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Aug. 27, 2020 Vol. XIX, No. 31 durangotelegraph.com

inside

T H E

O R I G I N A L

I N D I E

W E E K L Y

L I N E

O N

D U R A N G O

B E Y O N D

School daze

Remembering Dan

Karen-oia

9-R teachers union files petitions over ‘Return to Learn’ p8

Saying goodbye to the Pagosa festivals’ founding father p10

Accepting the fact that yes, sometimes you are a Karen p14

Sure to float your boat.

Issue 13 is out now! Wherever you find the Telegraph or at www.gulchmag.com. To find out about advertising opportunities, email: steve@gulchmag.com

2 n Aug. 27, 2020

telegraph

lineup

4 La Vida Local

Don’t stand so close to me Finding ways to politely tell someone to please back the f*** up

4 Thumbin’ It

Grabbing a sixer

by Jennaye Derge

5 Word on the Street 6-7 Soapbox

8 Local News

School daze Teachers’ union expresses concerns, over Return to Learn

Ear to the ground: “I better turn things around real quick.” – Local high school student on his all-day pandemic sleep schedule and the rude awakening awaiting him on the first day of school next Monday

thepole

RegularOccurrences

You still may not be able to buy a six pack in Utah, but at least you’ll be able to ride one. Purg owners Mountain Capital Partners announced this week they’re installing a six-pack chairlift at their sister resort, Nordic Valley. Expected to fire up in time for the 2020-21 season (pandemic willing), the high-speed six-seater will be one of only three in the Beehive State. It will also be the first new lift at Nordic Valley in 20 years and the resort’s first high-speed chairlift (think of that next time you’re complaining of long lift lines at Purg.)

10 Top Shelf

by Missy Votel

11 Free Will Astrology 12-13 Stuff to Do

13 Ask Rachel

Dan the man Remembering Pagosa festival founder Dan Appenzeller

14 End of the line

by Chris Aaland

15 Classifieds

15 Haiku Movie Review

Karen-oia

On the cover: It’s harvest season in Durango, as evidenced by the vibrant colors of this chard leaf, recently plucked from a local garden./ Photo by Stephen Eginoire

Coming to grips with the fact you sometimes might be a Karen by Donna Hewett

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EDITORIALISTA: Missy Votel (missy@durangotelegraph.com) ADVERTISING AFICIONADO: Lainie Maxson (lainie@durangotelegraph.com) STAFF PHOTOGRAPHER: Stephen Eginoire (steve@gulchmag.com)

he Durango Telegraph publishes every Thursday, come hell, high water, beckoning singletrack or monster powder days. We are wholly owned and operated independently by the Durango Telegraph LLC and

STAR-STUDDED CAST: Lainie Maxson, Shan Wells, Donna Hewett, Jesse Anderson, Jennaye Derge, Chris Aaland and Clint Reid

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distributed in the finest and most discerning locations throughout the greater Durango area. We’re only human. If, by chance, we defame someone’s good name or that of their family, neighbor, best

friend or dog, we will accept full responsibility in a public flogging in the following week’s issue. Although “free but not easy,” we can be plied with schwag, booze and flattery.

telegraph

A map of Nordic Valley, showing the new sixpack (dotted white line) within the 300-acre expansion area (larger white dashed line.) Construction began earlier this summer on installing the Leitner Poma, which will cover 4,213 feet on a 300-skiable-acre expansion area that’s been owned by Nordic Valley but never developed. Brandon Fessler, Nordic Valley general manager, said around 50 of the 300 acres in the expansion area will be skiable this winter. “The pioneers who started Nordic Valley dreamed of sharing this amazing terrain,” Fessler said in a statement. “Our team has worked hard to realize that dream, and we cannot wait to share it with our guests, our friends and our neighbors this winter.” Right now, the focus is on the installation of the lift and Phase 1 of trail development, Fessler said. When the 300 acres are fully developed, it will more than triple the resort’s skiable acreage. In addition, to the work at Nordic Valley, MCP is also installing a high-speed chairlift/gondola combination at Arizona Snowbowl. For Purg Power Pass holders, skiing at Nordic Valley and Snowbowl are free, as well as Hesperus; newly acquired Brian Head, near St. George, Utah; and MCP’s New Mexico ski areas. This year’s Power Pass also includes three free days at Loveland, Copper, Monarch and Utah’s Sundance. If you’re on the fence about buying a season pass this year, you have one more day to stew over it. The last day to buy a pass at the discounted early bird rate is tomorrow, Fri., Aug. 28. As far as we can tell, Purg has not set an opening date – in the meantime, the mountain will be open weekends plus Labor Day through Oct. 4.

Aug. 27, 2020 n

opinion

LaVidaLocal Please, sir, back the f*** up I’ve chosen one grocery store and one only to shop at during the pandemic. I’ve chosen this particular establishment because I feel like they’ve done a stand-up job taking the necessary precautions to keep employees and customers as healthy as possible. Notice, though, I did not say “safe” – sure as hell, when tensions are this high, no one is safe. Such were three people last week: me, the check-out clerk, and the man standing behind me in the grocery store line. The man who clearly gave no f***s. The line we were standing in that day was equipped with a bright red stop sign that indicated that the man behind me should not approach the conveyor belt until I, the person in front of him, was gone. Much to my chagrin, he ignored the sign and approached me and the conveyor belt. Without wanting to actually say anything to him, I gave him my best, “what-do-you-thinkyou’re-doing??” look while smiling sweetly (under my mask) to show him that I’m nonthreatening. I obviously didn’t do a very good job, because he started coming closer and tossed his groceries nearly on top of mine. I turned to the cashier and gave her the “what-does-he-think-he’sdoing??” look and, bless her heart, she understood. “Sir, can you please back up and wait for this transaction to be over before you load your groceries?” she asked the man. He grunted and started throwing his groceries even harder on the conveyor belt. “Sir!” She shouted. “Please back up!” Everyone paused. I looked at her looking at him and then I looked at him looking at her and when he stopped to look at me, I said timidly, “thank you,” as if to soften the blow of such an enormous ask. The moment itself was pretty uncomfortable but not in the ways one might think. What made it weird was that I felt like somewhat of a Karen, or a whistleblowing square who abides by every rule to the “T” and expects everyone else to do the same. Yes, I wanted the man to back up and I had said so to the check-out clerk. But the thing is, I’m not a square, a sheep or “living in fear.” I definitely break rules where rules are made to be broken – I am a commuting cyclist after all – so I felt incredibly vulnerable when put in a situation where I know the rules shouldn’t be broken and the task is really simple: to just, please, back the f*** up.

