Welcome
Well, hello 2026!
After a busy Christmas and a fun–filled summer break, the kids are back at school and the extracurricular juggle has officially resumed.
2026 is “on like Donkey Kong.”
As 2025 drew to a close, I found myself setting a very specific intention for the new year: to rest and realign. I’m a “yes” person. I’m super social, I love a good party, and I find it incredibly hard to decline an outing. But after reflecting on the whirlwind that was 2025, I felt a strong pull to prioritize my own physical and mental health – focusing on what I truly need and being much more intentional about what I say “yes” to.
I’ve come to realize that perspective is a gift awarded to those of us approaching our mid–40s. It’s not a mid–life crisis; it’s more of a mid–life awakening. There is an absolute blessing in being able to sit back, identify what actually matters, and set goals for the coming year/s without the weight of old stories or attachments.
So, here’s to a year of boundaries, health, and intention.
Wishing you all a beautiful and balanced 2026, Coasties!
Art Director/Editor
Tanzie Carpenter tanzie@onthecoastpublications.com.au
Production Luke Carpenter luke@onthecoastpublications.com.au
Publisher
Tanzie Carpenter / 0414 611 851 Luke Carpenter / 0405 449 339
trading as On the Coast Publications ABN 52 212 212 482 PO Box 3251, Bateau Bay NSW 2261
For advertising enquiries advertising@onthecoastpublications.com.au
For article contribution enquiries tanzie@onthecoastpublications.com.au
Imagery freepik.com
Contributors
Blake Gray, Sam Woods, Jordi Woods, Dorian Mode, Sophie Doyle, Alex Wilson, Sarah Tolmie, Diana Arundell, Carin Clegg and Georgia Page
onthecoastpublications.com.au
4 The question on everyone’s lips right now
6 5 steps to find yourself and regain confidence
7 Introducing Jess & Rohan: NSW’s new favourite breakfast show
9 Essential tips for road trips with kids
10 When your parent dies: A financial compass for adult children
12 The Capacity Gap: Why pressure isn’t the problem 15 Matters of life & love 16 Coffee, tea, energy drinks, diet cola, Pre–workouts... zing or zzzz?
The b est food to eat
Pre–pregnancy planning – setting yourself up for a healthy pregnancy
The question on everyone’s lips right now
BY BLAKE GRAY, PRINCIPAL AT APEX ESTATE AGENTS
Randomly select a dozen people and ask them what the Central Coast property market is doing and where it’s headed in 2026. Sure enough you’ll receive just as many different answers. Too much noise leads to confusion and confusion gives rise to uncertainty. So, let’s take a brief look at the market and analyse it from the perspective of property sellers.
What to expect in 2026 when contrasted with 2025
By way of an analogy, 2025 could generally be thought of as a series of gradual, progressively inclining steps, with each step representing another month on the staircase calendar. As the months accumulated so too did buyer demand, seller confidence, house prices and optimism within the market. Multiple interest rate cuts and the Australian Government’s 5% Deposit Scheme were contributing factors here.
In contrast it’s more likely that 2026 could be conceptualised as a general
landscape, comprising a number of peaks and valleys. The peaks display higher levels of market activity, accompanied by strong but more abbreviated optimal selling windows for property owners. The valleys, meanwhile, represent periods of adjustment. Fast–tracked planning and application pathways, rezoning, gentrification and more, will continue to bolster the market in key geographical areas thereby providing additional stability.
Should I sell now or wait until later in the year?
Here are six reasons to consider selling early in 2026:
Catch buyers who missed out in 2025 – residual buyers are often highly motivated.
New buyers entering the market –market energy increases.
Low stock availability – fewer properties on the market drives up demand and price.
Property advertising platforms typically experience a surge in online activity in Jan/Feb – predictably the highest recorded through the calendar year.
Greater opportunity to sell high and buy low – this maximises your buying power and reduces changeover costs (potentially resulting in dollars saved).
Beat the rate hikes – it is anticipated that we will witness at least two interest rate hikes this calendar year.
Why a pricing strategy matters more for sellers in 2026
In an adjusting market of peaks and valleys it becomes even more crucial to establish a pricing strategy with your selling agent. In markets like the one we’re likely to experience this year a property seller must shift their approach from, ‘This is the price I want and I’m happy to wait until I get it’ to something more like, ‘The most effective way to achieve my expectations is to appeal to
the wider market, by showing that my property most surely and confidently represents the pinnacle of where price and value meet’. This shift should inform subsequent actions with respect to your campaign. When price and value meet, more buyers will respond to your property, thus the likelihood of speedier deals and greater prices increases. Be sure to discuss this strategy with your selling agent/representative.
Listing your property for sale in 2026 isn’t enough. Your message is just as important. When the market is experiencing an adjustment period as it may do at particular intervals in 2026, it becomes even more important to ensure that your message is strong and consistent. So what is your message? Establishing a theme, point of difference and story for your property, then ensuring that this remains a constant through–line which colours your entire campaign – that’s your message. The method by which your message is imparted is first and foremost in your marketing/advertising. Look at your campaign in its current form and ask questions like, ‘Am I excited about what I see?’ and ‘Is my/our message clear?’. If the answer to either of these is ‘No’ then speak with your agent/ representative and make changes in the direction of clarifying and furthering your message.
In conclusion, it would appear that there is no significant cause for despair or pessimism with regard to the property market on the Central Coast in 2026.
