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DONALDâ€™S COSTA MESA DONKEY SHOW! MAY 06-12, 2016 | VOLUME 21 | NUMBER 36

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06 | ¡ASK A MEXICAN! | Watch

Bordertown, damn it! By Gustavo Arellano 06 | HEY, YOU! | The curious case of a neighbor’s loud-ass vibrator. By Anonymous

Feature

09 | NEWS | Donald Trump’s donkey show reaches Costa Mexico. By Weeklings galore

in back

Calendar

16 | EVENTS | Things to do while

welcoming back our Rhiannon for a spell.

Food

Frogtown Barrio Rifa at Salazar. By Gustavo Arellano

28 | LONG BEACH LUNCH | The

Good Bar and Eatery. By Sarah Bennett

Film

29 | REVIEW | Neon Bull: More City of God or The Cowboys? By Matt Coker 30 | SPECIAL SCREENINGS |

Screw Netflix, and see local stuff. By Matt Coker

Culture

31 | ART | Geeking on Nickelodeon’s history at Cal State Fullerton’s Begovich Gallery. By Dave Barton 31 | TRENDZILLA | Where to get your zine on in OC. By Aimee Murillo

Music

32 | PROFILE | OC DIY’s mission

to create a safe space for shows in South County. By Candace Hansen 34 | PREVIEW | Behemoth go for the death metal. By Jason Roche 35 | LOCALS ONLY | The Maxies are max to the max! By Candace Hansen

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36 | CONCERT GUIDE 38 | SAVAGE LOVE | By Dan Savage

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Illustration by Lalo Alcaraz Design by Dustin Ames

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¡ask a mexican!» » GUSTAVO ARELLANO DEAR MEXICAN: Believe I heard from you, in an interview, that gringo is either outdated or inappropriate and that gabacho is the better choice. I’ve checked online, and most sources say gabacho is a pejorative and/ or generally refers to Europeans. Is this the case, or is gabacho just a better word than gringo? Also, as a native SoCal cracker, is it acceptable for me to use gabacho or to refer to myself as such? What is the proper etiquette and usage so I don’t offend anyone or embarrass myself? I’ve also asked friends, but the vote seems to be split. Gringo-Gabacho Greg DEAR GABACHO: As I’ve explained in this columna before, gabacho and gringo are synonyms for the same thing: gabachos, with a couple of key differences, including a certainty in their respective etymology. Gabacho comes from Provençal, while no one has ever put forth a definite origin story for gringo. And gabachos long ago appropriated gringo into a harmless term that has absolutely no sting, while gabacho maintains its picadura. And now you want to proudly refer to yourself as a gabacho, gabacho? No. Content yourself with the theft of half of Mexico back in the day, and leave our treasures alone once and for all. DEAR MEXICAN: I retired from the Los Angeles Police Department after 29 years, the last 24 years of which were spent in Narcotics Division Major Violators. Before retiring, I purchased a lot in Los Barriles. After retiring, I built a home there, and in 1997, I moved there and have been there full-time since. In 2005, I received my Mexican citizenship. On several occasions, both by U.S. Customs and regular citizens, I’ve been asked why

I moved to Mexico. My response is always the same: I was a Los Angeles police officer for 29 years and in narcotics for 24 years. I’ve arrested a lot of illegal immigrants. Mexico is the only place I have ever been where all the illegals speak English. Saludos. Ballin’ In Baja DEAR GABACHO: I see what you did there— stick to your day job ’cause you ain’t the Keystone Kops. But you did bring up an interesting thought: the number of gaba illegals in Mexico. There are no hard números, given there are hundreds of thousands of old gabachos in Baja and Guanajuato, and I’m sure a big chunk haven’t renewed their visas in years. The better indicator is the number of Americans that Mexico deports: The Mexican Secretariat of the Interior’s Migration Policy Unit showed that for 2013, Mexico deported only 690 Americans, and I’m sure that count is primarily pochos. Compare that to the deportation figures for Central American countries: 32,800 from Honduras, around 30,000 for Guatemala, and only about 14,500 for El Salvador (and people say Mexis and Salvis have beef). See that, America? If Mexico can be kind to your undocumented in our country, why can’t you do the same to our mojados? WATCH BORDERTOWN! Folks, the FOX cartoon on which I serve as an executive producer still has a shot at renewal, so por favor watch THIS SUNDAY at 7 p.m. PST, or stream it any time on Hulu or FOX Now. Gracias, and don’t forget to tweet #renewbordertown! ASK THE MEXICAN at themexican@askamexican.net, be his fan on Facebook, follow him on Twitter, or ask him a video question at youtube.com/askamexicano!

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’m your new neighbor—nice to meet you. You’re cool, but can I ask for a favor? Can you masturbate to a different song? Every morning, I hear your AutoTuned bullshit, and I’m sorry, but it doesn’t mask your vibrator or your moans. I wouldn’t mind as much if you were bumping Jodeci or Barry White, but that song you got—girl, no.

HEY, YOU! Send anonymous thanks, confessions or accusations—changing or deleting the names of the guilty and innocent—to “Hey, You!” c/o OC Weekly, 18475 Bandilier Cir., Fountain Valley, CA 92708, or email us at letters@ocweekly.com.

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THE FRACAS AT THE FAIRGROUNDS Dispatches from last week’s Donald Trump donkey show*

by OC Weekly Staff

BY JOEL BEERS *A NOTE ABOUT THE COVER

the arena), I encountered a locked door and a dour dude who just shook his head. They locked the media out at 6:30. So, no entry. No riveting examination of the lights, sound, texture and ritualistic communion between performer and audience in the context of one of the greatest theatrical spectacles of our modern age: a campaign rally. A total bust. But here’s the thing. Though everyone was there to either support or condemn the person holding that rally, the real show were those people, not the candidate. Because although Trump’s quest for the Republican nomination for U.S. President has morphed from impossible to improbable to can-youfucking-believe-it’s-all-but-a-certainty, his

campaign isn’t really about him (because, Jesus, if Gertrude Stein was right about Oakland not having a there there, then Trump’s utter lack of intellectual and rational presence makes him the Oaktown of American politics). No, it’s really about the people who see him as some kind of manifestation of a marginalized and mocked and overlooked and ignored America, a return to American exceptionalism, and fuck you, we’re America, damn it, and you better get that straight, and those who see in him all the racism, xenophobia, ignorance and bloviating, swaggering arrogance that makes America less great than very, very small. So fuck the inside. The spectacle may have been in there, but the story was outside. As

| OCWEEKLY.COM |

Yes, that is a Democratic ass on top of Donald Trump on the cover. And it’s only fitting: For more than a year, the presumptive GOP presidential nominee has peddled all sorts of nasty myths against Mexicans, from painting undocumented immigrants as rapists and Typhoid Marias to insisting a massive wall on the U.S.-Mexico border will make America great again. His campaign has grown as grotesque as a donkey show, those Tijuana spectacles that exist only in the fevered minds of gabachos, and it made a stop in Costa Mesa last week, with Trump the featured star and the Weekly documenting every scream, punch and lie. So it’s also only fitting legendary cartoonista Lalo Alcaraz capture the moment, you know? Besides, Democrats violating Trump from behind is what he can expect when he faces Hillary Clinton come November. Enjoy our package, and don’t forget to register to vote!

When you are dealing with such a yuuuge primordial force as Donald J. Trump, apparently not even an Internet ticket OR a media credential to his rally assures access. I had both. And after checking in and securing my credential, I was inside the OC Fair’s Pacific Amphitheatre three hours before Trump’s rally. But I made the mistake of leaving to check out what was going on outside. And when word came down around 6:15 p.m. that the Pac Amp was at its 8,500-seat capacity and my ticket was no longer valid, I knew I’d have to rely on my credential. But after hoofing it back to the media entrance, a trek that took at least 20 minutes (for some unfathomable fucking reason, the media entrance and public entrance were located on opposite sides of

Continued on page 10 PHOTO BY DANNY LIAO

M ONT H X X–XX , 20 14

PARKING-LOT THEATER OF THE ABSURD

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Continued from page 9

were the seeds of the drama that would ultimately culminate in a wild block party. There wasn’t the impression early on in the day of much impending drama, long before the protesters became more numerous and vocal, and long before the Trump supporters became equally asshole-ish. Earlier in the day, everyone seemed almost goddamn sensible. Sure, there were small clusters of protesters with their “Trump is a Nazi” and “Fuck Trump” signs, and one young woman who kept chanting, “Your ancestors brought slavery and genocide to this land,” which provoked a couple of Trumpsters to blurt out, “Go back home,” to which she deftly one-upped them with “I am home. Why don’t you go back to Europe?” But for the most part, even the older white dudes with their “Send Hillary to Jail” signs were mellow. As Blaine Fuller of Huntington Beach, a grad student at Cal State Fullerton who’s looking to enter medical school, said, “I’m not here to support a wall; I support a probusiness candidate.” Jason Poch, of Huntington Beach, who brought his 11-year-old daughter, Ashley, with him, had no problem with a wall. “I’m an electrical contractor, and the wall is a simple plumbing problem,” he said. “When you have a leak in your kitchen, you stop the leak before you mop it up. I’ve got employees who work for me, and they need a path to be here legally, and the way to do it is after we stop the leak; we can come up with some kind of plan that if they’ve been here x amount of time, committed no crime and been a productive member of society, then let them stay.” Ashley, meanwhile, said she liked seeing Trump on The Apprentice. While the pro-Trump crowd was mostly white, I was surprised to see a decent-sized contingent of other races, particularly Latinos, as well as a lot of teenagers and young adults. But I was really surprised to see Jonathan Moore, an African-American Trump supporter (chew on that), who lives in Yorba Linda (WHAT???). “Even though there are some things he has said I don’t necessarily agree with as a black man, when it comes to issues, I’d rather have someone in office who believes in the American people instead of someone giving up on America,” he said. That doesn’t mean every Trump supporter was reasonable and rational. “I’m tired of the political correctness,” one guy said to no one in particular. “I like Colombian, Panamanian, Costa Rican women. Make America straight!” No more nonsense! As the two lines to get in through the main entrance began to swell (at one point, they must have stretched four football fields), the number of protesters did as well. Deputies on horseback started creating a barrier between the two sides, but the numbers were too unwieldy, and little holes in the dike regularly popped up. By

THEY SANG A SONG, TOO!

this time, being on the Trump side, near the sidewalk, was a little bit like Cersei Lannister’s walk of shame in the final episode of last season’s Game of Thrones. The chants and taunts started to get more personal. One Trump supporter, who identified herself as Mexican-American, squared off with a small group of protesters, and slaps were exchanged. When asked later what triggered it, she said, “Someone called me white. They were just disgusting. We don’t need that in America.” Seth Gaoma, who identified himself as a Hispanic, held his ground, posting up to about a dozen protesters, matching them scream for scream. “Originally, I didn’t support him, being Hispanic, but after listening to what he said, I do,” said Gaoma, a grad student in physical therapy at Loma Linda University. “I don’t think he’s anti-Mexican, he’s anti-illegal immigration. He’s said he’s loved Mexicans a thousand times, so I don’t think he’s antiMexican at all.” As a white dude walking near the Trump side, I wasn’t spared the taunts. At one point, a young Latina got in my face and screamed at me for wearing a Los Angeles Galaxy hat. “Do you know their leading scorer is Mexican?” she asked. I would have delivered a zinging rejoinder, had I not then stepped in a big pile of horseshit. One positive in all this: People really value the importance of books. I must have heard a dozen protesters and a dozen Trump supporters yell at someone else, “Just open a book! Read it!” A small reprieve came when a gaggle of young women sporting female-equality

KEVIN WARN

signs and topless except for tape covering their nipples made a run for the entrance. A little comic relief is always appreciated. Things really turned when the announcement was made that there were no tickets left. As the Weekly’s Mary Carreon reported, many Trump supporters, adults and children, burst into tears (that’s when I made my ill-fated odyssey to try to get in). When I got back, around 6:45, the tenor had absolutely changed. Now, instead of excitement, the scores of Trump fans who had made it in had nothing to do but either leave or stand around. Accordingly, the rhetoric from both sides escalated. One guy got in the face of a bandannaclad protester, screaming at him about how he saw him taking pictures of pro-Trump license plates in the parking lot. When asked how he thought the supposed-picture takers knew which cars were driven by Trumpsters, he started talking a lot about Alex Jones. More horse barriers were created, and that’s when the musical score of this particular piece of theater really got interesting. It went something like this: “FUCK TRUMP! USA! FUCK TRUMP! USA! EAST LA! BUILD THE WALL! EAST LA! BUILD THE WALL!” Even the kids got into the festive occasion. After a young Latina, no older than 12, yelled at a white girl of about the same age that she was going to lose her voice if she kept screaming, the young little lady, replied, “Well, you’re going to wake up fat some morning.” Eventually, the protesters were pushed out into the street. Things went haywire.