On my way home, I thought about this very mild incident. One that never really escalated nor resulted in verbal or physical abuse, and I wondered if there was such a way to ask someone to please back up without creating any sort of tension or hostility. A version where I didn’t have to walk away feeling like an overly sensitive nerd-square. A way to say, “sir, we are in a pandemic, and your bread is touching my eggs.” I’ve tried a couple times this week to create that token llama space without even asking. I’ve slowly moved backward as the person talking to me slowly comes forward and I have to say something to the effect of, “yes, I am actually stepping back on purpose.” But just like my ex-boyfriends, they didn’t seem to understand my need for space and became inexplicably angry. It all seems irrational, but can any of us be rational right now? Is there a world where you can kindly ask someone to take a couple steps back or respond with an, “Oh, I’m so sorry, I will respect the fact that either one of us could be carrying a rampant disease and I, of course, will back the f*** up?” Or, “My bad, I’m so sorry that I got this previous thing wrong and I will do/try again?” Can we be rational in a world where we’ve been denied our vacations, our social parties, our friends and eating a meal at our favorite restaurant? When we’ve been cooped up inside or battling the tourist crowds outside? When it’s a million degrees, and we’re hot and on top of it all we have to weigh the burdens of our consistently irrational administration? Can we be rational? Can we be respectful? No! Apparently we cannot! So instead, we throw our groceries onto conveyor belts, tell others that they’re “living in fear” or get mad when we don’t get the hug we asked for. We expect thoughts and prayers to solve it all and then post memes and comments about it later online. Nothing is rational right now, and I’m not sure what the best way is to ask someone to please back the f*** up. I don’t know how to have a civil and open dialogue with someone who is adamant about throwing their lunch meats on top of my salad mix, who brings armed weapons to peaceful gatherings or who wants to make this country great again, but will not tell me when “when,” was. For now, though, all I know how to do is smile under my mask, give the “whatdo-you-think-you’re-doing?” look and hope that everyone will kindly just back the f*** up.

Sign of the Downfall:

Thumbin’It Durango native Sepp Kuss preparing for his first Tour de France, which starts this Fri., Aug. 29, where he will race with team Jumbo-Visna and be the first native Durangoan to join the famed peloton

An unusually large influx of uneducated summer tourists flocking to the high country around Silverton this summer, overwhelming the town’s limited law enforcement and doing irreparable harm to the delicate backcountry

The baby bear saved from this summer’s East Canyon Fire making a full recovery and being released back into the wild

We can’t believe we’re even writing this, but yet another police shooting of an unarmed black man, Jacob Blake, who was shot multiple times in the back and paralyzed from the waist down after allegedly trying to break up a fight

Last week’s 100-year anniversary of the 19th amendment giving women the right to vote, which surprisingly still rings relevant today as fringe right wingers propose a terrifying “head of house” voting rule

4 n Aug. 27, 2020

– Jennaye Derge

The Trump administration plan to open 1.7 million acres in Western Colorado to drilling, fracking and mining exploration

telegraph

Triggered There’s a Facebook group of Trump supporters called, “Loaded Guns Pointed at Penis” where members post pictures of themselves pointing guns at their crotches to “trigger liberals.” But Aug. 11, a member pointed a loaded .45 at his crotch in a video and accidentally pulled the trigger, shooting himself in the scrotum and splattering blood everywhere, including on a copy of the U.S. Constitution which was nearby. For real, the guy still hasn’t stopped pointing guns at his junk, and now he’s a group admin.

WordontheScreen

With QAnon making headlines, the Telegraph asked, “What is your favorite conspiracy theory?”

## ) %"

$ %"

!& )

)(" $&) ")&' ))$ Mary

“Dang ol’ Bill Gates tryna chip me!”

Mike

“I am hyped on UFO and extraterrestrial activity reported in the San Luis Valley … the Bermuda Triangle of the West!

Patrick

“The TSA is confiscating your lotion and giving it to Walgreens to sell back to you.”

Lily

“That Britney Spears is crying out for help through coded messages in her social media posts because she is being controlled by her dad and desperately needs to be rescued! #FreeBritney.”

Molly

“That aliens visited Earth in early civilization and helped build some of the massive structures still around today like Stonehenge.”

telegraph

Aug. 27, 2020 n 5

SoapBox

ReTooned/by Shan Wells

High fives all around in job search To the editor, I want to take this opportunity to convey my deep gratitude to the many members of our community who participated in the search process for Durango’s new city manager. Although the process is not yet over (we still have to finalize employment agreements), the unanimous Durango City Council decision to offer this position to Jose Madrigal is a giant step forward and deserves recognition. The council decision was made only after a thorough search process that had to be adapted and refined in order to proceed in an equitable and transparent manner, despite the constraints of the pandemic. I thank Mayor Dean Brookie for his many efforts facilitating the coordination and timing of events and processes. I thank all Durango city councilors for their time, energy and due diligence as they reviewed candidates, participated in interviews and selected finalists. I want to thank the citizens of Durango for their valuable input. We had significant community involvement in the virtual meet and greet and an enormous amount of feedback from residents. A special word of appreciation to Amber Blake, our Interim City Manager, for her consistent commitment to serving our community. She has provided exemplary leadership during a difficult time of transition. Her tireless efforts on behalf of the City of Durango continue to this day. And I thank you again, citizens of Durango, for giving me the opportunity to participate as your city councilor in such a critically important decision for the City of Durango. – Melissa Youssef, former mayor/ Durango city councilor

Our mountains – loved too much? To the editor, We all love our beautiful mountains, lakes and flowers

Where the grass is always greener.

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6 n Aug. 27, 2020

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telegraph

but there has been increasing and damaging overuse to our beautiful land. Ice Lakes had 500-600 people going up its trails one day, and Mineral Creek was lined by campers. This saddens me and is too much. On the trail to4

Ice Lakes, people are cutting straight down the trails, increasing erosion; damaging the trails and vegetation; and there is litter and human feces. San Juan Mountains Association has done education, but the numbers need to be limited. I love Ice Lakes and Island Lake, but myself and many of my friends no longer go there because of the numbers and the damage we see. How can we limit numbers? The Forest Service could perhaps give out permits, and the Chamber of Commerce needs to advertise other beautiful areas to hike. In Maine, even in the 1970s, there was a limit of the number of people who could hike and backpack through Baxter State Park where Mount Katahdin is. I was not happy about this initially then; but once I was there and encountering few people with campsites and trails not overused, I understood and could feel nature and the wilderness in an intimate way. With the increase of bikers on the trails here, particularly Pass Creek and Engineer area, hiking is not so much a pleasure but an awareness game as to when one hears a bike and gets out of the way. I know biking is a great sport, but when you have bikes, little kids, dogs and elderly on the same trail, it becomes too much besides the erosion of the trails by bikes. I again propose limiting numbers. Can we have certain trails for bikes? or alternate days for both bikers and hikers? This needs thought and discussion and I hope some plan can be reached. Then there are the off-road vehicles – just today there were photos of severe damage to the tundra. It takes hundreds of years for some of the alpine flora to grow. I know there are fines in place, but what else can be done? Perhaps when someone rents an ORV in Silverton to have a pamphlet showing the damage which has been done, and show why care must be taken to stay on roads. At Clear Lake, someone had driven from the parking area right across the flower meadow to the other side. What else can be done to keep our mountains beautiful and pristine? – Margaret Mayer, instructor Dine College, Tsaile, Ariz.

