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FIRST WORDS

• Send your thoughts, comments, kudos or tips to letters@sacurrent.com

Lawmaker Tells Woman Staffer to “Smile for Us” on the Texas House Floor: “How do assholes like this get enough votes? Like, how does no one oppose them?” – George Henigman Jr.

IN THIS

ISSUE Issue 17_20 /// May 17-23, 2017

“Bitch.” – Elizabeth Garcia Private University Could Get Government Immunity in Case of Student Shot and Killed by Campus Cop: “And how could this have been prevented? Say it with me now: 1) Don’t drive drunk, 2) Don’t resist arrest and attempt to assault cops. Simple.” – Nick Akins “In Texas a security guard can arrest and kill you and they will get away with it.” – Estaven Shepard Under Council-Approved Plan, You Can Protest Near (But not at) The Alamo: “Less walls. More open space is nice but then you lose bike accessibility. Short walls like bench height, no glass. Outline the old structures and more indoor seating for restaurants facing the alamo. Whoever designed San Fernando plaza should design Alamo Plaza.” – Luis Jesus Limas “This project is a horrible idea! Alamo Plaza works fine as is, and is a huge tourist draw just as is! Glass walls and no trees? What out of town firm came up with this?” – Paul Young “This is bullshit. The best way to honor the defenders of the Alamo is to be able to exercise the freedoms they died for! It is a vital part of San Antonio and blocking streets and restricting access like this – for TOURISTS – makes a mockery of the entire site.” – Joann Smith

ON THE

COVER San Antonio once had a decade-long plan to eradicate homelessness. But now, not only are more people living on the streets here than 10 years ago, the number of chronically homeless people has also gone up. In recent years, as city officials struggled to deal with the problem, a couple of San Antonio Police Department officers decided to look for solutions other than arresting away the problem. This week, we explore how internal forces are attempting to change San Antonio’s approach to homelessness. Art direction by Sarah Flood-Baumann 6

CURRENT • May 17-23, 2017 • sacurrent.com

NEWS

Mayor’s Race Redux In runoff, expect more heat, less debate Private School, Government Power UIW could get government immunity in case of student shot and killed by campus cop

ARTS + CULTURE

The Men Who Sold the World Three new books on very different musicians stretch the limits of memoir and memory

NIGHTLIFE

Bars to Go Airstreams and horse trailers are the latest in mobile bartending

FEATURE

Help Not Handcuffs What’s behind the San Antonio Police Department’s shifting approach to homelessness

SCREENS

It Is Happening Again Prophecy and secrecy mark the return of Twin Peaks

CALENDAR

Our top picks for the week

FOOD

Tweaked-Mex Flashes of creativity help round out Chisme Food Court RIP Chuck Hernandez, Hello Kitty’s return and more

MUSIC

Tex Pop South Texas Museum of Pop Culture celebrates five years with a night of psych rock Hopeless Romantic Alyson Alonzo’s debut EP is raw, intimate and sexy as hell Music Calendar What to see and hear this week

ETC.

Savage Love Jonesin’ Crossword Freewill Astrology

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NEWS

FILE

MICHAEL BARAJAS | @MICHAELSBARAJAS

PRIVATE SCHOOL, GOVERNMENT POWER

•

UIW

UIW could get government immunity in case of student shot and killed by campus cop

≥

A ruling last week by the Texas Supreme Court means the University of the Incarnate Word can continue its attempts to dismiss a lawsuit over a university cop who shot and killed an unarmed student in the parking lot of his off-campus apartment complex in 2013. The case before the state’s highest criminal court was UIW’s last-ditch attempt to toss a lawsuit filed against the university by the family of Cameron Redus, the 23-year-old student shot and killed by former UIW police officer Christopher Carter. While UIW is a private university, its lawyers argued that, in the case of Redus’ killing, the school should really be considered a “governmental unit” because the university’s cops are peace officers licensed by the state. In an opinion written by Justice John Devine, the Texas Supreme Court agreed, meaning UIW can now argue that it qualifies for government immunity, which would shield the school from being sued over Redus’ death. Carter says he was off-campus for a 2 am Whataburger run on December 6, 2013 when he saw Redus’ car hit a curb while heading north on Broadway. Redus, whose blood alcohol level was twice the legal limit, had just left Brass Monkey shortly before last call. He’d been out celebrating the end of the semester with friends. Carter, who had no way of knowing Redus was a UIW student, followed his car for several

CURRENT • May 17-23, 2017 • sacurrent.com

blocks off campus. The officer confronted Redus once the student arrived at his Alamo Heights apartment complex, parked his car and exited the vehicle. Carter claims Redus, who was unarmed, resisted when the officer tried to handcuff and arrest him as he walked towards his apartment. Carter says he fired his weapon six times because Redus charged at him with a raised fist. An autopsy shows Carter shot Redus five times at point blank range. One of the fatal shots hit Redus in the back. Another fatal bullet entered through Redus’ left eye at a sharp downward angle, exiting the back of his neck. A Bexar County grand jury cleared the officer of any criminal charges in 2014. Mickey and Valerie Redus, Cameron’s parents, say they filed the lawsuit against UIW out of frustration after officials refused to answer basic questions about their son’s death. Their attorney, Brent Perry, says UIW’s appeals have effectively stalled fact-finding in the case for more than three years. He says there’s been no discovery, no depositions with university officials or campus police, and virtually no public accounting of how UIW selects, trains and equips its officers. When the case went before the Texas Supreme Court last December, almost three years to the day after the shooting, Mickey Redus told us that the appeals have only prolonged the family’s pain and frustration over the death. “We can’t see the clothing

Cameron was wearing that night,” he told us at the time. “We can’t see any officers’ reports, none of their testimony or anything that was in the [district attorney’s] file – we can’t see any of that stuff.” Perry spoke on the parents’ behalf last week, saying “As you can imagine, they are very frustrated with the delay.” The case now goes back to the San Antonio-based Fourth Court of Appeals, which will decide whether UIW should be allowed to dismiss the case on the grounds of government immunity. A lower court already denied UIW government immunity in a March 2015 ruling. Matthew Wymer, an attorney representing the university, says the question before the courts is now whether Carter was performing a “legitimate law enforcement function” during the altercation that led to Redus’ death. “We of course feel that he was, because he was on duty, in uniform, in a marked police car with lights and sirens activated to perform a DWI stop.” So even though UIW is a private institution, its officers can still act like – and enjoy the legal protections of – a cop carrying out the government’s work. In Redus’ case, that meant a private university cop driving off campus for a late-night fast-food break, chasing an erratic driver to an off-campus apartment complex and then gunning him down in the parking lot.

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JON

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NEWS

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Ron Nirenberg Ivy Taylor

> On election night, as early returns made it clear Mayor Ivy Taylor would have to fight to keep her job in a June 10 runoff election, she emerged from an upstairs room at the Wyndham Garden and joined a small group of cheering supporters that had gathered inside a conference room on the River Walk hotel’s second floor. When she took to the podium, Taylor delivered a line that was somehow both confident and defensive. “So it looks like we’re in a runoff, but we came darn close tonight to winning this race outright with 13 challengers and being on page two of the ballot,” she told the crowd. “We fended off more than our share of falsehoods and half-truths, but we stayed positive to focus on San Antonio’s future.” “Stayed positive” – past tense. Two days later, Taylor brought onto the team a new attack dog, longtime Democratic operative Colin Strother, to lead the campaign through the runoff against District 8 Councilman Ron Nirenberg, who came in second with 37 percent of the vote Saturday night compared to Taylor’s 42 percent. When we reached him by phone last week, Strother made a couple things evident: this new Taylor campaign plans on more heat, fewer question-andanswer forums. Strother called Nirenberg an “elitist” and “opportunist” who he says is woefully unprepared to lead the city. He labeled the councilman a flip-flopper who’s backtracked on critical votes, saying, “He should change his campaign slogan to ‘My Bad.’” Strother even tried to compare Nirenberg to Donald Trump, saying, “He’s taken both sides of almost every issue at this point,” before insisting the councilman has had few accomplishments since being elected to city hall in 2013 – that is, except for helping save a Hill Country bat cave from being swallowed by suburban sprawl, which Strother also openly mocked. “So his biggest accomplishment is saving a home where bats

CURRENT • May 17-23, 2017 • sacurrent.com

MAYOR’S RACE REDUX

In runoﬀ, expect more heat, less debate

live? What about where people live?” Also: don’t expect Taylor to participate in any more debates or forums heading into the June 10 runoff. That’s because, as Strother put it, “They don’t tend to impact the electorate … I’ve encouraged her to get back to her roots, to spend time talking directly to voters one-on-one.” Strother’s history with San Antonio politics makes his place within the Taylor camp about as weird as you’d expect for any political consultant/ strategist/hired gun in this town. He says he’s in the past worked as a consultant for the local fi re union, which has an ongoing grudge with the mayor over stalled contract negotiations and in the fi rst-round election endorsed Manuel Medina, the anti-Taylor in the race who came in at a distant third election night with 15 percent of votes cast. In 2015, Taylor’s last run for mayor, Strother even worked for one of her opponents, former Bexar County Commissioner Tommy Adkisson. (Taylor’s other campaign shot-caller, Christian Anderson, worked for Leticia Van De Putte, the mayor’s main competitor in 2015 who ultimately endorsed her in this year’s race.) Strother also hinted at which issues might start to take center stage heading into the June 10 runoff. He pointed to Nirenberg’s vote to rezone land on the Mission Reach of the San Antonio River that led to the displacement of an entire trailer park full of people – not because Taylor didn’t support it, too, but because Nirenberg now admits that that vote was a mistake. Strother also chided Nirenberg over his vote approving the multi-billion dollar Vista Ridge Pipeline project – again, not because Taylor didn’t also support it, but because Nirenberg has since heavily criticized the project as having gone off the rails under the mayor’s leadership. Strother also mentioned Nirenberg’s opposition when Taylor secured a new

contract with the local police union last year after years of stalemate, a deal Nirenberg criticized for being fiscally irresponsible and for failing to include any police reforms. “Ron has turned into a fringe opposition candidate who just opposes things for political expediency,” was how Strother distilled it. While the Taylor campaign insists she’ll sail to victory in a runoff, the numbers appear to outline a tougher road ahead. As the Express-News showed in an analysis of elections department data last week, voters opted for Nirenberg in dozens of north side precincts, including in his own council district turf, that went Taylor in 2015. While Taylor picked up supporters in the far west and southeast sides since last election, there are still huge patches of the city’s west and south sides that delivered Manuel Medina some 9,000 votes in the first round. While both Taylor and Nirenberg were out block-walking this past weekend to shake loose any votes they can, Nirenberg’s campaign clearly plans on breaking out the big endorsements in the one-on-one race. On Saturday morning, former mayor Julian Castro stumped for Nirenberg at his Broadway campaign headquarters before heading out with the candidate to knock on doors. Castro called Nirenberg “one of the most effective council members we’ve had in a long time.” The small crowd gathered in front of Nirengberg’s campaign HQ Saturday morning included some Medina supporters, the voters who could very well determine whether Nirenberg gets enough votes in the runoff to beat an incumbent mayor. Kelton Morgan, Nirenberg’s longtime campaign manager (he ran his previous two council races), contends it’s pretty clear which way those voters will swing. “Medina voters and Nirenberg voters have one huge thing in common, one huge thing that 58 percent of San Antonio voters have in common: They want a new mayor.”

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FEATURE

CURRENT • May 17-23, 2017 • sacurrent.com

FEATURE

ummer Muniz was perched on a curb outside a Valero gas station, weaving palm fronds into roses she would later sell to tourists downtown, when the pair of middle-aged San Antonio Police Department officers walked up and crouched down beside her. They weren't in uniform, but flashed their badges at the 19-year-old woman, whose tired face was swollen from crying. To Muniz, it felt like the obvious finale to an already awful day. “How can we help you?” she remembers them asking. She didn’t know where to begin. Muniz had been living under a West Side overpass, strung out on drugs, jobless, and had a warrant out for her arrest due to unpaid fines. The week before, a man had stolen her husband’s wallet, which held the couple’s only forms of identification (a fire had already devoured their birth certificates and social security cards earlier that year). Earlier that day, Muniz discovered she was five months pregnant with a baby girl. She was certain she’d have to give the baby up for adoption. “I was scared. I needed options, I needed something different,” she told the Current. “I wasn’t doing anything with my life.” She fi gured the SAPD offi cers would only add to her troubles. Muniz warily told them about the baby, about the tent she shared with her husband, and about the drugs. Offi cer Joe Farris, the shorter of the two who hid his shiny bald head under a dark cap, nodded in understanding as she spoke. Muniz recalled Farris' partner, Offi cer Monty McCann, a broad-shouldered blonde with a rare, toothy smile, telling her that day: “What you need to remember is, you’re not doing this on your own.” Within days, Muniz was seen by an OB-GYN with her newlyacquired Medicaid insurance, sleeping in a dorm-like shelter bed,

enrolled in a detox program, and filling out paperwork to get a new ID. The officers had taken her husband to a hospital after learning his leg was seriously infected. He signed up for Medicaid to pay for an unexpected surgery. Meanwhile, the officers found Muniz a stroller and crib, and helped her land a temp job. By the time she gave birth to her daughter four months later, Muniz and her husband were living in their own apartment, off drugs and had reliable incomes. “I got to bring her home to my own house, not a shelter,” Muniz said. “I would have never imagined that.” Muniz isn’t the only person who’s been pulled out of homelessness with the help of the veteran cops. In fact, ever since McCann and Farris formed SAPD’s Homeless Outreach Positive Encounters (HOPE) team two years ago, they’ve seen dozens of people navigate their way out of addiction, mental health crises and homelessness. It's a kind of outreach relatively unheard of in San Antonio. Aside from their two-person team, there are about six other people in the city whose sole job is to seek out and build relationships with the sacurrent.com • May 17-23, 2017 • CURRENT 13

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FEATURE

homeless, in hopes of eventually linking them with needed services. Despite the city’s ambitious goals, the number of “chronically homeless” individuals — people who have been without housing for more than a year — living on San Antonio streets has only gone up over the past decade. McCann and Farris, who have been on the force for nearly 25 years apiece, have watched first-hand as the city’s laws to crack down on homelessness cycle the same folks through the courts and spit them right back onto the street where they began. They say it’s clearly a broken system. Currently, the city has no comprehensive plan to end homelessness. In the past, many felt the directive was basically for police to arrest homelessness out of existence. But in recent years, as cops discovered their arrests did little to fix the problem, SAPD has turned more toward advocacy and away from reactionary arrests and ticket-writing. Longtime homeless advocates, previously critical of SAPD’s handling of the homeless, say this new approach has already begun to disrupt the feedback loop of chronic homelessness for some. The city put the police on the front lines of homelessness prevention — and they’re the ones who have to figure out what does and doesn’t work. People might argue that it's not a job for law enforcement. But for now, it's one of the few solutions to a decade-long problem. And because of that, SAPD has begun to shift how the entire department sees some of its most perennial clientele, the city’s homeless population.

