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EDITORIAL POLICY — Creative Loafing Tampa Bay is a locally-and-employee-owned publication covering public issues, the arts and entertainment. In our pages appear views from across the political and social spectrum. They do not necessarily represent the views of the publisher.
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Isn’t it more likely that instead of you being the world’s greatest liar and manipulator, this chick is just wrong about you? Oracle of Ybor calls out an asshole, p.51.
FRIDAY March 27th 2026
THE GROWN FOLKS STANDARD
Where the Rhythm Meets the Ritual
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A curated selection of premium cigars and a full-service bar for the discerning enthusiast.
Engaging with readers is one of the best parts of this job. In fact, we’ll be out and about early this Friday, March 20 to speak to Cafe con Tampa. The discussion—titled “If journalism is so important to democracy, why do we keep it locked behind a paywall?”—starts at 8 a.m. inside The Portico located at 1001 N Florida Ave. in Tampa. As part of the talk, we’ll discuss the Tampa Bay Journalism project, a nascent, nonprofit-funded initiative aimed at strengthening local, non-paywalled news coverage through a collaborative network of independent outlets. The $12 cover includes breakfast, and a scholarship program is available for anyone who is unable to cover the fee. More information is available via @cafecontampa on Facebook. Have a look at what came in the bag. Scan the QR code to send us an email.—Ray Roa
Re: ‘Photos: Tampa celebrates St. Patrick’s Day with River O’Green and downtown parade’
Why is Creative Loafing Tampa continuing to talk about this HAS BEEN” How about talking about the folks who really want to do the RIGHT THING for the City of Tampa, not LINING their own pockets. Buckhorn is OLD news. Why not talk about any/all of the following: The Rome Yard project that is YEARS behind schedule- after Jane’s bud, Anna rode around in the car with the developers who won the contract and didn’t start working on it until WELL after someone started going to council about it repeatedly complaining. The fact that the City is over a billion MORE in debt than we were when Castor took office. The current Mayor is besties with this clown, she’s constantly pushing for MORE shady shizzle going on. They play shell games every time the Revenue and Finance Dept shows up to council to answer questions. The Mayor had a round table of City Attorneys meet at the beginning of January to figure out how to stop the Charter Review Commission AFTER she didn’t bother herself to participate in setting up the committee. OBSTRUCTIONISTS... let’s also mention the denial of Lynn Hurtak for Mayor not being able to ride along with code enforcement, accusing Council of disrupting people from their jobs. How is that any different than EVERY SINGLE ADMINISTRATOR showing up and sitting in TCC ALL day long when SHE wants something? Why not talk about how BUCKHORN BRAGGED that he would NEVER raise fees in the City for development, so guess who pays for the difference between what developers pay and what it costs--- THE CITIZENS of Tampa! The people who already live here and pay taxes. We are paying out of OUR pockets for developers to get what they want!! Don’t believe me, look at the mobility fees study. Look how much every community around us is making for development. Pull public records on the Construction Services Fee Study and/or Land Development Fee Study. City Staff has BOTH in their hands but refuses to share them with the Citizens or TCC. Our City could and SHOULD have much more and much better services, but
this Clown AND his bestie. PLEASE quit glorifying him and his crap. He doesn’t care about us. He’s brazenly told folks that THAN—Tampa Homeowners Association of Neighborhoods GROUP should mind their own business and let him be in charge. It’s time to start reporting the REAL NEWS about what is going on in Tampa. Start following poynoragenda.review for more of what is going on in our city that NO ONE is talking about. Instead fluff about a leprechaun who is quietly picking our pockets.
—Stephanie Poynor
From a general email
Creative Loafing has been a local resource for culture and the arts for decades. My fellow readers and I were very disappointed however when we were browsing through the most recent edition of CLT, because we spotted a number of troubling ads in the paper. After a casual flip through Creative Loafing we counted five ads in this paper that are clearly using AI generated art. We know you have to keep the lights on, and ads are how you do that. But what does it say when there is this disconnect between supporting local artists, and propagating the tools that rob artists of their livelihoods (along with all the other damage AI is doing to our culture and the world at large)? Your magazine claims to be a place that supports local arts, artists and entertainment. And we can all agree that CL accomplishes that! But as someone whose gut reaction to seeing AI generated ANYTHING is immediate disgust, I would highly encourage you to reject ads in your paper that are clearly AI slop. And to all your advertisers: AI slop makes your brand look cheap and low quality. It does not encourage me to give you my business. We have tons of artists right here in the Bay that can make beautiful and appealing art that people will actually want to look at.
—Cliff Whitty Gabb, St. Petersburg
(My response: Thanks, Cliff. As you probably know, as EIC, I do not get in the way of our sales team when it comes to them doing their jobs (and they don’t tell us what to write either). I also am appreciative of the sacrifice each of our advertisers makes to send a check to our publication every week. I hear your concern about AI and supporting local artists, however, and share much of it. My relationship with how I come in contact with AI is always evolving. And it’s always conflicted! We’re proud to keep offering our publication to readers, with only one’s ability to read, access the website, or reach into a newspaper box as the only barrier. TLDR. I hear you. This is probably too complicated of a conversation for email. Happy to chat on the phone or even grab a coffee. P.S. Would you be open to this running is a letter to the editor?)
Cliff’s response: Hey thanks so much for your reply! We’re going to keep on supporting CL as much as ever and I appreciate you getting back to me so quickly. Yes if you want to run as letter to the editor.
Fight back
Photos by Dave Decker
Seventh Avenue has a reputation for being the backdrop for political activity, from the 1937 Antifascist Women’s March, to a recent re-enactment of it, and of course last Saturday’s People’s Pride Coalition march. Organized in part by the Tampa chapter of Students for a Democratic Society and the Tampa Immigrant Rights Committee, the action started and ended at Centennial Park in Ybor City. Meant to acknowledge the hiatus that Tampa’s big Pride parade is on, a press release said the march also hoped “to raise awareness of pinkwashing that is often put onto the LGBT community to justify imperialism, and to also show that pride can happen in Tampa without corporate sponsorships.” See all the photos via cltampa.com/news.—Ray Roa
do this
Tampa Bay's best things to do from March 19-25. See more on pp. 31, 41 & 43
Vallely boy
Some things don’t change much, and skateboard culture is one of them. While the money and sponsorship game has leveled up, skateboarders have always been the ones to do off the wall shit anywhere they could. Mike Vallely is a legend for it around the Bay area. Now in his mid-50s, and long known as Mike V, the Bones Brigadier landed a Thrasher cover in 1986. The former Black Flag singer was also a regular at Tarpon Springs’ Astro Skate, where he’ll return on March 21 to hang (no demo though!). On March 22, Vallely comes to Skatepark of Tampa for a session and storytelling. Mike will be sharing stories and conversation from the golden era of street skating and his early days in professional skateboarding,” SPoT wrote. “Expect good vibes, skateboarding, and some real history from one of the most influential voices in the culture.”
Concrete Campfire w/Mike Vallely: Sunday, March 22. 1 p.m.-5 p.m. No cover. Skatepark of Tampa, 4215 E Columbus Dr., Tampa. @spottampa on Facebook—Ray Roa
Threaded through time
Fashion and storytelling intertwine at Ringling College of Art and Design’s annual student-led runway show. This year’s theme, “Woven in Time,” follows a soul’s journey in three acts: “Life, Battle and The Unknown.” Before the runway lights come up, guests are invited to an outdoor pre-show featuring a photo area, live figure-sketch portrait artists and other interactive elements meant to immerse visitors in the creative spirit behind the production. The show itself highlights the work of 21 designers, all exploring how identity, struggle and transformation shape the threads of existence. The event will showcase 30 original garments modeled by students, with more than 100 students from 13 creative majors at Ringling College contributing to the event. The show is sold out, but hopeful guests can join a waitlist at genesisfashionshow.com.
Ringling College Studio Labs Soundstages and Post-Production Complex, 1334 Dr. Martin Luther King Way, Sarasota—Laura Troyer
You imprinted on my daughter?!
Armature Works invites Twihards back to the lawn for the last chapter of the “Twilight Saga,” the dramatic vampire franchise that defined kids of the 2000s. Guests can spread out on the lawn for a moody, midweek movie night under the stars to relive the nostalgia and cringe. The movie begins at 8 p.m., but visitors are encouraged to arrive early to grab dinner from Heights Public Market and claim a good spot on the grass. VIP chair and blanket seating upgrades are also available and include complimentary popcorn. Bring a blanket, friends and the most disturbing baby doll you can find.
Movie on the Lawn: “The Twilight Saga: Breaking Dawn – Part 2”: Wednesday, March 25. 8 p.m. No cover. Armature Works, 1910 N Ola Ave., Tampa. armatureworks.com—Laura Troyer
COURTESY
Hail Shesar
Men aren’t the only ones thinking about the Roman empire. TheStudio@620’s allfemale cast brings ambition, loyalty and betrayal to the stage with a sharp reimagining of Shakespeare’s “Julius Caesar.” Roxanne Fay, who adopted the play and stars as Brutus, told Tampa Bay Arts Passport that the production should feel more like reliving Roman-inspired action movies like “Gladiator” and “Spartacus” than high school English homework. “Throw the idea that, ‘Oh my God, I’m going to a Shakespeare play’ out the window,” Fay said on the TB Arts Passport podcast. “It’s more of a thoughtful entertainment than it is a lesson. “The lessons it does hold—of corruption and manipulation of public opinion—are still as relevant today as they were in 1599. And they aren’t gendered. “I hope to reveal that the seeds of destruction—and the potential for repair—exist within all of us,” Fay told TB Arts Passport. “We all bear witness. We all share responsibility.” Tickets range from $25-$40, with savings for students, seniors, studio members and groups.
Julius Caesar: Select dates and times through March 22. TheStudio@620, 620 1st Avenue South, St. Petersburg. thestudioat620. org—Laura Troyer & Selene San Felice
Fast and the furriest
Wiener Dog Derby brings pint-sized racers, wagging tails and a little friendly competition to Clearwater for OCC Road House’s Pet Day. Away from the track, guests can meet adoptable animals, stop by a petting zoo with goats and other small animals, and browse local vendors selling treats, prizes and petrelated goods. Free mechanical bull rides and a 360 photo booth are also part of the line-up. The venue’s petfriendly patio will have water, shade and treats available, and representatives from Harley-Davidson will also be on site, offering pet accessories through the CUDA dealership.
