 1133 Baum Ave. N., St. Petersburg. 727-800-9836, greenbenchbrewing.com
OVERFLOW BREWING St. Pete’s newest, courtesy of local Rapp head brewer Troy Bledsoe and company. 770 1st Ave. N., St. Petersburg. 727-914-0665, facebook. com/overflowbrewingco
GOOD LIQUID BREWING CO. Thirty taps and food (and a coffee roaster!) from a husband-and-wife duo. 4824 14th St. W., Bradenton. 941-896-6381, thegoodliquidbrewing.co GRINDHAUS BREW LAB Small batches and no extracts. 1650 N. Hercules Ave., Clearwater. 727-2400804, grindhausbrewlab.com GULFPORT BREWERY + EATERY Small batches with an artisanal food menu. 3007 Beach Blvd., Tampa. facebook.com/GulfportBrewery HIDDEN SPRINGS ALE WORKS This Tampa Heights brewery features a rotating tap selection. 1631 N. Franklin St., Tampa, 813-226-2739, hiddenspringsaleworks.com
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RAPP BREWING COMPANY Greg Rapp’s awardwinning styles are carefully crafted and delicious. 10930 Endeavor Way, Seminole. 727-544-1752, rappbrewing.com RIGHT AROUND THE CORNER This video gamecentric Grand Central District craft beer bar started brewing its own in early 2018. 2244 Central Ave., St. Petersburg. 727-360-0766, stpetearcadebar.com ROCK BROTHERS BREWING Brews named for national and local bands have a home in Ybor City. 1901 N. 15th St., Ybor City. 813-241-0110, rockbrothersbrewing.com SARASOTA BREWING COMPANY House-crafted brews, pizza, and sports out toward beautiful Siesta Key. 6607 Gateway Ave., Sarasota. 941-925-2337, sarasotabrewing.com SILVERKING BREWING CO. This space in Tarpon Springs complements a label that’s been around since 2012. 325 East Lemon St., Tarpon Springs. 727-4227598, silverkingbrewing.com SIX TEN BREWING A wide variety and a real passion for the craft-brew community. 7052 Benjamin Rd., Tampa. 813-886-0610, sixtenbrewing.com SOGGY BOTTOM BREWING More Dunedin goodness, including some truly original flavors and inventive brews. 660 Main St., Dunedin. 727-601-1698, soggybottombrewing.com SOUTHERN BREWING & WINEMAKING Multiple brews only available in its tasting room, as well as products and guidance for local homebrewers. 4500 N. Nebraska Ave., Tampa. 813-238-7800, southernbrewingwinemaking.com ST. PETE BREWING COMPANY Beers crafted specifically for the climate. 544 1st Ave. N., St. Petersburg. 727-692-8809, stpetebrewingcompany.com STILT HOUSE BREWERY This friendly Palm Harbor joint specializes in high-ABV ales and other styles you won’t find at other breweries in the area. 625 US Hwy Alt. 19, Palm Harbor. 727-270-7373, stilthousebrewery.com SWAN BREWING Nearly 4 decades of combined brewing experience go into the offerings at this pet-friendly joint. 115 W. Pine St., Lakeland. 863-703-0472, swanbrewing.com TBBC Formerly Tampa Bay Brewing Co., local favorite for nearly two decades. 1600 E. 8th Ave., Ybor City/13933 Monroe’s Business Park, Westchase. 813-247-1422, tbbc.beer TAMPA BEER WORKS At the former site of ESB Brewing, TBW focuses on American craft styles. 333 N. Falkenburg Rd., Suite D407 Tampa. 813-685-1909, tampabeerworks.com TIDAL BREWING COMPANY Small batches in Spring Hill. 14311 Spring Hill Dr., Spring Hill. 352-7011602, tidalbrewingfl.com TWO FROGS BREWING COMPANY Tarpon Springs’ latest brewery and taproom focuses on American ale styles. 151 E. Tarpon Ave., Tarpon Springs. 727-940-6077, facebook.com/twofrogsbrewing KEEL FARMS AGRARIAN ALE + CIDER Tasty brews from the folks behind Keel & Curley winery. 5210 W. Thonotosassa Rd., Plant City. 813-752-9100, keelandcurleywinery.com TWO LIONS WINERY & PALM HARBOR BREWERY Wine and beer brewed in-house. 1022 Georgia Ave., Palm Harbor. 727-786-8039, twolionswinery.com ULELE SPRING BREWERY Beer crafted in accordance with traditional Bavarian purity laws. 1810 N. Highland Ave., Tampa. 813-999-4952, ulele.com THE WILD ROVER BREWERY What started as an English pub in Odessa is now a higher-production facility in Westchase. 13921 Lynmar Blvd., Tampa. 813-475-5995, thewildroverbrewery.com
PEPPER BREWING The Angry Pepper Taphouse’s in-house label, available “on a limited basis.” 9366 Oakhurst Rd., Seminole. 727-596-5766, angrypeppertaphouse.com
WOODWRIGHT BREWING COMPANY Traditional German styles in downtown Dunedin. 985 Douglas Ave., Dunedin. 727-238-8717, facebook.com/ woodwrightbrewing
PESKY PELICAN BREW PUB This beachy restaurant also offers up its own beers thanks to an in-house nano system. 923 72nd. St. N., St. Petersburg. 727-302-9600, peskypelicanbrewpub.com
ZEPHYRHILLS BREWING COMPANY East Paco’s first microbrewery. 38530 5th Ave., Zephyrhills. 813-715-2683, zbcbeer.com
PINELLAS ALE WORKS PAW offers a dog-friendly environment in addition to tasty brews. 1962 1st Ave. S., St. Petersburg. 727-235-0970, pawbeer.com
ZYDECO BREW WERKS Craft brews in Ybor thanks to an award-winning brewmaster, as well as full bars and NOLA-influenced cuisine. 1902 E. 7th Ave., Ybor City. 813-252-4541, facebook.com/Zydecobrewwerks
n o c a B
t e u q u o B
Because no one wants to eat flowers.
