NOTE FROM THE AUTHOR:
This bookcontains anFMCwhohas type 1diabetes whichhas notbeenproperlymanagedsince her diagnosis Ihave used two sensitivity readers for this book, but if I have not properly represented the type 1 diabetic community, please do not hesitatetoreachoutdirectlyviamyemail:authorthomast@gmailcom,Instagram,orFacebook
Thankyouandhappyreading,
T Thomas
Everlee
Thedoctorfrowneddownatmeoncehefinallyrippedhiseyesfromhisclipboard,whichhe’dbeenstaringatforwhat feltlikeaneternity.“Everlee,whyaren’tyouoninsulinyet?Youwerediagnosedwithdiabetesmonthsago.”
Iwinced.HowdidIexplaintoadoctor,whoseemedtohaveanendlesssupplyofmoneytodipinto,thatIcouldn’taffordto have diabetes, thatIcouldn’tafford the insulinIneeded to getmysugars under control? Insulinwas necessary, butwithas expensiveasitwas,especiallyforapersonlikemewithouthealthinsurance,itwastreatedasmoreofaluxury
Icouldn’tevenafford these doctor bills thatIkeptrackingup everytime Ifainted and someone called 9-1-1 for me Iwas workingtwojobs,bothofthempart-timepositions,whichmeanthealthinsurancewasn’tsomethingtheyhadtooffer.Andeven then,healthinsurancepremiumsweretoohighforsomeonelikemetoafford Becausethatwouldthencomeoutofoneofmy checks,andIbarelyscrapedevenonbillseverymonth.Asitwas,Iwassurvivingoffoframennoodlesforbreakfast,lunch, and dinner. Iknew thatdidn’thelp mycurrentsituation, butwhenyouonlyhave a dollar to spare, ramennoodles were the cheapestthingtograb.
Ishruggedatthedoctor.Hesighed.“You need togetintoseeanendocrinologist,Everlee.Don’tplaywithyourhealth.One day,we’renotgoingtobeabletohelpyou.Doyouunderstandthat?”
Swallowingthickly,Inodded.Iknewtherisksassociatedwithnotseeingaproperdoctorandgettingontherightmedications tohelpmeliveastablelife,butwhenyoucouldn’taffordsomething,youjustcouldn’t Andtherewasnowayaroundthat “I’lldomybest,doc”Itwasn’talie Iwasalreadydoingmybest Justmybestwasn’tenough ButitwasallIhad Hisfrowndeepened.Itwasobvioushedidn’tbelieveme.ButtherewasnothingIcoulddoaboutthat.Lifewaslife,andmine sucked.
IsignedoffonmydischargepaperssoIcouldfinallyleavethehospital.Mybestfriendandroommate,Charlie,waswaiting outsideformeinheralmostthirty-year-oldHondaCivic Itseemedtobebrokendownmorethaniteverran,buttodaywasmy luckyday.Ididn’thavetocatchabushome.Thatwastwodollarsandseventy-fivecentssaved.
“Don’thateme,”shesaidassoonasIgotintothecar.Iftherewasonethingtoknow aboutCharlie,shecouldn’tkeepquiet aboutanythingtosaveherlife notifshewaseagertotellsomeone ButIlovedherdespiteit Shewasoneoftheonlypeople inthisworldtoneverletmedown.SheevencriedwithmewhenIfoundoutIwasatypeonediabetic,whichwasuncurable.I wasstuckwithitfortherestofmylife.
Justanothercrapthingtoaddtomyoverflowingplateofcrappysituations
“Whatdidyoudo?”Iaskedher,alreadyonguard
Shewinced “I,um,mighthavegotyousomehelp?”
Iarchedabrowather,notfollowingwhyIwouldhateherforgettingmehelp
“Help?”Iquestioned,wonderingwhereexactly shewasgoingwiththis.“Whatkindofhelp,Charlie?”
She grimaced. Immediately, I knew I wasn’t going to like whatever came out of her mouth next, but nothing could have
preparedmeforwhatshe’ddone.“So…IcameacrossanadonFacebook.Itwasforlike,Idon’tknow,amail-orderbride kindofthing?” Oh, God.“Imighthavefilledoutyourinformationandsubmittedit.” “Charlie!”Iyelledather,myfacepaling.
“Pleasedon’tbemad!”shebeggedme,swingingherwideeyestomineaswestoppedataredlight.“Iwasjusttryingtohelp, andyoukeepgettingworse,and,”tearsfilledhereyes,breakingmyheart,“Idon’tknowwhatelsetodo,Ever!”Isighed,my gutcrampingather tears.“Iknow it’s terrifyingfor you,butthis is scaryfor me,too.You’re like mysister,andIcan’tlose you”
“Oh,Charlie,”Iwhispered,reachingovertograbherhandinmine Isighed,tearsburninginmyeyes,too “Thedoctorwarned methatoneday,theymightnotbeabletosaveme.”Ithurtmetosaythosewords,butIneverliedtoCharlie.Mylipstrembled. “Ifoneoftheseguyshassomethingrealtoofferthatcouldhelpme,Iguessitwouldn’tbetheendoftheworld,wouldit?” It mightevenbemyonlyhopeofgettinghelpbeforemydiabetesendedupkillingme.
Shesniffled.“Youmighthavetoleavemetogolivewithhim.”
Ifrowned.“Idon’tlikethat.”
Shesqueezedmyhandbeforereleasingittomakealeftturn.“Iknow,butwehavetothinkaboutyourightnow,Ever.Andyour healthisdecliningrapidly We’llfigureeverythingelseout,butnomatterhowfaryoumighthavetomove,Iamalwaysjusta phonecallaway.We’ll always befamily,whetherwhoeveryouhappentomarrylikesitornot.”
Ismiledather,butinside,Iwasabundleofnerves.Leavingher,mybestfriend,myonlyfamily,tomarryastrangerwho might beabletohelpmewasterrifyingandrisky.
Buthonestly,Iwasalreadyplayingariskbyneverseeinganendocrinologistandnevergettingoninsulin.
Possiblymarryingapsychocouldn’tbetoomuchworse,couldit?
MY PHONE PINGED asIwasbrushingmyhair Frowning,Igrabbeditoffthecounterandlookedatthescreen
IhadanewemailfromaweirdemailaccountIhadn’tseenbefore:trippwalker87@gmailcom Curious,Iclickedthelinkandopenedit
Everlee,
Hello. I just received your application from On the Dotted Line, and I was very interested in your responses. I’d like to possibly meet you and get to know one another Based on your application, I think we could come to a mutual agreement that benefits both of us.
Alittle information about me: I’m thirty-six years old, and I live in Montana. My four brothers and I inherited the ranch we live and work on from our parents. One of us has to be wed for the inheritance to be unlocked and given to us, so I’m biting the bullet for all of us, so to speak
Between the money I have now and the inheritance from my parents, I’d have more than enough to help you with whatever you may need. I know you have medical expenses, and I can definitely help with that.
We can discuss paying off rent, moving expenses, etc., if we happen to be compatible and we would both like to move forward
I look forward to hearing from you, Tripp Walker
Holy crap. A rancher and a wealthy one at that had emailed me about the application Charlie had submitted! I almost couldn’tbelieveit Itreallyalmostfelttoogoodtobetrue
figurethisoutonmyown ButIknewIneededhelp Ihadthekindofproblemsthatmoneycouldsolvemostof Iblew outasoftbreath,andwithmyphoneinmyhand,Itookaseatonmybedandbegantorespondtohisemail,hopingI wasn’tmakingagravemistakeasIdidso.
Icouldn’tbelieveIwasdoingthis.Whatintheworldwaswrongwithme?Ihadtobeoutofmymindtoeven consider this.WasIseriouslypickingupapotentialbridefromtheairport,awomanI’dnevermetbeforeinmylife?ForallI knew,shecouldbeaserialkiller.
EvenmybrothersthoughtIwasoutofmymindfordoingthiswhentherewereanynumberofdecentwomeninoursmalltown, butIcouldn’tpicture mylife withanyofthem Ineededto atleast click withsomeone, and Ididn’tclickwithanyofthem Sure, theywere prettyenough. Sweetenough. Would probablymake reallygood wives for a rancher like me. ButIatleast wantedsomeoneImight beabletofallinlovewith
Isilentlycursedmyparents resttheirsouls forthisstupidmarriageclause Iunderstoodthattheywerehopelessromantics, butmybrothersandIwere not.Wewerejusthappybeingsingleandworkingtheranch.
