Orlando Weekly December 09, 2015

PublisherGrahamJarrett

AssociatePublisherLeslieEgan

EditorErinSullivan

Editorial

Arts&CultureEditorJessicaBryceYoung

AssociateEditorAshleyBelanger

StaffWriterMonivetteCordeiro

CalendarEditorThaddeusMcCollum

DigitalContentEditorColinWolf

InternsMarissaMahoney,BernardWilchusky

ContributorsRobBartlett,JennBenner, JeffreyC.Billman,RobBoylan,JustinBraun, TeegeBraune,PatrickCooper,JasonFerguson, ChristopherGarcia,HannahGlogower,Matt Gorney,JamesGreeneJr.,HollyV.Kapherr, FaiyazKara,AudreyKristine,SethKubersky, BaoLe-Huu,NickMcGregor,CameronMeier, JeffMeyers,DavePlotkin,RichardReep,Steve Schneider,YuliaTikhonova

Advertising

SeniorMultimediaAccountExecutive DanWinkler

MultimediaAccountExecutives AllisonDaake,LindseyHahn,ScottNavarro, MichelleRogers

ClassifiedandLegalRepJerricaSchwartz

MarketingandEvents

MarketingandEventsDirectorBrettBlake

EventsandPromotionsManager BradVanDeBogert

PromotionsCoordinatorRachelHoyle Marketing/PromotionsInterns KyleKowalski,SydnieBlakey,MeghanBrooks

CreativeServices

CreativeServicesDirectorAdamMcCabe

CreativeServicesManagerShelbySloan

GraphicDesignerChristopherKretzer

Business

BusinessManagerStaceyCommer BusinessAssistantAllyshaWillison

Circulation

CirculationManagerKeithCoville

EuclidMediaGroup

ChiefExecutiveOfficerAndrewZelman

ChiefOperatingOfficersChrisKeating, MichaelWagner

ChiefFinancialOfficerBrianPainley

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DigitalOperationsCoordinatorJaimeMonzon euclidmediagroup.com

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Copyrightnotice:Theentirecontentsof OrlandoWeeklyarecopyright2015byEuclid MediaGroupLLC.Reproductioninwholeorin partwithoutwrittenpermissionofthepublisher isprohibited.Publisherdoesnotassumeany liabilityforunsolicitedmanuscripts,materials,or othercontent.Anysubmissionmustincludea stamped,self-addressedenvelope.Alleditorial, advertising,andbusinesscorrespondence shouldbemailedtotheaddresslistedabove. Subscriptions:Additionalcopiesorbackissues maybepurchasedattheOrlandoWeekly officesfor$1.Six-monthdomestic subscriptionsmaybepurchasedfor$75; one-yearsubscriptionsfor$125.

OrlandoWeekly’s25th Anniversary

12Originstory HowtheOrangeShoppergavebirthtoOrlando WeeklywithalittlehelpfromtheTorontoSun

13Giftedandtalented PeterO’Sullivanlaidthegroundworkthat transformedathrowawayshopperintorequired readingforCentralFlorida

15Lostintime AwriterrememberstheWeekly’sfirsteditorasher championandmentor

17Thewonderyears Canadiansareout,Detroitersarein

18Fromthearchives:1994-1998

21OrlandoMusicAwards1997-2002

OrlandoWeekly’sannualeventcreatedsensational capsulesofOrlandosound

25ThrowbackThursday Thattime,itwaspersonal

26Flashback:Fromthepagesof OrlandoWeekly

29TheScrantonyears

OrlandoWeeklyissoldagain

30Parksdepartment

EyeDrive:JimHilltalksaboutcoveringOrlando’s touristcorridor

33Standyourground 2003:OrlandoWeeklymakesitscaseagainstthe IraqWar

35InLouofcash LookingbackatLouPearlman’sastonishing money-launderingconspiracies

36Personalsproblems RememberingthetimetheMBIraidedOrlando Weeklyandarrestedthreeofitsstaffers

39Orlando,un-chained AnOrlandonativereflectsonthecity’s transformationfromfooddeserttofoodiehub

40Firsttimeforeverything OrlandoWeekly:It’snotjustajob.It’sanadventure

42Freaksandgeeks OrlandoWeeklyandtheOrlandoFringegrewup together

43Stardustmemories Inits16yearsStardustVideo&Coffeehasbecome avitalculturalcrossroadsforOrlando

47Allyouneedisnow Here’shopingthatthebestisyettocomefor OrlandoWeekly

48“BaoFerguson” ThisLittleUndergroundcolumnistBaoLe-Huu reflectsonhistrajectoryfromOWreadertolive musiccritic

51Hattricks Learningtobeawriteranddesigneronthefly

52Webuiltthiscity Overtheyears,OrlandoWeeklyhelpedthecity –andthiswriter–getpastawkwardstagesand growingpains

55Life,theuniverseandeverything OneofOrlandoWeekly’sneweststafferstalksto oneofitsoldest calendar

56Selections 58TheWeek 59DowntheRoad

81FreeWillAstrology 81LuluEightball

81GimmeShelter

82SavageLove

83Classifieds

‘s Satanmakessense?

doesnotallowkillinginany wayisbeingdisingenuousat best,andflat-outlyingatworst (“OrlandoMuslims,community leaderstalkaboutIslamand terrorism,”Dec.7).Butofcourse lyingisalsoallowedinIslamto protectthetrueaimsofIslam andMuslims.It’satermcalled “Taqiya”intheirfaith.

MiguelL.Lama, viaFacebook

SayingISISrepresentsall MuslimsislikesayingtheKKK representsallChristians.There’s alwayssomebadapplesina groupthatruinitforeveryone.

BeckStein, viaFacebook

Doesn’ttheBiblealso condoneslaughteringgroups ofpeoplebasedonreligion?

Deuteronomyisfullofgenocide, ifIremembercorrectly.Religious textsare,forthemostpart, violentandoutdated.Ifgoing toaplacewhereyoucan hearsomeonemotivateyou tobeabetterpersonandbe surroundedbypeoplewho alsolikedoingthisactivityon aregularbasismakesyourlife better,great.AsaSatanistI don’tunderstandthedrawof believinginagreaterpoweror whatever,butIdobelievethat peopleshouldbeabletopray orpreachordressorcelebrate withoutfearorconsequence aslongastheyaredoingso peacefully.

KatieFillingim, viaFacebook

Gotsomethingtoadd?Email feedback@orlandoweekly.com.

FirstWordscompilesemails,letters andcommentsfromorlandoweekly. com.Wereservetherighttoeditfor length,contentandclarity.

Originstory

IHowtheOrangeShoppergavebirthtoOrlandoWeeklywitha littlehelpfromtheTorontoSun BYERINSULLIVAN

n1990,TheSimpsons,ananimated spin-offofthecartoonshortsthatonce werepartoftheTraceyUllmanShow, debutedasa30-minuteshow.

“IceIceBaby,”theB-sidetorapper VanillaIce’ssingle“PlayThatFunky Music,”hitNo.1ontheBillboardcharts. JimHensondied.

TheBerlinWallfell.

UniversalStudiosFloridaopenedits doors.

AndTheWeeklyhitthestreets(driveways,actually)ofOrlandoforthefirst timetotellyouallaboutit.

Onceathrowawayragknownasthe OrangeShopper,thelittlepublication (although“little”maynotbethecorrect wordforapubthatputout175,000copies

eachweek)hadbeenpurchasedin1989 bytheownersoftheTorontoSun,aspart ofapackagethatincludedsmallpublicationsaroundthestate.In1990,theSun, whichhaddabbledinU.S.mediabefore whenitpurchasedtheHoustonPostin 1983,rebrandedandrelaunchedseveralof thosepublications–includingtheOrange Shopper–andnamedthemallTheWeekly Thedirectivewas,accordingtoastory publishedintheOrlandoSentinelin1990, toputoutamild-manneredpublication thatinformedbutdidn’toffend: Peoplewon’tinviteyouintotheirhomesif you’relittlemorethanacommonscold.

SogoesthetheoryatOrlando’snewest publication,TheWeekly,amiddle-ofthe-roadnewspaperwithfeaturesand

entertainmentnews.

Begunearlierthismonth,thetabloid-size newspaperisn’taftercritical-essayawards. AreportonOrlando’sUniversityClub,for instance,concentratedmoreontheluncheon menuthanonpoliciesthatbarblacksand womenfrommembership.

Instead,TheWeekly,launchedatatime whenadvertisinglineageamongFlorida newspapersisratheranemic,isaimingfor friendlyratherthanshrill.Itwillinclude movieandrestaurantreviews,personality andlifestylefeatures.

“Therewillbeweekswhenourstories aresofterandotherweekswhentheyare tougher,”PeterO’Sullivan,thepublication’s 41-year-oldeditor,saidrecently.“ButIdon’t wantustobeaweeklywhiner.Afterall,we’re goingtohomesunordered.”

TheWeekly,withcirculationof175,000, isfree,throwninthedrivewaysandonthe doorstepsofhomesinOrangeandSeminole counties.

ItisownedbyTorontoSunPublishing Corp.,alsoparentcompanyoftheOsceola News-GazetteandOsceolaShopper,dis-

tributedintheKissimmee-St.Cloudarea. TheCanadianpublisher,whichownsfive dailiesandastringofweekliesinCanada, isoneofthefeistiestnewspapercompanies inNorthAmerica,industryanalystssay. –“Newspaperaimsforfriendlyimage,” OrlandoSentinel,Oct.26,1990

Itdidn’ttakelongforthenewpublicationtotakehold–withinacoupleof years,itrevampednotjustitsimagebut alsoitsbusinessmodel.Itstoppedhome deliveryandadoptedthecurrentdistributionmodel(pickupatlocalbusinessesand inboxesaroundthecity).ThepublicationhiredlocalcolumnistsandeditorJeff Truesdelltoleadtheeditorialdepartment. Itadoptedaspiciervoiceandwasn’tafraid totakewell-placedaimatthoseinpower whenwarranted.ButasbothTruesdell andlongtimecolumnistLizLangleyrelate inthefollowingessays,therewasoneman inparticular–founderPeterO’Sullivan, whodiedathishomeinSanDiegoin2013 –towhomtheWeekly,aswenowknowit, owesitsgreatestdebt. esullivan@orlandoweekly.com

Gifted andtalented

PeterO’Sullivanlaidthegroundworkthattransformeda throwawayshopperintorequiredreadingforCentralFlorida BYJEFFTRUESDELL

TheWeekly—asitstartedout—was agiftinmylifeand,fairtosaynow, thelifeofCentralFlorida.Thegiver wasamannamedPeterO’Sullivan.A brilliantandmischievousBrit,Peterled metrodailiesinHoustonandSt.Louis beforereturningtotheracyCanadian tabloidwherehe’dearliermadehismark, andin1990theTorontoSundispatched himtoOrlandowithamission:Remakea throwawaynewsprintproduct,theOrange Shopper,recentlypurchasedbytheSun BecauseI’dalreadyworkedwithPeter tolaunchanewspaperfromscratch,he askedifIwasinterested.Iwasn’t–not really.Dimoutsidersroutinelydismiss Orlandoasablandplasticparadiseof man-madetouristmagnets,andhaving beenareporterinSouthFlorida,Imistakenlyheldthatviewtimestwo.ButI reveredPeter.BeforeIsignedontohelp createwhateventuallybecameOrlando Weekly,Iimaginedaquickexit.Istayed12 years,becauseI’dneverhadsomuchfun.

ItdebutedthatOctoberasafeature

magazinemeanttodeliveradvertising toyourlawn,whetheryouaskedforit ornot.Soonenoughitbecameapickupguidetotheevents,trends,politicsand playersworthcelebrating–andadartfor anythatdeservedit.Whenthen-MayorGlendaHoodtargetedtattooparlors asthescourgeofareboundingdowntown,wecajoledmovers-and-shakers–a collegeadministrator,aleadingbusinessman–tostripandshowustheirink.Such playfulirreverencewaspartofthepaper’s DNA.WhobuttheWeeklywouldexamine theconnectingtissueinasingleweekend thatwelcomedtwobiggatheringsofmen, onetheconservativereligiousPromise Keepers,theotherhirsutegaybears?

Weplayedaheadofthecurve.Long beforethecondosandstreetfountain arrivedtodefineThorntonPark,weprofiledthepushyvisionary,PhilRampy,who christenedit;althoughTheBlairWitch ProjectwouldhitthecoversofTimeand Newsweek,OWreadersmetthelocalfilmmakersmuchearlier,andtheytraveled

withcameraswegavethemtodocumenttheirtrip.Didweamuseourselves? Youbet.(Anearlyfeatureaboutover-thetoppublicrestroomswasassigned,Ithink, becausetheheadlinewasinevitable: “Splashinthecan.”)Butpoint-of-viewstorytellingwastherefromthestart,andthe activistedgeonlygrewsharper.Duringthe softopeningofDisney’sAnimalKingdom, wesnuckinternationalPETApresident andco-founderIngridNewkirkinside. WhenJebBushtriedtohidehisbiggest earlybackersinagubernatorialcampaign, wemadetherestofthemediatakenote byfindingandprintingthenames.Tolist more–somanymore–wouldriskthe offenseofoverlookingthemall.

feltlikeonebigmeet-and-greet, andtheWeeklyaspiredtobetheopen invitation.Itspoketothosewhowanted tobeapartofit–andsomewhowalked inthedoorbecamefacesofthefranchise. Creditgoestothem,andtoeverycontributorwhoseideasandtalentpushedit forward,invitingreaderstogo,tolisten, tolaugh,tofume,tosee,toact,tovote,to engage.

Mostly,though,IcreditPeterO’Sullivan, whogotitstartedsotherestofuscouldfollowthrough. feedback@orlandoweekly.com

Whatlingersisthis:OrlandoWeeklycreatedacommunity.Becausesomany creativefolkscameandwentinCentral

JeffTruesdellwaseditorofOrlandoWeekly fromOctober1992throughMay2002.

Lostintime

AwriterrememberstheWeekly’sfirsteditorasher championandmentor

BYLIZLANGLEY

“I’veseen thingsyou people wouldn’tbelieve. Attackshipsonfireoff theshoulderofOrion. IwatchedC-beams glitterinthedarknear theTannhäuserGate. Allthosemomentswill belostintime,liketears… in...rain.Time…todie.”

Idon’tknowhowmanytimesIheard PeterO’Sullivan,thefoundingeditorofOrlandoWeekly,makethisspeech fromBladeRunner.Helovedit.Hesavored thebad-assery.Sometimeshe’djustsay thefirstline,andyou’dcompletelybelieve him.HewasBritish,fercrissakes,aworld travelerandspellbindingstoryteller.

Ifhemadeittothe“Time…todie …”part,hewouldalwayslaugh.Hehad alaughlikealasciviouspixie–onewho justheardajokesodirtyhestillcouldn’t believehispixieears.“Charm”doesn’t begintocoverit.

That’swhostartedyourpaper.

ImetPeterin1990,beforeblogging,

GreenDayplays atClubNowhere

ebooksandtheinfinitespaceofthe Internetdemocratizedmedia.Ifyou wantedtowritesomethingpeoplewould read,youhadtoconvincesomeeditorthat youmeritedpreciousrealestateontheir pages.Iwas26andsureofonlyonething: thatIcouldturnphraseslikeFredturned Ginger.SoIwrotealettertoPeter,theeditorofthisnewoutlet, voiceonthepin-thinmenuofOrlando media,hopingImightfitin.

Yearslater,hewouldtellmehe readthatletterandthought, “Wow,she’sreallykind ofsnotty.…Yeah,I’ll callher.”

Aftercontributingsome freelancework toTheWeekly Itookover theback-page columncalled “TheJuice,” withPeter alternatelyguidingandgoading metobebetter, braver,morecuri-

ousandmoreconfident.Hecalledme HuntressThompson,andletmedopieces thathelpedearnusprotestthreats(when Idiscoveredyoucouldbuypre-blessed communionwafersinanyreligiousstore and,asIrecall,suggestedcanapérecipesforthem),aFloridaPressAssociation award(aValentine’sDaygiftguidethat includedaposterof“PenisesoftheAnimal Kingdom”)andmostimportantly,readers.

SplendidChina attractionopens

TheClubatFirestone (nowknownasVenue578) opens

MassiveravehappensattheEdge withDustBrothers(whoeventually becameChemicalBrothers)

Shaq’sfirstrapalbum, ShaqDiesel,debuts

TheWeeklywasownedbytheToronto Sun,and inafewshortyears theybroughtPeter backtoCanada tobetheireditor-in-chief. HehandedThe Weekly,with itstemplateas asharp,funny, solidalternative, toJeffTruesdell, whowenton todefineitasa clever,important mediasourcein Orlando.BecauseJeff waswillingtostep intoPeter’sroleasmy mentor,too,Imoved throughthischange likeoneofthosecartooncharactersabout tostepoffamilehighgirder,when anothergirdermagicallyswingsinto theirpathwayand takesthemeven higher.

Hadadifferentteambeenin

TheWeeklycirculation: 100,000copieseachweek.

AAHZreopens

placein1990,theWeeklymightneverhave lastedsolong,launchedorsustainedso manycareers,orgivenOrlandoawelcome newvoice.Itwasn’tjustusthatPeter affectedthisway,butIwouldn’trealize thatforawhile.

ForasoftenasIheardPeterrelishthe “timetodie”speech,itneveroccurredto methathewould.Ican’trememberhow Ifoundout,justthatitwasinthesummerof2013,anditwaslikegettinghitin thechestwithashovel.Somedaysitstill is–anditwasn’tuntilIwenttohismemorialinToronto,andheardthestoriesfrom peoplethereaboutwhatagreatmentor, innovatorandchampionfortheircareers hewas,thatitreallydawnedonmehow manypeopleheaffected.

Peopletalkaboutartistsseeingbeautyintheworldthatmostpeoplecan’t. Theynever,evertalkabouteditorsthat way.Editorsarebetteratseeingthetruth, whichusuallyisn’tpretty,muchlessbeautiful,butthegoodoneshearthingsintheir writersthataren’tevidenttoeveryone. Peterheardourdistinctvoices,oftenwhen nooneelsedid,andheknewhowtobring outthebestinus.HedidsomethingIdon’t knowifpeoplehavetimetodoanymore: mentored,cajoledandwentoutofhisway tocreateopportunitiesforus,untilbefore weknewit,wehadbecomeinfinitelybetter–withoutlosingthequirksthatmade usstandouttobeginwith.Hemadeusfeel likewecoulddoanything.Sowedid.

ThankstoPeter,JeffandtheWeekly,I’ve seenthingsyoupeoplewouldn’tbelieve. Time…tokeeplooking.

feedback@orlandoweekly.com

LizLangleywasacolumnistforOrlandoWeekly fromitsinceptionthrough2002.

LGBT-focusednewspaper Watermarkpublishesits firstissue

Phat-N-Jazzybegins, SapphireSupperClub opens

AUCFcommitteeagrees tonameschool’smascot “Knightro” FIFAWorldCupgames playedinOrlando

orlandoweekly.com

Thewonderyears

thefrustratedcreativecommunityofthe themeparks.”

Williamssayshewassurprisedbythe numberofhighlytalentedartistswho wereemployedbytheparksbyday,“but atnighttheyletloose,”givingthecityan unexpectedcounterculturaldimension.

By1993,FloridaSunPublications, thearmoftheTorontoSun PublishingCorp.thatranThe Weekly,waslosingmoney.Accordingtoa storyintheSentinel,ithadactuallybeen losingmoneyeveryyearsincetheSun purchaseditsgroupofFloridapapersin 1989,soit’snowonderthecompanywas willingtosellTheWeeklyjustafewyears afteritwasfounded.

In1980,RonWilliamsandLaura MarkhamhadjustmovedbacktoDetroit aftergraduatingfromAntiochCollege. Theyhad$5,000,andtheyusedittofound anewspapercalledtheMetroTimes,an alt-weeklypublicationthatdistinguished itselfbyputtinginvestigativeandcounterculturereportingattheforefront.After afewrockyyears,theynotonlyhittheir stride–theystartedmakingmoney.

“By1993,wewereprofitable,andwe decidedtoexpandfromDetroitintoadditionalmarkets,”saysWilliams,whotoday istheexecutivedirectorofFreeSpeech TV,whichcallsitself“thealternativeto TVnetworksownedbybillionaires,governmentsandcorporations.”Atthattime, hesays,thealternativenewsweeklybusinesswasgrowing,andtherewerestrong, activeweeklypapersinallofthetop25 mediamarketsinthecountry.

Itwouldhavebeenfoolishtosetupa publicationtochallengeanexistingaltweeklyinatopmarket,hesays,soheand Markhamanalyzedcitiesthatwerelower downthefoodchaininstead.

“Orlandowasoneofthecitiesthat rosetothetopofourlist,”hesays.“One, becauseitdidn’treallyhaveanalternativenewsweekly.Two,itwasoneofthe

fastest-growingcitiesinAmerica.”

In1994,themediacompanythat WilliamsandMarkhamhadformed, calledAlternativeMediaInc.,purchasedTheWeekly In1995,thecompanyredesigned thepublication andchristenedit OrlandoWeekly theSentinel,AMI hadstudiedthe CentralFlorida marketanddecidedtofocusmostly onmusic,arts andentertainment;Williams sayshequickly realizedthat wasn’tnecessary–there wasplentyof fodderforthe samekindof aggressive alternative newscoveragethatset MetroTimesapartinDetroit.

“Thecreativecommunityandtheme parksreallyenrichedtheartsandcultural scene,andtheyalsoreallymovedthepoliticalsceneinamoreliberal,progressive direction,”hesays.“OtherwiseOrlando couldbeveryconservative.Weactually foundOrlandoto beprettyliberal. Therewasalarge LGBTscene,andI thinkalotofthatis thatthethemeparks werethismagnetfor fairlywell-paidcreativetypeswholived inOrlandoandhelped transformthecity.”

ousinvestigativeworkactuallyturnedout toprovideacompetitiveadvantageinthe marketplace,”herecalls.“Itwasgoodfor adsalesandbusiness.Wedifferentiated ourpublicationsbydistinguishingourselveswiththiskindofthing.Itturned outthateventhoughitwasexpensiveand unusual,ithelpedustobreakoutanddistinguishourselvesinthebroadermarket.”

“BeforeIcametoOrlando,Idismissed Orlandoashavingno‘there’there,”he says.“Ithoughtthatthethemeparks createdalotofvisitors,andthatthosevisitorshadnoauthenticconnectiontothe city.Theywerepassingthrough,spending alotofmoneyandisolatedaroundthe themeparks.ButonceIgotintoit,and westartedpublishing,Idiscoveredthere wasanemerginghipsterscenethatironicallywastakentoawholenewlevelby

Itwasn’tgoingtolastforever,ofcourse. By1999,Williamssays,hewastired. He’dworkedintheindustryfornearly 20yearsandwasreadyforabreak.He andMarkhamsoldalloftheirpublications,includingDetroitMetroTimes,the SanAntonioCurrentandOrlandoWeekly –toanothermediacompany,Times ShamrockCommunicationsinScranton, Pennsylvania,foraround$20million.