You’ve heard all about them. But to me, it seemed more like a block party of mostly Mexican teenagers and young adults with a shitload of cops. There was a white dude dressed as a banana who kept repeating, “Your local GMO is good for you. I’m a banana; I know what I’m talking about.” And there were some Trumpsters out there, watching the commotion on the fairgrounds side of Fair Drive. “None of them came in the rally,” one older white male said. “Good thing because we would have stomped their asses.” At this point, nothing too dramatic seemed to be happening except a small group of protesters doing the Macarena. So I split. As I was walking down Fairview, I talked to Andy Garcia, an Orange Coast College student who came just to observe. “They were all ignorant,” he said. “Both sides were being bullies. And that’s the sad thing about it. We don’t want to stoop to that level. They all became like Trump.” By the time I got to Arlington Drive, a young white guy on a skateboard rolled by and asked where everything was going down. I pointed to where copters were still circling. “Kind of everywhere over there,” I said. “But nowhere, really.” My car was parked near TeWinkle Park. Ducks live there. I stopped and asked one what it thought of the whole circus. It quacked. Next to the guy dressed as the banana and the showyour-nipple contingent, on a day and night when theater of the absurd took on multiple human dimensions, it was one of the few things anyone said that really seemed to make sense.

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DÉJÀ VU IN COSTA MESA BY R. SCOTT MOXLEY

The ultra-wealthy Republican candidate, an international celebrity generating both admiration and loathing since the 1980s, arrived with great fanfare at the Costa Mesa fairgrounds on a typically gorgeous Southern California day. A rookie at electoral politics, the candidate’s only prior experience in the world of government could be summed up in three words: generous campaign contributor. Nonetheless, he’d come to promise a genuine revolution in the affairs of state. Steeped in the intricacies of policy and their own stuffy conventional wisdom, critics couldn’t fathom a man so opposed to details would ever have a chance of winning public office. But those concerns didn’t bother the largely older-than-55, Caucasian crowd. To these Orange Countians, the time had come for change they could believe in. They’d grown increasingly disillusioned by a Democrat’s feckless government and wanted new leadership from a man unbound to the political establishment, willing to call a spade a spade and unafraid to hurl personal insults to wimpy protectors of the status quo they detested. The candidate fit that bill precisely. He didn’t need to speak eloquently or possess grandfatherly sensibilities adverse to desires fueled by adolescent angst. To bring his fans to their feet, all this man had to do was smile, wave or utter laconic lines channeled from a Steven Seagal-flick screenwriter. His name, prominently featured on commercially successful products for decades, triggered household recognition nearly on par with Tide, Coke or Charmin. People of all walks of life craved a connection with him. That a man at the top of his private profession and needing not another dollar would pay them attention only further demonstrated his fitness for duty. This rare phenomenon delivered tangible results. In a world with increasingly short attention spans, the candidate possessed awakening powers. No observer could deny his ability to drive once-apathetic voters to Republican Party polling booths. This increase in citizen activism alarmed traditional political forces that were comfortable fighting over well-worn turf and abhorred the notion unmanageable demands might cost them control over the colossal government treasury. As with everyone else, the candidate had foibles. In his case, namely women. Sacred marriage vows meant nothing, as he made no secret he considered himself a certifiable sex symbol available for females lucky enough to penetrate his lavish world of private jets, fancy nightclubs, obedient butlers and mega-mansions. In their dreams, most men wanted to be the candidate. His existence signaled possibilities. After all, he’d mastered what they’d craved: money, power and unconditional sex.

But that reputation didn’t win universal admiration. Consistent, reliable polling showed an overwhelming majority of women voters despised him. He countered by saying he loved—no cherished— women, lines delivered with misogynistic undertones the opposite sex found creepy. The more the candidate talked, the more he dug himself in a hole. Reporters who described the circumstances encountered wrath. To divert attention from his messes, the candidate used public rallies to incite hatred for the enemy of his fairytale life: journalists. On his word, angry fans jumped from their seats, booed, cursed and flipped off these men and women forced to wear “Media” identification badges with a passion usually reserved for a last-second, winning touchdown pass. Campaign rallies are, of course, theater, and theaters are where we suspend reality. The candidate, a showman at heart, understood that fact. That day in Costa Mesa, he stood smiling, surrounded by women holding placards declaring female support of his campaign. He also symbolized what he’d do to the political establishment if elected: He staged a massive wrecking ball slamming into and crushing an old Oldsmobile Cutlass. Attendees went nuts cheering. Twelve and a half years later, on April 28, Donald Trump followed Arnold Schwarzenegger’s California governorship-winning performance at those fairgrounds. After the preshow musical entertainment consisting of recorded Elton John, Pavarotti and Rolling Stones

etc.—or “Hillary for Prison 2016” T-shirts applauded energetically. You can’t make this up: They also clapped when their candidate talked about chopping up pigs, drenching bullets in pigs’ blood, and then shooting “Islamic LOOK AT THOSE terrorists” in the head with the projectiles. TINY HANDS . . . The story warmed hearts. People screamed in appreciation. A man near the front row waved a homemade sign reading, “Vote Trump: Patriotically Correct!” During Schwarzenegger’s 2003 performance, opposition remained largely hidden or, at least, quiet. Today’s protesters are determined to not repeat that mistake. Considering Trump vile, they made their voice heard through media accounts by blocking traffic, refusing law-enforcement orders to disperse, destroying public property and challenging equally bitter people wearing the Donald’s trademark “Make America Great Again” baseball cap. Thankfully, Trump didn’t drag out the wrecking ball. He found another way to whip his supporters into a frenzy. As he’s done many times, he guaranteed a future, impenetrable, 1,000-mile wall along our nation’s southwestern border. Mexico, we are assured by a man who commonly refers to himself in the third person, will “gladly” pay us upward of $10 billion for its construction. As if laughing at the notion people believe what politicians tell them during campaigns, the likely 2016 Republican Party presidential nominee mentioned a KEVIN WARN statement someone unidentified allegedly told him. “Donald,” Trump recalled the songs, Trump blasted the media, celperson saying, “you are the greatest [perebrated his wealth and fame, professed former] without a musical instrument.” economic miracle capabilities, and downThe crowd hooted in appreciation, unable to attach the line to their looming naivety. played his female woes. He pointed to “We’re going to win, win, win,” he the ladies in attendance who waved postsaid. “You’re going to be so sick and tired ers declaring, “Latinos for Trump!” and, of winning.” “Black Christian Women Love Trump!” In this Trump crowd, I saw faces that He also asked a black man—one of his suphad been present for Schwarzenegger’s porters who likes using the term “illegal Costa Mesa act, the one that ended with aliens”—to speak at the podium. bipartisan accounts of the Hollywood Trump then ridiculed political correctactor’s post-election incompetence, corness, calling for its unceremonious end. Perhaps confused by what had transpired, ruption, embarrassing flip-flops on key issues and betrayal of those who put him some in the crowd booed. But that attiin power. But the déjà vu didn’t register. tude quickly subsided. People donning Once again, these people are convinced every imaginable use of the American they’ve found their savior. flag—shirts, shorts, socks, shoes, scarves,

“YEAH, NIGGA, FUCK DONALD TRUMP!” BY GABRIEL SAN ROMÁN

The Pacific Amphitheatre seemed like the perfect venue for Trump in a county that’s right-wing as hell, no? Costa Mesa, no stranger to anti-immigrant policy at the local level, had to be a good fit for Trump’s “build that wall,” Mexi-hating mantra, right? Wrong! Waves of protests rolled out the

unwelcome mat for the Donald, blocking freeway entrances, taking over an intersection, vandalizing property. At the onset, it seemed as if Trump made the right call. As early as 4 p.m., the line of hopefuls trying to get seats for his 7 p.m. stump speech stretched far back. Only a handful of protesters gathered at the park across the street from the fairgrounds’ entrance. “Fuck you!” Trump supporters

AT LEAST THE POLICE DIDN’T KILL ANYONE . . .

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BRIAN FEINZIMER

of mostly Latino youth joined Bernie Sanders supporters and other Trump protesters. The protest turned more militant when a splinter group blocked traffic first at the fairgrounds entrance, and then to the 55 freeway northbound on-ramp. As people began to leave, anti-Trump folks revved their engines, spinning wheels until plumes of smoke lingered in the air. They peeled out while bumping—you guessed it—“FDT (Fuck Donald Trump)”! By 8:30 p.m., the crowd of protesters swelled to about a thousand people. They took over the intersection of Fair Drive and Fairview Road waving the Mexican flag. Deputies in riot gear arrived but were badly outnumbered. “FDT” graffiti decorated poles, cars and an OC Fairgrounds sign. A Costa Mesa patrol car got its windows smashed in. Cars continued revving and peeling. One even did doughnuts in the intersection (like in the YG and Nipsey Hussle music video), while deputies only sat by idly and watched. Once reinforcements arrived, deputies and local police regained control of the intersection. They declared the protest to be an unlawful assembly, they pushed the crowds back with equestrian units, a SWAT vehicle and mass arrest vans. Despite small skirmishes, no major injuries were reported. By 11 p.m., about 20 arrests had been made. When it came to the grand history of Orange County protests, the fracas at the Fairgrounds actually was pretty tame. While online trolls and good-hearted libs blasted the protesters for their profanities, for waving Mexican flags and for playing smashy-smashy with blackand-blues, it was a logical conclusion to Trump’s speech. When there’s a candidate who wants to deport folk like you, who undoubtedly picked Costa Mesa for its symbolic hate the way Ronald Reagan used Philadelphia, Mississippi, for his 1980 post-convention kickoff, what did people expect protesters to do? Knit sarapes? The true test of mayhem came later that night, when protesters grubbed at a nearby Norms next to booths filled with Trumplovers. All the chaos from the political clashes disappeared inside the restaurant. Who knows about Trump, but one thing’s for sure: Honey-mustard chicken tenders will make America great again!

yelled at the group when they drove past, complete with one-finger salutes from rolled-down windows and the oh-so-original “Make America great again!” “Trump’s rhetoric is powerful, and it’s often rooted in hate, xenophobia and misogyny,” Dr. Nina Reich said. The Loyola Marymount University professor of communication studies and Costa Mesa resident was on the protest line. “It’s no accident that he chose Costa Mesa, and his rhetoric of hate resonates with many groups here.” But then cars started passing by with supportive honks and shouting, “Fuck Donald Trump! Yeah, nigga, fuck Donald Trump!” Drivers cranked up the chorus from YG and Nipsey Hussle’s “FDT (Fuck Donald Trump),” the indisputable antiTrump anthem of the night. Latino youth from LA-based Union del Barrio joined the protest. Nearly an hour later, the crowd swelled to about 50 people, and an impromptu march headed straight for the Trump supporters waiting in line. OC Sheriff’s deputies on horseback quickly established a skirmish line to separate the two groups (taking notes, Anaheim police?), but that didn’t stop the ensuing shouting matches. “Build that wall! Build that wall!” Trump’s legion chanted. Nestor Medrano, who raps with the SanTana group Salvajes, wore the Mexican flag as though it were a cape. When he spotted a racist in line wearing a Raiders jersey, he shouted. “Say something about Mexicans at a Raiders game and see what happens!” “Trump doesn’t hate Mexicans, only illegal ones!” the man responded. Protesters kept moving down the line ahead of the equestrian units. A brief scuffle broke out when a Trump supporter shoved a Latina, but things only slightly came to a simmer. Far from seating 31,000 people, as Trump claimed, the Pacific Amphitheatre only holds 8,500, which meant throngs of supporters who waited for hours didn’t get to see their hero. Longtime activist Naui Huitzilopochtli made it inside with a ticket, but he got kicked out when Trump fans recognized him from Anaheim protests the previous Tuesday. Near the entrance, the two crowds spilled into each other, trading more insults and heated arguments. Hundreds

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As I sat inside the executive bunker at Weekly World Headquarters live-tweeting Donald Trump’s speech at the Pacific Amphitheatre and fighting untold numbers of pathetic fanboys in the process, I laughed out loud when Drumpf announced 31,000 attended his rally, with thousands more shut out. I howled as his supporters ran with the number, everyone suddenly experts at crowd-counting mechanisms for the fairgrounds. And even after the Orange County Sheriff’s Department—hardly a bastion of liberalism or a friend of the media—initially told reporters that an estimated 3,000 people were left outside the speech and that about 8,000 people actually went inside the Pac Amp to witness our own local Nuremberg Rally (four days later, they mysteriously found 12,000 more people, for a total of 23,000), the Trumpistas crowed about 31,000! Thirty-one thousand— 31K! What did Hitler say about repeating a lie enough until it becomes truth? Or was it Lenin? Or Goebbels? Marx? Anyhoo: Trump is full of shit, and his seal squad only proved it. But you don’t have to believe this leftist; take it from the Weekly, which has covered concerts at the OC Fairgrounds and the Pacific Ampitheatre for, oh, only the past 21 years and knows the whole history of the venue. Trumpistas quickly went online and insisted to everyone and anyone that the venue’s actual capacity is 18,000 people. Here’s the problem, though: The amphitheater’s full capacity hasn’t been used since the 1990s. When it reopened in 2003, after being shut down for years, it reopened with its capacity at 8,500. I asked former Weekly music editor Rich Kane, born and raised in OC and attending concerts since the 1980s, if he remembered the Pacific Ampitheatre ever going the 18,000 route after its reopening, and he said no. And if the Pacific Amphitheatre had hosted 18,000 people for an event since 2003, it wasn’t Trump’s rally. The proof is

in the expertly cropped photo used in his tweet. It had a patch of grass in the upperleft corner. That’s where SRO people would stand back in the venue’s 18K days, a swath of lawn that wraps around the seats—and it was emptier that night than Trump’s rhetoric. Then there’s this: Average daily attendance for the OC Fair is usually between 40,000 and 50,000 spread over 150 acres. Are we expected to believe that more than 60 percent of that number somehow magically squeezed into one tiny-ass amphitheater? Besides, if Trump’s people truly expected a yuuuge crowd as opposed to just a big one, they would’ve booked one of OC’s venues with far-larger capacities. He could’ve used the Irvine Meadows Amphitheatre, with a capacity of about 16,000, or the Honda Center (18,336) now that the Anaheim Ducks have no use for it after flaming out in the first round anew. Or, if Trump is really all he makes himself out to be, why didn’t he go for Mile Square Park, where Reagan kicked off his 1984 re-election to the tune of 50,000 attendees, with at least 15,000 turned away? No, Trump knew what he was doing. The Pacific Amphitheatre is classic enough in its layout but small enough to provide a perfect optical illusion of getting a bigger crowd than what actually showed. Unprecedented crowds? It looked no different than a Weird Al Yankovic concert or Orange Coast College graduation—and I should know about the latter, given I graduated from there and gave a speech there a couple of years ago upon my acceptance to the college’s Hall of Fame. You know what presidential candidate did attract an overflow crowd of more than 18,000 people to the Pacific Amphitheatre, with thousands of people waiting outside to get in? That would’ve been Bill Clinton in 1992. But Trump couldn’t be bothered to state that little fact on his night—or any facts, for that matter.