“Hopeyou’rerollingoverinyourgraveforthis,Dad,”ImutteredasIglancedinmymirrortoswitchlanes.Iwasgettingclose totheairport,anditseemedlikethetrafficwasgettingworse,alongwiththedrivers Seriously,whereintheworlddidpeople learntodrive?Andwhothehellletsomeofthesepeoplegettheirlicenses?Ihitthebrakeandlaidonmyhornwhensomeone cutmeoff,almostmakingmerear-endthem.
ThiswaswhyIstayedinmysmalltown,uponmymountain.Notraffic.Nodumbdriverstoworryabout.Iwasn’tbuiltforthe city
Finally,Iwasintheparkinggarage,luckilyunscathed Iputmytruckintoparkandkilledtheenginebeforegettingout,beeping mytrucklockedbeforeIheadedacrossthesmallbridgethatledintotheairport.Afterridingdownanescalator,Iscannedthe baggageclaimareabeforefinallyfindingtheboardthatwouldtellmewhereEverlee’sflight’sluggagewouldbe We’dagreed tomeettheresowebothfeltsafeforourfirstmeeting.
Our emails backandforthledme tobelieve she was a sweetwomaninneedofsome financial help.Nothingabouther had beenalarming,thoughIcouldtellshewasjustalittlebitcautiousaboutthiswholething Still,emailscouldbedeceiving,soIwasonguard
After scanningtheboard,Ifoundher flight,andbesideitinalittleblueboxwasthenumber eight Iheadedinthatdirection andscannedthesmallcrowdaroundtheluggagecarouselforthedark-hairedwoman.She’dsentmeapictureofherself,andI wasabitashamedtoadmithowoftenI’dstaredatit.
Shewasbeautiful,really Iimagedinperson,she’dprobablytakemybreathaway Herdarkhairwasnaturallywavy,andthere was a tiredness inher darkeyes that was soul-deep a tiredness I could relate to. It came fromhard workand little rest. Freckleslinedhercheekbones,andhernosewassmallandslightlyturnedupattheend.
MyheartskippedabeatinmychestwhenIlandedmyeyesonher.Shewasclutchingasmallblanketinherhands,watching theluggagenervouslyforherown Imademywaytoher,keepingmystepscasual ShelookedatmeasInearedher,hereyes wideninginsurprise,herlightpinklipspartingthetiniestbit.
“Everlee?”Iasked.
Tripp
Shesmiledthen,anditalmostbroughtmetomyknees.Thiswomanwasstraighttrouble,andIdidn’tevencare.Shecouldbea serialkiller,andI’dprobablywillinglylieatherfeet.
Shequicklyheldherhandouttome.“Hi.Yes.Everlee.I’mEverlee.”HercheeksdarkenedwithablushwhenIchuckledather cuteramblingandshookherhand.“I,um,thankyouforcomingtogetme.”
“It’s nice to meet you, Everlee. I’mTripp.” Reluctantly, Idropped her smaller hand. It’d beena little cool, and Iso badly wantedtowarmherup.“Youseenyourluggageyet?”
Shefrownedandshookherhead.“IwassonervousaboutmissingmyflightthatIwasthefirstpersonformyflightatthegate.” Hercheekscoloredalittlemore “It’llprobablytakeitaminutetogetaroundtous”
Istuffedmyhandsinmypockets “Youhungry?”IaskedherasIsettledinbesidehertowait “Wecangrabsomelunchand talkbeforeIdriveyououttotheranch.”
Shenodded.“Ineedtoeat,soyeah.Foodsoundsnice.”Shesmiled,glancingupatmefrombeneaththicklashes,herdarkeyes stillseemingtired,eventhoughtheytwinkledwithhappiness “Thanks,Tripp”
Ishrugged “Ofcourse”
“Oh,there’smybag!”sheexclaimed,pointingatit Iquicklymovedforwardandliftedthesmall,plaingraysuitcase Itwas light,soIguessshehadn’tpackedmuch.
“Comeon.Let’sgetoutofhere.”Ijerkedmychininthedirectionoftheexit.“Thecitymakesmyskincrawl.” Shegiggled,andmyhearttrippedinmychest.Ineverwantedhertostoplaughing.
“SO,youknowwhyIneedthismarriage,”Ibeganoncewehadourfoodinfrontofus,“butyoudidn’teversaywhyyouneed it Justmedicalbills Isitmorethanthat?”
Everlee sighed, frowning now, her smile gone like it had never been there in the first place I didn’t like that The disappearanceofhersmileactuallymademychesthurt.
Whatintheworldwaswrongwithme?
“I,um,I’matypeonediabetic.”Iblinked.“It’snotcurable,andtheinsulinIneediswaytooexpensiveformetoafford.I’ve beeninandoutofthehospitalsinceIfoundoutduetofaintingepisodesfromhighandlowbloodsugars”
Ihadexpectedanythingbutthat Honestly,evencancerhadcrossedmymind Butdiabetes?NeverwouldIhaveguessedit Iclearedmythroat “Whileyou’rehere,Icangetyouintoseeadoctorandgetyouonsomemedications,”Itoldher “Evenif wedecidenottogothroughwiththis,justconsideritagiftforgivingmeyourtime.”
Sheshookherhead,butIarchedabrowather.Iwasn’tbackingdownonthis.Ididn’tknowmuchabouttypeonediabetes,but ifshewasseekingtobeabridetosomeonewealthylikeme,itwasobviouslyaprettyseriouscondition Icouldn’t,ingood conscious,notdo something tohelpher.
“Everlee,it’snotupfordiscussion.Youneedmedication,andIcanhelp.Letmehelp.It’swhatIdo.”
Shesighed,givingineasily,thankfully.“Well,thankyou.Iappreciateit.Butthebillmightbeextremelyhigh.”
“Hush,”Igentlychided.Asmallsmiletiltedherlips.Ipointedmyforktowardhersalad.“Eatyourfood.I’llcallthedoctor whenwegettotheranchandmakeanappointmentforyoutomorrow”
Herbrowspulledlowoverhereyes “Thatfast?”
Ichuckled “It’sasmalltown,darlin’ Nottomention,mybrothersandIarewell-liked It’llbethatfast Infact,he’llprobably wanttoseeyoufirstthinginthemorning.Youjustletmehandleallthat,youhear?”
Shenodded,aprettyblushstaininghercheeksagain.
Notevenanhourinherpresence,andIwasreadytoputhernamewithmineonamarriagecertificateandtakecareofher.I
knewitwithoutadoubt.Itwasafactthathadsettledinmymindlikeacementblockdroppedintoalake.
Somethingwas seriously wrongwithme.ButIdidn’tdwellonit.IftherewasonethingI’dlearnedfrommyparents,itwasto justgowiththeflow.Fightingmyfeelingswouldnevergetmeanythingbutaheadacheandabadmood.
Mybackdoor opened, and Iglanced up frommyphone, alreadyknowingitwas mybrothers. I’d texted themabout thirtyminutesago,lettingthemknowI’dmadeitsafelybacktothehouse,andthatyes,Everleewaswithme.She’d laiddownforanapshortlyafterwegothere,andIcouldn’tblameher.Shewasprobablyseverelyjet-laggedfrom flyingallthewayfromFloridatoMontana Iwasalwaysexhaustedafterflying,evenifitwasashortflight Andhershadbeen long,nottomentionshe’dcrossedtimezones.
“Istillthinkyou’reoutofyourmind,”Nashsaidashisgreeting,fallingontothecouchnexttome.“Seriously,wedon’teven needthefunds,Tripp”
Ishookmyhead “Shedoes,”Imuttered “Andloweryourvoice She’ssleeping”
“Youbroughthere here?”Nashincredulouslyasked “Ithoughtthatwasajoke,bro Whywouldyoubringastrangerintoyour house?Youdon’tknowanythingabouther.”
“Shutup,”Elisnappedathim.“JesusChrist,Nash,youcanbeannoying.”