No conspiracy, just years of work To the editor, In his Aug. 13 letter to the Telegraph, John R. “Jack” Turner, running against Marsha Porter-Norton for the District 2 county commissioner seat, attacks her endorsers and the process she went through to become the Democratic Party’s nominee. The letter warrants a response. The current county commissioners, along with three previous commissioners, have all enthusiastically endorsed Marsha because of her record – two decades of professional work on projects ranging from wildfire safety to public lands and water issues to oil and gas regulations, as well as a community response to the Gold King Mine spill. They are lending their names to Marsha’s candidacy because of her years of community work dedicated to making life better for everyone. Mr. Turner, who entered the race eight months after Marsha, seems mad that these supporters didn’t wait to learn he was a candidate before endorsing Marsha, and then falsely claims that their endorsements somehow create a conflict of interest. Criticizing his opponent for her avid support base and many endorsements, as she works hard to build momentum in an election, seems petty. Our candidates are not hand-picked in a back room, as Mr. Turner alleges. The Democrats’ process for selection of candidates is open and known to all. Any potential candidate had the ability to enter the race and go through the traditional caucus and assembly process to be either party’s general election nominee or simply petition on to the ballot, as Mr. Turner did. The fact Marsha did not have a primary contender, we think, is a testament to her deep support across La Plata County, which was well earned. After announcing in February 2019, Marsha has been hard at work, convening over 50 listening sessions to develop her very thorough platform. She has hosted town halls and candidate meetings to better understand the issues most important to

telegraph

our community, which is another reason her 100-plus endorsers are strongly behind her. We are enthusiastic about both of our progressive BOCC candidates in this election: Marsha Porter-Norton in District 2 and Matt Salka in District 3. Because both Gwen Lachelt and Julie Westendorff are term-limited, both seats are open and everyone can vote in both races. Marsha and Matt will work hard as we get through this terrible pandemic and its economic fallout. They will stand up for affordable housing, small businesses, public health and the delivery of county services, which are more important now than ever before. To learn more and get more involved, go to: www.laplatadems.org. – Carol Cure, La Plata County Democratic Party Chair, Durango

Minkler honest, informed To the editor, I am voting for Charly Minkler for county commissioner. Charly is someone you want to be around, someone you want to do business with, and someone you want to get advice from. Living here for 38 years, he knows our county from Ignacio to Bayfield to Durango, and every rural area in between. He is a rancher and a businessman who knows the ups and downs of both. When he’s not cutting hay or building a house, Charly serves on the LPC Planning Commission, the LPC Farm Bureau Board and the LPC Southeast District Planning Committee. He’s also a member of the LPC Civil Dialog core group and the current class of Leadership La Plata. For fun, he and wife Katie entertain friends in their outdoor kitchen or head out on horseback to find a great fishing spot. Everything Charly does, he does with integrity, so if you want an honest, informed commissioner who will work hard for the citizens of our county, please vote for Charly. – Jon Sherer, Bayfield

Aug. 20, 2020 n 7

Ice Lakes, people are cutting straight down the trails, increasing erosion; damaging the trails and vegetation; and there is litter and human feces. San Juan Mountains Association has done education, but the numbers need to be limited. I love Ice Lakes and Island Lake, but myself and many of my friends no longer go there because of the numbers and the damage we see. How can we limit numbers? The Forest Service could perhaps give out permits, and the Chamber of Commerce needs to advertise other beautiful areas to hike. In Maine, even in the 1970s, there was a limit of the number of people who could hike and backpack through Baxter State Park where Mount Katahdin is. I was not happy about this initially then; but once I was there and encountering few people with campsites and trails not overused, I understood and could feel nature and the wilderness in an intimate way. With the increase of bikers on the trails here, particularly Pass Creek and Engineer area, hiking is not so much a pleasure but an awareness game as to when one hears a bike and gets out of the way. I know biking is a great sport, but when you have bikes, little kids, dogs and elderly on the same trail, it becomes too much besides the erosion of the trails by bikes. I again propose limiting numbers. Can we have certain trails for bikes? Or alternate days for both bikers and hikers? This needs thought and discussion and I hope some plan can be reached. Then there are the off-road vehicles – just today there were photos of severe damage to the tundra. It takes hundreds of years for some of the alpine flora to grow. I know there are fines in place, but what else can be done? Perhaps when someone rents an ORV in Silverton to have a pamphlet showing the damage which has been done, and show why care must be taken to stay on roads. At Clear Lake, someone had driven from the parking area right across the flower meadow to the other side. What else can be done to keep our mountains beautiful and pristine? – Margaret Mayer, instructor Dine College, Tsaile, Ariz.

telegraph

Minkler is honest, informed To the editor, I am voting for Charly Minkler for county commissioner. Charly is someone you want to be around, someone you want to do business with, and someone you want to get advice from. Living here for 38 years, he knows our county from Ignacio to Bayfield to Durango, and every rural area in between. He is a rancher and a businessman who knows the ups and downs of both. When he’s not cutting hay or building a house, Charly serves on the LPC Planning Commission, the LPC Farm Bureau Board and the LPC Southeast District Planning Committee. He’s also a member of the LPC Civil Dialog core group and the current class of Leadership La Plata. For fun, he and wife Katie entertain friends in their outdoor kitchen or head out on horseback to find a great fishing spot. Everything Charly does, he does with integrity, so if you want an honest, informed commissioner who will work hard for the citizens of our county, please vote for Charly. – Jon Sherer, Bayfield

Aug. 27, 2020 n 7

TopStory

Students load and unload buses in the before times at Park Elementary School. 9-R schools open Aug. 31, but at some schools, students will arrive at staggered times to comply with social distancing. Buses will also be operating at half capacity with assigned seating (so no saving seats for friends). Although students were originally required to pre-certify they are not sick before boarding the bus, the district nixed that idea, something some teachers have taken issue with./ Photo courtesy School District 9-R.

Dazed and confused As the first day looms, local teachers have concerns over ‘Return to Learn’ by Missy Votel

here’s no doubt COVID-19 has given new meaning to first-day jitters, and students and parents aren’t the only ones feeling the unease of returning to school amidst a pandemic. As District 9-R plans to re-open for the 2020-21 school year Mon., Aug. 31, teachers are also feeling the strain. On Aug. 18, the local teachers union, the Durango Education Association, delivered (virtually) two petitions to the 9-R Board of Education. The first petition asked for more teacher input in the district’s “Return to Learn” plan while the second requested the ability for teachers to teach remotely from home in the instance schools are shut down. Currently, the district is requiring

teachers to teach remotely from within the school buildings, except in the case of a total state-ordered shutdown. The petitions were signed, respectively, by 167 and 217 of the union’s 263 members, which includes certified staff and teachers. The union represents about 75 percent of the district’s approximately 350 licensed staff members “We are basically asking for teachers to be able to vote on the individual building plans for Return to Learn,” DEA leadership council member Teri Kopack said Tuesday. “I feel like the community should know teachers are concerned. We want to make sure we are included in the decision-making process since we are there for the day-to-day operations.” According to Kopack, while some schools

have channels for teachers to give input, others don’t, or only to a certain degree. “Staff has been asking since April to be included in the planning process, with varying levels of involvement across the district,” she said. Teachers are requesting all school staff be able to vote on their individual schools’ return plans, with a 65 percent majority required for passage of the plan. Right now, teachers have several concerns with the plans, Kopack said. For starters, she contends that since May, teachers were told by the district they would not be required to teach more than one of the three learning models being offered: in-person, remote and a hybrid of the two. However, many teachers are now being asked to teach more than one model. “We have concerns over the equity and efficacy of this,” Kopack said.