As a property seller this year, try to reframe how you relate to the market. Antagonism isn’t productive, so listening to and moving with the rhythm of the market will yield more fruitful results for everyone. One’s outlook this year should be energetic and favourable, yet somewhat measured and calculated.
5 steps to find yourself and regain confidence
BY SAM & JORDI WOODS
For many, “who they were” is still a part of “who they are”, but their confidence, life’s circumstances, body changes and age, can have them playing down who they want to be and what they love to wear.
If this resonates with you then it is time to step back in time and honour your “past self” while recognising the knowledge and attitude you need in order to step forward with confidence!
Often clients say “I use to wear XYZ when I was younger and I loved it but I’m too old now and I don’t look like I use to.” Yes we are all getting older and no one looks at 40 like they did at 30 but this doesn’t mean we don’t have the same personality or unique qualities and taste. Our age or physical appearance shouldn’t determine the things we like, it should only determine how we incorporate them into our style.
A classic style rule* is if you can remember wearing a trend or an item in your younger days then when it comes in fashion again you just need to wear it differently. This ensures you are giving your style the appropriateness it needs without looking and feeling you are in a time warp or that you are not looking as good in this trend or item(s) now you are at a different stage in your life. (*this is something Sam remembers style icon Maggie Tabberer was once quoting, proof that this concept of personal styling is truly timeless and still applicable.)
For example if you had a bohemian style when you were younger and that is still something you are attracted to, then you need to embrace it and find a way to bring it into your style now!
Top right is an example of 30+ and 55+ women finding their version of bohemian styling - “Gypsy Style” (Jordi)
“Earth
It’s so easy to lose who we are as we go through different stages of life – our experiences shape us. Coming back to yourself or finding yourself can be challenging for some, and for others, they just need a reminder and push in the right direction. So how do you come back to or find yourself?
1. Accept you are on a journey and it won’t all happen at once!
Once you accept that this a process that requires baby steps, you take the pressure off and enjoy the progression.
2. Take the time to sit and reflect on what you have worn, the styles that made you feel good and how you envisage yourself dressing in the next 2–5 years.
3. Create a vision board (or book a Style Update Session) and paste images of styles, colours and designs that resonate with you, make you smile or you think you would like to try incorporating into your wardrobe.
4. Experiment!! This is the fun part where you need to let go of any self doubt and embrace your inner child. Explore, experiment and get excited. Some days you will nail it, other days you will feel like it’s not aligned. Take note of what doesn’t feel right and what feels good. Make a conscious effort to choose more of the things that make you feel good and before you know it, you’ll be feeling like a new you!
5. Allow yourself to evolve as you discover what you like and dislike. Even once you feel like you have found yourself again you need to keep repeating these steps! Otherwise, you will get stuck in a rut and loose yourself again. We are constantly evolving and so does our style – evolve with it and always stay true to what you love NOT what you think you should love according to other’s perceptions, opinions or taste!
We hope you enjoy embracing your inner style and honour yourself for the journey you are on.
Vibrantly yours, Sam & Jordi Woods xx
Understanding styling and fashion is one thing. Having a super natural flair for making everyday people look incredible is another. Once you’ve met Sam and Jordi Woods, it’s hard not to catch their infectious passion for dressing to match your own lifestyle, personality and charisma. Through their consultancy ‘Vibrant Concepts’, Sam and Jordi have transformed the lives of thousands. Let Sam and Jordi show you how to look and feel fabulous everyday at their Style Studio in Erina – learn the art of illusion dressing, colour matching, styling, translating fashion trends and savvy shopping with their unique VC Signature Styling Systems and services that are truly personal and really work! To contact Vibrant Concepts phone 0425 221 676
Mother” (Sam).
Introducing Jess & Rohan: NSW’S NEW FAVOURITE BREAKFAST SHOW
Mornings across regional New South Wales just got a whole lot brighter. The Hit Network has launched its brand–new statewide Breakfast show, Jess & Rohan, bringing warmth, laughs, and a refreshingly honest take on everyday life to the airwaves.
At the heart of the show are long–time best mates Jess Farchione and Rohan Edwards, whose effortless chemistry makes you feel like you’re catching up with old friends over coffee. Together, they turn the chaos of the morning commute into a playground for humour, heart, and relatable conversation.
Rohan Edwards is no stranger to radio (or keeping listeners on their toes). After becoming a familiar voice nationally on Abbie Chatfield’s Hit Network show, Rohan turned to DJing – lighting up Newcastle’s nightlife. Now, returning to radio, Rohan brings his sharp wit, infectious energy, and a
knack for stirring the pot in the best way to mornings across NSW.
“Finally getting to work with one of my best friends in the business and waking up Hit Network listeners across NSW is huge for me. I’m pumped to get this show started,” Rohan says.
Jess Farchione is a beloved voice on the Hit Network, known for turning life’s everyday chaos into laugh–out–loud moments. Now, with Rohan by her side, she’s ready to share more joy, more laughs, and plenty of playful chaos with listeners.
“Breakfast radio is such a special part of people’s day, and I’m so excited to share it with Rohan. There’s still so much for listeners to discover about him, and we can’t wait to bring a little joy, a lot of laughter, and plenty of chaos to their mornings,” Jess says.
Jess & Rohan can be heard weekdays from 6am – 9am across the Hit Network, or stream anytime on LiSTNR.