“Whatdoyoumeansheneedsthemoney?”Westonasked.Hewasnormallythequieter one,theonewholookeddeeper into things Andhewasalsotheonlyonewhodidn’ttrytostopmefromdoingthis HesupportedmeandtrustedmetoknowwhatI wasdoing.Itwasnicethatatleastoneofmybrotherstrustedmetomaketherightdecisionsformyself.
Isighedandscrubbedahanddownmyface.Icoulduseanap,too,butIknewmybrothersweregoingtoendupcomingover. TheyweregoingtowantallthedetailsandeverythingaboutherthatI’dbeenabletofindout.
MybrothersandImightbefriendly,butwedidn’tnormallyallowpeopleintoourclose-knitcirclesoeasily.
Andyet,hereIwas,abouttodoexactlythat AllbecauseEverleehadsmiledatme It’dknockedmeflatonmybehind,andI hadn’tbeenabletofindmyfootingsince.
“She’s diabetic,” I told them. “She’s been sick for the past few months, in and out of the hospital. She can’t afford the medications,andherjobsdon’tofferinsurance.”
“Jobs?”Eliasked.
“Christ,”Jessemuttered.
Inodded,answeringEli’squestion.AndIwasinagreementwithJesse.ChristjustaboutsummeduphowIfelt.ButIwasabout tomakeitworseforallofthem.BecauseIdidn’tneedtothinkaboutwhatIwasgoingtodoanylonger.I’dalreadymademy decision.WhetherornotIknewmuchaboutherdidn’tmattertome.
“I’mgoingtomarryher,”Iannounced.
Nashchokedonair.Eli’seyesjustaboutbuggedoutofhishead.Jesseclosedhiseyesandgroaned.Westonwastheonlyone thatdidn’tactlikeitwastheendoftheworld Hejustshruggedatme
“Ifthat’swhatyouwant,”Westonsaid “Youtrusther?”
Tripp
“Herbackgroundcheckisclear,”Itoldhim.I’datleastbeensmartenoughtoorderoneofthose.“Nodirt.Nothingonpaperto worryabout.Onlyfinancialissuesarehospitalandmedicalbills.Timewilltellmore,butfornow,Ithinkwe’resafeenough, andsheobviouslyneedsthehelp Ican’tjustturnheraway Notafterfindingoutwhatshe’sgoingthrough”
FromwhatIunderstood,thiscouldkillherifshedidn’tgethelpsoon.Andsoonprobablywasn’tquickenough.
Nashshookhishead,pinchingthebridgeofhisnose.“Ifthisbackfiresonus,Tripp…” “Itwon’t,”Iassuredhim.IjusthopedIwasn’tlying.
SOMETHING SLAMMING againstthewallhadmejerkingoffthecouch,myeyesrippingopen.Mybrothers,whohadallcaughta smallnap,too,jerkedawake.
Turning,myeyeslandedonEverlee.Shewasslumpedagainstthewall,herhandagainstherhead,moaninglowindiscomfort. Iquicklyjerkedtomyfeetandrushedovertoher,catchingherrightasshebegantofalltowardthefloor.
“Easy,”Icrooned,somehow keepingmyselftogether evenwhilemyheartwasabouttothumprightoutofmychestinpanic. “Talktome,Everlee.”
“Dizzy.Nauseated,”shemumbled.Herentirebodywastremblinginmyarmslikeshewascold,butshedidn’tfeelcooltothe touch Somethingwasseriouslywrong
“Googlesearchsayshersugarmaybetoolow,”Nashannounced,quicklywalkingovertous,hisphoneinhishand “Yougot juice,Tripp?Itcanhelpraiseitquicklywhileoneofusmakeshersomethingtoeat.” “Pantry,”Itoldhim.“There’sapplejuice.”
“Ifeellikepassingout,”Everleeslurred,hereyesshutting.Slurringdefinitelycouldn’tbegood.
Igentlypattedhercheek,coaxinghereyesbackopen.“Notyet,sweetheart.Keepyoureyesopenforme.It’sgoingtopass,I promise”Westonpoppedupbesidemewithabottleofapplejuice Isatheruponmylapandbracedmyarmaroundherto supporther.Withmyotherhand,Iheldthebottleofjuicetohertremblinglips.“Drinkthisforme,”Icoaxed.
She slowlybeganto drinkthe juice, and a momentlater, Iheard one ofmybrothers fryingsomething. Once she finished the bottle,Westontookitfromhertothrowitaway,andIliftedheragainstmychestbeforestandingfromthefloor,carryingherto thecouch.
Igentlylaidherdownontheleathercushionsandthentookaseatonthecoffeetableinfrontofher.Herfacewasextremely pale,butafter a few minutes,color begantoreturntoit Justintime,too Jesse poppedintothe livingroomwitha bowl of friedeggs,theyokerunny,andsometoastontopofit.Nashsilentlyfollowedinbehindhim,abottleofwaterinhishand.
IhelpedEverleeintoasittingposition,stilltooworriedabouthertoletherdoanythingonherown.Shejuststillseemedtoo weak,eventhoughhershakinghadmostlydisappearedbynow.
“Thanks,”shesaidsoftly,takingtheeggsthatJesseheldouttoher.Nashsetthebottleofwateronthecoffeetablenexttomy hip
Jesseclearedhisthroat.“I’mJesse,”hetoldher.
“He’s one ofmybrothers,” Ifurther explained. “I’mthe oldest. Nashis the next, and thenthere’s Eli, Jesse, and Weston,” I informedher,pointingateachbrotherasIsaidtheirnames.
“Hi,”shesaidsoftly shyly.Anddamn,itwasadorable.“Sorrywehadtomeetundersuchcrappycircumstances.”
Nash, the most vocal one out ofall of mybrothers about this entire arrangement, waved her off. “No biggie. Just focus on gettingyour sugars backup” He looked atme, surprisingme evenmore withwhatcame outofhis mouthnext “You’ve got aboutfifteenmoreminutesbeforeDr.Turnerclosestheoffice.Sheprobablyneedstogoaheadandgetseen.”
Isnorted.“Imadethatappointmentassoonasshelaiddownforanap,”Itoldhim.Ihadn’tbeenkiddingwhenItoldherI’ddo whatIcouldtohelpher ShehadnoideaI’dalreadydecidedtomarryher Eventually,I’dgetaroundtolettingherknow Iwas justtakingeverythingonestepatatime.
Andthefirststepwasgettinghertoseethedoctorandgettinghersomehelp.
Nashnodded. “Good.” He thenlooked atthe beautiful brunette slowlyeatingthe eggs and toastJesse made for her. “We’re goingtogetyourightasrainsoon,girly.Don’tyoudoubtit.”Hethengrabbedhishatoffthetableandsettleditonhishead beforetippingthebriminherdirection.“Mybrotherwilltakegoodcareofyou.Rest.”
Hethendippedoutofthehouse,hisopiniononthewholemarriagethingseemingtodoanentireone-eightyafterhesaw her almostpassoutinmyhallway.Infact,lookingatJesseandEli,itseemedtheydid,too.
Good.Thatmeanttheywouldhopefullybeokaywiththenextstepinthisarrangement.BecausewhatIhadn’ttoldanyone,not evenEverlee,wasthatweweregettingmarried tomorrow
Everleecouldn’tkeeplivinglikethis,andIcouldn’tstandtoseehersuffering
Everlee
“I’mmarryinghertoday,”IoverheardTrippquietlytellinghisbrothersashewaitedonmeoutonthedrivenexttohis truck.
Myeyesalmostbuggedoutofmyhead.Hewas what?DidInotgetasayinthis?Itwas my life.WhatifIdidn’twanttomarry him?WhatifIwasn’treadytoevenbemarriedyet?GoodLord,we’d just metyesterday!
Thismanhadtobeoutofhismind.MaybeIhadtraveledacrossthecountryonlytomeetapsycho.
There had to be somethinginthe air up here because Tripp was out ofhis ever-lovingmind ifhe thought we were getting married today Completelyinsane
“You’vegotoursupport,”IheardElispeakup Ichokedonair “Sheneedsallthehelpshecanget”
Iloudlyclearedmythroatandcrossedmyarmsovermychest.“Excuseme?”Iasked.