At this Tuesday’s school board Zoom meeting, teacher Shelli Moore said she and other teachers are feeling overwhelmed having to teach online and remote learners. Some teachers are even being asked to teach multiple grade levels, she said. “The stress level at my school is really high,” she said. She added that had teachers been involved in crafting the three-model system, they would have told administrators it was going to be virtually impossible to staff and deliver. “I am feeling overwhelmed, scared and worried,” she said. Kopack said teachers are also unhappy over having to monitor classrooms during lunch break. As per their “master agreement” contract, they are allowed a “duty-free” lunch. In addition, teachers have concerns about cleaning procedures, saying the 4

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district-mandated cleaning solution, “Fantastico,” is not listed as an approved disinfectant by the Colorado Department of Education. “I am really concerned that the cleaner doesn’t kill COVID in classrooms,” teacher Britney Armstrong told the board Tuesday. However, 9-R Superintendent Dan Snowberger said classrooms will be disinfected nightly with an antiviral solution, once students have gone home. He said the disinfectant is not safe to use during the day when students are present, which is why teachers were given the other cleaner for daytime use. Teachers also point out with learning models still being finalized, there isn’t enough time to upload students into their grading and attendance system, and they worry about the shift between learning models that might occur at the end of the quarter. They also note that high-risk staff have not received their PPE and objected to the district removal of the mandate that students selfcertify they are not sick prior to boarding buses. “It’s not that we don’t want to teach,” Kopack said. “We just want it to be safe. Our highest priority is the students.” At the Aug. 18 meeting, Snowberger said that as per the teachers’ contract, these sorts of informal grievances must go through a separate process at each school. However, Kopack argued that following the master agreement may not be possible under the new conditions. “We know the administration is doing their best, but they’ve created a moving target,” she said. As for the second petition regarding working remotely from home, Snowberger cited concerns from parents over the quality of re-

mote learning last spring. He said teaching from the schools would allow for more consistency, accountability, collaboration and support among teachers. “If teachers suddenly find themselves teaching another grade, where better to be than in the building, with people who have taught that grade?” he said. “I certainly don’t want a teacher like Shelli to be doing this by herself. Why not work together and share materials and ideas?” He also noted teachers would be permitted to work from home on a case-by-case basis or if they are COVID positive but asymptomatic. And in the case of a total shutdown, everyone would work from home. “We expect at some point, the potential that we could find ourselves in a full remote setting,” he said. However, Kopack said teachers should be able to make that decision on their own and not be mandated to stay in school after an outbreak. “We didn’t feel as if we were being respected or treated professionally,” she said. “We’ve asked to be able to give our input and work collaboratively on decisions being made, but we have no voice at the table.” Kopack, who has been a teacher in the district, at Durango High School, since 2006, said she fears more teachers will leave the district if their concerns aren’t met. She said a month ago, at the DEA’s last board meeting, five teachers resigned, with at least three citing the “Return to Learn” plan as the reason. Many more requested extended leaves of absence. On the upside, she did say the state-issued PPE has arrived at the high school, although she was unsure when other schools would re-

A teacher greets a student, also in the before time. This year, as per state order, K-12 students are required to wear facemasks when social distancing cannot be maintained. While students are responsible for bringing their own masks, the district will provide all students with a mask at the start of school. Disposable masks will be available on a limited basis./ Photo courtesy School District 9-R. ceive theirs. In addition, teachers were thankful to the local community for stepping in to help out as well. Stone Age Tools handed out KN-95 masks to teachers this week and the Powerhouse donated 150 face shields. Meanwhile, Snowberger has been in discussions with teachers on some of their grievances, but he noted there are some topics where the two parties “agree to disagree.” However, he held out optimism that once school starts, teachers will “hit a groove” and

telegraph

things will begin to smooth out. He also said the district will be releasing videos later this week for parents and students on cleaning protocols, new safety measures and what can be expected. “We appreciate everything (teachers) are doing,” he said. “We are hopeful they will feel the support they need to be successful.” For more on the “Return to Learn,” visit www.durangoschools.org. n

Aug. 27, 2020 n

TopShelf

The father of folk Remembering Pagosa festival founder Dan Appenzeller by Chris Aaland

from the very beginning. For well over a decade, the station staffed an auction booth that raised funds for both the festival and public radio. Then, about 16 months ago, Munro contacted KSUT about assuming ownership of the festivals. She and her family had moved to Oregon, which was better for Appenzeller’s health. For five years or so, they ran FolkWest from their new home before Munro became executive director of the Sisters Folk Festi-

Miller, Miller produces shows in Paonia, Ridgway, Crested Butte, Leadville and Ouray. an Appenzeller was a man with a plan back in the Miller appreciates the view from both sides of that 1990s. He wanted to present a festival in his stage. A singer/songwriter and guitarist, he was part of the hometown that brought families together to listen former Western Slope old-time string band, Sweet Sunny to music on Reservoir Hill. He longed for a communal exSouth, which played Reservoir Hill several times through perience that was pure and organic. the years. Appenzeller, 64, died at his home in Sisters, Ore., after Another musician who worked closely with Appena lengthy battle with cancer Fri., Aug. 21. zeller the past decade was Erin Youngberg, He was first diagnosed with cancer in the bassist and vocalist for FY5 which was early 2000s and had been in remission for booked each of the past 10 years at Pagosa nearly 15 years. He is survived by his wife, Folk N’ Bluegrass and whose members Crista Munro, who co-founded and ran were regular instructors at the Jam Camp the FolkWest festivals on Reservoir Hill that preceded the festival. with him for the past 24 years; and his “We worked with Dan directly on the son, Elias Appenzeller, who has followed band camp stuff,” Youngberg said, who his parents into a music career as both a was a member of Hit & Run Bluegrass performer and promoter. prior to forming FY5 with her husband, Appenzeller’s vision became a reality Aaron, and singer/songwriter Mike FindLabor Day weekend, 1996. The inaugural ers. “He was always helping us with logisFour Corners Folk Festival featured a coutics, making sure our families were taken ple of iconic headliners – John Hartford care of. They just always paid attention to and John McEuen, two innovators who what we needed and those details.” helped turn bluegrass into newgrass in the Youngberg was impressed with Appen1960s and ’70s – and national, regional zeller’s commitment to community. “I reand local bands, such as a pre-teen Nickel member having conversations with him Creek and Pagosa Hot Strings, both of about his efforts to get the people in whom would win Telluride band contests. Pagosa Springs to embrace the festival and Acts like Durango’s Heart & Soul and Kirk explore ways for outreach.” James and regional string wizard Bruce One of those was asking musicians to Hayes were also on the bill. Weekend play a local senior center, whose residents passes cost $25 in advance and $30 at the weren’t able to make it up to Reservoir gate. Single-day tickets cost just $20. Hill. FY5 was well-received by the seniors. Through the years, Appenzeller would “I’ve never played at a festival that book such performers as Keb’ Mo,’ John thought about the community in that Hiatt, Gillian Welch, Los Lobos, Hot Rize, way,” she said. Yonder Mountain String Band, the InfaYoungberg also noticed a commitment mous Stringdusters and Earl Scruggs. that Appenzeller and Munro made to enDan Appenzeller, right, with his family, son Elias, left, and wife, Crista Munro. Appen- sure gender equity. Crowds grew to over 2,500 people, most zeller passed away in Sisters, Ore., on Fri., Aug. 21 from cancer./Courtesy photo of whom crammed into on-site camp“One thing that set Dan and Crista grounds for late-night pickathons, comapart from other festival promoters that munal meals and strolls down the hill for a shower and val in Sisters, Ore. Within a few days of her initial phone I’ve encountered being a female in a band is that they resoak in the hot springs. call, arrangements were being made to transfer the two ally tried hard to set an example of making sure that at More so than Telluride, which attracts 10,000 festivariPagosa festivals to KSUT. least half of their acts had females,” she said. “They made ans from around the world each June, Reservoir Hill festi“We’re deeply saddened by Dan’s passing and cherish it a priority.” vals became highlights to the local calendar. Most of our partnership with him, his family and his legacy In early years, Appenzeller booked women like Maura Pagosa’s attendees were from in town or neighboring through these wonderful festivals,” KSUT Executive Direc- O’Connell, Mollie O’Brien and Alison Brown. Recently, communities like Durango and Bayfield, although regutor Tami Graham said. “We’ll do our best to honor his female-fronted acts like I’m With Her (Sara Watkins, lars from the Front Range, Albuquerque, Flagstaff and stellar tradition of amazing performances on Reservoir Sarah Jarosz and Aoife O’Donovan), the Shook Twins and Grand Junction showed up each year. Friends and neighHill. Our hearts are heavy and our love goes out to Crista Elephant Revival provided highlights. bors did friendly and neighborly things together. and Elias.” And there was a commitment to local and regional In 2006, Appenzeller and Munro added a second festiAppenzeller never viewed the festivals as something bands. The guys in Broke Mountain Bluegrass Band val to their lineup – an early June event called Indiefest, that he owned. They were always “our” festivals, with camped at one of the early festivals shortly after meeting which had more of a rock & roll vibe. The idea never reeach attendee rightfully assuming their own personal each other, putting their musical thoughts into Anders ally caught on with fans, so the June festival’s event ownership. I think he always thought of himself as a cuBeck’s instrumental, “Reservoir Hill,” that his current changed to Pagosa Folk N’ Bluegrass in 2008 … or, as Aprator of something organic, much like a farmer might not band, Greensky Bluegrass, still plays. The Badly Bent, penzeller joked, “Another f***ing bluegrass festival.” To truly own an orchard. Those trees are their own living, Rock & Rye and the Robin Davis Duo have opened Pagosa be honest, the June event became my favorite, due to its breathing things, producing fruit for decades after the Folk N’ Bluegrass in recent years. Colorado bands have smaller size and a more bluegrass-centric lineup with the seeds are sown. dotted both festivals’ bills. likes of Town Mountain, Lil’ Smokies, Jon Stickley Trio “Dan was one of my closest friends in the business in Dan Appenzeller hosted the parties that became Aaand FY5. terms of being a promoter,” concert promoter Rob Miller, land family highlights each summer. He became my I first attended a FolkWest festival in 1999 and eventuowner of Pickin’ Productions, said. “He and I would talk friend, confident, mentor and colleague. But he also beally got to know Appenzeller and Munro – first as a fan, about bands and who we were eyeing. We shared a lot of came much more. He became Festival Family. I will miss later as a media member, then as a volunteer and, eventu- different favorite new bands through the years. seeing him on Reservoir Hill, but I’ll remember him each ally, as a friend. The two were eager to share thoughts and “Dan and I shared the philosophy that to put on a June and September as I’m part of the team that carries experiences about concert promotion and bands and were great show, you really have to know your audience. It’s on his vision. just as anxious to pick my brain as I was theirs. not as much about who you want to see on that stage, KSUT was the main media sponsor of Pagosa festivals but knowing who your audience wants to see,” added Email me at chrisa@gobrainstorm.net. n