ESSENTIAL TIPS FOR ROAD TRIPS
with kids
WORDS BY DORIAN MODE
Road trips with children can be memorable family adventures or chaotic nightmares. The difference often comes down to preparation and mindset. Here’s how to make your next family road trip a success.
BEFORE YOU GO
Plan strategic stops
Research parks, playgrounds, or rest areas with space to run around every 2–3 hours. Kids need to burn energy, not just use bathroom breaks.
Pack a cooler smartly
Skip the sugary snacks that lead to crashes and messes. Stock up on cut vegetables, cheese sticks, crackers, and plenty of water. Keep wet wipes within arm’s reach.
Create activity bags
For each child, prepare a backpack with colouring–in books, stickers, small toys, and surprises they haven’t seen before. New items hold attention longer than familiar ones.
Libby offer free audiobooks through your library.
Embrace the classics
Car games like I Spy, 20 Questions, Car Cricket (a fave) and the License Plate Game require zero preparation and engage everyone. Sing–alongs also eat up miles surprisingly fast.
Limit screen time strategically
Save tablets and devices for the last stretch when everyone’s patience is wearing thin, not right at the start.
MANAGING THE JOURNEY
Leave early or drive at night
Departing at 4 or 5 AM means kids sleep through the first few hours. Night driving after bedtime works too, though it’s harder on parents.
Set realistic expectations
Research parks, playgrounds, or rest areas with space to run around every 2–3 hours. Kids need to burn energy, not just use bathroom breaks.
ENTERTAINMENT ESSENTIALS
Download offline content
Audiobooks, podcasts for kids, and downloaded shows save the day when streaming isn’t available. Services like
With kids, everything takes longer. Build in buffer time and accept that you won’t make record speed.
Assign jobs to older kids
Put someone in charge of the music playlist, another as the snack distributor, or the navigator. Responsibility reduces boredom and whining.
HANDLING CHALLENGES
Prepare for motion sickness
Keep plastic bags, paper towels, and a change of clothes easily accessible. Ginger candies or acupressure bands help some children.
Save tablets and devices for the last stretch when everyone’s patience is wearing thin, not right at the start
Address fighting immediately Pull over if needed. Don’t try to referee while driving. A brief stop often resets everyone’s mood.
Stay flexible
If someone’s genuinely miserable, take an unplanned detour. The scenic overlook or quirky roadside attraction might become the trip’s highlight.
THE BIG PICTURE
Remember that the journey is part of the holiday. Point out interesting sights, talk about where you’re going, and don’t stress about perfection. Big things are fun and dagy – “look out for the Big Prawn or the Big Marino in Goulburn. Why should your kids be spared.
Years from now, your kids will remember the laughter and togetherness more than any minor meltdowns along the way. With preparation, patience, and a sense of humour, road trips become the yarns your family tells for years to come.
WHEN YOUR PARENT DIES: A financial compass for adult children
BY SOPHIE DOLYE – MORGANS FINANCIAL LIMITED
Losing a parent is one of life’s most emotional and disorienting experiences. Alongside grief, many adult children suddenly find themselves responsible for helping manage their parent’s financial affairs, often with little preparation and at a time when clear thinking feels hard.
Bank accounts, superannuation, insurance, bills, property, and government entitlements all need attention. While there’s no guide that removes the pain of loss, having a financial compass can help you move through the practical steps ahead with greater clarity and confidence.
Give yourself permission to pause In the days following your parent’s passing, it’s common to feel pressure to act quickly. Paperwork arrives, family members ask questions, and responsibilities often fall to whoever is available.
Where possible, try not to rush major financial decisions. Grief can cloud judgement, and decisions made
too quickly, such as selling assets, distributing money, or closing accounts, can have unintended tax or legal consequences. Focusing first on what must be done immediately, and allowing time for the rest, can make this period more manageable.
For many adult children, this loss comes at a time when life is already full. You may be juggling work, raising children or teenagers, supporting a partner, and managing your own financial commitments, all while being expected to organise your parent’s affairs. It can feel as though there is little space to grieve, because everyday responsibilities don’t pause when someone dies.
This pressure often leads to exhaustion and rushed decisions, simply to keep things moving. Sharing responsibilities with siblings, asking for help, and allowing the process to unfold gradually can ease the load. Professional support can also play an important role, helping manage financial complexity so you can focus on your family and your own wellbeing during a deeply challenging time.
Getting a clear picture of your parent’s finances
Before decisions can be made, it’s
important to understand what your parent owned, owed, and received.
This may include bank and savings accounts, superannuation and death benefits, life insurance, investments, property, outstanding debts, and regular income such as pensions or annuities. If there is a will, the executor is responsible for managing the estate. If there isn’t, the process can be more complex and may require legal guidance.
It’s common for adult children to uncover financial details they weren’t aware of, particularly if money wasn’t openly discussed.
Superannuation:
often the most confusing part Superannuation is one of the most misunderstood areas after a death.
Unlike most assets, super doesn’t automatically form part of a will. It’s paid according to the super fund’s rules, any binding death benefit nominations, and who qualifies as a dependant under superannuation law.
For adult children, super death benefits may be subject to tax, depending on circumstances. This often comes as a surprise and can significantly affect the amount received. Understanding how
super works before benefits are paid can make a meaningful difference to outcomes.
Notifying government services
A parent’s death usually needs to be reported to Services Australia and other organisations. If your parent was receiving the Age Pension or other benefits, these will need to be reviewed and stopped or adjusted.