Trippcursedandpinchedthebridgeofhisnose.IheardJessesnicker,butatmydarklook,hequicklyshutup.Iarchedabrow atTripp, mytemper readyto explode. “Please tell me myears were deceivingme whenyousaid we were getting married today,”Ihissed
Heshookhishead “Thiswasn’thowIwantedyoutofindout,but ”
Whatintheworlddidhemeanthis wasn’t how he wanted me to find out?
“Butnothing!”Isnapped “Youdidn’tthinkyouneededtotalktomefirst?”Idemanded “Weweresupposedtoseeifwe’re compatiblebeforewejumpintoamarriage,andnowallofasudden,you’redecidingfor both of us?”
Henodded,hisjawtighteningashegotreadyforafight.Andboy,Iwasabouttogivehimone.“Yes,Iam,becauseyouneed thehelp,Everlee Yourhealthisatstakehere,andIcanhelp Ifyouwant,wecandivorcelaterdowntheline,andI’llgladly payalimony.Butusgettingmarriedtodayisnotupfordiscussion.”
“You’velostyourmind!”Iyelledathim.“I’mleaving. ”
IturnedandstormedinsidethehousetogetmybagandfindawayoffthisdamnmountainandtotheairportbeforeTrippcould come up withanymore wild ideas “Like hell youare,” he barked frombehind me Islammed the door inhis face, buthe pusheditbackopen,storminginafterme.“Howintheworlddoyouevenexpecttogetoffthisranchwithoutaride,Everlee?” Hegrabbedmywaist,andIscreechedwhenhethrew me over his shoulder andbegantocartmebackoutofthe house.His brothershaddispersed,leavingmeonmyown.TheywerejustasbadasTripp! “Putmedown!”Iyelled,beatingonhisback.
“No,”hegrowled.“YouhaveanappointmentwithDr.Turner,andwe’renotmissingit.Andthenwehaveanappointmentafter lunchatthecourthousetogetmarried.”
Islappedmyhandsonhisback,hopingtohurthim,buthedidn’tevenflinch.Iyelledacursethatwas definitely unladylike.I couldn’t remember the last time I’d been this furious “Can’t marry me without my documents,” I retorted, suddenly
rememberingheneededcertainthingsfrommetomarryme.Andboy,IwasthankfulIrememberedthat.Hecouldn’tforceme intothis.
Hechuckledandopenedthepassengerdoorofhistruck.Mystomachsankatthesoundofhisamusement.“GoodthingIalready hadabackgroundcheckdoneonyou,soIknowbothofyourparentsandtheirbirthplaces,andIsnuckinyourroomlastnight whileyouweresleepingandtookyourbirthcertificateandyoursocialsecuritycard.”Igapedathimwhenhedepositedmein thepassengerseatandgrabbedtheseatbelt Leaningacrossme,hisfaceclosetomine,heclickedtheseatbeltintoplaceand whisperedinmyear,“Trytogetout.Icanplaythisgamewithyouallday,sweetheart.”
Withthat,hesteppedbackandshutthedoor.Iglaredathimthroughthewindshieldasheroundedthetruck,myheadbeginning topound
IwasofficiallybeginningtoregretgoingalongwithCharlie’shair-brainedideatodothisstupidmail-order-bridething Tripp mightthinkhewasdoingtherightthing,andwhileIknewitwouldhelpmeinthelongrun,takingmychoicesawayfromme wasthequickestwaytoturnmeagainstsomeone.
AndIwasontheroadofturningmybackonhim
DR TURNER WAS AN AGING manwithwhitehairanddeepblueeyes HewasalsothekindestdoctorI’devercomeacross The momentIsteppedintohisoffice,Iwasatease.Hedidn’tmakemefeeldumbformylackofknowledgeaboutmydiagnosisor stupidfornothavingthemoneytogetputonmedicationstohelpme,unlikesomanydoctorsI’dseenintheemergencyroom backinMiami
“Alright,girly.WhatI’mgoingtodotodayisputyouonapump,”Dr.Turnerbegantoexplaintome.“Ihaveonerightherein theofficethatwecanstartyouontoday.Iwanttoseeyouagainintwoweekstoseehowyou’redoingwithit,andthenwe’ll gofromthere”
Ifrowned “I’mnotsureIcanafford ”
“Shecanaffordit,”Trippsaid,interruptingme Iscowledathim,buthejustignoredme Myhanditchedwiththeurgetoslap himrightacrosshisperfectface.
Dr.Turnertriedtohidehissmilebutfailed.Great nowthedoctorwasamusedbyus.
“Ialso recommend goingona gluten-free diet,” Dr. Turner told me. Isighed and rubbed myforehead. Thatwas evenmore money Gluten-freefoodwas not cheap
“She’llbemakingtheswitch,andI’llmakethefoodtransitioneasier,”TripptoldhimwhenIdidn’tsayanything Iglancedup athim, myjaw clenched. Tripp justgentlygrabbed myhand inhis and gave ita little squeeze. Iyanked myhand awayand curleditintoafist Trippraisedabrowatme,butIjuststubbornlyignoredhim
Dr Turner stood “Well,that’ll beall today Everlee,let’s goaheadandgetyour pumpattached,andIcanwalkyouthrough howtouseit.”
Inodded.He toldus tostaythere,anda few minutes later,he returned.The entire time,TrippandIdidn’tsaya word.And whatcouldhepossiblysaytome?Iwasfurioushewastakingawaymyrighttodecide,andherefusedtochangehismind. Afterafew minutesoflearninghow toworkthemachine,somethingTrippalsopaidcloseattentionto,Ihadtheinstructions down.TrippwalkedthroughthemachineafterIdid,justsoDr.Turnerwassureheknewhowtouseit,too.
Finally,Dr.Turnerstoodbackandlightlyclappedhishandstogether.“Alright.Iwanttoseeyoukeepyourlevelsbetween70 and140tostart,sowecanworkongettingyourA1Clower.I’llseeyouagainintwoweeks,andwecanreassess.Youtake careofyourself,youhear?”Inodded HelookedatTripp “SeeAmyonyourwayout She’llbetheonesettlingthebillwith you.”
Helefttheroom,offtoseehisnextpatientoftheday.Tripplookeddownatme.“Youwanttostickwithme,ordoyouwantto gositinthetruck?”
Istoodandpushedmyfingersthroughmyhair “I’llgositinthetruck,”Iquietlytoldhim ItwasthefirstwordsI’dspokento himsincethehouse.
Hehandedmehistruckkeys,andwhenImovedtobrushpasthim,hegrabbedmyhandinhis,stoppingme.Ilookedupathim, chewingnervouslyonmybottomlip.Ihatedthesadlookinhiseyes hateditwitheveryfiberofmybeing becauseitwas softeningmetowardhim AndIdidn’twanttoforgivehimforthis
“Iknowyou’reupsetwithme,”hesaidquietly,“butI’mextremelyworriedaboutyou,Everlee,andIneverwanttoexperience thepanicIfeltyesterdaywhenyoucollapsed.”
Iswallowedthickly.“Meneither,”Iwhispered.Butthatdidn’tmakethedecisionhewasmakingright. Then,Ipulledmyhandfromhisandquietlylefttheroom,unsurehowIwassupposedtofeel.
I BLEW outasoftbreathasIstaredatthecourthouseinfrontofme.Iwasn’treadytodothis,butifTrippwasreadyandwilling togiveuphisfreedomjustsoIcouldbehealthyagain,thenIneededtostopwhiningandcomplaining Ineededtojustsuckit upandappreciatewhathewastryingtodoforme.
“YoupromiseifIwantadivorceinayear,you’llgiveittome?”Iaskedhimoncehewasstandingnexttome. Trippflinchedbutnodded,lookinglikeheregrettedeversayingthosewordstome.“Yeah,”herasped.“IswearIwill.” Inoddedonceandfoldedmyhandstogetherinfrontofme,drawinginadeepbreath.“Youready?”heaskedquietly.
I swallowed thickly and shook my head. “No, but I’ll never be ready.” I blew out a soft breath and stepped up onto the sidewalkthatledintotheloomingbuildinginfrontofus “Let’sgogetmarried,Iguess”
Reachingover,he separatedmyhands andgrabbedmyleftone inhis Tingles rushedupmyarm He lookeddownatme “I hopeoneday,wewon’thavetogetdivorced,thatmaybeonedaywecanlearntoloveeachother.”
