September 4, 2003

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Opinion

Sports

Junior Andrew Waugh

A quarterbackcontroversy in Franksviile

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The Chronicle

DUKE UNIVERSITY Ninety-Ninth Year, issue 10

DURHAM, N.C.

THURSDAY, SEPTEMBER 4,2003

WWW.CHRONICLE.DUKE.EDU

Forums address on-, off-campus social scenes Student affairs, DSG leaders debate partying avenues Emily Almas THE CHRONICLE

by

Imagine you’re at a hot West Campus party. You walk up to a University-paid man serving beer from a keg, hand him your I.D. and walk away with a cupful of smooth-sippin’ suds. Subsidizing the little-used University-licensed bartenders was one of the possibilities discussed at a forum about campus social life sponsored by Duke Student Government Tuesday DSG offinight. cials, police officers and students met to discuss issues arising from the recent surge in off-campus partying and proposed various solutions to improve the social scene on campus. Vice President for Student Affairs Larry Moneta, who helped lead the forum, said visible underage drinking was at the heart of the debate about the University’s on-campus party scene. “I am not trying to recreate a 1940s social life on campus,” Moneta said. “But the rock admittedly is the underage drinking issue.” Students alleged that a harsh

Durham Park residents, including off-campus students, discuss future by

administrative stance about drinking on campus resulted from the death of student Raheem Bath in 1999. Further, the subsequent dissolution of the Hideaway and some fraternity chapters, as well as the institution of the independent corridor, left students without oncampus social outlets. Moneta acknowledged he was worried about the possibility of students dying of alcohol

THE CHRONICLE

“Hello. Won’t you be my

neighbor?” Mr. Rogers’ magic words may have been the perfect question for preschoolers, but residents of

Durham Park, an area just off East Campus, are asking Duke students, “Do I want you for my

neighbor?”

poisoning. “We’re scared to death. I’m scared to death,” Moneta said. “The national social culture seems to place a remarkable importance on alcohol [consumption].” Some students were concerned about possible criminal charges for having parties at their off-campus residences. Lt. Larry Isaacs of the Durham Police Department assured students that the local police were not out to get Duke students partying off campus. “We don’t go driving around off campus looking for parties,” SEE DSG FORUM ON PAGE 5

Jennifer Hasvold

ANTHONY

CROSS/THE CHRONICLE

Senior and Watts Street resident JeffAdams speaks at a meeting ofDurham Park residents about recent events off-campus and how to prevent reoccurrences.

At the Durham Park Neighborhood Association meeting Tuesday night, community members, student residents and Durham police gathered in search of common ground and ways to improve communication and cooperation. Residents from 202 Watts Street came to express their regret for the events that occurred at and around their house two weekends ago, but also to contextualize their situation within the transitioning Duke party scene. Students said that the loss of Main West Campus as a social epicenter for greek life resulted in large and uncontrollable crowds. SEE NEIGHBORS ON PAGE 4

Robertson bus extends hours DRH hires by

McQuaid

Aaron Levine

THE CHRONICLE

Chapel Hill is far more than a stone’s throw away from Durham, as many Duke students are frustratingly aware. Yet, with the recently expanded weekend service of

as

the Robertson express bus, the two communities will have the opportunity to experience cultural and social events on each other’s campuses late into the night. Administrators of the Robertson Scholars Program have extended the hours in which buses will run between Duke and UNC to 11:30 p.m. Saturdays. Although this represents a six-hour increase in service, some students feel it is not enough. “There’s still no bus to take you back at say, three in the morning,” said Melissa Cohen, a junior. She added that she might use the bus if it offered later service. Other students mentioned the possible benefits buses would provide to students who decided to drink, particularly if it extended later. Maijorie Strickland, the Assistant DiSEE ROBERTSON BUS ON PAGE 5

by

CEO

Malavika Prabhu

and Kelly Rohrs THE CHRONICLE

ANTHONY

The Robertson expressbus will now run until 11:30 p.m. Saturdays.

CROSS/THE CHRONICLE

Officials of Duke University Health System announced Wednesday David McQuaid as the next chief executive officer of Durham Regional Hospital, one of two community hospitals under DUHS. A pharmacist by training, McQuaid, who will take the helm from acting CEO Kevin Sowers in late October, is currently the executive vice president and chief operating officer for Johns Hopkins Bayview Medical Center, where he has been serving since November 2001. “David McQuaid brings to Durham Regional Hospital a chief executive officer with a superb record of achievement in hospital administration and experience working within a premier health sysSEE NEW CEO ON PAGE 4

2 I

THE CHRONICL-E

THURSDAY. SEPTEMBER 1. 2003

World&Nation

New York Financial Markets Up 45.19

Bush to inspect causes of blackout by

David Stout

gy and Commerce Committee in pre-

pared remarks.

NEW YORK TIMES NEWS SERVICE

WASHINGTON The Bush administration promised Congress Wednesday that it would do everything it could to find the causes of the August blackout and prevent a recurrence. But it was clear on Capitol Hill that some Democrats remain deeply suspicious of the administration’s energy policies. “Today, less than three weeks after the blackout, we are making good progress in putting together the complex sequence of events surrounding this incident,” Energy Secretary Spencer Abraham told the House Ener-

But while Abraham, a former senafrom Michigan, was getting a warm personal welcome before the panel began, some Democrats immediately attacked the administration and signaled that huge battles will exist in the future. “Unfortunately, from what I can see in the prepared testimony submitted to the committee by the Department of Energy and the Federal Energy Regulatory Commission, the Bush administrationremains in the dark about the causes of the blackout,” said Rep. Edward J. Markey, D-Mass. tor

“At the same time,” Markey went on, as Abraham listened, “the Bush administration continues to press for the immediate adoption of an energy bill that contains language that would make sweeping deregulatory changes in electricity law and launch a wideranging assault on our environment in the name of increasing oil and gas

production.” Congress has been debating an en-

ergy bill for two years, unable to pass it, in part, because the members could not find common ground among competing electric-industry proposals. But the blackout has put a new urgency into deliberations.

U.S., U.N. may share role in Iraq by

Barry

Schweid

NEW YORK TIMES NEWS SERVICE

WASHINGTON Shifting tactics and reaching out for help, the Bush administration offered Wednesday to share with the United Nations the long-dominant U.S. role in Iraq’s postwar reconstruction. Secretary of State Colin Powell described the effort as “essentially putting the Security Council in the game,” and European governments reacted favorably to the revised U.S. approach. A new U.N. resolution proposed by the United States recognizes “that international support for restoration of conditions of stability and security is es-

Nasdacl

Dow

sential to the well-being of the people of Iraq.” France, which led opposition to the war on Iraq, said the new resolution should ensure that political power will be transferred quickly to an internationally recognized Iraqi government to help restore peace. ‘The question is how to win the peace—and how to have the situation stabilized,” France’s U.N. Ambassador JeanMarc de La Sabliere said in New York. “So we will see the resolution with this in mind.” Under the resolution, American commanders would remain in charge of peacekeeping operations in Iraq, but there, too, “we are asking the international community to join us even more than they have in the past,” Powell said.

VA/ @9,568.46

Vly

Up 11.42

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NEWS IN BRIEF N.Y. finds fraud in money management Eliot Spitzer,the New York state attorney general, said Wednesday that his office had uncovered widespread illegal trading by hedge funds and mutual fund companies.

China considers trading currency freely Treasury Secretary John Snow and his Chinese counterparts agreed that China should allow its currency to trade freely on international markets, but Beijing says it might cause financial instability in China and abroad.

Senate increases railroad funding Amtrak will get $1.35 billion in federal subsidies next year under a bill approved by a Senate subcommittee, giving railroads more money than President George W. Bush wants, but less than Amtrak officials say they need.

U.S. fails to destroy chemical weapons United States officials said it will not meet an April 2004 deadline for destroying 45 percent of its chemical weapons stockpile until December 2007.

No mercury-autism vaccine link

A new study from Denmark discounts fears that a mercury-based vaccines may be responsible for the rapid rise in autism. News briefs compiie&from wire reports. “True nobility is being superior to your former self.” Radiohead

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THE CHRONICLE

THURSDAY. SEPTEMBER A.

20031 3

Students seeking culture, adventures and some truths about terrorism ventured into Europe and the Middle East this summer, experiencing everything from a bombing to Don Giovanni and a Love Parade.

Europe and the Middle East Interviews by Katie Xiao

•

The Chronicle

Mollie Lurey, sophomore Fellowship of the Foundation for the Defense of Democracy Tel Aviv, Israel “I visited Israel to study how a democratic society defends [itself] against terrorism while preserving its democratic values. A lot of people didn’t want me to go at first because it might be dangerous. I was a bit afraid, yes, but I felt like terrorists shouldn’t be stopping me from visiting. Not going would just prove the legitimacy of terrorism and aid its victory. We had incredible access to the borders of Jordan, Syria and Lebanon. We spoke to a survivor of a terrorist attack and Israeli Prime Minister Sharon’s senior advisors, learning that the government received over 100 calls a day of possible suicide bombings. Four to seven were stopped each day—and these incidents weren’t even in high escalation when I went. A normally-packed mall I went to was almost empty the night of a bombing —the one that broke the cease-fire. That’s how unstable terrorism makes the nation’s economy. That’s how quickly my sense of security was shattered. I was nervous to go places, but this is the fear that the Israelis experience everyday. It was difficult for me to see that Israel needed such a strong army presence. Israel looked very similar to the U.S., but in front of every shop was a guard checking for bombs. People’s hearts race at the sound of an ambulance, because it might have been a suicide bombing, and children worry about their parents taking the public bus home.” Melissa Berman, junior Performed a full-scale production of Don Giovanni Oberlin College Immersion Program Urbania, Italy “The students were all there to sing opera, and it was nice to be around people who shared my interests. People also came from all over to take Italian and immerse themselves in it. In SEE OH,THE PLACES ON PAGE 5

The Love Parade at Brandenburg Gate in Germany

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THE CHRONICLE

THURSDAY. SEPTEMBER 4. 2003

LGBT liaison reaches perspective students BY CINDY YEE THE CHRONICLE

Effective this fall, the Office of Under-

graduate Admissions has designated a liai-

son between its office and the Center for Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual and Transgender Life. The liaison will handle prospective students’ inquiries regarding the University’s LGBT community and broader campus climate. The LGBT liaison takes on new responsibilities at a time when the University’s image as a homophobic campus is still shifting. Duke dropped off the list of 20 schools where “alternative lifestyles [are] not an alternative” in the Princeton Review’s rankings published last month. Last year, Duke was eleventh in this category, and just four years ago it was first. “Having an LGBT liaison in the admissions office sends a message to prospective students that at least some portions of Duke are paying attention to diversity on campus regarding LGBT students,” said Karen Krahulik, director of the LGBT center. This message is important, specifically because of the way Duke has been rated by the Princeton Review in past years. When we have that kind of reputation, every symbolic measure that the University can take to counter that reputation is helpful.” Jessica Rosario, president of Alliance of Queer Undergraduates at Duke, said that Duke’s absence from the Princeton Review’s list of homophobic schools may encourage more prospective students to call the admissions office to find out about the LGBT climate on campus. “Despite Duke not being on that list, it doesn’t subdue all concerns,” she said. “Hopefully this liaison will be taken seri-

ously by the University, and hopefully prospective students will know there’s someone they can talk to in the admis-

sions office about it.” Rosario also noted that information about LGBT life at Duke has been hard to come by in the past. She said having an admissions officer designated for LGBT affairs could help alleviate the problem. Christoph Guttentag, director ofundergraduate admissions, said the LGBT liaison, Bianca Briola, will serve as a contact person when students and their families cadi with questions regarding LGBT life. Briola will also ensure that other admissions officers are aware ofLGBT activities and issues that arise throughout the year. ‘The relationship between our office and the LGBT office has existed before,” Guttentag said. ‘This just formalizes the connection a little more.” This is not the first admissions officer to take on responsibilities beyond regional recruitment. Currendy, undergraduate admissions also has liaisons with offices such as the Services for Students with Disabilities office and the ROTC office. Other officers also cater to such groups as home-schooled applicants and Native American applicants. Rosario said Briola, Trinity ‘O2, is a particularly good choice for the position of LGBT liaison, as she has been in contact with the LGBT center and AQUADuke since she graduated two years ago. “She knows us, so she can always speak about what’s going on on campus,” Rosario said. While a student at Duke, Briola was president of Duke Allies, an undergraduate student organization for people who are supportive of lesbian, gay, bisexual and transgender people.

Please come to tonight's reporter training session. This is the last night! Come to the Carr building at 7pm and get your first story! See you there!

