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Mirrorless reinvented | clevescene.com | September 4 - 10, 2019
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| clevescene.com | September 4 - 10, 2019
UPFRONT A BAD MOON RISING Photo from shutterstock.com
A SUMMIT ORCHESTRATED BY A bumper crop of the region’s civic and corporate leaders will arrive at the Cleveland Public Auditorium in late October. No expense has been spared to brand and market the upcoming three-day affair, which has been dubbed “Cleveland Rising” and which already has a snappy logo, a website, and a full complement of core values, hatched at a planning session at Cleveland.com HQ in December. Cleveland Rising is ostensibly designed to create economic prosperity for all or, at any rate, to talk about creating economic prosperity for all. Those involved in its planning and publicity are optimistic to a frankly bizarre degree. Indeed, the summit’s hottest-shot promoters have been eager to stress that “economic inclusiveness” is what it’s all about. And they are exceedingly proud of themselves on that score. Some of them have professed to be more bullish than they’ve ever been during their many years in Cleveland. Others are talking earnestly about the region’s awe-inspiring capacity for “courage” and “love,” two of the summit’s core values. What they’re gushing over is the sudden realization that economic development should not be focused exclusively on wealthy decisionmakers. Big plans for the region’s future warrant at least a modicum of input from what’s being called “the broader community.” Unlike the regional policies and prerogatives through which many of these same leaders have been content to extract wealth for decades, Cleveland Rising will now incorporate the views of people of color and poor people, promoters say. The goal is to build “consensus.” The effect is not terribly unlike when a toddler who has been hogging toys learns how to share, and then immediately begins to perform the sharing for his parent or guardian, having learned that he’ll be applauded for doing so. In any case, the community input is supposed to be corralled, over the summit’s three days, using a model known as Appreciative Inquiry. And this model makes the summit unique, leaders say. It makes it unlike anything any city in the United States has ever done before. Here’s Cleveland. com editor Chris Quinn, in a column earlier this month.
“In conversation after conversation this year, I have heard local leaders say this sentence or something similar: Cleveland is going to be the first city in America to write an economic development plan that includes everyone.” I’ll reserve comment on that parfait of self-delusion for now, other than to point to my essay last year on the failed Amazon bid and what I called the “Superlative Imperative” of local elites: “The emergent strategies being bandied about in the relevant C-suites are not to tackle specific problems that would drastically improve the quality of life for the region’s poor ...” I wrote, “but to conjure up anything at all to be the best at or have the biggest of. This is the superlative imperative at work. In the elite psyche, it’s pathological, which means examples are not at all hard to find. You can and should — for sport, if not for corroboration — scan virtually any op-ed by a civic leader from the past 40 years to see what I’m talking about.” Quinn’s columns of late have been no exception. Being “the first city in America to write an economic development plan that includes everyone” is yet another example of this inveterate tendency. To be clear, though, the summit’s goal is not to write an economic development plan that includes everyone, or for that matter to write an economic development plan of any kind. It has no explicit outcomes or deliverables other than generating a whole lot of conversation. “It’s nothing more than a listening session,” said Kristen Morris, the
Cleveland Clinic’s chief government and community relations officer, in a conversation this week between four of Cleveland Rising’s leaders and Scene. “It really is just something that says — I know this sounds a little bit squishy — ‘Let’s come together and think openly about this.’ To the degree that you get the really angry, the really energized and the really apathetic all to show up and participate, that’s what success looks like.” Other leaders have said versions of the same: that success won’t be achieved without active involvement and positive thinking from a wide array of participants. “The process only works if you work the process,” said City Club CEO Dan Moulthrop, in the same conversation. “It doesn’t work if people stand with their backs to the wall, with their arms folded, saying, ‘I’m just gonna tweet.’ It requires a certain amount of courage, and it requires corny and unbridled optimism.” KeyBank’s head of corporate responsibility and community relations Don Graves agreed that what happens after the summit is still undefined. But that’s the point. “We are all bound and determined that this won’t be the end,” he said, “that we establish a path forward that includes more input and more engagement with folks across the community.” Graves said that while past economic development efforts had often been useful and were led by “people with good intentions,” they ultimately didn’t move the needle in terms of community success. “They did not bring everybody along.”
“And as great as Cleveland is,” he said, “it can also be like a barrel of crabs, where when you start to climb up with good intentions and good ideas, the rest of the crabs start to grab you and pull you back down. The [Appreciative Inquiry method] will be an opportunity for us to think forward in a positive, appreciative way. That’s one thing that I think makes this process unique. We’re not looking backwards. We’re looking ahead.” Graves, who only returned to Cleveland in recent years, can be forgiven for not instantly pegging the irony in this comment. As the audience well knows, an unwillingness to look backwards (and in the case of Appreciative Inquiry, a built-in mandate not to) is entirely consistent with the region’s economic development M.O. It’s precisely that inclination which has permitted all these leaders to convince themselves they’re doing something so earthshattering. Chris Quinn has been leading the propaganda charge — a vanguard position that, it should be superfluous to note, has thoroughly compromised Cleveland.com’s ability to credibly cover the summit and its aftermath — and has been the most over-thetop in his insistence that the summit must be inclusive by every imaginable demographic metric. “This does not work without you,” he wrote, “without the voices and perspectives of people from across the spectrum of wealth, education, ethnicity, gender, professions, age and every other demographic you can name. If the collaborative efforts to change our fortunes leave out your viewpoints born of all of your experiences, they fail.” Implicit in this call to action is a warning: The blame will be foisted on you — those of you who do not courageously and lovingly participate — when this shit goes nowhere fast. As others have noted, attending a three-day summit is unrealistic for all but those who are paid to do so. Leaders love to characterize these business-led initiatives as “all-volunteer efforts.” And while that may be technically true, these “volunteers” are rarely taking PTO to attend the relevant meetings. Attending Cleveland Rising can be construed as part of their jobs, as leaders. Justin Bibb, KeyBank’s VP of corporate strategy, said that | clevescene.com | September 4 - 10, 2019
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| clevescene.com | September 4 - 10, 2019
registration was open to anyone and everyone, that childcare would be provided for those attendees who requested it and that “targeted outreach” efforts were underway to encourage participation among communities that have been traditionally left out of the conversation. Like leaders in the past, many in the current crop are undoubtedly providing time and financial support for Cleveland Rising with good intentions. Many of them are clearly excited, noting the nonstop emails and phone calls from other leaders asking how they can support the initiative and commending one another on their audacity (audacity being a core value so obvious that it wasn’t even included among Cleveland Rising’s). But what makes this audacious summit any different from the audacious Medical Mart, which Justin Bibb hastened to cite as a “shiny object” by which leaders had been distracted in the past? More community input? The reason why that’s frustrating is because there’s no great mystery surrounding the sort of actions required to improve the lives of the region’s poor: More money. Better transit. Safer neighborhoods. More affordable housing in those neighborhoods. And community members have been organizing around these issues for decades. Leaders like Graves are savvy enough to acknowledge that policy interventions are required if economic development is to happen equitably, without the widening chasm between rich and poor to which Cleveland Rising’s leaders have purported to be so opposed. “Speaking on behalf of KeyBank, I would say that we are absolutely going to push the envelope when it comes to finding ways to drive policies and programs that support opportunities for folks of limited means,” he said. “Finding ways that we can do more with our existing efforts to help people bridge the income gap; get the education and training for better jobs; improve mobility and transportation access; and ensure that as neighborhoods change, longtime residents are able to remain there and build wealth. That’s really where the challenges are.” But is a summit necessary to identify these problems? Or does it reinforce the local belief, as Scene has noted in the past, “that meeting and talking about problems constitutes
doing something about them”? Leaders are careful not to say that Cleveland Rising will lead directly to policy innovations in these areas. But many of them are nevertheless convinced that leaders are finally recognizing the importance of building up the community as they enrich themselves via traditional economic development models. “It’s as though we’ve been deferring maintenance on our community for decades,” Moulthrop said. “And I look at Say Yes, the work being done on lead poisoning and infant mortality. And it’s like we’re no longer deferring maintenance on the really big challenges, things that for so long we’ve said, ‘We’ll deal with that later.’ I think that’s huge. Cleveland Rising is just trying to ride that flywheel.” — Sam Allard
DIGIT WIDGET 6,417 Instances of wage theft reported at 270 Cleveland-area companies between 2004-2018. The worst violators were Parkins Solutions, Inc., with 937 violations; and Nestle, with 218 violations. Barrio Tacos also made an appearance, with 108 wage violations.
37 Traffic fatalities per year in the city of Cleveland.
$57 MILLION Amount that the city of Cleveland will forego in taxes if the state’s Air Quality Development Authority agrees to grant the $175 million mixed-use development project at Market Square in Ohio City a full 30-year tax abatement.
4 Giraffes that have died at the Toledo Zoo in the past four years. Trevor, an 8-year-old giraffe born in Cleveland, collapsed and died under unknown circumstances last week. He was the second giraffe to die in Toledo this summer.
scene@clevescene.com t@clevelandscene
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| clevescene.com | September 4 - 10, 2019
NEWS OP-ED: IF YOU VALUE DIVERSE VOICES, TAKE ACTION TO SUPPORT THEM By Yvonka Hall, Rebecca Maurer, and Jonathan Welle Photo by Sam Allard
CIVIC LEADERS BEHIND THE upcoming three-day regional economic summit want you to know that they are focused on diversity. It’s an “inclusive” summit of “diverse voices accelerating growth, equity and opportunity” that aims to “reflect our community in terms of race, income and identity” and “every other demographic you can name.” We know why summit organizers are hammering this issue home: We were part of a community response that called for a “seat at the table” after the summit’s initial planning stages took place in a closed-door, invitation-only meeting that was drawn from a Who’s Who of Cleveland’s civic and corporate leadership. As the summit approaches, we’re seeing a lot of nods to the need for diversity and inclusion, but are the summit organizers prepared to put their money where their mouth is? And will they commit to equity in its truest sense: being accountable to the “diverse voices” they want so badly to participate? Right now, the answer is no. The first problem is that the requirements of the summit make participation impossible for many. While registration is free, summit hosts are asking attendees to commit to the full three-day summit, which means three days without pay — an impossibility for many in our community. We ask that the organizers of the summit fund stipends so that those who cannot afford to take unpaid days off of work can attend. These stipends should include child care, transportation, and food. Second, summit organizers should recognize that even with funding, labor laws (or the lack thereof) still make attendance difficult for many in our region who have limited access to leave or who risk retribution for taking time off. That is why we are asking that every major employer who is part of this summit allow any of their employees — from janitors to the CEO — to attend. By way of example, Cleveland Clinic, KeyBank, and MetroHealth are supporting the
summit by allowing key executives to be part of the planning process. They should let it be known to front line staff that they are welcome to attend and accommodations will be made for those who wish to take the days off to participate. Summit organizers have recognized some of the barriers to attendance, and suggest that people can still have their voices heard through public conversations such as the Cleveland Foundation’s Common Ground series. But offering people with “diverse voices” second-rate opportunities to participate only serves to control and extract information from our communities instead of giving them real power. By relegating participation of people who cannot attend to sidebar conversations, summit organizers are effectively differentiating the city into the deciders and those affected by the decisions. A truly inclusive summit would make those groups one and the same. Of course, even an inclusive summit with a 1,000 attendee limit cannot cover the true range of experiences of the 1.3 million people in our region: For every success story of raising happy kids on a good salary in a good school district, there’s the story of somebody working a low wage job catching the bus because he cannot afford other forms of transportation, a story of a senior who can’t afford medicine or to maintain her housing stock because everything has gone up but her income, or a story of a family struggling to find safe and affordable housing who feels trapped in a drug and crime-riddled neighborhood. That’s why summit organizers should be prepared to implement a public oversight mechanism so that the full range of our region’s experiences — especially the experiences of those left behind by the current economy — have actual power over our path forward. At a minimum, anybody who participates in one of these nonsummit conversations should be given the chance to ratify fund
distribution or any finalized regional development plan that arises from the summit. A more ambitious summit leadership would put the time and money on the table for an even bolder plan for transparent public oversight. Finally, summit organizers should recognize yet another barrier they are putting up by relying exclusively on the “Appreciative Inquiry” model to guide the summit. According to the summit’s website Appreciative Inquiry is “a fun and active approach that focuses on strengths rather than weaknesses.” We’re doubtful an approach based on “fun” and “strengths” is able to do the work necessary for Cleveland to move forward. We’ll be able to do that only when we face the truth and find reconciliation for the decidedly unfun and unpositive history of racism and increasing inequality that led us to this moment. That learning, and that healing, is necessary for progress. Without it, it’s not surprising that many don’t feel eager to participate in the conversation. We end with the story from Yvonka, who has worked in the field of racial health disparities for decades. A few years back, she was invited to attend a breakfast event with hundreds of other women
focused on chronic heart disease. At a gathering that was whiter and more affluent than the region as a whole, almost every single server catering food was a woman of color, meaning they were at a higher risk of the type of heart issues being discussed at the breakfast. Those invited to attend the conversation ate happily, while the women more likely to be affected by the issue cleaned up the mess. We are fighting for a regional economic development summit that doesn’t just entrench the same model Yvonka saw at the breakfast. We don’t want two worlds: those who have a seat at the table, and those left cleaning up the mess. Our communities need the inclusive and diverse summit the organizers say they want — but that means taking actions, not just saying words.