OrlandoWeeklyhired aninvestigativereporternamedEdward EricsonJr.(whois todayastaffwriterat CityPaperinBaltimore) todelveintothedarker sideofthissunnycity,and heestablishedastructure inwhichtheeditorofthe publicationdidn’tanswer tothepaper’spublisher–instead,he says,JeffTruesdell(whokepthisjobas editorthroughthetransitionandinto 2002)answereddirectlytoWilliams,just asthepublisherdid.Thatway,hesays, theeditorialdepartmentneverfeltpressuredbytheinterestsofadvertisersand heldtruetoitsinvestigativemission.The publicationcultivatedabold,progressive editorialvoicethatquestionedeverything.

“Wefelttheywouldbegoodstewardsof thesituation,andthattheyhadasensitivitytooursocialmission,”hesays.“Itwasa goodbet.Theyallowedthosepublications tocontinueforquitesometimetomove forwardwiththesamekindofeditorial visionandmanyofthesamepeoplewe hadputintoplace.Ithinksomeofthe publicationsdidtheirbestworkafterwe sold.”

Toughasthemediamarketmaybe, Williamssayshethinkstherewillalways beaplaceinthecommunityforanaltweekly,aslongasthepublicationstays truetoitsfoundingmission.

“MychallengetoOrlandoWeeklyasyou makethistransitionisthatI’dlovetosee youguyscommittothefactthatalternativenewsweekliescanbeverypowerful forcesforchangeintheirlocalcommunities,”hesays.“Ifalt-weekliesreinvent themselvesunderaverysmallnumberof owners,andreinventthemselvesasprofitablebusinesses,butdon’treaffirmtheir socialmission,thenthesepublications aresoulless.…Embracetheoutsiders. Embracethedisrupters.”

“Doingthiskindofagenda-setting,seri-

feedback@orlandoweekly.com

Fromthe archives: 1994-1998

April15-21,1994

EversincetheOrlandoCityCouncil gaveitsinitialendorsementtoacurfew forthoseunderage18,debatehasbeen simmeringoverboththeneedandlegalityofsuchameasure.Shoulditsurvivea finalvoteonApril18–andthere’severy indicationitwill–thecurfewwilltake effectJune1.

Whilewecancheerthecouncilfora tirelesscampaignagainstyouthfulselfexpression,awimpyteencurfewisnot enough.Herewith,amodestproposal: GiveHoodandfriendsacopyofWilliam Gibson’scyberpunknovelNeuromancer, whichcontainsarealsolutiontotherampantdiversitythatthreatensdowntown.

Setabout100yearsinthefuture,the novelinvolvesayoungcomputerhackernamedCaseonamissiontocontact twosupercomputerswithmindsoftheir own.Alongtheway,Caseandhismain squeeze,Molly,stopataresorttown calledFreeport.

Builtunderadome,Freeportisacompletelycontrolledenvironment.Sunlight isartificial,daytimeisahologramspecial effect,andthe“stars”inthefauxnightsky formconstellationsintheshapeofplayingcards,diceandmartiniglasses.Credit checksaredoneattheentrancetoensure thatonlythosewhocanaffordtopatronizeFreeport’smerchandise,clubsand restaurantsareallowedin;losersareredirectedtothedecidedlydownscaleurban sprawloutside.Thus,onlythe“right”peoplegetinforthe“right”reason.–Denise Salvaggio,“PeasantUnderGlass”

April15-21,1994

AboutZima,thedrinkthatasksyou to“tryazip”–itzucks.Asalessonin promotion,though,it’sinvaluable.Zima isdoingwhattheyshouldhavetoldyou todoincollege:Lookgoodandnevergo away.Ifourmilitaryplannedassaultsthis effectively,we’dwinateverything.–Liz Langley,“Zima:Zemistakeistryingto drinkit,”BarBelle

May27-June2,1994

Lastweek,thecityofOrlando’s MunicipalPlanningBoardgaveahearty thumbs-downtoaproposedexpansionby FairvillaVideo.Theself-proclaimed“adult megastore”hopedtoconvertabuilding nextdoortowarehousespace,amovethat wouldallowtheOrangeBlossomTrail businesstoincreaseitsdisplayareafrom about9,500squarefeettoabout12,000. Eggedonbyasmallbutvocalgroupof opponents,theboarddecidedtheexpansionpostedathreattothe“health,welfare andsafety”ofthelocalpopulace. Thoseopposedtotheexpansioncontendthatthecommunitydoesn’twant suchbusinessesbefoulingit,ademonstrablyfalseclaim.Thenumberthatattended thehearing–about40–doesn’teven representagoodlunch-hourcrowdat Fairvilla.–EricDentel,TheLowdown

Aug.31-Sept.6,1995

It’sastonishingtomethattheabortion issueisstillevendebatedinthiscountry. Womenshouldnotbewillingtodiscussit anymorethanAfrican-Americanswould discussgivinguptherighttovote.–Liz Langley,“NormaMcCorvey’sabortive efforts,”TheJuice

March20-26,1997

BackinAugustorso,MayorGlenda Hoodannouncedherconcernwiththe doingsofchildrendowntown.Longforbiddenbyordinancefromthewould-be antisepticnightclubdistrictafterdark, teenagerswereunaccountablyvisibleon streetcornersonSundaymornings.What couldtheybeupto?Themayorwanted answers,buttheanswerwasclear,preordained,aswastheremedy.

They’reondrugs!–EdwardEricsonJr., “RaverMadness”

Jan.22-28,1998

DearMayor[Glenda]Hood,Yourcampaigntobuildaperformingartscenter acrossfromCityHallhasspentatleast $50,000inpublicdollarssofar,andnow theCityCouncilhaspledged$100,00for asiteplan.Atnopointhasthepublic endorsedtheexpense,andthere’snosign youintendtoask.Wemusttrustthat youwanttoboostbothdowntownand thearts,becauseyougiveusnochoice. Butthere’sabetteridea.…Redirectyour spendingfromthepalacetothepeasants. –JeffTruesdell,“DearMayorHood”

OrlandoMusic Awards1997-2002

OrlandoWeekly’sannualeventcreatedsensational capsulesofOrlandosound

BYLINDYT.SHEPHERD

Orlando’smusiccalendarwas hardlysleepywhenIjoinedthe staffinJanuary1991.Wefocused onlistingshowsandhighlightingoriginal music,andthesynergybetweenOrlando Weeklyandclubs,promotersandplayerswasevident.InAugust1991,thefirst Lollapalooza(Jane’sAddictionheadlined)drew27,000fanstoCentralFlorida Fairgrounds.Byspring1992,theEdge openeddowntown,bookingnationalacts

andgivinglate-nightresidencytoDJslike IceyandKimballCollins,whichwasthe dawnofOrlando’sgloballylaudedelectronicdancemusicscene.

By1997,newownersAlternativeMedia Inc.broughtbraggingrightstotheDetroit MusicAwards.Staffbecameenthusiastic thatOrlandomusicwasathingtoboast about,too.Bythen,SamRiversandhis “acidjazz”collaboratorswereregularsat SapphireSupperClub,andRobThomas

hadbeensteamingupclubslikeJ.J WhispersandtheJunkyardin Casselberryforyears.Ithelped usdecidetostrikequicklywhen JammagazineendeditssevenyearJammyAwardstradition. Weorganizedtheinaugural OrlandoMusicAwardsbasedon theDetroitMetroTimesmodel, invitingmusicians,promoters, clubownersandassortedmusic folkstoformaboardthatsetthe groundrulesfor categories,nominations,judges andvoting,with winnerselectedby readers.The mission:“Torecognizeandcelebrate theCentralFlorida musicscene,and tohelpnurtureand promotethecareers ofindependentarea musicians.”Hundreds ofpeoplegotinvolved, andtheboardmeeting discussionswerespirited,tosaytheleast.The galvanizingeffectwas theultimatesatisfaction –whoknewtherewere somanydifferentkinds ofmusicandmusicians tobechampioned?

ticalconcernsputthemonhiatus.

TheOMAs’too-short,ambitiousburst celebratedhometownactsforwhothey wereandwhattheybrought.Theawards processenduredthepopmusicmonster thatbroughtOrlandonationalattention fortheBackstreetBoysandNSync,bands thathadnoactualtieshere.Maybethe OMAsoverreached,butatthetime whenoutsiderswerepayingattention tothesoundscoming“from”Orlando, theWeeklychampionedwhatwasnext.

From1997to2002,thespecialissues devotedtothemusicawardspublished undereditorJeffTruesdellandtheCD producedeveryyearbyMarkPadgettcreatedacapsuleofOrlandosound.The awardsparties–one-nightproductions thatgrewinsizeeachyear–movedfrom theSapphireSupperClubtotheClubat FirestonetoHouseofBluestoHardRock Live,thankstobusinesspartners.Butthe OMAswerenevermoneymakersandprac-

Oct.19,1997

SapphireSupper Club

TheOrlandoMusic AwardsCD’s16tracks ledwith“AttheStrip” bySwingerheadand endedwith“Don’tSay Goodnight”byRocket 88,bothbandsemblematicofthedayswhen swingandrockabilly ruledtheday.Theliner notesread:“Thisisnota compilationofnominees andwinners,although someareincluded. Rather,itintendsto showcasethediversityofanoriginallocal musicscene–hip-hop tohardrock,swingtoska,folktofunkand techno.Thesearethesoundsofourcity.”

Oct.21,1998

TheClubatFirestone

ThiswastheyearafterOrlando’sCity Councilpassedthe“anti-rave”bill,dueto citizencomplaintsaboutkidsstreaming outofclubsaschurchservicesstarted. Meanwhile,theSouthernrocksoundwas goingpopontheairwaves,andOrlando bandsweregettingsignedtomajorlabels.

Oct.16,1999

TheClubatFirestone

Growingsophisticationisreflectedin theCDselections:SamRivers’RivBea Orchestraplaying“Colours,”Gargamel growling“MidnightSexy,”plusavantrockersObliteratiwith“BelieveMe,” co-producedbyQ-BurnsAbstractMessage, whoseowntrack“…HerefortheBothof Us”alsoappeared,courtesyofAstralwerks.

Oct.14,2000

HouseofBlues

SanfordrhythmandblueswasrepresentedbyNoble“ThinMan”Watts,a yearlyfavorite,whodustedoff“Digging In”fortheCD,showcasinghistenorsaxophone.CollaboratorsBeefWellington andSwamburgercontributed“Better2 Groove.”The69Boyzdroppedjawsat theOMAsceremonywitha12-minute, Bollywood-scalehip-hopproduction, featuringmorethanadozenflag-wavers tocomplementthebulgingarsenalof rappers,dancersandhypemenand womenonthesuddenlysmallstage.

Oct.13,2001

HardRockLive

TheJointChiefsrockedtheCDwith “GirlCan’tTakeIt,”co-writtenbylocal superstarEugeneSnowdenofUmoja fame.Thepiano-drivenAmySteinberg’s irreverenceandeclecticperformanc-

eswererepresentedbythesong “Begin,”whichcuedthecultofAmy andanewforceofwomenonthe otherwisemale-dominatedmusic scene.

Oct.12,2002

HardRockLive

ThoughtherewasnoCDproduced,theproductionqualityfor theawardsshowwasatitszenith, asweredrunkenonstageantics. ExcellentmusicincludedhyperactivesetsbyAndromeda,Indorphine andSupervillains,catchingpraisefrom OW’snewmusiceditorJasonFerguson. Itwasn’tlongbeforeheandneweditor BobWhitbyfoldedtheOrlandoMusic AwardsintoBestofOrlando. feedback@orlandoweekly.com

LindyT.ShepherdworkedforOrlandoWeekly fornearlytwodecadesfrom1991to2010, servingascalendareditor,artseditor,web editorandalltherolesshefilledinbetween.

Throwback Thursday

Thattime,itwaspersonal BYSTEVESCHNEIDER

Ainformed–aftertheissuewenttopress, natch–thatIwouldactuallyhaveto goonadatewithwhomeverresponded. WhichiswhyIendedupspendingtwo memorableeveningswithagreeablelonelyhearts.(Onlytwo,youscoff?Hey,our circulationwasalotoflowerbackthen. Don’tshame.)

istofmyacquaintance,whospentabout 15minutesexplaininghispoliticalphilosophytoherinhisabsurdlysqueakyvoice. “I’mkindofaWobbly,”hedivulged. “Andmewithoutmymace,”shemuttered.

mortifyingconfession:Backinthe late1990s,OrlandoWeeklywasso desperatetocultivateitspersonalssectionthattheoccasionalemployee wasforcedintobeingthephotoadof theweek.Imyselfdidsuchduty,andthe evidencehereshowsexactlyhowdesperatewewere.Becauseeveninthosemore innocenttimes,noalternativepublication withgenuineoptionswouldhavestaked thefortunesofitsmatchmakingoperation onalistingseditorwholookedlikethelast guytoleave.38Special.

ImaginemychagrinwhenIwas

Onewasadark-haired,kindof empty-eyedyoungwomanwhodeclared anaffinityforfunnymovies,“liketheone withthatguyinit.”Sheorderedsomesort of“conpollo”dishandaskedthewaiterto holdthechicken.

Theotherwasadelightfullyacerbic PaulaPoundstonetypeIreallycouldhave seenmyselfbecomingbudswith–except thatwehappenedtorunintoalocalactiv-

Thetakeaway?Beggarscan’tbechoosers.Staffersshouldn’tberingers.Andtake anythingyouhearonablinddatewitha grainofpollo.Becauseifyourespondedto anOrlandoWeeklyphotoad20yearsago, chanceswere,thecallwascomingfrom insidethehouse.

feedback@orlandoweekly.com

SteveSchneiderwasonstaffaslistings editorandlaterarts&cultureeditor,for OrlandoWeeklyfrom1997through2006.

TheScrantonyears

OrlandoWeeklyissoldagain

BYERINSULLIVAN

In1999,AlternativeMediaInc.’sprincipalsweretired.Alternativeweeklieshad proventobealucrativebusinessmodel,andWilliamssayshewasreadytomoveon. “Everysooftenyouwanttochangeupandrefresh,reset,”hesays.“That’swhat wedid.Wedidrealizein1999thatitwasareallygoodtimetosell.…Wewerereadyto stepaside.Wehadworkedhard.”

AMIhadmultipleoffersforthepublications,andtheyultimatelychosetosellto TimesShamrockCommunicationsbecausethefamily-ownedmediabusinessdidn’t expressinterestinbreakinguptheformatorreimaginingthepublications–theywantedtobuildonthesuccessthatAMIhadwiththealternative-weeklyformat.

“Idon’tthinkwesawthedotbombcoming,”hesays.

The“dotbomb”dideventuallycome,andalthoughalternativeweeklieshadhistoricallyweatheredrecessions,downturnsandchangingmediatrendsfairlywell,the Internetwasn’tjustatrend.Itcaughtupwitheveryprintpublicationinthenation. OrlandoWeeklyrespondedbylaunchingorlandoweekly.cominthelate1990sandcreatingBloggytown,itsinauguralnewsblog,whichadoptedthesamesnarky,offbeattoneas itsprintcounterpart,Happytown™.

Fromthearchives: 1999-2014

March2-8,2000

Toanyonewhoreallywantseithera longorlucrativeDisneycareer(something Iwillneverhave),hereismyadvice:Never standupforyourrights;don’tworryabout yourskillsortalent;simplygettoknow therightpeople;andforgoodness’sake, never,evertellthetruth.–AlKrulick, “AserfexiledfromMousemonarchy,”Real Politics

July5-11,2001

NSynchavefallenpreytotheevilof irony,titlingtheircurrentsingle“Pop” anditshostalbumCelebrity(perhaps inavainattemptatsocialcriticismfor

Orlandocelebrates firstComeOutWith Prideevent

dummies).“It’sjustaboutrespect,”rasps formerfruit-filingJustinTimberlake. No,it’snot.It’saboutbreakfastcakes.

TwoweeksafterPopTartssponsored theBackstreetBoys’BlackandBlue nightmareatT.D.WaterhouseCentre,in camePillsbury,pluggingitssofter,gentlerToasterStrudelinaployfortheir ownteen-marketshare.What’smore,they calledtheirrecentconcertStrudelpalooza.

Oh,heartburn.–BillyManes,“Warmed over,”TheBList

April2-8,2003

Yougottahandittothebravemenand womencollectivelyknownastheHouse Republicans.

Amonthaftererasingtheword“French” fromtheHousecafeteria;acoupleofdays FREE|NOV.18-24,2015

OrlandoMayorBuddyDyerindictedinMarch; BillyManesrunscampaigntoreplacehim. Dyer,however,isexoneratedbyApril

RavenousPigopens inWinterPark

afterfloatingtheideaofdiggingupthe red,whiteandblueremainsofAmericans buriedinthedishonorablesoilofFrance; andlessthan24hoursafterthebombs beganfallingonBaghdad,ourproudleadersdraftedaresolution“recognizingthe publicneedforfastingandprayerinorder tosecuretheblessingsandprotectionof ProvidenceforthepeopleoftheUnited StatesandourArmedForcesduringthe conflictwithIraq...”(TheSenatepassed asimilarresolutionviavoicevoteaweek earlier.)

HouseResolution153passed346-49. (Twenty-threetough-mindedlawmakers answered“present,”16didn’tvote).

Inthesetroubledtimes,whowould rejectaformalappealtoGod,especiallywhenprofferedfromsuchadivinely inspiredbodyofpublicofficials?–Jeffrey C.Billman,“DearGod,pleasehelpussmite theIraqis”

July29-Aug.4,2004

Despite2,000complaintstostate investigatorsallegingthatthemodeling company[Lou]Pearlmanownedfrom September2002toOctober2003wasa scam,thestateattorneygeneral’soffice decidedthecasewasn’tworthpursuing.(RecallthatPearlmanpublicly,and vehemently,distancedhimselffromthe companiesinquestionbysuingdozensof OptionsTalentconsultantsandemployees for$100million,allegingtheymisledhim duringnegotiationsforPearlman’stakeover.Thatgothimabigheadlineinthe Sentinel.Whatthepaperdidn’treportwas thatPearlmandroppedthesuitinApril.)

ButPearlmanisn’tsatisfied.Perhaps pissedoffatthemonthsofbadpress, Pearlman’snewestoffering,FashionRock LLC,hasgoneontheoffensive,inundat-

inghiscriticswithlawsuits.OnJune4, FashionRock,whichsellsweekendconventionstowannabeactorsandmodels for$1,500apop,filedalawsuitagainst 200-plusnamedandunnameddetractorsand50unnamedcompanies.He’s allegingdefamation,invasionofprivacy, misappropriationoftradesecrets,civil conspiracyandracketeering.–JeffreyC. Billman,“Pearlman’sjihad,”Slug

Oct.19-25,2011

Justasthousandshavebeendoingin lowerManhattan’sZuccottiParksince September,thosewhoarepartofOccupy Orlandoarelayingclaimtopublicspaceto protesteconomicinequalityintheUnited States.InOrlando,SenatorBethJohnson ParkwaschosenbecauseofitsproximitytotheOrlandoRegionalChamberof Commerce,whichhasbeensingledout forspecialopprobriumbyleftistsbecause itlobbiesforbusiness-friendlylegislation –atermassociatedwithcorporatetax loopholesandstripped-downworkerprotections.

Afterasizablemarchkickedoffthe occupationonOct.15,DougHead,former OrangeCountyDemocraticExecutive Committeechair,accusedthechamber of“indoctrinating”potentialpolitical candidatesthroughitsLeadershipOrlando program.“Theyallgettrained,inthat building,onhowtoscrewyou,”hetold thecrowdduringSaturday’sprotest.The chamber’sdirectorofcommunications andpresidentofLeadershipOrlando, RuthMustian,couldnotbereachedfor comment.–JeffGore,“Thelonghaul”

Feb.27-March5,2013

ChurchStreet purchasedbydeveloper CameronKuhn

BackstreetBoyssue LouPearlmanforthe secondtime

FinalmanuscriptofJack Kerouac’sTheDharmaBums, writteninOrlando,returnshere

OriginalWill’s Pubcloses

LouPearlman’sfinancial troublestriggerforeclosureof ChurchStreetStation

TheDailyCity launchesitsculture andeventsblog

Longafterthepublicfiguresstopped showingupinSanfordandthecrowdsof protestersdispersed,localgroupsandsupporterskeep[Trayvon]Martin’smemory alive.OnFeb.5,2013,Martin’sbirthday (hewouldhavebeen18thisyear),acrowd heldasubduedcelebrationhonoring theteeninGoldsboro,asmall,traditionallyAfrican-Americanneighborhoodin Sanford.Theydidn’tcallforvengeance, theydidn’tcastblameandtheydidn’tgatherinanger–theycalledforthecommunity tocometogethertocombatviolence. –ErinSullivan,“Sixthingsthathavebarely changedsinceTrayvonMartin’sdeath” esullivan@orlandoweekly.com

orlandoweekly.com●DEC.9-15,2015●ORLANDOWEEKLY2529

Parksdepartment

EyeDrive:JimHilltalksaboutcoveringOrlando’s touristcorridor

BYSETHKUBERSKY

I’vebeencoveringCentralFlorida’s attractionsinOrlandoWeeklyfor almostadecade,butlongbeforethere wasaLiveActiveCulturescolumn,Jim Hill’sEyeDrivewaswatchingthetheme parksfortheWeekly.Hillisnowapopular DisneyDishpodcasterandentertainment bloggerfortheHuffingtonPost,buthe returnedtotalkwithmeaboutOW’s occasionallycontentiousquarter-century coveringMickey’sempire.

OrlandoWeekly:Howdidyoustart writingfortheWeekly?

JimHill:Iwasactuallyrecruitedby JeffTruesdell.Hehadread“California Misadventure,”astorythatIhadwritten fortheOCWeekly…andwantedtoreprint itinOrlandoWeekly AsheandIwerereworking“California Misadventure”sothatitwouldbemore Orlando-centric/friendly,JeffandIgot talkingabouthowhewantedtostart runningacolumninOrlandoWeeklythat wouldfocusonCentralFlorida’stheme parksandthepeoplewhoworkedthere. Ithoughtthatthatsoundedlikeafungig.

Whatweresomememorablestoriesyou coveredforOW?

Ithinkthepiece-by-piecedismantling ofWaltDisneyFeatureAnimationFlorida atDisney-MGMStudioswasprobablythe mostmemorableandtougheststoryto cover.Iknewanumberofpeoplewho workedthereatthattime…operating attheverytopoftheirgame.Anditwas justsadandinfuriatingtowatchallof thesetalentedartists,animatorsandstory

reopens,thengoesinto foreclosureagain

peoplejustgetsweptoutthedoorbecause themicromanagingsuitswhowerein chargeofFeatureAnimationatDisney atthattimedidn’thaveaclueabouthow tomakeamoviethatmodernaudiences wouldactuallywanttogoto.

