The Pointer October 2022

Rector

The Rt Rev Darren McCartney 028 4175 3497

suffragan1@gmail.com

The Magazine of the Church of Ireland Parishes of Clonallon & Warrenpoint with Kilbroney in the Diocese of Down and Dromore

Have you ever found yourself thinking there are so many road markings and signs on our roads. I found myself thinking this the other day whilst out driving.

I try to find common ground with everyone, doing everything I can to save some. 23 I do everything to spread the Good News and share in its blessings.

I think it is safe to say that the Apostle Paul, who we believe to be the author of this letter, went out of his comfort zone when it came to trying to witness for our Lord and Saviour. He is obviously under some pressure and criticism as we find him having to give an account or defend his actions. He spells out, for those who first read his words and us, the central purpose of his efforts. I wonder if you can see the pattern or repetition of phraseology or wording? What stood out for me is the following, you may see something else as well that is worth noting.

Our brains are quite amazing and apparently we use only a fraction of their capabilities. It is very easy to be distracted whilst driving. I sometimes find myself wondering just what information and signs I might be missing. Sometimes my eyes have drifted to an amazing scene on the other side of the hedge or valley or while checking the speed or fuel gauges in the car, I don’t realize how far I travelled without my eyes being on the road. These are some of the thoughts that come to my mind whist out in the car.

Last Tuesday morning I was preparing for the short service of Compline that we have on a Tuesday evening. I had looked up the readings and found myself being reminded as to what church, ministry and service were all about. The reading was as follows; 1 Corinthians 9:19 23 (NLT): 19 Even though I am a free man with no master, I have become a slave to all people to bring many to Christ. 20 When I was with the Jews, I lived like a Jew to bring the Jews to Christ. When I was with those who follow the Jewish law, I too lived under that law. Even though I am not subject to the law, I did this so I could bring to Christ those who are under the law. 21 When I am with the Gentiles who do not follow the Jewish law, I too live apart from that law so I can bring them to Christ. But I do not ignore the law of God; I obey the law of Christ.

22 When I am with those who are weak, I share their weakness, for I want to bring the weak to Christ. Yes,

V19 to bring many to Christ

V20 bring the Jews to Christ

V20 so I could bring to Christ those who are under the law.

V21 so I can bring them (the gentile) to Christ

V21 I obey the law of Christ.

V22 for I want to bring the weak to Christ

V23 I do everything to spread the Good News

Surely it is safe to say, that the Apostle Paul was seeking to make Christ the focus of all his efforts. The reason he laboured and served was to bring people to Christ and that he was imaginative in how he might best be able to do this. He adapted to the circumstances and environment/culture that he was presented with. I found his words refreshing and a good reminder of the purpose that is ours as followers of Christ.

Bicentennial Events October December

Saint Bronach’s Harvest

9th October

Please join in the decorating day on Saturday 8th October from 11.30 am. Bring a packed lunch and know that there will be jobs for everyone children and adults! Then invite friends and family to join us at 11.30 am on Harvest Sunday. We’ll keep the church building open on Sunday afternoon for visitors to enjoy the Harvest Celebration.

Parish Dinner

4th November

Tickets (limited number) are available from Select Vestry members and cost £30. The dinner will take place in the Presbyterian Church Hall (kindly granted) with music and entertainment plus a silent auction of some art work.

Mini Christmas Tree Festival

4th 11th December

There is a leaflet available and we hope that as many groups, individuals and local businesses will enter a tree to this exhibition. The trees will remain in situ until the Epiphany.

There are still badges, cards, cloth bags and other 200 materials available for purchase … just ask!

Ready to Sing???!

Singmarra, our community singing group, starts back on 4th October. Led by the talented Fil Campbell we meet at An Cuan, 44 Shore Road Rostrevor, every Tuesday evening.

Cost is £40 for 6 weeks. We sing a wide range of stuff from all around the world and have plenty of fun together. Why not give it a go???

30th October 2022

Clocks go back one hour!

Open each day, except Monday, from 11.00 am. Picnic tables are available so you may bring your lunch and enjoy the beauty around you. Donations for RNLI and Northern Ireland Kidney Research Fund

121 Ballymoney Road, Banbridge. BT32 4HN

2

Church Services

10.00 am 11.30 am

October

Trinity XVI

9

October

Trinity XVII

16

Warrenpoint Harvest Kilbroney Holy Communion

Clonallon Harvest 3.00 pm Kilbroney Harvest Family Service

October

Trinity XVII

23rd October

Fifth Sunday before Advent

30th October

Fourth Sunday before Advent

6th November

Third Sunday before Advent

13th November

Second Sunday before Advent Remembrance Sunday

20th November

The Kingship of Christ

Warrenpoint Morning Prayer Kilbroney Holy Communion

Clonallon Holy Communion Kilbroney Morning Prayer

United Service at 11.00 am in Kilbroney

Warrenpoint Holy Communion Kilbroney Holy Communion

Clonallon Morning Prayer Kilbroney Family Service

Warrenpoint Morning Prayer Kilbroney Holy Communion

Lectionary

Old Testament Epistle Gospel

Lamentations

Jeremiah

Please begin to collect

from

on

Jeremiah

Joel

10

Habakkuk

Haggai

Luke

Luke

Luke

Luke

Luke

Luke

Isaiah

Luke

Jeremiah

Luke

families who have someone in prison.

may be brought to church on Sundays and

then be forwarded to Prison Fellowship next month.