10 n Aug. 27, 2020

telegraph

FreeWillAstrology by Rob Brezsny ARIES (March 21-April 19): Aries author Kareem Abdul-Jabbar writes, “Some stuff can be fixed, some stuff can’t be. Deciding which is which is part of maturing.” I offer this meditation as your assignment in the coming weeks, Aries. You are in a phase when you’ll be wise to make various corrections and adjustments. But you should keep in mind that you don’t have unlimited time and energy to do so. And that’s OK, because some glitches can’t be repaired and others aren’t fully worthy of your passionate intensity. You really should choose to focus on the few specific acts of mending and healing that will serve you best in the long run. TAURUS (April 20-May 20): “There are all kinds of love in the world, but never the same love twice,” author F. Scott Fitzgerald wrote. This is true even between the same two people in an intimate alliance with each other. The love that you and your spouse or friend or close relative or collaborator exchanged a month ago isn’t the same as it is now. It can’t be identical, because then it wouldn’t be vibrant, robust love, which needs to ceaselessly transform in order to be vibrant and robust. This is always true, of course, but will be an especially potent meditation for you during the next four weeks. GEMINI (May 21-June 20): As a professional writer, novelist Thomas Wolfe trained himself to have keen perceptions that enabled him to penetrate below surface appearances. And yet he wrote, “I have to see a thing a thousand times before I see it once.” In other words, it was hard even for him, a highly trained observer, to get a deep and accurate read of what was going on. It required a long time and many attempts – and rarely occurred for him on the first look. Even if you’re not a writer, Gemini, I recommend his approach for you in the coming weeks. You will attune yourself to current cosmic rhythms – and thus be more likely to receive their full help and blessings – if you deepen and refine the way you use your senses. CANCER (June 21-July 22): It’s sometimes tempting for you to seek stability and safety by remaining just the way you are. When life pushes you to jump in and enjoy its wild ride, you may imagine it’s wise to refrain – to retreat to your sanctuary and cultivate the strength that comes from being staunch and steadfast and solid. Sometimes that approach does indeed work for you. I’m not implying it’s wrong or bad. But in the coming weeks, I think your strategy should be different. The advice I’ll offer you comes from Cancerian author and aviator Anne

Morrow Lindbergh: “Only in growth, reform and change, paradoxically enough, is true security to be found.” LEO (July 23-Aug. 22): “To be successful, the first thing to do is fall in love with your work,” author Sister Mary Lauretta says. Have you been making progress in accomplishing that goal, Leo? According to my astrological analysis, fate has been offering and will continue to offer you the chance to either find work that you’ll love better than the work you’re doing, or else discover how to feel more love and excitement for your existing work. Why not intensify your efforts to cooperate with fate? VIRGO (Aug. 23-Sept. 22): “Self-love is also remembering to let others love you. Come out of hiding.” Poet Irisa Yardenah wrote that advice, and now I’m passing it on to you, just in time for a phase when you will benefit from it most. I mean, it’s always good counsel for you Virgos to heed. But it will be especially crucial in the coming weeks, when you’ll have extra potential to bloom in response to love. And one of the best ways to ensure this extra potential is fulfilled is to make yourself thoroughly available to be appreciated, understood, and cared for. LIBRA (Sept. 23-Oct. 22): Libran poet Wallace Stevens wrote that if you want to be original, you must “have the courage to be an amateur.” I agree! And that’s an important theme for you right now, since you’re entering a phase when your original ideas will be crucial to your growth. So listen up, Libra: If you want to stimulate your creatively to the max, adopt the fresh-eyed attitude of a rookie or a novice. Forget what you think you know about everything. Make yourself as innocently curious and eager as possible. Your imaginative insights and innovations will flow in abundance to the degree that you free yourself from the obligation to be serious and sober and professional. And keep in mind that Stevens said you need courage to act this way. SCORPIO (Oct. 23-Nov. 21): “As idiotic as optimism can sometimes seem, it has a weird habit of paying off,” author Michael Lewis writes. According to my analysis, the coming weeks will provide you with ample evidence that proves his hypothesis – on one condition, that is: You will have to cultivate and express a thoughtful kind of optimism. Is that possible? Do you have the audacity to maintain intelligent buoyancy and discerning positivity, even in the face of those who might try to gaslight you into feeling stupid for being buoyant and positive? I think you do.