BRIAN FEINZIMER

wanted to laugh my ass off, the other half thought the shade was a bit cruel. Everywhere I looked, someone was in someone else’s face, arguing about this nation of ours. At one point, a little Mexican boy no older than 7 confronted a middle-aged Trump supporter who was instigating arguments with anyone and everyone. “Sir, I’ve had enough,” the kid said. “I’m speaking from my heart: We must stop being so violent.” The middle-aged man started pressing the little boy on foreign policy, ending with “You don’t know what you’re talking about kid.” Stay classy, OC!

One young woman holding a “Make love, not walls” sign broke into tears as she told me how she felt as though her vote and voice don’t even matter at this point. I hugged her and decided I had had enough. I walked away from the madness. I’ve never felt so much hate, anxiety and anger in a single setting. My energy receptors were working overtime processing the eclectic mix of negative vibes. It was just too much. I drove home feeling completely numb, even though I had just witnessed firsthand my country burning down to the ground.

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The protest was just weird. The full-scale chaos of a Trump rally has still not sunk in. Was any of it real? Is it really 2016, and are we, as a nation, as Orange County, still as divided as ever? After attending the Trump rally, I can undoubtedly say yes. From the first step I took on the fairgrounds, I’ve never felt so conscious of being Latina. Are these Trump supporters going to heckle me at the very sight of my tan skin and black hair? As I walked through the parking lot, I saw a pack of bros shouting out something about making Mexico pay for a wall while they tailgated and drank Coors Light. I then received a phone call from my father. I found myself consciously refraining from speaking to him in Spanish because of my fear of Trump supporters singling me out and throwing empty beer cans at me or something. It was one of the worst feelings I’ve ever felt, a true fear of being myself and the attention it would bring. How am I having these thoughts in “culturally diverse” Orange County in 2016? I met up with my film crew; our plan to make it out unscathed from this cesspool of hate and bigotry was to ask questions in a polite and objective tone. To my sur-

| the

BY DENISE DE LA CRUZ

prise, most Trump supporters answered with eloquent rhetoric for why they were voting for the Donald. And not all of them were white. I actually interviewed a Mexican-American and a Chinese-American Trump supporter. However, whenever confronted with their candidate’s sexist, racist and Islamophobic quotes, every supporter blamed the media for villainizingTrump. While every Trump supporter I spoke to expressed their political opinion, there was still a sense of constraint in their answers. I’m not saying this because I didn’t get the blatantly bigoted answers I thought I would, but because a lot of them had trouble keeping eye contact with me, especially when it came to talking about issues on immigration. What’s the matter: You didn’t have big-mouthed Trump around to say all the racist crap you really feel deep down? The hate speech finally came out of the Trump supporters when protesters showed up and inspired it out of them. Then, it was all-out desmadre in Costa Mexico. I witnessed a group of young Chicanas/os debate a white teen Trump supporter about privilege. The teenager quickly ran out of answers. The Chicanas/-os began cheering, chanting, “¡Quiere llorar!” (“He wants to cry!” a classic taunt at rock en español shows), and while half of me

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¡QUIERE LLORAR! QUIERE LLORAR!

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sunday›

WELCOME BACK, FREAK MAGNETS!

calendar * fri/05/06

[THEATER]

sat/05/07

[NIGHTLIFE]

Make Love, Not War Last Dance Lysistrata

The Secret Affair

We all know that bombing for peace is like fucking for virginity, right? But common sense never seems to get through to warmongers. Maybe the only thing that can bring peace is withholding the fucking! That’s the T H I S CO D E TO DOWNLOAD THE FREE premise of Lysistrata, a OCWEEKLY classic Greek comedy by IPHONE/ANDROID APP Aristophanes that’s being FOR MORE EVENTS OR VISIT staged at the Long Beach ocweekly.com Playhouse. Directed by James Rice, the play evokes sexual tensions in ancient Greece when Lysistrata devises her plan to put an end to the Peloponnesian War by persuading her follow women to lock up their loving in a sexual strike. But does the ploy open up a new front in a war of the sexes? Lysistrata at Long Beach Playhouse, 5021 E. Anaheim St., Long Beach, (562) 494-1014; www.lbplayhouse.org. 8 p.m. Through May 28. $10. —GABRIEL SAN ROMÁN

As one of the longest-running DJ nights at Alex’s Bar, regulars have a lot of love for the Secret Affair. Bringing original 1960s soul music to the club, it’ll put some shuffle in your walk even as you enter. Newcomers: Don’t be confused at the sight of talcum powder on the floor, as it makes your mashed potato dancing (you know how to mash potato, right?) even hotter and easier. Rotating DJs Frankie, Jesse, Brett, Clifton, Rick and Nicky Dread are on the 1’s and 2’s for perhaps the last time ever—as this is the last month of the Secret Affair residency for the foreseeable future. Get your soul fix and maybe take home an award for best dancing. Either way, step out in your best dancing shoes at the crazy go-go spot that Alex’s Bar is known to be. The Secret Affair at Alex’s Bar, 2913 E. Anaheim St., Long Beach, (562) 4348292; www.alexsbar.com. 9 p.m. $5 before 10 p.m.; $7 after. 21+.

SCAN

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—AIMEE MURILLO

[BOOKS]

BOOKS NOT BOMBS

OC Anarchist Bookfair Orange County’s second Anarchist Bookfair finds a new sponsor this year, thanks to Fullerton College’s student activists and the homegrown event’s DIY-driven collective. Organizers present an impressive lineup of lectures, panels and discussions, featuring keynote talks by internationally renowned anarchist historian and author Andrej Grubacic, Xicana punk memoirist Michelle Cruz Gonzales and anti-slavery journalist Paul Z. “El Errante” Simons. Bay Area publishers AK Press will smuggle into our county exactly those radical and anarchist books, art, music,T-shirts, and patches you can’t easily find here, from Proudhon to Emma Goldman and the Situationists to Crass, along with other objets d’resistance and more joyful anti-authoritarian solidarity than you can shake a billy club at. OC Anarchist Bookfair at Fullerton College, 321 E. Chapman Ave., Fullerton; www.facebook.com/ocanarchistbookfair. 10 a.m.-8 p.m. Free. —ANDREW TONKOVICH

[FUN]

Ride Along

Long Beach Bike Fest Taking over the streets two wheels at a time, Long Beach bike culture is thriving, inspiring thousands to take up bicycling regularly. Nowhere else is this more evident than at one of the city’s official Bike Fests, this one taking place in downtown’s East Village. Cyclists MORE of all ages and ONLINE skill levels are OCWEEKLY.COM welcome to try their gears on an obstacle course or in a race—and enjoy live music, vendors and craft beer (that one’s for 21 and older, of course). We’re just glad Second Street might be cleared up for an afternoon. Please don’t drink and bike (yes, it’s a thing that you can get in very real trouble for). Long Beach Bike Fest at East Village Arts District on First Street and Linden, Long Beach; downtownlongbeach.org. Noon. Free. —ERIN DEWITT

[CONCERT]

Cherchez les Femmes Violent Femmes

The legendary Violent Femmes recently released We Can Do Anything, their first proper album since 2000’s Freak Magnet— and it’s as if they picked up where they started back in the ’80s, rather than where they left off. Some of the songs are totally jokey (the much-discussed dragon-slaying song), and some hide heart and substance

mon/05/09 [MUSEUMS]

Surfboard Safari ‘Treasures From the John Mazza Historic Surfboard Collection’

Malibu resident John Mazza has amassed a collection of 30 priceless surfboards ranging from the 1910s to the 1980s, which together form a neat exhibit at the Surfing Heritage Museum that examines the history and evolution of the popular cultural object. From the JoJo Perrin balsa board to the “Gidget” surfboard , the variety of shapes, colors, detail and sizes of each piece deserves to be examined by fellow enthusiasts and surfers alike. “Treasures From the John Mazza Historic Surfboard Collection” at Surfing Heritage & Culture Center, 110 Calle Iglesia, San Clemente, (949) 388-0313; www.surfingheritage.org. Open 11 a.m.-5 p.m. Through July 30. $4-$5. —AIMEE MURILLO

[THEATER]

The Mad Genius

Good Grief

Dog Sees God Not many fans of Charles Schulz’s Peanuts gang would ever think about young Linus, Peppermint Patty or Pigpen facing issues such as drugs, sex, teen angst, eating disorders or depression, let alone puberty, but that’s just what these characters face in Bert V. Royal’s parody play Dog Sees God: Confessions of a Teenage Blockhead. CB—

LUPITA D’ALESSIO

Charlie Brown, the titular hero and lovable loser—is his same existential self times 10. A ray of hope emerges when he meets a bullied art-school nerd. Royal’s take may seem brand-new, but if you pay close attention to Schulz’s early comic strips, we’ve been laughing with these kids’ depression and disillusionment this whole time. Dog Sees God: Confessions of a Teenage Blockhead at STAGEStheatre, 400 E. Commonwealth Ave., Fullerton, (714) 525-4484; www.stagesoc.org. 5 p.m. Through May 22. $18-$20. —AIMEE MURILLO

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Musical genius touches us each differently. For Wolfgang Amadeus Mozart, it was truly incomparable playing talent coupled with the ability to compose symphonies and write operas like nobody’s business. To further prove he was indeed legit, a movie was made about his life, and that film has been adapted for the stage with performances at South Coast Repertory all month long. Sure, there is little historical evidence that the story in Amadeus is actually true, but none of that matters because this story of love, jealousy and murder is so fun to watch. Amadeus at South Coast Repertory, 655 Town Center Dr., Costa Mesa, (714) 7085555; www.scr.org. 7:30 p.m. Through June 5. $20-$41. —AMANDA PARSONS

[THEATER]

M A Y 0 6- M AY 1 2, 201 6

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in the humor, a time-tested Femmes tactic. And some, such as opener “Memory” or “What You Really Mean,” hit that sweet spot between Bringing It All Back Home Dylan and those Modern Lovers songs in which Jonathan Richman yearns so purely for his g-i-r-l-f-r-e-n. Which is to say, if you liked ’em then, you’ll still find what you liked in them now. Violent Femmes with Jake Brebes at the Observatory, 3503 S. Harbor Blvd., Santa Ana, (714) 957-0600; www.observatoryoc. com. 8 p.m. $35. —CHRIS ZIEGLER

sun/05/08

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TED NUGENT TED NUGENT CASH’D OUT (JOHNNY CASH TRIBUTE) WILD CHILD THE FABULOUS THUNDERBIRDS HENRY KAPONO VONDA SHEPARD JOHN WAITE THE YARDBIRDS THE WAILERS DESPERADO BERLIN AMBROSIA

9/15 9/16 9/17 10/8 10/15 10/22 10/29 11/4 11/11 11/12

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[CONCERT]

Flex Your Funny Bone Anyway You Want It Coup de Comedy Festival

Journey

File the Coup de Comedy Festival under “Underrated Annual Events You’ll Hate to Miss.” It’s a student-organized, four-day event at UC Irvine’s Claire Trevor School of the Arts that combines theater, improv comedy, workshops, performances and awards, and it’s free and open to the public. The fest kicks off with a battle between undergrad improv ensembles iRev and Live Nudes, a Revolutionary Comedy Award honor to Emmy-winning writer and producer Kay Cannon, standup comedy, voiceover workshops, Laughter Yoga, an entertainment career panel, and more. And don’t miss a notable presentation by Aretha Sills, granddaughter of theater innovator Viola Spolin, on the origins of improvisation. Coup de Comedy Festival at Claire Trevor School of the Arts, UC Irvine, 4000 Mesa Rd., Irvine; coupdecomedy2016. sched.org. 7 p.m. Through May 14. Free.

