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CREATIVE LOAFING • CLTAMPA.COM $FREE • DECEMBER 09-15, 2021 (VOL.34, NO.49)

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PUBLISHER James Howard EDITOR-IN-CHIEF Ray Roa DIGITAL EDITOR Colin Wolf STAFF WRITER Justin Garcia HILLSBOROUGHTRANSIT/FACEBOOK

FOOD and THEATER CRITIC Jon Palmer Claridge FILM & TV CRITIC John Allman IN-HOUSE WITCH Caroline DeBruhl CONTRIBUTORS Josh Bradley, Kyla Fields, Alexandria Jones, Stephanie Powers, Dan Savage, Chelsea Zukowski

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PHOTOGRAPHERS Dave Decker, Chris Rodriguez

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EDITORIAL INTERN Apply for fall via

rroa@cltampa.com SeaWorld in February, animal rights claiming the practice of keeping Jack wild Spatafora CREATIVE DIRECTOR d dangerous. But even though public ILLUSTRATORS Joe Newton, Dan Perkins, atmany SeaWorld animal rights don’t in seeFebruary, a parallel between the kind Cory Robinson , claiming the practice of keeping wild k and the practice of displaying animals nd dangerous. even though public ACCOUNT EXECUTIVES asking forSENIOR tooBut much? Or is it time for a Anthony Carbone, Scottthe Zepeda d, many don’t see a parallel between kind t” animals?

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ck and the practice of displaying animals MARKETING, PROMOTIONS AND s asking for too much? Or is it time for a EVENTS DIRECTOR ent” animals? Alexis Quinn Chamberlain

We wanted to make sure that we were responding to a request from TPD.

MARKETING, PROMOTIONS AND EVENTS COORDINATOR Lauren Caplinger

After pressure from public, HART will reinstall Metro Rapid seats, p. 11.

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Stage is set

Local companies have so many presents for theater fans. By Stephanie Powers

merican Stage showcases another side of a classic story in “Jacob Marley’s Christmas Carol,” which opened on Wednesday. Based on a 1995 book by Tom Mula, the play focuses on Ebenezer Scrooge’s already-dead partner. The St. Pete theater company brings a “punk twist” to the production but is pretty tight-lipped about what that entails except some costumes straight out of Trash and Vaudeville. Two-time New York Times Critics pick Rajendra Ramoon Maharaj directs the show, with Saren Nofs Snyder, Amanda Jane Snyder, Patrick A. Jackson, and Amber McNew making up the four-person cast. Among other health protocols, masks are required including during the show. “If a patron removes their mask, the performance will be paused until they replace it.” Jacob Marley’s Christmas Carol. Select dates through Jan. 2, $20 & up. Raymond James Theater at American Stage, 163 3rd St. N, St. Petersburg. americanstage.org freeFall’s ‘Night Before’ is a tribute to Sondheim and runs through Christmas Eve in St. Pete St. Pete’s FreeFall Theatre already had tributes to Stephen Sondheim included in its newest seasonal production “The Night Before,” and the recent news about the theater icon makes this show even more special. “It’s a real love letter to [Sondheim]. It’s also wildly funny,” director Matthew McGee told Creative Loafing Tampa Bay. “Think Andy Williams meets Pee-Wee’s Playhouse set in St. Petersburg.” Besides the parody song “Very Sondheim Christmas,” among the cast of the

musical-comedy—written by McGee and Michael Raabe—is a cat with the same name as the beloved composer. The feline Sondheim (one of three puppets) shares the stage with FreeFall regulars Hillary Lewis, Sara DelBeato, and Raabe plus newcomer James David Larson. The performers play friends around a piano on a snowy—yes, snowy— Florida holiday night sharing the tasks of singing, puppeteering, and playing instruments. The familyfriendly production kicked off its world-premiere run last weekend. The Night Before. Select dates through Dec. 24, $25 & up. freeFall Theatre 6099 Central Ave., St. Petersburg. freefalltheatre.com Jobsite is streaming ‘Shockheaded Peter’ through Christmas In case you’ve been living underneath a rock, “Shockheaded Peter” is probably the most popular thing to come out of Straz Center’s Jobsite Theater since the company discovered sliced bread. In all seriousness, the play is puppetdriven, amazing, boisterous insanity with a soundtrack that plays like a marvelous mixtape cabaret of morbid hilarity. Based on Heinrich Hoffman’s 19th century book, “Der Struwwelpeter,” Jobsite’s adaptation sold out both its initial and encore runs, and now you can watch the damn thing at home. For just a fraction of the ticket price ($4.99 for a 24-hour rental), Jobsite will beam the damn thing straight into your living room so you can eat on that takeout and laugh out loud to one of the best productions local theater has given Tampa Bay during the pandemic. More information is at vimeo.com/ondemand/shockheadedpeter2021.—Ray Roa

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THE GIFT OF THEATER: The cast of ‘Jacob Marley’s Christmas Carol’ introduces themselves.

6 | DECEMBER 9 - DECEMBER 15, 2021 | cltampa.com

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ampa rock band the Nervous Girls released a new EP last Friday, and celebrated with a show at The Bends in St. Petersburg where Wolf-Face played opener. A sweaty, good time was had by all, but the gig was bittersweet as it was also the Girls’ last show ever. See more photos from the throwdown via cltampa.com.—Ray Roa

8 | DECEMBER 9 - DECEMBER 15, 2021 | cltampa.com

cltampa.com | DECEMBER 9 - DECEMBER 15, 2021 | 9

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LOCAL NEWS POLITICS

ISSUES

OPINION

Seat’s taken

HART to reinstall Metro Rapid seats, says TPD asked to have them removed. By Justin Garcia

The Metro Rapid route was launched in 2013, with seating for 8-12 people originally included in the construction of the shelters. The route is marketed as a quick and easy way for people to transit between the University Area and Downtown Tampa, with an advertised 15-minute wait on weekdays and 30 minutes on the weekend. But after the seats were removed, those with trouble standing for extended periods of time found themselves in a tough spot. A ride down Metro Rapid’s route—which runs on Nebraska from Downtown to Fletcher and the University Area Transit Center—

SPEEDY REACTION: After pushback from transit activists, HART will reinstall Metro Rapid seats. reveals that most of the stops have had their seats removed, save for a couple random stops that have one or two seats remaining. In CL’s article about the missing seats, transit activists decried the removal, and HART has responded to the community in less than a week by moving to re-install the seats. “Sunshine Citizens is highly concerned about the significant removal of bus seating along

difficulty standing. According Mobility Lab, a research and communications center, without benches, these 16% of adults face huge—if not insurmountable—hurdles to using public transportation. By Mobility Lab’s estimate, that’s around 39.5 million people whose only transportation choice is driving due to lack of accommodations, putting potentially millions of more vehicles on the road across the country and thousands more on the road in Tampa. Ignoring the need for sitting in public spaces and transit is not only a pain for riders, it’s an example of hostile architecture—subtle design decisions made to deter certain behavior and people (especially houseless people) from existing in public spaces. Myra Pierce, president of the Ybor Heights Neighborhood Association says the stops without seats are a disappointment to the neighborhood and the city. “This is truly a disservice to our residents,” Pierce, who has lived near Nebraska Ave. her entire life, told CL. “It doesn’t resolve anything and creates a barrier for individuals who are part of our neighborhood.” Pierce, who is getting her master’s degree in rehabilitation counseling, points out that instead of hostile architecture, investments should be made in ways to help those who find themselves interacting with the city’s public spaces. She’s also worried about the health of pregnant women, who are forced to stand at the stops. Tampa’s war on sitting is nothing new. Lykes Gaslight Park, where houseless people used to congregate and eat meals served by Food Not Bombs Tampa (FNB), had benches removed in 2019, to the dismay of houseless people and activists alike. The city said that the benches were going to be replaced, after they were removed just before the NCAA Women’s Final Four in Tampa. They never were. Now, FNB feeds people near the park in areas that are littered with “no loitering” signs. And earlier this year, CL Tampa Bay obtained bodycam footage of Tampa Police Department removing houseless people from a HART shelter in downtown, who were seeking cover from a storm after receiving dinners from Food Not Bombs.

“We also want to make sure that we’re doing right in public, providing as much convenience as possible when they ride the bus.”

JUSTIN GARCIA

he Hillsborough Area Regional Transit Authority (HART) is reinstalling Tampa’s Metro Rapid bus seats this week, after Creative Loafing Loafing Tampa Bay published an article about the missing seats last week. Both HART and Hillsborough County Commissioner Mariella Smith said that in February 2020, Tampa Police Department (TPD) requested that the seats be removed. Nikki Frenney, Director of Communications and Marketing for HART, believes TPD citied what it called general crimes that had occurred at the stops such as loitering, vandalism and drug dealing as reasoning for their removal. She told CL that seats should be reinstalled by the end of the week. While the concern of crime from TPD was enough to have HART remove seats initially, Frenney said HART’s dedication to the county’s riders is paramount. “We wanted to make sure that we were responding to a request from TPD where they say they saw and increase in crime at the stops,” Frenny told CL. “But we also want to make sure that we’re doing right in public, providing as much convenience as possible when they ride the bus. And so it’s a delicate dance.” Frenny said that some of the bus seats were being installed as soon as this past Monday. She said that HART hopes that the community will look out for each other to make sure that there is no danger of crime at the stops when the seats are returned. CL submitted a public records request to both TPD and HART for more details about the seating removal, but Frenny told CL she thinks that the request from TPD was verbal, as opposed to written. County Commissioner Smith told CL that despite funding issues HART faces, the organization aims to not only reinstall the seats, but improve the stops as well. “HART’s mission is to take people to the places they need to go and provide the best customer service we can, and that includes making our bus stops as comfortable as can be,” Smith told CL. She added that HART is currently in the process of making stops safer and more compatible for people of all abilities and ages.

Nebraska Avenue,” the group wrote in a statement to CL. “Removal of bus seating impacts not only HART’s level of transit service but further penalizes bus riders who at times have to wait unnecessarily long.” Tampa’s removal of bus benches mirrors what’s happening in big cities like New York, where benches and seats have been steadily removed for years. This removal of seating against many taxpayer wishes has been dubbed the “war on sitting” in such cities. But at least in New York, the city installed leaning stations instead with USB charging stations and digital screens.

Tampa’s Metro Rapid Routes are simply gutted now, looking disheveled and unwelcoming. In the U.S., 17 million adults are unable or have extreme difficulty walking a quarter of a mile, according to the Center for Disease Control and Prevention. That’s 7% of the population. This number rises to 1% when including people with limited physical abilities, such as

cltampa.com | DECEMBER 9 - DECEMBER 15, 2021 | 11

S.A.F.E.?

TPD scraps ‘crime free multi-housing,’ but the community remains skeptical. By Justin Garcia

ast Thursday, Tampa Police Department (TPD) gave an update on a transition away from its controversial “crime free multi-housing” program to a new crime prevention project. TPD Interim Police Chief Ruben Delgado presented the new S.A.F.E. (Safety Awareness for Everyone) model, and attempted to address the serious concerns of people who spoke during public comment prior to the presentation. Multiple Tampa community members voiced concerns about the way “crime free” affected the Black community. They called for reparations to be made to those harmed by the program, and questioned if S.A.F.E. would be any better for the community While Delgado did not speak about whether the city plans to make the wronging of Black renters right, he did say S.A.F.E. is better than the contentious crime free program. Under the crime free program 90% of around 1,100 renters flagged for eviction since 2013 were Black, the Tampa Bay Times found in an investigation. While TPD claimed the program was made to target serious crimes, some renters— including entire families who did not commit any crimes—were at times evicted because their housemate had been arrested for panhandling and petty theft. On its face, S.A.F.E. seems to remove some of the worst aspects of the former program and sever itself from the national “crime free” model. Under S.A.F.E., TPD will no longer communicate directly with landlords to tell them when a tenant has committed a crime—a move that used to lead directly to evictions. Instead, TPD says the program will focus on education and training on numerous public safety best practices. Delgado told city council that changes includes neighborhood engagement and monitoring crime statistics and trends, along with an online database where people can search it to monitor crime in the city. This is data that is publicly available, but it will be easier accessible on the forthcoming website. TPD is also changing its original presentation to landlords, which likened criminals to weeds that needed to be uprooted. Yale Professor and author of “How Fascism Works” Jason Stanley told Creative Loafing Tampa Bay the language was pre-genocidal, and fully condemned the program. However, Delgado refused to say that the changes to “crime free” were major, adding that the goal remains the same. “The goal hasn’t changed,” Delgado told city council. “We’re going to eliminate some of the names of the program’s goals themselves as

far as making the neighborhood safe, trying to reduce crime, and trying to get the safe environments inside of these apartment complexes in the communities and in the neighborhoods and neighbors watching businesses all stay the same.” Delgado said that the new program should be up and running by the end of the year. But Robin Lockett with Florida Rising— plus others not so convinced about the program—said damage from “crime free” hasn’t been fully healed. Lockett is concerned with the new program because TPD hasn’t taken responsibility for its mistakes in the original program. “Instead of just saying, ‘Hey, I’m sorry, we made mistakes,’ the authorities are trying to justify and cover those mistakes,” she said during public comment. “A pig with lipstick is still a pig. You can change the name and say, we are not doing this anymore. You can even look sincere when you’re saying all of the above, but the culture has already been created.” Also during public comment, James Shaw Jr., Legal Panel Chair for the Florida Chapter of the American Civil Liberties Union pointed out that with the “crime free” program’s creation of a lease Addendum that allows landlords to evict people for being arrested, TPD opened a door that is hard to close. “Unfortunately, there’s no mechanism for the police that have no authority to tell the landlords to stop using that lease Addendum,” Shaw said.

or use the lease addendum. He went to make another point about the topic but then said he lost his train of thought and said “Sorry, I’ve lost my last point.” In September, residents spoke out about the program and Councilman Bill Carlson suggested suspending and reevaluating the program for the safety of residents. During that meeting, CL found TPD officers and media relations employees shuttling people to city hall to speak in favor of the program. TPD also got into a Twitter beef with Tampa Bay Times, which broke the story. When TPD announced S.A.F.E. via press release on Wednesday, it said that Chief Assistant City Attorney Ursula Richardson did her own analysis of the evictions associated with “crime free,” adding that the Times “incorrectly implied hundreds of tenants had been evicted because landlords were notified of tenants’ arrests through that program.” But when the Times asked to interview Richardson about her findings, City of Tampa Communications Director Adam Smith denied the request. Despite TPD and the city’s efforts to spin crime free multi-housing, SAFE is on its way, with many in the community keeping a close eye out for the effects it will have on renters in Tampa.