4 1 / 2 n o y l n o e l b a l vai
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MOVIES
THEATER
ART
CULTURE
Yes, queen
A new batch of streaming movies to keep you safe at home. By John Allman
F
lorida’s average weekly coronavirus death went down to about 166 with the state’s Monday report, and the Sunshine State’s now crossed the 2 million vaccination threshold. In Tampa Bay—which just saw an influx of out-of-state Super Bowl visitors, plus countless maskless celebrations in the wake of the Buccaneers’ historic win—added 873 coronavirus cases and 22 deaths Monday according to the Tampa Bay Times. That, combined with news that the new U.K strain is making its way around, is plenty enough reason to keep staying home, so here are some movies to help you do just that.
why the women in particular exist in a perpetual state of dread and fear. The reason is that all three central characters are living with ghosts, both those of their own respective pasts (like Bernardo’s cruel father and Estela’s sadistic ex-husband) and those who arrive at the funeral home, only to take up residence. Ojeda lets his camera speak directly to viewers, whether lingering on the words scrawled across the bathroom door, warning the family not to enter at night, or returning to the thick chain and padlock securing Bernardo’s deceased dad’s room. As darkness falls each night, the gloomy, stagnate residence fills with undead life. Spirits move freely, visiting each character. Some seem harmless and inviting, but others point toward darker intentions yet to be realized. By throwing viewers into a world where ghosts are acknowledged and accepted, a burden to carry much like life itself, Ojeda frees himself to go deep into the abyss and unleash a torrent of physical and emotional damage all the while hurtling toward a pitch-perfect, pitchblack final frame.
FILM & TV
“The Funeral Home”
★★★★ 86 minutes, streaming It’s been about 40 years since Italian horror maestro Lucio Fulci made a seismic impact on genre cinema with a string of gory, surreal and often goofy fun films like “The Beyond” and “The House by the Cemetery,” but his influence lives on thanks to up-and-coming talent like first-time writer/director Mauro Iván Ojeda. That Ojeda and his debut, “The Funeral Home,” hail from Argentina shouldn’t come as a surprise. It just shows that classic horror tropes are universal and transcend geographic boundaries. What can’t be stressed enough is just how fucking good “The Funeral Home” is, and how well it works, both as a supernatural fright-fest and a portrait of a dysfunctional family in emotional free fall. Bernardo (Luis Machin), his wife Estela (Celeste Gerez), and her daughter Irina (Camila Vaccarini), live in a dreary residence attached to the local mortuary where Bernardo works. Estela has essentially compromised her happiness for the illusion of security after her first husband turned out to be a serial abuser, but the strain of that decision can be seen in her haunted eyes and muted soul. Constantly at odds with her daughter, Estela basically slaves away day and night to provide some semblance of an existence, even though Bernardo barely acknowledges her or her efforts. Slowly, masterfully, Ojeda peels back the sour layers of his blooming onion to show why no one in this family seems remotely happy and
“Silence & Darkness”
SCREAM TIME: Pitch-black and pitch-perfect ‘Queen of Black Magic’ demands your attention. and Lage deserves kudos for his masterful turn. The entire cast, really, is phenomenal. Mina Walker (Anna) and Joan Glackin (Beth) make you believe not only in their respective disabilities, but in their sisterly bond. To say much more would be criminal, as the plot hinges on a series of reveals, both bloody and deliciously dark, but I can tell you that firsttime feature director Barak Barkan should vault immediately to your list of exciting young talents to follow. Barkan does more, so much more, with less than many writer-directors do with more, and more, and more. He expertly draws his audience into Beth and Anna’s world, their intoxicating way of communicating through touch and modified sign language, and their fearlessness through a series of simple, yet telling, interactions and adventures. I found myself completely subjugated, and yet thrilled, by the point I realized that I was putty in Barkan’s hands, enthralled by his exquisitely-drawn characters and wholly supportive of the violence, and revelations, that arrive without warning in the deliriously downbeat third act.