Summer hasn’t even begun, and you can already get your classic pop/rock on with yesteryear acts still going strong—and with the death of so many dearly beloveds lately, get wise and embrace them with open arms. Journey headlines this triple ticket, with front man Arnel Pineda still playing Steve Perry, and shares the stage with an amalgamation of the Doobie Brothers, featurT H I S CO D E ing two of the founding TO DOWNLOAD THE FREE members (but, alas, OCWEEKLY no late-’70s addition IPHONE/ANDROID APP FOR MORE EVENTS OR VISIT Michael McDonald). ocweekly.com Dave Mason is actually still Dave Mason, however, and always brings in the traffic, so head on over and don’t stop believin’ what a fool believes, even if we just disagree. Journey with the Doobie Brothers and Dave Mason at Irvine Meadows Amphitheatre, 8808 Irvine Center Dr., Irvine, (949) 855-8095; www.irvineamp.com. 7 p.m. $27-$142. —SR DAVIES

& The Detroit Wheels

7/10

THE FABULOUS THUNDERBIRDS

7/22

JOHN WAITE

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SCAN

[LECTURE]

[CONCERT]

COMING TO A HALT

Motion City Soundtrack

GUITAR ARMY FEAT. ROBBEN FORD, LEE ROY PARNELL, JOE ROBINSON RICHARD CHEESE DICK DALE SUPER DIAMOND PETTY VS EAGLES - THE PETTY BREAKERS & THE BOYS OF SUMMER THE PROCLAIMERS OINGO BOINGO DANCE PARTY DON MCLEAN AMERICA AMERICA follow us on Twitter

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Following the September release of their sixth studio album, Panic Stations, Motion City Soundtrack made the announcement they’d be calling it quits after this tour cycle, wrapping up an illustrious, nearly two-decade career. Unsurprisingly, fans have flocked to the band’s shows, highlighting the influence their blend of pop-punk and emo have had on legions of fans. Despite the group’s initial revolving door of members, the current lineup has been together for the better part of the past 14 years, and even with original drummerTonyThaxton returning to the group, Justin Pierre, Joshua Cain and company believe the time has come to dissolve the band. Expect the Minneapolis natives’ final area show to feature an array of hits and new tunes, reminding fans why they enjoyed Motion City Soundtrack in the first place. Motion City Soundtrack with the Spill Canvas and Microwave at the House of Blues, 1530 Disneyland Dr., Anaheim, (714) 778-2583; www.houseofblues.com. 8 p.m. $29.50-$50. —DANIEL KOHN

Blinded Us With Science

Black Holes, Gravitational Waves and Interstellar Two diametrically opposed disciplines such as science and art seem to almost have nothing to do with each other, yet they work together more closely than you think. Case in point: Kip Thorne, the Feynman professor of theoretical physics, emeritus, has been lending his scientific knowledge for film, poetry and art projects to smartly convey MORE essential ideas and ONLINE theories of science and physics, count- OCWEEKLY.COM ing Christopher Nolan’s 2014 Interstellar among them. At Chapman University, Thorne will discuss the ways in which he was able to consult writers and directors through his studies in the field of astrophysics, specifically black holes and gravitational waves. You’re bound to learn some interesting new details about our big ol’ universe. Communicating Science Through the Arts: Black Holes, Gravitational Waves and Interstellar at the Musco Center for the Arts, 1 University Dr., Orange, (844) 6268726; muscocenter.org. 7:30 p.m. Free, but ticket required. —AIMEE MURILLO

Orange County School of the Arts Grades 3-12

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Paddle into an Adventure

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EDUCATION GUIDE 2016 STUDY SHATTERS MISCONCEPTION THAT COLLEGE EDUCATION IS UNAFFORDABLE Has the dream of a college education morphed into a nightmare for most Americans? In pre-World War II America, a college education seemed attainable for the wealthy and elite only. Then the GI Bill of Rights and subsequent programs opened higher education to people who didn’t think past high school. Within a few decades, a college degree replaced a high school diploma as the golden ticket for a lifetime of higher wages. Fast-forward to the economic realities of 2016, however, and most parents and students say the cost of college tuition is more and more prohibitive. Yet a new economic value study commissioned by Coast Community College District (CCCD) tells a different story: For every $1 students invest in the two-year college district in the form of out-of-pocket expenses and forgone time and money, they receive a cumulative of $3.30 in higher future wages. In fact, researchers discovered the average annual rate of return for students was 13.3 percent – compared to the 10-year, 7.2 percent average return of the U.S. stock market. The study conducted by Economic Modeling Specialists International concluded that the two-year college district is a highperforming investment. CCCD includes Coastline Community College, Golden West College and Orange Coast College.

largely spent on groceries, rent, eating out, clothing and other household expenses in Orange County. » $313.3 million was added to the Orange County economy by CCCD students in 2013-2014.

Plus, taxpayers see more than a threefold payback. For every $1 of public money invested in CCCD, taxpayers reap $3.90 over the course of students’ working lives. The economic value of a degree from CCCD stacks up against a degree from one of the state universities, too. For example, the cost of attendance (COA) at Coastline Community College – or the total amount it would cost a student to attend the college full time for one year while living at home – is $12,128. In comparison, the COA at California State University, Sacramento would be $15,932 or $29,500 within the University of California system. In light of this information, perhaps the smartest investment a student can make is to consider a two-year college as a first step toward achieving their higher education goals.

HERE IS A SAMPLING OF KEY FINDINGS Graduates with a two-year college degree earn more: » Higher education means higher earnings. Most CCCD graduates with an associate degree will earn $492,000 more in lifetime income than a high school graduate. Orange County gets an economic boost, too: » CCCD payroll topped $179.5 million –

Photo Credit: Coastline Community College Marketing Department

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In-House Food Preparation: Our Garden Grill serves meals daily for students on campus, preparing only healthy food choices with low-fat & low-sugar ingredients. Kids Extended Day School (KEDS): OCEAA’s afterschool program provides academic enrichment that supports the day program, as well as other supplemental activities such as art, music, and Mariachi. Families Supporting OCEAA (FSO): OCEAA has an active parent committee comprised of school staff, parents and guardians, that involve parents in students education.

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PREPARING STUDENTS FOR A GLOBAL SOCIETY

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Would you like your child to learn another language and culture? Would you like her/ him to understand, speak, read and write in two world languages? Would you like her/ him to be prepared for our global society? Most parents would wholeheartedly answer “yes!” So why are there so few options for parents to choose from in Orange County given the diversity of its inhabitants? Orange County Educational Arts Academy (OCEAA) is a hidden gem located right here in Orange County. OCEAA is a public, charter school that accepts students from all over Orange and surrounding counties. It is a place where kids come together to learn each other’s language and culture. OCEAA offers a dual language program that unites both Spanish and English speaking students in the same classrooms TK through 8th grade. The Center for Applied Linguistics in Washington D.C. defines dual language as, “any program that provides literacy and content instruction through two languages and that promotes bilingualism and biliteracy, grade-level academic achievement, and multicultural competence for all students”. Forty years of research demonstrates that dual language programs are the only programs to close the achievement gap for English learners while allowing them to maintain their native language. It also is the most successful way for English dominant students to learn a second language. How and why does it work? For Spanish-speaking students, the most effective way to learn English is by fully developing their native language and then adding on English. For English-speaking students, the best way to learn a second language is by being immersed in that language. The dual language program meets the needs of both groups of students and prepares them for a global society. The benefits of bilingualism are countless and include, academic success in two languages, improved cognitive skills, increased focus, enhanced memory, delayed onset of dementia and economic benefits. Imagine your child reaping these benefits! Fortunately, there are a few hidden gems in Orange County that do see dual language as a vital component of a child’s education, OCEAA being one of those gems. By the time students leave OCEAA, they are completely bilingual, biliterate and have acquired multicultural competencies that will poise them to be able to communicate with 80% of the people on the planet. For more information on dual language education, or to take a tour of the school, please contact OCEAA at: 714-558-ARTS (2787) or visit www.oceaa.org.

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Artopia is OC Weekly’s annual event celebrating the vibrant art scene across Orange County. Art is featured in many different forms throughout the venue and paired alongside inventive food and drink sampling booths.. 10 local artists who were chosen by the public during The Creatives contest, will exhibit and sell their work in an interactive gallery experience.

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TICKETS ON SALE NOW! $30 Ticket includes event entry, access to cash bar, free food sampling and drink tastings from Tito’s Handmade Vodka and Pacifico

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To Find Out More, Visit Basic Black and White.

Come see exhibits from the WINNERS of The Creatives art contest!

Featured Artists Agustin CONTRERAS • Eli YEE Franky CASTLE • J.J. MOOTHART Johnny BRUSHSTROKES • Laura JAVORE Marcelo CALVOPINA • Robert C. OLSON Sabrina FIGUEROA • Sharon JACKMAN

This event benefits The Wooden Floor and their mission to empower low-income youth through dance, academic, and family programs.

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» GUSTAVO ARELLANO

SanTana’s Gelatin Goddess

From Seed to Sauté

BRIAN FEINZIMER

Chef/farmer Adam Navidi’s Oceans & Earth shows what farm-to-table can really mean

and built a nearly closed-loop system that involves live tilapia fish whose waste water feeds the plant beds, which then filters the water and subsequently recycles it back to the fish tanks—a real-life incarnation of that “Circle of Life” song from The Lion King. So while other restaurant cooks may tout on-site gardens as side projects to their eateries, it could be argued that, given the magnitude of his farm, Navidi’s restaurant is his side project. For sure, he’s the first chef I’ve encountered who, I can truly say, had a hand in what I was eating from seed to sauté. But this review is about the food at his restaurant. And judging from the dishes I’ve eaten, Navidi is as good with the frying pan as he is with a shovel. One of the best I ate was a Burgundy-marinated skirt steak he dubbed Ron Burgundy’s Meat and Potatoes. The meat was flavorful down to the fibers and tenderer than skirt steak had any business being. Though it could be a touch on the greasy side, Navidi also makes very good tilapia fish and chips. While the menu didn’t expressly say the fillets came from the fattest tenants of his aquaponics tanks, I would have to assume they did since the thick, moist flesh was far less muddy-tasting than other tilapias I’ve had of late. Best of all, he encased them in a batter that had a consistent crunch reminiscent of those last bits near the stick end of a Disneyland corndog. Navidi’s best fish dish, however, was the Aquarium of the Pacific bouillabaisse (called that because it abides by recommendations from the nonprofit’s sustainable-seafood-advisory program). It was

excellent despite the fact that, that night, Navidi ran out of the Santa Barbara Hope Ranch mussels that would have made up a third of the protein. In its stead, our server asked if it would be okay if the kitchen subbed in more of the local sea bass and shrimp. I said yes, and what arrived at the table was a stainless-steel pot in which Navidi simmered the seafood in white wine and butter. The fish was delicate, the shrimp sweet, but the real highlights were the julienned strips of seaweed, sliced zucchini and squash he included in the dish. For shareable small plates, Navidi has the usual suspects of roasted bone marrow, poke, and a faux foie gras pâté he made from chicken liver and duck blood. But the most dramatic of them all might be the crab croquettes. Not only did the three golden, batter-covered balls of pure crabmeat come on a hunk of shale, but the croquettes were speared with alderwood twigs and surrounded by strands of kelp, as well. That last part drove home the ocean part of the restaurant’s name as the salad I ate earlier did the earth. By the way, Navidi churns his own ice cream for dessert. If he had Holsteins at his farm, I don’t doubt that he’d be milking them himself with a stool and a bucket—the man is that committed and serious about Oceans & Earth’s greatness. OCEANS & EARTH 20305 Yorba Linda Blvd., Yorba Linda, (714) 9707027; www.oceansandearthrestaurant.com. Open Mon.-Thurs., 4-9 p.m.; Fri., 4-11 p.m.; Sat., 5-11 p.m.; Sun., 5-9 p.m. Dinner for two, $30-$90, food only. Full bar.