“Instead of just saying, ‘Hey, I’m sorry, we made mistakes,’ the authorities are trying to justify and cover those mistakes.”

CITY OF TAMPA MEETINGS/YOUTUBE

LOCAL NEWS

“And it’s financially advantageous for them to use it because as rents rise, it’s always financially advantageous to evict someone and replace them with someone else on the waiting list.” Delgado did not mention how the lease addendum problem could be put back in the box. Shaw suggested city council might have to do that work, saying to the council, “That’s for you to have to clean up for them because they [TPD] can’t clean up after themselves.” Andre Hill from the Urban Progress Alliance said that Tampa is moving in a direction that develops “a very dark cloud of gentrification” and economic exclusion from participating in the prosperity of the city that Black people have contributed to. “I strongly urge the city council to discourage the mayor’s office and also the police department to implement these tactics of displacement of people that would never have opportunities to have a fair and equitable opportunity,” Hill said. Eric Garduño of the Bay Area Apartments Association—who said he was invited to speak by city council—was the only public speaker who didn’t have a problem with “crime free,” and instead voiced his support with anecdotal data for city council. Garduño said that during conversations with apartment complexes, he found that most of them did not have training

12 | DECEMBER 9 - DECEMBER 15, 2021 | cltampa.com

TALL TALE: Interim Chief Delgado claims S.A.F.E. is not a different program from ‘crime free,’ despite drastic changes.

cltampa.com | DECEMBER 9 - DECEMBER 15, 2021 | 13

Batter up

Kriseman picks developer for Trop site. By Ray Roa

ast Thursday, near the shadow of the stadium itself, St. Petersburg Mayor Rick Kriseman said he’s picked Midtown's "Creekside" plan for redevelopment of the site around Tropicana Field. The decision comes five months after Kriseman narrowed candidates for redevelopment of Tropicana Field to proposals from Midtown Development and Sugar Hill Community Partners. In the eyes of City Wilds columnist Dr. Thomas Hallock, Sugar Hill and Midtown were the best of the four initial proposals on the table, adding that the Miami-based Midtown group led by Alex Vadia, “by contrast, does the best job keeping its eye on the prize. Avoiding the more complicated financials and social engineering…” “Midtown emphasizes housing, with a promise of 1,000 units, and the partnership carries a weighty endorsement by Reverend Watson Haynes of the Pinellas County Urban League,” Hallock added. Sugar Hill took its name from the prosperous Black neighborhood buried under I-175; its plan most deeply reflected upon the recent past, and beneath Sugar Hill’s veneer of the local lies a formidable operating team, one that seems to specialize in high-developments flanking stadiums and “revitalized” urban cores. In explaining his selection of Midtown to gathered press, Kriseman continuously reiterated that Midtown was undaunted by “Twenty-One Guiding Principles of Development” in the request for proposal. Those principles, in part, ask the developer to honor the site’s history and provide opportunities for economic equity and inclusion. During the 1970s, Interstate-175 leveled well-constructed homes of doctors, teachers, pastors, dentists, professionals, and entrepreneurs along Fifth Avenue S. A decade later, the city razed Gas Plant, the adjacent and poorer section of town. The city first promised light industry then built a domed stadium—for a baseball team that did not yet exist. The principles also call for Midtown to “value diversity, small business, and ‘authenticity’...” but also incorporate a fancy hotel and 50,000100,000 square foot convention center. In his assessment of the plan, Hallock wrote that those two things “rarely yield equity or authenticity.” Kriseman hammered home the point that while he is the mayor to select Midtown for the redevelopment of the Trop site, he—or MayorElect Ken Welch, who won the November election with more than 60% of the vote—won’t be the last to handle this redevelopment. In fact, this project could take decades to see complete fruition.

In a statement sent after the presser, Welch—who was absent to attend a conference for the country’s incoming mayors—said he would put in the same amount of work that Kriseman did in coming to a selection. While the selection of Midtown is a big step forward, and one Kriseman did not want to leave for future administrations, finalizing and hammering out the details and ultimate approval of Midtown to develop the site will still fall on the feet of the Welch administration and incoming City Council members. In his comments, Kriseman called on city hall, future mayors and Midtown to keep moving the process forward hand-in-hand with the community. “Remember, this is not a mayoral project. This is a St. Petersburg project. It is the biggest and most important one yet.” Kriseman said. As Tampa Bay Business Journal points out, Midtown’s proposal said it would invest $2.7 billion-$3.8 billion into the 86-acre site based on the density of the area. “The proposal shows the company would spend at least $94 million on public improvements and an additional $5 million in grants for minority-owned small businesses. Midtown has offered the city $60

local developer who’s loaned a boatload of money to the Tampa Bay Times. Also still up in the air in regards to any development at the Trop site is what will happen to the possible graves ground penetrating radar discovered there over the summer. Kriseman deferred the question to a spokesperson who told CL they’d get details over as soon as possible. The spokesperson also said they may provide a statement regarding other calls to flat out return the land at the Trop site to families upended as a result of the demolition of the Gas Plant district. Check for this story online to see if the update came in. Rev. Haynes II, President of the Pinellas County Urban League, said that Midtown participated in “the most dangerous interrogation” in its interviews with his 40-year-old organization. In a statement sent after the press conference, Haynes said, Midtown “impressed us from the start, even with the way they approached us for a partnership on this project. Rather than showing us their vision for the redevelopment of the site, they asked us to build that vision with them.” Haynes added that his group is ready to take the next step in the process and that he expects not just the community, but other groups not selected by Kriseman to come to the table as the process moves along.

“Kriseman called on city hall, future mayors and Midtown to keep moving the process forward hand-in-hand with the community.”

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million for the property and is seeking $75 million in city funding for infrastructure work,” TBBJ added. What’s more is that the RFP required Midtown and other developers to submit a plan that includes a new stadium for the Rays and one for if or when team ownership finally gets a new stadium in Ybor City. Citing a confidentiality agreement, Kriseman would not get into the details about his conversations with the Rays regarding the selection of Midtown, but the mayor did reiterate his skepticism about a split season with Montreal. “From a process standpoint, how do you make that work? I’m not opposed to it. But I also wouldn’t utilize general revenue dollars or increased taxes to pay for the stadium,” Kriseman said. “There are things that the city certainly will be able to contribute toward the Rays staying on the site, but the actual cost of the construction, if it’s a split, season would not be one of them.” For what it’s worth, powerful Tampeños, including several business associations and Tampa Mayor Jane Castor have openly said they would welcome the Rays to the 813. Tampa Bay’s newspaper of record appears to be really thirsty for an Ybor City ballpark, that would actually live on land owned by Darryl Shaw, a

14 | DECEMBER 9 - DECEMBER 15, 2021 | cltampa.com

EXTRA INNINGS: Despite Kriseman’s selection, it’s still unclear how the development of of the Trop site will play out.

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PETS Clearwater Holiday Pet Paw-rade – Dec 18 Wag, woof and celebrate the holidays during this pet friendly parade down Cleveland Street. Noon to 2 p.m.

See more holiday events at downtownclearwater.com/holidays cltampa.com | DECEMBER 9 - DECEMBER 15, 2021 | 15

Money spent

Tampa has used all of its initial emergency rental funding. By Justin Garcia

t the Dec. 2 city council meeting, Tampa’s Housing and Community Development (HCD) leaders said that it’s spent the initial $12 million of the city’s Emergency Rental Assistance Program (ERAP) funds, which it received from federal money due to the effects of COVID-19. The program helps people in need with both rental and utility assistance. Between March and September, an overwhelming majority of the ERAP funds went to District 7, which stretches from the North Tampa area to New Tampa. The district saw 1,544 assistance applications and received around half of the funding to the tune of $6,022,356.56. Upon seeing these numbers, Tampa city council chair Orlando Gudes stopped the presentation to ask Luis Viera, who represents District 7 if he could believe the figures. “Am I looking at this right?” Gudes asked. “District 7, man that’s....Mr. Viera do you see that number sir?” “My district includes many families that are working family areas, people struggling, etc., and that comes as no surprise whatsoever to me,” Viera said. Second to District 7 was District 5—which covers central and east Tampa and is represented by Gudes— which saw 1,408 ERAP applications and $5,339,136 in funding dispersed. Although the city has used its initial $12 million in ERAP funding, a second allocation of $9 million is currently being distributed, in a partnership between Tampa and Hillsborough

County. HCD said the county helped them in obtaining those funds to assist those who have fallen behind in rent. So far, the average rental assistance distributed is $3,900. For more information on applying to receive rental and utility assistance, visit the HCD’s website at tampa.gov. Black and Latinx households are the most rent burdened in Tampa Bay, according to a new analysis from real estate website Zillow. The analysis says that Black renters in Tampa Bay typically spend 37.7% of their income on rent, compared to 35.6% for Latinx households and 33.1% for White households. The results of the analysis come at a time when Tampa is already on track to become more rent burdened than Los Angeles while Florida’s GOP aims to slash our state’s affordable housing fund. According to the analysis, the typical renter household in the Tampa metropolitan area is spending 33.8% of their income on rent. Typical asking prices for rentals were $1,876 as of this August, according to Zillow’s Observed Rent Index (ZORI). This represents all available rental units regardless of unit type or features (ie: number of bedrooms or bathrooms). That figure is up significantly, 24.7% higher than August of 2020 of last year. When housing costs surpass 30% of a household’s gross income, it is considered a burden, leaving less money for other necessary expenses. Rents have risen dramatically in 2021, and in August, the typical rent burden nationwide was 30.3%.

LOCAL NEWS

“That comes as no surprise whatsoever to me.”

5+7=12: Luis Viera’s was one of two districts received most of Tampa’s $12 million emergency rental dollars.

16 | DECEMBER 9 - DECEMBER 15, 2021 | cltampa.com

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18 | DECEMBER 9 - DECEMBER 15, 2021 | cltampa.com

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Welcome to pro-life America Enjoy your forced childbirth. Hope you don’t die. By Jeffrey C. Billman I doubt anyone’s naive enough to think Mississippi lawmakers give a wet fart about poor Black women. But that’s irrelevant, as last week’s Supreme Court arguments made clear. If the Court kills Roe, 21 states’ dormant abortion bans will go into effect. Five more states could ban abortion soon after, according to the Guttmacher Institute. Together, they include the entire Deep South, save for North Carolina and Virginia, and most of the Upper Midwest—including Michigan and Wisconsin, where pre-Roe bans can be enforced.

INFORMED DISSENT

should be left to the people, to the states, or to Congress.” Rights aren’t subject to popular opinion. That’s what makes them rights—in this case, the right to liberty and physical autonomy guaranteed by the 14th Amendment. The Court’s conservatives want to turn that right into a privilege that legislatures can remove; their ruling will amount to a declaration that women can’t be trusted with decisions about their own pregnancies. There will be one upside to the Court reversing Roe, however. We can stop pretending this Court isn’t an activist body whose decisions derive from its members’ partisan inclinations and far-right ideologies. And eventually, that leads to much-needed, sweeping judicial reforms—including expanding the Court and

“In the U.S., the abortion mortality rate is 0.6 per 100,000.”

DONKEY HOTEY, CC BY 2.0

“A

bortion carries significant physical and psychological risks to the maternal patient, and these physical and psychological risks increase with gestational age,” Mississippi lawmakers declared in the Gestational Age Act of 2018, the 15-week abortion ban the Supreme Court’s conservatives will likely use to eviscerate Roe v. Wade. Not that it matters, but none of this is true. According to the American Psychological Association, abortion doesn’t increase a woman’s risk for depression, anxiety, or post-traumatic stress disorder—although women denied an abortion “are more likely to initially experience higher levels of anxiety, lower life satisfaction, and lower self-esteem.” About those physical risks? Only 2% of abortions have complications, most of which are minor. In the U.S., the abortion mortality rate is 0.6 per 100,000. In Mississippi, giving birth is roughly 60 times more dangerous than having an abortion; the pregnancy-related mortality rate in 2016 was 33.2 per 100,000 live births, about four times the national average. Mississippi didn’t fool District Court Judge Carlton Reeves, who called its “professed care in ‘women’s health’ … pure gaslighting.” In 2018, Reeves struck down the law. “No, legislation like H.B. 1510 is closer to the old Mississippi— the Mississippi bent on controlling women and minorities,” Reeves wrote. Technically, Mississippi seems bent on controlling women who are minorities. Black women are more than five times as likely to get an abortion than white women, according to the state’s data. In Mississippi, Black women are also more likely to be affected by geographic, regulatory, and financial barriers to obtaining an abortion, face medical complications, or become pregnant as teenagers—all factors that lead to the laterterm abortions the state wants to outlaw out of concern for their welfare. Not only is Mississippi the country’s poorest state, but it has the highest poverty rate for working-age women, and Blacks are nearly three times as likely to live in poverty as whites. Nearly a quarter of its residents lack health insurance. Mississippi has the country’s secondhighest teenage birth rate, with Black teenagers about 50% more likely to give birth than their white peers. It also leads in children born to unmarried mothers, preterm births, low birthweight births, and infant mortality. This is the vanguard of the “pro-life” movement.

needs something to justify undoing a half-century of precedent. The safe haven laws that proliferated over the last two decades are apparently her best option. Of course, 15 years ago, Barrett went on record calling Roe “barbaric.” And when she told the Senate “It’s not possible” to say how she’d rule in an abortion case, she lied. As Paul Waldman pointed out in The Washington Post, the conservative justices all lied during their confirmation hearings. Samuel Alito and Neil Gorsuch insisted their personal views wouldn’t affect their decisions. Clarence Thomas claimed he hadn’t discussed Roe with anybody, ever. Brett Kavanaugh and John Roberts said Roe was “settled as a precedent,” a position Kavanaugh especially seems to have reconsidered.