SAGITTARIUS (Nov. 22Dec. 21): Author Rebecca Solnit writes, “The things we want are transformative, and we don’t know or only think we know what is on the other side of that transformation.” Her statement is especially apropos for you right now. The experiences you’re yearning for will indeed change you significantly if you get them – even though those changes will be different from what your conscious mind thinks they’ll be. But don’t worry. Your higher self – the eternal part of you that knows just what you need – is fully aware of the beneficial transformations that will come your way when you get what you yearn for. CAPRICORN (Dec. 22-Jan. 19): At age 22, Isaac Newton got his college degree just as the Great Plague peaked in 1665. As a safety precaution, he quarantined himself for many months. During that time, he made spectacular discoveries about optics, gravity and calculus – in dramatic contrast to his years as a student, when his work had been relatively undistinguished. I’m not predicting that your experience of the 2020 pandemic will prove to be as fruitful as those of your fellow Capricorn, Isaac Newton. But of all the signs in the zodiac, I do think your output could be most Newton-like. And the coming weeks will be a good time for you to redouble your efforts to generate redemption amidst the chaos. AQUARIUS (Jan. 20-Feb. 18): The rapper named Viper has released over 1,000 albums. In 2014 alone, he created 347. His most popular work is “You’ll Cowards Don’t Even Smoke Crack,” which has received over 3 million views on Youtube. According to The Chicago Reader, one of Viper’s most appealing features is his “blatant disregard for grammar.” I should also mention that he regards himself as the second Christ, and uses the nickname “Black Jesus.” So what does any of this have to do with you? Well, I’m recommending that you be as prolific, in your own field, as he is in his. I’m also inviting you to experiment with having a fun-loving disregard for grammar and other non-critical rules. And I would love to see you temporarily adopt some of his over-the-top braggadocio. PISCES (Feb. 19-March 20): “If you don’t ask the right question, every answer seems wrong,” singer-songwriter Ani DiFranco says. I suspect you may have experienced a version of that predicament in recent weeks, Pisces. That’s the bad news. The good news is that I expect you will finally formulate the right questions very soon. They will most likely be quite different from the wrong and irrelevant questions you’ve been posing. In fact, the best way to find the revelatory questions will be to renounce and dismiss all the questions you have been asking until now.

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Aug. 27, 2020 n 11

StufftoDo

Thursday27 Dustin Burley plays, 5:30-8:30 p.m., Office Spiritorium, 699 Main Ave. Hoodfoot plays, 5-8 p.m., 11th Street Station, Main Ave. and 11th St. Durango Green Drinks via Zoom, 5 p.m. Hosted by American Rivers and San Juan Citizens Alliance. Zoom info at Durango Green Drinks on FB. “Where and How to Observe Bighorn Sheep,” a Zoom webinar, 6 p.m. hosted by the San Juan Citizens Alliance and Mountain Studies Institute. Zoom link at www.mountainstudies.org.

The iAM Music concert Series returns to Buckley Park on Saturday with Elder Grown and Stillhouse Junkies (left) for two socially distanced shows at 3:30 and 6:30 p.m. Tickets and info at: iammusic.us.

“Jaws” plays for Social House Cinema night, 7 p.m., Union Social House parking lot, 3062 Main Ave.

Friday28 Dustin Burley plays, 5 p.m., The Nugget Bar, south of Purgatory. Matt Rupnow plays, 5-10 p.m., Union Social House, 3062 Main Ave. Devin Scott plays everything from R. Kelly to Patsy Cline on ukulele, 5:30 – 8:30 p.m., Office Spiritorium, 699 Main Ave.

Durango Drive-In Movie “Wayne’s World,” gates open 7 p.m., show at 8 p.m., Durango & Silverton parking lot, W. College Drive. Get tickets at www.durango drivein.com.

Bo James plays, 6-9 p.m., 11th Street Station, Main Ave. and 11th St.

Brian Aherne plays, 6-9 p.m., 11th Street Station, Main Ave. and 11th St.

You Knew Me When plays a fusion of folk and indie rock, 6-9 p.m., Fox Fire Farms, Ignacio.

Sunday30

Deadline for “Stuff to Do” submissions is Monday at noon. To submit an item, email: calendar@durangotelegraph.com

Durango Drive-In Movie “Jurassic Park,” gates open 7 p.m., show at 8 p.m., Durango & Silverton parking lot, W. College Drive. Tickets at durangodrivein.com.

Saturday29 Durango Farmers Market, Saturdays, 8 a.m.-12 noon, in TBK Parking Lot, across from the Transit Center. Facemasks required. www.durangofarmersmarket.com. Free bokken (sword) and jo (staff) lessons, 9-10 a.m., Claire Viles Park. Masks required. www.durango aikido.com Dan Winkler plays, 11 a.m.-2 p.m., 11th Street Station, Main Ave. and 11th St. Save Our Pub Benefit Show with Celtic music from Devil’s Dram, Kitchen Jam Band and Patrick Crossing, 127p.m., Irish Embassy Pub, 900 Main Ave. Santa Fe Trad Music Fest at Home, 12-9 p.m. Featuring music from Cahalan Morrison, Rafe and Clelia Stafanini, Lara Manzanares plus a dozen more traditional music artists. SantaFeTradFest.org iAM Music Fest featuring Elder Grown and Stillhouse Junkies, matinee 3:30-5:30 p.m.; evening show 6:30-9 p.m. Buckley Park. Tickets: www.iammusic.us Robby Overfield plays, 5-10 p.m., Union Social House, 3062 Main Ave. Donny Johnson plays, 5:30-8:30 p.m., Office Spiritorium, 699 Main Ave. Gary B. Walker plays jazz accordion, 6-8 p.m., Dandelion Café, 725 E. Second Ave.

12 n Aug. 27, 2020

Henry Stoy plays piano, 10 a.m.- 1 p.m., Jean Pierre Wine Bar, College Drive and Main. The Powerhouse Plaza Palooza! a fun, safe, socially distanced event outside with live music and food, 25 p.m. Cash bar available. Pay what you wish, proceeds benefit STEM education! Info. at: powsci.org/ Ian Lennox plays, 12-2 p.m., 11th Street Station, Main Ave. and 11th St. Blue Moon Ramblers play Americana/bluegrass, 5:30 – 8:30 p.m., Diamond Belle Saloon, 699 Main Ave. Rob Webster plays, 5:30-8:30 p.m., Office Spiritorium, 699 Main Ave. Durango Drive-In Movie “Dirty Dancing,” gates open 7 p.m., show at 8 p.m., Durango & Silverton parking lot, W. College Drive. Get tickets at www.durangodrivein.com.

Monday31 Meditation and Dharma Talk, 5:30- 7 p.m. online at www.durangodharmacenter.org/ Rob Webster plays, 5:30 – 8:30 p.m., Office Spiritorium, 699 Main Ave. Ed Bolster plays live on the patio, 6-8 p.m., PRIMI Pasta & Wine Bar, 1201 Main Ave. Chad MacCluskey plays, 6-8 p.m., Dandelion Café, 725 E. Second Ave.

Tuesday01 Rob Webster plays, 5:30 – 8:30 p.m., Office Spiritorium, 699 Main Ave.

telegraph

Alison and Friends play, 6-8 p.m., Dandelion Café, 725 E. Second Ave.