It’s the deﬁnition of insanity, we were doing the same thing over and over and over again and still expected a different outcome.”

learning how few options they had. “We were acknowledging that homeless people did not have alternatives, and then we were punishing the homeless for behavior that they could not help,” Radle told Justin Cook, a St. Mary’s University law student who eventually penned an article for the university’s law journal, The Scholar, that concluded two of the city’s four new ordinances cracking down on behavior associated with homelessness were unconstitutional. n February 2005, a month after then-Mayor “It is impossible for a homeless person in San Antonio to Ed Garza approved the city’s ten-year plan to avoid committing a crime in order to satisfy the basic human end chronic homelessness, the San Antonio City Council met to discuss what they called a need for sleep,” Cook argued. “Forcing an innocent person preventative strategy. Council eventually voted into making such a choice is both cruel and unusual.” SAPD officers started churning out citations across the city, on new city rules that did more to criminalize and San Antonio's homeless population started drowning in homelessness than to actually help the destitute. The tickets and fines they couldn’t hope to pay. After paying them four ordinances, penned by then downtown councilman off through community service or time in jail, they’d often return Roger Flores, would make it a crime to sit or lie down on a sidewalk, urinate in public, camp in public, or “aggressively” to the streets, where it was almost inevitable they'd get more tickets and fines for breaking the same rules. solicit for money. Those who disobeyed would be stuck “It’s the definition of insanity,” says Farris, who was with a fine of up to $500. on SAPD bike patrol for 15 years before joining the Flores admitted the goal was to help downtown department's homeless response team. “We were doing business owners. the same thing over and over and over again and still City leaders knew – or should have known – that San expected a different outcome.” Antonio already didn’t have enough shelter space for the By 2014, SAPD was writing an average of 6,300 city’s homeless population. It was one of the findings a city-commissioned study unveiled in the process of crafting citations a year for violations of these four city laws directed at the homeless and poor. An investigation by the Current San Antonio’s ten-year plan to end homelessness. Only former Councilwoman Patti Radle saw the irony of shooing that year discovered one homeless man who had received more than 1,000 citations alone. By 2015, when the homeless people off the streets just as city leaders were

city’s ten-year plan was supposed to have “ended chronic homelessness,” the number of chronically homeless people had only grown. In 2005, 16 percent of the city's 1,600 homeless population were considered chronically homeless. By 2015, chronically homeless people accounted for about a quarter of the nearly 2,800 people living on the streets or in shelters. Farris and McCann, who was also a bike patrol officer at the time of the city’s crackdown on homelessness, were fed up with enforcing laws that didn’t seem to make a dent in the overall homeless population. Their supervisor shared their frustrations and, with the support of SAPD Chief William McManus, asked if they’d be interested in trying something new. Eventually, the two officers would lead a pilot project to disrupt the tired cycle of what Farris calls “arrest, ticket, or move along.”

e creative.” “Think outside the box.” Those were the only two instructions McCann and Farris remember being given when first asked to run the department’s two-man HOPE team in 2015. The two traded their their bike helmets and uniforms for a t-shirt and slacks (McCann often wears cowboy boots that match the Texas state flag, and Farris a ball cap). They were given the keys to one long-neglected patrol car that had been rejected by every other unit. A thin coat of white paint poorly concealed the SAPD logo emblazoned on its sides, and a family of squirrels had made a home of the glove compartment. Their unit, still nestled within the bike patrol department, had no budget and very little guidance. They'd have to learn as they went along. “We aren’t counselors, we don’t have a background in mental health or counseling, we’re just a couple of patrolmen,” Farris says. But the two quickly discovered there’s no one right way to help homeless people. The two officers spent the first year learning about the city’s homeless safety net by meeting with every organization that works in the field, and getting to know most of downtown’s chronically homeless population, business owners, city staffers working to craft a new homelessness plan, and fellow officers familiar with the issue. They tried to find the biggest roadblocks keeping chronically homeless people from seeing a doctor, accepting drug detox, or moving into a shelter. They heard from nonprofits struggling to connect with resistant clients or shelter staffers tired of breaking up fights or finding used needles in their cramped facilities. What they also found was a system brimming with needy people and organizations wanting to help them — but no simple way to bring the two together. “There seemed to be this disconnect between the service

“

sacurrent.com • May 17-23, 2017 • CURRENT 15

CURRENT • May 17-23, 2017 • sacurrent.com

FEATURE

providers and the homeless,” McCann said. For instance, the list of homeless services cops were told to give homeless people listed programs that were no longer in existence or whose phone number had changed. If a pair of longtime policemen couldn't easily understand how to access these services, how could they expect the homeless to? The two officers decided they could act as a sort of trail guide for people looking for a way off the streets. They’d regularly check in with people living downtown to make sure they made appointments or showed up to court. They’d accompany people to a detox center, shelter or social services office to help them fill out paperwork (a surprising number of the city’s homeless population are illiterate, they discovered) or explain any confusing parts of the process that could make a person give up out of frustration. Some of the people they helped relapsed or returned to the streets, but others have since graduated from rehab, landed full-time jobs, or found permanent housing. Two years in, the officers are already filling longtime gaps in the city’s network of homeless services, like with their ID recovery program. Every Tuesday, the HOPE team holds office hours in the lobby of SAPD's downtown headquarters to meet with people who don't have any form of identification. For the homeless, it’s a common problem — perhaps their ID was stolen while they slept in a park, forgotten on the bus, taken by an officer during an arrest and never returned. According to local service providers, it’s the number one reason so many people are stuck in the cycle of homelessness. “It’s a chicken and the egg scenario,” Farris said. “You need a driver’s license to apply for a birth certificate, a birth certificate to get a social security card, and a social security card to get a driver’s license.” Without any of these, he adds, it’s near impossible to apply for any type of social service help — from food stamps to maternity care to housing assistance. You certainly can’t apply for a job. It’s a vicious cycle the HOPE team wants to disrupt. Their fix? Make their own ID. At police headquarters, the officers use a person’s fingerprint to pull up their criminal background (for the homeless, it’s rare to not have one), snap a photo of the person with an iPhone, and cobble together a DIY ID on paper stamped with the SAPD seal. They sign it and take the client to get a copy of their birth certificate at a city office building down the street using the new ID. Farris and McCann wait with the person in the winding line of other people applying for birth certificates or passports until its their turn at the front window. Most of the office staff know the two officers well by now, and greet them with a warm smile and nod as they look over their document. The men have an agreement with the staffers to accept this unusual piece of paper as a proof of a person’s identity.

If the officers were caught falsifying someone's identity, they could lose their jobs. “We’re putting our badges on the line to vouch for these people. [The staff] respects that,” McCann said. With a birth certificate, a person can easily apply for a new driver’s license the same day. And just like that, their ID problems are solved. Houston and San Antonio’s police departments appear to be the only ones in the country that offer this kind of fix. Bill Hubbard, director of the South Alamo Regional Alliance for the Homeless, the agency that manages the city's federal homeless grant money, believes the ID program couldn't work without HOPE. “They have become irreplaceable navigators,” Hubbard said. “They saw the system wasn’t working, and they changed the rules.”

oe Touvouze had been living in the woods for a year before the HOPE team stumbled upon him in November 2016. The 30-year-old’s sunken face bore the scars and scabs that come with meth addiction, and it was clear he hadn’t had a good meal in weeks. “I looked terrible,” Touvouze recalls. But he wasn’t in the right headspace to accept the officers’ help. He agreed to meet them for a doctor’s appointment later that month, but never showed. “I didn’t have the motivation,” he says. “But when I decided to change, I knew who to call.” Touvouze has been clean and sober since March when he called Farris and McCann, who set him up with a room at Haven for Hope, the seven-year-old city shelter that’s quickly become San Antonio’s one-stopshop for the homeless. He ordered a pair of new glasses through the program’s health clinic, which also gave him a medication to help his allergies. He’s replaced his lost driver’s license. He found a job working in the organization’s donation warehouse, and spends his free time volunteering with Haven’s small homeless outreach team. He still tries to see Farris and McCann at least once a week. “They’re my mentors,” he says. It’s stories like Touvouze’s that keep Farris and McCann engaged and motivated as their tiny team takes on the city’s steadily growing homeless population. They argue their job is one of the most rewarding in all of SAPD. “For normal patrolmen, you might make an arrest but never know what happens after that,” McCann said. “You never have that closure. Here, it’s different.” They say that helping homeless people necessarily something that's taught at the training academy. McCann calls what new cadets get “paramilitary style training” – training for survival. That’s why, when they aren’t roaming

through town in their clunky patrol car, the two officers hold trainings for SAPD cadets and officers on how to interact with the homeless and how to help get them off the streets without writing a ticket. HOPE used SAPD’s crisis intervention training — a program that teaches officers how to detect signs of mental illness and interact with someone who may

If you’re homeless, you’re in crisis. The mere state of homelessness is traumatic. It needs to be treated that way.”

be going through a mental health crisis — as a model. Originally dubbed “hug-a-thug” training by skeptical officers, SAPD’s crisis intervention program has received national praise for linking offenders to mental health treatment at the county’s Center for Health Care Services, rather than tossing them in jail. SAPD Chief William McManus made the training mandatory in 2010. Few people are calling it names anymore. McManus and Farris were some of the first to embrace crisis training. Still, despite the fact that some 70 percent of the people who are taken to the city’s mental health facility by police are homeless, SAPD’s crisis training doesn’t instruct officers or clinicians on how to respond to homeless people. “If you’re homeless, you’re in crisis,” McCann says. “The mere state of homelessness is traumatic. It needs sacurrent.com • May 17-23, 2017 • CURRENT 17

FEATURE

to be treated that way.” Mental health experts agree. “Homelessness can strike a different kind of crisis within a person,” says Amanda Miller, a psychologist with the Mobile Crisis Outreach Team, a group of county mental health clinicians that accompany officers responding to a 911 call that may involve a mental health crisis. For instance, she says, living in a perpetually unstable environment can throw off a person’s orientation — people often miss appointments because they lose track of time or forget what day it is. They may not remember to take their medication or may miss a good night’s sleep. It’s an environment that seems to work directly against a person’s mental health. “Stability is key to mental health recovery...or any kind of recovery,” Miller says. “But you don’t get stability when you’re homeless.”

she values HOPE’s work, she's not sure it's a long term solution."We depend on officers when we're responding to mental health crisis that gets physical," Miller said. "But I think HOPE needs to be a professional unit outside of the department." Regardless of who’s providing the outreach, this kind of work won’t take off if there’s nowhere to house folks interested in accepting the help. It’s something San Antonio is still struggling to piece together. What homeless people need the most, SARAH's Hubbard says, is “permanent supportive housing” — a model that couples affordable housing with on-site supportive services tailored to the tenant’s needs, like mental health counselors or a detox clinic. This type of housing is especially key for people deemed “chronically homeless” — meaning they’ve been homeless for over a year or at least four separate times over the course of a year. That’s because most of the chronically homeless are struggling with serious hen Sgt. Farris was still on bike patrol, he’d mental illness or substance abuse issues, factors that often compare homeless people to animals. don’t just fade when you’re handed a house key. This He remembers one particularly hot afternoon population needs serious support to successfully transition when he arrested a homeless man for some into housing and the responsibilities that come with it, long-forgotten crime — and had to pat the advocates say. man down before snapping handcuffs on him. He felt what In 2016, out of the 1,410 beds available in San he believed to be a credit card in the man’s back pocket, Antonio permanent supportive housing units, only 260 and asked him to confirm. Farris had guessed wrong. of them were reserved for people dealing with chronic “It was feces,” Farris recalls. “He had diarrhea from homelessness. While the total number of homeless people eating garbage, and in the Texas heat in had turned into a living in San Antonio slightly dropped from 2,781 to 2,743 dry, solid piece. It was repulsive.” between 2016 and 2017, the number of those considered At the time, Farris couldn’t fathom why the man — or chronically homeless has crept upwards from 527 to 557. any homeless person, for that matter —didn’t care enough The city, with help from SARAH, is hoping to expand about himself enough to take care of basic human the number of supportive housing units for the homeless hygiene. “I remember thinking, ‘Even my dog knows — but has no set timeline on when that will happen. how to clean itself. If these people don’t care about In 2015, when it appeared San Antonio’s ten-year themselves, why should I?’” he says. plan failed to end chronic homelessness, the city’s Then he spent the night at Haven for Hope. Human Services department proposed a “Homeless According to Farris, Haven for Hope had wanted an Comprehensive Plan” to city council. It largely focused officer to go undercover at their shelter to figure out why on ending veteran homelessness and rewriting city rules some homeless people were refusing their services – “like on giving the homeless free food. While the city did a secret shopper of sorts,” he says. All he was supposed successfully curtail veteran homelessness in 2016, there to do was to stay at the shelter a few nights and write doesn’t seem to be a concrete plan to help any other a report — no big deal. Going in, he expected to spend homeless people on the books. There’s no information time with the same “repulsive,” criminal animals he knew on any homelessness plan on the city’s website. from the streets. Instead, Farris was met by welcoming Human Services Director Melody Woosley said that she strangers who shared with him their stories of how they and Chief McManus plan on updating the city council on ended up at the shelter. Sometimes it was just one hiccup the state of the city’s homelessness plan in June. In the that sent them spiraling into homelessness, like a divorce, meantime, there have been mixed messages coming from an injury, or losing a steady job. some parts of the city. “The blinders were suddenly taken off. I finally saw the In September, outgoing Councilman Mike Gallagher homeless as human beings,” he says. said he believed the city was home to “professional HOPE’s role in the city’s safety net, however, has panhandlers” who weren't really homeless, and left some advocates questioning if their work is really proposed SAPD do something about it. In 2015, something for law enforcement to handle. Miller said while City Manager Sheryl Sculley asked SAPD offi cers to 18