Harvest Thanksgiving Services

October

Kilbroney

Clonallon

Clonallon and Warrenpoint Facebook

https://www.facebook.com/warrenpointcoi/ Sunday Services live streamed at 10.00 am.

Kilbroney Facebook

https://www.facebook.com/KilbroneyParishChurchRostrevor/ Sunday Services live streamed at 11.30 am.

Compline on Facebook

Sunday at 9.00 pm

Kilbroney

Tuesday at 9.00 pm

Clonallon & Warrenpoint

The text is on Page 154 in the BCP, or on the Church of Ireland Website, or in the Daily Worship App on your mobile phone.

Ladies Bible Study

Warrenpoint Vestry

Tuesday 11th October at 10.45 am

Everyone Welcome

Kilbroney Parish Church Prayer Group

Wednesdays 10.00 am to 11.00 am

Crafters on Wednesdays

This group continues to welcome all folk with crafts of any kind. We gather between 11.00 am and 1.00 pm in the Parish Room.

Tower Bells and Handbells on Thursdays

Tower bells 6:45 to 7:30 pm

Handbells 7:30 to 9.00 pm

Badminton

Warrenpoint Parish Hall

All new members welcome

Mondays and Thursdays beginning at 5.00 pm

Ladies’ Guild

Thursday 27th October at 7.00 pm

Sharon Porter

Cookery Demonstration (Bide a While Christian Coffee Shop)

Deadline for the November 2022 edition of The Pointer is Friday 28th October

Please keep sending in articles and photographs! Editor: hannamanor15@btinternet.com

Slimming World

Every Saturday morning at 9.30 am Warrenpoint Parish Hall

If you would like any further information contact Sinead

Harvest Services

2nd October at 10.00 am

Warrenpoint

Rev Ross Munro

Revd Ross Munro was ordained deacon (OLM) at a service in Saint John’s Orangefield on Sunday 4th September. Ross will continue his ministry as leader of The Gathering church plant and chaplain to Titanic Parish

Ross reflects on the call of God

Reflecting on the call of God, Sandy Millar in his book, ‘All I want is you’ said: “It’s a strange and wonderful thing the call of God. You try to explain it to a friend and you get lost but it’s the stirring of every part of you. Body, mind, soul to the overwhelming love of God.”

For me this statement is so true. Encountering the love of Jesus in my early 30’s, to now at the age of 41 facing the beautiful reality of ordination in the Church of Ireland often seems unimaginable and yet here we are.

From the wacky mobile bread/prayer van in my early days of faith as we shared the gospel fearlessly, to the Evangelism Training Course through New Wine and Saint John’s Nottingham followed by full time ministry in the wonderful community of Lowe Church within the Presbyterian Denomination. Then on to Belfast Bible College, the Forge Church Plant network, to now church planting in the Titanic Parish of Belfast and through the OLM program preparing for ordination. It can only be the stirring of one’s life, body, mind, soul to the overwhelming love of God that can bring such a journey around.

My call to serve those in the Titanic Parish has been humbling and so rewarding. I’m often left speechless at God’s provision especially as I reflect on our 3 years as a community and that’s with a 2 year pandemic thrown into the mix.

As I’m obedient to the call on my life, I look forward with eager anticipation to all the Lord has prepared in advance

for me to do in this new season of ordained ministry. My prayer is that we might continue to create the space needed for those worshiping at The Gathering to not just see Jesus as their Saviour, but that they might see Jesus as Lord over every part of their lives.

th October at 11.30 am Kilbroney

October at 3.00 pm Clonallon

Having worked in private practice as a solicitor, in 2004 Tim went to Canada to study Theology at Regent College, Vancouver. Following graduation Tim was ordained by the Fellowship of Canadian Baptist Churches and served as Lead Pastor in Crestwicke Baptist Church, Guelph, Ontario, Canada for five years.

Having come home to Belfast in 2011, Tim worked as a Special Advisor to the First Minister of Northern Ireland until 2015.

Tim currently serves with Christian Action Research and Education (CARE) as Senior Policy Advisor.

CARE is a Christian voice in the public square, advocating for legal and policy change that reflects Kingdom values. Tim‘s work at CARE focuses on bringing change to the law at Westminster in respect of human trafficking, gambling, online safety and beginning/end of life.

Tim and Jen, with their children, Luke (14) and Charlotte (12) live in Belfast.

Planting Seeds and Growing a Community

Kathryn Gaw

I always knew I wanted to have a garden of my own, but it took Covid to make me realise how much I needed it. The uplifting greens, the unexpected blooms, and the excuse to get outside, even during the most desperate days of lockdown.

Like approximately 300 million other people around the globe, I struggle with depression

I won’t get into the details of how it makes me feel and what its taken from me over the years, but I’m sure that at least some of The Pointer readers will understand it all too well. Faced with the prospect of months of isolation, there was only one part of my home that didn’t feel like a threat to my mental health: the postage stamp of a garden behind my terraced house in Belfast.