In some cases, bereavement payments or concessions may apply, particularly if there is a surviving spouse. While this process can feel administrative and impersonal, it’s an important step in finalising affairs correctly.
The family home and bigger decisions
For many families, decisions around the family home are the most emotionally charged.
Should it be sold, retained, or transferred?
Is there a surviving parent still living there?
Will future aged care costs need to be funded?
These choices can have long–term financial and family implications. Taking
time to understand the options, rather than reacting under pressure, can help avoid regret later.
A few common pitfalls to watch for
During this time, it’s easy to make decisions simply to relieve stress or meet expectations. Some common pitfalls include rushing to sell assets without understanding tax implications, assuming the will controls all assets, overlooking superannuation rules, or delaying advice until problems arise.
While it’s natural to want matters resolved quickly, careful planning often leads to better financial and emotional outcomes.
Getting support when you need it
Managing a parent’s financial affairs is a significant responsibility, and it’s okay to ask for help.
Support from a financial adviser, accountant, and solicitor can reduce stress, provide clarity, and ensure decisions are made with care for both financial outcomes and family relationships. Good advice isn’t just about numbers; it’s about supporting families through difficult transitions.
Final thoughts
There’s no “right” way to navigate the loss of a parent. But with the right guidance and a steady financial compass, you can move forward knowing you’ve made thoughtful, informed decisions, honouring your parent’s legacy while looking after yourself.
If you’re feeling unsure about what to do next after losing a parent, speaking with a qualified professional can help bring clarity and peace of mind. Sometimes, just having a calm conversation about your options can make the path ahead feel more manageable.
WHEN A PARENT DIES: WHAT TO DO NOW / LATER
Do now
Find the will and confirm the executor
Get death certificate copies
Secure key financial documents
Notify banks, super funds, Services Australia
Redirect mail and monitor bills
Do later
Review super and tax implications
Decide what to do with property
Finalise estate distributions
Review future care needs
Get advice before major decisions
Sophie Doyle is a Retirement and Aged Care Specialist with Morgans Financial Limited. Based on the Central Coast, she supports individuals and families navigating later–life financial decisions, including retirement planning, estate considerations and aged care. Sophie is passionate about helping people make informed choices during times of change, with clarity and confidence. Sophie Doyle (AR No. 000470612) is an Authorised Representative of Morgans Financial Limited (AFSL 235410, ABN 49 010 669 726). The information in this article is of a general nature only and has been prepared without taking into account your objectives, financial situation or needs. Before making any financial decisions, you should consider whether the information is appropriate to your circumstances and seek professional advice where necessary. Information current as at 1 February 2026.
THE CAPACITY GAP: WHY PRESSURE ISN’T THE PROBLEM
BY ALEX WILSON, ACCREDITED MENTAL HEALTH SOCIAL WORKER
If you’re the parent of a teenager, you already know this truth – watching your child suffer is one of the hardest experiences there is. Anxiety, friendship fallouts, academic pressure, social rejection, body image worries and heartbreak. When our teens hurt, our instinct is immediate and powerful. Make it stop. Fix it. Protect them. But this may not be entirely helpful to act on.
No matter how attentive, emotionally intelligent, or devoted you are as a parent, you cannot remove pain from your child’s life. Adolescence is not a detour around difficulty, but actually a developmental passage through it. The question is not whether your teen will experience emotional pain, but whether they will develop the capacity to manage it.
WHAT IS THE CAPACITY GAP?
The Capacity Gap describes what happens when emotional load (stress, feelings, pressure, disappointment) exceeds a person’s emotional capacity (their skills, nervous system regulation, distress tolerance, and support).
For teens, emotional load is often high. Their brains are still developing, their social world is intense, and their
sense of identity is forming. At the same time, their emotional capacity is still under construction. Their brain’s emotion regulation system is not fully developed. When load consistently outweighs capacity, we see overwhelm, shut down, avoidance, anxiety, anger, or risky coping behaviours.
As parents, we often try to close this gap by reducing the load. Fixing problems, stepping in early, smoothing discomfort, or removing challenges. Sometimes that’s necessary. But when reducing distress becomes the primary strategy, it can quietly backfire.
THE HIDDEN COST OF AVOIDING DISTRESS
Avoidance feels like relief in the short term. If your teen avoids the difficult conversation, the anxiety–provoking
situation, or the uncomfortable emotion, things calm down quickly. Everyone breathes again. But here’s the catch…chronic avoidance reduces emotional tolerance over time.
When teens don’t get opportunities to stay present with discomfort, supported but not rescued, their nervous system never learns, ‘I can handle this.’
Instead, the threshold for distress lowers. Anxiety grows louder. Confidence shrinks. The world starts to feel more dangerous than it actually is. Avoidance teaches the brain that distress is something to escape. Capacity–building teaches the brain that distress is something that can be survived.
COMFORT IS NOT THE SAME AS AVOIDANCE
This is where many parents get understandably confused. If we’re not supposed to remove pain, does that mean we become cold or hands–off? Absolutely not. Teens do not need less care – they need a different type of care.
Comfort and avoidance are not the same thing. You can offer warmth, validation, and presence without removing the challenge itself.
Avoidance feels like relief in the short term. If your teen avoids the difficult conversation, the anxiety–provoking situation, or the uncomfortable emotion, things calm down quickly. Everyone breathes again. But here’s the catch… chronic avoidance reduces emotional tolerance over time
For example:
‘I can see how hard this is for you.’