★★★★ 81 minutes, streaming I won’t lie, “Silence & Darkness” is the type of film that I immediately tell a publicist I will 100% watch and then never do. The reason why is both self-serving (I’m but one man trying to watch a half-dozen or more new films a week) and a product of a film critic’s innate cynicism. A lot of movies can cobble together two-minute’s worth of decent footage to produce a great trailer. But what about those movies for which even a trailer can’t capture or do justice to the plot and ambition contained therein? I beg of you, do not seek out the trailer for “Silence & Darkness” before you rent it. Just trust me. “Silence & Darkness” is the story of Beth, who is mute, and Anna, who is blind. And their father, unnamed, who is a local community doctor, a major germaphobe and their sole parent, raising the girls in a remote, palatial ranch. Father (Jordan Lage) will make your skin crawl,
“The Queen of Black Magic”
★★★★ 99 minutes, Shudder Speaking of pitch-black and pitch-perfect, if you’re not yet familiar with Indonesian writer/ director Joko Anwar, it’s time for you to take note. Anwar has steadily made a name in horror over the past few years with films like “Satan’s Slaves” and “Impetigore,” and I for one will now be seeking those titles out, too. He wrote “The Queen of Black Magic,” but equal credit is due to director Kimo Stamboel (if you haven’t seen his 2014 classic, “Killers,” make it a mustsee). Stamboel proves the perfect shepherd for Anwar’s dark tale of ritual magic and serial abuse in a remote orphanage. “The Queen of Black Magic” starts off as a slow-boil, making sure to allow viewers to learn each of the characters, including Hanif (Ario Bayu), a former ward who was adopted, and his family, as well as two other former orphans and
their wives. They’ve all arrived to pay respect to the ailing headmaster, who is inches from death’s door, but the reunion is short-lived as long-buried secrets quickly claw through the fetid dirt to find new life. Before long, reality begins to warp, loyalties are tested and loved ones are imperiled, and Anwar and Stamboel never let off the gas, ramping up from one masterful set piece to the next, whether a busload of dead-not-dead students or a delirious face-to-face with the queen herself. It feels odd to say, but if there is one upside to this crippling pandemic, it’s the glut of magnificent new horror films to stream and champion. For the not-faint at heart, I strongly recommend a late-night double feature on Shudder, “The Queen of Black Magic” followed immediately by “May the Devil Take You Too.” “Come Play”
★★½ 96 minutes, Blu-Ray, DVD and streaming There are lengthy sequences from “Come Play” that should be at the heart of an excellent sizzle reel for Jordan Chase, a first-time feature director, who secured the support of Steven Spielberg’s Amblin Entertainment (!?!). He definitely has the chops to scare us silly, and I wholly suspect he will do that one day, but sadly, “Come Play” is more of a passion project than the real-deal, scary-as-shit spookshow that it should be. Chase, to his credit, has created a worthy addition to horror’s hallowed elite. Larry, the misunderstood monster, with his spindly limbs and hidden face, is a thing of terrifying beauty. Unlike the equally chilling titular character from “The Babadook,” however, Chase forgets to have fun when it matters most and really let Larry loose. I wouldn’t recommend paying to watch “Come Play,” but I wouldn’t forget the title either. “Come Play” can be viewed as a delightful tease meant to spark hope for a better, more satisfying nightmare still to come. See more via cltampa.com/magazine.
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COLOR RIOT! PROGRAMS SENSORY SATURDAYS
SATURDAY, FEBRUARY 13, 10 AM–2 PM
For families with children with sensory sensitivities. All audio components in the galleries will be turned down or muted. Includes a pre-packaged bag with sensory-friendly activities.
HOMESCHOOL HOURS: OPTICS & EYE DAZZLERS WEDNESDAY, FEBRUARY 24, 10 AM–12 PM
Students and parents are invited to learn about the connection between the eyes and brain while exploring the exhibition’s colorful, eye-dazzling artworks.
COMMON THREAD: A CONVERSATION BETWEEN ARTISTS VELMA KEE CRAIG AND JESSICA OSCEOLA THURSDAY, FEBRUARY 25, 7–8:30 PM VIA ZOOM
Color Riot! co-curator Velma Kee Craig and Seminole artist Jessica Osceola explore the commonalities and divergent practices between their work. This is an online event.