So, in March 2020, I started to sow. I gathered seed heads on my one government mandated walk per day, and scattered wildflower seeds in the cracks of the pavements. I made seed bombs and threw them into abandoned building sites. I used the toe of my shoe to push sunflower seeds into the base of the trees planted along my avenue. Avocado pits would be peeled and suspended in water, and lemon seeds would be dried out and germinated in a cupboard. When cooking

It was a commitment to nurture and a tiny act of optimism maybe, just maybe, I’ll be eating these marrows with my family in a couple of months. Maybe this microscopic lettuce seed will become a feast for my pet tortoise.

dinner, pepper seeds and tomato seeds would be scraped onto kitchen roll and left there until they sprouted. The ends of spring onions, leeks and celery would be kept in a cup of water until they regrew.

Not every seed turned into a plant, but that wasn’t really the point. Each and every seed represented hope. The act of planting was a promise for the future.

By the end of the first lockdown, my garden had spread all the way inside my home. By the end of the second lockdown, it had spread across my neighbourhood.

During the 8.00 pm clap, my neighbours would call across the street to me, asking about the plants that now filled my front window. So I organised a seed swap in the shared alley behind my house. The response was surprisingly moving. Everyone was struggling. Everyone was looking for hope. We were all standing there in the same alley, seeking connection.

That’s how the alley project began. I popped a note through each door seeking consent to start tidying up the alleyway and adding a few bee friendly flowers. Within hours, anonymous neighbours were leaving empty pots, bags of compost and even cash outside my front door, in their efforts to support the project. Several neighbours offered to help, and we spent our weekends weeding, litter picking and cleaning the

alley space and of course planting flowers. A local café donated some old benches, and Johnstone’s Decorating Centre donated gallons of unwanted paint. One neighbour arranged for a group of volunteers to paint the alley walls and power hose the concrete.

By the end of the third lockdown, we had a blooming, thriving, colourful alley space filled with butterflies and bees. More significantly, it had become a communal space where neighbours could meet. We have had neighbourhood barbeques, pot painting sessions with the local kids, and visits from local street artists over the past year.

Through that tiny hopeful act of planting seeds, I found a connection with nature that has truly sustained me over the past two years, and by sharing that connection with my neighbours I have found a real sense of community.

Kathryn Gaw

Now we’re celebrating a significant birthday … time away … and then back for Harvest Thanksgiving … and so much for which to be thankful.

Happy Birthday Dad!

Ode To Autumn

Season of mists and mellow fruitfulness, Close bosom friend of the maturing sun; Conspiring with him how to load and bless With fruit the vines thatroundthethatch eves run; To bend with apples the moss'd cottage trees, And fill all fruit with ripeness to the core; To swell the gourd, and plump the hazel shells With a sweet kernel; to set budding more, And still more, later flowers for the bees, Until they think warm days will never cease, ForSummerhaso'er brimm'd their clammy cells.

Who hath not seen thee oft amid thy store? Sometimes whoever seeks abroad may find Thee sitting careless on a granary floor, Thy hair soft lifted by the winnowing wind; Or on a half reap'd furrow sound asleep, Drows'd with thefumeofpoppies, while thy hook Spares the next swath and all its twined flowers: And sometimes like a gleaner thou dost keep Steady thy laden head across a brook; Or by a cyder press, with patient look, Thou watchest the last oozings hours by hours.

Where are the songs of Spring? Ay, where are they? Think not of them, thou hast thy music too, While barred clouds bloom the soft dying day, And touch the stubble plains with rosy hue; Then in a wailful choir the small gnats mourn Among the river sallows, borne aloft Or sinking as the light wind lives or dies; And full grown lambs loud bleat from hilly bourn; Hedge crickets sing; and now with treble soft The red breast whistles from a garden croft; And gathering swallows twitter in the skies.

“

“

With every deed you are sowing a seed, though you may not see it.”

Every thought is a seed. If you plant crab apples, don’t count on harvesting golden delicious.”

Sermon preached on Sunday

11th September, following the death of Her Majesty, Queen Elizabeth II

1 Timothy 1:12-17

12 I thank Christ Jesus our Lord, who has given me strength, that he considered me trustworthy, appointing me to his service. 13 Even though I was once a blasphemer and a persecutor and a violent man, I was shown mercy because I acted in ignorance and unbelief. 14 The grace of our Lord was poured out on me abundantly, along with the faith and love that are in Christ Jesus.

15 Here is a trustworthy saying that deserves full acceptance: Christ Jesus came into the world to save sinners of whom I am the worst. 16 But for that very reason I was shown mercy so that in me, the worst of sinners, Christ Jesus might display his immense patience as an example for those who would believe in him and receive eternal life. 17 Now to the King eternal, immortal, invisible, the only God, be honour and glory for ever and ever. Amen.

Luke 15:1 10

Now the tax collectors and sinners were all gathering around to hear Jesus. 2 But the Pharisees and the teachers of the law muttered, “This man welcomes sinners and eats with them.”

3 Then Jesus told them this parable: 4 “Suppose one of you has a hundred sheep and loses one of them. Doesn’t he leave the ninety nine in the open country and go after the lost sheep until he finds it? 5 And when he finds it, he joyfully puts it on his shoulders 6 and goes home. Then he calls his friends and neighbours together and says, ‘Rejoice with me; I have found my lost sheep.’ 7 I tell you that in the same way there will be more rejoicing in heaven over one sinner who repents than over ninety nine righteous persons who do not need to repent.