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estaurants have so overused the buzz phrases farm-to-table and farm-to-fork over the past decade that they have pretty much lost their meaning, as a devastating exposé by the Tampa Bay Times recently showed. When someone told me about Oceans & Earth in Yorba Linda, these terms, along with sustainable seafood, were mentioned so much that it went in one ear and out the other. And even if the restaurant actually grew a few of its own vegetables, it wouldn’t be the first. Il Garage in Stanton seats you in its garden; I actually sat so close to the plant beds that grew the tomatoes I was eating on my plate that I could smell the fertilizer. So when I ordered Oceans & Earth’s salad—which our server said is “really fresh”—I found it leafy and green, but still a salad. It wasn’t until later that I Googled the chef, Adam Navidi, and realized that that salad wasn’t just a salad. It was made from produce grown by the chef himself, who nurtured these plants not in his back yard, but on a working hydroponics farm in Brea that yields thousands of heads of lettuce, bushels of herbs, crates of tomatoes and other vegetables, which he sells at nearly all the local farmers’ markets, to other restaurants and through his Community Supported Agriculture subscribers. Google him yourself, and you’ll learn through video interviews and photo essays that Navidi is a real farmer. What’s more, his Future Foods Farm is something of a sustainable-agriculture innovator. In 10 greenhouses located on the last vestiges of rural Orange County, Navidi has designed

BY EDWIN GOEI

n addition to its stellar lonchera scene, SanTana has its own ecosystem of entrepreneurs who float among the food trucks, offering eaters another slice of working-class capitalism. Late nights at Rubén’s Mulitas brings a guy warbling corridos; a frutera hangs out just across the driveway from the taquero that parks next to Chase Bank off Main Street. A churro guy recently popped up near the clustertruck that gathers around Warner Avenue and Bristol Street late at night; more than a few loncheras have smaller trucks attaching themselves, remora-like, to the big boys. And, of course, guys selling piratería CDs and DVDs are legion. But the most beloved vendor is also the most mysterious. She’s a young woman—early 20s, maybe even late teens—who goes from truck to truck, from DTSA to Delhi, Santanita to industrial parks, hawking gelatinas—homemade gelatins. It’s about as niche a Mexican food product as you’ll find in la naranja—while Mexicans do like Jell-O, it’s not as significant a dessert to Mexico’s culinary identity as, say, pan dulce or even candied squash. As a result, nearly all the gelatins in OC are mass-produced and bland. Not those sold by the Gelatina Goddess (my nickname for her). Her parents whip up the dessert every morning, preparing equal amounts of de agua (“of water,” referring to classic Jell-O flavors) and de leche (“of milk,” referring to ones made with condensed milk). Throughout the rest of the day and into the night, the family drives around SanTana’s loncheras, with the daughter lugging a tray full of gelatins and asking people in Spanish if they want some ($1.75 for one, or three for 5 bucks). Once you eat one, you’ll wonder why more Mexican restaurants don’t offer them. Don’t expect a sugar rush; Mexican-style gelatina is subtle, light, refreshing. The best of the gelatinas de agua are the orange and cherry flavors, the latter beautifully tangy; on the de leche side, pistachio and strawberry crème is nearly as luscious as ice cream. Most eaters order about a dozen at a time, not knowing when they’ll see the goddess again—Dylan’s “Sad-Eyed Lady of the Lowlands” manifest.

M ON TH X X–X X , 2014

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Spectacular Simplicity

GUSTAVO ARELLANO

Apple dumplings at the Alley

here we were, my pal and I, happily fat after another great lunch at the Alley. He had an Alley Burger, gushing with Thousand Island dressing; I had the prime rib sammy, its horseradish aioli kicking me awake, its thin strips of beef as rich as carpaccio. We had a couple of drinks in us, and now we wanted dessert. The waitress went through the day’s specials: chocolate cake, ice cream, apple dumplings . . . “Wait, apple dumplings are still around?” I slurred to my friend. “We gotta try them— that’s straight-up OLD SCHOOL.” Not only was the dessert resolutely old school, but it was also spectacular in its sim-

» GUSTAVO ARELLANO plicity: a caramel reduction, a small flurry of powdered sugar and the dumplings themselves—immaculately flaky, with crunchy apples inside and a side of vanilla ice cream covered with chocolate syrup waiting to crown it. It’s only an occasional special at the Alley, so you know what to do: Order it until it becomes a regular item, damn it! THE ALLEY 4501 W. Coast Hwy., Newport Beach, (949) 646-9126; thealleynewportbeach.com.

» GUSTAVO ARELLANO

GUSTAVO ARELLANO

Delicce and Zarate made it to the final round. THE DRINK

For more info on Salazar, follow it on Twitter: @salazarfrogtown.

hundreds of new and returning local chefs with delectable dishes, plus dozens of merchandise and craft vendors, artists, games, and live music performances!

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How close was it? Zarate won by a point overall, and each judge had the contestants winning by no more than two points. I personally had Delicce winning by a point because her vivacious personality beat Zarate’s slowbut-steady approach. And I thought Delicce was bolder in letting the apple-cider vinegar shine instead of trying to hide it. However, Zarate’s Frogtown Barrio Rifa is more my type of booze—but I’d order Delicce’s I Can’t Feel My Fucking Legs as a starter. Anyhoo, congrats to all the contestants. Emily: May you feature your drink at Vaca. And everyone: Go visit Salazar soon. On to the next competition!

Discover

M A Y 06 -M A Y 12 , 2 0 16

Frogtown Barrio Rifa at Salazar

ike Restaurant & Bar is a neighborhood meeting place for locals and out-of-towners alike, conveniently located on 4th St. Retro Row in Long Beach, CA. We serve a full menu ‘til midnight, 7 days a week, and feature the best microbrews in the US.

EATTHISNOW

DRINKOFTHEWEEK

ate last month, I had the honor of being a judge at a cocktail competition sponsored by Infinium Spirits, the Aliso Viejo-based company that reps some of my favorite somewhat-mainstream brands: Corralejo Tequila, Zaya Rum and the legendary FernetBranca amaro. Joining me were two Infinium reps and none other than Edoardo Branca, the sixth generation of Branca (gratuitous plug: He says he’s a fan of the Weekly and has us saved in his bookmarks—WHOA). We gathered at Pie Society in Costa Mesa for the championship round of the OC Fernet-Branca All Stars, with a murderer’s row of finalists: Mike West from Casa, Jarred Dooley from Playground, Emily Delicce from Vaca, and Daniel Zarate from the upcoming Salazar in LA’s Frogtown neighborhood. The Chopped-style competition had contestants face off with Fernet-based cocktails, and

3316 E 7TH ST, LONG BEACH, CA 90804 @thegoodbarlongbeach

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food» TINGA-LICIOUS

SARAH BENNETT

FromDanktoDelicious

The Good Bar and Eatery is the perfect combo of dive bar and great eats

ho knows where dive bars come from? Like thoughts (according to the movie Empire Records), they just appear. This is especially true on Fourth Street in Long Beach, where decades of young, cool bartenders have turned a crawl’s worth of 6 a.m., old-man bars into the city’s punk-rock home for $3 well drinks and grimy, no-Journey-please jukeboxes. Blake Whytock is a serious vet of Red Room, the smallest, most well-loved of these Fourth Street dives, a famous skateboarder hangout that on weekends gets sardine-can full. With regulars and a savings account full of tip money (some of which might have once been mine), Whytock set out on his own late last year and opened the Good Bar and Eatery in the former Bull Bar space on Seventh Street. In many ways, the Good Bar is a dive bar in the grand Long Beach tradition. There are stiff-and-cheap well drinks, two pool tables, $6 shot specials and—in the backroom where the bar is, anyway—no windows to tell you when you’re technically day drinking. But in so many other ways, the Good Bar is a major upgrade from dive status, just as was Alex’s Bar before it (Alex Hernandez was also once a Fourth Street icon). There are several dozen taps of thoughtful craft beer, board games and Jenga sets to keep you occupied when the big-screen TVs don’t, and lots of custom art around, including a wall of skateboards that most nights serves as a backdrop for DJs and local bands. And don’t forget about the photo booth in the corner, crucial for remembering the times you won’t remember. Also setting the Good Bar apart from

LONGBEACHLUNCH » SARAH BENNETT

most of its dark, dank brethren is an allday food menu, which has drawn me up to Seventh and Redondo for many a hungover lunch. A recent menu revamp eliminated a sad wedge salad and all-meat chili bowl in favor of classy takes on basic bar food, from burgers to wings. Not too many dive bars around make their own kimchi and gochujang aoli; the Good Bar offers a Korean take on the LA danger dog. And this might be the sole purveyor in Long Beach of stewed chicken tinga so good it deserves to be put on $3 tacos and piled-high nachos with not-sonacho-cheese sauce and lime crema. You definitely can’t eat a sourdough bacon-egg breakfast sandwich with one hand while playing Big Buck Hunter with the other anywhere else in town. In fact, we didn’t even know it was a human possibility until we landed at the Good Bar. So, thanks, Blake, for the heavy-handed pours at Red Room all those years and congrats on finally getting your own space, where you can freely be a jukebox Nazi and serve your famous Joe Jost’sinspired pickled eggs to the masses. In the process, you’ve done the unthinkable and created Long Beach’s best new dive bar with a menu to match. Now all you have to do is get the crawlers to move off Fourth Street. . . . THE GOOD BAR AND EATERY 3316 E. Seventh St., Long Beach, (562) 433-6282.

PUXA?

Ride ’Em Cowboy

Lassoing Gabriel Mascaro’s sexy Neon Bull BY MATT COKER human and otherwise. Besides Iremar’s costumes, Galega gyrates in boots that resemble hooves and a horse-head mask. The Brazilian later gives herself a Brazilian and receives oral pleasures from Junior (Vinícius de Oliveira), a newly arrived rodeo hand obsessed with his looks. Iremar gets it on with a very pregnant security guard/ cologne saleswoman in a scene near the end of the picture that surely would have earned Neon Bull an NC-17 in the puritanical States. In passing, as opposed to in an exploitative way, there are scenes in which penises and ball sacks of men and farm animals are seen—indeed, there are more dicks than at the annual Gathering of the Richards. A glitzy horse auction plays like a whore auction. A shirtless man gives a reclining equine the kind of intimate massage one pays good money for in Little Saigon. I don’t read Portuguese, but I half suspect there must have been a disclaimer at the end of the credits stating, “No horse was actually jerked off to completion in the making of this motion picture.” So, yeah, that happens.

My suspicion is Mascaro is up to more than, at best, titillating for the sake of titillating or, at worst, buttering up the world for bestiality. A man hangs out his willy and pisses on a tree, not too long after a cow unleashes a flood of urine in a pen. A bull mounts a cow in the background of one scene not too long before a dude mounts a chick. We are all animals. Into this very macho rodeo world, Mascaro adds a fascinating twist by putting men in traditional women’s roles (seamstress, the vain) and vice versa (security guard, the horny). I can’t wait to see his next documentary that is not a documentary. MCOKER@OCWEEKLY.COM BOI NEON ( NEON BULL) was directed by Gabriel Mascaro; written by Mascaro, Marcelo Gomes, Cesar Turim and Daniel Bandeira; and stars Juliano Cazarre, Maeve Jinkings, Alyne Santana, Carlos Pessoa and Vinícius de Oliveira. Screening at the Frida Cinema, 305 E. Fourth St., Santa Ana; thefridacinema.org. Fri., 11:30 p.m. $8-$10.

ocweekly.com | | OCWEEKLY.COM

bulls to the ground by their tails, Neon Bull mostly follows what you initially believe to be a family: Iremar (Juliano Cazarré), who cleans pens and chalks the bulls’ tails before they enter the arena; Galega (Maeve Jinkings), the rodeo’s truck driver by day and exotic dancer by night; and her (but not Iremar’s) daughter Cacá (Alyne Santana), who is clearly bored living among the adults and livestock. In the early scenes, everything is so colorful and beautifully shot by Diego Garcia (Cemetery of Splendor) that it’s not really bothersome that nothing much is happening. That is just Mascaro reeling you in. As he establishes his characters— who, unlike the August Winds cast members, are played by actual known actors in Brazil—you find yourself practically waving away the dust and sniffing the manure surrounding them. We learn that Iremar dreams of becoming a tailor; he makes the sexy costumes Galega wears onstage. And then, like a chef slowly turning up the fire, Mascaro layers in the sex between the animals,

MMO ayN0TH 6- M 16 Xay X–X12, X , 20 2 014

atching the engrossing Boi Neon (Neon Bull), you can forgive yourself for thinking Gabriel Mascaro’s latest film is a documentary. Mascaro, of course, made seven documentaries—including High-Rise, Defiant Brasilia and Housemaids—before turning the heads of critics and film-festival juries with his narrative debut, 2014’s Ventos de Agosto (August Winds). The spontaneity, lack of plot and naturalistic acting would have convinced August Winds viewers they were watching a Brazilian documentary were it not for the meticulous lighting, image framing and colors-of-Benetton set pieces. Neon Bull, which opens a one-week run Friday at the Frida Cinema in Santa Ana, shares those August Winds attributes, and, as with the earlier film, it also looks at life on society’s fringes, is filled with eroticism and is presented in Portuguese (with English subtitles). Set in the world of vaquejada, a Brazilian rodeo in which cowboys on horseback try to pull fleeing

KINO LORBER

film»reviews|screenings

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film»special screenings HERE IT COMES

CATCHINGTHESUN.TV

Pretty Mommie

BY MATT COKER Community Voices Documentary Series. This event is sponsored by the Dhont Family Foundation, which is named after an immigrant couple who parlayed an investment in a gas sta-

tion into a fortune in North County real estate. Chapman University’s Dodge College of Film and Media Arts, 283 N. Cypress St., Orange; events.chapman. edu. Thurs., May 5, 7 p.m. Free.