Thebesttwofilmsthatwereevermade atWDFAF–MulanandLilo&Stitch–slippedinunderthewire.Theywere madeattimeswhentheexecsbackin Burbankwereprimarilyfocusedonproducingwhattheythoughtwereprestige projects,Fantasia2000andDinosaur,back inCalifornia.Sotheyneverthoughtto meddlewithwhatwasgoingondownin Florida.ButonceStitchbecamethesecondhitinarowtocomeoutofWDFAF, that’swhenDisney’ssupposedlycreative executivesturnedtheirattentiontothe company’sanimationstudioinFlorida.

Didyouevergetanyreaction(positiveor negative)fromtheparksorinsidersabout somethingyouwroteforOW?

Ihadanumberofanimatorsreachout andthankmeforshiningaspotlighton whatwasgoingonatWaltDisneyFeature AnimationFlorida.Theyappreciatedthat someone[was]payingattentionasDisney executivesseemedhellbentondrivingthe Titanicstraightintothaticeberg.

Disneyhadjustspentover$100million buildingthisstate-of-the-artanimation studio,whichhadactuallybeendesigned bythefolkswhohadpreviouslyworked inDisney-MGM’sfishbowl.Theend resultwasthisfacilitythatwasdesigned toreflectthewaymodern-dayanimatedfeatureswereactuallyproduced.And

now?It’sjustfulloftheseWDW executiveswhoarefocusedon findingnewwaystosellcharacter-basedmerchandiseinsideof thethemeparks.Totheseguys, thegreatestperkofworking insidethisbuildingisn’tthat it’sartist-andcreative-friendly, butratherthatthere’samultistoryparkinggaragewith assignedslotsjuststepsaway.

Whatarethemostsignificant momentsinOrlandoattractionsduringthe25yearsOW hasbeenaround?

Thisone’seasy.It’sbeen watchingUniversalStudios Floridariseupoutofthe groundandthrowopenits doors.Universalobviously flailedaroundforanumber ofyearsasittriedtofindits placeintheCentralFlorida tourismmarket.ButeventuallytheUniversalOrlandoResortfound itsfooting,createdabrandidentitythat wasdistinctlydifferentthanDisneyand emergedasseriouscompetitionforthe Mouse–whichhadbecomealittletoofat andhappyoverthepast25years.

Well,that’sallchangednow.Ifanyone seriouslybelievesthattheMouseisbuilding Pandora:TheWorldofAvatarand/orStar WarsLandoutofthekindnessofMickey’s heart,IhavesomeCentralFloridaswamplandtosellthem.TheWizardingWorld ofHarryPotternowhasDisneylooking overitsshoulder.Itgenuinelybothers MouseHousemanagersthatwhenpeople talkabouthyper-detailed,trulyimmersive themeparkattractions,they’renottalkingaboutanythingthattheImagineers havedesignedandbuiltrecently.Rather, it’ssomethingthatMarkWoodburyand theteamatUniversalCreativegotbuilt inhalfthetimeandwithathirdofthe

thatWDIwouldhaveneededtobuild asimilarproject. Ofcourse,theupsideis–sinceDisney nowfeelsthatithastoseriouslycompete withUniversalintheCentralFloridatourismmarket,reclaimthehighergroundin thethemeparksphere,ifyouwill–we allwin.Therearesomeflat-outamazing rides,showsandattractionsthataredue topopinandaroundthetouristcorridor overthenext10years.Whichwillgive OrlandoWeeklystaffersplentyoffunnew thingstowriteabout.

Ireallyenjoyedmytimewritingforthe OrlandoWeekly.Asaguywhostartedout inprint,itwasgreatfuntohaveaweekly columnagain.JeffTruesdellwasagreat bossandaverywillingcollaborator.Sadly, whenhegotfired,theneweditorwanted totaketheWeeklyinadifferentdirection, soEyeDrivewentfromonceaweekto twicemonthlytomonthlytonotrunning anymore.Butitwasgenuinelyfunwhileit lasted.AndI’mproudtohavebeen(even forashorttime)amemberoftheOrlando Weeklystaff.

Sohappyanniversary,guys!Here’shopingthattheWeeklygetstospendthenext 25yearsdoinganequallyfinejobcovering themorecolorfulaspectsoflivinginand aroundtheMetroOrlandoarea.

skubersky@orlandoweekly.com

SethKuberskybegancoveringartsand attractionsforOrlandoWeeklyin2006, andhaswrittentheLiveActiveCultures columnsince2008.

Standyourground

2003:OrlandoWeeklymakesitscaseagainsttheIraqWar BYSTEVESCHNEIDER

Thespringof2003wasn’taneasy timetoworkforaliberalnewspaperinCentralFlorida.The Bushadministrationwasrevvingupto itspredeterminedinvasionofIraq.And thoughmillionsworldwidewerepouring intothestreetsinprotest,herethevoices ofdissentwererelativelyfewandeasily shouteddown.

Onthedaythewarbeganinearnest,I waswalkingpastacertainbarandgrill onFairbanksAvenueinWinterPark.I lookedup,andIsawthatitsmarqueenow read,“GoAmerica;droppingwarheadson foreheads.”

Forweeks,OrlandoWeeklyhadbeenlayingoutitscaseagainstthewar.Ourinsight intothesituationwashardlyunique; weweresimplyasuponourSeymour Hershasthenextguy.Butthankstothe courageofthen-editorBobWhitby,our oppositionwasclearandsteadfast.Our reasonsincludedsomethatareheardfrequentlytoday(likethe riskofdestabilizingthe MiddleEast)andothers that,whileevenmore important,havenever gottenasmuchplay(like thenaggingfactthat anunprovokedattack onanothersovereign nationisawarcrime).

AsIrecall,ontheweek thatAmerica’smilitary receivedthegoorder,our paper’sfrontcovercarriedthetagline,“Neither shockednorawed.”

TheWeeklypaida priceforitsstance.Many localbusinessescalled ourcirculationdepartmentanddemanded thatweremoveour papersfromtheirpremises.Somewereincensed atourallegedlackof patriotism;othersmerelyshrankfrombeing associatedwithsucha “controversial”viewpoint.Throughitall,our positionneverwavered. Andifthepowersthat

beonthebusinesssidesecretlywished wewouldknockitoffandstopcausing trouble,itneverfiltereddowntothoseof usintheeditorialbullpen.Ihavenever beenproudertobepartofthisorganization–whichmeansthat,bythetransitive property,Ihaveneverbeenprouderto holdanyjob.

Justasitwasimpossiblethentoclaim especialwisdomregardingIraq,it’sinappropriatenowtotakeanypleasurein havingbeenprovedright.Onlyachurl cries,“Calledit!”whenthecostishalfa milliondeadandcounting.Still,itsatisfies medeeplytoknowthat,almost13years later,OrlandoWeeklyisstillgoingstrong, stillavoiceforprogressivehumanism inthiscommunityandbeyond.Oh,and thataforementionedWinterParkwateringhole?Outofbusiness,andforsome timenow.Maybetheywentbustfromall theveterans’discounts.

feedback@orlandoweekly.com

InLouofcash

LookingbackatLouPearlman’sastonishing money-launderingconspiraciesthatsentencedhim to25yearsinprison

BYASHLEYBELANGER

LikeincurableacneevenJessica Simpson-endorsedProactivcouldn’t heal,Orlando’sculturalfaceinthe mid-tolate’90sborethepopblemishof boybandsdefiningourcityforinternationalaudiences.In1995,BackstreetBoys debutedtheirfirstofficialvideo,which startsoutwithanOrlandoradioicon,XL 106.7’sHildiBrooks(mostrecentlywith WMMO),introducing“Orlando’sown BackstreetBoys”inamockon-airsegment thatprefacesthevideofor“We’veGotIt Goin’On.”Tooutsiders,thiswasOrlando, whereDisney’sTheAll-NewMickeyMouse

ClubmetreligiouslyonThursdaysandour highschoolspumpedoutpopiconsfaster thanZacEfroncouldbatalash.

“Ifyougrewuphereduringthattime, yeah,[boybands]wereverymuchapart ofhigh-schoolculture,”saysDavePlotkin, longtimeOrlandoWeeklycontributor, columnistandformerartdirectorwho’s spenthisentirelifehereexploring(and scrutinizing)ourcity.“Thesekidswentto highschoolhere.JoeyFatonewenttohigh schoolhere.Andyou’dseeBritneySpears appearingatamall,oryou’dseeposters forit.Thatkindofstuff.Thatwasreal.”

What’ssurrealiswhathappenedtothese youngstarswhofellintothegripofweasel impresarioLouPearlman,whosebulging pocketssanginthebackgroundofthe biggestboybands,startingwithNewKids ontheBlock.Plotkinbecameobsessed withPearlman,theastonishinglocal schemerwhonotoriouslytookadvantage ofyoungtalents(resultinginlawsuitafter lawsuitaftertheboy-bandbubbleburst).

Plotkinsaysatthetime,everybodyknew someonewhoworkedforPearlman.He begantakingnoteofthebizarrerumors he’dhearoncampusatUniversityof CentralFloridaorreadaboutinnationalpress,andthenonawhim,Plotkin announcedin2002inaninformalemail newsletter,“Cap’nDave’sWeaklyReader,” (whichhecompiledoutofsheerpersonal interestandgrewtohundredsofsubscribers)thathe’dbelookingintoPearlmanfor hisnextupdate.Thatturnedtheheadof then-OWeditorBobWhitby,whorespondedtorequestthatPlotkinreportofficially forOW,resultinginthecoverstory“Lou’s nextmove”(Oct.17,2002).

Pearlmaneventuallywasbroughtto justice,ofcourse,notforexposinghimselftoLanceBass(accusedofsuchin 2007),orsiphoninganinordinatepercentageofprofitsfromhisentertainers (everybandhe’severworkedwithhas suedhimforfraudormisrepresentation), butforexploitinggullibleaveragefolks whoboughtintohissimilarlynauseating talentagencyscheme,conductedatTrans ContinentalCompanies.Thislanded Pearlmanbehindbarsin2008(sentenced to25yearsinprison;hisexpectedrelease isMarch2029),withanestimated$300 millionowedtothoseherippedoff.

Inhispiece,PlotkinthoroughlyinvestigatedTCT(whobecamedefensiveabout his“negativequestioning”anddenied himaccesstocertainpartsoftheoffice ontheflimsyexcuseofretaining“trade secrets”).Forthestory,hespokedirectly toPearlman,whowasmind-bogglingly even-keeled,eventeasing.

Oneparticularquotefromtheexchange wasomittedfromtheoriginalstory butremainedetchedinPlotkin’shead andisstilltearin’uphisheartafterall theseyears.

“Theanswerthathegavethatkindof stuckwithmewasinresponsetomyquestion‘Howlongcanthislast?’”Plotkinsays. “Becauseeverypersonwho’syoungthinks thatpopisreallyrelevanttotheirtimeand it’sjustthesamefuckingtricks.…Butthe answerhegavewas,‘Thiswon’trunoutas longasGodkeepsmakinglittlegirls.’” abelanger@orlandoweekly.com

orlandoweekly.com

Personals problems

RememberingthetimetheMBIraidedOrlandoWeeklyand arrestedthreeofitsstaffers

BYBOBWHITBY

Asfatewouldhaveit,Iwasn’tin theofficeonFriday,Oct.19,2007, themostauspiciousdayofmy OrlandoWeeklytenure.Thatwastheday theMetropolitanBureauofInvestigation tooktheirbestshotatsilencingus,their mostvocalcritic,andfailed.TheMBI failedatmanythingsovertheyearsdue totheirincompetence,questionabletacticsandlackofoversight.Wecalledthem Orlando’sKeystoneKops,butthatdidn’t reallyreflecttheirmalevolenceandvindictiveness.Thesewerecopswhoenjoyed fondlingstrippersuntilthemomentthey bustedthem,convenientlymisplaced evidence,lookedtheotherwaywhen informantsbrokethelaw,arrestedold ladiesforsellingcommonlyavailable pornovidsandsentdickpicstogirlfriendsonagency-issuedphones.These guys–andtheywerealmostallguys –wereofftheleash.Lovable,bumbling copstheywerenot.

Iwasonmywayoutoftownforathreedayweekendofcampinganddrinking beerwhenIgotacallfromthepublisher,

whohadduckedbehindaDumpsterto avoidarrest.TheMBIraidedaWeeklyjob fairandarrestedthreeclassifiedadvertisingemployeesonchargesofsellingadsto prostitutes,somydayoffwascanceled.

NaturallytheMBImadeabigshowofit, tippingoffTVandradiostationsbeforehand.Oncue,pliantreportersshowedup andshoutedmorallyindignantquestions atouremployeesastheywereperpwalkedtowaitingvans.Showmanship counts.Igetthat.

Induetime,theMBI’scasefellapart andtheysettledoutofcourtforcosts.No needtorecountthetalehere.Thenutis thattheywantedtosilenceourdrumbeat ofcoverage,andtheadswereawayto doit.

Itallfeltbigandimportantatthetime, anditwas.Istillbelievethatjournalism hasnohigherdutythanholdingaccountablepeopleinpositionsofpublictrust.

TheMBIwasjustbeingtheMBI.Pick afightwithasnakeanditwilldoits besttobiteyou.Whatstilldisappointsis howlittleinterestotherjournalistshad

theWeekly’scontentioushistorywith theMBI,nosupportiveeditorialsabout thechillingrealityofpoliceusingpublic resourcestoshutteranewspaper.The Weeklysoldhookeradsandwrotesome stuff,sotheygotbusted.Whatmorecould therebetothatstory?

Mytakeawayfromeightyearsin Orlandoisthatwetriednottoswallow thebullshit.In2002,whenIarrived, Orlandowasamedium-sizedcityrunlike asmalltownbypeopleconfidentthey wouldn’tfacealotofquestionsfroma

thatmuch.Manyofthesamepeopleare stillincharge. Wefailed,ofcourse,sometimesspectacularly.ButIstillbaskinthewarmglow ofthatonetimewedidn’t,thattimewe pokedthesnakehardenough,injustthe rightplace,togetittobite.

feedback@orlandoweekly.com

BobWhitbywastheeditorofOrlandoWeekly from2002to2010.He’snowasciencewriter attheUniversityofArkansasinFayetteville. GoHogs!

Orlando,un-chained

AnOrlandonativereflectsonthecity’stransformation fromfooddeserttofoodiehub

BYHOLLYV.KAPHERR

Isayittoeveryonewhomarvelsat thefactthatI’maborn-and-bred Orlandoanwhoalsochoosestolive hereasanadult:Orlandoisnotthesame placeitwaswhenIwasgrowinguphere inthe1980sand’90s.Morespecifically, thefoodandrestaurantculturein2015is totallydifferent.Tobeevenmorespecific: Nowthereisone.

Whereitoncetook10yearstomake deliciousdreamslikeKoreantacosor gourmetburgers(whichbloomedinother partsofthecountry)arealityhere,now we’rethefirstonesinthecountrytosport majorfoodtrends.Somewherebetween thetimeIleftOrlandoforcollegein2002 andreturnedin2007tostartmyadult life,theidentityconstructknownasa “foodie”wasborn;everyonestartedtaking picturesoftheirlunches;andwordslike “sous-vide,”“charcuterie”and“locavore” becamepartofeverydayconversation.

It’shardtosaywhethertherewasone cataclysmicculinaryeventthatlifted Orlandofromitsstrip-malled,chain-restaurantdoldrumsandgaveitaplaceinthe nationalfoodfirmament,whereitsolidly (ifprecariously)sitsnow.Wasitin2007 whenJamesandJuliePetrakisopened Orlando’sfirstgastropub,theRavenous Pig,inWinterPark?WasitwhentheillustriousJamesBeardFoundationculinary awardscametotowntoannouncetheir 2014semifinalists(whichincludedthe Petrakisesaswellasseveralotherlocal

chefsfromDaytonatoLakeBuenaVista), theirfirst-everliveannouncement,atthe newlymintedEastEndMarket?Wasit theestablishmentofthemobilefoodtruck courts,hangoutsand“Bazaars”?Orthe openingoffoodhallslikeEastEndMarket, thenewMarketonSouthandthesoonto-be-realizedArtegonMarketplace?Or theflourishingofcottageindustrieslike Wondermademarshmallows,BlueBird BakeShopandSkyebird?

Inanycase,Orlando’srestaurantmarketisarguablyoneofthetoughestinthe country.Storefrontsandfoodtrucksalike seemtocomeandgoasquicklyasafternoonthunderstorms,especiallyinsome ofourmorefamous“cursed”locations (I’mlookingatyou,cornerofCanton andPark).Buttherearesometime-tested favoritesthatstillstandandstilleither requireareservation,havealineoutthe door,orsimplyjustdogoodbusinessby servingsolidfoodtoaloyalfollowing. Herearethreeofthem,alongwiththree belovedspotsthatjustdidn’tmakeit.

Linda’sLaCantina Steakhouse

Gatheraroundtheindoorfirepit,sipan extra-dirtymartinioracoupleofglasses ofsmokypinotnoir,andorderoneof thebeststeaksintownfromalegendary steakhouseopensince1947.Therestaurantdoesn’tjusttakecuesfromalacarte

carnivorecarnivals,itpracticallyinvented theideaoffamily-stylesidesandbrought NewYork’sMadMen-esquepowerlunchto CentralFlorida.

4721E.ColonialDrive, 407-894-4491,  lindaslacantina.com

Dexter’s

DexterRichardsonchangedoverhis FairbanksAvenueshop,Dexter’sWineand Cheese,toa50-seatrestaurantwithchef AdrianMannin1988,andbecameone ofOrlando’sunstoppablediningforces. Afteramoveortwo,Dexter’sWinterPark settledinHannibalSquarein1999;they’ve addedafewmorelocationsovertheyears, andnowyou’llbeluckytowedgeinpast thethrongs(especiallytheuber-popular ThorntonParkSundaybrunch).Thereare nowfourDexter’s,butthewineselection ateachoneisstillacesandthechicken tortillapieisstillmessyanddelicious. multiplelocations,dexwine.com

Bubbalou’sBodaciousBBQ

Beforethelong-A-Flinesoutthedoor of4Rivers’brisketempire,Bubbalou’swas slicingupsmokedmeatsandopeninglocationsfasterthanyoucouldsay“friedokra.” TheLeeRoadspotopenedin1986isthe original,andthoughit’sundergonealittle sprucinguphereandthere,theplacestill looksthesame,andthefoodisjustasgood asitwas30yearsago. 1471LeeRoad,WinterPark, 407-628-1212,  bubbalouscatering.com

INMEMORIAM: Lee’sLakeside

Anywomanwhogrewuphereand saysshedidn’twalkbyLakeside’sgiant windowlookingoutontoLakeEolaand dreamofhavingherweddingthereis lying.Aftertheowner,LeeRose,passed awayin2003,theplacejustcouldn’t holdittogether.Nowit’sWorldofBeer, andtheviewisjustaspicturesqueasit waswhenitwastheplacetocelebratea specialoccasion.

Patsio’s

Themuch-lovedGreekdineropened in1984andwasbothfamily-friendly andahangoverhaven(itwasopen24 hours).Itclosedtomuchdismayin 2014;theownercitedexorbitantrent ashisreasonforjumpingship.There’s aGoFundMeaccounttorelocatethe diner,butsofarit’sonlyraised$720.

TheBubbleRoom

Itwas“alwaysChristmas”atthe BubbleRoom,oneofOrlando’sweirdest(butmostwell-loved)restaurants. Theultra-eclecticdecor,bothinside andout,wastherealdraw.Therewere thousandsoftrinketsandtoysinthe 1940s-themerestaurant,allofwhich wereauctionedoffwhentherestaurant closedin1998.Thosewhostillpinefor theBubbleRoom’sOrangeCrunchCake canvisititssisterrestaurant,stillopen onCaptivaIsland.

feedback@orlandoweekly.com HollyV.Kapherrhaswrittenaboutfood, artsandculture,andrestaurantsforOrlando Weeklysince2007.

orlandoweekly.com●DEC.9-15,2015●ORLANDOWEEKLY2539

Firsttimefor everything

OrlandoWeekly:It’snotjustajob.It’sanadventure

BYJEFFREYBILLMAN

InabsolutelynowaydidIdeservemy firstjobinjournalism,orevenmyfirst (andonly)internship.Iwasstillin college–arisingjuniorattheUniversity ofCentralFlorida,thebeneficiaryofone, maybetwoJ-schoolclasses–whenI appliedforand,likelyowingtoalack ofcompetitionamongmymorecareermindedpeers–landedaninternshipat theWeeklyunderthetutelageofthennewseditorEdEricsonJr.This,despite thefactthatIknewshitaboutwriting, shitaboutreporting,shitaboutrecords searchesorinterviewingtechniques,shit abouttheshopwornalt-weeklyethos.I couldbarelyfuckingtype.

AndsoIshowedupondayone–ina tieandkhakis,analt-weeklysinforwhich Ed,whofavoredshortsandBermuda shirts,promptlyreprimandedme–and wasimmediatelythrownintothedeep end.

Edhadthisstorythathadbeensitting onhisdeskaboutabillionairetime-share mogulnamedDavidSiegel(thesame DavidSiegelofQueenofVersaillesfame) whohad(allegedly)gottenhisstartin thatclassicFloridaway,theswampland scam.Edknewitwasagoodstory,but itneededlegwork,andIwasthelegs.So forthenextthreemonths,Ifoundmyself poringthroughrecordsindustygovernmentofficesalloverCentralFlorida(this ispre-digitization,mind),drivingtoSouth FloridawithEdtoharangueaguywho wouldn’treturnourcalls(Iwasrewarded

LocalmusicianRalph AmeduriJr.isfatallyshot inWinterHaven

CaseyAnthony trialbegins

Tabunightclubcloses; theBeachamopensin itsplace

withabottleofrum),correspondingbysnailmail withsourcesinEurope, meetingforhourswith ourunexpectedlyeffusivesubject,and,several monthsaftermyinternshipended,havingEdbe graciousenoughtoslapmyco-bylineon hiswriting.(Thestory,bytheway,was called“OutrageousFortune.”Itwonsome awards.)

Aroundthen,Edannouncedthathe wasleaving–toHartford,Ithink,orsome othergodforsakensnowglobeofaplace. AndI,beingjustnaiveenoughtodothis, sentanemailtotheeditor,JeffTruesdell, askingifIcouldhaveEd’sjob.I’msurehe hadagoodchuckle.