8 “Or suppose a woman has ten silver coins and loses one. Doesn’t she light a lamp, sweep the house and search carefully until she finds it? 9 And when she finds it, she calls her friends and neighbours together and says, ‘Rejoice with me; I have found my lost coin.’ 10 In the same way, I tell you, there is rejoicing in the presence of the angels of God over one sinner who repents.”

Today we pause, many of us with heavy hearts, to remember the late Queen, Her Majesty Queen Elizabeth II. Queen Elizabeth II was the first, and will likely be the only, British Monarch to celebrate over 70 years of service. Today we give thanks to God for the Queen and her service to the people of the United

Kingdom, the Realms and the Commonwealth.

Today, all over the United Kingdom and the world people will gather in church services, like we are just now, to remember.

On Tuesday the 2nd June 1953 at Westminster Abbey the service for the Queen’s coronation took place. No doubt many of you, like me, have seen some of this service on the TV over these last few days. The young queen at 27 years of age really did sign up for some heavy duties when she took up her responsibilities.

On her coronation, Queen Elizabeth swore to the following among other oaths:

Will you solemnly promise and swear to govern the Peoples of the United Kingdom of Great Britain and Northern Ireland, Canada, Australia, New Zealand, the Union of South Africa, Pakistan and Ceylon, and of your Possessions and other Territories to any of them belonging or pertaining, according to their respective laws and customs?

Queen: I solemnly promise so to do.

Archbishop: Will you to your power cause Law and Justice, in Mercy, to be executed in all your judgements?

Queen: I will.

Archbishop: Will you to the utmost of your power maintain the Laws of God and the true profession of the Gospel?

Queen: The things which I have here before promised, I will perform, and keep. So, help me God.

Elizabeth Alexandra Mary Windsor has fulfilled those promises for 70 years. Through times of joy and times of war, pain and suffering, she has ensured God’s people have been governed. And she has done so while at times she must have wanted just to relax and rest, she may have wanted to grieve the loss of her beloved Philip with her family around her, yet she carried on. Pictures show her fulfilling her promises right up to the very last. Only three days before her passing we heard of her greeting the outgoing Prime Minister and we have the image of her greeting and asking Liz Truss to be the new Prime Minister.

We were also told how she also issued an award to a member of her staff.

I am sure that I don’t need to remind anyone of the Queen’s faith. She is on record as saying her faith meant a lot to her, she was constant in her prayers and would reference her faith in the public domain through televised messages and speeches to her people and those watching around the world. I was informed that she found it difficult to understand how people didn’t pray. Perhaps it says something about the weight of her responsibilities that she constantly sought the Lord’s help in her prayers.

In a few moments we will sing one of the late Queen’s favourite hymns, “The Lord’s my shepherd, I’ll not want”.

following the example set by the late Queen in caring for those in their charge.

May God grant us his grace and mercy never to think we are above others; but rather may we in humility seek to understand people’s pain, may we understand suffering and may we realise that a little love and healing goes a long, long way.

Today we give thanks for the life of service, the late Queen Elizabeth II gave to others. And just as Elizabeth gave her promise to serve back in 1953, we as Christians today continue to be led by the Holy Spirit who guides us in love, justice and peace.

It is my prayer that we would indeed learn from Queen Elizabeth’s example. That we would be lead by the Great Shepherd, knowing the Lord personally. That we would allow the Lord Jesus Christ to shape our lives in the power of the Holy Spirit.

One commentator referenced that, as other leaders, secular and Christian were cautious and reluctant to speak about the Christian Faith, she was not; and over the years came to speak more and more about her personal faith.

In the gospel reading this morning Luke writes of an occasion when Jesus used the image of the shepherd to convey something of God to those who were around him and listening to him.

The image of God as a shepherd would be one that the Jewish people of Jesus’ day would have understood and I am guessing that many of us also get as well.

King David is believed to have been the author of Psalm 23 from where we get the words for the famous hymn. I believe the majority of us know and are familiar with the Psalm.

The picture Jesus paints for us is one of love and concern for each and everyone of us, even the one who has turned his back and wanders away from the shepherd and is somewhere out there, in the wilderness. The Shepherd, God, longs to restore each and every one. Jesus shows him searching until he finds the lost. A picture of God’s love for his people, no matter where they are or what they are doing. He longs to find them and is searching for them.

A quotation from Queen Elizabeth II says this:

“

At the heart of our faith stand not a preoccupation with our own welfare and comfort but the concepts of service and of sacrifice as shown in the life and teachings of the one who made himself nothing, taking the very form of a servant.”

Royalty, Parliaments, the leaders of our churches and the leaders of our communities will do well in

Eternal God, our maker and redeemer, grant us, with your servant Queen Elizabeth, and all the faithful departed, the sure benefits of your Son’s saving passion and glorious resurrection; that, in the last day, when you gather up all things in Christ, we may with them enjoy the fulness of your promises through Jesus Christ your Son our Lord, who is alive and reigns with you in the unity of the Holy Spirit, one God, now and for ever. Amen

East Window, Clonallon.

1902 In memory of John Savage. Christ with Mary and Martha (right) Christ as Good Shepherd (centre) Christ Blessing Children (left)

Christmas Hampers

You can make a real difference to the families that we support through Christmas Hope.

shoulder with the individuals.