THE FILM THEY DON’T WANT YOU TO SEE “I think the movie is something people should see.”

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from Cover-Up to Catastrophe

vaxxedthemovie.com EXCLUSIVE ENGAGEMENT

NOW PLAYING

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COSTA MESA Regency South Coast Village (714) 557-5701 Daily: 1:00 • 4:00 • 6:45 • 9:30

Senior Thesis Film Screenings. See the early work of our future Coppolas. Chapman University’s Dodge College of Film and Media Arts; events.chapman.edu. Fri., 7 p.m. Free. Barbarella + Hello Pretty Pretty: A Burlesque Tribute to Sci-Fi. Before Roger Vadim’s campy 1968 romp starring his then-lover Jane Fonda rolls, Frida’s live-action Rocky Horror crew KAOS opens with lace and tassel and other naughty-bit coverings. The Frida Cinema, 305 E. Fourth St., Santa Ana; thefridacinema.org. Fri., 11:30 p.m. $8-$10. Repo! The Genetic Opera. Family melodrama, mysterious illnesses, mind-blowing future drugs, designer organ repossessions, a few surprising cameos, and a superabundance of bloody stabs and slices—have you heard of anything more wholesome? The flick is accompanied by a live, all-costumed, all-dancing, all-lip syncing troupe of actors. The Frida Cinema; thefridacinema.org. Sat., 11:30 p.m. $8-$10. The Rocky Horror Picture Show. Battling the Repo! crew for interactive cinema dominance this night is longtime OC and LBC Rocky crew

Midnight Insanity. Art Theatre, 2025 E. Fourth St., Long Beach, (562) 4385435; www.arttheatrelongbeach.com. Sat., 11:55 p.m. $8-$11. The Secret of NIMH. Don Bluth’s 1982 animated classic has been specially selected as the Mother’s Day film for the Calle Cuatro Sunday Matinee Film Series. The Frida Cinema; thefridacinema.org. Sun., 11 a.m. $1-$5. Mommie Dearest: Mimosas and MuVChat Mother’s Day Screening. And now for something completely different at Frida for Ma’s Day: the 1981 flick starring Faye Dunaway as Joan Crawford in a performance that almost destroyed the wire hanger business. Sip some bubbly and text your insults, which will appear onscreen. The Frida Cinema; thefridacinema.org. Sun., 1:30 p.m. $12. Sayedat el kasr (Lady of the Palace). Omar Sharif stars as the heir to a fortune who has a whirlwind romance with a working girl in this 1959 Egyptian film that closes out the 10th anniversary of Arabic Studies at Chapman University. Arabic food is served. Chapman University, Doti Hall, Room 104, 1 University Dr., Orange, (714) 743-7030. Tues., 7 p.m. Free.

Catching the Sun. Award-winning filmmaker and eco-activist Shalini Kantayya gives a personal perspective on the worldwide race for solar energy. The Frida Cinema; thefridacinema.org. Tues., 7:30 p.m. $8-$10. Benvenuti al nord (Welcome to the North). Italian comedy from 2012 about two guys who are pissing off their wives and crossing paths in Milan. Student Life at Chapman hosts as part of the World Languages & Cultures Food and Film Series (with food!). Chapman University, Argyros Forum, Room 119A; chapman.edu. Wed., 6:30 p.m. Free. Footloose. I remember really hating this picture that put Kevin Bacon on the pop-culture map when it came out in 1984. Now? Meh. Regency South Coast Village, 1561 W. Sunflower Ave., Santa Ana, (714) 557-5701. Wed., 7:30 p.m. Digital Arts Thesis Screenings. How is it today’s video games resemble live-action movies? It starts here. Chapman University’s Dodge College of Film and Media Arts; events.chapman.edu. Thurs., May 12, 7 p.m. Free. MCOKER@OCWEEKLY.COM

TRENDZILLA » AIMEE MURILLO

Happy Happy! Joy Joy! Smart Smart!

Get Your Zine Fix

Cal State Fullerton’s Begovich Gallery celebrates Nickelodeon’s genius with a retrospective

LOOK FOR THE HIDDEN PLANKTON

MIKE MCGEE

rambunctious hyperactivity, as well as his hand-drawn beginnings, while being simultaneously nightmarish enough to keep you at a distance. Though the exhibition smartly plays to the past couple of decades of everyone’s nostalgia (the exhibit’s title references 1990s favorite The Ren & Stimpy Show), a quick look at the network’s roster reveals that a handful of the shows are still running. While it could be argued that the longest-running shows are past their prime—SpongeBob turned 17 this week—for every arguable zombie stumbling about, there’s a handful of new cartoons being introduced. The new ground-breakers may not always be at Nickelodeon—FOX, Cartoon Network, Adult Swim and Netflix, for example, all have animated series out there—but it’s impossible to look at Nick and not realize it’s the reason we have these shows at all. From FOX’s irreverent Bordertown (with Weekly editor Gustavo Arellano as consultant) to the just-released, hyper-violent Ajin: Demi-Human from Netflix, there’s more to come. No need to stock up on the machetes and ammunition just yet. “HAPPY HAPPY! JOY JOY! ART AND ARTIFACTS FROM 25 YEARS OF CREATOR-DRIVEN CARTOONS” at Begovich Gallery, 800 N. State College Blvd., Fullerton, (949) 724-6880; www. fullerton.edu/arts/art/visual_events_current. html. Instagram: @begovichgallery. Open Mon.-Thurs. & Sat., noon-4 p.m. Through May 22. Exhibition is free, but parking isn’t, so plan for Saturdays when the traffic is easier and parking cheaper.

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detailed folders with outlines, character backgrounds, drawings and story ideas that allow for projects to be handed off to different creative teams, while still allowing for consistency. Also featured are pieces of clothing—cartoon-inspired couture that is worthy of an exhibition by itself, but the jacket and dress here seem like an afterthought—and a well-laid out, if occasionally random, flurry of Doug sketches; Hey Arnold! storyboards; revelatory notes from animator/cartoonist/ comic-book artist/director/producer Bob Camp to his animation team; and painted Rugrats animation cels. As with most galleries, volume control and comfortable seating are a second thought when it comes to video material, so you need to lean in close to catch the punchy anecdotes in the installation, all competing with the gallery’s environmental noise. What really prevents this from being just a colorful, self-congratulatory advertising write-off is the commissioned artwork of Monte Blunk. On white canvases outside the Begovich are Blunk’s remarkable wireand-black-rubberized-paint sculptures that resemble the scratches and scrawls one might see on a sketchpad: Krumm from Aaahh!!! Real Monsters holds one of his eyes in his palm, tossing the other in the air; the bald-headed Aang from The Last Airbender swoops by with his airbender staff; a shrieking, snaggle-haired Chuckie from Rugrats tries to escape Reptar. In the back of the gallery stands Blunk’s joyous adult-sized SpongeBob sculpture, hands in the air, mouth cutting loose with a primordial chuckle, built with more than 700 yellow pencils. It honors the character’s

As Issued: After six years, As Issued recently moved inside downtown Santa Ana’s Marcas Gallery. The distro, operated by Dana Jazayeri, offers enamel pins, stickers, art books and other doodads, as well as a collection of zines centered on photography, illustration and art. www.asissued.com. Zineworks: This long-running distro offers informational, handwritten zines on colorful paper that discuss a variety of topics—including LGBT issues, how to be a proper zine pal, self-help, safespace manuals, even Lisa Frank—made by a collective of artists, educators and writers around OC and the Inland Empire. www.facebook.com/Zineworks. Bookmachine: Settled in its own little nook in Hibbleton Gallery, Bookmachine publishes plenty of academic writing focused on the cinema of Iran, the history of punk rock in Orange County, historical coloring books and other topics. Stop by on any given Fullerton Art Walk night, and you’ll find comics; classic paperbacks; Philip K. Dick’s works; and buttons, cassettes and zines by local artists. bookmachinestore.blogspot.com. Funnel & Moxie Zine Factory: In 2007, Irvine-based Matthew Rodela opened his own Zine Machine at Whittier College; it was basically a vending machine that sold zines for students. Now, as owner and founder of Funnel & Moxie Zine Factory, he’s part of a collective that publishes humorous zines with titles such as “Does That Make Me A Lesbian?, Countering a Voodoo Doll Made in Your Image, Why Aren’t You At Your Post? and Takin’ Care of the Booty: A Pirate Tale. He’s hoping to start another zine-selling vending machine to circulate at colleges across the country. www.facebook.com/ FUNNELandMOXIEzineFACTORY.

MMay 6- M 16 ON0TH Xay X–X12, X , 20 2014

he rumor is that the golden years of creator-driven animation are coming to an end. Hell, writers back in 2010 were saying it was already dead. (Actually, it was one writer decrying the number of shows popping up just to promo toys, and that link got copied ad infinitum.) If walking through basic cable and satellite channel Nickelodeon’s exhibition, “Happy Happy! Joy Joy! Art and Artifacts From 25 Years of Creator-Driven Cartoons,” at Cal State Fullerton’s Begovich Gallery is any indication, reports of the era’s death may be greatly exaggerated. Nickelodeon is the rare pop-cultural leader to take bold steps in presenting an equality of vision when it comes to racial representation: From green to pink to yellow, from blue to green, the channel’s palette of Pantone is neatly represented by the rainbow cascade of cardboard boxes in the piece Character Blocks at the gallery’s entrance, all of them shades of various animated characters’ skin. Welcomed into our home every day, presented to us during our impressionable, uncynical youth, it’s worth noting that the gentle shows Nick has produced may have done more for racial diversity than Hollywood is doing at the moment. While you can read accounts of the sound and the fury surrounding the whitewashing of Tilda Swinton’s Ancient One in Doctor Strange or Scarlett Johansson’s Motoko Kusanagi in Ghost In the Shell, you can watch Nickelodeon’s Sanjay and Craig, in which the lead character is an Indian preteen—voiced by an American actor of Indian descent—and doesn’t work in a 7-Eleven (thank you, Simpsons!). The network’s cult hit series Avatar: The Last Airbender goes several steps further, with an entire cast of Asian heroes. The channel’s embrace of kitsch gets a nod in the oversized couch and milky bowl of Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtle cereal to the right of Character Blocks. There’s the sleeping cat hidden under the automobilesized record console, the terrible wallpaper that looks as if 45 rpm singles were pressed into the wall, and the embarrassing family portraits and gaudy figurines—all in-jokes referencing shows the channel produced— scaled as though seen from a child’s perspective. Not only are you dwarfed by everything in a way that feels utterly safe and familiar, but the colossal TV screen is also set just far enough away to draw your attention and fill your vision (with clips from Nick shows). Farther into the gallery are show bibles,

BY DAVE BARTON

s an avid fan of zines and head of the OC Zine Fest, I’ve amassed a hefty collection, from hand-folded, pocket-size booklets to glossy, 8.5-by-11 treats. And while there are numerous zine fests dotting the globe, you still can’t find any Xeroxed gems perched on a display case at the local Barnes & Noble. For your fix, have a gander at these small, local publishers and distributors (“distros” in zine-speak) and never hear “print is dead” again!

culture»art|stage|style

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music»artists|sounds|shows IN SEARCH OF THE NEXT KOO’S CAFÉ

More Than Just a Venue

SEAN OCONNOR

OC DIY’s mission to create a safe space for shows in South County

rom their bedroom-turnedsoundproofed studio and headquarters perched atop a hill overlooking San Clemente’s lush valleys and beaches, the organizers of OC DIY are hard at work. Longtime friends Will Saba and Nadya Diaz are carefully planning their next move to destroy false perceptions of Orange County as a place lacking a music and arts culture, one all-ages show at a time. “As a musician, [I’ve] always wanted to be a part of something bigger than myself,” says Diaz, a Ladera Ranch native and OC DIY co-founder. Before OC DIY existed, Diaz didn’t know any local bands or go to underground shows. But that changed in 2014, after a Facebook chat with Saba about the lack of accessible music and art spaces in the county. “We wanted to fix that by creating a space [for] inclusive, all-ages, DIY shows,” Diaz says. Since then, the 20-year-old guitarist and vocalist has become an integral part of Orange County’s alternative show-booking network, playing shows herself along with Saba in the band Red Curtain and solo as I Saw the Wolf. OC DIY has thrown more than 70 weekly, all-ages shows at various locations, hosted events such as videogame tournaments and art shows, and even started a local-music podcast called Taste the Sound. Saba and Diaz’s love and dedication to music made by their community drives their vision of a physical permanent space, a dream they can almost taste.