Jeffdidhireme,though,acoupleof monthslater,asapart-timeeditorialassistant,$10anhour.Then,afterIgraduated, hehiredmeforarealjob,staffwriter–still only$10anhourorthereabouts,butfulltimenonetheless.Andforthenextseven years,that’swhatIdid:Iwroteabout Orlando,aboutGlendaHoodandBuddy DyerandRichCrottyandDaisyLynum andRicKeller,firstunderJeffandlater underBobWhitby,bothofwhom–likeEd –taughtmefarmoreaboutthisprofession thanIcouldeverlearninaclassroom. Ilearnedhowtodevelopsourcesand digthroughcourtrecords,howtothink criticallyandwritewithverve.Idiscoveredtheintrinsicpowerofa5,000-word

TheDailyCityholds itsfirstFoodTruck Bazaar

Afterthreeweeks, Anthonyisacquitted ofmurderingher 2-year-olddaughter

Orlando’sbanonfeeding thehomelessgoes tocourt

orcorporatemalfeasanceortransportationpolicyorimpermeablydensezoning issues.Iincurredthewrathofpoliticians andthoseratbastardsattheMBI.Iforged friendshipsthatIstillholdverydear,even yearsandathousandmilesapart.

Morethananything,duringmyyears attheWeeklyIcametounderstandhow essentialanalt-weeklyistoamaturing city,bothinitswatchdogroleatCityHall anditsculturalcoverage.Nomatterwhere I’vegoneinmycareer–OrlandotoPhilly toOrlandotoJacksonvilleandnowto Raleigh-Durham,whereIeditanotheraltweekly–I’vefoundthistobetrue:Great citiesneedgreatalt-weeklies.I’dliketo thinkthatthispublicationhadsomething todowithmakingOrlandoasgreatasit istoday.

feedback@orlandoweekly.com

JeffreyC.BillmaniseditoroftheIndependent Weekly.Hewaseditorialassistant,thenstaff writer,thenseniorstaffwriterforOrlando Weeklyfrom2000to2009.

MarenaGrantMorriseyretiresas directoroftheOrlandoMuseum ofArtafter42years

Gov.RickScott elected,promptly beginsruiningthings

UniversalOrlandocloses belovedJawsride forgood

TheDwightmare: DwightHowardleaves theOrlandoMagic

Freaksandgeeks

OrlandoWeeklyandtheOrlandoFringegrewuptogether

BYSETHKUBERSKY

OrlandoWeeklyisn’ttheonlyculturalinstitutioncelebratingitssilveranniversarythisyear.Ourreaders’repeatpickforBestArtsEventinourannualBest ofOrlandopoll,theOrlandoInternationalFringeTheatreFestival–recently rebrandedsimply“theOrlandoFringe”–isturning25nextyear.Tomarkthedual milestones,weaskedsomekeyfiguresfromtheOrlandoFringe’spastandpresentfor theirmemories(goodandbad,inreversechronologicalorder)ofhowthefestivaland theWeeklyhavematuredsidebyside.

GeorgeWallace

Currentexecutivedirector;Fringevolunteer since2003

I’vehadsomanyhighsandlowsthe pastdecade,butthereareafewthatstand out.MyfavoriteFringe/Weeklymemories alwayscenteraroundtheFringeissues. It’slikeChristmasmorningwhenthe Fringeeditioncomesout,fromthecover tothestories,becauseOrlandoWeekly alwayshasadifferenttakeonthings,and Iappreciatethat.

AcceptingtheOrlandoWeekly“BestOf” awardsarealsohighonmylist,because OrlandoWeeklyknowshowtoputona party–butIthinkFringethrowsapretty greatparty,too!Iamgladwehavegotten togrowuptogether.

MichaelMarinaccio

Currentfestivalproducer;Fringeartistsince 1997

In1999IwasinashowattheFringe titledElectraattheWienerStand.After ourfinalperformancewewenttothe beertent,wherewemetabespectacled manwhotoldusthathelovedtheshow. Wespokewithhimforawhile,withan opennessthatcomeswithdecompressing afterconcludingafinalperformanceand drinkinglotsofbeer.

Afewdayslater,IopenedOrlando Weeklyandreaddetailsofthatconversationwrittenbythemanwehadmet, SteveSchneider.Itwasalovenotetous thatconcludedwithaChristmaswish thatweallstayinOrlandowherewewere sorelyneeded.Itweighedonme,and eventhoughImovedawayforatime,it helpedmerealizethatmyplacewashere inOrlando,andattheFringe.

BethMarshall

Formerproducingartisticdirector(20042011);Fringevolunteerandartistsince1998 Inmyearlydaysasanartistwith

Fringe,IfondlyrememberthatOWsponsoredtheOrlandoFringeandservedas thefestival’sprintedprogram.Iwasso gratefulforthisbecauseatthetimethere wasnotenoughmoneyinthebudgetfor Fringetocreateitsownprogram.

AstheformerproducingartisticdirectorofOrlandoFringeandcurrentindie theaterproducer/artist,Iremaingratefulthatsomuchcoverageineditorial, previews,reviewsandadvertisingisout thereinOWforFringeandthearts groupswithin.

Idon’tknowifthisiscreditedasan OWthingexactly,butitdoesgiveSeth Kuberskythereviewclouttobeonthe Critic’sChoicepanelforOrlandoFringe’s awardceremony,andwhileIappreciate thefunspiritandpopularityvalueinthe BestofOrlandoReadersPollorAudience Choiceawardsofanysorts(thankyoufor Fringe’sannualBestofOrlandonotice aswellasmyownpersonalawards), Ilovethevalueandexpertiseoffered bySethandhisfellowcriticsElizabeth MaupinandMattPalminbothreviews andawards.

ChrisGibson

Formerassistantproducer(2001)and co-producer(2002-2004)

MyworstFringememorywasfinding outthatoneofthedowntownvenues wasfloodingandthatweneededtofinda spaceandbuildanewone.Wedidit,but theterrorofthatday,thefearthatour artistswereinharm’sway,stillhaunts me.

MybestFringememoryisinthebeer tent,naturally.Ibelieveitwasthe2002 festivalwhenFringecentralwasatthe HistoryCenter.WehadbroughttheinfamousOrlandocabaretduoMarkand Lornatoperformatthetent.Itwas quiteacelebration.Thatnightandthose people,myheartwillneverforget.

MymemoryofOrlandoWeeklyisthatit representedtheartcultureofthecityfor me.Theimmensesupportandrespectthat theWeeklygavethefestivalreallyvalidated usinthecommunity’seyesandhelpedus togrow.

TerryOlson

OrlandoInternationalFringeTheatreFestival founderandfirstproducer TheWeeklywasalwayssupportiveofthe

Fringe,butinthethirdyearoftheFringe, IthinkIhadheardthataconservative religiousradiostationhadbeenwarning itslistenersabouttheFringe,whilethe Weeklyranaheadline“Fringeaforumfor ReligiousRight”becauseofaproduction ofananti-abortion-leaningplay.Thatwas thebestandtheworst–tohaveALLsides ofourcommunityoffended,buttohaveall sidesofourcommunityOFFENDED. skubersky@orlandoweekly.com

Stardust memories

Inits16yearsStardustVideo &Coffeehasbecomeavital culturalcrossroadsforOrlando

BYJESSICABRYCEYOUNG

CustomersofStardustVideo& Coffeewhowalkinforthefirst timethesedaysprobablywonder atthename–evenmoresoifthey’recominginforacocktail,anartshowopening ortoseeaband.“Video”?Huh?Butthose who’velovedtheplaceformorethan adecadeofits16yearsonEastWinter ParkRoadknowthat,despiteitsmany funfunctions,itbeganlifeas,yes,avideo store,withshelvesfullofbulkyVHStapes.

OwnersBrettandKatherineBennett (thenKatherineHowe;theymarrieda yearafteropeningthestore)movedfrom Atlantatoopenthestorein1999,and it’snotsurprisingthatitbecamesucha matryoshkaofmultipleuses,becauseas OrlandoWeekly’sTheresaEverlinenoted inherAug.18,1999,storyonStardust’s opening,thoughtheylovedfilm,neither hadeverworkedatavideostorebefore.

(“Thatdidn’tseemodd,”note[d]Howe wryly,“untilafterthefact.”)

“WeopenedthestoreinMarchof 1999,andstartedoutservingcoffee, bakedgoods,andrentingmovies,which werecategorizedbycountryanddirector,”KatherineBennettremembers.“We openedthekitchenin2001,andalsostartedservingbeerandwineatthattime too.Andwestartedwithliquorin2010.” LongtimeemployeeandlocalartistDoug Rhodehamelnotesthat,asNetflixbecame dominant,“addingthebarkindofchanged everything.”

“Weweren’trentinganything.Wehad food,butweneededaninfluxofmoney,” hesays.StardustdoesstillrentDVDs, though,notesBennett.“Thereareso manymoviesonNetflix,butthereareso manymissedouton.Peoplethink,because there’ssomuchonthere,howcouldthere beanythingelse?”

Sowhy,inthis25thanniversaryissue, singleoutStardust?Partlybecausethere isn’troomtolisteverybusinessthat movedOrlando’sculturalgoalpostsforward(Iseeyou,ParkAveCDs,andyou too,EnzianTheater…andandand).But mostlybecauseStardustwas/issomany thingstosomanypeople.Itmayhave

startedoutasaplacetopickupaflickand getacaffeinejolt,butinthe16yearsit’s beenaround,it’sbecomesomuchmore.

Bennettsays,“Mytheoryisthatpretty earlyonitbecamewhatwhoeverwas cominginneededittobe.”Thenameof thestore,areferencetoWoodyAllen’s StardustMemories,isappropriate,because foralotofus,it’swhereweformedour bestOrlandomemories.

It’swhereyourentedyourfirst Jarmuschfilm.It’swhereyougotendlesslycheckmatedatChessClub.It’swhere youateaRhodehamel“conceptwaffle” anddrankaStoner(nottelling;orderitfor yourself).It’swhereyousawnoisybands likeSSLOTSorperformanceartlikeLe Busboy.It’swhereyousawRhodehamel’s firstOrlandoartshow,“Coathanger Stories.”It’swhereyoudressedupas MargotTenenbaumanddancedunder agiantcardboardjaguarsharkhanging fromtheceiling.

Andnowit’swhereyoupurchaseyour locallygrownorganickaleonMonday nights.It’swhereyoudoyourholiday shoppingeveryyear,attheGrandmaParty Bazaar.It’swhereyoushopforusedbooks. It’swhereyoutasteyourwaythroughtoo manykindsofScotchintheScotchBar, anddecidetosticktothecraftcocktails servedintheSlanted&EnchantedBar fromnowon.It’swhereyoustudy,where youfirst-date,whereyoupre-game,where youfeedyourhangoverthenextday.

Withcharacteristicunderstatement, Bennettsays,“Itchangesbasedonwho’s comingin.”

“Peoplestoppedrentingmovies.Sowe adapted.” jyoung@orlandoweekly.com

Allyouneedisnow

WehadagoodrununderTimes Shamrock.For15yearsthe Scranton-basedcompanykept ushummingalong,evenduringthemost severerecessioninmoderntimes.In2013, though,thefamilythatownedTimes Shamrockdecidedtotightenuptheir operation.Theyannouncedthatthey’dput allofthealternativenewsweekliesthey owned–BaltimoreCityPaper,Cleveland Scene,DetroitMetroTimes,OrlandoWeekly andSanAntonioCurrent–upforsale.

“Allofthesepapershavebeenstrong, profitableinvestmentsforusformany years,”GeorgeV.LynettJr.,CEOofTimesShamrock,toldemployees,accordingtoa storypublishedintheScrantonTimesTribune.“Wehaveenjoyedoperatingin thesediversemarketsandthedecisionto sellwasdifficult.However,aswelookto refocusanddoubledownonoureffortsat homeinNortheastPennsylvania,itmade senseforustoofferthesemoredistant papersforsaletosomeonewhocouldtake themtothenextlevelofgrowth.”

ThepublishersoftheSanAntonio CurrentandClevelandScene,Michael WagnerandChrisKeating,pouncedon theopportunity.Theypartneredwith AndrewZelman,whohadbeenconsideringpurchasingtheClevelandScenewhen TimesShamrockfirstannounceditwas upforsale,andin2014,theyformed acompanycalledEuclidMediaGroup. TodaythatcompanyownstheCurrent,the Scene,MetroTimes,theRiverfrontTimesof St.Louis,andOrlandoWeekly

UnderEuclid,thecompanyhas experiencedastronomicalgrowthonthe web,aswellasinanareathatmanyofthe

TrayvonMartin shotbyvigilantein Sanford

weeklieshadyettofullyrealize:events.

Overthepastthreeyears,Orlando WeeklyhaslaunchedtheOrlandoBeer Festival,theannualHalloween-themed OrlandoZombieBall,amonthlypubcrawl calledDrinkAroundtheHood,acraftcocktailcompetitioncalledMixeranda fine-diningrestaurantshowcasecalled BiteNight.

Andthat’sjustthebeginning.We’ve servedyoufor25greatyearssofar, Orlando.Here’sto25more.

Feb.13-19,2013

Thestreetlightsserveasthespotlights,andarowofclassiccarsactsas thebackdropas72-year-oldJackLewis sitsperchedonthetailgateofhispickup truck,pluckingabanjo.

EveryFridaynightforthepast22years, Lewishassatinthesamespotinthis Ocoeeparkinglot,neartheintersectionof Route50andMaguireRoad.And,justas ithasforallofthoseyears,acrowdbuilds aroundhimasheplays–musicianswith banjosandfiddlesandguitarsandmandolinsanduprightbassesjoinhim,spectators infoldingchairssettleinforashow,curiouspassers-bystoptowatchtheunusual scene.–AshleyBelanger,“Roadsideattraction: TheOcoeeparkinglotbluegrassjam”

April9-15,2014

[Charlene]Dill’sdeathwasnotunpredictable,norwasitunpreventable.She

hadadocumentedheartconditionfor whichshetookmedication.Butshealso happenedtobeoneofthepeoplewhofall withinthegapcreatedbythe2012U.S. SupremeCourtrulingthatallowedstates tooptoutofMedicaidexpansion,which wasakeypartoftheAffordableCareAct’s intentiontomakehealthcareavailableto everyone.

Intheensuingtwoyears,23stateshave refusedtoexpandMedicaid,including Florida,whichrejected$51billionfrom thefederalgovernmentovertheperiod ofadecadetooverhaulitsMedicaidprogramtoincludepeoplewhowork,butdo notmakeenoughmoneytoqualifyforthe AffordableCareAct’ssubsidies.They,like many,arevictimsofapoliticalwar–one thatputsthelivesandhealthofupto 17,000U.S.residentsand2,000Floridians annuallyinjeopardy,inthenameofrebellingagainstPresidentBarackObama’s healthcareplan.–BillyManes,“Theperils ofFlorida’srefusaltoexpandMedicaid”

Aug.6-12,2014

Aboutayearago,prospectsseemed bleakfortouringshowsofcontemporary artinOrlando.Wefearedthattherewould benomorenewworkshowninourmuse-

PaulMcCartneysurprises Orlandowithaconcertat AmwayCenter NBAAll-StarGame takesplacein Orlando Dr.EnaHellertakesover asdirectorofCornell FineArtsMuseum GlenGenteleis appointeddirectorofthe OrlandoMuseumofArt TimesShamrock putsOrlandoWeekly upforsale

umsbythelikesofHasanElahi orJudyRushin,nomoreretrospectivesonthelevelofJess:To andFromthePrintedPage,no moredelightfulgroupexhibits likeTheMysteriousContentof Softness

Pleaseforgiveourmomentarycrisisoffaith.Withthe recentgifttoRollinsofthe AlfondCollectionandCFAM’s impendingFracturedNarratives show,thesunpeekedoverthe horizon–now,withtheinauguralOrlandoMuseumofArt FloridaPrizeinContemporary Art,we’veseenthelight.–JessicaBryce Young,“ArtistscompetefortheFloridaPrize attheOrlandoMuseumofArt”

March18-24,2015

Lastweek,Floridaonceagaincaused thenation’seyestocollectivelyrollwhen itcametolightinareportbytheFlorida CenterforInvestigativeReporting,publishedbytheMiamiHerald,thatGov.Rick Scotthadallegedlyforbiddenstatestaffersfrominvokingtermsthathintatthe scientificrealityofclimatechange.–Billy Manes,“Gov.Scottseemstothinkthatthe bestwaytodealwithclimatechangeistojust nottalkaboutit”

June10-16,2015

InOctober,accordingtotheNewYork Times,Disneysummoned250ofitstech workersandtoldthemthattheywere beinglaidoff.Theirjobsweren’tbeing eliminated–theywerebeingreplaced byworkersemployedbyHCLAmerica,a branchofacompanybasedinIndiathat contractswithAmericancompaniestohire cheaplaborfromoverseas.HCLimports contractworkerstotakeovertechjobsata portionofthecostofwhatcompaniespay tohiretheirownemployeestodothesame work.HCLAmericahasbeencontractingwithDisneysince2012,andDisney saysthismostrecentroundoflayoffsis partofa“restructuring”ofitstechnology group.NotonlyweretheDisneyworkers restructuredoutofjobs–thestorysays thattheywerealsoinstructedtotraintheir replacements,attheriskoflosingseverancepayandbenefitsifthenewworkers couldn’tperformtheirnewdutiesadequately.Right-to-workstate,indeed.–Erin Sullivan,“Disneyimportscheapoverseashelp toreplacelocalworkersbecauseitcan” esullivan@orlandoweekly.com

“BaoFerguson”

ThisLittleUndergroundcolumnistBaoLe-Huureflectsonhis trajectoryfromOWreadertolivemusiccritic

BYBAOLE-HUU

Asacriticalreaderandserious musicfan,OrlandoWeeklywas alwaysthecity’sgoldstandard inmusicjournalismtome,anditwas almostsinglehandedlybecauseofJason Ferguson(OWmusiceditorandcolumnist 2002-2008,ongoingcontributor).Long beforeIgottoknowhimasacolleague, yearsbeforeIevencontemplateddoing thismyself,hewasthefirstlocalcritic thatstruckmewithundilutedhonesty andtruth.

Oneoftheearliest,mostcrystal momentsIcanrememberasareader wassomecommenthewroteaboutJason Mraz.Now,beatinguponMrazisn’t difficult,butthatguywas omnipresentatthetime, anditwasallfucking wrong.Ferguson’sjab wasbriefandpassing–hedidn’texpendmany wordsjusttoundress asacklikethat–but itwassoincisiveasto bejarringinthegenerallybeigehazeofmusic journalismthen.Iactuallyrereadthat shitaloudtomyfriendsrightthereonthe spot.Fromthenon,Itunedineverytime.

ThoughtheSword,Vietnamand Aterciopeladospopout,it’salittlehard torecallallthebandshefirstcluedme inon,nodoubtasymptomofcovering thousandsofbandsmyselfovertheyears. Butaboveallthegreatrecommendations hemade,themostvitalthingFergusondid wasactasabastionanddefenderofthe criticalvoiceinart(somethinghisNotable NoisecolumnofSept.15,2005,reasoned withbeautifulandhumorousflair).Be itinmusic,film,restaurants,anything, everything–I’vealwayslookedtoopinion asthespringboardtorealdiscourse.

Althoughalongtimefan,itwasn’tuntilI wasafellowmusiccolumnist(forOrlando CityBeat,theSentinel’searnestbutshortlivedattemptatyouthrelevance)thatI finallymadeFerguson’sacquaintance.We frequentlyendedupatthesameconcerts andsohadcountlesshoursofcriticalconversationsaboutwhatwesawandheard. Weneveractivelycolluded,butweoften

foundourselvesonthesamesideofmusic sceneissues.Hecalleditfromhiscorner andIfrommineatthesametime,and therewasenoughgeneralalignmentthat aXisMagazinesnidelylumpedustogether as“BaoFerguson”forawhilethere.It waslikesometwo-headedhawkfightingonthesamefront,anditwasquitea time.

Ibelieveeditorialsarethebest, mostvaluablethingthatOWdoes.And Ferguson’sworkismusiccommentarypar excellence.Insteadofrotemonkeyreporting,hiswritinghasalwaysbeenrichin perspective,somethingwithbotheloquenceandteeth.Toscenestersclouded byhubrisorpartisanship, thewordsinhiscolumnwerecaustic.To clear-eyedthinkerreaders,however,they werethunderboltsof straightdope.Many oftheformerperceivedhimtobehostile tothelocalscene,but theywerebentbyselfinterestandfragility. Thosewiththecapacityforhonesty,however,couldseehis advocacyforthiscityplainly.Itwas somethingheexpressedwithatleastas muchgusto,clarityandfrequencyasany ofhiscensure.Mostimportantly,itwas thekindoftough,activatinglovethat rightfullybelievesthatholdingourscene uptothoughtful,honestcritiquewasthe healthiest,mostprogressivethingtodoto advanceit.

Ifthatsoundsalittlelikesomeoneyou shouldknowprettywellbynow,well, Ihopeso.I’vebeenyellinginyourface almosteveryweekfornearlyadecade nowandthat’spreciselythekindofethos ItrytocontinueherewithThisLittle Undergroundinthissamespace,theone withwhichIwaspersonallyentrustedby Fergusonhimself,whereitallstartedfor measalocalreader,atOrlandoWeekly. feedback@orlandoweekly.com BaoLe-HuubegancontributingtoOrlando Weeklyin2006,andisnowalivemusic columnistexploringthelocalscenethrough ThisLittleUnderground.

Hattricks

Learningtobeawriterand designeronthefly

BYDAVEPLOTKIN

OrlandoWeeklyisinmyveins.It’sin myDNA.

Sincethebeginning,OWhas upheldthetraditionofOrlando’sfamously lowbarriertoentry,accessibletoyoung journalistsandartistswhowantedto auditiontheirskillsinfrontofacritical audience.

Iwasapartofthataudienceinmiddle school,justafewyearsafterTheWeekly firststartedprinting.Forashortwhile, issuesweredeliveredtoourdriveway inalittleplasticbag.That’showIcame todiscoverwriterslikeBillyManesand LizLangley,whoseboozyadventuresfirst temptedmetogodowntownatage15.

In2002,backhomefromamedia internshipinNewYork,Iwasrestless andself-publishinganemailblastcalled “Cap’n.Dave’sWeaklyReader”about thingsinOrlandothatmademecrazy.Bob WhitbywasOW’seditorandanemailsubscriber.WhenIwrotethatthenextissue wouldfeatureastoryaboutboy-bandcon artistLouPearlman,WhitbyaskedifI couldwriteitforOrlandoWeeklyinstead.

That600-wordassignmentended upbecominga2,900-wordcoverstory. Whitbyfilledmyfirstdraftwithred-inked edits,andIeventuallygotPearlmanhimselfonthephoneforaninterview(he’sa loud-breather).Thewritingwasn’tamazing,butitwasoneofthefirstarticlesto shinealightonPearlman’sschemes.

Thenextmonth,inNovember2002, Whitbyaskedmetostartaweeklycolumn aboutthelocalmedia.Hetitledit“Slug,”a namethatIstillhate.