Iforcedasmallsmileontomylips.Itwashardtodowhenmystomachwasrollingwithnervesandmyheartfeltlikeitwas abouttobeatoutofmychest
“Maybe,”Isaidquietly Rightthen,Iwasstilltooupsetwithhimtoeven think ofasolidfutureforus “Butfornow,westart thisasfriends.AndTripp,”Isaidwhenwestartedmovingforwardagain.Hestoppedandlookeddownatme.“Thankyoufor whatyou’retryingtodo Idon’tonehundredpercentagreeorlikeyoutakingmychoicesfromme,butIknowyourheartisin the rightplace.” Istubbornlysetmyjaw. “Ifyou ever do somethinglike this again, Iwill run. And youwill never find me. Clear?”
Thecornersofhislipstiltedupthetiniestbit,andhenoddedonce.“Let’sgogetmarried,Everlee.”
Withmyheartlodgedinmythroat,Iquicklyfollowedhim,hishandstillwrappedaroundmine Ijusthopedweweren’tmakingahugemistaketoday
Ranger stomped his hooves atme and snorted, shakinghis head as Imade mywayinto the barn. He was mynewest horse,andI’drescuedhimacoupleofweeks agofromanabusiveowner.Theycouldn’t‘tame’himandclaimedhe wastootemperamental,unabletobetrained.So,they’dbeatenhimandhadbeenreadytoputhimdownbeforeIcame inandpurchasedhim
Then,Ireportedhispreviousownerstotheproperauthorities Theywerefacinganimalcrueltycharges,andIhopedtheygot jailtimeforwhattheydidtoRanger.
“Easy,boy,”Imurmured.Iheldoutacarrotinmypalm.“Ijustwanttobrushyou.CanIdothat?”
Hesnortedagain,buthedidn’tstomphis hooves this time.Itookatentativestepcloser,myhandstill heldout.Heeyedme warily,buthewasquiet Stillasthedead,onlyhiseyesmovingashetrackedeverymoveImade Hehadyettoeatoutofmy hand,butIwashopingtodaywasthedayhewould.Hewasgettingbetterwithme.
Mybrothers teased me bycallingme the horse whisperer. Buthonestly, I’d spenta lotoftime studyinghorses and learning theirbehaviors,learninghowtomakethemtrustme
Ijustwishedthesametacticswouldworkonmywife Wehadatentativetrucegoing,butshedidn’tsaymuchtomeanymore Twoweekshadpassed,andwhilethedoctorhadassuredushersugarsweregettingbetter,theystillweren’tgreat.
Shestillhadawaystogo.Thingswouldbealoteasiertonavigateifshe’djusttalktomeandsaymorethanacoupleofwords atatime.
Ranger finallyloweredhisheadwhenIwascloseenoughthathedidn’thavetostretch,andheatethecarrotrightoutofmy palm.Ichuckledandgrabbedanotherfrommypocket,placingitinmypalm.Hetookthatone,too.Igrinned.
Takinga chance,Isteppedcloser andplacedmypalmonhis neck.He snortedindispleasure butdidn’tmove.Ibrushedmy handoverhim.“Thereyougo,”Ipraised.“You’redoingsogood,boy.”
“Hey,”asoftvoicecalledfromtheentrancetothestables.
Rangersnortedandrearedup.IquicklybackedawayfromhimsoIwouldn’tgetkickedortrampled.Hebackedawayfromthe frontofthestall,swinginghisheadinagitation
Sighing,IturnedtolookatEverlee.Her face was pale,andshe was staringwithwide eyes atRanger.Imovedtowardher. “Don’tworryabouthim,”ItoldherasRangerwhinnied.“He’sabittraumatized,butI’mmakingprogresswithhim.He’sjust easilyspooked”
Shewinced “Healmostkilledyou”
Ichuckledandshookmyhead,shovingmyhandsintomypockets “Nah Horsesarejustgentlegiants,andthatoneisjusttrying toprotecthimself.”
Remindedmealotofher,honestly.I’dcorneredher;IknewIdid.Andnow,IhadtorepairthedamageI’ddone.Butdespite whatI’ddone,Iwas mostly sleepingpeacefullyatnightbecauseIknewshehadthehelpsheneeded Shehadhealthinsurance,
Tripp
insulin,andaccesstohealthcarenow.Iwouldneverapologizeforthat.
Shelookedathimagain,thecolorslowlyreturningtoherface.“What’shisname?”
“Ranger,” Ireplied,tryingtohide mysurprise ather talkingtome.This was the mostshe’dsaidtome inone sittingintwo weeks.Ijustprayedshedidn’tsuddenlybacktrackonmeandsuddenlygomuteagain.“Everythingokay?”Iaskedher.
Shenoddedandshrugged “Justgotboredinthehouse Iwantedtotakealookaroundtheproperty,butIthoughtIshouldtell youfirstincaseIgetlostor,youknow,”shewincedalittle,“somethinghappens.”
Ihummed,tryingnottothinkofwhatcouldhappen.Justrememberinghershakingandbeingsopalewhenhersugarsdroppeda coupleofweeksagohadchillsrunningdownmyspine.
“Youeverrodeahorsebefore?”Iaskedher,wantingtostepawayfromthattopic.
Sheshookherheadatme,hereyebrowsscrunchingtogetheradorably.“No.Why?”
Ijerkedmyheadinthedirectionoftheotherhorsescalmlyeatingintheirstables,alreadyhavingbeengroomedthismorning. “Wanttolearn?Wecanrideacoupleofhorses,andIcanshowyouaround.”
Anervoussmiletiltedherlips.“Um,sure.Itwon’tthrowmeofforanythingthough,right?”
Ichuckled,shakingmyhead.Shewassocute.“No,sweetheart,itwon’t.Comeon.”
Iledherovertothestablesandpickedoutmygentlestmare,Clover.Shewasborninafieldpoppingwithclovers,anditjust kindoffit.Shewaswhitewithamaneofblackhair.Itwastheoddestcombination,butshewasbeautiful.Andjustassweetas couldbe
“Wow,”Everleebreathed,staringatClover.“CanIpether?”
Inodded.“Ifyoumoveawayfromwhereshecanseeyou,makesureyoukeepahandonheratalltimessosheknowswhere youare.Ithelpstopreventinjuries.”
Everleeswallowedthicklyandnodded.Tentativelysteppingforward,sheplacedherhandonClover’sneckandsmoothedher handoverher,awidesmilespreadingacrossherface
Mybreathcaughtinmythroat
Everlee was beautiful whenshe was happy trulyhappy Her entire face lit up withit, her eyes shiningbeautifully If I’d thoughtshewasbeautifulwhenIfirstlaideyesonherattheairport,herthenwas nothing comparedtohowstunningshewas inthatmoment,herhandstrokingoverClover’ssleekcoat
WhileshepettedandcooedtoClover,Iworkedongettinghersaddledup,sneakingglancesatEverleeeeveryfewsecondsasI didso.Icouldn’thelpit;myeyesweredrawntoher,especiallywhenshewassmilinglikethat.
OnceCloverwassaddled,Iputastoolbesideherandhookedhertotwopolestokeepherinplace.Normally,wedidn’tdo that mybrothers andIwereexperts atmountinghorses,evenwhentheydidn’thaveasaddle We’dbeendoingthis all our livesthough,andEverleewasasnewtothisassomeonecouldget.
“Alright,youready?”IaskedEverlee,drawingherattentiontome.
Everleeblewoutasoftbreath,hereyesnervouslyflickeringtothesaddle,butonethingI’dcometolearnaboutmynewwife wasthatshedidn’tbackdownfromachallenge
Shewalkedovertome,nodding “I’masreadyasI’mevergoingtobe” Igrabbedherhandandstrokedmythumboverhersoftskin “Standonthestool,”Igentlycommanded Shesteppedupontothe stool,andIsmiledather,tryingtoignorehowgreatitfelttoholdherhand.“Now,grabthesaddlehorn.” “This?”sheasked,wrappingherhandaroundit.
“That’sit,”Iassuredher,aimingaproudsmileupather.“Now,putyourleftfootintothestirrup.”