BY CANDACE HANSEN Orange County has been a tough nut to crack for DIY organizers wanting a hyper-visible location for all-ages music since the closing of Koos Café in 2001. The combination of rising rents, murky and frequently changing permit rules, and communities inhospitable to noise have made it next to impossible for consistent physical locations to open—and more difficult for them to stay afloat once their doors are open. The young, floppy-haired Saba’s energy is a cross between an eccentric visual artist, entrepreneur and Ian MacKaye. “I don’t think I got into music by choice,” says the president of OC DIY. “I have constant, unignorable songs running through my head all the time. I’m not trying to sound like some type of child prodigy who always hears music, but that really is the case, and I honestly don’t enjoy it a lot.” Saba believes in the transformative potential of a thriving, consistent, aboveground DIY scene. “If you build a space that gives people that chance to explore themselves while joining a family, you’re giving birth to another creative—a person who believes in expression, a person who believes in art [along with] locals who want everyone to grow,” Saba says. The do-it-yourself ethos defines everything the duo does. “When we first started organizing, we had trouble coming up with a name,” Diaz remembers. “DIY was included in the name because

we were influenced by DIY ethics [and] spaces like the CHE Cafe and the Dial.” In addition to being a way to build community, DIY has become a way for Saba, who admits to struggling with trust issues and depression in the past, to build a strength he never had before. “DIY makes me feel like working on something important enough to force myself over [those issues],” he says. OC DIY’s first shows were held in garages and the living rooms of friends’ houses. From there, the group grew, promoting solid small shows and pop-up art galleries at places such as San Clemente Art Supply, Beatnik Bandito, and Programme Skate & Sound. It even manages an online group that connects Orange County musicians with one another and with people booking shows. And it recently began booking electronic shows in addition to indie and punk. One of Diaz’s favorite events was a Smash Brothers tournament hosted in collaboration with the Child Creativity Lab in Santa Ana that featured games, music and Nintendo-themed fan art created by locals. “We spent the whole day before the show moving all the furniture and equipment around and setting up the TVs and game consoles for the tournament,” Diaz says. “Even though we were under a lot of stress, dealing with the rain and making sure we had enough TVs and GameCubes, we had a lot of fun meeting all the new people and seeing them have a great time at the show.”

In hopes of highlighting and promoting local favorites across genres, Diaz and Saba created the Taste the Sound YouTube and podcast series. Launched in January of this year, it has featured many of OC DIY’s favorite local artists such as StruckOut, Former Friend, the Gromble and YAAWN. Saba and Diaz are now actively seeking the perfect home for OC DIY, a permanent ground zero for Orange County creatives. “I want to make it more than just a place where shows are held,” Diaz says. The goal is to house a safe space for zine fests, open mics, art and music workshops, and independent film screenings where there is no tolerance for sexism, homophobia, transphobia or racism. “No one should ever feel discouraged to go to a show for the fear of being judged or mistreated,” Diaz says. Their biggest barrier in realizing their goal is the difficulty of finding a welcoming location for a price they can afford. Being in South County, the organizers have met their share of detractors, whose criticisms just add more fuel to OC DIY’s mission. “I’ve talked to business owners, professional bookers, CEOs—and they think it’s crazy,” Saba says. “[They wonder] why [we] put so much stress on something that not a ton of people have seen really work. In fact, it’s arguably insane, but I want it, and I want it for everyone. I’m stuck on it. The doubt is something that can’t affect me.” LETTERS@OCWEEKLY.COM

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music» SATAN’S CHEERLEADERS

PHOTO COURTESY OF METAL BLADE

Black Metal Cowboy

Behemoth front man Adam ‘Nergal’ Darski isn’t afraid to go off the beaten path

olish titans Behemoth have spent 20 years bombarding the ears of listeners with an avalanche of thunderous death metal. The mastermind behind the blistering barrage of tortured growls, bludgeoning blast beats and abrasive riffage is vocalist/guitarist Adam “Nergal” Darski. In a genre known for a strong disapproval of religion, Nergal is one of the more controversial figures. He has been outspoken to the point of facing prosecution on blasphemy charges in his home country, though he’s never been convicted. A victory over a life-threatening leukemia diagnosis only resulted in Behemoth doubling down on their ferocity, as evidenced by 2014’s The Satanist. When asked about what keeps him motivated to continue making such powerful statements, Nergal isn’t fond of going down an introspective path. “I’ve always had a need to manifest my inner darkness,” Nergal says. “I just have a need to create that kind of music that’s always been in my system. We have embraced a dark art, but it happens very organically and naturally. I’ve never really analyzed it too much. It just happens.” That sense of inner darkness manifests itself not only on record, but live as well. A Behemoth concert is more akin to witnessing a dark ritual than seeing a band play. Nergal stands center stage, operating as if he is a Satanic high priest, the aura around his demonic shouts and chants enhanced by his caustic guitar work, as well as the equally powerful efforts of drummer Inferno and bassist Orion. But not all of Nergal’s musical endeavors share the same mission of noise-bombardment. Earlier this year, snippets of a solo record with an as-yet-undetermined release date were posted online. These excerpts indicate that Nergal has been forging a path separate from Behemoth, one that sees him heading down dirtcovered country roads. “It’s anything but metal, but it’s still very dark and different,” Nergal says,

BY JASON ROCHE referencing influences such as Neil Young and Johnny Cash. “[The solo album] is semi-acoustic and very stripped down in its instrumentation.” Nergal is realistic about the fact that some of the more-devoted Behemoth fans may not be ready to follow him down this less caustic path. “I’m not expecting Behemoth fans to like it,” he says. “Some will like it because they are a little open-minded, but I’m doing this because I’m a free artist, and I’m free to do whatever I want. That’s what freedom means to me, and that’s what being an artist means to me.” That said, Nergal wants to reassure his fans that the strain of country music he is working on isn’t giddying up over a love for pickup trucks or similar pop-country fare. “For some reason, everything I write is about the devil or love,” Nergal says, adding that “at times, they are both the same.” Behemoth’s current U.S. tour ends this weekend at the Observatory. Opening Saturday’s show is rising female-fronted, Danish black-metal act Myrkur, whose more eclectic take on the extreme metal sound has courted controversy among genre purists. “All I look for in music is sincerity and honesty,” Nergal says. “I don’t care about definitions or what’s considered ‘true’ black metal. What the hell is ‘true’ anyway? At the end of the day, we’re facing some real talent here with Myrkur. She knows how to use her voice, but she does it in two completely opposite ways. She can release a hell of a scream from her lungs. But she can also nail every single beautiful note she sings.” Nergal is coy when pressed for details of what he has planned for new music with Behemoth down the road. “There are some ideas,” Nergal says. “Let’s see how they progress.” BEHEMOTH perform with Myrkur at the Observatory, 3503 S. Harbor Blvd., Santa Ana, (714) 9570600; observatoryoc.com. Sat., 8 p.m. $25. All ages.

THEY DID IT ALL FOR THE NUUKIE

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Hey, Orange County/Long Beach musicians & bands! Mail your music, contact info, high-res photos & impending show dates for possible review to: Locals Only, OC Weekly, 18475 Bandilier Cir., Fountain Valley, CA, 92708. Or email your link to: localsonly@ocweekly.com.

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land dick” make this record an instant classic for tween-boy bullies, Freudian psychology enthusiasts and sadistic fans of satirical commentary on punk masculinity. Less problematic guitar-heavy anthems solidify Nuuk as a pop-punk contender for those willing to stomach tracks such as “My Girlfriend’s a Lesbian” (“I’m moving out because she’s ‘OUT’”—get it?), a catchy punk song complete with bad stereotypes about queer women based on the true story of their friend’s ex leaving him after coming out, and a cover of “How High the Glacier,” a song from the film Run Ronnie Run, about a drunken domestic abuser so catchy it will almost make you forget what an actual bummer domestic violence really is. In a much-needed contrast, a more romantic trajectory began bubbling up from beneath the surface in classic power-pop songs such as “Girl With the Horn Rimmed Glasses,” as Maximum fell in love with a girl he met at a show; she eventually became his girlfriend. “A couple of the songs were written before I was dating her,” he says. “I never intended to show them to her; I was just falling in love.” Produced by Barrett, Nuuk ’Em All was recorded at Pot O’ Gold studios in Orange by Dave Irish, who went the extra mile to ensure the tracks reached their full sonic potential. “It really helps to record with people who have your band’s best interest in mind,” says Maximum, who genuinely appreciated the detail put into Nuuk’s production. “[Irish and Barrett] were really fun to work with, but they really worked me.” Considering the final product, it seems the producers got the best (and simultaneously the worst) out of the band that anyone could have imagined.

s with any mysterious band, the Maxies have a legendary origin story. According to lead vocalist and head Maxie in charge, Maximum Maxie, the masked band started as an interpretive-dance group in Nuuk, Greenland, that moved to Southern California as part of their plan to conquer the world in Greenland’s name. Over the past decade they’ve perfected their odd blend of Greenland references, dick jokes, upbeat power pop and ’90s punk through multiple indie releases and intentionally confrontational theatrical live shows. “I’m sick and tired of going to punk shows where everything is just serious,” Maximum says. “I want to have fun; I want you to come to our show and leave with a smile.” The Maxies have fostered a reputation of being the baddest boys of OC ska, even though they aren’t a ska band. Some have even suggested they’re the antithesis of the Aquabats based on their costumes, fictitious story lines and villain vibes. After hitting local and touring scenes hard, the Maxies have gained a following, as well as the support of Orange County ska royalty and Reel Big Fish front man Aaron Barrett, who took the group on tour, even subbing on bass, spending two weeks making fun of Reel Big Fish and himself while wearing fake-tattoo sleeves to mask his identity. And last year, the Maxies decided to collaborate on a brand-new, full-length release. “There was no inspiration for this record,” Maximum says. “[We] came together with our tunes just trying to write a great power-pop record, and it worked out.” Recently signed to Rock Ridge Music (with distribution via ADA/Warner Music Group), the Maxies’ major-label debut, Nuuk ’Em All, is a collection of minimally inspired adolescent anthems about girls, seal clubbing and being the best at being bad. The 14 songs range from affectionate love songs to provocative punk tunes. Catchy lines such as “Suck my dick, you piece of shit, and sing along with me,” “I wanna strangle your boyfriend,” and “I wanna play with your snowcones; I wanna show you all this Green-

JONATHAN THORPE

concert guide» TWITTER @HOBANAHEIM

H O U S E O F B L U E S .C O M /A N A H E I M

THIS WEEK

LA PICANTE: 8 p.m., free. The Lighthouse Cafe,

FRIDAY, MAY 6

TRIBUTE TO A PERFECT CIRCLE & TOOL: 9 p.m.,

FACEBOOK/HOBANAHEIM

ANAHEIM

1530 S. Disneyland Dr., Anaheim, (714) 778-2583; hob.com/anaheim. ARYANA SAYEED: 7:30 p.m., $38.50-$88.50. City National Grove of Anaheim, 2200 E. Katella Ave., Anaheim, (714) 712-2750; citynationalgroveofanaheim. com. CHROME SPARKS: 11 p.m., $20. Constellation Room at the Observatory, 3503 S. Harbor Blvd., Santa Ana, (714) 957-0600; constellationroom.com. JACKSON BROWNE: 7:30 p.m., $89. Segerstrom Hall, 600 Town Center Dr., Costa Mesa, (714) 556-2787; scfta.org. L.A. GUNS: 8 p.m., $20. The Coach House, 33157 Camino Capistrano, Ste. C, San Juan Capistrano, (949) 496-8930; thecoachhouse.com. SEGA GENECIDE: 10 p.m. La Cave, 1695 Irvine Ave., Costa Mesa, (949) 646-7944; lacaverestaurant.com.

X , LOS LOBOS, THE BLASTERS, AND LP3 & THE TRAGEDY: 8 p.m. The Observatory,

3503 S. Harbor Blvd., Santa Ana, (714) 957-0600; observatoryoc.com.

SATURDAY, MAY 7

BARBARA MORRISON: 7:30 p.m., $15. Dance United

LH, 23461 Ridge Route Dr., Ste. D, Laguna Hills, (949) 370-0523; danceunitedlagunahills.com. BEHEMOTH: 8 p.m., $25. The Observatory, 3503 S. Harbor Blvd., Santa Ana, (714) 957-0600; observatoryoc.com. BORIS: 8 p.m., $29. The Glass House, 200 W. Second St., Pomona, (909) 865-3802; theglasshouse.us. CHARLIE MUSSELWHITE: 7:30 p.m., $49-$119. Renee and Henry Segerstrom Concert Hall, 615 Town Center Dr., Costa Mesa, (714) 556-2787; scfta.org. GREAT VOICES CONCERT: 7:30 p.m., $10-$45. Musco Center for the Arts, 1 University Dr., Orange, (844) 6268726; muscocenter.org. JMSN: 9 p.m., $15. Constellation Room at the Observatory, 3503 S. Harbor Blvd., Santa Ana, (714) 957-0600; constellationroom.com. LITTLE LATIN BURLY-Q: 7 p.m., $20. DTSA Underground, 220 E. Third St., Santa Ana.