Yvonka Hall, Rebecca Maurer, and Jonathan Welle are founding members of CORD (Clevelanders for Open Regional Development), formed in the wake of the Cleveland Rising Summit planning process in 2018 and committed to an economic development model that works for everybody.
scene@clevescene.com t@clevelandscene | clevescene.com | September 4 - 10, 2019
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| clevescene.com | September 4 - 10, 2019
FEATURE SWAN SONG The old Cleveland Browns are gone. We remember the worst and dumbest moments from a wild 20-year ride of failure By Martin Cizmar Photo by Emanuel Wallace
WHEN DID YOU KNOW IT WAS over? When the Browns traded for the most exciting wideout in the league at the peak of his career? When safety Damarious Randall flipped an intercepted ball to Bengals assistant (to the) head coach Hue Jackson? When you saw the cover of Sports Illustrated? Sometime in the last 365 days, an era of Cleveland Browns football met a merciful end. I knew it was over last December. I was in the cheap seats at Mile High Stadium in Denver, watching the team I’d seen lose so many close games pull out a 17-16 win, as was obvious would happen. During the fourth quarter, a Broncos fan behind me tapped my shoulder and smirked. “Same old Browns,” he said. “You getting that old familiar feeling?” I was not, and told him as much. “Buddy, John Elway is up there chewing on a bale of hay and making plans to draft another Brock Osweiler. You got Case Keenum down there; we got Baker Mayfield. We’re gonna horsewhip your asses like the guy cleaning Elway’s stable shoulda horsewhipped him for shitting his stall with Paxton Lynch.” It was a great day to be a Browns fan and I immediately knew there would be many more. But, as we prepare for the most exciting Cleveland Browns season in four generations, we’re also saying goodbye. The Browns we knew — and … well, not loved, exactly, but certainly obsessed over in a way that an unwell person might mistake for love — are gone. Even the twits in the national media know it. These guys, who don’t really understand Cleveland sports fandom, have framed a national narrative about what one New York magazine writer described as the “joyous masochism” of Browns fans who wear “pain as an emblem of honor, a sign of their loyalty and fortitude.” Nope. I understand the appeal of this narrative, and why it resonates with
people who have not been paying close attention to a failing franchise. Not everyone has, like me, watched pretty much every single Browns game for 20 years — including most of the preseason games. The Browns have been mostly bad for 20 years, sure. And that badness culminated in a two-season stretch of historic ineptitude. But, in many ways, the winless season was far less awful than all the almosts. And, yes, there were plenty of almosts. Moments of hope, moments of actual joy, and plenty of genuine surprise at our misfortune. Cleveland fans don’t expect to get our teeth kicked in. We’re not Cubs fans. That’s just what tends to happen, and then we get back up — because fuck ’em, that’s why. I realize that my 4-year-old daughter will never know the Browns that I did. In all probability, this year she will attend the AFC championship game at Arrowhead, a few miles from our house, and watch the Browns advance to the Super Bowl in a 35-27 victory over the Chiefs. Then Chiefs fans will give her high-fives and wish us luck in the Super Bowl because, yes, they are just that nice. After the Super Bowl parade, the history of the modern Browns
will be condensed into two eras: monumental ineptitude typified by Hue Jackson’s historic futility and Baker Mayfield planting a flag in the skull of whatever woebegone NFC team has the misfortune of encountering the dark magic of that little elfkin in the Super Bowl. The only real debate will be whether Sashi Brown was a villain for tearing down the team and drafting Corey Coleman, or a hero for accumulating the draft capital that allowed John Dorsey to draft Austin Corbett without shame. This abridged narrative has the flavor of truth, but it leaves out so much of the weirdness, wonder and woe of the past two decades. This year’s Browns are a new thing, and the old thing is gone. Certainly, we are in no position to mourn. But I want to remember. So, we seek here to memorialize the first 20 years of this franchise which the national media believes we enjoyed watching rip our hearts out as “an emblem of honor.”
Sept. 8, 1998 Al Lerner gets the team Everything could have been different, you know. When the Browns returned as an expansion team, Al Lerner was not the only
potential owner. In fact, he faced a fierce competitor in Charles Dolan, a cable TV magnate who has sought to own many professional sports franchises without ever closing the deal. Would Charles Dolan have built a perennial contender, like his little brother Larry has done with the Indians? Or would he have somehow made things even worse, like his inept son James has done with the New York Knickerbockers? We’ll never know. Instead, we got an old and sickly Al Lerner, who beat Dolan’s bid by $30 million, the exact sum of blood money he took as a buy-out from Art Modell after Lerner let him use his private jet to orchestrate the move of the team. Art Modell bawled like a baby after the final vote. Then he got a Super Bowl ring and we got Al’s son Randy “The Custodian” Lerner and 20 years of failure.
Sept. 12, 1999 Timmy C tosses his first INT As dedicated Browns fans know, the team has won only one opener in the past 20 years, with the immortal Butch Davis leading the team to a thumping of the Ravens on Sept. 12, 2004. This was all foreshadowed in the team’s first game back, a 43-0 curb-stomping by the Steelers. The | clevescene.com | September 4 - 10, 2019
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FEATURE No. 1 pick in the draft, quarterback Tim Couch didn’t start the game, but he did come in relief of Ty Detmer. Couch’s first pass was, of course, picked off deep in Browns territory. The Browns had only two first downs in the game to the Steelers’ 32. The Browns had a total of nine rushing yards in the worst loss any NFL expansion team has ever suffered. The inaugural season continued in this fashion through a December game against the Jaguars in which referee Jeff Triplette literally blinded the Brown’s best offensive lineman, Orlando Brown, with an errant yellow flag.
Sept. 17, 2000 Chris Gardocki flips off Bill Cowher Here’s the thing: The early new Browns didn’t just lay down and take it. Not only did the Browns avenge their embarrassing losses to the Steelers from the previous year with this 23-20 victory, but Browns punter Chris Gardocki flipped off the Steelers sideline. Twice. Gardocki was fined $5,000. When the punter
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is getting fined for obscene taunts, that’s Browns football.
in the face with a bottle right now.
Aug. 11, 2002 Dec. 16, 2001 Bottles were tossed Probably the most infamous moment in Browns’ history happened at the tail end of their third season, as the Browns were fighting for a playoff spot against the Jacksonville Jaguars. In the fourth quarter, the Browns drove down the field. Couch appeared to complete a short pass to receiver Quincy Morgan — I’ll be honest, my recent viewings of this play suggest the pass was actually incomplete — and then spiked the ball to stop the clock. For some reason that will never make sense to anyone, alltime terrible referee Terry McAulay decided to review the pass play anyway. Fans, understandably upset by this unprecedented breach of replay rules, tossed plastic beer bottles onto the field in a show of displeasure. The referees called the entire game off and tried to exit the field, at which point they themselves were pelted with beer bottles. Kudos to GM Carmen Policy, who boldly stated that he would not “criticize our fans at all.” My take: The pass was incomplete and I would nevertheless smack Terry McAulay
| clevescene.com | September 4 - 10, 2019
Jamir Miller’s career ends You may not remember him now, but linebacker Jamir Miller was the Browns’ best player in the early years — to wit, he was the only Brown selected for the Pro Bowl between 1995 and 2007. He recorded 13 sacks in 2001. In the preseason opener against Minnesota, his Achilles’ tendon exploded. He never played another down. This was the start of a disastrous season that saw the Browns lose their season opener after linebacker Dwayne Rudd threw his helmet in celebration of a play, drawing a penalty that led to a Chiefs win.
Oct. 6, 2002 Fans cheer Tim Couch’s injury Tim Couch, the first new Cleveland Brown, was a bad quarterback. Yes, he struggled behind a lackluster offensive line. But none of those inept right guards caused him to throw the ball to the other team: Couch tossed 67 career interceptions to his 64 touchdowns. In a 2002 game against Baltimore, Couch suffered a concussion after tossing two interceptions. The crowd — and
this includes me; I was at the game — cheered the injury to our own starting quarterback, and then cheered even louder when his backup trotted on. “For [the fans] to turn on me and boo me in my home stadium is a joke,” a teary-eyed and concussed Couch said afterward in a postgame interview no sensible human being should have let him participate in. “It’s a fucking joke to me … it’s bullshit.” Tim Couch got over this, and is currently a decent broadcaster for the Browns’ preseason games. This is more than we can say for another Browns quarterback who got cheered upon injury, Derek Anderson, who has remained a crybaby about Cleveland to this very day, whining that “the fans are ruthless and don’t deserve a winner.” Derek Anderson got paid millions of dollars to play a game and holds a career passer rating of 70.4, having tossed 60 touchdowns and 64 interceptions. Sorry we didn’t retire your number, bro.
Oct. 23, 2002 Al’s gone Despite some bad breaks, the Browns were looking good under coach Butch Davis. And then owner
Al Lerner died of brain cancer, leaving the team to his son, Randy Lerner. In 2012, Randy Lerner was nicknamed “The Custodianâ€? in these pages. This is a good nickname insofar as if America was actually a meritocracy this billionaire’s son would have been scraping chewing gum off desks at a local elementary school. Instead, thanks to lax inheritance taxes, he owned the Browns. The team would have its best season in 2002, making its only playoff appearance, a crushing (but not embarrassing!) 33–36 road loss to the Steelers. The penny-pinching Lerner boy, who has the rare distinction of washing out of the NFL and crippling a British soccer club that suffered deregulation under his stewardship before he sold the team at a loss, blew it all up. “The son tells me, ‘We’re no longer doing this my dad’s way,’â€? Davis later recounted. “His father told me, ‘You got 10 years to turn this franchise around.’ The son says, ‘We’re not doing one thing the way that my father did.’ We just went to the playoffs six weeks ago. He says, ‘You’re $33 million over the salary cap; you got ďŹ ve weeks to get under.’â€?
April 27, 2003 The Davis Drafts How close were the Browns in 2002? So close that the infallible Butch Davis drafted long-snapper Ryan Pontbriand in the ďŹ fth round. No one has ever used such a high draft pick on the guy who tosses the ball back on kicks, and Pontbriand became the best long snapper in the league and made the Pro Bowl before developing the yips in 2011. How close were the Browns in 2004? So close that the legendary Butch Davis used the No, 6 overall pick in the NFL draft on a tight end from the U, Kellen Winslow Jr. Winslow was signed to the largest rookie contract for a tight end in league history. And then, in the second game of the season, Kellen broke his leg trying to recover an onside kick against the Dallas Cowboys. The following May, after making a full recovery, Winslow destroyed the same leg in a motorcycle accident. Then he got a staph infection. Then he played a few more years before committing a series of horriďŹ c rapes.
Dec. 1, 2004 Butch Davis quits The darkest day in the history of the new Browns, as iconic coach Butch Davis does the only honorable thing a man in his position could
do, and quits in the middle of the season. He remains to this day the only Browns coach to go to the playoffs, or to draft a Pro Bowl longsnapper.