Pet Day at OCC Road House/ Wiener Dog Derby: Saturday, March 21. 11 a.m., races begin at noon. No cover; $15 race registration. OCC Road House, 10575 49th St. N., Clearwater. shop.occroadhouse.com—Laura Troyer
Join the Union
Things are going to start changing at Tampa Union Station. The city’s 113-year-old landmark is in line for a facelift, and staging areas for passengers are being set up as we speak (the trains aren’t going to stop running, after all). As WMNF News reported in January, the renovation at the hands of architect Jerel McCants is expected to wrap in early-2017 and includes new windows, bathrooms, and more. It comes as the building, last renovated in the ’90s, was seeing signs of wear and tear from termite damage, water leaks. Everything is designed historically to maintain the building’s historic status. As the project starts, the 50-year-old Tampa Bay Community Design Center offers a behind the scenes hard hat tour times with the arrival of Amtrak’s Floridian line from Miami. Led by Brandie Miklus, President of the Friends of Tampa Union Station, along with the contractor Collage Company, the tour will be followed by an optional happy hour across the street at Late Start Brewing and Mighty Fine—home of some of the best beer and burgers in the Bay.
Tampa Union Station Hardhat Tour: Wednesday, March 25 . 5 p.m. $25. Tampa Union Station, 601 N Nebraska Ave., Tampa. tbcommunitydesign.org—Ray Roa
C/O WIENER DOG DERBY
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Cops out
Castor revises immigration policies, despite calls to stand up to AG.
By Valerie Smith
Despite calls to stand up for the people of Tampa,Tampa Mayor Jane Castor responded to threats of removal by revising Tampa Police Department policies on immigration enforcement. The changes were in response to a demand Florida Attorney General James Uthmeier issued last week. Uthmeier had accused the department of having “sanctuary policies” and threatened to remove Castor from office unless the city backed down.
“The city of Tampa has no intention of violating state or federal law,” Castor wrote in a letter to Uthmeier on Monday. “We will continue to use best efforts to support the enforcement of federal immigration law, as well as state law.”
As reported by the Florida Phoenix, Castor’s letter came with links to the TPD’s now former policies regarding immigration enforcement and its revised policies. Two policies on immigration have been removed.
One said Tampa police officers were “not required to share information with federal immigration authorities regarding victims or witnesses of a crime, nor shall they inquire into or investigate the immigration status of cooperative victims, witnesses, or in individuals requesting police services.”
The second said officers were prohibited from engaging in broad immigration enforcement actions, such as workplace raids, traffic checkpoints, and area saturation sweeps.
That language has now been replaced by saying that, pursuant to Florida Statute 908.104 (7), an officer is not required to provide a federal immigration agency with information related to a victim or a witness to a criminal offense “if the victim or witness is necessary to the investigation or prosecution of a crime and such crime occurred in the U.S., and the victim or witness timely and in good faith responds to the entity or agency’s request for information and cooperates in the investigation or prosecution of such offense.”
upon an individual’s race, ethnicity, national origin, religion, or any other legally protected characteristic.”
But Uthmeier's letter to Castor asked that Castor deviate from a policing standard that law enforcement leaders say is crucial for reducing crime. Immigration attorneys and police—along with Florida Republicans who wrote the law banning sanctuary cities—often agree that victims and witnesses need to be protected from immigration enforcement so they won’t be deterred from reporting crimes. In absence of these protections, experts say criminals may walk free as witnesses are deported before prosecution, crimes may never be reported in the first place, and immigrants may be forced to endure abuse to avoid deportation.
LOCAL NEWS
It references Florida Statute 908.104 (9), which says state law “does not authorize a law enforcement agency to detain an alien unlawfully present in the United States pursuant to an immigration detainer solely because the alien witnessed or reported a crime or was a victim of a criminal offense.”
The revised TPD policy maintains a prohibition on biased policing. Enforcement actions “shall never be initiated, influenced, or based
Legal experts have questioned Uthmeier’s claim that Castor could be lawfully removed for the alleged policy. Local immigration attorneys told Creative Loafing Tampa Bay that the mayor should protect victims and witnesses and challenge any removal in court.
“You know, the threat is really not to be taken lightly by the mayor, but at the same time, she needs to stand up for the people of Tampa,” immigration attorney Daniela Carrión told CL. “She needs to denounce this letter of political bullying, because that’s all it is. There’s no legal basis to remove her from office.”
Carrión also said that the impact of Castor’s response could ripple out across Tampa Bay.
Now, other departments with victim and witness protection policies, like the Hillsborough County Sheriff’s Office, could follow suit.
Immigration attorney Ahmad Yakzan said a challenge from Castor could've set precedent for the entire state and force courts to define ambiguous language in statute, limiting the ways in which the state can use Florida statute to threaten removal.
“(Castor) shouldn’t budge on it,” Yakzan told CL about the ambiguous Florida statute. “Someone needs to test it and unfortunately, in the United States, we can’t even test it without going to court.”
If TPD and ICE reach an agreement to share victim and witness information, Yakzan said it wouldn’t make sense for most people without legal residency status to report crimes. “I don’t think that any witnesses or victims should come forward to (report) anything, because they will be risking deportation. And that will hamper law enforcement efforts,” Yakzan told CL.
Though Carrión speculated that Castor could potentially get a preliminary injunction temporarily reversing a suspension, she said that shouldn’t be Castor’s deciding factor. “I think the legal battle here is very interesting, but at the end of the day, … it doesn’t matter. The mayor should speak for the people. The mayor’s job isn’t to ensure that she remains mayor. The mayor’s job is to make sure she does as the people ask of her.”
continued on page 19
WALKING AWAY: Castor avoided being removed from office before her term is up next May.
Police experts say victims and witnesses should be protected
Nashville Police Chief John Drake is the president of the Police Executive Research Forum, a group of police chiefs and sheriffs dedicated to determining best practices in policing. “Crime flourishes when there’s silence,” Drake told the crowd at PERF’s 2025 annual meeting. “If people have been victimized by crime and they don’t report it to local law enforcement, how do we help those people? What if people are raped or robbed, but they’re afraid to report it because they think they’re going to get deported?”
Even the Center for Immigration Studies— an anti-immigration think tank founded by self-proclaimed eugenecist John Tanton, a man the Southern Poverty Law Center called “the racist architect of the modern anti-immigrant movement”—warns against arresting victims of crimes. They also say that the U visa program is too bogged down to be useful for most crime victims and shouldn’t be relied upon.
In his letter, Uthmeier suggested that police wouldn’t have to worry about investigations being derailed by deportations because of “procedures in place” for victims. Specifically, he referenced the U visa program, which was made to help victims of certain crimes remain in the country even if they are here unlawfully.
Immigrants are vulnerable to crimes of exploitation
As an immigration attorney, Carrión has witnessed the human cost of immigration enforcement first hand.
Rosa Patishtan-Gomez is an indigenous Mexican woman who lawfully came to Tampa Bay on a seasonal agricultural visa where she was quickly labor trafficked by her employer.
Carrión, who provided her with pro-bono legal representation, told the San Pedro Gazette last year that Patishtan-Gomez was forced to work up to 120 hours a week with no overtime. She was indebted to her employer and overstayed her visa. She had children in the U.S., one of whom was 11 months old and still breastfeeding.
Florida Highway Patrol arrested PatishtanGomez anyway. She then spent at least a month in ICE detention, separated from her children, before being deported. Carrión said she likely qualified for a T visa—a visa that protects trafficking victims—but she would have had to wait longer to see her children.
LOCAL NEWS
Only 10,000 U visas may be issued per year, resulting in a notoriously slow system and a massive backlog. DHS’ website says that applications from 2017 and earlier are currently being processed. Additionally, a U visa applicant is not guaranteed protection from deportation while their application is being reviewed, a process that can take 8–10 years. Like many immigration issues, U visa woes predate either Trump administration. Uthmeier’s office did not answer questions addressing the difficulties in existing federal victim and witness relief methods.
Criminal defense attorney and former state prosecutor Francesca de la Grana told CL that even a policy of reporting arrestees to ICE can chill reporting of domestic violence.
“I can tell you that right now, every single one of my clients that gets arrested, if they do not have papers, it’s an automatic ICE hold,” she told CL. “Back in the day, if someone was arrested for a DUI, or no valid driver’s license, or really any 1st or 2nd degree misdemeanor, (they were released).”
If someone knows a partner or family member will be detained by ICE upon arrest, de la Grana said they are less likely to call the police even if that person becomes abusive. “It just creates a lot more work because ultimately we’re not able to prosecute those cases. Because everyone’s trying to protect one another, their family members.”
This is a common pattern for labor traffickers. This week, a Mexican national at federal court in Tampa pleaded guilty to human trafficking of immigrant workers who entered the U.S. on temporary agricultural visas. Once the workers arrived, their passports were confiscated to prevent them from leaving the country and they were shackled by debt. While living in unsanitary, crowded conditions, victims were forced to work long hours for criminally low pay under threat of deportation and harm to them and their families. Prosecutors relied on immigrant worker victim testimony to build their case.
Carrión told CL that language barriers and the threat of deportation often lead immigrants to fear reporting crimes. She said police bias can also play a part as many police are less likely to believe nonwhite people or people who aren’t native English speakers when they say they have been victims.
Immigrants on agricultural visas are also less likely to report human trafficking, Carrión said. They are often coerced into abuse and slavery by companies taking advantage of the threat of ICE detention and deportation. Many are coerced into overstaying their visas so they will be fearful of going to the police, where they could be sent to ICE detention facilities, she told CL.
Many immigrants detained in Florida are sent to the Everglades Detention Center or Krome Processing Center. At both of these locations, Amnesty International has reported that detainees are subjected to abuse and torture. Detainees are often not allowed to contact their lawyers, preventing them from applying for a U visa or any form of lawful relief.
This story includes reporting from Florida Phoenix. Read more, and the latest developments, via cltampa.com/news.
THURSDAY, MARCH 19 TH
7:00 PM: WEEKLY IMPROV DROP-IN CLASS
Our Weekly Improv Drop-In is the perfect place to give improv a try, even (and especially!) if you've never done it before. Take the plunge this Thursday!
8:30 PM: STU.CO.: A MONTHLY SHOW
FEATURING THE STUDENTS OF THE COMMODORE
Students from our improv classes perform with their instructors in this monthly showcase!
SATURDAY, MARCH 21 ST
8:00 PM: THE BEST F**KING SHOW
A comedy variety show with standup, sketch, bits, music, clown, and any f**king thing you can think of.
SUNDAY, MARCH 22 ND
4:00 PM: CLEAN COMEDY SHOWCASE
Join your host Marla Hartson for Tampa Bay's only clean comedy showcase!