LIAR: Amy Coney Barrett thinks women can dump their unwanted babies after giving birth, so problem solved. Women with means will travel thousands of miles to obtain abortions. Women without will be compelled to carry their pregnancy to term. Amy Coney Barrett thinks they can dump their unwanted babies after giving birth, so problem solved—as if pregnancy and childbirth don’t pose physical risks or have real-life financial consequences. Barrett doesn’t want Americans to see the Court as “a bunch of partisan hacks,” so she

“The other side would say that the core problem here is that the Court has been forced by the position you’re taking and by the cases to pick sides on the most contentious social debate in American life,” Kavanaugh told Julie Rikelman, attorney for the Center for Reproductive Rights, “and to do so in a situation where they say that … the Constitution’s neither pro-life nor pro-choice on the question of abortion. And they would say, therefore, it

placing term limits on justices—as well as smaller measures such as establishing a code of ethics. “Will this institution survive the stench that this creates in the public perception that the Constitution and its reading are just political acts?” Justice Sonia Sotomayor asked last week. “I don’t see how it is possible.” It isn’t. And if this is the direction the Court goes, that’s for the best.

cltampa.com | DECEMBER 9 - DECEMBER 15, 2021 | 19

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Shit Happened SATURDAY 04 RIVERTAMPABAY/FACEBOOK

Florida Republicans file a bill to shield churches from state emergency orders, basically saying they shouldn’t be stopped from packing the pews during future health crises. Because the holy spirit is definitely going to keep you from getting coronavirus.

THURSDAY 02

Gambling on sports is off the table in Florida, at least for now, after the Seminole Tribe suspended its online sports-betting operations. Even Anthony Sabatini—one of the most horrendous Florida Rep. in history—voted against the deal, and it’s a shame DeSantis is using the tribe in his neverending grandstanding campaign.

CLEARWATERPOLICE/FACEBOOK

WEDNESDAY 01

Clearwater Police shared that they were called to a condo to remove a red tail boa from a recently purchased couch. CPD wrote on Facebook that they “extracted it from its hiding place” and took it to a local pet store. Netflix, but totally not chill at all.

MONDAY 06

CL launched its brand new website at cltampa. com, showcasing the same award-winning local journalism, but with a sleeker, more user-friendly design. Still just as woke and communist as before, however, so sorry to disappoint.

Tampa’s own U.S. Capitol “Lectern Guy” (real name Adam Johnson) gets permission to travel for holidays so he can see his dad in Miami and his in-laws in Pensacola. I bet his family can’t wait to tell him what an idiot he is over Christmas dinner. Shit, happening as our new website re-indexes and works out the bugs, via cltampa.com/news.

cltampa.com | DECEMBER 9 - DECEMBER 15, 2021 | 21

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22 | DECEMBER 9 - DECEMBER 15, 2021 | cltampa.com

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FOOD NEWS RESTAURANTS

RECIPES

DINING GUIDES

Watch me now

A historic Ybor cigar factory eyes major restoration. By Kyla Fields

ast year, J.C. Newman Cigar Co. underwent the massive process of rehabilitating the historic cigar factory “El Reloj”, now dubbed the “last cigar factory in Tampa.” But expansion doesn’t stop there, as the company recently announced plans to open a new hotel, restaurant and cigar lounge across the street from its factory-turned-museum in the restored Sanchez y Haya hotel at 1601 E Columbus Dr. in the North Ybor neighborhood. Tampa Bay residents, tourists and history nerds alike will soon be able to take a tour through the three-story El Reloj museum, and then take a stroll across E Columbus Drive to J.C. Newman’s newest all-inclusive concept— slated to open by the end of 2023. The cigar company will follow the original layout of the century-old building, opening the cigar lounge and restaurant on the ground floor, with hotel rooms occupying the upper levels. J.C. Newman purchased the decrepit building last summer for $650,000, according to the Hillsborough County Property Appraiser’s website. Sanchez y Haya hotel has a long, colorful history and was first built during Ybor’s hayday of cigar production in the early 1900s. It was once the headquarters for bootlegging during Prohibition times, and earned a somewhat perilous reputation as the Chip-In Bar throughout the 1990s. In 2021, the historic building is accommodating not factory workers nor bootleggers, but an entire colony of bats. Before any construction can begin, up to 10,000 bats must be relocated from Sanchez y Haya to bat homes located across the street in a grassy lot also owned by J.C. Newman. The Fly By Night nonprofit aka “The Bat Specialists” will be responsible for the daunting task of bat relocation—a process that must start soon. Laura Finn of Fly by Night told Paul Guzzo that relocation has to start before the upcoming maternity season—which runs from April to August—or it can be fatal to many of the bats, especially their pups. No one will know how many bats occupy the old building until they’re extracted sometime next year. According to Drew Newman, general counsel and great-grandson of the founder, the grassy lot across from the hotel will eventually be turned into

a park in which museum visitors and hotel guests can watch bats fly to and from their new homes. Full restoration of the Sanchez y Haya hotel— which was built by two of Ybor’s most successful cigar-men Serafin Sanchez and Ignacio Haya— will take a few years and a few millions, but no one’s sure how long bat relocation will take. As if another massive rehabilitation project and bat relocation wasn’t too much for the J.C. Newman Cigar Co., it also plans to start offering cigar rolling classes out of its new museum soon.

Peruvian restaurant that closed in 2015—and Big Storm plans to pay homage to its culinary roots. The Bradenton-based brewery and taproom is known for its food and beer pairings, as well as incorporating native Floridian ingredients into their brews—characteristics that Big Storm will continue to incorporate. Big Storm co-owner L.J. Govoni said his company will take the upcoming year to find the perfect home for Darwin. A spokesperson said Big Storm will continue to brew Darwin’s core beers with no changes. Since Govoni did not buy Darwin’s building, he will have to find a new location that compliments Darwin’s beers and its culinary roots. How long that takes is unknown. The price of the acquisition was not mentioned in the press release.

Drunk St. Pete residents can now get pasta in a bag at DalMoros DalMoros is giving the best holiday gift to St. Petersburg’s pasta lovers, late night drunks, or anyone who identifies as both. The fastcasual pasta shop at 653 Central Ave. just debuted fresh to-go bagged pasta options for the holidays, but they’ll be available for purchase year-round, too. The family size is $9 and serves 3-4 people, while the personal size runs for $3.50. Although DalMoros is known for its fresh sauces like pesto, bolognese and amatriciana— made of tomato sauce, smoked bacon, onions and black pepper—these new grab-and-go bags are filled with fresh pasta only. Different pastas available include spaghetti, linguine, rigatoni

SMOKIN': J.C. Newman does not play when it comes to restoring its properties. Big Storm Brewing Co. purchases Bradenton’s Darwin Brewing, continuing statewide expansion Clearwater-based Big Storm Brewing Co. continues expanding south with its recent purchase of Bradenton’s Darwin Brewing—cementing its position as one of the most extensive local breweries in Tampa Bay. Darwin Brewing was founded almost a decade ago out of Darwin’s on 4th—a popular

Big Storm is rapidly expanding throughout the entire state, not just the Tampa Bay area. The Clearwater-based business just opened a location in Orlando, alongside its other taprooms in Odessa, Cape Coral and Clearwater. Next year, the ever-growing brewery plans to open a 11,000-square-foot taproom and restaurant in Ybor City, out of the previous Hamburger Mary’s location.

and fusilli (those little spiral guys.) DalMoros new bagged pasta is available for purchase during all operating hours—which is as late as 2:30 a.m. on Fridays and Saturdays— and no one is going to judge you if you eat it right out of the bag. Tampa Bay is obviously enjoying this fastcasual pasta spot— which just opened earlier this year—as another location in Sarasota is slated to open in 2022.

cltampa.com | DECEMBER 9 - DECEMBER 15, 2021 | 23

Treat yo’elf

MAKE IT REIGN: The Muletide Carols cocktail at Hawkers in St. Pete.

Restaurants, bars offering holiday dinner, pre-orders and more. By Alexandria Jones

t’s the time of year where we’re jolly from all the holiday food and parties. If you’re still tired from Thanksgiving, and don’t feel like spending all day in the kitchen or braving the grocery stores, the Tampa Bay chefs and restaurants have you covered with holiday meals to order. Did we miss a special? Email rroa@cltampa.com to let the team know. See the most updated version of this listing at cltampa.com/food. 4 Rivers Smokehouse Holiday pre-orders are now available now and include smoked meats (including signature angus brisket or bone-in leg of lamb) with sides and a choice of desserts. $10.14$169.99. Various locations. 4rsmokehouse.com Columbia Restaurant Order before Dec. 19 at 2 p.m. for a curbside family-style Noche Buena/Christmas takeout meal or make a reservation to dine-in, too. Pickup meals Dec. 24 from 10 a.m.-4 p.m. A live flamenco show at the OG Ybor City location runs until Dec. 31 and brings a little holiday flair to the dine-in experience; $8 per person over 12. Call 813-248-4961 to make a reservation for the show. Various locations. columbiarestaurant.com Duffy’s Sports Grill Until Dec. 31, stop by for a holiday menu with items like baconwrapped shrimp, Buffalo mac & cheese, and holiday-themed cocktails. Sunday-Thursday, 11 a.m.-11 p.m., Fri.-Sat. 11 a.m.-midnight. $13.99-$17.99. 1580 N Dale Mabry Hwy., Tampa, 813-875-7340. duffysmvp.com Élevage SoHo Kitchen & Bar A familystyle, Christmas, three-course prix fixe dinner serving Christmas goose, orange & hazelnut crusted grouper with a choice of sides, desserts, salads, and bread service. Holiday dinners are available to-go; submit order before 11 p.m. on Dec. 23. Reservations are recommended. Complimentary valet parking until 7 p.m., $5 after 7 p.m. Dec. 25 brunch 7 a.m.-2 p.m., dinner 4 p.m.-9 p.m. $50-$65 for entrees, children 12 and under $25. 1207 S Howard Ave., Tampa, 813-999-8726. epicureanhotel.com Fetching Barkdanas Next weekend’s 1st Annual Santa Paws Pup Crawl stops at 3 Daughter’s Brewing, Pinellas Ale Works, Cage Brewing, and the Dog Bar. Our four-legged friends dressed in holiday attire can enter the best dressed contest. Proceeds and donations benefit the Mercy Full Project. Crawl starts Dec. 19 at noon. $20. Various locations. eventbrite.com Goody Goody Order Goody Goody pies for Christmas including the new milk chocolate pecan pie. Other flavors like Butterscotch, chocolate cream, and coconut cream pies are available for order, too. Order online before Dec. 21 and

pickup Dec. 24 10 a.m.-4 p.m. 1601 W Swann Ave., Tampa, 813-308-1925. goodygoodyburgers.com Hawkers Asian Street Food Five limited-time cocktails with names like snowconut margarita, muletide carols, and ho ho hot chocolate are rolling out at all locations until Dec. 31st. Sunday-Thursday.,11 a.m.-10 p.m., Fri.-Sat. 11 a.m.-11 p.m. 1235 Central Ave., St. Petersburg, 727-521-7253. eathawkers.com Hew Parlor & Chophouse Bring the family for Christmas dinner. Reservations recommended. Dec. 25 noon-8 p.m. $75 per adult, $25 for children 6-13, free for children 5 and under. 453 Edgewater Dr., Dunedin, 727-6086620. fenwayhotel.com K Club Bar & Bistro Dine in for a threecourse, prix fixe dinner that includes honey roasted ham, herb rubbed rack of lamb, or prime rib. Reservations recommended. Dec. 25, 1 p.m.-8 p.m. 2675 Ulmerton Rd., Clearwater, 727-273-7850. thekarolhotel.com Nueva Cantina Just in time for the season, the restaurant debuts its 32oz. “Gettin’ Blitzen” margarita, available until Dec. 30. The goal: to sell 500 of the holiday-themed drink. Sunday-Thursday, 11 a.m.-10 p.m., Fri.-Sat. 11 a.m.-11 p.m. $15. 1625 4th St. S, St. Petersburg, 727-851-9579. nuevacantina.com Rooster & the Till Chef Ferrell Alvarez and his team have a Christmas dinner to-go special (two roasted ducks, a number of your favorite Asian side dishes and dessert with a R&tT spin; $300, for up to 6 people—order by Dec. 16), and one hell of a New Year’s Eve menu, too ($120 per guest, $55 for optional wine pairing) roosterandthetill.com Sonder Social Club The cocktail bar transforms into a Christmas pop-up bar named “Santa’s Social Club” until Dec. 27, bringing back fan favorites like the award-winning “Milk and Cookies” cocktail and owner Christina Feinstein’s Puerto Rican coquito, plus new drinks named “Figgy Pudding,” “Sleigh All Day,” and “Santa’s Stache.” Sunday, 4 p.m.-8 p.m., WednesdayThursday, 4 p.m.-10 p.m., Friday-Saturday, 4 p.m.-midnight. 966 Douglas Ave. Unit 101, Dunedin, 727-754-6674. sondersocial.club Willas Chef Jada Vidal put together a five course, holiday-themed Mediterranean spread featuring dishes like rotisserie lamb with chermoula eggplant stuffed baba ganoush, pine nuts & bull’s blood and galaktoboureko, a deconstructed custard pie with semolina baked in filo, cinnamon and citrus syrup for dessert. Dec. 12 at 6 p.m. Tickets start at $75, $25-$55 for non-alcoholic/alcoholic pairings. 1700 W Fig St., Tampa, 813-519-4552. willastampa.com

DINING GUIDE

24 | DECEMBER 9 - DECEMBER 15, 2021 | cltampa.com

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We are an eclectic bar and restaurant with a nostalgic feel, located in Tampa’s Midtown. Stepping through our doors, you’ll experience the significance of an era that transformed the role of women in society and the workplace. Enjoy a scratch-made meal prepared with the freshest ingredients along with your favorite brew or one of our handcrafted cocktails. Here at Riveters we strive to empower everyone from staff to patrons and aim to provide an experience like no other.

