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in special collaboration with the Bunion FRIDAY, APRIL 1, 2016 THE INDEPENDENT WEEKLY STUDENT NEWSPAPER AT BOSTON UNIVERSITY YEAR XLIV. VOLUME LXXXIX. ISSUE X.5

SHA faces budget cuts, becomes School of Super 8 Hotel Administration BUNION STAFF

SCHOOL OF HOSPITALITY ADMINISTRATION — Due to recent budget cuts, the Boston University School of Hospitality Administration has now been renamed and overhauled as the School of Super 8 Hotel Administration. Julie Hong, a junior in SS8HA, said she has noticed changes in curriculum since the budget cut. “Well, now the professors mostly cover stuff like how to get cigarette burns out of polyester curtains and how not to look ‘shady characters’ directly in the eye,” Hong said. New introductor y courses include large lectures such as “Keeping Your Damn Mouth Shut No Matter What You See 101” and “Introductor y Cleaning Up Shower Stabbings.” Keith Lovett, a sophomore in SS8HA, said he actually sees the new changes as a major improvement. “It’s, like, practical, right?” Lovett said. “I’m not going to be the manager of a Ritz-Carlton, so why not open a Super 8 in the middle of Kansas?” The budget cuts also affected the previously beautiful interior of the school. Most of the fluorescent hallway lights now flicker, and classroom doors open up directly into the parking lot. In addition, the school’s admission process has been streamlined. Prospective students can simply walk past the building, and if the neon “Vacancies” sign is illuminated, they may enter any class.

PHOTO BY SARAH SILBIGER/SUN-THURS FREE PRESS STAFF

BU admits new construction plans are an initiative to get students to wake up for morning classes BUNION STAFF

COMMONWEALTH AVENUE — Last Wednesday, Boston University’s administration formally admitted to the actual reasons behind its plans for more construction on Commonwealth Avenue — to help wake up students for their early morning classes. “We found that over 28 percent of students sleep for over half of their 8 a.m. classes,” said Judd Randall, the head of the new construction project initiative. “So we threw some jackhammers in there to ensure that those jerks would wake up to participate in their studies.” Although unorthodox, this initiative is technically not illegal, and it quite effective. There is a strong correlation between the number of construction zones and the number of students that have been waking up for their morning classes. “I wasn’t going to go to class, but

it’s just so loud outside that closing my window doesn’t do anything,” said Molly Nixon, a sophomore in the College of Arts and Sciences. “I couldn’t go back to sleep, so I decided to just go to class, I guess.” Not only has this system resulted in positive effects for students at BU, but it has also been productive in creating new buildings. “There are a couple of side effects, and building more buildings on BU’s campus is just one of them,” Randall said. “So is spending millions of dollars.” While it was strongly speculated for years that all of the construction on BU’s campus had an ulterior motive, the administration finally revealed its true intentions, leaving students and parents perplexed. At press time, it was revealed that without construction on campus, tuition at BU would cost just under $8,000 a semester. But hey, at least people are getting up for their classes. FFATS SSERP EERF YLIAD/REGIBLIS HARAS YB OTOHP