EXPLORE MORE! DAYS
SATURDAY, MARCH 6, 11 AM–2 PM
Bring your family, friends and favorite people to explore Navajo history, the process of weaving, and the science of color through fun, hands-on activities! REGISTER FOR THESE PROGRAMS AND MORE AT MFASTPETE.ORG. YOUR PARTICIPATION IN OUR PUBLIC PROGRAMS HELPS TO SUPPORT THE MFA AND THE WORK WE DO.
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Shroom life
A rare Topsider home is under contract in Hernando County. By Colin Wolf
F
ound mostly in the Caribbean, or locally at the Treehouse Villas at Walt Disney World, a rare Topsider pedestal house is now for sale on Pine Island in Hernando County. Located at 3449 Cyclone Dr., the mushroomstyle home was built in 1996 by St. Petersburg native Joe Kruse, a chairman for the North Carolina-based Topsider home company. Built to withstand 160-mph winds, the home’s octagonal design allows it to not take a direct hit from a hurricane, and is reinforced with nine pilings anchored to the ground. According to a 1996 article from the St. Petersburg Times (now the Tampa Bay Times), the home sits incredibly close to the Gulf Mexico, thanks to a variance that allowed Kruse to place the dwelling’s 13-foot
footprint just nine feet from the water’s edge, instead of the typical 50 feet. When Tropical Storm Josephine hit Hernando County, reports the paper, “the only damage Kruse’s home sustained was the erosion of a little sand under the bottom step.” The 1,145-square-foot home comes with two bedrooms and two bathrooms, as well as floor-to-ceiling glass, two open air decks, and a 360-degree view thanks to the home’s 20-foot perch above the tree line. The Topsider house is currently asking $545,000, although listing agent Kevin Landry of Tropic Shores Realty recently told Creative Loafing Tampa Bay that the home is under contract.
HOMES
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THU FEBRUARY 11–WED FEBRUARY 17 South Florida band Modern Mimes headlines the Saturday night event, with progressive metal sounds before true Tampa death metal comes through with acts Silenmara and Blood of Angels. A bunch of other Florida acts fill the bill including an indescribable artist whose monker I love—Lil $ithlord. CL reached out to Brass Mug in regards to its COVID-19 protocols and will update as soon as possible. (Brass Mug, Tampa)
MICHAEL M. SINCLAIR
Pandapaws By Stephanie Powers C Designated Safe And Sound Venue On Tuesday, state data showed that Tampa Bay added 1,213 coronavirus cases and 49 deaths, while Hillsborough and Pinellas counties have positivity rates at 6% and 7%, respectively. And while 2 million Florida residents have been vaccinated, doctors worry the Super Bowl will only accelerate the spread of COVID-19 (including the new, highly-contagious U.K. Strain). That’s enough to keep you at home, but the local live music scene is finding ways to try and stay on its feet. We’ve marked the gigs at venues that have joined a Tampa-based and city-recognized “Safe & Sound” initiative that pledges to strictly enforce limited capacity, mask wearing and social distancing—and tried our best to explain COVID-19 protocols at venues that not able to join Tampa’s “Safe & Sound” program.—Ray Roa
FRI 12
C Pandapaws w/Sick Hot “Hey Jessie”—a single from Tyler Coy’s new solo project Pandapaws—is a lot more serious than it sounds. The song, and corresponding video by Creative Loafing Tampa Bay contributor Michael M. Sinclair, uses the “updated ‘90s alt-rock anthem” sound to show the struggles of addiction. Like addiction, music is a little complicated as evidenced by a Pandapaws lineup which Coy explained in an email to CL.
After Coy’s former band, New Fang, decided on a pre-pandemic break up, he started Pandapaws as a solo project. “Hey Jessie” was the last New Fang project, but Coy needed some musicians to fill in for this free Friday night show, so after other people fell out, “...now it’s all the original players from the ‘Hey Jessie' video and New Fang that will be playing, but under the name Pandapaws.” Get it? Good. (Hooch and Hive, Tampa) Winterland: Thomas Wynn and Patrick Hagerma w/Dead Set Florida/Row Jomah/more Coachella just got canceled again, but you can still fest at Winterland on Lakeland’s Maddox Ranch, which is, as you can gleam from the name, entirely outside. The weekend party consists of camping, or glamping if you prefer, and a whole bunch of Dead cover bands including a teen version— TributeToad People. Musicians Thomas Wynn and Patrick Hagerman will also be festing, covering Bob Dylan and The Band. Allman Brothers tribute band Steelin’ Peaches joins Row Jomah doing the Talking Heads. Winterland is advertised as all ages, and at 50% capacity. Bringing your own booze is allowed, and you better bring your own hand sanitizer and masks while you’re at it. (Maddox Ranch, Lakeland)
SAT 13
C Opera Tampa: Valentine’s Engagement You either love or hate the Hallmark holiday, but if you don’t come up with a solid plan for your partner you can
end up sleeping on the couch. Opera Tampa has your back with a weekend full of outdoor, safe-as-possible, “Valentine’s Engagement” performances. The set is a mix of love songs performed along with Gian Carlo Menotti’s one-act opera “The Telephone.” There are two shows daily to choose from—including two Sunday matinees—and tickets are sold by tables with two, three and four tops available. (Riverwalk stage at David A. Straz Center for the Performing Arts, Tampa) Pastor Troy Georgia rapper and real-life bigot Pastor Troy is playing at Pegasus Niteclub this weekend. The 43-year-old born Micah LeVar got in trouble, as he should have, when he went full homophobe in a since-deleted Instagram post about Lil Nas X. I guess we shouldn’t expect much from someone whose hits include “ATL Hoe” (the misogynistic lyrics from his group D.S.G.B.’s single “Make Em Get That Money Right” could make Luke Campbell blush). The Eventbrite page states “VIP Sections Available” so, have fun with that. No word on what the COVID-19 protocols are at the Pegasus, but Creative Loafing Tampa Bay reached out and has not heard back as of press time. If you don’t feel like spending money on someone so hateful, you can donate the money to a LGBTQ orginazation like the local Metro Inclusive Health. (Pegasus Niteclub, Tampa) Cuban Metal Fest: Modern Mimes w/ Silenmara/Blood of Angels/more Tampa’s biggest exports—Cuban culture and metal— combine forces this weekend at the Brass Mug.