Dec. 24, 2005 Mallett time On Christmas Eve 2005, the Browns suffered one of their most humiliating defeats, a 41-0 beatdown by the Steelers. In the stands, invading Steelers fans whipped their terrible towels and cheered their team in broken English. One Browns fan stood up in a way none of the cowardly players on Romeo Crennel’s team would, running onto the ďŹ eld without a helmet or pads as an act of pure deďŹ ance. That brave man’s name was Nathan Mallett, and while he was body-slammed by known scumbag James Harrison, becoming what we would today know as a meme, he showed more heart than literally any Brown on that team — a team which somehow did not ďŹ re Crennell for three more years.
July 27, 2006 The Bentley crashes It will seem weird to some Browns fans wearing Beckham jerseys but, once upon a time, Browns fans were incredibly stoked about the signing of a free-agent center. LeCharles Bentley, a hometown hero, was arguably the best center in the league with the Saints. Unfortunately, the highly touted free agent destroyed his knee on literally the ďŹ rst day of training camp. Then, he got a staph infection and never played another down. Upon learning that he would be called upon to start, backup center Bob Hallen, another hometown hero hailing from Mentor, immediately quit the team citing a back issue that had not previously been documented.
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Sept. 9, 2007 Charlie Browns and the football As an Akron U man, I am obviously a Charlie Frye stan. But even someone who went to “schoolâ€? at Kent State would ďŹ nd fault with the way coach Romeo Crennel handled his quarterbacks in the 2007 season, which for my money was a garbage ďŹ re that burnt even brighter than Hue Jackson’s “perfectâ€? season. First, the Browns drafted catalog model Brady Quinn in the ďŹ rst round only to see the Notre Dame quarterback stage a holdout — yes, someone not only drafted a Notre Dame quarterback in the ďŹ rst round but neglected to talk to his agent! This set up a camp battle between | clevescene.com | September 4 - 10, 2019
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FEATURE Derek “Crybaby” Anderson and the likable, workmanlike Frye. Frye won the battle but after a rough first half in the first game of the season was benched and then traded for a sixthround draft pick two days later. The Browns had a solid season, but missed the playoffs. Sadly, there were no reinforcements coming because GM Phil Savage had inexplicably traded away every pick in the first three rounds of the upcoming draft.
years, Browns fans have been blessed to watch one elite talent: the best beat reporter in the NFL, Tony Grossi. Grossi spent most of that time with the Plain Dealer before being fragged for an errant (though truthful) tweet about Randy Lerner being “pathetic” and “irrelevant.” The thin-skinned Richie Rich and the glass-jawed Plain Dealer then took him off the beat and the rest of the sports staff forgot the lessons of Billy Elliot and scabbed over. Grossi is at the local ESPN radio affiliate now, a blessing as he does what he always did while the Plain Dealer/Cleveland.com turns everything into a video without subtitles, which no one anywhere on the internet wants.
Oct. 23, 2008 Savage laws Remember Kellen Winslow, that guy Butch Davis drafted? Well, he’s still somehow in the mix four years later after two season-ending leg injuries and a staph infection that almost killed him. Winslow spoke up about that staph infection, which he thought the Browns could have avoided and was — yes — suspended from the team. “The Browns are bigger than one person, bigger than Randy Lerner, bigger than Romeo Crennel, bigger than me and bigger than any player on this team,” GM Phil Savage said. “We couldn’t and won’t allow one person to tear down the organization, so we had to do something.” What if that something was to clean your facility so players stop getting life-threatening staph infections, you dumb motherfucker? A few months later Savage was caught in an imbroglio involving his own lack of discretion after sending a profane email to a fan. He suffered no punishment.
Nov. 3, 2009 Even more savage Phil Savage and Romeo Crennell were eventually fired after a 4-12 season. Just 11 months later, Savage’s replacement, George Kokinis, was frog-marched out of the team’s offices. To this day, the situation remains mysterious. A month later, owner Randy Lerner made one last pathetic stab at relevance by hiring Mike Holmgren as GM. Unfortunately, this walrus was functionally retired and just showed up to collect checks and belittle reporters. “Don’t come to me for extra playoff tickets,” he bellowed to those reporters at a news conference. (There were no playoff tickets.)
Jan. 28, 2012 The Custodian’s last mop-up Throughout all these painful
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April 16, 2013 The J raid In August 2012, Jesus finally smiled down upon the Browns and smote Randy Lerner, who sold the team to truckstop king Jimmy Haslam. Haslam was, most Browns fans reckoned, an affable Southern man who would be obsessed enough with tasting victory to invest in the infrastructure that separates winners from losers in a league with a hard salary cap. And then the FBI descended on his Flying J’s corporate offices to bust up a rebate scam wherein the billionaire’s company was scamming truck drivers.
Oct. 4, 2013 Losing the Legend of Lakewood When the national media conflates 20 years of Brownsdom into nothing but misery, this is the type of moment they’re forgetting. The 2013 season started with Lakewood-bred quarterback Brian Hoyer going 3-2 under coach Rob Chudzinski. Josh Gordon had just returned from suspension and was utterly unstoppable. It was an exciting time, as the team appeared to be rapidly rounding into form. The zenith was a game in which they beat the Baltimore Ravens on a nationally televised Thursday night game. Unfortunately, in that game Hoyer tore his ACL and the team had to play Brandon “Big Slug” Weeden, who threw passes with a Hideo Nomo windup and couldn’t hobble more than a yard in any direction without somehow falling into a defensive lineman.
Dec. 1, 2013 Josh Gordon shatters the record Again, it’s not like this team did not have glimmers of greatness: for example, Josh Gordon’s insane 2013 season, which found the troubled wideout breaking all
| clevescene.com | September 4 - 10, 2019
sorts of records while making 87 catches for an NFL-best 1,646 yards and nine touchdowns in only 14 games. While catching passes from Big Slug! In this game against the Jaguars, he became the first player in NFL history to have 200 receiving yards in consecutive games. We were witnesses.
May 9, 2014 Jimmy Haslam hires the league’s first homeless GM Why did the Browns draft Johnny Manziel even though he was tiny, had never opened a playbook and had serious substance abuse problems? Because a homeless guy told Jimmy Haslam do that, of course. The story is that Haslam was having dinner out in Cleveland and a guy — in my imagination it’s the “golden voiced hobo” who was trending in the same era — told him to “draft Manziel.” So he did, as he told an ESPN reporter shortly thereafter, who then relayed that information to a stunned fanbase.
September 2015 Hardcore porn blares on the TVs at team HQ Examples of amateurish failure in the early years of the Haslams are legion, as they burned through six coaches and five GMs in six years. The ultimate example of the dysfunction was a chestnut unearthed in a deep dive into the team’s strife by ESPN’s Seth Wickersham, in which it was revealed that inept team employees blared hardcore porn on TVs around the team offices after using the wrong hashtag on Twitter.
Jan. 3, 2016 Billy Manziel There are so many great Manziel Moments — even a few on the field, as Johnny proved unpredictable having not read the first page of Mike Pettine’s playbook. In June 2014, the team’s franchise quarterback was photographed drunk in Texas, riding an inflatable swan. But the best of all was the final game of the 2016 season, which Johnny Football missed because he was in the concussion protocol. Rather than sitting around in a dark room watching his team play the Steelers (boring!), he hopped a flight to Vegas, put on a blonde wig and fake mustache and grabbed a seat at a blackjack table inside the Planet Hollywood casino. After returning to his room far too late to make a timely return to Browns HQ by the next day, he simply shut his phone off and went to sleep.
Oct. 31, 2017 Trick or treat, Sashi Brown-style The Hue Jackson years were plagued with infighting, largely because the media-savvy Jackson managed to deftly leak information to make sure everyone else ended up under the bus while transcriptionists dutifully reported Jackson’s claims that he’d wanted to draft every successful quarterback and avoid every bust. In the middle of his 3-36-1 run, Hue had a major hard-on for Cincinnati backup AJ McCarron, lobbying hard for Sashi Brown’s front office to acquire him. A deal was apparently struck right before the trade deadline, then scuttled by a paperwork snafu. According to reports at the time, the Browns were “too busy celebrating” the trade and forgot to send paperwork into the league office. In the wake of the undone deal, people around the league claimed that Brown had intentionally sabotaged the deal. Brown of course denied this — if he didn’t, no one would make deals with him. Did Sashi Brown intentionally squelch a completed deal by bungling paperwork? Or were the Browns so beset by infighting that the GM had to appease the coach with a bad deal and then weasel out of it? It’s possible we’ll never know.
Dec. 31, 2017 We secured a parade The Browns cap their “perfect season” with a parade of angry fans that lapped the stadium once in the bitter cold. Hue Jackson, forever trying to suck the joy out of things, made good on his promise to jump into Lake Erie. His baptism did not occur until July, though plenty of fans would have been happy to drill holes in the ice for him. Jackson turned his moment in proverbial pillory into a charity event, and printed special T-shirts. It was my worst moment as a Browns fan. Martin Cizmar is the editor of 435, the city magazine of Kansas City. He is an unapologetic hooligan who was asked to not return to the Steels Corner Road Damon’s following the 2002 playoff loss, once damaged a Bengals fan’s minivan while fleeing an angry mob on the streets of Cincinnati, and received a large number of death threats from Pittsburgh sports talk radio listeners after trolling Steelers fans on behalf of the Arizona Cardinals.
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GET OUT everything you should do this week
The Book of Mormon, at Playhouse Square. See Friday.
WED
09/04
SPOKEN WORD
Cleveland Stories Dinner Parties Cleveland Stories Dinner Party is a weekly series that pairs fine food with storytelling. The goal is to “bring to life some of the fun, interesting stories about Cleveland’s past — from sports, to rock ’n’ roll, to Millionaires’ Row,” as it’s put in a press release. Admission is free, with no cover charge, although a prix fixe dinner, designed to complement the night’s theme, is $20. Tonight, Michael J. Jordan discusses his book, The Company of Demons. Doors open at 5 p.m., dinner is served at 6, and the storytelling starts at 7. (Jeff Niesel) 1148 Main Ave., 216-242-1250, musicboxcle.com. SPORTS
Indians vs. Chicago White Sox The Cleveland Indians remain in the hunt for a playoff spot and can even win their division, so each and every game carries lots
of weight. Tonight, the Chicago White Sox, a team with no hopes of making the playoffs, come into town as part of a four-game series. The first pitch gets thrown at 7:10, and tickets start at $15. The two teams face off again at 1:10 p.m. tomorrow. (Niesel) 2401 Ontario St., 216-420-4487, clevelandindians.com. SPOKEN WORD
Keep Talking Keep Talking is a monthly storytellers’ series that offers attendees the chance to grab a drink and a dog while listening to some of their Cleveland neighbors tell tall tales. Tonight’s show revolves around the theme, “My Cleveland.” The hosts are Adam Richard and Zachariah Durr. The program starts at 8 p.m. sharp at the Happy Dog. The program will repeat at 5:30 p.m. on Monday at the Collinwood Branch Library. Admission to each event is free. Want to be a storyteller at a future session? See details on the website. (Niesel) 5801 Detroit Ave., 216-651-9474, happydogcleveland.com.
COMEDY
Derick Lengwenus Comedian Derick Lengwenus has been described as the “perfect comedy package.” He delivers a clean show that even includes a skit featuring the Cookie Monster from Sesame Street. Born in Montreal, Lengwenus frequently talks about his experiences there. He also likes to make jokes about his German father. He has a knack for impersonations too. He performs tonight at 7 at Hilarities. Tickets are $13 to $18. (Niesel) 2035 East Fourth St., 216-241-7425, pickwickandfrolic.com.
more on the website below. (Niesel) East 14th St. and Euclid Ave., northunionfarmersmarket.org. MUSIC
Uptown Out to Lunch Series At today’s Out to Lunch concert, on Toby’s Plaza in the Uptown District, you can grab lunch from your favorite Uptown eatery and have a seat at the great picnic table while listening to local bands. Today, local singer-songwriter Tom Evanchuck performs from 11:30 a.m. to 1:30 p.m. The free concert series continues through Sept. 11. The schedule is on the website. (Niesel) 11440 Uptown Ave., universitycircle.org.