We do not set out to replicate the great work done by others in the area of aftercare and resettlement and in fact actively encourage the men we help to engage with the statutory organisations, professional counselling services, work programmes and other voluntary organisations. It is our vision that the life of an ex prisoner will be transformed, by offering them Hope and a New Beginning

Box of Biscuits (600g)

Quality Street or Celebrations Tub (750g)

Tea (160 bags)

Coffee (200g)

Sugar (1Kg)

Weetabix (24pk)

Soft Drinks (750ml)

Jam (454g Cannot accept homemade)

Dried Pasta (500g)

”

“And while the immediate benefit will be a hamper and toys for children delivered before Christmas, our experience shows that many families struggle throughout the year; with limited support, fear, stigma and isolation being the reality for many. These gifts build trust and confidence for families and they know that Prison Fellowship are genuinely interested in offering ongoing support despite the crime or crimes committed.

Aftercare

Aftercare at PFNI is carried out on an individual basis, through group and regular activities at our PF Centre in Belfast.

Through our Aftercare project we offer support to men and women who have been in prison or have interacted with the criminal justice system and are resident in NI. We draw alongside those who experience difficulties with homelessness, poverty, addiction, unemployment, benefits, education, social exclusion, loneliness, transport, medical services and integrating back into the community.

Our staff and volunteers are motivated by their faith and seek to mirror the ministry of Christ and how he came alongside, listened and served the people he met, on many occasions going out of his way to find those most in need and excluded by society. The religious leaders, general population and the government of the day excluded many such people. This is best described as going on a journey, walking alongside, being there and standing shoulder to

Bolognese Sauce (500g)

Sweet & Sour Sauce (450g)

Red Sauce (Heinz 460g)

Brown Sauce (HP 425g)

Tinned Beans (414g)

Tinned Spaghetti (400g)

Tinned Veg (400g)

Tinned Soup (400g)

Tinned Fruit (415g)

Tinned Custard (400g)

Tinned Rice (400g)

Tinned Tuna (160g)

Selection Box (180g)

NO CHRISTMAS PUDDING

Thanksgiving

Once again the earth has produced her increase. The harvest of grain is drying, ready for feed and bread, the harvest of roots in part is lifted, in part awaits the lifting.

O give thanks to the Lord of Lords.

For his mercy endures forever.

The harvest of the vine, the grape, the pea, the bean, the harvest of the bush, the gooseberry, the currant, the raspberry, the harvest of the tree, the plum, the apple, the pear, are now in part gathered, in part ripening.

O give thanks to the Lord of Lords.

For his mercy endures forever.

Vegetables in their variety have yielded crops, and are still yielding, flowers have blossomed and seeded, we have food for the winter and food for the market, the fruit of our labour and the gift of God.

O give thanks to the Lord of Lords.

For his mercy endures forever.

We have enough, we have laboured to produce the food we enjoy, we have laboured that we might have means to purchase the food we enjoy.

O give thanks to the Lord of Lords.

For his mercy endures forever.

There are those that have not enough, for whatever the reason they hunger and have not the means to purchase relief.

In your prosperity do not forget the alien and the stranger.

We will not forget our brothers and sisters in their need.

And yet there is enough food for all, but it is not always where it is needed, or at a price which can be afforded.

In your prosperity do not forget the alien and the stranger.

We will not forget our brothers and sisters in their need.

Beyond this bread we look to the bread of heaven; beyond this fruit we look to the fruits of eternal life.

You are worthy, O Lord God, to receive glory and honour and power.

Because by your will all things were created and have their being.

Beyond the well fed beasts, beyond the well cooked meal, beyond the satisfaction of bodily hunger, we look to the satisfaction of heart and soul and we welcome the day when the earth shall be full of the knowledge of the Lord, as the waters cover the sea.

You are worthy, O Lord God, to receive glory and honour and power.

Because by your will all things were created and have their being.

Beyond the beauty of the flowers and fruits in all their variety of form and colour, in all the pleasing delight of skilful arrangement, we look to the beauty that does not fade.

You are worthy, O Lord God, to receive glory and honour and power.

Because by your will all things were created and have their being.

Beyond all human joy and achievement, we look to the time when our stewardship is completed and the whole creation shall rejoice in the glorious liberty of the children of God.

You are worthy, O Lord God, to receive glory and honour and power.

Because by your will all things were created and have their being. Amen

Two friends were driving through Louisiana when they came to a sign that told them they were almost to Natchitoches. They argued all the way there about how to pronounce the name of the town. Finally they stopped for lunch. After getting their food, one of the guys said to the cashier, "Can you settle an argument for us? Very slowly, tell us where we are."

The cashier leaned over the counter and said, "Buuurrrrrr Gerrrrrr Kiiiinnnnnggg."

24 hours a day … 365 days a year

European Heritage Open Days

The weather wasn’t great but the atmosphere in Kilbroney was warm and friendly. Visitors and guides enjoyed many cups of coffee and Joan’s amazing scones! The tours described monuments and the stained glass windows and both Pauline and Shelagh conveyed much interesting information. There are some laminated sheets in church that are useful if you want to wander around and learn a little more about the building and its history.

