Special Edition
5
YEAR
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WHAT I'VE COME TO KNOW ABOUT SELF LOVE, COMING OUT
MO'NIQUE THE ACADEMY AWARD WINNER ON HER NEW FILM BLACKBIRD & HER LOVE FOR THE LGBT COMMUNITY
& BEING
WHO YOU'VE ALWAYS WANTED TO BE
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3 'IT COUPLES'
PRIME HEALTH
—TREATMENT CHANGES EVERYTHING
OPEN UP ABOUT THEIR LOVE
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WELCOME
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HERE WE GO! Self love and acceptance is in the April air, right along with romance this Spring. We are excited to share our ideas on how this season can be an amazing one for you. This month I had the opportunity to have an interesting conversation with Academy Award Winning actress and Queen of Comedy, Mo'Nique and talk about her new film, Blackbird, directed by Patrik Ian Polk. The film is a must see coming of age and coming out story that I believe will touch the hearts of millions (page 6). Of course, our political contributing editor, Nathan James, brings us a interesting look into the new anti-gay laws plaguing both Georgia, Indiana, and 14 other states. They are calling it Religious Freedom Restoration Acts? We say, Hatred Wrapped In Legislation Is Still Hatred. In honor of Spring Love we had some of our communities most notable IT COUPLES share their love stories (page 14). Plus our new Prime Health & Wellness section—we have some of our HIV Campaign Ambassadors share their reasons for getting into treatment. No matter how many people love us, we still have to love ourselves first, no one can do that for us. What I've come to know about self love, coming out and being who you've always wanted to be (page 17). Let the love you experience this season spring your life forward.
APRIL COVER
TEAM DBQ / THE CONTRIBUTORS
Photographer: Troy Mattison IG: Ctrl_Alt_Del David Bridgeforth in Versace Underwear Wardrobe Editor: Justin Gill Novelist, Playwright, Director, Filmmaker, Actor. In 2014 had two novels published by Ellora's Cave-"Hollywood Flame".
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DaShawn Usher is a Health Communicator. He has worked in the field of public health for over 7 years. Mr. Usher specializes in community engagement, education, and recruitment. He lives in New York.
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Writer, playwright, and radio personality Nathan James is a longtime advocate of the LGBT community. He serves as Executive Editor of GBM News.
David A. Bridgeforth Jr. Editor-In-Chief / Publisher Jacqui Tanner Senior Editor/ Executive Administrator Stanley Bennett Clay Senior Contributing Editor Reggie Wells Consulting Cover Editor Dashawn Usher NYC Health Editor Troy Mattison Photography DBQ Magazine is a nationally distributed bimonthly lifestyle publication. Published and printed in Indianapolis, Indiana. For more information on advertisement, circulation, or articles please visit us at www.DBQMAG.com Or call 908.656.6218.
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David Bridgeforth Quarterly Magazine 6.
DBQ CONTENTS
APRIL 2015 Volume 5 Issue 2
3. WELCOME 5. Behind The Scene
CULTURE FRONT ROW 6. MOTHER MO'NIQUE TALKS BLACKBIRD POLITICS
14.
8.Hatred Wrapped In Legislation Is Still Hatred
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9. 5 Things We Love
PRIME HEALTH & WELLNESS 10. Young, Gifted & Black 13. HOW TREATMENT CHANGES EVERYTHING
COVER 14. IT COUPLES Share Their Love Stories What I've Come To Know 17. SELF LOVE, COMING OUT & BECOMING WHO YOU'VE ALWAYS WANTED TO BE
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DBQ BEHIND THE SCENE
EVERYWHERE ABOVE THE RAINBOW 1.