FOOD
North Union Farmers Market This is the final week for the North Union Farmers Market on U.S. Bank Plaza. But don’t despair: Local farmers will still be selling some of the season’s best fruits and vegetables from 4 to 7 p.m. And there is this too: Other NUFM locations will be up and running later into the season, including Legacy Village, Crocker Park and, of course, Shaker Square. Find out
FOOD
Walnut Wednesday In yet another bit of proof that summer is drawing to an end, today is your final chance to hit up Walnut Wednesday, the weekly warm-weather roundup of food trucks. From 11 a.m. to 1:30 p.m. at Perk Plaza at Chester Commons — at East 12th and Walnut streets — food trucks gather for one final time to serve up lunch to area residents and | clevescene.com | September 4 - 10, 2019
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GET OUT employees. Check out the Downtown Cleveland Alliance website, below, for a rundown of today’s options. As always, admission is free, but the food will cost you. (Niesel) downtowncleveland.com.
THU
country and gains an understanding of the oppressive nature of apartheid. The movie screens at 8:15 tonight at the Cleveland Institute of Art Cinematheque, where it screens again at 9:25 on Saturday night. Tickets cost $10, or $7 for members, students and students. (Niesel) 11610 Euclid Ave., 216-421-7450, cia.edu.
he has shows scheduled through Saturday. Tickets cost $20 to $25. (Niesel) 2035 East Fourth St., 216-241-7425, pickwickandfrolic.com. COMEDY
Seaton Smith Originally from Washington D.C., Seaton Smith has a few jokes about
FAMILY FUN
BAYarts Farm & Art Market There will be local food, artisans, garden essentials, home decor and demos at today’s BAYarts Farm & Art Market, a seasonal favorite. Admission is free, and it’s dog friendly. There will also be a piebaking contest, cupcake wars, “yappy” hours, goat yoga and more. It runs from 5 to 8 p.m. (Niesel) 28795 Lake Rd., Bay Village, 440-871-6543, bayarts.net. MUSIC
Kanarie A coming-of-age musical set in 1985 South Africa, Kanarie focuses on Johan, an 18-year-old obsessed with Boy George. When Johan faces compulsory military service, he auditions for the Canaries, the South African Defence Force Church Choir and Concert Group. While touring with them, he sees more of the
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09/06
COMEDY
THEATER
SEPTEMBER 20, 2019 • STATE THEATRE 1999 Inductee Mavis Staples - Live In Concert Join us for a night of soulful song featuring Mavis Staples, whose breathtaking voice powered one of America’s most celebrated family bands, the Staple Singers.
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The Book of Mormon Having grown up fascinated and repelled by the Mormon religion and Broadway musicals, satirists Trey Parker and Matt Stone found a way of coping by producing the mega-hit The Book of Mormon. For Mormon, they teamed up with Avenue Q co-composer and co-lyricist Robert Lopez to create their comic take on the Church of Latter Day Saints. A massive hit on Broadway, the play returns to Playhouse Square this month. Tonight’s performance takes place at 7:30 at Connor Palace. Tickets start at $30. (Niesel) 1615 Euclid Ave., 216-241-6000, playhousesquare.org. COMEDY + MORE
VIP packages with special Rock Hall experiences available by contacting development@rockhall.org or 216-515-1201
COMEDY FILM
FRI
Ward Anderson An award-winning comedian, author and director, comedian Ward Anderson has a lot more in his repertoire than just comedy. He’s performed all over the world, for thousands of people over the past two decades. He’s also the current host of the SiriusXM talk radio show Ward and Al along with fellow comedian Allison Dore. With a set that focuses on his experiences as a comedian and his personal life, Anderson will not fail to make you laugh. He performs tonight at 7 and 9 at MGM Northfield Park’s Neon Room. Tickets are $10 and performances are scheduled through Saturday. (Martin Harp) 10705 Northfield Rd., Northfield, 330-908-7793, mgmnorthfieldpark. mgmresorts.com.
09/05
I Want My MTV VJs Not so long ago, MTV played a critical role in launching musical acts by airing their music videos and giving them much-needed national exposure. Sadly, the station has moved away from that approach, but original MTV VJs Nina Blackwood, Mark Goodman, Alan Hunter and Martha Quinn will discuss that time period in an interview session and meet-and-greet at 7 tonight at the Rock Hall. They’ll talk about those glory days in a conversation moderated by Karen Herman, the Rock Hall’s vice president and chief curator. Blackwood will join the conversation by phone. SiriusXM’s Volume (channel 106), the channel devoted to “the discussion and dissection of music,” will broadcast the conversation in its entirety at 7 and 11 p.m. tomorrow. The talk relates to the Rock Hall’s multi-floor exhibition, Stay Tuned: Rock On TV, which closes on Sept. 8. Tickets cost $15. (Niesel) 1100 Rock and Roll Blvd., 216-515-8444, rockhall.com.
scheduled through Sunday. Tickets are $15 to $17. (Niesel) 1148 Main Ave., 216-696-IMPROV, clevelandimprov.com.
Rory Scovel In the past couple of years, comedian Rory Scovel has gotten some pretty good gigs. He starred in the Amy Schumer rom-com I Feel Pretty and has issued a new Netflix special, Rory Scovel Tries Stand-Up for the First Time. His low-key delivery and understated approach work well for his standup routines. He performs tonight at 7 at Hilarities, where
| clevescene.com | September 4 - 10, 2019
politics that should play well given the buildup to the 2020 presidential election. “I almost became a Republican last year because I got my first TV show, and I got my first check,” he says, adding that it was “cocaine party money.” The bugeyed comic probably laughs a little too hard at his own jokes, but at least he appears to enjoy himself on stage. He performs tonight at 7:30 at the Improv, where he has shows
Mini Ladd YouTube personality Mini Ladd launched his first gaming-related YouTube channel in 2011 and has amassed a massive following in the years since he’s been broadcasting. Tonight at 8, he brings his live show to the Agora. Expect “stand up, memes, video games, stories that will make you laugh, stories that will make you cry and stories that will travel through existential planes towards the march table.” Tickets start at $35; VIP tickets that include a reserved seat in one of the first 10 rows and an exclusive pre-show Q&A go for $99. (Niesel) 5000 Euclid Ave., 216-881-2221, agoracleveland.com.
MUSIC + ART
MIX: Decoded Each month, the Cleveland Museum of Art hosts a new, themed installment of its MIX series. Although the theme changes each time, the evening typically features live music, art demonstrations, activities and dancing, with special drinks and food available. Tonight, DJ Mimo spins during MIX: Decoded. Although admission to the museum’s permanent galleries is free, MIX is a ticketed special event. Admission is $10 in advance, $15 at the door, and free for members. Guests must be 18 to attend. (Niesel) 11150 East Blvd., 216-421-7350, clevelandart.org.
SAT
09/07
FUNDRAISER
Black At Play: A Benefit Concert for the Tamir Rice Foundation Shortly after Cleveland police shot and killed her son, Samaria Rice launched the Tamir Rice Afrocentric Cultural Center as “an enriching space to keep children safe from unjust harm.” To mark the fifth anniversary of Rice’s death, Mahall’s 20 Lanes in Lakewood will host
Black at Play, a benefit for the Tamir Foundation at 7 tonight. There will be live performances by Feed the People and Chick the Flyest and poetry by Ephraim Nehemiah and Breshea Anglen. ALOOF Recs artists 2SSAINT and Case Bargé will host the benefit. Admission is a $10 suggested donation. (Niesel) 13200 Madison Ave., Lakewood, 216-521-3280, mahalls20lanes.com. MUSIC
Fresh Fest Cleveland Best known for his wonky single “Just a Friend,” rapper and beatboxer Biz Markie currently DJs and performs in clubs and concert venues all over the world. He comes to town today to headline the inaugural Fresh Fest Cleveland that takes place from noon to 9 p.m. at Rid-All Farm and Otter Park, 26.5 acres of previously vacant and repurposed land in Cleveland’s Kinsman neighborhood. Local acts such as Carlos Jones and the P.L.U.S, Band, FreshProduce, the Katy and DJ Red-I will perform, and in addition to live music and DJ sets, the festival will feature art installations and hands-on art activities, chef tastings, a farmers’ market, local food and art vendors, health and wellness activities and workshops along with
a kids’ zone. The festival’s goal is “to celebrate the arts and urban agriculture, promote health and wellness, showcase fresh and local food, all while breaking down the barriers of this unified and fertile neighborhood and emphasizing cultural unity.” There will be complimentary Lolly the Trolley rides to and from the event from secure designated festival parking lots. Admission is free. (Niesel) freshfestcleveland.com. SPOKEN WORD + BEER
History on Tap Today from 1 to 4 p.m., the Cleveland History Center features History on Tap, an event that features happy hour refreshments, light hors d’oeuvres and hands-on activities. Each event focuses on a special theme inspired by Cleveland’s past. Today, you’ll learn about Cleveland’s rich history in the fine arts and architecture realm with up-close looks at original drawings from the architects who built the city. Craft cocktails, wine and beer will be available for purchase. Admission is free. Details are on the website. (Niesel) 10825 East Blvd., 216-721-5722, wrhs.org.
FILM
Mad Max: Fury Road Tonight at 7, the Cleveland Institute of Art Cinematheque screens a special 35-mm print of Mad Max: Fury Road, the Mad Max reboot from 2015 that stars Tom Hardy, Charlize Theron and Riley Keogh. The plot centers on the pursuit of an armored semi loaded with women and, like the other Mad Max movies, it takes place in a dystopic future. Tickets cost $12, or $8 for members and students. At 8 tomorrow night, the Cinematheque shows the black and white version of the film. Those tickets cost $11, or $8 for members and students. (Niesel) 11610 Euclid Ave., 216-421-7450, cia.edu. FILM
Pulp Fiction As part of the Cleveland Cinemas Late Shift schedule, Quentin Tarantino’s Pulp Fiction screens tonight at 9:30 and midnight, and tomorrow night at 7, at the Cedar Lee Theatre. The cult classic celebrates its 25th anniversary this year, and it notably helped revive John Travolta’s career when it debuted and turned Tarantino into a household name. Tickets cost $6 each night, and fans dressing up like the beloved hitmen Jules and Vincent will receive a free
| clevescene.com | September 4 - 10, 2019
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Sept. 13, 2019 / DOWNTOWN Kent, Ohio E FREE LIVC MUSI at ALL ! venues
GET OUT popcorn. (Niesel) 2163 Lee Rd., Cleveland Heights, 440-528-0355, clevelandcinemas.com. FILM
Rocky Horror Picture Show It’s the first Saturday of the month again, so tonight the Cedar Lee Theatre hosts its usual midnight screening of The Rocky Horror Picture Show, the 1975 cult classic that still draws an exuberant, costumed crowd that likes to throw rice and dry toast and sing along to the songs in the movie. In addition, locals act out a floor show that mimics the movie, turning the event into a veritable party. Tickets are $9.75. (Niesel) 2163 Lee Rd., Cleveland Heights, 440-528-0355, clevelandcinemas.com.