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Air Raid Lemonade | $7.95 Taking frozen drinks back to the 1940’s. Rosie’s specialty blend of vodka, liqueurs, and citrus juice. A perfect refresher for viewing the airshow. Add a Twist and enhance your Flavor. Strawberry, Mango, Peach, Pomegranate or Blackberry Riveter New Fashioned | $12.95 Woodford Reserve Bourbon, Honey, Chocolate & Orange Bitters

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The Kram It Prime Rib Sandwich | $14.50 Blackened Prime Rib, French Roll, Au Jus, Horsey Sauce. The Reuben | $9.99 Beer braised corned beef, Bavarian-style kraut, 1000 Island, and Swiss on grilled rye bread. Fish Sandwich | MP Grilled, blackened, or fried on a Brioche bun, dijonaise, lettuce, tomato, pickle and onion. The Warbird Chicken Sandwich | $9.99 Deep-fried Beer brined chicken breast, lettuce, pickles, mayo.

A Shot of Penicillin | $9.95 Monkey Shoulder Whiskey, Lemon, Ginger Cucumbersome Mule | $10.95 Cucumber mint vodka, lime juice, ginger beer, cucumber bitters Citrus Got Real | $9.95 Lemon vodka, ginger liquor, sour mix. Whole Latte Love | $10.95 Stoli Vanilla vodka, Khalua, espresso & a splash of Irish cream.

Giant Pretzel | $10.25 Traditional Bavarian style pretzel with house made beer cheese. Munition Mussels | $11.95 Beer braised, finished in Vietnamese Lemon Curry sauce, grilled crostini. Wildcat Shrimp | $12.50 Jumbo grilled shrimp, crusty french bread, Jamaican jerk lemon butter. French Onion Bombers | $12.95 Prime Rib, Corned Beef, frenched onions, white cheddar tucked in fried wontons. Served with 1000 island.

The MacDill Grilled Cheese | $9.99 Cheddar, Swiss, Provolone, Applewood smoked bacon, Brioche, everything bagel seasoning. Chicken Biscuit Sandwich | $9.99 Crispy fried chicken breast, toasted biscuit, spicy ranch, cheddar cheese, pepper bacon, sunny side up egg.

SOUPS

Vegetarian French Onion | Cup $5 Bowl $7 Cheese crouton, sherry. Warhawk Chili | Cup $5 Bowl $7 Beer and whiskey braised ground beef and brisket, 2 beans, topped with cheddar, sour cream, chives.

FROM THE FIELD

Burrata Salad | $11.95 Heirloom tomatoes, mixed greens, burrata cheese, roasted pistachios, balsamic reduction, and extra-virgin olive oil drizzle. Grilled Caesar Salad | Small $4.95 | Large $9.95 Grilled romaine heart layered with shrimp butter, croutons, tempura battered white anchovies, and Caesar dressing. Available cold.

BRUNCH Egg Sammie | $9.00 Fried Egg, cheddar, peppered bacon, greens, tomatoes on toasted croissant. Corned Beef Hash | $9.00 Beer braised corned beef, potatoes, carmy onions, cream. Served with 2 fried eggs and toast.

Rosie’s Salad Small $4.95 | Large $9 | W/Chicken $10.95 Mixed greens, tomatoes, cucumbers, onions, potato sticks. Fried Chicken Salad | $9 Crispy fried beer brined chicken breast, sliced avocado, shredded Monterey jack cheese, chopped, bacon, cucumbers, heirloom cherry tomatoes, mixed greens. Steak Salad | Small $13.95 | Large $17.95 8oz center-cut sirloin, Blue cheese crumbles, Avocado, Tomato,House Pickled onions with a balsamic glaze drizzle.

MAN ATTRACTIONS

Catalina Chicken | $12.00 Grilled Herb marinated 6oz chicken breast, goat cheese, spinach, capers, sundried tomatoes, lemon butter. Mustang Steak | $22.95 Pineapple soy marinated 8 oz. Center-cut sirloin, chargrilled, topped with garlic butter. Chargrilled Sirloin | $20.95 8oz of center cut sirloin With Riveters house-made seasoning, grilled to perfection. Fresh Catch | $13.50 Local caught, fresh fish grilled, blackened, or fried, lemon butter. Pork Chop | $11.95 Grilled pork chop, mustard mushroom cream. Bacon Wrapped Meatloaf | $12.50 Pepper bacon wrapped meatloaf, mushroom beer gravy, fried onion straws.

ADD-ONS

SIDES | $4

French Fries | Roasted Garlic Mashers Steamed Veg O’ Day | White BBQ Bacon Slaw Baked Potato | Sautéed Spinach With Garlic *CONSUMING RAW OR UNDERCOOKED MEATS, POULTRY, SEAFOOD, SHELLFISH OR EGGS MAY INCREASE YOUR RISK OF FOODBORNE ILLNESS, ESPECIALLY IF YOU HAVE CERTAIN MEDICAL CONDITIONS.

MacDrizzle French Toast | $9.00 Sourdough battered and grilled, whiskey nutella sauce, powpow. Scrimp n Grits | $9.00 Southern style blackened shrimp, Cajun gravy, with red bell pepper, bacon and scallions, Cheesy Grits. Biscuits n Gravy | $9.00 Buttermilk biscuits, sausage gravy and 2 fried eggs.

BURGERS

SERVED WITH FRIES. SOUP OR SALAD AVAILABLE FOR +$2

The Riveter Burger | $9.99 8 oz. Certified Wagyu Beef, Brioche Bun, dijonaise, lettuce, tomato, pickle, onion. Choice of cheese. Bomber Burger | $10.99 Certified wagyu beef, brioche bun, Applewood smoked bacon, cheddar cheese, house made BBQ sauce. Breakfast Burger | $10.99 Certified wagyu beef, toasted croissant, dijonaise, lettuce, tomato, onion, pickle, cheddar cheese, bourbon bacon jam, sunny side up egg. Black and Blue Burger | $10.99 Certified wagyu beef blackened, brioche bun, blue cheese fondue, bourbon bacon jam, balsamic reduction. Veggie Burger | $13.95 Vegetarian Burger patty, brioche bun, lettuce, tomato pickle and onions. Burger add-ons $1 each Peppered bacon | house-made bacon jam | bacon slaw | Avocado | Mushrooms | caramelized onion onion straws | Chili | egg | beer cheese | extra cheese

HOT DOGS

SERVED WITH FRIES. SOUP OR SALAD AVAILABLE FOR +$2

Rosie’s Dog | $9.99 Certified Wagyu All beef 1⁄4 hot dog Char-grilled, topped with beer cheese, sauerkraut, on a poppy seed bun. Chili Cheese Dog | $9.99 Certified wagyu all beef hot dog, chili, shredded cheese, diced red onions, fresh sliced jalapenos, poppy seed bun. BBQ Bacon Dog | $10.99 Certified wagyu all beef hot dog, house made BBQ sauce, bourbon bacon jam, fried onion straws, poppy seed bun.

RIVETERS SPECIALTY

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cltampa.com | DECEMBER 9 - DECEMBER 15, 2021 | 27

‘Rona. It’s still a thing, and you should call or contact these local breweries to learn their COVID-19 protocol. Email rroa@cltampa.com and stephanie@cltampa.com for any edits and suggestions. 3 DAUGHTERS BREWING One of downtown St. Pete’s District’s most popular hangouts, and a beautiful facility in which to drink some great brews. 222 22nd St. S, St. Petersburg. 727-495-6002, 3dbrewing.com 3 KEYS BREWING South-of-the-Skyway restaurant and brewery specializing in small batches. 2505 Manatee Ave. E, Bradenton. 951-218-0396, 3keysbrewing.com 5 BRANCHES BREWING Veteran-owned brewery, small batches from IPAs to stouts. Serving brews and a clear view of the Tarpon Bayou. 531 Athens St., Tarpon Springs. fivebranchesbrewing.com 7VENTH SUN BREWING Some of the best sours, IPAs and collabs going. Two locations. 1012 Broadway, Dunedin. 727-733-3013/6809 N Nebraska Ave., Tampa. 813-231-5900, 7venthsun.com 81BAY BREWING CO. South Tampa’s first craft brewery boasts a wide variety of styles. 4465 W Gandy Blvd., Tampa. 813-837-BREW, 81baybrewco.com ANGRY CHAIR Crazy-good Seminole Heights beer, open Tuesday-Sunday. Just don’t park on Fern Street (there’s a lot behind the auto body shop). 6401 N Florida Ave., Tampa. 813-238-1122, angrychairbrewing.com ARKANE ALEWORKS A wide variety of styles and flavors from the second brewery to open in Largo. 2480 E Bay Dr., No. 23, Largo. 727-270-7117, arkanebeer.com AVID BREWING This Grand Central brewing supply shop added a taproom for its beers crafted in-house. 1745 1st Ave. S, St. Petersburg. 727-388-6756, avidbrew.com BARRIEHAUS BEER CO. Lager-specific brewery, carrying on an over 150 year brewing legacy. 1403 E 5th Ave., Ybor City. barriehaus.com BASTET Named after the Egyptian cat-goddess, the brewery offers seasonal ales, ciders and even the occasional hard ginger beer. 1951 E Adamo Dr. Suite B, Tampa. bastetbrewing.com BAY CANNON BEER CO. West Tampa’s first craft brewery, offering a variety of ever evolving beers, beer slushies and wine that pair perfectly with appetizers and entrées from the kitchen. 813-442-5615, baycannon.com BAYBORO BREWING CO. Veteran-owned kid-friendly brewery that has tons of events to go with its creative tap list. 2390 5th Ave. S, St. Petersburg. (727) 767-9666, bayborobrewing.com BIG STORM BREWING CO. Stop by this Pasco brewery’s Storm Room for a flight, or visit its taproom on 49th Street in Clearwater, too. 2330 Success Dr., Odessa. 727-807-7998, bigstormbrewery.com BIG TOP BREWING Perhaps Sarasota’s premier purveyor of locally crafted beer, Big Top’s reputation has spread far beyond the region. 6111 Porter Way, Sarasota. 941-371-2939, bigtopbrewing.com BOOTLEGGERS BREWING CO. This Brandon taproom from Bootleggers Beer & Wine Home Brewing Supplies offers house-made suds and guest beers. 652 Oakfield Dr., Brandon. 813-643-9463, bootleggersbrewco.com BRASSERIE ST. SOMEWHERE Award-winning Belgian farmhouse ales from veteran Bay area brewer Bob Sylvester who’s moved tastings inside his brewery. 115 S Ring Ave., Tarpon Springs. 813-503-6181, saintsomewherebrewing.com BREW BUS BREWING BB’s Seminole Heights taproom is moving a few blocks up Florida Ave., but until then sip on the Bus’ offerings at the Wesley Chapel facility. 2029 Arrowgrass Dr., Wesley Chapel. 813-452-6333, brewbususa.com BREW HUB Some of the area’s best beers are produced here along with suds for its own label. 3900 Frontage Rd. S, Lakeland. 863-698-7600, brewhub.com BREW LIFE BREWING Ultra-small batches, and a lot of ‘em. 5765 S Beneva Rd., Sarasota. 941-952-3831, brewlifebrewing.com BRIGHTER DAYS BREW CO. Tarpon Springs spot specializing in music-inspired brews like the “So Fresh n’ So Clean sour” and “All the Single Belgians.” 311 N Safford Ave., Tarpon Springs. 727-940-2350 BULLFROG CREEK BREWING CO. A multitude of styles from former garage brewers is on tap in Valrico. 3632 Lithia Pinecrest Rd., Valrico. 813-703-8835, bullfrogcreekbrewing.com CAGE BREWING Custom brews in the Grand Central District from one of the ‘Burg’s best. 2001 1st Ave. S, St. Petersburg. 727-201-4278 CALEDONIA BREWING Great in-house beers in the