CURRENT • May 17-23, 2017 • sacurrent.com

specifi cally conduct a homeless sweep in front of her luxury downtown condominium. Six months ago, a police offi cer admitted to giving a homeless man an actual “fecal sandwich” as a joke (he was fi red). “Like anywhere, we have our assholes here in San Antonio,” Farris says. “But there are far more good officers in the department.” Understanding the homeless through outreach still remains a hard sell for some officers. John Cooley, who leads SAPD’s crisis intervention team, said HOPE is where the crisis intervention program was ten years ago. “They’re still getting ridicule and skepticism from other officers, but it’s expected. This kind of change takes time,” he says. “But you have the right guys for the job.” There’s already one significant, measurable change. In the past year, SAPD officers have written a total of 1,861 tickets for the four laws that most often impact homeless people. Compare that to 2014, when cops wrote around 6,300 tickets for breaking those same laws. “We have a duty and a requirement to uphold the law,” McCann said. “But at the same time, you have to decide — are you going to take a black and white approach to the law or are you going to accept you’re dealing with living and breathing human beings, and able to use your discretion and apply the law when appropriate?” The HOPE officers have also started trying to calculate their impact, hoping that might convince the department to boost their budget. They’ve often pointed to one man’s story to best illustrate their point. For one year, the two added up how much one 60-year-old homeless man was relying on public services to survive. Trips to detox, time police spent processing arrests and tickets, uninsured trips to the emergency room, hospital visits — in total, the man cost San Antonio taxpayers $43,000 a year. The following year, he found HOPE, and transitioned into housing. “I believe if the department throws more money at us — in twenty, thirty years, we’ll be in a better place,” McCann says. “It’s like what we tell policemen,” McCann said. “You’re planting seeds. You don’t know what’s going to sprout.” Summer Muniz believes she'd still be selling palm frond roses along the River Walk if she hadn't met Farris or McCann. She's now working part-time at her temp job to take care of her daughter — a choice she can afford with the aid of state program that helps low-income mothers and the income trickling in from her husband's pizza job. When her baby gets a little bit older, she said, she wants to go to college for criminal justice, so she can work at juvenile facilities. She hasn't completely cut her past out of her life — she still regularly visits the friends she made while she was homeless. “I try to encourage them to get help. But you have to want to change first, and not all of them do,” she said. “It takes time. It's hard when you don't have anything. You don’t know where to start.”

SWITCHING

BANKS? FREE CHECKING

june 03 6-11 PM

palabra, musica y cultura poetry, music, & culture

l l a C Prizes

Your Hometown Bank Since 1966. 7-DAY BANKING

! s t oe

P r fo

I A NZTTLE

BHAAIKU BA

haiku open-mic live music by Volcan & Femina-X pop-up vendors refreshments & more

1st $200 2nd $150 3rd $100

21 LOCATIONS IN SAN ANTONIO The City of San Antonio World Heritage Office is pleased to invite area poets & writers of all levels and ages to compete in this year's “BANZAI HAIKU BATTLE" at the annual Viva Poesía: Palabra, Musica, y Cultura event.

圀䄀吀䔀刀刀䔀匀伀唀刀䌀䔀匀䌀䤀䔀一䌀䔀伀唀刀䴀伀匀吀嘀䄀䰀唀䄀䈀䰀䔀一䄀吀唀刀䄀䰀刀䔀匀伀唀刀䌀䔀

Mission Marquee Plaza

倀爀攀瀀愀爀攀昀漀爀攀洀瀀氀漀礀洀攀渀琀椀渀琀栀攀眀愀琀攀爀琀爀攀愀琀洀攀渀琀椀渀搀甀猀琀爀礀℀

Sat, June 3, 2017!

Theme: “A Haiku Like You”. Participants are urged to focus on identity of self, others, and collective world views. All subjects suitable for a family-friendly environment are acceptable. Standard Haiku. 3-line, 17-syllable, in a 5-7-5 syllable count. To register email anthonythepoet@gmail.com by May 27.

head2head haiku battle 䰀攀愀爀渀琀漀洀漀渀椀琀漀爀Ⰰ 琀爀漀甀戀氀攀猀栀漀漀琀Ⰰ 愀渀搀挀栀攀洀椀挀愀氀氀礀挀氀攀愀渀攀焀甀椀瀀洀攀渀琀攀猀猀攀渀琀椀愀氀昀漀爀琀栀攀琀爀攀愀琀洀攀渀琀漀昀眀愀琀攀爀⼀眀愀猀琀攀眀愀琀攀爀⸀ 䜀攀琀琀栀攀琀攀挀栀渀椀挀愀氀愀渀搀猀挀椀攀渀琀椀昀椀挀欀渀漀眀氀攀搀最攀琀漀漀戀琀愀椀渀氀椀挀攀渀猀甀爀攀椀渀琀栀椀猀昀椀攀氀搀⸀

䄀圀䄀刀䐀匀伀䘀䘀䔀刀䔀䐀䄀猀猀漀挀椀愀琀攀漀昀䄀瀀瀀氀椀攀搀匀挀椀攀渀挀攀䌀攀爀琀椀昀椀挀愀琀攀䴀愀爀欀攀琀愀戀氀攀匀欀椀氀氀猀䄀眀愀爀搀䐀爀⸀ 䠀漀眀愀爀搀䴀愀爀焀甀椀猀攀Ⰰ 倀爀漀最爀愀洀䌀漀漀爀搀椀渀愀琀漀爀 ⠀㈀㄀ ⤀ 㐀㠀㘀ⴀ㐀㌀㔀㔀簀栀洀愀爀焀甀椀猀攀䀀愀氀愀洀漀⸀攀搀甀一漀爀琀栀眀攀猀琀嘀椀猀琀愀䌀漀氀氀攀最攀㌀㔀㌀㔀一⸀ 䔀氀氀椀猀漀渀䐀刀匀愀渀䄀渀琀漀渀椀漀Ⰰ 吀堀㜀㠀㈀㔀㄀愀氀愀洀漀⸀攀搀甀⼀渀瘀挀

20 poets compete in pairs in a best-of-five series. The winning 10 advance to the 2nd round, and then the best 5 of those, to the 3rd round. The final 3 poets will go head-to-head-to-head in the final battle to determine the big winner!!!

20 ›> 10 ›>5 ›>3 ›>WiNNER!! 3100 Roosevelt Ave, San Antonio Texas, 78214 Info: (210) 207-8612 or visitgetcreativesanantonio.com #missionmarqueeplaza

# VIVAPOESÍA sacurrent.com • May 17-23, 2017 • CURRENT 19

call for educator participants

st. a n t h o n y ’s

LOST & FOUND

a poetry exchange

A signature poetry initiative of 2016-2018 San Antonio Poet Laureate, Jenny Browne. WHEN

This workshop for educators will feature a

Tuesday, June 13, 2017 9:00 a.m.–2:00 p.m.

curriculum based on our city’s namesake,

hands-on demonstration of a simple poetry St. Anthony, the patron saint of lost things.

WHERE

San Antonio Central Library, Auditorium

Provided materials will include: n

Student Poetry Journals

Teacher resource guide/handbook

Pre-addressed and stamped

WHO

San Antonio Educators and Teachers

poetry postcards

All participants will have the opportunity for their students to be part of a culmina-

Participants earn five continuing professional education (cpe) hours for completion of the workshop.

ting San Antonio Tricentennial poetry exhibit in Spring 2018. The workshop is FREE for all educators, and is LIMITED to the first 100 applicants.

More information and registration can be found at www.getcreativesanantonio.com

CURRENT • May 17-23, 2017 • sacurrent.com

SOL

D OU

LIVE JAZZ MUSIC + SOUNDS BY THE SOUL SPOT AT TUCKERS & KRTU sacurrent.com • May 17-23, 2017 • CURRENT 21

Whose Live Anyway?

THU

▲ Whose Line Is It Anyway? players Ryan Stiles and Greg Proops have been familiar to fans of short-form improv comedy since the two first began appearing on the British version of the show in the late 1980s, and they’ve been featured on every iteration of the still-popular show, which can currently be seen in its fourth season on CW. Unlike most well-known comics performing live, Proops and Stiles, joined by Joel Murray and Jeff Davis, will actually be encouraging audience members to tell them what to do. But be nice about it. It’s hard to guess exactly what’s going to happen when comedy is being made up on the spot, but suggestions will be encouraged, made-up songs will most likely be sung, silly hats will probably be worn, and heckling is, was and always will be a total dick move. $29.50-$49.50, 7:30pm,Tobin Center for the Performing Arts, 100 Auditorium Circle, (210) 223-8624, tobincenter.org. — Jeremy Martin

WORDS

Poetaco Poetry Showdown

THU

◀ One and all are invited to a verbal rumble of epic and gastronomic proportions. The “Poetaco Poetry Showdown,” which will transform a small Southtown art gallery into a literary lucha scene, pits local poets Anthony “The Poet” Flores and “Taco Poet” Eddie Vega against one another in a battle to find out, once and for all, who deserves the title of “Taco Poet.” In slam poetry terms, it seems that Vega is the challenger here, since Flores is a three-time SATX Grand Slam Champion. But, in taco terms, it’s Flores who has ground to make

up, since Vega has donned the title for a while now and sits on the Poetry Council of Texas (yes, that’s a real thing). By way of a weigh-in: Vega’s poetry is hallmarked by contemporary cultural reference points, witty (often wry) humor, a knack for poignant confessional narrative, and social observation, while Flores’ work, imbued with some of the same characteristics, is often more confrontational and bombastic. Both poets possess powerful voices and are seasoned performers, poetry slam veterans who know how to win a crowd. For this special event, the audience will judge three rounds of head-to-head competition and the winner will be decided on points, assuming a knockout isn’t likely. Free, 8pm, Presa House Gallery, 725 S. Presa St., (210) 973-8947, presahouse.com. — James Courtney

ART

‘The Odds’ & ‘Plural Forms’

May 21, 2017 7:00pm

2017 Joci Awards Charline McCombs Empire Theatre

NOVEMBER 2 22

MAY 18

CURRENT • May 17-23, 2017 • sacurrent.com

MAY 21

JUNE 16-25

JUNE 17

LLERY

◀ Abstracted fields of color, otherworldly objects and imagined narratives converge in “The Odds” and “Plural Forms” — a unique pairing of solo shows organized by the Southwest School of Art. A Mexico City-based artist who favors both experimental and scientific processes, Victor Pérez-Rul employs sculpture and installation to “explore and exploit” intersections between “energy, matter and consciousness.” For “The Odds,” Pérez-Rul fuses traditional and technological elements in a sound-equipped environment informed by “science and futuristic thought.” Born in Bishop, Texas, and based in San Antonio, UTSA alum Esteban Delgado plays with color, light and perspective in geometric paintings reminiscent of the minimalist aesthetics of Ad Reinhardt and Josef Albers. His “Plural Forms” takes shape in a series of large-scale paintings and a site specific installation referencing “tensions between various colors and forms” found within the South Texas landscape. Opening in tandem in the school’s San Antonio Express-News Photography Gallery, “Atomic Color” sees local photographer Tom Turner altering and enhancing appropriated historical footage of nuclear test explosions. Free, 5:30-7:30pm, Southwest School of Art–Navarro Campus, 1201 Navarro St., (210) 224-1848, swschool.org. — Bryan Rindfuss

FRI

ESTEBAN DELGADO

JU L IA B A R B O

OUR TOP PICKS FOR THE WEEK

CALENDAR

COMEDY

P RES

WHOSE LIVE ANYWAY?

CALENDAR

Paul Rodriguez

R.K. BROWN

FRI

COMEDY

O IS

JU L IA B A R B O

In his most accessible movie in at least a decade, stand-up comedian Paul Rodriguez (The Original Latin Kings of Comedy) cameos as himself in the a recently released Netflix original comedy and Adam Sandler bomb Sandy Wexler. In the film, Rodriguez is seen drinking wine at a wedding alongside filmmaker Judd Apatow, reminiscing with him about the title character’s life as a hapless Hollywood talent manager, and later square-dancing with the Trainwreck director to an Irving Berlin song. While most of Rodriguez’s choices in comedies have been questionable over the last 30 years (his best film is the 2005 drama The World’s Fastest Indian), his consistent work in front of a live audience has always been his forte. Making people laugh from behind a mic is what the 62-year-old Rodriguez was born to do, which is probably why he opened the newest Laugh Factory comedy club two years ago in Scottsdale, Arizona. He might not be acting beside Clint Eastwood (Blood Work), Will Smith (Ali) or Anthony Hopkins (Indian) like he has in the past, but Rodriguez has never needed help commanding a stage. $25, 8pm, Semeneya Dance Studio & Event Center, 100 Crossroads Blvd., (210) 651-2328, mysemeneya.com. – Kiko Martinez

SAT

The MotherHouse

Among the more unusual events on the cultural calendar staged in reaction to Mother’s Day, “The MotherHouse” brings together five South Texas artists for a pop-up exhibition and installation addressing various “issues faced by mothers, such as labor/work, ambiguity, cultural expectation, media representation, and the tension and synergy at the intersection of care-taking and art-making.” Aiming to transform a home into a one-night-only exhibition space, the project encompasses video installation investigating the ritual of family meals (organizer/co-curator Brenda Burmeister),

ART

screen prints combining images and text commenting on motherhood (Julia Barbosa Landois), music boxes exploring “the moral messages of fairy tales” (Yuliya Lanina), humorous sculptural works (Emily Fleisher) and a fusion-minded performance piece created by Amber Ortega Perez in collaboration with writers Laurie Dietrich, Andrea “Vocab” Sanderson and Lisa Cortez Walden. Event proceeds benefit Casa RAICES, a shelter dedicated to serving women and children after release from family detention. $10 suggested donation, 7-11pm, Wallflower Farm and Garden, 119 Deiss St., (210) 861-2773, facebook.com/themotherhouseshow. — BR