7:00 PM: WIGS & WIT
Three comedians and three drag queens go head to head, trading one another's talents in a contest to see who reigns supreme, with YOU as the judge in the final round!
RESTAURANTS RECIPES DINING GUIDES
In the doghouse
Nah Dogs opening St. Pete spot, and more Tampa Bay food news.
By Laura Troyer and Kailey Aiken
St. Petersburg’s vegan hot dog cart is trading wheels for walls.
This summer, after years of festivals, late-night markets and Best of the Bay wins, Nah Dogs will finally have a home.
The longtime pop-up, owned by local couple Jeff and Jenny Howe, plans to open a brick-andmortar at 18 22nd St. S in the Grand Central District, adding a third St. Pete staple to the already beloved Black Crow Coffee Co. and Tombolo Books duo.
The Howes first launched Nah Dogs back in 2019, debuting the cart as a simple hot dog stand with a 100% vegan menu and dozens of topping combinations.
Six years later, the idea clearly stuck. The street dogs won Best Food Pop-Up in Creative Loafing’s Best of the Bay readers’ poll two years in a row, including the most recent 2025 Food & Drink edition. The shop also made PETA’s list for the nation’s top vegan hot dogs.
Naked Farmer reopening OG St. Pete spot
After nearly nine months of renovations, Naked Farmer reopens its doors at 200 Central Ave next Friday, March 27.
The local chain’s $1.5 million overhaul expanded its original kitchen in downtown St. Pete by about 400 square feet, added a new exhaust system and refreshed the interior, per St. Pete Rising.
The restaurant returns with the same builda-bowl, veggie-forward menu that helped it grow from a single St. Pete location in 2020 into a rapidly expanding regional chain.
The restaurant leans hard into the farm-to-table concept, sourcing much of its produce from Florida farms and building menus around seasonal produce. Plates typically start with a protein or veggie base, then grow with grains, greens and “harvest sides.”
OPENINGS
The Howes have also been involved in other corners of St. Pete’s vegan dining scene, including Good Intentions, the plantbased restaurant in the Grand Central District they helped launch alongside two dearly missed vegan spots, Black Radish and Golden Dinosaurs.
Since 2019, Nah Dogs has evolved—and the weenies have only gotten weirder. Dogs at recent pop ups include “Where the Hell Is St. Pete’s?!”, topped with kimchi cream cheese, chili crunch, everything bagel seasoning, fried onions and scallions on a pretzel bun; the holiday-themed “Feliz Navidog,” a hot dog stuffed inside a tamale with chili, cheddar, crema and salsa verde; and the “Baby Cheesus,” a dog wrapped in griddled cheese and finished with garlic mayo, pickled jalapeños and pickle potato chips.
Nah Dogs offers a wide mix of breads and toppings so customers can build their own plantbased masterpiece, or at least somethig that vaguely resembles a hot dog.
Until the shop opens this summer, Nah Dogs will keep doing what it has for years: popping up around St. Pete. The cart is slated to appear at Indie Flea on April 12 and the Green Thumb Festival on April 25–26. Follow @nahdogs_ stpete on Instagram and @nahdogsstpete on Facebook for updates.
On the current winter menu: dishes like the Harvest Chop Salad with winter citrus farro and candied pecans, or heartier plates like rosemary-roasted chicken with mac and cheese, roasted sweet potatoes and maple-sriracha sauce.
Since planting roots downtown, Naked Farmer has spread across Florida with locations in Tampa, Sarasota, Miami, Fort Lauderdale, Sunrise and Coral Gables, with a newer outpost in Charlotte. Planned locations include Nashville, West Palm Beach, Palm Beach Gardens and Wesley Chapel. St. Pete’s second Naked Farmer location is expected to open later this summer at 2631 4th St. N., the former home of EVOS.
Naked Farmer in downtown St. Pete will be open 11 a.m.-9 p.m. Sunday-Thursday and 11 a.m.-10 p.m. Friday-Saturday.
Noisy Crane Tea House moves to Soho
After months of searching for the perfect home in St. Pete, Noisy Crane Tea House has landed in Tampa’s SoHo.
The new location, tucked inside The Paper Seahorse at 213 S. Howard Ave., officially opened its doors on March 12.
Following the digital detox ethos of their bungalow-mates, phone use is discouraged, laptops are not allowed and drinks aren’t available to-go. Tea is prepared and poured table-side, and
the space encourages guests to sit and spend time, whether that be with friends or your local alt-weekly pub (wink).
Noisy Crane’s offerings are just as thoughtful and intentional as the service. While guests shouldn’t expect lattes, nor cream and sugar, they can order classics like matcha, green teas like genmaicha and hojicha, aged pu’er, whites, blacks, oolongs and inventive herbal blends. Tea can also be purchased for retail and classes are offered to bring the gong fu experience home.
Founder KC Cavanaugh is no stranger to Tampa Bay’s tea-loving crowd. From February 2024 to March 2025, she ran the teahouse from inside In Between Days in St. Pete, blending traditional Asian tea culture with a modern, intimate experience. Before that, she brought her products and drinks to local markets, participating in pop-ups and offering tea-centered classes.
More classes and workshops are on the way, covering everything from tea history and regional traditions to hands-on brewing techniques and guided tastings.
Dale Mabry now has another go-to for empanadas and morning coffee.
Latin-inspired Eleven80 Cafe recently opened at 2109 S Dale Mabry Hwy.. Its signature is housemade empanadas fried in beef tallow.
In addition to breakfast and lunch empanadas, guests can find breakfast plates, omelets, sandwiches, fruity refreshers, coffee and espresso drinks. Eleven80’s most unique menu items are its Italian beef empanada, which features slow cooked beef layered with mozzarella cheese, and the guava and goat cheese dessert empanada.
The moniker is a nod to the roughly 1,180mile journey owners Nelson and Liz Massari made from Chicago and Boston to Tampa, according to the shop’s website. Eleven80 Cafe is open from 7 a.m.-2 p.m. Wednesday-Monday. More info and updates are at eleven80.com and @eleven80cafe on Instagram.
WIENER WIENER: Nah Dogs has been popping up around St. Pete since 2019.
PINELLAS
JIMMY’S TACOS
SONDER SOCIAL CLUB
RED MESA MERCADO
FRESCO’S WATERFRONT
TEQUILA DAISY
WHO’S ON FIRST
ROOSTER FISH GRILL
THE LURE
CLEARSKY CAFE
BIRCHWOOD CANOPY
GIGGLEWATERS
BARFLY
VIP MEXICAN RESTAURANT
COCKTAIL
RED MESA RESTAURANT
HIFI ROOFTOP BAR
RED MESA CANTINA
THE BRINEHOUSE
MADISON AVE PIZZA
PIER TEAKI
RUMFISH GRILL
TEAK
PISCES SUSHI
TROPHY FISH ST. PETE
THE GALLEY ST. PETE
THE HELM
CRAFTY SQUIRREL
ST. PETE DISTILLERY
GOOD INTENTIONS
CASA TINA
MARINA CANTINA
THE HONU
JIMMY’S TACOS
FRESCO’S WATERFRONT
TEQUILA DAISY
THE LURE
BIRCHWOOD CANOPY
GIGGLEWATERS
COCKTAIL
RED MESA RESTAURANT
THE BRINEHOUSE
MADISON AVE PIZZA
RUMFISH GRILL
PISCES SUSHI
THE HELM
ST. PETE DISTILLERY
CASA TINA
THE HONU
JIMMY’S TACOS
WHO HAS THE BEST MARGARITA
TEQUILA DAISY
Margarita March
BIRCHWOOD CANOPY
COCKTAIL
MADISON AVE PIZZA
PISCES SUSHI
THE HELM
CASA TINA
Margarita March MARGARITA IN TAMPA BAY?
Competition runs March 5th - April 2ND
HUEVOS RANCHEROS | $11
black beans, tomatillo, tortilla tostada, guajillo salsa, egg
SOPE | $18
pork belly, mole verde, goat cheese, pickled carrot, on a masa sope
MASA BENEDICT | $12
soft masa biscuit, hollandaise, poached egg
CON AMOR BREAKFAST | $16
eggs, bacon, hash, side salsa, pickle mix, guajillo marmalade, side tortillas
HASH BOWL | $20 (ADD EGG $2)
deshebrada, hash, poblano & bell pepper, onion, pickled jalapeno, pickled fresno, guajillo salsa and avocado crema
BREAKFAST BURRITO | $18
pancake, sausage, egg, maple syrup, on a flour tortilla, side hash brown
fried market fish, chipotle aioli, pickled corn, corn tortilla TRES LECHES FRENCH TOAST | $14
with whipped cream, strawberries
CHURROS (2) | $10
mezcal chocolate sauce, cinnamon sugar
Food and drink events happening in Tampa Bay
Beyond the events in our Do This section on pp. 12-13, our bookish happenings on pp. 38 and our events listings on pp. 41 & 43, there are a ton of food and drink experiences happening around Tampa Bay. Have a look at what’s going down the week of March 19-25 and beyond, like Safety Harbor Resort & Spa’s Greek Festival. All events are at community. cltampa.com unless noted otherwise. Head there for more and list your own. —Selene San Felice
Busch Gardens Tampa Bay Food, Wine & Garden Festival Fridays-Sundays through May 10. 12 p.m. No cover with admission. Busch Gardens, Tampa.
Vinyl Gallery Thursday, March 19. 8 p.m. No cover. Punch Room at The Tampa Edition, Tampa
Sailors and Sires Sapphic Mixer Friday, March 20. 7 p.m. No cover (donation suggested). Grand Central Brewhouse, St. Petersburg. @suncitysapphics on Instagram.
High Tea in Wonderland Saturday & Sunday, March 21 & 22. 10 a.m. $35. Jekyll Hyde Park, Tampa Spring Equinox Sourdough Focaccia workshop Saturday, March 21. 10 a.m.
$97.38. Armature Works, Tampa Spring Harvest Dinner Saturday, March 21. 5 p.m. $200. Meacham Urban Farm, Tampa Greek Festival Saturday, March 21. 11 a.m. No cover. Safety Harbor Resort and Spa, Safety Harbor
Sunday Service: David Kibby and Dan Padilla Sunday, March 22. 4 p.m. $5 suggested donation. Deviant Libation, Tampa.
Breakfast Club feat. DJ Ryan Rose Saturday, March 21. 11:30 a.m. No cover. The Tampa Edition, Tampa.
All You Can Eat Crab Feast Tuesdays through April 28. 11 a.m. $55.99. Cody’s Roadhouse, Bradenton & Crystal River. codysoriginalroadhouse.com
Hibachi On The Lawn Tuesday, March 24. 6:30 p.m. $55.20. Armature Works, Tampa.