historic Dunedin Times building. 587 Main St., Dunedin. 727-351-5105, caledoniabrewing.com CALUSA BREWING Family owned and operated, open Tuesday-Sunday. 5701 Derek Ave., Sarasota. 941-9228150, calusabrewing.com CARROLLWOOD BREWING CO. “Secret” brewing action inside the Carrollwood location of craft-bar chain The Brass Tap. 10047 N Dale Mabry Hwy Suite 23, Tampa. 813-969-2337. brasstapbeerbar.com CIGAR CITY BREWING Tampa’s most famous craft brewery. There’s also a taproom at Amalie Arena. 3924 W Spruce St., Tampa. 813-348-6363, cigarcitybrewing.com CLEARWATER BREWING CO. Community-oriented and socially and environmentally conscious. 1700 N Fort Harrison Ave., Clearwater. clearwaterbrewingcompany.com COPPERTAIL BREWING CO. Some of Tampa’s best beer, in one of its best tasting rooms. 2601 E 2nd Ave., Ybor City. 813-247-1500, coppertailbrewing.com COTEE RIVER BREWING Craft beer in the heart of historic downtown New Port Richey. 5760 Main St., New Port Richey. 727-807-6806, coteeriverbrewing.com CRAFT LIFE BREWING Small-batch local brews and a sort of playground for LoL’s craft brewing guild. 4624 Land O’ Lakes Blvd., Land O’ Lakes. 813-575-8440. @ craftlifebrewing on Facebook CROOKED THUMB BREWERY Safety Harbor’s first brewery boasts homegrown flavor, local guest taps and a killer Tuesday songwriters session. 555 10th Ave. S, Safety Harbor. 727-724-5953, crookedthumbbrew.com CUENI BREWING CO. Located off the Pinellas Trail in Dunedin. 945 Huntley Ave., Dunedin. 727266-4102, cuenibrewing.com CYCLE BREWING One of St. Pete’s favorites. 534 Central Ave., St. Petersburg. 727-320-7954. cyclebrewing.com DARWIN BREWING CO. Unique beers crafted with South American influence. 803 17th Ave. W, Bradenton. 941-747-1970, darwinbrewingco.com DE BINE BREWING CO. This addition bolsters the Northern Pinellas craft beer scene. 933 Florida Ave., Palm Harbor, 727-233-7964. DEVIANT LIBATION Latest project from local beer god Tim Ogden housed in the upcoming immersive art collective Crab Devil. 3800 N Nebraska Ave., 727379-4677, devitantlibation.com DISSENT BREWING CO. Unique flavors and adventurous style outside downtown St. Pete. 5518 Haines Rd. N, St. Petersburg. 727-342-0255. DUNEDIN BREWERY Florida’s oldest. Beer, eats and live music. 937 Douglas Ave., Dunedin. 727-736-0606, dunedinbrewery.com DUNEDIN HOUSE OF BEER This beer stop brews its own, and also has 40 guest taps. 927 Broadway, Dunedin. 727 216-6318, dunedinhob.com ESCAPE BREWING CO. Another very worthy OdessaTrinity destination. 9945 Trinity Blvd., Suite 108, Trinity. 727-807-6092, escapebrewingcompany.com FLYING BOAT BREWING COMPANY St. Pete aviation history and tasty homegrown suds. It’s where Tampa fave King State brews its wares. 1776 11th Ave. N, St. Petersburg. 727-800-2999, flyingboatbrewing.com FOUR STACKS BREWING An always-changing lineup of local and regional guest suds, along with trivia, live music and more. 5469 N. U.S. Hwy-41, Apollo Beach. 813-641-2036, fourstacksbrewing.com GRAND CENTRAL BREWHOUSE 10,270 square-foot brewery, taproom, beer garden, and event venue with a lager-focused tap list. 2340 Central Ave., St. Petersburg. 727-202-6071, grandcentralbrew.com GREEN BENCH BREWING CO. A space worthy of the adventurous beers it produces. 1133 Baum Ave. N, St. Petersburg. 727-800-9836, greenbenchbrewing.com GOOD LIQUID BREWING CO. 30 taps and food (and a coffee roaster!) from a husband-and-wife duo. 4824 14th St. W, Bradenton. 941-896-6381, thegoodliquidbrewing.com GRINDHAUS BREW LAB Small batches and no extracts. 1650 N Hercules Ave., Clearwater. 727-240-0804, grindhausbrewlab.com GULFPORT BREWERY + EATERY Small batches with an artisanal food menu. 3007 Beach Blvd., Gulfport. 727954-4109, gulfport-brewing.com

28 | DECEMBER 9 - DECEMBER 15, 2021 | cltampa.com

HOB BREWING CO. Rotating taps; some of the beers are brewed on-site and alongside a combination of local breweries plus local and international craft beer makers. 931 Huntley Ave., Dunedin. hob.beer IF I BREWED THE WORLD This self-described “mixtape of breweries” offers a bit of everything from the classic to the fun and outrageous. 2200 1st Ave. S, St. Petersburg. 727-201-4484, ifibrewedtheworld.com IN THE LOOP BREWING Family-friendly Land O’ Lakes brewery with a lot of community support and plenty of events. 3338 Land O’ Lakes Blvd., Land O’ Lakes. 813-997-9189, intheloopbrewingcompany.com INFUSION BREWING CO. Another great location in the good-beer-packed Trinity-New Port Richey area. 7813 Mitchell Blvd. Suite 103, Trinity. 727-312-4512. JDUB’S BREWING CO. You know ‘em, you love ‘em. A favorite statewide phenomenon. 1215 Mango Ave., Sarasota. 941-955-2739, jdubsbrewing.com KING STATE Named the No. 8 coffee shop in America by Food & Wine, King State is also home to brewer and Flying Boat Brewing Co. alum Aric Parker, who’s making some of the cleanest core beers plus a dynamic offering of rotating taps and bomber options available on-site in limited capacities. 520 E Floribraska Ave., Tampa. 813221-2100, king-state.com LAGERHAUS BREWERY & GRILL A Palm Harbor bar and eatery that offers seasonal brews to complement its regulars. 3438 East Lake Business, Palm Harbor. 727-216-9682, lagerhausbrewery.com LATE START BREWING This beloved Tampa label does its thing inside the Pour House. 1208 E. Kennedy Blvd. #112, Tampa. 813-402-2923, latestartbrewing.com LEAVEN BREWING Riverview’s first brewery is run by folks who’ve got experience brewing big and small. 11238 Boyette Rd., Riverview. 813-677-7023, leavenbrewing.com MAD BEACH CRAFT BREWING Brews, ciders, and meads by the beach. 12945 Village Blvd., Madeira Beach. 727-362-0008, madbeachbrewing.com MAGNANIMOUS BREWING In a warehouse a half-block north of I-275, this addition to Tampa’s beer scene provides a large variety to drink in or to go–curbside pickup available. The brewery also serves Ginger Beard coffee when the tasting room is open including a peanut butter oat draft latte. 1410 Florida Ave., Tampa. 813-415-3671, magnanimousbrewing.com MARKER 48 Hernando’s first production craft brewery, with its own tasting room and beer garden 12147 Cortez Blvd, Weeki Wachee. 352-606-2509, marker48.com MASTRY’S BREWING CO. From CD Roma’s restaurant to sweet new digs on St. Pete Beach. 7701 Blind Pass Rd., St. Pete Beach. 727-202-8045, mastrysbrewingco.com MOTORWORKS BREWING A taproom and beer garden featuring full liquor and wine as well as 30 taps. 1014 9th St. W, Bradenton. 941-567-6218, motorworksbrewing.com MR. DUNDERBAK’S The longtime restaurant, biergarten and homebrewers’ hangout is serving its own beers. 14929 Bruce B. Downs Blvd., Tampa. 813-977-4104, dunderbaks.com NAUGHTY MONK BREWERY Naughty Monk brings a love of Belgian styles to Manatee County. 2507 Lakewood Ranch Blvd., Bradenton. 941-708-2966, naughtymonkbrewery.com OVERFLOW BREWING St. Pete’s newest, courtesy of local Rapp head brewer Troy Bledsoe and company. 770 1st Ave. N, St. Petersburg. 727-914-0665. @overflowbrewingco on Facebook PEPPER BREWING The Angry Pepper Taphouse’s in-house label, available “on a limited basis.” 9366 Oakhurst Rd., Seminole. 727-596-5766, angrypeppertaphouse.com PESKY PELICAN BREW PUB This beachy restaurant also offers its own beers thanks to an in-house nano

system. 923 72nd. St. N, St. Petersburg. 727-302-9600, peskypelicanbrewpub.com PINELLAS ALE WORKS PAW offers a dog-friendly environment in addition to tasty brews. 1962 1st Ave. S, St. Petersburg. 727-235-0970, pawbeer.com PYE ROAD MEADWORKS Located in Odessa, Pye Road focuses on mead but also keeps beer and wine in house for naysayers of the fermented honey drink. 8533 Gunn Hwy., Odessa. 813-510-3500, pyeroad.com RAPP BREWING CO. The late Greg Rapp’s awardwinning styles are carefully crafted and delicious. 10930 Endeavor Way, Seminole. 727-544-1752, rappbrewing.com RIGHT AROUND THE CORNER This video game-centric Grand Central District craft beer bar started brewing its own in early 2018. 2244 Central Ave., St. Petersburg. 727-360-0766, stpetearcadebar.com ROCK BROTHERS BREWING Brews named for national and local bands have a home in Ybor City. 1901 N. 15th St., Ybor City. 813-241-0110, rockbrothersbrewing.com SARASOTA BREWING CO. House-crafted brews, pizza, and sports out toward beautiful Siesta Key. 6607 Gateway Ave., Sarasota. 941-925-2337, sarasotabrewing.com SILVERKING BREWING CO. This space in Tarpon Springs complements a label that’s been around since 2012. 325 E Lemon St., Tarpon Springs. 727-422-7598, silverkingbrewing.com SIX TEN BREWING A wide variety and a real passion for the craft-brew community. 7052 Benjamin Rd., Tampa. 813-886-0610, sixtenbrewing.com SOGGY BOTTOM BREWING More Dunedin goodness, including some truly original flavors and inventive brews. 660 Main St., Dunedin. 727-601-1698, soggybottombrewing.com SOUTHERN BREWING & WINEMAKING Multiple brews only available in its tasting room, as well as products and guidance for local homebrewers. 4500 N Nebraska Ave., Tampa. 813-238-7800, southernbrewingwinemaking.com ST. PETE BREWING CO. Beers crafted specifically for the climate. 544 1st Ave. N, St. Petersburg. 727-692-8809, stpetebrewingcompany.com STILT HOUSE BREWERY This friendly Palm Harbor joint specializes in high-ABV ales and other styles you won’t find at other breweries in the area. 625 U.S. Hwy Alt-19, Palm Harbor. 727-270-7373, stilthousebrewery.com SWAN BREWING Nearly 4 decades of combined brewing experience go into the offerings at this pet-friendly joint. Two locations. 2972 Lakeland Highlands Rd./115 W. Pine St., Lakeland. 863-703-0472, swanbrewing.com TBBC Formerly Tampa Bay Brewing Co., local favorite for nearly two decades, with two locations. 1600 E 8th Ave., Ybor City/13933 Monroe’s Business Park, Westchase. 813-247-1422, tbbc.beer TIDAL BREWING COMPANY Small batches in Spring Hill. 14311 Spring Hill Dr., Spring Hill. 352-7011602, tidalbrewingfl.com TWO FROGS BREWING CO. Tarpon Springs’ latest brewery and taproom focuses on American ale styles. 151 E Tarpon Ave., Tarpon Springs. 727-940-6077, @twofrogsbrewing on Facebook KEEL FARMS AGRARIAN ALE + CIDER Tasty brews from the folks behind Keel & Curley winery. 5210 W Thonotosassa Rd., Plant City. 813-752-9100, keelandcurleywinery.com TWO LIONS WINERY & PALM HARBOR BREWERY Wine and beer brewed in-house. 1022 Georgia Ave., Palm Harbor. 727-786-8039, twolionswinery.com ULELE SPRING BREWERY Beer crafted in accordance with traditional Bavarian purity laws. 1810 N Highland Ave., Tampa. 813-999-4952, ulele.com THE WILD ROVER BREWERY What started as an English pub in Odessa is now a higher-production facility in Westchase. 13921 Lynmar Blvd., Tampa. 813-475-5995, thewildroverbrewery.com WOODWRIGHT BREWING CO. Traditional German styles in downtown Dunedin. 985 Douglas Ave., Dunedin. 727-238-8717, @woodwrightbrewing on Facebook WOVEN WATER BREWING CO. Tampa Heights brewer with a focused menu often using fresh fruit as part of its beers. 456 W Columbus Dr., Tampa. 813-443-9463, wovenwaterbrew.com ZEPHYRHILLS BREWING CO. East Paco’s first microbrewery. 38530 5th Ave., Zephyrhills. 813-715-2683, zbcbeer.com ZYDECO BREW WERKS Craft brews in Ybor thanks to an award-winning brewmaster, as well as full bars and NOLA-influenced cuisine. 1902 E 7th Ave., Ybor City. 813252-4541, @zydecobrewwerks on Facebook

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cltampa.com | DECEMBER 9 - DECEMBER 15, 2021 | 29

Learn traditional printmaking Workshops in - Etching - Lithography - Letterpress - Silkscreen and more. Our gallery space has local and handmade gifts Drop by during normal hours Tuesday thru Friday 11-4 Saturday 11-6 • Sunday 12-4

30 | DECEMBER 9 - DECEMBER 15, 2021 | cltampa.com

THEATER

The Sister-Mothers of Gulfport Thursday-Friday, Dec. 9-10, 7:30 p.m. Saturday, Dec. 11, 8 p.m.; Sunday, Dec. 12, 3 p.m. Studio Grand Central & The Off-Central Players. 2260 1st Ave. S, St. Petersburg $35; studiograndcentral.com

MOVIES

THEATER

ART

Yo, mama

CULTURE

Off-Central’s latest is a provocative, riveting production torn straight from the headlines. By Jon Palmer Claridge with “happiness,” that has, unfortunately, most often been an elusive struggle for the characters. Lighting designer Mario Gonzales doesn’t have much with which to work, so it’s mostly general illumination rather than dramatic art; he is able to mimic Florida sunlight, though, by directing beams through real blinds, which hang over the crowd downstage. However, limited design resources really don’t matter much because the actors bring Leavengood’s script to vivid life. Director Tina Ball keeps the action moving, mines the script for all its humor, and fills the scene changes with driving pop vocals. Artistic Director Ward Smith has reached out to New York City’s New Circle Theatre

always finding a way to help Maddy break the destructive familial cycle clearing the way for her to be “free to ruin my own life.” As the play moves to the denouement that the audience may hope for, playwright Leavengood gives the pearl of wisdom for his play to the young teen, Maddy, who has seen more of life’s seamy side than any 16-yearold should. She wisely proclaims, “I’m sick of the wrong people being ashamed.” Sadly, it’s a sentiment for our time that only serves as a very painful reminder of the nightly news and the hypocrisy afflicting our federal judiciary and legislative branches this week. Hamlet’s advice to the players is “to hold a ‘twere the mirror up to nature.” Leavengood’s play is often very funny, but ultimately reflects our failure to embody necessary change.