SAT

20 DANCE

▲ Dancer, choreographer and Brooklyn native Ronald K. Brown founded Evidence, A Dance Company in the mid-’80s. A longtime advocate for the African American community, Brown formed the company to convey the experience of the African diaspora — internationally spread, but with a primal ancestry of undeniable strength tying the community together. Evidence is living, moving proof of that strength — a bond that transcends the limits of language. In his choreography, Brown blends traditional African dances and rhythmic drum beats with modern elements — utilizing song and poetry, and dynamic movement to tell the story of African culture, and its focus on the importance of family, spirituality and unity. Dancers take the stage in light, airy costumes, allowing

Evidence focus on the movements which vary from slow and sensual to quick-footed routines. In many pieces, each dancer has his/her own movements, different from the others on stage, portraying a spiritual possession of the body, and allowing a spectacle of motion that catches the eye and demands its attention. The cultural connotation of the project is transparent in each performer’s rigid seriousness, seemingly unknowing of an audience — kinetic stories of a liberation centuries in the making. Each of Brown’s international performances is Evidence of human struggle and tragedy, and also the celebration of life and triumph. $35, 8pm, Carver Community Cultural Center, Jo Long Theatre, 226 N. Hackberry St., (210) 207-7211, thecarver.org. — Kimberly Rivera

For Tickets:

.com 800. 745.3000 Theatre Box Office

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sacurrent.com • May 17-23, 2017 • CURRENT 23

CALENDAR

SAT-SUN

◀ Good and Evil: two forces that manipulate human identity, experience and relationships. These two powers have been the subject of music, art and literature for centuries, found in different forms and interpretations throughout the world. La Hija de Rappaccini is a two-act opera by Mexican composer Daniel Catán, set to Juan Tovar’s libretto of Octavio Paz’s play of the same title. The impetus and inspiration of these works is found in Rappaccini’s Daughter, a classic short story by American novelist Nathanial Hawthorne. Set in Padua, Italy, the opera sings a story of tragic romance between Giovanni, a young medical student, and Beatriz, the daughter of a mad botanist and keeper of his potent garden of poisonous plants. Having worked among her father’s plants her entire life, Beatriz is poisonous herself — polluting anything that touches her skin. Giovanni falls deeply in love with Beatriz believing in her innocence, but also becomes aware of her poisonous posture. A simple touch from Beatriz poisons Giovanni, who sets out to find an antidote for them both. What ensues is a multifaceted struggle of good and evil in the scientific works of Dr. Rappaccini and in the superegos of each character. Coming to the stage via Alamo City Opera, La Hija de Rappaccini is a complex, beautifully composed musical tragedy that sings of lucid love and luring evils. $15-$50, 8pm Sat, 2:30pm Sun, Palo Alto College Performing Arts Center, 1400 W. Villaret Blvd., (210) 314-6696, alamocityopera.org. — KR

ALAMO CITY OPERA

20-21 OPERA

La Hija de Rappaccini

Move Beyond Live

TOU

Emmy-award winning siblings Julianne and Derek Hough are a couple of the biggest names among American celebrity dance performers. With their biggest claims to fame being consistent appearances on ABC’s Dancing With The Stars, (which Derek has managed to win a record of six seasons, and Julianne two), the powerhouse duo ignite the stage with their vast catalogue of choreographed interpretive dance pieces. Teaming up with choreography team Nappytabs, Move Live launched in 2014 and sold out venues across the nation before the tour even began. The success of the tour was beyond expectations, and the following year Move hit the road yet again to the same sold-out successes. This year’s Move Beyond is promised to be even bigger and better than its predecessors. On stage, the Houghs showcase their jaw-dropping dance skills in beautiful, elaborate and contextual costumes utilizing light shows, props and several talented hand-picked back-up dancers. Performances range from fast-paced and happy, to slow and melancholy, (like DWTS on steroids) as the pieces are set to modern chart-topping hits and remixes that will make you want to jump up SAT from your seat and join the action. You won’t want to miss this rollercoaster dance phenomenon. $55-$95, 8pm Saturday, The Majestic Theatre, 224 E. Houston St., (210) 226-3333, majesticempire.com. — KR DANCE

SUN

John Mulaney

YOSApalooza

MUSIC

COMEDY

▲ His sarcastic delivery and sociologist’s eye for observation have often earned comedian and former Saturday Night Live writer John Mulaney comparisons to Jerry Seinfeld — which didn’t do any favors for his sitcom Mulaney, canceled after 13 episodes. Although he is capable of dissecting minutia and pop culture, Mulaney’s best material has more in common with David Sedaris or even David Foster Wallace than Evening at the Imrpov. He describes moments in his life in hyper-definition, sometimes navigating New York City with a geographic precision that seems inspired by James Joyce’s

CURRENT • May 17-23, 2017 • sacurrent.com

Ulysses sometimes interrupting his own anecdote to recount the major plot points of the 1993 Harrison Ford film The Fugitive for seemingly no good reason whatsoever. From Mulaney’s vividly painted perspective, it seems that meeting the soon-to-be president of the United States as a young boy is not more or less momentous than overhearing a weird conversation while working as an office temp or the time he repeatedly played “What’s New Pussycat?” on the jukebox just to piss people off in a diner. $35-$55, 7pm & 9:30pm, The Aztec Theatre, 104 N. St Mary’s, (210) 812-4355, theaztectheatre.com. — JM

▲ It’s time once again for YOSApalooza, the one-night feast of classical music offerings presented yearly by Youth Orchestras of San Antonio (YOSA). This special event — which fits right in with YOSA’s mission to “enhance education, enrich the community, and transform lives by pursuing excellence in classical music in a stimulating, nurturing, and fun environment that is equally accessible to all youth” — showcases all nine of the YOSA orchestras, with the program finale featuring everybody (more than 500 musicians of all ages). The program for this year’s YOSApalooza features music from Gustav Holst’s celebrated work The Planets, Carold Nunez’s M to the Third Power and Apache, Claude-Michel Schönberg’s Les Misérables, and much more, including ragtime, modern and older works, and even “Colors of the Wind” from Pocahontas. It’s a staggeringly diverse program of music that is sure to provide something for everyone. Free, 6pm, Tobin Center for the Performing Arts, 100 Auditorium Circle, (210) 223-8624, tobincenter.org. — JC

YOUTH ORCHESTRAS OF SAN ANTONIO

JOHN MULANEY

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CALENDAR

Awards, a one-night showcase of talented WORDS performing arts students in San Antonio Loretta Swit Best known as Major Houlihan and the surrounding area. $15-$40, 7pm from the iconic TV series M*A*S*H, actress, Sunday; Charline McCombs Empire Theatre, author, artist and philanthropost Loretta and Elias Acosta, architects Camilo 226 N. St. Mary’s, (210) 223-4343. Swit visits The Twig to sign copies of Villalvilla and Vladimir Rodriguez, and Bus Stop The Classic Theatre presents SwitHeart, her new book of animal portraits photographers Angel Pena and Omar G. Bus Stop, a famous jest of human accompanied by anecdotes. Free, 11am-1pm Valenti explore the human body from relationships. Penned in 1955 by Saturday; The Twig Book Shop, 306 Pearl different perspectives. Free, 6-9pm Friday; playwright William Inge, Bus Stop is Pkwy, Ste 106, (210) 826-6411. Bihl Haus Arts, 2803 Fredericksburg Road, a romantic comedy about a group of (210) 383-9723. strangers stranded overnight in a Kansas COMEDY Art opening: Linda Vivenza and Marcy diner. $10-$25, 8pm Friday-Saturday, 3pm Humor for Heroes Comics Cleto Rodriguez McChesney Period Modern showcases Sunday; Classic Theatre of San Antonio, and Chandra Murthy and emcee Mike the work of photographer Linda Vivenza 1924 Fredericksburg Road, (210) 589-8450. Hernandez come together for a stress-free and collage artist Marcy McChesney. Greater Tuna The Company Theatre revives night of comedy honoring current and Free, 7-10pm Friday; Period Modern, 4347 Joe Sears and Jaston Williams’ rural former military. $15-$25, 8pm Saturday; McCullough Ave., (210) 902-1217. American satire set in the Lone Star State’s John T. Floore’s Country Store, 14492 Old Blue Star Red Dot Blue Star Contemporary’s third smallest town, where the Lion’s Club is Bandera Road, (210) 695-8827. Red Dot art sale is an annual fundraiser too liberal and Patsy Cline never dies. $30Port Chuck Known for roles on General supporting the nonprofit’s dynamic $40 (includes dinner), 6pm Saturday; The Hospital, The Young and the Restless and contemporary art exhibitions, education Big Apple Room at Little Italy, 824 Afterglow Days of Our Lives, soap opera hunks Jason programs and numerous community St., (800) 838-3006. Quartermaine, Scott Reeves, Brandon outreach efforts. $150, 6-10pm Wednesday; Radio Aztlan URBAN-15 delves into the Barash and Bradford Anderson team up Blue Star Contemporary, 116 Blue Star, “barriocosm” in a spoof of NPR’s Prairie for a concert and meet-and-greet as the (210) 227-6960. Home Companion featuring spoken word supergroup Port Chuck. $39-$149, 5pm Savor the Arts The Southwest School of Art atop musical improvisation by the Jazz Thursday; Improv San Antonio, 849 E. offers attendees a preview of exhibitions Poets of San Anto. $10-$15, 8pm Saturday; Commerce St., (210) 229-1420. by Victor Pérez-Rul and Esteban Delgado URBAN-15, 2500 S. Presa St., (210) 736-1500. Sonya White Chicago-based stand-up Sonya along with complimentary libations and White spins real-life inspiration into an culinary creations by some of San Antonio’s The Last Days of Oscar Wilde Having recently celebrated the grand opening of act that combines Southern belle charm finest chefs. $55-$130, 7-11pm Thursday; its new home on Bandera off Loop 410, and sarcastic street smarts. $16, 8pm Southwest School of Art, 300 Augusta St., the award-winning Overtime Theater Wednesday-Thursday, 8pm & 10:15pm (210) 224-1848. is digging into the foreshortened life of Friday-Saturday, 7pm Sunday; Laugh Out The Pancakes & Booze Art Show More Oscar Wilde, a playwright, poet and critic Loud Comedy Club, 618 NW Loop 410, (210) than 50 emerging artists come together beloved for his haunting novel The Picture 541-8805. for an evening featuring live art, music, of Dorian Gray (1891) and his comedies body painting, drinks and free pancakes. A Woman of No Importance (1893), An SPECIAL EVENTS $5, 8pm-2am Saturday; Paper Tiger, 2410 Ideal Husband (1895) and The Importance Basil Fest Pearl Farmers Market celebrates all N. St. Mary’s St. of Being Earnest (1895). Derek Berlin things basil with a day of seminars, cooking directs Marc Daratt (as Wilde) in the world demos, a Chef’s Challenge, activities for FILM premiere. $10-$15, 8pm Friday-Saturday, children, vendors and artisans. Free, 7pm Sunday; The Overtime Theater, 5409 Best of the International Children’s Film 9am-1pm Saturday; Pearl Farmers Market, Bandera Road, (210) 557-7562. Festival Slab Cinema revisits the best short 200 E. Grayson St., (866) 923-2226. films of the 2016 New York International Peter and the Starcatcher “The Neverland Brews & Blooms The San Antonio Botanical Children’s Film Festival, including The Girl you never knew” comes to life on stage Garden’s semiannual event returns with Who Spoke Cat, My Grandfather Was a Cherry in the Vex’s production of Peter and the more than 30 craft beers available to Tree and Slaves of the Rave. Free, 8pm Starcatcher — Rick Elice’s adaptation of sample from local and regional breweries. Friday; San Antonio Museum of Art, 200 W. the best-selling children’s novel. Billed Admission includes eight drink samples, Jones Ave., (210) 212-9383. as a “swashbuckling grownup prequel to a souvenir glass and shuttled parking. Peter Pan,” the play employs a cast of 12 to The Outsiders “Stay gold, Ponyboy, stay $15-$60, 6:30pm Saturday; San Antonio portray more than 100 characters. $16-$22, gold.” Slab Cinema hosts a free outdoor Botanical Garden, 555 Funston Pl., (210) 7:30pm Thursday, 8pm Saturday, 2:30pm screening of Francis Ford Coppola’s 536-1400. Sunday; Sheldon Vexler Theatre, 12500 NW 1983 classic starring Matt Dillon, Ralph Burgers, BBQ and Beer This Culinaria favorite Military Hwy., (210) 302-6835. Macchio, Rob Lowe, Emilio Estevez and resembles a backyard barbecue — but with Tom Cruise as members of rival gangs Urinetown: The Musical The Playhouse some of San Antonio’s best chefs manning the Greasers and the Socials. Free, 8pm stages a production of Greg Kotis’ comedic the grills. It also includes additional perks Thursday; Mission Marquee Plaza, 3100 story of socio-economic oppression, such as plenty of ice-cold beverages. $10-$50, Roosevelt Ave., (210) 212-9373. capitalism, corporate greed and the 1pm Sunday; La Cantera Resort & Spa, 16641 individuals willing to fight for freedom of La Cantera Pkwy., (210) 558-6500. THEATER urination. $12-$42, 8pm Friday-Saturday, Joci Awards Las Casas Foundation’s annual MexiQueens II: Bigger & Browner Visual 3pm Sunday; The Playhouse, 800 W. Ashby scholarship program culminates in the Joci artist Anthony “The Lemon” Diaz and Pl., (210) 733-7258.

ART Art opening: “Cuerpo Cubano/Cuban Body” Cuban painters Adrian Rumbaut

CURRENT • May 17-23, 2017 • sacurrent.com

fashion designer Caterina Gutierrez join forces for an evening of art, fashion, and drag featuring emcee Tencha La Jefa, electronic act Pink Leche and DJ Neto. $10, 8-11pm Saturday; Karolina’s Antiques, 1709 Blanco Road, (210) 731-9787.

Night at the PusiKat Tex Pop celebrates its

fifth birthday with “Night at the PusiKat,” honoring the 1967 psychedelic club. Featured bands are all veterans of the club, including Bubble Puppy, Cain’s Children, and Los Zilches No Más. $10, 2-6pm Sunday; South Texas Museum of Popular Culture, 1017 E. Mulberry Ave., (210) 858-8935.

San Antonio Beer Week Closing Ceremonies We won’t judge you if you bust out your finest German garb for this finale bash at Beethoven Maennerchor. Admission includes six 4-ounce tasters, a sampler plate of traditional fare, German music and a commemorative San Antonio Beer Week glass. $30, noon-4pm Sunday; Beethoven Maennerchor, 422 Pereida St.