WhistlePig Whiskey Mixer at Steelbach Thursday, March 26. 6:30 p.m.
$125. Steelbach at Armature Works, Tampa 12th Annual Spring Beer Jam
Thursday-Sunday, March 26-29. 7 p.m. No cover. Dunedin Brewery, Dunedin.
3rd Annual Food From The Soul
Festival Saturday, March 28. 10 a.m. $20 & up. Carrollwood Cultural Center, Tampa.
Garden to Table Dinner Saturday, March 28. 5:30 p.m. $60. Tampa Heights Community Garden, Tampa.
Zoobrews Saturday, March 28. 7:30 p.m. $94. ZooTampa at Lowry Park, Tampa. Sake (salmon) & Sake: Omakase
Dinner Tuesday, March 21. 6 p.m. & 8:30 p.m. $195. Ro Hyde Park, Tampa.
Easter Brunch Sunday, April 5. 11 a.m. & 1 p.m. No cover for entry, but reservations required. Maestro’s Restaurant at Straz Center for the Performing Arts, Tampa
Chef Robert Irvine & Friends
April 9. 7 p.m. $54.98 & up. Seminole Hard
Rock Hotel & Casino, Tampa
Taste of Water Street
16. 5:30 p.m. $107.34. Water Street, Tampa
Taste at Straz Center
18. 6 p.m. $180. Straz Center for the Performing Arts, Tampa
Mother’s Day Brunch
11 a.m. & 1 p.m. No cover for entry, but reservation required. Maestro’s Restaurant at Straz Center for the Performing Arts, Tampa
the code to regsiter or go to www.dfac.org/summer
MOVIES THEATER ART CULTURE
True story
In ‘Anywhere Else,’ St. Pete author Rachel Knox complicates Florida’s clichés.
By Arielle Stevenson
To be from Florida, even for someone born here, is to don a kind of Scarlet F. And that F-word comes with baggage, a lot of it, most of which was brought on by idiots who aren’t even from Florida. Delineating details rarely make the more salacious headlines, and the fact remains: this place is its own ecosystem, politically and culturally, apart from the rest of the South and the nation, really. Florida’s problem is its exports. Through media and myth, Florida remains a kind of punchline.
Sunshine state native and debut author Rachel Knox’s “Anywhere Else”(University Press of Florida) invites readers into her Florida, one that is and isn’t what you know. Using pop culture, history, and lived experience, she parses Florida through cultural touchstones in time, from “Wild Things” to Aileen Wuornos, examining what those exports conceal and who buys into the illusion. She also makes a case for something locals have always known: Florida isn’t just kinda queer— it’s historically so.
a baby four years ago. That’s my praise. It’s super high praise. And your book is getting such great pre-press. I saw T Kira Madden posted about it. That must feel really good.
It does. I feel like it’s hard to gauge the level of feeling. It’s a very strange industry. It’s really hard to tell when you love a book and when lots of people like a book. So I’m just kind of like, “We’ll see what happens.”
You moved back to Florida in 2020. You’d finished at New School by then?
I graduated in May of 2020, which was chaos. Every industry was on fire. … My husband’s family is down here, and I was like, “Why don’t we go back to Florida? At least we’ll be near family, and then I can apply to some grad schools.” I ended up getting into a few programs, but USF had the best aid package, fully-funded, so I was like, “I guess we’re staying here.”
BOOKS
Anywhere Else: The Launch Event w/ Rachel Knox Tuesday, March 24. 7 p.m.-8 p.m. Tombolo Books, 2153 1st Ave. S., St. Petersburg. tomobolobooks.com
A kind of orb weaver’s web results from Knox’s varying shades of Florida and her life growing up here. One that feels closer to so many of our own experiences than most “Florida” books, eerily so. It felt like she was a spy narrating so many beach-bum days, drinking too many cheap beers at Shadrack’s. Like all of us, Florida-born young folks were just a couple barstools away in the same places in different chapters.
Knox celebrates the official launch of “Anywhere Else” at Tombolo Books in St. Petersburg on Tuesday, March 24, 7 p.m.-8 p.m., where she’ll be in conversation with fellow Florida writer Tyler Gillespie. The no-cover event is open to the public.
Before the launch, Creative Loafing Tampa Bay spoke with Knox about writing Florida without turning it into a punchline and what it was like to edit her first book during two catastrophic hurricanes.
Thanks so much for talking to me. … Reading your book was like—first of all, it’s the first book I’ve read in under 24 hours since having
One of my favorite lines you wrote: “your Florida provenance becomes your defining characteristic.” … And you did the thing I didn’t do. You went to New York. But then if you go to New York, you’re from Florida.
I love that the book avoids genre. … How did you start pulling this project together? Did it come out of the MFA?
This is the hardest part of talking about the book. I’ve always had trouble explaining what I write. It doesn’t fit into any typical nonfiction box. … I got really sick of reading books about Florida that all sounded the same and didn’t reflect my experience. So the challenge was like, “OK, what would reflect the version of Florida that I know?” … It’s too complicated to explain easily. I don’t think the typical memoir form does that, and I don’t think the typical Florida essay does that either. So I sort of had to smash them together.
I love that you found ways to use all your research, all the early Florida history in the archives. The book makes clear Florida isn’t just queer, we’re historically queer. Was that something you were thinking about?
One of the huge reasons I wanted to go to grad school in Florida was because I knew what I wanted to write about would be influenced by Florida, and I needed to be here to remember certain things, to have the rose-colored glasses taken off.
Yeah, and I actually don’t think New York helped me become a writer. I moved there to get out of Florida and see what I could do with my life, and restaurants are what changed my life. I was always a writer. I just needed to be somewhere else, away from my family and away from stuff that had happened, and figure something else out.
You’re also a bookseller. It must be wild to write a book as a bookseller.
Yeah. I actually think it’s the best education any writer can have. Everyone who wants to publish a book should work at a bookstore because you see how the sausage gets made. Publishing is one thing. Bookselling is another. They’re connected, but not the same. Seeing what people actually buy and read, what sells and what doesn’t, helps you figure out how to position the book you want to write. I was definitely thinking, “OK, where in the store is this book going to live? …”
Being part of a literary community, we have regulars like a bar. … Events are like going to a TED talk twice a week. MFA program, writing a book, working at a bookstore, it supercharged the process.
You seemed really conscious about punching up.
That’s super important to me. … I always had uneasiness with how people joke about Florida. Some of it is funny, yes, we’re fucked up in weird ways, and it’s easy to lean into the jokes. But I grew up really poor, and I had family you would
consider rednecks or white trash. … I grew up originally in Port Tampa. When we moved to St. Pete when I was in seventh grade, I was like, oh my god, what is this place? … We shopped at Walmart. So it felt important to write for those people, too, to make sure anyone reading this never feels made fun of. Not even in a “You’re in on the joke” way. There isn’t a joke. It’s like, this is what it is. Only we get to have our sense of humor.
It never occurred to me to be ashamed of being from Florida … until I entered the greater writing world.
Yeah. You don’t even know you’re othered because you’re doing all the right things. You’re like, “I’m so metropolitan, I’m so cultured.” And then you do something you don’t realize is outing yourself. You’re like, oh, I’m never going to be able to get away from this. At some point, I stopped being embarrassed. I was like, I actually have a leg up on these people. They’re wearing Carhartt to class and paying thousands of dollars for it, and I’ve had that in my closet since I was 10. It’s my uncle’s jacket. I actually know something these people don’t know. They want what we have. They just never want to have to live through it.
I was curious about the timeline, too. You graduated and then pulled this together. Were you writing through the hurricanes? Oh, yeah. My final manuscript, not the one with copy edits, but the one to turn in before edits, was due between Helene and Milton. I was like, “Hey, this isn’t going to happen, sorry, hurricane.” And that was one of the benefits of being with a Florida press. They’re like, “Yeah, we know.”
SCARLET F: Rachel Knox’s book of essays takes the shame out of Florida.
FRIDAY APRIL 10
MT. JOY
SHAKEY GRAVES • GZA & THE PHUNKY NOMADS • LOVELYTHEBAND
CANNIBAL KIDS • TOM. G • FUTURE JOY • ROHNA • PRIZILLA • SAM E HUES
JOSH GLUCK • PET LIZARD • J.IN.X • JAVIER SOLARIS • LITTLE GIVER
SOFT CUFF • MR. MARLEY • DJ SENOROTEB • DJ XPLICID • DOWN FROM JERSEY
TWO FRIENDS
SATURDAY APRIL 11
JAI WOLF • BRYCE VINE
KASBO • FORESTER • KELSEY HICKMAN • HOTEL FICTION
JANE LEO • CASEY BISHOP • MERCY MCCOY • LIGHT THE WIRE THE URBANE COWBOYS • MELODY BRIDGE • TASTY BOIZ • DAVID WARD
LOLO MAYHEW • DJ SHINES • J-DOG • JASK SUNDAY APRIL 12
DRIVE-BY TRUCKERS • CIMAFUNK
KAITLIN BUTTS • EAST NASH GRASS • THE SUFFERS • PELI GENE
GREG ROY & THE PRESSURE BAND • CAT RIDGEWAY & THE TOURISTS
MARYN ALYSE BAND • MINIM • JUDYANNE JACKSON
KAYLA BLACKMAN • CARIIES • COLLECTIVE WORSHIP • MR. BRAD
Book
By Maroon Stranger
The soil is growing rich for Tampa Bay’s bookworms, with an increasingly eclectic collection of independent bookshops. This summer, St. Petersburg gets its fifth indie bookstore, Pages and Perks. Not to mention several other new and upcoming shops in Ybor City and New Port Richey.
With a primary emphasis on fiction, Pages and Perks will offer a wide variety of genres, from children’s literature to adult romance; joining the ranks of romance-focused Steamy Lit in Tampa and its recently opened St. Pete neighbor, romanceand fantasy-centered The Book Lounge.
BOOKS
As for the ‘Perks’, the shop will offer a bar area with selections of local wine, beer, and sober-friendly mocktails, as well as a familyfriendly atmosphere where kids are welcome to read and roam. St. Pete locals and parents themselves, the Johnsons want to offer their community “a place to learn, explore and expand their horizons through the magic of story.”
Check out more upcoming bookish events below.
Poetry at the Bookstore with Asa Drake, Erin L. McCoy, & Helen Pruitt Wallace Thursday, March 19. 7 p.m. No cover with RSVP.
Tombolo Books, St. Petersburg
Friends of the Safety Harbor Library
Book Sale Friday & Saturday, March 20 & 21. 11 a.m. Friday; 10 a.m. Saturday. No cover.