‘It makes sense that you feel this way.’
‘I’m here with you, even while this feels awful.’
These messages regulate your teen’s nervous system while still allowing them to experience and move through discomfort. You’re not saying, ‘This shouldn’t be happening,’ but rather, ‘This is happening, and you’re not alone in it.’
HOW PARENTS CAN MODEL EMOTIONAL CAPACITY
One of the most powerful ways teens learn is not through what we say, but
through what we do. When parents model emotional capacity, teens absorb the lesson at a nervous–system level.
This doesn’t require perfection. In fact, it works best when parents are honest and human.
You might say:
I’m feeling overwhelmed right now, so I’m taking a few slow breaths.’
‘This is uncomfortable, but I know I can get through it.’
‘I don’t like this feeling, but I don’t need to make it disappear to cope.’
When teens see adults stay present with their own discomfort – rather than avoiding, exploding, or numbing – they learn that emotions are manageable rather than dangerous.
SHIFTING THE GOAL: FROM ‘FEELING BETTER’ TO ‘HANDLING BETTER’
Many parents ask, ‘How do I help my teen feel better?’ A more useful question is, ‘How do I help my teen handle this better?’ Handling better doesn’t mean suffering in silence.
It means learning skills like:
Naming emotions without judgment.
Riding out emotional waves without avoidance.
Problem–solving after emotions settle.
Asking for support without giving up agency.
When parents focus on increasing capacity rather than eliminating pain, teens develop resilience that lasts far
Alex Wilson is an Accredited Mental Health Social Worker, speaker, and Director of Mindful Recovery Services and the Central Coast DBT Centre. Her work focuses on helping individuals, families, and organisations build emotional capacity in high–pressure environments. Alex draws on evidence–based approaches, including Dialectical Behaviour Therapy (DBT), to translate complex psychological concepts into practical tools for everyday life.
beyond adolescence.
WALKING BESIDE, NOT CLEARING THE PATH
You cannot walk your teen’s emotional path for them – but you can walk beside them. You can sit with the discomfort. You can tolerate their distress without rushing to fix it. You can trust that growth often looks messy.
The goal is not to raise a child who never struggles. The goal is to raise a young person who knows deeply and in their body, ‘I can struggle and still be okay.’ That is how the Capacity Gap closes. Not by removing pain – but by building the ability to meet it.
EXTRA HELP
If you want extra help to teach your teen how to build emotional capacity (or learn it yourself), there are evidence–based skills such as Dialectical Behavioural Therapy (DBT) that do exactly that.
Reach out to your local DBT provider for skills training options for teens and adults.
Matters of life & love
DearlyBeloved
BY SARAH TOLMIE
First up, as a mother of boys, respect! It’s a sacred and tough job. I found it particularly confusing being from a family of only girls – boys, what an alien species, right?!
When it comes to parenting, we see the mirror of own family and childhood playing out and reflected back. It is almost inevitable that we will see in our own parenting persona both the best and worst glimpses of our own parents. We will unconsciously act within the experiential lens of our own family values – for better or for worse.
Conflicts in parenting styles can be a perpetual conflict potential for couples. Parenting challenges don’t go away – they’re not a once solved then all is good situation – they stay with us, change and evolve in form and context as kids grow and develop and enter ‘new ages, stages and rages’. As such, both parents need to approach their differences with a “curiousity and a care to understand”, not, a “judgement and a need to be right” approach.
Rather than being in conflict, couples can become a unified parental team and combine each other’s different capacities, once they begin to appreciate and understand the different foundations of their family beliefs and
READER QUESTION: “My husband and I have very different parenting styles. We have two young sons. I like to explain the whys and consequences but my husband is less patient, and will just say it is this way or this is the punishment. We end up fighting each other about which way is better and confusing the boys. How do we go about changing this for the better for all of us?”
values system. When we engage in this exploration it can lead to a personal reflection to decide together whether you want to keep to your inherited ways or develop a different approach, together, based on committing to a shared value system.
In Gottman Couple Therapy, we call this uncovering the ‘dream within conflict’. What are the feelings and beliefs that hold someone strong to a position on an issue? What is the dream behind their position, or the story of the source of the dream or belief? Where does this deeply held belief come from?
Humans will fight for their values. We will fight for our dreams. And sometimes, they are so hidden, unspoken and without language, we will fight for them and not even know it. And as partners/parents, we can find ourselves unknowingly, unwittingly, crushing each other’s dreams when we think we are fighting about something else.
Some questions to ask can be: “tell me why this is so important to you?” or “is there a story behind this for you, or does this relate to your background or childhood history in some way?”, or “what is your ideal dream here?” Soon you might realise that you are
not fighting about disciplining children differently, but you are in the presence of deep personal values/dreams such as freedom, safety, being true to yourself, getting over past wounds or being worthy of love.
Maybe a boy’s experience of his dad’s tough love kept him safe and protected and disciplined (all good things) but it came at the cost of being scared of his dad, losing respect for him and rebelling, and ending up not in close relationship. Now that boy, as an adult father, may find himself replicating his dad’s style but it is affecting his closeness to his own son and causing conflict with his wife. We can’t change our childhood, but we do get a choice about how we parent. We can break patterns and learn new skills. It is about knowing what you value, holding onto the right dream for the future you want.