She blew out a shakybreathbut did as I told her. “Good. You’re doinggreat, Everlee,” I praised. Her shoulders relaxed. “Now,usingthesaddlehornasleverage,swingyourotherlegoverthesaddle It’sokayifyoudon’tgetitonthefirsttry”
Everleegrittedherteeth,andwithhereyesnarrowedindetermination,shedidasIinstructed,swingingherlegoverthesaddle onthefirsttry.Shesquealedwhenshewasseated,beamingdownatme.
Icouldn’tbreatheforamoment.Howdidshekeepgettingmoreandmorebeautiful? “Ididit!”shecheered.
Ichuckled “Youdidgreat,sweetheart Areal natural”Imovedthestool outofmyway “Now,sitstill Cloverwon’tmove whenIunhookher.Ipromise.She’strainedtofollowmycommands.”
Everlee clutched the saddle hornand nodded. I unhooked Clover and patted her neckbefore feedingher a carrot frommy pocket for being so good and still. Then, I made quick work of saddling Brewer, my all-black Stallion, and swiftly lifted myselfintothesaddle Everleestaredatmyhorsewithwideeyes
“He’s huge,”shewhispered
Ichuckledandleaneddownalittle,grabbingClover’sreigns.“Justrelaxandenjoytheride,sweetheart.”
Shenoddedandblew outa softbreath,forcingherselftorelax.Iledus outofthe stables,andEverlee smiledwhenthe sun washedoverherface.Thesunhitherinawaythatmadeitseemlikeherskinwasglowing.Myfingerstwitchedwiththeurge totakeapicture,butIsuppressedit
Thememorywouldjusthavetosuffice
“Thankyouforthis,”shetoldme,aimingasmilemyway
Ieasilyreturnedit,myheartskippingabeatinmychest “Anytime,sweetheart”
I DIDN’T TAKE heronatouroftheentireranch.Onhorseback,we’dneedcampinggearbecausetheranchwasjustthathuge. There was no waywe’d cover itall ina single day. Whenmybrothers and Imoved cattle, itbecame a trip for us, and we rougheditlikegoodol’cowboys ButIdidtakethetimetoshowEverleetheprettiestspotsclosetothehouse,andIshowed herwheremybrotherslivedincasesheeverneededthem.
“Idon’tfeel good,” Everlee suddenlymurmured. Iquicklylooked over ather. Her shoulders were slumped, and her hands werebeginningtoshake Icursedandquicklysteeredustothehouse,kickingBrewerandCloverintoalightgallop “Canyou ridestill?”Iaskedher.Sheneededsomethingtoeat.AglanceatmywatchtoldmeI’dalreadykeptheroutwaypastlunchtime.
Way to take care of her,Iscoldedmyself.Icouldn’tgetanythingright.
Shenoddedatme,herfacepale.Bythetimewegottothehouse,hertremblinghaddrasticallyincreased.Iquicklydismounted andthenhelpedherdown Swingingherintomyarms,Icarriedherintothehouseandsetheronthecouchbeforerushinginto thekitchen.
Imadequickworkofagluten-freesandwich,andonthewayoutofthekitchen,Igrabbedheranapplejuice.Aftersettingthe foodandthejuiceonthecoffeetable,IgrabbedherbloodglucosemonitorandquicklypreppedtheequipmentsoIcouldcheck hersugars Shewassilent,herteethchatteringandherbodystillextremelyshakyasshewatchedme
WhenIprickedherfinger,shedidn’tevenflinch.Ittookthreesecondsforthemonitortospitoutthenumber50,whichalmost mademecringe.Hersugarwas way toolow.Sittingbesideher,Iopenedthejuiceandheldittoherlips,helpingherdrinkit down
Aboutfifteenminutesaftershedrankthejuice,Iusedherpumptoadministerinsulinintoherbody,keepingacloseeyeonher asIdidsotomakesureshewasstillokay.Withshakyhands,shegrabbedthesandwichandslowlybegantoeatit.
Afterafewminutes,colorbegantoreturntoherface,andhertremblingeased.Shefinishedthesandwichandthenleanedher headonmyshoulder,shuttinghereyes
“Needanap?”Iquietlyaskedher,myarmdrapingitselfaroundhershoulders
She justnodded These episodes were becomingless frequent, mostlybecause Ikepther ona stricteatingschedule, butI’d screweduptoday.Napswerealmostalwaysagivenafterhersugarlevelsdroppedtoolow.
“Comeon,”Isaidsoftly,helpingheroffthecouch.“Let’sgetyoutobed.”
She followed me without complaint, and once she was under the covers, her shoes kicked off by the bed, I turned on her bedsidelampandshuthercurtainsbeforeleavingtheroom,shakingmyheadatmyself.
Iwouldn’tbemakingthatmistakeagain.AndjusttoensureIwouldn’t,Ipulledmyphoneoutofmypocketandsetalarms,one ofthemsettocheckhersugarsagaininthirtyminutestomakesuretheywerecomingup.
HerhealthwaswaytooimportanttobeplayinggameswithitlikeIjusthad.
Everlee
Istaredupattheceilingofmyroom,myphonerestingonmychestasIwaitedonCharlietoanswerthephone.LikeI’d becomeusedto,Trippwas gonewhenIwokeupthis morning,alreadyworking.Butacoupleofdays ago,ridingon horsebacktogether,somethingchangedbetweenus.Likeaswitchwasflipped.
Iwas extremelyaware ofhim, and it was doingmyhead in. I noticed everythingabout him. The five o’clockshadow that dustedhisjawwhenhecameinfromworkintheevenings Thewayhisdarkhairwasanabsolutemesswhenhefinallytook hiscowboyhatoff.Howhewouldrandomlystareatme,likehewastryingtofiguremeout.Thatwickedsmirkthatcurvedhis lipswhenwegotintosmall,playfularguments
Hewaseverywhere;Icouldn’tgethimoutofmyhead
Charliegroanedwhensheansweredthephone “Iwasnapping,”shegrumbled Ilaughedalittle,asmilecurvingmylips God,Ireallymissedmybestfriend Shewassogrumpywhenshewaswokenup, andImisseddealingwiththat.Imissedeverythingabouther.“Icanletyougo,”Iteased.
“No,” she snapped. I snorted. Rustling came over the line, signifying she was either sitting up or getting out of bed. “I’m alwayssobusy Pleasetalk IfeellikeIhaven’theardfromyouinagesexceptfortexts,butthosearen’tthesame” Shewasright Theyweren’t Phonecallsweren’tthesameeither,butitwasbetterthannocontactatall
“How’severythinggoing?”sheasked “Haveyoudecidedtomarryhimyet?”
Iwinced Thatwasthething Ihadn’ttoldherwhatTrippdidyet Mybestfriendwouldblowagasket ButIknewIcouldn’t keephidingit.Weneverhidanythingfromeachother.
“Well…”Iswallowedthickly,“aboutthat.”
Shegroaned.“Everlee,IsweartoGod,ifyouturnedhimdownafterhe’salreadytakenyoutothedoctorandgotyouhelp ” “We’realreadymarried,”Iblurted. Silence.
Deadsilencerangontheotherendofthephone.Iclenchedmyblanketinmyfists,nervousnow.Hersilencewasworsethan herragesometimes
“Charlie?”Isqueaked
“Holdon,”shesaid “I’mtryingtofigureoutawaytoreachthroughthephoneandshakeyoubecauseI know youdidnotjust sayyou’realreadymarriedand you didn’t tell me!”sheyelledattheend. Iwinced.“He,um,well,hepulledafastoneonme!”Iexclaimed,placingalltheblameonTripp.I hated itwhenCharliewas upsetwithme
Shesnorted “Afastone Right
I sighed. “Well, he sort of did,” I admitted. Charlie made a sort of growlingnoise onthe other end of the phone. “We got marriedthedayhetookmetothedoctor’soffice.I’msorry.Ijust…Ididn’tknowhowtotellyou,andhonestly,Ididn’tknow whattomakeofitmyself Hemadetheappointmentwithoutmyconsent,andwhenIthreatenedtoleave,heliterallythrewme overhisshoulderanddumpedmeinthepassengerseatofhistruck.”