Safety Harbor Public Library, Safety Harbor ‘Lion of Fire’ Book Signing with St. Pete
Author Brittany Ranew Saturday, March 21. 12 p.m. No cover. The Book Lounge, St. Petersburg
Cover To Cover Book Fair Wednesday, March 25. 5:30 p.m. No cover. Water Street Tampa, Tampa
‘Whidbey’: An Evening with T Kira Madden Thursday, March 26. 7 p.m. No cover with RSVP. Tombolo Books, St. Petersburg
‘Loose Ends, A Cigar City Thriller’: A Talk with Tampa Bay Author Chris Kneer Sunday, March 29. 3:30 p.m. $6.71. Oxford Exchange, Tampa
‘Wonders of Shadow Key’: Kids’ Writing Workshop with USF Professor JJ Fleming Tuesday, March 31. 6:30 p.m. No cover with RSVP. Tombolo Books, St. Petersburg
Store owners Kate and Ben Johnson said in a press release that, in an increasingly digital world, “the ability to sit down with a book and escape with us for a little while is a much-needed break.”
Pages and Perks will pop up at markets around Tampa Bay until its shop opens this summer in a restored 1925 building on Martin Luther King Jr. St, between Roser Park and Campbell Park neighborhoods. The space will be open to the public for the first time on Saturday, during the Roser Park Tour of Homes. For updates and more information, visit pagesandperks.com.
‘Fhear’s Fury’ Book Release Celebration with Ligia Cushman Saturday, March 21. 7 p.m. $24.99. Steamy Lit, Tampa.
Page to Picture Book + Cinema Club: ‘The Taming of the Shrew’ + ‘10 Things I Hate About You’ Sunday, March 22. 3 p.m. $32.90. Green Light Cinema, St. Petersburg
‘Reality in Ruins’: Author Talk with Dr.
Jared Stacy Sunday, March 22. 3:30 p.m. $6.71.
Oxford Exchange, Tampa
'The Other Side of the Garden': Sili Recio and Elena Djome Lawrence Wednesday, April 1. 7 p.m. No cover with RSVP. Tombolo Books, St. Petersburg
‘Capitana’: A Talk with Orlando Author Cassandra James Saturday, April 4. 3:30 p.m. $6.71. Oxford Exchange, Tampa
Maroon Stranger is the pen name of Yasmin Adams. See more bookish listings at cltampa. com/arts.
PROLOGUE: Pages and Perks opens this summer in St. Pete.
Out and about: Events happening in Tampa Bay
The events listed in our Do This section on pp. 12-13 aren’t the only things to do in town this weekend. Have a look at more events—like ‘Moulin Rouge! The Musical’ in Clearwater—going down the week of March 19-25 and beyond. All events are at community.cltampa.com unless noted otherwise. Head there for more events and list your own.—Selene San Felice
ARTS
Masters of Illusion Thursday, March 19. 7 p.m. $44 & up. Ruth Eckerd Hall, Clearwater Diamond Art Open Workshop Friday, March 20. 11 a.m. $30.66. Armature Works, Tampa Leon Etienne Friday, March 20. 7:30 PM. $57.25 & up. Mahaffey Theater, St. Petersburg
33rd Annual Hyde Park Village Art Fair Saturday, March 21. 10 a.m. No cover. 1622 West Snow Avenue, Tampa Heights 80s Dance Party Saturday, March 21. 8 p.m. $15. Music Hall at New World Brewery, Tampa
9th Annual Historic Kenwood Tour of the Arts Saturday & Sunday, March 21 & 22. 10 a.m. Saturday; 12 p.m. Sunday. No cover. Historic Kenwood, St. Petersburg
The Big Gay Cabaret: Out on the Dance Floor Saturday, March 21. 8 p.m. $40.80 & up. Jaeb Theater at Straz Center for the Performing Arts, Tampa Her Story, Our Stage Saturday, March 21. 2 p.m. No cover with RSVP. WMNF Live Music Studio, Tampa
My Hometown Fest Saturday, March 21. 12 p.m. $40; no cover for 12 and under. Nathan Benderson Park, Sarasota Open-Air Art Gallery Saturday, March 21. 10 a.m. No cover. Art in the Yard, Gulfport Rides by the River Saturday, March 21. 8 a.m. No cover. Armature Works, Tampa Soothing and Simple Circles (Watercolor workshop) Saturday, March 21. 1 p.m. $75. The Paper Seahorse, Tampa 2000s Disney Channel Drag Brunch Sunday, March 22. 2 p.m. $27 & up. Funny Bone Comedy Club, Tampa. tampa.funnybone.com
Ceramics Continued Study Select Sundays through April 19. 10 a.m. $45. Tampa Museum of Art, Tampa Figure Drawing Study Tuesday, March 24. 6 p.m. $50. Tampa Museum of Art, Tampa Melody Artisans Every other Tuesday. 7 p.m. No cover. Crooked Thumb Brewery, Safety Harbor
Studio 55: Printmaking Wednesdays through April 8. 1 p.m. $80. Tampa Museum of Art, Tampa
InPrompt2 Every fourth Wednesday. 7 p.m. $2 suggested at door. Safety Harbor Art & Music Center, Safety Harbor Instant Noodles (Community open jam) Every last Wednesday of the month. 7 p.m. No cover. Suite E Studios, St. Petersburg. Friendly City Art Club Wednesday, March 25. 6 p.m. No cover. Oscura, Bradenton Sarasota Contemporary Dance: Women of Resistance Wednesday & Thursday, March 25 & 26. 8 p.m. $30 & up. New Tampa Performing Arts Center, Tampa
True Stories Every last Thursday. 7 p.m.
$13. Green Light Cinema, St. Petersburg Art Deco: The Golden Age of Illustration Through March 29. 10 a.m. Sarasota Art Museum, Sarasota
Selina Román: Abstract Corpulence Through March 29. 10 a.m.-5 p.m. $0-$20. Sarasota Art Museum, Sarasota. Janet Echelman: Radical Softness Through April 26. 10 a.m. Sarasota Art Museum, Sarasota
Jun Kaneko: Silence Before Sound Through Aug. 23. $5 & up. Tampa Museum of Art, Tampa.
COMEDY
Dirty John’s Dirty Disco ThursdaySaturdays. 8 p.m. The Studio@620, St. Petersburg.
Dusty Slay Friday, March 20. 7 p.m. $35 & up. Bilheimer Capitol Theatre, Clearwater Are You Garbage feat. H. Foley and Kevin Ryan Thursday-Saturday, March 19-21. 7 p.m. $36 & up. Side Splitters Comedy Club, Tampa. sidesplitterscomedy.com
Chris Powell Friday & Saturday, March 20 & 21. Times vary. $20. Funny Bone Comedy Club, Tampa. tampa.funnybone.com
Cristela Alonzo Friday, March 20. 7 p.m.
$47.40 & up. Jaeb Theater at Straz Center for the Performing Arts, Tampa
Tampa Metropolitan Improv
Mike Goodwin Thursday, March 19. 7 p.m.
$32 & up. Funny Bone Comedy Club, Tampa. tampa.funnybone.com
Tampa Metropolitan Improv: Third Fridays through May 29. 7 p.m. $5. Carrollwood Cultural Center, Tampa. carrollwoodcenter.org
David Jolly Sunday, March 22. 7 p.m.
$23.80. Side Splitters Comedy Club, Tampa
Martin Lawrence Sunday, March 22. 8 p.m.
$175.35 & up. Hard Rock Event Center at Seminole Hard Rock Hotel & Casino, Tampa Whose Live Anyway? Monday, March 23. 7:30 p.m. $85 & up. Ruth Eckerd Hall, Clearwater
Lady Bunny Wednesday, March 25. 7 p.m.
$37 & up. Funny Bone Comedy Club, Tampa
FILM
Conan The Barbarian Saturday, March 21. 8 p.m. $10. Green Light Cinema, St. Petersburg
Kids Movie On The Deck: Encanto Wednesday, March 25. 5 p.m. No cover.
Lower Deck Harbour Island, Tampa Movie On The Deck: Trading Places and Coming To America Wednesday, March 25. 7 p.m. No cover. Lower Deck Harbour Island, Tampa
LEARN
Cafe con Tampa Fridays. 8 a.m. $12. The Portico, 1001 N. Florida Ave., Tampa. cafecontampa.com
Bill Leavengood (Playwriting workshop) Mondays throughout March. 7 p.m.-9 p.m. $200 tuition. The Studio @ 620, St. Petersburg. bill-leavengood.com
Bill Leavengood (Acting workshop) Saturdays throughout March. 10 a.m. $200 tuition. The Studio @ 620, St. Petersburg Coffee & Conversation with Betsy Ore Glass Thursday, March 19. 12 p.m. $5, no cover for members. Dunedin Fine Art Center, Dunedin. dfac.org
Night At The Aquarium Friday, March 20. 5:30 p.m. $20. Clearwater Marine Aquarium, Clearwater
Astronaut Nicole Stott Saturday, March 21. 6 p.m. $20 & up. Imagine Museum, St. Petersburg
Seaside Seabird Sanctuary Saturday, March 21. 11 a.m. No cover with admission. Clearwater Marine Aquarium, Clearwater Spring Sips & Seals Saturday, March 21. 6 p.m. $45. Clearwater Marine Aquarium, Clearwater
FossilFest 2026 Saturday & Sunday, March 21 & 22. 9 a.m. Saturday; 10 a.m. Sunday. $10; no cover for 12 and under. Florida State Fairgrounds, Tampa
The Heebie Jeebies at CBGB’s: A Secret History of Jewish Punk Sunday, March 22. 4 p.m. $12 & up. Bayboro Brewing, St. Petersburg Creatives Support Group Every other Monday. 7 p.m. No cover. Suite E Studios, St. Petersburg. @suite.e.stpete on Facebook. Tampa Digital Mixer: eCommerce, Social Media, Advertising, AI & Tech Pros Tuesday, March 24. 6 p.m. $32.77 & up. Embarc Collective, Tampa
Out and about: Events happening in Tampa Bay (cont'd)
continued from page 41
Tarpon Talks: Dive Into Opera with Constantine Grame Tuesday, March 24. 2 p.m. $10. Craig Park, Tarpon Springs
MARKETS
Dunedin Friday Market Fridays. 9 a.m. No cover. Pioneer Park, Dunedin Dunedin Saturday Market Saturdays. 9 a.m. No cover. Pioneer Park, Dunedin Artsy Rummage Sale Saturday, March 21. 8 a.m. No cover. GCAA ArtWorks, St. Petersburg Community Yard Sale Saturday, March 21. 9 a.m. No cover. Seminole Recreation Division, Seminole
Model Train Show & Sale Saturday, March 21. 9 a.m. $6; 12 and under no cover. St. Jerome Catholic Church, Largo Tampa Cigar Week Wednesday-Sunday, March 18-22. 12 p.m. $50 & up. JC Newman Cigar Factory, Tampa
SPORTS
Valspar Championship Now-Sunday, 22. Times vary. $20 & up; no cover Tuesday. Innisbrook Resort & Golf Club, Palm Harbor
Brooklyn FC at Tampa Bay Sun FC Wednesday, March 18. 7:30 p.m. $23 & up. Suncoast Credit Union Field, Tampa NCAA March Madness Friday-Sunday, March 20-22. Times TBD. $90.10 & up. Benchmark International Arena, Tampa USF Women’s Lacrosse vs. JMU
Saturday, March 21. 12 p.m.-2 p.m. $10. Corbett Stadium, Tampa.