Sharing values and the same goals but having different approaches to express and create experiences in pursuit of the same bigger picture, is OK. Try not to force your way as the only way. Both of you can be right.
Much love, S arah x
Sarah Tolmie – Life & Love: Sarah is a marriage therapist, life & love and relationship coach, end–of–life consultant, an independent and bespoke funeral director and holistic celebrant. She provides holistic care, mentoring, guidance, healing and transformation for individuals, couples and families at their most important times of life & love – at end–of–life, in love & relationship, and in ritual and celebration. Sarah has a relationship online course for couples called “Creating a Miracle Marriage” and a guide to working with feelings and emotions called “How Do You Feel?”; plus a free resource and video series for families facing dying, death and grief called “Landscapes of Life & Love and Loss”. To find out more, visit www.sarahtolmie.com.au
COFFEE, TEA, ENERGY DRINKS, DIET COLA, Pre–workouts… zing or zzzz?
(WRITTEN BY DIANA ARUNDELL –UNIVERSITY QUALIFIED NATUROPATH AND NUTRITIONIST
Caffeinated beverages can do more than give a little kick of energy and have far–reaching effects on your health and wellbeing than you may realise. The main surprise may be that these stimulating drinks can contribute to the fatigue you are trying to escape. Caffeinated beverages may also be contributing to the following: a reduced absorption of nutrients (minerals such as iron, zinc and calcium in particular), increased anxiety, disturbed sleep, an increase in hot flushes and sweats.
Caffeinated beverages can suppress the appetite and whilst this may sound appealing to people wanting to lose weight, it can have the opposite effect in the long run. Many people are very rushed in the morning and rather than fuelling the body with a nutrient dense breakfast, many just have a coffee and fly out the door. The caffeine provides a well–received kick of energy and suppresses the appetite so then there is no real interest in breakfast. A little later in the morning or closer to lunch time, the caffeine wears off and lethargic low blood sugar levels ensue. Due to the suppressed appetite, people don’t feel
like really eating so they have another coffee which again kicks up the energy and further suppresses the appetite. Later when this caffeine hit wears off, extra fatigue can be felt as a huge afternoon slump. This is exacerbated as there has been minimal if any, real metabolic fuel supplied to the body and the only energy supplied was an artificial, temporary energy which has worn off and suppressed the desire for proper nutritional intake. The afternoon energy slump can lead to bingeing on sweet or high carbohydrate/low nutritious food as the cells and brain are now starving so food that will increase
blood sugar quickly is craved. Maybe a decent dinner is consumed but one good meal a day isn’t enough to provide essential nutrients for cellular health, metabolic function and good energy levels. Then the cycle of feeling fatigued and needing caffeine begins again.
The above scenario of drinking caffeinated beverages such as coffee and energy drinks can lead to further fatigue due to a legitimate lack of nutrients for the cells to produce good energy. Lack of nutrients can be a result of simply not enough nutrients consumed due to the suppression of appetite, as well
Generally speaking, one coffee per day in the morning after breakfast and before midday works well for most people. Eating breakfast first ensures nutrients are consumed and absorbed before the appetite is suppressed
as caffeine’s interference with the absorption of minerals. For example, if an iron supplement is to be better absorbed, it needs to be taken at least 2 hours away from caffeine. Coffee and tea consumed around meal times can also impact nutrient absorption due to caffeine and tannin content respectively.
Fatigue can be further exacerbated if good quality sleep is affected by caffeine in the body – even if an individual doesn’t feel a ‘hit’ from drinking tea or coffee, it can physiologically still affect the nervous system and consequently sleep quality. Most people can tolerate one cup of coffee before midday without sleep disturbance and it’s often that second cup that creates issues. Fatigue
may also be a symptom of dehydration and as caffeine is a diuretic, this is another pathway to increase fatigue, although this can be avoided by conscious hydrating fluid intake.
Hot flushes experienced through the menopause transition and sweats generally, can noticeably decrease when caffeine is eliminated or significantly reduced. Likewise, for those with an anxious or upregulated disposition, the nervous system can feel significantly more relaxed without caffeine in the system. This is especially noticeable for anxious individuals who take ‘pre work out’ formulas, as these can overstimulate their nervous system and lead to palpitations and heightened anxiety.
Too much caffeine via energy/soft drinks/tea/coffee can impact bone density problems due to reducing the absorption of minerals and also by contributing to a more acidic environment in the blood. The blood has a very narrow range of pH that it likes to maintain and if that becomes too acidic, the blood may draw down calcium from the bones to buffer the acidic blood environment.
How much is too much? Generally speaking, one coffee per day in the morning after breakfast and before midday works well for most people. Eating breakfast first ensures nutrients
are consumed and absorbed before the appetite is suppressed. Drinking a caffeinated beverage ideally two hours or more after breakfast, or at morning tea break works well as it doesn’t interfere with nutrient absorption from breakfast or morning supplements. If someone has an anxious disposition, eliminating all caffeinated beverages is the best option.
Caffeine withdrawal is a real issue and can lead to intense headaches. These however only last for a day or two and gradual withdrawing can help, as can substituting with green tea which contains smaller amounts of caffeine.
It’s not all bad news when it comes to caffeine – we know that there are benefits to having moderate amounts of coffee for example. These include improved alertness, performance, mood and even a reduced risk of cognitive degeneration, however too much caffeine can have the opposite effect along with the negative effects listed above. Individual constitutions need to be considered however generally speaking, 1 cup of coffee a day before midday and away from meals works well for most. Energy drinks and pre work outs are not recommended and instead, use food options to help increase energy and training performance.