Famous Insults

1. "He has never been known to use a word that might send a reader to the dictionary.” William Faulkner (about Ernest Hemingway)

2. "Poor Faulkner. Does he really think big emotions come from big words?" Ernest Hemingway (about William Faulkner)

3. "Thank you for sending me a copy of your book; I'll waste no time reading it.” Moses Hadas

4. "I didn't attend the funeral, but I sent a nice letter saying I approved of it.” Mark Twain

5. "I am enclosing two tickets to the first night of my new play; bring a friend, if you have one.” George Bernard Shaw to Winston Churchill

6. "Cannot possibly attend first night, will attend second... if there is one.” Winston Churchill, in response

7. "Why do you sit there looking like an envelope without any address on it?” Mark Twain

8. "Some cause happiness wherever they go; others, whenever they go.” Oscar Wilde

9. "He has Van Gogh's ear for music.” Billy Wilder

10. "I've had a perfectly wonderful evening. But I'm afraid this wasn't it.” Groucho Marx

11. The exchange between Winston Churchill & Lady Astor: She said, "If you were my husband I'd give you poison." He said, "If you were my wife, I'd drink it."

12. "He inherited some good instincts from his Quaker forebears, but by diligent hard work, he overcame them." James Reston (about Richard Nixon)

The Interview

Business Manager: What is your greatest weakness?

Applicant (OAP): Honesty, I suppose.

B M: I don’t think honesty is a weakness.

A (OAP): I really don’t care what you think!

A Mum went to KFC to get her child a snack and asked for a children’s meal with the leg.

The server asked, “Which side?”

Mum, after a long moment of silence to consider this decision replied, “I guess the right side, I don’t know what the difference is.”

When the server finished laughing she finally said, “No honey, which side do you want to go with the chicken, fries or coleslaw.”

"Your call is very important to us. Please enjoy this 40 minute flute solo."

Dentist: "You need a crown."

Patient: "Finally, someone who understands me."

Doctor, Doctor!

An old geezer became very bored in retirement and decided to open a medical clinic. He put a sign up outside that said: "Dr. Geezer's clinic. Get your treatment for $500. If not cured, get back $1,000."

Doctor Young (who was positive that this old geezer didn't know beans about medicine) thought this would be a great opportunity to get $1,000 so he went to Dr. Geezer's clinic.

Dr. Young: "Dr. Geezer, I have lost all taste in my mouth. Can you please help me??"

Dr. Geezer: "Nurse, please get 5 drops from the bottle from drawer 12 and put it in Dr. Young's mouth."

Dr. Young: "Aaagh! This is petrol!"

Dr. Geezer: "Congratulations! You've got your taste back. That will be $500."

Dr. Young gets annoyed and goes back after a couple of days figuring to recover his money.

Dr. Young: "I have lost my memory, I cannot remember anything."

Dr. Geezer: "Nurse, please bring the bottle from drawer 12 and put 3 drops in the patient's mouth."

Dr. Young: "Oh, no you don't that's petrol!"

Dr. Geezer: "Congratulations! You've got your memory back. That will be $500."

Dr. Young (now having lost $1000) leaves angrily and comes back after several more days.

Dr. Young: "My eyesight has become weak I can hardly see anything!!!"

Dr. Geezer: "Well, I don't have any medicine for that, so here's $1000 back." (Gives him a $10 bill)

Dr. Young: "But this is only $10!"

Dr. Geezer: "Congratulations! You got your vision back! That will be $500."

Moral of story: Just because you're "Young" doesn't mean that you can outsmart an "old Geezer."

For the first time in many years, an old man travelled from his rural town to the city to attend a movie. After buying his ticket, he stopped at the concession stand to purchase some popcorn. Handing the attendant $10, he couldn't help but comment, "The last time I came to the movies, popcorn was only 15 cents."

"Well, sir," the attendant replied with a grin, "You're really going to enjoy yourself. We have sound now."

"Yes, Theo, what is it?" asked the teacher. "I don't want to alarm you, Miss Davis, but my dad said if I don't get better grades, someone was going to be in big trouble."

Think of a world without any flowers

Written and composed by Doreen (Bunty) Newport (d. 2004), a piano teacher and accompanist, and the children of Emmanuel Congregational Church (now URC), Cambridge, and published in Dunblane Praises no. 2 (1967). Bunty asked the children in her class to try and think of all the things for which they were thankful, and then to imagine a world without any of them. The original version has eight stanzas. Bunty arranged these in sections:

• A world without Nature. (1 2)

• A world without Art and Science. (3 6)

• A world without the Gospel, the Church and Worship. (7 8)

Church Hymnal used only three stanzas, 1, 2, and 6, to represent the original. Hymn 50.

Composer Graham Westcott was born in Kingston upon Thames in 1947. The hymn’s repetitive form is particularly suitable for children to sing with adults, its three sections respectively encouraging perception of the world around us, fostering awareness of creative people in the arts, in scientific endeavour and in showing love to others, and concluding with worship.

Think of a world without any flowers, think of a world without any trees, think of a sky without any sunshine, think of the air without any breeze. We thank you, Lord, for flowers and trees and sunshine, we thank you, Lord, and praise your holy name.

Think of the world without any animals, think of a field without any herd, think of a stream without any fishes, think of a dawn without any bird. We thank you, Lord, for all your living creatures, we thank you, Lord, and praise your holy name.

Think of a world without any people, think of a street with no-one living there, think of a town without any houses, no-one to love and nobody to care. We thank you, Lord, for families and friendships, we thank you, Lord, and praise your holy name.