NEW CEO from page 1 term,” said Dr. Ralph Snyderman, president and CEO of DUHS, in a statement. “We have been impressed by his energy, his integrity and his deep commitment to clinical excellence. He will help sustain and enhance the ability of DRH to serve our community.” McQuaid inherits a hospital on solid financial footing after five years of pecuniary problems, including deficits ranging from $2 million to $16.9 million. ‘This is an exciting time to be joining the Durham Regional team. The senior managers and employees have done a tremendous job of turning around this

hospital financially,” McQuaid

said in a statement. “My goal is to build on that success, further develop our clinical programs and support a culture of service excellence so we can continue to provide the highest level of care to this community.” Surgical volume increased 11 percent

last year, allowing the hospital to post a $3 million profit for fiscal year 2003, which ended in June. The hospital has also expanded its bariatric services and endoscopy units. Most recendy, the hospital expanded its orthopedic surgery capabilities, adding four new orthopedists. These surgery divisions are the primary target areas for growth in the next few years, Sowers said in an interview last week. Sowers has been acting CEO since Feb. 2003 when Richard Liekweg stepped down to become CEO of the University of California at San Diego Medical Center,

Despite the upswing in the hospital’s financial status, Durham Regional will continue to face financial struggles for the next few years, Mark Miller, chief financial officer at Durham Regional, said last week. Nursing shortages and diminishing Medicare reimbursements account for a projected profit of only $1.3 million next year.

dents carrying alcohol when in the streets. Many were frustrated that citations were not issued two weekends ago. “We did not ignore [the disruptive stu“Kids don’t have a choice for recreation,” said senior Michael Rechnitz, a 202 dents],” said Durham Police Captain Ed Sarvis, referring to large parties the first Watts resident, adding that activities sponsored by the Duke administration were weekend of school. “We tried to use more not realistic social alternatives. “What 18- of a soft-handed approach.... Our big year-old wants to go to a non-alcoholic tal- concern that night was [preventing] violent crimes.” ent show?” The effort to bridge the gap between Although some neighbors empathized with students on this point, others felt students and neighbors has been ongoing. The Trinity Park Neighborhood Associathat Duke had a responsibility to discourage underage drinking and could not be tion hosts an annual student welcome picexpected to facilitate large parties on nic, but members said that student participation has steadily declined over the past campus. “It’s not Duke’s job to provide social few years. The association responded falife for the students. Their job is to provorably to the idea of collaborating with students to make sure off-campus stuvide an education,” said Trinity Parks residents’ voices were heard at Duke. dent Kathy Friedl. Solutions discussed included plans to was a Under-aged drinking sticking point for many at the meeting. Residents direct parking for parties to the nearby could not agree on an acceptable level of parking lots, integrating off-campus students into the neighborhood associaenforcement. Carding at off-campus houses—either by a resident of the house or an tions and exchanging phone numbers to off-duty police officer—was dismissed as facilitate direct communication. Attendees plan to research what other colleges impractical. Neighbors, however, expressed a desire and communities in similar situations have done. to have on-duty police officers card stu-

NEIGHBORS from page 1

www.chronicle.duke.edu Around the world... 24 hours a day

THE CHRONICLE

THURSDAY. SEPTEMBER U

OH, THE PLACES

from page 3

the morning I would have five hours of Italian and then reheasals. I was there for a month, and over that time period, people [who are] supposed to be famed opera singers came and gave master classes. We worked with American teachers and Italian ones. With each person you worked with, you had to try different techniques in singing. I stayed in an apartment you would imagine a typical Italian villa to look like. My neighbor, a middle-aged bald guy, sometimes invited me to have wine and talk. Not only was it a good chance to practice Italian, but also, I saw how much home and family meant to the natives. Most of these people lived right next to, if not with, their parents. There’s this small-town mentality; the women are of a cookie-cutter mold, and they don’t seem to have been affected by feminism at all. This one guy I talked to had no desire to see the world and was very content. I couldn’t imagine that.”

Julia Cormano, senior Backpacking

Italy, France, Switzerland, Belgium, Amsterdam and Germany “During our four weeks of traveling to see all these countries, [my friend Paul Lisi and I] ate the cheapest way possible on Nutella, wine, bread, salami, and of course, beer. One night though, we decided to go to a restaurant to get a taste for the local atmosphere. It was obviously not for tourists because the menu was in Italian. We tried to order oysters with our hand gestures in Spanish since neither one of us knew much Italian, but ended up with mushrooms instead. On Paul’s 21st birthday, we were in Venice and it was the only place where we couldn’t find a place to stay because all the hostels were booked. So, we tried to cover as much skin as possible —as we slept outside the train station with bums— and [got] bitten to death by mosquitos. Before heading for England to start the six-week University Scholars program, we stopped in Amsterdam, which is one of the most liberal places in Europe. We

DSGFORUM from page 1 he said. “Ninety-five percent of our presence at a party is the result of a 911 complaint, which we have to respond to by law.” Senior Caroline Stouffer brought up the issue of how students who enjoy partying might be uninterested in the social and cultural alternatives supported by the administration, a sentiment echoed by many of the students present. Moneta said his primary responsibility was to provide students with social and cultural options but that greek life—and partying—could still flourish. “Greek life is a very important part of the overall experience,” Moneta said. ‘Ten years ago the greek community controlled Duke social life; recently I’ve told the greek world that their parties should be for their members. It just means smaller, more private parties.” Duke University Union President Jonathan Bigelow also tackled the notion that social or cultural alternatives were options in lieu of greek life. “We’re not about creating alternatives to greek life,” he said. “We’re about pro-

20031 5

were offered every drug you can think of, in every language that exists, just because we walked down a street in the redlight zone. And of course, about three streets over was the house Anne Frank stayed in—which put us in a comparatively more somber mood. The best experience though was being in Berlin for the Love Parade, where basically 600,000 to 700,000 people of all sexual orientations get obliterated and rave to techno. Somebody even tried to purchase me from Paul for 20 euros, and Paul bargained to 30 euros before declining. I don’t think the guy knew Paul was kidding.”

Ashley Carlson, junior Theater school London, England “For six weeks, we had two theater classes a day—one for acting and one about play analysis. Every evening, we would see plays at famous English theaters like the Globe and put on by experienced theatrical groups like the Royal Shakespeare Company. One of the first shows we saw was the Lion King, and we got a behind-the-scenes look at the huge puppets they used in a backstage tour. The director of The Lion King, along with the musical director of Les Miserables, held a musical theater workshop that we all attended. Part of the workshop was participating in a mock audition, where the directors picked out the things you did wrong or right that might help you land a ‘role.’ It was great being coached by these professionals.”

viding supplemental activities. I’m not greek, but I realize that greek life is important to many people.”

Some of those in attendance at the forum said they were pleased with the opportunity to have dialogue between students and the administration about the social options on campus. Assistant Dean of Students of Greek Life Todd Adams said the forum was an excellent first step in finding ways and options for students to enjoy the social scene. “Some solutions will not happen overnight, but ultimately we had to start the discussion somewhere and I’m glad DSG came to the table,” Adams said. “These are some valid concerns about how to balance social life.” DSG Executive Vice President Cliff Davison agreed. “We need to codify our relationship to social life on campus and how we can go about that,” he said. “This was an excellent way to begin that process.” Maj. B. J. Council of DPD said the meeting was even beneficial for her. “I thought it was a good meeting where I learned a lot of things, such as parties not being allowed on campus that I didn’t already know,” she said. —

ROBERTSON BUS

from page

rector for External Relations at the Uni-

versity of North Carolina at Chapel Hill explained that the Robertson Scholars

Program, which oversees the buses, used a

yearly ridership survey as the basis for mak-

ing the change in service. The survey documents how often the buses are used, and for what purposes. “One overwhelming comment we got was that [riders] wanted expansion on Saturday night,” Strickland said. Eric Mlyn, Director of the Robertson Scholars Program, explained that the survey, which nms for two weeks each spring, was supplemented by comments from Robertson Scholars and faculty. All three sources expressed a request for expanding weekend service. Judith Ruderman, the Vice Provost for Academic and Administrative Services said the decision had been made last spring, with the actual expansion of service implemented during the first week of the fall semester. “Bus ridership has been growing arid as a mark of it, and to further encourage it, we have extended the hours,” Ruderman said.

1

Mlyn also voiced concern over the misconception some students may have about the Robertson bus service. “This bus is not just for Robertson Scholars, but for members of the Duke and UNC community,” Mlyn said. He added that to help show that the buses were for everyone on campus, the bus decals no longer say “Robertson Scholars bus,” but “Robertson express bus.” Sebastian Lukasik, a second year grad student in history who rides the Robertson bus during the week, said he was surprised service had been extended on Saturday nights and did not see his schedule being affected much. U I normally take the [Durham Area Transit Authority] buses if I’m going to UNC on the weekend,” Lukasik said. He added, however, that the additional service would serve both campuses very well, especially for those who do not have cars. Strickland suspects it will take some time for people to catch on, but remains optimistic about the additional service. “We might not see the ridership we’re expecting, but the more the word gets out, hopefully the more ridership will go up,” she said.

I j/

4

Friday's home games

Sports

Our fall sports preview opens up the Duke season with team-byteam summaries, features, player profiles and predictions.

COMING TOMORROW

Men's soccer vs. William & Mary, 7:30 p.m Volleyball vs. Charlotte, 7:30 p.m Saturday's home games

Field hockey vs. James Madison, 1 p.m Football vs. Western Carolina, 6 p.m Volleyball vs. Buffalo, 12:30 p.m

Plan B: New QB? job is in serious jeapordy Smiths starting debut,

After a lackluster

by

Mike Schneider

Junior Adam Smith is

Redshirt Freshman 6215 lbs. Sharon, Penn.

Spring gome stots: for 100 yards 7Virginia gome stots: 5-for-9 for 73 yards Turned down scholarships from Ohio State, Maryland, Minnesota and lowa

Robert Samuel

THE CHRONICLE accustomed to quarterback

controversy. When D. Bryant left the university in the summer of 2002, an immediate competition arose between Smith and then red-shirt sophomore Chris Dapolito. Head coach Carl Franks waited until the opening game of the season to announce Smith as a starter, and he and Dapolito split playing dme for much of the beginning of last year. After some outstanding games, most notably against Virginia and N.C. State in 2002, the job was all Smith’s, and he surprised much of the ACC with his skills. The California native finished fifth in the ACC in passing yards, making him the inevitable starting quarterback for 2003. Things seemed normal enough in the offseason, though redshirt freshman Mike Schneider arguably played the best of all the Duke quarterbacks in the annual Blue-White spring scrimmage. In the preseason, Franks had Schneider run plays with both the first team and the second team, and there were reports that he was outplaying Smith. But by the first press conference of the season, Smith was a lock to start. Then disaster struck. Beginning the 2003 opener against Virginia with more optimism than at any other time in the Franks era, Duke ended the 27-0 loss with more gloom than in any of the other 25 consecutive ACC losses. Much of the blame was placed on Smith’s elders after he threw for only 47 yards on 6-for-20 passing. In contrast, Schneider went five-for-nine for 73 yards, and appeared very confident despite playing in his first collegiate game ever. Consequendy, Franks made the unsurprising statement Monday that he was contemplating a quarterback change in addition to other changes to the team that returned more starters than any other squad in the country. “The guys that are second team, they're going to get some opportunities,” Franks responded to a question about Smith’s starting position. “We can't allow some of the guys to continue to play the way they've played and not give somebody else a chance. It's not really the American way of operating.” The two quarterbacks have embraced the controversy, hoping it will make them both better players. “We know whoever the coaches play is just to win,” Schneider said. ‘There’s always competition on the field, but it’s not direct competition. We want to win.” Both said they are individually preparing to play next week, and that they do not know who Saturday’s starter is. There have been no hard feelings since Franks made the decision to shake things up. “You look at the quarterbacks, we’re all in it together,” Smith said. “We all kind offeel like mentors to each other.” Other players on the team feel confident in both players, and do not feel that change will cause indecisiveness on the field. “I think they both do a really good job,” senior running back Chris Douglas said. “I couldn’t really compare them. They each have different strengths and weaknesses. Overall they both are capable of leading the offense.” It will be no shame to Smith to lose the starting job to Schneider, as the 6-foot-3 Pennsylvania native turned down scholarship opportunities at Ohio State and Maryland to become a Blue Devil Schneider originally wanted to stay close at home, but there was a coaching change

Adam Smith Junior 6-foot-5 205 lbs. Orinda, Calif. Spring game stats: 7-of-15 for 86 yards, ITD Virginia game stats: 6-for-20 for 47 yards Career best game: vs. N.C. State in 2002 28-for-41 for 353 yards, 11D

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Pittsburgh.

“I was going to a smaller school to stay close to home, but then Pitt fell through,” Schneider said. “I didn’t want to go to a school where I was the second quarterback coming in. You know what I’m saying? The only freshman coming in. I chose to come here.” Although their routes greatly differ coming into Saturday’s game,both Smith and Schneider want the Blue Devils to win over all other things. “We’re both getting reps [with the first team in practice],” Smith said. “We’re both trying to learn what to do against Western Carolina so we can come out firing Saturday.”

j|i||

Men's soccer No. 15 The Blue Devils hopped

Sto

15th in the new Soccer Times coaches poll, up from the No. 23 spot last week. William . Mary, who ended Duke season last year, comes

to town Friday night.