“Leavengood’s play is often very funny, but ultimately reflects our failure to embody necessary change.”

STUDIOGRANDCENTRAL/FACEBOOK

ew work is the life’s blood of the theater, but getting a world premiere play produced is a magic act. Kudos to the Off Central Players, Tampa Bay’s newest professional theatre, for the guts and wisdom to mount “The Sister-Mothers of Gulfport,” a provocative, thoughtful new dramedy by local playwright William Leavengood. I don’t want to go into great detail about the plot, because that would deprive you of its many joys. Suffice it to say that after last week’s embarrassing line of questioning by Justice Brett (“I like beer”) Kavanaugh, who seemed to forget his promise to embrace stare decisis precedents, the play is torn from the headlines. Bill Leavengood strings us along in this splendid tale by alternating serious, gaspinducing plot surprises with incisive social commentary and sassy one-liners that made me produce embarrassing snorts on more than one occasion. Modern society doesn’t fare very well. Leavengood’s barbs poke fun at entrenched patriarchy, sexism, religious hypocrisy, prep school, entitled self-righteous teen boys (Brett, yet again), gold diggers, generational abuse, and the human penchant for serial delusional choices. When a semi-retired prostitute with PTSD is the moral center and the voice of reason in a play, you know that many sacred cows are being sent to the dramatic abattoir. While the play lacks the satirical impact of, say, Moliere’s “Tartuffe”—after all contemporary Gulfport is hardly 17th Century Paris—it’s smartly plotted, full of surprises, has a wonderful Act I cliffhanger courtesy of a rubber mallet, plus oodles of delicious trashy behavior of the kind that rivets us to reality TV. And there are guest cameos by Krispy Kreme donuts and an enormous bag of classic Lays potato chips. The Studio Grand Central space has 50 comfortable seats and a postage stamp stage. There’s no set designer credited; indeed the design work reflects the expected budget limitations. It’s functional for the action including a storm door with screen, a blue shag rug, and midcentury modern arm chair, but there are no visual elements to embody Gulfport’s old Florida charm save walls the color of pale blue surf. There is a telling pillow on the sofa embroidered

Company for Ms. Ball as well as the sisters of the title, Amber Paul (Dixie) and Amanda Ladd (Renelle). Tampa’s Sydney Reddish (Maddy) hits all the right dramatic notes, even if she requires extra suspension of disbelief as a girl on the cusp of 16. Ladd has the juiciest part as the deluded, irresponsible sister Renelle who descends on Gulfport with her newfound beau Gene (Smith), an evangelical grifter returning from Saudi Arabia en route to Texas. They are simultaneously embarrassing, inappropriate, hypocritical, and hilarious—even as they debase themselves or try to deal with serious issues. Amber Paul (Dixie) is touching, funny, and fierce as we learn of her lifelong struggle for survival against insurmountable odds—while

SISTER ACT: (L-R) Amanda Ladd, Ward Smith, Amber Paul and Sydney Reddish in ‘The Sister-Mothers of Gulfport.’

cltampa.com | DECEMBER 9 - DECEMBER 15, 2021 | 31

Love at frost sight A guide to St. Pete’s Enchant Christmas. By Chelsea Zukowski

f you need to forget about your worries and its inaugural year, and it is a pleasure to bring your strife or sip cocktails from a giant blink- joy to the community again this time of year.” ing light bulb, head over to Enchant Christmas Back to that dome-covering blackout curtain. at Tropicana Field. The immersive light maze That’s the “Magical Starry Night” curtain is once again taking over the Rays’ ballpark for with the task of blocking out daylight to create the holiday season until Jan. 2. a cozier, wintery night vibe inside Enchant. The “We just know people are ready to get out curtain also supports thousands of twinkling and do something fun and make memories with lights mimicking stars. their family. So, we’re happy to be a part of Clocking in at 450,000-square-feet and more that. Enchant Christmas this year is in four than 39,000 pounds, the curtain was a “large cities throughout the U.S., investment, but well worth but we’re especially happy it,” according to Enchant to be back for our second founder and CEO Kevin Enchant Christmas year in St. Pete,” Nancy Johnston. Tropicana Field Hutson, General Manager The blackout curtain 1 Tropicana Dr., St. Petersburg for Enchant Christmas St. also allows for the big$20 & up. Select dates and times through Jan. 2 Petersburg, told Creative gest upgrade to this year’s enchantchristmas.com Loafing Tampa Bay. event—opening earlier to Enchant first came to St. Petersburg in 2019 manage crowds. Tropicana Field is, of course, and welcomed crowds of locals participating in enclosed, but the iconic dome still lets in plenty the maze’s “Great Search” for Santa’s missing of daylight. With the curtain, Enchant can open reindeer. The event skipped 2020 due to the as early as 11 a.m. on 20 days of the event. pandemic. Hutson said the blackout Starry Night curThis year’s theme is “The Mischievous Elf,” tain is “a direct result of the overwhelming a scavenger hunt among millions of lights and response” Enchant got in 2019 from guests who dozens of towering trees and light displays to wanted a less crowded event. find eight presents missing from Santa’s workAlso, to further help crowd issues, all tickshop. Before they enter the maze, each guest ets and reservations are made online, including gets a card from Eddie the elf asking for help spots for ice skating and photos with Santa. in finding the toys. The card lists the name of “(Guests’) night is sort of planned out,” each toy—from Savannah’s Pony to JJ’s Dino— Hutson said. “I think people are much more which guests will scratch off when they’re found. used to that after the last year of doing their But Enchant is much more than the reservations online and using their phones to “world’s largest Christmas light maze” cover- plan out their evening.” ing Tropicana’s ballfield. With a holiday market and local restaurant village, visits with Santa Here’s everything else to check out at Enchant and Mrs. Claus, ice skating, “star experiences” Christmas for families and adults and a massive blackout Enchant market and eatery Bordering curtain covering the stadium’s dome, Enchant about half of the light maze inside Tropicana has turned Tropicana Field into a Christmas Field are 20 pop-up kiosks full of local shops theme park. and restaurants offering holiday gifts and “Enchant is a full production company. And food fare. There are shops for locally crafted it’s a full-blown company producing it. We’re candles and hot chocolate bombs as well as very fortunate here in St. Pete that we do have local artists and jewelry makers. As for food a lot of former theme park people on our build and drinks, more than a dozen local restauteam as well as on our operations team just rants have spots inside Enchant with holiday because we live in the theme park capital of twists on their dishes. Around and inside the the world,” Hutson said. “And I do think you’re maze are several pop-up bars for drinks and seeing some of those nuances here in St. Pete snacks as you navigate the dizzying number of this year. It really is like a little mini Christmas lights and displays. These are the best places theme park.” to grab a specialty cocktail and Enchant lightAll that’s missing is rides, but we wouldn’t bulb sipper to drink out of. be surprised if some of those, like a carousel, Ice skating Tickets to skate around the ice appear in future event years. skating trail start at $8 and include sanitized “We’re thrilled to welcome guests back to rental skates. The decked out skating loop is Tropicana Field this holiday season,” Tampa Bay situated near the back of the maze, but still Rays President Brian Auld said in a release. “Our offers great views of the light display and some partnership with Enchant was a great success in of the missing toys you’ll be looking for.

HOLIDAYS

32 | DECEMBER 9 - DECEMBER 15, 2021 | cltampa.com

IT’S LIT: After taking a pandemic break, Enchant Christmas is back at the Trop. Giant walk-through light displays There are dozens of light displays around the Enchant maze—from oversized ornaments, illuminated tunnels and a dangling light forest to photo ops inside giant presents, dinosaurs, planes and even rubber ducks. The pièce de résistance of Enchant is the 100-foot-tall cone tree decked out in more than 40,000 individually controlled lights illuminating it in festive animations and patterns throughout the night. You can even walk inside the tree and see all the way to its sparkling top.

Star experiences VIP perks are new this year. The Magic Dinner includes a buffet, meet and greet with Mrs. Claus and a Christmas elf, and exclusive photo with your party and a special dining area. It also includes admission to the maze, dessert and select non-alcoholic drinks. The Magic Brunch addition includes the same as the Magic Dinner, just with a buffet brunch. The 21-and-up package includes admission to the maze, access to an exclusive bar, two beverage tickets, snacks and light appetizers and return access to the bar lounge area throughout the night.

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The tree

The 10 best ‘Wishes’ from the Dalí museum’s new book. By Ray Roa

t. Petersburg’s Dalí museum has a new book will include wish readings, kid’s activities and an featuring wishes that visitors have written opportunity for visitors to submit more wishes and tied to the museum’s ficus “Wish Tree” at wish writing stations. History lessons, tours in the Avant-garden. and photos are also on tap. The wishes run the gamut from innocent (“I At 5 p.m., the Dalí will illuminate the Wish wish to get a kitten”) to desperate (“I need my Tree as tarot card readers and the St. Pete job back”), heartbreaking (“I Jazz quartet entertain guests. hope I won’t be alone when I Entrance to the festivities is grow old) and simultaneously included with admission. A celebration of wishes altruistic and self-care-centric To mark the occasion,

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Thursday, Dec. 9, 10 a.m.-8 p.m. (“I wish for world peace & to Creative Loafing Tampa Included with admission ($12 & up; fit in to 34 jeans"). Bay pulled 10 of our favorite kids 5 and under free). 1 Dali Blvd., All told, the book—availwishes from the book. Have a St. Petersburg. thedali.org able starting Thursday at the look, and get more information museum gift shop—features 250 wishes from on the event below. •I hope my mom will show up at my the tree. Beth Bell, Marketing Director at the Dalí, graduation told Creative Loafing Tampa Bay the museum •I wish I could stop drinking coffee has received around 20,000 wishes over the •My children outlive me last 10 years. •I wish I could ignore you but I can’t “We tend to remove the wristbands with •I wish that dragons were real wishes on them monthly, depending on how much •I wish everyone had a safe place to sleep the strands fill up, then put out new streamers up at night •I wish to marry food for visitors to tie their wishes to,” Bell added. Once removed, we have several volunteers transcribe •I wish for us to work together & end global the wishes to keep on file for our annual wish read- warming •Wish my dad accepted me ing ceremony (and in this case, the book as well).” To mark the book release, the Dalí is having •I wish I could stop sitting & wishing and a celebration outside, at 11:11 a.m. The festivities start doing

A TREE BATHED IN LIGHT: The Dalí picked 250 wishes for its new book.

cltampa.com | DECEMBER 9 - DECEMBER 15, 2021 | 35

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Staying alive

Laura Jane Grace brings her storied, still unraveling, songbook back to Florida. By Ray Roa

But the critical acclaim didn’t sit well with certain fans who labeled the band sellouts. At one point, the pressure and stress on Against Me!, combined with abuse from rigid and idealistic followers, led to a coffee shop altercation before a 2007 show in Tallahassee. Grace was arrested on a battery charge after the band’s show at Beta Bar—the same week Against Me! headlined Jannus Live in St. Petersburg.

“But turning 40, I did not feel that way at all. It also hit me by surprise, but looking back at my 30s, I liked myself better as a person in my 30s than I did in my 20s,” she added. And she’s treating herself better, too. Grace—touring behind a surprise EP, At War with the Silverfish, released in late September via Polyvinyl—is four years sober, 10 years past coming out as transgender, doing yoga, raising

CHRIS BAUER

n Gainesville, Laura Jane Grace used to spend days working for the Dignity Project where instructors taught students how to fix donated cars with the understanding that they’d take night classes to get their GEDs. The rides were then sold to disadvantaged families at well under cost (the second generation of the Project sells them for $1,000-$1,500). Grace told Creative Loafing Tampa Bay she wouldn’t be able to fix modern cars now dependent on computers, but she still feels confident about doing the basics—changing brake pads, alternators, oil changes or a cap and rotor. “As a mechanic, I was never that great, let’s be honest,” she laughed. “I was really good at taking things apart and then when it was time to put them together being like ‘Oh shit, what goes where?’” She’s a much better songwriter and author anyway. For a quarter century, Grace, frontwoman for legendary Florida punk band Against Me!, has picked life apart but put it back together as part of a career that’s spawned more than a dozen releases. A good chunk of that work will be reunited with Grace’s Tampa Bay fans this weekend when she plays two intimate soldout shows in the courtyard of The Bricks in Ybor City, a district she’s visited as both headliner and concertgoer over and over during her formative years in Florida. Grace said she’s looking forward to escaping the gray cold of Chicago—a place she’s called home since leaving the Sunshine State a decade ago—and caught up with CL just weeks after her birthday. “Twenty-six years old,” she joked. “Hard to believe, right?” Not too far-fetched, but in so many ways, Grace is much different than the person she was at that age. In her 20s, Grace saw Against Me! release its debut studio full-length ahead of two more, anarcho-punk informed LPs that eventually landed the band on Warner Brothers’ Sire Records and in the studio with producer Butch Vig. The ears behind Nirvana’s Nevermind helped the band record New Wave, a record named Spin’s No. 1 album of 2007 (Rolling Stone put it at No. 9). The output leading up to, and on, New Wave found Grace spilling her guts in now trademark fashion and connecting with a community in search of belonging.