Lord, prop us up

Every time I am asked to pray, I think of the old deacon who always prayed, "Lord, prop us up on our leanin' side."

After hearing him pray that prayer many times, someone asked him why he prayed that prayer so fervently.

He answered, "Well sir, you see, it's like this … I got an old barn out back. It's been there a long time. It's withstood a lot of weather. It's gone through a lot of storms, and it's stood for many years. It's still standing, but one day I noticed it was leaning to one side a bit. So I went and got some pine poles and propped it up on its leaning side so it wouldn't fall.

like that old barn. I been around a long time, I've bad weather in life, I've withstood a lot of hard times, and I'm still standing, too. But I find myself leaning to one side from time to time, so I like to ask the Lord to prop us up on our leanin' side, 'cause I figure a lot of us get to leaning, at times."

A rector assured his congregation he was their servant and that they should feel free to call him anytime they had a problem.

That night the rector's phone rang at 3.00 am. On the other end was a dear elderly lady who said, "Rector, I can't sleep."

"I'm so sorry to hear that," he comforted her. "But what can I do about it?" he asked. She sweetly replied, "Preach to me a while, rector."

"An abstract noun," the teacher said, "is something you can think of, but you can't touch it. Can you give me an example of one?"

"Sure," a teenage boy replied. "My father's new car."

Yesterday I fixed up my hair and make up and saw no one. Today I looked like Jack Nicholson in the Shining and saw all the people I know. All of them.

“

The inspiration for most of his paintings was the countryside and the world of nature around. As he looked at its beauty and grandeur, it awoke in him feelings of wonder and awe, which he expressed through his art.

At the age of 34 he painted a cross in the mountains as an altarpiece for a church in Dresden: the first time a pure landscape had been used for an altar. Later in 1811 he painted a similar, but more profound and more moving work: ‘Morning in the Riesengebirge.’

Friedrich was a great walker and climber, and he loved the mountains of East Saxony depicted here. The first rays of the sun are coming over the horizon to illuminate both the beauty of the hills, and the tall cross placed on the mountain top. Friedrich looked at the glory of nature at sunrise and saw there a sign of God the Creator, and God the one who sent his Son to redeem that Creation.

Like Caspar David Friedrich, and like the psalmist, we can look to the hills and see the glory and greatness of God. This will be the theme for many of us this month with Harvest celebrations. But we give thanks for creation and the bounty of the world at a time when we hear reports of glaciers melting, water levels rising, greenhouse gases warming up our planet, and resources of food and fuel wasted and depleted. It is too easy to take this world for granted and imagine it is here solely for us.

Caspar David Friedrich invites us to look at the world, its beauty and greatness, as a gift to cherish, not to manipulate and exploit for our own use. As we look at this earth with eyes of wonder and gratitude, then we shall find the God who created and redeemed it, and ask what service and stewardship we can offer him in the world.

The Rev Michael Burgess

The artist should not only paint what he sees before him, but also what he sees within him.

”

Caspar David Friedrich, 1774 1840. German romantic painter.

‘Morning in the Riesengebirge’ now hangs in the Schloß Charlottenburg, Berlin.

Things you don’t hear any more!

"Don't forget to wind the clock before you go to bed."

"Why can't you remember to roll up your trouser legs? Getting them caught in the bicycle chain so many times is tearing them up."

"Be sure and save the cream off the top of the milk when you open the new bottle."

"Take that empty bottle to the store with you so you won't have to pay a deposit on another one."

"Let me know when the Betterware man comes by. I need to get a few things from him."

"You can walk to the shop; it won't hurt you to get some exercise."

"Don't sit too close to the TV, you’ll get square eyes." "Go out to the pump and get a bucket of water so I can wash dishes."

"No! I don't have sixpence for you to go to the pictures. Do you think money grows on trees?"

The orthopaedic surgeon I work for was moving to a new office, and his staff were helping transport many of the items. I put the display skeleton in the front of my car, his bony arm across the back of my seat.

I hadn't considered the drive across town. At one traffic light, the stares of the people in the car beside me became obvious, and I looked across and explained, "I'm delivering him to my doctor's office."

The other driver leaned out of his window. "I hate to tell you, lady," he said, "but I think it's too late!"

I will lift up my eyes to the hills ...

A squad stood in formation at the Commando Training Centre Royal Marines at Lympstone, Devon .

The instructor said, "All right! All you idiots fall out." Most of the recruits wandered away, but one man remained at attention.

The Instructor walked over to him and raised a single eyebrow.

The lad smiled and said, "Sure was a lot of 'em, huh sir?"

Continuing the Celebration!

On 9th 16th October this year many people around the world will be celebrating the Jewish Festival of Tabernacles, or Sukkot. They will celebrate the Harvest, and also remember God bringing the Israelites out of Egypt and through 40 years in the desert.

The book Deuteronomy contains a description of what Tabernacles should have been like back then.

“Celebrate for seven days. Be joyful you, your sons and daughters, your male and female servants, and the Levites, the foreigners, the fatherless and the widows who live in your towns.”

The Torah, while not a common symbol of Sukkot, is also important to Sukkot as with all Jewish holidays for it was, and is, the Word that commanded the observance of Sukkot. Additionally, the Word brings a connection to God and his blessings. It is cherished, studied, and celebrated perhaps even more so during holidays. Sukkot is then followed by parading the Torah and marks the beginning of a reading through it.