Iwasinwayovermyhead.Forthenext year,IgottotourlocalTVnewsstations andtheSentinel,writingsnarkypieces aboutwhatI’dseen,pissingoffmyhosts.

AfteravisittotheSentinelin2002, Icalledtheireditorialoffices“adismal realmofslapbraceletsandHammer pants.”InJanuary2003,IgiddilypublishedaninternalemailsentbyeditorTim Franklintohisstaff,callingfora“Young ReadersTaskForce”tothinkupwaysto getyoungpeopleinterestedinthesagging paper.

Ihadabsolutelynobusinesswritinga mediacolumn,andmostofmysubjects hatedme.Atage23,thiswasexhilarating.

WritingforOWwaslikeearningamaster’sdegreeinhowtoconductinterviews andfact-checkstories,andhowtowork withaneditorialteam.Iwaslateonevery singledeadline,andWhitbyeventually firedmeafterayear.Thiswouldnotbe mylasttimegettingfiredbyOW

Forthenextfewyears,Ieditedanother localpaperoutofUCF,TheIndependent, andfocusedonthingsthatcouldactually earnmealiving.ButIoccasionallywrote criticalemailstoWhitby,whichresultedina2005BestofOrlandoawardfor “BestCandidateforOrlandoWeeklyPublic Editor.”

“HappyTown™issotantalizinglyclose tobeingafeaturethatworks,”Iwrote inonemessage.“WhynotablankPaint YourOwnCoverissue?”Iproposedin another.“Thatway,you’dproduce60,000 examplesofbettercoverdesign.”

Butyoualwayshurttheonesyoulove, andIdidloveOrlandoWeekly.Ialsowantedtoredesignitsobadly.Mychancecame in2011,whenOWwassearchingforanew artdirector.

IwrotemyrésuméonaStardustVideo &Coffeereceipt(yes,rollyoureyes),and askednewOWeditorErinSullivantogive meashot.Ihadtolayoutmyfirstissue intwodays,andmycomputerdiedon theseconddayatwork.Theshoestring editorialbudgetmeantthatIhadtomake dowitharetiredMacdesktopandalongoutdatedversionoftheAdobeCreative Suite.IexperiencedthePinwheelof Deatheverysingleday.

Ireallydidn’tknowwhatIwasdoing,but IknewwhatIliked.Theredesignbrought thepaperoutoftheblack-and-whitedays, andIgottowriteandexperimentinthe role.InMarch2012,IwroteanApril Fool’scoverstorydescribinghowthecapitalofFloridawasmovingtoOrlando, completewithsemi-obscenevisualsofthe newbuilding.

Afteryetanotherall-nighter,andwith thepaperrunninglateagain,Sullivan mercifullyletmego.Wecriedandhugged, andIgottopassthepaperofftolocal designfirmLaughingSamurai,whichfelt prettydamngood.

Ayearlater,Sullivaninvitedmeback towriteapoliticalcolumn,whichItitled “GiveMeYourMoney.”

Itworked,andtothisday,peopleare stillgivingmetheirmoney. feedback@orlandoweekly.com

DavePlotkinwasacolumnistforOrlando Weeklyfrom2002to2003,artdirectorin2011 andbecameacolumnistagainin2014.

Webuiltthiscity

Overtheyears,OrlandoWeeklyhelpedthecity– andthis writer–getpastawkwardstagesandgrowingpains BYBILLYMANES

“Faggot!”

Itwasn’tmyfirstmemory oftheetchedandsketched green-hairedforestofdowntownOrlando in1997,butforsomereason,it’soneofthe moreresonantechoesofaWallStreetof longago.There’sacontexttoverbaldefiance,acertainhuetohurleddirectives intendedtodissipatemorethantomaim, andonthisparticularoccasion,itsuited themoodofOrangeAvenue.Itdidn’teven hurt.Wewerealloutsiders,Ponyboy,but someofusweren’tsofaroutsidethat ourseatingarrangementsweresidewalk skateboardsandourpalefacespierced andbleatingepithetsthatweresoweakly piercing.YabYum,theGoLounge,KitKat Club–allofitwasvirtuallyanomalous towhatweseeatdowntown’scoreinthe thicketsofpinstripesandthecigar-clouds ofambitionnow.Thelawyersareinlove. Thelawyerswon.

Butitwasfarfromadisappointmentto arriveonthelandlockedislandofdowntownOrlandointhelate’90s.Wewerethe pigs,weweretheswine,atleasttosome degree,butthatdidn’tmeanthatwedidn’t matter.Someofthegreatestfriendships everforgedinOrlando–friendshipsthat

existtodayaroundtheworldforthose luckyenoughtostillbebreathing–grew defiantlyfromthetriumphsandtragedies ofourlittletownintransition.Sure,you couldbuytheRollingStonesuperlative codificationsofaraveculturerunamok andthenitrousoxideafter-partiesand thestupidjeansandstupid’zinesthat madeitallblendintothatcolorwheel of4a.m.splendor.Mostly,though,itwas aboutbeingpoorandbeingout,sowhen wescrapedourquartersfromthecouch cushions(rightnexttothepoppers!),we madecertainthatwewerefittobeseen (ortied).

The“faggot”thingwasactuallyaprefacetomysemi-permanentarrivalhere. IwastouringwithabandfromCanada calledTrebleCharger(alongwiththe DandyWarhols,because,JesusChrist, wheredidmylifego?)thesummerbefore ImadethebigOrlandoanleap.Theywere sound-checking,Iwasstall-snorting, everythingwasabrilliantblur;atsome pointtherewasskinny-dipping.

Whatstruckmeaboutdowntown Orlando,havingjustsurvivedthetoweringheightsofdowntownTallahassee, wasitshumblevitality.Iknew,justasI

knewwhenIspentchildhoodsummers herewithmyfatherpost-divorce,thatthis waswhereIbelonged.WhereVisagehappened.WherepeopleknewofAdamAnt andStrawberrySwitchblade.Youcould gotoBarbarella’s(nowtheIndependent Bar)andslapthefloorwithpost-teenage angstandleathertasselsaffray.Orlando was,andis,wheresuburbanmeturbanat themall.

ButI’mnotheretospinayarnabout thewayitusedtobe;Ifranklycanbarely rememberanythingbeyondmylastpublishedadjective.WhatIwillsayisthat Orlandobecamemyhomebythevirtue ofsomewonderfulpeopleandanatmosphereofluck.Yes,Irodetheboy-band horserightintothepoolofNSyncmanager JohnnyWrightatapartyathishouse;yes, IdidseeLouPearlmanwithoutashirt;yes, IknowthingsIshouldn’tknowaboutalot ofpeople.Yes,thistownandthispaper havebeenkindtome.

WhenIgrewoutofplasticpants, Orlandodid,too.WhenIneededtomature abitinordertofunctionasanadult, Orlandokindoffollowed.Iwrotemyfirst musicfeatureforOrlandoWeeklyinlate 1997.IwrotemylastfeatureforOrlando Weekly,arm-wrestlingthemayor(whom Irantoreplacein1995!),inJuneofthis year.

Ijustwanttosayaquickfewwords aboutthespacebetween.Thistown–and especiallyOrlandoWeekly–definedmein morewaysthananyonewilleverknow. Fromtheupsofdiggingforgingerpubic hairsinpublicrestroomsonSt.Patrick’s Day(ithappened)tothedownsofletting awholetowncarrymygriefwhenmy then-husbandAlanJordankilledhimself onApril8,2012.Frommyfightswith politicians,mybizarrepoliticalcareer,the awardsandbonhomiethathavefollowed andthepromiseofwhat’stocome–there isn’tamoredecoratedversionofgrateful Icanthinktoissue,soI’lljustsaythatI’m superfuckinggrateful.

I’moveratthegaypaperWatermark now,sometimesevensportingmyown greenhair.Butifyoueverwanttotapme ontheshoulderandhearastoryortwo abouteveryoneyouthoughtyouknew, pleasedo.OrlandoWeeklybuiltthiscity anditbuiltme.Iwillneverforget.This “faggot”willnever,everforget. feedback@orlandoweekly.com BillyManeswasacolumnist,classifiedssales representative,staffwriterandseniorstaff writerforOrlandoWeeklyfrom 1997through2015.

BY

Life,theuniverse andeverything

In1993,asabrightandambitiousDan Winklerwasknockingonthedoorsof TheWeeklyforanadvertisingjob,this writerstillhadapacifierinhermouth somewhereinLosAngeles.Twenty-two yearslaterandonediaperless,we’ve metatthepapercurrentlyknownasthe OrlandoWeekly:Dannowhastheglitzy titleofseniormultimediaaccountexecutive,andIstartedasastaffwriterinJune. InhonorofOW’s25thanniversaryand becauseDanhassomecoolthingstosay, Italkedtohimaboutlivingandworking inO-town.

MonivetteCordeiro:Howdidyouget here?WhydidyoucometoFlorida?

DanWinkler:I’mfromthesuburbsof Philadelphia,andIjustrememberitwas veryovercastforalongperiodoftime. Isaid,‘Iwanttogosomeplacewhere

thesunisat.’SoIwenttoKeyWest becauseIthoughtitwouldbesomething likeJamaica.It’snothinglikeJamaica. KeyWestisadirtylittlerock.Andit wasn’tmylifestyle.Ihaveabrotherthat livesinOrlando,soIcametovisithimand decidedtostay.

Whenyoustarted,thiswasn’tcalledthe OrlandoWeekly,correct?

No,itwascalledTheWeekly.Istarted in1993.

Thecolumn“NewsoftheWeird”inThe Weeklymademelaugh,soIthought‘Why notworkforthem?’Iknockedontheir doorandsaid,‘I’dliketoworkforyou.’ Theytoldmetheyweren’thiring.After thethirdtime,Itoldthemtheydidn’thave topaymebecauseI’dworkoncommission only.Amonthlater,theygavemeasalary andtherestishistory.

Seemslikeyou’retheonlyconstantatOW throughtheyears. I’veoutlivedthemall.That’sascary thought.

WhatwasOrlando likeinthosedays? ChurchStreet wasreallyhappening,before DowntownDisney andUniversal CityWalkcameout. Theparkswould businadultsto downtownOrlando, andtheywouldwalk toCheyenneSaloon, Firestone,Wall StreetCantina.It wasprettyneat,but whentheystopped busingadultsin, downtownbecame aghosttown.There wasalsoareally strongartcommunitygoingonbefore OrlandoMayor GlendaHoodalmost destroyeditsinglehandedly.There wasatimewhen Orlandofeltvery magical;people werelaughing,therewerealotofparties.Itwasafunplacetobe.Sometimesit seemslikeawholeotherlife.

aproblem,andendedupinjailbecause hewasscammingpeople.Thentherewas theOrlandoMusicAwards,whichweput together.Thatwasreallysomething.

Whataboutthemusicscene?

Orlandomadenationalandglobalnews forthemusichere.AlotofthebestDJs intheworldarefromhere,andtheyhad acertainOrlandosound,likeacidjazz andtechnomixedtogether.LouPearlman builthisempireofboybandshere,like BackstreetBoysandNSync.ButLouhad

Wereyouhere whentheOrlando MetropolitanBureau ofInvestigation beganarrestingOW staffinthe“Weekly ShameOperation?” Thatdaywas weird.Therewasa jobfairgoingonat ahotel,andIwas there,butIwasleavingastheMBIand thecameraswere comingupthestairs. ThenIjustheard everyonewasgettingarrested.They wereaccusingusof racketeering,and thatultimatelyhurt theOrlandoWeekly Whenthecase againstusgotkicked outofcourt,you didn’thearanything. Ithinkthatnews wasburiedinthe backintheSentinel Somepeoplestill don’tknowtheoutcomeofthatcase.

HowdoyouseeOWdifferentiateitself fromothermedia?

Themantraofalternativepapersislove us,hateus,atleastyouknowyou’regetting thetruth.Thereasonwehavethereadershipwedoandagreataudienceisbecause theyknowthey’regettingthestraight information.Peoplewho’veworkedhere areverydedicatedtotheproduct,and ourreadershavethisfeelingofownership aboutthepublicationbecauseitspeaksto themmoresothanothermedia.

Whatadvicewouldyougivethisvery curiousstafferandotherfuturestaffers? Youneedtohaveapassionforit. Embraceit.TheOWhasitsownculture. Thesamepeoplearestillreadingthepaper 20yearslater,andthatspeaksvolumesto thequalityofthepublication.Iwould lovetothinkI’dbearoundattheOWfora while,butifthetimecomeswhenIhaveto leave,itwillbeaverysadtimeforme,but I’llthankthemforawonderfulride.

mcordeiro@orlandoweekly.com

Wednesday,9 Life’saGift

COMEDYLocalcomediansAlexLuchunandLarryFulfordhavebeenworkingontheir Life’saGiftshowformostoftheyear,eventakingtheshowoutontheroadafew timestoworkoutthekinks.What’semergedisoneofthehighestregardedcomedy showsinCentralFloridarightnow.Relyingasmuchonaudienceparticipationasthe witofhostsLuchunandFulford,notwoLife’saGiftshowsarethesame,buttheyall featureanicelywrappedpresentthatmayormaynotholdyourheart’sdesire.The commercialityoftheholidayseasonmayaddalittlepoignancytothisparticularouting,buttherealgiftthatFulfordandLuchungiveusistheabilitytolaughatboth themandourselves.Butmostlythem.–ThaddeusMcCollum

9p.m.|Will’sPub,1042N.MillsAve.|willspub.org|$5-$7

Friday,11

OrlandoWeekly’s25th AnniversaryParty EVENTS

Asyou’veprobably pickeduponfromtherestof thisissue’sblowoutanniversary coverage,OrlandoWeeklyturns 25thisyear.We’refinallygettingthatbreakoncarinsurance premiumsandrentalfeesthat we’vebeendreamingabout, andtocelebrate,we’retaking itbacktotheoldschoolwitha ’90s-themedspectacleallover CheyenneSaloonandChurch Street.Putonyourbest’90s costumeforachancetowin prizes.We’llhavelivebands andDJsplayinghitsfromthat decadetogetyougrinding harderthanatyourfirstmiddle schooldance,plusanopenbar andsurpriseappearancesfrom peoplewe’renotsupposed totellyouabout.Thanksfor stickingwithus,Orlando;let’s getyouadrink.–Thaddeus McCollum

7-11p.m.|CheyenneSaloon,120W. ChurchSt.|orlandoweekly.com| $25-$45

Saturday-Sunday,12-13 AmericanKennelClubEukanuba NationalChampionship EVENTSIftheNationalDogShowdidn’t slakeyourthirstforcaperingcaninesthis Thanksgiving,swingonbytheOrange CountyConventionCentertofeastyour eyesonsomeofthefinestpurebred specimensofman’smostfaithfulfriend. Nearly5,000dogswillcompeteforthe championship,arrangedineightcategoriesbasedonbreed:sporting,hound,toy, non-sporting,working,terrier,herdingand miscellaneous. Ifyoufindyourattention flagging,dropbyoneofthe86vendors withboothsattheevent,orstopbythe AgilityInvitational,theObedienceClassic ortheJuniorsClassicRallyeventstaking placeconcurrentlywiththemainshow.An officialMeettheBreedssessionwillallow youtogetupcloseandpersonalwithsome ofthe181goldenretrievers,103dachshunds, 88Frenchbulldogsand77poodles(justto nameafew)thatwillbecompetinginthe championship–withfigureslikethat,you runtheveryrealriskofdrowningin puppylove.Don’tsaywedidn’twarn you.–BernardWilchusky

8a.m.and5p.m.,SaturdayandSunday|Orange CountyConventionCenter,9899International Drive|407-685-9800|akc.org|$10-$25

Saturday,12

HolidayLightsRide

EVENTSWhiletheholidaysarepacked withpurenostalgiainmanyways,many ofushavefondmemoriesofdriving aroundinthebackseatofGrandma’s cartocruisethrough“thegoodneighborhoods”tolookatextravagantlight displays.Ormaybeyouweretooshortto seeoutthewindowandjusthadtolisten toyourgrandmaandaunt“oooh!”and “aaah!”whileyouwerestucklookingat thebackoftheirseats.Eitherway,Bikes Beans&Bordeauxre-createsthatfeeling withacommunitybikeridethatreplicates thevaguelyvoyeuristicthrillofcreeping throughaneighborhoodthat’snotyours tocheckoutstrangers’lightdisplays. Luckilyforyou,shorty,yourbikewon’t blockyourviewthistime.Justmakesure toaddsomelightdisplaysofyourownto yourbikeforsafety.–ThaddeusMcCollum 6p.m.|BikesBeans&Bordeaux, 3022CorrineDrive|407-427-1440| bikesbeansandbordeaux.com|free

Sunday,13

GrandmaPartyBazaar

EVENTS“Isthisapartyforgrandmas?”asks myowngrandmotheratdinnertheother night.ShewasbrowsingFacebook,likeall 76-year-oldsdo,andstumbleduponthe GrandmaPartyBazaar.Takingplaceat StardustVideo&CoffeeinAudubonPark, theGrandmaPartybringstogethersome ofOrlando’smosteclecticartistsandmusiciansforatill-the-keg-runs-drygoodtime. Don’twastehundredsofdollarsonthat iPadMiniformom.Buylocal!It’llpullatthe heartstringsharderthanmass-produced techgear.Ifyoucan’tmakeit,butare stillfeelingthegrandmavibe,tuneinto WPRK91.5FMastheybroadcastlivefrom Stardust.DJNigelJohnkicksthepartyoff whilelocalfavoritesWetNurse,Timothy Eerieandmanymoretaketothestage throughouttheday.Butdon’tworryabout these“grandmas”judgingyourbadbehavior–there’splentyofroomonthenaughty list.–MarissaMahoney

10a.m.-6:30p.m.|StardustVideo&Coffee,1842 E.WinterParkRoad|407-623-3393| grandmapartybazaar.tumblr.com|free

Saturday,12

1995–AOne-NightEventCelebratingthe MusicandCultureFromThatYear MUSICRemember1995,agangsta’sparadise,thefirst timewedeemedBradPittthesexiestmanalive,andthat awfulcatalystwhenwhitepeoplehadonlyjustbegun stifflywrigglingtotheMacarena?Well,that’snotexactly thekindofnostalgicvibeyoucanexpecttofindrevived atWill’sPubthisweek,whenthePausesandTeenAgers presentawonderwallofrockhitsfromtheyear,includingevocationsofuniqueactslikeRadioheadandBjörk. Wesuspectthatlikethe1994showlastyear,it’llbethe moremainstreamnumbersfrombandslikeGreenDay andFooFightersthatgetboththebandsandthecrowd reallyjumpingaround,though.Addinlaughsfromlocal stand-upcomedianLarryFulford(fingerscrossed,pokingfunatmajor1995figureslikeO.J.SimpsonandBill Gates),anarrayofthrowbackpartyfavors,aSeinfeld photoboothandaDJsetfrom’90sknow-it-allJason Fergusonanditbecomesatastefuleveningoftransportation(whichmighthelperasethepainfulknowledge thattheNo.1recordin1995wasSherylCrow’s“AllI WannaDo”).–AshleyBelanger withthePauses,TeenAgers,LarryFulford,DJJasonFerguson| 9p.m.|Will’sPub,1042N.MillsAve.|willspub.org|$12-$15

Tuesday,15

HighonFire

MUSIC

Inmetal,therearetwothingsthatare prizedaboveallelse.Thefirstisforgingyour ownuniquepath.Thesecondisnever,everstrayingfromthatpath.HighonFirehas,overthe courseoftheband’s15-yearexistence,mostly managedtodoboth,helpingtousherinawave ofdoomy,riff-drivenmetalintheearly’00sand thencontinuingtorefineitspossibilitiesoverthe lastdecadeandahalf.Whileotherbands–we seeyou,Mastodon–havebeenunabletoresist theurgeto“expandtheirhorizons,”leaderMatt PikehaskeptHighonFiresharplyfocusedon beingoneofthemostpotentpurveyorsofLes Paul-fueledheavinessaround.Althoughtheband stumbledabitwith2010’sSnakesfortheDivine, theirlasttwoKurtBallou-producedalbums (includingthisyear’sLuminferous)havebeen bothrichlytexturedandthuddinglyaggressive. AndwhilePike’sstruggleswithalcoholtemporarilysidelinedHighonFireforaminuteacouple ofyearsago,thebandisagainfiringonallcylinders,producingsomeofthebestandmost ferociousheavymetalaround.–JasonFerguson

withCrowbar,GillianCarter,Nixa|6:30p.m.|TheSocial, 54N.OrangeAve.|407-246-1419|thesocial.org|$20

THEWEEK

WhoAGiftToOReads eOUCCusts

TheORLANDOWEEKLY,in conjunctionwithPROFESSIONAL ELECTRICALSERVICES,areoffering50luckyreaders*;a10,000watt PhotovoltaicSolarsystem,with absolutelyNOUPFRONTCOST. ZERO,ZIP,NADA,THISISNOTA MISPRINT!Ifyouarereadingthis andyouareanOUCelectricityuser, wewanttosaythankyou.We’d liketosaythankyoubyinstalling asystemthatwillsaveyoumoney everymonthforatleastthenext 25years.EVERYFACETOFWHAT WEINSTALLISWARANTEEDTO PERFORMFORAMINIMUMOF 25YRS.

Ifyoucanansweryestothese 3questions,hurryupandcall 407-499-1600tosecureyourspot.

*Inordertoqualifyyoumustmeet thefollowingcriteria.

1.Mustbeanownerofasingle familyhome.NoCondos,Townhouses,TrailersorApts.

2.MustuseOUCforelectricity.

3.MustpayannualFederalIncome Tax.

*Allcontingentuponapproved credit.

AlthoughthisgiftisforOUCcustomersonly,pleasekeepreading andintheverynearfutureweare goingtodosomethingsimilarfor ourDukeEnergyreaders.

THEWEEK

WEDNESDAY,DEC.9

CONCERTS/EVENTS

EugeneSnowden’sTenPints ofTruth10pm;LilIndies, 1036N.MillsAve.;free.

FucktheFacts,Deformed, CaveMoth,Kaya9pm; UncleLou’sEntertainment Hall,1016N.MillsAve.; $8;407-270-9104.

TheImperial’sAcoustic SoundcheckWithBen Torres9pm;TheImperial atWashburnImports, 1800N.OrangeAve.; free;407-228-4992.

OrlandoMusicGroup OpenJam10:45pm;St. Matthew’sTavern,1300 N.MillsAve.;free.

ReggaeNightwithHor!zen andDJRedI10pm;The Caboose,1827N.Orange Ave.;free;407-898-7733.

THURSDAY,DEC.10

CONCERTS/EVENTS

Aterciopelados,Ulises Hadjis 8pm;TheSocial,54 N.OrangeAve.;$30$40;407-246-1419.