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What's New on
DBQMAG.COM Special thanks to SOULE Media and photographer Javier Mota for the coverage of photography for our Loud 100 Event Feb 26, 2015
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1. Mr. Bridgeforth with the cast of TRIANGLE the Web-series @ Harlem Pride Meet/Greet at the ALOFT 2. Mr. Bridgeforth with Patrik Ian Polk 3. Dave speaking at the Loud 100 event Feb 26th 2015 4. Stanley Bennett Clay and Nathan James 5. Dave with Krave, Bam Bam & Derrick Briggs 6. Dave with Sheldon DeSouza 7. Hotrod at DBQ Magazine's Loud 100 event 8. Dave with friend Yusef Williams 9. Carmen Neely, president of Harlem Pride. 10. Dave Bridgeforth behind the sene shoot for April Cover
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MOTHER * MO'NIQUE
DBQ CULTURE
FRONT ROW
Queen of comedy, Academy Award winner, and now 'Mother Dearest' opens up about her new film Blackbird and her personal connection to the LGBT community DBQ: Thank you so much for doing this movie. Mo'Nique: Well, David, thank you so much, baby. I appreciate that. However, it was an honor for me to do it because people don't know about my relationship with the LGBT community before it had all those initials. When I was a young girl back in Baltimore some beautiful little black gay boys loved up on me like nobody's business. They gave me confidence. They would let me know how fabulous I was, baby. They would also let me know if an outfit was not right. They were just good to me. So this movie is truly my love letter to the community.
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DBQ: How did you get involved in it? How did it come into your space? Mo'Nique: Isaiah Washington—we share the same attorney, Ricky Anderson out of Houston—called Ricky up and said, “You know, I have something Mo'Nique and (her husband and business partner) Sidney may really be interested in doing and executive producing.” So when we got that script, we knew after page one it was something necessary to do. It was time. I know that story. I remember me and them babies wiping each other’s tears as they were telling me, “Mo'Nique, I can't go home! My mother don't love me! My friends won't accept me no more!” I know that story. So that's the reason why we had to get involved. I'm tired of reading the stories of our babies taking themselves away from here just because they weren’t being accepted. I’ve been in the clubs. I've seen those babies wanting to be loved so bad, honey. I remember telling them “I promise you, if you keep pushing it's going to be okay. And the moment you say I am who I am and I will not apologize watch life get better."
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DBQ: How was it playing the mother of a gay son? How did it impact you? Mo'Nique: I understand her. I know that woman. I know that woman as a woman. I know that woman as a man. I knew those babies’ parents. And I wanted to do her justice. What I dug about Clare was that she was open to change. Some parents stay locked in, even though they see the devastation their baby is going through. They stay locked into something they read in a book and were taught all their life. Most of them are too afraid to walk away from their conditioning. But Clare let me know that it is possible to change your heart and your mind; challenging but possible. DBQ: It’s commonly considered that homophobia runs rampant in the Black Community. Do you find this to be true? What do we do about this? Patrik was able to put together such amazing imagery and commentary of and on the Black Church. It brought me back to the experiences I had with the Black Church; with my coming out experience, and the coming out experience of millions of young people out there. What do we do about this? How do we work on getting religious leaders and religious families to become affirming and accepting? Mo'Nique – Keep showing up! Just keep showing up! And I say this in almost every interview that I've done. I'm 47, David. I'm not old enough to remember that there was a time when being black and white and in an interracial relationship was illegal. DBQ: Right. Right. Mo'Nique: But they kept showing up! You can’t stop love. You couldn't stop it. When they say two gay men cannot go into the church holding hands and loving each other in fear of what that church might do say or do, you must say “I am unafraid and I am not going to waiver” just by showing up and holding hands and loving who you love.
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DBQ: In light of the various black athletes coming out, Jussie Smollett's discussion/non-discussion of his sexuality on Ellen, and your film's treatment of homosexuality in the Black Community, where do we go from here? Mo'Nique: Well, I'm going to tell you why I keep saying to keep showing up. Blackbird is going to be a limited release. When you have a limited release it grows based on you showing up. Numbers matter. You gotta keep showing up. And when you show up, show up with no apologies. DBQ: This is your first film project since winning the Oscar. What took you so long? Mo'Nique: Blackbird made sense. If something else would have come along that made sense you would have seen me before Blackbird. But this film made sense. And just so people understand me, too, I didn't come to Hollywood to be an actress. I came to Hollywood to be a talk show host. So when you see me doing something in reference to acting it's something I really liked. It’s something that really moved me. It’s something that made sense. DBQ: What is the take-away message from Blackbird? Mo'Nique: The take-away message is acceptance: acceptance of oneself, acceptance of other people. And to know that when you really understand what the word 'love' means and the power it has, you can open up your heart to something different. DBQ: What's next for you? Mo'Nique: I hope tomorrow, because today is beautiful. You know, baby, I got to wake up with my husband and with my babies in the next room. I got to go workout this morning, I got to talk with you. Do you know how beautiful this day is?