THE BEST FOOD TO EAT
BY CARIN CLEGG, ACCREDITED PRACTISING DIETITIAN
As a Dietitian, people are always asking me what the best food is to eat. Is this food better than that? Usually, the answer is to eat a variety of foods from the five food groups and eat in moderation. This translates to meaning keeping ‘everyday’ foods as your usual daily eating habit, and having the option of ‘sometimes’ or ‘discretionary’ foods in small amounts and very infrequently.
When asked what the best kind of food is to eat, I will often say food that is home cooked.
Home cooked meals used to be the norm in my grandparent’s generation where 3 meals: breakfast, lunch and dinner, were home cooked daily for the family. Cooking a meal is a gesture of love, using nutritious foods and eating together was assumed normal.
Nowadays, with busy families, with different work and activity schedules, cooking in bulk and having leftovers, eating out, ordering takeaway or using ready meals is common. Cooking is now often thought of as a chore especially when there can be a shortcut.
Home cooked meals are a very important part of eating a healthy balanced diet that meets your individual needs to keep you healthy for a variety of reasons:
Home cooked foods often have less added sugars, fats and salt
Foods processed at a large scale often loses its natural flavour. So, food companies add ingredients to manage this such as extra sugar, fats, salt, spices and other ‘flavours’ to bring out more flavour or even to disguise the flavour of older meat. This can also make these foods questionable as to whether they are ‘everyday’ foods or ‘sometimes foods’.
Eating more energy, sugar, fat and salt than your body needs increases
your risk of developing dental caries, diabetes, cardiovascular disease (hypertension/high cholesterol), some cancers, fatty liver and a range of other health conditions.
When cooking at home you can control how much salt, spices, sugar and fat as well as the types of fats and carbohydrates you eat depending on your body’s nutrition requirements.
Home cooking gives you control over your food portions
When you make home cooked meals or even desserts, you can portion out the serving size to meet your body’s needs and not the one the food manufacturer decides.
For example, if you have done a big
workout, you may need a meal with more carbohydrate and/or protein that what you might usually choose. If you have been quite sedentary you may need less carbohydrates.
Home cooking gives you more control of where the food you eat is grown and where your money goes
Home cooked meals mean you have control of purchasing locally grown ingredients, supporting local farmers and your community.
Often buying pre–prepared foods or meals means you do not know where the ingredients come from, often from various places all over the world, meaning huge food miles and funding big international food corporations.
Home cooking helps us connect with our bodies and the people around us
When we eat a home cooked meal at the table together, we truly appreciate the effort put in and the food tastes better as the ingredients have been cooked fresh. We often
wait for the food to be served, giving our bodies time to take in all the sensory information of the food and prepare our body for digesting it. In conversation we can often eat slower giving our body time to send out satiety signals to prevent over–eating.
Studies have shown that kids learn to eat a wider range of foods to meet their body’s need, and older people at risk of malnourishment, eat better when eating together.
Cooking is an essential life skill. With our multicultural influences and foodie culture, we tend to think we need to be Master Chefs and cook a huge range of culturally varied meals in a week. However, this need not be the case.
Simple home cooked meals can be a:
Cheese and salad sandwich or wrap
Bowl of cereal: oats with added nuts, fresh fruit and a dollop of Greek yoghurt
Salad with a can of tuna and a cob of corn
Roast chicken and oven–roasted
vegetables: potato, pumpkin, zucchini, eggplant, capsicum.
One pot casserole.
More complex meals can be a:
Stir Fry.
Spaghetti Bolognaise.
Curry.
Here are my top tips to help you cook more often:
Plan cooking time into your day
Cook with others, split up the cooking tasks.
Learn to cook and teach other’s to cook, especially kids.
If living alone, offer to cook for friend or relative on a regularly.
Put on some music to help you feel good whilst cooking.
Accept that kitchen catastrophes happen and learn from mistakes.
So the next time you are thinking about what is for dinner, know that home cooked food is always best and cook up a storm!
Carin Clegg is a Paediatric Dietitian and Fitness Professional at Bright Diets with an interest in sustainability. Carin wants everyone to be clever about their eating to feel happy, healthy and vibrant! Reach out at 0413 77 44 11, www.brightdiets.com.au or on the socials.
PRE–PREGNANCY PLANNING
– setting yourself up for a healthy pregnancy
BY GEORGIA PAGE – GP AT YOUR FAMILY DOCTORS ERINA
Are you thinking of starting a family or perhaps you are ready to try again? Pregnancies are not always planned but when it comes to healthier outcomes it is best to think ahead. There are a lot of things to consider before trying to get pregnant so it’s a good idea to book an appointment with your doctor for a pre–conception consultation a few months beforehand.
A healthy lifestyle
A healthier you is not only beneficial for you and your baby but it can increase your changes of falling pregnant. A well–balanced diet and regular exercise program is a good start to achieve this. Women in the healthy weight range (BMI between 20 – 25) have a better chance of falling pregnant compared to women that are overweight or underweight. It can also reduce risk of complications such as hypertension, pre–eclampsia and gestational diabetes.
Smoking can affect fertility, and this includes exposure to passive smoking. It can also increase chance of miscarriage, ectopic pregnancy and genetic abnormalities. Men can have a lower sperm count if they smoke. Vaping is not safe for pregnant women also.