DirtyRottenImbeciles, RiotAgents,Thrashaholica, Sinkholes,WarmLike Winter,Destructonomicon, Disfunction6pm; Bombshell’sTavern,5405 EdgewaterDrive;$13$15;407-730-3999.

submityoureventstolistings@orlandoweekly.com atleast12daysbeforeprinttohavethemincluded

WEDNESDAY,DEC.9-TUESDAY,DEC.15 COMPILEDBYTHADDEUSMCCOLLUM

OPERA/CLASSICAL

ChristmasCarillon Concerts1&3pm;Geert D’hollanderperforms Christmasmusicconcerts onthe60-bellsinging tower.BokTowerGardens, 1151TowerBlvd.,LakeWales; $12-$18;863-676-1408; boktowergardens.org.

FRIDAY,DEC.11

CONCERTS/EVENTS

TheAreolas,Vicious Dreams,theRawtones, Kudzu9pm;St. Matthew’sTavern,1300 N.MillsAve.;free.

595W.ChurchSt.;free; 407-595-8494.

HouseofLightning, DeadMeat,Cultellarii, DoubleSex7pm;The SpaceStation,2539 CoolidgeAve.;$6.

InfectedMushroom 9pm;Venue578,578 N.OrangeAve.;$15$25;407-872-0066.

Infiltr8:Celebr8Christmas Celbr8tion10pm; SandwichBar,2432E. RobinsonSt.;$5minimum donation;407-421-1670.

ReggaeLou,Soul Vibration,RisingLion9pm; UncleLou’sEntertainment Hall,1016N.MillsAve.; $5;407-270-9104.

WovenIn,Transcendental Telecom,Wheeler Newman&theCosmic RootsCollective9pm; Spacebar,2428E.Robinson St.;$5;407-228-0804.

YogurtSmoothness, Slumberjack,the Welzeins8pm;Stardust VideoandCoffee,1842E. WinterParkRoad;free.

FallOperaTheatre Workshop7:30-9pm;The firsthalffeaturestheopera Gallantry,aone-actparody ofasoapopera.Thesecond featuressongsfromthree Broadwayclassics.Valencia CollegeEastCampus,701 N.EconlockhatcheeTrail; free;407-582-2900.

SATURDAY,DEC.12

CONCERTS/EVENTS

1995:ThePauses,Teen Agers,LarryFulford,DJ JasonFerguson 9pm;Will’sPub,1042 N.MillsAve.;$12-$15.

KevinGriffin(ofBetter ThanEzra)8pm;Alexis& JimPughTheater,445S. MagnoliaAve.;$33-$35.

TheYuletideJukeboxWith LouisDeFabrizio8pm; RedlightRedlight,2810 CorrineDrive;free;407893-9832.

TheCompany10:30pm; Tanqueray’s,100S.Orange Ave.;free;407-649-8540.

Duppies,Paddington Ambush,theAmbassadors 8pm;Will’sPub,1042 N.MillsAve.;$8.

Grant,NativeFeel,Gruvv 10pm;Spacebar,2428E. RobinsonSt.;$3-$5.

LeisureChief 10pm;Tanqueray’s,100S. OrangeAve.;free;407-6498540.

TheDeltaSaints,theState ofHow,WilderSons7pm; Backbooth,37W.Pine St.;$10;407-999-2570.

Don’tCryIt’sFriday, Murdurface,Accidental Hero7pm;TheHaven, 6700AlomaAve.,Winter Park;$10;407-673-2712.

Dr.K&FriendsBlue Jazz8pm;ChefEddie’s,

MangoBeats10pm; Debbie’sBar,1422State Road436,Casselberry; free;407-677-5963.

Quintron&MissPussycat, Obliterati,Manic&the Depressives 8pm;Will’sPub,1042 N.MillsAve.;$10-$13.

OPERA/CLASSICAL

ChristmasCarillon Concerts1&3pm;30-minuteChristmasmusicconcertsonthe60-bellsinging tower.BokTowerGardens, 1151TowerBlvd.,LakeWales; $12-$18;863-676-1408; boktowergardens.org.

DJSmilin’Dan 10pm;LilIndies,1036 N.MillsAve.;free.

EmpireAll-BlackParty 10pm;Venue578,578 N.OrangeAve.;$25$45;407-872-0066.

12BarsofChristmasPubCrawlWhile youcouldpay$20togetintothispub crawl–whichtakesyouto12differentspots downtownwhereyou’llenjoycomplimentaryorcheapbooze–youcanalsobringan unwrappedtoyworthatleast$20todonate toaneedyfamilyandgetintothepubcrawl for–well,notexactlyfree,butyou’llfeelbetter aboutdonatingatoythanslippingthecashier aJackson.Wepromise.7:30p.m.Friday;Wall St.Plaza,WallandCourtstreets;$20; orlandopubcrawl.com

SantaConThorntonPark’sannualSanta gatheringtakesplaceinconjunctionwithsimilargatheringsacrosstheworld.Theconcept issimpleenough:DressasSanta(oranelf, reindeer,etc.),jointhehordeandwassailfrom businesstobusiness,spreadingcheerand consumingbeer.Justrememberthestrictrules aboutnotmakinganychildrencry.

11a.m.Saturday;ThorntonParkDistrict, SummerlinAvenueandWashingtonStreet; free;santacon.info

ScienceNightLive!CraftBeerEdition AdultstakeovertheOrlandoScienceCenter forthisgreatdatenight.Learnallaboutthe sciencebehindcraftbeerwhilesamplingthe results,thendoabunchofscience-ystuffwith aslightbuzz,likelookthroughthegiantrefractortelescope,conductlabexperimentsinDr. Dare’slaboratory,orjustexperimentwithfood andbeerpairingsinyourmouth.

8-11p.m.Saturday;OrlandoScienceCenter,777DRINKE.PrincetonSt.;$15-$25;osc.org

Matisyahu,Dec.16at thePlazaLive

Shaggy,Dec.17at HouseofBlues

TributetoJimi Hendrix,Dec.18at Will’sPub

LeonRussell,Dec.18

atthePlazaLive

TheOutlaws,Dec.19

atthePlazaLive

BenPrestage,Dec. 31atWill’sPub

JJGrey&Mofro, Dec.31atHouseof Blues

Orgy,Jan.8atWest EndTradingCo. SilversunPickups, Jan.9atthePlaza Live

MickeyAvalon& DirtyNasty,Jan.12

attheSocial

AniDiFranco,Jan.15

atthePlazaLive

SFS10Year Anniversary: ReverendHorton Heat,Unknown Hinsonandmore, Jan.17atWill’sPub

SilversunPickups

Jan.9atthePlazaLive

Macklemore&Ryan Lewis,Jan.20atthe Dr.PhillipsCenter

Galactic,Jan.21at thePlazaLive

Torche,Jan.22at Will’sPub

ArloGuthrie,Jan.23

atthePlazaLive

ColinHay,Jan.30at thePlazaLive

DefLeppard,Jan.30 atAmwayCenter

JimJefferies,Jan.31 atthePlazaLive

BarryManilow,Feb. 2atAmwayCenter

GrahamNash,Feb.3

atthePlazaLive Europe,Feb.4at HouseofBlues

RichardCheese& LoungeAgainstthe Machine,Feb.5at HouseofBlues

TrailerParkBoys, Feb.13atBackbooth

Yanni, Feb.13attheDr. PhillipsCenter

Mutemath,Feb.19at HouseofBlues

PattiLaBelle,Feb. 20attheDr.Phillips Center

HunterValentine, Feb.21atWill’sPub

Daley,Feb.22atthe Social

TheZombies, Feb.24atthePlaza Live

CreedBratton, Feb.25atBackbooth

O.A.R.,Feb.26at HouseofBlues

MoodyBlues,March 8attheDr.Phillips Center

GordonLightfoot, March10atthePlaza Live

LessThanJake, March17-18atthe Social Logic, March28atthe Beacham

TheyMightBe Giants,April6atthe Beacham

G.Love&Special Sauce,April7atthe Social

StickFigure,April7 attheBeacham NapalmDeath,the Melvins,April8at thePlazaLive

TheUsed,April 19-20atHouseof Blues

HerbieHancock& WayneShorter, April20attheDr. PhillipsCenter

Underoath,April24 atHardRockLive

DemiLovato&Nick Jonas,June25at AmwayCenter

JustinBieber, June30atAmway Center

TwentyOnePilots, July1atAmway Center

Maroon5,Sept.9at AmwayCenter

FRIDAY,11

Quintron&MissPussycat

MUSICIt’sintenselymusical,majorlycerebralandmadcapvisuallyanytimeNewOrleans wondersQuintron&MissPussycatpairupandheadtotown.Him,theinventorwhose electronicwhimsieshavebeenemployedbyreveredmusicianslikeLaurieAnderson andFredArmisen,butwhoremainsthesuprememasterofhismusictechnologies includingtheDrumBuddyandhistricked-outsynthesizer.She,shakingmaracasand providingbackingvocals,thehauntingspectaclewhosegeniuspuppetshaveinvaded artmuseumsandfeaturedintheirowndedicatedVicewebseriesalike.They’reaspecial duo,unparalleledintheirdistinctbrainyrealmofleft-fieldmusicianswhosemultidimensionalartistryseepsintoeveryperformancetodazzlecrowds.Onlyaddingtothe intensebuild-upareseasonedartrockersObliteratiandexplosivesceneforceManic& theDepressivesasopeners.Preparetogoofoffandgrin.–AshleyBelanger withObliterati,Manic&theDepressives|8p.m.|Will’sPub,1042N.MillsAve.| willspub.org|$10-$13

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Goldie&theScreamers,Dane MyersBand9pm;RedLion Pub,3784HowellBranchRoad, WinterPark;$5;407-677-9669.

Handguns,Roam,Broadside, SuddenSuspension6:30 pm;Backbooth,37W.Pine St.;$12;407-999-2570.

HypnotixVI:Auditor,Felix Nemat,RobbBlak,Mortos9pm; BikkuriLounge,1919E.Colonial Drive;$10;407-970-1777.

MannheimSteamroller UniversalStudios,6000 UniversalBlvd.;costof admission;407-363-8000.

MarcWithaC’sAnnual MarathonHolidayShow 8pm;TheGeekEasy,114

S.SemoranBlvd.,Winter Park;free;407-332-9636.

MichelDonedaandTatsuya Nakatani8pm;TheGalleryat AvalonIsland,39S.Magnolia Ave.;donationsencouraged.

Mija10pm;GiltNightclub, 740BennettRoad;$10$30;407-504-7699.

NashvilleSouthNo.4:Gasoline Heart,MikeDunn&the Company,HannahHarber& theLionhearts,StephenRock, more8pm;TheSocial,54N. OrangeAve.;$10;407.246.1419.

QualityControl:LouEnygma, MayatheMagi,B8TA9 pm;St.Matthew’sTavern, 1300N.MillsAve.;free.

SilverBells:The25th AnniversaryHolidayConcert

7:30pm;ThePlazaLive,425N. BumbyAve.;$25-$30;407-2281220;orlandogaychorus.com.

StraightJacket,OnlyYou, theSweaters,LaurenGalant, Canvas,SweetHangs,Harbor Point,SecondstoParadise 6pm;CopperRocketPub, 106LakeAve.,Maitland; $10-$12;407-636-3171.

TommyFrenzy’sHardDrive, Murdurface,TornTruth,Jupiter Groove 7pm;WestEndTrading Company,202S.SanfordAve., Sanford;$5;407-322-7475.

UndertheBlacktop9pm; TheHourglassBrewery, 255S.RonaldReaganBlvd., Longwood;free;407-719-9874.

orlandoweekly.com

AVeryBody//TalkChristmas 10pm;TheMilkDistrictPavilion, 2432E.RobinsonSt.;$5-$7.

OPERA/CLASSICAL

AClassicChristmas2&6 pm;Thisprogramfeatures yourfavoriteChristmas worksperformedbythe BachFestivalChoir,Youth Choir,andOrchestra.Rollins College,KnowlesMemorial Chapel,1000HoltAve.,Winter Park;$25;407-646-2000; bachfestivalflorida.org.

ChristmasCarillonConcerts 1&3pm;GeertD’hollander performs30-minuteChristmas musicconcertsonthe60-bell singingtower.BokTower Gardens,1151TowerBlvd., LakeWales;$12-$18;863-6761408;boktowergardens.org.

FallOperaTheatreWorkshop 7:30-9pm;Thefirsthalfof theconcertfeaturesthe 20th-centuryoperaGallantry, aone-actparodyofasoap opera.Thesecondhalffeatures

scenesandsongsfromthree Broadwayclassics.Valencia CollegeEastCampus,701 N.EconlockhatcheeTrail; free;407-582-2900.

LakeEolaHolidayConcert: ViolectricClassicaland modernrockmashedwith holidaytunes.Saturday,7pm; WaltDisneyAmphitheater, LakeEolaPark,Rosalind AvenueandWashington Street;free;407-246-2827.

TheMetLiveinHD:TheMagic Flute12:55pm;Anencore screeningoftheveryfirstMet LiveinHDoperabroadcastto theaters.multiplelocations; $24;fathomevents.com.

SUNDAY,DEC.13

CONCERTS/EVENTS

2PM,TonyMacaluso 2pm;VillaConRoy,1521W. IvanhoeBlvd.;$12donation.

AllIWantforChristmas:Third EyeBlind,JamieLawson, Simulcast7pm;Houseof Blues,DowntownDisney

WestSide,LakeBuenaVista; $29.50;407-934-2583.

AncientSun10:30pm; Tanqueray’s,100S.Orange Ave.;free;407-649-8540.

BulletproofStockings7pm; TheSocial,54N.Orange Ave.;$15;407-246-1419.

ColtFord7pm;Venue 578,578N.OrangeAve.; $35;407-872-0066.

MannheimSteamroller UniversalStudios,6000 UniversalBlvd.;costof admission;407-363-8000.

SeaCycles,ThriftHouse, CommonMan8pm;Will’s Pub,1042N.MillsAve.; $5;407-748-8256.

SilverBells:The25th AnniversaryHolidayConcert 4:30pm;ThePlazaLive,425N. BumbyAve.;$25-$30;407-2281220;orlandogaychorus.com.

YogurtSmoothness,theDullBlades,TamTam theSandwichMan,PastyCline,CarrionJoe 9pm;Spacebar,2428E.RobinsonSt.;contactfor price;407-228-0804.

OPERA/CLASSICAL

AClassicChristmasThisprogramfeatures yourfavoriteChristmasworksperformed bytheBachFestivalChoir,YouthChoir,and OrchestrainthebeautifulKnowlesMemorial Chapel.-13,2&6pm;RollinsCollege,Knowles MemorialChapel,1000HoltAve.,WinterPark; $25;(407)646-2000;bachfestivalflorida.org.

ChristmasCarillonConcerts1&3pm;Geert D’hollanderperforms30-minuteChristmas musicconcertsonthe60-bellsingingtower.Bok TowerGardens,1151TowerBlvd.,LakeWales; $12-$18;863-676-1408;boktowergardens.org.

MONDAY,DEC.14

CONCERTS/EVENTS

FilmSpeak:WhiteSands6pm;The Guesthouse,1321N.MillsAve.;free.

Gottem,PicturesofVernon,Harsh Radish,Slumberjack,Yikes8pm;The SpaceStation,2539CoolidgeAve.;$5.

JazzMeetsMotown7pm;BohemianHotel Celebration,700BloomSt.,Celebration;free.

PossessedbyPaulJames,theBurke Brothers,LaurisVidal8pm;Will’s Pub,1042N.MillsAve.;$8-$10.

RDGLDGRN,Duckworth,Arcadence,Levity 7pm;Backbooth,37W.Pine St.;$10;407-999-2570.

ReggaeMondaewithKash’dOut 10pm;Tanqueray’s,100S.Orange Ave.;free;407-649-8540.

ReneeIsaZombie,DearRabbit,the Uke-A-Ladies8pm;Olde64,64N. OrangeAve.;free;321-245-7730.

UncleLou’sXmasParty:YogurtSmoothness, RoomFullofStrangers,CarrionJoe 6pm;UncleLou’sEntertainmentHall, 1016N.MillsAve.;free;407-270-9104.

TUESDAY,DEC.15

CONCERTS/EVENTS

ConLeche10pm;St.Matthew’s Tavern,1300N.MillsAve.;free.

TheGrooveOrient10:30pm;Tanqueray’s, 100S.OrangeAve.;free;407-649-8540.

HighonFire,Crowbar,GillianCarter, Nixa6:30pm;TheSocial,54N. OrangeAve.;$20;407-246-1419.

Hour24,Contentions,SleepingSons7pm; Backbooth,37W.PineSt.;$10;407-999-2570.

JazzintheCourtyardwiththeDaVinciJazz Experiment7-9pm;CafeDaVinci,112W. GeorgiaAve.,DeLand;free;386-873-2943.

JazzTuesdays7:30pm;TheSmilingBison, 745BennettRoad;free;407-898-8580.

MichaelMcDonald8pm;HardRockLive,6050 UniversalBlvd.;$33-$63;407-351-5483.

OrlandoCantasticFoodDrive:DogsonAcid, YearofGlad,LivingDecent,Henrietta6pm; Will’sPub,1042N.MillsAve.;$7-$10;willspub.org.

TwistedTuesdayWithTearsofaTyrant9pm; RedLionPub,3784HowellBranchRoad,Winter Park;$2suggesteddonation;407-677-9669.

OPERA/CLASSICAL

YoungatHeartChristmasConcert2pm; TheBachFestivalSociety’samateursenior choralecelebratesChristmaswiththispublicconcert.Thegroup’srepertoirecovers manystylesandgenres,specializinginfavoritestandardsandshowtunes;WinterPark PresbyterianChurch,400S.LakemontAve., WinterPark;free;bachfestivalflorida.org.

FILM

Boruto:NarutotheMovieTheeleventhfilm basedonthemangabyMasashiKishimoto. Sunday,12:55pmandMonday,7pm;multiplelocations;$15.98;fathomevents.com.

HomeAlone25thAnniversaryThehighestgrossingcomedyofalltime.Wednesday,7:30pm; multiplelocations;$12.50;fathomevents.com.

Janis:LittleGirlBlueOscarnominateddirectorAmyBerg examinesJoplin’sstoryindepth forthefirsttimeonfilm,presentinganintimateandinsightfulportraitofacomplicated,oftenbeleagueredartist.Through Thursday;EnzianTheater,1300 S.OrlandoAve.,Maitland;$11; 407-629-0054;enzian.org.

LetterstoSanta:ElfChildren receivealetter-writingkit tocrafttheirwishlistfor Santa,thenSantawillswing bythetheatertopickupall thelettersandwillbeavailableforpurchasablephotos afterthemovie.Sunday,11 am;EnzianTheater,1300S. OrlandoAve.,Maitland;$11; 407-629-0054;enzian.org.

MarathonMondays:TMNT

MoviesWatchthetolerable TeenageMutantNinjaTurtles (1990)andTMNTII:Secret oftheOoze,thenvoteon whethertowatchtheawful TMNTIIIorthealso-awful MichaelBayrebootfrom2014. Monday,5pm;TheGeekEasy,

114S.SemoranBlvd.,Winter Park;free;407-332-9636.

MovieontheLawn:TheSanta ClauseEnjoycomplimentary hotdogs,popcornandhot chocolateonthelawnbefore themoviestarts.Saturday,6 pm;St.Luke’sUnitedMethodist Church,4851S.ApopkaVinelandRoad,Windermere; free;407.876.4991;st.lukes.org.

MoviesOutLoud:SantaClaus

TheMovieJeffJonesand MitziMorrissmakefunofthe 1985DudleyMooreholiday filmaboutoneofSanta’selves whogetslostinNewYorkCity. Wednesday,8pm;TheAbbey, 100S.EolaDrive;$10;407704-6261;abbeyorlando.com.

RifftraxLive:SantaandtheIce CreamBunnyAlive,neverbefore-seenriffingonone ofthestrangestChristmas moviesevermade.Tuesday, 7:30pm;multiplelocations; $12.50;fathomevents.com.

SaturdayMatineeClassics:It’s aWonderfulLife“DearGeorge: Remembernomanisafailure

whohasfriends.P.S.Thanks forthewings!Love,Clarence.” Saturday,noon;EnzianTheater, 1300S.OrlandoAve.,Maitland; $8;407-629-0054;enzian.org.

TheSecondMotherBrazilian filmaboutVal,ahard-working live-inhousekeeperinmodern daySaoPaulo.Through Thursday;EnzianTheater,1300 S.OrlandoAve.,Maitland;$11; 407-629-0054;enzian.org.

StarWars:EpisodeV-The EmpireStrikesBackEnjoya flightofthreedifferentwines whiegearingupfortherelease ofEpisodeVII.Wednesday, 7:30pm;TheSwirlery,1508 E.MichiganSt.;$10;407270-6300;swirlery.com.

StarWarsPartyScreening oftheoriginaltrilogywith raffleprizes,games,triviaand giveaways.Costumesencouraged.Saturday,2-10pm;Gods &Monsters,5250International Drive;free;godmonsters.com.

WinterHolidayFilmFestival: TheMuppetChristmasCarol RetellingoftheDickens

classictalewiththeMuppetsandMichaelCaine. Wednesday,11am;OrlandoPublicLibrary,101 E.CentralBlvd.;free;407-835-7481;ocls.info.

WinterinthePark:ThePolarExpressTravelon thePolarExpressthroughtheUncannyValley andendupatSanta’sWorkshop.Friday,7pm andSunday,2pm;CentralPark,WinterPark, NorthParkAvenueandWestMorseBoulevard, WinterPark;free;cityofwinterpark.org.

THEATER

AChristmasCarolDavidMcElroyplays37 differentcharactersinthisone-manadaptationoftheDickensfavorite.Thursday, 7:30pm;TheAbbey,100S.EolaDrive;$20; 407-704-6261;abbeyorlando.com.

AChristmasCarolTheatreDowntownpresentstheirannualtraditionalreadingofDickens’ classic.Mondays-Saturdays,8pm;Central ChristianChurch,250W.IvanhoeBlvd.;$22; 407-841-0083;theatredowntown.net.

ChristmasWithElvisFeaturingtheawardwinningTedTorreswithGrammyAwardwinningspecialgueststheBlackwoodQuartet. Thursday,7pm;WayneDenschPerforming ArtsCenter,201S.MagnoliaAve.,Sanford; $23-$30;407-321-8111;wdpac.com.

CrachitChristmasFeast:Dickensby CandlelightEnjoyatraditionalChristmas dinnerfollowedbytheopeningnightperformanceofDickensbyCandlelight.Friday, 6:45pm;OrlandoShakespeareTheatre,812E. RollinsSt.;$75;dickensbycandlelight.com.

DickensbyCandlelightAthree-personinteractiveshowprovidingtheater-goerswithaunique opportunitytoexperienceAChristmasCarolthe wayitwasintendedtobetold:asaghoststory. Saturday,8pm;OrlandoShakespeareTheatre, 812E.RollinsSt.;$35;dickensbycandlelight.com.