CODY J. MARTIN / Kim Kennedy / The Outside Voices Jim ZELLER / Low T / Wallace coleman / gretchen pleuss box of squirrels / ohio weather band / The railshakers Costley court / martha’s mistake / gaetano’s jazz trio MONICA ROBINS & THE WHISKEY KINGS / INDRE / Hard 2 Handle pat vaughn / Jon Mosey / Pernetti & Hill feat. Erik Diaz cats on holiday / randy horvath / highway 61 / blue moondogs by light we loom / jen & anthony / BONNIS & THE KING Dan socha / 15-60-75 (The Numbers Band) roger hoover & The whiskeyhounds / up ‘til 4 cory grinder band / Jared Goldweber and The Park Brothers
kentroundtown.org
SUN
09/08
SPORTS
Browns vs. Tennessee Titans Hope springs eternal for every NFL fan with the start of each season. But this year, the Browns have a shot at making the playoffs for the first time in years. Quarterback Baker Mayfield enters his second season — not just as the starting quarterback but as the star quarterback. He leads a very potent offense that should overwhelm the lackluster Tennessee Titans. Kickoff is at 1 p.m. at FirstEnergy Stadium. The game is sold out, but tickets are available on secondary markets. (Niesel) 100 Alfred Lerner Way, 440-891-5000, clevelandbrowns.com. FOOD + MUSIC
Gospel Brunch The monthly Gospel Brunch has been a spiritual Sunday staple for years at the House of Blues. The recently reinvigorated show puts a bit more emphasis on the music. As for the food, the all-you-can-eat musical extravaganza features Southern classics like chicken jambalaya, biscuits and gravy, and chicken and waffles. Seatings are available today at 10 a.m. Detrich Burgess & Company will perform. Tickets are $40 and can be purchased online, by phone or at the box office. (Niesel) 308 Euclid Ave., 216-523-2583, houseofblues.com. FILM
Mouthpiece Patricia Rozema, the director of I’ve
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| clevescene.com | September 4 - 10, 2019
Heard the Mermaids Singing and Mansfield Park, helms Mouthpiece, a movie about a young woman who’s struggling to deal with her mother’s death. The film makes its Cleveland debut today at 4:15 p.m. at the Cleveland Institute of Art Cinematheque. Tickets cost $10, or $7 for members and students. (Niesel) 11610 Euclid Ave., 216-421-7450, cia.edu. FILM
My Son Christian Carion directs My Son, a French thriller about an oftenabsent divorced dad who’s neglected raising his young son. He becomes concerned, however, when the 7-year-old mysteriously disappears one night. The movie makes its local premiere tonight at 7 at the Cleveland Museum of Art, where it screens again at 1:30 p.m. on Sunday. Tickets cost $10, or $7 for CMA members. (Niesel) 11150 East Blvd., 216-421-7350, clevelandart.org.
MON
09/09
FILM
Movie Mondays Every Monday, Cleveland Cinemas hosts $5 Movie Mondays, where film fans can catch up on the latest Hollywood flicks for significantly reduced prices. Bring your friends and family and make Movie Mondays a weekly tradition — many theaters even offer discounted concession stand items. Participating theaters include Apollo Theatre, Capitol Theatre, Cedar Lee Theatre, Chagrin Cinemas and Tower City Cinemas. Unfortunately, additional charges apply for 3-D movies. (Alaina Nutile) clevelandcinemas.com. SPOKEN WORD
Science Cafe The second Monday of each month, Music Box Supper Club hosts Science Cafe, an informal lecture series that brings scientists from throughout the region to the club so they can talk about science topics. Tonight at 7, Dr. Darcy Freedman, an associate professor in the CWRU Department of Population and Quantitative Health Sciences, and Mary Ann Swetland, the director of the Center for Environmental Health, will speak about Cleveland’s food deserts. Admission is free. (Niesel) 1148 Main Ave., 216-242-1250, musicboxcle.com.
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TUE
09/10
FILM
Island of Hungry Ghosts Each year, 50 million red crabs living on Christmas Island make their ancient annual voyage from the jungle to the oceans edge. At the same time, thousands of asylum seekers are detained indeďŹ nitely in a high security facility. A hybrid documentary, Island of the Hungry Ghosts “moves between the natural migration and the chaotic and tragic migration of the humans, which is in constant metamorphoses by the unseen decision-making structures.â€? It screens tonight at 7:30 at the Capitol Theatre as part of the Cleveland Cinemas Fall Doc series. Regular admission price applies. (Niesel) 1390 West 65th St., 216-651-7295, clevelandcinemas.com. MUSIC
OHIO’S PREMIER
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Open Turntable Tuesday Tonight from 6 to 9, the Winchester hosts its weekly Open Turntable Tuesday. Jason Gokorsch will book guest DJs and offer slots to people who want to bring their own vinyl and spin their favorite songs or deep tracks. First time DJs are encouraged, and equipment is provided. Patrons can also bring records for the night’s DJ to add to their set. Sign up on Northeast Ohio Vinyl Club’s Facebook page. (Niesel) 12112 Madison Ave., Lakewood, 216-600-5338, facebook.com/ TheWinchesterMusicTavern.
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The Who Fan Day One of the greatest rock bands of all the time, the Who comes to Blossom tonight. In honor of that performance, the Rock Hall will host a special Who Fan Day today and show special screenings of the 1990 induction ceremony footage of the Who. The raw footage features special performances and band member speeches. Various Who artifacts are also on display in the museum, and music by the Who will be played in heavy rotation throughout the museum. In addition, all fans will receive 10 percent off Who-related merchandise at the Rock Hall store. Regular admission rates apply. (Niesel) 1100 Rock and Roll Blvd., 216-515-8444, rockhall.com.
scene@clevescene.com t@clevelandscene
| clevescene.com | September 4 - 10, 2019
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and
INVITE YOU TO GET READY TO HUSTLE
INVITE YOU AND A GUEST TO AN ADVANCE SCREENING OF
WEDNESDAY, SEPTEMBER 11 7:30 PM REGAL GREAT NORTHERN STADIUM 10
Motion Picture Artwork Š 2019 STX Financing, LLC. All Rights Reserved
Tuesday, September 17 at 7:30 P.M. Cinemark Valley View Visit www.focusfeaturesscreenings.com and enter the code DowntonA223 for your chance to download passes for two. @DowntonAbbey
@DowntonAbbey
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NO PURCHASE NECESSARY. WHILE SUPPLIES LAST. RATED PG13 FOR SOME LANGUAGE AND SUGGESTIVE CONTENT. LIMIT ONE (1) ADMIT TWO PASS PER PERSON. MUST BE 17 YEARS OR OLDER TO RECEIVE PASSES. SEATING IS LIMITED SO ARRIVE EARLY. PASS DOES NOT GUARANTEE A SEAT AT THE SCREENING.
IN THEATERS SEPTEMBER 13 @HustlersMovie #HUSTLERSMOVIE
Performing Artists Series performances *Susan Werner & Ann Hampton Callaway “Alone & Together�
NOW ON SALE! X Performing Artists Series* Studio Sessions Series plus much more!
*Seth Rudetsky in Rhapsody In Seth *Neil Berg’s 50 Years of Rock & Roll, Part 2
X X
To order subscription or single tickets call (440) 366-4040 or visit stockerartscenter.com
WHILE SUPPLIES LAST.
RATED R FOR PERVASIVE SEXUAL MATERIAL, DRUG CONTENT, LANGUAGE AND NUDITY.
PLEASE NOTE: Passes received do not guarantee you a seat at the theater. Seating is on ďŹ rst-come, ďŹ rst-served basis, except for members of the reviewing press and select guests on a guest list. Theater is overbooked to ensure a full house. No admittance once screening has begun. All federal, state and local regulations apply. A recipient of tickets assumes any and all risks related to use of ticket, and accepts any restrictions required by ticket provider. STXďŹ lms, Allied, and their afďŹ liates accept no responsibility or liability in connection with any loss or accident incurred in connection with use of a ticket. Tickets cannot be exchanged, transferred or redeemed for cash, in whole or in part. We are not responsible if, for any reason, guest are unable to use his/her ticket in whole or in part. Not responsible for lost, delayed or misdirected entries. All federal and local taxes are the responsibility of the guest. Void where prohibited by law. No purchase necessary. Participating sponsors, their employees and family members and their agencies are not eligible. No phone calls. This screening will be monitored for unauthorized recording. By attending, you agree not to bring any recording device into the theater and you consent to physical search of your belongings and person for recording devices. If you attempt to enter with a recording device, you will be denied admission. If you attempt to use a recording device, you consent to you immediate removal from the theater and forfeiture of the device.
IN THEATERS SEPTEMBER 20, 2019 Presenting Our 2019-2020 Season
REGISTER FOR A CHANCE TO RECEIVE AN ADMIT-TWO PASS TO THE ADVANCE SCREENING BY VISITING: HTTPS://TINYURL.COM/ HUSTLEDESTINY
Studio Sessions Series performances
*Dinner before the show and valet parking are available for Performing Artists Series shows. The box ofďŹ ce is located in the lobby of the Stocker Arts Center. It is open from 12-6 p.m., M-F, and 90 minutes before ticketed events.
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| clevescene.com | September 4 - 10, 2019
TETRAD Jazz Concert
Heidi Burson Original Soul
Royal Wood In Concert
MOVIES THE SATANIST’S GUIDE TO THE SUBURBS Genre-bending Satanic Panic is campy fun, but flops on thesis By Sam Allard Photo courtesy of Fangoria
SATANIC PANIC, THE NEW INDIE horror-comedy opening Friday at the Atlas Diamond Cinemas in Solon, isn’t quite scary enough to be a horror film and isn’t quite funny enough to be a comedy. But it still occasionally slaps. The script, penned by novelist and journalist Grady Hendrix, (who wrote the notable 2014 Ikea-inspired paranormal novel Horrorstör) dances around the thematically fertile territory of generational conflict. The Boomers and Generation X destroyed the world for millennials, as everyone knows, but in Satanic Panic, they are literally devil-worshipping cultists. Millennials are literally their victims. This reification of anxiety and disapprobation between generations is unevenly rendered until late in the third act, at which point it’s conveyed mostly through punchlines: “Millennials,” declares Danica (Rebecca Romijn), the sultry leader of a suburban coven, “simply don’t understand sacrifice.” The joke is that Danica’s daughter Judi (Happy Death Day’s Ruby Modine) and a very unlucky pizza delivery girl, Sam (Hayley Griffith), who’ve been entangled in an allnight botched satanic ritual, are by that point chained to an altar, awaiting what promises to be a truly unpleasant demonic vaginal birth. But the fun of the movie is in its over-the-top camp and gore, executed competently with a host of practical effects. There are a few
supreme gross-out moments. The production designers might as well have been gastroenterologists for the breadth of human anatomy displayed throughout. The film begins poorly. Like, really poorly. The first 10 minutes of exposition, establishing Sam as a down-on-her-luck delivery girl, feature some of the dumbest dialogue of 2019. But by the time she arrives at the satanists’ home, pleading for tips to pay for gas, Panic picks up steam, thanks in large part to Romijn, who cuts a striking figure in her floor-length red dress and whose steely treatment of her bumbling underlings recalls the behavior of an upper-crust suburb’s alpha-female. And she sure doesn’t shy away from the gristle. In
one scene, she dashes to the fridge and begins feverishly munching on a couple of Ziplock bags’ worth of frozen (human?) hearts to recover from a head wound. Jerry O’Connell is the other top-billed star of the show, and he delivers in limited screen time. Playing the husband of Danica, his contribution is trying to convince Sam to submit to rape. If she remains a virgin, he tells her, the night is going to end unhappily for her. (See the demonic vaginal birth mentioned above.) Despite the discomfort inherent in this scenario, O’Connell injects just enough zany slapstick to sustain the comedy. He jumps around in tighty whities, delivering deadpan humdingers on the order of: “They’re going to
render my fat to make candles.” The half-assed denouement leaves much to be desired, and in the end, you’ll likely be yearning for a bit more narrative richness: not a tidier conclusion, just a more satisfying one. You can appreciate the effects and the production design and the well-defined weirdness of the satanists’ beliefs, but none of those elements are quite enough to compensate for the incomplete ideas driving the script. Though there’s blood and gore galore, the thesis needed a bit more, shall we say, fleshing out.