GET HIGH IN THE GARDEN: Laura Jane Grace plays two sold-out shows in an Ybor City courtyard. Grace, who’s actually 41 years old, was 26 then and would totally do that part of her life over again. “Not that I’m like, fucking ancient or anything, but I felt much older turning 30 than I did turning 40,” Grace said, adding that hitting the milestone at the time filled her with existential dread. “Oh my god, my 20s are over, nothing interesting in life will ever happen. Might as well retire to Florida."

a daughter and even running so much that she was on track to do the 2020 Chicago Marathon. That race was canceled due to coronavirus, but Grace kept running as a coping mechanism to escape the weird world we were all living in then; she ran hard enough to break her foot. “I definitely was overdoing it last year and paid the price,” she said. “It’s no joke. You gotta stretch out and all that shit before you go running, and take care of your body.”

While Grace arrives in Ybor City after a 20-month period where we all could’ve taken better care of ourselves, the sets are a chance to heal and be back with old friends that’ve hung on so many lyrics for more than 20 years. Solo shows are also a low risk way for Grace to strike a balance between wanting to be out on the road full bore with her band and staying home. Over two nights, she plans to play a mix of new songs, Against Me! stuff along with solo tunes—basically whatever she wants. “This is kind of a more safe, reasonable way to do it as we come out of these uncertain times,” she said, explaining that a canceled show means eating just one plane ticket instead of the 10 required to do an Against Me! gig. “You just want to be a part of a joyous gathering and have people singing because it has been a second so it feels really good to be out there.” Plus there’s no telling who you Grace might run into. In August, she played an alley in between Dumb Records and Good Heart Tattoo in Springfield, Illinois. After the set someone introduced themselves. It was the daughter of Chris George, a teacher who gave Grace her GED classes as part of Dignity Project. George’s wife also worked for the project, and Grace had not seen them since. “ Their kid grew up and is an Against Me! fan and is a punk rocker and is politically active and minded,” Grace said. For Grace—a military brat who landed in Naples and then slowly made her way up to Chicago—music brings out the purest form of herself. “With records, when you feel like you actually made something that resonated, that feels like a hit—it doesn’t matter if it’s a hit in the pop culture sense of the word, Billboard charts and shit like that—but you had a hit, you connected with people, something resonated, you got a point across,” she said. And meeting that kid in Illinois was one of those moments. Grace might’ve been a lousy mechanic, but she’s always been unafraid to reach inside in the hopes of keeping things in good working order. “It was so awesome, and so fucking rad to see it all come full circle,” she said. Read our full Q&A at cltampa.com/music.

cltampa.com | DECEMBER 9 - DECEMBER 15, 2021 | 39

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Kairos Creature Club

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Citizen w/Drug Church/Glitterer/Floating Roo Holidays got you down? Shoegaze-emo outfit Citizen knows just how you feel. I bet singing, or screaming, along to all the Toledo band’s songs (“The Night I Drove Alone,” “How Does It Feel?”) will get some of that December angst out. The trio also has a new album Life in Your Glass World, so you better learn all the words. Support comes from Albany’s post-hardcore act Drug Church, Pennsylvania’s Glitterer and Portland’s genrebending Floating Room. (Crowbar, Ybor City) C Ghost-Note It’s been less than two months since Snarky Puppy headlined Clearwater Jazz Holiday, but members of the Grammy-winning jazz outfit are already headed back to a venue just seven miles away. Built around Puppy percussion duo of Robert “Sput” Searight and Nate Werth, Ghost-Note features members of Prince’s band as well as Mononeon and last funked up Dunedin Brewery in 2019. Kendrick Lamar producer Terrance Martin sat in on saxophone for that gig, and there’s no telling who’ll show up at this one, but seeing that the cover is somehow $0, music fans have nothing to lose and so much to gain by checking it out. (Dunedin Brewery, Dunedin)—Ray Roa C Kairos Creature Club w/The Venus/ Fayroy Over the summer, Tampa had a nice-to-meet-you show with Kairos Creature Club, a Jacksonville-based psych-rock indie supergroup of sorts featuring members of La Luz, Boytoy and The Mother Gooses. Kairos has since gotten to know Tampa a little better by doing a live video session at Sponge Studios. The Seminole Heights studio is where all the recording equipment from Alexander Charos’ Yoko Phono studio now lives, so it makes complete sense to see Charos’ band space-rock band The Venus on this bill that finds Kairos Creature Club returning to Tampa’s West River. Indian Rocks Beach goths Fayroy open the show. (Hooch and Hive, Tampa)—Ray Roa C Parker Millsap w/Connor Zwetsch Millsap has something most musicians can’t brag about: a shoutout from Sir Elton John. “Last night in Atlanta I saw one of the best concerts I have ever seen. Parker Millsap and Sarah Jarosz. Both were astonishingly good,” the icon said after a 20146 concert. “It restored my faith in music.” That tour also stopped at Skipper’s, but Millsap (sans Jaroz) is at Tampa Bay’s other quirky venue this weekend. In April, the 27-year-old released his fifth album—produced by John Agnello who worked with Kurt Vile, Sonic Youth, and Waxahatchee—which Rolling Stone magazine called a “pristine listening experience.” (Safety Harbor Art and Music Center, Safety Harbor)

C/O GLENN MICHAEL VAN DYKE

FRI 10

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Crossbreed w/Deadstar Assembly/The Dev Clearwater’s Crossbreed has a “XMAS Rave” that looks pretty intense. We’re talking black lights and metal sparks. Would you expect anything less from the industrial metal band? Ft. Lauderdale goth rock outfit Deadstar Assembly and Orlando’s The Dev open the Saturday night show. If you want to sit back and watch the action, balcony seats cost $40. But if you’re going to be upfront, better wear flame-retardant clothes. (Orpheum, Ybor City) Live Creation Music & Art Festival: Erik Hempel w/The Easy Button/Vivid Moxie/Quasi Mojo/The Outlanders/ more ‘Tis the season to give back, and Red Star Live’s Live Creation Music & Art Festival is the perfect opportunity to do so. The all-day event benefits the nonprofit of the same name, giving children and underserved people free music lessons, musical instruments, and scholarships. Over a dozen bands play throughout including local contemporary funk and jazz fusion bandleader Erik Hempel. In addition to the $10 suggested donation, gently-used instruments are also accepted. If you’re in a giving mood and can’t make it to Brandon this weekend, Gasparilla Music Festival is also having its

Recycled Tunes Music Instrument Drive on Saturday, Dec. 11 from 1 p.m.-5 p.m. at Sparkman Wharf (a donation there gets you a free ticket to the festival happening Feb. 25-27) (Red Star Live, Brandon) C Love Your Rebellion’s Babefest: Lung w/Except You/The Leered Nonprofit Love Your Rebellion brings Cincinnati’s Lung back for the arts and activism event Babefest, happening this this year at Tampa Heights’ best vagina-forward shuffleboard bar. Joining the “powerhouse art-punk electric cello and drums rock duo”—which played the event last year at Crowbar—are Ft. Myers’ punk band Except You, and The Leered, a Miami two-piece that sounds like it has 10 members. Proof of vaccination or a negative COVID-19 test is required for entry. (Shuffle, Tampa)

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C Andrea & Mud The Atlanta surf-western duo makes its Ella’s debut bringing with it a sounds that feels like Conway Twitty and Loretta Lynn reincarnated (yes, we know, Lynn is, thankfully, still alive). Check out Andrea & Mud’s 2020 album Bad News Darlin’ to get a taste of that old-timey country in store. Reservations are recommended if

you want to sit and eat chicken and waffles during the Sunday Soul Food show. (Ella’s Americana Folk Art Cafe, Tampa) Nothing w/Bambara/Midwife Nothing’s 2020 release The Great Dismal was really spot on with a title that pretty much summed up the whole year. The Philly shoegaze-indie rock band brings its perfectly emotional tunes to Crowbar where Brooklyn post-punk group Bambara and Denver’s "heaven metal" band Midwife play openers. Stick around after the show for the second to last Ol’ Dirty Sundays of the year. (Crowbar, Ybor City)

WED 15

C Sarah Brightman In recent years, Brightman has revolutionized the role of Christine Daaé in “Phantom of the Opera.” The 61-year-old also put together a massively successful, Christmas-themed live stream last year while waiting for the OK to get back on the road. The positive response overwhelmed her, hence why she has decided to embark on a 17-date, U.S. tour that celebrates her career—and Christmas—with two stops in Florida. Read our interview with Brightman at cltampa.com/music. (Ruth Eckerd Hall, Clearwater)—Josh Bradley

cltampa.com | DECEMBER 9 - DECEMBER 15, 2021 | 41

42 | DECEMBER 9 - DECEMBER 15, 2021 | cltampa.com

FRI. DECEMBER 10

Parker Millsap with Connor Zwetsch SAT. DECEMBER 11 + SUN. DECEMBER 12

Tickets to see Iron Maiden play Amalie Arena in Tampa, Florida on Oct. 27, 2022 go on sale Dec. 10 at 10 a.m. EST and start at $45.75. The show is the only Florida date on the legendary hard-rock band’s itinerary and comes in the wake of news that Maiden frontman Bruce Dickinson will also do a spoken word date at Tampa Theatre on Jan. 20. Tickets to see Iron Maiden’s Bruce Dickinson do spoken word at Tampa Theatre on Thursday, Jan. 20 are on sale now and start at $34.50. A press release says the “Evening With Bruce Dickinson” tour will see the ironlunged belter trading in the guitar pyrotechnics and grotesque Eddie banners of Maiden for a night of solo “storytelling,

The Outlaws w/Pure Prairie League Friday-Saturday, Dec. 10-11. 7:30 p.m. $39.50-$149.50. Bilheimer Capitol Theatre, Clearwater Hovercar w/The Pilot Waves/Fast Talkers Friday, Dec. 17. 9 p.m. Free. The Potion Portal, St. Petersburg Terrapin Saturday, Dec. 18. 10 p.m. Free. Dharma Kava Lounge, Largo Antonio Rey Sunday, Dec. 19, 4 p.m. $35. Centro Asturiano, Ybor City Meatwound w/Pohgoh/Permanent Makeup/Bad Bad Things Saturday, Dec. 25. 8 p.m. $10. Crowbar, Ybor City Almondy Brown w/Murder The Crow/ Filthy Royalty Friday, Jan. 7. 7 p.m. $10. Crowbar, Ybor City Dead Mirrors w/Roxx Revolt & The Velvets/Ghost Front/Mindwash Saturday, Jan. 22. 8 p.m. $10. Crowbar, Ybor City Funk You Saturday, Jan. 29. 8 p.m. $15. New World Music Hall, Tampa The Fritz Sunday, Jan. 30. 9 p.m. Prices TBA. Dunedin Brewery, Dunedin cleopatrick w/Dead Poet Society Thursday, Feb. 3. 8 p.m. $15. Crowbar, Ybor City LSDream Friday, Feb. 11. 10 p.m. $20. The Ritz, Ybor City Dabin w/Skybreak Friday, Feb. 18. 7:30 p.m. $22-$25. Jannus Live, St. Petersburg The Wonder Years w/Spanish Love Songs/Origami Angel/save face Tuesday, Feb. 22. 6:45 p.m. $27.50-$60. The Ritz, Ybor City Knuckle Puck w/Hot Mulligan/Meet Me @ The Altar/Anxious Saturday, Mar. 5. 6:30 p.m $23. Orpheum, Ybor City Paul Van Dyk Saturday, Mar. 5. 10 p.m $20. The Ritz, Ybor City

a-capella singing and audience Q&A. Dickinson, who’s also a pilot and beer brewer, has done this style of show in Europe to a positive response. He’s got no shortage of stories to tell.

Rising Appalachia CHRIS RODRIGUEZ

Iron Maiden is revving its “Legacy of the Beast” tour back up, and the four-month North American run will wrap in Tampa next fall, just in time for Halloween.

Maiden last played Amalie Arena in 2017 and 2011, and saw the pandemic force the “Legacy of the Beast” tour to take a pause last year. Dutch symphonic metal band Within Temptation opens the Amalie show. See Josh Bradley’s weekly concert announcement, postponement and cancellation roundup below.—Ray Roa

SAT. JANUARY 8

Randall Bramblette FRI. JANUARY 21

Dan Rodriguez SAT. JANUARY 22

Seth Walker COMING SOON Will Evans / Wahh / Banshee Tree / Moors & McCumber / Glen Alexander / Oshima Bros.