Auburn in trouble The NCAA has officially lotified the Auburn men's basketball proram of its investigation nto possible recruiting

iolations. One former md one current assistant oach were accused.

BCS takes Capitol Hill Congress will hold a hearing today on the con-

struction of the Bowl

Championship Series, which some schools see as a monopoly. Many large figures in the sports world will take the stand.

•

,

Fired and hired

The final countdown

Three months after he was axed in Detroit, Rick Carlisle will now become the head coach of the Indiana Pacers. Larry Bird fired Isiah Thomas last week and said Carlisle was his first choice.

The NFL regular season starts tonight when the New York Jets take on the Washington Redskins at 9 p.m.The'Skins grabbed five players in the off-season from the Jets, who will start VinnyTestaverde at QB.

What's Inside Duke's best interior designers showcase their work PAGE 5 Why picture phones are vital for your social life PAGE 3

The Chronicle's Arts and Entertainment Magazine

September 4, 2003, Vol. 6, No. 2

"We're going streaking!"

Copyright Dream Works 2003

Generation Y moves into its own Animal House By David Walters ■

I

know. It's a dangerous statement. And by all rights, I shouldn't be making it, but for some reason, I just can't help it. Maybe it's the fact that I've been unable to walk down the Bryan Center walkway for the past two weeks without hearing "You're my boy, Blue!" screamed from frat brother to frat brother, or maybe it's because everyone's new favorite post-beer exclamation is "Fill it up again!" Maybe it's because my friends are actually looking into the possibility of purchasing industrial-size cans of K-Y for an

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upcoming wrestling night. It's almost official: we are all freakishly obsessed with Old School. For those who haven't seen this quirky, college-like-it-should-be gem (all two of you... incidentally, the same people who didn't catch The Royal Tenenbaums or Zoolander either... shame on you), keep reading. It's not like you haven't heard the whole damn film quoted verbatim in your public policy seminar anyway. And for the rest of you Frank-the-Tank faithful, I say hooray. Ladies and gentlemen, girls and boys, beer-soaked slackers of

all ages—we have found our generation's Animal House. Admittedly, we've been close before. Ever since John Landis and National Lampoon set the cinematic bar for frat house debauchery with the way-too-old for college characters of Flounder, Otter and Pinto ("Why Pinto?"" Why not?!") in 1978, Hollywood has been falling all over itself to recapture the moronic magic of university humor.The plan was never to be original. Make no mistake—the poorest attempts at a college comedy, if nothing else, pay

homage to Animal House.The best, however, adhere firmly to the formula and proudly wear the red badge of rip-off. Animal House was it, people. It ain't getting any better. Revenge ofthe Nerds (the original; sequels suck), Fast Times at Ridgemont High (the high school equivalent of college humor) and PCU stuck to therules and earned their places as worthy additions to any DVD collection —to be displayed less prominently, viewed after and quoted less frequently than Animal House, of course. In a lesser sense, 1999's continued on page 7

To the Blue Zone and back— Meghan Valerio packs up the truck and takes you tailgating

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TheSandbox

Leah Remini... mmmm...

Take me to Neverland Things are a little desperate for Michael Jackson these days.Thanks to a recent album flop and a flair for retail spending unrivaled in the Western world, the King of Pop is seeking some much-needed cash—so much so that he's opening his house to tourists. For a mere $5,000 visitors will be treated to two meals in additon to a tour of the Neverland ranch —chimps, go-karts, surgical masks and all—on Sept. 13; the whole thing is billed as a "once in a lifetime event."So what can visitors expect to find inside this "extraordinary and magical oasis?" Recess let's you know what we'd like to discover inside the ranch: Cryogenically frozen corpse of Bubbles the Chim A receipt of Debbie Rowe's payc •

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Drunken, diamond-clad LizTaylo •"Blanket,"the adorable youngste from the ABC special Unicorns and jolly leprechauns Jackson's well-deserved MTV VMA Artist of the Millenium Awar •Tito Portal to the sth Dimension Old poster of self with face scrat Economy-size package of skin bleach Elves, reindeer, sleigh, snow and skin-tight Spandex Santa suit Billie Jean's bastard child Collection of 87 identical felt hats with contrasting fabric bands A Tea Party with Orangutans •The Hourly "Baby Drop" Show Lisa Marie honeymoon digital amateur home video —by Dean Chapman •

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Other celebrity homes we'd like to visit:

Letter from the

Dean Chapman David Walters Color Me Badd Whitney Beckett Scott Baio Katie Latanich Roman Polanski Hilary Lewis R. Kelly Meghan Valerio Julia Fryett J Lo and Ben Malavika Prabhu Mark Chmura Jon Schnaars Larry Bowa Charles Lin Carver Moore Steven Tyler Kim Rolle'

Vice President for Student Affairs Dear Undergraduate Student: As you may have seen from this morning's Chronicle, our neighbors in Trinity Park and Trinity Heights, just off East Campus, were outraged this past weekend by the behavior of Duke students pushed into their neighborhood by the oppressive system that prevents them from playing here. Complaints included trash strewn about lawns, shallowness, public urination, having to wait in line for 45 minutes to get into a Beirut game, large groups of students (many reportedly drinking underage) bitching about being denied from Princeton and excessive noise.The Chronicle's headline,"Out of Control," aptly describes my understanding of the undergraduate social realities at this institution.Durham Police will be patrolling these neighborhoods aggressively over the next few weekends and will take a zero-tolerance approach to any future disturbances. Current investigations of sexual and physical assault will be put on hold until the off-campus party scene is shut down, or the detectives get new ping-pong paddles. Our neighbors are people who have made long-term commitments to their cityand neighborhood, the most significant of which is the investment in their homes. We are asking you to please be sensitive to their concerns and respectful | of their needs, and when confronted, please refrain from flashing your DukeCard and shouting "Earning Power! What now, bi-atch." Under our new Community Standard, effective this fall, you are expected to conduct yourself responsibly and honorably in all your activities as a Duke student—unless you were admitted as an Athletic Reserve, Quadruple-Legacy or under our on-going Diversity of Character program. One of the university's greatest strengths is its student body, and we hope you will represent the university well in your social endeavors, just as you do in so many other ways. Possible alternatives to acting like college students with no place to go include: croquet in the gardens; marathon sessions of straightening up and flying right; the hysterical wit of Saturday Night Live; Round Table; and Curriculum 2000. Thank you for doing your part in making me look good. Sincerely, Mary Loneta Overlord of Student Affairs

Your roommate has dealt with it. Your friends have dealt with it. You have dealt with it.

You know that eating issues are a big problem on campus and you want to do something about it.

Then why aren’t you a member?

ESTEEM

(Educating Students To Eliminate Eating Misconceptions) Become a Healthy Devil Peer Educator. We’re a group of students committed to providing clear,

real, honest information about nutrition, exercise, eating and body image concerns. And we want you to join us! For an application or more information contact Becky Griesse at beckv.ariesse@duke.edu or 668-0997. Training for Healthy Devil Peer Educators will be Saturday, September 13, 2003 from 10am 7pm in Von Canon. Pre-registration is required. -

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Picture this: cell phones change lives By Whitney Beckett

prom clothes around?). So you are trading numbers, but you do not remember the luck y 9uy s name? Snap a Every time he calls, that photo will pop up along lam about as good at names as lam with electrical engineering. Let me explain that u eve you recorded for hls name ( Saturday nl 9 ht >• lf you ha P pen ,0 match a wlth what ; my science credits include Physics of Forensics and AIDS. Freshman year had name ,0 the face your Phone becomes re 9ular flash cards for Who to Know at Dukea line prepared for when people (whom had met a dozen times but your most important class. ' whose names might as well have been multivariable formulas) gave me Secondly ' s smaller tha a camera Wlth everythmg else to carry, a digital camera their numbers. would cock my head to the side and-looking my sometimes be the straw that breaks the Prada zipper. Picture phones allow you can blondest —say,"l have no idea howto use my phone. Could you program t0 kl pictures without having to worry about breaking or misplacing your name in?" Needless to say, everyone thought was really sharp. you . . ~ . Sadly, even feigning that should have attended UNC did not alleviate Th,rdlyblackma.lThe priceless picture of the dongeredfrat boy the two guys the problem because, inevitably, the person would call,the name"Aaron" nably pass ed ut on top of one another and the drunk girl making out 9 ue would pop up and I would have a five-minute conversation pretending X with the dog make this a party must. Instead of just calling around to gossip , V =) had even the faintest idea to whom I was speaking. a bout it, provide a visual. A pictu re is worth a thousand words thinkofthe minA u ir i xu uhave access to my„no:nt.fn^w'rWkmnn„ . , Here is point;todays freshmen are very, very lucky.They A~) And dunn9 Soronty rusb week do not doubtthat these wlll be a Utes picture phones going into the time of their lives when they meet more people %, popular tool or recording rush infractions. than will attend the Ludacris concert, I have actually put quite a bit of time into And * nally ' P ' C,Ure ph eS gn? yOU the al ' mportant second opinion. considering exactly how lucky the Class of 2007 is, not to mention all the cool Wpm d that ****** '°oks cute because, well everyone looks kind of cute things I can do with my new phone. . . . • . after that much beer? Take a picture and send it to someone sans beer goga i u TU . . The first advantage is face recognition. As was saying, .u these camera phones are I V gles for a veto or ratiflcation.Thmk of the revolution. u«. u i/u u a 4.u t better than a face book (because who really looks like his picture, much less wears his '

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Fedin’ Froqgish? Leap over to Brightleafs new gaining cafe By Jon Schnaars Are you sick and tired of sleepless nights, work piling up in a dank dorm room, while you develop blisters because you haven't put your Xbox controller down in six hours? Neither am I. But now, thanks to the good folks over at Millennium Records in Brightleaf Square, gamephiles throughout the greater Duke community have another option when looking to get their arcading fix.This new addition is Game Frog Cafe, a clever twist on the internet cafe idea which seems to be appearing in nearly every major city. Instead of checking your e-mail and sipping a latte however. Game Frog allows visitors to tackle cooperative missions on Ghost Recon with your friends in California or throw Hail Marys to your buddy who's in Costa Rica for the semester.

What Game Frog offers are four systems worth of quality video gaming: Gamecube, Xbox, Playstation 2, and the PC, all on state-of-the-art equipment. From two massive TVs to plush beanbag chairs to the highpowered gaming computer consoles, Game Frog

offers the best of the best from the world of video games. For an hourly fee players can choose from a wall of titles, including all the newest and hottest, and play on their own, on the internet or against networked players within Game Frog. To add a new dimension to some of the more popular games, the cafe has organized weekly tournaments, allowing gamers to match wits in Halo and Madden 2004 for the time-being with more on the way. But if your tastes are a little more old-school in style. Game Frog will soon be offering special nights of Super Nintendo, Genesis, and other throwback system gaming bliss.And just to make sure that you don't keel over when you hit the midway point of your $50,16hour bonanza, there are plenty of refreshments ranging from Red Bull to Starbucks Double Shot. The bottom line here is that Game Frog, celebrating its Grand Opening this Saturday, delivers up exactly what they advertise: a high quality, gamer friendly atmosphere, paired with good service and a wide selection of games. Game Frog offers the opportunity to experience this growing trend to those without the

The excitement never ends at Game Frog Cafe

money or time to invest in their own online gaming systems. Beyond that, the new venture offers a place, outside the solitary confinement of dorm rooms and basements, for real enthusiasts to come together and talk games. While the novelty of a game cate will provide many with a new place to fritter away precious studying hours, sadly, Game Frog will never truly flourish until it can replicate that strung out, dirty underwear-wearing, phone call-ignoring, all night quest to conquer the next level.

Leagues

forming Learn to play hockey Open to men and women age 18 and over

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/^eces^Film REVIEWS

‘Non’ thanks Kate Hudson demonstrates a true joie de vivre throughout

this Merchant-Ivory comedy, but Le Divorce lacks panache By Natalia Antonova

Like

that dumb blonde you randomly picked up at a party last weekend, Le Divorce has sex appeal on the surface, but leaves a lot to

be desired underneath A Merchant-Ivory adaptation of Diane Johnson’s novel of the same name, the film casts itself in the guise of a clever comedy of

manners on social differences between the French and the American. Instead, it comes off as just mannered—as in put-on and artificial. Isabel, played by the ever-perky Kate Hudson, arrives in Paris to help out her pregnant sister Roxy just as her French htisband leaves her for another woman. How an intellectual like Roxy, a poet, ended up with a spoiled mama’s boy incapable of choosing his own underwear is never clearly explained. And that’s fitting for Le Divorce, a film not nearly as concerned with character motivation as with the frilly environment its characters occupy. Didn’t Ivory get the memo? People are more interesting to watch than accessories! A preten-

tious red crocodile Hermes handto Isabel from her sugar-daddy) serves as the focus of half the film’s scenes? It’s too much. The film’s carnal obsession with pretty details—a teacup’s floral design, a wee lapdog, a rainbow umbrella—is so overwhelming, the film might have been directed by a bored housewife disguised as John Ivory. As Isabel’s expatriate employer, Glenn Close is the embodiment of Ivory’s fascination with the little elements we’re supposed to find charming and revealing. When Close gushes about the way that French women wear their scarves, the viewer gets the sense that the sequence is supposed to be ironic—a charmed, revealing valen-

bag (a gift

tine to American stereotypes of the French. But without precision, irony falls flat, and that curse seems to plague the directors in Le Divorce throughout the film. Overall, the cultural pretensions ofLe Divorce boil down to a few highlights of American and French societies that are about as stimulating as a cheap vibrator. The French like cheese—the Americans mispronounce the French language; it’s not revolutionary stuff. As refreshing as it is to see Americans once again focus on the French in a manner that excludes the notion of “freedom fries,” Le Divorce is merely a decent story that gets lost in clumsy frivolity. At least Rate Hudson looks tres chic.