Farming looks very different today. Very few of us have had to sweat long hours over crops, so we’re not as ready for (or deserving of) a rest and a party as our ancestors were at this time of year. That might be even more the case in future, as the agri tech revolution unfolds. For example, small autonomous tractors are already becoming available that do less damage to the soil and make better use of steep or oddly shaped fields.

These festivals were not just a celebration, but also an expression of gratitude to God: “celebrate the festival to the Lord your God … For the Lord your God will bless you in all your harvest and in all the work of your hands, and your joy will be complete.” Tabernacles was a proper holiday, with two whole days off normal work and seven days of feasting.

Symbols of Sukkot

1. Citron/Etrog a lemon shaped and coloured citrus fruit

2. Lulav/Palm Branch

3. Hadass/Myrtle Tree Branch

4. Aravah/Willow Branch

5. Torah

Of these, the citron, palm, myrtle, and willow are used together as the ‘four species’ and are specifically tied to Sukkot. These ‘four species’ are often depicted in the archaeological record together though the pieces, even separate, still have strong connections to

Many arable farms already hire contractors to do the routine work with large specialist GPS equipped machinery. In future years those people might find themselves using very different kinds of high tech kit, acting more as land management advisors, helping farmers to gather data and to find ways of improving soil quality, biodiversity and the water cycle.

I’m very grateful for the food that arrives on my shelves. Instead of worrying about whether or not we earned it, our modern day Tabernacles or Harvest celebration could include ways of encouraging those involved in agriculture and developing new agricultural technologies, as well as enjoying how we can learn about and benefit from God’s creation through Science.

It stands to reason that those of us who live in countries where food is plentiful and cheap could do with being proportionately more generous in our gratitude and giving. Should we throw better parties? Probably!

Someone you didn’t know

Grief can often take us by surprise. What can be particularly surprising is the way we react to the death of someone we didn’t know.

Why we grieve people we don’t know

You feel like you knew them

Even though you may not have met in person, when someone is a public figure or their death is well documented in the press, it can feel like you knew them. If they were very active on social media they may have shared a lot of personal information which adds to the sense of really having known them.

They are someone you truly admired

If the person who died is a celebrity, public figure or even friend of a friend, they might have been an inspiration to you. It’s natural to be upset when someone who was important to your life dies.

It reminds us of our own experiences

When someone we didn’t know dies, it can bring up memories of your own grief. Perhaps the person who died has a connection with someone you have lost, or reminds you of them. If they died in similar circumstances to someone in your life, it can be really painful to see this happen all over again.

They remind us of ourselves

If the person who died was your age or shared other characteristics, their death might be really frightening and make us worry about our own death.

Their deaths challenge our view of the world

Public figures feel like a part of the landscape that won’t change. The shock of their death can challenge our assumptions about the world. This can make us feel very vulnerable. If the person suffered a traumatic death, it can be difficult to process that tragic events take place.

You are affected by the way the news is covered

Media coverage and emotive conversations on social media can be really difficult to handle. This can be really painful if you’re already feeling vulnerable.

Supporting yourself

Allow yourself to grieve. Give yourself permission to feel sad, for the person who has died and their loved ones, and also for what you have lost.

Talk to someone

There will be others who are affected by this death in the same way as you. Look for places where people are sharing their feelings online. Friends and family can also help, but it’s worth thinking about whether they are going through anything similar themselves. Not everyone will understand the reasons for grieving someone you didn’t know.

Find ways to remember the person

Take time to remember the person. Try making a small memorial, looking at pictures, writing down some of your memories.

Take a break from the news

We often feel like staying up to date with sad events can make us feel better. But it’s important to recognise when the news is making you feel worse.

Our bereavement supporters will be happy to talk to you about how you’re feeling whether that’s grief for The Queen or because the situation has brought up other difficult feelings for you.

Call 0808 808 1677

Mini Christmas Tree Festival

As many people as possible please consider making a tree from anything … recycle, reuse … the tree may be as small as you like … or up to one metre tall … get a leaflet for more information and maybe a few ideas … the bicentennial committee would love to fill the church with your creative designs!

4th —11th December

On the first day of school, the primary one teacher said, "If anyone has to go to the bathroom, hold up two fingers."

A little voice from the back of the room asked, "How will that help?"

Go Tell the Bees

The Royal Beekeeper has informed the Queen's of her death, and King Charles III's accession to the throne.

The official Palace beekeeper, John Chapple, travelled to Buckingham Palace and Clarence House on Friday following news of The Queen’s death.

He placed black ribbons tied into bows on the hives, home to tens of thousands of bees, before informing them that their mistress had died and that a new master would be in charge from now on. He then urged the bees to be good to their new master.

John Quincy Myers explains

Bees are real sociable,” Myers explained, “And re curious, which only makes sense, them goin’ back and forth and gatherin’ news with their pollen. So em what’s happening if someone’s come if a new babe’s been born, if anybody new was to settle or a settler depart or die. See, if somebody leaves or dies, and you don’t tell the bees, they take offense, and the whole lot of ’em will fly

Family support charity

If you have a few hours to spare and would like to give practical and emotional support to a family in your area, please get in touch. Full training provided and all out of pocket expenses paid.

Please telephone: 028 3026 6139 or 028 4176 4120 Find us on Facebook.

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