C Hello: Cope w/Golden Era Cope and Golden Era are joining forces for this Hello (stylized “HELLO”) fundraiser to honor of people lost to suicide and depression. Local artists Stephen Barry, Jerry Cahill, Drake Arnold, TinyBrush, Melissa Sontheimer and Dylan Perry will contribute pieces to a silent auction which can also be accessed online. Though in-person tickets are sold-out organizers will share a live streaming link closer to the date of the show. Besides the auction, you can also donate to the cause through GoFundMe or “Donation Wear” from artists Bizarro Designs. All proceeds from the event go to The Crisis Center of Tampa Bay. (Crowbar, Ybor City) Locash w/Natu Band/Aubrey Wollet Fresh off a private-Superbowl party performance, country duo Locash (stylized “LOCASH”) is playing a public, outside show at The Grove in Wesley Chapel. Though it hasn’t reached number one with its own songs—the duo came close with “I Love This Life”—Locash did write a number one hit: Keith Urban’s “You Gonna Fly.” A thousand seats are available for the Saturday night show, with food trucks, like the Kielbasa Bus, and adult beverages available for purchase. Natu Band (stylized “NATU”) and Aubrey Wollet open the show. While there are no COVID-19 protocols listed on the event page, you can take personal responsibility and check Pasco County’s coronavirus information page before you head out. Tickets are available by table or by individual seats, and some come with a free beer. Yeehaw! (The Grove, Wesley Chapel) Have Gun, Will Travel Safety Harbor Art and Music Center (Shamc, stylized “SHAMc”) is trucking through the pandemic-era with consistent shows including this weekend’s Have Gun, Will Travel pop-up and the popclassical combo Klassika. The center got creative last year and upgraded a flatbed into a mobile stage that brings musical performances to people quarantining. It continues the moving mission this weekend by bringing HGWT to Gigglewaters and the Whistle Stop Grill and Bar. On Valentine’s Day, Shamc stays home when Klassika hits the stage with an hour show combining classicallytrained vocalists and musicians performing pop songs like John Legend’s “All of Me.” So fancy. FYI, Masks are required when not sitting. And if you can’t make it to an event, you can still donate online. (Safety Harbor Art and Music Center, Safety Harbor)
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Where the vinyl is: a list of Bay area record stores
The Recording Industry Association of America (RIAA) mid-2019 revenue report said streaming music accounted for 80% of total industry revenues, which rose 18% to $5.4 billion. Vinyl album revenue grew 13% to $224 million, but the RIAA also pointed out that sales of wax still only accounted for 4% of total revenues. Rough translation: Yeah, people are buying more records, but your local shop still needs you more than ever. If you’re reading this page, then you probably already know this, but you need your local shop, too. So many of the spaces listed to the right are so much more than stores. They’re community centers for ArtPool Records (2030 Central Ave., St. Petersburg) 727-433-5195, artpoolrules.com Asylum Sights and Sounds (6566 Central Ave., St. Petersburg) 727-384-1221 Bananas Records (2887 22nd Ave N., St. Petersburg) 727-327-4616 ext. 1, bananasrecords.com Bananas Records Warehouse (2226 16th Ave. N., St. Petersburg) 727 327-4616 ext. 2, bananasrecords.com Blue Moon Antiques, Books & Music (1413 Cleveland St., Clearwater) 727-443-7444 The Clearwater Record Shop (1610 N. Hercules Ave., Clearwater) 727-755-1201, clearwaterrecordshow.com
music lovers. Some of them are venues for local bands. The staff at most of these shops have more musical knowledge in their left ear than you’ll ever have in your entire life; they’re willing to share it with a smile on their face, too. Patronize these brick and mortars… frequently. Make friends with your neighbor behind the counter. Your wallet might be a little lighter, but your mind will be happy in return. You don’t have to stop streaming — let’s face it, no one will — but opening an app will never live up to the feeling of opening the door at your local record store. —Ray Roa
Daddy Kool Records (2430 Terminal Dr. S., Side B, St. Petersburg) 727-822-5665, daddykool.com