Oh so dirty pretty things By A droning, monotonous waltz of the silent—of those who remain unseen in their dance of misery—Dirty Pretty Things tells the story of life’s undesirable elements and the people compelled to suffer in them. It’s the story of illegal immigrants—those who are exiled or running from their own country and culture, and the greedy business owners who relish in their ability to draw from an ocean of desperate aliens willing to work for mere pennies. British Director Stephen Frears (High Fidelity, Mary Reilly) takes us on a dark journey though the sordid London underbelly of filth and corruption. Dirty Pretty Things does not concern

Tom Roller

itself with the employers who, unable to find workers for undesirable shifts, hire illegals as a last resort. This film is about those who abuse, rape and murder the phantom citizens for their own intentions and monetary gain. Illegal immigrants, living under the threat of deportation, are unable to report the crimes for fear of worse consequences. Their only option? Accept the abuse and continue slaving for their livelihood, until their eventual capture and deportation... or perhaps trade a kidney for a forged passport. Okwe (newcomer Chiwetel Ejiofor) is an exiled Nigerian doctor, working a hotel night shift, and forced by his boss to engage

in the black market trade ofhuman organs. After learning of those who are dead or dying from the hacked operations of nonprofessional doctors, Okwe faces a difficult Catch 22. While his operations save lives, he will only perpetuate the system that forces so much misery upon fellow immigrants. The film unfolds quickly, barely able to contain itself within the shallow boundaries of a work schedule, rift with the interruptions of one living on the edge. From the thick accents and scripted confusion emerges the story of Okwe’s Turkish roommate Senay (Audrey Tautou), for whom the threat of deportation is the most real. Dirty Pretty Things marks Tautou’s first return to

American theaters since 2001 ’s brilliantly popular Amelie. While Tautou’s screen time is disappointingly limited, she somehow retains that enigmatic charm as she braces through scenes of sexual assault too difficult to watch. Lacking a cohesive plot, Dirty’s broken story functions not to entertain but to document the daily horrors of the unknown. While set in London, Dirty Pretty Things could easily become a collage ofAmerican social problems, calling to mind the people we use but don’t see: the quietly obscure maids, dish washers and farm hands haunting the South’s coundess hotels, restaurants and Mount Olive pickle farms.

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Duke’s Future Decorators By or most of us, our college living spaces are the first chances we’ve had to go Christopher Lowell in our own bedrooms, but if I see one more person with a Pink Floyd “The Wall” poster or a übiquitous Van Gogh print I’m afraid I might have to agree with those who criticize Dukies for their proclivity toward conformity. So for those of you who are still hanging your “safe” DMB posters on your doors, this article is for you. Here is a compilation of some of the very coolest things Dukies have done to their rooms, apartments and off-campus homes. It’s sometimes hard to pouryour heart and decorating soul into a room that you will only be occupying for eight months. Senior Naomi Reagan has found her way around this problem by passing down a Central Campus apartment over the years. She and her friends have always been at Duke through summer school, enabling them to maintain their decor since the first summer after their freshman year. Permanent additions include a built-in bar with mirrors, shelves and a wine rack. The ceiling is a mosaic of colored lights and paper lanterns adding a homier touch than the usual prison-like lighting of the typical Duke-issued fixture. The key to the apartment, however, is not the lighting, the colorful posters or the cozy overabundance of futons. It is the quote wall. Gradually, the apartment’s occupants have kept track of random personal quotes over the years. The very best of these have been written in colorful magic marker all over their hallway. There is nothing like an out-of-context quote as a conversation starter. While most of us reserve this sort of craziness for our away messages, Naomi has proudly written, “Dad is on the Barbie with the cabana boy.” on her wall. I don’t know

Gillian Barnard

what it means and I didn’t bother asking. Somehow it original plans for the room had included a complete secseems right at home with the eclectic eccentricity that is ond story, Mike explained that they pretty much figured her apartment. out what they wanted as they worked. While all college apartments and dorm rooms If planning an extensive building project will not fit inevitably take on a haphazard feel, senior Justin Gilanyi into your schedule, a single object can really dress up has found away to use the objects of his existence to creyour digs. Seniors Neil Terry, Jack Mercer and “John K” ate assemblages. Using flea market type items, he has fashhave found the perfect yard accessory for their off-camioned a series of black boxes for his living room. These pus house—a twenty-eight foot Riviera cruiser pontoon diorama type art works are an attempt to take objects that boat. As Neil explained, one of their house members might be trash to some people and create something that knew a pontoon dealer with a boat he couldn’t sell. Since reflects his taste. Justin explains that the standardizedfureveryone agreed it would be “really fun” to have a boat, it niture of Central Campus inspired him to add an artistic was quickly adopted and renovated. Now, it seats twelve to flavor to his otherwise banal surroundings. By using basic fourteen people in plush white leather chairs and objects from Wal-Mart and Target he has adopted the includes accessories such as coolers and a bed. The guys Trading Spaces motto of economically creating something have even constructed a set of steps to facilitate boarding. exciting and trendy out of something dull. As he explains, Everyone loves boats, but if you are trying to find away “Some people choose to do the poster route and think to decorate your room without spending a cent, junior that this reflects who they are. For me it’s an interactive D.J. Vaughn has found a way—your own photos. DJ. has play because my artwork is part of me.” managed to jazz up a bland single by covering the walls in If you are not artistically inclined, never fear. his very own photography. Adorning his space are an Sometimes a hammer and nail can provide the most draextensive series of black and white flower prints (remmatic alteration to your room. Sophomores Matt Burney nants of a black and white photography class). The clearand Mike McGahan took little over a day to spectacularly ly aesthetic quality combined with the black and white alter an ordinary dorm room. Forget sleeping in run-ofmedium add an air ofelusive sophistication to the typical the-millbeds. When Matt is not resting in a hammock susmale single. Yet not all of D.J.’s photography is serious. his he dozes off in a curtained floor The most striking feature in the room is an enormous pended from ceiling bed underneath scaffolding he has constructed to hold collage of ridiculous snap shots that spell his initials. his desk. Mike siestas in a platform built over the doorFinally, a use for those pictures everyone has lying assured me that it is so well-built that does around that are not suitable for framing! it not way. He with, um, shake While even movement. you may not want to try to fit a boat into your What had initially attracted me (and countless other 155-square-foot dorm room or take the risk of sleeping visitors) to their room was their door, which had been on anything you would construct, seeing what your fellow spray-painted tie-dye. Unfortunately Matt was rudely students are capable of creating is rather inspiring. It is awakened by housing who had come to repaint the about time that we all let loose and express ourselves. I’ve offending door. Since the outside of the door is “outside” already decided that it might be time to get rid of some the room it is technically university property. While the of my Van Gogh prints.

;mber 4.200’

Pi

Sparse crowds turn out for Jump, Little Children in WEL quad By Garver Moore some reason, people are more likely to see a band if it costs them money. While Cameron Indoor Stadium doesn't have enough seats to satisfy demand for $2O tickets to see dubiously talented Ludacris, the WEL quad (with room for thousands) saw 250-ish students arriving to hear North Carolina natives Jump, Little Children, who a few days earlier played to a capacity crowd at Cat's Cradle. As a result, the concert was nowhere near as fun as it should have been. At any given concert, the closer the crowd comes to capacity, the more energy and life there is in the performance When there's more grass than people visible, the mob mentality just isn't there —any Jump fan who has seen them play a sold-out venue must have felt the slightest pang of guilt as the group tried unsuccessfully to work the pseudo-crowd. J,LC is a band best enjoyed in the company of good friends, dancing and jumping with the grass under your feet. Such gyrations, sadly, were not made until the final song,"My Guitar," and it is little wonder the band, without hesitation, committed the concert abortion of refusing "one more song." As far as the music goes, even if you have no idea who Jump is, you still know their songs—trust me on this one. Best described as the perverse five-headed love-child of Weezer, Radiohead and Cake, Jump, Little Children plays a lively and innovative breed of music and makes good use of instruments somewhat unique to rock groups—electric cellos, an upright bass, accordion, etc. If you go to "that music guy" down the hall and borrow Vertigo, you'll wish you had seen them live. Jump aside, do yourself and everybody else you know a favor. Next time a big act comes to Duke, listen to their work a week in advance. If you like what you hear, go to the concert, especially if it's free. We're going to see fewer and fewer live bands if it becomes known that Duke is a terrible place to play —and nobody wants that. Well, maybe Ludacris.

For

Jump, Little Childen's Jay Clifford, Matt Bivins and Evan Bivins play for the adoring crowds,

Photos by Jenny Mao

Mary J. Blige

Mike Gordon Inside In

Love & Life By Robert Winterode

By Charles Lin

Trey

Anastasio and Phish must cast a large shadow. Bassist Mike Gordon must need a tan. Badly. That's one way of explaining his first four-year-in-the-making solo release, I nside In. Phish fans all around, take a deep breath n0w.... Ready? It's been a long summer. Now don't hang me all that quickly. Inside In is a funny, good listen with talent brimming and spilling over in sloppy bass note buckets, but that's exactly it. It's spilt milk, or rather a funky overflow of jambandarino hash and peyote juice united under a tongue-and-cheek loose vision of something comedic, wry and trademark Phish silly. It'll leave you begging to hot box your deadhead friend's Volvo in a heart-beat just to make the lacking vocals and strangely nonsensical lyrics seem coherent. If you're still hesitant about unscrewing that sink screen, listen:"He had no horse but he had a saddle/ He had no time but he went for a ride," he croons on "The Beltless Buckler." I had an eighth grade English teacher once who said if it doesn't make sense, that's just poetic expression. Yes. Expression. Well, if you've listened closely to Phish there's a tyrant named Wilson, lizard people, a multibeast and a mockingbird that gets rubber banded to a stick so it can't help save the Helping Friendly Book. So yes. Expression. Give the man some deserved credit, he's spent years putting this album together and it certainly shows the effort. It doesn't bear the sloppy tendencies of most jam-band creations; there's a deliberate construction in there (somewhere) and in certain moments when it peaks through, a moment of clairvoyance blooms. But that moment wanes as only a shadow under the greater triumphs of Phish. There is redemption. In 2002, Gordon collaborated with guitar great Leo Kottke. That album, Clone, is as unique and fresh an accomplishment as any to come along. Kottke's fingerpicking guitar style reacts with Gordon's funk-driven bass for a whole new substance it's bloody alchemy! That transformative album does Mike Gordon much more ■ justice than Inside In and explores an actual departure from the now age-old granite stylings of Phish. Pick that one up instead and give Gordon his vaKML/C overdue week at the beach. —

Attention:

Mary J. Blige has found that special someand this time there is definitely no more*, one, drama. Instead, on her sixth studio album, Love & 'Life, Blige's warbling voice tells of her new outlook on life and, of course, her newfound love. Sean "P. Diddy" Combs returns as her producer, a role he served on Blige's debut, What's the 411? and its follow-up, My Life. In many ways, Love & Life is about Blige returning to her roots. Occasionally, an artist's trip back into her past often signals a creative rut or nostalgia for better days. Blige is still on top, however. Aside from a few allusions to her debutand the intro taken right from her first effort, she is blazing an entirely new and different trail for herself. In a sense, the album is both a reflection and an anthem of her past. She is looking back, sometimes in amazement, usually in pride, at all that she's accomplished, but this time, she's not dwelling on the sadder moments. On the surface, P. Diddy provides the perfect complement to Blige's singing: plasticky club beats that sound like normal hip-hop fare, until Blige's vocals breathe life into them.Take the album's lead single,"Love @ First Sight,"a danceable beat that when blended with Blige's soulful voice becomes Top 40 hit material. On other tracks, like on the sultry songs "When We" and "Feel Like Making Love," a new, sexy side of Blige is revealed. Indeed, revelation could be the theme of this album. On each of the 18 tracks, a new facet of Mary J. Blige is discovered. Maybe because of this, Blige's style as an artist sounds much more developed here than ML in any of her other albums. Who mm E knew she had it in her? 1

/Cecegg*"Entertainment

PAGE?