April
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DBQ CULTURE
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POLITICS
Hatred Wrapped In Legislation Is Still Hatred By Nathan James
says he will sign—that specifically cites same-sex marriage and same-sex couples, allowing business to refuse services to LGBT couples.
The bill also denies recognition of gay and lesbian
AS
couples’ marital status, as well.
By targeting the LGBT
Mississippi enacted its first-in-the-nation version of these laws
and state upon which our country was founded.
last year, a wave of Jim Crow-like legislation has engulfed twenty
impose one person’s religious beliefs onto others, and undermine
states—and counting. Indiana became the latest state to put an
our precious liberties.
RFRA law on its books, when Gov. Mike Pence, in a ceremony
political affairs, when legislators get into the business of
closed to the public and press, signed the measure in his
restricting freedom, instead of ensuring it.
chambers. The various iterations of RFRA all have one common
The perfidious nature of these laws, couched as they are in high-
thread: they permit any person or business to refuse goods or
flown rhetoric such as “religious freedom”, are abundantly
services to LGBT people, if so doing would “conflict with their
apparent in their effect—both actual and psychological—on the
sincerely held religious belief”.
community, instead of relying on the broader language of other states’ RFRA bills, Louisiana is accelerating a backslide on LGBT rights that began in response to a flurry of court rulings favorable to the LGBT community. When, earlier this year, states legalizing gay marriage became the majority for the first time, the issue became a galvanizing one for the GOP’s Tea Partiers.
After an early setback, as Arizona
Governor Jan Brewer vetoed her state’s RFRA, lobbyists and hard-line lawmakers pushed hard, particularly in Deep South states, to get such laws passed. But hatred, whether wrapped in the cloak of legal fiat, or enrobed in the fine cloth of religion, is still hatred. No gay or lesbian couple, married or otherwise, has ever threatened the free and full exercise of religion anywhere in the United States, nor will they do so in the future.
No
“compelling governmental interest” is served by resurrecting Jim Crow, that ugly century in our country’s history, from the end of the Civil war until the 1960s, when Black people were systematically denied their rights as American citizens. Then, as is becoming increasingly real today, people and businesses could deny goods and services to other Americans. How the leaders
the Supreme Court moves ever closer to handing down its June
of the civil rights movement must be spinning in their graves!
decision on marriage equality, a ruling that could legalize gay
When state governments give their imprimatur to discrimination
nuptials in all fifty states, Republican and Tea Party lawmakers in
and homophobia, it underscores the depth to which bigotry still
numerous states are pushing back, passing or enacting
pervades every area of American life and law. When religion is
“Religious Freedom Restoration Act” (RFRA) laws that allow anti-
used as a means to create second-class citizens out of
LGBT discrimination by people and businesses.
taxpaying Americans, it subverts the very separation of church
Since
RFRA laws
It’s a sadly telling development in our
Thus, a bakery could refuse to
people they are aimed against, and on our society as a whole. It
provide a wedding cake for a gay wedding, a hotel could refuse
diminishes us as a people, and distorts the intent of the Framers
to lodge a gay or lesbian traveler, or a restaurant could deny
of our Constitution, who imagined a country far removed from
seating to an LGBT couple.
the theocratic chains which impelled their own revolution. Let us
Now, Louisiana is about to go even further with its own RFRA bill
not allow those evil links to be forged anew.