Minimising alcohol consumption is
also important and research suggests heavy drinking can affect fertility, time taken to fall pregnant, and reduce the chances of having a healthy baby. Abstinence at conception and during pregnancy is recommended because a safe level of alcohol consumption hasn’t been established.
We know a lot of people can’t live without their caffeine hit, but there is some evidence that consuming more than 500mg of caffeine per day can increase the amount of time it takes to conceive. Aim to cut back to less 200mg of caffeine per day (which is equivalent to 1 – 2 expresso coffees). Don’t forget caffeine is present in tea, chocolate, coca–cola and other energy drinks.
When it comes to recreational drugs – we know that stopping these prior to falling pregnant is the best thing you can do for your baby.
Pre–pregnancy supplements
It is recommended that women take 400 micrograms of folic acid and 150 micrograms of iodine at least one month prior to conception to reduce the risk of some birth defects. Some women with certain medical conditions such as diabetes or epilepsy may require higher doses of folic acid so please check with
your doctor. Many of the commercially available pre–pregnancy multivitamins have the recommended number of supplements but please read the label or check with a health professional. If you have a well–balanced diet you should get all the other nutrients required during pregnancy but if you are at risk of a vitamin deficiency you may require additional supplementation such as iron, vitamin D or vitamin b12.
Medication review
Talk to your doctor about any prescription or over the counter medications that you are taking. Your doctor will be able to tell you if your prescribed medication is safe to continue to take during pregnancy or if is best to stop. Some over the counter medications such as vitamins or herbal supplements can be harmful to the unborn baby so it is important to check theses also. You can also call Mothersafe: NSW Medication in pregnancy and breastfeeding hotline on1800 647 848 if unsure.
Health checks
It is important that you are in good general health and your health checks are up to date. This may include cervical screening, breast, blood pressure, dental and skin checks. Some medical conditions can affect fertility such as Polycystic
Ovarian Syndrome, Endometriosis or Sexually Transmitted Infections (STI’s) so it is important to discuss with your doctor if you have these conditions (but please don’t worry – a lot of women with these conditions have no problems falling pregnant).
Ensure any underlying health conditions are well managed prior to falling pregnant such as thyroid disease, high blood pressure, diabetes, asthma, epilepsy and mental health conditions. These conditions may require specialist input early prior to falling pregnant.
Pre–conception blood tests and immunisations
Your GP can check that your vaccinations are up to date and also check your immunity against infections that can be harmful to your baby. Immunity against Rubella (German measles) and Varicella (chicken pox) is important prior to pregnancy and can be checked with a simple blood test. If you are not immune you can be vaccinated for these infections, but it is important to wait 1 month before trying to get pregnant after having a Rubella or Varicella vaccination. This is because they are live vaccines and cannot be given during pregnancy. The whooping cough vaccine and influenza vaccine are recommended during pregnancy however if you are planning on falling pregnant during flu season it is fine to have the influenza vaccine prior to falling pregnant.
Your doctor may also order other blood tests pre–conception such as thyroid function tests, a full blood count, or STI screen. The tests ordered may depend on your medical history.
Genetic Carrier Screening
If you have a family history of any genetic disorders, please discuss with your doctor. Parent’s to be can be screened before they try for a baby to see if they carry genes that could cause health problems in their baby. ‘Reproductive Carrier Screening’, is a blood test that can screen for carriers of Cystic Fibrosis, Spinal Muscular Atrophy and Fragile X Syndrome. This test is now covered by Medicare and can be completed either prior to conception (preferred) or in early pregnancy. There are additional screening options available, but it is a complex topic so requires a detailed discussion with your doctor or genetic counsellor.
It’s all about timing!
Now that we are all healthy and ready for pregnancy next comes the fun part! While some couples fall pregnant straight away, it can take a while for others to conceive. It is important to try and relax and enjoy the process! Understanding your menstrual cycle, timing of ovulation and having sex during your ‘fertile window’ can increase your chances of falling pregnant. The fertile window is the day of ovulation and 5 days beforehand (as sperm can survive for 5 days). Ovulation occurs 14
days prior to the first day of your period so if you have a 30–day cycle ovulation occurs on day 16 and the ‘fertile window’ would be day 11 to day 16. There are many ovulation app’s available on smart phones to help calculate your fertile window and the best time to have intercourse.
Age is a big factor in fertility and the chance of having a child is much greater under the age of 35. Younger women also have more (and healthier) eggs. Women under 30 years have a 20% chance of getting pregnant each month but by age 40 this decreases to 5%. If falling pregnant is taking a little longer – don’t panic. Statistically 95% of women with no fertility issues fall within 12 months, which means for 5% of women if can take longer. If you have been trying for 12 months and you have not fallen pregnant, please see your doctor (or if you are over the age of 35 and have been trying for 6 months). Your partner may need to have a sperm test also.
Being the healthiest you can be before falling pregnant is so important and can increase your chances of conceiving and having a healthy baby. This includes not only your physical health but your mental health too. Plan ahead, visit your health professional for advice a few months prior to trying and we look forward to congratulating you soon!
Resources – https://www.jeanhailes.org.au/health-a-z/fertility-pregnancy
Mothersafe: NSW medications in pregnancy and breastfeeding service 1800 647 848 and https://www.yourfertility.org.au/