The Texas BBQ Cook-Off The Paint Yard

plays host to a family-friendly BBQ with vendors, music, art and dance battles. Free, 3-10pm Saturday; The Paint Yard, 1216 Hoefgen Ave., (210) 229-1707.

TALKS PLUS In the Times of Protest — A Workshop The

Esperanza leads a workshop incorporating stories and experiences from organizers of recent marches and protests as well as historic local struggles. Free, 10am-1pm Saturday; Esperanza Peace & Justice Center, 922 San Pedro, (210) 228-0201.

“The Tangled Intersection of Art-Making and Care-Taking” San Antonio Poet

Laureate Jenny Browne moderates a discussion between artists Julia Barbosa Landois, Brenda L. Burmeister, Emily Fleisher, Yuliya Lanina, Amber OrtegaPerez and Raul Gonzalez. Free, 6-7:30pm Monday; Plaza de Armas, 115 Plaza de Armas, (210) 206-2787.

GIVES BACK Merrell will donate $5 to the Big Bend Conservancy for every pair of adult Merrell shoes sold at Whole Earth from May 15 – 31. Full priced merchandise only

Quarry Market at 255 East Basse • 210-829-8888

Photo by Kim Phillips

Whole Earth Provision Co.

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EVENT SHOW W MANAGEMENT

sacurrent.com • May 17-23, 2017 • CURRENT 27

ARTS + CULTURE

MATTHEW MOYER

THE MEN WHO SOLD THE WORLD COURTESY OF GALLERY BOOKS

Three new books on very different musicians all stretch the limits of memoir and memory

CURRENT • May 17-23, 2017 • sacurrent.com

> In this post-reality era of fake news, alternative facts and social media influencers, it can be healthy to take a break from the white-knuckle anxiety of your newsfeed and pick up a good biography/memoir … and immediately face down the same cutting-up of time and place and linear narrative? Under consideration are three books centering on chameleonic personalities who reshaped popular music drastically, each in their own way, while continually reshaping themselves and in turn being reshaped by the sonic and subcultural changes they set in motion. First up is Finding Joseph I, by Howie Abrams and James Lathos (Lesser Gods, 272 pages). It’s a look at the life of H.R., aka Joseph I, aka Paul Hudson, the vocalist and frontman for volcanic Washington, D.C., hardcore innovators Bad Brains. Intended as a companion book to the documentary of the same name, it works well as a stand-alone biography, and it intrigues on several fronts — not least among them that it’s an oral history drawing on scores of collaborators, business associates, friends and family. It’s as if H.R. himself — who does appear in these pages several times, never seeming to fully recognize his own past — is so fragmented that it takes a multitude of people to retrace his story. As he goes from being a PMA-obsessed punk rock daredevil to a devoted hardline Rasta and finally a sort of Syd Barrett-esque eccentric, H.R. often seems an unwilling participant in the events of his life, and certainly in Bad Brains. Whether that was due to drugs or to (speculated) mental illness, perhaps he wasn’t, but it never distracted from the fact that he was responsible for some of the most thrilling, quicksilver punk rock of an era — inspiring Fugazi, Black Flag, Beastie Boys, Sublime — and was always willing to sabotage any efforts toward mainstream

success to protect his art. Next is Substance: Inside New Order (Dey Street Books, 768 pages), the third in a series of sprawling memoirs by Peter Hook, bassist for Joy Division and New Order and a prime mover in the Manchester/”Madchester” music scene that revolved around Factory Records and the Hacienda nightclubs. Though much of Hook’s public persona over the years has been loud protestation that he’s just one of the lads, it’s belied by this book, which covers an incredible and artistic evolution for the man and his music. Within the 27 years covered in this doorstop of a book, New Order goes from nervously playing leftover Joy Division songs to recording groundbreaking dance/rock hybrids to headlining arenas. Indeed, it was Peter Hook and his New Order bandmates who brought ecstasy to Manchester, changing the face of British popular music into a wide, dazed smile. Hook himself morphs from a dour shirt-and-tie post-punker into a wildman rocker with long hair and leather pants, from cider to cocaine. The story of New Order unfolds so fast and so chaotically even Hook is taken by surprise when he finds himself out of New Order forever. Hook serves as a mischievous and unreliable narrator throughout, reveling in the revenge of a life well (and excessively) lived. Saving the best for last, we have Paul Morley’s recent David Bowie bio — The Age of Bowie (Gallery Books, 496 pages). It’s actually less a bio than A) an extended, highly subjective meditation on the man and his work, filtered through Morley’s own lifetime of Bowie fandom, written as he tried to process exactly what David Bowie’s death meant as a cultural phenomenon, and B) a delightful campaign of misinformation, itself an homage to one of the great chameleons and concealers in rock (and beyond) music. Which sounds like

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Have you, or has someone you love, relapsed or overdosed on opioids during or after a pregnancy? Maternal Opioid Morbidity Study (MOMS) The UT Health Science Center is conducting a research study to understand maternal opioid* relapse or overdose. If you have experienced an opioid* relapse or overdose during or after a pregnancy or if you know someone who has, you may qualify to take part in this study. *Opioids may include heroin or prescription opioids such as Vicodin, OxyContin, Morphine, Fentanyl, etc.

For more information please contact: Ashley at (210) 450-8161 or via email at Emmerich@uthscsa.edu Compensation for participation may be provided. 30

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a pretentious conceit, but this book is perhaps the most touching piece of longform music writing that we’ve ever read. The book follows a loosely chronological order but lends itself to long, gorgeous digressions into topics including Bowie’s role as Jareth in Labyrinth, speculation that the subject of “Heroes” was in fact a clandestine love affair with Romy Haig, and subtle callbacks to jazz trumpeter Lester Bowie in David’s long musical oeuvre. The chapters that are merely repetitions of the phrase “David Bowie is” followed by alternately accurate, audacious or ridiculous encapsulations are revelatory. And by the very ending, which incorporates the list of David Bowie’s hundred favorite books that made the internet rounds awhile back while speculating if it is even possible for the construct that was David Bowie to “die,”

you’ll be fighting back tears. Fascinating signs echo in these three tomes — there are always books close at hand, be it Bowie’s trunk full of books he takes everywhere, Hook’s stack of books next to the mixing board, or H.R.’s Bible always kept in a pocket. Time becomes a fluid element, accelerating, decelerating, folding back in on itself as if past and future versions of the protagonist might collide at any second (like some underground version of Back to the Future). A sense that each artist is trying to keep up with his art, but there’s simply too much to do and too much going on around them. And in the end, each, to varying degrees, takes a step back and disengages with what’s expected of them and who they are supposed to be, saving themselves in the process. And leaving the door open. For the next step. sacurrent.com • May 17-23, 2017 • CURRENT 31

. T A E . k n i r D . E GIV Culinaria Festival

Wine + Food + Spirits + Beer = SA Proud

May 18-21, 2017 San Antonio, TX Social Media: Facebook: /CulinariaSanAntonio Instagram and Twitter: /CulinariaSA

CURRENT • May 17-23, 2017 • sacurrent.com

for one or more of the following events It’s the place to see San Antonio’s best chefs all in one place and all you pay is the price of admission to rub elbows with some of the brightest stars in our city. Not to mention, taste, taste and taste some more of the culinary creations they’ve designed. Add to the flavors your choice of wine, beer or cocktail and the setting of the Texas Hill Country and your weekend is complete at this year’s Culinaria Festival. CulinariaSA.org

IT IS HAPPENING AGAIN Prophecy and secrecy mark the return of Twin Peaks

•

SA native Chrysta Bell makes her TV Debut

≥

Just in time for the start of summer, Showtime’s resurrection of Twin Peaks will fi nally grace our screens, transporting longtime fans and new watchers alike to the misty and mysterious small Washington town surrounded by weird and wonderful woods. While many of us have been anticipating the new episodes with bated breath, Twin Peaks’ return also marks an opportunity to introduce a new audience to the series, which laid the groundwork for some of today’s most popular shows. By 1990, David Lynch already had the films Dune, The Elephant Man, and Blue Velvet under his belt, but Twin Peaks was the first exposure much of the television-viewing public had to his signature storytelling and visual style. Although it was inarguably a hit after its short first season, uneven episode quality and studio meddling caused viewership to taper off during its second season and the show was ultimately cancelled. The series was followed by the prequel film Fire Walk With Me in 1992, but beyond that, the story of Twin

IMAGES COURTESY OF SHOWTIME

COURTESY OF DAVID LYNCH

SCREENS

Peaks appeared to be wrapped up. As time went on and the show achieved cult status, some wondered whether Laura Palmer’s famous showending line – “See you in 25 years” – was prophetic. It was the show’s anniversary (which technically happened in June 2016) that reportedly spurred Lynch to consider reviving Twin Peaks. The show’s turbulent revival included a few hair-raising moments for fans, most notably when Lynch briefly split from the project in April of 2015. But, according to a recent story in Variety, Showtime’s CEO and president of programing managed to hash it out with the director after bringing cookies to his house for a chat. The new season picks up after the aforementioned time gap, and many beloved characters are returning, including Dale Cooper, Lucy Moran, and more. Frequent Lynch collaborator Laura Dern (of Jurassic Park fame) has also joined the cast in a mysterious role, along with musician and San Antonio native Chrysta Bell, who will be making her television debut on the show’s revival.

However, this is not Chrysta Bell’s first rodeo with Lynch. She has collaborated with him on two albums, 2011’s The Train and 2016’s Somewhere in the Nowhere. In stark contrast to the recent trend of plotrevealing movie trailers (looking at you, Wonder Woman…), the marketing for Twin Peaks has been remarkably enigmatic, and to great effect. In the fi nal run up to the premiere, a new trailer has dropped that reveals the most footage yet seen of the new series while maintaining an air of inscrutability. Most notably, the latest trailer plays like Agent Dale Cooper’s prophetic dream in the third episode of the original series, which introduced viewers to both the show’s most terrifying antagonist and its most enduring visuals (this is when we fi rst see the iconic redcurtained room with zig-zag fl oor). The trailer even opens on a shaky shot of a set of stairs (we don’t know whether they’re those stairs, but the parallel is undeniable). “It is happening again,” indeed. In that same vein, Chrysta Bell (whose name is

sacurrent.com • May 17-23, 2017 • CURRENT 33

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SCREENS

The Alamo Colleges District thanks voters for approving our 2017 bond issue

alamo.edu

•

“See you in 25 years”

pronounced as one word) can’t divulge much of anything about Twin Peaks, but believes that “relishing in the mystery is very precious.” She told the Current that while “it used to be a little maddening and pretty upsetting to have to be so secretive,” especially when faced with the frenzied media attention that has accompanied the show’s return, she has made peace with it – especially, she says, now that “the days are numbered – it’s upon us!” What Chrysta Bell can say is that Lynch has made clear the film Fire Walk With Me is “integral to where the new season is coming from,” and that viewers will definitely be treated to a quintessential Lynchian work – weirdness and all. Also worth mentioning is Chrysta Bell’s upcoming album, We Dissolve, which drops on June 9, mere weeks after the

Twin Peaks premiere, which certainly makes it a busy summer for her. The genre-bending pop album is inflected with jazz and soul, and even includes “murder ballads.” She professes that the album has “a lot of purity in it,” and is “the most exceptional work [she’s] ever done.” Although this new record is not another collaboration with Lynch, her partners are no schmucks – she has paired up with longtime producer and PJ Harvey collaborator John Parish and the album is co-written by local legend Chris Smart. So, despite its lack of an explicitly Lynchian tone, her new music should definitely appeal to a similar demographic. Twin Peaks: The Return premieres on Showtime on May 21. For viewers itching to binge, the 1990-1991 series is available to stream on Netflix, Hulu, Amazon Prime, and Showtime Anytime.

sacurrent.com • May 17-23, 2017 • CURRENT 35

GodaI Sushi SUSHI

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CURRENT • May 17-23, 2017 • sacurrent.com

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•

Barbacoa at Chisme

Flashes of creativity help round out Chisme

≥

The Empty Stomach restaurant group has given us some memorable places over the years: the much-missed Monterey in Southtown (ah, those burgers); neighborhood-friendly Barbaro (endlessly inventive pizzas); and, of course, nationally noted Hot Joy with its over-thetop tattoo décor and almost-Asian plates and bowls. And now comes semi-Mex Chisme on the St. Mary’s Strip. My stomach is rumbling. Or maybe it’s me grumbling in general. Despite some witty touches such as the rogue’s gallery of plaster saints and some exquisitely detailed copper fixtures by Isaac Maxwell Metal, the décor seems unresolved — especially when compared (unfairly, to be sure) to exuberant Hot Joy. A door masking the kitchen is sorely needed. Despite good chips and salsas, early eating experiences were equally lackluster. A plate of cochinita pibil strayed way too far from the classic norm to merit the name; cheesed-up guacamole needed alma — plus lime and salt; drinks, normally the group’s strong suit, were watery and unbalanced… My dyspepsia may not be at an end, but there are signs that the kitchen, at least, is getting ahold of itself. That guacamole con chisme with cotijo cheese had genuine spunk the second time around. And if the queso con chisme seemed overwrought (there’s guacamole and refried beans lurking under the molten surface somewhere, but good luck scooping them up), the straight-on queso that comes free with happy hour chips and salsa is just right. Note that the normal 4-6 p.m. happy hour is all day on Tuesday and take advantage. That cochinita fared better on time two as well. Where before the slab of grilled pork had clearly met the sauce for the first time on the plate (the pork is usually marinated for several hours with achiote paste, cumin, sour orange, garlic, oregano and more — then wrapped in banana leaves before grilling or slow baking), this time the meeting may have been Tinder-quick — with no banana leaves in attendance, but there was at least a degree of compatibility; the orange

sauce didn’t have the metallic tang of serious achiote, but it was reasonably convincing; and marinated onions added the necessary, vinegary accent. Also tried twice was the beef cheek barbacoa. There is absolutely nothing wrong with this dish. The cachetes make for much less greasy barbacoa than is often the case; the accompanying fried, cubed potatoes dutifully play second fiddle. But there’s also not anything particularly interesting about it — including the green onion “kimchee.” We asked for salsa to be returned to the table. The same can be said for the “live-fire” pollo asado with charred onions and “dressed” cabbage. The chicken was dutifully blackened and appealingly moist, but otherwise lacked chispa, or spark. We had to ask for limes to further dress the cabbage. But for every indifferent dish, there’s a good one. Jícama fresca with cherry tomatoes, cucumber and an enigmatic (and undetectable) tamarind “vin”? Don’t bother. Though the charred brussel sprouts with guajillo mole and peanuts may be a hot mess, they make for an entirely enjoyable mess. Don’t miss them. Green chile butter seems a strange description for the salsa verde that bathes the succulent, grilled Gulf shrimp, but it’s a good sauce nonetheless. And if I’m inherently suspicious of the accompanying “tamal” that appears to have

been created in a sheet pan, then just ignore me; the flat pieces soak up the green sauce just fine. By now, I’ve been to Chisme five times and, it should come as no surprise, have sampled just about every cocktail. Admitting that obsessing over ice can get to be a bore, I nevertheless think that most drinks here are too loosey-icey. Rye by the Beach with allspice dram and tepache almost worked, but La Pistola with tequila, coffee liqueur and rum didn’t. The Maracuja Mule, a potent blend of vodka, passion fruit and house-made ginger beer, surprised with its intensity of spunky flavors. But the Chorreado, a promising-sounding blend of scotch, chocolate hoja santa syrup, mole and cream, came across as chocolate syrup and cream over crushed ice, little more. Yet, at only $5 during happy hour, the 32-ounce michelada is both punchy and prodigious — and just icy enough. No wonder the patio and parking lot were both full. Five times and only one dessert. Fortunately, it was an extremely good one. I’m talking about the passion fruit and coconut tres leches. The flavors mesh beautifully — nutty and creamy against tart and fruity, the cake’s texture is almost custardy, and the plate is muy guapo to boot. Belly now full, grumbling at an end.