Mike Vallely Sunday, March 22. 1 p.m. No cover with admission. Skatepark of Tampa, Tampa
Tampa Bay Lightning vs. Minnesota Wild Tuesday, March 24. 7:30 p.m. $50.85 & up. Benchmark International Arena, Tampa
THEATER
My Name is Asher Lev Select times and dates through March 22. $30-$50. Stageworks Theatre, 1120 E. Kennedy Blvd., Tampa. stageworkstheatre.org
The Shark is Broken Select times and dates through Sunday, April 5. $59.40 & up. Shimberg Playhouse at Straz Center for the Performing Arts, Tampa
Julius Caesar Select times and dates from through Sunday, March 22. $35 & up. The Studio @ 620, St. Petersburg Jesus Christ Superstar Select times and dates through Sunday, March 22. $31 & up. Carrollwood Cultural Center, Tampa
The Apiary Select dates and times from Thursday, March 19 through Sunday, April 19. $5 & up. Urbanite Theatre, Sarasota Naga-Mandala Saturday, March 21. 7 p.m.
$49.87 & up. New Tampa Performing Arts Center, Tampa
Alicia Keys’ Hell’s Kitchen Tuesday, March 24-Sunday, April 5. Showtimes vary. $62.20 & up. Morsani Hall at Straz Center for the Performing Arts, Tampa
TRAVEL & LEISURE
2026 St. Petersburg Bayfest FridaySunday, March 20-22. 4 p.m. Friday; 11 a.m. Saturday & Sunday. $7.68. North Straub Park, St. Petersburg Bay Area Renaissance Festival
Saturdays and Sundays through March 29. 10 a.m. $18.95 & up. 12838 Auton Rd., Dade City Friendly City Pride Festival Sunday, March 22. 12 p.m. No cover. Oscura, Bradenton Springfest Pet Adoption & Family Fair Sunday, March 22. 1 p.m. No cover. Bay Paws Pet Resort, Wesley Chapel Interested in advertising around this listing? Contact jhoward@cltampa.com and acarbone@cltampa.com for details.
Michelangelo Merisi, known as Caravaggio, Boy Bitten by a Lizard c. 1597, Oil on canvas, Fondazione di Studi di Storia dell’Arte Roberto Longhi, Florence, Italy
Friday, March 20, 2026 • 9:00 PM - 2:00 AM
Perreoland ft. Lennox @ The Ritz Ybor 1503 E. 7th Ave
Tickets - $36.30 bit.ly/perreoland0320
Saturday March 21, 2026 • 12:00 PM - 2:00 PM
The Weekend Wellness Club: Exhale Saturdays @ 1920 Ybor
1920 E. 7th Ave
Tickets - $24.92 bit.ly/WeekendWellnessYbor
Sunday March 22, 2026 • 6:00 PM
flyingfish w/ Love Letter, Harsh Intention & Flowers For Emily @ Crowbar 1812 N. 17th St
Tickets - $24.06 flyingfish26.eventbrite.com
Sunday, March 22, 2025, 11:00 AM
Chicken Yoga with Yoga Loft @ Hotel Haya 1412 E. 7th Ave
Tickets - $24.92 bit.ly/ChickenYogaMarch
Wednesday March 25, 2026 • 6:30 PM - 9:30 PM
Legacy of Artist Arnold Martinez Sr: The Art of Coffee, Tobacco & Wine @ Centro Asturiano de Tampa 1913 N. Nebraska Ave
Tickets - $17.85 bit.ly/3OQylnu
Wednesday March 25, 2026 • 8:00 PM - 12:00 AM
24C Open Mic Experience | Spoken Word, Live Music & Creative Night @ Kress Contemporary 1624 E. 7th Ave
Tickets From $12.51 bit.ly/OpenMicYbor
Saturday March 29, 2026 • 12:00 PM - 6:00 PM
CUBAN SANDWICH FESTIVAL @ Centennial Park 1800 E. 8th Ave
Free to attend - Tickets to Ybor Museum available bit.ly/CubanSandwichFestival
Tuesday March 31, 2026 • 6:00 PM - 8:30 PM
CONNECTIONZ•COLLABORATIONZ & COCKTAILZ @ Centro Lounge and Kitchen 1600 E. 8th Ave
Free to attend bit.ly/ConnectionzCocktailzYbor
Wednesday, April 1, 2026 • Doors 8:00 PM, Show 8:30 PM
Emo Night Tampa with Hovercar, Blacksmith, Floating Boy and Deep Bite @ Crowbar 1812 N. 17th St
Tickets - $12.49 bit.ly/EmoNightYbor
Saturday, April 4, 2026 • 11:00 AM - 4:00 PM
VIVA ITALIA! talian Club Open House & Membership Drive @ L’Unione Italiana 1731 E. 7th Ave
Tickets - $7.18
bit.ly/VivaItaliaYbor
Restaurants: Where to Live:
Casa Ybor • casaybor.com
Casa Ybor offers unique retail spaces, office spaces, and apartment homes for rent or lease in both newly constructed and lovingly restored historic buildings throughout the vibrant National Historic Landmark District of Ybor City near Downtown Tampa, Florida.
La Union • bit.ly/LaUnionYbor
Community, connection, and culture come together at La Unión Apartments, where Tampa’s rich history and vibrant future unite. Inspired by the historic social hall once on this site, our Ybor City apartments honor that legacy by fostering bonds among residents, the neighborhood, and the area’s deep-rooted heritage.
Miles at Ybor • milesatybor.com
Step into the pulse of Tampa’s most vibrant neighborhood at Miles at Ybor, where modern luxury apartments in Tampa blend seamlessly with the rich cultural tapestry of historic Ybor City. These aren’t just furnished apartments in Ybor City – they’re your gateway to an elevated urban lifestyle that celebrates both heritage and innovation.
By Ray Roa
THU 19
C After The Movies Presents: Right On Time w/Risk Averse/Al Torcia & The Tattered Saints The new concert series inside Sun-Ray Cinema at Tampa’s former University Mall rolls on this weekend, with Right On Time leading the charge. The Tampa pop-punk and emo outfit’s 2023 LP, Strange Sounds From Seminole Heights , is a highlymelodic throwback to the golden days of Hot Topic, and for this gig the band finds itself joined by bouncy punk project Risk Averse and longtime Bay area songwriter Al Torchia and his ever-evolving band The Tattered Saints. 9 p.m. $10. Sun-Ray Cinema, Tampa
C The Florida Orchestra: Inside Mozart’s ‘Jupiter Symphony’ Violinists, oboists and bassoonist are familiar with the piece from auditions, but everyone else is getting a glimpse of Mozart’s “Jupiter Symphony” this year, which marks the composer’s 270th birthday. “Symphony No. 41,” was given its nickname posthumously by German-born, London-based Johann Peter Salomon—aka the man who brought Haydn to London. Mozart’s final symphony, completed in 1788, is famous for a finale that finds five melodies woven together simultaneously. TFO director Michael Francis talks to audiences about the details during an interactive talk preceding a performance. 7:30 p.m. Pay what you can. Mahaffey Theater, St. Petersburg
C Lobster’s Gyro Shack w/Liquid Pennies/Cozy in the Black/Sorry Barb A year after nearly 1,300 listeners helped shatter a single-day fundraising record for the station, WMNF is not resting on its laurels. The nearly 47-year-old community radio station is now one of the last places to hear hand-picked, often homegrown, music on the radio. ‘MNF gets some help passing the hat at this second “Save Our Soundwaves” concert featuring out-of-the-box art-punk by Lobster’s Gyro Shack, straight ahead rock sounds from Liquid Pennies and Cozy in the Black, plus the refined art-pop of Sorry Barb. 8 p.m. $12 & up. Crowbar, Ybor City
FRI 20
98RockFest: Three Days Grace w/I Prevail/Sleep Theory/The Funeral Portrait/The Pretty Wild After an extended stay at the arena formerly known as Amalie, 98Rock’s annual concert has a new home near the beach. Three Days Grace—which recently saw the return of its original singer Adam Gontier—tops the bill and supports last year’s chart-topping LP, Alienation , (stylized with characters this word processor can’t reproduce). 5 p.m. $71.75 & up. The BayCare Sound, Clearwater
C BeatsNChill showcase: Nico Sweet w/Taylor Moon/Queen of Ex/Kayliøn Nico Sweet is still on the rise. Since T-Pain praised her on his Twitch stream and CL named her one of 22 Tampa Bay rappers to watch in 2022, she’s spent the last four years opening for other artists and honing her craft. The chill beats and steady flow of her 2025 album Dark Red take listeners back to the 2018 sweet spot of artists like NoName and Saba—likely the Chicago influence of her DJ, PharaohUnchained. The album’s standout track is “Keebler,” where she alternates between a gritty whisper, rapping and singing with a solid feature from YZM. Sweet, AKA Stephanie Nicole Crawford, isn’t waiting to hit the Grammys stage to promote fellow Tampa artists. On YouTube and Instagram, she dissects lyrics and storytelling in the songs of other underground rappers. She’s got a fitting lineup of flowy rap openers at The Bricks. 7 p.m. No cover. The Bricks, Ybor City—Selene San Felice
SAT 21
C Breakfast Club feat. DJ Ryan Rose In a new Rose Room session, Ryan Rose blends Kanye and Jay-Z’s “Otis” and A$ap Ferg’s ““Dreams, Fairytales, Fantasies” with vintage R&B classics. The Tampa DJ and founder of the now-national How A Sunset Sounds party heads to Water Street this weekend for this breakfast event focused on wellness. Mocktails, fresh-pressed juices and overnight oats don’t sound more appetizing than a proper bloody mary, but at least the tunes will be on point. The next Sunset party is the two-year anniversary happening April 11 at 1920 in Ybor City. 11:30 a.m. No cover. The Tampa Edition, Tampa
C Cat Market: Kayliøn w/Dthkat/The Tilt/WormWorld/Cat Skratch/Dames Those reeling from our superstar lesbian Doechii coming out as anti-cat can still find kindred spirits at Deviant Libation this weekend. After opening for Nico Sweet on Friday, Cigar City Records rapper Kayliøn headlines this cat-themed market and fundraiser for a Gaza rescue and Tampa shelter. St. Pete songwriter and activist Dames opens the show. 6 p.m. No cover. Deviant Libation, Tampa—SSF
Katie Costello L.A. native and now Bayarea-based songwriter Katie Costello recently dropped her fourth LP, Stereotype , and told Creative Loafing Tampa Bay that the effort is about carving your own path and refusing to live by others. “I hope that when people hear it they feel permission to be themselves and break the mold of whatever stereotype they are confronting. I wanted to make a pop album for nonconformists, with anthems that speak to the experience of being an outsider and going on our own journey,” she added. 5 p.m. No cover. Mary Margaret’s Olde Irish Tavern, St. Petersburg