SUNDAY, MAY 8

CAFÉ CONCERTOS: 3 p.m., $69-$85. Samueli Theater,

| May ON06 TH- May X X–X1X M 2 , 2014 20 16 OCWEEKLY.COM | | ocweekly.com

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APOCALYPTICA: 7 p.m., $25-$50. House of Blues,

COMING SOO N 5/25 CLUB LUCKY

5/29 STUPID FLANDERS

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600 Town Center Dr., Costa Mesa, (714) 556-2122; scfta.org. DROPDEAD: 1 p.m., $10. Constellation Room at the Observatory, 3503 S. Harbor Blvd., Santa Ana, (714) 957-0600; constellationroom.com. J. BOYKIN: 2 p.m., $45. Muckenthaler Cultural Center, 1201 W. Malvern Ave., Fullerton, (714) 738-6595; themuck.org. LEFT BRAIN (OF ODD FUTURE): 6:30 p.m., $15. Yost Theater, 307 N. Spurgeon St., Santa Ana. LISA FISCHER: 3 p.m., $49-$119. Renee and Henry Segerstrom Concert Hall, 615 Town Center Dr., Costa Mesa, (714) 556-2787; scfta.org. REQUEST SUNDAYS: 8 p.m., free. The Copper Door, 225 1/2 N. Broadway, Santa Ana, (714) 543-3813; thecopperdoorbar.com. THE SLACKERS: 9 p.m., $20. Constellation Room at the Observatory, 3503 S. Harbor Blvd., Santa Ana, (714) 957-0600; constellationroom.com. TOMMY EMMANUEL: 7 p.m. The Coach House, 33157 Camino Capistrano, Ste. C, San Juan Capistrano, (949) 496-8930; thecoachhouse.com. VIOLENT FEMMES: 8 p.m., $35. The Observatory, 3503 S. Harbor Blvd., Santa Ana, (714) 957-0600; observatoryoc.com. YEN-J: 7 p.m., $49-$59. House of Blues, 1530 S. Disneyland Dr., Anaheim, (714) 778-2583; hob.com/anaheim.

MONDAY, MAY 9

JOE BLANCHARD: 10 p.m., free. Auld Dubliner,

71 S. Pine Ave., Long Beach, (562) 437-8300; aulddubliner.com. K CAMP: 8 p.m., $10. The Observatory, 3503 S. Harbor Blvd., Santa Ana, (714) 957-0600; observatoryoc.com.

30 Pier Ave., Hermosa Beach, (310) 376-9833; thelighthousecafe.net.

$5. Blacklight District Lounge, 2500 E. Anaheim St., Long Beach.

TUESDAY, MAY 10

’80S KARAOKE NIGHT: 8 p.m. The Karman Bar,

26022 Cape Dr., Laguna Niguel, (949) 582-5909; thekarmanbar.com. #562METALMONDAYS: 8 p.m., $5-$7. Blacklight District Lounge, 2500 E. Anaheim St., Long Beach. GRYFFIN: 11 p.m. The Observatory, 3503 S. Harbor Blvd., Santa Ana, (714) 957-0600; observatoryoc.com. IAMSU!: 8 p.m., $10. The Observatory, 3503 S. Harbor Blvd., Santa Ana, (714) 957-0600; observatoryoc.com. JAMES MCCARTNEY: 8 p.m., $20. The Coach House, 33157 Camino Capistrano, Ste. C, San Juan Capistrano, (949) 496-8930; thecoachhouse.com. MIC DANGEROUSLY: 8 p.m., free. Gallagher’s Pub & Grill, 2751 E. Broadway, Long Beach, (562) 856-8000; gallagherslongbeach.com.

WEDNESDAY, MAY 11

DEREK BORDEAUX BAND: 7 p.m., free. Original

Mike’s, 100 S. Main St., Santa Ana, (714) 550-7764; originalmikes.com. DETOUR POSSE: 9 p.m., free. The Lighthouse Cafe, 30 Pier Ave., Hermosa Beach, (310) 376-9833; thelighthousecafe.net. JAVIER COLON: 8 p.m., $18. The Coach House, 33157 Camino Capistrano, Ste. C, San Juan Capistrano, (949) 496-8930; thecoachhouse.com. MAGIC MAN & THE GRISWOLDS: 8 p.m. The Observatory, 3503 S. Harbor Blvd., Santa Ana, (714) 957-0600; observatoryoc.com. MODERN DISCO AMBASSADORS: 10 p.m. La Cave, 1695 Irvine Ave., Costa Mesa, (949) 646-7944; lacaverestaurant.com. MOTION CITY SOUNDTRACK: 7 p.m., $29.50-$50. House of Blues, 1530 S. Disneyland Dr., Anaheim, (714) 778-2583; hob.com/anaheim. THE NEW STRUTTERS’ SWING DANCE: 7 p.m., $5. The Auditorium, 305 N. Spurgeon St, Santa Ana.

THURSDAY, MAY 12

ANDY MCKEE: 8 p.m., $25. The Coach House,

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LUCA TURILLI’S RHAPSODY AND PRIMAL FEAR: 7:30 p.m., $32.50-$35. City National Grove of

Anaheim, 2200 E. Katella Ave., Anaheim, (714) 7122750; citynationalgroveofanaheim.com. THE ROCKET SUMMER: 9 p.m., $20-$25. Constellation Room at the Observatory, 3503 S. Harbor Blvd., Santa Ana, (714) 957-0600; constellationroom.com. RON KOBAYASHI: 6 p.m., free. Bayside Restaurant, 900 Bayside Dr., Newport Beach, (949) 721-1222; baysiderestaurant.com. THRASHER THURSDAY: 8 p.m. The Karman Bar, 26022 Cape Dr., Laguna Niguel, (949) 582-5909; thekarmanbar.com. UNWRITTEN LAW: with Krooked Treez, Black Salt Tone, 9 p.m., $20. The Federal Bar, 102 Pine Ave., Long Beach, (562) 435-2000; lb.thefederalbar.com. YOUNG DOLPH: 8 p.m. The Observatory, 3503 S. Harbor Blvd., Santa Ana, (714) 957-0600; observatoryoc.com. YULTRON & RICKYXSAN: 9:30 p.m., $15. Yost Theater, 307 N. Spurgeon St., Santa Ana.

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I’m a 31-year-old straight woman. I have a good job, great friends and average attractiveness. I’ve dated close to 30 men at this point, and I can’t wrap my head around this: I’ve never had a boyfriend or dated anyone for more than a couple of months. It’s really starting to wear on my self-esteem. I don’t believe anything is wrong with me, but the more time goes on, the more I think I have to be doing something wrong. The guys ghost me, or things fizzle out, or we’re not at the same point in our lives. This is particularly true for one guy I’ve remained friends with (because of a common social circle) who is struggling with his career, though things are still awkward because it’s clear there’s still something there. Another area of concern: I’m still a virgin. Catholic guilt resulted in me being a late bloomer, with my first kiss at 21. Once I got more into dating, my low self-esteem coupled with the fact that I’ve basically decided I want to be in a monogamous committed relationship with a guy before having sex, relationships just never happened. I don’t have unrealistic expectations that I’ll marry the first dick that sticks itself into me—but I’ve waited this long, so I’m not going to jump into the sack with just anyone without knowing I can at least trust them. The only guy I really do trust is Somewhat Depressed Guy, but propositioning him could further complicate our already-awkward friendship. Is something wrong with me, and what the hell should I do? What’s Wrong With Me? I get variations on the first half of your question—is something wrong with me?—all the time. But it’s not a question I’m in a position to answer, WWWM, as I would need to depose a random sampling of the guys you’ve dated, interrogate your friends and grill you under a bare lightbulb for a few days to figure out what’s wrong with you. And you know what? Nothing could be wrong with you. You may have pulled the short straw 30 times in a row, and you just need to keep getting out there and eventually you’ll pull a guy who won’t ghost or fizzle on you. As for the second half of your question . . . What the hell should you do? Well, gee. What you’ve been doing hasn’t worked, WWWM, so maybe it’s time to do something else. Like fuck some dude on the first date. Or, if that’s too drastic, fuck some dude on the second date. Or, better yet, go to Somewhat Depressed Guy and say, “I don’t think you want a relationship right now, and I’m not sure I do either. But I like you and trust you, and I could really use your help with something. . . .” While the commitment-and-monogamy-first approach has worked for some, WWWM, it hasn’t worked for you. And being a virgin at 31 isn’t boosting your self-esteem. There are lots of people out there who jumped in the sack and did a little dick-sticking with people they barely knew but had a good feeling about. The jumping/sticking/dicking approach doesn’t always lead to committed and/or monogamous relationships, but it can, and it has, and it does. Somewhat Depressed Guy might be somewhat less depressed if he were getting some, you might have higher self-esteem if you finally got some, and dispensing with your virginity might make dating after you part ways—if you part ways with him (you never know)— seem a lot less fraught. I’m a virgin in my late 20s. I’m not waiting until marriage, just for the right person. I’ve dated enough and had enough fun to continue being a happy, normal, socially competent guy, much to the disbelief of my various knuckle-dragging, vagina-blinded pals. I’ve been dating this gal for a few months. She’s special—we have tons of chemistry, and she

SAVAGELOVE » DAN SAVAGE

cares about me. We had a brief conversation about my lack of sexperience when we first started dating, and she was very cool about it. I really like this girl, but I’m not sure yet if she’s the future Mrs. I am a worrier (thanks, Mom!), and I find myself thinking that if I share this with her and somewhere down the road we end up breaking up, she’s going to be even more devastated because I shared my first time with her. Am I just having silly virgin worries? Not only am I concerned about her feelings if things don’t work out, but I’m also concerned that I might become vagina-blinded—that I might immediately tell this girl I want to spend my life with her just because she’s having sex with me, only to find myself a few years down the road feeling trapped. What should I do? Very Indecisive, Really Gettin’ Naughty You should fuck this girl already—provided, of course, that this girl wants to fuck you. You could wind up saying things you come to regret or have to walk back—her vagina might be that bedazzling—but that’s an unavoidable risk and not one that’s unique to virgins. The right vagina, ass, face, skill set or bank balance can blind a fucker with decades of experience. The only way to avoid vagina-blindness—or ass-blindness, etc.—is to never have sex with anyone. And I don’t think you’re interested in celibacy, so stop freaking out about the risk that you’ll imprint, ducklinglike, on the first vagina your pee-pee sees the inside of. You must also eliminate “sexperience” from your vocabulary, VIRGN, as it’s equal parts cloying and annoying. I’ve been with my boyfriend for more than a year. He’s the first person I’ve had sex with. Four times now, while we were having passionate sex, he has slipped out of my vagina and accidentally penetrated me anally. That shit hurts, and I can’t help but cry. I know he feels super-guilty each time. I love sex, but I’m kind of scared every time we have it now. We’ve engaged in a little anal play before, and I wasn’t really a fan. But I’m not adverse to the idea of using a butt plug. Do you think this would work? Surely other people have this problem, too, right? Wrong Hole, Anal Torment My own personal sexperience with anal led me to doubt claims of accidental anal penetration, WHAT, as anal penetration always required focus, precision and proper breathing techniques—in my own sexperience. But listeners of the Savage Lovecast schooled me in Episode 340, and I’m now convinced that accidental anal penetration is something too many women have sexperienced. (Do you see how annoying that is, VIRGN?) A strategically deployed butt plug sounds like a sexcellent solution to the problem, WHAT, but get yourself a plug with a wider-than-usual base to prevent your boyfriend’s misdirected cock from pushing the plug, base and all, all the way in you (ouch) or his misdirected cock from sliding in alongside the plug. (If you hate single penetration, you’ll really hate double penetration.) If the problem persists even with a plug—if your boyfriend’s cock is constantly slamming into the plug in a way that you find uncomfortable—a thumbtack glued to the base of the plug will inspire your boyfriend to be more focused and precise. And speaking of the Savage Lovecast, we’re coming up on our 500th episode, which is a significant milestone for this relatively new genre/platform/ doohickey. If you’re not already listening, find it here: savagelovecast.com. And a big thanks to Nancy Hartunian, the Lovecast’s producer since Episode 1, and to the tech-savvy, at-risk youth who pushed me to start podcasting before it was cool. Contact Dan via email at mail@savagelove.net, and follow him on Twitter: @fakedansavage.

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CONDITIONS: All advertisements are published upon the representation by the advertiser and/or agency that the agency and advertiser are authorized to publish the entire contents and subject matter thereof, that the contents are not unlawful, and do not infringe on the rights of any person or entity and that the agency and advertiser have obtained all necessary permission and releases. Upon the OC Weekly’s request, the agent or advertiser will produce all necessary permission and releases. In consideration of the publication of advertisements, the advertiser and agency will indemnify and save the OC Weekly harmless from and against any loss or expenses arising out of publication of such advertisements. The publisher reserves the right to revise, reject or omit without notice any advertisement at any time. The OC Weekly accepts no liability for it’s failure, for any cause, to insert an advertisement. Publication and placement of advertisements are not guaranteed. Liability for any error appearing in an advertisement is limited to the cost of the space actually occupied. No allowance, however, will be granted for an error that does not materially affect the value of an advertisement. To qualify for an adjustment, any error must be reported within 15 days of publication date. Credit for errors is limited to first insertion. Drawings, artwork and articles for reproduction are accepted only at the advertiser’s risk and should be clearly marked to facilitate their return. The OC Weekly reserves the right to revise its advertising rates at any time. Announcements of an increase shall be made four weeks in advance to contract advertisers. No verbal agreement altering the rates and/or the terms of this rate card shall be recognized.

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o classifieds

SAFE ACCESS DIRECTORY

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