Dr.Seuss’HowtheGrinchStoleChristmas! TheMusicalDiscoverthemagicofDr.Seuss’ classicholidaytaleasitcomestolifeonstage. Wednesday-Friday,7:30pm,Saturday,11 am,2,5&8pmandSunday1&5pm;Walt DisneyTheater,445S.MagnoliaAve.;$33.75$93.75;844-513-2014;drphillipscenter.org.

ForeverPlaid:PlaidTidingsThismusicalcomedyoffersthebestofForeverPlaidtiedupina niftypackagewithabigChristmasbowontop. Wednesday-Thursday,2pm,Friday,7:30pmand Saturday2&7:30pm;WinterParkPlayhouse, 711-COrangeAve.,WinterPark;$30-$40; 407-645-0145;winterparkplayhouse.org.

Guys&DollsNathanDetroitrunsthebiggestdice gamesintownwhilenightclubsingerAdelaide waitsforhimatthealtar.Thursday,7:30pm, Friday,8pm,Saturday,2&8pmandSunday,2pm; IceHouseTheatre,1100N.UnserSt.,MountDora; $9.50-$19.50;352-383-4616;icehousetheatre.com.

Let’sHangOn!Aspecialholidayengagement fromAmerica’sNo.1FrankieValliandtheFour Seasonstributeband.Thursday-Saturday, 7:30pm,Sunday,2pm;OsceolaCenterfor theArts,2411E.Highway192,Kissimmee; $30;407-846-6257;osceolaarts.org.

Miracleon34thStreetAcharmingplayinspired bythe1947filmaboutmailfraud.Fridays,8pm, Saturdays,2&8pmandSaturdays,Sundays,2pm; GardenTheatre,160W.PlantSt.,WinterGarden; $25-$33;407-877-4736;gardentheatre.org.

OrangeBlossomTrailLivingNativitySpectacular Wanzie’shilariousdepictionofaLivingNativityas imaginedbyaragtagcrewofcharactersrecruited

fromalongOrlando’sinfamousNorthOrange BlossomTrail.Saturdays,7:30pm;Footlight Theatre,TheParliamentHouse,410N.Orange BlossomTrail;$18-$20;407-425-7571;wanzie.com.

ThePerfectGiftStaciahateshowtheholidays areallaboutshoppingandnolongeraboutfamilyandtraditions.Sheendsupunderabridge withacoupleofhomelessfriendsonChristmas Eveanddiscoversthatsometimesallyouhave todoislistentoyourhearttofindholidayspirit. Thursdays-Saturdays,8pmandSundays,4pm; MarshallEllisTheatre,1300LaQuintaDrive;$15$20;720-989-3283;dangeroustheatre.com.

PeterandtheStarcatcherAwildlytheatrical, hilariousandinnovativeretellingofhowanamelessorphancametobePeterPan.Wednesday,2 &7:30pm,Thursday,7:30pm,Friday,10:30am &7:30pm,Saturday,7:30pm,Sunday,2pmand Tuesday,10:30am;OrlandoShakespeareTheatre, 812E.RollinsSt.;$30-$55;orlandoshakes.org.

ThePictureofDorianGrayFindoutif loveconquersallorifDoriansuccumbsto hisflawedsenseofself.Friday-Saturday, 7:30pmandSunday,2:30pm;Shoestring Theatre,380S.GoodwinSt.,DeLand;$12$15;386-227-7444;wildecoward.com.

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PlaywrightsRoundTable WorkshopAllwritersare welcometobringanypiece they’reworkingon,fromaten minuteshorttoafulllength work.Sunday,1pm;Sleuths MysteryDinnerTheater,8267 InternationalDrive;free; 407-363-1985;theprt.com.

TheSecretGardenMary Lennox,ayoungEnglishgirl bornandraisedintheBritish Raj,isorphanedbyacholera outbreakwhensheis11years old.Thursday-Saturday,7:30 pmandSunday,2:30pm;Mad CowTheatre,54W.Church St.;$32-$45;407-297-8788; madcowtheatre.com.

UCFDreamRolesTheseperformancesshowcasethegrowth anddevelopmentofstudents throughtheirtimeatTheatre UCFintheperformanceofarole theyhopetoplayprofessionallyinthenearfuture.Saturday, 7pmandSunday,4pm;UCF BlackBoxTheatre,Theatre Building,MainCampus;free; 407-823-1500;theatre.ucf.edu.

COMEDY

BestoftheJestComedy ShowcaseHostedbyDevin Siebold.Tuesdays,9pm; Olde64,64N.OrangeAve.; free;321-245-7730.

CarrotTopThepropcomicredefinescomedy.Monday,6:30pm; ThePlazaLive,425N.Bumby Ave.;$39.50-$49.50;407-2281220;plazaliveorlando.com.

ComedyattheCaboose HostedbyApolloReplay. Thursdays,8pm;The Caboose,1827N.Orange Ave.;free;407-898-7733.

GrandmaLeeAsseen onAmerica’sGotTalent Wednesday,7pm;Orlando Improv,9101International Drive;$10;407-480-5233; theimprovorlando.com.

HolidayHighTideAvery specialholidayeditionofthe indiecomedyshow.Expecta seasonal-themedlivesketch andimprovcomedywithadash ofmusic.Wednesday,8:30pm; Spacebar,2428E.Robinson St.;$5;407-228-0804.

KingoftheHillInthisknockdown,drag-outcomedybattle, sevenprofessionalensemble memberscompeteinaseries ofimprovscenesandgames towinyourlaughter,yourapplauseandthecovetedspot atopthehill.Saturdays,9:30 pm;SAKComedyLab,29S. OrangeAve.;$12-$15;407-6480001;sakcomedylab.com.

Life’saGift:LarryFulfordand AlexLuchunAcelebrationof lifeandpeople,ourtalentsand mistakes,theconnectionsthat wemake,andallofourperfect imperfections.Wednesday, 9pm;Will’sPub,1042N.Mills Ave.;$5-$7;willspub.org.

ToneBellAsseenonNBC’s WhitneyandBadJudge Thursday,7pm,Friday,6:30 &9:45pm,Saturday,6&9:45 pmandSunday,6pm;Orlando

Improv,9101International Drive;$20;407-480-5233; theimprovorlando.com.

DANCE

CentralFloridaBallet:The NutcrackerOneofthetopfive outstandingproductionsofthe holidayclassicinthecountry, accordingtoCNNHeadline News.Saturday,2&7:30pm; OrangeCountyConvention Center,9800International Drive;$24-$80;407-685-9800; centralfloridaballet.com.

NewYorkCityBallet:George Balanchine’sTheNutcracker Balanchine’sstunning choreographyshinesamidst awe-inspiringsetpieces, ornatecostumes,andgrand one-of-a-kindvisualeffects. Thursday,7pm;multiplelocations;$18;fathomevents.com.

ART

OPENINGS/EVENTS

HolidaySaleEventEnjoy deliciousbitesfromlocalfood trucks,participateinaraffle offramedartwork,observe livepaintingbyalocalartist andchoosefromhundreds ofmasterpiecesatupto50 percentoffretailprice.Saturday, 10am-4pm;Baterby’sArt Gallery,6848StapointCourt, WinterPark;free;888-6829995;baterbys.com.

ShowsIGoToParisBenefitArtShowCollection ofphotographsfromShowsIGoTophotographers.ProceedsbenefitfamiliesoftheParisattack victims.MusicfromtheStatesandDJDizzle Phunk.Wednesday,8pm;Olde64,64N.Orange Ave.;$3-$5suggesteddonation;321-245-7730.

CONTINUINGTHISWEEK

100YearsofHannibalSquare:Historicand ContemporaryPhotographsofWestWinter ParkExhibitionThroughFeb.21,2016;Orange CountyRegionalHistoryCenter,65E.Central Blvd.;$8;407-836-8500;thehistorycenter.org.

Animalia:HenryHorensteinThroughFeb. 7,2016;SoutheastMuseumofPhotography, DaytonaStateCollege,DaytonaBeach; free;386-506-4475;smponline.org.

ArtontheGreenElevenacresofCentralParkare enrichedwithlarge-scaleworksbysevenartists. ThroughMarch1,2016;CentralPark,WinterPark, NorthParkAvenueandWestMorseBoulevard, WinterPark;free;cityofwinterpark.org.

Bramson&DemeterArtfromMichaelBramson andBrianDemeter.ThroughDec.31;The HourglassBrewery,255S.RonaldReagan Blvd.,Longwood;free;407-719-9874.

BritishInvasionExhibitionAcuratedselectionofBeatlesphotosfromthearchive oftheirU.S.tourmanager.ThroughJan.3, 2016;OrlandoMuseumofArt,2416N.Mills Ave.;$11;407-896-4231;omart.org.

ABrushWithLightandSoundArtbyGlenn GrishkoffandBrianRansomaboutsurviving cancerandusingsoundtoheal.ThroughDec. 20;UCFArtGallery,12400AquariusAgora Drive;free;407-823-3161;gallery.cah.ucf.edu.

C-NoteCollectionOriginalartandframed printsunder$100,justintimefortheholidays.ThroughJan.8,2016;TheFalcon,819 E.WashingtonSt.;free;407-423-3060.

Celebrating50Years:MaitlandCivicCenter ThroughJan.3,2016;Art&HistoryMuseums -Maitland,231W.PackwoodAve.,Maitland; $3;407-539-2181;artandhistory.org.

ChoosetheWolfYouFeedArtReachandartistBoy Kongputtogetheranartshowfeaturingagroup ofchildrenthatliveinthecommunityofBithlo. ThroughFriday;RedefineGallery,29S.Orange Ave.;free;407-648-7060;redefinegallery.com.

CouragetoCreateAspecialartexhibitionfeaturingpaintingsbyBettyH.AustinandMargarete Garbe,bothofwhomencountereddistinct socialpressuresandchallengeswhilepursuing theirartisticvisions.ThroughFriday;CityArts Factory,29S.OrangeAve.;free;407-648-7060.

EnduringDocuments:SelectedPhotographs FromthePermanentCollectionThrough Jan.3,2016;CornellFineArtsMuseum, RollinsCollege,1000HoltAve.,WinterPark; free;407-646-2526;cfam.rollins.edu.

EshericktoNakashimaThisexhibitexemplifiesthepassionandvisionthatsuccessfullyblurredtheboundariesbetweenart, sculptureandfurniture.Tuesdays-Sundays, 10am-5pm;ModernismMuseumMount Dora,145E.FourthAve.,MountDora;$8; 352-385-0034;modernismmuseum.org.

FashionablePortraitsinEuropeThrough Jan.3,2016;CornellFineArtsMuseum,

RollinsCollege,1000HoltAve.,WinterPark; free;407-646-2526;cfam.rollins.edu.

GirlsinMasksKatherineBennettpresentsmost thanadozenimagesofyoung,heroicgirlswearingLoneRanger-stylemasks.ongoing;Stardust DoublelegGallery,1842E.WinterParkRoad;free.

HaroldGarde:Mid-CenturytoThisCenturyA selectionof30paintingsandworksonpaper thatspanHaroldGarde’s70-yearexplorationofAbstractExpressionism.Through Jan.3,2016;OrlandoMuseumofArt,2416N. MillsAve.;$8;407-896-4231;omart.org.

HolidayHooplaDanandSandraCarr present20yearsofhomemadeholiday cards.ThroughJan.2,2016;LilIndies, 1036N.MillsAve.;free;willspub.org.

IntroducingZoraNealeHurstonThrough Jan.15,2016;ZoraNealeHurstonNational MuseumofFineArts,227E.Kennedy Blvd.,Eatonville;donationsaccepted; 407-647-3307;preserveeatonville.org.

JeffWhipple:TheDistinguishedSpeaker SeriesAnewexhibitfromJacksonvilleartist JeffWhipple.ThroughSaturday;Alt_Space

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E.PrincetonSt.;$5;407-2464278;mennellomuseum.com.

Gallery,123DouglasSt.,New SmyrnaBeach;free;386-4231753;artsondouglas.net.

JessT.Dugan:EveryBreathWe DrewPhotographicportraits exploringgender,sexualityand identity.ThroughJan.3,2016; CornellFineArtsMuseum, RollinsCollege,1000Holt Ave.,WinterPark;free;407646-2526;cfam.rollins.edu.

KohjiroKinnoPhotography thatshowcasesKinno’s fascinationwiththeocean. ThroughFeb.11,2016;The WhiteWallGallery,999 DouglasAve.#2221,Altamonte Springs;free;407-6825343;thewhitewall.com.

LaCreaturaAdynamic exhibitionofsculpturalworks createdbymembersofthe FloridaSculptorsGuild. ThroughJan.16,2016;Crealde SchoolofArt,600St.Andrews Blvd.,WinterPark;free; 407-671-1886;crealde.org.

Live,Love,LaughThrough Jan.31,2016;Dandelion CommuniteaCafe,618N. ThorntonAve.;free;407-3621864; dandelioncommunitea.com.

MaryWhyte:APortraitofUs AresidentofJohnsIsland, SouthCarolina,Whytegarners muchofherinspirationfrom theGullahdescendants ofcoastalCarolinaslaves. ThroughJan.3,2016;Mennello MuseumofAmericanArt,900

Mid-FloridaQuiltmakers: Commemorationsand ConnectionsThroughJan. 18,2016;HannibalSquare HeritageCenter,642W.New EnglandAve.,WinterPark;free; 407-539-2680;crealde.org.

Midway:PortraitofaDaytona BeachNeighborhood,1943 ThroughJan.15,2016;Yvonne ScarlettGoldenCultural& EducationalCenter,1000 VineSt.,DaytonaBeach; free;smponline.org.

Neighborhood‘99:Midway RevisitedThroughJan.15, 2016;YvonneScarlettGolden Cultural&EducationalCenter, 1000VineSt.,Daytona Beach;free;smponline.org.

OnAssignment:RobertSnow –AtSeaWithOCEARCH ThroughFeb.7,2016;Southeast MuseumofPhotography, DaytonaStateCollege, DaytonaBeach;free;386506-4475;smponline.org.

SandroChia:Fantasyand MythsThroughJan.3,2016; MuseumofArtDeLand, 600N.WoodlandBlvd., DeLand;$10;386-734-4371.

SculpturesbyDavidHayes ThroughOct.30,2016; MuseumofArtDeLand, 600N.WoodlandBlvd., DeLand;$5;386-7344371;moartdeland.org.

SecondNature:BradTemkin –ASurveyThroughDec. 18;SoutheastMuseumof Photography,DaytonaState College,DaytonaBeach;free; 386-506-4475;smponline.org.

SelectedFineArtFaculty ExhibitionThroughDec. 18;AnitaS.WootenGallery, 701N.Econlockhatchee Trail;free;407-582-2298; valenciacollege.edu.

SightUnseen:Touchable SculptureAsculptureexhibit basedaroundtheconceptof touchable,hands-on,threedimensionalart.ThroughApril 17,2016;AlbinPolasekMuseum andSculptureGardens,633 OsceolaAve.,WinterPark;$5; 407-647-6294;polasek.org.

SmallThingsConsideredA groupexhibitionandholiday saleofart.ThroughJan.9, 2016;ArtsonDouglas,123 DouglasSt.,NewSmyrna Beach;free;386-428-1133.

TheSumofManyParts: QuiltmakersinContemporary AmericaThroughJan.18,2016; CrealdeSchoolofArt,600St. AndrewsBlvd.,WinterPark; free;407-671-1886;crealde.org.

TiffanyLampsandLighting FromtheMorseCollection ThroughJan.20,2016;Charles HosmerMorseMuseumof AmericanArt,445N.ParkAve., WinterPark;$5;407-6455311;morsemuseum.org.

TwoPointsonaPlane:The PaintingsofCharlesHinman ThroughJan.10,2016;Museum ofArtDeLand–Downtown, 100N.WoodlandBlvd., DeLand;$10;386-7344371;moartdeland.org.

WildIstheWindAnunconventionalvisualexploration offreedomandinnocence byselectedinternational photographersandfineartists.Thursdays-Saturdays,11 am-4pm;SnapSpace,1013E. ColonialDrive;free;407-5551212;snaporlando.com.

YoungUrbanArtProjectA freegraffitiartclassforboth childrenandadults.Firstcome, firstserved.Classlimitedto15 students.Sundays,3-4:30pm; SourceofAthletics,1468N. GoldenrodRoad;free;786-3186525;childofthisculture.com.

EVENTS

The12BarsofChristmasPub CrawlGetfreeadmissionto thisChristmas-themedpub

crawlbydonatinganunwrappedtoyvaluedat$20or more.Friday,7:30pm;Wall StreetPlaza,WallandCourt streets;free-$20;407-8490471;orlandopubcrawl.com.

AnnualHolidayCraftShow Enjoyhandmadeitemsbylocal artisans,freeentry,freeparkingandweeklyraffleprizes. Jewelry,wreaths,ornaments, fabriccraftsandhomedecorationsarejustafewofthemany wonderfulgiftsavailablefor purchase.Mondays-Saturdays, 11am-6pmandSundays, 12-4pm;OsceolaCenterfor theArts,2411E.Highway192, Kissimmee;free;407-8466257;osceolaarts.org.

ChanukahontheParkA Chanukahfamilyfestival featuringagrandmenorah lighting,singingperformances bychildren,liveJewishrock music,dreidels,chocolate Chanukahgelt,Chassidic dancers,clowns,facepainting, jugglers,anda$1,000grand raffledrawing.Sunday,5pm; CentralPark,WinterPark, NorthParkAvenueandWest

MorseBoulevard,WinterPark; free;chabadorlando.org.

ChristmasatGaylordPalms Holidaydisplaysincluding over2milliontwinklinglights andlarger-than-lifedecorations,visitswithSanta,Cirque DreamsUnWrappedliveshow, ICE!featuring‘TwastheNight BeforeChristmas,AlpineRush snowtubingandmore.Through Jan.3,2016,10am-8pm; GaylordPalmsResort,6000W. OsceolaParkway,Kissimmee; $28.99-$44.99;407-586-4423; christmasatgaylordpalms.com.

ChristmasattheLeuHouse Localinteriordesignersdeck thehallsoftheLeuHouse Museum.The11-roomestate isadornedwithholidaytrimmings,Christmastreesand uniquedecorationstoinspire visitors.ThroughJan.4,2016,10 am-4pm;HarryP.LeuGardens, 1920N.ForestAve.;$10;407246-2620;leugardens.org.

TheDailyCityFoodTruck Bazaar-OrlandoFoodtrucks

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fromalloverfillthesouthparkinglotatFashionSquare.secondSundayofeverymonth,6-9 pm;OrlandoFashionSquare, 3201E.ColonialDrive;various menuprices;thedailycity.com.

DosXX-MasBlockPartyWin prizesandpresentsfrom DosEquisinthetortillatoss competition.Saturday,10 pm;WallStreetPlaza,Wall andCourtstreets;free;407849-0471;wallstplaza.net.

GrandmaPartyBazaarEnjoy livemusicwhilebrowsing throughaholidaybazaarfull oflocallymadegiftsfrom tonsofdifferentartisans. Sunday,10am;StardustVideo andCoffee,1842E.Winter ParkRoad;free;407-6233393;grandmapartybazaar. tumblr.com.

HolidayCraftShowShophandmadefortheholidayswithover 20artisanvendors.Saturday,9 am-5pm;Aba’sAtticBoutique, 3183S.ConwayRoad;free; 407-722-2648;abasattic.com.

HolidayHappyHoursEnjoy complimentarycocktails whileshoppingforeverybodyonyournaughtylist. Friday,7-9pm;FairvillaAdult MegaStore,1740N.Orange BlossomTrail;free;407425-6005;fairvilla.com.

HolidayHomeTourat PinewoodEstateThe20-room, Mediterranean-stylemansion isdecoratedbyvolunteers

andsponsoreddesignerswith thisyear’sdesigntheme:To Grandfather’sHouseWeGo! IncludesadmissiontoBok TowerGardens.ThroughJan. 3,2016,10am-5pm;BokTower Gardens,1151TowerBlvd., LakeWales;$20;863-6761408;boktowergardens.org.

HolidayLightsRideTake agroupbikeridearound towntolookatholidaylights displaysandsingcarols. Saturday,6pm;BikesBeans &Bordeaux,3022Corrine Drive;free;407-427-1440; bikesbeansandbordeaux.com.

IntersectionLiveJoin “Intersection”HostMatthew Peddieandpanelistsfora livetapingoftheWMFE90.7 talkshow,focusingonthe performingartsinCentral Florida.Thursday,7pm; OrlandoRepertoryTheatre, 1001E.PrincetonSt.;free; 407-896-7365;wmfe.org.

LightUpUCFWintercarnival withiceskating,pictureswith Santa,rides,games,movies andmore.Pricesforactivities vary.ThroughJan.3,2016;CFE Arena,12777N.GeminiBlvd.; free-$19.95;407-823-6006.

MugWithDougthePug Afreemeetandgreetwith socialmediasensationDoug thePug.Wednesday,2-3pm; HardRockHotel,Universal Orlando;free;407-5037625;mugwithdougthepug. eventbrite.com.

NightmareBeforeChristmas PartyCelebrateacreepy Christmaswiththemedfood anddrinkspecials,vendors andtheTimBurtonfilmplaying allnight.Costumesencouraged.Sunday,4pm;Oblivion Taproom,5101E.ColonialDrive; variousmenuprices;407-8024800;obliviontaproom.com.

OriginalSinCiderPaint PartyFourmodelsarebody paintedinthemesreflecting fourOriginalSincidersthat areondraft.Thursday,7pm; CopperRocketPub,106Lake Ave.,Maitland;free;407-6363171;copperrocketpub.com.

OrlandoWeekly’s25th AnniversaryPartyPartylike it’s1990,andcelebrate25 yearswithusattheCheyenne Saloon.Enjoylivemusicand surpriseperformancesfrom the‘90swhilesippingondrinks fromanopenbar.Friday,7-11 pm;CheyenneSaloonand OperaHouse,128W.Church St.;$25-$45;407-839-3000; orlandoweekly.com.

PopSwapRecordFairBazaar Localvendorssellandswap records,DVDs,books,comicsandmore.Sunday,1pm; ParkAveCDs,2916Corrine Drive;free;407-447-7275.

SantaConAhordeofSantas takeoverThorntonParkto spreadasmuchChristmas cheerasyoucantake. Saturday,11am;Thornton Park,SummerlinAvenue

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andWashingtonStreet; free;santacon.info.

ScienceNightLive!Craft BeerEditionLearnabout craftbeerwhiletastingplenty ofsamples.Saturday,8-11 pm;OrlandoScienceCenter, 777E.PrincetonSt.;$15-$25; 407-514-2000;osc.org.