THU MARCH 19–THU MARCH 26
SUN 22
C Anthill Cinema w/Katara Perennially mentioned among the best prog-rock outfits in Florida, Anthill Cinema is moving closer to the final phases of its next album. To get the effort over the finish line, the St. Petersburg experimental fusion septet needs a little scratch. Drums just wrapped tracking last month, according to a GoFundMe for the album, which said guitars, bass, and percussion still need to get on tape. Ahead of its appearance at Spring Beer Jam, Anthill Cinema plays a fundraiser show at Gulfport’s haven for DIY out-ofthe-box music. 7:30 p.m. $15 suggested donation. Blueberry Patch, Gulfport
C FlyingFish w/Love Letter/Harsh Intention/Flowers For Emily Stardom feels closer than ever for bedroom musicians, especially in a world where TikTok can make someone infamous for a few weeks. Teenage producer Flyingfish found out about that after the shoegaze song “Wonder If You Care” (stylized all-lowercase) jumped off his DAW into virality three years ago (it’s now featured in hundreds of thousands TikToks and has been streamed more than 91 million times on Spotify alone). Harsh Intention, a Virginia purveyor or harsher shoegaze, is among the openers along with Orlando emo trio Flowers For Emily. 6 p.m. $24.06. Crowbar, Ybor City
C Miss Paramore Benefit Show: TV Breakup Scene w/Peace Cult/Jupiter Bloom Haley Williams is trying to fight re-sellers on her upcoming solo tour, but many fans of the Paramore frontwoman are still going to have to sit out. This gig at an Ybor City gay bar might bring back memories of the good
ol’ days. There’ll be official Ego Death At A Bachelorette Party merch, plus femme-fronted bands covering songs by Williams and her band. Paramore-themed drag performances are on the agenda for the show where money is being collected for The Ally Coalition, which supports local partner organizations working to improve the lives of LGBTQ youth. 8 p.m. $20. Disco Pony, Ybor City
THU 26
C 11th Annual Spring Beer Jam: Oteil Burbridge & more Ripples of Bob Weir’s death are still reverberating, and as Deadheads keep truckin’ there are still songs to help them find home. Expect Oteil Burbridge to play quite a few of them at this intimate gig. Undisputed royalty in the jam band world, the 61-year-old bassist is a founding member of Dead & Co., The Aquarium Rescue Unit, and Tedeschi Trucks Band. He also spent 17 years in the Allman Brothers Band. While Burbridge is known to Dead fans as a guy whose improvisational skill re-invented classics like “China Doll” and “High Time,” he arrives at the four-day Spring Beer Jam alongside his Aquarium Rescue Unit bandmate Rev. Jeff Mosier, the Blueground Undergrass banjo player and founder who is a jam scene legend himself for the work he’s done with Phish (the crowd will likely lose it if “Good Times Bad Times” makes the setlist). Burbridge and Mosier will be backed by members of St. Pete’s own kings of prog-rock Anthill Cinema. ThursdaySunday, March 26-29. 7 p.m. No cover. Dunedin Brewery, Dunedin
See an extended version of this listing via cltampa.com/music
C CL Recommends
Nelson is far from a new artist. Between writing songs at 11 years old—later to be recorded by his father, to forming Lukas Nelson & Promise of the Real at the age of 20, and winning both BAFTA and Grammy awards for his musical contributions to the 2018 film, “A Star is Born,” the Maui-raised Texan has been around the block a few times.
With early influences like Jimi Hendrix and Led Zeppelin, the 37-year-old son of a legend has continued to carve his own path, slowly shifting his focus from wailing riffs to emotional lyrics. In 2025, Lukas opened yet another door, releasing his first solo album, American Romance . As Promise of the Real continues to work and tour with Neil Young
Kid Cudi w/M.I.A./Big Boi/A-Trak Friday, May 8. 6:30 p.m. $82 & up. Benchmark International Arena, Tampa
Mietze Conte Saturday, May 9. 7 p.m. $24.06. Music Hall at New World Brewery, Tampa
Pop 2000 feat. Chris Kirkpatrick of NSYNC w/O-Town/Ryan Cabrera/LFO Saturday, May 9. 7 p.m. Free with park admission. Busch Gardens, Tampa
Chris Tomlin w/Brandon Heath Saturday, May 16. 7 p.m. Free with park admission. Busch Gardens, Tampa
Danny Gokey w/TBA Sunday, May 17. 7 p.m. Free with park admission. Busch Gardens, Tampa
Santigold Friday, May 22. 8:30 p.m. $47.38 & up. Jannus Live, St. Petersburg
Dave Matthews Band Tuesday, May 26. 7:30 p.m. Prices TBA. Midflorida Credit Union Amphitheatre, Tampa
The Black Crowes w/Whiskey Myers/ Southall Sunday, May 31. Time and prices
(whose lyrics inspired the band’s name), Nelson has taken the opportunity to fully embrace his country songwriter side.
After performances with Promise of the Real at Clearwater’s Ruth Eckerd Hall in 2014, St. Petersburg’s Jannus Live in 2023, and Tampa’s Gasparilla Music Festival in 2024, Lukas Nelson is set to make his Tampa Bay solo debut this spring.
Tickets to see Lukas Nelson play St. Petersburg’s Jannus Live on Sunday, April 12 are still available for $44.03. See Josh Bradley’s weekly roundup of new concerts coming to Tampa Bay below.—J.C. Roddy/ Cigar City Sounds
TBA. Midflorida Credit Union Amphitheatre, Tampa
The Runarounds Thursday, June 18. 7 p.m. $47. Jannus Live, St. Petersburg
Ne-Yo w/Akon Tuesday, July 14. 8 p.m. $57 & up. Midflorida Credit Union Amphitheatre, Tampa
Lionel Richie w/Earth, Wind & Fire Wednesday, July 22. 7:30 p.m. $57 & up. Benchmark International Arena, Tampa
High Fade Thursday, July 23. 7 p.m. $30. Crowbar, Ybor City
Qveen Herby w/Beautiful Chorus Friday, July 24. 7:30 p.m. Prices TBA. The Ritz, Ybor City
Zac Brown Band w/Brothers Osborne Friday, Sept. 18. 7 p.m. $60 & up. Benchmark International Arena, Tampa
Dear Oracle, I recently had an awful friendship breakup with someone I was very close to. I met “D” a couple of years ago and we soon were seeing each other multiple times a week. I knew her parents, I helped plan her wedding. Then, there was some miscommunication around what I thought was a boundary she sent. Things felt very off, and when we met up to talk about it, it led to her telling me how immature and selfish I am and what a bad friend I’ve been. We both said some things we shouldn’t have, and she told me she didn’t feel safe around me. She left, and the next morning, sent me a letter telling me the same things again. I’m devastated. I truly valued her friendship and love my friends. I don’t want to be someone my friends feel unsafe around or be selfish or emotionally immature. Do the cards have any advice on how to move through this experience, grow, and become a better friend? (And possibly get my friend back?)—Failure as a friend
Cards: Three of Cups (reversed), Eight of Pentacles (reversed), Nine of Swords (reversed), King of Swords, Ten of Wands (reversed), Knight of Wands.
Dear Friend, I’m so sorry this has happened to you. Over the years, I’ve written many times about the loss of friendships. A friendship breakup can feel even more devastating than a romantic breakup because friendships often last longer and can be just as emotionally intimate.
I’ve also been on both sides of the friendship breakup, as the initiator and as the friend who’s been dumped. It’s awful all around, but when you are the one who’s been told you’re lacking, it can cause some deep self-examination—something I think you’re happy to do for the sake of a friendship. With the harmonious Three of Cups, you are clearly someone who values your friendships deeply. And with nose-to-the-grindstone Eight of Pentacles, you are clearly someone who isn’t afraid to do the hard work parts of friendship upkeep. You’ll have that hard conversation in order to resolve a problem and get back to the harmony.
I can see this in your own letter. You seem very quick to accept responsibility, ready to admit your faults, and willing to parse through this hurt to become a better person and repair what can be repaired.
As an outsider, it reads as ridiculous, manipulative, insincere, and designed to inflict the most pain upon you as possible.
What I think this letter did was trigger some deep insecurities inside of you. The Nine of Swords is often the card of anxiety and fear, especially when we feel trapped. I think this letter (and D in general) made you feel so lessthan, so unworthy.
Initially, I thought the King of Swords, that critical sonofabitch, might be D, but upon further reflection, I wonder if this is your own cruel voice that’s telling you that D is right.
ORACLE OF YBOR
Send your questions to oracle@cltampa.com or DM @theyboracle on Instagram
However, you might be too quick to take the blame here.
I asked several follow-up questions and read D’s letter, and while I won’t print those details, they were very illuminating. I am an outsider, so take this with a grain of salt, but in my professional opinion, D is a fucking asshole.
This letter is filled with wild statements, a slew of weaponized therapy speech, and some downright cruel passages. I cannot imagine what it felt like to receive such an atom bomb of a letter.
If someone says some crazy shit to us and we don’t agree with it, it’s very easy to ignore. But if someone said something that aligned with a deeply held belief (even if said belief is a delusion), then we take it as truth. We have finally been found out to be a fraud, to be a bad friend, to be a terrible person.