The Season for tailgating returns to Wallace Wade By Meghan Valerio Its a tradition rife with costumes and chanting, cheers and beer. Its participants promote it as a bonding experience, an expression of school spirit and just plain fun. No, no, we're not talking about fraternity rush or even a basketball game.West residents might whine about the back of the Blue Zone when they have to park there, but head towards the most undesirable pavement this Saturday to see it transformed: We're talking about tailgating. Pre-football game revelry known as tailgating has an uncertain place at Duke University, having moved from a campus-wide tradition to a more specialized—some might say marginalized—funfest.Tailgating suffered a particular blow last fall, when Dean of Students and Assistant Vice-President for Student Affairs Sue Wasiolek discovered kegs before the Louisville game. Fraternity members, when told to move the kegs to avoid citation, cleverly kept their kegs and drank from them by placing them in cars and running tubes out the windows. Although such problem-solving would make any PPS major proud, current and future generations of Blue-Devils-in-the-Blue-Zone drinkers will probably need to wile away theirsobriety with cases and cans. Tailgating might seem a bit wild to the newcomer —indeed, students whose siblings or parents didn't go to a football school often don't even know what it is.The beer eskies,the lawn chairs, the scent of charred meat, the lacrosse team in diapers and tutus—all contribute to a truly unique sensory cultural experience (it doesn't have to be high culture to be culture, right?). At "football schools" like Notre Dame, Penn State and Louisiana State University, parking lots are filled not with station wagons but with motor homes. At LSU, which has night games, the debauchery lasts all day. Want proof? Head to a Blue Devil tailgate against, say, ECU. They're there at 8. There are lots of them. It's not even their parking lot. Was tailgating always like this?The general history of tailgating begins with the first college football game between Rutgers and Princeton in 1869 (yes, this is time-honored tradition,folks), with a traditional dinner before the game.In the parking lot it wasn't,and the many cans of Busch Light weren'ttobe added until later, but associating festivities with the time before a football game had taken an unshakable hold. At Duke, what has become tailgating began as a series of parties before important

games and dedicated weekends for Homecoming and a more raucous event called "Joe College Weekend." For the Carolina game, dormitories, quads and fraternities would throw large parties with live bands. Ever wonder where the pictures on the Annual Fund bus posters come from? Back when Duke's football was as good as its basketball and both teams' players joined KA and Kappa Sig in droves, fraternities would rent warehouses off-campus, spend a week building floats, and then parade them through Durham, leading eventually to the front of the fraternity section. Bands and parties would follow for the rest of the weekend. Those bygone years might seem like wholesomefun (Larry Moneta,take note!), but one alum from the early 60s, preferring not be named in deference to his wife, had a slightly different reminiscence about his own Joe College Weekend, when he built a float around the theme"Joe College Goes to Uranus." Although he wished he could provide further details, he instead linked those bygone 1960s parades with the shotgunning-behind-someone's-Suburban tailgates of today with a simple statement:"By and large, it's been largely blacked out."

continued from page 1 American Pie (the original; sequels suck) and ready to exchange our Blutos for our Beanies, 2000's Road Trip have also graduated cum laude our Dean Wormers for our Dean Pritchards, from the school of mindless, gross-out laughs. and our Otis Day and the Knights for a certain But, alas, fans of beer, bongs, boobs and butts, foul-mouthed wedding singer who laces "Total Old School will accomplish something that these Eclipse of the Heart" with a total barrage of be on nearly subliminalf-bombs. Consider it the fine films could not. It's going to a classic, true tale of passing of the torch. And conpar with the one lives that are sider yourself lucky for being college way, way fun than witness to it. Old School is—more yours. dart Taking a tranquilizer every bit as much as its fabled the and in jugular charging predecessor—about screwing kid's the system, damning the man, through a birthday clothes and rooting for the rejects and party? Shedding the streaking "through quad drinking until you vomit out of to the This is up gymnasium"? pure principle.Truth be told, it's funny. Now, Real not for also as probably I'm comedy. comedy. calling Oscars or anything, but Animal House, the godof the recent DVD re-release of In light father of asinine delight, didn't exactly rack up Animal House (the "Double-Secret Probation Widescreen Edition"), my theory is that the any accolades, other than mega-cult classic status. Judging by the frequency with which original master is reemerging once more to Duke students are watching and rewatching formally give its blessing to the new classic, in the Old School DVD —and of course firing off a very eerie Star Wars, Obi-Wan Kenobi to Luke Ferrell at Skywalker sort of way. In the spirit of this cineWill quotes every possible opportuni—I'd we as a culture are matic legacy, I say buy them both. ty say college comedy

Recess' Suggested Drinking Games for

Watching Old School 1. Every time someone calls Mitch "The Godfather," take a drink. 2. Every time Frank yells "You're my boy, Blue," take two drinks. 3. Every time one of your friends annoyingly yells "You're my boy, Blue," make him finish.Then slap him. 4. Every time the breadmaker gets re-gifted, take a shot. 5. Every time Beanie flashes that deeply hidden heart of gold, toast him heartily.Then finish your beer. 6. Every time Beanie calls for "earmuffs," take a shot. 7. When Blue dies, pour a little of your drink out.Then finish the rest. Sing along to "Dust in the Wind." 8. Every time Dean Pritchard (ably played by Jeremy Riven in a very un-Droz like role) threatens to shut down the fun, hiss loudly.Then take two drinks. 9. Someone must get naked when Frank does. If not, everyone finishes. 10. Fill it up again!

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The Chronicle

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THE CHRONICLE

THURSDAY. SEPTEMBER 4. 2003 I 7

Raindrops keep failin’ by

Christopher Clarey

NEW YORK TIMESNEWS SERVICE

With the rain that has NEW YORK transformed the second week of this U.S. Open into a waiting game continuing on Wednesday, only 13 minutes of tennis were played during the eventually canceled day session. That was enough time for top-seeded Kim Clijsters to take a 3-0 lead over fifthseeded Amelie Mauresmo at Arthur Ashe Stadium. No day matches were completed. But there were still hours of back-andforth action in the meeting rooms of the National Tennis Center as tournament officials, television executives and men’s and women’s tour officials debated salvage plans for the year’s final, fast-sinking Grand Slam event. For now, the plan remains to finish this tournament, as scheduled, on Sunday with the men’s singles final. That could require both of the men’s finalists to play four singles matches over a four-day stretch. Though rain and the delays it creates at tennis tournaments are hardly new phenomenons, playing the final four rounds in four days has never happened in the 35-year Open era at any Grand Slam event, including Wimbledon, where umbrellas and schedule revisions are as much a part of the scene as club ties and clipped accents. ‘This is our opportunity to really showcase the sport of tennis, to showcase these incredible athletes, and from that standpoint it is certainly disappointing for the sport,” said Arlen Kantarian, the U.S. Tennis Association’s chief executive for

professional tennis. “It is certainly disappointing for the sport that we didn’t have the platform we typically have.” The women will also be required to play on consecutive days to meet their appointed final round on Saturday night. An extra night session has been added to the schedule—Friday night to accommodate the women’s semifinals. But some women will still be required to complete two rounds on Thursday if weather permits: a big if at this soggy stage in the proceedings. That is because two fourth-round matches have yet to finish: Ai Sugiyama’s match with Francesca Schiavone, and Anastasia Myskina’s match with Mary Pierce. Both began late Monday evening and are now into their fourth day after the rain that caused sessions to be canceled with only minimal play on Tuesday and again Wednesday. Sugiyama, who actually warmed up for several minutes on Court 10 Wednesday afternoon, is the closest to resolution: She leads, 7-6 (5), 5-4, with Schiavone to serve. Myskina leads Pierce, 7-6 (2), 2-0. If both matches are completed Thursday morning, the winners are scheduled to play in the quarterfinals Thursday night. But that is only if Thursday’s weather does not play more dirty tricks with the schedule. If rain wipes out another day’s action, Kantarian said the women’s final would be pushed to Sunday and the men’s final to Monday. There have already been three canceled sessions and numerous complaints from players and coaches.

on

their heads at Open

J. CONRAD WILLIAMS/KRT SPORTS

Andy Roddick is playing some of the best tennis of his career in this year's soggy U.S. Open

No Mo in scarlet and grey; transfer or Canada? by

Tuesday, Geiger told reporters that his

Mike Freeman

The relationship between running back Maurice Clarett and Ohio State has turned so sour that he will most likely never play another game for the team he helped turn into the national champion, Jim Brown, the Hall ofFame player who is advising the Clarett family, said on Wednesday. Brown, who speaks to either Clarett or his mother, Michelle, almost daily, also said that Clarett was seriously considering transferring to another university. Clarett missed Ohio State’s season opener last Saturday as part of a multigame suspension from the university for his exaggerations in a theft report filed with the police. “Maurice is exploring every option at this point,” Brown said in a telephone interview. “I think it’s safe to say that Maurice probably won’t play again at Ohio State. That could change, but that is the way it looks now. So Maurice would be foolish not to think ahead. One of the possibilities is Maurice transferring and starting his career over somewhere else.” The NCAA is also investigating the theft incident, and the university has forwarded information from its inquiry into accusations of academic fraud involving Clarett to the NCAA. If Clarett, who helped the Buckeyes win the national title last season in the Fiesta Bowl, leaves Ohio State, any punishment handed down to him would most likely follow him to whatever college he selected. But Brown said that things had become so strained it could easily reach a point where Clarett feels it is time to leave Columbus. Brown also said he had spoken to several former NFL personnel men and scouts who advised him that Clarett’s transferring was among his top options.

of whether Clarett would play again resulted from Clarett’s not being forthcoming with Ohio State and NCAA investigators. Ohio State and the NCAA have been looking into Clarett’s July claim that more than $lO,OOO in cash and merchandise ofhis were stolen from a borrowed sport utility vehicle. Clarett later admitted that he had lied about the value of the items. Geiger said Clarett had violated several NCAA rules, one dealing with receiving extra benefits and another, perhaps more important, requiring ethical behavior by athletes. “We put great stock, as does the NCAA, in forthrightness and straightforward answers to questions bathed in truth,” Geiger said. “We have yet to get there, which is distressing.” Geiger added that if Clarett had told the truth from the beginning, ‘This might have been over in July.” Early on in both investigations, Ohio State officials said Clarett would face little or no punishment, then said he might be suspended only one game. The university later announced a suspension for an unspecified number of games. At one point, Ohio State was admonishing reporters for calling it a suspension. “They have been all over the place,” Brown said. Ohio State maintains that is because Clarett has not always told the truth. The Plain Dealer ofCleveland reported on Wednesday that part of Tressel’s decision to banish Clarett from the field was due to three missteps Clarett made before Ohio State’s opener against Washington. On game day, The Plain Dealer reported, Clarett drove his own vehicle to the game; Tressel asks all players to ride the team bus. Also, Clarett wanted to wear his game jersey on the field and argued with Ohio State staff members when he was told he could not. assessment

NEW YORK TIMESNEWS SERVICE

ALDIAZ/KRT SPORTS

Maurice Clarett is considering at his options, including transferring, playing in Canada, or going for the NFL But Brown did not rule out Clarett’s mounting a legal challenge to the NFL’s eligibilityrules. The NFL bars players until they have been out of high school for three seasons; this is Clarett’s second year out of high school. “Most ofall I want Maurice and his family to be patient, to go through this current process and not make any rash decisions,” Brown said. ‘They’re being very calm and very smart about this.” He added: “In my opinion, one of the problems here is that the school is underestimating Maurice as a person. What happens with a lot of African-American athletes is that they don’t get enough

credit for being intelligent. Maurice is a very bright young man, and if he knows something is wrong, or if he is not being treated with respect, he’s not just going to roll over.” Clarett’s situation took another turn this week when Andy Geiger, the Ohio State athletic director, said it was unlikely that Clarett would play again for the Buckeyes in the foreseeable future. This came as coach Jim Tressel changed his mind abruptly and barred Clarett from practicing with the team until all of his eligibility issues were resolved. Attempts to reach Ohio State officials were unsuccessful.

8 I

Classifieds

THURSDAY. SEPTEMBER 4. 2003

Announcements 7 Room (3 bedrooms), central heat/air, all appliances, screened front porch, hardwood floors, 2 car garage with enclosed storage, on 2 acres. Hillsborough area. 2 Minutes off 1-85/1-40. Professional quality. Call 919-732-8552 or 880-5680.

ATTENTION SENIORS!! Information meeting for Seniors interested in applying to Business School. Wednesday, September 17 in 139 Social Sciences at s:3opm. Please attend!

CHINESE TAOIST MARTIAL ARTS Self defense, health meditation classes in Durham-CH. 260-0049.

trianglebagua@mindspring.com.

FALL 2003 HOUSE COURSE REGISTRATION. CHECK OUT EXCITING TOPICS THE OFFERED THIS SEMESTER! Online Registration Deadline: 2003. 5, September Descriptions of each House Course available at www.aas.duke.edu/trinity/house crs/. Descriptions also located thru ACES. Course syllabi are available on Duke’s online ereserves and in 04 Allen

Designer tuxedos. Own yours for $BO. Includes coat, pants, tie, vest, studs, and cufflinks. Student ID required. Formal Wear Outlet. Hillsborough 644-8243.