Wednesday02 Wednesday Wine Workshop, “Wines from Puglia” with sommelier Tracy, 4-5 p.m., PRIMI Pasta & Wine Bar, 1201 Main Ave. Reserve at www.primidurango.com Backyard fruit harvesting with the Good Food Collective, Wednesdays, 5-7 p.m. Meet at Manna Soup Kitchen. Bring water bottle, face mask and boxes/bags for any fruit you want to take home. Info at: www.goodfoodcollective.org/get-involved Free bokken (sword) and jo (staff) lessons, 5-6 p.m., Claire Viles Park. Masks required. www.durangoaikido.com Terry Rickard plays, 5:30-8:30 p.m., Office Spiritorium, 699 Main Ave. Jeff Solon plays jazz, 6-8 p.m., Dandelion Café, 725 E. Second Ave.

Ongoing The Durango Art Brigade is holding a call to artists to beautify the central business district through Sept. 4. Finalists will be displayed the month of October. Projects include but are not limited to: sculptures, pop-up furniture, pop-up green spaces with plants, installations in empty storefronts, mini murals, mixed media art, performance art, and more! To find out more, visit durangocreativedistrict.org/get-involved/dab Adam Swanson plays ragtime piano, Mon.-Sat., 5:30-8:30 p.m., Diamond Belle Saloon, 699 Main. Phoenix Art Project Community Exhibit, a community show on the challenges, resilience and strengths revealed by the pandemic, on display thru Sept.20, Durango Arts Center, 802 E. 2nd Ave. For info., email liz@du rangoarts.org or Jen@durangoarts.org. iAM Music Songwriting Contest, through Sept. 4. $25 entry fee. Sign up and submit at www.iammusic.us. San Juan Symphony Digital Season Passes now available for $99 by visiting www.sanjuansymphony.org.

AskRachel

Unexercising, second coming & zuke til you puke Interesting fact: One zucchini is actually a zucchina. Stare at that word for a while, and tell me it doesn’t trip you out. Dear Rachel, Do you have any smoke health advice? I mean besides the usual “stay inside, close the windows, don’t exercise” stuff. Obviously I already have masks. This is Durango, though. We’ve got to have some creative solutions that let us still live life to its fullest without scratching our lungs out with dead tree particles. I wondered, what does Rachel do? So I’m asking you. – Smokey the Bored Bear Dear On Fiyah, Exercise already went virtual with the pandemic. People don’t actually run marathons. They just get the T-shirt that came with their registration fee. I don’t see why you shouldn’t take that a step further during fire season: say you WOULD have run a marathon, but DIDN’T for your health. Post murky pictures of the haze with captions like, “View from the run I didn’t take. 26.2, here I don’t come!” You can go to bed feeling good about your health and being obnoxiously public about it. – Don’t run, Forrest, Rachel Dear Rachel, I am the first to acknowledge that I form my own bubble. I’ve pretty much cut out people who believe that bigotry, racism and incivility

are acceptable. But I can’t root out the friends of my friends. So, I put on one of those old-time scuba suits and took a deep dive into Facebook comments from Trump supporters. They really, truly believe he is Christ’s candidate. How the actual eff has satire become so real? – Donald Stumped Dear Oxygen Deprivation, He’s as much Christ’s candidate as Ben Affleck is the real Batman. But get this: I wanted to use the name of those old-time scuba suits in my reply. Turns out they’re just called diving suits. What really got me, though, is that the first ones (from the 1710s) were literally a long barrel with two arms sticking out. Which means, among many things, that they would make fine presidential candidates that do not crack under pressure. – Going down, Rachel Dear Rachel, Too. Much. Zucchini. Enough already. Every amateur gardener in my hood and in my family planted zucchini again, and they’re leaving bags full of obscenely monstrous produce on my porch. I can’t eat all this. Even if I could, why would I want to? God made so many delicious foods, but my cupboards are full of the most boring squash on the planet. What’s my safe way to enjoy disposing of the excess zuke without hurting any gardener’s tender little feelings? – Zucchinonono

Confused,” Sept. 3, gates open 7 p.m., show at 8 p.m., D&SNG parking lot, W. College Drive. Tickets at durangodrivein.com.

MoreStufftoDo from p.12 Virtual season ticket guarantees four subscription concerts as well as pre-concert talks by the conductor, interviews with composers and musicians, and a video series of solo and ensemble performances by SJS musicians. Lacey Black/Dale Elliott play ragtime and honky-tonk piano, 12 noon – 2:30ish, daily at the Grand Imperial Hotel’s Lone Spur Cafe in Silverton. Pine River Library is offering curbside checkouts Mon.-Fri., 2-6 p.m., and Sat., 10 a.m.- 2 p.m. For info., call 970-884-2222 or visit www.prlibrary.org

Upcoming “A Grain of Salt: Taking Feedback in Stride,” a virtual conversation with local creatives, Sept. 3, 6-8 p.m. Zoom link info at www.durangocreativedistrict.org. Durango Drive-In Movie “Dazed and

Email Rachel at telegraph@durangotelegraph.com Dear Delicate Squash Blossom, You take one picture of you eating zucchini. Make sure it’s cut up and all its identifying features (skin tone, scars, tattoos, etc.) are cooked beyond recognition. You send that picture to each household that gifted you its bounty. You thank them profusely, and stress that you’ll be eating on their gift into next December. Then you donate the rest to Manna. What, you expected something snarky? It’s food, dude(tte). Don’t waste it. – Children in China, etc., etc., Rachel

When words don’t do justice.

Sheryl and Beau play, Sept. 4, 5:308:30 p.m., Office Spiritorium, 699 Main Ave. Durango Drive-In Movie “Why We Ride,” Sept. 4, gates open 7 p.m., show at 8 p.m., D&SNG parking lot, W. College Drive. Tickets at durangodrivein.com. San Juan Brewfest At-Home: “Keep Your Spirits Up,” Sept. 5, 1-5 p.m., pick up your kits for light or dark beer, wine, or cocktails at Star Liquors. Tickets and info at: www.SanJuanBrewfest.com. Proceeds benefit United Way of SW Colorado. Drive-in Concert Series featuring Ben Gibson and Rob Webster, Sept. 5, 1-4:30, La Plata Senior Center Parking Lot. $50/vehicles. Benefits La Plata County Humane Society. Devin Scott plays everything from R. Kelly to Patsy Cline on ukulele, Sept. 5, 5:30 – 8:30 p.m., Office Spiritorium, 699 Main Ave.

Deadline to submit items for “Stuff to Do” is Monday at noon.

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Aug. 27, 2020 n 13

EndoftheLine

Confessions of an occasional Karen

’m a Karen’s Karen. (It’s not what you think.) I’m not the epitome of a Karen, but my mother and all three of her sisters are the very manifestation. It started with the queen of all Karens, my grandmother Sara. Secretary to the president of the U.S. Geological Association from the 1950s-70s, she dressed in heels and business skirts. Tall, the only female deacon at the Presbyterian church, as well as a founding choir member, she was head of the local Rock Hounds group and the most treasured volunteer at the hospital. A girl who had been orphaned at age 7, her diction and posture were perfection, as was her penmanship. She had a mind for numbers, and did all of her son-in-laws’ tax returns each year (just to watch them squirm). Sara, the Scrabble and Yahtzee champ, though a teetotaler, had a singular desire: to be served hand and foot at fine dining establishments. Occasionally she’d take us kids. We’d make a point to treat the waitress like an earth angel, until – eyes averted – the trembling girl arrived finally, with the dreaded check. A very sharp pencil was pulled from her purse, and my grandmother would proceed to redo the math very fast. It was always a few cents off. Then she’d wait, and I can see her now, with her fork, calmly fishing ice cubes from her water glass to re-freshen her glass of milk, until the poor girl came back for her tongue lashing. It was an embarrassment. She lived to target dear, darling, thin waitresses, but also any man in a uniform was given short shrift. And if you had a strong accent hailing from Texas, well, stand back. At that time, obnoxious and aggressive women were generally referred to by various terms of female genitalia, concordant with my father’s language. My little brother and I might have been tempted to call her a bossyboots if we had the nerve. We didn’t, because, like the Karens of today, she demanded respect. My grandmother had a certain, bigbreasted dignity that was lost on her own daughters – my good-looking, good-time-loving aunts, who dyed their hair and smoked cigarettes and drank beer before going “out.” The eldest, my Aunt Phyllis, always had to be the right one – about everything. I remember one hot day at the flea market. She