Charlie’sreactionwas not oneIwasexpecting.
Shewas laughing. “Charlie,stoplaughing,”Ihissed.“Thisisn’tfunny.”
Shesnickered.“I’msorry,girl,butitreallyis.Thatmanrolledalloveryoulikearegularalpha.Honestly,I’mnotevenmadat him”Igapedatthewallacrossfrommeasifshewerestandingthere Shehadtobekiddingme!Whathappenedtoherbeing onmyside?“Youknowwhy?Becauseitmeanshe’stryingtotakecareofyou.Ican’teverbeangrywithhimfortakingcareof mybestfriendwhenshe’ssobadattakingcareofherself”
Isighed Shewasn’twrongthere Iwasliterallytheworstandsofreakingforgetful,evenwithnormaleverydaythings
Heralarmclocksuddenlyblaredinthebackground,andCharliereleasedasoundsimilartowhatIassumedawalruswould make.IrolledmylipsintomymouthsoIwouldn’tlaugh.Itwasn’tfairtolaughwhenshewasstillworkingtwojobstocover herportionoftherent Tripphadofferedtocoverhersaswell,toeasesomeofherfinancialburdenwithmegone,butshehad refused.
Shewasasstubbornasamuleandrefusedtotakewhatsheconsideredhandouts.
“Ihavetogetreadyforwork,”shetoldme.“Iloveyoubunches.”
Isighed.“Iloveyou,too,”Itoldher,blinkingbacktears.Ididn’twanttoendthecall.Imissedherterribly.
Assoonasthecallended,Irolledontomysideandsniffled,tearsslidingdownmycheeks.I really missedCharlie.Shewas theonlyfamilyIhad,andbeingawayfromherlikethis sucked,evenifIwasfinallygettingthemedicalhelpIneeded
Shewasmyfamily Myonlyfamily AndIreallywishedweweren’tonseparateendsofthecountry
I SLOWLY OPENED MY EYES Theywere swollenand sore fromthe cryingI’d done Sittingup, I groaned, quicklybecoming disoriented.Myvisionwasabitblurry,andIwasweak,myhandsshaky.Squintingatmyclock,myachingeyeswidenedin horror.
I’dmissedlunch
Igrabbedmyphone,wincingatthesightofallthemissedalarms Ihadn’trealizedI’dputmyphoneonvibrate
Ipushedmyselfoffthebedandthenquicklypressedmyhandtothewall Ijusthadtomakeittothekitchen Icouldgraba juiceandmakemyselfsomethingtoeatwhenIgotinthere.Everythingwouldbeokay. Imaneuveredmyselfoutintothehall andthenslumpedagainstthewall,tooweaktogoanyfurther.Myvisionwasblurring, andmyhandswereshakingtoobadly,mylegsthreateningtogiveoutonme.
Iallowedmyselftoslidedownthewallandmanagedtounlockmyphone,pressingTripp’snameinmyemergencycontacts.I neededhelp,andIwouldn’twastethelastbitofenergyIhadtryingtogettothekitchen.Ishutmyeyes,darknessthreateningto pullmeunder.
“Ever?”Trippaskedinsurprise.Myheartskippedabeatatthenickname.Asmallsmilecurvedmylips.AtleastIhadthatto clingtobeforeIpassedout–somethinghappytowardofftheterrorIwasfeeling Becausepassingoutwas really bad “Help,”Islurredrightbeforemyworldwentdark
Her words were slurred. Icursed. “Ever!” Ishouted, butthere was nothing. Iheard her phone clatter to the floor. “Ever!” I calledagainasIrushedtowardBrewer.Iwasagoodmilefromthehouse,workingonafenceline.Iwastoodamnfarfrom her,butIwascloserthanmybrothers,whowereevenfurtherdownthefield.
IquicklygotonBrewer’sbackandspurredhimtowardthehouse.Wecrossedthedistanceinrecordtime.Ididn’tevenbother givingBrewer the command to staybefore Idismounted him. Myboots thumped across the backporchas Irushed into the house,thedoorslammingagainstthewall
Everleewas slumpedonthefloor inthehallway,her eyes shut Her bodywas shakingbadly,andshewas droolingall over herself,herfaceextremelypale.
“Oh,no.No,Ever!”Ishouted,rushingtowardher.Iquicklysatherupalittlesoshewouldn’tchokeonhersaliva,panickingas Idialed9-1-1 IwasterrifiedtomoveheranymorethanIalreadyhadwhileshewasseizing
“9-1-1 What’syouremergency?”
“Mywifeishavingaseizure She’spassedout She’satypeonediabetic,”Irushedout MyhandsshookasIcradledherdamp face,myheartknockinghardagainstmybreastbone.
“Youraddress,sir?”
Iquicklyrattleditofftotheoperator,mychesttightening.Hershakingwaseasingsome,butshewasstilljerkingalittleinmy arms Droolhadsoakedintothecollarofhershirt,andshewassopale Toopale
“Helpisontheway,sir They’renotfarfromyou What’sthepatient’sage?”
“Twenty-three,”Itoldher,basicallyonautopilotatthispoint
“Medications?”
“Justtheinsulinpump”
“Canyoutestherbloodsugarandtellmewhatherbloodsugarlevelis?”sheaskednext
Ireluctantlyletmywife go, gentlyeasingher onto the hardwood floor, and rushed into the livingroom, grabbingher sugar monitor.Imanagedtoworkquickly,andwithinaminute,Iwasshakilyrattlingoffanumbersolow,eventheoperatorpaused foramoment
Do not vomit, Tripp,Iscoldedmyself Ididn’thavetimeforthat
Hersugarlevelwasafifteen Itwaswaytoolow Shecouldverywellbeonthevergeofadiabeticcoma Ishould’vecalled her.Madesuresheatelunch.Checkedonher.TherewassomuchIshouldhavedone,couldhavedone,topreventthis.
“Sir,doyouhaveaglucagonshot?”theoperatoraskedmenext.
Iwrackedmybrain,tryingtorememberifonehadbeenprescribedtoher.“Yes,”Ifinallyrecalledoutloud.Itwasinherroom inthetopnightstanddrawer Dr Turnerhadprescribeditforherduringherfirstappointmentduetoherhistoryofpassingout “Sir,Ineedyoutoadministerthatshotintoherthighimmediately Canyoudothat?”
“Yes”Irushedtoherroomandgrabbedtheshotfromhernightstanddrawer,notevenbotheringtocloseitback AssoonasI waskneelingbesideheragain,Iadministeredtheshot.“It’sdone,”Itoldtheoperator.
Iansweredafewmorequestionsshehadformebeforeshetoldmetheambulancewasnearlyhere.Amomentlater,Iheardthe sirensastheambulancemadeitswayuptotheranch IgentlyeasedEverlee’sunconsciousformbackdowntothefloorbefore rushingtothefrontdoor,swingingitopen,lettingtheoperatorknowthathelpwashereandendingthecall.
“Pleasehelpher,”Ibegged,fearcloudingmythoughts.Icouldn’tloseher.Myhandswerebeginningtotremble.Myworldfelt likeitwasfallingapart.
“We’lldoeverythingwecanforher,”oneoftheparamedicsassuredmeasherusheduptheporchandintothehouse.
outfrombesidemewithNash’snameonthescreen.Everhadfinallybeenadmittedintoaregularroom,and thedoctorwasoptimisticshewouldbeokay.Hersugarshaddroppedwaytoolow,whichwasworrisome,butI’dgottentoher intime
Whatthedoctorhadn’tsaidbutwasdefinitelyimpliedwasthatitwasamiracle. “Hey,”IraspedwhenIpulledthephonetomyear.
“Bro,whereinthehellareyou?”Nashdemanded.
Iswallowedpastthelumpinmythroatandscrubbedahanddownmyface.I’dbeensocaughtupinthismesswithEver,so terrifiedthatshewouldn’tbeokay,thatcallingNashoroneofmyotherbrothershadn’tevencrossedmymind.