Experienced babysitter needed for Thursdays, 1-4pm. Only 2 miles

Welcome Back Duke Students. As a special “get-to-know-you” offer we will give the first 200 of you a cut and style for $25. Mention this ad when you schedule an appointment or walk in and bring your Duke ID card. (Offer expires October 6). Across the Street Hair Design Studio, Brightleaf Square. 6835515.

Duke couple seeking care for our two year-old daughter at our home near West Campus. Looking for energetic, enthusiastic people that can commit to 3-10 hours per week. Call Jon at 490-0407 or email at jihl @ duke.edu.

Apts. For Rent IBR 5 minutes to West Campus. Hardwood floors, central heat/air. Call 730-7071.

1993 Lexus SC3OO. 48,00 miles. Excellent condition and maintenance. Moonroof. Alarm. Upgraded sound. $14,000. (919) 401-4122.

MINDFULNESS MEDITATION For

Duke students. Every Tuesday 4:30-s:3opm starting September 9th. Location: 211 Page Building. Sponsored by CAPS. Call Holly Rogers @ 6601000 for more Information.

Deadline September 15 CAMPUS GRANTS of up to $5OO are available to students, staff, and faculty to support initiatives at Duke that promote ethical reflection, deliberation, and dialogue. The Campus Grants program provides support for speakers, workshops, meetings, curriculum development, publications, organizational collborations, and other activities. For information and application, see Grants & Awards at website http://kenan.ethics.duke.edu or call 660-3033.

Triangle area supporters of Congressman Dennis Kucinich’s presidential primary campaign will meet in Durham, Thursday, September 4, 7pm at the Eno River Unitarian Universalist Fellowship Church, 4907 Barrett Road for the national “MEET UP”. Phone 4080530 or email panchoncl @hotmail.com Ad paid tor by Triangle Area Kucinich Campaign.

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Carolina Sky Sports 1-800-SKY-DIVE

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Email

Seeking student to babysit two young and easygoing children. Help needed for afternoon pickups (3 hours per week) and occasional evenings. Student should have car and prior experience. All locations convenient to Duke. $lO/hr. Contact 403-0745 or setton@duke.edu.

Childcare needed for 7 month-old. Close to Duke. 2-3 afternoons per week (Mon-Wed), approximately 12-5. Non-smoking, own transportation, experience with infants, references, academic year commit-

ment preferred. Salary negotiable. 401-2423 or cbiber@earthlink.net. Playful babysitter wanted for jubilant 18mth girl. 16-25 hrs/wk- hours & days flexible. Job includes driving to playground and most importantly having fun! Competitive compensation, depending on experience. Excellent referdriver’s required, ences license. Nonsmoker. Contact Emily, 919-382-8631.

SEEKING PART-TIME NANNY Durham family seeks nanny for 15-20 afternoon hours a week including one weekend day. School pick up for 12 y.o. girl and 8 y.o. boy. Care for older children and 2 y.o. twin boys. Excellent pay, loving family, great kids. Must have car and excellent childcare references. Email: hegger@psych.mc.duke.edu or call 949-1154.

r^ The Duke Center for Integrative Medicine is pleased to offer

Mindfulness-Based Stress Reduction

A SPRING BREAKER NEEDED. 2004’s Hottest Destinations & Parties. 2 free trips/high commissions. sunsplash.com. 1800-4267710. Afterschool tutor wanted, 8-14 hrs/week depending on schedule, to tutor bright, energetic 7 1/2 yr. old in reading, writing, and math and take to library and museum. $lO or more per hour depending on experience. Transportation required. Less then 10 min. from Duke. Starting immediately. Call K. Jones at 919-220-9460 between 5-9pm. Are you a student desiring RESEARCH EXPERIENCE? We’re looking for a responsible, interested undergraduate to help with fMRI studies of cognitive psychology. Flexible schedule, fun working environment, 8-15 hours per week @ $7.25/hour. (Psychology major not required: work-study

preferred).

Email memlab@psych.duke.edu or call Jennifer at 660-5639. Are you the American Dream Girl? Nationwide Model Search & bikini contest seeks contestants & nightclub recruiters for upcoming local auditions. No experience necessary. www.AmericanDreamGirl.TV

ATTENTION: WORK STUDY STUDENTS! Four student assistants needed immediately in the Talent Identification Program (TIP). Duties include general office and clerical support, light computer work with attention to business detail. One student assistant needed for Research Division. Prefer major in Psychology or related Social Science, and experience conducting literature searches. One student assistant needed to work on website initiatives. Prefer upper classman with good writing and organizational skills, who is familiar with website software (Dream Weaver). Please call Tanette Headen at 668-5140 for interview and more information.

BARTENDERS NEEDED Earn $l5-$3O/hour. Job placement assistance is top priority. Raleigh’s Bartending School. Call now for info about our back to school “student" tuition special. Offer ends soon!!! HAVE FUN! MAKE MONEY! MET PEOPLE! 919-676-0774. www.cocktailmixer.com.

CAMPAIGN ASSISTANT

Classes in Durham and Raleigh. For more information, please call 660-6745, or visit our website at WWW.dcilll.org.

■ i DUKE UNIVERSITY MEDICAL CENTER

Courier/General Assistant

Want a fun place to work? Call Jen

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duties. Dependable, physically fit for light lifting, motivated & energetic. Hrs. negotiable. $7.00/hr.

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COACHING The Emerson Waldorf High School (Chapel Hill) has paid openings for the following coaches: FALL- co-ed cross country, grades 7-10, 3:30s:oopm M-Th. WINTER- girls basketball grades 9 and 10, (JV) 5:307:oopm M-Th, with occasional Friday games. Girls basketball grades 7 and 8, 3:30-s:3opm M-Th with occasional Friday games. Boys basketball grades 7-10, 3:30s:3opm M-Th with occasional Friday games. Send resume to Robert Rich at (A.D.) Robrich2 @ mindspring.com.

the Provost. deliveries/clerical

Cute one-bedroom duplex. Duke Park neighborhood. W/D, security system, storage space. $425+ $lOO utilities. 672-7089.

Building.

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from

jmalexandr@aol.com or call 3092551.

THE CHRONICLE

needs computer and research savvy assistant for upcoming Nov. election. Pleasant office environment near Duke. Flexible hours. Email resume: teton@earthlink.net. Driver. Dependable student with car needed to pick up 12 year old boy from Orange Charter School, Hillsborough, and transport to Mt. Sinai Road area home. Whatever weekdays fit your schedule. Approximate time 2:15 to 2:45. $l5 per trip. Call Lisa 967-4025.

Curly haired models needed. All lengths and colors. 620-3648. Duke College work study student: 8-10 hrs per week. Will work entering data, doing library work, and miscellaneous duties for the Center for the Study of Religion/Spirituality and Health. Call 681-6633.

GOT SPERM?

I’m* a 40-something, single Duke Alum living in Durham. I’m seeking a healthy, intelligent sperm donor. No commitments long-term desired. Financial compensation offered. Interested? Write and tell you; me about

gotsperm2oo3@yahoo.com. Gourmet coffee bar at DUMC seeking Part Time and Full Time enthusiastic Baristas for all shifts. Competitive pay. Call Jamie at 6815884.

HIRING STUDENTS The Duck Shop is a Duke sportswear and gift shop located on Ninth Street. We are currently hiring students for part-time employment. Perfect for student schedules. Starting at $7 per hour. We are looking for availability to work on weekends and some weekday afternoons. Please call 416-3348 for more information.

Independent work for the Campaign for Duke. The Office of University Development on West Campus seeks 3 work study students to help with various projects, campus errands, light clerical work, and assisting the Research Administrative Assistant and Researchers with filing and projects. Very flexible hours. Casual work environment. Please contact Tim Young email; at 681-0441 or

timothy.young@dev.duke.edu.

NEEDED: Student (preferably work-study funded) to perform basic clerical work which may include, but is not limited to, followup phone calls and correspondence to research study patients. mostly afternoons and Hours: some evenings. Rate: $7.50/hr. Contact Tanya Kagarise at 6688222.

MOLECULAR BIOLOGIST Job

responsibilities; molecular analysis of transgenic plants by multiplex PCR, Southern and ELISA; development of several ELISA assays for quantification of transgenic proteins in plants. MS in molecular biology with 3-5 years experience or BS in molecular biology with a minimum of 5-8 years experience. Required skills and experience: strong background in molecular biology and immunoassay development. Proficient in all of the following techniques: PCR including primer design and multiplex reactions, DNA isolations and genomic Southern blots, Western blots and ELISA. Strong organizational skills for maintaining analysis records on large numbers of plants. We offer competitive salaries, excellent benefits and an attractive stock option plan. This is an exciting opportunity to work for a cutting edge company and to make a difference. To apply, please email to resume careers@athenixcorp.com or send Athenix Human Corp., to Resources, P.O. Box 110 347, Research Triangle Park, NC 277090347. EOE, www.athenixcorp.com RAINBOW SOCCER COACHES WANTED! Volunteer coaches needed for Youth, ages 3-13, and Adults, 9th grade and older. Practices M&W or T&TH, 4:00S:ISPM for Youth, 5:15-Dark for Adults. All big, small, happy, tall,

large-hearted, fun-loving people qualify. Call 967-3340 or 967-8797

Students are needed to work in The Chronicle Advertising department. These are paid positions (work-study is preferred but not required) with flexible daytime hours. Call Nalini at 684-3811 or stop by for an application at 101 West Union Building (directly across from the Duke Card Office.)

mmarcus@duke.edu.

Houses For Rent IBR apartments and 3-6BR houses with security systems available immediately. 416-0393. House priced to rent 3 bedroom, 2 bath ranch style on cul-de-sac. Fenced yard, lawn maintenance included. 2 miles from Duke in quiet neighborhood. $lOOO/month. Call 684-7366 days, 967-1261 c email evenings kmerritt@nc.rr.com

House suitable for 3 students, 10 Durbin Place. 3 bedroom, 2.5 bath, W/D, dishwasher, disposal, refrigerator, range. New carpet, freshly painted. Private drive. 919-4033525. Restored log cabin on historic farm. 15 minutes to Duke. Loft bedroom, large LR, wood stove, central heat/AC, W/D hookup; No pets. $625/month. 620-0137

WOODCROFT

Single family house; 2 BR; 11/2BA; washer-dryer;frig; storage; 2 floors. Lease $7BO/month, October 01 occupancy. Roger 919-530-6359.

Land/Lots For Sale

4.8 WOODED ACRES

Ten minutes west of Chapel Hill. Convenient to Duke, UNC and RTR Mature hardwoods. Corner lot, excellent road frontage. $86,000. Call 919-625-1073.

for information. Student workers needed for the

Film/Video/Digital Program to help with publicity, mailings, general office work. Call 660-3099 or email niku@duke.edu.

TEACHERS/Child Care Assistants. Durham church hiring EXPERIENCED childcare workers for Sun. am, Wed. pm. $B.OO per hour. Call Venetha, 682-3865 ext.3s.

Temp Help Wanted: Back by popular demand, Nobody’s Perfect presents the one and Warehouse only Express Clothing Sale. Sale will be held from Sept.lo-12th in the Bryan Center Ballroom. Women’s and Men’s 1 st quality current season merchandise at super low prices. All positions available, flexible hours. We offer competitive wages as well as a generous employee discount and fantastic bonus incentives. For additional information or toapply

contact Kathleenquag@ aol.com

JOIN THE CHRONICLE ADVERTISING STAFF

Work study needed 14 hours a week ($7.00 an hour). Varied duties including copying and answering the phone. Looking for someone that can work Mon, Wed and Friday afternoons. Please call Mindy Marcus at 684-4309 or email at

study student 8 to 10 Hours negotiable. research data. Entering Department of Psychiatry. Send to; resume mccoyo29@mc.duke.edu

MINI FRIDGE FOR SALE White, good condition. $5O 080. Contact vslo@duke.edu or 6130573.

Travel/Vacation A “Reality” Spring Break. 2004’s Hottest Prices. Book now...Free Trips, Meals & Parties, www.sunsplashtours.com or 1-800-4267710.

Spring Break 2004. Travel with STS, America’s #1 Student Tour Operator to Jamaica, Cancun, Acapulco, Bahamas and Florida. Now hiring campus reps. Call for group discounts. Information/Reservations 1-800648-4849 or www.ststravel.com.

Work

hours/week.