—which Governor and 2016 presidential hopeful Bobby Jindal
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5 THINGS WE LOVE
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MONIFAH ONE MOMENT
The new smash hit, One Moment is the new self care anthem for anyone especially those apart of the LGBT community. We have this beautiful song on our Spring playlist as we work daily to get through the craziness of life Monifah reminds us to take One Moment for ourselves. Download the single today on iTunes.
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4 Kings of PHANTOM
King Amun, the 1st scarf of Phantom’s scarf collection series “4 Kings of PHANTOM”. A luxury scarf inspired by Egyptian culture and embellished with three different silks. Each scarf is presented in a branded textured case and sealed with aromas fit for a King. Attain this must have piece at BePhantom.com
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IT BOY
First Friday's @ Shadow Boxers is the new popular party in NYC. The IT Boys present a mature party experience for many of the popular gays in the NYC club scene. If you like good music, great drinks and beautiful grown and sexy men; prepare yourself for the next upcoming First Friday IT Boy party. Bring plenty of money and be prepared to wait outside in line and get your new shoes stepped on because it's a real party. So much so that it's safe to only come out once a month just to this party to suffice your club moment needs.
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PUNKS 15 YEARS LATER
Director Patrik Ian Polk's first film, PUNKS has reach the 15 year anniversary of its release. If you haven't experience this amazing film; it's available on amazon.com or go to DBQMAG.COM for more information.
.In FRONT N CENTER Brooklyn’s underground dance scene takes the spotlight as inner-city dance crew Epic Illusion battles opposing teams to become number one. Epic Illusion must come up with top-notch moves to not only be the best crew, but also navigate through life’s adversities. Produced by Micheal Rice FRONT N CENTER gives an inside look into Brooklyn’s urban dance scene as it follows the trials and tribulations of Epic Illusion. Michael Rice's first show launched on Rice Creative’s new YouTube Channel - Rice TV. Rice TV will introduce their viewer to content that is self-created, inspirational and thought provoking. Watch the first episode of FRONT N CENTER at DBQMAG.COM
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DBQ PRIME
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Welcome
HEALTH & WELLNESS
As we celebrate the Love Issue, we at DBQ PRIME want you to feel the full effect of loving yourself unconditionally. While it may not always be easy and often uncomfortable, acknowledge the good, the bad, the joys and the pains that life has dealt you. While you make time to cater to other people, take some time to truly cater to yourself and your needs. After witnessing selfless defenseless love amongst 70 strangers at this year’s 2015 YBGLI Summit, I have a renewed outlook that unconditional love can truly exist. In order to get there though, we have to let our guards down and be willing to be vulnerable. We often throw shade or a good read to deflect the pain we may be feeling inside from unhealed hurt. Take this month, before summer comes in full effect and you’re all prided out to fill yourself with love. If you have lingering issues and unresolved chapters it’s time to Spring clean your life. Hold that mirror up and reflect on what you see, what you want, and what you want to improve. We are only as great as we believe ourselves to be and you reading this are royalty. You have your own uniqueness that makes you who you are. Appreciate that. Develop that. The best investment you can ever make is in your own health. DaShawn Usher, PRIME Health Editor @thedaysofdae
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#DBQPrimeHealth
DaShawn with Julian Walker, young star of new film BLACKBIRD.