Chisme 2303 N. St Mary’s St. (210) 530-4236 eatchisme.com The Skinny: Tweaked-Mex on the St. Mary’s Strip. Tacos and plates are pricey by SA Mexican standards, but flashes of creativity help ease the pain — as do 32-oz. micheladas. Best Bets: guacamole con chisme, charred Brussels sprouts, cochinita “pibil”, grilled Gulf shrimp, tres leches cake. Hours: 4-11pm

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sacurrent.com • May 17-23, 2017 • CURRENT 37

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FOOD

HATCH AND MAAS LLC

FOOD COURT RIP Chuck Hernandez, Hello Kitty’s return and more JESSICA ELIZARRARAS + ALEJANDRA LOPEZ

Longtime Caterer Dies

> Chuck Hernandez, chef, caterer and author of Pesto Power, passed away on Wednesday morning. Hernandez moved to San Antonio more than 20 years ago to help his father run restaurants. He brought Arugula Catering with him and became known for his elaborate and tasty spreads. Hernandez opened O’liva at Plaza de Armas in 2015, with locally sourced fare, but the restaurant shuttered last October. The news of Hernandez's death hit Facebook after longtime friend and business partner Tim McDiarmid shared a gofundme page made to help off-set funeral costs brought on by the 61-year-old’s sudden heart attack. The campaign reads as follows: It is with great sadness that I am letting all of Chucks friends and loved ones know that he passed away yesterday. I know how far his reach was and how many of you loved him. He was an incredible, sweet, funny, smart and talented man who’s shoes will never be filled. The hole in my heart is vast. We’ve set up this gofund me for arrangements and will keep you posted on a memorial. Please know that he died at a time in his life that I can honestly say he was as happy and content as I have seen him in the decade we have been friends and business partners. He was truly in a good place. Love to you all. Love you Chuck. Currently, $5,540 have been raised as of press time.

Hello, Again

> If you missed the Hello Kitty Cafe’s stop at La Cantera last year, you’re in luck. The super-cute, super-pink truck will make a return to San Antonio from 10 a.m. to 8 p.m. Saturday, June 3. The cafe truck will park near the Barnes & Noble at the Shops at La Cantera, offering a Hello Kitty-themed menu of “supercute” treats. Guests looking to get a taste should arrive early — last year’s line took hours to get through, but for dedicated fans of the Sanrio character, that shouldn’t be a problem. 15900 La Cantera Pkwy. — AL

Send food and nightlife news to flavor@sacurrent.com.

Lick’s First Pop-up

> Donuts and ice cream will make the perfect pair on Saturday, May 20, when Lick Honest Ice Creams hosts Halee Edwards, most widely known as @theginger_snap on Instagram. The small-batch artisanal baker is known for her old school donuts and fun, seasonal flavors. For the popup, Edwards will feature lemon poppy, honey lavender, blueberry, strawberry, and chocolate, while Lick will offer $1 scoops as add-ons to your pastries. Approximately 150 donuts will be available during the first come, first serve event, and guests are limited to purchasing half a dozen at a time only. Get there early, the event starts at 8:30 a.m. 312 Pearl Pkwy., Suite 2101, (210) 314-8166.

More Chicken

> Raisin’ Canes, with its 11 stores in the San Antonio area, is about to get some competiton. The Helotes area will be the first to sample Slim Chickens, a new fastcasual concept coming from America’s Heartland. Slim Chickens originated in Fayetteville, Arkansas in 2003 with “life changing chicken” available as tenders, or in salads and wraps, and a supporting cast of sides including fried okra, fried pickles, fried mushrooms, and seasonal mason jar desserts. These days, the franchise has grown to 45 stores primarily in the midwest and southern regions of the country. The San Antonio opened Monday, May 15. 12530 Bandera Road, Helotes sacurrent.com • May 17-23, 2017 • CURRENT 39

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BARS TO GO

La Antigua (left) & The Pour Horse (right)

COURTESY OF THE POUR HORSE

COURTESY OF LA ANTIGUA ROLLING BAR

NIGHTLIFE

Airstreams and horse trailers are the latest in mobile bartending

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It’s 2017 and most weekends in SA are partyfilled. And one of the latest trends in bartending comes by way of rehabbed Airstreams and yes, even a horse trailer. Though you’ll most likely find these bars-on-wheels used in summer weddings, chances are good you’ll find them popping up at local events. Or if you’re feeling extra and want to throw a legendary party, now you’ll know who to call.

La Antigua Rolling Bar

Meet your bartender // Harol Avila Where to find it // After a six-month build-out that included custom storage, a leather-filled lounge, and portable handsink, Avila unleashed the 1964 Airstream trailer. Though the business focuses on weddings and corporate events, the trailer can also occasionally be found at Hawx Burger Bar, 1221 Broadway, and Fralo’s. Avila, who founded Sierra Vieja Tequila in 2011 (and has been distributing the blanco, anejo and reposado in the U.S. since 2014), says he started La Antingua Rolling Bar as a tasting room for his Magdalena, Jalisco-produced tequila. Drinks often include aguas frescas and non-alcoholic rusas (an uber refreshing combination of lime, grapefruit,

orange, and Squirt) that can be combined with Sierra Vieja samples. The bar on wheels gets around those pesky TABC rules by offering free samples instead of selling the tequilas. For weddings and corporate events, all of the alcohol must be purchased by the party-throwers. Rates // $1,500 includes One TABC certified bartender; disposables cups, straws, napkins and mixes for 150 guests; up to 4 hours of open bar; setup and cleanup of La Antigua Rolling Bar Visit laantiguabar.com for details and availability.

The Pour Horse

Meet your bartender // Tassie Grantham Where to find it // As owner of Sass Tass Event Bartending, Grantham woke up one morning last October with one goal in mind — buying her own horse trailer. She wanted a way to stand out from the caravans, such as La Antigua and Austin’s Cosmo Camper (or CC for short), that have been popping up in wedding venues. “It hit me. We’re in Texas. People don’t’ care about hippie vans, they want horse trailers,” Grantham says. By the time her husband came home from work that evening, Grantham was the proud owner of a 1975 King

Horse trailer. She didn’t even own a truck at the time. After a few would-be contractors dropped the ball on the job, Grantham and her stepfather finished out the build to include a refrigerator, custom shelving and a 71-inch red oak bar top, and the foal was ready for a few runs. At just 10 by 10 feet, The Pour Horse does take some getting used to. “Going forward is super easy, but trying to reverse this thing is another story,” Grantham laughed. The truck is easy enough to customize. During the first few weddings this April, the Pour Horse was decked out in signature florals and signs provided by the wedding party. It serves as a vintage focal point for photos complete with horse bites and dents. She keeps the drinks seasonal — cherry limeades, palomas and whiskey gingers graced recent menus — but signature cocktails are available during planning. Rates // Prices vary by number of guests ($1,180 for up to 100 guests, $1,796 for up to 300). A 4-hour minimum is required and includes Grantham (she’s the only one driving the Pour Horse currently), bartending tools, travel up to 50 miles, menu planning, ice, garnishes, mixes, disposable cups and straws, set up, tear down and a gas generator. Visit thepourhorse.com for more details and availability.

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MUSIC

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If you ask some folks in San Antonio where to find the best live music, they might point you 80 miles north and tell you to head into what’s been widely considered the Live Music Capital of the world. Those folks, however, don’t know a damn thing about Texas music. For decades, San Antonio’s music scene has been cast into the shadows by the big stages of Austin, our musicians stolen by that supposed promised land called the 512. And, as Margaret Moser, founder and curator of the South Texas Museum of Popular Culture, puts it, “San Antonio has never gotten the respect it deserves.” And if anyone can accurately gauge the neighboring Texas music scenes, you can bet that it’s Moser, the former Austin Chronicle music editor and director of the Austin Music Awards. If you’ve never paid a visit to Tex Pop, you might be surprised to find that sandwiched between the Planet K and Broadway Grocery Stop on Mulberry Avenue is an unassuming treasure chest filled with relics that chronicle the history of South Texas music. With a humble interior, one that could be described as anything but glamorous, the tiny museum tells the stories of music and musicians that South Texans wouldn’t find

elsewhere. Which is why in 2011 Moser and Mike Kleinman created a space where these histories and their artifacts could live, like the recently acquired, semipermanent exhibit in dedication to the late Steven “El Parche” Jordan and childhood photos of Doug Sahm dressed up in his performance wear — a Sunday button down with embellishments sewn by his mother. “Doug Sahm is a big reason why we started Tex Pop,” says Moser. This month, the museum will celebrate its 5th anniversary with a tribute to San Antonio’s psychedelic nightspots of the 1960s with “Night at the Pusi-Kat” on May 21. The Pusi-Kat, as some may recall, played host to groovy names like the Yardbirds, Deep Purple, the Electric Prunes, B.B. King and even Jimi Hendrix, who stopped by after his 1968 show at the Municipal Auditorium. The night will feature performances by Pusi-Kat house band Bubble Puppy, Cain’s Children and The Zilches with tributes to radio DJs Bruce Hathaway, Bobby Reyes and the late Rob Meurer and an exhibit to highlight some of Tex Pop’s greatest moments. “Night of the Pusi-Kat”, 2-6 p.m. Sun. May 21, South Texas Museum of Popular Culture, 1017 E. Mulberry Ave., $10 donation.

MUSIC

CHRIS CONDE

HOPELESS ROMANTIC

Alyson Alonzo’s debut EP is raw, intimate and sexy as hell > Watching Alyson Alonzo sing is a spiritual experience. When she’s performing at a bar or venue, you can hear a hush wash over the crowd as soon as she releases a string of breathy notes from her lungs. She’s that good. Apparently, she’s been that good for a while. Alonzo told the Current that when she was 6 or 7, her grandfather knew she had vocal talent and recorded her singing “America The Beautiful.” He played it back to Alonzo’s family as she, not yet being able to stand the sound of her own voice, hid in a refrigerator box in the next room. Eventually, the siren from San Antonio’s South Side started writing her own music, and through the encouragement of an online collaborator she met on Myspace, discovered for herself that she actually could sing. Alonzo then began working with people in the local music community, including Jeff Palacios (who plays with The Foreign Arm and Femina-X) as well as Omar Nambo (who used to play with Piñata Protest). Eventually, the singer invested in a loop station and began programming and looping her own beats live on stage, crafting a fascinating blend of electronica and neo-soul. After several years of playing solo gigs, including a slot at last year’s Maverick Music Festival and two performances with Youth Orchestra of San Antonio where she slayed covers of Radiohead and Prince, Alonzo has released a long-awaited solo debut she’s calling The Romantic EP. The EP is sexy from the start, as the first track “Love Memory” opens with Alonzo singing “I crave a love so deep the ocean would be jealous.” The bassdriven opener walks listeners down a corridor of synth pop keys and hip-hop inspired beats as Alonzo exhales lush vocal runs over the music. It’s raw and so intimate the chismosas will definitely wonder, “Damn girl, who was that about?” The rest of the tracks on the EP are as solid as the fi rst, but “Your Return” sticks out — a looped beat-box track that braids together echoing vocal harmonies as Alonzo croons about dishonesty and heartbreak in relationships. It’s defi nitely got that Toni Braxton “Unbreak My Heart” edge to it, a song that will leave you thinking about your own love life. Though the 30-year-old artist doesn’t have a record-release show scheduled yet, the EP’s available on Spotify, Google Play and Apple Music.