WORK-STUDY ART DEPARTMENT Immediate openings for several positions in the Visual Resources Center of the Department of Art and Art History, East Duke Building, East Campus. $B.OO per hour. Flexible schedule between 9:005:00, Monday-Friday. Two types of positions are available: (1) for filing, binding, labeling slides, and general clerical, (2) for digitizing slides and photographs, image processing, HTML, and data entry. Positions can also combine both aspects. Must be attentive to detail and dependable. Will train in specific procedures. You do not need to be an art/art history major. Contact John Taormina, Director, Visual Resources Center, Ph: 684E-mail 2501;

Wanted To Buy Laptop computer secondhand $5OO. Tell Simanga Kumaro. Must be in good condition. Not more than 1 year old. 613-3106. -

work-study

Lifeguard(s) needed for up to 10-15 hours/ week at the Lenox Baker Children’s Hospital therapeutic pool to guard for children and adults with special needs. Person must be at least 18 years old and hold current lifeguard certification. Hours available immediately. Pay rate is $9.00/hr. If interested contact catie Shafer at 684-4315. Movie extras/models needed. No experience required. Up to $5OO- a day. 1-888-820-0167 ext UllO. Needed: Student-preferrably workstudy funded to perform light secretarial responsibilities. Filing, copying, mail run, etc. Contact Michelle Smith @ 684-9041. Flexible hours, rate $7.50/hour.

taormina@duke.edu

ELDER CARE

LOCATOR

A Hfcy To Find Community

Assistance for Seniors

1-800-677-1116

Diversions

THE Daily Crossword ACROSS 1 Look over 5 Price 9 Outcropping 14 Head light? 15 Song for a diva 16 Spelunker 17 ICU element 18 of Gilead 19 Seriously

oondocks Aaron McGruder LOOKIN' AT ALL WHITE GIRLS ANP m TRYIN' TO LOOK

chubby

TALK PLACK ANP S REMINDS ME HOW

20 Start of quip 23 Detection device 24 Took off 25 Elegantly

CHANGED FROM PACK

stylish

(j^O k\Cl*-

28 Small Eurasian viper

31 Vega's constellation 35 Brew in a bag 36 Usher's route 38 Part 2 of quip 42 Encounter 43 Knock lightly 44 Kind 45 Before, briefly 46 Hindered 50 Away away 51 Vagabond 56 End of quip 61 More qualified 62 Versifier 63 Bunsen burner's ancestor 64 Dominion 65 Prepare copy for publication 66 Come down in buckets 67 Units of force 68 "Damn Yankees" vamp 69 Free of fat

9/4

Dilbert Scott Adams NIKE THE VEGAN

YOUR CLOTHES UJERE CREATED ON SEWING MACHINES THAT USED ELECTRICITY FROK COAL AND OIL, AND THOSE COKE FROK DEAD DINOSAURS.

I USE NO ANirAAL PRODUCTS WHATSOEVER!

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Push onward Matriarch of a

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The Chronicle Favorite Old School quotes: alex, jane You say anything to anyone about this...: ...and we’ll f-king kill you: margaux What, I thought we were in the trust tree...: card ...in the nest, were we not?: corey Well, umm, actually, a pretty nice little Saturday...: ..cross ....We’re going to go to Home Depot, yeah,...:.......whitney ...buy some wallpaper, maybe get some flooring...:. ..margaux ...stuff like that. Maybe Bed Bath & Beyond...:. ..cross, wire ...I don’t know, I don’t know if we’ll have enough time:...roily

FoxTrot Bill Amen PAIGE, YOU HAVE To START GOING To BED EARLIER.

HMMPH. /

Six HOURS OF SLEEP ISN’T ENOUGH FOR A W-YEAROLD GIRL.' IT’S AFFECTING YOUR schoolworr;

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Academic THURSDAY, SEPTEMBER 4 Dissertation Systematics Seminar: 12;40pm. Michael Hickerson, Duke University. “Climatic cycling and evolution in intertidal and subtidal communities.” 144 Biological Sciences.

Speaker: 12:30pm. Sylvia Hayes of Walltown Neighborhood Ministries will be sharing information about the organization. Sponsored by Basin and Towel. Please feel free to bring your lunch and learn how you can participate in this ministry. Alumni Memorial Common Room. Contact cwe2@duke.edu.

Friday, September 5 Chemistry Seminar: 3:3opm. Title; “DNA Motifs for Algorithmic Self-assembly and Nanofabrication”; Refreshments at 3:15 in the Lobby. 103 P.M. Gross Chemical Contact Laboratory. janet.rosenthal@duke.edu. University Program in Ecology Seminar: 4pm. Ram Oren, Duke University. “Carbon source-sink interactions as affected by water, nutrients, and atmospheric C02." 144 Biological Sciences. Psychology SHS Colloquium Speaker Series: 4pm. David Rabiner, Ph.D.DUMC “The Impact Of Attention Problems On Children’s Academic Achievement.” Refreshments will be provided. Psychology/Sociology Building Room 319. Contact: Ginger Moore,

gmoore@duke.edu.

TONIGHT

I WANT YOU IN BED BY NINE.

NINE?.' I CAN'T FALL ASLEEP AT

NINE.*

WHAT YOUR ENGLISH TEACHER SAYS.

WELL,

THAT’S AT NINE A.M.

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Account Representatives: Monica Franklin, Dawn Hall Account Assistants: Jennifer Koontz, Stephanie Risbon, Jenny Wang Sales Representatives Tim Hyer, Heather Murray, Johanna Rogers, Sim Stafford Creative Services: . Rachel Claremon, Courtney Crosson, Laura Durity, Andrew Fazekas, Deborah Holt, Heather Murray Business Assistants: .Sarah Burley, Thushara Corea

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JUUKE INVENTS L/ALENDAR -w-

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Religious

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Wesley Fellowship: s:3opm. Weekly Thursday Eucharist. Wesley Office.

Grad IV: 7pm. InterVarsity Graduate Christian Fellowship. Come for a time of worship and teaching. This week’s topic: ‘The Four Habits of Highly Effective Christian Graduate Students.” See website www.duke.edu/web/grad-iv. Centenary Lecture Hall. Room 002, New Divinity.

FRIDAY SEPTEMBER 5 Campus Crusade for Christ: Dessert Progressive on central campus.

SUNDAY, SEPTEMBER 7 Catholic Mass: 11am. White Lecture Hall.

Wesley Fellowship: 6pm. Worship. Upper East Side. Catholic Mass: 9pm. Main Chapel.

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Social Programming

THURSDAY, SEPTEMBER 4 Luncheon: 12-1 pm. Westminster Fellowship and Presbyterian/UCC Campus Ministries sponsored luncheon. Chapel Kitchen. $2.

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and Meetings THURSDAY, SEPTEMBER 4 Presidential Search Forum: Express your thoughts on the search for a new President of Duke University. The meetings will be held from 12-1 pm; lunch will be available for $3 or you may bring your own; refreshments available for all. All women employees are invited to participate. Invitations will be mailed to AWN members and RSVPs will be required. Presented by Duke University Administrative Women’s Network, if you have question you may contact AWN Chair, Judith S White at . Thomas Reading Room, Lilly Library, 2nd floor. Walltown Neighborhood Ministries: 12:30pm. Sylvia Hayes of Walltown Neighborhood Ministries Sponsored by Basin and Towel. Please feel free to bring your lunch and learn how you can participate in this ministry. Alumni Memorial Common Room. Contact.

SATURDAY, SEPTEMBER 6 Faculty Recital: Bpm. David Heid and Deborah Hollis, piano. Two-piano concert. Baldwin Auditorium, East Campus. Free admission. Call 660-3300 for more information. Mallarmg Chamber Players: Bpm. A Bach lover’s bacchanal! To start off this special season indulge yourself with all six of Bach’s most beloved works: a masterful Mallarme performance of The Complete Brandenburg

Concert. Tickets! $25 Qenerelj $lO students. Ceil *************

& 10pm. Anger Management. $1 stuemployees/$3 public.

Quadflix: 7pm

Ongoing

Events

Volunteer: Community Service Center. Contact 684-4377 or visit Redmond, Dominique

http://csc.studentaffairs.duke.edu. Volunteer: As little as 2 hours/week. Women's Center. 126 Few Fed, or 684-3897. Exhibition: Through Rebel Eyes: Youth Document Durham. An exhibition of photographs, audio pieces, art installations, and writing exploring and expressing ideas about how race, media, and sex affect youths’ everyday lives in Durham. Free event open to the public. Refreshments provided. Center for Documentary Studies, Porch Gallery. Through September 27, 2003. Duke University Museum of Art Summer Exhibitions: “Brodsky and Utkin Prints” through September 7. Alexander Brodsky and Ilya Utkin were born in Moscow in 1955, where they studied architecture together. Turning to pure ideas rather than the physical world, they became known as the “Paper Architects.” Their etchings of fantastic projects draw freely from the past, and were responses to the dehumanizing Soviet architecture that surrounded them. They were leaders of the Moscow conceptualist movement of the 1980s.

10 I

WEDNESDAY, SEPTEMBER

THE CHRONICLE

4, 2003

The Chronicle

The Independent Daily at Duke University

Download with caution Downloading files has become an increasingly dangerous game, and students should prepare to be targeted for legal recourse

In

a letter released two weeks ago, the Recording Industry Association of America threatened to target students at universities across the country who have downloaded a “substantial amont” of files illegally, and sue them up to $150,000 per song. Essentially, this means that the RIAA could target a majority of students at Duke, and that most of individuals thesewould be liable for damages The threat posed by the RIAA should not be taken lightly by members of the Duke community—students, professors and employees alike. RIAA officials have already issued over 1,145 subpoenas, some of which were directed to students at UCLA, Berkeley and MIT. From the RIAA’s perspective, illegal file-sharing detracts greatly from their revenue and sales, and interferes with their ability to market music products. While downloading a few songs may be no big deal to the average person, thousands of people downloading songs is a big deal to music companies. The principal dilemma facing the RIAA is the decentralized nature of the file-sharing process. File-sharing individuals at both ends of the spectrum, those who upload files and those who download them, can do so from anywhere in the world. For the music industry to halt the practice of illegal downloading, they must necessarily attack the problem at its most visible and prolific source —college campuses. Countless mp3s and other files are circulated around campus computers and networks every day. The high-speed connections and ease of Internet navigation on campus make file-sharing fast and painless. However, students must begin to carefully reevaluate their downloading practices. If students download files, they will be forced to pay for the copyright laws they have broken. The smartest move for students is to stop illegal downloading completely, and to do so immediately. OIT has been as cooperative as possible with students concerning downloading practices. The RIAA has asked that the University monitor student downloads and person-to-person file transfers, but much to their credit, OIT officials have refused on the grounds that monitoring would be an invasion of people’s privacy. Yet, students should take heed of the fact that OIT may eventually be forced to give up the IP addresses of downloaders, and if the RIAA presses its cases, the University will not be able to offer students much in the way of legal support. While the targeting of college students by the RIAA is a daunting proposition, the organization is within its rights, and many students are guilty of procuring illegal files. However, college students are not solely responsible for the phenomenon of file-downloading/ sharing. With this in mind, students should not be disproportionally targeted for law-suits. Everyone who has downloaded illegally is liable, and should be punished equally. Ultimately, members of the University community should realize that their actions are illegal, and stop illegal downloading entirely.

Est. 1905

The Chronicle

i nc

.

Letters to the Editor Conservative views oppressed at Duke I would like to applaud Nathan Carleton for writing the “Gay? Not Fine By Me” column. It is nice to know that there is someone at this University with the guts to stand up to an institution, administration and student body that oppress conservative thinking. Wednesday’s letter to the editor by George Gilbert brings up an interesting point. He states, “For one day, perhaps, [Nathan Carleton] felt the same marginalization that homosexuals combat every day of their lives.” Gilbert conveniently chose to overlook the fact that both he and Mr. Carleton live at Duke, a place where liberalism, diversity and acceptance is considered the norm. Let’s examine conservative thought at Duke. The majority of administrators, professors, and students at Duke are liberal. The majority of public speakers who come to Duke are liberal. I have seen students pick up stacks of “New Sense” and throw them into the trash. I have heard concerns from friends that their term papers were given lower grades because they employed conservative thinking and logic. If any minority on campus should feel oppressed, it is conservatives. Now let’s take a look, at homosexuality at Duke. I would say it is thriving. We have ah LGBT center, which is expanding. We have Coming Out Week. For

those of you who have never experienced it, I urge you to check it out. Two years ago it included a parade showcasing a rampant exhibition of sex toys and sexual acts that disgusted even some of those involved. Last year, it featured a kiss-in where people with an “alternative lifestyle” were encouraged to sit on the quad and do what they pleased. Homosexuals here don’t exactly act like a group of people who feel

oppressed. It is

true

that Carleton could have

printed up shirts that said, “Gay? Not

Fine By Me.” and distributed those freely among Duke students. If he had, he would have been more likely to endure threats and/or violence than any gay student currently at Duke. Nathan Carle ton does have to endure oppression similar to that which homosexuals are purported to experience. However, while homosexuals at Duke are free to express themselves however they choose, Carleton has to live with the fact that his views are unpopular here. I commend him on his willingness to endure this just so his views can be heard and I encourage more students to do the same.