sallard@clevescene.com t@scenesallard
SPOTLIGHT: THE MANDEL JCC CLEVELAND JEWISH FILMFEST CELEBRATING ITS 13TH YEAR, the Mandel JCC Cleveland Jewish FilmFest, which takes place from Sept. 5 to 16, will showcase more than 20 films from around the world. The festival opens at 7 p.m. on Thursday at Atlas Cinemas Shaker Square with The Unorthodox, a film about a man who starts a grassroots movement to form a party of Mizrahi Jews. Earlier this year, the acclaimed movie was nominated for 14 Israeli Ophir Awards. The festival will also bring back a couple of films that were audience
favorites from prior years. That list includes AKA Doc Pomus, a film that pays homage to Doc Pomus, the blues singer-songwriter who penned “Viva Las Vegas” and dozens of other hits; and Sixty Six, a bar-mitzvah themed film that coincides with the tidal wave of interest in World Cup soccer. AKA Doc Pomus screens at 2 p.m. on Thursday, Sept. 12, at the Cedar Lee Theatre, and Sixty Six shows at 5:30 p.m. on Monday, Sept. 16, at Chagrin Cinemas as part of a special Bar/Bat Mitzvah Insider Party that includes a wine and hors d’oeuvres
reception. Tel Aviv on Fire, another highlight, satirizes the IsraeliPalestinian conflict and centers on a soap opera that’s popular with both Israeli and Palestinian audiences. The producer finds himself in an awkward position as he tries to satisfy an Israel commander, the commander’s wife (she’s an avid fan) and the show’s Arab backers. That screening takes place at 7 p.m. on Sunday, Sept. 15, at the Cedar Lee Theatre. It’s also worth mentioning that a handful of films will screen at noon
on Sunday, Sept. 8, and at 11 a.m. on Thursday, Sept. 12, at the Cedar Lee Theatre as part of a special shorts program. FilmFest tickets are on sale at mandeljcc.org. Tickets will also be available at the Mandel JCC membership desk (no ticket sales on Saturdays). Visit mandeljcc.org or call 216-831-0700 ext. 0 for more details and ticket information. — Jeff Niesel
jniesel@clevescene.com t@jniesel | clevescene.com | September 4 - 10, 2019
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| clevescene.com | September 4 - 10, 2019
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EAT GOING COASTAL Simple preparations that let the seafood shine are the best bets at Blu By Douglas Trattner HAVING PERFORMED MY customary due diligence before arriving at a new restaurant, I already knew what I intended to order for dinner. It was my birthday and I had my sights set squarely on the lobster thermidor, an extravagant, celebratory dish that conjures up sepia-toned images of Julia Child. Pictures of the seductive crustacean had all but taken over my social media feeds and — damn it! — the dish would be mine. Only, it wouldn’t, at least not that night. The sole option available during our first visit to Blu in Beachwood was a threepound leviathan priced north of $100. “Perfect for sharing,” our server countered enthusiastically. Perhaps, but not ideal for a “work dinner,” when the goal is to sample as many dishes as possible, nor for many diners not willing or able to plunk down a benjamin for a dish. So, back to the drawing board we went. Judging by the surfeit of steakhouses that populate the suburbs of Cleveland’s east side, there exists a real demand for an upmarket seafood spot, where shimmering shellfish towers rise above tabletops like chandeliers. In fact, that’s precisely what the owner of one of those steakhouses is banking on. Brad Friedlander, owner of Red, decided to shutter his modern American bistro Moxie after a 20-plus year run so that he could open the seafood-focused Blu. Following a two-and-a-half month metamorphoses, the restaurant reopened with a new name, new look and new menu. Diners confront that change almost immediately in the form of a raw bar, conspicuously positioned at the front of the restaurant. Behind hills of crushed ice, staffers shuck, slice, crack and shell the items that land on those triumphant seafood platters as well as others available by the piece or portion from the dedicated raw bar menu. Beyond that chilly display lies a reworked dining room that is simultaneously more stylish, comfortable and intimate thanks to new furniture and a reduction in seating.
Photo by Emanuel Wallace
I firmly agree with the maxim that states, the fresher the seafood, the less meddling that fish needs to succeed. That also appears to be a useful rule of thumb when ordering at Blu, where the most enjoyable items happen to be those that are largely left to their own devices. Freshly shucked East and West Coast oysters ($3.50), simply poached Gulf shrimp ($3) and a ceviche ($16) starring sweet scallops tossed with lime juice, pickled peppers and ripe diced peaches all sparkle with
turns out to be of the lobster variety ($12), served piping-hot and flush with shellfish, which makes up for a broth that lacks the intensity of those made with deep, rich stock. Like that lobster thermidor, Coquille St. Jacques ($18) is a classic but largely forgotten dish that is worthy of a comeback. Two wide and shallow seashells, balanced atop a mound of salt, are loaded with perfectly cooked scallop meat in a sinfully luscious cream sauce, which bubbles away
BLU 3355 RICHMOND RD., BEACHWOOD 216-831-5599 BLUTHERESTAURANT.COM
briny vitality. In contrast, another ceviche ($16) entombs perfectly lovely slices of octopus in a heavy, earthy sauce that does more harm than good. Listed on the menu simply (and vaguely) as “bisque” and “chowder,” both soups are worthwhile additions to a meal. That chowder ($10) happens to be a New England-style clam chowder and it’s exceptional, studded with smoky bacon, tender potato and savory diced clams. That bisque
beneath a crispy bread topping. In a separate appetizer, an aromatic sauce starring loose chorizo, garlic and herbs manages to steal the spotlight from the steamed mussels ($14) it was intended to support. Ask for more crostini when your server sets down the dish because those two thin shingles will never suffice. Further evidence that supports my less-is-more maxim arrives in the form of two finfish preparations. In one, branzino
($31) filets are simply pan fried to produce a crisp-skinned, delicately fleshed, subtly flavored fish that benefits from a chimichurri-esque garnish. Meanwhile, a whole fried hogfish ($51) with a menacing set of teeth is a bit heavy handed. While the meat itself is roundly satisfying, encased in a crunchy deep-fried crust, it clings to the myriad bones and is buried beneath a thick, syrupy glaze. It wasn’t just the lobster letdown that dampened my big day, it was also a string of snafus that included a server who could not identify our oysters (or even the horseradish!), would not pour our bottle of Riesling (and then overcharged us for the wine!) and did not bother to remove the extra place settings at our four-top until we nudged them aside to make room. A return visit weeks later, however, netted not only a sensible (and delectable!) pound-and-a-half size lobster thermidor ($47), but also the level of service, knowledge and attention that this price point demands. Henceforth, I will be celebrating my birthday on that date.
dtrattner@clevescene.com t@dougtrattner
| clevescene.com | September 4 - 10, 2019
27
EAT BITES Alea to bring wood-fired Mediterranean fare to Hingetown By Douglas Trattner Photo by Vince Grzegorek
HINGETOWN, THAT ECLECTIC little corner of Ohio City, will soon have its first full-service, finer-dining restaurant when Alea opens next month near the intersection of West 29th Street and Church Avenue (2912 Church St.). A concept two years in the making and six months under construction, the restaurant will offer a wide-ranging taste of the Mediterranean in an attractive, modestly proportioned setting. Chef and owner Athan Zarnas been cooking professionally in Cleveland for approximately 20 years, with stints at Nighttown, Sergio’s and Cracked Mobile Foods, his own food truck. For more than half that time, his goal has been to open a restaurant. He believes he found the perfect spot in a 1,400-square-foot brick building that for more than 100 years functioned as a drill bit factory. A garage-door facade opens to reveal an open kitchen anchored by a wood-fired grill. An eight-person chef’s counter and intimate dining room will combine to accommodate about 32 guests. Those guests will enjoy a contemporary menu of snacks, small plates and sharable entrees, most of which will be
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| clevescene.com | September 4 - 10, 2019
cooked over a live wood fire. “I spend a lot of time following trends in other cities and, obviously, I’ve watched the trend in Middle Eastern foods and woodfired cooking,” explains Zarnas. “But what I felt was missing was a kind of higher-end approach to Mediterranean food. Typically, it’s served in a rustic fashion and lacks polish. The idea here is to
“I’ve opened restaurants for other people, but this will be the first one that I open for myself.” present flavors that, I think, people associate with rustic dishes, but in a much more refined way.” When devising the menu, Zarnas will take inspiration from “all over the Mediterranean,” including Italy, France, Greece, North
Africa, Turkey and elsewhere in the Middle East. Everything is designed to be shared, from small snacks and appetizers on up to large-format dishes like whole grilled fish and large steaks. To drink, there will be a limited cocktail menu, but the emphasis will be squarely on wine, especially natural wines. “There seems to be a lot of interest in wine in this neighborhood,” he reports. “There really is nowhere to get a decent glass of wine between the Black Pig and Gordon Square. This is kind of a wine desert.” When it opens in late September or early October, Alea will be dinner-only. Weekend brunch will be added down the road. As for the name, Zarnas explains that, in Latin, “alea” means “a gamble.” “I’ve opened restaurants for other people, but this will be the first one that I open for myself,” he says. “It’s always a roll of the dice.”
dtrattner@clevescene.com t@dougtrattner
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HERECOMESTHESON Wallows singer-guitarist Braeden Lemasters reflects on his Northeast Ohio roots r #: +&'' /*&4&- r
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ALLOWS SINGER-GUITARIST Braeden Lemasters admits his guitar hero father had a big influence on his taste in music. Lemasters’ dad, Dave Lemasters, played in the Youngstown area in the ’80s with the rock band Left End. Dave often took his son to shows with him. “He’s one of the best musicians I know,” Lemasters says in a recent phone interview when asked about his father. Wallows performs with Remo Drive at 8 p.m. on Sunday at House of Blues, as it brings its tour in support of its full-length debut, Nothing Happens, to town. “I remember going to see him play shows and hearing him play songs like ‘Here Comes the Sun.’ Those are the songs I grew up listening to. My dad showed me the Beatles when I was 7 or 8. It blew my mind. Even now, I know every single thing about the Beatles. I grew up with them and listened to Jimi Hendrix and the
Beach Boys and the Stones. I never outgrew the Beatles. I still listen to them all the time, and I can’t wait for the Abbey Road deluxe edition to come out.” Lemasters and the other members of Wallows — singer-guitarist Dylan Minnette and drummer Cole Preston — met when they were kids. Lemasters and Minnette both landed in Los Angeles in pursuit of acting careers. “I’ve always had this hammy quality and wanted to be an actor,” says Lemasters, adding that one of the first people he befriended when he moved to L.A. was Minnette, who’s originally from Indiana. “We met through our moms, who met through this online chat group for people moving to L.A. They met up, and Dylan and I watched South Park together while they got to know each other. We met [drummer] Cole [Preston] through his music program we joined when we were about 12 or 13. “
Initially, Lemasters pursued acting, and he got some pretty choice roles too, appearing in Six Feet Under, House and Men of a Certain Age. He eventually turned his attention to music. “At some point, I told [Minnette] I was playing guitar, and I wanted to write songs like Led Zeppelin and the Beatles,” he says. The two would first form the Feaver, and that band would morph into the Narwhals and now Wallows. “Naming a band is the hardest thing in the world to me,” says Lemasters when asked about how the trio arrived at “wallows” as the group’s moniker. “You want something you won’t get sick of and something that actually makes sense and represents you. It’s really difficult if you overthink it, which we were. I wanted the band name to mean something. There’s a video game called Tony Hawk’s Underground, which | clevescene.com | September 4 - 10, 2019
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PAUL ANKA Anka Sings Sinatra
MUSIC is my favorite video game of all time. I play it all the time. In the game, there’s a skate spot in Hawaii called Wallows. I grew up skateboarding as well. I was a huge fan of skating and skate culture. I love that game, so that’s where we came up with the name. It also means ‘wallowing,’ but it can mean a lot of other things.” Two years ago, the band released its first single, the Strokes-like rocker “Pleaser,” and the song went viral. “We were recording our first four singles without a band name, and we knew we were going to release them as soon as we finished recording them,” says Lemasters. “We tried to do them on a tape recorder at our friend’s house. That didn’t work out, so we went to a studio. We had the songs ready to go. We were all at Dylan’s house and the next day we were on the global chart. It felt like a new chapter because we announced Wallows that same day, and there was a whole new branding. That was awesome, but it was inspiring more than anything. It has been this cool natural progression since ‘Pleaser.’ It did blow away our
eight days off. I went out to Ohio and hung out with my family. When we came back, we had two more weeks to write the album.” At that time, the band penned “Scrawny,” a punchy, infectious track that features lackadaisical spoken vocals, making it sound a bit like a Franz Ferdinand tune. “We wrote ‘Scrawny’ when we got back from that break,” says Lemasters. “We were already making track lists for the song, and the song didn’t even exist. It was the end of the day and me and Cole were jamming. I was messing around on an acoustic guitar. There was one moment when I played ‘da na da na da na na.’ Dylan [Minnette] just sang over it. Out of nowhere, he sang ‘scrawny motherfucker.’ Cole [Preston] came up with the whole three-chord section on his own. It came together completely out of the blue.” “Are You Bored Yet?,” another album highlight, came together after Preston lost all his demos and ideas when a friend spilled wine on his computer. In the process of writing new songs, he first came up with “Are You Bored Yet?” “We thought it was super cool,” says Lemasters when asked about the track. “We recorded it and mumbled
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| clevescene.com | September 4 - 10, 2019
expectations. We weren’t expecting anyone to listen or care, and they did, which is really cool.” The band decided it would go to a proper studio to record an EP. At that point, it recruited John Congleton. “He was one of our favorite producers before we even started working with him,” says Lemasters. “He’s done St. Vincent and Future Islands and David Byrne and all this crazy stuff. He was the first guy we contacted. He wanted to do it, so we immediately went with him. We recorded at Sunset Sound in Los Angeles, and we did the whole thing in eight days. We had all the songs ready to go. We demoed them beforehand, and John put his flair on it.” When it came time to record Nothing Happens, the group took a different approach. It only had a handful of songs written but came armed with “ideas” for the other tunes. “It was like, ‘Here was a minute of this, but there are no lyrics,’” says Lemasters. “It was a more off-the-cuff process and more instinctual. It took two months to make and there were
lyrics. Dylan [Minnette] thought he heard himself say, ‘Are you bored yet?’ We were fascinated with [singersongwriter] Clairo. We liked her vibe. We did a section where Dylan’s voice sounded like Clairo and thought it would be cool to reach out to her to see if she wanted to do it. She was down to do it. We had a different melody for her, but she didn’t know that’s what we meant. She made up her own melody on the spot there. We thought it fit better, and our original melody for her became the main keyboard line. I think the song works better the way it is.” Still riding high from a sold-out tour of the U.K. and Europe, the band comes to town with some serious momentum behind it. “On the last run of shows we did, people got very energetic and sang the words,” says Lemasters. “We work off the crowd a lot. It’s a very high-energy show, and we try to bring as much energy as we can.”