Kingfish Records (Main Store) (26024-B US Highway 19 N., Clearwater) 727-351-5177, kingfishrecords.com
Sound Exchange Tampa (14246 N. Nebraska Ave., Tampa) 813-978-9316, soundexchangetampabay.com
Disc Exchange (6712 Central Ave., aSt. Petersburg) 727-343-5845, thediscexchange.com
Kingfish Records (Flea Market) (180 Race Track Rd., Tampa) 727-455-9923, kingfishrecords.com
Dunedin Records & Audio (757 Main St., Dunedin) 727-423-4108, dunedinrecords.com
Microgroove (906 N. Florida Ave., Tampa) 813-667-7089, microgroovetampa.co
Sound Exchange Pinellas Park (66th Street N and 86th Avenue N., Pinellas Park) 727-545-0042, soundexchangetampabay.com
Dustin’s Vinyl Shop (180 Race Track Rd., Booth F25 W, Oldsmar) 727-678-6829, facebook.com/pg/dustinsvinylshop
Mojo Books & Records (2540 E. Fowler Ave., Tampa) 813-971-9717, mojotampa.com
Green Shift Music & Comics (5713 N. Nebraska Ave., Tampa) 813-238-4177, greenshiftmusicandcomics.com Hello Darlin’ Records (Roving VW Camper) 727-479-6783, hellodarlinrecords.com
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Patrick’s Book and Record Store (15215 US Hwy.19 C, Hudson) 727-868-3168, patricksbooksandre.wixsite.com/patricks Planet Retro Records (226 Dr. Martin Luther King Jr. St. N., St. Petersburg) 727-218-7434, planetretrorecords.com
St. Pete Records (6648 Central Ave., St. Petersburg) 727-490-8861, stpeterecords.com Steelworker Records (708 W. Dr. Martin Luther King Jr. Blvd., Tampa) 813-666-4933, steelworkerrecords.com Unique Music & Collectables (123 Main St., Dunedin) 727-240-0757 Vintage Vinyl (38874 U.S. 19 N., Tarpon Springs) 727-940-8301, vintagevinyl.biz
SAT FEBRUARY 13
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Say yes to the dress? By Caroline DeBruhl
Dear Oracle, I started working part-time at a store dealing with vintage clothes while I was in nursing school full time; I ended up falling even further in love with fashion history and vintage clothing! I never thought nursing school would be easy, but as someone who has ADHD, an entirely online school without Zoom meetings is a completely different beast. I took a break this semester because it became too much, and it’s just hard because I feel appreciated at my current job and love what I’m doing more than anything in the world, whereas nursing school feels like dragging myself through glass. I know the job security working in the medical field is as good as it gets. I just don’t know whether it’s worth sacrificing my sanity when I already feel like I’ve found my calling. Should I go back to school in pursuit of helping others and cushy corporate benefits? Stay in school: Queen of Swords, Hanged Man, High Priestess rev. Fashion: Ace of pentacle rev, The Tower, Lovers rev. Dear Diehard for Dresses, the first card for staying in school is the Queen of Swords, aka the critical mother. Is your own mother critical of this decision? Are YOU critical of yourself in this decision? While Queen of Swords is playing backup to two major arcana, she’s still present. The next card, The Hanged Man, is a card of gravity—of spiritual and physical heaviness. This is a card of sacrifice and working for a greater good but also shows a soul being pulled in two directions. Becoming a nurse during a global pandemic is an instant symbol of helping humankind, of that martyrdom and servitude to the collective. But it is not a job for the lighthearted. It involves sacrifice and can be both rewarding and heavy on the soul. The Hanged Man is also a card for vocation. Nursing could be your true calling, but your intuition is all cross-wired. (That’s The High Priestess reversed.) You’re feeling torn. The first step is to start connecting with yourself. Journal, meditate, talk to friends or a therapist, and get in touch with your wants and values. Why did you enroll in nursing school in the first place? Were you doing it to appease someone (Queen of Swords?) or did you want to heal people? Are your frustrations with how the information is being taught (online), or were there red flags before the pandemic? Really dig deep into that. So what about the fashion career? Well… it’s certainly a new plan! The Tower is a card of intense upheaval, which can be exciting but also terrifying. Try to make this decision with as much clarity as possible.