Justin DeSimone Trinity ’O3

A step toward community We welcome the opportunity that Nathan Carleton has provided to initiate discourse and action on the “Gay? Fine By Me.” movement and the broader issue of social justice on and off the Duke campus. However, we find Carleton’s column lacking as it contains both journalistic inaccuracies and inflammatory rhetoric that detract from his argument. Much of his argument is circular, invoking stances that could be used just as easily by those individuals he criticizes. While we cannot speak to the intent of the tee-shirt campaign, we will here respond to and ask other members of the Duke community to recognize the dismissive tone of the article. We would like to point out that homophobia is similar to several other discriminatory practices that are not tolerated on campus. Each individual is entitled to his or her own opinions, but if those opinions are acted upon in such away that denies another individual the equal opportunity to

thrive as a student, scholar, athlete or person, they can easily become discriminatory

and harmful. To be “fine by,” or simply to be does not mean that one is “flaunting” or “bullying” another into accepting a different positition or person, whether it involves ethnicity, race, gender, religion or another community. Using such loaded language is in itself part of the history of violence directed at members of minorities and others of difference. Silent glares and snickers can injure just as much as a glass bottle. We call upon the Duke community to actively aspire in the coming year to understand both what makes us all different and how these differences can be respect-

fully expressed. Lara Anthony, Trinity ’O4 Adam Hall,Pratt ’O5 Nathanael Holley,Trinity ’O4 and 25 other members of the Duke

community

1993

ALEX GARINGER, Editor JANE HETHERINGTON, Managing Editor ANDREW COLLINS, University Editor CINDY YEE, University Editor ANDREW CARD, Editorial Page Editor MIKE COREY, Sports Editor JONATHAN ANGIER, GeneralManager ANTHONY CROSS, PhotographyEditor WHITNEY ROBINSON, Design Editor JENNIFER HASVOLD, City & State Editor JOSH NIMOCKS, City & State Editor MALAVIKA PRABHU, Health& Science Editor LIANA WYLER, Health & Science Editor CHRISTINA NG, Features Editor KIYA BAJPAI, Features Editor ROBERT SAMUEL, Sports Managing Editor BETSY MCDONALD, Sports Photography Editor DEAN CHAPMAN, Recess Editor DAVID WALTERS, Recess Editor TYLER ROSEN, TowerView Editor RUTH CARLITZ, TowerView Managing Editor WHITNEY BECKETT, Cable 13 Editor MATT BRADLEY, Cable 13 Editor ANDREW GERST, WireEditor KAREN HAUPTMAN, Wire Editor BOBBY RUSSEL, TowerView PhotograhpyEditor JENNY MAO, Recess PhotographyEditor JACKIE FOSTER, Features Sr..Assoc.Editor YEJI LEE, Features Sr.. Assoc. Editor DEVIN FINN, Staff DevelopmentEditor ANA MATE, Supplements Editor SUE NEWSOME, Advertising Director NADINE OOSMANALLY, SeniorEditor YU-HSIEN HUANG, Supplements Coordinator BARBARA STARBUCK, Production Manager MARY WEAVER, Operations Manager NALINI MILNE, Advertising Office Manager The Chronicle is published by the Duke Student Publishing Company, Inc., a non-profit corporation independent of Duke University.The opinions expressed in this newspaper are not necessarily those of Duke University, its students, faculty, staff, administration or trustees. Unsigned editorials represent the majority view of the editorial board. Columns, letters and cartoons represent the views of the authors. To reach theEditorial Office at 301 Flowers Building, call 684-2663 or fax 684-4696.T0 reach the Business Office at 103 West Union Building, call 684-3811.T0 reach the Advertising Office at 101 West Union Building call 684-3811 or fax 684-8295. Visit The Chronicle Online at httpV/www.chronicle.duke.edu. ® 2003 The Chronicle, Box 90858, Durham, N.C. 27708. All rights reserved. No part of this publication may be reproduced in any form without the prior, written permission of the Business Office. Each individual is entitled to one free copy.

On the record “Kids don’t have a choice for recreation. What 18-year-old wants to go non-alcoholic talent show?” Senior Michael Rechnitz, a 202 Watts Street resident, on on-campus social activities sponsored by the University. He was speaking at a forum of Durham Park residents concerned with the behavior of students living off-campus. See story on to a

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page 1.

Letters

Policy

The Chronicle welcomes submissions in the form of letters to the editor or guest columns. Submissions must include the author’s name, signature, department or class, and for purposes of identification, phone number and local address. Letters should not exceed 325 words; contact the editorial department for information regarding guest columns. The Chronicle will not publish anonymous or form letters or letters that are promotional in nature. The Chronicle reserves the right to edit letters and guest columns for length, clarity and style and the right to withhold letters based on the discretion of the editorial page editor.

Direct submissions to: Editorial Page Department The Chronicle Box 90858, Durham, NC 27708 Phone: (919) 684-2663 Fax: (919) 684-4696 E-mai 1; letters@chronicle.duke.edu

THE CHRONICLE

WEDNESDAY. SEPTEMBER 4. 2003

I 1t

Is the drug war on crack?

The

only reason I read the crime briefs section of The Chronicle is to learn even more synonyms for the word ‘stolen.’ This summer while I was perusing The Chronicle section of the crime briefs stood out from the pilfered laptops and lifted wallets. A student on West Campus was apparently duped into handing over all of his money ($3000) and drugs by local men impersonating police officers. The three men returned later and demanded “more money, drugs or names of other drug dealers.”

Christopher Scoville The crime briefs also noted that all of them were African-American and in their twenties. The student was probably about the same age. He no doubt attended a decent high school, achieved excellent grades and SAT scores and landed at Duke University. The student was also allegedly a drug dealer. The three men were presumably drug dealers, as well. The former attends a top-10 private university with its own police force and rampant drug and alcohol violations. The latter probably live somewhere in Durham in a ‘no-go zone’ for Duke students.

No doubt, the students involved in last While the statistics on-face indicate semester’s “shake-down” on West Campus race, the primary reason for the plight were petrified by the intrusion. No doubt, of these individuals is socioeconomic Duke Police became involved to stop local status. Minorities constitute a dispropormen from intimidating Duke students. No tionate percentage of our nation’s poordoubt, the University was worried about viest people. They face police discriminaolence against Duke student drug dealers. tion and violence, while often lacking And no doubt, Duke drug dealers got a knowledge of their civil liberties. The taste of the workings of drug circles outside of the Ivory Tower. According to the Centers for Disease "Corporate executives deal coControl, if the student-cum-drug dealer caine under conference tables; was white, he was four times more likely college students smoke marithan his African-American classmates to juana in secured dorm rooms; be a regular cocaine user in high school. doctors prescribe one another The National Household Survey on pain killers; suburban moms Drug Abuse of 1998 found that “most and dads get high after their current illicit drug users are white. kids go to bed." There were an estimated 9.9 million whites (72 percent of all users), 2.0 milreason for drug involvement is irrelelion blacks (15 percent), and 1.4 million vant, whether it be desperation, selfmedication or economic prosperity. Hispanics (10 percent) who were current illicit drug users in 1998.” What really matters is that minorities do Yet, the Bureau of Justice Statistics of not have the protections that people in the Department of Justice paints a difthe higher stations of our society take ferent picture. Blacks constitute over 35 for granted. Corporate executives deal cocaine percent of those arrested for drug violations—more than twice the percentage under conference tables; college students of black drug users of the total populasmoke marijuana in secured dorm tion. This “double representation” is rooms; doctors prescribe one another also true of Hispanics. It does not repain killers; suburban moms and dads get quire much research to find dozens of high after their kids go to bed. The table, the dorm room, the prescription,and shocking surveys and statistics that further corroborate these findings. Racial suburbia represent institutions and inframinorities are the prime targets of the structures that isolate these activities outside the reign of the law. Police officers drug war in this country.

cannot simply barge to confiscate speed;

into board meetings

they can break down

the doors of suspected crack dealers in ‘drug neighborhoods.’ Likewise, Durham police do not infiltrate dorm rooms to arrest the frat boy cokehead or hippie pothead (or whoever for that matter) when they can drive a few miles and prey upon poor communities that lack the protection that is a major, private university. These poor communities in Durham are a hop, skip and a jump away from the “nice” neighborhoods where some Duke professors enjoy their weekly joints. The student dealing drugs on-campus last semester was undoubtedly shocked when three local men walked onto campus and upset this balance of power and privilege. The wall surrounding Duke momentarily crumbled, and at least one unsuspecting student was smothered by the rubble. Everyone else at Duke can probably continue to hide behind that wall now and in the future. The racial inequities in police targeting and prosecutions are just the tip of the iceberg. The drug war in America is a failed machine. It’s time to demolish the machinery and create a more just and effective system to address drug use in this country. Christopher Scoville is a Trinity junior. His column appears every other Thursday.

The political economy of bowling

Gather

around all you Democratic presidential hopefuls. It’s time for Uncle Andy to tell you a

little story—the story of the Political Economy of Bowling.

Andrew Waugh Once upon a time, there was a Democratic governor from the South who was thinking about running for president. He was charismatic, intelligent, and the smoothest talker in all the United States. He championed good old-fashioned American institutions like fast food and full-figured women. But for all his charm and appeal, he couldn’t’ come up with a decent campaign strategy. His wife told him that he could build a campaign on ‘issues’ such as ‘universal health care’ and ‘balancing the budget,’ and while he believed in these causes, he knew in his heart of hearts that they wouldn’t be enough. He forced his dream to the back of his mind and all but forgot about the presidency. Then one night, the governor’s interns took him out for cosmic bowling. They knew that the bowling alley was sure to cheer him up, for in it he would find all of his favorite things: cheeseburgers, beer and bowling alley chicks. The governor didn’t bowl much himself, but in any event he figured he could get some snacks and enjoy the view from the back. A few hours and a few rounds into the evening, the governor started paying attention to the games and immediately had a revelation. The pins in the lanes were arranged in a pyramid, with the majority of pins clustered around the center and a few outlying pins to the left and the right... it was just like the American electorate! He also noticed that certain bowling strategies were more successful than others... just like election campaigns! “If I study this game of bowling,” he

thought, “I will be sure to capture the hearts and votes of the American people!” The governor began scribbling his brainstorms onto a nearby napkin. He titled his project On The Political Economy of Bowling, and

that men and women across the country couldn’t help but vote for him. But now times have changed, and the Republicans have learned the lessons of the Political Economy well. George W. Bush, shifty Texan that he is, was able to it went something like this: much like the American march all over the laser-straight A1 Gore in 2000 with populace, Bowling pins, are carefully divided. The majority of pins stand in the a campaign that zig-zagged as much as his train of thought. Because the Republican party is far more middle, representing moderate views, and lesser numbers of people occupy the extreme right and extreme unified, Bush is able to employ a much more compact left. At the ultimate extremes are the gutters, represtroke in approaching his slate of policy issues, giving so that no one him poisonous political ground greater command over the spin of his campaign senting could tread it and survive the process of an election. and giving him a much more effective election vehiThis is precisely why Jerry Falwell and A1 Sharpton do cle. Democrats, having to think very hard about the precise arc of their campaigns, have a much longer not hold office. stroke in bowling terms, Each pin, representing a parwhich makes the exact ticular political viewpoint, has a Amerioutcome of their efforts high probability of influencing "Bowling pins, much like the much harder to predict. those nearby and a low probability can populace, are carefully divided. Still, your best bet is to of influencing those further away. The majority of pins stand in the As a result, one must attack the middle, representing moderate follow the way of the Political Economy of Bowling. middle in order to knock down views, and lesser numbers of people Start with a campaign that occupy the extreme right and exthe pins on both sides, and capture the election. treme left. At the ultimate extremes is moderately extreme and tugs at the heartstrings of Attacking the middle straight are the gutters, representing polititoo that one some of your bleeding on isfar no transparent a strategy, cal ground so poisonous and will tend to alienate the supcould tread it and survive the heart compatriots. Then, when they give you the porters on the extremes, causing a process of an election." nomination or when you split. The two extremes are very are clearly ahead, spin difficult to influence in the same stroke, as their viewpoints very so gready. One must avoid your campaign back towards the middle. If you land somewhere just left of center you will be sure to strike splits or the campaign will be resting primarily on luck. To maximize success, a candidate must maximize out the competition. If you miss the mark, you will the target area of a campaign by attacking the middle leave voters unaffected, and will have to try some other year to spare your political careers. at an angle. Alright, Johnny, Johnny, Joey, Howie, Bobby, Dicky, Starting at the most extreme viewpoints towards the beginning of a campaign, the candidate must run Denny, Ally, and Carol, story time is over. Go brush your teeth, wash your face, say your towards the center during later stages, so that he strikes just to the left of center. The spin increases the prayers and dream of bowling, so that we may all live target area of the campaign, ensuring the highest happily ever after. probability of a strike and of victory. Andrew Waugh is a Trinity junior. His column appears Using this strategy, that wily Southern governor crafted a campaign so subtle and vaguely appealing every third Thursday.

12 I

THURSDAY, SEPTEMBER

4. 2003

THE CHRONICL ,E