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MASONIC CLEVELAND: 3615 Euclid Ave, Cleveland OH 44115 HOUSE OF BLUES: 308 Euclid Ave, Cleveland OH 44114 masoniccleveland.com / houseofblues.com | clevescene.com | September 4 - 10, 2019
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| clevescene.com m | September 4 - 10, 2019
MUSIC LYRICALLY COMPLEX With Living Mirage, the Head and the Heart has delivered its most innovative record to date By Halle Weber Photo by Alex Currie
THE HEAD AND THE HEART, AN indie folk band that returns to Jacob’s Pavilion at Nautica on Tuesday, has already enjoyed a career full of high points in its 10 years. “We got to play a show with Tom Petty in Hyde Park in London about six months before he died, which is just an incredible, yet horribly sad, thing all at once,” says singer Matt Gervais. “We got to experience that and see him perform at the same venue we were playing.” The Seattle-based band also joined Willie Nelson on his tour last year. “How can you top that?” says Gervais. Gervais is the husband of the band’s violinist/banjo player, Charity Rose Thielen. He joined the Head and the Heart in 2016 when cofounder and singer-guitarist Josiah Johnson left the band. He picked a good time to join too. This year’s Living Mirage is quite possibly the band’s most innovative record to date and Gervais says the shows in support of it have been great. Even though the band has played for thousands of people, Gervais says he still enjoys playing for 300. “It’s the funnest thing, in small sweaty clubs,” says Gervais. “It feels like how it was before anybody had ever heard of the band.” The Head and the Heart has also played some memorable shows at Colorado’s infamous outdoor amphitheater, Red Rocks, with “really beautiful, natural landscapes.” Toronto’s Massey Hall is also at the top of Gervais’ list, because he loves what the band can do with a theater show. “We don’t usually play our full-out rock sets at a theater. We reserve that for the balls-to-the-wall sort of rock ’n’ roll shows [at outdoor venues and festivals],” says Gervais. “There have been a couple times where we ended up sort of opening for ourselves with an acoustic set before our full band set. Those are always really fun and special. The more we are discovering that we can do that, the more we do that. It makes for an easier show for the band.”
Living Mirage embodies that Mumford and Sons, soft rock, folky vibe that the Head and the Heart have mastered. Gervais says that his favorite track on the album changes from day to day. “I think everyone is sort of surprised, not that anyone was
quickly, so they became staples of the set really fast.” “See You Through My Eyes,” a stripped-down confessional ballad in which one lover is craving the understanding of another, is one track that Gervais keeps coming back to. Singer, guitarist, percussionist and co-founder
THE HEAD AND THE HEART 7:30 P.M. TUESDAY, SEPT. 10 JACOBS PAVILION AT NAUTICA, 2014 SYCAMORE ST. 216-622-6557. TICKETS: $40-$80, LIVENATION.COM
expecting differently, but this album has come across really well live,” says Gervais, “It’s been really fun to see how the audience reacts. They warmed up to the songs way quicker than the band has seen in previous record releases. They became familiar with the songs really
Jonathan Russell brought the concept into the studio to share with the band after developing it with co-writers Anastasia Whitacre and Michael Busbee. “We all came together to see how it was structured and complete the lyrics together, but John had had
that hook from the get-go. And it [lyrically] made so much sense with what the band was going through at the time and in a personal relationship,” says Gervais. “John has a very nice way of getting to the point concisely, which is a different sort of talent. So, a lot of the songs have a very direct and simple message. That comes across really well and that helps people relate.” The lyrics for tracks with less serious themes were also carefully crafted. “There are other songs that are more light-hearted, which was another avenue the band wanted to explore,” says Gervais. “Songs like ‘Brenda,’ where it’s more like a narrative. Like a little vignette of a story that you saw in a movie or something where you can kind of come along with, and it’s not quite as heavy subject matter.” But no matter the subject matter, Gervais knows that the band cannot take its words lightly. “Lyric writing is always the most difficult aspect of being a musician or a songwriter,” says Gervais, “When I was a kid, I remember noticing how much my mom actually paid attention to the lyrics of a song. She has this encyclopedic memory of all of these lyrics from obscure songs that were hits back in the day. And she knows them by heart, thousands of them. So, early on I was very aware of how important lyrics are.” Gervais says Thielen has the complete opposite perspective from Russell on lyric writing, and that helps to diversify the band’s catalogue. Melodies come easier than lyrics for the six-piece band, so collaboration is key when it comes to finding words to accompany the music. “[Thielen] has a more literary approach to things, which people can warm up to in a different way and have a different appreciation for,” says Gervais. “It’s an obvious analogy, but it pulls head and heart.”
scene@clevescene.com t@clevelandscene | clevescene.com | September 4 - 10, 2019
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LIVEWIRE
all the live music you should see this week Photo by Reybee Inc.
WED
Atlas Engine: 8 p.m., free. CODA. Sebastian Bach: Former Skid Row singer Sebastian Bach celebrates the 30th anniversary of Skid Row’s self-titled breakout debut album with tonight’s show that’ll find him performing the record in its entirety. Bach’s tour coincides with the album’s 30th anniversary digital deluxe release. The album features pop-metal hits such as “18 and Life” and “Youth Gone Wild.” (Jeff Niesel) 7 p.m., $25-$30. The Phantasy Nite Club. Ceremony/Choir Boy/Glitterer/ Nervosas: 7 p.m., $15. Now That’s Class. Dirtwire/Bypass Circuit: 8 p.m., $18 ADV, $21 DOS. Beachland Ballroom. Future + Meek Mill/YG/Mustard: 7 p.m., $35-$99.50. Blossom. Social Distortion + Flogging Molly/Devil Makes Three/Le Butcherettes: 6 p.m., $51.50. Jacobs Pavilion. Vibes Showcase Featuring Daniel 6/ Tribe Untitled/Swank/Substance: 8:30 p.m., $10 ADV, $12 DOS. Grog Shop.
THU
09/05
Audic Empire /James Begin/Dutty/ Land of Panda: 8 p.m., $5-$10. Beachland Tavern. Rory Block: 8 p.m., $20. Nighttown. The Fifth House/Spirit of the Bear/ Apostle Jones: 8 p.m., $10 ADV, $12 DOS. Grog Shop. Northeast Ohio Drum & Music Jam: 9 p.m., free. Beachland Ballroom. Titus Andronicus/Control Top: 8 p.m., $15. Now That’s Class. Pat Travers Band/Vanilla Fudge: 8 p.m., $30-$40. The Kent Stage.
FRI
Shop. September Noise Lunch: 4 p.m., free. Now That’s Class. T-Rextasy/Sarah Arafat: 8 p.m., $12. Beachland Tavern. Triptides/Flaural: 8:30 p.m., $8 ADV, $10 DOS. Mahall’s 20 Lanes. Wallows/Remo Drive: 8:30 p.m., $25 ADV, $30 DOS. House of Blues.
09/04
09/06
Bad Boy Bill: 9 p.m., $20. The Winchester. BoomBox/Crew Duff: 8:30 p.m., $22 ADV, $25 DOS. Beachland Ballroom. Wally Bryson/Chris Wintrip: 8 p.m. Music Box Supper Club. Diamond Dogs - A Tribute to David Bowie/Talk of the Town - A Tribute to the Pretenders: 8 p.m., $12 ADV, $15 DOS. House of Blues. DJ LDC’s Soul Music & Other Music for the Soul: 6 p.m., free. Happy Dog. Eric Everett Jazz Presents “Ladies
MON
09/09
Afton Showcase: 6:30 p.m., $12 ADV, $15 DOS. Grog Shop. Holly Bowling: 7:30 p.m., $18 ADV, $22 DOS. Music Box Supper Club. The Sleights/Antiseptic: 8 p.m., $8. Now That’s Class.
The Japanese punk band Shonen Knife comes to the Grog Shop. See: Tuesday.
of the Torch”: 8:30 p.m., $20. Nighttown. Future Thieves/Hardcastle/Ottawa: 9 p.m., $10 ADV, $12 DOS. Grog Shop. Methmatics/Tufted Puffins/Hep Z: 9 p.m., $6. Happy Dog. Kacey Musgraves: 8 p.m., $35-$65. Jacobs Pavilion. Poco/Pure Prairie League: 8 p.m., $37-$47. The Kent Stage. Sinatra Night with Michael Sonata (in the Supper Club): Canton native Michael Sonata was a member of the University of Notre Dame Glee Club. In 2004, he auditioned for a role in a Sopranos spoof that required a character based on Frank Sinatra. Sonata got the part and has been imitating Ol’ Blue Eyes ever since. He includes some 90 songs in his repertoire and covers all eras, including the Columbia years and the Capitol years. He even takes requests from the audience. (Niesel) 8 p.m., $10. Music Box Supper Club. Tiny Tree/Mossom/Bonnie Clydeman: 8 p.m., $7. CODA. A Tribute to the Raspberries: 8 p.m. Music Box Supper Club. Jackie Warren: 10:30 p.m., free. Nighttown.
SAT
09/07
An Acoustic Evening with Michael Stanley: 8 p.m., $53-$73. The Kent Stage. Hank Von Hell/Overdose/The Cheats: 9 p.m., $20 ADV, $22 DOS. Grog Shop. Glen Hansard: Singer-songwriter Glen Hansard got his start busking
in the streets of Dublin. Over the course of a career that stretches back a few decades now, Hansard has continued to bring that folk-y element to his albums. His latest effort, This Wild Willing, embraces electronic instrumentation but still possesses a quiet intensity, and most of the tracks come off as gentle (and sometimes dark) ballads. Hansard has become known for his epic live shows that typically stretch over two hours and include material from his other bands, the Swell Season and the Frames, as well as from the 2007 film Once. (Niesel) 7 p.m., $35$60. Agora Theatre. Poppy Patica/Child Princess/Birddog Cats: 8 p.m., $5. Now That’s Class. Rock the Paws 2.0: 7 p.m., $5. Happy Dog. Jackie Warren: 10:30 p.m., free. Nighttown. Zoso - A Tribute to Led Zeppelin: 9 p.m., $12 ADV, $17 DOS. House of Blues.