Young, Gifted, & Black By DaShawn Usher
Young Black gay men have been invisible for centuries, whether rooted in societal forbiddances, cultural silences, or religious shields. The resiliency of Black gay leaders to remain visible and leave lasting imprints that they existed all along continues to happen today. Through time, the cultivation of the next generation of Black gay has truly evolved. We now are able to turn on the TV and see glimpses of us on varying spectrums like Jussie Smollett on Empire, Freddie Ross on Big Freedia: Queen of Bounce, or Michael Sam on Dancing With the Stars. While the new Black gay seems to be going mainstream, the realties of modern day Black gays are often filled with disparities and inequalities. Last month, the Young Black Gay Men’s Leadership Initiative (YBGLI) held it’s 3rd Policy and Advocacy Summit in Baltimore, MD from March 26 – 29. The summit brought 70 young Black gay, bi, same gender loving, and gender nonconforming leaders from across the country to partake in a four-day leadership intensive meeting. The YBGLI Organizing Committee (OC) made sure that the four days were filled with learning, coalition building, leadership, and personal development. YBGLI is a national collaborative of committed young Black gay, bi, same gender loving (SGL) and other Men who have Sex with other Men (MSM) between the ages of 18 - 29 that work towards addressing the HIV epidemic in the United States. YBGLI is the only national initiative that is peer-led by MSM of color with an innovative approach of curbing the HIV epidemic amongst their peers by focusing on community mobilization, research, advocacy, and leadership development. YBGLI is an initiative of the National Black Gay Men’s Advocacy Coalition (NBGMAC). This year, over 200 people applied to be in the 2015 YBGLI Summit. While the selection process was highly competitive, all 70 participants were between the ages of 18 – 29 years old and offered potential, value, and purpose to this year’s meeting. While the 2015 cohort did not know what to expect, they were challenged to step outside their comfort zones, let their traditional shade guard down, and become vulnerable to strangers. This organic vulnerability that occurred early in the summit truly set the tone for the rest of the conference. As participants sat in a room full of other young professional’s that were their peers, the summit served as a reminder that they were no longer alone and had a community to support them. The revolutionary act of love occurred and proved it could exist over this four-day summit. The 2015 cohort encountered self-love and the instillation of being apart of the Black excellence that has continued to carry our community forward. Once the summit concluded, majority of attendee’s appreciated the contributions they have made in their communities and realized, there’s more work to do. Irrevocably realizing that we are young, gifted, and Black.
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IT
COUPLES
SOLID LOVE When did you know you both were in love? And how do you know? We both knew we were in love at first sight. Jay said Steven literally took his breath away. Steven knew from Jay's smile.
How do you protect the love you have from all the singles running around looking for what you have? We are both comfortable and confident in each other. We are not jealous types and understand the industries we are both in, which helps keep us together.
Do you all get jealous? If so, what makes you all jealous and how do you all over come it? We both have guys coming for us daily, so if we were jealous, it definitely couldn't last.
How do you all keep each other's bodies, sex and sexually special in an culture and community that is over sexualized and objectifies us a gay men? It's all about passion and love.
What is the vision for your relationship? To continue to grow and build each other up.
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STEVEN & JAY The ultra sexy new love birds share what keeps them together. Photo by RoyceBugarinPhotography
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IT
COUPLES When did you know you truly loved each other? Cris: I knew I was in love when she pissed me off and I still wanted to be around her. It's like an energy or force that pulls me to her. That's how I knew Kim: I knew I was in love when I realized he was genuinely interested in me taking care of my health. What have you learned about you since loving each other? Cris: She's taught me patience as well as to have a more open mind to different people and their lived experiences. Kim: He taught me (and is still teaching me) how to be more rational when making decisions. How do you all maintain a healthy loving relationship?
KIM & CRIS TRANSCENDENT LOVE The forces behind the Trans organization CK Life, share what they've learned in their 10 year love affair.
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Cris: I maintain a healthy relationship by walking away when upset and coming back when I can have a clearer head. I rather wait to be clear and communicate than try to be right and risk our relationship by talking through anger. Kim: I maintain a healthy relationship by communication. What is the future vision for you alls relationship? Cris: Just continuing to love more abundantly and continuing to work on keeping things fresh and alive. Kim: My future vision for our relationship is to continue building in a healthy and positive way. How do you feel you all as a Trans Couple are received in the LGBT community and in the outside culture? Cris: No one sees us as a trans couple really. We are just two people living life and in love. Kim: We are well respected within the community so no one has ever said anything to about it really. The few that do have said positive things about our relationship.
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1. Tell me about yall love affair?
IT
Seven: I’m in love with Jaida, outside of that, she is the perfect woman for me in many ways. We have a connection, understanding and bond that grows stronger every day. She has been there for me in times, where I really needed her. She is also a nurturer and caring woman. I fell in love with who she was on the inside, and the outside is just a plus.