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MUSIC PICKS

Maybe there’s something in air, because a number of symphonic and power metal groups have been charging through the 210 lately. Not that we’re complaining. Last week it was Hammerfall and Delian. Now this week, it’s Sabaton, Battle Beast and Leaves Eyes. While all of these bands certainly have their own distinct sound, (to non-metal fans, y’all probably won’t be able to tell a difference), they all find a commonality in their use of triumphantsounding guitar riffs, pummeling drums and operatic vocals. Basically, this music is epic as hell. Also, pick a random song from any of these bands, and the themes and lyrics will most likely include Viking lore and ancient battles involving armies and mythical beasts. It’s an orchestra of shredding. With Battle Beast, Sabaton, 7pm, $21-$25, Alamo City Music Hall, 1305 E. Houston St. — Chris Conde WED

COURTESY OF LEAVES EYES

MUSIC

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The multi-Grammy award winning group Gipsy Kings really has nothing left to prove. GIPSY KINGS its debut album, 1978’s raw and unplugged feeling Allegria, the band has 18 consistently produced stellar (and quiteSince unique) music that fuses Catalonian musical traditions with salsa, rumba,

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pop, and flamenco. While the group’s music can sometimes sound too pleasant and too easy-listening on record (especially in some of the more recent output), the live experience of Gipsy Kings is anything but staid. Liberated from the trappings of overbearing production, the band is nigh explosive in the live setting, operating in the great tradition of its forbears, capable of moving showgoers, body and soul. While Gipsy Kings hasn’t released an album since 2013’s Sabor Flamenco, the group’s thirteen albums of material to date should provide for an unpredictable set list that spans a truly singular musical odyssey. $49.50-$89.50, 8:00pm, The Majestic, 224 E Houston St, (210) 226-3333, majesticempire.com. — James Courtney

PNB ROCK If you’re going to make music with even the slightest hint of trap in the mix, you’d better come correct. Because do we seriously need another rolling hi hat beat for some middleschooler to “dab” to? Probably not. But PNB Rock, born Rakim Hasheem Allen, actually takes the played-out trapphenomenon-that-won’t-die to a place that won’t bore you to death. With the addition of his catchy auto-tuned R&B vocals, Allen elevates trap-heavy beats to a space that feels THU

SHONEN KNIFE Forming in Osaka Japan at the end of 1981, Shonen Knife ignored the rising popularity of J-pop and gravitated toward writing music that was high-energy and heavily influenced by ‘60s rock, which ended up securing them a spot as opening act for Nirvana on the Nevermind tour. In a 1993 interview with Rolling Stone, guitarist and vocalist Naoko Yamano said that when Kurt Cobain initially asked about touring with the band, she didn’t know who they were. So she went to the record store, bought some Nirvana, saw their appearance and… “They looked a little bit wild and dirty.” They were reportedly even a little afraid of the grunge kings until Dave Grohl helped set up their drums and Kurt Cobain made Yamano a PB&J. Besides touring with one of the most influential rock bands of all time, the Japanese trio have been credited with opening the door for more international acts to break into the American circuits. With 22 albums of solid Ramonesesque punk under their belt, Shonen Knife prove that they’re as sharp as they were when they first started cutting up audiences with their live performances over 35 years ago. 8pm, $13-$15, The Korova 107. E Martin St. — CC THU

fresh enough to avoid cringing. And while his voice is strong (even behind the auto-tuner), his cadence is punctuated by interesting syllabic patterns and cadence change-ups to keep listeners interested. Though the drum sounds and rhythm feel familiar, the layering and texture of echoing percussion and synth melodies combined with Allen’s hip-hop cadence make for a sound that’s unmatched by anything on the radio right now. With Amea, 8pm, $15, Paper Tiger, 2410 N. St. Mary’s St. — CC

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MUSIC

DEVIN THE DUDE PIÑATA PROTEST Piñata Protest, San Antonio’s favorite Tejano-punk band, has been making waves nationally (and even internationally) for several years now. In fact, the hard working, hard touring crew, led by squeezebox murderer and firebrand performer Alvaro del Norte, has played far more shows outside of SA than inside over the past year or so. Fresh off a national tour with Brujeria, Alvaro and the boys are wasting no time getting back at it. On Friday, catch the electric and frenetic FRI

Even though Devin The Dude was signed to Houston label Rap-A-Lot Records throughout the 90s and early aughts, he really didn’t (and still doesn’t) sound like he’s from Houston at all, which may have been what helped him stand the test of time (unlike many of his many chopped-and-screwed HTX counterparts). Born in Michigan before moving to moving to St. Petersburg, Devin Copeland eventually wound up in Houston where he met Rob Quest, a blind rapper and record producer, and the duo formed the group the Odd Squad. The Squad (later known as Coughee Brothaz) signed to Rap-A-Lot records with artists like Scarface and Geto Boys. Copeland moved to Scarface's group Facemob but finally pursued a solo career in 1998 and released the album The Dude, which was so vastly different than the darker, street-life songs that he had contributed to with his previous groups. You almost got the feeling that Copeland wasn’t really concerned with appearing gangster or edgy, rather just a guy that likes to smoke weed and write raps. On his latest effort Acoustic Levitation, Copeland is clearly in his element as he delivers his spaced-out lines over beats that land somewhere between trap and psychedelic funk. It’s weird as hell, and totally makes sense for the oddball rapper. 8pm, $20-$65, The Korova, 107 E. Martin St. — CC FRI

Even if you somehow haven’t seen a television in the last 30 years (or had parents that tried to over-shelter you growing up), you could surely still point out Bart Simpson in a cartoon family lineup. The longest-running American sitcom of all time, The Simpsons has now extended its impact into the realm of metal with the Ned Flanders-inspired band Okilly Dokilly, whose five members dress up like Homer’s hyper-religious next-door neighbor and use him as the inspiration for their lyrics. The story goes that the vocalist and drummer were in line at a grocery store, and while entertaining themselves by coming up with “cutesy” names for brutal hardcore bands, the name Okilly Dokilly surfaced. They just could not say no. Though their music isn’t as technical as some of their metal-core counterparts, the point isn’t necessarily the music – it’s that five dudes who are dressed up as arguably one of the goofiest cartoon characters of all time are about to bring the mosh. With Beatallica, 7pm, $15, Paper Tiger, 2410 N. St. Mary’s St. — CC

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performers at Bang Bang Bar, as they gear up to head out on the road for a twenty-date tour that will find them playing in Mexico, a place in which their sound is deeply-rooted, for the first time. Piñata Protest will also be releasing a brand new EP, entitled Cuatros Exitos, on the occasion. In conclusion, this would be a fine time to celebrate this local treasure of a band, even as its purview becomes less and less local. $10.00, 9:00pm, The Bang Bang Bar, 119 El Mio Dr, (210) 320-1187. — JC

THE CULT Locals, especially older heads, who worship at the midnight altar of rad riffage and heavy fuckin’ rawk will want to be at The Aztec Wednesday to pay tribute to one of the original masters of goth rock/ post-punk: The Cult. The seminal U.K. band, which formed in the early 1980s and has been quite active since 2006, after taking two stints off in the late 1990s and early aughts. The Cult’s solid 2016 album Hidden City completed a thematic trilogy of albums (begun with 2008’s Born Into This), so we can expect the band to lean heavily on songs from those three dense and rather spiritual albums, even as they indulge fans with the classics. With a sound that’s built on blistering and doomy percussion and wild and aggressive guitar extrapolation, it goes without saying that The Cult is known to melt faces with its live show. $30.00-$780.00, 8:00pm, Aztec Theatre, 104 N St Mary’s, (210) 812-4355, theaztectheatre.com. theaztectheatre.com — JC WED

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MUSIC

MUSIC CALENDAR WEDNESDAY, MAY 17 Captain Cleanoff “Grind” act from Australia, joined by Excruciating Terror, Vulva Essers, and more. $12. Limelight, 9pm Fox Motel Local indie rock. act. Free. The Amp Room, 9pm Jade Marie Patek Acoustic set, joined by Bryan Catalini. Free. The Phoenix Saloon, 8:30pm Jonathan Edwards Folk singer/songwriter. $24.50-$49.50. Tobin Center for the Performing Arts, 7:30pm Marc Broussard “Bayou soul” singer/ songwriter. $20-$110. Sam’s Burger Joint, 8pm Primetime Jazz Orchestra John Magaldi’s Primetime Jazz Orchestra. Free. The Cove, 8-10pm Sabaton Swedish power metal band, joined by Battle Beast and Leaves Eyes. $21-$25. Alamo City Music Hall & Club, 8pm The Texases Classic country covers. Free. Paper Tiger, 8pm THURSDAY, MAY 18 210 Blues Band R&B sounds of local 210 Blues Band every Thursday and Sunday. Free. SoHo Wine & Martini Bar, 10pm Bad Sports Texas punk act Bad Sports, joined by Mean Jolene and Saigon Sinners. $5-$7. Limelight, 9pm Dancing with Geppetto Pop-punk act from Austin. Free. The Phoenix Saloon, 9pm David J & The Vagabond Vigilantes David J, founding member of British 1980‘s postpunk act Bauhaus and ‘90s indie rock act Love and Rockets, performs. Book and record signing at Robot Monster Guitars 7-8pm. $10. Paper Tiger, 9pm DB5 Jazz and happy hour. Free. The Mix, 6-8pm Dennis Quaid and the Sharks Rock act Dennis Quaid & The Sharks, project of actor Dennis Quaid, is joined by The Georges. $29.50. Gruene Hall, 7pm Fuel Rock act joined by alt-rock band Marcy Playground. $21.50-$121.50. The Rock Box, 7pm Kirk Covington Quintet Jazz music. $5. Luna, 9:30pm Lesti Huff Band Local act playing a combination of country, rock and blues.

Free. The Cove, 8:30-10:30pm Longriver Songwriter poet from Austin. Free. Lowcountry, 6pm Matt Haeck Folk artist out of Nashville, performs in support of his debut album Late Bloomer. Joined by Jason Robert Blum. $10$30. Sam’s Burger Joint, 8pm PnB Rock Hip hop and R&B artist from Philadelphia performs on his GTTM Tour. Joined by Amea. $17.95. Paper Tiger, 8pm FRIDAY, MAY 19 Brian Christopher and The Wild Oats Country/rock band from Austin, joined by The Golden Lights. Free. The Phoenix Saloon, 9pm Brian Volante Band Local blues rock act. Free. The Cove, 9-11pm Carolyn Wonderland Blues singer/songwriter, joined by The Anthony Wright Band. $15$70. Sam’s Burger Joint, 9pm Debussy - Ibéria Angel Romero on guitar, conducted by Sebastian Lang-Lessing. $15. Tobin Center for the Performing Arts, 8pm Devin the Dude Hip-hop artist from Houston performs on his Acoustic Levitation tour. Joined by Minus, Omega Sin, and SpyMC. $20-$65. The Korova, 8pm Gary Allan American country artist, joined by Shane Smith & The Saints. $35-$40. John T Floore’s Country Store, 9pm Hall and Hedges Blend of Cajun, country and Americana. Free. Twin Sisters Bakery and Cafe, 7-9pm Icon for Hire Rock act from Decatur, Illinois, joined by Assuming We Survive. $12. Fitzgerald’s Bar & Live Music, 7pm The Merles Classic country band from Austin. Free. Luckenbach Dance Hall, 8pm Metalachi “The world’s first and only metal mariachi band,” joined by Los Tejanos Muertos and The Night. $15. The Rock Box, 8pm Rain on the Aftermath Local alt-rock band, joined by Killjoy Authority, Secret Silent and Hindsight. $5-$8. Bond’s 007 Rock Bar, 8pm Retama Spring Fest Performances from Network for Young Artists. $6. Retama Park, 9am-9pm Roaring Sun Eclectic noise act from Austin, joined by Eye of the Day and Phantom Chatter. $5. Imagine Books and Records, 8-11:45pm Saul Chapa Acoustic music in The Yard. Free.

Fitzgerald’s Bar & Live Music, 9pm Songwriter Rendezvous Featuring Texas singer-songwriters Jimmy LaFave, Sam Baker and Eliza Gilkyson. $46.50-$85. Tobin Center for the Performing Arts, 8pm Suzanna Choffel “Hello Goodbye” Album Release Party Austin native and pop-folk artist plays in support of her upcoming album, “Hello Goodbye.” $10. Luna, 9:30pm Tanya Tucker Country act joined by Sonia Langham. $39.50. Gruene Hall, 8 p.m. West Kings Highway Friday Night Residency. Free. Sancho’s Cantina, 7-9pm SATURDAY, MAY 20 2nd Annual FitzApalooza Tribute to 90s grunge rock. Featuring Rusted Cage (Soundgarden tribute), Lemon Yellow Sun (Pearl Jam tribute), Weezhurr (Weezer tribute) and more.$16.98-$25. Fitzgerald’s Bar & Live Music, 5pm Cancer Sucks Benefit Featuring heavy metal acts Odomoter and King Earth. Free. Bond’s 007 Rock Bar, 8pm Ceschi Rapper/singer from Connecticut, joined by local act Chisme, Satin Hooks, and Rivers Want. Free. The Mix, 9pm Chandler Mathis, James Blue New local acts Chandler Mathis, James Blue and Expansion of Q perform at Imagine. $5. Imagine Books and Records, 8-11:45pm Crime Spree Punk act from Chicago, joined by Squared Off and Drink Fight Thugs. $5. Limelight, 9pm Debussy - Ibéria Angel Romero on guitar, conducted by Sebastian Lang-Lessing. $15. Tobin Center for the Performing Arts, 8pm Electrify Your Strings: Haydn Vitera Electronic violinist from Austin, plays as a part of his Victory Tour. $15. Aztec Theatre, 7pm Garrett Lebeau Soul and R&B at Luna. $10. Luna, 9:30pm Given a Chance Local punk act, joined by Area Musical and Solitary Runaway. Free. The Amp Room, 9pm Good Vibrations Music Festival Featuring Ben Rector, with Penny & Sparrow, Ryan Proudfoot and more. $45-$250. 1850 Settlement, 4pm-midnight La Hija de Rappaccini by Daniel Catan Sung in Spanish with English translations, based on the Nathaniel Hawthorne story and retold by Mexican Nobel Prize-winning author Octavio Paz $15-$50. Palo Alto

College Performing Arts Center, 8-10pm Lacination Local death metal act, joined by Beyond Black and more. $5. Zombies, 9:30pm Paul Nipper Band Country/southern rock act from Austin. Free. The Phoenix Saloon, 9pm Retama Spring Fest Featuring Nick Lawrence, AJ Hernz, and more. $6. Retama Park, 9am-9pm Ruben V Local musician/songwriter. Free. The Cove, 9-11pm SUNDAY, MAY 21 “The Beat Goes On” Musical tribute to Dick Clark’s American Bandstand. Including classic hits from Elvis Presley, Brenda Lee, Frankie Vallie and more. $10-$20. Josephine Theatre, 2:30pm The Foreign Arm Local «indie soul fusion» act. $10. Luna, 9:30pm Jello Biafra’s Incredibly Strange Dance Party Jello Biafra’s (of the Dead Kennedys) Incredibly Strange Dance Party with Gay Sportscasters, Sex Ray Vision and more. $10. Paper Tiger, 8pm Retama Spring Fest Live performance by Network for Young Artists. $6. Retama Park, 9am-9pm YOSApalooza Featuring all nine YOSA orchestras together for one concert. With Music Director Troy Peters. Free. Tobin Center for the Performing Arts, 6pm MONDAY, MAY 22 Chamber Music Pop-Up Show at Brick With 3G Percussion with guest percussionist, Jeremy Logan, and the Peterson/Hayes Duo. $10. Brick, 7:30-9pm Retama Spring Fest Live performances by NYA. $6. Retama Park, 9am-9pm Swing Nite with Lindsay Beaver Austin-based singer/drummer. $9-$10. Sam’s Burger Joint, 8:30pm TUESDAY, MAY 23 Jazz on the Rocks Live jazz and happy hour. Free. St. Anthony Hotel, 5-7pm Retama Spring Fest Live performances by NYA. $6. Retama Park, 9am-9pm Tres Womack Singer/songwriter, joined by Matt Mathis and Slim Bawb. Free. Gruene Hall, 6-10pm X 40th Anniversary Show Punk rock act formed in Los Angeles in the ‘70s, featuring original members. $25-$99. Paper Tiger, 8pm sacurrent.com • May 17-23, 2017 • CURRENT 49