SUN
09/08
Crave On/Idolos/Sure Machine/Jason Kaminski: 9 p.m., $5. Now That’s Class. An Evening with the Avett Brothers: $45-$65. Wolstein Center. Christian French/ASTN: 8 p.m., $12 ADV, $15 DOS. House of Blues Cambridge Room. Ma Holos/Bella Donna/Oregon Space Trail of Doom: 8:30 p.m., $6. Happy Dog. Quando Rondo/Never Broke Again/ No Cap/T Fonz /Only Native Sound: 8:30 p.m., $20 ADV, $25 DOS. Grog
TUE
09/10
Harry Allen: 7 p.m., $20. Nighttown. The Head and The Heart: 7:30 p.m., $40-$80. Jacobs Pavilion. The Plug: 9 p.m., free. CODA. Robert Randolph & the Family Band: 8 p.m., $35. The Kent Stage. Shonen Knife/Me Like Bees/Xanny Stars: Often credited with opening the door for underground Japanese acts, the Japanese punk rock Shonen Knife has been together for 38 years. They were an all-female band in a time when all-female acts were scarce. They also created their own outfits. Their latest album, Sweet Candy Power, features Ramones-like rave-ups (“Party”), pop-punk gems (“California Lemon Trees”) and dissonant punk rock screamers (“Sweet Candy Power”). (Niesel) 8:30 p.m., $15 ADV, $18 DOS. Grog Shop. The Who: One of the first rock acts inducted into the Rock Hall, the Who brings its 29-city tour to Blossom tonight. Later this year, the Who will release its first album of new songs. Guitarist/backup singer Simon Townshend, keyboardist Loren Gold, bassist Jon Button and drummer Zak Starkey will join original Who singer Roger Daltrey and guitarist Pete Townshend. The tour marks the band’s first return to the States since a 2017 Las Vegas residency. That same year, it also embarked on a limited run of shows following a rescheduled leg of a 50th anniversary celebration. (Niesel) 7:30 p.m., $54-$315. Blossom.
scene@clevescene.com t@clevelandscene | clevescene.com | September 4 - 10, 2019
37
BAND OF THE WEEK BIZ MARKIE Photo by Elizabeth Diaz
By Jeff Niesel
a new menu every day. LUNCH DINNER BRUNCH HAPPY HOUR FRESH & LOCAL
MEET THE BAND: Biz Markie (vocals, turntables, beatbox)
16 N. Main Chagrin Falls James Balchak, Executive Chef 440.600.7770 aureliabistro.com
OLD SCHOOL: Markie grew up in Long
Island listening to early hip-hop. “The first tape I ever heard was Busy Bee Starski. That inspired me to get into hip-hop,” Markie says. “I got rejected. That’s what ‘The Vapors’ is about. I said I was going to show them, and it was do-or-die for me when it comes to making it in the business.” Because he couldn’t afford a tape deck, Markie learned to create his own music by beatboxing. “I just made it up in 1977,” he says about learning to beatbox. “I just did beats with my mouth, and people thought I was crazy. I made up my way and Doug E. [Fresh] made up his way and Buffy made up his way. That’s why all three of us don’t sound like nobody.” THE DEBUT ALBUM: In 1988, Markie
released his debut album, Goin’ Off, on Cold Chillin’ Records. The album was a hit, and Warner Bros. would absorb the label to give its artists wider distribution and bigger recording budgets. “[Goin’ Off] was fun because I was hungry at the time. I tried to make each record as a single. A lot of singles came off that record.” With its followup album, 1989’s The Biz Never Sleeps, Markie says he wanted to shift musical directions. “I wanted every record to be totally different,” he says. It delivered the single “Just a Friend,” a ballad that finds Markie alternating between rapping and singing. “Instead of fighting somebody, I put the pen to the paper,” he says of the tune. “Pain to the pen! Pain to the pen!”
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| clevescene.com | September 4 - 10, 2019
A HEALTHIER APPROACH: Markie, who suffers from diabetes, recently embarked on what he describes as a “40-day reset” and changed his diet. “I measured my food and ate more vegetables and less processed stuff,” he says. “I still eat candy bars. I cheat a little bit, but I stick to the diet.” WHY YOU SHOULD HEAR HIM: Markie’s
personality comes across loud and clear in his guest vocals on the Beastie Boys cover of Elton John’s “Bennie and the Jets.” “The Beastie Boys are my brothers and it’s like I’m Billy Preston to the Beatles,” he says. “They’re the most talented group of people I’ve ever seen. They know hip-hop in and out and they know how to play different instruments. They just have their way of doing things, and they made me look at hiphop a different way.” Markie now often DJs and says it’s his new passion. “I got bored with rap,” he says. “I challenged myself to DJ. The challenge is going into new markets and learning the markets. I go off the crowd.” WHERE YOU CAN HEAR HIM: bizmarkie.
com. WHERE YOU CAN SEE HIM: Biz Markie
headlines the inaugural Fresh Fest Cleveland that takes place from noon to 9 p.m. on Saturday, Sept. 7, at Rid-All Farm and Otter Park.
jniesel@clevescene.com t@jniesel
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FALL CLASSIC SEPTEMBER 13-15
FALL BADFISH SEPTEMBER 27- 29
| clevescene.com | September 4 - 10, 2019
39
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Sat September 7
Robert Randolph & The Family Band
Michael Glabicki
40th Anniversary Tour (1979 - 2019)
Tue September 10
Thu September 12
Fri September 13
An Evening with
An Evening with
Donnie Iris And The Cruisers
Michael Stanley
The Selecter
DJ Rhoda Dakar
Beatles vs Stones
Bill Frisell Sun September 15
Wed September 18
Reverend Peyton’s Big Damn Band
An Evening with
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Nitty Gritty Dirt Band
Thu September 19
Sat September 21
Sun September 29
Kim Richey Radney Foster
Martha Davis & The Motels
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| clevescene.com | September 4 - 10, 2019
clevescene.com
SAVAGE LOVE PHYSICAL IDEAL By Dan Savage I don’t listen to your podcast religiously, but as soon as I told my best friend this story, she said, “That’s a question for Dan Savage!” Backstory: I have a monogamous partner who I live with. It’s a heterosexual relationship, but we are both bisexual. That little inkling of homosexuality really drew me to him when we first met. He also told me early on about his previous girlfriend, who looked like a “suicide girl” (tattoos, short skirts, dyed black hair, heavy eye makeup) but had serious issues (they had sex only 10 times in three years). I’m by no means a suicide girl. I’m pretty average looking with natural hair and no tattoos. I don’t wear makeup, and I have an affinity for baggy T-shirts and jeans. I love having sex but rarely do I present myself as “sexy.” Recently I learned that my boyfriend follows hundreds of women on Instagram, and 95 percent of them look absolutely nothing like me. (Remember the hot suicidegirl girlfriend? They mostly look like her.) It made me really upset. I felt insecure about myself. I felt distrustful of his positive comments about how I look, like he doesn’t actually think I’m sexy. It certainly doesn’t help that I want to have sex way more often than he does. He’s always “tired.” I was angry at him and instantly craving to go back to a sexual relationship with past partners who thought I was the bee’s knees. He has no idea why I would be upset. He says he feels like he’s supporting these women and that they feel “empowered” by all the men leaving comments like “Show me your boobs” and “I wanna shove my cock in you.” He says he deleted his Instagram just to make me happy, but I still feel shitty about the whole thing. Am I being oversensitive? Is he being insensitive? Could we be sexually incompatible? At this point, I’m ready to look outside of our relationship for sexual interactions. — Your Very Ordinary Instagram Girl I don’t listen to your podcast, either, YVOIG, so that makes us even. (I assume you have a podcast. Everyone does these days.) Zooming out: If we’re going to tell people they shouldn’t be
so shallow as to date only their “ideal” physical types and we’re going to tell people they can learn to find a broader array of people attractive and we’re going to tell people they can find a person’s insides so attractive that they warm to their outside — and it’s mostly men people we tell these things, as women people seem less hung up on/entitled to their physical ideals — then we also need to tell people not to freak the fuck out when they stumble over evidence that they aren’t their partner’s ideal physical type. Additionally, we need to tell people that just because their partner has a particular type, that doesn’t mean their partner isn’t also attracted to them. Zooming in: You don’t have a great sex life with your boyfriend, YVOIG, as you seem to have mismatched libidos — and one partner “always” being tired isn’t a problem that gets better over time. These are both signs that you probably need to end this relationship. (Already looking outside your monogamous relationship for sexual interactions? Another sign.) But you can end things without having a meltdown about the fact that your soonto-be-ex-boyfriend was also or usually or, hell, even exclusively with one notable exception (YOU!) attracted to “suicide girl” types. Instead of telling yourself that every compliment your soon-tobe-ex-boyfriend ever gave you was a lie, you could tell yourself that while your soon-to-be-ex-boyfriend definitely has a type, he also found you attractive. Because you are attractive. You’re so attractive that you caught his eye despite not being his usual type. In other words, YVOIG, you don’t have to feed your self-esteem into a shredder as you end this relationship. P.S. Your soon-to-be-ex-boyfriend may have deleted his old Instagram account, but I promise you he quickly created another one. And here’s hoping your soonto-be-ex-boyfriend only directs “empowering” comments like “I wanna shove my cock in you” at the kind of people on Instagram who regard those types of comments as
“supportive.” They’re out there — men and women — but there are fewer of them out there than too many men, gay and straight, seem to believe there are.
*** I’m a 28-year-old straight guy with one kink: I want to be collared and on a leash. That’s it. In private. Basically, I just want to curl up at my girlfriend’s feet with the leash in her hand. Just me on the floor next to the couch while she watches television, or me on the floor next to the bed while she reads. I’ve had three serious girlfriends, and all three laughed in my face when I told them about this. I’m dating a girl now that I like a lot, and she actually asked me if I had any kinks, and I couldn’t bring myself to tell her. I’m worried about her laughing in my face, too. — Laughter Erases All Sexual Hopes People often have knee-jerk, sex-negative reactions to kinky requests not because they necessarily think peeing on someone or leashing someone is hopelessly perverted or disqualifying, LEASH, but because they’ve never imagined themselves peeing on someone or keeping a boyfriend on a leash. The request conjures up a mental image that conflicts with a person’s selfconception — they never thought of themselves as the peeing-on-otherpeople or keeping-the-boyfriendon-a-leash type — and nervous laughter is a common response to that particular brand of cognitive dissonance. It would be better if people didn’t have this reaction, of course, but you should brace yourself for it, laugh/shrug it off, and then proceed to explain why this is such a turn-on for you and what’s in it for her. (It sounds like a pretty easy way for her to crank you up when she’s feeling horny.) If the reactions of the last three girlfriends left you scared and scarred, LEASH, tell your current girlfriend via text. (“Hey, remember when you asked if I had a kink? I do: being on a leash.”) Then, if her first reaction is to laugh, you won’t
be there to hear it. You might get a “LOL, what?” in response, but don’t let it shut you down. Keep texting, keep it light and playful, show her that you have a sense of humor about it … and you could finally end up on that leash.
*** I’m a 43-year-old woman who has been enjoying the company of a much younger man (he’s 24). His energy, enthusiasm, and straight-up bravery in the face of the current horrors of the world are giving me a renewed sense of purpose. Plus, the sex is phenomenal. What’s giving me pause is that my generally sex-positive friends are deeply creeped out by this relationship due to our age difference. He lives on his own, he has a degree and a career, and he supports himself — so this isn’t a “sugar mama” situation. I have no authority over him in any capacity. I also have no delusions of this lasting forever. Am I really so wrong for enjoying this while I can? My friend circle includes all manner of kinky and queer folks, so their reaction is really throwing me for a loop. — This Older Woman Needs Youth My hunch is that your sexpositive friends have made two assumptions. First, they’ve assumed you have more power in this relationship because you’re older (as if youth and maleness don’t confer their own powers!). And, second, they seem to have assumed you have to be abusing your power somehow. It’s a legitimate concern — power is so often abused, and we should all be thoughtful about it. But “often abused” does not equal “always abused,” TOWNY, and in no way are you abusing this grownass 24-year-old man. If your sexpositive friends give you any more grief about the age difference, give them grief about their ageism and misogyny.
On the Lovecast, we take on money AND vaginas: savagelovecast.com.
mail@savagelove.net t@fakedansavage | clevescene.com | September 4 - 10, 2019
41
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