COUPLES
Jaida: We have a sincere and genuine connection with one another while still understanding and respecting each other. 2. When did you know you both were in love? Jaida: We realize we both were in love when life events cause us to be stronger and not want to separate from each other. Seven: I know we were both in love, because I don’t want no one else. I’m proud to brag about her to my close ones and people. My heart, mind and body connect with her and that is more then just having love for someone. My love grows every day for her. I also like to evolve in a relationship. I want to see the best out of the person I’m in a relationship with. She supports me and I support her. Her dreams are my dreams, and vice versa. I’m in it for the long haul with her. When you can put yourself to connect with another human being and comfortable with the sacrifice that may come on that journey, that’s the action of love, that’s how I know I’m in love.
Type to enter text
4. How do you protect the love you have from all the singles running around looking for what you have? Jaida: By not showing or sharing too much information about us on social media and keeping our life and love as much private as we can. And always making sure my lover is satisfied as a man and to keep our relationship spicy.
TRANS-
FORMATIVE LOVE
SEVEN & JAIDA
The newly in love trans couple with dreams of children and a dog share how they fell in love and what they've learned from each other.
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Seven: I’m not distracted by outside people, things and subjects outside my life. I’m real in tune with myself and what I want and who I want. I’m of the age, that I’m pass the games. My attention level is focused on progression and committed to the person I’m planning and building a life with. Single people will always be around, a solid genuine relationship may not. That’s what comes with the territory of being in a relationship. A relationship is special and with that comes hard work and living up to the values, respect and loyalty to your significant. 5. What has your partner taught you about yourself? Jadia: Seven has taught me to always be truthful regardles of circumstances and the truth will always set me free. Also to prosper for more in life such as work, school, dreams and goals. Meaning I can be anything I want in life. Seven: We are such a good fit because we balance each other. I am real logical and take life seriously. She gives me the balance I need outside of everyday life things, and brings a light to my days. We still learning more about each other. She makes me see the little things in myself I overlook.
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What I've Come To Know
TO
know yourself is to love yourself. And I am learning moment by moment who I am therefore I am learning how to love myself in that same moment. Because we are constantly changing, we are also simultaneous evolving our love for ourselves as we discover the possibilities of all we can be. Learning who I am is what I am doing now. I've changed the texture and color of my hair many times for different reasons over the years. At this time in my life I am allowing my hair to grow wild on the top of my head. It grows wild, thick and healthy so that I can appreciate my texture, my curl pattern, the dark brown spiral coils that crown my head. I want to celebrate the intimate details of this body I was given so much until love is experienced by anyone who experiences me —for at our cores we are love under all conditions. I haven't been to the gym in 6 months and I haven't beaten myself up about it either. I've enjoyed my time away from the gym and have set with myself all 6 months and allowed my body to be. Whatever weight I was and whatever muscles I had were therein affirmed and accepted. Let me be clear, no one will accept you until you do and if there is no enemy within, an enemy outside can do you no harm. If we are human beings and within us lives the same stuff that God is —the same stuff that holds the stars in the velvety dark sky... Why then do we feel like we need to come out or be anything that we are not. Who we really are could never be closeted and we could never be anything that we are not, because we can be anything we want to be. We don't have to come out, we get to learn who we are and then be that, learn who we can be and become that. In this life we get to be and be better.
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Have you ever made love to someone who loves themselves? The experience is like opening a gift, because it is a gift over flowing with love. It's so fulfilling because you get to experience the overflow of self love cascading into your experience. It is grown up sex and it is special and full of meaning. Imagine being full to the brim of all that is good. Imagine our lives being full of love and meaning. What if all that we've been searching for in everyone and everything lived within us at our core? What if we learned that about ourselves and knew it and loved it and allowed it to fully be? We would then be whole and complete and would bring our fullness to meet each day and experience. We would be the possible. What I've come to know is that to know yourself is to love yourself and once you get a glimpse of who you really are and the possibilities available to you; you will experience a love that will surround your life as if love is in the air. You will know that it all started from within and your life will spring forward. Mark my words
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