“Everisinthehospital,”Itoldhim.Hestayedquiet,obviouslyalittleshockedatthenews.“Shecalledmeforhelp.Shewas seizingwhenIgotinthehouse”Iswallowedpastthelumpinmythroat “Hersugarswerewaytoolow”
“She needs a watch team,” Nash growled, surprising me with the worry behind his words. “I’ve never seen an adult so forgetful.Eatingisanormal,bodilyfunction.Whyisitsohardforhertoremembertodosomethingthat’spartofoureveryday lives?”
Isighed “She’ll begettingone,”Iassuredhim Becausehonestly,Ididn’tknow whatwassohardaboutrememberingtoeat either.Itwasn’tlikeIdidn’thavefoodinthehouse.Shehadeverythingsheneeded.“Whenshe’sawakeandIdon’tfeellike I’mclingingtotheedgeofacliff,I’llgetwithyouguysandworkoutaschedule”
Nashgrunted “Soundsgood,brother Youneedoneofustocomeuphere?”
Ishookmyhead,thoughhecouldn’tseeme MyeyeslandedbackonEver Shewasstilltoopaleformycomfort,butcolorwas slowlyreturningtohercheeks.“Nah.I’llcalloneofyouwhenshe’sgettingdischargedtocomepickusup.” “Callifyouneedusbeforethen,”hetoldme.
“Willdo,”Ipromised.
Iendedthecallandsetmyphoneonmylap,staringatmypalewife.
Things are about to drastically change for you, Ever,Ipromised.BecauseIcouldn’tgothroughthisagain.
Everleegroanedandslowlyopenedhereyes,blinkingupattheceiling.Ihadthelightsondimincaseshewokeup,not wantinghertohurthereyes.Shestillsquinted,butIknewitwasn’tasbadlyasifshe’dwokenuptoabrightlight.
Shefrownedandthenslowlyturnedherhead,jerkinginsurprisewhenshesawme. “Tripp?”sherasped.
“Hey,”Igreeted,standingupfromthechair I’dbeensittinginfor thepastfew hours.Iplacedmypalms flatonthemattress besideherhipsandleanedoverher,archingabrow.“Howawakeareyou?”
“Enough,”shecautiouslyanswered,eyeingmewarily.
“Good,”Igrowled.“Youknowhowyougotinthefuckinghospital?Youforgottoeatfuckinglunch.Nashcheckedthefridge; the lunchImade for youis still sittingthere untouched.” She swallowed thickly, nervousness enteringher prettyeyes. “You wereseizingwhenIgotinthehouse,Ever. Seizing.”Shepaledalittle.“Youalmostdied.Itscaredthehelloutofme.”Tears brimmedhereyes “Inever wanttogothroughwhatIwentthroughtodayagain,youhearme?Thingsaregoingtochange,andI donotcarehowyoufeelaboutit.We’redoingthismywaynowsinceyoucan’tseemtoremembertotakecareofyourself.”
Her lips trembled, and a tear slid downher cheek. Reachingforward, Iwiped itaway. Myheartshattered. Ididn’twantto upsether,butsomethinghadtogive Icouldn’tgothroughthisagain Ifshehadn’tcalledme,shecould’vedied
Losingherwould’vewreckedme “I’msorry,”shechokedout
Islid onto the hospital bed withher and wrapped her up inmyarms, holdingher tightly She burrowed her face againstmy chest,mufflinghersob.“Don’tworryaboutbeingsorry,sweetheart.Justpromisemethiswon’thappenagain,”IpleadedasI ranmyfingersthroughherhair
Shesniffled “Itwon’t”
Irestedmychinonthetopofherhead,continuingtoholdher Neitherofussaidanythingelse,butwedidn’treallyneedto My fearoflosingherwasevidentinmywords.
She’dscaredmetoday.Terrifiedme.AndIwasdeterminednevertofeellikethatagain.
TWO DAYS LATER,shewasfinallyreleasedfromthehospital.Dr.Turnerhadspeciallymadeatripintothecitytoseeher,and hereprimandedherforgoingbackwardinherrecovery Hestressedalarms notphoneonesthatcouldeasilybemissedbut regularalarmsonalarmclocks andsomeonekeepingtrackofhermeals.
What she didn’t know but I quietlyinformed Dr. Turner about, was that she would no longer be alone. I’d alreadyhad my brothersmoveherthingsintomyroom,andwewouldallbetradingoffshiftsthroughoutthedaysosomeonewaswithherat
Tripp
alltimes.
Ihatedtreatingher likeachild,butuntil shestoppedbeingsoforgetful,Ididn’thaveachoice.Her healthandher lifewere waytooimportanttokeeplettingthisslide.
ShesighedwhenIturnedthetruckoffinfrontofthehouse.Mybrotherswereallsittingontheporch,drinkingcoffee,readyto welcomeherhome.Buttheywerealsoheresoshehadanarmystandingagainstherwhenshebegantorantandyellwhenshe realizedwhatI’ddoneandthefactthatshewasgoingtobebabysat.
Ialreadyknewshewasn’tgoingtotakethiseasily.
“Theywere worried aboutyou,” Icalmlytold her whenshe justfrowned atthemthroughthe windshield. “Staythere until I cometoletyouout”
She nodded and beganto unbuckle her seatbelt Ipushed mydoor openbefore hoppingout Stridingaround the hood ofthe truck, Iopened her door and thengrabbed her hand inmine so she could step outofthe truckwithease. All ofmybrothers stoodfromtheirpercheswhenIledhertotheporch,andWestonshovedthefrontdooropen “Let’ssitinthelivingroom,”Itoldher
“I’vegotthisdistinctfeelingthatyouallareganginguponme,”shesaid,cuttingmetheside-eye
Isighed “Becausewesortofare”Iledhertothecouchandtookaseat,gentlytuggingonherhand “Comeon Sitdown”
Shesighedandsankontothecouchnexttome Mybrothersalltookupseatsontheothercouches Releasingherhand,Ileaned forward,bracingmyelbowsonmyknees.
“So,here’sthething,”Ibegan,turningmyheadtolookatmywife,“I’mworriedIcan’ttrustyoutotakecareofyourself.”Her looksoured Ipushedon “MybrothersandIcameupwithaplantomakesuresomeoneiswithyouatalltimes We’llswitch outthroughouttheday,andI,ofcourse,willbewithyouatnighttime.”
Herfacepinched.“Idon’tlikethewayyousaidthat.”
Nashchuckled.Ishothimadarklook.Jesseelbowedhimintheribs,andinreturn,NashshovedhimsohefellagainstEli.Eli grunted,shootingthembothadirtylook
“Imovedyouintomyroom,”Itoldher
Ittookamomentformywordstoregister,butwhentheyfinallydid,sheexploded Ishotupfromthecouchatthesametime shedid.Herfacewasturningred,andherhandswereclenchedintofists.
Howshestillmanagedtolooksosinfullygoodwhileraging,Ihadnoclue. “Iamnot stayinginyourroomwithyou!”sheyelledatme.
“Too late,” I calmly said with a shrug, crossing my arms over my broad chest. “Your things have already been moved.” I steppedclosertoher “Andifyouthinkyoucanpullafastoneonmeandsleepinyouroldroom,I’dadviseyoutorememberI haveakeytoeveryroominthishouse.Youcannothidefromme.”
“Icouldslapyou,”sheseethed.
I shrugged. “Do it,” I taunted. “If it’ll make youfeel better, go onand slap me. Give it your all. But it’s still not changing anythingI’mdoing”
Tearsbrimmedinhereyes,andIcouldn’ttelliftheywerefromangerorsadness Eitherway,theyguttedme ButI knew Iwas doingwhatwasbestforher.“You’rerippingawaymyindependence.” Ishookmyheadather.“We’ll worryaboutyour independencewhenyour healthisn’tontheline,Everlee.Until then,we’re doingthingsmyway.”
“Ihateyou,”shespatatme.“Ihateyouwitheveryfiberofmybeing,TrippWalker.” Igrippedthesideofherneck,tiredofherarguingandchildlikebehavior.ShesqueakedwhenIkissedher,effectivelyshutting herup.Thekissdidn’tlastbutasecond,butitleftmereeling.
“Hateme,sweetheart,”Irasped.“Butremember,there’sathinlinebetweenloveandhate.”
Mybrothersstoodup,andNashtippedhishatatEverlee.“Seeyouinthemorning,sister-in-law.”
Shewasstilltoostunnedbymykisstorespond.