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ANTI-CLIMAX > I’m a happily married straight man. My wife, who is 33 years old, cannot orgasm through intercourse since we had our last child. Her explanation is that she has this constant sensation to pee. Now we find other means to please her through toys, oral, etc. Are there exercises or other means to get her to climax through intercourse? Is this common from childbirth? Climaxing Liberally Is Fun “Failure to orgasm with penile penetration is not a medical condition,” said Dr. Jennifer Gunter, an ob-gyn, writer (drjengunter.wordpress.com), and kick-ass tweeter who practices in the San Francisco Bay Area. “If a woman can orgasm with other methods — oral sex or masturbation or toys — then that means everything is working just fine. Remember, it’s not how she gets to the party that matters, it’s that she got to attend the party.” As all straight men need to be aware, CLIF, only a small number of women — less than a quarter — can get off from vaginal intercourse alone, aka PIV. “Most women require clitoral stimulation to have an orgasm, and often the mechanics of penile penetration just don’t produce the right kind of friction,” said Dr. Gunter. “It’s possible that the subtle anatomical changes post-childbirth have altered the friction mechanics of your coupling. Introducing a vibrator during sex might help.” And while we’re on the subject of clits, CLIF… We abbreviate sign-offs around here, as everyone knows, and like PIV for your wife, CLIF, your sign-off didn’t quite get you there. You could’ve gone with “Climaxing Liberally Is Terrific” or “Tremendous” or “Totally Spectacular,” but you didn’t. Perhaps it was an innocent brain fart — perhaps I’m reading too much into this — but if you didn’t spot the near-CLIT staring you in the face in your sign-off, CLIF, it seems possible

SAVAGE LOVE by Dan Savage

that you may have overlooked your wife’s clit, too. Also possible: Your wife wasn’t actually having orgasms “through intercourse” before she gave birth to your last child. You’re clearly invested in climaxing together — just like in the movies and porn and other fi ctions — and your wife, like many women, may have been faking orgasms to please a male partner. Tired of faking orgasms, your wife seized on the birth of your last child to explain why she “suddenly” couldn’t come from PIV alone anymore. What about your wife’s constant sensation to pee during intercourse? “That’s something to be looked at,” Dr. Gunter said. “After childbirth (and sometimes just with age), women can develop an overactive bladder or pelvic-muscle issues, and these could be exacerbated during penetration, making a woman feel as if she needs to empty her bladder. Worrying about peeing during sex might be holding her back. It might be worth a visit to a pelvic floor physical therapist and/or a urogynecologist if this sensation to pee during sex is bothering her. But if neither the lack of orgasm with penile penetration nor the urgency to pee is bothering her, and she is having orgasms other ways and is happy with that, I would be happy with it, too. After all, it’s her orgasm, and stress or pressure to orgasm a particular way might negatively affect her party.” Follow Dr. Gunter on Twitter @ DrJenGunter. Do it: She’s amazing and hilarious, and she kicks right-wing, antichoice, sex-negative ass up and down Twitter on a daily basis.

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JONESIN’ CROSSWORD by Matt Jones

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“Rhymes at the Zoo” — a group effort for Take Your Kids to Work Day. ACROSS

1 [Note: Matt J. took his two kids to the zoo, where they came up with this theme (no, he doesn’t work at the zoo, just thought it’d be fun). Clues with an [E] were written by 67-Across, and clues with an [S] were written by 49-Across.] Sound of a punch [E] 5 Green paper that you pay with [E] 9 They make up stairs [E] 14 Make goo-goo eyes at 15 Tennis’s Arthur ___ Stadium 16 Like some dirt bike tracks [S] 17 Fearsome cat that spends moolah on Lamborghinis and mansions? [S] 19 Former “Come on down!” announcer Johnny 20 “I ___ open this jar. Can you help, Daddy?” [E] 21 Monkey that eats curtains? [E] 23 “Gimme ___! ... What’s that spell? Ella!” [E] 24 There are 100 in a century (abbr.) [S] 26 Something a toy poodle says [E] 27 Rat-a-___ [E] 28 Something that people say in awe [E] 30 Pookums [E] 35 Scaly creature that likes to eat frosted sweets? [S] 37 Ninja Turtle that wears red, to his friends [S] 40 Getting from ___ B 41 Kid that can have a cellphone [S] 42 Bird that smokes and does vandalism? [E]

47 Sneaky little animal [E] 48 ___ gin fi zz 49 Kid who is “epic!” [S] 52 The ___ on the Shelf [S] 54 Sid: “I’m not ___ years old anymore.” Me: “No, I mean ___ as in ‘I ___ some food.’” 55 Palindromic Turkish title 56 Water animal with fl ippers that barters 24/7? [S] 61 Wants really badly [S] 63 Go off-script (sorry, Ella, it doesn’t mean “get more pounds”) 64 Slow animal that grows wings and gets in your clothes? [E] 66 She was a princess “long ago” [E] 67 “The coolest kid in the universe” [E] 68 Lake that sounds scary [E] 69 Me: “How about the clue ‘Used needles,’ Ella?” Ella: “No, new needles. You have to use them because it affects the fabric more than you expect.” 70 Martens and McStuffins, for instance [S] 71 Air France fl iers, once

DOWN

1 Type of wild “kitty-kitty” [E] 2 Type of lizard in “Sing” [E] 3 Horse’s mesh protection against pests, maybe 4 Sinn ___ (Irish political movement) 5 Spike thrown in the road to stop robbers [S] 6 “___ was saying ...” [E] 7 Like show horses’ feet 8 “___ Danger” (Nickelodeon show) [E] 9 Quaint stores (you’d think,

based on how they’re spelled) 10 Piece that goes on the fl oor [S] 11 Queen in Arendelle [E] 12 Water drop sound [E] 13 “Auld Lang ___” 18 Something said in an “argument party” [S] 22 Teacher’s helper [E] 25 Region with Legoland, informally [S] 29 Dislikes [S] 31 Poker money 32 “Call Me Maybe” singer Carly ___ Jepsen [E] 33 “I Like ___” (‘50s political slogan) 34 “Hallow” ending 35 Someone who might cook meatballs for you [S] 36 Animal that’s cute, fuzzy, lazy, and gray [E] 37 ___ for “Ricky Bubwick” (apparently a name that Sid just made up) 38 Everyone [S] 39 Toilet paper layer 43 Turns evil or moldy [E] 44 Remote control car part [S] 45 Tag situations? [S] 46 Looks rudely 49 Enjoys, as food [S] 50 “Understood” [S] 51 Marks that are lines [S] 53 Popular [E] 56 Parents “who do puzzled goodness” [S] 57 Brickell whose band is the New Bohemians 58 “There ought to be ___” 59 It may be parallel [E] 60 Olympic hurdler/ bobsledder Jones 62 Drinks that are alcoholic [S] 65 “Waterfalls” trio

ETC.

FREE WILL ASTROLOGY by Rob Brezsny ARIES (MARCH 21-APRIL 19): “A two-yearold kid is like using a blender, but you don’t have a top for it,” said comedian Jerry Seinfeld. Would you like to avoid a scenario like that, Aries? Would you prefer not to see what happens if your life has resemblances to turning on a topless blender that’s full of ingredients? Yes? Then please find the top and put it on! And if you can’t locate the proper top, use a dinner plate or newspaper or pizza box. OK? It’s not too late. Even if the blender is already spewing almond milk and banana fragments and protein powder all over the ceiling. Better late than never! TAURUS (APRIL 20-MAY 20): My pregnant friend Myrna is determined to avoid giving birth via Caesarean section. She believes that the best way for her son to enter the world is by him doing the hard work of squeezing through the narrow birth canal. That struggle will fortify his willpower and mobilize him to summon equally strenuous efforts in response to future challenges. It’s an interesting theory. I suggest you consider it as you contemplate how you’re going to get yourself reborn. GEMINI (MAY 21-JUNE 20): I invite you to try the following meditation: Picture yourself filling garbage bags with stuff that reminds you of what you used to be and don’t want to be any more. Add anything that feels like decrepit emotional baggage or that serves as a worn-out psychological crutch. When you’ve gathered up all the props and accessories that demoralize you, imagine yourself going to a beach where you build a big bonfire and hurl your mess into the flames. As you dance around the conflagration, exorcise the voices in your head that tell you boring stories about yourself. Sing songs that have as much power to relieve and release you as a spectacular orgasm. CANCER (JUNE 21-JULY 22): In normal times, your guardian animal ally might be the turtle, crab, seahorse, or manta ray. But in the next three weeks, it’s the cockroach. This unfairly maligned creature is legendary for its power to thrive in virtually any environment, and I think you will have a similar resourcefulness. Like the cockroach, you will do more than merely cope with awkward adventures and complicated transitions; you will flourish. One caution: It’s possible that your adaptability may bother people who are less flexible and enterprising than you. To keep that from being a problem, be empathetic as you help them adapt. (P.S. Your temporary animal ally is exceptionally well-groomed. Cockroaches clean themselves as much as cats do.) LEO (JULY 23-AUG. 22): Lady Jane Grey was crowned Queen of England in July 1553, but she ruled for just nine days before being

deposed. I invite you to think back to a time in your own past when victory was short-lived. Maybe you accomplished a gratifying feat after an arduous struggle, only to have it quickly eclipsed by a twist of fate. Perhaps you finally made it into the limelight but then lost your audience to a distracting brouhaha. But here’s the good news: Whatever it was — a temporary triumph? incomplete success? nullified conquest? — you will soon have a chance to find redemption for it. VIRGO (AUG. 23-SEPT. 22): While shopping at a funky yard sale, I found the torn-off cover of a book titled You’re a Genius and I Can Prove It. Sadly, the rest of the book was not available. Later I searched for it in online bookstores, and found it was out of-print. That’s unfortunate, because now would be an excellent time for you to peruse a text like this. Why? Because you need specific, detailed evidence of how unique and compelling you are — concrete data that will provide an antidote to your habitual self-doubts and consecrate your growing sense of self-worth. Here’s what I suggest you do: Write an essay entitled “I’m an Interesting Character and Here’s the Proof.” LIBRA (SEPT. 23-OCT. 22): Leonardo da Vinci wrote a bestiary, an odd little book in which he drew moral conclusions from the behavior of animals. One of his descriptions will be useful for you to contemplate in the near future. It was centered on what he called the “wild ass,” which we might refer to as an undomesticated donkey. Leonardo said that this beast, “going to the fountain to drink and finding the water muddy, is never too thirsty to wait until it becomes clear before satisfying himself.” That’s a useful fable to contemplate, Libra. Be patient as you go in search of what’s pure and clean and good for you. (The translation from the Italian is by Oliver Evans.)

the singing of birds. Spirits of the dead helped him devise his prognostications, too. He was in constant demand for revelations about the future. But his greatest claim to fame was the fact that a goddess magically transformed him into a woman for seven years. After that, he could speak with authority about how both genders experienced the world. This enhanced his wisdom immeasurably, adding to his oracular power. Are you interested in a less drastic but highly educational lesson, Sagittarius? Would you like to see life from a very different perspective from the one you’re accustomed to? It’s available to you if you want it. CAPRICORN (DEC. 22-JAN. 19): “You remind me of the parts of myself that I will never have a chance to meet,” writes poet Mariah Gordon-Dyke, addressing a lover. Have you ever felt like saying that to a beloved ally, Capricorn? If so, I have good news: You now have an opportunity to meet and greet parts of yourself that have previously been hidden from you — aspects of your deep soul that up until now you may only have caught glimpses of. Celebrate this homecoming! AQUARIUS (JAN. 20-FEB. 18): I predict that you won’t be bitten by a dog or embarrassed by a stain or pounced on by a lawyer. Nor

will you lose your keys or get yelled at by a friend or oversleep for a big appointment. On the contrary! I think you’ll be wise to expect the best. The following events are quite possible: You may be complimented by a person who’s in a position to help you. You could be invited into a place that had previously been off-limits. While eavesdropping, you might pick up a useful clue, and while daydreaming you could recover an important memory you’d lost. Good luck like this is even more likely to sweep into your life if you work on ripening the most immature part of your personality. PISCES (FEB. 19-MARCH 20): Time out. It’s intermission. Give yourself permission to be spacious and slow. Then, when you’re sweetly empty — this may take a few days — seek out experiences that appeal primarily to your wild and tender heart as opposed to your wild and jumpy mind. Just forget about the theories you believe in and the ideas you regard as central to your philosophy of life. Instead, work on developing brisk new approaches to your relationship with your feelings. Like what? Become more conscious of them, for example. Express gratitude for what they teach you. Boost your trust for their power to reveal what your mind sometimes hides from you.

THIS MODERN WORLD by Tom Tomorrow

SCORPIO (OCT. 23-NOV. 21): My friend Allie works as a matchmaker. She has an instinctive skill at reading the potential chemistry between people. One of her key strategies is to urge her clients to write mission statements. “What would your ideal marriage look like?” she asks them. Once they have clarified what they want, the process of finding a mate seems to become easier and more fun. In accordance with the astrological omens, Scorpio, I suggest you try this exercise — even if you are already in a committed relationship. It’s an excellent time to get very specific about the inspired togetherness you’re willing to work hard to create. SAGITTARIUS (NOV. 22-DEC. 21): In ancient Greek myth, Tiresias was a prophet who could draw useful revelations by interpreting

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