You are totally in love with your fashion job, and you want to make a career out of it. Those are the Ace of Pentacle and Lovers cards. But…those cards are also reversed. Which could mean you loved your job for a long time. Or it could just be an infatuation. Think of it like this: that dude who bought you a corndog after a long night at The Dirty Shame might be incredible. Or he could drunkyell at your dog and pee in your bed. Every chance has a risk, so try to be as calculating as you can about this one. I’m afraid the cards don’t provide an easy answer. Out of six cards, you have four major arcana. Two are about your calling and your soul, and two are about upending your life for love. As Americans, we tie a lot of our identity up with our careers, and then conflate the success at those careers with our own personal value.
ORACLE OF YBOR
If you wanted to be a nurse for a long time, it could feel like you’re closing the door on a part of yourself. But just because you need a break doesn’t mean the door to nursing is closed forever. Breathe deep, clear your head, and trust your gut. Oracle, this might not interest you, but I want to become a professional dominatrix. I want to have control over other people’s bodies and make them beg me while getting paid to do it, but I have never done this before, and I don’t know how to act, and I can’t really confide in anybody to teach me.—To Dom For Cards: The Sun, Death, Five of Pentacles. Dear Dommy, before I get into the cards, I want to let you know that I’m not a dominatrix, but I am friends with one. I asked her for some general advice, so here’s what she suggested. First, if you don’t know any sex workers IRL, start following some online. Many are on Instagram, Twitter, YouTube, and OnlyFans, and by following them, you’ll begin to get an idea about the profession, learn different styles, and learn some of the issues that can arise from the
job. It’s important to remember that sex work is still work, so professionals can teach you both the sexy and unsexy parts of the job. (Like filing your taxes.) The second thing is that many BDSM dungeons train you on the job. Some even have meet-n-greet lunches where you can talk to people off the clock. You can also reach out to those Tampa Bay Doms you now follow and see if any would be willing to do an apprenticeship. COVID-19 might delay this step, but that gives you plenty of time to educate yourself! With the Five of Pentacles, you seem lost when it comes to this job, but that doesn’t mean you shouldn’t do it. We have two major arcana here, The Sun and Death; The Sun is this sense of deep joy while Death sparks transformation with its phoenix-like energy. This could be a really positive transition for you, complete with transformation into your Dom persona. So learn all you can about the job from real sex workers (not characters from TV!) and prepare yourself for your glorious, sultry rebirth! Send questions for the Oracle of Ybor to comments@cltampa.com (SUBJ: Oracle)
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44 | FEBRUARY 11 - FEBRUARY 17, 2021 | cltampa.com
Toy boy By Dan Savage
I’m positive you’ve written something about this in the past. I have searched your archives but have only managed to find people arguing in the comments about this topic when what I want is your advice. My 16-year-old son is stealing our sex toys. My son took my husband’s handheld toy several months ago. I found it where it shouldn’t have been and let my husband know. He talked to our son and told him these are personal items, like a toothbrush, and that he needed to stop taking them. A few weeks ago I noticed my dildo was missing. I thought I had misplaced it or that my husband hid it somewhere. As it turns out, our son took it. We talked with him again and stressed that these are personal items and not something to be shared. I want to get him his own toy so he stops taking ours. My husband is squicked out about it and I agree it’s weird to have your parents buy a toy for you but he clearly wants one. I don’t want to pick it out. I want to give him a prepaid gift card and have him pick out what he wants from the website or a reputable shop. Is there a better way to handle this? —Mama In Houston
running out the clock allows you to avoid some squickiness, you’re still gonna have to worry about him swiping your sex toys or—even worse— swiping one, using it, and then putting it back without cleaning it properly. Most 16-year-old boys can’t clean themselves properly; the odds that your son is capable of sterilizing your dildo after using it on himself are very, very low. (The odds that your son can make you wanna jump in a time machine and go back 17 years and sterilize yourself? Very, very high.) You could buy him some sex toys. I think this is the best option. Get your son a gift card that he can blow on some toys for himself at a reputable sex toy shop. Or you could pick out a few for him—you already have a pretty handle on the type of sex toys he finds appealing— and leave those toys for him on his bed next to his clean and folded laundry. Having a few sex toys of his own won’t necessarily stop him from tearing your bedroom apart—there’s still your pot and cash to find—but it will make him less likely to tear your bedroom apart looking sex toys. And perhaps most importantly, buying your son some sex toys will allow you to suspend your disbelief and pretend your son isn’t looking through your sex toys long enough to help him fill out those college applications.