SecondThursdayArtand WineWalkWalkaround ThorntonParktocheckout artandwineatvariousstops. Thursday,6:30pm;Thornton Park,SummerlinAvenueand WashingtonStreet;$10.

SilentBenefitPartyAoneof akinddanceexperiencethat raisesmoneyforlocalartsand cultureeducationprograms. Friday,10pm;Sourceof Athletics,1468N.Goldenrod Road;$10-$20;407-205-2682; childofthisculture.com.

SteveMaddenAmeetand greetwithshoemogulSteve Madden,hostedbytelevision personalityJulissaBermudez. Saturday,3-4:30pm;Florida Mall,8001S.OrangeBlossom Trail;free;727-341-6235.

TastyTuesdaysFoodtrucks takeovertheparkinglot behindtheMilkDistrictevery Tuesdayevening.Tuesdays, 6:30-10pm;TheMilkDistrict, EastRobinsonStreetand NorthBumbyAvenue;various menuprices;facebook.com/ tastytuesdaysorlando.

WinterintheParkEnjoy iceskatinginthemiddleof WinterPark.Fridays,3-10 pm,Saturdays,10am-10 pm,Sundays,12-8pmand Mondays-Thursdays,3-9pm; CentralPark’sWestMeadow, NorthParkAvenueandWest MorseBoulevard,WinterPark; $12;cityofwinterpark.org.

LEARNING

HealthyEatingWithLocally GrownFoodFreepresentation onhealthyeatingwithlocally grownfoods.Samplefoodfrom thegardensatLakeMeadow NaturalsFarm.Saturday,9 am;LakeMeadowNaturals, 10000MarkAdamRoad, Ocoee;free;407-399-7670.

TEDxOrlandoSalonVoteon twoTEDtalkstowatchanddiscuss.Thursday,7pm;Valencia CollegeWinterParkCampus, 850W.MorseBlvd.,Winter Park;free;tedxorlando.com.

LITERARY

BrianKilmeadeBookSigning andLectureonThomas JeffersonandtheTripoli PiratesBooksigningandlecturefromtheFoxandFriends comicrelief.Friday,5:30-7:30 pm;WDBO,4192JohnYoung Parkway;free;844-932-6965.

DraftPunkWorkshopDraft workwritingandperformanceworkshopseries. Thursday,8pm;TheMilk Bar,2424E.RobinsonSt.; free;407-896-4954.

EmilyannGirdnerMeet EmilyannGirdner,authorof TheHauntedRealm,sequeltoTheLabyrinthWall Saturday,4-6pm;Barnes& Noble,AltamonteMall,451 AltamonteDrive,Altamonte Springs;free;407-261-0252.

OpenMicPoetryandSpoken WordPoetryandspoken wordopenmic.Wednesdays, 9pm;Austin’sCoffee,929 W.FairbanksAve.,Winter Park;free;407-975-3364; austinscoffee.com.

ShannonBellBookLaunch

SigningofMortalityLost, thefourthandfinalbook intheMortalOneSeries. Saturday,2-4pm;Writer’s Atelier,336GroveAve.Suite B,WinterPark;free;407-6971261;writersatelier.com.

WineandConversation

WithVanessaBlakeslee Blakesleeintroducesherdebut novel,Juventud.Friday,6-8 pm;Writer’sBlockBookstore, 124E.WelbourneAve.,Winter Park;free;407-335-4192; writersblockbookstore.com.

FAMILY

AnAfternoonWithSantaEnjoy facepainting,cookies,crafts, gamesandavisitwithSanta Claus.Bringatoytodonateto MayorTeresaJacobs’Holiday HeroesToyDrive.Saturday, 2-5pm;MagnoliaPark,2929 BinionRoad,Apopka;$4per child;orangecountyparks.net.

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CakePopDecoratingWith SantaSantaandtheRosen CentreChefsshowguests cakepopdecorating.Visits withSantaandlunchordinner buffetareincluded.Saturday, 11:30am-8pm;RosenCentre Hotel,9840International Drive;$9.95-$23.95;407996-8551;rosencentre.com.

ChristmasinToylandEnterthe wondrousworldofToyland, whereChristmascomesto lifethroughthemusicand songsofsomeofyourfavorite Christmasmovies,storiesand characters.Thursday-Friday, 7:30pm;NorthlandPerforming ArtsCenter,530DogTrack Road,Longwood;$10-$12; 407-949-4000;cfcarts.com.

ElftheMusicalJr.Musical basedonthehitmoviestarring WillFerrell.Thursday,7pm; HistoricStateTheatre,109N. BaySt.,Eustis;$5-$10;352-3577777;baystreetplayers.org.

GiveKidstheWorldFamily Dinner

Amemorableeveningwith familiesinvolvedinGive KidstheWorld’swishfulfillmentprogram.Wednesday, 5pm;GiveKidstheWorld Village,210S.BassRoad, Kissimmee;free;407-3964567;givekidstheworld.org.

RudolphtheRed-Nosed Reindeer:TheMusicalYou knowDasherandDancerand PrancerandVixen,Cometand CupidandDonnerandBlitzen.

Butdoyourecallthemostfamousreindeerofall?Saturdays, Sundays,2&5:30pm;Orlando RepertoryTheatre,1001E. PrincetonSt.;$14-$20;407896-7365;orlandorep.com.

SPORTS

TheBattleFrogSeriesOpen Championship Obstaclecourserace. Saturday,7:30am;Rock SpringsRunStateReserve, 30601CountyRoad433, Sorrento;$5-$150;321-2362899;battlefrogseries.com.

CandyCane5K Afamilyfriendly5Kwith medalsawardedtotopmale& femalerunnersinvariousage categories.IncludesSanta,a costumecontest,aprizefor largestteamandafreekidsfun run.Saturday,7-10am;Central WindsPark,1000E.State Road434,WinterSprings; $25-$35;407-588-2170.

ColorTherapyYoga Stretch,relaxandawaken yourvisualsensesinthe CommunityRoom.Sunday,11 am;ArtegonMarketplace,5250 InternationalDrive;donationsaccepted;407-351-7718; artegonmarketplace.com.

InsaneInflatable5KA coursefilledwiththeworld’s largestandmostextreme inflatableobstaclesever produced.Saturday,8:30am; CentralFloridaFairgrounds, 4603W.ColonialDrive; $64-$100;407-295-3247; insaneinflatable5k.com.

OrlandoMagicvs.Cleveland Cavaliers Basketball.Friday,7pm; AmwayCenter,400W. ChurchSt.;$85-$2,397.50; 800-745-3000.

TabletopTuesdays Havefuncoordinatingwith teammatesincooperativegamingorenjoythesatisfaction ofwinningagainstopponents ingamesofstrategyandskill. Registerinadvance.Tuesday, 7:15-8:15pm;OrlandoPublic Library,101E.CentralBlvd.; free;407-835-7323;ocls.info.

UCFKnightsvs.FAUOwls Mensbasketball.Saturday,7 pm;CFEArena,12777N.Gemini Blvd.;$10-$25;407-823-6006.

UCFKnightsvs.St.Johns RedStormWomensbasketball.Sunday,2pm;CFE Arena,12777N.Gemini Blvd.;$5;407-823-6006.

VanessaWelchReindeerRun Aholidayfunrunwithliveentertainment,treats,acostume contestandafreekidsrun. Saturday,7:15am;SeaWorld, 7007SeaWorldDrive;$27-$35; 407-896-1160;trackshack.com.

YogainLakeEolaParkThis weeklyyogagroup,which istaughtbyarotatingband ofyogis,meetseitheratthe northeastcornerofthepark nearPaneraBread,oratthe northwestcornerbythe amphitheater.Everyoneis welcome.Sundays,11am;Lake EolaPark,195N.RosalindAve.; $5suggesteddonation.n

BY

ARIES(March21-April19):“Happinesssneaksthroughadoor youdidn’tknowthatyouleftopen,”saidactorJohnBarrymore.I hopeyou’veleftopenalotofthosedoors,Aries.Themorethere are,thehappieryouwillbe.Thisistheweekofallweekswhenjoy, pleasureandevenzanyblissarelikelytofindtheirwaysintoyour lifefromunexpectedsourcesandunanticipateddirections.Ifyou’re lucky,youalsohaveafewforgottencracksandneglectedgaps wherefiercedelightsandcrispwonderscancomewanderingin.

TAURUS(April20-May20):Whatstateofminddoyou desirethemost?Whatisthequalityofbeingthatyouaspireto inhabitmoreandmoreasyougrowolder?Maybeit’sthefeeling ofbeingdeeplyappreciated,ortheabilitytoseethingsasthey reallyare,oranintuitivewisdomabouthowtocultivatevibrant relationships.Iinviteyoutosetanintentiontocultivatethissingular experiencewithallyourpassionandingenuity.Thetimeisright. Makeapactwithyourself.

GEMINI(May21-June20):LikeMetallicajammingwithNicki MinajandDeathCabforCutieonapassagefromMozart’sopera TheMagicFlute,youareredefiningthemeaningsofthewords “hybrid,”“amalgam”and“hodgepodge.”You’remixingmetaphors withpanache.You’rebuildingbridgeswithcheekyverve.Some ofyourblendsaremessymishmashes,butmoreoftentheyare synergisticsuccesses.Withthepowergrantedtomebythegods ofmixingandmatching,Iherebyauthorizeyoutokeepsplurging ontheurgetomerge.Thisisyourspecialtimetoexperimentwith themagicofcombiningthingsthathaverarelyorneverbeen combined.

CANCER(June21-July22):Ihopeyoucanfigureoutthe differencebetweenthefakecureandtherealcure.Andonceyou knowwhichiswhich,Ihopeyouwilldotherightthingratherthan thesentimentalthing.Forbestresults,keeptheseconsiderationsin mind:Thefakecuremaytastesweeterthantherealone.Itmayalso bebetterpackagedandmorealluringlypromoted.Infact,theonly advantagetherealcuremayhaveoverthefakeoneisthatitwill actuallyworktohealyou.

LEO(July23-Aug.22):There’sasinuous,serpentinequality aboutyouthesedays.It’sasifyouaretheelegantandcraftyhero ofanepicmythsetintheancientfuture.Youaresweeterand saucierthanusual,edgierandmoreextravagantlyemotive.Youare somehowbotharepositoryoftantalizingsecretsandafountof arousingrevelations.AsImeditateonthemagicyouembody,Iam remindedofapassagefromLainiTaylor’sfantasynovelDaughter ofSmoke&Bone“Shetasteslikenectarandsalt.Nectarandsalt andapples.Pollenandstarsandhinges.Shetasteslikefairytales. Swanmaidenatmidnight.Creamonthetipofafox’stongue.She tasteslikehope.”

VIRGO(Aug.23-Sept.22):Iboughtanoldhoroscopebook atagaragesalefor25cents.Thecoverwasmissingandsome pageswerewater-damaged,sopartsofitwerehardtodecipher. Butthefollowingpassagejumpedoutatme:“Inromanticmatters, Virgosinitiallytendtobecool,evenstandoffish.Theirperfectionism mayinterferewiththeirabilitytofollowthroughonpromising beginnings.Butiftheyeverallowthemselvestorelaxandgofurther, theywilleventuallyignite.Andthen,watchout!Theirpassionwill generateintenseheatandlight.”Isuspectthatthisdescriptionmay applytoyouinthecomingweeks.Let’shopeyouwilltrustyour intuitionaboutwhichpossibilitieswarrantyourcautionandwhich deserveyouropening.

BYROBBREZSNY

LIBRA(Sept.23-Oct.22):“Thesecretofbeingaboreisto telleverything,”saidFrenchwriterVoltaire.Iagree,andaddthese thoughts:Totelleverythingalsotemptsyoutowronglyimaginethat youhaveeverythingcompletelyfiguredout.Furthermore,itmay compromiseyourleverageindiceysituationswhereotherpeople areusinginformationasaweapon.Sothemoralofthecurrentstory isthis:Don’ttelleverything!Irealizethiscouldbehard,sinceyouare agoodtalkerthesedays;yourabilitytoexpressyourselfisatapeak. Sowhatshouldyoudo?Wheneveryouspeak,aimforqualityover quantity.Andalwaysweaveinabitofmystery.

SCORPIO(Oct.23-Nov.21):Ducksarethemostunflappable creaturesIknow.Catsareoftenregardedasthetoppractitioners ofthe“Idon’tgiveaf---”attitude,butIthinkducksoutshine them.Whendomesticfelinesexhibittheirclassicaloofness,there’s sometimesasubtextofannoyanceorcontempt.Butducksare consistentlyasimperturbableasZenmasters.Rightnow,asIgaze outmyofficewindow,I’mwatchingfiveofthemswimcalmly,with easygoingnonchalance,againsttheswiftcurrentofthecreekinthe torrentialrain.Iinviteyoutobelikeducksinthecomingdays.Now isanexcellenttimetopracticethehighartoftrulynotgivingaf---.

SAGITTARIUS(Nov.22-Dec.21):MyoldfriendJeff startedworkingatagamblingcasinoinAtlanticCity.“You’vegone overtothedarkside!”Ikidded.Heacknowledgedthat90percent ofthecasino’svisitorslosemoneygambling.Onthebrightside,he said,95percentofthemleavehappy.don’tencourageyoutodo thiskindofgamblinginthenearfuture,Sagittarius.It’struethat youwillberidingaluckystreak.Butsmarter,surerriskswillbea betterwaytochannelyourgoodfortune.Sohere’sthebottomline: Inwhateverwayyouchoosetobetorspeculate,don’tletyourlively spiritstrickyouintorelyingonpureimpulsiveness.Dotheresearch. Performyourduediligence.It’snotenoughjusttobeentertained. Thegoalistobothhavefunandbesuccessful.

CAPRICORN(Dec.22-Jan.19):AncientGreekphilosopher Epicuruswasapioneerthinkerwhoseideashelpedpavetheway forthedevelopmentofscience.Believenothing,hetaught,unless youcanevaluateitthroughyourpersonalobservationandlogical analysis.Usingthisadmirableapproach,hedeterminedthatthe sizeofoursunisabouttwofeetindiameter.I’mguessingthatyou havemadecomparablemis-estimationsaboutatleasttwofactsof life,Capricorn.Theyseemquitereasonablebutareverywrong.The goodnewsisthatyouwillsoonberelievedofthosemistakes.After someinitialdisruption,youwillfeelliberated.

AQUARIUS(Jan.20-Feb.18):AquarianinventorThomas Edisonowned1,093patents.Nicknamed“TheWizardofMenlo Park,”hedevisedthefirstpracticalelectricallightbulb,themovie camera,thealkalinestoragebatteryandmanymoreusefulthings. Thecreationhelovedbestwasthephonograph.Itwasthefirst machineinhistorythatcouldrecordandreproducesound. Edisonbraggedthatnooneelsehadevermadesuchawonderful instrument.Itwas“absolutelyoriginal.”Ibringthistoyourattention, Aquarius,becauseIthinkyou’redueforanoutbreakofabsolute originality.Whatarethemostuniquegiftsyouhavetooffer?In additiontothoseyoualreadyknowabout,newonesmaybeready toemerge.

PISCES(Feb.19-March20):Here’sanexperimentthat makesgoodastrologicalsenseforyoutotryinthecomingweeks. Wheneveryoufeelatingeoffrustration,immediatelysay,“Iaman irrepressiblesourceofpowerandfreedomandlove.”Anytimeyou noticeatraceofinadequacyrisingupinyou,oratouchofblame oratasteofanger,declare,“Iamanirresistiblemagnetforpower andfreedomandlove.”Ifyou’rebotheredbyamistakeyoumade, oraflashofignoranceexpressedbyanotherpersonoramaddening glitchintheflowofthelifeforce,stopwhatyou’redoing,interrupt theirritationandproclaim,“Iamawashinpowerandfreedomand love.”

LULUEIGHTBALLBYEMILYFLAKE

MeetTom(A335976)!Tom’sa7-month-oldoldkittywhocannotget enoughattention.ScratchTomunderhischinandhe’llpurrupastorm immediately.Thissweetandlovingcatisalwaysinthemoodtocuddle, andhe’llneverleaveyourside.Tom’sthepurrfectfriendashegetsalong withothercatsandeveryonehemeets.DuringthemonthofDecember, OrangeCountyAnimalServicesisreducingadoptionfeestojust$12for allpets.CometoOrangeCountyAnimalServicesandadoptthislittle cuddlemonstertoday.OrangeCountyAnimalServicesislocatedat 2769ConroyRoad,ocnetpets.com.

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I’ma24-year-oldgaymalewithfewresources andno“marketable”skills.Ihavemadealotof badchoicesandnowIstruggletomakeends meetinacrappydead-endjob,livingpaycheckto paycheckinanexpensiveEastCoastcity.Recently, someoneonGrindrofferedme$3,000tohave sexwithhim.Heishomelyandnearlythreetimes myage,butheseemskindandrespectful.Icould reallyusethatmoney.Ihavenomoralopposition toprostitution,butthefewfriendsI’vespokento werehorrified.Partofmeagreesandthinksthis isareallybadideaandI’llregretit.Butthere’s anotherpartofmethatfigures,hey,it’sjustsex –andI’vedonemorehumiliatingthingsforalot lessmoney.Itmakesmesadtothinktheonlyway Icanmakemoneyisprostitutingmyself,because mylooksaren’tgoingtolastforever.Andlet’sface it:Prostitutionisanuglyandmessybusiness,and itwouldn’timpressapotentialfutureemployer.

StressedOverTakingElderlyMan’sPayment

ToEatDick

IsharedyourletterwithDr.EricSprankle, anassistantprofessorofpsychologyatMinnesota StateUniversityandalicensedclinicalpsychologist.“Thisyoungmanisdistressedthathemay havetoresortto‘prostitutinghimself,’whichsuggestshe,likemostpeople,viewssexworkasthe sellingofone’sbodyorthesellingofoneself,”said Dr.Sprankle,whotweetsaboutsexualhealth,the rightsofsexworkersandsecularism@DrSprankle.

Butyouwouldn’tbesellingyourselforyour body,SOTEMPTED,youwouldbesellingaccess toyourbody–temporaryaccess–andwhatever particularkindofsexyouconsentedtohavewith thismaninexchangeforhismoney.

“Sexworkisthesaleofaservice,”saidDr. Sprankle.“Theservicemayinvolvespecificbody partsthataren’ttypicallyinvolvedinmostindustries,butitisunequivocallyaservicelaborindustry.Justasmassagetherapistsaren’tsellingtheir handsorthemselveswhenworkingoutthekinks ofsomewealthyolderclient,sexworkersare merelysellingphysicalandemotionallabor.

“Hewillhavetobeselectiveaboutwhomhe shareshisworkexperienceswithandmayhaveto keepitalifelongsecretfromfamilyandcoworkers,”saidDr.Sprankle.“Thiscouldfeelisolating andinauthentic.AndwhileIamnotawareofany empiricalevidencetosuggestmenwhoentersex workinthismannerlaterregrettheirdecision, thisyoungman’sfriendshavealreadygivenhima glimpseoftheunfortunatedoublestandardsocial stigmaofpursuingthiswork.”

Ialsosharedyourletterwithacoupleofguys who’veactuallydonesexwork–oneabonafide sexworker,theotherasexualadventurer.

“IwasstruckbythewordsSOTEMPTEDused todescribesexwork:ugly,messy,humiliating,” saidMikeCrawford,asexworker,sex-workersrightsactivist,andself-identified“cashsexual” whotweets@BringMeTheAx.“Formanyofus,it’s actuallynothinglikethat.Whenyoustripawaythe moralizingandmisinformation,sexworkissimply ajobthatprovidesavaluableservicetoyour clients.Humiliationormesscanbeinvolved–if that’swhatgetsthemoff–butthereisabsolutely nothinginherentlyuglyordegradingaboutthe workitself.”

BYDANSAVAGE

“It’struethathecouldwindupregrettingdoing thepaid-sexthing,”saidCrawford.“Thenagain, there’sachanceofregretinalmostanyhookup. Lotsofpeoplewhodidn’tgetpaidforsexwindup havingpost-fuckregrets.I’dalsoencouragehim toconsiderthepossibilitythathemightlookback andregretnottakingtheplunge.I’vemetplenty ofsexworkersovertheyearswhowishtheyhad startedsooner.”

“Idon’tregretit,”saidPhilip(nothisrealname), areaderwhosentmeaquestionaboutwantingto experiencegettingpaidforsexandlatertookthe plunge.“IfeltlikeIwasinthepowerposition.And inthemoment,itwasn’tdistressing.Justbesure tonegotiateeverythinginadvance–what’son thetableandwhat’snot–andbeveryclearabout expectationsandlimits.”

Philip,whoisbisexual,woundupbeingpaidfor sexbytwoguys.Bothwereolder,bothweremore nervousthanhewas,andneitherwerelookers.

“Butyoudon’treallylook,”saidPhilip.“You closeyoureyes,youdetachyourselffromyourself–itislikemeta-sex,likewatchingyourself havingsex.”

Ithastobesaidthatthereareplentyofpeople outtherewhoregretdoingsexwork–theirstoriesaren’thardtofind,asactivistswhowantsex worktoremainillegalareconstantlypromoting them.Butfeelingsofregretaren’tuniquetosex work,andpeoplewhodoregretdoingsexwork oftencitetheconsequencesofitsillegality(police harassment,criminalrecord)aschiefamongtheir regrets.

OnelastpieceofadvicefromCrawford:“There isaprettyglaringredflaghere:$3,000isareally, reallysteeppriceforasingledate.I’mnotimplyingthatSOTEMPTEDisn’tworthit,buttheold‘if itsoundstoogoodtobetrue’adagedefinitely appliesinsexwork.Shouldhedecidetodothis, heneedstoscreencarefullybeforeagreeingto meetinperson.ThesafetyresourcesontheSex WorkersOutreachProjectwebsite(swopusa.org) areagreatplaceforhimtolearnhowtodojust that.”

I’mastraighttwentysomethingwoman.I recentlygavemypartnerablowjob.Hewasenjoyingit,obviously,andthenhesaid,“I’mfeeling brave.Iwantyoutofingerme.”Ihaveneverfingeredamanbefore,andhehasneversuggested thathemightbeintothat,soIwascaughtoff guard.Iresponded,“Butwedon’thavelube!”He didn’tsayanything,andIfinishedhimoffwithout fingeringhim.Hehasn’tbroughtitupsince.Heis amanlymanandconservative.Iwanthimtobe abletoexperiencethatifit’ssomethinghewants toexperience,butIdon’tknowwhattosay! 2ProdOrNot2Prod Youdon’thavetosayanything.Justbuya littlebottleoflube–notafull-sizebottle(mostof thoselooklikegiantcocks,andwedon’twantto scarethismanlymantodeath)–andsetitonthe nightstand.Whenhenoticesit,2PON2P,smileand say,“That’sforthenexttimeyou’refeelingbrave.”

OntheLovecast,it’stheone-minutewonder show!Listenatsavagelovecast.com. mail@savagelove.net