14 n Aug. 27, 2020

reprimanded an older man with a lifelesslooking dog beneath his table, about the need to always bring WATER for our PET ANIMALS, because they can’t get up and get it THEMSELVES. The old man said nothing, but revealed a huge bottle of ICE water from beneath a blanket. That shut her trap PDQ. The middle girl, Aunt Lois, had the audacity to bully anyone smoking about their bad habit, though she was very casual about being 300 pounds overweight. My mother, Norma Jean, is the baby. This girl has been known to pick up the phone to call the mayor’s office, like he’s an over-protected friend who must be reminded of the awful fireworks in this town, or the trash pick-up problem on certain streets. She had the editor of our daily newspaper on speed dial to admonish him regularly for misspellings and typos. Forty years ago, she proudly learned how to speak Navajo, but the natives still wince when she cuts her tongue on their ancient language. My family’s bad behavior seems rather innocent, though, compared to the recent

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Karens portrayed on Instagram. Like savages, these females are shot in the “wild” (caught in cars, on door-steps, parking lots), or filmed “going wild,” like throwing shit all over a grocery store. It is entertaining to watch them “getting owned” or “molly-whopped.” They’re very loud, these law-and-order ladies, who seem to be simmering at a constant 8. And if anyone gets out of pocket, they will catch an overcommitted, bi-polar Karen’s smoke. Given all the Dicks and Richards out there, it’s an older woman’s name that’s been made an internetwide figure of fun. How normal is it to use a female name if you want to create a nagging narrative? The name was chosen by Black kids in the ’90s for its association with whiteness. A few decades later, memes about Karens being an exwife who wanted to take the kids in the divorce began circulating online, which is how Kate Gosselin became the poster girl for the name. Karenovirus and Corona Karens arrived with the pandemic. There’s a group called Karens Against Karens. In fact, now you can be a Karen without being a Karen (whatever that means). I have a friend who has the misfortune of actually being named Karen. She’s pretty good-natured about it. “I ask my husband to call the manager now,” she says. There is a gaggle of geese, or a murder of crows, and at present, we have a “privilege” of Karens in our lexicon. That’s correct. America’s most (un) popular meme is now a plural passive noun. Other variations include a “batch of bitches,” or a “tattle” or “complaint” of Karens. My favorite is the singular Karen, as in “the Karen out there better watch their back.” The eye-rolling retort, “OK, Karen” has become so prevalent that almost anyone can be accused of being one. Like me, for instance. I’m sort of a closeted case. I can act all nice and pretty, but every now and again the dragon shrieks. I mean who in their right mind serves up a $25 plate of large shrimp that HAVEN’T BEEN CLEANED? I’ll confess that I did indeed need to speak with the manager. – Donna Hewett

classifieds

Deadline for Telegraph classified ads is Tuesday at noon. Ads are a bargain at 10 cents a character with a $5 minimum. Even better, ads can now be placed online: durangotelegraph.com. Prepayment is required via cash, credit card or check. (Sorry, no refunds or substitutions.)

Ads can be submitted via: n classifieds@durango telegraph.com n 970-259-0133 n 679 E. 2nd Ave., #E2 Approximate office hours: Mon: 9ish - 5ish Tues: 9ish - 5ish Wed: 9ish - 3ish Thurs: On delivery Fri: Gone fishing; call first

HelpWanted

homeschool experience, I can help you develop a homeschool plan or tutor your child in grades K-6. s_5rankin@ hotmail.com How Am I Going to Entertain Everyone? With a virtual or live/outdoor magic show, of course. Everyone loves magic and Mysto the Magi provides amazing magic with comedy that keeps everyone entertained at your next gathering. Get a world class magician from Denver right here in Durango while he waits out the current world situation. (970) 759-5015 MystoTheMagi@hotmail.com Landscape Services affordable mowing, trimming and construction services, Jon 970-799-4503. RSE Handyman Service Home maintenance & repair, yard work, odd jobs 970-903-0449.

New Careers Developed Here! bank happy. Work happy. Right here. We promoted several staffers, so we need to hire some more great people who want to work at an awesome place that promotes! We're searching for a professional individual with strong customer service skills and cash handling experience. Banking experience is a plus. Excellent benefits, nice co-workers, and on Fridays we wear jeans! Apply online at www.glac ierbancorp.com. Bank of the San Juans is an Equal Opportunity Employer. Volunteer Hotline Advocates Alternative Horizons is currently looking for volunteer advocates, including those who are bi-lingual, to staff our 24Hour hotline. Make a difference in the lives of others, join us for a free comprehensive online training October 5th through October 23rd. For more information call the office at 970-247-4374.

Wanted Cash for Vehicles, Copper, Alum, Etc. at RJ Metal Recycle. Also free appliance and other metal drop off. 970-259-3494.

Services Homeschool Consultant/Tutor With 12 yrs. classroom and 5 yrs.

Lowest Prices on Storage! Inside/outside storage near Durango and Bayfield. 10-x-20, $130. Outside spots: $65, with discounts available. RJ Mini Storage. 970-259-3494

Reruns Home Furnishings Nice selection of décor – Pier One modern mirror, midcentury dresser, carved wooden room divider, bookcases, high bistro table, barstools, nghtstands and more. 572 E. 6th Ave. Mon. - Sat.

are not limited to: sculptures, pop-up furniture, pop-up green spaces with plants, installations in empty storefronts, mini murals, mixed media art, performance art, and more! To find out more, visit durango creativedistrict.org/get-involved/dab

RealEstate

Report Trash/Bear Incidents City residents can call City Code at 375-4930 to report incidents of trash accessed by bears. County residents should call Animal Protection via Central Dispatch at 385-2900. Contact Bear Smart at bp@frontier.net for more information

Radon Services Free radon testing and consultation. Call Colorado Radon Abatement and Detection for details. 970- 946-1618.

CommunityService

HaikuMovieReview

The Durango Art Brigade is holding an open call for artists to beautify the central business district through Sept. 4. Finalists will be displayed the month of October. Projects include but

‘The Peanut Butter Falcon’ You should prepare to be charmed and disarmed by this sweet, sweet odyssey – Lainie Maxson

NewspaperOrigami

Harmony Organizing and Cleaning Services Home and office 970-403-6192.

BodyWork massageintervention.life Voted best massage in Durango 201819. Couples, cupping, local CBD. Reviews on FB + Yelp. 970-903-2984

ForRent Bright & Beautiful Office Space available inside natural health care office. Perfect for body worker or therapist. Shared waiting area & bathroom. Free: pkg, wifi & util. $550/mo Call/text 970.749.2815

ForSale Recording equipment Rode NT1A complete vocal recording kit with Focusrite Scarlett 2i2 USB interface, headphones, mic. and stand. $500 Contact Luke at 970-376-3116 or lukeme hall@gmail.com

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