Phiso w/Jiqui/Bernzikial Friday, Mar. 11. 10 p.m. Free before 11 p.m. The Ritz, Ybor City Yonder Mountain String Band Friday, Mar. 11. 7 p.m. Prices TBA. Jannus Live, St. Petersburg Mayhem w/Watain/Midnight Saturday, Mar. 19. 7 p.m. $30. Orpheum, Ybor City The Lords Of 52nd Street Thursday, Mar. 24. 8 p.m. $32-$52. Bilheimer Capitol Theatre, Clearwater Dayseeker w/Holding Absense/ Thornhill/Caskets Tuesday, Apr. 12. 6:30 p.m. $17. Crowbar, Ybor City Barns Courtney Friday, May 6. 8 p.m. $22. Crowbar, Ybor City The Menzingers w/Oso Oso/Sincere Engineer Sunday, May 8. 7 p.m. $25. Orpheum, Ybor City Keith Urban w/Ingrid Andress Friday, Jun. 17. 7 p.m. Prices TBA. MIDFLORIDA Credit Union Amphitheatre, Tampa REO Speedwagon w/Styx/Loverboy Saturday, Jun. 18. 6:45 p.m. $29.50-$554.50. MIDFLORIDA Credit Union Amphitheatre, Tampa Joe Jackson Tuesday, Jun. 21. 8 p.m. $39.50-$99.50. Tampa Theatre, Tampa

THE UPCOMINGNESS™

SATURDAY 01/08/22

Chicago w/Brian Wilson Tuesday, Jun. 28. 7 p.m. $35.50-$480.50. MIDFLORIDA Credit Union Amphitheatre, Tampa

THE PAUSES

Cancellations/reschedules

8PM / $7-10 / 21&UP • HOOCH AND HIVE

The Garden at Crowbar, Dec. 1 Rescheduled to Jan. 18. Daughtry w/Tremonti/Travis Bracht at Ruth Eckerd Hall, Dec. 16 Rescheduled to Feb. 24 Brian Posehn at Crowbar, 1/15 Canceled

w/ HIDES & LUULS

SATURDAY 01/22/22

TONSTARTSSBANDHT

WEDNESDAY 02/23/21

SARAH SHOOK

& THE DISARMERS w/ WILL QUINLAN & THE HOLY SLOW TRAIN 7PM / $12-15 / ALL AGES! • CROWBAR

TUESDAY 03/08/21

SPIRIT OF THE BEEHIVE w/ BODY MEAT

7PM / $15 / ALL AGES! • CROWBAR

w/ BROTHER CEPHUS & ALIEN HOUSE TICKETS & INFORMATION: 7PM / $12-15 / 18&UP • HOOCH AND HIVE

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Shareabortionpill.info By Dan Savage

I’m a fan from Italy, so please excuse my English. I’ve been in a hetero relationship with my boyfriend for seven years, we’re both around 30, and we love each other and blah blah blah. Sex is very good but quite standard since we have no particular kinks or fetishes. I always reach orgasm before penetration, but only with fingering. It turns me on when he goes down on me, but it doesn’t “do the trick.” After I come, I feel something is missing if we don’t have penetrative sex that ends with him coming inside me. But because that part isn’t a lot of fun for me—being penetrated doesn’t make me come, and I’m being penetrated after I come—I usually urge him to come quickly, which is a bit frustrating for him. Is it weird that I need this kind of “closure” to sex? Is it weird that I want him coming inside me under these conditions? Where does this need come from? I’m sure you’ll have a great answer!—Weird Orgasmic Needs Defy Easy Rationales

come until after he does. Now, you’re a grownass, sexually active, 30-year-old-or-thereabouts citizen of the European Union, WONDER, and I’m guessing this may have already occurred to you. But I’m going to toss it out there just in case: Let your boyfriend go down on you until you’re completely turned on, then let him take his time fucking you until he comes, and then—and only then—let him finger you until you come.

SAVAGE LOVE

You’re in a better position to judge where this need of yours comes from—and you’re most likely in the missionary position (not that there’s anything wrong with that!)—but if I were to hazard a guess… Sex meets our physical need for touch, for pleasure, and for release, WONDER, but it also meets emotional needs. And sometimes what a sex act and/or an eroticized act symbolizes is just as or more important than how it feels. It means something to you—something important—when your boyfriend comes inside you during PIV intercourse. And since your boyfriend comes inside you after you’ve already come—usually after you’ve asked him to hurry things along— it’s not about your pleasure in that moment. It’s not about how it feels, WONDER, it’s about what it means. Your physical needs have already been satisfied; your boyfriend got you off with his fingers. But sex doesn’t feel real and complete for you until your boyfriend comes inside you. In the moment—in those moments—it’s more about what’s going on between your ears, i.e., more of what sex means than how it feels. Seeing as you read my column, WONDER, you must know (I hope you know) that two or more people can have a satisfying and meaningful sexual encounter that leaves them feeling connected and satisfied without anyone being penetrated during PIV or PIT or PIB and without anyone coming inside anyone else. Indeed, a person can have a meaningful sexual encounter that leaves them feeling satisfied without coming at all. But if you want to shake things up with the boyfriend—if you occasionally wanna give your boyfriend a chance to enjoy fucking you without being hurried along—you could always wait to

I’ve been with my partner for three years and we recently decided to dip our toes in the waters of swinging. We were on agreement about only doing a “soft swap” to start and then seeing where it led. We met up with a few couples and hit it off with one. At first my boyfriend was super respectful of my boundaries but he’s become obsessed with being on swinging apps all the time. He enjoys the “reality porn,” meaning the profiles, and that’s fair. But he’s secretive AF about it. If it’s all out in the open, why does he need to be secretive?!? I’ve broached the subject and the conversation always ends with him saying, “I’m sorry! I’m just bored! I’m not looking for anyone else!” But his obsession is starting to affect my self-esteem. We have a stellar sex life, and I am a ravenous woman. It’s not like we have a “dead bedroom” problem here. I had a conversation with him last night about whether we need to shut the whole thing down. I said that if this is something he’d like to continue with on his own, then he’s free to do so—as a single man. I don’t want to hold him back if that’s what he needs in his life, but I’m also not going to suffer because of it. I don’t know what else to do. I’d love to hear your thoughts on navigating this.—Seriously Worried About Partner’s Obsession There are two possible explanations for why your boyfriend suddenly started being so secretive and squirrelly about what he’s doing on that swinging app. First, he could be cheating or planning to cheat. He could be doing something that violates the rules you hammered out when you opened the relationship, e.g., meeting up with a couple on his own, or he could be making plans to do something that breaks those rules, e.g., talking with couples about doing a full swap. Second possible explanation: Your boyfriend came down with a bad case of kid-in-the-candy-shop, got carried away, and knew, even before you said something, that this was annoying you. But instead of dialing it back, he’s tried to hide it from you. Dickful

thinking may even have led him to believe that he was being considerate of your feelings when he attempted to hide what he was doing. Either way, SWAPO, you issued an ultimatum—if he doesn’t knock this shit off you’re going to put a stop to it (the swinging) or put an end to it (the relationship)—and soon you’ll know what you have to do. I’m a 60-year-old gay man with a 35-yearold straight male friend—and no, this letter is not going where you think it’s going. We have become best friends without benefits. We have a lot of common interests, and we enjoy doing things together on the weekend. I’ve never gotten any indication that he has any sexual interest in me and I’m not going to ruin our friendship by making sexual advances to him. Last year I went through a very difficult time personally, involving an illness and multiple deaths in my family. He was there for me completely—really, above and beyond anything I could have expected. I would like to get him a gift to express my gratitude for his support and I can afford to be extravagant. The problem is, I don’t want to get him something extravagant if there’s a risk my generosity might be interpreted as a come-on. Our friendship works because we respect each other’s boundaries, and I don’t want him thinking I’ve suddenly tried to cross one. So, here is my question: What does a 60-year-old gay man give a straight man half his age that will convey appreciation for his sup-

already know not to get your straight friend a pricey leather sling or a shiny latex gimpsuit, right? You don’t need me to tell you that, do you? So, besides pussy, what does your straight friend like? Does he like football? Get him a pair of tickets to see the team he crushes on hardest and encourage him to take a friend (or a date) that shares his passion for that kind of straight bullshit. Does he like video games? Get him one of those giant TVs straight gamer boys like to play games on. Does he like going places and is he fully vaccinated? Get him airline vouchers and give him enough cash to cover a nice hotel and food and tell him to go have a great fullyvaccinated vacation on you. Or maybe there’s something he needs rather than wants—kind of like you needed emotional and logistical support during your illness and family tragedies? If he needs his credit cards paid down, pay ‘em down. If he needs his car paid off, pay it off. And if you’re worried that he might misinterpret your generosity as a come-on or as a precedent (that lavish gifts will keep coming) or as a burden (that you expect lavish gifts in return), address all those possible misinterpretations in the card : “You were such a generous and giving friend during an extremely difficult time in my life and I wanted to do something special for you—just this once—to thank you. I hope we will always be friends.” Finally, FRAT, there’s also the option of giving him something reasonable—maybe tickets to a football game counts—and then writing that straight boy into your will. He definitely won’t think you’re trying to get into his pants after you’re dead.

port during a difficult time in my life but will not convey a desire for sex? Or is there such a gift?— Fully Recovered And Thankful

Hey, Everybody: Fuck Alito and fuck Thomas and fuck Roberts and fuck Kavanaugh and fuck Gorsuch and fuck Barrett. Fuck anyone who would force a woman to give birth against her will. But while SCOTUS may be able to reverse “Roe v. Wade” and allow Republican-controlled state legislatures to ban abortion in most of the United States, we don’t have to return to the days when women who needed abortions—and trans and non-binary folks who needed abortions—couldn’t get them safely. Abortion pills (Mifepristone and Misoprostol) are safe and effective, they can be safely self-administered, and they can be purchased online for around $100. For more information, go to shareabortionpill.info. Stock up so you have them on hand if you or your friends or your family members or your coworkers or your neighbors ever need them.

It’s easier for me to rule things out than it is for me to rule things in, FRAT, seeing as that, save for his age and straightness, I know next to nothing about your friend. I mean, you

Contact questions@savagelove.net, follow @FakeDanSavage on Twitter and get Dan’s columns, podcasts, books, merch and more at savage.love.

cltampa.com | DECEMBER 9 - DECEMBER 15, 2021 | 45

46 | DECEMBER 9 - DECEMBER 15, 2021 | cltampa.com

creative loafing puzzler THE POINT OF 75 76 APRIL 15TH 77 by Merl Reagle ACROSS 81 1 African nation or 82 preppy name 83 5 Writers with 86 cartridges 9 Melodious Horne 87 13 Loos 16 Why TAX and TACKS sound the 90 91 same: Both ___ 92 20 Library org. 97 21 Both ___ 98 22 Papa Playboy 99 23 Arm-over-arm 100 swinger 24 Sib’s kid 106 25 Ralph of The 110 Waltons 114 26 Knight time? 115 27 Director 118 Riefenstahl 121 29 Tall bird 31 Student buys 122 34 Collar 123 37 Loose 127 40 Source of Asian butter 128 41 Both ___ 129 51 City law: abbr. 130 52 Opened 131 53 Like parking 132 garages 54 Entomologist’s first name? 1 56 Both ___ 2 (continues at 3 70 and 83 4 Across) 5 59 Annoy 6 60 Play section 62 Actress Moore 7 63 Org. that inspired 8 this puzzle 9 64 Hawaii, basically 67 A car, to a teen 68 Red river? 10 70 See 56 Across 71 Pill bottle 72 Word before deal 11 or meal 1

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108 Spherical bacteria Beast of burden 74 Language of 109 Nevada city or Pakistan Cowboy’s shout county 75 Checkers move Record keeper 111 Christian 76 PETA peeves Secure places fashions? 78 Israeli airline Yawn 112 1943 Spencer Above, in Zwickau 79 Admired one Tracy film, JFK or LAX datum 80 What to do if you ___ Named Joe don’t see what Skinny 113 “Timely” doz. you want 2001 computer 116 Ordinarily, in the 82 Play about Oxen linker dict. Capote Imbibing parlor 84 ___ up to (admit) 117 “¿Como ___?” “Rumble in the 119 Name of 12 85 Adheres (to) jungle” Popes 87 Secy., e.g. victor, 1974 120 Volcano near 88 Shampoo Looked over Palermo ingredient, Uniform sew-on 123 Galley slave’s perhaps Singer Lane least favorite 89 ___ Paulo 1950s hairdo Greek letter? 93 Bridge support? 124 A million Hill dweller Caesar’s dozen 94 Purpose millennium 95 Charged particle 125 Day of the wk. Canada Indian 96 Put on the Silly Sandler 126 Fax machine feedbag Greek ancestor: abbr. 100 Loosen, in a way marketplace 101 Unsophisticated Buddies 102 Certain Cuban Oct or prop 103 Cleric’s garb ending (anagram of “Not if my life A ROLE) PUZZLE FANS ! depended on it” For info on Merl's “Chic” adjective 104 Fungus fuzzies 105 Star Trek Sunday crossword Curse anthologies, visit character Pot opener? www.sunday Part of Amtrak’s 107 Vine-covered, as crosswords.com. colleges 800 number Creaky Solution to Love Letters 19-in. items, sometimes SOS A D CH E R SOX DR J D A NQP I D H A R I A R K ROO 1977 U.S. Open W I L L U BMY V A L E N T I N E E B B winner A N E Y E L E A P GOGO S A T SOS A N Y L E T U S NO T B NME E Trig function S K I D E L U S I ON R A I L S “So!” A F T C P A MA D RU P E E S M B R A C E A B L E U E L I O T R EO Casals’ instrument E L UD I NG I D L E A N T E S Protein-rich bean G U T T E A R I T A I T S S O E Z A S T I N Y E T T A CH B L OB Full of foliage H I Q T P I E E L E C EMU S U E Bug S H A N A D A R T C A N T I N A CC S E P I S C MY I I A DOR E DU Common verb L OU I S A AMB NN E A S S Where Ephesus AMB L E MA ROON E D T U X WP L E A S UR EWF UN L OP A P T was L E X AGE E RON I O I L E R Drop in on B E A S UGA R I S SWE E T N SORU Refreshing place L T S A C E E D G E H O W I N V U T E E P E R DO T S NO T T E Bon mot 8

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