SAVAGE LOVE
Teenagers. Going into their rooms for even a second—even just to leave clean and folded laundry on their beds—is an unforgiveable invasion of their privacy, a world-historical crime on a par with the Nazi invasion of Poland, an atrocity that should land mom and dad in a cell in the Hague. But that same kid will tear their parents’ bedroom apart looking for mom and dad’s sex toys, any cash mom and dad have at home, mom and dad’s secret stash of pot, etc. Because while they’re entitled to absolute privacy, mom and dad—or dad and dad or mom and mom— aren’t entitled to any privacy at all. (And your son may never forgive you for the embarrassment you caused him when you asked him not to steal—and not to use—your dildo.) How do you handle this? You could forbid him to go into your bedroom. You could even put a lock on your bedroom door. But you’ll forget to lock it one day, or one day he’ll learn to pick the lock and before you know it he’ll be back in your bedroom picking through your sex toys. You could run out the clock. Your son is 16 years old and he’ll hopefully be out of the house in less time than it took to get him out of diapers. Twenty-four short months, hundreds of millions of COVID-19 vaccinations, and a few college applications are all that stand between you and having your house all to yourselves again. At that point you and your husband won’t have to worry about your son stealing your sex toys—hell, at that point you can make a lovely centerpiece out of them for the dining room table. But while
A few weeks ago in your column, you were responding to a guy who was unsure a b o u t his relationship because his boyf r i en d’s k i n k s d i d n’t match up with his own. You said that kinks are “hard-wired” and that, for someone who has them, acting on their kinks is necessary for them to have a fulfilling sex life. Wow. That leapt off the page at me. This is something I’ve struggled with most of my life, and that made things so crystal clear.
From the time I was first sexually aware, I knew I was gay and that I was attracted to BDSM. I am five years out of a 20-year relationship. My partner and I dabbled in BDSM but I never felt like he was really into it. He was just doing it for me. When I asked what I could do for him, he’d always say “nothing.” That made it even more disappointing. The relationship didn’t end over his stuff, but I regret sticking with it, and an unfulfilling sex life, for so long. The kink stuff started so early for me. Hard-wired doesn’t even begin to describe it. Pre-puberty I was fascinated when I saw guys getting tied up on TV, in comics, and in movies. But now here I am, single and 63 years old. I haven’t dated anyone since my relationship ended. I don’t want to date purely vanilla people or people with kinks that aren’t compatible with mine. I’m just not sure what to do. Any advice?—I’ve No Clever Acronym In the column where I described kinks as hardwired—which they are for most people, INCA, although some folks do manage to acquire them—I didn’t advise kinky people to date only other kinky people. So long as a kinky person isn’t 1. being shamed and 2. is allowed to enjoy their kinks with others who share them, a mixed kink/vanilla relationship can work. So don’t limit yourself to dating only guys who are into BDSM. Date vanilla guys you meet through mainstream dating apps, but be open about your kinks from the start and be clear about your intent to enjoy your kinks with guys who share them. And date kinky guys you meet on kink dating apps—there are plenty of guys your age on Recon, the biggest personals site for
kinky gay and bi men, and guys of all ages who are into guys your age. Good luck. Gay boy here with a new boyfriend. We’ve been together for almost two months and I TOLD HIM that I want an open relationship but I AM NOT comfortable with him dating other men. I MADE
THAT CLEAR. A week ago he oh-so-casually drops that he’s been meeting up with a guy for EIGHT FUCKING YEARS! I told him he had to STOP this but my he REFUSES to stop it. He says they aren’t “dating” so he didn’t betray me. I looked at their text messages—GOING BACK YEARS—and this guy will send him a message once every few months and my boyfriend hurries over to his house to blow him. My boyfriend thinks it shouldn’t matter that he’s “servicing” this one other person since we both fuck around. My problem is the “ONE OTHER PERSON” part of the equation! I am NOT interested in monogamy but I am STRONGLY opposed to MY BOYFRIEND having an ONGOING THING with another man! If our ages matter: I am in my mid-20s and VGL, my boyfriend is in his mid-30s and VGL, and this guy is in his LATE forties and TOTALLY AVERAGE LOOKING. I do not see why my boyfriend won’t GIVE UP this man for me.—Really Angry Guy Into No Games I can almost see why your boyfriend wouldn’t want to give up this guy for you, RAGING. I mean, if I squint I can almost make it out… Look, your boyfriend has been servicing this guy for almost a decade. If they wanted to date, they’d be dating. If they wanted to be together, they’d be together. And if you force your boyfriend to choose between the DEMANDING INSECURE CAPS BOY he’s known for a little less than two months—that would be you—and the guy he’s been servicing for a little less than a decade, you’re going to lose. If you wanna be with your VGL boyfriend, RAGING, offer to grandfather the average guy in, i.e. agree to him continuing to service this impossibly old fart on the condition that your boyfriend doesn’t add any new “regulars” to his rotation. But the off chance your boyfriend also reads my column: OMG, DUDE, RUN. C o n t a c t mail@savagelove.net, follow @FakeDanSavage on Twitter and bookmark savagelovecast.com.
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