Kadesh
Orchatz
Karpas
Yachatz
Magid
Rachtza
Motzi Matzah
Maror
Korech
Shulchan Orech
Tzafun
Barech
Hallel
Nirtzah
3 3 3 4 4 9 9 9 10 10 10 11 11 11
Hold up your glass of grape juice, listen to or make the bracha, and guzzle it down!
Wash your fins. No bracha.
Dip your karpas (parsley, celery, potato, etc.) in salt water and recite the bracha.
This is cup #1.
“I made this one with my tears.” (Season 2, Episode 24) Karpas represents the tears of the enslaved Jewish people.
Break the middle matzah! Whoever is hiding the Afikomen should get up and hide the smaller half, although you won’t be searching for it just yet.
This is the flat, crunchy krabby cracker that our friends ate when they rushed out of Bikini Bottom. It didn’t have time to get fluffy because they had to leave right away! All who are hungry, come in and eat! All who are curious, come join our table! There’s always room in this pineapple!
How is this night different from all other nights?
On all other nights, we eat bread that’s fluffy and full of bubbles — tonight, we eat only flat, crunchy krabby crackers.
On all other nights, we eat all kinds of sea veggies tonight, we eat only bitter kelp.
On all other nights, we don’t dip our food even once tonight, we dip it twice and get sand in it both times.
On all other nights, we eat sitting up straight at the table tonight, we lean back like we’re floating in a current.
?רמוא אוה המ עשר .םכל תאזה הדובעה המ יפלו
“Explain to me, with precision and preferably brevity, the full historical, cultural, and symbolic significance of this ritual. And can we do it quietly?”
“What is this whole thing to you? And more importantly what’s in it for me? A Krabby Patty recipe?”
“Why do we eat this stuff?”
(Puts matzah on his head) “Is this an instrument?”
“To continue the story, you have to turn the page.” (Season 11, Episode 235) Magid tells the story of the enslavement of the Israelites — and the way they are eventually freed by God.
...in Bikini Bottom, there arose a new ruler, Pharaoh Krabs. He made the Israelites into his slaves, which he liked at first. But then he got worried: “What if these sea creatures stop working... and then I can’t make money anymore!?” So Pharaoh Krabs made them work harder and harder and decided new sponge babies should be left to dry out.
The creatures of Bikini Bottom began to cry out for help In the words of Patrick StAaron, slavery “means working when you're too tired to work! You just keep going on working and working!" (Season 2, Episode 18).
One brave mother was insistent upon saving her sponge son, Spongebob Squarepants. She put the baby sponge in a basket and he floated through the water until he was saved by Pharaoh Krabs’s daughter, Pearl, who chose to raise him in the palace.
But Spongebob Squarepants always felt different One day, he was out looking for jellyfish when he saw one of the evil fish poking a spon sponge, and then he realized that if Pharaoh Krabs found trouble. There was only one option: he ran away!
Spongebob Squarepants lived in a new city where he spent his days shepherding jellyfish. One day, while chasing after a jellyfish, he came across a tree that was on fire but not burning Spongebob found himself quoting Old Man Walker: “Wait, what's going on? Whoa! Whoa!” (Season 4, Episode 61).
A voice came from the tree: “SpongeBob tell Pharaoh Krabs to let My people go.”
“I’m not ready!” Spongebob Squarepants said. “Public speaking is frightening!” (Season 8, Episode 157)
But the voice in the tree, which belonged to God, insisted he do it. So Spongebob returned to Bikini Bottom, and with his brother Patrick StAaron he confronted Pharaoh Krabs, who was not willing to let the Israelites go: “I can think of ten good reasons to never let go of a dime, boy,” (Season 2, Episode 21) he told Spongebob. So Spongebob brought ten awful plagues with God’s help:
םד — blood; עדרפצ — frogs; םינכ — lice; בורע — wild animals; רבד — pestilence; ןיחש — boils; דרב — hail; הברא — locusts; ךשח — darkness; and תורוכב תכמ — death of the firstborn.
Pharaoh Krabs was done: “All of You, Get Out!” (Season 3, Episode 47)
Spongebob Squarepants and the Israelites of Bikini Bottom packed quickly. They had no time to let their krabby buns rise, and left when they were just flat krabby crackers. They were on their way to freedom but then they saw something horrifying: Pharaoh Krabs was chasing after them. In front of them was the sea and behind them was Pharaoh Krabs What were they going to do?!
SpongeBob raised his spatula... and God made a miracle happen: the sea split in two, forming a path of dry sand. The Israelites crossed safely but Pharaoh Krabs followed them until the waters came crashing back.
If we had only left Bikini Bottom, Dayenu!
If we had left but didn’t escape Pharaoh Krabs, Dayenu!
If we had escaped but didn’t get snacks for the journey, Dayenu!
If we had gotten snacks but they weren’t square and crunchy, Dayenu!
If they were crunchy but didn’t break into crumbs everywhere, Dayenu!
If they made crumbs but Patrick didn’t eat them off the floor, Dayenu!
If Patrick did eat them but we didn’t cross the sea, Dayenu!
If we had crossed the sea but it didn’t split into two walls of water, Dayenu!
If it split but Squidward didn’t complain the whole time, Dayenu!
If we had reached freedom but didn’t celebrate, Dayenu!
If we celebrated but didn’t sing, Dayenu!
If we sang but SpongeBob didn’t sing way too loud, Dayenu!
Wash your fins, this time with a bracha.
We make the bracha on the matzah and eat from the top matzah of the three.
Bitter herbs time! Your family may use horseradish, lettuce, or endives.
Nom nom nom.
Whoo-wee! That’s got more bite than a rattlesnake in July!
“Ouch! Ooh, that hurts!” (Season 1, Episode 15) Maror represents the bitterness of the enslaved Jewish people.
Make a “Hillel sandwich”: put matzah, charoset, and maror together and eat it.
Meal time! Enjoy a full dinner. B’te’avon!
Who will find the Afikomen? Remember: take a piece for “dessert!”
“See anything yet, Patrick?”
“I need my glasses.” (Season 3, Episode 44)
Drink the third cup of grape juice and say birkat hamazon (use a full haggadah for this!).
Sing Hallel (use a full haggadah for this!) to than P f i f Elij h th P phet. uice.
This is cup #3. This is cup #4.
“Remember, licking doorknobs is illegal on other planets.” (Season 3, Episode 46)
The last stop of the seder... if you’re not asleep. Next year in Jerusalem! !
"I Don't Need It. I Don't Need It. I DEFINITELY Don't Need It... I NEED IT!"
(Season 1, Episode 1)
Join KJYD in celebrating Pesach... the Spongebob Squarepants way!
This unoFISHal SpongeBob Haggadah brings the story of Pesach to Bikini Bottom and tells the REAL story, introducing beloved characters like Pharaoh Krabs, Spongebob Squarepants, and Patrick StAaron.
Wishing you all a chag sameach!
Written with Love for the Kids of KJYD ach 5786