But, tell me: if this is true, how were you able to manipulate the whole world into thinking you were a decent human being for your entire life but not D? If you were so great at hiding your horribleness, how come no one else figured it out before now? Isn’t it more likely that instead of you being the world’s greatest liar and manipulator, this chick is just wrong about you? (And probably projecting something, but that’s for her therapist to figure out.)
With the Ten of Wands reversed, I do think the idea that you’re not good enough has weighed on you for quite some time, and it’s a heavy
burden. I would highly recommend seeing a therapist if you’re able to work through these feelings.
But make no mistake, you will be able to do it. The Ten of Wands is a burden but a manageable one.
As the passionate and creative Knight of Wands, I do wonder if turning to an artistic practice (or art therapy) might also help you process these feelings. Art is something of the soul, something that allows you to sink into a flow and is often the antidote to overthinking. A non-narrative art form, such as music, dance, or painting, might help you reach down and feel the range of your emotions that might be difficult to access with just words. It can allow you to just feel.
Art, as well as our passions, also serve as a shortcut to remind us exactly who we are and what we value. While you may not be able to immediately tap into self-love while doing something you love, it certainly can crowd out the self-hate in your head.
Creating and experiencing art can also be social. Going to a concert, playing in a band, or taking an art class can allow you to meet other people who already share a passion and who you can talk to in a low-stakes way. Meeting new people might help you frame your relationship with D. (And see that she’s an asshole.)
Again, I’m so sorry this happened to you, my dear. I hope that with time and work, you’re able to see how cruel D was and to let yourself off the hook. Please be kind to yourself.
See more of Caroline and learn about her services via carolinedebruhl.com.
Poly under duress
By Dan Savage
Dear Readers: I’m off this week. To tide you over until I’m back, the tech-savvy, at-risk youth pulled some classic “PUD” questions from the archives. A PUD, of course, is someone who is “poly under duress.” Because while some of us start out poly and some of us achieve poly, others have poly thrust upon ‘em. These are their stories.—Dan
I’m a 25-year-old woman currently in a poly relationship with a married man roughly 20 years my senior. This has by far been the best relationship I’ve ever had. However, something has me a bit on edge. We went on a trip with friends to a brewery with a great restaurant. It was an amazing place, and I’m sure his wife would enjoy it. He mentioned the place to her, and her response was NO, she didn’t want to go there because she didn’t want to have “sloppy seconds.” It made me feel dirty. Additionally, the way he brushed this off means this isn’t the first time. I go out of my way to show him places I think they would like to go together. I don’t know if my feelings are just hurt—if it’s as childish as I think it is—or if it’s a reminder of my very low place in their hierarchy. I hesitate to bring this up because when I have needs or concerns, they label me as difficult or needy. Is this part of a bigger trend I’m missing? Should I do anything to address this, or just continue to stay out of their business and go where I wish with my partner?—Treated With Outrage
I’m having a hard time reconciling these two statements: “This has by far been the best relationship I’ve ever had,” and “When I have needs or concerns, they label me as difficult or needy.” I suppose it’s possible all your past relationships have been so bad that your bestrelationship-ever bar is set tragically low. But taking a partner’s needs and concerns seriously is one of the hallmarks of a good relationship, to say nothing of a “best relationship ever.”
That said...
I don’t know you or how you are. It’s entirely possible that you share your needs and concerns in a way that comes across as—or actually is—needy and difficult. Our experience of interpersonal relationships, like our experience of anything and everything, is subjective. One person’s reasonable expression of needs/concerns is another person’s emotionally manipulative drama. I would need to depose your boyfriend and his wife, TWO, to make a determination and issue a ruling.
That said...
It’s a really bad sign that your boyfriend’s wife compared eating in a restaurant you visited with him to fucking a hole that someone else just fucked, i.e., “sloppy seconds.” It has me wondering whether your boyfriend’s wife is really into the poly thing. Some people are poly under duress (PUD), i.e., they agreed to open up a marriage
or relationship not because it’s what they want, but because they were given an ultimatum: We’re open/poly or we’re over. In the best-case scenario, the PUD partner sees that their fears were overblown, discovers that poly/open works for them, embraces openness/polyamory, and is no longer a PUD. But PUDs who don’t come around (or haven’t come around yet) will engage in small acts of sabotage to signal their unhappiness — their perfectly understandable unhappiness. They didn’t want to be open/poly in the first place and are determined to prove that open/poly was a mistake and/or punish their ultimatum-issuing partner. The most common form of PUD sabotage? Making their primary partner’s secondary partner(s) feel uncomfortable and unwelcome.
That said...
As you (probably) know (or about to find out), poly relationships have all kinds of (sometimes incredibly arbitrary but also incredibly important) rules. If one of their rules is, “My wife doesn’t want to hear about or from my girlfriend,” TWO, then your restaurant recommendations are going to fall flat. Being poly means navigating rules (and sometimes asking to renegotiate those rules) and juggling multiple people’s feelings, needs, and concerns. You have to show respect for their rules, TWO, as they are each other’s primary partners.
That said…
agrees that it’s important for me to have time with Valerie—she’s been incredibly benevolent and strong in that regard—and it pains me to know that the price for my happiness might come at the cost of the person I love most.
I’ve suggested Bianca spend more time with family and friends, that she try new hobbies, that she even seek a lover of her own. Her reply has been that she misses me, and what she thought our marriage was, and it’s harder to find a solution to that. I’m around less. Do you have any suggestions on how to help us?—Polyamorous Time Management
P.S. Before, Bianca and I would at most go two days without spending time together (time together meaning time when we’re both awake and in the same room and includes eating together, exercising together, going on a date. Now it’s more common for four days to pass before we’re able to spend time together.)
Here’s a suggestion for you: SPEND MORE TIME WITH YOUR FUCKING WIFE. Your marriage is open now, you’re happier now, but if your newly open marriage is making your wife miserable... you’re going to lose at least one of the women you claim to love, PTM, and you’ll deserve to lose her.
SAVAGE LOVE
Your boyfriend and his wife have to show respect for you, too. Secondary though you may be, your needs, concerns, feelings, etc., have to be taken into consideration. And if their rules make you feel disrespected, unvalued, or too low on the hierarchical poly totem pole, you should dump them. (Originally published October 11, 2017.)
My wife “Bianca” and I opened our marriage six months ago. It’s safe to say our marriage “opened under duress.” She found out I was cheating. Then, after years of struggling with monogamy, I told her it was open our marriage or divorce. I’m dating the woman with whom Bianca caught me cheating, “Valerie.” I love both of them very much, and living a more honest version of my life has lifted a weight off my shoulders. I’m worried I transferred that weight to Bianca, though. She’s lonely and sad, and I don’t know how to fix that. I’m a doctor, so I have a busy schedule. Now that Valerie figures into that, Bianca and I can go several days without seeing each other. Sometimes, when I’m home, we have to focus on chores, or I’m exhausted, so she feels we don’t connect the way we used to. Any time I spend with Bianca is wonderful because I love her and she’s my best friend, but I can definitely understand why the same isn’t true for her. Bianca
Right now, time spent with Valerie is all joy time, pleasure time, and sexy fun time. Because Valerie isn’t your spouse—so there are no chores you have to get done when you’re with Valerie, no bills you have to go over when you’re with Valerie, no collapsing on the couch in the vicinity of Valerie when you’re both exhausted. While time spent with Bianca can be pleasurable (if you made an effort), the grind of daily life is all on Bianca’s clock—a shared household to look after, living expenses to track, a mortgage to pay.
So, the time you spend with Bianca doing chores, paying bills, or zonked out on the couch shouldn’t “count against” her share of your time and attention. Meaning, you need to split whatever time is left after chores, bills, or zoning out like zombies between Valerie and Bianca. If you spent Monday and Tuesday night with Bianca paying bills and cleaning the house—never fun, has to be done, often a source of conflict—Valerie can’t insist you spend the next two nights with her because you spent the last two with Bianca. Time spent doing chores/bills/zonking needs to be subtracted from the total amount of your available time and the remainder split between your wife and your girlfriend.
And your wife, for the time being, should get more of your non-grind time and attention. You had an affair and gave her a choice between divorce and openness when she discovered it—if you value Bianca, if you value your marriage, you need to prioritize her now. If your response to her grief and loneliness is “Hey, why don’t you get a hobby?” you’re making poly people look terrible by being
a terrible poly person. It’s understandable that you want to see your girlfriend as much as possible—NRE (new relationship energy) does that to a person—but you need to hold that in check. Your wife is not going to move from the PUD (“poly under duress”) column and into the happy open marriage column if she only sees you three days a week and one or two of those days are consumed by chores, bills, and exhaustion. Your marriage won’t survive if Valerie gets your best and your wife gets your scraps. And while your wife feels sad right now, PTM, she’s going to get mad if you can’t do better than “Hey, maybe you should go hang out with your mom while I bone my shiny new girlfriend?” (Originally published January 30, 2018.)
I understand that monogamy is not something people are good at—and that’s fine. In fact, most of the people I know are in healthy poly or monogamish relationships. Here’s the thing: I’m monogamous. Not the “I’m attracted to other people but won’t act on it because it makes me uncomfortable or believe it’s wrong” kind of monogamous, but the “I genuinely have ZERO desire to fuck anyone but my partner” kind of monogamous. Fantasizing about others is fun, so is looking, so is porn and role-play. There’s a world of deliciously kinky, weird, and wonderful sex stuff I’d LOVE to explore until my sexy bits fall off. But I want to do those things with one partner and one partner only in a monogamous, intimate relationship. Here’s the kicker: I’d like my partner to feel the same way. I don’t want someone to enter into a monogamous relationship with me if, in their heart/groin, they’d genuinely like to fuck other people. Am I a lost cause? Surely, I can’t be the only genuinely monogamous person there is? I’m 31 and still turn heads, but I worry my quest for a partner who feels as I do is impossible and a waste of my time.—One 4 One
You value monogamy, you want a monogamous commitment, and you want someone who feels and wants the same. That great, O4O, and you have my full support. And I think it’s great that you’re able to acknowledge that fantasies about others can be fun—as can looking at others, as can watching porn, as can pretending to be others. If you’re having a hard time finding a partner who wants what you want—a monogamous commitment without the stress of maintaining the monogamous pretense/facade/fraud, i.e., pretending they don’t at least think about fucking other people—either you’re living in some sort of poly/PUD parallel universe where nonmonogamy is the default setting or you’re not giving others the same benefit of the doubt you’ve given yourself. You wanna fuck other people and you don’t seem to think that disqualifies you from making, honoring, and genuinely wanting both a monogamous commitment and a monogamous sex life.
Send your questions to mailbox@savage. love! Check out podcasts, columns and more at Savage.Love
